Midnight Burger - Welcome to the Horizon Part 8: The Green Man

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

“Even the Christians who cut down the sacred groves must have felt the loss, because they built their cathedrals with soaring columns like the trunks of trees and with vaulted ceilings ribbed and fanned like the canopy of a forest, and every where, in unexpected places, they carved the head of the Green Man–spirit of nature–peering out of his leafy dell, beautiful and challenging.” - Moyra CaldecottCast:Ben Burdick - FrankCamille Smicker - TrinkettIan Furguson - Tavrok StormbringerJoe Fisher - EldinWritten and Directed by Joe FisherProduced by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonMusic by Ian FergusonArt by Existentially Exhausted BeanSupport the show by Subscribing!Subscribe on Patreon (The one with the bells and whistles): https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe with Supporting Cast (The simple one): https://midnightburger.supportingcast.fm/Subscribe on Apple Podcasts (The Apple one): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218For more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comHow about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comSign up for our newsletter: https://weopenatsix.beehiiv.com/All scripts available at: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1IXV0JIBFw_IgDJhVeaeqL4UPQngvXHoQ?usp=sharingFor more information on our sponsors go to https://fableandfolly.com/partners/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Drink it. Did you hear that? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Uh, okay. Well, hang on. I'm trying to convince myself it was an elk. No.

No, it wasn't. So, before we freak out about this, how about we consider it was just our imaginations, and it was one of those shared hallucination things? Sure. Jesus Christ. I agree. What the fuck is it?

Wow, that is literally the worst thing you could possibly say. I'm... What? No, we're not going out there. Of course we are. Trinket. That was not the kind of sound you go towards. That's a runaway sound.

Frank, essence, so let me cut to the chase here. Whatever we just heard, we don't want someone else in town to find it, right? Also, I'm definitely going to go see. and I know you're not going to let me go alone. Five minutes. Will that make you feel better? I'm bringing my Winchester, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

I don't approve, but whatever gets you in your truck. Fine. I think we could get up to Barrett Spur by nightfall? Maybe. I was thinking if we could get above the tree line, maybe we could see something from there. Yeah. Maybe.

Did you bring your binoculars? Yes. Are you hungry? I brought some trail bars that I made. I do not want to know what's in those. It's sorghum, cacao nibs, and molasses, frank. It's not a magical potion. Anything else?

There's green algae in there. And... Ginseng. Jesus Christ. If I keep asking, are the ingredients going to get weird or? Probably. I can't believe we're doing this. This was your idea. I know. I still can't believe we're doing this.

Okay. We're going to get up there and have a look, and then we're never going to hear anything again. That's probably what's going to happen. And I'd be fine with that. Good. You think it's Bigfoot? Frank. What? No, I don't think it's Bigfoot. Wait, you, you don't believe in Bigfoot?

No. Because you believe in a lot of things. Bigfoot isn't one of those things. Okay. Thank you for coming. Yeah. It's still the slow season. June will be fine on her own.

Oh, right. You run a motel. What? Nothing. It's just weird to hear about normal things now. Yeah, I know. Bigfoot would be a relief, honestly. Thank God.

It's only Bigfoot. Exactly. So there's something I need to tell you. Don't ruin the moment. Okay. Great. We've talked about this before, but it's kind of been getting lost in the noise. The comet.

Yes. Still heading for Earth? Remember I told you I had that friend in South America who worked at an observatory? Uh-huh. He's the one I was getting all my information from. Last I talked to him, the wayfaring stranger was still headed for our neighborhood. Joy. The good news is it's looking like it's not going to strike Earth directly.

Okay. But there's still a high chance. of it passing very close by, meaning it could shed a ton of debris on Earth. Fantastic. But there's no real way to know. So Trinket, I, Trinket, I hate to bring common sense into the conversation, but I feel like if a comet was heading for Earth, that it would be on the news or something. There's a whole community of stargazers out there. And my friend Joshua is in the minority on this particular issue.

How much of a minority? I suppose you could call it a fringe theory. So this could all add up to nothing? Yeah. The thing I have to tell you is, I called him yesterday to get an update and a corporal Diaz picked up the phone. He said that all communication with the observatory was to go through him now. Where was this again?

Chile. So the Chilean military has seized control of an observatory? Yes. It's not the greatest sign. The military is not in the habit of seizing control of observatories. No. I mean, can we get some sort of ballpark estimate of what could and couldn't? happen here? The ballpark is, in one scenario, we just have a really stunning light show as debris

burns up in the atmosphere. That sounds good. The other scenario being several fragments of the comet the size of a small town crashing down, destroying a significant part of the earth and causing irreversible damage to the whole dam planet. So somewhere between Those two? Yes. Or nothing at all. Sure. Though,

the way things have been going. Yeah, I'm sure it's nothing. Doesn't seem to be doing it lately. No. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's go find Bigfoot.

Sure. Hey, watch your step. It's getting pretty narrow. I haven't been up here in. Years. Well, Park Service is doing a pretty shitty job of maintaining these trails. You come here a lot, right? They used to. I thought you did this every year.

I did, but then I took over the horizon and things got busy. You should really get back to it. Rituals like this are important, Frank. I know, I know. Shit. What? It looks like there was a rock slide at some point. The trail's completely covered. Oh, can we get past it? See, I usually complain about stuff like this, and it gets fixed.

Well, you haven't been up here, and you haven't been complaining. I guess this is what happens. I don't know if this is a good idea. Well, we can get past it. We'll climb over the rocks, and the trail keeps going. It should be fine. No, we're up pretty high, Trinkett. It's not like I've never been up here, Frank.

I'll take it one step at a time. It'll be fine. We should get a move on because it'll be dark soon. That, I... Fine. Fine. I'll go first to make sure there's no surprises. That sounds great.

Okay. Take it slow. I'm taking it slow. The rocks covering the path look pretty settled in. I think they've been here for a while. This is what happened to the world when I stopped complaining, Trinket. Everything goes straight to hell. Nobody understands how important you are to the world, Frank.

Exactly. Okay. Okay. When I get to the other side, I'm going to tie a rope to myself. Are you hurt? Any sound at all? Frank! Yeah, I'm...

I'm right here. Frank, you scared the shit out of me. God damn. I couldn't see where you... Where you fell? Where you... I'm fine. You're...

You're fine. Yeah. You're... Um... That's... Frank, that was a... That was a four-story ball. Yeah.

You can't be fine after that. Let's make camp. I tried to write it off as nothing. But... But the evidence started to mount up. You know, first it was Rambo. I mean, when Rambo came... out of the woods all two tons of him, it was like he couldn't see me.

When June came out of the office, he started howling at her. He could see her. He could see Verge. I waved my arms trying to get his attention, but it was like I wasn't there. Then there was the mushrooms. Then the ayahuasca. Frank, for anyone to survive that fall would be a miracle. But for me, it was like jumping down from the branch of a tree.

Her name was what? Clementine? Yeah. And you're saying all this is happening because of her? Yes. We thought the first weird thing that happened was Relentless Rick. It was me. I was the first weird thing to happen in town.

Okay. I'm going to go ahead and stick a pin in this Clementine. person and whatever this diner is that you're talking about. And I'm just going to focus on you. Okay? Okay. What about smaller things? Are there little things you've noticed? Maybe not weird on their own, but they add up. I stopped sleeping. You, Frank, that's not a small thing. I never really slept much to begin with.

So, I don't know. I get tired at night like everybody else, but then the sun comes up the next morning and I'm fine. Have you told June about any of this? June knows, but I haven't told her about the mounting evidence. She's been a little distracted. Well, I mean, in retrospect, you have seemed different lately? Different lately? Different lately? Of course I've seen different lately, Trinket. I died.

The guy you went to middle school with is dead. I'm not him. I'm whatever was put in his place. I don't think that's true, Frank. Okay, Trinket, please, I don't care about whatever Stevie Nick's song you're going to sing me about my soul in the moonlight or whatever. My body was disintegrated and something else was put where my body used to be. Frank, I may be the only person who can talk to you about what you're going through right now. You want to shove it with the witch jokes for a minute? Do you remember the time I convinced you to go to my parents' Renaissance fair? You didn't convince me to go.

Right. I didn't. You were dating some girl back then. She thought it would be fun. So there you were in the middle of the Renaissance Fair. Do you remember my parents' Renaissance Fair? I do. It was a pretty crappy Renaissance Fair, Trinket. It wasn't great.

I mean, the bard with a tuba? There was a bard, and she was playing the tuba, yes. But she was very enthusiastic, and it was all she knew how to play. Right. Well, it kind of broke the illusion for me. Well, there were also cash registers, so there you go. Okay, so why are you bringing this up? Because you were there. That wasn't me.

We've been talking a lot about your body, Frank, and thinking about it and agonizing over it. This is more than I ever expected to talk about your body in my lifetime. I don't know with this new. thing is you're inhabiting, but I'm here to tell you, your body, to me, and to those that care about you is the least important part of you. It's just a place that you live in for a while. It could be anything, honestly. How do I figure out what I am? Frank. How does anybody?

Well, there's nothing in the self-help section of the bookstore for this. I know. You're going to have to write your own book. I don't want to write my own book. I don't mean literally write a book. But side note, don't get mad if I start taking notes around you. You should start by talking to people. But maybe talk to them before you plummet four stories off a cliff.

I'm not telling Steve about this. No, absolutely do not talk to Steve about this. But you should talk to June. I know. And I know you hate that because you don't like to ask for things, but you have to, Frank. This is too big for you to be the lonely guy up the mountain. I'm not the lonely guy up the mountain. Yeah, you kind of are, Frank.

No, no, I like people. You do. And it's what you hate about yourself the most. Thank you for being normal about this, or abnormal or whatever. You're not having the reaction I thought you would. Yeah. I've been thinking lately, I think we've barely scratched the surface. Of what?

Something's going on, Frank. all these things that are happening, it's all headed towards something. It seems random, but there's a rhyme and reason to it. I don't know what. That experience at Cameron's house with the mushrooms, it really broke me. Then I took the ayahuasca to try and find a way forward, and in a weird way, I did. Because there are a way. I suddenly was with Steve in the glade of wishes. Have you noticed Doug lately? He's like a different guy.

Right. I mean, the same. Yeah, I mean, still a mess. But different. He's really risen to the occasion. All these things are bringing us closer to ourselves and bringing us closer to each other. You and I could have never had this conversation a year ago.

Scratching the surface of what? I don't know. But all of this is heading towards something. What's going on with you right now is just a part of that. I am. I am glad you're here. Wow. Yeah.

That was rough for you. It was. Are you okay? Not really. Well, here. Let me give you something to make fun of so you'll feel more comfortable. And what's that? I do this whenever I sleep in the woods.

Okay. And what's this about? Just a little security for the evening. Oh my God. Wait, is that just a... Is that just a... Is that just a big bag of oats? Yes.

You're pouring out a bag of oats right now. Yes. Oh, God. The explanation for this is going to be really something, isn't it? Laugh all you want? This is what I do. Please. Please tell me.

I pour a circle of oats around my campsite. Yes. Because fay people cannot cross a line of oats. Faye people. Yes. Ferrys? If you must. Yes!

You've just fairy-proofed our campsite. Yes, Frank. Faye people are essential and beautiful creatures, and they can also be total dicks. So, you surround yourself with a circle of oats to protect you from their dickishness. Oh, I see. I see. And just briefly, how do we protect ourselves from the Legion of Mice that are about to attack our campsite? Oh, I'm trusting the owls to take care of that problem. Ah, well, I feel safer. Me too. Watch. Fuck you, fairies. See, I wouldn't do that if I wasn't surrounded by oats right now.

Okay, be honest. Are you doing this just to cheer me up right now? No, but I'm glad it did. Okay. Well, now that you've protected our campsite from fairies with magical oats, we can get a good night's sleep before we go hunt a monster in the woods tomorrow, because apparently we live in Narmia now. Yes.

And I'd offer to keep first watch, but apparently you're not going to sleep. So it's all you tonight. I hope you brought a book. Oh. I actually, I've got a thrilling book on Japanese furniture joinery I've been meaning to get to.

Oh. Mm-hmm. And I'm the weird one now. You are. Good night, Frank. Good night. Actually, give me the first few pages of that book. I bet it'll put me right out.

Sure. Sure. At its core, Japanese joinery is a testament to the profound respect for wood as a living material. Unlike Western methods that often rely on metal fasteners or adhesives, traditional Japanese joinery uses interlocking wooden joints to create furniture and structures that can stand the test of time. These joints are designed to accommodate the natural movement of wood, resulting in two-space that not only... Hey. Hey, how'd you sleep?

Good. I always sleep great out here. What are you looking at? Here, here, take the binoculars. Okay? I don't see anything. You need new binoculars. The binoculars are fine. It's down over there.

You see that clear-cutting patch? Yes. It's a perfect square where the timber company cleared out the trees. Now look just south of that. Huh. What is that? It's another blank patch, but it's jagged as it goes through the trees. Right.

Like something cleared a path through the woods. Exactly. Something really. big. Something really big. Damn. Let's go. Do you still eat food? What?

Do you still eat food? Okay, Trinquet, now that we've had our little talk, please don't treat me like a carnival freak. Carnival freak? Frank, come on. I was just asking a question. Wouldn't you be curious? I still eat food. Okay.

Good to know. You know, I was thinking last night, I'm worried that you don't sleep anymore. I feel fine. Sleeping... Sleeping is when we commune with an astral plane. It's really important for spiritual health. It's why people lose their minds from sleep deprivation. I feel fine.

But then I thought, Maybe in this new form, you're existing simultaneously in this plane and the astral plane. Yeah, I feel like I'm right here on this plane, Trinket. What does the moon look like to you? The moon? Yes. The moon looks like the goddamn moon. It doesn't look like it's looking at you.

Are you kidding me? What's that sound? I don't know. Do we know anyone who lives out here? Honestly, since the fall, I'm a little turned around. Here's an interesting question. If we find someone out here, do we warn them? Warn them?

Yeah, I mean, what if there's something dangerous out here? Shouldn't we tell them? Ah, we warn them about something out here that may or may not be here. We don't know what it looks like, and it could be our imagination. Yeah, okay. I hear you. Wait a minute. What? Blacksmith, in the woods.

Sounds like it. I know who this is. Who? Maybe we should just keep walking. Tavroch! Oh, Jesus. Good day to you, Trinket. Hey.

And to you, Frank. Hey, Tavrock. I didn't realize you were living out here now. Whose place is this? Three seasons ago, I felled the trees and built it myself. I came upon this glade after a harsh storm and decided to make it my hearth and home. You built all of this? I was possessed by a deep yearning.

Uh-huh. It's beautiful. What brings you to the deep forest this day? Um, well, we, um, have, have you been seeing anything strange lately, Tavrock? We're kind of on a mission. So, you've seen the beast then? The Beast?

Indeed. We haven't seen anything. We've just heard it. As have I. A great bellow as the sun rises and sets. Then, in the day, I have seen the path it cuts through the great wood. For three days now, it has passed my home in the twilight. I have yet to lay eyes on it, but soon I shall be ready.

Uh, ready for what, Tavrook? Come. If it's the beast you seek, you won't find it whilst wandering the deep. You may sup with me tonight, and we shall wait until it passes by in the fading light. Oh, thanks. No, we don't want to put you out, Tavro. We'd love to. Oh, my God.

You know, I mean, we'd love to. Tavrock, you really built this whole place? It's really... It's really fantastic. Many thanks, Frank. I know you two are a craftsman. Your words fill me with joy. Avrock, I can't believe you've been here for less than a year.

It feels really lived in. I believe the wood takes on a part of your soul when you work upon it. I placed within these walls all of my years. You can really tell. Come, let us partake in my mead. Well, no. Thank you. I drink to you, my friends.

By chalice, flagon, or humble horn, we drink to friendship till the morn. Lechheim. Oh. Oh, my God. That is tasty. Please, excuse me. I must tend the fire and turn the elk loin. I can never tell if he's for real or not.

Yeah, I don't know if he's for real, but I'm drinking mead and about to have some elk loin. I had no idea Tavrock was running a destination restaurant out here. I wonder if he has any vegan options. Drink it don't ruin it. So, June used to date him? Oh, yeah. It was pretty serious for a while, but then he wanted her to move out here and raise chickens or something. That was the deal breaker?

Apparently. The man built his own cabin and looks like he escaped from the cover of a family. fantasy novel. She couldn't raise a few chickens? I think the attractiveness of a man drops sharply when he asks you to do manual labor. Might have done her some good. Hey, he's single, make your move. His body is 90% dear me. It would never work. We dine. Cool fate, oh bitter tears that steal away our golden years. Though kingdoms rise and empires fall, her memory, alphraised. recall by candlelight I weep and pray for she who's gone so far away till stars do fade and time shall cease my love endures beyond life's lease wow amazing amazing work tabrock it's so real How, Tavrock.

Many thanks. It is one of many I've composed since June and I parted. One day I will awake and the verses will not come, but that day has yet to arrive. If you will, excuse me, the honeycakes are now ready. Honeycakes, you? Oh, I am excited about the honeycakes. Damn. June's got to get it together.

She's got to take one for the team. Are you a little drunk right now? I'm a little drunk right now. Are you? I don't know. I think this was good. I don't think we came out here for the thing in the woods. I think we needed to get out of the city and get back to basics, right?

I love that you call hood's pocket the city. No, right? I think so. Shit. Everybody, stay where you are. I'm going to get my rifle. And I, my son. Sword. Tavrock, don't...

Whatever. How fucking big is this thing? We go together, Frank. Yeah. All right, fuck it. Let's go. Oh, my God. It's majesty. What the fuck is that? Keep it in your sights, Frank. I will make my way towards...

Guys. Tavrock, it's the size of an apartment building. It's not going to notice your sword. Guys! It's just eating the pine cones. Tavrook, do you have a basket of pine cones for starting fires and stuff? By the door. Give me a minute, guys.

No, no, it's a bad idea, Trinket. Don't worry about it. Hey, they have a whole bunch of those right here. Are you? You look like you're a long way from home. It's a big forest, though. you got it all to yourself for as long as you were. Okay?

Well, this will be a fun town meeting. It is a placid beast, a gentle one. Yeah, thank God it could flatten the whole town in an hour. I must learn to write it. Nope, no. Yeah, I don't think you should try and write it, Tavrock. You are going to need to keep an eye on it, though. This being is...

In a strange new place now. How about you give it a name? A name. A creature this majestic deserves a name of majesty. I, Tavroch Stormbringer, dubbed the Lucian Thunderstruck. Oh my, give me a fucking break. This was really great. I'm glad you had a good time.

I did. You didn't have a good time? We think it's okay to just leave Tavrock with that huge thing? Lucian. Oh my God, please. Don't make me call it Lucian. They're going to be great together. We've just given the fantasy-obsessed Woodland Blacksmith a mythical creature to take care of.

This is the best day of his life. Yeah. Hmm. We're going back to town and reality is setting back in. You're still wondering what the hell you are. I am, Trinket, yes. It's okay. In my world, there's this guy called The Green Man.

You've probably seen pictures. It's a man, but he's covered in leaves and twigs. Yeah, I think I've seen some tattoos. Oh, yeah, tons of tattoos of the Green Man out there. He's this mysterious spirit of the forest who's been wandering since the beginning of time. You know, a lot of people think that the green man is from medieval England. But actually, you can see depictions of the green man from the second century BC and Iraq. You can see him in India, Nepal, Borneo.

Nobody really knows where he came from. Maybe he doesn't either. That big creature we just met, he's wandering around in the forest not knowing where he is or why he's there. You are too. The thing is Frank. So am I. So is anybody. It's all the same journey.

Yours just looks a little different. So what am I supposed to do now? You think it's a thing you need to do. Just live, Frank. The journey will take care of itself. Bird, you can't put me outside every time we have an argument. You're being a child. Good evening, Frank.

Uh, Eldon, what are you doing out here? It happens sometimes. Bird and I get into an argument, and they put me out here on the handrail. Oh, does that happen a lot? More and more recently. Kind of wish you were. I had that option with a few people. Don't you, though?

What if it rains? I can operate in the void of space, Frank. Yeah, sure, right. Can I help you with something, Frank? Back at the House of Mushrooms, you scanned my lungs. I did. So, we should talk.

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Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. The Fable and Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslyn. Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky, boutique hotel. Owner and sole occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it.

But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira? Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years. A pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up! And something else.

Oh, I can't bear it. What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past too. Beth. He's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira!

Kira! I can still see him. Subscribe to Magenta Presents, wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Genta Presents.