Midnight Burger - Welcome to the Horizon 2.8: The Galaxy Brain

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

"Feeling nostalgic, Leif?"Cast:Leif, Dark Leif - Tom MoormanDeidre - Tina CaseEldin - Joe FisherBritti-Bug - Buster PantsGeegaa - Randi SpearsVerge - Cat BlackardBattlepope and Bugaboo - Mike ThomsGort - Finlay StevensonSteve - Jessica MuddWritten by Joe FisherProduced and Directed by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonTheme song by Ian FergusonEpisode art by Existentially Exhausted BeanAdditional Music:Dream Seasons - A Path UntoldPanic Attack - Tigerblood JewelRenegade - STRLGHTScatter - The Yard WomanSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/Explore the Midnight Burger Wiki: https://wiki.weopenatsix.com/wiki/Main_PageFor more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comFind and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on supporting cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side. We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook. I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rattled and Shook available now,

including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts. How are you feeling? I'm feeling better. You weren't kidding about you. about that warp gate. That was not a good feeling. You get used to it.

Holy shit. Where are we? We're fine. We're on something. It's an ice hauler. Why are we attached to it? You know those small fish that attach themselves to sharks? Yeah. That's what we're doing right now.

I've never seen anything so big. At any given moment, There are about a million of these things traveling through the triad, delivering ice. They scoop it up from accretion disks and make their way to whatever planet will pay for it. Fully automated and massive. If you're small enough, you can attach yourself to the side. Run on ghost power and you're pretty hard to see. Slow, but invisible.

And this thing is taking us where we need to go? Yeah. Shouldn't be long now. Feeling the nostalgic life? A little bit, sure. Why are you feeling nostalgic? This was one of my first crimes in the triad. It was me, Verge, and Des.

We'd attach to an ice hauler, reprogram the trajectory, and sell the contents to anyone looking for ice at a bargain. You would steal these things? We would. It's the size of the Chrysler building. There's a particular economics to the whole thing. We figured out there was a threshold of theft that the Teds would tolerate.

If they lost a few ships per cycle, it wouldn't be worth the resources to try and find out who did it. It was cheaper to take the loss. We made sure to keep it under the threshold. Hilariously, stealing a ship this big is the easiest crime in the triad if you know what you're doing. What was Birch like back then? The same, but different, angrier, less trusting. First time we met, they pointed a gun at me. Why?

Because they didn't know me. And that was what did it for you, huh? I guess back then I liked a challenge. As opposed to these days, things are so simple now. At a certain point, the challenges started looking for me instead of me looking for them. That's not as fun. Part of me really misses the ice-hauling days. What did it for you?

Me? I guess it was a million things. At first, it was just because they were new. Not a lot of new in Hood's Pocket. And they were tall. I liked that. And, well, then a lot of crazy bullshit went down, and there we were standing in front of each other.

again and everybody puts on a show, you know? There's this show they put on for everybody. But then when you're alone with them, there was something so tender and shy and awkward about them when you got past all that other stuff. That's what really nailed me. That and they took me to the moon. Hard not to take your pants off.

off for someone who does that for you. Oh, that's definitely a move that only works on Earth girls. Oh, I'm sure. Let's get ready. Okay. Deidra, in the container to your left, you'll see a small device about the size of a penny. Yes. Attach that just behind your ear.

It's a calm dot. That's how we'll communicate with each other. Okay. Also, put those bracelets on. Wait. These are like Virges Earth suit. We got them for you in Raxias. It's like an Earth suit in reverse.

You call it a sham suit. Okay. Go ahead and activate it. It can take some getting used to. Okay. Oh my God. Weird, right? I'm an alien.

Poof, you're an alien. You guys, I'm pink. It kind of suits you. This is so fucked up. That should keep you from attracting attention. Having pink skin will keep me from attracting attention? Believe it or not. Okay, if you say so.

Do you want to explain this last knife that you gave me? Yeah. So, that meteor shower that hit the mountain brought raw materials from all over the place. The knife is made from Fermica 3. It's a mineral, but you can forge it like steel. Why do I need it? Formica 3 has the ability to stop electrons dead in their tracks. You can jam it into anything electronic and not have to worry about getting shocked.

It's a bot slayer. But the real reason, Diedra, is. that even with the alien costume you do not exactly read as a space pirate. You could use some accoutrement. Well, at least I've got Halloween handled next year. Blending in won't be too hard.

The galaxy brain usually has a few thousand people on it in any given time. Jesus. It's that big. Oh yes. I have a visual on it now, port side. I don't see anything. Wait for the starlight to hit it just right. Oh,

what the fuck? Welcome to the galaxy brain It's a planet It's a gigantic hunk of black glass LofTrak's built a space station inside it Biggest in the triad And 100% full of shitheads Hey

Yeah This is going to work Okay Breaking into an evil space fortress Just the two of us You're sure of that Diedra If there's anyone in the multiverse, I excel at defeating.

It's myself. Good evening, criminals. This is Bridiebug and the quirky jester. Here once again to remind you, it is always crime o'clock here in the triad. We've got a lot of movers and shakers out there today. Let's hear it for a cat name M who brought not one, not two, but three or barges into port today. Where were they supposed to go? Who cares?

That's several metric tons of raw ore for us here at the galaxy brain. What will we make with this ore? Spoiler alert, it's weapons. Also, let's hear it for JP the IT guy, whose credit siphoning scheme at Nathaniel Lee Industries finally paid off to the tune of 16 billion unassigned credits. Let me repeat that. That is 16 billion in funny money, my criminals.

We all doubted JP, but it turns out that being, a huge nerd pays off. JP will of course be spending his cut of the action on Naruto memorabilia. No judgment, JP, you do you. Coming into the port right now is the SS they paints. The big they has been on a tear

recently, raiding the rim runners and has the plasma burns to show for it. Yes, they have been stealing from criminals, but remember, money is even more nice when it's stolen twice. Isn't that right, quirky jester? My criminals, it is going to be a larceny-tastic day here at the Galaxy Brain.

Remember to CC the umbrella mage with your intake loot. And for the next hour, the password is Fishing Persona. I had hung up in mess hall 22. How does someone get hung up in a mess hall? Oh, I, uh, I mean that literally. I was, uh, you know, the guys they, uh, sometimes like to, uh, tie me up and hang me from this. ceiling for... You're just going to let them do that to you.

Comes with the territory. The territory? When you're as tall as everybody's waist, they kind of have a tendency to throw you around, right? Giga. Don't let people treat you that way. Show a little more self-respect. Sorry, boss. I'll do that.

Where's Minsky? Nisu, he said. Something about a bunch of meetings? That guy in his fucking meetings. All right, walk with me. Okay. This gas attack Minsky orchestrated on Raxius was a bit of a wild card. But it may be an opportunity. Opportunity for what?

Raxius is a mess, but it was an organized mess. I need you to monitor the feeds and see how things play out. I'm hoping for a gang roar. Factions turn on each other, and it gives us the opportunity to finally move in and establish a foothold there. What if the Teds try and do the same thing? I can handle the Teds. Just keep me updated. Sure thing. And try to stay off the fucking ceiling, please.

You got it. Just keep me updated. Sure thing, boss. I need you to stop ripping off my guy's faces, if you don't mind. Sorry, I thought he was lunch. I thought you were giving me the silent treatment. The boredom got the better of me, I guess. Sorry about the bounty.

Sorry about the bounty. Are you fucking serious? I sent messages to every goddamn criminal in the triad before I did it. I think that's a response in and of itself. When you say... No. No love for subtlety, I guess. Nobody ignores me.

Well, you've got my fucking attention. Now what the fuck do you want? You were always terrified of loaf tracks. I'm nearly twice as powerful. powerful as loaf tracks ever was. It's hard to be scared of someone when you've seen their ass in the moonlight, pook-pook. Honestly, I was expecting a call. A message, something.

You were? I had just gotten rid of loaf tracks, which was no small feat, by the way. That wasn't good news for you? Good news. Yeah. How'd you do it? Huh. It took some time.

Loftrax wasn't a genius, but they had almost supernatural instincts. I knew if I racked up one too many wins that they would have me killed because I was too much of a threat. But I knew to have me killed, they would have to go outside the organization, and there are only so many people outside this organization. It wasn't going to be rim runners because they were were too stupid. The Aquara. Aquara don't go back on their agreements.

By the time Lovtrak's had hired the Aquara to kill me, I had already hired them. And once Lovtrak's was gone, everybody turned to me. And that was that. In the end, it was just about being 10% more paranoid than they were. Well, congratulations, I guess.

Is that what you wanted? I've always hated this organization, Leif. I still do. So, you'll have to forgive me if I didn't send you a stripper inside of a fucking cake. What the fuck is this about, Leif? I know he didn't take out the largest bounty in the history of the triad just to get me to say, Good job, kiddo. What do you want from me?

Stop ripping off the guard's faces or I feed you plants. God, that's fucking freezing. You okay? realize this place is big, but do they really need this much ice? Water isn't just for drinking. You can make a lot of stuff with it. Okay. Um, I guess I'm in a literal freezer. Yeah, that's a good place to start. Get to the exit, check if the coast is clear, then try and blend in. You're not going to be able to make a move until I do a few things.

Where are you? Only part of this place is man-made. There are a lot of nooks and crannies to hide in if you know what you're doing. Anytime I had a complicated project, there was a place up above the armory where I could get away from all the bullshit and I just found it. God damn, this fucking guy! What? His stuff is still here. Sleeping bag, rocket juicer, a stack of micros servers? He still sleeps there.

No, it's collecting dust. But he never broke it all down. Why? Were you ever in a relationship with someone and they still held it. onto their single life just a little bit. Don't get me started on the stuff that Verge still has at the horizon. Exactly. It rules about 99% of the underworld in three galaxies,

and he still can't let go of ghost drives and casinos and hacker flops in tight spaces. Sounds like he misses it. I would too. Looks like I'm at the exit. Deidre, I'm not up on the network yet, so I don't have your own. occasion for the time being, try to not attract attention and blend in with the others. Blend in with space pirates, huh?

You're able to blend in in a town full of the weirdest fucking people I've ever met, Diedra. You can do it. Okay. Here goes. Think these microservers are any good to us? They're a bit outdated, but if I network them, it will increase our computing power. We're going to need it. When evil me discovers I'm here, he's going to unleash a lot of invasive shit into the network.

You'll have more computing power on his end than we will. That's true. But it's pretty hard to hack yourself. There's a protocol in my folder called Mimetic Hygienist. We'll start with that. After he breaks through that, we'll have our real level of security underneath it. I'm assuming that's turtle. That's the one.

These names are ridiculous. If I numbered them, I'd just forget which is which. Spiky snapping turtle will make us all defense up here. But with only one avenue of attack. We don't need to destroy. William, we just need to give Verge the opportunity they need. That still won't be enough. We'll have the systems of this entire station against us.

That's not all I'll be doing. You don't look familiar. Where are you from? Rax Prime? Oh, wow, me too. That's crazy. I'm Giga. Hi, I'm...

Your... Misty. Misty Dawn. Misty Dawn. Mitchell? Misty Dawn Mitchell. Mitchell? Junior.

Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr. Oh, okay. Nice to meet you. You too. Let me know if you need any help finding anything. Sure. Are you hanging upside down from the ceiling on purpose? No, no, it's just one of those things.

One of those things. Yeah, the guys around here, they like to have themselves laugh. And sometimes that involves me. hanging upside down from the ceiling. Why is that a laugh? Uh, now that you ask, I don't actually know. Yeah, how about I get you down from there? I don't know about that.

Whenever I manage to free myself, that tends to make them do it even more. Okay, see, the problem is I can't just walk by and leave you there. Oh, sure you can. People do it all the time. Maybe that's part of the problem. What do you mean? Also, I'm going to cut you down.

Call me old-fashioned. I still like to put people behind bars. And that way, if the power fails, they're still in a cage. Not that you asked. I thought I'd mention it while you try and cook up some way to escape. There's no way to escape, by the way. You're stuck here. Now you're not speaking again.

You know, I've got all the time in the world. that means you have all the time in the world even if you could get out of that cage you're not getting off the galaxy brain no one's coming to rescue you who's gonna come rescue you one of the people from that weird fucking village

you were hiding in nobody's coming so I don't know what you're trying to accomplish I really can't believe it life what I'm used to being hunted. It's happened all my life. To the right person, I look just like a dollar sign. Wanted dead or alive. Dead or alive. Then this bounty of yours, it's not wanted dead or alive, is it? In fact, I have to be alive at all costs. In fact, if I'm not alive, the person who kills me, They get punished, don't they?

Your bounty was protecting me. So, I thought to myself, he must think I have something. There must be something that he's looking for. I must have some sort of secret password or the key to some sort of treasure trove. Something of value. Anything of value. But then, if I did have something that you wanted,

That's the first thing you would have asked me for as soon as I arrived in this cage. I've been waiting for it. It's not coming, is it? All this, after everything you've done, you just, you just miss me. I created a world where you don't have to run anymore. Motherfucker. I call all the shots now. Everything changes.

I can't fucking believe this. Virge. Fuck you! Do you have any idea what I had to do to make this empire? Do you have any idea? I don't care how powerful you are. You don't get to rewrite history, buddy. I'm not rewriting anything.

You were a young, arrogant little prick. You got one whiff of Loftrax's evil empire, and you couldn't resist, could you? Finally, you could fuck shit up the way you always wanted to? Finally, you can get back at the world. The only problem was, you had to leave me in the dust when you did. did it. So you went off and you fucked shit up and you broke things

and you cackled as banks were drained and ships collided and cities fucking burned Laith. You became the story that they told to scare children. You're the thing in the darkness that people hope they never meet.

You're the bad guy. You're the villain. Congrat you fucking latians. But now Now here you are You've climbed to the top of the shit pile And you've decided you don't like the view I like the view just fine

Then what are we doing here, Leif? Come on You tore the triad apart Looking for me All because you decided to get out your little box of crayons And make me a little picture Look baby I did it all for you

How many are dead? Laif, how many lives have you ruined? If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. But they, they wouldn't have been as good at it. You hate the triad just as much as I do. I hate the triad more than you do, cupcake! I have a reason to. Refugee to run away to renegade?

That is the only path I could walk. You? could have done anything. I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to be with you. And I believe that. I started to believe that. Started to believe that something else was possible in my life.

As soon as I was sitting on your ship, stolen goods in the back, you telling me about baseball Laif, you were the first person who ever saw me. Still see you. I know.

The problem is I see you, too. And I don't like what I see. I loved you. I did. I don't regret it. People can get lost, Leif. They can be led astray.

They can lead themselves astray. And sometimes, when they do, there's no going back. It's the shelliac all over again, Leif. The worst parts of you took over, and now all you can do is watch. Turns out I did have something you'd been looking for. You wanted it all to mean something. But I can't give that to you. You don't get to be this and have me.

I can make the world into anything I want. I could remake the triad if I wanted to. No, you can't. You can't do that, Leif. It already remade you. So, I'm supposed to just sit here and be the bad guy. Is that it? Don't get upset with me.

because you finally discovered consequences, Leif? Fine. I'll sit here and be the bad guy. You sit there and be the prisoner. All right, my luscious lawbreakers, we've got jobs on the board. Who wants to rob a Hartoonian wedding? There will be piles of treasure and lots of rich folks there, but also lots and lots of security. This job is reserved for level fives only.

Make sure your weapons card is validated and stamped before you even think of applying. Head down to the SS lack of lifestyle if you want to try to get on the team. Also, it is Jarek wrestling season in the Pleasure Quadrant, so put on your spurs and your big atts and head on down to the SS Arrow Jones Jubal. Us!

We don't have a captain for this one yet. It will be most likely cast, but it's not too early to sign up if you're feeling like a little shootout on the open rain. But! What? Have an update from Raxias. In here.

What is it? Um... Fucking speak! You're hoping for chaos in the city, but that's... It looks like that's not what's happening. What's happening? We had three assets in the city, two casinos and a credit stripper. Yeah?

They're on fire. They're on fire? Fire. Put it on screen. What the fuck? The chaos we were hoping for. isn't happening. It looks like they're actually more organized than they've ever been in Raxias. So this is how they want to play it, huh?

Boss? This fucking city has been a pain in my ass for long enough. What are you doing? Get an engineering team over to the Alex P. Keaton. Dusted off and get it staffed up. It's time to squash some bugs. Okay, the Alex P. Keaton is a massive ship. It's going to take time to get it ready. At what point did I ask you for your opinion? Sorry.

Do it. Sure thing, boss. Captain Sugar Bear, your Wamp Runner is double-docked. Please come redock your ship into an appropriate space. Remember, folks, if you park illegally, your ship will be towed and painted an unflattering color. Why were you hiding in the mountains? Trying to get back to my roots. You've never been interested in your roots.

I'm embracing change, Leif. You should try it sometime. This little village of yours? It's not on any maps. You know how those mountains are. Nobody knows what's up there. Perfect place for secret hideouts and quaint little villages. Stop being cute.

Don't ask a fish not to swim, Leif. Have you been organizing in Raxias? Is that what you've been up to? The whole city's turned against me. What's more likely that I turned an entire city against you? Or that you're just an insufferable fight? This whole thing is coming to an end. Do you hear me? That city is going to regret that you ever showed up.

Stop, drop, and roll, miscreants. Your new password is here. For the next hour, the passcode is, Sarah Nicole. We're going to be... As we like to say, money ain't got no owners, just spenders. Isn't that right, quirky jester. Wake up. What is a wince? Sweep the security assets. Full diagnostic. Full diagnostic. Integrity at 100%.

Have all the ships in dock been scanned? Scanning in progress. Any ice haulers? Total ice haulers. One. Prioritize the ice hauler. Prioritizing ice holler. Scanning complete.

And? Integrity at 99.937%. Oh, really? Display node map. Scrolling node map. Stop there. Zoom in on that node. Why is that node three degrees hotter than the others?

Unknown. Fluctuation is within acceptable range. Tampering unlikely. What's the current fluctuation of the other nodes? Current mean fluctuation at 1%. Probably nothing. Which node is this? Node 42069.

Oh, well, look who's a fucking comedian. Hardwire connect to that node. No tampering detected on current node. I know. It's another hacker trying to send me their fucking resume. Connected to the node. Connected. I don't have time for this today.

You want to disconnect from the network, please? You're a fucking disgrace. You know that? Oh, well, this is cute. You expect me to be impressed with a voice clone. Skin the signal for modulations. No modulations on signal. What?

I thought about altering my voice, but I don't have a lot of time. This is exhausting. You know how many of you code criminals have tried to get my attention with a little thing that they made? Congratulations, you made a voice clone that can't be stripped from the audio yet. Got any original ideas or just old ideas with a new paint-jol? Don't talk to me about new ideas, pal. I just had a look at your network. So you hitched a ride on an ice hauler,

and now you're jacked into our network off in some dark corner, right? I've seen it a million times. Just because an idea is new doesn't make it interesting, Mr. Torvaldsen. Locate the connection. Connection. The connection is unavailable. Trying to find my location? Good luck with that.

It would help if each hardwire port. had its own ID, but they don't, do they? I guess you'll have to check them one at a time. And there's only about 38,000 of them shouldn't take longer than a week. What's this about? I remember trying to tell Loftracks what a glaring security flaw it was. But you can't explain data port security to space pirates, can you? What the fuck!

Of course, you're in charge now. And yet, you still have to be able to. haven't fixed the problem. Getting pretty lazy, Laith. Crash to the network and scramble the access codes. Now. Crossing network. Deidre, how are you doing?

Blending in, I think. I found a bar on one of these decks, and I'm trying not to attract attention. I have her location. She's at Zabstingbats. Oof. Okay. What's wrong? Other me crashed his network trying to purge me. When the network comes back online, it'll be a good time to get moving.

Okay. Where am I going? Head over to the window. Okay. Have a look outside. Holy shit. The entire middle of the galaxy brain is hollowed out. It houses all the ships. I can't even see the other side of it.

Yeah, it's big. You can see the ice hauler we came in on. It looks so small now. You're on deck 23. Sadly, you're going to need to get to deck 512. And you need to avoid elevators, Deidre. Jesus Christ. Are you serious?

Sorry. Be ready to move. When he brings the network back online, that's when the real fun starts. Okay. Good thing. I live on a mountain, and I'm used to going uphill, I guess. I'll let you know when to move. Okay.

Here. Oh. Hey. Giga. Right. Misty? Yes, yes, that is my name. Thanks for the help earlier. No problem. Does that...

Does that really happen all the time? Yeah. The boss keeps telling me to show a little more self-respect and not let them pick on me. But having self-respect doesn't make me four feet taller, does it? I guess not. Hey, do you have access to the network right now? I can't get access to feeds.

No. Um, I think the network is down. They're working on it. Damn. Okay. Hey, did you hear what went down on Rex Prime? Rex Prime? No, I haven't heard.

The boss had three places there in Raxias, and they're all being burned to the ground. What? Why? The whole city is pissed off at us. You heard about the chemical pits, right? Oh, yeah. I heard. Everybody in this city is pissed off about it.

They're in full-on revolt. And there's some sort of weird thing going on with this little town in the mountains called Hood's Pocket? Huh. Look at this video I saved. Like crazy? So crazy. That guy looks human, right? Yeah.

Um, maybe it's an Earth suit. Maybe. I don't know. Something. weirds going on. I've just, I've never seen someone stand up to the boss like that. I didn't even know it was possible. Oh, hey, want to meet my only two friends on this stamp station? Sure. Guys! Shit. Remainting calm. Everything's going to be fine. Misty, this is Battle Pope and Bugaboo.

Evening, ma'am. Please to make your acquaintance. Hi. Misty just got here. I'm I'm helping her get the lay of the land. Awful nice of you. How do you find our little corner of the starways there, uh, Misty? It's real nice. So, Misty, believe it or not, Battle Pope and Bugaboo just got a hell of a promotion. Congratulations. We got a whole slice of the cosmos all our own.

We're only here talking to you whilst we wait for our brand new ship to get all gussied up for travel. Before too long, it'll be the lap of luxury. for us. Isn't that great? Always great when someone gets what they deserve. Giga, myself, and Bugaboo, we're about to sit down and watch ourselves a little gunsmoke before we embark upon our journey to opulence. But I can't get no signal. Oh, yeah, the network's down. That's a damn shame. I always like to celebrate with a little bit of gun smoke. Miss Misty, what line of work are you in? You're an orebreaker. I'm an orebreaker. Well, that there is a profession we can't begin. to understand. I know, you idiots.

Is that where you take rocks and turn them into a whole other type of rocks? Something like that? Something like that. Well, hey, since we're all stuck here, how about we have some drinks to celebrate your promotion, guys? You're speaking my language. I am port. Time to get moving, Deidre. Oh, hey, I would love to, but I just got here and I need to report to deck 512.

Boo. Sorry. Well, it was a pleasure to meet you. Sure. Yeah. Thanks again for getting me off the ceiling today. Yeah, anytime. Bye, guys. Don't you be no stranger now. What have you been telling people about me? I have zero interest in spending the rest of my life as your little sounding board, fuck-o. What have you been telling people?

You're on my mind, less than you think. I had a professor in college who always said just because an idea is new doesn't make it interesting. Did I tell you that? I have no idea. Think. Wow. Leif, um, you're a bit of a talker. Do you expect me to remember

everything you've said? This is going to go a lot faster if you work with me. Hey, see these? These are electrified bars that I'm surrounded by. Forgive me if I don't feel like working with you. Oh.

That you shithead number two, then seconds, aren't going to make it easy for me, are you? Seven seconds. Seven fucking seconds. Great, okay. Network back online. Full security sweep.

Conducting assessment. 100% integrity. That's more like it. Now we shut out. Deploy a security team, have them go door to door until we find this guy. No ships in or out until we do. Security detail deployed.

What the fuck was that? You know, for a while, I was scared of you. What the fuck? I guess it was more of a fear of myself I was capable of. I guess if anyone imagines themselves without a moral compass, it could be pretty terrifying. Who the fuck are you? This is a nice moment for me. usually on the receiving end of moments like this,

but now I get to do this to somebody. I didn't realize how fun it was. Crash to the network again. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Network reboot unadvisable. You can't reboot your network while it's under attack, ladies. Fuck. What is he using?

Two-layer structure identified. First layer has been penetrated. ID, nemetic hygienist. Second layer remains. ID, spiky, snapping turtle. That's my fucking turtle, you asshole! Laif, please. It's our turtle.

Who the fuck are you? This is your Dickensian moment, Leif. Very few people get one. I'm the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future all rolled up into one. Gort, shut down all the audio ports. Oh my god, dude. You named your AI Gort? You fucking nerve

Audio boards deactivated Okay Okay, I've got to think What the fuck Okay criminals You saw the order The dock is sealed until further notice Do we have a snake in the grass

A fly in the ointment Some other sort of thing Inside some other sort of thing All right God damn it you're going to tell me what the fuck is going on or I'm going to Verge? Oh shit.

Hey, criminals, since we're locked down, don't forget it is crafting Tuesday. Perfect time to put together a lovely scrapbook of all the heinous murders you've committed. Send out a general alarm. We've got an intruder in the station. Audio ports must be reenabled.

Fuck! Fine, do it. And we're back. Kind of hard to run a space station without being able to talk to people. Shut up! Security, General alarm. We've got an intruder on deck 512.

all assets to this level immediately. All assets? That sounds pretty serious, man. Everything okay? I don't know who the fuck you are, but when I find you, I'm going... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to make me regret it.

Sure, would you like to know the moment when I decided you were a cream puff? A what? It was the warp gate, man. A warp gate? A day away from the galaxy brain. I used to have to burn for a week. before I got here. It was remote. It was invisible. It was a true secret hideout.

How could he possibly tolerate a warp gate that close to home? And after thinking about it for a while, I could only think of one way that could possibly happen. You're working with the Ted's. I mean, what would a fascist empire be without a shadowy apparition to scare people with, right? You'd better give up all your rights so that we can better protect you from the evil figures in the darkness, citizens. Never mind that the evil figures are on the payroll. Nobody is on the payroll. I'm sure you tell yourself that.

But I bet you haven't had to hack a gate code in a really long time, have you? They give you free rein over the triad so long as you stay in a away from certain assets and ensure that there is always a free flow of commerce across the system. You can be problematic, just not a problem. Because surely, the Mighty Ted Empire is the only thing that can keep such a powerful criminal organization in check. So what is it? A point person? Monthly meetings?

A conference once a year where everyone plays golf? I don't know what you're talking about. I have to ask. What does Bert Bert, Bert, think of all this, man? You must be constantly ducking voice messages. Who? Right. That clears up a lot.

Uh, hey boss. What? One, uh, 512. Uh, we've been going door to door, and we're not seeing anything in the world. What should we be looking for? It's Verge. Verge is loose in the station. That could be bad.

Such an understatement, sweetie. Looks like the fun has started. We'll pick this up later. We got trouble, folks. Deck 512, you are the lucky winner of an intruder alert. Who dares violate our safe space? Why can't we be left alone? to do our crimes is peace.

Guys. Guys, I'm on deck 512. Oh, God, that sucked. Why did I have to take the stairs again? Shutting down the elevators. Off and on. It makes a little more chaos. Edra, Verge is now loose on the ship,

as I'm sure you can hear. Are they okay? Well, they wouldn't be firing at a dead person. Head down the walkway toward the gunfire, but don't get too close. Wait for the gunfire to subside and then move further in. Okay.

Misty? Oh, hey. You're just now getting here? I had to take the stairs. Elevators are against my religion. Oh, okay. Weird. Well, you're going to have to head back down.

They're evacuating this deck. We should go. I'm supposed to be up here. Well, I'm supposed to be up here too, but there's a gunfight happening on the other end of the deck, so we've got to go. You go ahead. I'm going to stay.

No, Misty, we've got to go. There's someone really dangerous on this deck, and they just got loose from their prison. Giga, go find a ship. Any ship, it doesn't matter. Get in, fly away, never come back. What are you talking about? Giga, you have to go.

Go now. You're a kind person. How did you end up here? I don't know. Go. How will I know when it's safe? Simply put, it will be safe when verges done killing everyone. Pardon me, ma'am.

Might we have a word? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Ain't no reason an orebreaker would have any business on this deck. And we were admiring those fine bracelets you're wearing upon your purse. We was just about to call ourselves crazy for thinking it, but uh, is that you? Our last of note. I'm beginning to detect a bit of calculated incompetence on the part of Battle Pope and Bugaboo. Deidre, don't panic.

I need you to get them to move about six more feet towards you. This is the third time you assholes have pointed guns at me. Please don't take offense, ma'am. Comes with the territory. Comes with the uniform. We truly prefer another means of getting where we need to go. Anytime you'd like to go dancing instead, we'd be much obliged. Now, of course, we'll need to.

You need you to come along with us to meet our employer. Time for us to impress him yet again. There are, if you'll allow me to say, other ways to skin this particular buck. If you're amenable, that is. Aminable to what? Well, not to be too untoward. We got a whole kingdom waiting for us on the other side of this here galaxy. Sure would be nice to have a last such as yourself there with us to spruce up our environment.

Well, that's quite an offer, boys. That'll do it. See that guardrail? Hold on to it harder than you've ever held on to anything in your life. But I'm afraid I'm spoken for. Adios, machos. Emergency airlock blow. Tornation. If that doesn't kill those guys, I fucking quit. Diedra, are you all right?

I really don't know what I am, Eldon. Regardless, you need to keep moving. Things are about to get very messy. Oh, good. Rerout Node 5 to Node 56. Unresponsive. Good. Use Node 56, connect to essential systems, and then connect essential systems to the system archive. Connection complete. Okay. We're going to reboot the entire network from an archived version and reinstall security protocols as fast as possible.

That should give us control of the station. Network archive, not found. What? Network archives, not sound. What the fuck did he do with our archives? Hey, uh, do my ears deceive me? Or was that the sound of you welding yourself inside your command center? Give me back my fucking station!

Hard pass. You'll never get off this station. You realize that, right? You may have control of the network, but there are thousands of us here. And nobody gets out of here until we fucking find you. I saw that you sealed the dock gate. That is pretty problematic for a guy trying to make a hasty exit. That's right.

So you can laugh it up all you want, asshole. Eventually, I'm going to find you and turn you into a hood ornament on the Alex P. Keaton. Or at least it would be problematic if the guy trying to make a hasty exit didn't have access to, say, an emir-class ice-hauler that you just brought into dock a few hours ago? Unauthorized drive ignition. You're out of your mind. Am I? You're going to rip the station apart.

I doubt that. This station is huge. It's going to fuck up a lot of your ships, though, that's for sure. Unauthorized ship maneuvers in main dock. Collision imminent. Shut the drive. down remotely. Access, denied.

What the fuck did you do to my network? It was the reboot, Leif. You crashed the network and rebooted to get rid of me. Did you happen to look where you rebooted from? You've been running off my system since the reboot. This is my station now. It's a real rookie mistake, Leif. happened to you, man?

Collision imminent. Sounds like you need a refresher course. Allow me to take you back to school. Grace for Endow. Fuck! Oh my God. Virch? Virch.

It's me. It's me. Virge. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, Jesus, you've been shot. Laif? Laif is in.

in bad shape. We're ready to go. Get them on their feet. I'll tell you what to do next. Hey, hey, Hey, Birch, we have to get up. Okay? I'm sorry. Baby, baby, it's okay. Why do they keep turning me into this?

I don't want to be this. Why do they keep making me do this? Hey, hey, it's okay. They keep turning me into this. They can't turn you into anything. They're not in charge. anymore. Can I talk to who's in charge, please? It's me. I'm in charge. Mine. Get up. Leif, what next? Okay, me preface this by saying that I once did 35 seconds in the void of space,

and I'm doing just fine. Leif, why are you telling me that? We're right outside your window in the Phoenix. Do you see us? Yeah, I see you. We're going to Blow the airlock in that room, and then you guys are going to need to jump to the wing, then get in the back cockpit. In space? Yeah. Space. We can't go back through the station, Deidra. We have to do it this way. It should only be about 10 seconds in Pure Void. That's a piece of cake. A piece of cake?

On the plus side, Pure Void is surprisingly therapeutic for plasma gum burns. Fuck you, Eldon. Sorry? Find a place to grab onto the bulkhead and let me know when you're ready. My God. Okay. Over here. Okay, okay. Stand there. I'll try and keep you warm.

Hold on to me. Don't let go. Never. God, oh God, God, oh God. Okay, blow it, Leith. Here comes the Tasty Freeze. I still remember that moment. Dad thought he could keep us busy by giving us one of those RC cars that you had to assemble yourself.

He even insisted we not use an automatic screwdriver because some of the parts were plastic and we would strip it. But probably he said that because he just wanted us to be busy for longer. Didn't work. Remember how it was like it spoke to us? Even after we were done with the assembly, it was like it asked us to change things, add things. Then, suddenly we had a fully autonomous RC car that would follow us wherever we went.

Dad hated it, took out the batteries, took it apart, hit it. We could have left it there, but we chose the other way. And then all throughout life it was choosing this instead of that, this instead of that, over and over again. You chose this instead of that one too many times, my friend. friend. Fuck, are you? We can get to that part later.

As a primer, you might want to brush up on the mini-worlds theory. And for now, let's say this. You spent a long time on your own. Without anybody challenging you. You remember those days, right? Loaf tracks would rack up victory after victory, and they'd start to get anxious, angry, until finally, one day they'd kick open the door, charge you in the room, and they would say,

Somebody bless me with an enemy. Blessings be upon you, young man. I'll see you on Rax Prime. We're not heading home. We are. I just need to make a stop first. He's going to come for us pretty hard. We'll be ready.

You guys okay back there? She's asleep. We'll be able to get out and stretch our legs soon. I honestly, I don't ever want to move from the spot. Stars above her breathing on my neck. Thanks for coming to get me life. It was enlightening. He wasn't what you expected, was he?

No. He was sad. Went that way instead of the other way one too many times, and now he's trapped. I wasted so much of my life. I know, baby. I did, too. You didn't have much choice.

No, but the triad wanted a villain, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy giving it to them. Just a little bit. I convinced myself it was all I deserved. I'm glad you were convinced of. Otherwise. It was you. You convinced me otherwise. A little message in my inbox telling me to go to Hood's pocket because I deserved it.

I love you, Leif. I love you too, Verge. You should get some sleep, too. It's going to be a long week. Good idea. Eldon, take the wheel for a while. I have the wheel. courses set for the rectangle nebula.

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the Slim Reaper, Rubin Eden, Smedley Peasnodgrass the third, but please pause two to three seconds and then say, call me Smedy. The Shreveport Bohannans, C.C. The Umbrellae's Sosch, Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's army. Dinn, Cosmic Catchup, Lack of Lifestyle.

Joe definitely didn't forget about you, August. Moosey. Hood's Pocket, gear and sprocket local repair cafe. The Crafty Introvert. Postmaster General Kwan sent me. Blake Basmajian, nitwit 14, roiled way too harshly. DJ Johnny B. The Klopman Diamond. Marco Montano. No longer doing a bit. Shiny Fields. Adam Tatchack. Christopher Wendell.

unproductive banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Bex 823, Auntie Crypted, Barry Heap, Gas Masked Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja Mime, Master Uguet, Dili is Dallying. It's a manic episode and you're getting three seasons. Futeile screaming at the Ocean. Fox Hatlin, Dylan Coroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. to be calm in heart, Stumbly, I'll be waiting. Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding Rebel Bethany's to overthrow the duly elected Bethany's.

Haxodicimal Bethany is non-binary. Vapis Tens Big Black Gaping Hole. The planet Gubrius is still partying. We can't stop. Oh, God, what have we become? Bruce. Jessica Gagoma. Torricle.

Jenny the Bear. Agar. Sir Dean Thorn. Treech? Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Hote potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert Bert's caboose until its end lists all the way down.

Blind time traveler convention date. L.A. Woman, the Phoenix Rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure. Jeff Andrew. Cup of noodles. Shmizzy two shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Justin Smolin. Riku 31. Craig Dundee. New type without a Gundam. Astral C. Ickle me, pickle me, tickle me two. Which loud the cartoonist. Guy with the chock. Guy with a child. Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagelknife, Emelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kaye. Devin 7777 has been my favorite verbal stem for months. Nate, forklift lifts forks forkliff, Chip, Radio Free Reelia, Violin Loves Middy, Brian Passley, Suwbasa, the Blue Chernoble Dog Enjoyer. Grenna, Pistonwhip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Shiny Let's Be Bad Guys, Satzuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icey Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Sucx,

Central, go cranes. Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Cuisant, Cassad, Norwin Murgler. You have all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your grade. Joe Kappa, Dogma Mom, We be chopping broccoli, icy fish, the hacker known as Ivy DeBurb, Blue Tune, a feisty-ass chickadee, poultry landmine, the scrappy poet, Jenny the cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in their Tea, waiting to gossip with David, Ainslie, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Ye, Eny, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi, Lovely Beed, Zoe, Professor Freda. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany-Wethany-Wuffy McFluvenberger, M.D., Phyllian, Sqwyer, and that's not pretentious at all. Aham, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation

that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, quote, still trapped, but I've stopped asking why, the freezer is, I am, we chill, son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A. Grove, give peas a chance, Samma-Dingdon, Behold Lady Sarah Purr, Whisker Vale, Countess of Wood Hollow, mistress of the whispering pines, and beloved by all creatures small and opinionated. Ricardo Galamba, Carrie's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, hashtag we weave'em of Gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Cherry Appleby, Medium Rare Extra toasted bun, saucy Caesar, belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, Mick J-67, Ava's favorite My Little Puck.

pony pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym. Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger tummy time chapter. Nathania Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Bach, Mothumbacher, the Faye Wanderer, everybody's favorite clowns Splotchy, Kosher Steak, Flo Rida, Alyssa's shiny pants, Gondor calls for aid, Muscles for Tits, Arnold Rumspringer, the demise of the Temple of Bethanies. Alan Bergland says, Hi Mom, Rinn the No, Kitty McSull. Ravenstromden's, Hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe the wild-eyed prophet. Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi Denaro, Big Chunk, Gidees, Boom's Wooden Legg, Will the Real Dibb please stand up?

Jilly Bean, Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leah. Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird, Bethany in a green field, I am the lizard frantically firing flichette gun. A. E. I.O. U. Y. and W. Bumblefay. Mr. Epsilon. The Mothman. Longhaired Matt. D.J. Robert W. W. Breesabre. Kresimira. Jeselorin. The Bean Wizard. Myth and Stitche. Loolewings. Luloo-Loo-Loo-Eys, Doolio, the Brew family. Bert Ruba, your most benevolent lord and master of the multiverse. Jeffrey George. Ellie. Don't tariff me, bro. Oopsie! Evelyn. The Wizard Mooses holds out their cat for you to pet. Grimelor. Genie Wobo. Erant Popsicle Stick, M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's mom,

Bubblebutt Bethany has banana breath, llama fresh, Jair the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revin the Red Beard Wizard, Burt, Bert Bert, and the Funky Bunch, high viscosity, gender fluid slime. Bethany 2, Electric Bugaloo, Welcome to the Kwan Pound. Pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen. Mr. Mucacho, Kaisers Schnitzel

has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's Cats for the Trouble Puffs Fight Club. The Wolves in the Deep Freeze, say, aboo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, insane clone posse, Alice Lewis, simply Amy Sue, I pushed her because Joe said so, even older Liz, McBearcat, Grak Pinfeather, Cidicand druidic scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood, Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Recy, the Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking for You. Rotten Ronnie sleeps in Grandma panties, artist Dragonborn, Big Big Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez. Big MF Juice, the SIP, Muffins, Spacewives are officially Verge and Diedra. Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads. Tell your cat, I said. Upspspspspspsps, Psypxpx. Banana Manaz, a corgi cold kibble, Cibblecun, Sarge the Bard, Seminity, L.L. Coolment Jams, Travis Roberta, the other original Caitlin, Ken Daddy, in Zanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. Leia Izadi, Milly was taken,

Dead to Me 86. B. Camp. Shanman, Man Man, Karma Camillion. Kinran says hello. Zoe and her army of mice. Briar Long Lost. Daniel. Sammy the baby seal. Trixie Belle Dubois. Dr. Budiologist, the glutes doctor. Thank you for pressing too. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Sirly Jess. R. IP Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toclove. Dr. Bitchcraft. Sassy Cat the Space Vixen. Claire Rock, Jekka, arrows to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, E. Yoki, Borgia, spiders are cuddly. The main immortal pinball sounds in the diner. Cheel Neal. Sin City, Scuba Steve, Pollywog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle.

Wilbur Winklewight, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, riding through the desert on a horse name Poteu! Professor Thaddeus Snookums the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch us. breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond. Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train. Dave Harold, Wisecube. Bromine. Pronounced bro. Mine. Mane. Mane. Mother of Pearl. Fiona now owns Laf's 18-inch Peter. Sealface, rigor mortis. Megan's things things Megan makes. Coilane. Trevex Reject. Prophet of the god of the mucklewains. Darth Ox. Michelle Kay. Aaron Arnold. Boy yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo as in boing. Mama Mandir. Mama

Amanda B. Ross and Slunkmaster J. Alpacalypse. Spokane. Doesn't suck. Elliot Paints. Undead Akira. The Lord Reverend. Ryan. Thomas's 10 Tenebrist Tannstaffel tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. The lovely Laura Lovely. Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamen Cousin' Cousin'A. Darile. Dariel. Jeremy the ruler. Gochi. Charles Robert Darwin and the third Esquire PhD. Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box,

Stevie Crowhill. Hola, Milikin of the Welcome Wagon, says, Ecobel, the Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville,

wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, Woof, Whiskered, any two hands for the double high five, Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Braer Rabbit,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Vagabond, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aiotis, Chance wants you to know, he cares, Wolfstark, Elliot, Hobbs Deco, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, but evil. Bubba 485, AKA Shemelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Summelier, Stella Corvis, Jesus Garcia, J.P. I.T.I.T. Guy, Candyman Fight. John Peters, you know, the farmer. Markley on the holodeck, dapper dad, S.CP-049, O. Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK. Turtle King, Mike M. Space-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs. Marla, Madame Lotus,

still especially loves Finley. Mr. Steamwave. My friend the Rhino says, be nice. Hoop Challenge. Dream Founder. I'm your Huckleberry. Elizabeth T. Tai Tie the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Grandpa Gus, boombastical Kim Licker, Hugamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter called the Crandy Man. Garrow. My cats say to tell you, meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts. Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz. Mr. Frog. President. Pop Rock Quicksand. Mr. Squizzle, Whizzle, Whizzle, The Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abanaso, Mr. Rage. Adelor, Trans Space Dinosaur. Spooky Spaters,

William Kent, Andy, the McJimmy's from your local dimension. Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, drink spiller, Stephanie Buk, Entropy eigenbases, Andrea Crowther, Martin Dears, Kevin Daughtry, De Flower, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots, Dan Gentry, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. V. Greenly, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Bootskooten Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littler, T.U. Luther. Some days you're the Beetle, some days you're the dung. Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Mischel, Michelle Myers.

Ali Upsi, Upsi, Not to be confused with Upsi, Fridge Bickel, Rosemary Pram, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Schingler, Daniel Sincler, Daniel Succy, Stavi, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kelatia Arena, Rachel Vasquez, Luke of Achito, Nia Venturi, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Cristobel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a ho, Mimetic Hygienist, Aaron Star Joshua Damien, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude de Clause, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfridge, the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan K, Pearl Null,

Another Monster. Petabyte Avatar. Tugwin the Mighty. Project Octopus. Ken. Chibs 1012. Scottie Oats. Birochran 95. Happy 13th birthday, Danny. Dance break. Spiku, the Bracken system in its home world Wren, Simply Tony. It will always be Finley's workhole to me if you know, you know. Gabrielle Castion. Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Thigroney say while listing to Midnight Burger. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Retorted. Sir party animal. Uloid Jackal. Ari sure you Mike Rob the Nancy Sinatra? Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch. Cat with a K. Miss Shan Frizzle. My thagroney has a first name. Stompenstein L. Mustachio. Luchase O'Ecichwawa Brava. Adeline Peets. C.C. Carousel. Korth The Destroyer. Honest Puck. Casper's Mom's Milt. Scout and Fox Glove says the floor.

as lava. Unexpectedly blue red knell. Kerdomsky. Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulce Studios presents under the Truskin Sun. Get out of my booth. Bug. Propagator, I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon in a Coulter of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Tater Tad Assassin, Four schnauzers of the Apocalypse. Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino and Her Hand Me Down Frogs. Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Foyn Mastover, Pikeman Stover's wife, Alexander the boss, Scrizzles, fwap, kitty, kitty, kitty,

the firekeeper, the end is nigh, Jeremiah the canceled, librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Ellen West and the boys from the dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats, speckled unicorn, Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Long Blade Short Sword, Forget Normal. A Damn! C.J. Johnson, a dragon sitting on its hoard of dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wombo, Ficich, Feechoolewaffe, Ban Me Hung, The Soupwich, Fettyshese, Fettyshanyi-Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunts Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Eiffie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip,

your dad is not your dad. Nick Beaure, Midnight Plummer. His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton, Underfoot Kitty the First and accomplice, Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Hiser, India Inkblot, Sleve of Bahamut, Omie Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, Calarton the Tired Night, The True Megamike, Fred and George, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeat My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of slug bots, be a hugbot, red the gray, the silver crow, couch potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nasos,

Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Cozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barding got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake. Teran says, hey, Oreos are Rabbit. Sandlewood Mountain offers peace for your soul. Wimical fuckery. Megan with an H. Patricia the Time Lord. Kashak, the Lizard Wizard,

cast check engine light. Mango connoisseur. Bridie Bug, the quirky jester. The Big Moose and his wife, the Little Moose. That old glory coal. G.L. Miao-Nay's Cat Butler. O'Sheen Lou. Alex Berry.

Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical Exile. Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack. Chiro the Space God. Eliza Travels the Universe. Lindsay Bowen, the goddamn podcast lawyer. Alex Spruce. Dr. D. Birdcloth, Weather, and Mrs. Dubbo-Wa-Way Birdclothweather

want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts. Angry Ron. Dominus Caesar. Dirkadub. Gloria's ex-girlfriend. Kelly Clickspring. The Wild Thistle.

Most likely Cass. Jasmine James. Dr. Cabarand, also known as Omni. Thanks, Waffle Chateau. Colorado beekeeper. Fruitcake. Zephyers. wife has the hots for Zebulon.

Zendria. Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Don Parks, throat goat 666, oh my God, my dad found out about my Patreon name. Princess Leia, fish in a bag. September, previously observed in the pattern. Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie.

Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubin-esque parrot. Stuck in a pit of Skittles. Sea Squatch. Deflater Mouse. Tony Piacarski. Adrian R. The Devil from Table 12. Javier. Crazy Thadley. Cremulus is just happy to be here.

The Twisted Twigster. Real Housewives of Seagius. Thay Queen. Upshnart, the Probability Demolition Expert. Showtime. For My Mother. CCTX Girl 6823 waiting on the diner. Nicole Studioso. Sign my shovel has been blown out the airlock. Kay the Flying Penguin honks at the horde of Bethany's encroaching on their nest. Honestly, this is getting absurd.

Truck Stop Sandwich. A Go Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wondering Biscuit, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro-M-G, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig, Utrud and Roses Viking Void Vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Turwin, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shagnasty, The One True Cheap con, Star Scribe, Lucian Thunderstruck.

Ho-hoom, Mamma. Glorbner 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dooser now identifies as Roman Durge, The Other Adel, Chef Galvow, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Silly Willie Bubblebutt, Sierra not from Arkansas, Ebbezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arny Arbuckle Esquired, potion maestro, nebulae, Nell, regulators, mount up. Wandering Scholar, Cringle over coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwal, 8.

I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Pappitos, Slapower. Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something else to do. Burr it words. Hot shot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution,

Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, the fourth era. Printing with cats, Calisi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dina, 7,000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot Uzi drifted through space. Ronnie Porter, Gloria's line cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter, Kudel, Firel, Painted Oni, Kudel, Ferell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblich the Third, Kerklunk, Kerk, who's my Thribble. Jackie Waeli Gagarin, A Grimlin with the Munchies, Michelle Skorakio, Genuine Jacob, Space

Ruster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofie Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap. Matt Matt Shark Man, Stilo, Bumbling Lilybebe, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. You know, they used to compress tea into bricks and use it as currency. And I'm like, let's do that again. Panda! Kennedy Allison Farner, the perpetually tired transgender time traveler. Tristan Stolls, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, the Ornamental Tormant, Jay to the Lynn, Just Irregular Fox, Jeremy Imson,

What the hell? Synaplex. And all the black people in North Carolina. Just Rachel. Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles. Danger girl. Atlas Bear. Patty the Ginger. Ava cigarette ash. Hugh Biftit. Aze. Aesulexus. Scav with Comtacks. The shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again. Pipples skin in the Pippie Pond. Sarah Nicole. The Kells fights with the Bethany's. Angry Leafs Lasersaw. Magnus Aerochill. Amy Perry. Christoffer Kai. Source decay. Descendant of the Swether Catfish Whisperer. Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nicole. Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatsy, The Anx Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix

Reno, Frankenator, Nortle Bash, Jordan, R1X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeoveson, K. In the Mysterious A, and the Mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Laif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Thady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Ariane Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, Dr. Dr. B. Zoprez and the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots. Superbeth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup farm friend.

Geneva Boss, Arkansason, Not Arkansasoyer, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Nomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn. Great Lunch Conversation. Captain Scott, Lettie Lou. He was a shifty one that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Bobby Ray Winland Jr. Bebop, Bdabadduwap, warped echoes, Slabs McTurps, Big Brother House, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So He Made It, Cody McClure, McCadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazont, Jingalos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Laif on the Wind, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B. Nabi, your friendly neighborhood pathologist, going to be lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming, but Bethany, I Made Biscuits,

Skibo and Fuzzle MacBumpurnitz, Neelich's Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senatist teleporting, VRB. The Shanes are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us, and it is concerning. Definitely not an android, seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shai Sparrowes, BLTN, the Kiwi-Duckling, Dana-Dena, Fee-Fina, Fifei Fofana, Monsters Olmanac's Biggest Fan, Aubrey and her dad, Tequila Mockingbird, Sweather Goose, Damar and the Space Goblin, I so pale, exquisite whimsy, I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Max. Mags the Conqueror imposes economic sanctions on the N to B Bethany's for the whole Lasersaw car incident.

Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is beef. Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemle, work for Elvis. Bo-ho go-bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no-go, bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K., Sid the Sloth on a bike. Priya Gandhi.

The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the Little Mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie. Green Mountain Hermit Bethany. Carl, the teller of dad jokes. Skylab's multidimensional, multifasic intergalactic quantum cyberverse. Verde Sol. Galen Miller.

Tess. Geriatric youngan. Mystic Hippie. Unforcible. Local Marshag. Daniel Nitz. Mavis Bacon's. Pyrows calling.

Joe Swayian. The wizard supercalifragilistic expialadocious. Too many Jans, says. Things are bad. But we're going to win. Pamela Roselle Tierra. Then Stina says. Thud Tweed.

Enigmatic Catbird. Countess of Carbon, luminous elk, rodey in caution, love is for the nirds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew, it's just Tyson now. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the writer's room, Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship, brown coats okay, awkward heretic, Devon 7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Basin, you know, the moon prison outside the triad, Kim Sel, silly goose, honk, hongk, ad matha, astro unit, Ghost Sabrewolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, precious, it's just Steve, RuPaul Atrades, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidra, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, stand clear of the closing doors, please, beastly death, Sven the unlikely, cognito-hazard expunged, Ted Wassonassin, Vyrestria, Theosus the Theologianish, Why is my daughter so feral? Sand, Elp, Fernwood gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantoms Mom's, Callison, Hornswagland Daniel Arthur, It's a fucking dog rapture.

Abigail Yoderle, He-hoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Duna, Code Stranger, One Bette-Bet, Ha-ha-ha-ha-H. Matt N, Alfie Rivenurum, Momone Kiki, Fee-E-Lp, Fee-M-Fish, J-R-R-R on S-F-F, P. J. Spark. Lucid Harbor. Little Mirror Leopard Paws. Diet night. Mars royalty. Take 20 damage. Maisie's Bandstand. Kim Bob. Battle Pope and Bugaboo. Snorts. Morghats. Fresh squeezed. Patrick Holt. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hit it. Had it. Had it. Had it. Had it. Bradley Ashby. Peter. William Dyer. Vicky Abear. Brad Maneer. Jane. Hannah Dale. Crystal Delightful. Gruntled. Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow. Jackie Lowy. The Little Pigeon. Quentin

Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, crazed bear, crafty lizard be quilton, noble barrel. Yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Megan the Meg Young, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jeremy, Jeremy, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna first of her name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberti, Tom Webster, Rashme Vincatech, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Do Mage, Hayward's finest, Garin Elizondo. To my little, you'll always be my good girl, you took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul, till we meet again. Sir Schittzalot strikes again, damn, Ashden James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka-2005, Cruzen B Anthony, Trick says weirmp! Tibbled the first, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortus, Freya Titmitten's, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie say hello, the Fon Tucky Wrangler, Scrimbrulee, Yay, Aaron, the singing loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yose, I'm So Antigoney Fon. I'm Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany,

Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldoos Simioni, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Definestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadowdady, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Kay Mack, the Something-something detective agency, Hyabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny Dianomily, Charmé, K'on with Karma, The Wondrous Methasophon, hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King loves Kathy, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Philomena, Rebecca Trossel, Igpe Attenle, Chris from Tacom.

The Real Fairy Godmother. Sir Alphonse Suitperson, Knight of Hood's Pocket, Polished Poldrons, pacing pine paths, protecting pocket from sneaky skull-duggery. Mitzie Lou, Kelsey Home. Still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Damien the goddamn time lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Astranaweeb, Magno's the Civil Gnome. Welcome, everybody. I'm Hydealon, and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight. David Peerini, Technoranger Rick, Joe's Wieslath, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Budd's Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, a bug named Nat, Cici, Roodra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert

Olaveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Killer Odd. Dr. Punkusher Esquire officially opens Closet Baby Cat Speedway for the season. Creator 67, Mervate of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthomily, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain BLEP, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ says, What? Amelia Lucero at all. Fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon. Blargo, Blargo, the Jazz Man, Tonight at 11. Lorak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezzie Mates, zealous pragma, tuba Rick, it's just a Blake. Alice Malice reminds you to take your medication, please,

your health is important. Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashera, Lucrezia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, the Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that, Ava, the one within... Grim, says, Trans rights, y'all. Pachinat, Underwater Corvid, Spisorinkum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Maroon Mycelil, Grolix and Terobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrallus, Omve,

Coming soon, Dances with Burritos, Gwocked and Loaded. Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kianu Meissen, Onix Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hiker Bear, Velocate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeard, Moward, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Mezzan, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler. Uh, attention, Dread Pirate Fred. Fredberger. We have run out of languages. Please contact her office. What the Chuck, Sonor Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voresh, Nehra duress, Pichy Zetawee, Inge the Gragut, and Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful Squire, Grab Thar. Gen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinkett Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish.