Midnight Burger - Young Leif Part 6: Escape from Moog

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

"New message from BertBert marked URGENT."Cast:Evan Gulock as LeifCat Blackard as VergeNeal Starbird as DezLauren Grace Thompson as BertBertTomi "Tomix" Zandshtein as The Acolytes and The High PriestFinlay Stevenson as AliceWritten and Directed by Joe FisherProduced by Joe Fisher and Finlay StevensonMusic by FreeschaRead and search Scripts with PodScripts: https://podscripts.app/For more information on our show, visit our website: https://www.weopenatsix.comSubscribe for early access, ad free episodes, additional content and more!Subscribe on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/midnightburgerSubscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midnight-burger/id1537653218Subscribe on Supporting Cast: https://midnightburger.supportingcast.fmHow about some merch? https://www.midnightburgermerch.comSign up for our newsletter: https://weopenatsix.beehiiv.com/Find and support our sponsors at: fableandfolly.com/partnersSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Radio Rental. The scariest stories you've ever heard in your life, all told by real people. Oh, and off we go. On one side of me, I have these people whispering to each other, staring at me, and then the other side I have this distaste man gurgling. I was afraid that something was trying to trick me and lure me down there, and I had no idea what I would feel. mind if I walk down to that pond.

Zach, there are people outside the room talking. Radio Rental is available now. Listen for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. You lay eggs? Yeah. Why is that weird? I don't know. Truskins don't really strike me as the egg laying type.

What does that mean? Well, on earth, birds lay eggs. Yeah. and I think that's weird. Why? Something flies and lays eggs. How do you trust them? I don't think I know what you mean.

Okay, I've got a buyer for the ice. Where? Feston. They're in the middle of a sunspot-induced drought, and the Ted's are price-gouging them. We're coming in at a quarter of the price. Excellent. We could charge a lot more than that. That would miss the point.

Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting the point when I think about all the money we're not making. I don't like it when people... make money off of desperation. We're not gonna stop that from happening. No, but it feels good. Oh, I think they have green root here. Are we getting food? Des lays eggs.

Yeah, I know. So what? Is he caring? Des, do you have an egg on deck? Not old enough. Do you build a nest? Well, they put him in those pits, right, DeGosch pits. Big flaming pits.

They're flaming? Yeah. Why? War. That's bizarre. Says the guy sleeping with an alien every night. Used to be, we had to put the eggs by a lot. lava flow, way better this way.

This is our fifth job since the casino. I think we're in the clear with Luftwrecks. Helps that we set up shop on the other end of the system. We should keep an eye on Luft Tracks, though. I think they're trying to control the entire triad. No way. Even Emperor Bugbug couldn't pull that off back in the day. What are you reading?

Earth News. How are things back home? Have they emerged from their caves yet? Well, everyone's worried about computers switching over from the year 1999 to 2000, they've convinced themselves that the whole world could collapse when the new year hits. Uh-huh. So still in the cave, then?

So deep in the cave. Message from Bertbert marked urgent. Pass. What she wants. No idea. He's ignoring her. I am. I'm all for that.

Scyrians are like rust, okay? They get everywhere you don't want them to go. I don't think she's so bad. As Scygians go anyway? Yeah, sure. She's okay. I mean, there's four different kinds of rust. Some are dangerous and some are just annoying.

Really, Des? Please, tell me about the different kinds of rust. Oh, well, you got your red. You got your yellow. No message from Bert Bert Bert Mart. Fuck you, God damn you, answer, you little shit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Okay, that's funny. What's the message? I'm sure it's skippable.

What if she's in trouble, you dick? Yeah, Leif, what if she's in trouble, you dick? I'm deliberately ignoring her to keep her out of trouble. And that's a d'allible. adorable, but it's not like listening to the message is going to suck you up into her world or something. Just listen to the message. Play the message. Since you're still ignoring my messages, I thought I would just leave you with my last will and testament, since I am about to die.

Nothing but my score. Whoa, what the fuck is she talking about? I am a fucking prisoner awaiting fucking execution. Is this a metaphor for something? Oh, um, in case you're wondering if that's a metaphor for something, it's. Oh shit. I am a fucking prisoner of the fucking science priests of fucking Moog. Oh no.

They are about to goddamn kill me in some goddamn cleansing ceremony. What? So if for some reason you have decided to stop being a dickhead and check your messages, this is me saying get me the fuck out of here. I am temporarily suspending my judgment of your criminal behavior. Temporarily! I am temporarily suspending it so that you can, in defiance of however many laws, break into the Temple of Enlightenment on Moog and save me from whatever killing machine I am headed towards. If you have a problem doing that, try pretending I am a huge pile of money and steal me.

Maybe that'll help. I really hate that this may be the last. message I ever said. I'm pure one. Give me that device. You, you freak. Give it to me. Fucking help me.

That sounds bad. So, we're not getting food in? Pollution by religious themselves, the science priest. Boo! Boo! ... power during the movement collapsed there are golden world into a black hole. You're welcome, everyone. The movement died down in most corners of the triad except for on the planet of Moog,

where the science priests maintain a vice-like, grip on the populace using the tactics of violence, fear, and intimidation. They sound lovely. We're really doing this, huh? It'll be fun. I don't like these guys. You don't like anybody. I like all kinds of people.

Oh, you don't show it. That's just the way my face looks. If they reject technology, why do they call themselves science priests? It's a classic switcheroo. The science priests reject science, so they make sure the populace stays real dumb, and then they say that all science comes from that. them. Well, embracing science, they just say that they are science. And when someone disagrees?

Oh, they're big fans of executions, as I'm sure Birkbert is now learning. What the heck did she do to piss them off? It could be anything. The key to suppressing a populace is making justice totally random and unhinged. Isn't this going to create some sort of interstellar political incident or something? Oh, sure. They don't care. How are they allowed to operate like this? Take a wild guess. It is rumored that the science priests of Moog are secretly supported by the TED Empire.

Oh, sure. Real nice. What do they get out of it? Religious fanaticism is the tiny angry dog on the lab of despotic empires. It's tradition. Whatever. How are we doing this? Let's just roll in there. Start shooting people. Isn't that what earthlings do? Maybe something more nuanced than that? If they're keeping her at that temple of enlightenment place,

Oh, that place is real big. How do we find her? Alice, is there a map of this Temple of Enlightenment anywhere? They reject technology. There's probably a map, but it's probably written on a scroll somewhere or something. What does it look like from the outside? On the screen. That's a big tower. That thing's filled with people awaiting execution.

You'd think their lack of technology wouldn't be a benefit, but it's kind of an amazing defense. There's no way of knowing what? knowing what's in there. There's nothing to hack into. I have an idea. What? We do have something they want. What's that? Huh.

Me. Yeah. That's true. What do you mean? Alice. The science priest believed the collapsing of Vapus 10 by the Vapians was the original sin of the triad. They allege the Vapians' arrogance and love affair with technology caused the Vapian collapse. Because of that, they see vapiens as a scorch and affront to all things holy. Desperate bounty hunters will sometimes attempt to abduct vapians and bring them to Moog for a high price.

That's terrible. Well, in their defense, I also see myself as an affront to all things holy, but in a good way. That gets us in the front door. We just need to know what to do after. Hmm. How many explosives do we have? Well, I haven't done an inventory. but I'm gonna guess rough estimate? A lot.

I've got an idea. Hey, it's the end anomaly intended for ancient light. Praise the great simplicity. Hey there. Hello? What's all this? Well, I got a shipment here for you. What is it? Looks like, uh, it looks like some crates.

Yes, I can see that. What is in them? You know, I don't ask a lot of questions. What does it say on your manifest? Let me see. Oh no, that's last week. Or give me a minute here. You know the home office always screws me with this stuff. I got a ticking clock on me every time I'm out here.

Do they send me out here with the right materials? No. They send me out here with last week's workups, and I'm sitting here saying, put all the clocks on me you want. It's not going to give me the right materials to do the job. Am I right? I don't.

What am I looking for? What is in the crates? Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Uh, oh, here we go. Okay. Gruel. Bovian gruel. Geez, this stuff's bad.

You ever had this stuff? It's a staple of our diet. You know, I hear it's more nutritious to eat the crate. This stuff comes in than the thing itself. I don't expect technology slaves like Hugh Truskins to understand our ways. Fair enough. So, uh, how much sauce you got to put? on this stuff to make it taste like some.

I don't have time for this. We just received a shipment of gruel yesterday. Why are we getting another one? Look, pal, it'll give me the right workup for these boxes and you think they're gonna tell me why they're here? Send them back. This was obviously a mistake. Yeah, see there?

This is a one-way arrangement. I bring stuff. I don't take stuff away. You gotta pay extra for the takeaway. Even if I didn't order it? Look, if you didn't order it? Order it, you know? Free gruel.

For the love of the anomaly. Very well. Go to the cargo lift, then down two floors to grain storage. You got it. Okay, I'm in. How about you? We're in the main hall, and it's an experience. Religious fanatics always get the best architecture.

Hopefully, when I try and turn in verge, they'll lead us to wherever they keep the prisoners. That's when you push the button, so let us know when you're in position. Yep. This place is insane. I know. It makes me nauseous. So you can just walk in here with a vapian and they give you money?

You can. How are there any of you left? It's not easy money. You can wind up dead hunting a vapian. You know that tattoo on my shoulder? The one with the four lines? Yeah. Those four lines are dead bounty hunters.

Really? Hmm, poor babies. Glorious day to the righteous. Glorious day to the endth anomaly. Welcome to the Temple of Enlightenment. Oh, my. Hi there. You've brought us a Vapian.

I have, because I'm a bounty hunter. Yes, yes, he is. I trust the arm restraints are properly secured. It's a very dangerous creature. Oh, yes, very secured. I'm not going anywhere. Praise to the anthonymy. Yes, agreed.

Look at it. It's disgusting. I bet you say that to all the scourges. So, this is my friend. first time at the temple. How does this work? Take it down the far hall to the Chamber of Redemption. The acolyte will take you to the appropriate area. Great. Praise to the... whatever. I'm getting the sense that there's going to be some harsh words said about you during this transaction. Are you worried I'm going to get my feelings hurt?

I never worry about that. Alice, what is the nth anomaly? The science priests believe the universe should be shrouded in mystery to maintain its purest state. The nth anomaly is a personification of the mysteries of the universe that science violates with its curiosity. Glorious day to the righteous. How can I... Hi. Praise the anomaly. Didn't we just talk to you? No, no, no. This is a different guy.

Okay. Well, I have a vapian. What do I do now? Thank you, stranger. What a beautiful offering to the anomaly. Well, thank you. I think so, too. I hear I can get paid pretty well for a vapian. Of course. One moment, please. He looks exactly like the last guy I talked to. They're all clones. What?

Alice. The original high priest of Mugh fought the most effective way to create a congregation was to just clone himself. So now you have one high priest and a hundred acolytes. All the same guy. I imagine that took a lot of technology. Sure. they reject. Wait, are you saying that this fascist, theocratic empire is somehow hypocritical?

Get the fuck out of here! I guess I was just hoping for a little intellectual consistency. I'm sorry the religious zealots are letting you down, pook-pook. Please, right this way. So, just out of curiosity, this elevator we're in is a form of technology, right? That's correct. But you guys are the anti-technology guys. Yes, but this elevator has been sanctified by the nth anomaly.

How does that work? When the High Priest deems it necessary, a piece of technology may be cleansed in the light of the anomaly, so that it may be freely used by us here at the Temple. So when you really want to use something, the High Priest waves his hands over it, and then you can use it? Yes, because it has been cleansed. That's convenient. Oh, it's very convenient. Trust me, you do not want to climb the stairs all the way up to the High Priest's chamber. I'm sorry to what?

The High Priest's chamber. In the rare instance that a vapian is brought to us, the High Priest insists he inspect them personally. Inspect them? Oh, this will be a fun meeting. You're taking us to meet the High Priest of Moog right now? Oh, yes. It's quite an honor, isn't it?

Is it? Very few of us have been allowed to converse directly with the High Priest. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Look, I really don't need all that. I'm just trying to get paid and get out of here. Can you just take me to wherever I drop off the prisoner? Oh, I'm sorry. It's required. Great. Let's go meet the high priest.

I suggest this creature be on its best behavior. I would just like the both of you to know that these arm restraints, I'm really into them. Disgusting, noted. And you got your red rust, aka hydrated oxide. That's the most common type out there. You got an even layer of corrosion across the material. That means you got too much oxygen and water exposure. Then you got yellow rust, iron oxide hydroxide.

You got stand in water. It's by the sink. It's by the bathtub. Are you in a submersible? Not for long if you got yellow rust. Why are you telling me all this? Brown rust. Brown rust is the opposite. You got a high oxygen, low moisture, moisture combo. Not a uniform rust. It shows up in spots, okay? Brown rust, you look for when you think you got contaminants in the metal. If the rust is brown, your quality is down. That's what

you say. Then we got black rust. Excuse me. Yeah? Who are you? What are you doing here? I got a shipment of gruel here. How does this relate to different types of rust? I was just making conversation. We just received a shipment of gruel. Why is this here? I try to tell this to the other guy. Nothing I can do about someone else to screw up. I don't do returns. So I have to stock all of this gruel and there's nothing I can do about it. Organized society is real convenient except for one guy a day. You're that guy today. Welcome to it. Very well. There we go. Now we move on to the next part. That's me getting paid.

How does that happen? This is infuriating. Uh, follow me. I'm afraid we're experiencing a little setback. We may need some time. What kind of set? Oh, great high priest, we bring a great boon to you today. A bounty hunter has brought you one of the scourge, a vapian.

Of course, glory to the anthonyly. Hi there. Nice tower you have here. Real brutalist aesthetic. Lots of concrete How did you catch it? Oh, uh Just got lucky, really

Lucky Yes, they uh They had fallen in a hole It's always the simple things, isn't it? I was trying to catch a bear What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know Is he gone? Who?

Number 52, is he gone? The guy who brought us up here? Yes Yeah, he's gone. Good, come closer. Okay. What? You have to get me out of here. I'm sorry?

You have to get me out of here. What are you talking about? Do you have a ship? Can you get me out of here? I... Yes, I have a ship. This is a nightmare. You have to get me out of here. I don't understand. It's all a sham. What is?

This, being high priest, it's all pointless. What's all pointless? The temple, the acolytes, this entire movement, everything. But... There's a bunch of acolytes in this tower who listen to you. They all look like you and they all listen to you. And it's the worst! I'm confused.

I began here as the hundredth acolyte. I was fresh out of the test tube, I was ambitious, I had zeal. Now look. Now you're the high priest. Sounds like it worked. Nobody told me it would be like this. Like what? Boring, miserable.

It's like prison. All I do is sit on this throne all day. What were you expecting? I don't know. The ways of the high priest must be shrouded in mystery, they tell us. But there's nothing to it. I just sit here. You don't do anything? Nothing.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm not. Can you believe it? You've got to get me out of it. Look, I can see that it may be confusing. Look at the throne room. Look at the throne. It really does look like important things happen here, doesn't it? It does? Nope. For years I would imagine all of the secret and important things that the high priest would do all day.

Commuting with the anomaly, learning great secrets, writing great tomes of knowledge, Guess what? I'm guessing no? No, I'm just a figurehead. I'm here to be aspired to. I'm here to convince everyone that they could be me one day, but actually being me sucks real bad. Then why were we brought to you?

Ha! That was part of my plan, my escape plan. Where a part of your escape plan? Yes! I can't just pick up and leave, if the high breeze left because it was a crappy gig, all of the acolytes would lose their minds. They need to feel like they're working towards some. They are not working towards something. This is insane. Take these fucking restraints off me.

One second. Don't let it free. It'll kill me. Don't worry about it. What is this plan? I demanded to speak with the next bounty hunter who brought in a vapien. If they brought in a vapien, then they certainly would be able to escape with me, right? That makes sense, right? You could escape with me if you want. I guess? Good.

Here's the thing, High Priest. We actually had a plan to break someone else out of here. Really? You're in cahoots with this vapien. Sweetheart, could you hurry up with those restraints? They're very complicated. Wait, I can help with that. Look, I wear this key around my neck. It opens every door in the tower.

We can get them out with this. Okay, that's helpful. Okay, you're free. Thank you. Where's my gun? Here. So, let me get this straight. You help us get our friend out with that key, and we help you get out of this tower

so you can live the life. you want to live. Is that the deal? That's the deal. What do you say? Fuck no. Oh, shit. Well, that's one way of escaping.

Honey, you just killed the High Priest of Mook. I did. I fucking did. That's going to add a bit of urgency to our plan. Here. Oh, sorry. I can respect this. science priest for being evil shitheads, but you don't get to be an evil shithead and then back out of being an evil shithead.

Motherfucker. Commit to the bit, people. Besides, all we needed was is key. Okay, sure, that's a good point. Shoot whoever you want, honey. Uh, Dez, are you there? Yeah. Alice, are you ready? Sure. Let's make a map. Blow it up, Dez. Alice, is it working? Analyzing the seismic data from the explosions in the sub-basement.

Bingo, I now have a sonar wireframe map of the Tower of Enlightenment. Who's the smartest guy? Hmm, you are. I mean, I made the map. Which floor looks like jail cells? Probably about 10 floors down. I've got the key. Let's go save the princess. Uh, it sounded like an explosion?

Be quiet in there. It sounded pretty serious. Are you sure you don't want to check it out? Oh, maybe you should call someone on your communicator. Oh, wait. You don't have one because technology is evil. Don't your kind ever shut up? Historically, no. I am going to be there personally when they walk into the neutralization chamber, and I am going to love...

Who are you? Hi, could you hold this for a second? What is it? Did someone order some criminals? Life, holy shit, thank God! I'm assuming you've got some sort of marketing. Something going on. So sorry to ruin that for you, Byrts. You know what? Get me the fuck out of here. Oh, right this way, milady.

Okay, here's the plan. We open all the jail cells. The prisoners run down to the bottom floor to escape, and in doing so, distract the rest of the acolytes. Then we head up to the roof where Des picks us up in the Nancy Sinatra. Yeah, sure. Whatever. Let's go. You two handle the freeing of the prisoners. I'll meet you on the roof. Where are you going?

There's something I'd like to do before we go. What? Hit the gift shop? Don't worry about it. I'll see you two on the roof. You're insane. I know. Okay. Well, what do I do here? Keep watch around the corner while I unlock these doors.

Take this. Whoa, uh, that's a gun. Yes. And, uh, why am I taking it? To heat up a burrito, Bert, Bert, why do you think? Uh-huh, uh-huh. Um, I've never shot a gun before. And I've never broken a cidgine out of prison.

Look how we're growing. Okay, people. Closing time, please exit certain doom through the ground floor. In case you're wondering, yes, this is a vapian, freeing you from execution. Please remember that next time you're saying racist shit about us. Probably too much to ask, but... There they are. Verge, they're coming. What do I do?

What do you think I gave you the gun for? Fuck. Shit. She's got a gun! Am I doing this right? Probably not, but they don't know that. Them. Verge, I just hit one of them. That's kind of the point. I just murdered someone.

Oh my God, I just murdered someone. If you murder a murderer, it doesn't count as murder. Where's that written? On my left, ass cheek. Let's head for the roof. Oh. You'll live to regret this techno slave. I'm having a hard time understanding you there, pal.

I'm going to regret this. Is that the deal? Yes. Or regret's not really a problem for my people. See, for Truskins, there's what you do, and then there's... Well, that's really it. The stuff you don't do doesn't exist. and I can't talk to you about something that doesn't exist.

You know what I mean? No! What's that? No! Oh, that's a shame. Way easier to live your life that way. Des! Hey there!

Where's Lake? I thought he was with you. He took a detour for some reason. I'm sure he'll be along. Hey, I met this guy. Say hello, guy. Hello. Bertz.

You got yourself in a bit of a spot there. I mean, just a big. spot, Des, yeah. Oh, okay. Are we ready to go? Where did you go? Don't worry about it. All aboard! Oh, you could go now, Guy.

You heathens, you will all die in the light of the anomaly. Get the fuck... Get the fuck out of here. Warming up the engines. Eh, uh, Burtz, you reconsidering a life in the nosy business there? Des, what the hell are you doing here? You didn't seem like a criminal type? What, you never got a Truskin reminder before?

What? Truskin reminder. You know, suddenly your ship disappears from a docking station without a trace. What does that have to do with anything? On Trusk, we figure, you know, we built these ships. We could pretty much take them back any time we want. That's wildly illegal. Yeah, sure.

You call it a crime, but that's a classification issue if you catch me. I mean it. Hey, Verge, I, uh, I got you something. What? What's that? Here. It's a remote. Yeah, press the button.

What is it? It's a present. Press the button. Okay. Collapsing? Hey, Des, you better get us in the air. Here we go! Leif, what did you do?

I saw the wire. Frayman, I thought, really would only take four explosions in the right place to bring it down, so... And this, all this, is a gift? Yeah. Mm, come here. Leif, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Oh, stop. Lath?

Mm. Did, uh, did you just kill every single? one of the science priests? Uh, oh, uh, no, I mean, they were all clones. Technically, I only killed one guy. Oh, yeah, they'll make more. Building wasn't structurally sound anyways. Huh, booze on this ship.

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