Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 110. Greg Warren: Comedy Lessons From a Salesman

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Comedian Greg Warren is one of Mike’s oldest friends in comedy. Greg and Mike often work out jokes on the phone but today they bring their collaborative friendship to the podcast for an hour-long discussion on setups, punchlines, and what makes a good partner to work out jokes with. All that plus Greg discusses his new special “The Salesman” directed by Nate Bargatze and Greg recalls the story of when he introduced Mike to his new wife Jenny and somehow got written out of the story.Please consider donating to St. Louis Ovarian Cancer Awareness

This show, Working It Out, is working out jokes with comedian friends. This is actually what we do. Yes. In real life. Like, we're on the phone at least a couple times a month. Yes. What are your favorite qualities of someone to bounce jokes off? Positivity.

Good, good. Love it. Ding, ding, ding. I think listening. Listening's huge. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta listen before you can actually give a take. Right.

Or an addition. Yeah. And then I think also knowing the person helps. Yeah. Because like, hey, man, this is what you're good at. Or this is a, you always, you know, sort of with me bring it back to like, yeah, Greg, there's that thing that you saw or that you did that's sort of exterior. But what does it have to do with you?

That is the voice of the great Greg Warren. Greg Warren is one of my oldest friends. As a matter of fact, he introduced me to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein. He introduced me to Jenny almost 20 years ago. One of my closest friends, one of the people who in my life I work out jokes with all the time. And in some ways, this podcast is inspired by my friendship with people like Greg, a hugely funny person, really great comic, supportive friend. I should point out that he will be on tour in Youngstown, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Omaha, Louisville,

all of that on gregwarrencomedy.com. I am in my final week in London. If you want to come see me at the Wyndham's Theater, there's only a few seats left. And then I'm going to be announcing some club dates only on burbiggs.com, the mailing list. So if you join the mailing list, you'll be

the first to know about those very limited club shows that sell out right away. There's like three or four cities where I'm doing shows. Then I go to Boston for Christmas. I'm doing eight shows at the Wilba. I'm calling those shows Christmas Parmesan. It is all new material. It's totally different show from the old man in the pool, but we're calling shows Christmas Parmesan. It is all new material. It's a totally different show from The Old Man and the Pool, but we're calling it Christmas Parmesan. And then as we turn the corner in the new year, I'm calling the new show Please Stop the Ride, which harkens back to the bit from my girlfriend's boyfriend

when I'm on the scrambler. It's all new material in Vancouver, in Seattle. Get those tickets right away. Then I'll be in Walla Walla. I'll material in Vancouver, in Seattle. Get those tickets right away. Then I'll be in Walla Walla. I'll be in Portland, Oregon. All of this is on Herbigs.com. I love this conversation with Greg Warren today, one of my oldest friends,

and certainly one of my oldest friends in comedy. He has a new special that is on YouTube that Nate Bargatze directed. It's called The Salesman. It's on YouTube. It is fantastic. It is, I couldn't recommend it more highly. And I hope you enjoy my conversation

with the great Greg Warren. What's funny is when we met at the Stress Factory in New Jersey, we both had nothing. And when I say nothing, I mean like we were both sort of broke. You were staying, I think you were staying with your brother in Jersey. Yeah. I was staying on my sister's couch in Brooklyn. And we were just kindred spirits because we thought each other were funny and nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, that was what the friendship was based on. Yeah. And other than my improv group in college, I'd say you're my oldest comedy friend. Wow. Am I yours? Well, no, because I was, I'm older than you. Right.

So I was doing it long before that. Like, I got a job out of college yeah um and Procter and Gamble Procter and Gamble yeah and went to Houston for five years and met a bunch of guys down there and then I moved to Ohio and met met like a group there and that's when I was uh that's when I met you was sort of the end of the Ohio run so it's funny that I never even made that connect I yeah I know you're from here I met you was sort of the end of the Ohio run. So. It's funny that I never even made that connection. Yeah. I know you're from here. I know you lived in Houston for a bit.

Yeah. And of course you talk about working at Procter and Gamble in the new special. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking about it on the way over here. I'm like this thing that I shot, it's a lot about that time when I met you. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to say one of the, one of my favorite things I did when I lived here in the city for four years. Yeah. Yeah. I want to say one of my favorite things I did when I lived here in the city for four years. Yeah. And it was the performance where you gave out ice cream at the end. Carnegie Hall, yeah. Carnegie Hall. It was the final performance of my girlfriend's boyfriend. We did Carnegie Hall.

We gave out ice cream in the street and we wore ice cream hats. Yeah, you and Ira Glass, right? Yeah, yeah, Ira Glass. So my roommate at the time, this guy, I don't think we were roommates. This kid I knew, Ryan Beck. Yeah, you and Ira Glass, right? Yeah, yeah, Ira Glass. So my roommate at the time, this guy, Ryan, I don't think we were roommates then. This kid I knew, Ryan Beck, young comic. And I didn't want to bug you that week. I knew that it was a big deal.

And I just was like, you know what, man? You need to see this. It's a different way of doing comedy. And I bought two tickets and we sat up at the top and watched the show. And I was like, this is a, it's a completely different way of doing it. Like this isn't what you have to become, but if you just go around to the New York clubs or you just go around, like, you're not going to see this. Like this, this is a, you know. So nice. That show was my girlfriend's boyfriend. It was about me meeting Jenny and you,

my wife, Jenny, and you were the person who introduced me to Jenny. I know. And I got screwed in that, in that performance. Because know, and I got screwed in that performance. Because I didn't use your name? Yeah, which I do in jokes all the time. I made it Andy. You made it this other guy. Andy. Yeah.

Yeah, I merged you and my other friend Andy into Andy. Like when you're writing a novel, these two characters. They can't be two characters. It's too confusing for the audience's brain to juggle two, three characters. So then you're like, okay, that's the friend character. The friend character is, in this case, Andy. Greg got screwed. It's interesting that you went with Andy.

I mean, you know. Well, it was, he was there at the car accident. No, but you, no, it is unfair. It is unfair. I should set the record straight it was greg warren who introduced me to my wife jenny i'm forever beholden to you for that and do you remember the night that you introduced me everything about it because i remember jenny was working for college sports television that's right which is now cbs college sports television. That's right, which is now CBS College Sports. And I was doing this gig the first time. The NCAA wrestling tournament was in St. Louis. Yeah.

And they had asked me to do a show for all the coaches the night before the tournament. Because you wouldn't say this, but you were an All-American wrestler, college wrestler. Which is unbelievable. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, so they had heard, started to hear on radio shows and that, oh, there's this wrestler guy. And I was like, guys, I know these groups. I know

this event. It's a bunch of coaches that haven't seen each other in 10 years and they all get drunk and it's ex-coaches, ex-wrestlers. It's not a good idea. Well, they just kept pushing. And I was like, guys, it's a terrible idea. And they just talked me into it. I'm like, yeah, this is going to be different. So that night I went up and Jenny was there and she was sort of, she was part of College Sports TV. So I went up and I got through it, you know,

and had a couple of good moments, but it was hard. Yeah. And then, you know, Jenny's pretty. And I was like, hey. Thank you on her behalf. You know, you were in town for a college gig in Springfield or something. That's right, that's right. And I was like, and I had a, one thing they did give me was like a sweet. Thank you on her behalf. You know, you were in town for a college gig in Springfield or something. That's right.

And I was like, and I had a, one thing they did give me was like a suite room at the Hyatt. Yes. And passes. So I had this really nice hotel room down at the Hyatt. Yeah. I think I was living in LA. It was like in the mall. Yeah.

I think I was living in LA at the time. Yeah. And I, so I was there and you happened to come in town and I was like, hey, come, just stay with me, you know? Yeah. And I was, and I remember to Jenny, I was like, hey, come out, come out. We're going to go, you know, we're going to go to this bar and we went to this. No, but I remember, there's actually one thing different, which is you introduced us on a staircase in that mall where the, that connected the hotel and the mall.

Really? Yeah. And I remember it because I said, fell in love with jen immediately just and i've never had that literally to this day of course and and i and and previous that and i just go greg i thought you gotta convince her to come out and so and so you asked her to come out and i think she was a little bit like maybe and then you're like no you. And then she thought she was on a date with you. This is interesting because it's much like that comic exercise that I was talking about. If I always had to convince her to go out with me, the pressure would have been on

and I would have flubbed it. But I was like, this is for Mike. Yeah. So I was, it's another guy. I was in the zone. You were going to the mat. I can see. To was in the zone. You were going to the mat. I can see. To use a wrestling term, you're going to the mat for your friend.

I can sell Mike a lot better than I can sell myself. The salesman. You're the salesman. Yeah. So, and we went to McGurk's, which is a great Irish bar in St. Louis. Classic St. Louis pub. Yeah. It was on St. Pat's Day.

Yeah. And McGurk's on St. Pat's Day is nuts. Bananas. Bananas. Yeah. And we went there and yeah, we had some beers, and Jenny was staying at the hotel, right? Yep.

Yeah, and then, yeah, I remember. We went back, and I think a friend of yours drove us back to the hotel, and she and I were in the back seat together, and it was like a really sweet moment we had, and I was just like, oh my God, I'm like in love with this person yeah you guys right away I just remember there was some talk of like you were both

young people in New York City and you like I don't know if you knew this you maybe knew a little bit of the same people but you knew some stuff you know like that there's immediately like I know this thing that people do in New York City well Jenny and I always talk about how if we didn't meet there in St. Louis, I feel like we would have met in 10 other places kind of thing. Like we were in the same universe. She was in the East Village and I was in Brooklyn and it was just kind of like, but yeah, and then I remember she and I reference you to this day.

I don't even know if I've ever told you this because I called you. I remember I was like, so, so that girl, Jenny, you introduced me to, um, we're like dating. It's, it seems pretty serious. And you go, yeah, she's a cool girl, man. She's a cool girl. And so now whenever I want to compliment Jenny, I go, you're a cool girl. Things like that just stick. Yeah. The, uh, what's funny about you coming on the show is that this is this show working it out is working out jokes with comedian friends this is actually what we do yes in real life like we're on the phone at least a couple times a month yes what are your favorite qualities of someone to bounce jokes off man um positivity good good love it ding ding ding positivity that's good i remember running jokes by my little brother who's very funny you know early on and you're just like and you just

who needs it who needs it you just die on the inside you give up you're usually well yeah that's terrible yeah so you got a yes and. Positivity. Yeah. And by the way, when we say yes and, it's not yes and forever. It's just yes and that day. Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah, that's pretty good. I like that. And then maybe it dies on the vine, like over the course of a couple of weeks, but let it die on its own. Don't kill it. Yes. That's not what you're there for. Yeah. Yeah. That's a, yeah. I wasn't able to articulate that. That's great. I'm here to articulate for you, man. I wish you could do more of that. Uh, positivity is a big number one positivity. Yeah. I think so. A lot of times when somebody's pitching you a joke, uh, you get an idea and you're like, I know how to tag that.

you get an idea and you're like, I know how to tag that. And you want to do that, but you got to give the thing time to develop. You want to hear the whole thing. Yeah. And it's a balance. Yeah. Because you don't want to forget your idea, but you also want to let them get going on their thing.

Yeah. So listening, I think listening. Listening's huge. Yeah. Yeah, you got to listen before you can actually give a take. Right. Or an addition. Yeah. And then I think also knowing the person helps.

Yeah. Because like, hey man, this is what you're good at. Or this is a thing you ought to, you always sort of with me bring it back to like, this is what you're good at, or this is a thing you ought to, you always, you know, sort of with me bring it back to like, yeah, Greg, there's that thing that you saw or that you did that's sort of exterior, but what does it have to do with you? Right.

You know, and you're really good. And then, you know, if you watch your shows, that's all of your stuff. But I forget that sometimes. Yeah. Or sometimes, you know, you think there's this point that's just very like observational humor and and extraneous and uh and you're like no no there's something there is a connection between you and that thing you wrote it there's something there's some connect you're you're you wrote it you're obsessed with it and it's honestly all we care about. Yeah. All we care about is how you feel about it, not how we feel about it. Yeah.

Sometimes there's this tendency to go bit hopping when you're like, it's like whack-a-mole almost. It's like, well, yeah, that's an idea I have. I can't, there's nothing there. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. Let's find, I got to find the hot one that's just there instantly. And, you know, you're all about, okay, now you thought of this before you dismiss it and go to the next one.

Maybe there is something there. Let's fool around with it. And maybe whatever's gonna happen isn't gonna happen for six months, but keep investing in that thing because you thought about it. There's something to it. And we were, the special that you literally

just came out with that Nate Bargatze produced and directed is based on conversations we've been having for 20 years. Yeah. Loosely. Like, for example, you've talked about working in Procter & Gamble. Yeah. I've always been like, dude, this is like great for the stage. Yeah. And you were reluctant for a long time.

Well, I tried. I mean, I made a lot of runs at it yeah um I remember definitely a lot of uh talks with you going back to way way back where I was pitching flute man uh yeah about me did yeah playing the clarinet and wrestling. And you were like, that's it, that's it. And I remember you saying something to me that was a hard thing to say, I think, but it was like, man, your ideas are really, really good. And you're not quite getting to the joke.

You're not quite getting to the thing. And I knew it, but for you to tell me that i knew it and i still it's got me to this theory that i've thought so so you have like like like uh you know over here is this idea for a joke yeah over here is the the thing that pops yes and you can put it in a special yes okay i still still, to this day, can't quite explain what goes on between here and here. What do you mean? Like, I don't, you have this idea

and then you do all this writing and you go on stage and you mess around with it and you apply different techniques and there's just some, a lot of it's innate and you're like, I gotta say it that way, I gotta say it that way. And then eventually you get to this thing that works. If you continue to attempt it,

eventually the space gets a lot, a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like eventually some, and I wasn't, that way. And then eventually you get to this thing that works. If you continue to attempt it, eventually the space gets a lot, a lot. Like eventually some, and I wasn't, you had got there quicker than I did. You just sort of were like, especially the two drink mic, like you sort of like, I have this premise and then it's this bam thing that could go on a late night set. I couldn't get there. And it just took me a lot longer. And I've, you know, started to figure out, I remember that. The other thing that you've told me that i tell a lot of people is um you know you've said several times like you're hitting false bottoms on these premises okay like you think you're done with that premise yeah and you're not yeah and and it that one i think has helped me a lot i always i always tell comics what's your best joke add five minutes yeah you know what i mean

yeah like don't work on your worst joke yeah we're always working on our worst joke yeah as though we're gonna save it it's like shit's not savable you know what i mean like yes it's actually yes yes i do mike you're you're gonna list them your your i always say your best bit is the thing you should spend time on. The thing that you think is a 10 could be an 11. Yes. And so back to the question, it's the Procter & Gamble stuff.

I took runs at it for years. Yeah. And I took runs at it. And then over the pandemic, I started, I got a little sillier with it. And I sort of adopted this, a lot of it's truth, but a lot of it's not. Like adopted this character of fierce Procter & Gamble loyalist.

Serious loyalist. Loyalist. And part of that is true. Like, I am loyal. I know more about peanut butter than almost any, you know, I know a lot about peanut butter. Settle down, Greg. Jesus Christ, Greg. It's an important topic.

This is a podcast. Yeah, I know, Greg. It's an important topic. This is a podcast. Yeah, I know, man. But it's also an opportunity for me to look into the camera and tell people about the different brands of peanut butter, okay? Jif's where it's at. The rest of it's garbage. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Jif. You're going to hold your ground on Jif?

Yes, I am. Yeah. You're gonna dismiss the organic peanut butters that don't have added sugar and salt? And that are inedible. You're talking about the thing that has the inch of oil on top of it. Yeah, you mix it up.

It doesn't take that long. Oh, you mix it up. So now I'm supposed to just make the peanut butter. So now I'm supposed to just make the peanut butter. Just hand me a bag of peanuts and a hammer next time. I'll smash them up myself, Mike. I know you're an expert, but you're really missing it. You know, let's look at the market shares, Mike, and see who's wrong, okay?

No, I mean, look, I'm not saying that their business model isn't good. When you sell people garbage for a dollar, you're going to make a profit. A dollar, really? You don't even know the price points. You don't know

the price points, man. The main size is 18 ounce. When I was selling it, okay, a two for three is the best deal of the year. That's the back-to- school ad, two for three. On the shelf every day, $229.

I bet you right now you're looking at most in New York. Get this guy out of here. In New York, Mike. Get this guy the fuck out of here. Go to your dumb bodega and it's probably $329. Get him out. I'm not leaving, Gary. So this is called the slow round. What is the best piece of advice anyone's ever given you that you used? So this is called the slow round.

What is the best piece of advice anyone's ever given you that you used? I got this advice from a guy named Ron Morey one time when I was young that said, listen to your act, but not intently. So like listen to your act when you're doing the dishes or driving or something, because there's just, you start to make adjustments that you don't even know you're making. That's great. That's great. You think so? Not only is it great advice on its face,

but actually there's a subtle second layer to it, which is it's hard to listen to your own voice. So when you record yourself, you're like, oh my God, this is like listening to a voicemail of myself. Yes. I hate my own voice. We all hate our own voices. And you become desensitized to it if you do it over time.

It's that thing where you know how you're walking through the back of the room. Yeah. And you hear, you know, I can do it with you or you can do it with me or my friend. You hear one of your friends do something and you're like, I don't want to fix that joke. You switch those two words and do that.

But when you listen to yourself, do I sound like that? Am I going to be a failure? Why did I quit my job? Like you don't even gonna be a failure? Why did I quit my job? Like, you don't even get to the thing. Why did I quit my job? Dude, that's so funny. I was making over,

I was making six figures, son. Pringles. I would be, I would have been retired. You know, like all that's going on, not the thing about which word do you need to take out. But if you listen long enough, the guy that you're hearing on the cassette tape eventually just sounds like any other comic. You're just hearing sort of the technical aspects, not the emotional aspects.

Right. You're detached emotionally from the actual recording. Well, if you do do comedy long enough, you're detached emotionally from the actual recording. Well, if you do do comedy long enough, you're detached emotionally from everything. What's your favorite joke joke? You must know a joke joke. Oh, it's that talking dog joke. Okay. Can you say it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guy goes to the, he's looking at the paper it says talking dog uh fifty dollars and he he's like i i he i gotta go to this guy's house so he goes to the guy's house he goes uh guy answers the door he goes is this is this this place with talking dog guy goes yeah he goes well can i see him he, yeah, man, he's in the back. So he walks back there and there's this dog reading the paper, you know, and he goes, is that him? He goes, oh, you're looking for me? He's like, you've got to be kidding me.

He goes, you're the talking dog? He goes, yeah, yeah, it's me. He goes, well, can you tell me about yourself a little bit? He goes, yeah. He goes, well, can you tell me about yourself a little bit? He goes, yeah. He goes, I'm originally Canadian. He goes, I used to, I was a snow rescue dog. That's how I kind of got started. And obviously I was better

than a lot of the other snow rescue dogs because I could talk, you know, like these guys would be lost and I could find them, be like, hey, are you in there? You can find them. He goes, and then I got moved into actually the FBI, the American FBI. I was doing some work as a drug sniffing dog because I could communicate better with the officers, and you could see what happened. And so and then he goes, I've been lately doing some work as a bomb sniffing dog, and it's really going well.

And the guy goes, hold on, man, hold on. He goes, this is an amazing specimen. He goes, why are you only charging $50 from me? He goes, because he's a liar, man. He didn't do any of that stuff. Great joke. Great joke. Because he's a liar.

He didn't do any of that stuff, man. I've never heard that joke. I've never heard that joke. You've never heard that joke? Great joke. Yeah. Some kid, he's a Boston comic. You know those guys.

I think like the guy that told it originally was Tony V. Oh, really? Yeah. Is it Tony V's joke? I don't know if it's Tony V's joke, but he's the one

that this Boston comic told me. He was opening for me in Connecticut and he told me that joke. And I was like, you know, it goes on for a while if you're like, oh God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, oh man, that's a- That's a hilarious joke.

Is there a song that makes you cry? Yeah, man, probably Cats in the Cradle. Why does it make you cry, that one? Just because it's about fathers and sons. Do you have a father? I do. I do. Yeah.

He's great, man. He's my favorite person. Aw. Yeah. I love him. Cats in the Cradle is definitely, it definitely pulls at your heartstrings. Oh, my God, yeah. Because it just goes to the heart of like

however you hear songs, it's like it's just about the journey from childhood to adulthood and the similarities, it's like similarities between childhood and adulthood. Not focusing on the right things.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a great one. Yeah, yeah. It's just, you know, it's... And, yeah. That's a great one. Yeah, it's just sort of reminding you that you don't have everybody forever. Yeah, yeah, that's right. I want to work out a couple jokes. It's funny you should say that

because the father-son thing, I've been talking a lot about my dad and especially in relation to like me being a father now yeah and so like the other day i was experimenting with this joke where i go like when i was a kid my dad would feel unappreciated and he would just go he would just go oh i guess you just need me to send the check around here just send the check around here. Just send the check. And I was always like, dad's crazy. And now I'm like a grown-up with a wife and a child, and I'm like, he was right about that check.

I mean, he didn't have to yell, but he wasn't wrong. I did that last night for the first time, and it's one of those ones that's like half written, I did that last night for the first time. And it's one of those ones that's like half written, but it's definitely something there. Yeah, wow. Yeah, and also the way that you animate. I mean, send the check could be an earworm type thing. You have a few in your, usually in whatever hour you're working on.

Send the check. Send the check. Send the check. Send the check. working on, there's a, send the check. Send the check. Send the check. Send the check. Yeah, because it's a, yeah. Just send the check. Yeah, I guess I'll just send the check then, huh? I did a callback to it later, I think.

It's, but yeah, no. And then I usually, I pair that with the thing about my dad where I just go like, you know, my dad would shout when I was a kid and we didn't even understand why. He'd be like, God damn it, I'm eating pretzels, you know. We'd be like, is he angry? Is he hungry? Like, what is the emotion being expressed?

But it's, but I do think a lot about my dad in relation to raising a child. And then also like this thing of like, you know, there's like a, the whole thing of you grow up and you go like, you see your parents as people and you go like, oh yeah, he's just doing his best. That's the first time being a dad. That's like a famous line. It's not my line, but it's like their first time being a parent, your first time being a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I remember like just seeing at my mom's funeral, just seeing pictures of her with me,

you know, like just a picture like her holding me when I was like two or something. And I'm like, she's a child. She is a child. Like my mother, she's just, you know. Right, she's like probably in her 20s or something. Yeah, my mom was very young. Yeah, she was early 20s. Yeah. Yeah, my mom was very young. Yeah, she was early 20s.

So I was like, yeah, I mean, the dumb things I did when I was in my 20s, awful, you know, just mistakes. People should, I mean, if there's any takeaway from this, I think, is like when we talk about like our parents and all that stuff, it's like kind of like go easy on yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? I feel like in my

i made so many mistakes teenager 20s i mean my 30s and 40s have been great but i don't know of one really not not one mistake i don't think but man those 20s no it's uh no but it is like i think you're gonna regress in your 50s you're gonna could be yeah yeah but but I do think that there's a degree to which, like, we should give ourselves a break a bit. Yeah. So send the check. Yes, send the check. I love it. Do you have any riffs on it?

Do you have any, like, thoughts? I just feel like one thought is, like, he's like, you just want me to send the check, right? And unfortunately, you're like, yeah. Right. No, I, that's right. Yeah, because you're just, you're just. No, that, yeah, could you, they are actually asking for it at St. Mary's.

It's overdue. I love you. I know this isn't the right time. Yeah, but I do need the check. I actually do need the check. And it's probably the wrong time to ask. I know this isn't the right time. Yeah, but I do need the check. I actually do need the check. And it's probably the wrong time to ask. I need another check. Yeah, I need another.

I know this is, I feel like it might be a sensitive subject, but I need another check. I've forged your signature a handful of times, and I just don't think I can do it anymore. Timing's horrible here, but I need another check. I could send it if that's the issue. here uh but uh i i need another check i could send it if that's the issue um the other thing is like i specificity specificity is always yes like what was the what's he sending checks what was the instance and it was yeah and it was schools you know you know saint mary's school growing up and

and it would be i'm trying to think what we've you know a mortgage and a car and uh i'm trying to think what we've, you know, mortgage and a car. And I'm trying to think. It's a good question. But it would, you know, actually, you know what? Soccer camp. Yeah. I think if you get to those. Yes.

When it's like the thing where it's like, this is a legitimate expense. This is legitimate checks. But with kids, there's like this thing. Yes. This thing. Now we're getting a little bit crazy. And that thing's important too. But it's like you know

is there something that you grow up and you realize just like the money just goes yeah the money just travels away from you yeah because that's a grown-up thing like when you're a kid like you literally don't clock that someone has to earn the money that you're spending yeah you go to soccer camp and it's like it's costing someone eight hundred dollars and you're spending. If you go to soccer camp and it's like, it's costing someone $800 and you're thinking about, I got to wake up at six to do pushups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're dreading that. Yeah. You're not even clocking that someone's actually like financing your life. Oh yeah. I had clarinet, private clarinet lessons. And I, you know, I was like not practicing and dreading going and like, this is costing them. My dad was a teacher. Yeah. My mother was a writer. This is costing real money.

Yeah. You know, and I'm not putting much into it. I think like that's, I think that's the thing I need to get to with the bit. Like if it's going to end up being in the show long-term, I think you got to find the love in the bit. Like I think I need to find the love for my dad in the bit who I do love.

Yeah. And who I do appreciate. But I think like the jokes have to be counterbalanced with like that he's you know there's he he is like he was underappreciated like i at some point i could have he's a father that's that's sort of the and also instead of being like dad's crazy i could be like hey thanks yeah yeah i mean like, thanks for that. Yeah, you can. But as a kid, you're not gonna. No.

You probably don't want your kid to think about it that much. No, you're right. But I think there's got to be some silly activities that you were involved in that, I say silly, but just like, those are the kind of activities that build an artist or whatever. But I think there's something that your dad wrote a check for that's funny. Yes, like an outrageous thing, a birthday party or, yeah. Do you have any things that you're working on that are like half bits right now, premises? Like what do you, when you go on stage in St. Louis, because that's where you work out a lot, right? Yeah.

When you go to the Funny Bone there, like, what's your 10 minutes that you're like, I don't know what this is yet? Yeah, I'm fooling around. It's gotten a little bit farther down the line, but I'm sort of, sort of, based on what we were talking about with hotels. Yeah.

Is Walgreens. You know, when you go to Walgreens, like there's good things about them. There's a lot of them, you know, and they're open late. Yep. But past 10 o'clock, they're just kind of open. Like, you know, it's like you walk in and the lights are on and the door opens

and there's not one human being visible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is where I need to articulate. There's something about it where you're like, I think something horrible just happened here. I'm concerned for my safety. Did, what happened? Did CVS attack him?

Did a cheetah get loose? Like, and then eventually, you'll hear something like, I'm back here. You know what? I'm back here. Don't be. Don't be back there. Yeah, yeah.

Don't be back there. And that's exactly what I wanted, was to be startled by a voice that I can't see. Yes. How about you jump out from behind the magazines with a ski mask on that time, you know, like, or a hockey mask. It's terrifying.

It's scary. You're just more scared at night, I think, for some reason. Right, it's almost like you'd rather there be no people in a Walgreens than one person in a Walgreens. There's something terrifying about just a single person. Yeah, and the other thing is, like, I understand economics to some, like, I understand economics to some degree. Like, you guys are Walgreens.

Yeah. You guys are, you have one more employee than a vending machine, right? You can't have two guys? You can't have an up-here guy and a back-here guy? Okay, so I'm going to back this out and say the thing that we were talking about earlier. How is it about you? Yeah, that's- How do you feel about it?

How do you feel? Does it make you feel scared? When I walk in there, I feel a little scared, which is, I shouldn't be, but as a kid, I wouldn't. In my 30s, 20s, definitely not. Right. But as you get older, you're like,

eh, bad stuff happens. Part of it, it's weird because I have a lot of guilt issues. And like, I don't want to be adjacent to anything that goes wrong because I'm going to get blamed, you know? Like, I think maybe I'm afraid like something terrible is going on here. And, you know, there's somebody lying dead underneath the counter and the cop's going to be like, this guy. No, no, no, man, I just walked in, you know?

Yes. That might be part of the fear. Yes. So, yeah, I feel afraid. And then also maybe unreasonably, you know, just that, like, Greg, your life is pretty easy. You're really going to complain about the fact that you got gotta wait a second

or be a little uncomfortable when you walk into a Walgreens I guess my question also would be like what are you getting um that's a good question I think if it's late night at Walgreens it's either this is uh it's either medication yeah like like you know something where I just have a cold right I can't sleep or something yeah I can't sleep Yeah. Or is like some sort of food binge, which is you're coming in here to eat things that you don't need and just be completely gluttonous and you're gonna have a problem

with this guy that's working in the back. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good, you're right. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to buy combos over here, my man? Yeah. Yeah, that's a good, you're right. That's a good point. It's, yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to buy combos over here, my man. Yeah.

I have an eating problem. I don't know who's binging on combos. No? That's what I would do. Really? Yeah. I mean, if I'm, you know, if I'm in Springfield, Missouri in the middle of the night. That's where I was born.

Yeah. We know. You bring where I was born. Yeah. We know. You're bringing up a lot. I don't appreciate that. So you're in Springfield, Missouri, and you did a gig, and then you just get, this happens to me, 11 o'clock, so hungry. So hungry.

You go to Walgreens. Honestly, I'm just going Nature Valley Granola Bar, Nutri-Grain Bar. You're binging on Nutri-Grain Bars? Yeah. I'm just trying to fill my body with stuff that will indicate to my brain that I'm full. Okay. Fast enough that I don't gain 10 pounds overnight. Okay, I got you.

Yeah, yeah. That's all I do at Walgreens. That's my only business with Walgreens. That's my only business with Walgreens and also my sleepwalking medication, sometimes in a pinch. I had a story once, one time I was on the road and I have to take this clonazepam and it's serious. If I don't take it, I could jump through a window. I mean, I have real serious thing. And I ran out, you know, I was in my twenties. I was like irresponsible. I ran out of it. I called my doctor. I'm like, I really, I'm, you know, I'm in Seattle. I really

need this clonazepam. Yeah. And my doctor, this woman who was four doctors ago, sleep doctor, she just goes, Mike, what's going on with you? I was like, what do you mean? She's like, why do you need this drug so much? I was just like, you know, you're my doctor. I have REM sleep behavior disorder. Is it to people abused? Yes. Okay. I want to say they might snort it. It's clonazepam.

It's like an anti-anxiety. Yeah. I think maybe people snort it. I actually don't really know what they do with it, but I know that it's a narcotic. It's a narcotic and it's hard to get. Every month or something, it's kind of an ordeal in my life getting it.

In New York State, you have to have it in triplicate and stuff like it's a whole deal i'm in missouri it's easy to get i mean they're hillbillies i just thought of it yeah i'll get you some next time i'll just say yeah just walk in there you know anybody my straw hat and my straw hat i just thought of a dumb joke or something if you ever talk about that. You know how they call those drugs like you're talking about? Yeah. Schedule C or schedule. Oh, I've never heard that. Yeah, the serious drugs are, it's like Schedule C narcotics or Schedule.

Schedule B? Yeah, yeah. Okay. There's got to be something funny about digging into that. Be like, I want to see the schedule. There's got to be something funny about digging into that. Be like, I want to see the schedule. Well, I have this thing about my clonazepam thing is so crazy because I've been on it for 20 years because I have to be on it.

Yeah. Just recently, I looked at the side effects. Like last week. I'm not even kidding. Last week, I look and it's like depression. It's like poor motor skills and like loss of memory. And I'm like, that's like my personality. It's like that moment in your life where you realize your personality is side effects.

I thought it was just that guy. That's how I've been building a persona on this. Yeah, and like it's weird because I have to take one and a half milligrams every night before bed, which means I have to cut a pill in half. You know who shouldn't do that? Someone with poor motor skills. So that's like a bit I've been working on. Do you have a pill cutter or do you use it?

I have a pill cutter, but I actually find that the cut— You could snap them. I snap them and it's all right. I'm a little concerned. You're showing—she might have been right to ask you that question because she's like, what are you doing that you need this all the time? Also, you said four doctors ago, you're doc hopping. I know.

And that's what those guys do. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. But I didn't doc hop. She moved to Hawaii. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I would do if I were that doctor. I can't take these phone calls anymore. I can't take these pervert phone calls anymore. I can't take it. I'm going to the islands. I had a couple jokes about the road that I kind of don't know what to do with them, but they're funny stories. One of them is a person we know in common. So I was backstage when I was starting out

opening for this guy in Cleveland. And I'm writing on my laptop. I'm writing jokes. And he goes, how much much you pay for that laptop? I go, I don't know, maybe like $400. He goes, I gave you that laptop for $250. I go, how would you do that? He goes, it's hot, which means it's stolen.

And it was that moment where I realized that he was about to steal my laptop and sell it back to me. And he'd be like, it's perfect for you. It's got all your files, photos of your family. Is it a comic? Yeah, it's someone you know. Oh, that's hilarious. It's a person who we know in common who we both worked with a bunch.

And I think we both love him. And he often boasts about how well his sets go in a way that's like wild. By the way, this is what I'll say about him also, because this won't give away who it is. He said to me one time, he goes, nice guy. Steals laptops, but sells stolen laptops. He sells stolen laptops. He doesn't steal laptops.

This guy's not a laptop stealer. No, no, no. He's not. laptops. This guy's not a laptop stealer. No, no, no. He's not. Yeah. And he would not have stolen your laptop. And I was emceeing for him middling. I think the headliner was like Angel Salazar. Yeah, yeah.

Check it out. Check it out, Cleveland. And that was a sketch phrase. And I thought I was having pretty good sets. And he goes, you think you're having pretty good sets? He goes, when I was an emcee, I used to get standing ovations. Yeah, he did. He did say that.

He said standing ovations as an emcee. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah, he did. I think he got a couple. I used to get standing ovations as an emcee. I was like, I literally, are you lying? What is happening here? I think he did get them.

Oh, for real? He used to murder. I don't know about that. He was a really good comic. Yeah. He was like, I literally, are you lying? What is happening here? I think he did get them. Oh, for real? He used to murder. I don't know about that. He was a really good comment. Yeah. He still is probably. He gave me advice. Man,

that guy that you're talking about gave me advice. It was great advice because he was like, man, stop asking so many questions as an MC. Would you,

you set up every one of your bits with a question. Interesting. And I was like. To the audience. Don't ask the audience questions that's great yeah it's great right is anybody married well i'm you know my parents yeah yeah it's in and i was in that ever been anyone ever been to iowa one time i was in iowa yes who cares yeah who cares yeah yes and it's uh man he it was great advice nobody cares and you're just breaking up the rhythm.

And you're also sort of subtly indicating that you have no confidence at all in anything you're going to say. Like, I've got to get you guys on board here before I get into this thing. Let me prime the pump here, you know? Do you have any road memories starting out that were like, oh, this is a ridiculous scenario that I'm finding myself in? Like what, like I'll give you like worst gig that you can think of. Well, I want to say that I didn't have to take as many bad gigs as some of the guys like you that were courageous enough to go right into comedy out of college. Okay.

Because I had 10 years at a Fortune 500 company. Right. Selling the best brand of peanut butter. All right. Easy, easy. And, you know, I had money. So I was like, oh, I'm not staying in that hotel. I'll just get my own.

Wow, that is different. It is different. It is different. That's wild. It's less romantic, and it probably, I did skip some. I mean, I ate it plenty of times. I'm trying to remember some of the times when I did. Actually, the worst gig that I, the one that sticks, is I had been doing it for a good long time,

but I did a gig for the St. Louis Cardinals. Yeah. And I ate it hard. At the park? The ballpark? No, no. It was at one of their fun, it was at a hotel. Okay.

And like Tony LaRusso, who's the manager of the Cardinals. Was Ozzie Guillen there? You thinking Ozzie Smith? Ozzie Smith? He was not there. This was a little bit later. Ozzie Guillen was a manager of the White Sox. I'm trying to play it cool at the sports references.

Trying to play it cool. You're just not embarrassing yourself. I know I'm embarrassing myself. No, I mean, it was one of those things, and I had gotten so far forward on this. I was like, well, I'm a killer these days. Right. I'm going to kill here.

Then I'm going to be in the dugout whenever I want. These guys are going to love me so much that I'm going to be part of the team. I'm a lifelong Cardinal fan. And it was like this thing where I was doing poorly and I could tell you the lifetime stats of 20 people that were not laughing at my jokes. Oh, that's amazing. It was awful. It was like, yeah. That's the great humbling that is stand-up comedy. Yeah. Is it doesn't matter how good you are, you're five days away from bombing in a way that you could never imagine.

All right, the last thing we do is working it out for a cause, and it's basically nonprofit, anyone you give money to over the years will contribute, and then we link to them in the show notes. Awesome. St. Louis Ovarian Cancer Awareness great organization great so we will we will link to them in the show notes

and I will contribute to them Greg so much fun I loved it I could talk to you all day thank you so much you just made me laugh so hard and congratulations on the special

and all the specials people should watch all of your specials because they're all hilarious. A couple of them. Perfect. Perfect. That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. I love that Greg Warren. Just go to gregwarrencomedy.com for his tour dates

and to link through to his special on YouTube. Also, while you're on YouTube, you can watch our episode. This episode is all on YouTube. We have all of those now. We've got the Jim Gaffigan. We've got Ira Glass. We've got a lot of great stuff. Subscribe. Our producers of Working It Out are myself, along with Peter Salamone

and Joseph Birbiglia. Associate producer Mabel Lewis, consulting producer Seth Barish, assistant producer Gary Simons, sound mix by Ben Cruz, supervising engineer Kate Balinski. Special thanks to Marissa Hurwitz, Josh Upfall, and David Raphael and Nina Quick.

My consigliere is Mike Berkowitz. Special thanks to Jack Anjanoff and Bleachers for their music. They have a great new single. Special thanks to my wife, the poet J-Hope Stein. You can follow her on Instagram. She's got my wife, the poet J-Hope Stein. You can follow her on Instagram. She's got great new poems,

at jhopestein on Instagram. Special thanks, as always, to our daughter, Una, who built the original radio fort made of pillows. And thanks most of all to you who are listening. We really appreciate it. If you enjoy it, rate and review it on Apple Podcasts. Watch it on YouTube and subscribe. It really, all that helps us out a lot in making this show that we're so proud of.

Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, maybe call up the person who introduced you to your wife or husband or significant other and say, hey, you helped lead me to the person who changed my life for the better. I'd like to repay you. So I'd like to recommend you. So I'd like to

recommend a podcast I think you might enjoy. Because that's basically the same thing, right? We'll see you next time, everybody. We're working it out.