Midnight Burger - Welcome to the Horizon Part 10: Phoenix

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

“Attention, people of Earth…”Cast:Frank - Benjamin BurdickJune - Melody BridgesCeleste - Cooper ShawDeidre - Tina CaseTrinkett - Camille SmickerDoug - Keith CableSteve - Jessica MuddVerge - Cat BlackardEldin - Joe FisherWritten and Directed by Joe FisherProduced by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonTheme Music by Ian FergusonPagan morning prayer by Joshua Ramey-RenkFor more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comSupport the show by Subscribing!Subscribe on Patreon (The one with the bells and whistles): https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe with Supporting Cast (The simple one): https://midnightburger.supportingcast.fm/Subscribe on Apple Podcasts (The Apple one): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218Read and search our scripts on Podscripts: https://podscripts.app/How about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comSign up for our newsletter: https://weopenatsix.beehiiv.com/All scripts available at: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1IXV0JIBFw_IgDJhVeaeqL4UPQngvXHoQ?usp=sharingFor more information on our sponsors go to https://fableandfolly.com/partners/Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Do you like a good ghost story? Maybe you wonder what it would be like to communicate with the other side. We'll put your Ouija boards away and just listen to Rattled and Shook. I'm your host Meredith, and we've got a new season of Rattled and Shook available now, including themed episodes, guests, games, and immersive, creepy stories sent in by real people about haunted hotels, satanic panic, and ghosts galore. A new season of Rattled and Shook is available now wherever you get your podcasts. Look, I'm sure that Eldon can give you the full rundown of all this, but that's the gist of what he told me.

I am... I don't know what I am, but apparently I am still me. It's still frank in here. I didn't really understand his explanation for it. Something about quantum physics and some sort of emerging theory about consciousness being, I don't know, mobile or something. Clementine needed a body to put me in, and she just kind of winged it. So I still breathe in and out, but according to Eldon, I don't, Jesus Christ, this sounds so

ridiculous. I don't have lungs. Eldon says that it doesn't have to be about needing air. It can be about maintaining a consistent temperature or sampling the atmosphere or something. But anyway, there I was at the bottom of the cliff, not a scratch on me. I don't sleep anymore. I still eat and drink, but I don't know if I'm doing that out of force of habit. And of course, Trinket has her theories, too, but I cannot tell you how much I don't want to talk about those. So, there.

That's the whole story. And now is the part where you say something. Swamp thing. What? Your swamp thing. June. Brilliant scientist Alec Holland is thrown into the swamp after a freak accident. His consciousness merges with the swamp, and he is reborn as the swamp thing.

I was really feeling bad about not telling you this, not feeling bad anymore. Don't act like you're not swamp thing. Not swamp thing. What are you talking about? Frankie, you were the only kid in America who liked that movie for reasons other than Adrian Barbot. This was fun. It was a good talk. You even liked the sequel. No, I didn't. You thought comics were for nerds, but what did you keep under your bed?

Your Swamp Thing Collection. It wasn't a collection. There was supposed to be porn under there, Frank. Did it occur to you that I might need some help right now, that I might need some support? Instead, I get Swamp Thing. Frank. Relax. What did I tell you?

When the weird shit starts happening, it's all the sci-fi and comic book girlies who are going to be ready and should be listened to. Why are you not listening to me? I am listening to you and what you're saying sounds ridiculous. Frank! Calm down. I got a whole theory. I'm about to blow your mind. Okay. Blow my mind. Come with me on this journey. Clementine, in her dumbness, smashes your body apart like a dollar store pinata, but you, like a Looney Tunes character who has just been shot by Elm. or Fudd still stand there as a ghost. Is it so ridiculous to think that in the brief seconds right before you were put into this new body,

that you somehow, deep down, had a bit of say in what that body would be? I mean, why not? It's your body. You're saying I did this to myself? I'm saying, I'm glad you weren't obsessed with Batman as a kid. You would have been transformed into a psychotic rich guy. Okay, we can stop talking about it now. Hey, Alec Holland had to burn alive in a freak accident to become Swamp Thing.

At least you didn't have to do that. I'm not Swamp Thing. And it wasn't a freak accident. His lab was firebombed by the Conclave. Aha! Morning. Sergeant Slaughter. June, please.

It's Sergeant Major Slaughter. Ah, look at the new Celeste. She's got jokes. Everyone's waiting inside. Just a small group? Yeah, it's just a small group. me, June, Diedra, Trinket, and Doug. I thought about asking T.J., but nobody ever knows where the hell he is, so...

Okay. Thank you for not inviting, Steve. He's going to show up anyway. He always shows up. Well, let's get a move on then. What's this about, Celeste? You'll see. Good morning, everyone. Hey, guys. I made muffins. God bless you, Didre.

Coffee is over there. Um, what's this about, guys? Doug, you have been invited to a secret meeting. Really? Oh, yes. Wow. Um, wow. Thank you.

I've never been a part of a secret society before. It's not a secret society. Yes, it is. We need robes and a weird handshake. I've definitely got robes. Guys, Celeste asked for this meeting. She told me to choose a handful of people, and I chose all of you. Point of order, Mr. Chairman.

I'm not the chairman. I think all of us are still waiting for an apology. From who? From me. June, I'm not going to apologize for following orders. Fine. Please tell the joint chiefs to send a letter of apology to my offices. No. What's this about, Silas? It's about the comet.

June, Trinkett, and I have been talking about this for a while, and assuming the rumor mill is still going strong in this town, I'm sure you've all heard about it too. Trinket. I have a friend who works at an observatory in Chile who thinks that there is a very hard to detect comet heading to the vicinity of Earth. I believe the last time this comet visited Earth, it was a harbinger of change. This was around the end of the last Ice Age. Then a few weeks ago, my base received a hurry up and wait order. This is the type of order that we get when we're getting ready for something big, but we don't know what. And then a few days ago, Trinket hears that the observant. She's been talking to has been seized by the Chilean government.

Which they would do if they needed to control the information coming out of that observatory. Which brings us to today and why I asked Frank to bring you all here. Last night, a protocol was instituted across all U.S. bases in all theaters. Every single one around the world. The protocol is called cannonball. It's a protocol instituted to prepare for. or a possible impact with Earth by an extraterrestrial body. Good morning, y'all.

Oh! Looks like the rain's about to start. Here comes fall. Woo! I got to get a heat fix in my place. Me and Rambo are gonna freeze. You know, I knew this guy once, Kyle. He thought he was hilarious because he was all like,

Kyle from Detroit. But, you know, he was from Detroit Lake. You know, like by Mount Jefferson. Anyway, his heat was broken, and he didn't have any money to fix it. So he said, it's fine, I'll just wear my coat indoors. So winter comes, and he gets drunk one night and passes out on his couch about his coat on. A few days later, they check on him. Frozen solid on his couch.

Half a can of blue ribbon still in his hand. Oh, hey, muffins. Steve. I didn't know you were open this or like... We're not open. We're in the middle of a meeting, Steve. Really? Meeting about what?

Just tell him, Frank. It's a... It's a meeting about the comet. God damn, y'all. You're having a comment meeting without me? Don't say comet meeting. Like, it's a thing we have all the time. I see how it is.

Weird old Steve. Shut out again. Steve, I'm sorry. You're right. We should have called you. I live here, too, y'all. A lot of people live here. They're not here either. Oh, I get it. You all are the important ones. Is that it?

I mean... Frank over here thinking he's the Superman of Hood's pockets. Swamp thing, actually. You know, I don't know what I have to do to be treated like a member of this community. What... Tell me, what do I have to do? Be dependable in any way. Frank. Stop it. Okay. Look. Steve.

We're really sorry. We haven't been treating you like the valued member of the community you are. Can we all stop for a second and say some things that we value in Steve? Right now? I'll start. Steve. You have really great instincts. You may not be aware of your path, but in. It's always leading you somewhere very interesting. Thank you.

Perfect. Great. Moving on. I'll go. God damn it. Steve, an inconvenient truth about Hood's pocket is that skiers like to stop here because the drugs are really cheap. That then brings a lot of business to town.

So I would just like to thank you, Steve, for the cut rate narcotics you provide. You're welcome. Can we move on, please? Well, let me just get comfortable. Hey, how are you doing? Are you doing okay? Oh, um... Secret Society, I'm doing great.

Okay. Okay. Good. Right. Somebody catch me up. There's a comet heading for Earth. Yeah, I knew that part. No, for real. The U.S. military knows. preparing for it right now. That's what Celeste came here to tell us. Yeah, way to bring down the room, Celeste. You'd prefer I not tell you? Kind of. Why is she bringing it to us? This is like

top secret stuff, right? Aren't you going to get court-martialed? If anyone finds out, yes. And why did you decide to tell us? Because you are my neighbors. And because, and because I object to it. You object to what? Generals are pretty tight-lipped. That's how you get to be a general. It all comes down to how good you are at keeping secrets and towing the line. But everyone else in the military, candidly, is a gossipy little shithead. You hear things, and there are parts of this protocol that I find repugnant. What are they? Right now, if you check airspace around the world, you're going to find several privately chartered aircraft heading to secret destinations. These Plains are full of people who are being flown to shelters deep under the earth.

Who's on the planes? Who do you think is on the planes? God damn, Illuminati. Please tell me it is the best and brightest of the human race. Illuminati! It is not. This isn't what I signed up for. We should be informing the public right now.

Why don't we? Let's do it. I can go live on Instagram right now. So glad Steve is here now. They would... They would do to you what I've been doing to you all for a long time. Make you look like you're insane. There's nothing we can do to get the word out about this,

but I knew that I could come here and tell all of you. It's not much, but I thought it was important. So how big? How big, what? Well, do they know how big the impact is going to be? No. From what I learned from my friend, the comet isn't going to hit Earth, but it may shed a lot of debris. And that debris could be pretty huge.

Oh, okay. Okay. So if something hits the Earth about 500 feet wide, well, that would kill a city. A thousand feet long, and that will level a continent. Half a mile long, well, that's about six million Hiroshima bombs, global cooling, crop failures, and mass starvation. Now, it's also going to depend on what it's made of. A comet will be, you know, ice, which actually helps us in the situation. Now, if it were iron or some other metal, it would be much, we'd be in much more trouble.

How do you know this, Doug? Lots of long nights thinking about how many ways the Earth can be destroyed, Frank. Fair point. So I'm just saying these things are survivable. Do we know how much time we have? We don't. The Department of Defense is working on it, but nothing so far. Okay, so we should start getting ready.

Get ready how? I doubt we have time to build an underground bunker. Well, no, but we need supplies. Now, assuming we survive supply chain. are going to be, you know, shut down. And there may be crop shortages and water shortages. Now, being up here on the mountain isn't such a bad place to be. We'll have fresh water from the snowpack and we're out of the way of floods. Ham radio will be the way to go in terms of communication. I have a pretty good setup back at the house. But we'll have to see who else

has got one. Now, really, though, the name of the game is going to be pharmaceuticals and dry goods. And I think if we can get a good stockpile of those things, I think we may be able to ride this out until, you know, the lights come back on. Three cheers for Doug's paranoia, everybody. We have supplies back at the base, but it won't be enough for the whole town. We don't even know who's in town anymore. People have been leaving in droves. We need a headcount. And once we do, we need to have a town meeting.

We may not be able to warn the whole world, but we can at least tell everyone in town. Okay, guys, listen, for a while, we've been able to say that all this could be a big misunderstanding or something. I don't think we can do that anymore. Because of a series of weird events, this minuscule town on a mountain knows a lot more than most of the people in the world. Am I still hoping somehow this was all a big mistake? Sure. But I'm not just going to sit here and cross my fingers. I think the best thing for everyone's anxiety is to have a job. job to do, something to focus on. So right now, everybody head home and focus on your neighbors. Are your

neighbors still around? If they are, don't tell them some crazy story about comets and military bases. And the Illuminati just tell them that there's a meeting tonight at the sheep's eye. And it's very important. Okay? I'll head back to base. And when there are any new developments, I will secretly let Frank know. Okay. We're going to be okay, guys. Meeting adjourned. Hey, hey, Doug.

I've got an idea. Oh, okay. We should talk to Ava Grimm. I don't know, Steve. What? She's not so bad. No, she's very intense. Look, I think she'd be a good one to talk to you right now.

What are you butt heads talking about? Don't she think we should pay a little visit to Ava Grimm? Ooh, our local paranoid survivalist. Yeah, I mean, if we're talking about stocking up for the meteor winter, right? Doesn't she have landmines in her yard? Yeah, that's what I heard. Nope, it's just a myth. No, she comes into the store every six months to refresh her batteries,

and it's just, it's just terrifying five minutes. I hate that Steve is right about this. But Steve is right about this. We've got to go talk to off-the-grid Grim. No, no. How we could send a letter. And look, we'll wave a white flag as we approach. I'm sure she fires a warning shot first.

Oh, God. Hey, Celeste. Drink it. I feel like this was a difficult decision for you. I appreciate you trusting us. Desperate times, desperate measures. How are your migraines? Oh, they're pretty bad.

We were doing pretty well with those. maybe you should come back into the shop. That would... That would be very helpful. Thank you. Okay. Do me a favor, though. When you come back in, could you bring me a gas mask?

I'm sorry? Where is everybody? There was some sort of meeting at the sheep's eye. Anything important? No, not really. I'm getting that it's too quiet feeling. Are you? Anything going on out there?

I just told you there was a meeting at the sheep's eye. Not out there. Out there? Nothing too alarming. Moon City appears to be getting an encoded message. That's weird. Why? I don't know.

It's an encoded message. Who from? The TED Homeworld. I don't like it. No, do I. Could be nothing. Can you decalue? Not from here. I'd need a direct connection.

Why would Moon City be getting an encoded message from the TED homeworld? I don't know. They're just supposed to sit there and broadcast Earth television to the rest of the triad, aren't they? They are. I don't like it. Nor do I. Frank is here, by the way. Come in.

Hello there. Oh, good morning, Frank. Virge, we need to talk. Sounds very serious, Frank. Yeah, Verge. There's no easy way to say this. But there's a comet headed for Earth, and we need to all start getting ready. A comet.

Yes. I know we've talked about the possibility of this, but it's happening. It's real. Eldon, is there a comet headed for Earth? There's not. What? There is not a comet headed for Earth. Well, how do you know?

Seriously? The U.S. military is preparing for total disaster, and every powerful person on the planet is apparently headed for some sort of underground bunker. So, yes, Eldon, seriously, how do you know? All right, get out your terrible phone. Look on your screen. That's a real-time depiction of your solar system.

Oh, that's cool. I'm going to zoom in now on your inner asteroid belt. Do you see those three? dots. That's an anti-collision system. If an object is detected heading toward Earth, the system is activated. Rockets are deployed that attach themselves to the object in question and alter its course. Wow. How did it get there? It was set up by the TED Empire. They have a vested interest in the survival of your planet. As you can see, the system has not been activated. Frank, when you started worrying about a rock falling on you from space, did you think that maybe you should ask the person who

comes from there? Yeah, uh, well. I mean, I suppose we haven't worked consulting our alien friend into our workflow yet, have we? You have not. You have not done that. So you're telling me there's no comet heading for Earth. There's definitely a celestial body heading in the direction of Earth. I'll put it on your map. See? There it is. Earth appears to be wrong about the trajectory.

Why does everyone on our think it's going to hit us. Projecting the path of a celestial body is not quite in your skill set on Earth. I'll give you an example. Now on your map is an asteroid you refer to as Benu. An Earth scientist will tell you that in your year, 2175, Benu has a one in 2,700 chance of hitting Earth. But what I can tell you with the technology available to me is that Benu will not hit the Earth in 2175. The technology is about 19 generations ahead of your own, Frank.

I think you can take our word for it. God fuck. We just had a whole meeting. I'm so sorry. Well, Deidre made muffins. We apologized for telling you you're not going to die. Okay, great, but now what do we do? I guess you need to tell people.

Oh, God damn it. They may be a bit hard to convince apologies in advance. You can do it. Yeah. Oh, hey, by the way, our space friend says we're idiots when it comes to space. Well, when it comes to a few things. Do you have to tell them?

What? So do they go around thinking the sky is going to fall for a while? Big deal. That's a terrible idea. It may be the moment of self-reflection that they need. Virch, how would you feel? Oh, I'd be pissed. Yeah, so...

Look, I mean, we've got to tell people, at least believing us can come later. Sounds like fun. Oh, Jesus. Jesus. Who do I tell first? Please feel free and work this out in my doorway. Eldon, are you absolutely sure about this? I'm incapable of lying, Frank.

Is that true? No, of course not. But I am telling the truth. Rejoice, Frank. You're not going to be killed in a fiery Meldstrom. I mean, at this particular moment, I'm a little disappointed. I have to go. Godspeed.

Well, I feel like we've done our good deed for the day. How about you? Fridge? What's going on with your circulatory system? right now. Why are the Ted's sending an encoded message to Moon City? Are you still thinking about that? Yes. They send encoded messages all the time. Everyone does. Not to Moon City. It's the sleepiest place in the triad. That's true, but I still don't think it's anything to get worked up about. I'm not getting worked up. Yes, you are. You can't decode the message from

here? I could, but we'd be detected. I'd have to be close enough to decode it directly. Very What? We're not going to the moon. Just a quick trip. No. Like we weren't even gone, Eldon. No. It'll be fine, Eldon.

Birch, it is a miracle that our run in with the science priests hasn't attracted more attention. Why would you want to push your luck? Look, if the Ted's are sniffing around, we should know about it, don't you think? Get ahead of the problem for once? I suppose there's some wisdom to that. We can do the moon and back in a few hours. Nobody'll know. Where's this coming from?

Earth is convinced that it's going to be destroyed by a comet when they're not. Then the Ted's, who are notorious for fucking with Earth, start sending an encoded message to their nearest satellite? Hmm. I'll start a flight plan. There we go. Would you like to tell someone before we leave? No. No. They won't even know we're gone. Let's go. Hey.

Hey. The world is ending. We had a meeting about it. God, it was a weird meeting. And it was like my feet started walking without me, and they took me here. And now I'm standing here because the world is ending. And if the world is ending, then I want... Didra, I get the sense that something really amazing is about to happen.

But I have to tell you, the world isn't ending. What? It's not. But we just had a whole meeting about it. Elton. Yes. Hey, hi, Deidre. Earth doesn't have all the information. There's a comet headed in this direction, but it's not passing close enough to Earth to cause any destruction.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. No, sorry. You'll get a really wonderful view of it from the southern hemisphere. But I'm afraid the wayfaring stranger is going to sail right past you. Oh, my God. Anyway, I interrupted you. You were saying? I'm going to go get into my car, drive to the Columbia River, and walk in. Excuse me. Did you drop. I have to go tell everyone.

I already told Frank. I'm sure he'll let everyone know. I can't take this shit anymore. Hey, um, want to see a spaceship? What's that sound? That's her. Where is it? I can only hear it. Eldon, let's decloak.

Decloaking. Oh, my God. There she is. Oh, my God! Not really built to go interstellar, but I had a friend make some changes. I have to travel light, but... It's not a bad way to travel. Are you okay?

I can't... I can't believe what I'm seeing. Eldon, how do we look? All system's nominal. It's so shiny. Oh, my God. It used to be a racing ship. The hull's supposed to give you an extra boost of speed when you come out of a gravity assist, but I think it's just space racer bullshit.

I think they just like the look. What do you think? Beautiful. What's it called? Phoenix. Touch it? Sure. It feels so weird.

The inertia sink is warming up. It makes everything vibrate. Wait, are you going somewhere? I am, but I'll be back in a few hours. Where are you going? The moon. The, my moon? Yeah.

You're just going to go. to the moon. Yes. Why? Something I need to check. You're just going to the moon to check something. Yes. Do you have a storage space there or something? No, though. Well, not that you mentioned it. That's not a bad idea, actually. Nobody ever checks there. I'm going to hover about three feet off the surface of the moon and I'm just going to have a listen to some transmissions.

Should be simple. Want to come? Do you? want to come with me. What? What? Dietra. I can't. I just... I can't just... I can't just go to the moon. It's a two-seater. What?

No. Okay. I can't go to the moon. Okay. I'm not an astronaut. Neither am I. I can't go to the moon. Oh, okay. Okay. What? I just...

climb in and go to the moon. Yes. Yes, you do. It can't be that easy. Why not? Well, because... It's a perfectly safe spacecraft, Dieter. And you just go to the moon whenever. I feel like the core concept is not being communicated.

Didera, right now, you have a choice. You can be someone who's been to the moon or someone who has... who hasn't been to the moon? Which would you like to be? Weather's lovely this time of year. So that's, um, one, two, three, four, five, five signs saying no trespassing. It's as if she's trying to tell us something. So, so Steve feels comfortable just, you know, walking up to the front door?

Ava Grimm appears to be a member of Steve's clientele. Oh, oh. Pain killers. Ah. But you didn't hear you. hear from me. Well, okay, but wait, if she's a survivalist who, who believes that society is on the brink of collapse, how did she plan on maintaining her painkiller habit after, you know, it collapses? I don't know, Doug, but you should definitely ask her. Hey, uh, well, she's gone. Gone? Yep.

Maybe she's asleep or down in her bunker or something. No, no, she left a note. What's it say? Whoever you are, this is yours now. I suddenly don't know why I did all this. I'm prepared to survive just about anything in here, but I've got a daughter in Cordellin, who I haven't spoken to in 10 years. I don't think I can survive that. Wow.

Looks like she heard all the comet rumors. She just left us her survival compound. I guess so. All right. Let's take a look. Hang on. We're sure the landmines were just a rumor. Yeah, absolutely. But, oh, hey, yeah, look out for bear traps.

Great. Yeah, pretty intense, right? I've never seen this many guns in one place. Or sacks of beans. Or protein powder. Or, oh, gummy bears. Woo. She got real weird with her, that's for sure.

But I guess this is all ours now. I guess so. Guys. What? Looking around here, old Ava Grimm was obviously preparing for the worst. Can we make a pact that if society comes crumbling to the ground that will, you know, keep it mellow? What do you mean? I don't know.

I just don't think I can do the post-apocalypse thing. I don't want to have to wear an eyepatch and football gear and carry a sawed-off shotgun. Could I have an eye patch? Oh, sure. Sure, sure, Steve. Yeah. I am. I know, I know what you mean. Looking at this place, I could have been like this. I mean, I could have been one of those guys that fills his house with supplies.

and blacks out the windows and waits for the end. I don't want to be that guy. If I'm being honest, Doug, I totally thought you were headed in that direction. I thought it was two years tops

until you were barricaded in your house. Me too, man. All I talk about snow plows wasn't healthy. Not to sound like Steve, but that ayahuasca trip really turned it around for you. Oh, well, you know, thank you.

You know, as long as we are making rules for the coming post-apocalypse, no fucking snow plows. Never. Hey, I was just thinking, who was it that said that the meek will inherit the earth? The Bible, I guess. Huh. Turns out, it's us. It's fucking satellites.

Yes, it's quite a mess up here. What's the plan? I say on the foreside of the planet we hit a shallow orbit, burn hard, and then the gravity assist should be enough. We probably won't have to use the drive too much. Should keep us fairly invisible. Sounds good. Dydra. How are you doing?

Oh, shit. Did she pass out? She's fine. Dydra? We just passed over every place I have ever been in my life. In 20 seconds. We're going about. 17,000 miles per hour right now. I don't feel a thing.

I know. Man, everything that's ever happened in every history book has happened right down there. Look so small now. It's beautiful. There's a lot of beautiful planets out there. But this one? This one's not so bad. It grows on you.

Thank you for this, Virge. It's my pleasure. Burning in five seconds. You ready to go to the moon? Let's go to the fucking moon. Here comes the juice. You still there? Oh, I'm still here.

Okay. Take your time. Extraterrestrial? That's correct. Yeah. Oh, I know. This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, no, I know.

I know. I know. Your friend, the extraterrestrial, has told you that the comet is in coming? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Correct. Yeah, Celeste, if it's any help, I don't love the words coming out of my mouth

either. You know, I feel like I'm in a fucking Michael Bay movie. But the problem is there's no non-stupid way of saying this. There's been an alien in town for a few weeks now, and they have told me that the comet

is not coming. Lots of people are. out there think that aliens are talking to them, Frank? Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah, and I am aware of these people. These are not... These are not well people, Frank.

Yeah, no, sure. And I am aware of that, too. Uh-huh. So I'm just supposed to take your word for it? Uh... I mean, I'd love it if you did. You know, I, of course... Of course, you could also ask yourself, how was Frank, a man who doesn't own a computer, able to hack into my top secret military base?

Right? And who was the mysterious friend of Franks who somehow subdued all my guards the other night? You know, you could, you could spend some time on that. Great. What am I supposed to do with this information? Well, it's a good question. It's not like you. It's not like you. you can do anything about it. I'm betting Central Command will show up with a butterfly net if you tell them. So I guess we just wait for the comet to pass us by and then they'll eventually catch on. Yeah.

No, of course, Celeste, and I respect that. I just figured, you know, spirit of transparency and all that. What are you telling people in town? Honestly, I'm not sure how much of a town we've got left. I'm thinking we're down to a quarter. of our population at this point. The sheep's eye is basically self-serve now. So I'll wait for everyone to come back here,

and then I'll tell them. You're going to operate as if this is all still happening. Yeah, no. Sure, you do you, Sarge. Okay, well, this has been illuminating. It really, it really has. Hasn't it? Huh, goodbye, Frank.

Oh, while I've got you, can you tell me why Trinket needed a gas mask? A gas mask? Oh my God. Welcome to the moon. I can't believe this is happening. Are we close enough? This will do. I've got the signal decoding now.

It looks a lot. It looks a lot like Earth. Is that weird? It used to be a part of the Earth. A long time ago, there was a collision that ripped them both apart. And the moon was just a ring of dust for a while, and then it became this. I can't believe I'm here. This is strange for me. But I don't know. I've spent half my life in a ship like this traveling between one planet or another, and I've gotten used to it.

It's strange to hear someone experience it for the first time. I can't imagine ever getting used to this. I've looked up at this moon my whole life, and I'm here. Looks better from afar, I'd imagine. No, no, it's beautiful. What was your moon like? Mine? Yeah, from your planet.

They had nine of them. Nine? The nine eyes of Rakesh Guha, they called them. Rakesh Guhal was the ancient god of the Vapians. As the story goes, Vapians were once two races of people, but one day, when the eyes of Rakesh Gouha aligned, they were merged into one people, explaining the four appendages. Do you not like talking about your planet?

No, not really. I understand. I think you should, though. You should tell me about it. I want you to tell me everything. I've got it. There were three different levels of encryption, and... What?

I'll put the data on your screen. Holy shit. What? Toes. Motherfuckers! Verge! Eldon heartburn for Earth right now. They'll see us.

Doesn't matter anymore. Verge, what? happening. Deirdra, we're going to be going very, very fast, but then the inertial dampners will kick in and it's going to feel pretty strange, okay? Virge, tell me what's happening. You really want me to tell you everything? Yes.

Okay. Let's start at the beginning. Hundreds of your years ago, a bunch of planets started getting a message of peace from a distant planet. In that message were instructions on how to build a warp gate to connect those two worlds. The message was from a planet called TED. Building that gate was the worst decision any of those planets ever made. As the earth holds me, as the sky sees me, as the sun rises within me.

I step out to greet the day. When I first decided this was the path I wanted to take in life, I knew I was going to need a teacher. I met a man named Chris Janda, but he insisted I call him the sitting squirrel. He was a pretty weird guy. I asked him once, what happened to all of us? How did all the other religions of the world explode? all the practitioners faded into the background. How did one of the oldest traditions in the world get sent to the shadows so quickly?

So he told me a story from Greek mythology. Apollo was in love with a wood nymph named Daphne, but she wanted nothing to do with him. She had sworn a life of celibacy to the god Artemis. Apollo didn't care, of course, and it all wound up with him chasing Daphne through the forest like a madman. And Daphne knew she couldn't outrun him. She had to do something. So she stood at the edge of a river and asked her father a river god to save her. The way to save her was through transforming.

Her skin became bark, her hair turned to leaves, and her feet took root in the ground. She was transformed into a laurel tree. It was the only way to survive what was coming. Is that what you did? Cameron. You saw something coming that you couldn't survive, so you transformed into this? If so, thank you. Thank you.

I'm told the mushrooms here can heal people. If that's true, then we may need them soon. So I am standing here with my basket in one hand and my mushroom knife in the other, and I'm going to try to figure out what you've made for us. If this is all a gift, I'll be sure not to waste it. In the big rock candy mountain, you never change your socks. Frank, are you there? Oh, geez. Eldon, could you at least have the common decency to make the phone ring before you start talking through it?

Oh, forgot. Hi, what is it, Eldon? I have a bird for you. Frank, I don't know if a lot of times, just listen. I was wrong. The common is headed for Earth. It's not going to be a direct hit, but it's going to be pretty bad. In a nutshell, the Ted Empire, aka the bad guys, are trying to prevent a rebellion.

They need a big distraction. All eyes are always on Earth. television, so when a comet started heading for Earth, they deactivated the defense system they have around the planet and made it look like the comet was going to miss. Now, the entire system is going to watch while Earth gets raked over the coals and the Tedds can quietly quell the rebellion while nobody's looking. We don't have a lot of time. So if the town meeting you were going to have, keep it on the books. Deidre and I will be there soon and I'll explain everything. Sorry about this, pal. My bad. See you soon.

Hey, Celeste. So, it's a funny story. Every time I think these guys couldn't be any more fucked up. They go and lower the bar about five fucking rungs. Amazing. I'm sorry to ruin your first time in space. Fuck! So it's all really happening? Yes.

Yes. Yes, Deidre, I'm sorry. I don't want to believe it myself, but... It's really happening. Okay. We need to get to the sheep, I'm about to do something really ill-advised. Stay in your seat.

What? Stay in your seat. Why? Because I'm about to sit on top of you. Hi. Hi. Deidre, the world's ending. Exactly.

Hey, everyone. Thanks for being here. I know it's a little scary to leave the house these days. But, so we're going to get started in just a minute. I've been told to wait. Boo! Bo!

This man! What are you going to do? Can you hold my jacket for me? Sure. Verge. I'll be right back. Okay. Verge is here.

So you probably seen Verge around town. They'd like to say a few things. Hi. Hi. So, hey, what are you going to do? You may want to stand back. Attention. People of Earth.

You have one month. If anyone forgot their glasses, that's one, two, three, four arms. Okay? Sorry, Verge, go ahead.

Pether Horizon is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Wilson, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, second Bethany. Society of Bethany's, O Bethany, where art thou? Mr. Squizzle, whistle, whistle, the horrendous secret co-conspirator, behind the long-on-going Bethany War. Dances with Bethany's.

Banjo-Bethany begins banjoing belated Bethany battle ballads, avenge the stew, three geese in a trench coat, all named Bethany, definitely not causing mischief in the ongoing Bethany War. Green Mountain Hermit wants that NB Bethany stew recipe. Local Marshag offers the NBs a fully normal apple as an apology for all the antics.

You can trust this one. All apples glow. The non-binary Bethanies take the apple from the marsh hag because why would they poison us twice? introducing Recy Pontiff as the 22nd Bethany. This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant bynames, brewing a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale brew. Gathering of Bethany's drink from the waterhole.

A non-binary thylacineary thylacine named Bethany. Biro the motherfuckeragon with his horde of Bethany's, Corvina the Killer Queen of Omicron Percy 8, Dr. Budiologist, the Glutes Doctor, Tobias Ewing, Rachel Maloche, Queen Sirly Jess, Lopi Lolly, Adam Toclove, Dr. Bichcraft, Miss Simo, Claire Rock, Jekka, Greybeard, Jacob Ulch, Colin loves Roxy, the size two fish you've been asking for, Iokai, Natasha without Boris, Stephanie Bridges, Lafayette Lazzania Lovers One, The Main Immortal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Polywog, Jinks the Judgmental, but well-meaning Cat, Michaela White, Wilbur Winklewright, Wrist, Rangler of West Worcestershire, on the Trail of the Dasterly Red Nell. Professor Thaddeus Snookams, the 8th, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky, the The true trans traveler, Leafs Orb, the one that got away, Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond,

Funch Brunglin, Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time-SPANning Hype Train, Dave Harold, WiseCube, Dirty Diper, Fuss Butt, and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, Catt, Cat Cat, Mother of Pearl, El Chingon, Sealface, Rigger Mortis, Elmo, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Shiny Fields, Leah Godard, Magically Maggie, Trebex Reject, Jeff C, Matthew with Two T's, the first, tea is silent. Bithmyth-rachnavlathen, smirnavlanathar, Darth Ox, Aaron Arnold, Bailey Burr, Amanda Tracy, Mamamander and Bobo Bonobo, Valen Rial, the tooth fairy, they paints, undead Akira, broom goddess, Portagos Pecks, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas' Tennebress Tancetafel Tippers,

treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination. Ladies, for your pleasure, Chuck, naked, the lovely Lara Lovely, Jeremy the ruler, Alex Church, Asoa, Joe Mitchie, Jake in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Joshua Soder, Gabagool, Scrubs Andy, Scratchy Kitty, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan. Bab's got a basketball booty, the Green Street Major, Hazley Jay, definitely not Kevin, any crafts anywhere, rest in peace, Mikey, poet without a name name name, Poet without a name, James Billerosa, Unforkable, Billy the Space Wizard, Vee Hime, Sierra Smith, Steliott, Rain Brain, Phantom Zone, a talking dog named Brank, Hup Challenge, Zander Hicks, Dalyon Foles, Jeep style, Peggy Lubotsky, Chavon Delilah Rose, Gregory the God of Chaos, Sitting Down to Tea with the Other Beings of Chaos, Keith Collins, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Whiskered, Anne Maestress, Randy Spears, Marissa the Ghost, Local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you.

B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester. Wolfgang the Incredulous. Andrea Rose, Cheshire Corgi, Old Kelsey, No Shoes, Share Bear 17890, Zildia, Little Man from County Down, Jamie, the original Happy Hippie Rainey, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, Buggy,

Timothy Aiotis, Chance wants you to know he cares, Wolfstock, Adrian Vance, Elliot, Hobbs Deco, Alexis Walker, Rory of Yin, Mooby the Golden Calf, Kirion, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K. Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Bubba 485, aka Shemelbach, the Christmas Whale. Space Rooster Randy, Ruse Zanavis, Stella Corvus, My Love of Verge is undying. Candyman fight, Sketchwolf, John Peters, you know the farmers, Barclay, Lambo Swanson of the Swanson Otters, Dapperdad, ADHD, SCP-049, O Magis, South Wayne, Michael Lorry, Raven the Dreamer, T-K, Turtle King, Dominique Perry, space-based lasers. Caption B and Lady G. With their swabs. That's Good Guta. The Clockworked Vixen, Verge fan girl, and designated midnight server. Osneth, the author, Mr. Steamwave. My friend the

Rhino says, Be Nice. No. Jupiter Defense Squad, Leif's Lasersaw, Elizabeth T, Gus, Kyler Wren, Coco Yumi, Hugamuffin, Big Foot of Doom, D.L. Annie Atkins. Crandyman, Garrow, Nick Gomez, Coleblood, the Say of Ra, aka Bleepo Abernathy. said to tell you, meow, Brian Ed and Kev Del Cassebro. Lordenum, Jay Schmo, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, Abenaso, Mr. Rage, Ada, spooky spader, story time, Andy,

I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet, I sit, Xavier Killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Ghoster Alagamo, Kevin Daughtry, Adam Wolfe, Martin Dears, Entropy eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Matt B, Richard Ryan Moschel, Theodore and his son Henzo, D. Flower, Kelatia Arena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Parmesan goose, Jen Rhodes, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Ellen Burgland, Dylan Winslow, V. Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey. I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. Wasabi Lubb Moonshine's Mum, Turtle Boy, Arwin the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Basil in Their Tea, Kegan,

Diamond, Ron Hayden, Dan Gentry, Vincent Yu, Stephen Duro, Whisper Dan, Mad Mad Max, Aaron Star, Claude de Clause, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfridge, the bullheaded professor. Bonjour, here Alexander Le Roque, the Canadian de Soport Emotional, Official for Midnight Burger. For this message in English, press two. Chris Janda, Edboy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan Kay, Burbh, Burr, Burr, Burr, B, B, B, Bac, Bac, Bac, Butter. Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Oct, Ken, Daven Royal, Captain Hambone, King Felix Blaze of the Third Street Saints, Scotty Oates,

iced heart on fire, Dan's grounded again, dear Edna, I fear this poo may be my last. Spiku, Nick Tacto 2.0, simply Tony, is hold it now, hold it now, hit it a bit, or a patron name? Gabriel Castaon, Vanaheim, Jamie of the Goblin Chaos, whom, what, why, where? Nico de Gallo goes great on midnight burger. A dubious raptor, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, retorted. Got his love, love is king, cash green, sir party animal, Uloid jackal, cat with a kay, Miss Shan Fizzle, Stomp be smoking on that space pirate engineer pack. Lucifer Hezekiel, Lachiawawa Brava, Cici Carousel, Quarth the Destroyer, Honest Puck,

Casper's mom's a milf. Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Red Nell, Kerdomsky, Craig Armstrong, Dulcete, D'Lette, Zayche, Zazette. Zachary Langrer, get out of my booth, bug, sad, angry crabman, Chuck McFenley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 43, Little Dragon, Ben Carlisle, Freedom Rocks, the Popcan Sally Quartet, Anna Kearney, Ashley Strange Lillia, the four schnauzers of the apocalypse, Starbraze Burnbright, Imzukiokioki, Jean-Lucreiber, Doc Sweet, Ph.D.Lonelyle, Chris Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Sir Noculus the Space Night, Scrisals, Thwap, Casey Judson, Gitty, Gitty, the Firekeeper, Peace Reaper, the Indie is nigh! Jeremiah the canceled, Brian Collins, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West, the sketch of Otaku gang, Wolf, Drake Elias, Fermi's paradoxans, speckled unicorn, Jedi rides again, Tevin Longblade's short sword, impatiently waiting for the Tartis, forget normal, oh damn, David Chapman, C.J. Johnson,

saggy bottoms 83, a dragon sitting on its hoard of dice, Wendell Whitaker, Smivey, Globet Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Dane and Deb, the Soup witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Amalgamist Pax, Pebbles, Heathen King, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Nick Beauree, Midnight Plummer, Mr. Cherry, International House of Yearning, Cynical Warlock, Wayne Heiser, Ellie Zito, Slav of Bahamut, Umbraim, Mesaerese, Jade, Callart and the Tired, A Ted Named, Atee, Ted named Todd, Fred and George, Sam the Celestial, Chucklin Charlie's Chicken Shack, Ava Maddox Jr., Cassie Williams, Yeat My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Lizzie R, Push Linchen, Sitting

Squirrel. Patricia E. Melt wishes everyone a less traumatic than expected, 2025. Red the gray, I needed someone to make the TARDIS reference. Neverchild. Athanasios Nasir Shaukat. Kiboko, Lil Kov, Kozamine, Jonathan Burton, Mr. Man and Lady, Joey B, Ali Malick, DJK, DJK, Mick's Terran Van Eddinger, Sandlewood Mountain, whimsical fuckery. The person trying to contact you regarding your diner's extended warranty is having bottom surgery on January 22nd. Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisse, Owen Sossito, The Big Moose, Glory Cole, Janelle Miao-Nay's Cat Butler, the gentleman, rest in peace, dear O'Sheen, Alex Berry, Eden de Poussay, Andrew Oakden, I only listen for the names at the end, Avalon, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's

a bag of holding if you know how to pack. Eliza travels the universe, Mike Anzavino, Lindsay Bowen, the goddamn podcast lawyer, Alex Spence, Galaxy Bridges, Angry Ron, Dirkadub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, the Wild Thistle, I hate some mores. James Harlow, Necro Pants Salesman of the Year, The Cosmos cruising Cadillac, I'm Not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberant, Me as a Baby, Michael Odom, Zephyr, Zephyr, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Calkins, Squacomolio, Midday Burger, Dawn Parks, Throat Goat 666, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, Kid Puncher 2006, Pumpkin Spice Monty Cristo, Dustin's Goose, Prime Freak, Walter Piacarsky, Droid Pirate Findley, and his Rubinask Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles.

drunken coyote, the impersonator known as, hitchhiker's guide to a laser saw, Tony Piacarski, Andrew R, Phoenix, Kimberderp, Mr. Tim's, dead weight, the harbinger pulsar, crumulus is just happy to be here, kinetic fucks, the twisted twister, Mertie's Mama, Faye Queen, Chase Noseworthy, Core, Upschner to the probability demolition expert, Mason Jeffrey Showtime Hester, C.R. Ipted, for my mother. Homer, are we doing crimes? Two vegetarians and a toxic relationship with Burger. C.C.T.X. Girl 68. Melissa Winski. Nicole Studioso.

Just a potato, indigo escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Malma, Castriff, Ames affection for internet protection, Retro MG, Snarky Bark Zero Zero, The Cowboy, the Gainesville Fear Garden, Abby Kramer, fresh-baked Lana Banana Bread with Chocolate Chips, Utrid and Rose's Viking Void Vittles, Not Sure What I'm Doing, River Brown,

Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Scramble Eggs, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Charlotte Tobiah, Glennis Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Good Grief People I Need to Breathe. Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Oh, Mamma. Droughtbreaker, Glorbner 7.

Dooser likes no thinky just Dewey. The Other Adel. Chef Galvall, Leighal, Sarah May. Mr. Arny Arbuckle, Senior, the Church Grim, Sierra not from Arkansas. Zico! Ebenezer Boob. Gently used hot dogs. Free for a limited time.

Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Jake Cascade, digital fluke lost in time. Potion Maestro, the Milkman, Nebula Dell, regulators, mown up. Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr. Meepod, Palace, Rebecca Pope, Ethan Cobb, Big Mo, Brian O'Neill, Edward Pena, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Kyle from Detroit, Jusiton, Marauder Mitch and Pandergast,

Papitos, Boomhauer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, proved to me that orange cats aren't God, Britwards, Ashley Soros, Momos Mama, Tony, Tony, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Fickle Fill, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Mr. Trigvey, Printing with Cats, Riley, Calisi Del Mar, Dixie Dina, Amanda Nascarlla, Jose Zatino, Sunny Stag, a representative of the pill owls. KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, HBD, A.J. and Alia Obolewa, Mommy and Daddy Love You. Ducks in the Wind, All we are is ducks in the wind. Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster,

Mary, like the Virgin, Rosetta, The Phoenix Bird has returned, bringing snow and holiday cheer. Wandering Windjo, Painted Oni, Kew Dell, Farrell, Betty Hayes and the B team, Emily with two E's, drowsy-Rousey, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the Third, kerplunk, whoops, where's my thribble,

Mad Goat, Jackie Wavlet, Issa the Strega, D. Reitzler, a Grimlin with the Munchies, My Time has come. Michelle Scorakio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's brain is weird. Space Rooster Randy doing crimes Leopard Donut, Mellow Nuggets, keychain crap, Matt Matt Scharkman,

Stee-Low, Arcadia, Bumbling Lilybee, Scipio Duda, Buffy's Daughter, Emmerich, Boofardee's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Tristan Stolls, Shadow Rapture, Leif's Bastian, Hanks the Wonder Lama, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Just Irregular Fox, Jeremy Ibson, What the Hell,

Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Tora Smash, the podcast for Nerdy Jews, Axel, Patty the Ginger, Ava's cigarette ash, Tim Lynch, Moisenberry, aka The Boys, A-Zoose, Anaphylaxis, Jack's Nightmare, Scav with Comtacks, Kinn's girlfriend, Brooke, the sub-aquatic goblin says, Joe, you've done it again. The Kells, Jenny on the blockchain, Angry Leafs Laser Saw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christophirichai, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo,

Norman, Nicole, Witchie Cat 13 loves IPAs, unusually big and old, invisible, Penis. Max Danger's, Security Chief Shatsy, The Anx Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Robert Frankenberry, High Life, Rear Admiral Jack Inhoff of the USS Rimjob, Honeybee, Nortle Bash, Jordan, Rwanx, Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, average height, medium, rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hiffavisen, Monica and Mason Kay, Tony wants to be Laif, Rowan, Lady of the Black, and Herald of the Stars, Ryan Burnett, Christy Casey, The Tim and Ghost 23, Zivia's Mom, Dr. Dr. B. Zopres and the Bumble Army.

Growing into my farm boots. The Geneva Accords. Brothers of the Kosine. Uncivil gnomes. The Rat Queen Evelyn. Great lunch conversation. Your humdinger, Moonbringer, Ledy Lou, Tibby.

Shifty Nick, two, electric bugaloo. Kinger was here. Bobby Ray Winland Jr. Bebop B. Babadabodoo-Doo-Wop. Warped Echoes. Lord Robert O'Tardus. He's bigger on the inside.

Jeremiah Franco. Isaiah Coleman. Celestial Warlock. Gabby Hayes My Wiggle butts. Gothic Rainbow. So he made it. Giana Crow urges you to resist. Fossil Diver 84.

Micah Collins, Cody McClure, Eternal Champion, Jingalos, Aris, the Goddess of Discord, Has Matilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I am a laif on the wind,

static ego, some farting fart wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, going to be lit, I am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Omega Nye,

Frank in a Field, Sally Sells Seashells by the seashore, Colorado Southpaw, Fuzzle McMurnitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Christina Senate, The Red Planet, Shane Robertson, definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not! The Wondering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolichiev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, Scott Gygaxe, Glenn Morris, Crushable Hale, Tatea Mockingbird, Damarin the Space Goblin, Locksmith Andy, Iso Pale, Rose Alt,

Hopeful Ghost, Nake the Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it. Girl Scouts with a K and a Z. Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, it's the Cran Shah He's birthday, Victor Casados, Smigs, Emily Schmemley, work for Melvis, Von Grimm, Bo Go-Buy, Bye-bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go, bro, Cody Monster, I am lure of the planet Omicron Percy I-8, Neil before your supreme ruler. The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida. Tybo, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Kyle Perino, Amber King, Sid the Sloth on a bike, Priya Gondy, Wandering Mermaid, Understanding Mermaid, Understand stands the assignment, Lil Stevie Pie, return to sender. Two Polar Cat is back and has Molotov cocktails for everyone. Did somebody say fangs out?

Carl, the teller of dad jokes, at least six gyms. Skylab's multi-dimensional, multifacic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Nikki H, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic Hippie, Supercalifragilistic XB Alex Nickel, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Kelly W, Holly Huton,

Pyro's Calling, Joe Swazion, Too Many Jans! Cat Jot, Pamela Rose El Tierra, then Steena says, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel's Ted's slapping Rampage, luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, It's Just Tyson now, Joe is the Writers'Reilly Heaven, Devon 777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Estelle, Kim Sel, Selle, Silly Goosey Hunk, Ghost Sabrewolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Mr. Alex, Sir, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr. Glass, sweets, Sharnobel, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short,

Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and your friend Frosty, Bebe-Boo-Doo-Boo-Bo-Doo-Bo-Bo-B-Bamber. Beasley Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito-Hazardic Sponge, Ted Wassonossin, Virestria, Spoonwood Gal, Twinkle Tots, Shocking Developments Nearby, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swagland, Daniel Arthur, Mike Lucluse, Dex, It's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail Lehu, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windchimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL-5, Whatever's Clever, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger. One batty bat. Ha ha ha ha. Matt N. Julia Cringlin, Frelp. M. Lin, Feed my fish. J.R. R. R. on SFP. LaHari. Reca Ayumu. Ted's loves Catherine. Jaye. Evey Girl. Lucid Harbor. Little Lily Leopard Paws. Die at night. Mars royalty. Take 20

damage. Macy's bandstand. Kim Bob. Battle Pope and Bugaboo. Snorts McGorts. Fresh squeezed. Patrick Holt. Atlas B. Hold it now. Hold it now. Hit it. It's the police. Open up. We just got a noise complaint about too many people hitting it. Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Meneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, stabby cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Jackie Lowy, the Little Pigeon, Crayed Bear, Evinola. You forgot to take out the trash, but Dr. Ladis Trash Angel has your back,

and now, also, your credit card information, but don't worry. Yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Bip-Bop-Baddy-Bum! Megan the Meg Young. Baby Bears love the diner, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Lord Thane and Lady Sarah, Sturgeus, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Her Prismatic Chickens Chick-Burty, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincatesh, Moclump, Raddoll, Salazar the Domey, The Bard with the Tuba,

Hayward's finest Garin Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir Schitts-A-Lot strikes again, damn, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, A-LR, Sidewalk Jam, Sarah McGuire, Tonka, 2005, Cruzen B. Anthony. Jay Way Mythical. Tibbled the First, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alleyfrog, Trey the Turquoise, Tawson, Trey Tittmittmittins, Courtney the Fongue Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, Scrim Bray, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celest Yose, I'm So Antigone, Infinity, Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R, Justin at the Tree Cave, the Ambergler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldoos Simione, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, hot plate of biscuits and gravy, Zehoni Vida, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corrine Sabrantha, Beatrice Bodice,

Baudacious, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K. Mac, the something-something The Something Detective Agency, Hyabuda, Eli the Electrician, TNB Lemmy, Charmey, Charmé, Charmé, the Wondress Mathesophon, Pashthousan, Nesson-Robert, Fennigin-Robet, Tranket Coralee, Deary Darling, Book Shift Man, 80, Cody Chisham, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, gracefully impaired, tired pirate muffin, Jay Snoosthen, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inshuligan, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trostle, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, Casper's number one fan, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damian the goddamn time lawyer, Deli Cruz, it's okay now, Joe Fisher.

Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astrono Weeb, Starlight, Bersercing Off, David Pierrini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weez laugh. Mosse would come up with a cool name, but sadly she's just Mosse. Fron C. Virgo Ares Infinity. Best Budd's Danny and M. Ashley. A bug named Nat. Potato Nation. C.C. Hunter B. Rudra. Rusty Accord. Death the Kid. Big Whiskey. Magic Pony. Robert Olivery. Dan Bowman. Paul A. Johnson. Killer Odd. Dandy Bay. Dr. Pondcuchar Esquire says, you can stay up until dawn. He feels the flow of time in his bones. Creator 67. Bajolent. Laf's one true love. Mermaid of the Dark Seas. Cosmic Shrug. Incorrigible Ross. Debrae. S. R. B. Mark 11. Courtney De Pona.

Reedle the Beetle, John Doe, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anthemone, Megan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris still making sandwiches, three legs are perfectly good, Drew and L.A, anomalous vandal, Captain BLEP, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ says, what? Danielle L. Shiny Melon Fear Now, Blargo, Blargo,

Tonight at 11. Illatea Raoul, Hicks Bezzie Mates, Disco Funk Slinger, Zellis Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, the Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake. Alice Malice asks, how many chains could two chains chains if two chains could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka A. Kaspur from another universe. Lucretia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Marissa, Bracowini, Eva, no not that, Ava, the one within...

Grim. Zackinat, Underwater Corvid, Spisorincum, Michael Christian, Ransom, Manun Mycelil, Late Indeed Again, Theron, Pyrralis, Ome, Aaron-Misle, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kianu Misen, Fiona Malescy, Ony Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. The Hiker Bear, Velocate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Marlon, Marlerae, Brian Barletta, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Meembourg, Colie, Mel Momburgberg, Lisa Geisler, India Holbert, the esteemed, The Esteemed Throat, Fred Fredberger, Wat the Chuck, Sonae Sonae, Ben and Jessica, Nea DeRuso, Pici Zatouin, Justine Burbank, Inky the Crackin, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslyn. Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge

is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quick, Boutique Hotel. Owner and sole occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira? Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, the pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. And something else. Oh, I can't bear it.

What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past to... Beth. He's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira! Kira!

I can still see him! Subscribe to Magenta Presents, wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye!