Midnight Burger - Welcome to the Horizon 2.5: The True Trans Traveler

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

"It’s a fairy tale, Frank. It’s a story you tell kids so they won’t be afraid."Cast:Steve - Jessica MuddEldin - Joe FisherFrank - Benjamin BurdickDeidre - Tina CaseVerge - Cat BlackardLeif - Tom MoormanDoug - Keith CableTrinkett - Camille SmickerCeleste - Cooper ShawJune - Melody BridgesDirt Fairy - Finlay StevensonWritten by Joe FisherDirected by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonTheme Song by Ian FergusonEpisode Art by Existentially Exhausted BeanMusic:In Low Frequency Love - rh3a bluuMaking the Trip Home - American LegionChromatic - Lukas Got LuckyPrendia (Instrumental Version) - El Jiggy3rd. Ave. Blues - Roots and RecognitionForest Myths - DeskantCounty Line - Roots and RecognitionRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/For more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There's a whole other city under that city. People from all over the place. They're kids. There are these huge caves under the city? They run for miles, it looks like. The indigenous people of Rax Prime are subterranean. They think it stems from a period in their history when there were frequent media strikes on the surface.

There's not many of them left now, but they left behind a complicated network. are kind of raxias. Any idea how many, Steve? I don't know. A hundred? A few hundred? A few thousand?

I think. Jesus. Well, that's more than we have in town. They're all enslaved. I mean, you can call it what you want. He gave me a tour of the whole camp. He said that people come there for all sorts of reasons. Looking for a better life.

On the run from fascist governments? on the run from a collapsed society. They come there thinking it's a way out, but then they get trapped there. How do they get trapped there? It's certainly not a new idea. They come there and pay a price to gain shelter. They incur a debt. They're then told they have to work to pay off the debt.

With the ridiculously high price and accruing interest, there's no possible way to pay it off. And the work they do? Whatever they're told to do. They don't have a choice. Yeah, I'll call that slavery. And this Minsky guy, he's able to do this right under the nose of, I don't know, whatever the powers that be. Or nobody on Raxias is going to care about something like this. It's kill or be killed.

Steve. Frank, listen. Steve, can you tell me what the fuck you were thinking? Frank? No, I understand that this was traumatic, okay? But when are we all going to get it through our heads that we're in a dangerous place here? What were you thinking? Frank, in his defense, the danger hasn't been that apparent.

Are you kidding me? You were almost deducted. Aside from that, yes. I had to write a spaceship into orbit to say Verge. I did have that handled, by the way. Please don't remind me that I wrote a spaceship for no reason. Sorry. But we're warned about dangerous guys like Slabs McTurps, but then Celeste starts dating him. Wait, what? What?

And we not make that a part of public conversation, please? Look, this is the thing. thing with the triad. You can make fun of it for a while because the behavior is so idiotic, but then something like this happens, and it gets unfunny real quick. Did you know about this? Kind of. What do you mean? At an operation like this, it was a pipe dream of Minsky's for a long time, but LofTrax would never let him do it. Lovtrak's was a psychopath, but for whatever reason, they drew the line at slavery. But now that Lovtrak's is gone.

I guess I guess I'm okay with it. Irony is, Minsky used to be one of these people. He was a refugee. He's from a planet called Wren in the Bracken system. Hell on Earth that place. Total societal collapse. He had to claw his way out of there when he was just a kid. And then, years later, he looks at the same type of people he used to be and he thinks, that's a great business opportunity.

Okay, great. I don't want to get off topic here. Steve, you don't live in a bubble, okay? I'm sure you think you're invincible, but you weren't just putting yourself in danger. You were putting all of us in danger. Frank? This isn't a fun little game, Steve.

We're talking about people's lives. Frank, shut the fuck out for a minute, please. Last night, Steve and I were working together. What? What? Last night, Steve was approached by an employee of Minsky's, though we didn't know it was his employee at the time. He showered Steve with compliments and told him that his employer would love to meet.

Steve found it suspicious, went to the bathroom, and consulted me. I agreed that it was suspicious, and I encouraged Steve to decline the meeting. And then I thought, well, these guys think I'm stupid. And maybe we should take advantage of that. Steve then volunteered to take the meeting anyway. He felt that if someone were trying to take advantage of us, we should probably know who it is. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

I wasn't expecting, well, I wasn't expecting all that. Nor was I, Steve, but it was definitely a successful reconnaissance mission. You sneaky little bitch. I tell you things when you ask and when you need to know them. Hey, um, Steve, are you okay? Minsky. Minsky was treating me like I was, I don't know, like I would understand. And he thought I was like him.

I'm not, right? Steve, of course not. I would never do something like that. No, we know that, Steve. Hey, everyone, Steve just went through something really traumatic and I think he needs some rest. Also, I think this story has maybe affected us, too. and we all need some time to process. Well, I'm afraid we're not done, drink it.

Oh, Jesus. What else? Minsky's presence here is disquieting, to say the least. He's the definition of cautious and calculating, and he wouldn't be here without good reason. He had several jammers in place that kept me from tracking Steve's location, but I was able to record video and audio on Steve's phone the entire time. I can show you what Steve saw last night. if you'd like. Why would we want to see that?

Yeah, I don't recommend it. No. No, we should. Why? Well, Steve saw some very traumatic things last night, and he's bearing that burden alone. I think it would help Steve if we all bore that burden together. And Steve being the only one with this experience separates him from us, and we all need to be in the same boat. It's important. There's some wisdom to that, I think.

Also, you'll be able to see what Minsky looks like and sounds like he's here now, and this won't be the last we see of him. Let's do it. If you'd like to excuse yourself, feel free. I'll send the video to the television above the bar. Okay. Okay, guys, let's just try to keep things as normal as possible. Okay? Frank and I will head to the horizon.

Doug, head across the street. Deirdre, are you going to open the doors later? Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine. We could all remember that while this is difficult information to take in, we are two hours away from a city in which there are a thousand more stories like this. This one just happened to arrive at our doorstep. It won't be the last one.

That's encouraging, Eldon. Guys, we're going to be okay. Just to put things in perspective. It's not the thing. It's not invasion of the body snatchers. It's not even event horizon. Okay? From a sci-fi perspective, we're still doing fine, right?

Thank you, June. Look, we're going to be okay, guys. Okay. Ready? Break! Hey, Steve, do you want to come across the street with me? I don't think you should be alone. Yeah, that sounds good.

Life. I'll be around. With your phone, please. Yeah, yeah. Hey, sunshine. Hi, June. You look like a man who really wants to manage a motel all day. You have no idea how true that is.

Doug. Hey, Celeste. I think it might be time to access my secret stash. Yep. I thought it might. Follow me. Sweetie, are you okay? Am I?

No, no, I'm not. Did you expect me to be? No. I feel a lot of things. I know. I everyone's got their reasons for living up at the top of a mountain. Okay. I take things on a little too much.

That's what Trinket says anyway. See, I see somewhat upset or alone or hurt, and suddenly it's my problem, and it's a problem I can't really do anything about. So I just sit there with someone else's problem that's now become my problem, and that happens about nine times a day. By the time the day is over, I feel overwhelmed and tired, and that's just on a light day. So I wound up back here on the mountain a lot. I don't know how you functioned out there. All this time you were out there in a world like this. How did you do it?

Well, it helps to never know the other side. If all you know is crime and evil and slavery, well, you start to accept it. Welcome to the triad. It's what we say. You can't change it. You might as well get used to it. I don't want to be like that.

I know. I don't want you to be like that. Not. Not anymore. What changed? See, there was this girl, and she asked me to dance. How am I supposed to do this? I just open the bar now and serve beers to aliens who may be...

They could have bought some of those people. Yeah, I know. What am I supposed to do? We're going to get them out. What? We're going to get them out. I beg your pardon? Sheldon.

How? I may have an idea. An idea. Steve said there were thousands of them. Yeah. Just make it a little tricky. A little tricky. Well, yeah.

Less than that would be ideal, but, you know. Verge What? Don't do this. Why? I don't want to lose you just because I can't learn how to live in the world. I'm not.

Yes, you are. I feel it too, okay? These past few months with you, I can't experience the world the way I used to. I see everything differently. I can't just survive anymore. It's not enough.

Look, something has to be done. Urge. And that's a fucked up feeling, quite frankly. Empathy, but here I am. This wasn't what I was asking you to do. I know. I don't want you to do this for me. I'm not.

I'm doing it for us. I can't live our lives together. knowing you saw all those people and we did nothing. Besides, doing things for you was all I had planned for the rest of my life. What is this plan you're talking about? Well, it's a little, shall we say, unconventional. So how about before I tell you the plan, I go argue with. life about it for a little while and then I'll be back.

You know, I already think you're amazing. You don't have to do this. I know. Look, I'm standing here in the middle of a brand new me. I'm not really sure what I'm capable of. So maybe I want to take this new model. out for a test drive. If your plan is to get out of earshot, I think you've succeeded. Are you kidding me? Minsky? Showing up right now? What are the chances of that? This isn't a coincidence. Of course, it's not a coincidence. Maybe we should have talked about that in the meeting. How would that have changed anything? It's not as though we left with a list of action items. There's no reason for anyone to be on high alert any more than they already are. I should get out of here.

If I'm a target, then I should leave. If Minsky knows where I am, then I'm a sitting duck. That may not be entirely true. What do you mean? Blayf. What? Meet me at my ship. Let's talk.

What are you doing? I'm putting on my hiking boots. You haven't worn those in 10 years. I wear them. I wear them when I'm thinking about taking a hike, and then I decide against it, and I put them away for another year or two. You're thinking about going on a hike. No, you are.

And I'm coming with you. Wait, how do you know I'm going on a hike? Because you have your boots on. I always have my boots on. You're thinking about something. And when you're thinking about something, you always, you know, go upward. Yeah, I don't need any company. Frankie, you're incredibly lucky to have me as a family member.

remember, we both know that. Oh, I'd like to change a few words in that sentence. But honestly, lately, I've been feeling like I'm falling down on the job. June, you do have a hard time doing jobs. The aliens. The danger. My hot boyfriend. It's very distracting.

It's time for me to get back to my roots. My true calling in this life, helping my poor cousin Frankie. act more like a human being and less like some shambling mound hiding in the forest even though he may have literally transformed into a shambling mound hiding in the forest, let's go!

Already tired. Okay, here we go. I keep them in the fridge behind the eggs just for you. Oh, wow. There they are. Oh, they're beautiful, aren't they? So, how long has it been since you've had one of these? Oh, it's been years.

They used to be my favorite thing, but then they stopped making them. Then, when I was stationed in Manila, I found a box of them at a corner store. Brought them back to my room, I was so excited, but couldn't bring myself to have one. What if these are the last Philadelphia Cheesecakes? snacks bars in the world. So I could never bring myself to eat one. Oh, right. So, um, Celeste, these bars are old. Yes. Um, very old. They are. So, like, a couple of decades old at this point. I know. And listen, I work at a convenience store, so I'm well aware of the, of the wonders of food preservatives. But these are.

cheesecake in a bag, essentially. I know. We would never eat one. I just... I like that they're there for some reason. Have you been to Manila? Oh, no. It's pure chaos, that city.

And I was a very young private, and I had to drive a Jeep through all of that with the base commander in the back. After a day of that, I would go back into the mess hall where they kept my box of cheesecake snack bars for me. I would just look at them. Never ate one. It was a nice little organized thing in a chaotic world. Oh.

Um, we should start to let go of things like this. Oh, I know. No amount of clinging to the past has ever made it stick around. I know. How does one do that? I don't know. I imagine by replacing it with, you know, something else. Hey, guys.

Hey, y'all. Hey, Steve, how are you doing? I'm, uh, okay, I guess. What are you guys doing? Oh, we work. Doug was just throwing away some. garbage that I had over here. It was. What are you too up to?

Well... We weren't next door and I guess Trinco was about to, you know, make me tea or something. Or something. And probably meditate or something. Or something. But then we... Well, we had a thought. What was your thought? Well, we've all decided that the best way forward is to...

to sit here in the mountains and try and wait this whole thing out until we move on. But then I said, hey, what if we do something instead? Okay. Do what? How much gas do you have in the Jeep, Celeste? What the fuck are you doing to my ship? Just having to look around? This is a wild custom job.

Is this Des? He did me a favor? It's insane. I like it. It's a long-range ship with a two-person confined cockpit. I know. It doesn't make any sense. Which is why I like it.

But you've still got the racing engines. How do you not flame out on long trips? You said wouldn't be a problem. Wait a minute. Each engine has its own drive core. That must be it. That's my fucking idea. Of course it is.

Thieving-ass Truskins? Wait, get the fuck out of there. Let's talk. All right. So, Minsky. Yeah. So many fond memories. Sorry.

He's obviously here for me. I told Eldon I should get out of here, but he told me to talk to you. Yes. Why? Something weird is going on. Of course it is. There's a bounty on my head. That's not weird?

Yeah. No, it's not weird. But it's apparently the largest bounty ever placed. How big? Whoever catches me gets a whole system cluster. Jesus. Yeah. All someone has to do is catch you, and they get to run the operation for a whole cluster of systems.

Which is easier said than done, but still. Who put the bounty on your head? Uh-huh. You did. Uh-huh. Also, I have to be taken alive. If anyone kills me while they're trying to catch me, they'll be in deeper shit than I am. Really?

I don't know what I did, but the version of me in this universe has something that you want, and you want it very badly. What is it? No idea. We don't know if Minsky's... We don't know if Minsky is here for you or me. Right. We don't. Okay.

I'm going to be honest. That's kind of a relief. Oh, well, you're welcome. But it does complicate things. Mm-hmm. Because you can leave to try and take the heat off of us, but I'm not leaving life. Okay. Well, obviously, Minsky pulled this whole.

whole stunt with Steve to let either you or me know that he's here. I think so. I guess he's hoping that we'll make either you or me make a run for it and then catch us when we do. Probably. But since we're not doing that, I guess we hunker down here. Wait for his next move. Yeah. But what if we didn't do that?

What do you mean? You saw the same footage I did just now. Okay. I hate where this is going. Slaves, Laf. Shit. Why now, Verge? Why do you have to have a conscience right now?

Oh, I've always had a conscience, Laf. And, in fact, so have you. But also a much stronger survival instinct, which you seem to have lost. Ugh. I thought that was a vapian's whole thing. Survive no matter what. What if having a conscience is a survival instinct? What?

I'm serious. Who died and made you Emmanuel Kant? Sitting around saying, welcome to the triad, every time someone gets screwed. It never worked, Leif. Look at where we are and who the fuck is Emmanuel Kant? You know, when I first opened my eyes and saw your face, this is the last conversation I thought we'd be happy. Having. Who are you?

The last thing Minsky's going to expect is us getting aggressive. There's a reason why he won't be expecting it. It's stupid. But he still won't be expecting it. Okay. Be clear with me. What are we talking about? You want to stage some daring heist wherein we free thousands of hostages? and do what with them?

I don't have every step of the plan to lay out in front of you, Leif. You have no steps of the plan. You have a feeling. That's not a plan. I'm telling you what I want. What you want or what Deidre wants? I've picked up on a bit of a problematic moral center with that one. That's what this is about, right?

It's what we both want. Loving someone doesn't make you invincible. Yes, it fucking does, Leif. So, you're not Emmanuel Kant. You're Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Stop throwing earth names at me. God's! I'm not doing this.

Leif, do you remember how you used to look at impossible things? You would laugh at them. They were like a challenge to you. So what? Be that guy again. Just for a minute. Come on. Verge, over here, you've got that.

kid you met all those years ago. And over here, you've got the guy who just placed a massive bounty on your head, the guy who has no problem with enslaving people. And I hate to say it, but I'm much closer to the second guy than I am to the first. Life, that's not true. I built the cowcatcher. I promised you I would never build it. And I built it. I built it. I launched it. It was right before I wound up here. I fired it at Crox Planet.

By my estimation, it will arrive about a year before I even get there. The timeline will splinter off, and that lathe will never know the difference. After traveling that far, the energy release will be massive. It'll destroy his entire solar system. populated is the solar system. I don't know. I know he has an army. It could be thousands, could be billions.

Tell me again about that wide-eyed kid you fell in love with. Oh! Still! I seem to recall you cackling pretty loudly when I oft an entire tower full of science priests. Yeah. And you know what happened after that? I grew the fuck up, Leif. Fuck you!

And I guess I did. didn't. So excuse my childish action of, you know, trying to prevent a psychopathic god from controlling the universe. I can see that you've changed. That doesn't mean everyone else changes with you. It waits around for you, you know. That person that you've tried so hard not to be, they just sit there and wait. Usually wait for you to be alone. I'm sorry. All this time, trying to get to know the new you. Nothing new. Hmm.

Just as you left me. I'm going to stop trying to appeal to your moral center now. Fine. Which leaves me with this. You fucking owe me. You've been out there for, who knows how long, transmitting little. messages telling me to come to hood's pocket. Sounds like a lot of guilt you're carrying around Leif. I guess. Then I'll appeal to that. You owe me. You fucked me over. And you owe me.

Fine. We're not going to just sit here and let thousands of people get sold into slavery. Fine. So I hope you're ready to put that diabolical, doomsday weapon-making mind of yours to work. Ferge, I can't spin straw into gold. There's no way that I can get thousands of people off this planet without someone noticing. You don't need to get them off the planet. You can't bring them here.

We're not bringing them here. either. No. It's worth a shot. You can't be serious. I am serious. Virch, don't be ridiculous. You've heard the stories?

I've heard the stories. They're stories. And this is going to upset you, but after the first part of our conversation, you know what? This feels even better than I was expecting. You're going to construct this entire plan around a fucking fairy tale. Fairy tale. Oh, come on, Leif, dream big. I'm not doing this.

said before. Fuck face. I'm not appealing to you anymore. I'm calling in a debt. You fucking owe me, you fucking weasel, and I am collecting. Fine.

It'll be like when we first met, baby. Just business. Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side. We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook.

I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rattled and Shook available now, including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Hiking is terrible. You live on a mountain. You're forgetting. I have perfectly crafted my daily movements so that I never have to walk uphill.

I'm a masterpiece of urban planning. Jesus, drink some water. I was supposed to drink water? You were supposed to drink water. Give me some water. Here. You really need a squeeze of lemon in there. Uh-huh.

Some cucumber slices, maybe. June, why are you here? I'm being supportive. Well, you're doing great. Remember, McHadley? McHadley? I don't think so. He was one of those rich guys. Made a bunch of money from, I don't know, some phone app or something,

and he decided to be a rich guy on the mountain. Bought a bunch of climbing gear that he didn't need. Really excited about his new mountain clobiles. climbing life and he heads up the mountain for the first time, but like nine ropes hanging off his body. Anyway, three days later, we realize that he never came down. He went up the mountain and just stayed there. So I go into the sheep's eye and I'm like, guys, we have to go find McCadley.

And by we, I mean, of course, I mean someone else. And so Doug, that's all the way up there and he finds the guy. He was sitting at a little campfire eating his last energy bar. I guess he had some sort of weird anxiety attack and couldn't get back down. Doug said he was like, I don't know. The rest of my life is down there. Weird, right? You think I came up here to avoid the rest of my life?

You genius, you've decoded my metaphor. That's not what I'm doing, June. Well, what are you doing? I don't know. Taking one last look, I guess. Before you leap to your death, I don't mean to be a buzzkill, but I don't think you can leap to your death anymore. You may have to start from way higher.

Do you want to keep climbing? Try it from there? My dad was the same way, you know. What way? He never wanted anything to change. Oh, yeah. For sure. He wore four flannels and a pair of jeans his entire life.

That's not true. Unless there was a wedding. And then he wore the suit. The green suit. And the brown tie. You know what's in my closet, June? Four different flannels. Yep.

It was not my intention to be his carbon copy. I know. there are worse guys to be a carbon copy of. He wasn't a bad guy. Yeah, I know. But, I mean, there's a giant salamander in Doug's backyard. Around the mountain is a space dinosaur. Trinket is talking to mushrooms.

Dietra's in love with a four-armed alien. And I could jump from the top of this mountain and not die. So, what a guy? Exactly, am I trying to hang on to? I don't know if you've noticed, but sometimes I make fun of you for being such a stick in the mud. Stop it. Really? It's true. Hmm. I, huh. I had not noticed.

Well, it's very subtle. Uh-huh. But I never asked you to change, Frankie. I don't think you should. If you don't want to, be this guy. Be this guy All you want If you don't want to change Don't

You just have to accept That everything else does Yeah I don't like Feeling trapped Sure And I don't like other people Feeling that way either

Sure So those people that Steve saw last night They're trapped. Yeah. I don't think anyone's going to do something about that. So. So I guess we have to. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Okay, Frankie. Sounds like they have awakened the swamp. Absolutely. No more swamp thing jokes, June. No more. I'll try. Let's do this.

What do we do first? Well, first you have to get up and then we walk back to town. Ah! Walking downhill, my favorite! So this city is big. Steve, are you sure this is safe for us to be here? I feel not great. You know, that's the thing about this place. Everyone is from all over the place, so no one really notices you.

It's got a very strange feeling to it. I mean, it's very cold, Steve. Hey, you sure you're up for this? Yeah. I mean, it's worth a try, right? If you say so. Why are we in an alleyway? Apparently, this is where we're supposed to meet her.

Oh, uh, who? How did you know about this alley? It's kind of funny. I don't recognize anything around me right now, but it all kind of works the same as it always does. What do you mean? Minsky made a mistake. Never introduce someone to your connect. Because if they know your connect, what do they need you for?

Oh my. What is that? Whoa, Steve. You again. Dirt Fairy. I'm not really looking for new customers. It's a one-time thing. I promise I won't be a nuisance.

There's just no one else that can help us with this particular problem. What problem is that? We're trying to get deep under the city, as deep as you can go. Huh. That's a new one. Why? I need to get to the ground underneath the city. Not asphalt, not sewers, but the actual earth that the city is built on.

Can you do that for me? I can, but it's a bit of a trek. And the smell is really something. Oh, that's fine. What's this about? Out, come on, Dirty Fairy. You don't seem like the type that wants more information than you need. Okay.

How much? Uh, how much? I don't do this out of the kindness of my heart, Steve. Sure, right. Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, but one second. Um, what does you want? Money? Yeah, I, um, I didn't think about that part.

Well, I have $12, earth dollars. I think that'll do the trick. Oh, oh, I have some alien money that June gave me. Oh, but no, it's back at the shop and go. Maybe I could trade some jewelry. You guys are from that earth place, right? Up in the mountains? Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's us.

Did the earth suits give us away? Pringles. Oh, that's that? I want Pringles. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yes.

Prinkles, I can do that. We have original and sour cream and onion and pepperoni pizza. That's the one. Pepperoni pizza. Okay. How do they get a whole slice of pizza in there? Well, that is a mystery for sure. Okay.

Four tubes. Oh. Oh, four tubes is really going to set me back. Oh, but it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, that's fine. I can get you four tubes. Good. We have a deal? Deal. Follow me. Don't say I didn't warn you about the smell. Oh, fantastic.

Trinkett, I'm very concerned about this. Look, Steve had that whole terrible experience seeing all of those poor people, but he didn't know where he was. And Eldon couldn't track him down. When I'm on the mountain, I can sense where people are on the mountain. And maybe if I get my feet in the dirt under the city, I can try and get a sense of where this encampment is. And if you can find them, What then? I, I think you know what happens then, Celeste. I think we all do.

Okay. Good luck, Trinckin. Hey, you guys stay with the Jeep. I'll head down there with them. How bad is the smell, Steve? You remember the paper mill down in Halsey? Oh, God. Yeah.

Yeah. It's worse. Oh. Can I be both? Hey, Whisper Dan. Lovely to not hear your voice again. Let me know when you're over the shock. Not at all.

I'm still dead. For all intents and purposes anyway. A little bit of both, actually. There's always a million ways to get killed, Dan, Dan. I'm just trying to die happy. Okay? Well, it's a wild one. Maybe the wildest I've ever asked for.

Watch our step. The stone's going to start to break up. We're almost there. I can't see a damn thing. So how did you get to know all these tunnels? I was born down here. All my people were. You're from here?

One of the last native Raxians. Wow. It took them a hundred years to realize they were building a city on top of us. Then, when they did realize it, they didn't care. Steve, are you okay? How are you not tripping over everything? I can see just fine. You...

Shit, drink it. What? Your eyes are glowing. They are? Yeah. Are they not supposed to? No. I mean, who knows?

You should probably know, because they're your eyes. How much are they glowing? Do I have, like, headlights in my face or something? No, but I can definitely see them. You look like a pair of floating eyes right now. That's crazy. And you can see fine? Yeah.

I mean, I can see you standing right there. Trinket, your whole situation is just like getting weirder and weirder these days. It's out of control. I mean, look at me. I'm just a pair of eyes floating around. What the fuck are you people? We're mountain folk. We're a little weird.

Okay. Whatever. We're here. We are? What is it? What are we looking at? It's mud. Bubbling.

This is the first trace of actual dirt you'll see. There's a lava tube melting a glacier nearby. It makes a river of mud under the city. I don't think this is what we had in mind, dirt fairy. You wanted dirt, you got it. I didn't say it was going to be dry. I don't know about this, Trinca. Should be fine.

What? You're going to get in there? Yeah. You know, back home, rich people would pay a lot of money for something like this. Oh yeah? Rich people are stupid. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's do this. Anything dangerous in there? No. Just good clean mud.

I mean, might be kind of nice. Sure, there's no mud alligators in there or something? What's a mud alligator? It's a... It's a thing I just made up in my head. No, there are no things you made up in your head in there. Steve, it's probably good you can't see anything. Why?

Because I should probably get naked. What? Yeah. Yeah, it's probably for the best. How is that possible? Steve, come on. What exactly was this peasant's... going to protect me from anyway.

I've seen some crazy shit in this city. This may take the cake. Well, thank you. Okay. Here we go. I better get in the Witch's Hall of Fame for this shit. People watch here is amazing. I can't stop looking at them.

Okay. That one there. What's her story? Oh. Oh, okay. Okay, that is Starblaze Burnbright. Nice. Yes.

She is a princess of a planet called a Joe... Joe Swazian. I like it. She's on the run. Uh-oh. Yep. She is being chased by a bounty hunter known as the Crandy Man. I love it.

Yeah. Oh, oh, how about those two? Ah, okay. Well, that's dirty diaper fuss butt and the piggy run. Okay. They used to have their own TV show called A Gremlin with the Munchy. Well, that sounds delightful. The little one had a catchphrase, he would say, every episode.

Oh, my God, what is it? It's not rocket surgery. Ha! Hello, you two. Hello. Hello. What are we up to today? Just...

Going for a drive. Really? Whereabouts? You know. Over the hills and dales? The hills and dales. The hills and dales. Hills and Dales is correct.

How long should we sit here and pretend I don't know your local... A little bit longer would be great. Sergeant, what are you doing in the city? We have... We have given ourselves an assignment. I see. Why? So, Eldon, we felt a little bit antsy in town, so we decided to do something. Did you consider a board game, perhaps Jenga?

Steve and Trinket had an idea. Can we move past the phase where people have ideas? Well, no, but it might be a good one. Any idea might be a good one, Dutch. Franket thinks that if she can get underneath the city, she'll be able to tell where those poor people are that we saw in the video. I see. Trinket's trying to get underneath the city so that she can send out some sort of mushroom radar ping.

Is that it? Sounds simple enough to me. It's not rocket surgery. All right. Carry on. Get back as soon as you can. We'll be bringing our friends, Don. Our blaze burn bright.

Is that okay? What? Hello there. Hey, baby. Hello. Why is June on the floor? She tried walking today. It was a terrible mistake.

What's going on? Yeah. Please hold your judgment until after I'm done. Okay. Okay. Wow. This actually feels really strange. What does?

Frank. I'm not I'm not a freedom fighter, Frank. I've never been out there fighting a good fight, you know. I survive. I try and find some quiet moments. I don't stick around.

And then suddenly I got stuck. Suddenly there was something very sticky. They're talking about me. I'm the sticky part. Oh, she's very sticky. Ugh, guys. Don't be adorable right now.

I already want to puke. Look, I've always just looked out for myself, and I can't do that anymore. And honestly, it's not just the hot girl you have behind the bar. It's about all of you. You all accepted me and protected me. Frank, you rode a spaceship into orbit to save me, and really, you have no idea how strange that feels. And lately, that's made me wonder if I found a home. If this impossible thing happened, well, then what else is possible? What else did I call impossible without actually knowing if it was...

Burge, listen, you don't... Look, there may be a way to get the prisoners out, is what I'm saying. There may be a way. Okay. I keep wanting for you to do the frank thing where you tell everybody to shut the fuck up. Just keep talking. Okay. It involves something a bit unconventional. Well, it would almost have to. Is David Blaine going to make them disappear?

You folks really, really, really, really, really need to stop using all the random Earth names. I never know what the fuck you're talking about. Wait, Virge, what's the unconventional plan? Oh, well, okay. You know what? I think it would be great if Leif explained it to you. Seriously? Fuck you.

Get on out there, Leif. No. Go ahead, Leif. You really trust me to sell this. Leif, come on, what is it? Fine. It's called the true trans traveler. What is that?

Santa Claus. It is. Wait. Leif, what is the trans traveler? true trans traveler. Okay. There's a lot of stories out there in the triad. Nobody believes all of them, and some of them hardly anyone believes.

One of those stories is the true trans traveler. It's a ship. As the legend goes, if there's ever a situation where a large group of people are in trouble, natural disaster, war, environmental collapse, the legend says that sometimes in those situations, the true trans traveler appears. It's a gigantic ship that appears out of nowhere and is completely undetectable when it travels. And you don't think it exists? Very few people do. We have a name for those people. Watch it, buddy. It's a fairy tale, Frank. It's a story you tell kids so they won't be afraid. But Verge seems to be talking about this ship like it's an actual

viable option. I know. And it's really fucking with my head. It does sound a little too good to be true. It does. You know what else sounded too good to be true? A galaxy called cryptessia. People would fantasize about a galaxy called cryptessia where there's no Ted Empire and no galactic crime lords. I've told you all already what cryptessia actually is.

That's what believing in myths like this can get you. I've heard tons of stories about this ship. They can't all be fairy tales. How many stories have you guys heard about Sasquatch? They can't all be fairy tales, right? Totally saw Sasquatch one time, B2Dab. Nope. Nope, no you didn't.

Look, 6,000 people on Lexi-Con. A meteor strike collapses their environment. They had maybe a week left of habitability. Where did they go? Nobody knows. That's one story. You can hear stories like this on Geneva Boss, Chance Rigart Station, the mother of Pearl,

was about to get sucked into a magnetar, then suddenly, poof. I hear the pilot's name is Kyle, the interstellar highway man. Fuck off. I hear the mess hall sells existential pancakes. I mean, Virge, you don't have tons of convincing evidence here. Okay. Well, look, I may have some intel on this.

There's a whole network of people out there who look at deep scanning data and try to look for traces of the true trans traveler. I got in touch with an old contact, and they gave me three hotspots where I could wait for the true trans traveler and try to send a message. One of those hotspots isn't far from here. Honey, it'll be okay.

Sorry, this doesn't sound like much of a plan, Verge. Well, it's not a plan yet. You know what we need right now? Everyone's being too nice. We need a real, asshole in this conversation. I'm sorry, am I being too nice? I can be worse.

You're a little too squishy, Leif. We need a king jackass in here. June, what are you talking about? She's talking about me. All hail the king. I think one thing is fundamentally clear. Verge doesn't listen to me, despite what I say. In light of that, anything I have to say in this room

will be ignored. In terms of the true trans traveler, Here are the facts. Does it have all of the hallmarks of a folk tale? Yes, it does. Thank you. There is, however, one distinct difference. Tales and vague reports of the true trans traveler are more prevalent than you would expect from some sort of myth in the forest.

There are also unexplained reports across the triad, and they all have a certain similarity. People will show up after a disaster expecting piles of bodies, and they will show up after a disaster expecting piles of bodies, and they will simply not be there, as if they were magically whisked away. That's pretty thin. It's exceedingly thin, Leif. But let us look at what Verge is actually asking. Are they asking us to go all in on some sort of galactic folktale? No, they are not.

All they are simply asking is to take a few days, go to a particular spot in this galaxy quite nearby, and wait. If Verge returns from this little excursion with no new information, and then we're back to where we started. Do I have opinions of this plan? Oh, you bet your sweet Bippy, I do. However, I must say, Verge is approaching a very thin, as you say, solution, with a very responsible attitude.

My take on this issue is the following. Verge and myself will go to these designated coordinates. We will wait for a satisfactory amount of time. If no contact is made, we return and go back to the drawing board. This is my official pronouncement as King Jackass. Well, from down here, it sounds great. I say we go for it. What do you say, Frank?

Frank, what I will say is that after we all viewed that footage of the slave encampment, everyone in hood's pocket except for Mr. Grumpy over there is feeling a particular way about it and is now exploring ways where something can be done. This does, of course, include you, Frank. How long? Just a few days. Okay, and no funny business. Who, me?

Meeting adjourned. Frank, pick me up. Nope. Bastard. Hey, um, kind of freaking out. I know, babe. But when we decided to do this, did we think it was going to be safe?

I know. These coordinates have a shelf life. I need to go gas up the hot rod. I love you. I love you. Come here. Get a room. I'll bring you back a space rock.

Frank, with Virgin myself gone, we'll take the network with us. You won't be able to hear my voice for a few days. Oh, Jesus Christ, Eldon, you should have led with that. Parents are out of town. Let's party. Let's do this. Come in. Hi. Hello.

Hey, I just wanted to say, uh, thank you for, oh my God. What are you wearing? What? What is this? It's Wednesday. I don't understand what that. What does that mean? It means.

It's Wednesday. What? Do you forget literally everything I tell you? I 100% try to, yes. My boyfriend, you know, he's a bit of an anachronism. To say the least. But I want to be supportive. So on Wednesday nights, I, you know, play along.

play along? Yeah, I put on a little outfit and I play along. Oh, good God. Do you want to know what my name is? Nope, I do not. Not at all. Rowan. Lady of the Black and Harold of the Stars.

Yeah, I did not need to know that at all. What's up? What do you need? Nothing. Nothing. I just wanted to, honestly, thanks for today, for, I'm glad you're here. I know you are, dummy.

Where would you be without me? Well, with a working motel staff, probably. Boring. Good night. Good night. You can barely walk today. You're really going to wear those boots all night? Girls got to do what a girl's got to do.

Besides, they'll be in the air most of the night anyway. Hello! Oh, my God. Oh, God. Because of the sex, Frank. Understood. And no. Because of all the sex I'll be having.

Yep. Yep. Okay. Oh. Well, there's a ruined night. Hey. Frank. What are you covered in? Mud. Mud? Frank. I fucking found them.

Hey. Hey. What's going on? Nothing. Just going for a walk. I didn't know you smoked. I don't really. Only when Verge is gone.

You two are pretty ridiculous. I know. Slow night? It always feels like a slow night when June's out of town. Where is she? Over at Tarvax. Right. Wait.

Is his name Tarvok or Tavrock? Oh, right. He changed his name a while back. I figured. But then we all kept fucking. it up, so now he just answers to both. I see. Well, I can definitely relate to that. You're just out for a walk?

Yeah. Is this what you do when you're worried? Not normally, but I used to live in a diner. Wasn't a lot of room to take walks. But you guys have all kinds of rooms, so... Yeah, I guess this is what I do now. I'm sure Virch is going to be fine. That's not what I'm worried about.

Ah, you're still worried about the plan? It's not a plan, Deidre. Huh. You really don't think something like the true trans traveler can exist, huh? No. I think it's ridiculous. Okay. So, 1865, Jules Verne writes from the Earth to the Moon. Yeah.

I bet it sounded pretty ridiculous at the time. Sure. And then a hundred years later, we were standing on the moon. That's pretty cute, Deidre, but I'm afraid it just doesn't sell it to me. Well, sell it to me then. What do you mean? Well, I keep hearing about this big brain of yours. So take it out for a spin.

You explain to me how the true trans traveler could exist. It can't. Give it a shot. Have you got it? something else to do tonight? You want me to come up with a theoretical true trans traveler. If anyone can do it, it's you, right? Fine. The true trans traveler is apparently a very large ship that can't be detected. The main way you detect a ship in deep space is through its drive plume. The fire coming out of the back of the ship. So to be undetectable,

you need to not have a drive plume. So, how does something not have a drive plume? It's pretty impossible. You could use a solar sail. Solar sails are great. They're very efficient. You feel like Arrow Flynn, but even though the acceleration is near infinite,

it's also incredibly slow acceleration. And it's not a viable way to travel through space. So, then I guess you could think about an antimatter engine. Nobody uses antimatter engines. They're very expensive and they're very slow. It's the equivalent to a hot air balloon in the triad. They're slow because of particle scatter. It's incredibly hard to focus the force out of the back of the ship.

You get energy dispersed in a particle scatter from the engine and it... Uh-oh. You eventually get a cloud of particulates that surrounds your ship. Is this what it sounds like when you have an epiphany? It's not an epiphany. What is it then? I mean, I guess if you took an antimatter engine and you deliberately jacked up the particle

scatter, the ship would go even slower. But you would be surrounded by a cloud of particulates. Deep space scanners are an automated system. They automatically dismiss natural objects, natural objects like asteroids and comets. Comets that are always surrounded by a cloud of particulates. Sounds like we're getting warmer. I suppose you could possibly orchestrate an antimatter engine that deliberately covers you in a cloud of particulates, getting automated systems to dismiss you as a comet.

Really? Theoretically, Deidre. Theoretically, it's just a theory. So is gravity. It's a fairy tale, Deidre. Well, maybe a little less so now, though, right? That was very sneaky of you. Yeah, well, Verge said sometimes you're so smart that you outsmart yourself.

Yeah. Come in. Have a beer. All right. I'm surprised you let me do this. I can't control what do you do. You have your ways, though. I could see which way the wind was blowing. Better to help everyone find the best way to do this than try and convince them not to do it.

You think this is the best way of doing things? Verge, of course it isn't. The true trans traveler doesn't exist. Oh, then what am I doing out here, Eldon? In intractable situations, it's better for people to feel like they're doing something, even if what they're doing is fruitless. Back on Earth, at the advent of the atomic age, school children would do drills. An alarm would sound, and they would all get under their desks. Getting under their desks to protect themselves from a thermonuclear blast. It's fruitless, but I'm sure it felt good to do.

Ugh. You know, you've got no imagination, Eldon. Of course I don't have an imagination. I'm a fucking computer. Do you think I was too hard on him? Yeah. Hard to say. Throughout history and the triad, horrific weapons normally aren't made by war mongers. They're made by people like lay. People who simply cannot resist the pull of one thought leading to the next. despite how horrific the outcome they seem carried along like a thread pulled by a needle emblematic of that fact

it's the second doomsday device he's made in his lifetime first the Ted Slayer not the cowcatcher but you were right not to turn him away I don't know something I observe in him in all humans really but with him it's very pronounced they need each other humans they languish on their own

Their soul arises from naturally evolving communities rather than from isolated individual reasoning. Without each other, they become disoriented, lost. They call it communitarianism. The vapians called it to Vichesch Vial, the mind of the many. Which you would know if you knew anything about your culture. My culture consists of vapist-10's big black,

Black gaping hole. Vapis lives, Virch. Contact 218. Where? I don't see anything. No do I. Performing diagnostic. Nothing. Probably nothing. Welcome to the Horizon is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Wilson, Billy, Bert Bert Bert, Bethany, Second Bethany.

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the faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home. De Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosopher, Dogo of Doom, burnt barbecue beef brisket. It's official, they're called Fagronies. Kevin Wynens, Marlon C. Just Whelmed. Madame Perry?

Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire. Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesee West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, The Triads Baddest Goblin, Emory, and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats, Love the Diner, House Chaos and the Crittercophony, Max and Nia and Ivan 6? 7? Nope, it's Mark. Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Don Mitchell Jr., Guy a Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, We Will Not Rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free. Pluto Crow, Nessie's mom, Pokesplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Genriot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyrithra Vitriol, Altrion, Slim Nandy, Goughlaef, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah is gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair, the Night of Silver Flames, Hood's Pocket Protector, Unpaid Intern passed the RD exam and got a job. Valkyry Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late but somehow on time, D.C. Squirrel, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman,

Shelly Act on the Verge, Gail Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tick, Prop the Crocogator, Ringleader, Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants, and the Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Braddy for Mission Control, Renee N, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, Bethany, T-T-RP-RPG-Rpeg, K-8 the Curiouser, Roxane, Roxanne, Ash Montgomery, the boggiest of Birches, Jason HVAC Tech for the diners deep freeze, S.K. Phoenix, Glitch, the Gamerer error, Zephyr the Weffer Montgomery, Foxworth. Merryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole 6-4, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscolo, Full Beans, Gloria's Forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Culdron, Force for Good-ish. Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Friol.

Gravity's optional, but fries aren't. CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's. Angel Vasquez. Evil. The cat. Stephen Raymer, J-Carp Fishman, The Great Goblino, low oxygen. Save the Mungos. Joji the Birdwatcher, Nye, Lillac Morcella, Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband, Steve. Don't worry about the order, honey.

Your Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown. Diane Brown, Dr. Flog wants Tita to return his voicemails. Mags, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smedley P. Snoddgrass the third, but please, call me Smeddy, the Shreveport Bohannans, Cici the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's army, din, cosmic ketchup, lack of lifestyle, August the Shmoggest and Hossfest, Mousy, hood's pocket, gear and sprocket local repair cafe, postmaster General Kwan sent me,

Mad Mad Mad Mad Max, Blake Basmogian, nitwit 14, royled way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, Fish Joe, Marco Montano, no longer doing a bit. Shiny Fields, Adam Tacheck, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulcifer, the Paulist of Paulism, zombie Spider-Man, The Sorcerer Senguin says Brain Demons is an anagram of Brandon is me. Bex 823. Antecripted, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja Mime, Master Uguet,

Barry, Dilius Dalliying, Podcast Junkie wants Gloria's Tamali recipe. Futele screaming at the ocean! Catlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibristo, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. The New Kittins name is Laif, and this time he's not a girl. Physic the Goodbush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding Rebel Bethany's to overthrow the duly elected Bethany's. Hexadicemal Bethany is non-binary. Vapis Tens Big Black Gaping Hole. The planet Gubrius wants to know if Kroc is a crocodile or a proper gator.

Bruce, Jessica Gygoma, Toracle, Jenny the Bear. Agar. Bellringer, Sir Dean Thorne, Treech, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is Very Cross, Hote Potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list, endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bertbert's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Dave and Buster's server manager, ready to serve all the Bethany's of Monte Cristo's. Blind Time Traveler Convention Date, L.A. Woman the Phoenix Rising. New name, God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure. Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs, cup of noodles, schmizzy two shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smallin, Riku 31, Craig Dundee, the name's Knight with a K, Astral C, Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagelknife, Emelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, Devin 7777-7 has been my fave verbal stem for months, Nate, Forklift, Vince M, Chip, Radio Free Reelia, Violin Loves Middy, Brian Passley, Subawasa, Grinna, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Old Man Dagwood.

Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all receipts, love Josh from accounting. Satuma, Siliest Go Go Goose, Coach Shane of Toad Sucx Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego, Casseh, Naurin, Norwin Murgler, Chase and her Army of Turtles joined the Bethany War. You've all been a signed to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your grade. Joe Kappa. We bitch hop and broccoli. I see fish, the hacker known as Ivy DeBurb, Edwin McDonald, a feisty-ass chickadey, poultry landmine, the scrappy poet, Jenny the cryptid paladin, Maverick Artists. Shit, it was a mimic. Basil in their tea, waiting to gossip with David. Ainslie, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Angnor, ATB, Kiwi, Lovely Bead, Zoe, Professor Freida. Dr. Professor

Reverend Bethany-Wethany-Lethany-Wuffy McFuffenberger, M.D. Esquire, and that's not a pretentious name at all, clear my throat, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the War with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, Twote, still trapped, but I've stopped asking why the freezer is, I am, we chill, son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove, give Peas a chance, Samma, Dingdong. Behold, Lady Sarah Per of Whisker-Vey-Vey. Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and beloved by all creatures small and opinionated. Ricardo Galamba, Cari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Hashtag we weave'em of Gossamer,

Dyerinjorin, Penny the Wonder Dog, and Bucky von Buckbuck, Ken Tex-Oridian, Cherry Appleby, medium-rare, extra-toasted bun, Tofer Hart the Gay, saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, Mick J-67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym. Is this thing recording? Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries.

Sir Dredmore Spiba is wondering if Bethany likes night breakfast, Lord Entropy, Bach, motherfucker, The Faye Wanderer, everybody's favorite clowns, Splotchy, Pinstrike algorithm, Psycho Queen, Cauture Steak. For the last time, it's Gabriel Strife,

don't Tavrock Stormbringer, Meecho. Alyssa shiny pants, Gondor calls for aid, Muscles for Tits, Arnold Rumspringer, the demise of the Temple of Bethany, Alan Bergland says, Hi, Mom, Kitty McSull,

Raven Stromden's hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet. Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Richard Schofeld, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Havi Denaro, Big Chunk, Gadez,

Sasha of the Being of Chaos was not involved in the Bethany Crisis. Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, will the real Moadib please stand up, Jillian C, Udon, 9, Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leah. Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird, Bethany reading in a green field,

I am the lizard frantically firing flichet guns, Bumblefay, Mr. Epsilon, the Mothman, long-haired mat, DJ, Lenny Harris, Robert W, Breelzebub, Krezimira, James Berriano, Jessa Lerine, May Day Hoops, The Bean Wizard! Myth and Stitch embroidery loves the mucklewains, Lulu, The Brew Crew Family. Bert Ruba, your most benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse. Jeffrey George, exquisite whimsy. Ellie.

Don't tariff me, bro. Oopsie! Evelyn. The Wizard Mooses holds out their cat for you to pet. Grimelor. Existential pancakes. Genie Woboom. Errant Popsicle Stick.

M. Horowitz. Isle of Refuge. Jack Spider's Mom. Bubble Butt Bethany has banana breath. Lama Fresh. Jair the Benevolent Destroyer. Valtiel Heller. Revin the Redbeard Wizard.

Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch. Corora the 12th, Zom Khan, Bethany 2, Electric Bugaloo, Welcome to the Kwan pound. Pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen. If Mr. Mucacho Kaiser Schnitzel caught an owl after dark, would he be a midnight birder? The wolves in the deep freeze say, abo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, Simpson, Jason, Alice Lewis, simply Amy Sue. I pushed her because Joe said so. Even older Liz, McBearcat, Grak Pinfeather, Citican Druidic scientist.

Your Friendly Neighborhood, Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox. Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking for you. Rot and Ronnie sleeps in Grandma panties. Skowonky! Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zang and a Lester, Joaquin Jimenez. Big MF, Juice, the SIP. Muffins, Spacewives. Chad Hatter, the Cosmic Teammaker of the Triads.

Captain Jack Harkness wants Peter the Robot. Tell your cat, I said. Pss, Pips, Pee, Poo. Banana Manaz. a corgi called kibble, cuddly Crackin, Life's a Lode studio, and his wife Megonator. Axolite, Sarge the Barge, Somity, Rielfan, L.L. Coolment Jams, Travis Robertecus, The other original Caitlin, Kyndadi, Kinn-Dady, Celestiani, the jaded umbrae as peace once again returns to the land. Leah Izadi, Millie was taken, dead to me 86, B. Camp, Shanman, Man, Man, Marma Camillion. Kinran is chilling at a moon base. Zoe in her army of mice. Briar Long Lost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Budiologist, the glutes doctor.

The Hood's Pocket Actors Guild apologizes for our recent stage adaptation of Lost in Space. You're right, it was too soon. Thank you for pressing two. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Sirley Jess, RIPL Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toclove, Dr. Bichcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Aeroz God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Iokai, Borgia, spiders are cuddly. The main immortal thinks it should be Kendadios.

Cheel, Neal. Sin City Scuba Steve, Polywag, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewinkle, Wristwatch Rangler of West Worcestershire, finally spots Red Nell as the Carnage clears. Professor Thaddeus Snookams the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, Cheapcon, the real Cheapcon, coming to you from the frozen Midwest of wastelands, except no imitations. Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train, Dave Harold, Wisecube, dirty diaper fuss butt, and the piggy runt. Bro mine, pronounced bro, mine, Maine, Hamdinga.

Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Leif's 18-inch Peter. Sealface, Rigger Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes. Coilane, Trebex Reject, Prophet of the God of the God of. The Mucklewains, Igneus Burp, Darth Ox, Michelle K. Comes in Peace, Aaron Arnold. Boyo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-y-yo-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-triy. Mammaander and Papa Bear wish Beaure's a very happy second birthday. Alpacalypse. I'll take one butter in brie on rye, please. Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's 10-tenabrous tan-staffled tippers

treading treacherously tantam out to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. The lovely Laura Lovely. Kith Ganges, Sam Wise's Flamen Cousin, Daryell, Jeremy the ruler, Goethe, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, Ph.D, Jacob Mitchell, swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill,

How to Get Jack from John, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardow the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce the German short hair pointer from Nashville wants to tell his mom Maddie

that he says, Hawoove! Whisker, Any two hands for the double high-five? Marissa the Ghost, local snow plows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford beat Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Brayer Rabbit, Pants Darts Champion,

The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aiotis. Chance wants you to know, he cares. Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbes de Co., Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Kiry On the Asteroid Rangler, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K. Narcotics, Solomon Price, A. Daydream You Won't Escape. Angela Sanchez, A.va 485, AKA Shemelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somelier, Stella Corvice, Jesus Garcia, J.P. the IT guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer? Barkley on the holodeck, dapper dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space-Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs.

Marla, Madam, Lotus still especially loves Finley. Mr. Steamwave, my friend the Rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle and kind. Hoop Challenge! Dream Founder, I'm Yocholberry, Elizabeth T, T, Tie, the Wonderhamster, and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, Boombastical Kim, liquor, Coco Yumi is painting ponies, Hugamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L., Annie Atkins, Crandyman, the Pug Whisperer, Garrow. Our cat said to tell you, meow. Your boy of indeterminate origin, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, the Benny Jabber has frozen, please send help, please. Mr. Squizzle, Whizzle, the horrendous, apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now.

Abanaso, Trina Ward, Adelor, Trans, Space, Dibeson, Minasaur, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmies from your local dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a ho, Mimetic hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron Star-Star Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude de Claw, Chis Alphridge, the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs 1-02, Scotty Oates, Byrotron 95, happy 13th birthday Danny. Dance break! Spiku, the Bracken system and its whole world, Ren, simply Tony.

It will always be Fenley's workhole to me, if you know, you know. Gabriel Kestion. Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Thigroney say while listening to Midnight Burger. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Sir Party Animal. Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport, the motherfucking dragons. Jackal. Are he sure you Mike Rob the Nancy Sinatra? Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch, cat with a K, Mithagroney has a first name. Stompidstein L. Mustachio,

Lucifer Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, C.C. Carousel, Cors, the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's a Milt. Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, Kerdomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulce Studios presents Under the Truskin Sun. Get out of Mabuth, bug, Propagator, I hardly know her, sad angry crabman, Chuck McFinley, Effian Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hazel Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's love for grand theft, Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lillia, the four schnauzers of the

Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, spotted Rhino in her hand-me-down frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallo headphones, Hinkle, Pike Man Stover, Fonter, Foynacombeater, Foynecalfe, Surnacchus the Space Knight, Scrizels, Thwap, Kitty, Gitty, the Firekeeper, The End is Nigh, Jeremiah the cancelled, librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats. Speckled Unicorn. Jedi rides again with Nova the space pirate. Tevin Longblade's short sword. Forget normal. A damn! C.J. Johnson. A dragon sitting on its hoard of dice. Windle Whitaker. Chumbo Wombo. Fikachu. Smivey. Glowbed Roulette. Andrew Fuller. Ban Mihung.

The Soup Wendor F. Fettishini Alfredo. Calfoy and Sasquatch Hunts Bethany's. Pebbles. Vee. Effie Rawlings. Megan Hazen. Philip, Your dad is not your Dad, Nick Beaubrow, Midnight Plummer, His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot, Kitty the First, and accomplice, Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief, and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Hiser, India Inkblot, Sleve of Bahamette, Omie Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, the True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Lavinia, Avimatics Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeet My Boy, 46th, Toolshed 2, an El Marie catastrophe. The image collector, blended music, definitely not Kevin, sitting squirrel.

Patricia E. Melt missed everyone. A round of yarg's on the house. Red the gray, the silver crow, couch potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nossos, interdimensional biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Lil Kev, Kosamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barting, Little Debbie Cupcake. Taryn says, hey, Oreos are rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain offers peace for your soul. Wimical fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady, look, I've been thinking, maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit? I need more. Patricia the Time Lord.

Is it, though? Mango connoisseur. Pretty bug and the quirky jester. The Big Moose demands justice for Betty and Maloo. That old glory coal. G.L. Miao-Nay's Cat Butler. O'Shine Lou. Alex Barry.

Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical exile. Churro Cat, the sun god. Eliza travels the universe. Alex Spence. Dr. D. Birdcloth, Weather, and Mrs. Duboptaway Birdcloth weather, want to say, Hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts.

Angry Ron. Dominus Caesar. Dirkadub. Gloria's ex-girlfriend. Kelly Clickspring. The Wild Thistle. Most likely Cass. James Harlow is still sad about missing BurgerCon.

The sweet planetary aroma of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches. Jasmine James. Dr. Cabarant, also known as Omni. Thanks, Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake. Zephyr and the Witch's Den. Anatha. Zendria.

Jennifer Culkins. Midday Burger. Don Parks. Throat goat 666. Oh my God, my dad found out about my Patreon name. Princess Leia. Fish in a bag. September. Previously observed in the pattern. Prime Freak. Protector of the Scottish realm, Lil Lord Stevie Pie. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Droid pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Stuck in a pit of Skittles. Sea Squatch. Deflatermouse. Tony Piacarski. Adrian R. The Devil from Table 12. Javier. Crazy Thadley. Crimulus is just happy to be here. twisted twigster,

Faye Queen, Upschnart, the probability demolition expert, Showtime, C.R. Ipted, for my mother, CCTX, Girl 6823 waiting on the diner,

Nicole Studioso. The following sound effect is just called two men fighting with shovels. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque, Penguin? Truck Stop Sandwich,

Indigo, Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro M.G, NightScript. Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig.

Banana-na-na-na-na-na-na. Ootrid and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, Fueling the Inter-Glactic fight against Fascism. Not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Rubid Clamzo, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb. Dustin Watson, Betty White, 813, Randy Super Bowl.

Cream and Queen Lancaster. The One True Cheap Khan, Star Scribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Hoo-hoo, Mamma. Glorbner 7 now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dooser now identifies as Roman Durge, The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants LLC has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly-Willy Bubble Butt, Sierra Not from Arkansas. Zico! Ebenezer Bube, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Flu Flossed in Time, Nebulae, Nell, Regulators, Mound up, The First Ascendant, Cringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Demonic Narwal 8.

I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox. Tricia Schaefer says, Ew, David, that is not. Adhako. Sylvia, Jusitan, Papitos, Krakow, Hower, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something better to do. Burrittwards. Hot Shot Huntley, Momos Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin Leader of the Unicorn Revolution,

Trans-Dimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Calici Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7,000 possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Spacepony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Obo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot Uzi drifting through space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Linecook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the gabbiest painter and her bird of fire! Wandering Windjo, Painted Oni, Q. Dell, Farrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblich the Third, Kroplunk, Kroplunk, who's my Thribble. Jackie Wavlet, Yeoi Gagarin, Dee Grytsler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scorakio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofey Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Mack, Shark Man, Stee-Lo, Bumbling Lily Bee.

A quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. I think about switching back to tea sometimes, but then I'm like, you know, who's got the time? Bufar D's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolles, Dalyon Wye, Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, the Ornament, Jay to the Lynn, just a regular fox, Jeremy Impson, what the hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, just Rachel, waffles, waffles, waffles, waffles, danger girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biffed it, A-Zo! Anaphylaxis, scab with Comtacks, the shape-shifting sad girl, and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again.

Pippola Skin in the Pippi Pond. Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethany's, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christophirky, Sourcich, Descendant of the Spoiler Catfish Whisperer, Skexas, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nalman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's, Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankinator, Nortelbash, Jordan, Rwin-X-Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium rage.

Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeovesen, Monica and Mason Kay. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James as a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Laif, but sadly, no Bethanies. Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Arienne Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, the joyful Nylist, Dr. Dr. B., Zopres in the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my boot-stup friend.

Geneva Boss, brothers of the cosign, uncivil gnomes, the rat queen Evelyn. Great lunch conversation. Captain Scott, Letty Lou. He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Bobby Ray Winland Jr. Bebop B-Babadduwop. Warped echoes, Slabs, McTurps.

Lord Robert O Tardis wishes your 2026 to be bigger on the inside. Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow. So We Made It says, Happy Birthday Brooky Boo. Cody Buclure. McCadley. Eternal Companion. Maxime Lizote. Jinkalos, heiress, goddess of nobody. Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay. Just Your Average. Kyle Church. I am a laf on the wind. Static ego. Some fucking Swamp Wizard. Lolly. Evan M. Dobson, Dave B. Nabi, your friendly neighborhood pathologist. Going to be lit. I am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L. Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming, But Bethany, I made biscuits, Skibo and Fuzzle Macbumpernets,

Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Sennatist teleporting, BRB. The Shanes are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us, and it is concerning. Definitely not an android, seriously I'm not. The Wondering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, the Kiwi Duckling. Dana-Dena-Bobana Feefei Fofaena. Dad and Aubrey the dirt bike demons. Tequila mockingbird. Snuffle up a goose. Dammer in the space goblin. I so pale. I am Lord Zoltan. Hear me roar.

Pocket ghost Max. Mags the Conqueror. Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is beef. Kitty Kate. Get your colonoscopy. Victor Casados. Emily Schmemle. Work for Melvis. Boho. Go bye-bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no-go, bro. Cody Monster. Collided mind. Nixie, Baby Baiton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K. Sid the Sloth on a bike, Priya Gandhi. The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the Little Mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit, deaf allergic to Bethany Stu. Two Polar Cat is seeing a doctor to get estrogen in a couple of weeks and is very nervous excited about it. Carl, the teller of dad jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional

multifasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic hippie, unforcable, local marsh hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyroes Calling, Joe Swasian, the Wizard's supercalifragilistic expialidocious, and introducing Risi Pontiff as the 27th Doctor. Too many jams! Catshot, Pamela Rose El Tierra, then Stina says, thud tweed, enigmatic catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rhodian Cautian Caution, Love Us for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O-2 tank. Quote says Joe is the writer's room. Awkward Heretic. Devin 777. Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay. Lost Basan,

you know the moon prison outside the triad. Chem Cell. Silly goose, honk, hunk. Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Sabrewolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Shar Noble 610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, M. M. Wiskie and your friend Frosty. No Seguaro. Binbar. Beastly Death. Sven the Unlikely. Cognito-hazard expunged. Ted Wasanassan. Vyrestria. Theosis the Theolognish. Nicole, I love you, but I will name Kid 2, Brathar. Fernwood gal. Nellie G. Twinkletots. Gemini Sky. Phantoms moms. Callison. Hornswere. Leclusi. It's a fucking dog rapture. Abigail LeHoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterbourne Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Alexica Habanera, Code Stranger,

One Bet, He Bet, Ha ha ha ha ha. Matt N, Alfie Revenurum, Momonekiki, Frelp, M. Lin, Feed Me Fish, J-R-R on SFP, Lahari, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Die at night. Mars royalty. Take 20 damage. Macy's bandstand. Kim Bob. Battle Popin Bugaboo. Snorts. Maggorts. Fresh squeezed. Patrick Holt. Atlas B. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hit it. Had it. Had it. Had it. Bradley Ashby. Peter. Megan Okio. William Dyer. Vicki. Banner. Fancy Abert. Banner. Fantom Zone. Crystal Delightful. Gruntled. Kill shot Betty and her steel-eyed bow. Turtles all the way down. Jackie Lowy. The Little Pigeon. Quentin Elizabeth Jones. Lily the planetary brain, crazed bear. Dr. Ladis Trash Angel action figures recalled after flared bass causes moral panic. Witchcraft is crafty lizard doing today? Noble Barrel, Andy Croft, Bibbapity Boom, Megan the Mag Young, Corey Morrose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wrenn, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher,

that homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry up and wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna first of her name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberti, Tom Webster, Roshmi Vincatech,

Moclomp, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Doe Mage, the Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest Garin Elizondo. To my little, you'll always be a good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul, till we meet again.

Sir Shitsalot strikes again, damn animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonga, 2005, Cruze and B. Anthony. Trick says, Whirp. Tibble I, Tbilt the First, Xavier Romo, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortus, Freya Titmittance, Courtney the Frogologist says,

Ribot. Courtney and Stephanie say, hello! The Fon Tucky Wrangler, Scram Brulee, Yay, Aaron, the singing loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yose. I'm so Antigoney fun. I'm Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldoz Simeoni, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadowdady, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K. Mac, the something-something-something-detective agency, Hyabuda, Eli-Di-Elea, K-on with Karma, Amanda Knock, the wondrous methasophon, post-turtle evaluation squad, hashtag Nissan Accura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinkett Coralie, Deary Darling, Ambient Driftingman 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate

Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inshuldigan, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel. Names, there are so many. Good God! Chris from Tacoma, the real fairy godmother, Sir Alphonse's suitperson, Knight of Hood's Pocket,

polished pildrens pacing pine paths, protecting pocket from sneaky skullduggery. Mitzie Lou, Kelsey Home, still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the goddamn time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronobweeb, Magnos the Civil Gnome.

Welcome, everybody, I'm Heidelon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional Support Group. Starlight, David Pierrini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaff, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, C.C. Rider, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Olivari, often wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dr. Puncatcher Esquire will earn the pizza party this year. Creator 67, Bajolanth, Laf's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthonomily, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are perfectly good, Drew

and L.A. Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal. Fuck ice. Captain BLEP. Evie Power. Terry. P.J. says what? Amelia Lucero at all. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, blargo, blargo. The Jazz Man. Tonight at 11. Larrack the Barbarianess. Hicks Bezzy Mates. Zellis Pragma. Tuba Rick. It's just Blake. Alice Malice apologizes for forgetting to change their name for an entire year, but at least it was fun. Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist. Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe.

Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, No, not that, Ava, the one within... Grim, says, TransRights, Y'all. Zackinat, Underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Shakespeare, Michael Christian, Ransom, Mycelil, Grawlix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrallis, Ome Vega. Coming soon, dances with burritos, gawked and loaded. Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kiyonumy Misen, Onix Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hiker Bear, Velocate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Malarane, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Calleberg, Mel Momburg, Rogue, Lisae, Gaisler, Gryngar, Codder, Codar, Fred Parker. What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Vorosso,

Nea, DeRuso, Pici, Zatuichi, Inky, the Crack, and Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire Grab Thar, Gen Extraneous, Trinkett Coralie, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Being. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish.