Might Delete Later - Ep 2: Megan Crabbe

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

MDL’s first official guest is Megan Crabbe – body positivity campaigner, Instagram star and best-selling author. Gina and Stevie delve into Megan’s social media back catalogue and find out how Instagram has changed her life. Trigger warning: this episode contains talk of eating disorder and mental health struggles. 👉🏼Remember you can find all posts discussed on Instagram @mightdeletelaterpod and we're on twitter too @mightdeletepod. Follow Megan Crabbe on Instagram @bodyposipanda and Twitter @bodyposipanda_Follow Gina on Instagram @ginamartin and Twitter @ginamartinukFollowing Stevie on Instagram @5tevieM and Twitter @5tevieMWant to help us make more episodes? Support Might Delete Later at https://supporter.acast.com/mightdeletelaterHosted by Gina Martin and Stevie Martin.Photo by Joe Magowan.Artwork by Zoe Harrison.Recorded at Sony 4th Floor Creative. Edited by Clarissa Maycock. Produced by Plosive Productions.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/mightdeletelater. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you love Mike Delete later? I bloody hope you do. You can support our show by using the new ACS supporter feature. It's up to you how much you give and there is no regular commitment. Just smash that link in the show description and support us now so we can keep making this podcast. Thank you. Just a quick trigger warning for you all. This conversation we had with Megan does include some chatting around eating disorder struggles

and also mental health struggles. So we do trigger warning in the actual episode before we start talking about that. But just a reminder to look after yourselves and skip forward those bits if you don't be like hearing them today. Hiya. Welcome to My Delete Later, the show where we look at guests first, worst and best social media posts. I'm Stevie and I don't care for social media. I'm Gina and I bloody love it. This delightful week we have Megan Crab, an author and Body Positive slash Mental Health Advocate, who's made it her goal to get people thinking, more and more about being kind to their bodies and their minds, which we need right now. We do. She's also a mega influencer with a whopping 1.3 million followers, which comes with

its pleasures, sure, and also its pressures, which she chatted through. In this episode, we had a good old laughter and follow and follow block when I asked Megan to choose between three very handsome men on Instagram, one of which she's dating. And if you're a fan of her and their cuteness online, then I'm sure you'll know why she chose if she chose. Most of this podcast was recorded pre-COVID-19, which you might pick up on. But as this is all about living your life online, I think we're all doing a lot right now. We hope you're like it's still an interesting lesson. Yeah I mean?

Sure, sure. Sure. Not Stevey. Not Steve Martin. Stevie Martin. Not Stephen. My Steve. Yeah?

What would you delete this week? I would delete... That intro? That intro, yeah. It's quite difficult to explain, but you know... Right. It's difficult to make because I don't know what the word is, and I want to delete the fact that I don't know what the word is.

Jogging bottoms. I love them, but like joggers... The phrase. What do you call... Try it like jogging them? Lounge pants? Too many options. Tracky bums?

Why is it, why is it bottoms? I don't want to say bottoms when I'm trying to say to trousers. Because it's because Mom used to say to us, put your tracky bottoms. On so now I'm 28 like, Tracky bottoms. So just before I was trying to say to Gina that like she said something about bubbly clothes and I have got really bubbly jogging bottoms. But I went, oh my! And then I was like, in my head I was like jogging bottoms, trousers.

And I said drungs. But my drunks! She's like, what are you talking about? Too many words. They're very anxious whenever I say, go to come to say the word jogging bottoms, track. Because I don't know if I want to use track pants, right? I don't know what to do.

Do you know what? We need some trousers. What do you do in them? Chill. Chill pants. No, no. That's all. I like that.

That's terrible. But then if I'm in like a really professional setting and I'm like, oh yes, well, I often put on my chill pants. They're like, what are you talking about? Why would you say that in a meeting? Chili pants. So I don't, I would like to delete all of those names and have a name. Like, look, I've already come up with it, drunks.

They're called dron. That's what we're going to call them. Okay, drunk. And so then everyone's just like, oh yeah, my drungs are bobbering. And everyone's like, I know what you mean. Bobbley. Drums. Yeah, they've got bobby.

Does you need to debobble you drunks? Yeah. Look, it's not going to catch on, but I'm saying. My head is so hot. Because I was trying to hold in the laughs because of the audio. And now I've got a really hot head. I'd say just like let the laughs out. Oh, God.

They can't wait to you next word drungs and we can talk about it. I know. It sounds too much like thongs, sorry. People are going to be confused. It's true. Yeah. It's going to be like dry thongs, which is bad? Well, actually, because I was it a white thong? I don't know.

Both are quite bad. Southern thong. So uncomfortable. So uncomfortable here. That's where the thong. Everyone always complains about the... Cuts in, it's annoying. The bum bit, but it's the side bit.

Don't make it cut in. I want a soft thong. I also think jogging bottoms, I don't know what... Like, I don't jogging them. I just eat and sit on the sofa and watch two. and like hang out in my life. What'd you call them? So I've been like, nice sweats.

Nice sweats. Like sweat pants. Oh, sweat pants. Okay, that's one of my way. You meant to like sweating it. Again, it's all like. Yeah, it's all like active wear. I want to call them like rotting pants.

Because I just sit and rot. And marinate in them. Or like takeaway pants because what I don't have them wearing them like, I think I want to take away. Yes, take away. I don't want to do nothing. Oh my God. We need to get to, we need to, this is going to be so long. No, it's fine.

We're going to have to just start a new podcast about. Jogging pants, sweats. Okay. Right, what would you like to delete? I would like to delete people sending me, giving me tote bags. That's a really good one.

It was like, when I decided to get my first tote bag, I was like, amazing, I'll take it to the shop and I'll never use plastic bags because I'm not an idiot. So I was like, take it to shop, great. Every event, every brand that I work with, every shop, every, anything, get a tote bag. And I appreciate each individual tote bag, because it's an active kindness,

but I will end up being buried with tote bags. Yeah, you will die. That's how you die. No more tote bags, please. What was the tweet that you said? You did a fucking great tweet, something about you're telling your children what an influencer was like.

Yeah, it was like, I'm putting my son's backpack on. He asked me what being an influencer in 2019 was like, I remove his school bag, which is a tote bag, and throw it onto the bed, which is a pile of tote bags from the other room with tote bag rings. I was like something like, I can't remember what it was. Something stupid. I'm not an influencer at all.

I have like seven tote bags And also they're all really embarrassing Because I've got one That's an old El Paso one I think that's got sick Like live heart or something Because it sounds so. I've got so many

And I don't even They're everywhere They're like socks I don't know where I get them from Okay Megan what would you do this week? What do you like to delete? This week I am going to delete Every tweet

telling Lizzo to put her clothes back on Oh good I'm going to get rid of them all People doing that People can leave Let Lizzo be naked For the rest of time Yeah, have you not seen?

No. There's a whole thing. Essentially, I mean, she got her ass out at a basketball game. That's what happened. So she wore a dress with the butt cut out. Oh my God, I need to sit right now. I think it's genius. Like, we've had every other area cut out.

We've even had some like underbut and the jeans. You know that was a thing. Yeah. Can I just make you know what assless chaps? For Ders she did. She did. I don't want to a superb ball away. This is the issue though.

If you have a size 8, fucking like young, little mix type, whatever. Yeah. And stamen. Like, a woman. who people see on social media through the male gaze will be like, oh yeah, great, look at a bum. But if Lizzo, because she's bigger and because she's fat and she's enjoying her body, the male gaze is like, oh, don't show your bum. So essentially, people are coming at it from the view of this was a basketball game,

and there were children there, you know, as if children aren't bombarded with imagery of all kinds of, well, one-dimensional beauty standards already, as soon as they're old enough to take it in. And apparently just Lizzo's butt was so offensive because it was a family event. And actually I think like if I had kids I would use that as a great little talking point to be like It's isn't it really great that this woman is celebrating her body And we don't all look the same And also some people are empowered by wearing different things

And when you're an adult you can choose for yourself What is empowering to you to dress in That's a great little teachable moment Yeah rather than to pounce on it It's like when you look at a lot of you know there's like Adverts at the moment For certain clothing brands And they've got the bots out

And what's the difference? And the kids on the tube who are looking at At the box. Like that's different. There's literally no different. And also I have this massive problem with the fact that like sexuality or like human bodies, even sexualizing human bodies, even like confidence and self-sexualizing yourself. I have a problem with the fact that that is seen as a terrible thing.

But like inane horrific violence is seen as something accepted that kids can see and play with every single day. Like I think our priorities are very interesting. Like you'll go home and play a shooting game where you will literally blow bodies apart. But if you see a woman's bum, that's a problem. Like I just don't understand that as a concept. That's interesting. Really weird, really strange.

Okay, good deletion. Thank you. I hope they all become deleted. You look so, like, colourful. There's a bee on your knee. And not a real one. Not a real, yeah, sorry, that I would have reacted with more force. Did you paint that bee?

I did not paint this bee. So I'm doing that thing where I'm trying not to. by fast fashion. It's so hard. It's so so hard. Especially if you're not a size like to tear. It's actually impossible almost. Near enough. Yes. So these are Lucy and Yac Dungarees and then they have been hand painted by a small social enterprise in Bristol who custom paint things and then all their profits go back into eating disorder recovery workshops.

Oh so great. Wow. That's being doing some good. I know. So I'm living in these now. Because you do lots of things like that like really like, I don't know, very useful and interesting and fun. I don't want to say a diverse range of content. Yes, you do. How do you like come up with that stuff? Is it quite stressful to be like,

what cool, very important, good things should I do today? But I actually don't have anything to say today. Like, is that hard sometimes? Tell me what, I think I proper boxed myself in for a long, long while. I think even a couple of years ago, I would not have posted anything outside of strictly body positivity or eating disorder recovery because I figured that, That's what people want to see.

That's why everyone's here. So I have to do that every single day. Even if I don't feel like talking about it, even if I've already posted about it five times this week. That's hard. You can talk about all the things without having to know everything about all the things. You can just kind of do your best. Yeah, big time.

Admit where you have gaps, want to learn more. Also, I think I've been using my Instagram and social media more as a learning tool for myself again, which is what I did in the start, like before I knew very much about any kind of body positivity or anything like that. And now I'm saying, you know what, I am interested in sustainable. sustainability. I'm interested in, well, can always be a better intersectional feminist. So I'm also asking my audience to teach me and what are your tips and where should I go for this, which turns it into such, well, what it should be, like, interactive. A discourse. Instead of you being like, I'm going to teach you on things. And then also,

I'm going to put some much pressure on myself as a human to know fucking everything and get everything right all the time. And this is not fair. Because by definition, you won't. And then you'll feel like you've, you've failed when you haven't failed. Ever. You've just been a human. You always said, Stevie's always said to me, like, when we talk about, you know, whether it's something societal or something, it's personal or whatever, and like this problem with binary, everything has to be binary. And you've always said, humans are multitudes. You always just say, humans are multitudes. Yeah. Like, I know it wasn't you didn't make it up, but like you say that a lot. And it made me go, yeah, like, there's so many complexities.

And like, just existing online in a way that you feel you should have to just isn't healthy. And especially when you are feeling like you are someone that is looked up to because you're a massive audience, people look up to you to be a certain thing. And it's really great for you to be able to stay around and be like, well, I'm just begging at the end of the day. I'm just doing my best in learning. It's really healthy to see people do that, that you are massive as well. I spend a lot of time looking at people who weren't like that and I wish I'd, like, Jamil and Jamil, there's a big conversation around her

and all things like she might do wrong, she might do right. I do appreciate the progress, not perfection thing. I find that very, very helpful. Yeah, because when you make mistakes. Yeah, because even people like me, I don't have a big following on Instagram or Twitter at all, but I still get frightened to post, joining a conversation or posting.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to say the wrong thing, and then you're like, no, I mean, I still don't post. But if I wanted to, maybe I'm closer to posting. But I'll like, I'll like things. or I will like do things that I've started to do things like when I see, because you've got a lot of trans friends and they're posting like TED talk. And you said like a really good thing, which was just like commenting underneath and being like,

can't wait to see it. Shows a support that I've not been doing because I've been like, I've just been like, I don't know what to say. What if I say the wrong thing? And they're like, you can't get it wrong by saying, can't wait to see your TED talk. You can't be wrong supporting someone. Like, come on.

So, yeah. And I think it's, and it means, yeah, I'm educated, I educate myself on that as well, but you've got such a huge following. It must be sometimes difficult to balance the, like, being an educator, educating, and then just being like, I just want to have some time off. Are you able to take time out? I do now.

I really, really didn't used to. I used to force myself to post, like, every single day, even if I was completely uninspired. And the world was empty. I would sit for, like, hours, like, debating what I should post, like, every evening. And that's really no way to exist. So I don't do that anymore. I allow myself to have, like, chunks of time.

here and there. And if you feel something or think of something, then you go, oh, like, I've had an idea, so now is the time to put that out there. Exactly. And I think the kind of shift that we are seeing a little bit more towards not having to be perfect and allowing yourself to learn and make mistakes, that has actually enabled me to post a lot more things anyway, to not be as like horribly anxious every single time I open an app. So we're back into a more regular pattern. That's good. And we're getting somewhere closest to being like a healthy relationship. So we asked you, Megan, to bring us your first post, one you regret and one you're proud of.

So we'll go for your first post first, which makes sense, chronologically. So do you want to explain to us what your first post was and what was going on in your life at that point, where you were as a person, and have a little discussion around that? Okay. Oh, there you are. This is a picture of me posing in a way that makes my body look a soul. small as it can possibly look. I definitely made my boyfriend of the time take this maybe like 37 times. I still wasn't happy with it. I'm pretty sure I still edited that, maybe in paint, because I can't use any other photo editing tools. And then I posted it and I refreshed it and I refreshed it and I

refreshed it and I refreshed it and I just waited for someone to tell me nice. The validation. Yeah, essentially. Did you edit photos a lot back then? Oh, I did not upload a photo that had not been edited. and do you remember, I don't know if anyone else got this, like that instant panic of you've been tagged in a photo. Yes. Back when it was like strictly Facebook days. That was like every day. So that was immediately take down and anything that I put up was meticulously edited. Just like, just make my body smaller basically.

And did you have like apps and things like that or would you have to go? No, that didn't exist then. Yeah, 2014. Oh, God, of course. I mean, I've never been on one of those apps. So actually, I went, of course, but I didn't know. It might have been around for ages. I've only been on Face Tune once when I made my head really small.

Yeah, I remember that. So I looked like a little small pinhead. But because it terrified me, because I did like a joke about it in my show and I wanted to do like a really over-the-top photoshopped thing of my face and just like, be like, and this is me like at my most candid or something like that. And I went on it and just going on it for a second, made me so upset and angry and terrified that I like, I found it really difficult just to be on it. How do you, once you start?

How do you stop? And we just don't know, you don't know who's using it. So, like, what was the, so using that and the experience of using that and this being your first post? And okay, like, was this your first introduction to Instagram or did you posted before and delete it stuff? Or was this the first upload ever? This was the first upload. And I was quite late to the game amongst my friends. So this was me kind of giving in to Instagram.

Right. And that was the introduction, because the introduction, right, is as a girl, I'm going to go on this thing. And I'm going to try and look as cute as thin as hot as possible. Yeah. Yeah. When did you stop editing your photos? Was there a moment why you were like, I'm not doing this anymore? I think when I came into the body positivity thing, I have always tried my best to practice what I preach.

And that was definitely a bit of a shock to the system. Even though the thing is, when I came into it at the time, I was smaller than I am now. So anyone looking at me would just think, oh, there's this relatively slim, still quite like conventionally by our cultural beauty standards. attractive girl, no big deal, she's posting a picture of herself. And I was still in such like a disordered mindset around my body and around food and around weight that it genuinely was a big deal for me to just post a picture of myself unedited. And I see how it's not not actually a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But I don't think, I think a lot of those feel like that. Everything's relative. Like it's massive thing. Yeah. And I think the stepping stones are important.

I think we dismiss the stepping stones a lot of the time. So that that was one of my first stepping into kind of more radical body liberation and body politics. And even if it's not like, face tuning or like editing, like I know when I started on Instagram, like before campaigning, before any of my work that I'm in now, like I would put up a picture, like even stuff that I know that I did. So like, if I was doing Instagram stories, I often lay down and did an Instagram story because it made my face look thinner. Weird.

And you don't realize you. And I didn't even, well, I did. I sort of subconscious knew I was doing. Yes, of course. But now, yeah, in retrospect, you go, oh, that's why I did it. And now, like, I post videos all the time. I don't wear makeup. I don't care.

I'm proud of who I am now. I've developed myself in other ways that my value isn't just, like, on Instagram story is I feel like I need to look good because I've really followed things I cared about. But even if it's not editing, it was, like, controlling the environment to make sure that I felt and looked a certain way. But you know, I think that is a big deal to break out. Like, because I feel like that now, I have, I put up, like, stupid photos of me looking normal, but then I'd be like, well, that's too normal. or that's like too

unattractive and it'll be an unattractive face that I'm pulling up and I'm like and I'm like oh that's actually too much and then that's better and I hate it but I think we all do that because you often we'll post in Instagram stories

and you'll be using like a fun filter or something because you feel tired so you're like yeah if I feel tired and I don't want to be like and then afterwards you're like damn it why did I do that

this is not I'm feeding the cycle but it's so hard to step out of the cycle so it's amazing that you were able to go I'm gonna, yeah, I mean, it's much more brave than you're giving yourself credit for to be like, I'm gonna need it myself. And I think like you're saying it may not seem like a big deal with the tuning theme, but like what I'm trying to communicate is the fact that like I think everyone has felt like that in some way.

Yeah. Whether it's tuning or it's filters or it's the way you show up or it's how you dress or whatever, like, you know what I mean? I've got a lovely friend that never, never post a photo of her with a body in an Instagram photo. And I didn't notice for age and I was like, it's only ever here or she's behind somebody or she's like behind a tree. You're like, you're literally putting a tree in front of me so you can't be seen.

And she just doesn't want it. She just isn't. And the Billy Elish thing's really interesting as well about like the fact that she like, like, doesn't want to be sexualized means that, you know, now you type in Billy Arlish and Twitter and the next thing comes up his body. And it's just people being like,

she's a child as well. Anyway, is there a post that you have that you really regret doing? I did bring one, yes. Did you bring one? I did bring one. So this. There's a bit of a back story behind this. Go for it.

So this is a side by side picture of one side, me standing up. I'm posing, I suppose, in what you call, like, a traditionally like modly way. Like my hands are up. I'm probably sucking my stomach in. And the picture next to it is me sat down on a stool, my stomach's folded over. I've got a few rolls. You can see my cellulite and I'm not as posy. And you're in underwear here, right?

And I'm in my undercrackers. So this has become a genre. of photo that if you are familiar with the body positive community online, follow anyone talks about bodies, you have probably seen a photo like this. Not to sound like a complete dick, but I'm pretty sure I did it first. And at the time, I was like, oh my God, this is, this is genius. I am showing that even if your body looks a certain way when you're standing up and posed, you can still have roles, you know, in the same minute. Exactly. Bodies look different from different angles. And I thought I was making a really astute point. And I was,

I think looking back, fair enough, there is a point in that. You know, we still kind of see, like, magazines showing pictures of celebrities like at quote-unquote unflattering angles and being like, oh my God, look at their body, but it's the same freaking body that they had before. They've literally just like turned around or sat down, whatever. No big deal. But this genre of photo kind of took on a life of its own. And every influencer in the body positive world who looks like me or smaller than me started

doing it, standing at one side, sitting down the other, posed one side. unpose the other. And it took a while for people in the space who exist in bigger bodies for the fat people in the community to kind of start saying, hold on a minute, I can't do this. That's interesting. Yeah. My body looks the same regardless of how I am posed, whether I'm standing up or sitting down, I still have roles and I can't hide it, which also in turn means that that's why I'm discriminated against. That's why the world treats me the way that it does. I cannot, I cannot hide my fatness behind a pose. You can't create a different body in a minute.

Exactly. So these posts actually kind of further alienate me because you're still very, very socially acceptable on one side, and I can't have that, recognize the privilege in that. And slowly more and more people started kind of speaking up and saying, yeah, I find this problematic or this hurts the movement. So I stopped. So I stopped doing them.

Even though they were kind of, this is probably my first post that went viral, viral, like super, super big. And every time I posted one, the same thing happened. Yeah, it was, the likes were just, like, crashing in. So part of me obviously wanted to keep doing that because you get a little bit hooked on that. But it wasn't worth potentially hurting the people who I saw as part of my community and who I desperately, like, who are most victimized by that you're fighting, I guess.

There are other ways to send that, like, there are a bit of better messages that you could be putting out there. And I think that's interesting that you've kept it up as well. because I always think when people regret a post and they delete it, it's very easy because then it's like, oh, look, it never happened. I never made that mistake. But to have it there and then to have an open conversation about it is actually the only way we work past that shit, like to work to learn from it.

I think as well, like when people scroll back, it's very clear to see, oh, she used to do this kind of post and she doesn't. So you can see the learning curve of it. I haven't particularly like spoken that much about it, partly because there's still tons of people doing these photos. if you go on to any kind of slim, white, body image advocate influencer, they will be doing these kind of photos still. And I don't know, I almost feel like it's not my place to tell them not to

because I learnt from other people telling me. It's a tricky one because I can still see that some people benefit from it. When you're at that first stepping stone, when you haven't even posted a picture of your body, when you can't even imagine accepting your body, yeah, I can see how those pictures are still helpful. It's tricky. Yeah, because I guess you're speaking on a movement

or you're speaking for a movement or you're part of a movement that movement is a spectrum and like you say there are people who are most discriminated usually fat women of colour, bigger women and those women who can't do that are going to go well that's like a very, very easy thing for you to do but then like you say there's people at the other end of spectrum like you're communicating that are like at the first level

and they're like wow this makes me feel a bit better for a second and you're kind of you speak for or you don't know you speak for them but you speak with a lot of those people and people are looking to you to communicate that whole spectrum, which is so difficult. Do you find that difficult in other areas? Like, because you have a very wide variety of followers all along that spectrum,

do you get messages with people being like, well, hang on, this does them? And people like, that really help me. And you're like, I don't know what is helping. What isn't sometimes? I think this has been a real balancing act in the recognising that in most ways, I sit slap bang in the middle.

My body is just at the start of the plus. spectrum so I'm kind of in the middle there. I'm mixed race but I'm like skinned. I'm in the middle of between kind of using like academic language and like everyday language and holding that middle ground where there will be people for whom I will never be radical enough and I understand that and I'm not for them. I get it but then there are also people who are constantly like oh you're going a bit far with this one whenever I express a more political or a more radical opinion and knowing that like I can never fully please either of these sides, but I have to try and bring in the people who are still like at the start

while also showing respect to the people who are ahead of me and who I've learned from. That's been a real, a real tough balancing act, yeah. Did you get help with it? Do you have people to talk to who are like, hey, I'm in the same space. Oh. No. Is there anything you can turn to and go?

Yeah, I have a couple of friends who are in a same kind of space. Basically, we need to make you best friends with Lizzo, though. Yeah. Because you two together would be like, what a powerhouse? I don't know. I feel like, obviously, it's hard like I would like to be her best friend who worship you. Like, I don't think I could treat her like a normal human being. It would be weird for her.

Yes, there we go. You just stare around her and make noises. Yes, exactly that. Apart from all of them, I remember this post. The photo, it's a slide. It's a slide. I love a slidey slide. So there's one where I am like fully made up,

wearing a little gold, silky mini dress. Everything looks amazing. And then sliding is a picture of me later that day where I look, I would say like bedraggled is a nice way. You look really. You look really cute. Sad and bedraggled. Yeah.

And it's just a selfie that I took in the mirror that I kind of took. to convince my brain that I was even in that space. Is there going to be a trigger warning on this? There is now. Trigger warning. And what's the trigger? What we're talking? So this is some very real talk about mental health, disassociation,

anxiety and death a little bit. So if that's going to be too much, I won't be offended if you switch off, take care of yourself first, you're important. So this post was me kind of admitting that although everything looked peaches and cream at the start of the day and I was posing and I was being an influencer and doing all that stuff, I was an absolute fucking wreck this day and this entire trip.

So this is in France with my friends. And I had... Were you on a holiday with your friends? Yeah. Just like a girl's holiday. We've gone for a few days to meet someone who was out there. And I was going through a phase of mental health that, to be honest, like still to this day, don't fully understand,

but I can only describe it as a really extreme, depressive episode with really acute anxiety and disassociation. where I was spending every single day kind of obsessing over existential meaning and death and when the world was going to end and having these panic attacks almost every other moment

thinking that literally the world could come to an end at any point that I was having nightmares about the sun crashing into the earth and I don't know, I still don't know, I still don't know what kicked it off what technically to call it I pulled myself out of it and I have been in therapy for two years so I was in therapy this entire time

this was happening so I was supported but it was really really hard to keep existing as the girl in the first photo who the internet sees me as and not wanting to I don't like to share things when I'm still going through them because I like to find the teachable moment

basically and in mental health that is really hard because sometimes there isn't a teachable moment and sometimes it's just look I'm fucking scared this is shit, I don't know what's going on. Like, that's it. That is it. There's no philosophy there.

There's just this is experience. Exactly. And I kind of got myself through the worst of that and not telling the internet at all and only telling people really, really close to me and still kind of forcing myself to show up every day as this positive presence, which was really fucking hard. And then it got to Mental Health Awareness Day. And I was like, I feel like I'm in a space now where I could share this. And maybe it'd be worth it because maybe one other person has said.

felt this. I'm not looking for someone to like tell me what that was or like here's here's the cure here's how you never go back there or anything but I think if I'm going to keep showing up on the internet I might as well be my most authentic and honest self and this is that so I posted it really really not knowing how it was going to go down because it's probably the most honest thing I've ever posted you read the post for us I know it's long you don't have to if you don't want to it is quite long and it's very dark we'll post it we'll post it on Instagram you don't have to read it a slidey thing so people can see one you regret the one you're proud of and the one

so if you go into app, might delete later pod you'll be able to see Megan's post because it is really powerful and it's really really really helpful for people I think I don't think anyone would see that who's ever had any sort of mental health phase or problem and it's just nice

to see the person behind because it's so easy just to see you as being this well you're so confident and you're so amazing and you know you love yourself and it's really great and I should be like that but I'm not Oh no, I'm terrible. And to see that sometimes you really struggle as well. And you don't know what to call it.

You don't know how to bring the language to it. That's the critical thing as well. Because like you say about the teacher moment, like so often with mental health conversations, it's like here's the problem, here's how we move past it, here's how we... And it's actually so much more powerful sometimes to be like, I don't know how the fuck happened.

But it happened. I just need to tell you what happened. Because I don't know, none of us know what we're doing. I don't have to get out of it. I don't know how to... I don't know what it's called. That's the reality. I'm guessing.

I'm guessing. I'm guessing. And nice. You know what? I was really, really, really surprised by the amount of people who said, I have felt this exact same thing and I haven't been able to describe it. Wow. This is exactly this.

And I think even as present as I am in spaces where like mental health is discussed and I'm like I'm quite clued up on like the language and things like that, and I've been a therapy for two years, like my brain still managed to convince me that no one else in the world could have possibly felt like that. And I think that's very symptomatic, especially of depression, that no one else could understand you are completely alone. They will never get it. So just the sheer fact that that's got maybe like over a thousand comments on it of people saying I felt exactly this makes it less terrifying. Yeah.

It takes from the power from it. Well, it takes the shame away. Yes. I still was holding on to shame about that because it's like I shouldn't have been dragged into that. like surely in the position that I'm in, I should have been able to find my way out sooner or be immune to this stuff by now. And I'm not because my brain is still a human brain.

Yes. And it's prone to malfunctioning in that way, I suppose. Or maybe functioning exactly as it's designed to function in this world that we currently live in. Who knows? Yes. Yeah. I mean, that's a great point.

It's true, isn't it? Someone said something to me in a panel, or I was watching a panel, actually, I was on it. And they said, I'm so bored of kind of anxiety and depression and mental health struggles being categorized as some kind of unusual kind of anomaly because it's actually a very normal response to a completely overstimulated,

really unnavigationable world that we're in now. Like it's a very normal response to what we're going through. You can actually track smartphone usage and mental health rise in people. I mean, obviously that goes off people who are coming into a doctor's and being like, I have a problem and lots of people aren't doing that. but the people who are doing that, it's almost, it's like the exact same curve. And there's also a thing that said

that the amount of information or stimulation we take in now, so I think it was in 1940 in a whole day, no, in a whole day now we take in a year's worth of information we would have taken in 1940. Yeah, it makes sense. Bombarding stuff and then you'd go to work. Yeah, you get like designated channels. Now we're just so overstimulated.

I think you're right. I think it's a very normal response to a world we live in And I think to categorize its abnormal is the problem. Definitely. Okay, so I'm going to get you. So follow and follow block. Obviously, there's difference between block and unfollow. So follow is like, I want to see their stuff.

And follow is like, I'm okay with it. I've seen their stuff. Block is like, get out my life. And they know it as well. And they'll go know. They know when they've been blocked. So these are three people we know, both of us. Mm-hmm.

Follow on Follow Block. Kenny Ethan Jones, Isaac Carew, or Nadia. You're going to have to explain that for people as known. Kenny Ethan is an incredible, incredible social activist, trans activist, amazing. Writer does incredible conversations,

really, really nuanced conversation on social media, really teaches people about the trans experience and fights for trans people's rights and also does a lot of educating around. You can't block them. No, and there's a lot of educating around trans men and periods and how periods aren't just something that women, cis women experience.

Isaac Crew is a chef and a model and Nadia Nadi is a documentary maker he does films for YouTube about identity about being mixed race about where home is for him about being in the Post-9-11 generation of young people. Oh no, they're all brilliant and that's why it's going to be such a fun game!

Okay, follow and follow block. Kenny, Isaac, Nadir. So can I just point out for everyone listening who's like, who the hell are these people and why is Gina chosen them? Gina has chosen three exceptions. exceptionally attractive men. One of whom, no, sorry, all of whom she knows that I find attractive,

one of whom I'm sleeping with. I didn't know we were allowed to talk about that. Exclusive. You can just guess it at home. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to give anything away with these guesses. Loads people will be flocking to Instagram stories being like, okay, there are any clues. There any clues. When this is come out?

I mean, it's probably going to be. out by then. So you might not get the exclusive. Sorry, hon. All right. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, for that reason, I'm a mixer up. You know what? I am going to follow, no, you know what, let's look at these men for their professional accomplishments and their content only. Let's not treat them like their pieces of meat, even though all, it's exceptionally attractive. And a fit piece of me. For their content, I am going to follow Kenny Ethan Jones because I think he's doing incredible work in the trans community and there's no one else out there

really like him doing that also fucking fit mate. It's really fit. I am going to... I can't want to stalk these people after show. I'm like itching. Kenny's body is like, what is going on? I'm just going to look them up

just while you're deciding. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I am going to... I don't want to unfollow any of them. Can I follow but still check up on? Oh, Nadir? Yes. Okay, I'm unfollow.

in Adi... You're blocking Isaac, mate. I think we know she's sleeping with. Wait, do we? I think I've figured it out, because you... Doesn't matter. I'd always block the person I was sleeping with because I'd be like, yeah, that's fine,

because, you know. It could be. That's interesting. Who knows? I mean, you know, but... I'm saying it for you, babe. Who knows? I'm trying to help you.

Yeah, so I'm going to continually check up on Nadir because he's maybe the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life. And I just adore him. Important work, too. An important brain work. That's the third thing. He's a smart. Just going to rebe on that third thing you've said about him.

And I am going to. And I'm not going to block, Isaac. Not for any particular reason. He's still very lovely and attractive. I saw him at an award ceremony the other day. We had a good conversation about whether I had food in my teeth and he helped me out. He lives like very honest with me about that. He's a chef, so he probably chopped in a zoo nice.

He's, he's very nice. Thank you so much, Megan. You were so interesting and honest and great. And, yeah, thank you so much for sharing. And as I said, you're my little pie. Little pie. Thank you, Megan. Thank you, Megan's babies.

To have a look at Megan's photos that we've been chatting about and also to send your own photos from right back, when you started Instagramming, so we can repost the funniest ones. Go to at Mike Delete Later Pod. Please do like, subscribe, share. Tell you, pal. Make some merchandise.

Look, make and send us merchandise. I'm only in it for the merch. Yeah, T-shirts. I'll be stopping if there's no merch. And yeah, thank you so much for listening. Please spread the word. And remember, social media is meant to be fun. Use it how you will.

Think about your relationship with it. But don't get too worried or stressed about it because, you know what? Even if this makes your post and you don't like it, well, you might as well to look later. Okay, bye!