Midnight Burger - Welcome to the Horizon 2.4: A Business Meeting

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

"So, you’re telling me that everything’s going to be fine."CastSteve - Jessica MuddMinsky - Jason LambertFrank - Benjamin BurdickTrinkett - Camille SmickerLeif - Tom MoormanVerge - Cat BlackardJune - Melody BridgesDeidre - Tina CaseThe Real Dirt Fairy - Finlay StevensonCeleste - Cooper ShawEldin, Sluggo, Francis, Slabz Mc Terpz - Joe FisherBertBert - Lauren Grace ThompsonWritten by Joe FisherDirected by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonTheme Song by Ian FergusonEpisode Art by Existentially Exhausted BeanMusic:Interconnection - VELDAMind Right (Instrumental Version) - Tilden ParcAndromeda - Ben ElsonFor the Moment - Almost HereFight or Flight (Instrumental Version) - JansetMy Heart Is Soft for Jazz - Martin LandstromBye for Now - Roots and RecognitionCold War Games - Gabriel LewisBerlin - XackRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/For more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Thanks, fellas. Pretty fancy. Hey there, little guy. What's your name? Sorry. Just trying to say hello. Hey there. All right. Well, thank you very much. Let me know if you need anything else. I will. Not bad. Good evening. I hope you haven't been waiting too long. Um, no, no, I, um, I just walked in.

I don't get here to Raxius very often, so when I do, I have all sorts of messes to clear up when I arrive. I'm sure you understand. Uh, of course. I've seen, you've gotten a drink, wonderful. Yeah, pretty cool robot. Yes, you know, my employer and I, we go back and forth on this. He prefers to work with organic assets, but I found robots to be much more reliable. limited in scope, sure, but much less room for error.

Do you ever use them? Oh, me? No, no, no. It's the upkeep for me, right? Oh, I hear you, right? The maintenance costs are considerable. Steve, is it? That's me.

I'm glad we're meeting. I must say, I really enjoy what you've put together up in the mountains. It's exactly what Raxius needs. I'm kicking myself that I didn't think of it. A mountain getaway, of course, and making it immersive in the Earth experience. Really, that's a stroke of genius. Oh, thank you.

So, I don't know how keyed into things you are up in the mountains, but Raxias is due for some reorganization these days. It's such a mess. I really wanted to put together some meetings with local entrepreneurs, not just anyone, the ones who are doing it right. I want to meet with the people and find a way forward for this whole city, really for the whole quadrant. Will you understand?

Yeah, I'll admit, it's pretty crazy around here. Too crazy. It wasn't always this way. The city was at its strongest when it was controlled by a single entity. These days, all these gang factions, can you even keep track of them? I'm very confused by it. I've got a map up here I'm working on, but then the territory changes every day. I don't know how people do business in this chaos.

Look, I've got Postmaster General Kwan up north controlling the ports. Biro the motherfuggin' dragon controlling the chemical pits. Just the other day, a new one popped up controlling the flop dens. Ghost Blade Hydealon? Seriously, where do they get these names? Then in the middle of all that, the worst of them all, Felicia added that about 100 minor players. How am I supposed to do business?

It is a miracle you can get anything done. It really is. Anyway, I could go on all day, but that's not what I want this meeting to be about. I hope you have some spare time this evening. I'd love for us to meet some people, make a few stops. Yeah, sounds great. Wonderful. These are my associates, Sluggo, Francis.

How you doing? Hey, how y'all doing? Boys, Steve and myself are going to be taking some meetings across the city today. Let's make the arrangements. No problem, boss. Oh, my God, you have to forgive me. I've been so excited about this meeting that I didn't even introduce myself. Yeah, don't worry about it.

My name's Minsky. Nice to meet you. Yeah. That was intense. Uh-huh. I can't believe. Darth Vader was his father. Yeah.

Yeah. It's surprising. And there's so much going on in this story emotionally. So much. And oh my God, Yoda? Yoda. Amazing character. Yeah.

Yeah, I figured you'd like him. Oh, my God. What? Luke lost his arm. I mean... Just like Leif did. But he lost his hand. Still.

There's a big difference between an arm and a hand. And it was replaced by a mechanical thing. Okay. Wow. Maybe we don't have to read that much into it. I don't know, Frank. There are a lot of parallels. Oh, Trinket.

The wheels are going to come right off this wagon as soon as you meet the Ewoks. Who are the Ewarks? Oh, you'll see. Is there any tea left? Yeah, sure. I don't know, but the tea tastes better. Good. What did you put in it?

Yeah, nothing. You're just getting used to it. This place is going to be different. The planet we're on? Yes. We've stopped at two places thus far. This is our third, but this place... will be different from the others, I think. Yeah.

Well, Steve has turned us into an alien theme park, so it's definitely going to be different. Our last two stops were just preambles. It's like we needed time to get used to everything. And now that we are, there's a whole lot going on out there. I think we're on a mission, Frank. I really do. We're pretty new at this, but we've stepped into something very, very old. We're going to need to be ready.

Ready how? I don't know. Yeah, I know how frustrating that is. It's pretty frustrating. We need to be ready. That's how I feel. Drink it. I don't want to get ready for anything. I know.

What? You never drink the tea. No. Why? Well, I really shouldn't. God damn it. What? God damn it.

Trink it. What? What is in the tea? Drink it? Mandrake. Mm-hmm. What is that? Well, first of all, before we get into this, I started offering you tea, which is a ridiculous thing to offer you.

And you started drinking it without much protest. And I think that's a real victory. Mm, trinket? I've got a lot of stuff in here. As you can see, you know, lots of jars and bottles, lots of lotions and potions. Oh, lucients. And? And in that teacup, that's my atom bomb.

There is nothing more powerful than Mandrake. It's basically poison. Poison. Yeah. I have to handle it with gloves. I mean, it's intense. So I... I've been...

I've been... How long have I been drinking this? For a while. It's poison. Well, for people, sure. What is it doing to me? I mean, you look forward to drinking it, right? You complain about it, but you stop drinking coffee in the morning, and now you drink this.

You come by every morning. Okay, okay. Then I'm going back to coffee now. You know, in the morning I get up and I say, as the earth holds me, as the sky sees me, as a sun rises within me, I step out and greet the day. Well, the earth isn't here anymore. Okay. The sky is a different sky. And that's not the sun that any of us grew up with.

So, so how do I get my bearings? Do you know how much? of the stuff I do revolves around the moon? Well, the moon's gone. But... But I gave you Mandrake root tea, and you really loved it. Yeah, I don't see what that proves.

Okay. Mandrake is connected to the oldest parts of the universe. all the way back to the beginning. I don't know what you are, Frank, but turns out you're connected to that as well. You're of the same stuff. You and that poisonous root. And so, of course you like it. I was worried that I was going to lose my bearing so far away from

my centers of power. But right when I get too worried, the Eldridge forces give me a little ass pat and say you're doing a great job, kiddo. Eldridge forces. Right. I have now officially spent too much time with you. Oh, come on. Oh, come on? I've been drinking poison. Again, poison for someone else, not you. I really need less of our conversations to go this way. I know. And I need you to tell me next time you're feeding me poison. I will. Okay.

So let's operate in a way that sounds less like an Enya song. Okay. Frank, do you remember when we had a whole conversation about a comet, heading for the earth, and you thought I was crazy? Yes. Okay. I want you to know that I really apologize for us being in a place where I'm right all the time. That has yet to be established. Something is coming and we need to be ready. And one of the things I've been doing to get us ready is make you the tea.

The poisonous tea. Frank, everything's poisonous to somebody. This isn't poison for you. I hate this so much, Trinket. I know. want to read the paper in the morning and do whatever needs doing all day. Then, then, then, watch the trailblazers make some stupid mistakes, have a beer, and go to sleep. Well, well, the only thing missing from that list is the trailblazers, Frank. And, well, and sleep, because you don't do that anymore. I want to live on a quiet mountain. Well, it's quiet sometimes.

Where there's not freaking spaceships flying overhead. I am not in charge of the universe, Frank. Stop giving me poisonous tea. Fine. Fine. Lave and Verge are waiting for you over at the sheep's eye. Oh, and stop doing that. Stop doing that thing.

Stop telling me things that are happening. But you're always asking me about what's happening. No, I want you to stop now. Fine. Fine. Frank. Sweet ride. It'll do.

I have a much better hover lounge in my ship, but I don't like to bring it down here. There's a certain grime that this city puts on things. I don't like to sally my finer things when I come here. Oh, hey, what was that? Don't worry about it. So, I feel like you haven't seen a lot of the city with you being all the way out in the mountains. There's some people I'd love for you to meet. Yeah, sounds great.

I find that the people here in Raxias are very resistant to new ideas. Has that been your experience? Constantly. How many people told you you were crazy for setting up Earthland? You know, they're always calling me crazy, but hey, look at me. I'm here in this fine vehicle with you. How crazy am I now? I like that attitude.

Dude, you can't pay attention to naysayers. Exactly. You know what? I'm going to take a few business meetings while we're out. I'd love for you to sit in. I really appreciate your perspective. Hey, I'd love to help out however I can. Lovely.

Sluggo, let's swing by land of felines. You got it, boss. Let's have some drinks, shall we? I thought you'd never ask. So that entire time you told no one about your history as a criminal? Not the whole time. It was easy at first. At first it was just me and this guy, Casper.

Casper didn't ask a lot of questions. And then Ava came along, and she asked a lot of questions. But luckily, she ignores you if she thinks you're an idiot. Maybe the mucklewains knew. But they never said anything. And then there was Gloria. And that's when things started to change. Change how?

I don't know. It was... Nice. It started to feel like home. kind of. Then an older version of me showed up and tried to get me to leave. And then an even older version of me showed up and Ava started asking questions. Even then I didn't tell her the whole story. Then we encountered this wreck of an old Sigian ship and I had to sit there and act like I didn't know what Sigius was. So I was working my way up to telling them everything.

But then we were raided by the Ted's and I had to threaten them with a purple nullifier. At that point, everybody started to get pretty suspicious. What was the ship? The ship? I don't know. I barely recognized it. It was really old pre-warpgate. If the ship's AI hadn't said it was from Sigius, I probably wouldn't have known.

The AI survived. Yeah. Some sort of system called a Bufar system. A Bufar system. Yeah. What? You don't remember the name of the ship. No, what?

I need you to tell me literally anything. else you can remember about this shit. Why? Indulge me. Uh, it was a deep space exploration mission. Uh, the captain's name was like, Cherongonger? Theron Younger.

Maybe. Are you fucking kidding me? What? Are you fucking kidding me? What? It was the wreck of the bargain, late. That sounds familiar. Familiar.

Why are you freaking out right now? Maybe because the wreck of the bargain would be the most important historical artifact in the history of Siegius. Okay. How was I supposed to know that? Because Bert Bert Bert, Bert explained it to you. How do you know Bert Bert Bertrand explained it to me? What the fuck do you think she was talking into when she explained it to you?

Vargan Day, Life. Three intrepid souls many, many years ago. Farron Younger, Eliak Sears, and Loan Regan. Remember those names? At the dawning of the original coalition, they left the planet on a ship called the Vargan. It was the first mission of its kind, an open-ended one. They were to set out into the Andromeda and send back data on the wider universe and keep doing so until they exhausted all their resources. They never returned.

Oh, right. Right. Please tell me you saved something, anything. The Bufar unit was really damaged, but we did save it. Good. And then I used it to make an EVA suit. What? It was an emergency.

You are so lucky that I don't have our... articulating arms right now. Hey, in my defense, she was always leaving me messages like that. I was basically her diary. I'm supposed to remember all of them? No, just that one. Sorry to disappoint. Hello, what are we yelling about?

Uh, hey, listen, we're actually waiting for someone? Really? It's me, dummy. What? Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, shit. This is my Earth suit.

What do you think? You look great. Very European. I get that a lot. What's going on in Europe? Are people looking stylish and sexy all the time? In our minds? Yes.

Hello? What are you need, Frank? It's been an annoying night. Can we get this over with, please? Wow, nice to see you too, buddy. Crash in the party. Man, it's getting worse. What are we talking about?

Leif's evil twin. His? What? He's not an evil. Evil twin. His what? June. There is an evil version of Leif out there.

Are all of you shitting me? No. Evil twins now? He's not a twin. Have I died and gone to sci-fi heaven? What is happening? He's me in an alternate universe. Really?

Yes. Okay. Well, I think we all know what my next question is going to be. No, he doesn't have a go-tee. Are you sure? Have you seen him? No. There could be a goatee.

You don't know. Okay. I guess there could be. See? What the fuck is she talking about? It's an earth thing. It's an earth thing for evil people to have goatees? No, it's...

No! No! Don't explain it. You'll ruin it. I'll give literally anything to have the conversation move forward. Oh, seconded. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Go ahead. It's so awesome! Okay, look. In this universe, I'm a very bad guy. And we did come very close to letting him know that I'm here. But Eldon and I covered our tracks pretty well.

Great. But even if he didn't, we're still pretty safe from Evil Life. We need a better name for him. No, we don't. So why don't I feel safer? It's kind of a contradiction. Anti-leaf. Stop it.

We're in the iron quadrant right now, which is dangerous. But it is safe from the rest of the triad. How? There's only one warp gate going in and out of the iron quadrant. What's Leaf backward? If this other Leif came through the warp gate and the Ted Empire found out, they'd park their entire Navy on the other side of the warp gate and wait. Feel. No?

Now, that doesn't protect us completely. It does not. Negaleaf. He could send proxies. Proxies? There's a rogue's gallery of shitheads he could send after me, depending on what approach he wants to take. But that'll only happen if he finds out that there's a new life in town. And again, we've covered our tracks pretty well.

Wait! Everyone, be here with me. Dark Leaf. Congratulations, you found it. Okay, okay. So you're telling me that everything's going to be fine. That's what we're telling you. Good.

Good. Good, good, good, good. Good. this is exactly what I want. I want people telling me that everything is fine and that I don't have to do anything. More news like this. Please.

Okay. Well, sure. We're done with that, I guess. Permission to go flirt with my girlfriend. Granted. Permission to call Frank a 77-year-old man since he turned 25. I'm done too. I'm afraid not, Leif.

There's something else you should be made aware of. Okay. Come over here. Before we left our origin universe, we were alerted to something very strange. It's here. That painting? This is a painting of Macon Peppercorns, the founder of Hood's Pocket. Macon what?

I know. It's ridiculous. The point isn't the painting, though. It's what's behind it. Frank, would you mind removing the painting? A hole? A through the hole, Leif. What is it?

The one building that has been here since the... The town's foundation is this one, the sheep's side. It appears that this entire building was built around a pre-existing metal frame. Wait a minute. Yes, it's what you think it is. That's RVM. It is. This entire building is built around an RVM frame?

It is. It's why we were able to survive a meteor swarm. What the fuck? Okay, and if you could just explain the significance of this stuff again? Arvium is the strongest. stuff out there, but it's almost impossible to manipulate. Almost. Yeah. I know somebody who can, though.

As do I. Fucking Erts! Exactly. If you look at the scan of the whole frame on my screen, you can see it has many of the hallmarks of Ert craftsmanship. What the hell are they doing here? No idea. There's an Ert door at the diner.

There is? Yeah, it's in the Deep Freeze. In your Deep Freeze, there's an Ert Door. The Deep Freeze is a dimensional portal to an ice planet, and there's an Ert Door there. The what is a what to a what? I know. What's the relationship between these things in the arts? No idea.

Well, they couldn't have constructed them. No. I don't think so. Okay. Okay. Let's move this over to Trinkets. Good idea. What does she have to do with this?

Before we started traveling, Trinket had some very vivid visions of the history of this place. I discounted them at first, but considering whatever is going on inside of her body, perhaps they wore us another look. Okay. So I go talk to Trinket now? Correct. That's what I'm doing today. Yes. What?

Nothing. This job is way more chill than my other job. Enjoy. Frank, are you coming? Oh, no. God, no. I've had plenty of Trinket for one night. Thanks.

Deidre will come with you. She's well versed in the history of this place. She may be of some help. Okay. Frank, what's going on with you at Trinket? Uh, well, she's been poisoning me. I don't think it's possible to poison you. That hasn't stopped her from trying.

whatever. This will give us the opportunity to address something else. What? It's about Celeste. Great. What now? Hey, Deidra. Hey, I hear we're supposed to have a play date at Trinkets? Yeah, I guess so. Let me give my notebook. Okay.

Notebook? She's got this little notebook where she writes down interesting things about history. Well, that's pretty adorable. Turns out it's like the hottest fucking thing in the world, but don't tell her I said. You know, you being in love is really ruining your mysterious drifter aesthetic. I know. I'm going to have to figure out a whole new persona. Okay, let's go.

Talk about me the whole time, please. Whatever you say, sweetie. Hey, space friend. Did you hear? We're on a special assignment. Oh, do tell. We're going over to Celeste's house. Okay, why?

Eldon won't tell us until we get there. something about privacy or whatever. He's so old-fashioned. Right? I'm getting us to go, Cups. Sluggo pull up to the next corner and wait. Sure thing, boss. This meeting is going to be a pickup. I need to get a bit of intelligence before the next meeting.

This is going to be the real dirt fairy. They're an information peddler. Best in the city. Try not to let the smell throw you. The smell? They use the sewage tunnels under the city to get into a lot of restricted places, so there's a bit of a smell.

It doesn't bother me much. Reminds me at home, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I grew up down one from a paper mill, so I know all about it. Great. Just go with the flow. Minsky? How are things in the city?

Words gotten out that you're in town. That's understandable. The locals aren't too happy about it. That's also understandable. Every time you're in town, everyone speculates that your boss is making a move in the iron quadrant. Why would we want to do that?

We have so many relationships here. There's no need to put those at risk. They know that part. You say that every time you come here. They worry about your employer. I've assured my employer that the best way forward in Raxias is to have a mutually beneficial relationship with all parties. Seizing a controlling stake in Raxias would cause a lot of chaos,

and isn't there enough chaos out here already? Is that really true? Of course not. But that's the rumor I need you to circulate. All right. I can do that. You guys want to give me a heads up before you start burning the city to the ground? Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

I think the local bosses here in Raxias will come to their census. Nobody wants a mess. Excuse me. Mind if I jump in here? Not at all. Dirt Fairy. This is my associate. Steve, he's got a very exciting startup just outside of the city.

I've asked him to sit in on this meeting. Nice to meet you. First off, let me say, the smell hardly bothers me at all. Gee, thanks. And if it were me, I'd think about circulating the rumor that everything's going to be fine. And then also circulate the rumor that everything's about to go. Go to hell in a handbasket. Really?

Why is that? Create some confusion out there. You know, some anxiety? If people don't know how to feel about what's coming, then they'll have a harder time preparing for it. I like it. Dirt fairy, put both out there. Tell half the people we're not interested in Raxias,

then tell the other half that we have every intention of taking over the whole city. That ought to keep him guessing. Okay, if you say so... Slug him, pull off here. You got a boss. If you don't mind me asking... Please. Your boss controls everything else in the triad

that's three galaxies all to himself. What could he get out of controlling the iron quadrant? Yes, it's pretty fascinating. There's a particular psychology and powerful people, isn't there? If you have almost everything, that one thing you can't have becomes an obsession. Even if it's something you don't need. Sounds pretty fucked up to me. I think I'll stick to the sewers.

To each their own. Right. Now we're ready for a business meeting. What are we doing? Yeah, she's been doing this lately. She goes into this trans, I guess, where things start talking to her. What things are talking to her? I don't know.

Like, household objects are talking to her? I don't think so. Well, good, because that would be weird. Right? Hey, guys. Welcome back. Leif. I'm glad you're here.

Okay. I want you to know I've been watching Star Wars. Great. So many things going on, but we can talk about it later. Okay. It's time for us to talk about the mountain. Yeah, we just showed Laif the big metal thing that the sheep's eye is built on top of. Great.

So what did you think? I think it's insane. I have no idea what's going on. That's great. I love that. We figured it was time to talk about that vision you had of the mountain. Right. Okay. Leif, what do you know about ancient China?

Uh, nothing? Okay. Okay. So, so we discovered the stone tablet in the glade of wishes, and it had Chinese characters on it. Weird? According to Eldon, they're ancient Chinese. A few thousand years ago. Weirder. I've got the translated message here. I will finally return from the mountain, though I have changed as much as the land around me. The mountain will be found again.

The mountain will be lost again forever. What does that sound like to you? That sounds like a guy who's trapped on a traveling mountain. Apparently, it was from a guy named Chufu. Chufu is one of those guys who's a combination of history and myth. Apparently, the Emperor of China sent him on a quest to find the secret to immortality that was hidden on a mystical mountain. Tell him the thing about the turtle monster. What?

Right. So apparently Chifu set off on his quest, but then he came back and said to the emperor that he needed archers because there was this big turtle sea monster blocking his way. And he had to kill it first. And the emperor was like, sure, checks out. It must be nice to be the emperor. But what does that have to do with anything? Well, my first vision was of Chinese soldiers. And Eldon said they were from the second century BCE.

Which is apparently when Chufu was alive. Interesting. Oh, oh, come next door. What? So, Doug is a bird guy. That's not surprising. Oh, he's got a little journal and everything. Hey, Doug.

Hey, guys. Doug, tell Laif about the bird. Yes, which bird? You were up on the mountain and you kept hearing a bird. Oh, oh, yeah, okay, okay. I have been here most of my life, and I know what the birds are supposed to sound like. But I kept hearing one in particular that I couldn't place.

And it was every once in a while, not like all the time. I wrote it off as, you know, my imagination for a while. But one day, I couldn't take it anymore, and I really dove into some research. Okay. Now, I still haven't seen one, but the only match I could make to the sound was a wall creeper. Cool. And that means... They're not from Oregon.

But guess where they're from? China? Yes. Weird, right? Well, we're on a mountain that travels through the cosmos, so it's not at the top of the list, but... But it's interesting. Sure. Okay, that's all. Thanks, Doug.

Oh, okay. Bye. Good job with the bird thing. Thanks. So, in my vision, these Chinese soldiers were here in Hood's pocket. But there wasn't a town here. just the big metal thing that turned into the sheep's eye. Historians think that the mountain that Chufu was looking for was probably Mount Fuji.

But according to your vision, Chufu wound up here. Right. And then I had another vision. Of my great, great, great-grandfather, Megan Peppercorns. The guy in the painting. Right. He was also making his way through the woods, and he also saw, the big metal thing. Okay. So when did the big metal thing become the sheep's eye?

Well, my grandpa told me that Macon built the sheep's eye, but he also used to say something weird. Apparently, he used to say, I didn't found Hood's Pocket. I found it. This is wild. Right. Okay.

So according to your visions, whatever the sheep's eye is has been here for a long time. Yes. But you're saying you know who built it. You do? I think I do. The Earths. Cool.

What's their deal? The Earths? Ert is a planet here in Amdromeda. They're amazing with technology. They're innovations. No, no, no, no. I mean, what's their deal? How do you mean?

Well, I... So I'm trying to get down. to the essence. Like, what, what's, what's their energy like? Their energy? Forget, forget the technology stuff. Tell me something else about them. Okay. Well, there's this one thing, but I'm not great with biology. Elden? What? What's that thing with the Earths, how they're different from other life forms in the triad? The Earths are a slightly anomalous race in their triad. Why? Despite their diversity, organisms,

native to the triad all past genetic information via DNA or RNA, like Earthlings. The exception to this is Ert, whose indigenous races use peptide nucleic acid, PNA. It's a small change, but it is odd that this evolution only occurred on one planet in three galaxies. Even more curious. The flora and fauna on the planet of Earth also employed DNA and RNA, making the Earths different even from their own native plants and animals. There doesn't appear to be any predominant theory for why this occurred. They don't know where they came from.

Are we saying that these earth guys built all of this? No. No, I don't think so. That metal structure is built like a bivouac. It's a shelter. If they built this place, why would they then put a shelter on it? It's ineligent. And the earths don't do ineligent.

What makes this more interesting? is that there's also an earth construct from where I'm from on the diner. So they've been there, too. I guess so. Hmm. What, what's this all about, Leif? Trinket, I swear to God, I've been asking myself that question for years. No, no, I mean, what's, what's all of it about?

Where, where are we going to? What's the big question? What are we working toward? I don't know how to answer that. At first, I was just happy to not be on the run anymore. Then came the Ted's, then Clementine, now Croc. I've just been trying to stay alive and keep everyone else alive. Haven't had time for big questions.

I hear you. I hear you. But, okay, I want you to think about something. I want you to think about the very core of all things. Think about everything before there was everything. Somewhere from deep in the heart of the spirit of the universe, a message is always being sent. We never listen because we're too busy staying alive. but what is that message? What is it saying to us?

I don't know. I don't know either. Should we smoke some weed? What? Yes, yes, yes. I think that's a good idea. This way, uh, this is where the business meeting is happening? Sometimes I like to have my meetings in the open air, a busy casino, a cafe, something like that.

But then sometimes it's important to keep prying eyes out of the aquarium. You need that extra level of honesty. You understand. Sure, yeah, sure. Slug-oh, go ahead and bring him in. Sure thing, boss. What the hell? Steve, I'd like to introduce you to Captain Ducky.

Just Ducky to his friends. This is who we're meeting with today. Hello there, Captain. I apologize for the less than palatable surroundings. It's awful down here, isn't it? But I thought it was important that we meet somewhere we couldn't be disturbed. Now, I know what you're thinking? You're thinking that I brought you down here so that no one would hear you screaming.

That is, of course, 100% true. But it wasn't just for that. There's a certain sanctity to a one-on-one meeting, Captain. It lets people know how important they are to you. And you, Captain, are very important to me. Now you've already met Sluggo. He's the one who knocked you unconscious and tied you to a chair. You've already met my associate, Steve.

Now I want you to meet someone else. Say hello, Francis. Pleased to meet you, Captain Ducky. You may be wondering what Francis's purpose is. It doesn't look like a thug bot, does he? What's interesting, he's not. When I first saw Francis, he was a kitchen bot, slaving away in a casino kitchen, chopping vegetables,

with all those lovely nyes he has all over his hands. But I saw something in Francis that others couldn't see. He had so much potential. Long story short, I now can't go anywhere without him. Isn't that right, Francis? It's been a wild ride, boss. Turns out a bot with spinning blades for hands really adds the level of intensity you're looking for in a high-level meeting.

So what I want you to do is keep your eyes on Francis and all those incredibly sharp knives. And answer for me one very simple question. Have you, Captain Ducky, been trying to unite the gang factions of Raxias under one banner? You've got a secret code name for this little group, don't you? Some sort of earth reference to throw people off the trail? Sluggo, what was it again? Sanctuary Moons No. 2 fans. Right, whatever the hell that means.

How about it, Captain? Are you trying to consolidate power so that you can challenge my employer in the open market? I'm sorry, I can't quite understand what you're saying. Can you speak a little clearer? I'm sorry, one more time. I'm still not getting it. Sluggo, anything? Can't understand a word, boss.

That's a shame. I was really hoping we were going to be able to make some headway in this meeting, but you can't let these things slow you down, can you, Steve? I... New projects. They so often get mired down with too many cooks in the kitchen. Isn't that right? Well, let's move on to new business.

Francis, Seven. Once again, you have sunk my battleship. Really? I had no idea you were so adept at maritime warfare. I have many skills, slabs. As I am learning. Hmm, more wine.

Please. This has... This has been really nice. Agreed. I've been surprised by your willingness to engage in intimate acts with me. I have, too. Because of the spikes protruding from... from my body.

Yes. There are many of them. Hmm. I noticed. The ones on my shoulders are poisonous. I'm sorry? Fear not. I always travel with antidote.

Good. May we have more wine while you once again teach me your salsa dancing? Mm-hmm. I'd love to. Uh... Are you expecting visitors? No. Shall I charge my weapon?

Nope. It is very deadly. Oh, just give me one second, okay? June You're fucking an alien The lad Dirty bird Do we have company

Uh, kind of I had no idea our relationship had gotten to that level It's not like that I am not complaining I might be Slabs McTurps enjoys going public With his fornication partners Slabs

Give me just one second Okay Good evening Oh hi Can I help you? Celeste, what in the fucking fuck is going on? I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. Who's in there?

That's private. That's an invasion of my privacy. That's an invasion of my privacy. It said the woman who was eavesdropping on the whole town four years from a secret military base. That's not the same thing. Sergeant, we have no desire to invade your privacy. but when I compiled some information and realized who exactly you were secretly spending time with, I made a judgment call to check in.

Oh, well, now we have to know who's in there. His name is Slabs McTurps. Oh, no fucking way. The spiky guy? Amazing. Huge spikes all over his body. Slabs McTurps is a rather dangerous mercenary, sergeant. I wanted to be sure you were all right.

Mercenary. Now he is the leader of a dangerous mercenary army. I feel that's an important distinction. No, it's not. He has quite a reputation. Are you sure this is the best course of action? Okay. Is he famous for being a mass murderer? Yes. Should he also be famous for being a great listener? Also, yes. Okay. Look, we're not here to be the nooky police, Celeste, but good God! How does that even work sexually? He's got spikes all over his body.

They're not all over his body. Sweet, Jesus, woman! Love finds a way, I guess. Sergeant, this is certainly an invasive move on our part, but I'm sure you understand concern. I do. And look. Do I feel uncomfortable about it? Yes. Does he carry around a huge cannon that he calls Disco Inferno? Also, yes. Can this cannon level an entire building? Apparently, but he's a really sweet guy, you guys. I'm going to go talk to him. Verge, please don't. Don't worry about it. I'll deactivate my Earth suit and we'll talk.

Alien a alien, it'll be fine. I'll make sure you're not in any danger, okay? Verge! Bye. Who might you be? Hmm. Cover me in sulfur mollusks. Have you been, Slabsie? Death has yet to find me.

Same here. I have heard tales that you'd fallen into a quasar. Only emotionally. This pleases me. My men still tell the tale of how you navigated the red storms to deliver sustenance in our time of need. Every good mercenary needs a good smuggler. And I found no replacement since your absence. Technically, I'm still absent. I'm out of the game now. Out of the game. And yet here, on Rax Prime. Oh, it can't be helped. There's a girl. Ah, an excellent reason to tempt the fates.

Sure. Hey, speaking of fate, though, I came back from nowhere to find I've got a pretty hefty bounty on my head. Whatever did I do? Much has changed in the triad. Loftrax was powerful but undisciplined. This new regime brings with it a steely resolve and a strange obsession. The bounty placed on you is not simply hefty, as you say. It is the largest bounty ever played.

Uh Someone wants me dead That bad I call it an obsession An obsession because of the bounty's conditions You must be taken alive Or not at all And if anyone in the triad were to take your life

The bounty then moves to their head Oh Well It's always nice to be wanted Again, an obsession. You're not thinking of getting into the bounty hunting game, are you slabs? Bounty hunting is the gruel of cowards. My enemy is on the battlefield or not at all.

I figured, but please keep it under your hat that you ran into me, okay? Of course. and may I say Between the two of us Right I am astounded Tell me about it I am ruined for other races

I can't explain it My body burns to the tips of my spikes Yeah Yeah I am ruined You are a rare commodity in the world Verge Guard yourself thusly

Hmm. Keep your head on a swivel, Slabsie. I really do hate when it has to get messy like that. Such a waste, this city. So many squandered opportunities. They'll have to come around eventually. It can't be this way forever. It strikes a particular chord with me being here.

It reminds me of home. You know, I came from a place even worse than this, a place that is truly a mistake. Begging me. for a meteor strike, my home planet. I had to claw my way out of it, but everything is a lesson. The lesson I learned on my home planet

was that chaos breeds chaos. It spins outward. The world must be reigned in or all that's left is blood and fear. We'll get there someday, right? Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

So now that we've taken care of, business. We can get to the fun part. The future. The future? That's right. Unbeknownst to the powers that be here on Rex Prime, I've been working on a little pet project of my own. A whole new business model, something that's going to open up a whole new revenue stream for my employer. Been working on it for years. And I am very excited to show it to you. your boss. Excellent. Let's have a look. Right this way, Steve. The eternal question is, what's the next resource? Everything burns out eventually. You smuggle technology, but technology becomes outdated. You deliver the intoxicant du jour, then along comes the next designer drug.

My employer and I have been working on developing the next great resource in the triad, and well, I think we found it. Let's have a look, shall we? Evening him, Frank. Hey, Doug. What can I do for you? I am going to have some coffee. Oh, I thought you were off coffee. Nope.

I'm coming back. I miss coffee. It's normal. It's predictable. Not secretly poison. So don't even know why I left. Oh, well, welcome back. What are you reading? Oh, Eldon sent me some reading material on the Ashley Soros.

Oh, that's the big lizard thing in your backyard. Well, no, I think, yeah, I think it's more like a salamander. Anything interesting? Oh, I mean, well, it's a big alien salamander, so, you know, there's, there's some, there's some interesting things in here. It, it has, it has a gland in its nose that can detect the, um, oh, the gravitational pull of surrounding moons. Why would something need to do that? Um, well, navigation, I guess. Oh, oh, also, it's a species that underwent, um, Oh, secondary adaptation.

So over the course of like millions of years, it learned how to live on land. And then, after all of that, it readapted for aquatic life. So, you know, I guess, huh, life on the land wasn't all it's cracked up to be. Interesting. Yep. Um, are you, are you, are you okay, Frank? Well, Doug. I came in here for something normal, and we're talking about giant space salamanders.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're the same way, you know? What do you mean? Well, I mean, I graduated from high school, and I went through all the trouble of, you know, joining in the Navy. And then after I was done, I wound up. Right back here. And you did the same thing. You went to Tacoma. You got your carpenter's license.

You fixed up houses for a while. And ended up right back here. So, huh, I guess life on land wasn't all it cracked up to be. Yeah. I liked it when it was predictable. I did too. But there is a giant salamander in my backyard now, so, you know,

As we'll get to reading. Greetings. Hello. Hi. We have come for snacks. Mini donuts, please. Barkeep. Please give me your finest tackies.

Preferably limited edition blue heat. Oh, yeah. Isle 3. Fantastic. Frank. How are you doing? Fine. I thought you guys were on a very important mission from Eldon.

We're on a break. Post to Stone Nats, motherfuckers. Hmm. Have you figured anything out? No. Wait! Yes! Trinket!

What? I figured you out. You have? I think so. Lay it on me. Okay. This is going to sound weird, but I had this friend one time who was a tree. Laif, that doesn't sound weird at all.

I have all sorts of friends who are trees. Right, but this one actually talked and walked around. Oh, yeah. Cool. And they said that when they said that when they said, stood on the ground, they could feel the mycelial network under the ground talking to them. Dude. Oh, my God.

What in the fuck? What is a mycelial network? When you see a mushroom, that's just the tip of the iceberg. The big part of it is under the ground. Wait. I know this. The biggest mushroom network ever was back in Oregon. It had four square miles and it may have been 8,000 years old.

Also, who made the donuts harder to open? Like that? That's what I'm talking about. Okay. And what does that have to do with me? What is your body full of? Fucking mushrooms. Right. So, the mushrooms in the ground are talking to the mushrooms. in my body, and my body mushrooms are talking to my brain?

Maybe? Oh, my God. Trinket. What are they saying? I have no idea. This is what you've come up with. We have many things that we're working on. So many things.

Iron's in the fire. I wrote them down in my book, which is somewhere. Okay. Hey, hey, great work, everyone. Amazing job. You all get the ribbons. Have a good night. Wait, Frank, Frank, wait. Frank, wait. Frank, wait. Frank. I'm waiting. Hold, please. I forgot what I was about to say. Oh, oh, wait. You think that Frank has really big as because of her mushroom.

It's so crazy that I can understand every word you're saying right. now. Okay. I'm sorry. I totally wasn't poisoning you, but I, I'm sorry for poisoning you. It's fine. It was an experiment at first, but then you really started to like the tea, and so I, I kept making it. Trinket, people don't experiment on each other. I know. I know. You're right. My curiosity got the better of me, and I am very sorry. I am not a thing for you to play with. Frank, I know. I am really mortified.

And now, well, I'm worried that you're not going to come over and watch movies with me because because it's important it's important to me well we can't just stop at Empire Strikes Back

right I mean you really have to watch all of them well and I want to I mean so that your enthusiasm for the first two can be entirely ruined well I'm I'm looking forward to it Okay. Hey, Frank, Trinkett told me you're watching Star Wars because of me.

And I just want to make it known that I'm not a Star Wars guy, okay? I actually have legit issues with the whole franchise. If you want to hear my thoughts. No, no, thank you. No. Frank can hear your thoughts? Hey, baby. Virge, hi.

What are you doing? We're at the Shoppingo. And it's very bright in here. Are you smoking the fun stuff, pook? Uh, Trinket made me do it. I'm sure she did. I think, I think it's so great that you have four arms because you're going to have to carry me home because... Because...

Because the ground. I don't know, baby. The ground feels weird. Okay. And it's apparently talking to drink it. Sweetheart, is there someone there who isn't high? Oh, yep, yep, yep. Hi, hi, high, Hiverge.

Hello, Doug. Um, what's up? So, um, it's probably nothing, but there's a suspicious vehicle headed toward the town right now. Oh. Uh-oh. Probably nothing to worry about, but, um, do us a face. and make yourself scarce than there. Let's just see if it passes through, okay?

Okay. Sorry, what is this now? It's probably nothing, Frank. Guys, guys, come, come, come, come get behind the counter with me, okay? Verge, what's the vehicle? It's a hover lounge. Okay. What is that?

It's a limo, basically. Whoever it is, it's not your average bar patron. Remember, when I said I just wanted to be a guy on a mountain complaining about sports? Yeah, I know, man. But honestly, cruising through the cosmos on a place like this, good luck with that. Frank. What? Uh, um, Steve.

See ya. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. Steve. Steve. Steve, what's going on? Steve, try and slow down your breathing. You're going to pass out.

Frank. Steve, breathe. Frank. There's... What? Slaves. Thousands of them. Welcome to the Horizon

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Agar. Bell ringer, Sir Dean Thorne, Treech. Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Hote potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the endless, endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bertbert's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Dave and Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's of Monte Cristo's. Blind time traveler convention date. L.A. Woman the Phoenix Rising.

New name? God? No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure. Jeff Andrew. Miss Luwan, a British woman with cute dogs. Cup of noodles. Shmizzy two shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Matt Grigsby. Justin Smolin. Riku 31. Craig Dundee. The name's Knight with a K. Astral C. Ickle me, pickle me tickle me too guy with the chops sam michel ye bagel knife in melda and scott courtney cochran lily starling ryan k devon seven seven seven seven seven has been my fave verbal stem for months nate forklift forks forkliff vence m chip radio free rillia violin loves middy bryan passley suboasa grenna piston whip captain ducky blitz bell laser saw of the shreveport laser saws Our overhead is way too high with all of these names.

Please make sure to turn in all receipts. Love Josh from accounting. Satsuma, Siliest Goose, Goosegous, Dr. Jones, I can't believe it's not Bethany. Coach Shane of Toad Succ Central. Go Cranes. Cole Arthur. Lego Crosse. Norwood.

Norwood Mergler. Chase and her army of turtles joined the Bethany War. The Star Set Messengers want to know if you've written that four-page essay on why you don't think about bugs. Joe Cupup. We be chopping broccoli. Icey Fish. The hacker known as a... Ivy DeBurb, Edwin MacDonald, a feisty-ass chickadey, poultry landmine, the scrappy poet, Jenny

the cryptid paladin, maverick, shton, maverick artist, shit, it was a mimic, basil in their tea, waiting to gossip with David. Ainslie, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Ainknor, ATB, Kiwi, Kiwi, Lovely Beed, Lethony, Lethany, Wuffy McFluffenberg, MD, Ph.D. Squire, and that's not pretentious at all. Aham is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy. Garrett Henderson, quote, still trapped, but I've stopped asking why. The freezer is, I am, we chill.

Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove, Give Peas a chance. Samma Ding Dong, Sarah, that's it, just Sarah. Ricardo Galamba, Cari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, hashtag we weaveam of Gossamer. Deeringer, Penny the Wonder Dog, and Bucky von Buckbuck, Kintech's Oridian, Cherry Applebee, medium rare extra toasted bun Tofer Hart the Gay Saucy Caesar Belt

Aspen is a Verge fanboy McJ 67 Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym Is this thing recording Mr. and Mrs. Drifter

Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger tummy time chapter Sir Dreadmore Spiba is wondering if Bethany likes night breakfast Lord entropy Bokbopbuck motherfucker

Everyone's favorite clown Splotchy Penn Strike algorithm Gabriel would like to remind you that it's Gabriel not Gabrielle and would also listen to a six-hour shift notes. Alyssa's shiny pants, Gondor calls for aid,

muscles for tits, Arnold Rumspringer, the demise of the Temple of Bethany's. Alan Bergland says, Hi, Mom, Kitty McSull, Raven Stromdance, hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe, the wild-eyed prophet.

Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Richard Schofeld, Jim Turner, Lux luminos, Javi Denaro, Big Chunk, Gadez, Bingo Sticky Rice, Boom Boom's wooden leg Will the real Maudib please stand up Kitty Cat and Lollipop can't get enough of this

Jillian C. Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leah. Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? Bethany reading in a green field. I am the lizard frantically firing flichet guns. Bumblefay, Mr. Epsilon, the Mothman, long-haired Matt,

DJ, Lenny Harris, Robert W., Breelzebub, Kresamira, Jessa, Leren, May Day Hoops. The Bean Wizard. Myth and Stitch embroidery loves the mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Duleo, the Brew Crew family, Bert Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Exquisite Whimsy, Ellie, don't tariff me, bro, oopsie! Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses hold out their cat for you to pet, Grimilar, Existential Pancakes,

Ginny Waboo-Boom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's Mom, Bubblebutt Bethany has banana breath, Lama Fresh, Jair the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revin the Redbeard Wizard, Bert Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, Chorora the 12th. Shh, just listen. Damian Fletterjohn, Zomcon, Bethany 2, Electric Bugaloo, Welcome to the Quond Pound. Pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen. Mr. Mucacho Kaisershaw is outside Sarah Murphy's house on Raxias recruiting for the Trouble Puffs Fight Club. The Wolves in the Deep Free Say Awoo!

Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moons No. 2 fans, Simpson, Jason, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue. I pushed her because Joe Sest. said so, even older Liz, McBearcat, Grak Pinfeather, Cidican Druidicic Druidic scientist, Astro, your friendly neighborhood, android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary, out there somewhere looking for you. Rotten Ronnie sleeps in grandma panties. Skow-Wonky! Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez.

Hello Big List, I'm Dad, now let Joe get some rest. It's time for bed. Muffins, Spacewives, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker, of the Triads. Captain Jack Harkness wants Peter the robot. Oreo? Oreo? No, wait, pineapple. Actually, never mind. Oreo. Tell your cat, I said... Psep-p-p-p-p-p-spe-posh-posh. Banana Manas. A corgi-Cold Kibble. Cudley-Craken. Life's a Lode's Studio and his wife, Megonator. Axelight, Sarge the Bard, Somnity. Rielfan. L.L. Cool Mint Jams.

Trevis Robertecichus. The other original Caitlin, Ken Daddy, Celestiani. The jaded. The jaded umbra gets slightly less jaded as peace once again returns to the land. Leia Izadi. Millie was taken, dead to me 86, Hannus, B. Camp, Shanman, Man, Man, Man, Carma, Camillion, Kinran wishes everyone a healthy New Year, Zoe and her army of mice, Briar Long Lost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, I have always relied on the kindness of diners. The Hood's Pocket Electricians Union reminds you that we're always here to check your shorts. Thank you for pressing too. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian Request will be processing in the order in which it was received. Queen Sirly Jess, R. IP, Lance McLean, you would have loved

Midnight Burger. Adam Toclove, Dr. Bichcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros de God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Eokai, Borgia, spiders are cuddly. The main immortal thinks it should be Ken Dattios. Cheel, Neal. Sincidious scuba Steve, Polywag, Pollywag, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, Wristwatch Rangler of West Worcestershire finally spots Red Nell as the carnage clears. Professor Thaddeus Snookums the 8th. Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler,

audible breath. Elizabeth Hammond. Cheap con. Yeah, you heard me. The real cheap con. Except no imitations. Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train. Dave Harold.

Wise Cube. Dirty diaper fuss butt and the piggy runt. Bro mine. Pronounced bro. Mine hamdinga. Mother of Pearl. Fiona. Fiona now owns Leafs 18-inch Peter, seal face, rigor mortis, Megan's things, things Megan makes,

Coilane, Trevex's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Igneus Burp, Darth Ox. This brief pause is brought to you by Michelle Kay's wish for Joe to catch his breath. Aaron Arnold, 50 bananas a week, Mammaander, B-Raws, and Sluntmaster J, alpacalypse. I'll take one butter and brie on rye, please. Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas' 10, Tenebris, Taffel-Tippers, treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. The lovely Laura Lovely. Keith Gamgey, Sam Wise's Flamen Cousin' Cousin' Cousin'Reilly,

Jeremy the Ruler, Goathe, Jacob Mitchell, swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch loves flesh mech in every universe. Scrubs, just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan? Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardoe the Wizard. Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, ho-woof, whiskered. Annie two hands for the double high-five, Marissa the ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgy, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey

No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Breer Rabbit, Pants Darts Champion, the Constantly Lost Geographer Timothy Aiotis. Chance wants you to know he cares. Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Decoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Movie the Golden Calf, Kyrieon, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, A Daydream You Won't Escape, Angela Sanchez, Ava M, Bubba 485, A.k.a. 8.a. Chimelbach, the Christmas whale. Kaiju Somalier, Stella Corvice, Jesus Garcia, J.P. the IT guy, Candyman Fight, Sandwich, John Peters, you know, the farmer. Barclay on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space-Based lasers,

Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla, Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley. Mr. Steamwave, my friend the Rhino says, Be Nice. Hoop, Challenge. Dream Founder, I'm your Huckleberry, Elizabeth T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. The Wonder hamster and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, bombastical Kim Licker, Cocoaumia's painting ponies, Hugamuffin, Big Foot of Doom, D.L., Annie Atkins, Crandy Man the Pug Whisperer, Gerobe, Our Cat's said to tell you, meow, your boy of indeterminate origin, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, Molly lives on Mars. Mr. Squizzle, Sizzle, Whizzle, the Horrendous Apologizes for Conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now.

Abanaso, Trina Ward, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's from your local dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a ho, me medic hygienist, rogue art, Aaron star Joshua Damien, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude de Claw's, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alphridge, the bullheaded professor, Alexandre la Roque has brought La Guillotine to assist the Bethanies in their survival war. Vive la Revolution! Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan Kaye, Pearl Null, another monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs 1012, Scotty Oates, Beirotron 95, Dan's granted clemency by his overlord parents. Dance, break. The bracken system and its home world Wren, simply Tony. It will always be Finley's workhole to me,

if you know, you know. Gabrielle Castion. Who, what, when, where, and why is what all the Gronies say while listening to Midnight Burger. Nico de Gaiio goes great on midnight burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Sir party animal. Byro the motherfucking dragon is finally 21 and can now enjoy peppermint shnapps. Uloid Jackal. Are you sure Mike Rob the Nancy Sinatra?

Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch. Cat with a K. Mithagroney has a first name. Stompentstein L. Mustachio. Lukifer Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava. CC Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's a Milt, Scout and Foxgloves says the floor is lava.

Red Nell, hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire. Kordomsky! Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulce Studios presents Under the Truskin Sun. Get out of my booth. Bug. Propagator, I hardly know her.

Sad Angry Crabman. Chuck McFenley. Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Culdron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Crashly Strange Lilia, the four schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starbla Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino and Her Hand Me Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallo Headphones, Hinkle, Pike Man Stover, Foneman Stover's wife, Surnaculus, Scrizzles, Thwap, Gitty, Gitty, the Firekeeper, The End is Nigh!

Jeremiah the canceled, librarian Alex, Spike and Fay, Johnny Allen West and the boys from the dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter. Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats, speckled unicorn, Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Short Sword, Forget Normal. A damn! C.J. Johnson. A dragon sitting on its hoard of dice. Wendell Whitaker, Ficachu, Smivey, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, Bonmey Hung, The Soupwich, Bender Ftw, Fetwanae, Fetheenie, Fetheenie, Fetheenie, Fethe. Alfredo, Cowboy and Sosquatch Hunts Bethany's, Amalgamous Packs, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip, Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Beaum, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty, the first, and accomplice, Princess Penelope the Marchioness of mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, India Inkblot, Sleve of Bahamette, Omie Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, the True Mega Mike, Fred

and George, Lavinie. Ava Maddox Jr. Liza Worth. Cass Williams. Christie, Yehit, My Boy, 46 Tool Shed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe. The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin. Sitting Squirrel. Patricia E. Melt missed everyone. A round of yards on the house. Red the Grey, the Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex. Neverchild, Dr. Dr. Nossos, Interdimensional Biologist. Kiboko Dunord, Lil Kev, Kovine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barting, Lil Debbie Cupcake. Teran says, hey, Oreos are Rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain offers peace for your soul. Wimical fuckery. Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady. Look, I've been thinking, maybe it's best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit? I need more.

Patricia the Time Lord. Is it though? Mango connoisseur, Bridie Bug and the quirky jester. The Big Moose demands justice for Betty and Malu. That old glory coal. G.L. Miao-Nay's Cat Butler. O'Sheen Lou, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Exile, Chiro Cat, the Sun God.

Eliza travels the universe, Alex Spence, Dr. D. Birdclaw Spweather and Mrs. Duboptaway Birdclaw's Bwether, want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts. Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dubb, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, most likely Cass, James Harlow saw the claw and named it Bethany, the sweet planetary aroma of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches. Jasmine James, Dr. Cabarant, also known as Omni, Thanks Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, fruitcake, Anatha, Zendria! Jennifer Culkin, Guacamoleo, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, oh my god my dad found out about my Patreon name.

Princess Leia, Sonic Boy 99 would like a Bethany Butt sandwich, but will settle for a fish in a bag. Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley, and his Rubin-esque parrot. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Stuck in a pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflatermouse, Tony Piacarsky, Adrian R, the Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thirteen, Fadley. Kremulus is just happy to be here. The twisted twixtor, the rural juror is a massive fan. Faye Queen, Upshnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, C.R. Ipted. For my mother. CCTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner, Nicole Studioso. Waiter, there appears to be a shovel in my soup. Ridiculous! Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque penguin? Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo,

Love My Captain, Joe Malma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig. Lanna bananas in pajamas are coming down the stairs. Lanna bananas in pajamas are chasing teddy bears. Utrudon Rose's Viking Void vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Not sure what I'm doing. Leah Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer.

Skull Bulb. Dustin Watson, Betty White, 8. 13, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, The One True Cheap con, Star Scribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Oh, Mamma. Glorbner 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dozer now identifies as Roman Durge, The Other Adele, Chef Galvow, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC needs fresh towels in Room 3 at the horizon. Silly Willie Bubblebutt, Sierra Not from Arkansas, Zico, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason

Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, digital flu-flossed in time, potion maestro, nebulinel, regulators, mown up, the first ascendant, cringle over coffee, mad yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Demonic Narwal, 8. I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Tricia Schaefer says, Ew, David, that is not a taco. Solivia, Juicitan, Papitos, Boing, how Bethany in a random place Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something better to do. Ebert Edwards, Hot Shot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution,

Trans-Dimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Calisi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, E. E. Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi drifting through space. Ronnie Porter, Gloria's line cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the Gabbiest Painter, and Her Bird of Fire! Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q. Dell, Farrell, Emily with two Ease, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the Third, Kerklunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble? Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Yeoi Gagarin, Issa the Strega, D. Greitzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies. Michelle Scorakio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's brain is weird,

Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Puffy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt, Shark Man, Steele-O, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily Bee, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teak... I forgot my tea. Bufardees Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalyan Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lynn, just a regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Sineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina. Just Rachel. Waffles, waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biffed it.

Azeus. Anaphylaxis, scav with Comtacks, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again. Bibby Baba, Sarah Nicole, the Kells Fights with the Bethanyes, Angry Laf's Lasersaw, Magnus Arrowchill, Amy Perry, Christophircichai, Source Decay, the Spweather-Carling Banjur, Skexis, Vagabond Mary, Randy, Randy's Amigo, Katie Mermaid and the delinquent duo. Nauman? Nicole. Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake. Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxice Peach, Team Michelle and Billy,

Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nortelbash, Jordan, Rwin X. Balasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium rage. Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafea Weisson, Monica and Mason K. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Laith, but sadly, no Bethan, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Ariane Kent Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, the Joyful Nylist, Dr. Dr. B, Zopres in the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots, Super Beth becomes an RN alongside my bootst up farm friend. Geneva Boss, brothers of the cosign,

uncivil nomes, the rat queen Evelyn, great lunch conversation, the other Scott, Letty Lou. He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Bobby Ray Winland Jr. Bibop Bidababodoo-Wop. Warped Echoes. Slabs McTurps. Robert O Tardis wishes your 2026 to be bigger on the inside. Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McCadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazot, Jingaloss, Eress, The Goddess of Nobody,

Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average, Rees, Kyle Church, I Am a Laif on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evid M Dobson, Dave B, Nabi, your friendly neighborhood pathologist. Going to be lit. I am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L. Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming. But Bethany, I made biscuits. Skibo and Fuzzle McMurpernets. Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senate is teleporting.

BRB. The Shains are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us, and it is concerning. Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, The Cartoius Z3DT, Shai Sparrows, BLTN, the Kiwi Ducling, Dana-Dena, Bobaina, Fifi Fofena, Dadd and Aubrey, the Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila, Snuffle Up A Goose, Isopale, Oh no, a B-Bee! I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is

Beef. Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemley, work for Melvis. Bo-ho-Go-bye for Jo-Yo-Go. That's a no-go. bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K., Sid the Sloth on a bike, Priya Gandhi, The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit, Deaf Alargic to Bethany Stew, Two Polar Cat, Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional, Multifacic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Sol, Seul, Gaylin Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic Hippie,

unforcable, local marsh hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyroes-Colos calling, Joe Swasian, the wizard's supercalifragilistic exealoidos, and introducing Risi Pontiff as the 24th Doctor. Too many gens! Catjot, Pamela Rose El Tierra, then Steena says, thud-tweed, enigmatic catbird, countess of carbon, Slappy the Squirrels'ed-Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodeon caution, Lois for the Nierds, eh. Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash on the surviving crew. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O-2 tank.

Quote says Joe is the writer's room. Awkward Heretic. Devin 7777. Troy Aker. Mandy Kane. Northerly Kay. Lost Basan. You know, the moon prison. Outside the triad. Kim Sel, silly goose, honk, honk. Ad Matha. Astroon. Astrooombe. The Sleepy. Mystery. Taters. Precious. It's Just Steve. Sweets Martinez. Sharnoble 610. Mere. Mereld. Chut. Bremble. Dydra. Mike Whiskey and your friend Frosty. No Saguero.

Stand clear of the closing doors, please. Beasley death. Sven the unlikely. Cognito-hazardic sponge. Ted Wasanossan. Virestria. Theosis the theologianish. Nicole, I love you, but I will name Kid 2, Brathar.

Fernwood gal. Nelly G. Twinkle Tots. Gemini Sky. Phantoms Mom's Moms. Callison. Horn Swagland, Daniel Arthur, Mike Lucluse. It's a fucking dog rapture.

Abigail Lehu. King Humble. We'd better ask Dave. Windchimes for Safety. Cameron Winterborn Welsh. Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexica Habanera, Code Stranger, One Bet to Bet. Ha ha ha ha ha. Matt N. Alfi Revenurum.

Momo Nikiki. Frelp. M. Lin. Feed ma fish. J.R. on SFP. LaHari. Jay Spark. Lucid Harbor. Little Mira leopard paws. Diet night. Mars royalty. Take 20 damage. Macy's bandstand. Kim Bob. Battle Pope and Bugaboo. Snorts. Magorts. Fresh squeezed. Patrick Holt. Atlas B. Hold it now. Hit it! Had it, head it, hot it, it. Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Vicky Abear, Brad Baneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kilt Shot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, turtles all the way down, Jackie Lowy, the Little Pigeon, Lily the Pantry Brain,

crazed bear. Coming this holiday season, Dr. Ladis Trash Angel action figures restocked, boot scoot to your local toy shack today. Crafty Lizard quilts and knits and crochets, Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Bethany-Boppity Boom. Megan the Meg Young, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Curston, Hurry Up and Wait. Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, first of her name, Crittle, Twilio, Heidelbertie, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincatech, McClump. Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Domey, the Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest, Garon Elizando, To my little, you'll always be my good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul. Till we meet again.

Sir Schitts-Solot strikes again, damn, damn. Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruze and B. Anthony. Trick says, Whirmp! Tibble I, Tivost, Exavier Romo, Alley, Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmitt Mittens, Courtney the Frogologist, Courtney and Stephanie says hello. The Fon-Tuckie Wrangler, Scrimbrillet, Yay, Aaron, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste, I'm so, and take any fun! I'm Ava's evil twin sister Bethany,

Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldoz Simeone, Sivon Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha,

Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K Mac, the Something-something Detective Agency, Hyabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Di Anomoli, Char May, Kion with Karma, Amanda Knock,

the wondrous Mathasophon, a post-Turtle evaluation squad, hashtag Nissan Accura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Enshuligan, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel. See when I said, good God there are so many names, the names weren't their own show yet. Chris from Tacoma, the real fairy godmother, Sir Alphonse Suitperson, Knight of Hood's Pocket, polished Poldrens, Paising, pine paths protecting pocket from sneaky skullduggery. Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the goddamn time lawyer,

Matt Mosby, St. Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, astronovee, Mag knows the Civil Gnome. Welcome, everybody, I'm Hydelon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional Support Group. David Peerrini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weas laugh, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Budd's Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, C.C. Rider, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Al-Coccanator, Ron was here, Bajic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Offen, John, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd. Dr. Punt Gusher Esquire is rooting for you.

Please root for Punt, too, he has an interview. Creator 67, Bejolant, Laf's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anthemone, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A. Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, the Ice Queen, Captain BLEP, Evie Power, Terry, P.J. S. J. S. Emilia Lucero, at all. Fair now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, the Jazz Man. Tonight at 11! Larrack the Barbarianess, Hicks, Bezzy Mates,

zealous pragma, tuba Rick, it's just Blake, Alice Malice, Disco Barbie Edition, Kelly Jane Denkie, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka A. Caspor from another universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis, Tamara Oliver, the Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Oscar Engels. Ava, no, not that, Ava, the one within...

La! Grim, says, Trans rights, y'all. Zekidat, Underwater Corvid, Swizzarinctum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Mood Mycelil, Grawlix and Terrobang, late indeed, again, Theron Pyrrales, Ome Vega, dances with burritos, original recipe, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kianu Meissen, Onix Rose, Jackie Wavlet, J.R. the Hiker,

Vel-Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Malloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Mezzan, Calibri, Belmberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Korsmundry, Glock, Freed-Freadburger, What the Chuck, Sona Nusuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Vauris, Nea de Russo, Pici, Inge the Crack and Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful squire Grab Thar, Gen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinkett Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslyn. Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge is a four. former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky boutique hotel. Owner and soul occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira? Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, a pair must reckon with old

mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. And something else. Oh, I can't bear it. What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past, too. Beth. He's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here.

Kira. Kira! I can still see him! Subscribe to Magenta Presents, wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Genta!