Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 117. Beth Stelling Returns: Two Skeletons Telling Jokes

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Mike welcomes back to the podcast comedian Beth Stelling, whose Netflix special If You Didn’t Want Me Then is on seemingly everyone’s best of year lists, including Mike’s. Mike and Beth discuss touring together, Beth’s desire to be authentic on stage, and Beth’s dad feeding raccoons out of a trough. Plus, they explore the parallels between stand-up comedy and Beth’s new venture: professional field hockey.Please consider donating to Abortion Access Front

I've been talking about if we were taught how to take an L in sex ed class or even just health class, like how to take a loss, like everybody's lives would be better, right? Instead of the classic, like, you know, do you want to go to dance with me? No, I don't. Well, you're fucking ugly. And it's like, oh, okay. Well, moments ago you wanted to spin me about. Moments ago you wanted to spin me about. Yeah.

What a great joke. Is that what you're going to say? It's spin me about. Yeah. What a great joke. Is that what you're going to say? It's a great line. It's just a new bit. Moments ago, you wanted to spin me about. That is the voice of the great Beth Stelling. She's been on the podcast before and she's back. She has a new special that has gotten all kinds of rave reviews

from Vulture and the New York Times called If You Didn't Want Me Then. I couldn't recommend it more highly. And we have a great chat today. I am in Boston this week. I'm performing the beginning of my Please Stop the Ride tour, 10 performances at the Wilbur Theater. So exciting.

And I just announced I've got a lot of comments. How come you're not coming to Chicago? How come you're not coming to Los Angeles? We just announced, I'm coming to Chicago Theater. I'm coming to Los Angeles to the Ace Hotel Theater. They just went on sale.

Get the best tickets now on Burbix.com. That's the best way to find out. And we just announced, I'll be in Austin at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival for three shows of the Paramount Theater, one of my favorite theaters in the country. I'll also be in Big Sky, Montana, Vancouver, Seattle, Walla Walla, Portland, Oregon, St. Petersburg, Florida, Jacksonville, Orlando, Miami Beach, Aspen, all over Colorado, Beaver Creek, Fort Collins.

We just had a third show in Denver, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, all over Texas, Troy, New York, Rochester, Toronto, Atlanta, Charlotte, Richmond. And we just had a second show in Washington, D.C. All of us at Burbigs.com. Join the mailing list to be the first to know. I love this chat with Beth Stelling. We talk about authenticity in comedy. We talk about her dad feeding raccoons from a trough. It's a wide-ranging

discussion. We talk about field hockey. She's taking a slight pause on comedy this month because she's an amazing field hockey player and she's playing professionally. Fascinating person. I think you're going to love this.

Enjoy my conversation with the great Beth Stelling. It just so happened that just before you arrived, Pete Holmes called. Oh, yeah? And I was like, do you have any questions for Beth? He's like, I have so many questions. His question was interesting. It took me by surprise.

Really? Yeah, I mean, I'm interested. He's a character. Because he was like, how did Beth arrive? He goes, in contrast to me, I'm flailing around the stage. I'm needy. How is she so comfortable in her own skin? And he compared you to like

Nate Bargatze like that you have such a defined voice that like you don't need the audience to affirm you to be who you are that's very nice

I thought that was a good point I didn't think of it that way but I totally agreed I was like yeah like that was a good question how did you arrive at like who you are on stage

I don't know. I didn't plan a persona. I just wrote, and then that's how it came out of me. I know what you mean. I relate to that a lot. At once, I recorded myself and watched myself before an open mic on my computer. Yeah. And I was like, well, I'm never doing that again.

I mean, just sitting in front of my computer, like, I'm going to try the bits and see what that looks like. You mean before you did stand-up in front of an audience? I think I may have already done it before at that point. Yes, I had. Early on. I had. Yeah. Now that I recall because I tried in college.

But yeah, I recorded myself and watched it back and I was like, oh, I can't do that anymore. Oh, interesting. But I think I've gotten more close to myself and my personality as time has gone on. I think it's knowing you, I think it's really close. Thank you. I think it's remarkably close and then you. I think it's remarkably close.

And then you're just hitting people with punchlines throughout the set. Just so many classics in this special. Thank you. You know that joke, it's like, we don't believe women. Oh yeah, the only time men believe women is when we're lying about being 18. Yeah, that is a killer. Thank you. I will say from the beginning of what I ever

did, because I never studied stand-up. I wasn't a student of stand-up. I was never idolizing certain people and I avoided watching it for the longest time because I was terrified of stealing. Oh, interesting. Okay. The fact that when I got my first little review, it was actually just a descriptor on a lineup at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago.

It said, Settle Dark something, Midwestern. Settle Dark Midwestern or something. And I was like, oh, okay, that's what I am. I didn't know how to describe myself. Settle Dark Midwestern. And sometimes when people still do it, I'm like, okay, I guess that's what I am. I find myself to be, like we said, more defined, closer to my personality, always grateful that I wasn't big because it's exhausting. Being big.

Yeah. Screaming and yelling. I don't like being put on or fake. Yeah. I really, really yearn to be authentic. Yeah. Like it's my deepest desire is that I haven't, I'm not faking it. How did you arrive at that?

Is it because that's what you liked in comedy? Yeah. I'm like, I'm not faking it. How did you arrive at that? Is it because that's what you liked in comedy? Yeah, I'm like, I wonder how I did that. I think it's also safer, right? I guess, to be small, to be subtle. I don't know if it's safer. I lived in silence a lot. Like people used to say like, oh, you're not afraid of silent moments,

which could be a dig. I don't think you are. But yeah. You're not afraid of it, which is, no, it's not a dig at all. I mean, the comedians who I admire most are people who are unafraid of silence. Yeah. Silence is powerful in stand-up. One thing that stood out to me on this last special,

which Mo Welch, friend and comedian, directed, she said, you know, when you do go big on some of your moments or your act outs it's even more powerful because we're used to you being so in control and yeah so she did push me a little in those moments to like have fun with them yeah and I think I'm taking that note into probably my this next new hour that I'm doing on the road like I feel bigger I feel like that's cool it's yeah I'm not like changing my style but I think a change is afoot. It's funny because I was thinking back to when you and I have been on the road together,

like a lot, I feel like. Yeah, we had some great times. Yeah, there's a handful of times where you and I were on the road together and you saw me at really vulnerable moments. I think of two of them. One of them is, it was like Irvine, I think, where I was reading new material, some new material,

and someone just heckled me like, why are you reading? It was a dude, yeah. Yeah, and it was rough. You handled it beautifully. Thanks. You didn't seem rattled. I felt protective of you, but I didn't need to do anything because you handled it so well. I felt protective of you and I was like

but I didn't need to do anything because you handled it so well I'm not like I was going to come rescue you but I'm there I would have said something I'm the type of person who would come out from the side and be like fuck off because I'm just sort of like it said it in the title

said working it out I guess that's the trouble there's always going to be a little riff-raff that gets in with the fans. It's true. And you want to bring new people in, of course. Yeah. And you never want to be only surrounded by people who know you and adore you.

You want to be bringing new people along all the time. But there's just going to be some people that don't get it. I think that's like the era that we're in where at least I deal with. I told you I was just looking at it. it's like a lot of old white men on Facebook that come for me, but it's sort of like, why am I looking at their comments? I'm a huge fan of those guys. I'm just like, I follow all of them. I'm just like, I'm not for you and that's okay. Right. Like to go through the world, like you are an emperor at the top of some sort of

gladiatorial ring. Right. Thumbs up, thumbs medium, thumbs down. Yeah. It's like you don't get to decide. I'm not for you. That's fine. No, I think that that's, therein lies the kind of perverse upside down world of like people instant criticism.

Yes. Where it puts so much power in people's hands. But the guy who yelled that, it's like part of me wants to go, okay, then leave if you don't like criticism. Yes. Where it puts so much power in people's hands. But the guy who yelled that, it's like part of me wants to go, okay, then leave if you don't like it. Yeah, yeah. And then the other part of me wants to go, but if you just stayed and listened

and got to know him, you'd love it. Right. So I think it's that push and pull where it's like we want to be loved. We want our art to reach lots of people. Yeah. Could you just give me a chance? Yeah.

But then I'm also like, but it's also okay if you don't like me. I don't know what to tell you. You don't have to go through the world thinking everything is for you. And what an interesting way to live. You're saying these annoying Facebook men are complaining. What are people's criticism? And how do you take it in?

I don't know why I look. It's like my cycle started. I think I was feeling extra emotional. It's almost like I'm looking for things to bring me down further. I know that feeling. I'm like, why would I go look at this? And it's because whatever was posted to social media on Facebook to keep promoting my special, that's what's getting commented on. And so it's like, yes, I choose the clips sometimes, but I don't always.

And this one was about height, like going from dating a tall guy to a small guy. And how it's like when you think a jug of juice is full, but it's empty. And you're like, whoa. So I love that fact. Thank you. And it's a lot of, like, of course there'll be comments like, oh, a lot of little D energy in these comments. And then it'll be like, sounds like you know her

or you're a family member. You know what I mean? Like, it's like a lot of inner fighting. What do you mean it sounds like you know her? Yeah, so basically someone who's like kind of maybe mediocrely defending me is then getting attacked for defending me. Like, sounds like you know her. And I wrote back to him.

And I said, I don't know Heart of Pine. Because that's who commented. I don't know Heart of Pine. I said, I don't know Heart of Pine. I said, but it sounds like you're not following your dreams or something like that. But I do know. I said, I don't know Heart of Pine, but I do know you're not following your dreams or something like that. But I do know, I said, I don't know how to find it, but I do know you're not following your dreams. Oh, gosh. And he wrote back, you're right.

Take care, Beth. Oh, gosh. I mean, like sometimes they really do end like that because it's like a hurt person. Seeing someone who they don't think should probably be talking into a microphone, let alone have something that they want or whatever is just living out their dream and being like, well, I'm not doing that. And that's terrible. And then of course there's the male ego.

And I love men. I need men in my life. I love them. I want them to be full and thinking and beautiful humans that can be tough and vulnerable and still be a man. I love men. So when I'm making a joke like that

and they go so deep into their psyche and they're like, she's talking about how I'm short or I have a little dick. And then it's like, I hate her or this is terrible. It's like another female comedian talking about sex. All women talk about is sex. It's a lot of that. And it's like, I have an hour of material.

This was the clip that got chosen. Arguably, like even some of my consent stuff, consent jokes from Girl Daddy, it'll be like another comedian talking about sex. And I'll reply sometimes like, this is about consent. Right. Or even this joke. This is about height. Right. So I go into their profile and I did it this morning.

This morning it was something like, I was waiting for the man bashing. And then of course it came. And I wrote back something like, I love men. This is just merely a joke about height. Yeah. And he said something back like. It's just a joke about your experience. Yeah.

Exactly. It's the experience you had. Sure, sure. It was an experience. And then you're joke about your experience. Yeah. Exactly. It's the experience you had. Sure, sure. It was an experience and then you're like, it's an analogy. It's like this. It's a metaphor. It's like when I take

a thing out of the fridge and it's like this. Right. It makes you laugh because you go, oh yeah, I've never thought about it like that. Right.

It's not that complex. It doesn't need to be that deep but I guess what I got back to him, went back and forth with him a little bit. I was like, just focus on the happiness of, like I said, only someone who's like probably bad at cunnilingus would hear that. This was maybe another bit, maybe not the jug of juice. This might have been something. Oh, this might have been the field hockey one where I say I've never gone down on a woman, but I have had a man go down on me so badly.

I felt like, let me down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, just to see. And so I wrote back to him, like, this is only something, someone who feels like insecure about that skill of theirs. So I went to his profile, of course. And I looked up some of his stuff, and I said, all you need to do is focus on making Jen come with your mouth.

Oh, my God. And he wrote back, touche, you loved a troll too. Oh my God. Like these men are deep in their feelings, deep in their anger, like assuming the worst about what they're watching and really just need attention, I guess. It's like a decent outcome.

Again, I know that's a kind, and then people are like, why do you do that? And I'm like, because of that? Yeah, it's kind of nice. And the other guy was like, you're right. I'm not following my dreams. Take care. Yeah, yeah.

And then I also could have my life back. No, I mean, it's funny. I've had the same thing over the years where every now and then someone's comment on the internet, I'll be like, come on, this is just outrageous outrageous and i'll write back and i'll write back reasonably which is how you respond to hecklers you go hey why are you talking i got the microphone and i'm doing the show and don't worry about it and usually like it's just like just really reasonable on stage and they end up being like quiet afterwards and on the internet find it similar. It's like if you actually say

like you're saying, hey, maybe you didn't follow your dreams. It deflates the situation. Yeah. Because it's the being seen of it all. But I would say on a positive front, what are the comments or what are the responses after your shows

that are most fulfilling to you? Oh my gosh. There's so many. I mean, that's the thing. I received this most beautiful email on the planet after Portland shows this weekend that was like, my wife and I couldn't afford to go, and I missed the email. So I replied and said, obviously, if you guys can come, I'll try to get you into this 10 p.m.

And then they wrote back yesterday and were like, actually, my ex-wife knows how much of a fan we are who lives in L.A., and they got us tickets to see you in Portland because we're still friends, and they knew how much it meant to us to go see you. And it was just sort of like the most beautiful thing, like along the lines of like whatever happens in the world, I just want to know what you think of it through your eyes. You could talk about anything, and I just want to hear it from you. It's like, and they commented on how refreshing it felt to hang out with me in the sense that it felt like a friend. It was like authentic in that way that I was very present and that they just, that I made them laugh for an hour, that their, their stomach hurt. You know? It is an extraordinary thing right now. We were deciding to be homes about this the other day. The times are so challenging right now, such that if you can

make someone laugh for an hour, it is actually a gift. Yes. Because it's hard. Yeah. I think that's sometimes speaking of how I used to feel like I was going into battle. Yeah. When I have to shake that off, I still have that little thing in me like, that's like, oh, shut up. And it's like, people are like, no, please keep going. Like, so-

What's the battle analogy? Like when I was early days of headlining, I felt like be tough, go out there, prove yourself. Like I have to have this, like, this isn't gonna be easy. And now it's not that it's easy, but I could go out and be myself and be like, these people are here to see you and have fun. So embrace that joy. Like you don't have to be all closed off.

Like, do you like me? Do you not like me? Yeah. And now I'm like, I want to receive the love from you. You open yourself up. Yeah. We're going to have fun. We're going to have fun with this.

Yeah. Yes. You talked about your dad a lot. And it's like, you tell this amazing story in the new special about him literally feeding what ends up being like 91 raccoons outside of his house. And in the credits, spoiler alert, you should watch the special anyway, and then listen to this, you have all the photos of the raccoons. Are those the real photos?

Oh, yeah. I mean, those photos are priceless. There's more. My stepmother had made a PowerPoint slideshow to the electric slide of all of them. Oh, my God. One time a black bear came. It's just on one of my old Nokia phones

that I can't possibly find. But all kinds of animals were drawn to that backyard. It's not even a huge place or anything. So your father would feed the raccoons with dog food? I'm sure I could get a sponsorship or something. Yeah, I'm sure that's what they want to be known for. They want to be known for feeding raccoons out of your backyard in Florida.

The cheapest dog food he got. But then he did spring for the Hershey Kisses for dessert. That's funny. How in on it is your dad that that's funny? It's like, come on. He is very much, his typical response is, you talk about whatever you want. It's your, like you lived it too. That's nice.

Yeah. So he's sort of like, yeah. He doesn't, yeah. I don't know if he's ever said like, that's so funny. You know, a phrase like that's so funny. For example, he hasn't said. Like instead of laughing when a person in the crowd's like, that's good. Yeah, that's good.

That happened at the improv the other night. I'm like, thank you for the feedback. It's almost worse than a heckle when someone said, that's like, that's good. Yeah, that's good. That happened at the improv the other night. I'm like, thank you for the feedback. It's almost worse than a heckle when someone said, that's good. That's good. Yeah. Tell your body to react in the form of a laugh next time. Right. It's like, this isn't a meeting.

I'm not at a meeting. I go, I'm doing my job. You guys are terrible at yours. Did you come to have fun? I don't know what to tell you. Oh, my gosh. But yeah, he's never, he's not laughing. It's more, in fact, he was like, we don't have Netflix. I had to go

over to your aunt's to watch it. Oh, I love that. He was like, I think I'll watch it again. I'll try to watch it again sometime. Well, it's interesting, like the description of you, you're saying they were marketing you as dark. I know. Dark and Midwestern or something. Yeah, that was my earliest little descriptor on a show at Lincoln Lodge in Chicago. And I was like, well, I guess that's what I am. But it's funny, Midwestern, like when I started out in comedy, I would play the Midwest a lot and people would be like, you're from the Midwest.

Like I, for whatever reason, read as Midwest. And you read as Midwest. And your comedy does somehow. I don't know why. Can you put your finger on it? Someone said that. Similarly, again, at the Lincoln Lodge, there was a guy named Steve who was like a staple there

and he was a comic that was around forever. And he was like, the Midwest is dripping off of you. And he's like, that's a good thing. And I guess, what is it? Because if you think about what I think you have to go from what Midwesterners think about the coastal elite. Right. Which is unrelatable,

eating avocado, voting blue down the ballot. Yeah. But I'm like, yeah, what does make me Midwest? I used to have a joke about that where I go... We're not tens. I used to have a joke

where I go, people call me a coastal elite just because I live on the coast and I'm better than other people. But it's like, no, I'm... But I'm from... I'm from the Ohio of Massachusetts.

I'm from Shrewsbury, which is kind of the same thing. Like we're nowhere near the water. Yeah. It's dead center in the middle. I never tried sushi in my life until I was like. No. It was so, so like unreachable to me. I couldn't imagine trying.

I don't even know if we had a sushi place in Ohio. Well, Dayton is funny because you, I feel like in your first special, you go at Ohio a little bit. And then your second special, it's the love letter. Yeah. Dayton's like, that's maturity, right? Yeah, yeah, you grow.

You appreciate where you come from. And that was, I have to say like that joke, like you can just leave Ohio. Yeah. It's like, I mean it. And also it was kind of more of a joke among me and my friends in Chicago than how I really felt. Yes.

So I think I was being disingenuous to myself. There's been two jokes in my career like that where I felt like, that's not really me. And I said it because it'll get a laugh. It wasn't at the cost of my deepest moral compass, but it was like, yeah, that's not really me because I love Ohio and my whole family still lives there. I really do love it.

So what's the second joke that didn't feel like you? It was in your voice. It would have been a joke about my mom. It's interesting because I had a podcast with my mom called We Called Your Mom and it was just me calling my friend's mom. I remember that. We talked to Maria Bamford's mom

and she was curious if my mom had a joke that she didn't really love of mine because Marilyn did of Maria's. There was a few where she was like, oh, that's not nice. And one of them was my joke, which was I grew up in Dayton, Ohio. My mom still lives at home. Lose her. And they didn't like it. They ganged up on me.

Oh, they did. And I'm like, you guys know, you're supposed to live at home. It's your home. That's the joke. If I said it about my sister, that would maybe be a little mean because she should probably move on. Totally. Yeah. They were just sort of like, Marilyn was like, that's not very nice. You know, I was like, okay, I'm not going to win against these gals. That's very funny.

But there was another joke in that realm. I was telling it as almost as like a tag about my mom's voicemail that like, if you call her, it's like, Hey, I'm not home right now. But I can be if you, if you want to hang, you know what I mean? It was sort of like, and that's not me. Like I, you know what I mean? That is funny though. That's like one of those jokes where I was like, oh, that's not. But I can be if you want to hang.

I love that. Is there an analogy? Cause, cause when, when Hasan Minhaj was on the show, he recommended this Steph Curry documentary. And it's funny, I don't follow sports. And yet I love sports documentaries. And I think because there's so many analogies to comedy and performance and all these things. to comedy and performance and all these things. Relaxation, you know, all these things that carry over from one to the other. Do you feel, well, first of all, explain to the listener how you're in the field hockey, where you're heading to like a field hockey practice right now. Yeah.

So long story short, I've been playing field hockey since third grade. Wow. I played a little bit of club in college, but then I was a theater major and that kind of took over at night for rehearsals. And we were at D1 school, so I wasn't going to play D1. And I'm not even saying I could make it. But then it was basically after a period of a rough relationship where I really went through a bad time. And I felt like, how can I get back to myself? I don't feel like I know myself after that. What happened to me? How did I let that happen? Type of thing. Even though, yada, yada, it's not my fault. But I started thinking about what are things that I did when I was younger before this bad thing happened to me?

So it was playing cello. I got myself a cello and it was finding a field hockey league. Two things I did that brought me joy as a kid. First of all, this is great advice. Thank you. This is like brilliant. Okay, good. It's a brilliant concept. Yeah, I just was like, I need to, you know,

sometimes after trauma or whatever things that bad things happen, you feel cut off at your head. Like you're just a floating head. How do you get back into your body, you know? And so I just really on Facebook Facebook, searched field hockey Los Angeles. Yeah. And I found the Santa Monica Field Hockey Club. Yeah.

And I started showing up on Tuesdays very sporadically. But Simon, the guy who was initially sort of running things, all it takes for me, and this is the same thing for stand-up comedy, is someone going, you're good. Yeah. And then that makes me want to come back. And he meant it. I think, yes, it happened for me in stand-up that same way. I was like, come back next week. You're really funny.

He was like, I am? So they said, you should come back. So I started coming back. Then I would drop off. And then I'd come back, and then I'd drop off. And then, again, I went through a breakup in December. Felt very sort of lost. I've got a bit of a broken picker here. Why do I keep picking things that ultimately don't serve me and really harm me and leave me worse than how I was?

So I went to Phoenix. I tried out for the U.S. Women's Masters team. Months later, I found out that I made the 035 team, which means we'll represent the U.S. in Buenos Aires, Argentina at the Pan Am Games, December 4th through 14th. So that was a long answer. So the second part is, do you see analogies between playing Puyol Taki and doing standup? Yeah. I would say more in life, I guess. I'm a defender and I could very well score. If I stop someone who's making

offensive attack, I could carry the ball up to the top of the circle and score. And yet I often, I've done it, but it's so not in me. It's sort of like, again, it's the defensive thing. Like I protect, you can't get past me. Yeah. And really it's like, go score. Like no one's stopping you. There's no rules. Like go score. And it's not about the glory or the personal glory. Like I could pass to a teammate and still score, like assist.

I just mean like, I'm very like, stop it and get it out of here. Yeah. When really I can move things forward and like score with a team. Yeah. And so I think that's sometimes how I think in career or standup wise where I'm like, well, someday. Yeah. Or I'll do this eventually. Or, and it's like, no, I mean, go for it now. Yeah. Like you can just go score. I love that. Take it up the field. So this is called the slow round. What's the best piece of advice that you've been given that you used?

I think it's like, I don't know if it's necessarily advice that I was given as much as just watching Sarah Silverman on the road. And she's a great actress. And so to make it new every time. That's like the most beautiful thing I can watch her do is make it new for that crowd every time. Instead of, because again, I'm not saying like, oh, I'm so genuine.

I can't fake it. Like, I don't want to be that either. But I sometimes do fall into like, you guys know this one. It's like, well, they don't know this one. They don't. Yeah, yeah. That's a good point. Great reminder.

But I feel that like, oh, I'm being disingenuous. I just did this at the 730 show. It's like, no, it's a performance. Yeah. And you have to reset and do it again. And also weirdly, like, that's what's so beautiful about live theater of any kind is like, no, it's just all of us in the room at the same time. And they could have even literally seen every single joke and it'd be a different experience.

Yeah. But it is another thing I do admire about you too, seeing you do, when I come see your shows, I sometimes see you developing in them and I always come and see the final product or final. I don't know how much you change after I see it. Like, I don't think you're changing a ton, right? Yeah. When it, in its final form, but like you're doing that too. And I know that sounds so obvious, but it's just sort of like when it comes to stand up, like a a play I always got that. I was a theater major. I get that you do the play. But when it comes to these personal stories,

stand-up your life, I just always was like, I really was naive enough to think early days of stand-up that every time would be different. I mean, it can be in different little ways, of course, but there's power in giving them the best version of it each time. Have you ever been fired from a job or a gig? I got pretty close, I think. But it was like me working in Intelligentsia Coffee

and I kept on like not adhering to the dress code. Oh. What was the dress code? Like newsies, you know, like vests. Oh, really? Yeah. That's how they dress at Intelligentsia Coffee? I think times have changed.

My boss described some of my outfits as jazzercise in front of the staff. You know, I was wearing like baby doll dresses that had rainbows on them and stuff. I heard that you worked at this bagel place that one of our producers, Mabel, loves in Chicago. Chicago Bagel Authority? Yeah. Yeah. I worked in the bagel biz for years.

She said. Loves the bagels. She doesn't think the bacon, egg, and cheese is freaking. Because it's hard-boiled egg. Right? This is like, it was weird debating before you came, like, whether this is a valid question.

I was like, yeah, this is a really good question. Of course. I mean, because like, kind of, there's something soothing about the egg patty. Okay.

Even though it seems wrong, right? No, I agree. But like, it's an egg patty that's round and frozen. Right. We heat it up, of course, but it seems wrong, and yet that's what everybody craves. But do you think it's an egg patty that's round and frozen. Right. We heat it up, of course. But it seems wrong and yet that's what everybody craves. But do you think it's good?

I like both. I'm with you because if you're going to do the hard-boiled egg regular, add another piece of cheese to get the goo in there to really solidify all the yolk that's going to crumble because it's going to be dry when you bite in or whatever. Mabel, does that answer your question? You can always just sub egg patty for a hard-boiled egg. Who likes hard-boiled eggs? I do.

Mabel just said, who likes hard-boiled egg? And then you said, I do. I do. This is a really serious conversation about egg sandwiches. I sometimes love getting just a hard-boiled egg, and I'll bite into it so I can reveal the yolk. And then I'll get rid of the yolk and finish the egg white. Now that we've solved the egg sandwich crisis of the earth.

I used to eat bagels breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I mean, that's how I survived in Chicago. That's how I was here when I moved here. I had one slice of pizza a day for a long period of time. It was a dollar in Queens. I have a new joke about how much I love sugar. There's a whole chunk on my sugar love. But I just thought of your hilarious bit about eating a pizza right before bed.

Oh, yeah. My favorite time to eat pizza is the moment before I fall asleep. My joke is I love sugar so much I like to charge up right before bed. Oh yeah. My favorite time to eat pizza is the moment before I fall asleep. Yeah. My joke is I love sugar so much. I like to charge up right before bed just so I have the energy to dream, you know? Oh, that's nice. I love that. The energy to dream. What's people, what do you think are people's favorite and least favorite things about you? I think maybe least favorite could be if I get really intense about something and I also sort of interrupt, I think. That's interesting. It doesn't strike me about you.

Okay, well, that's good. I try not to do those things. I'm just trying to least favorite thing. I'm trying to think about things my sisters get on me about. What's your people's favorite thing about you? You list a hundred least favorite things? That would be it. That's the tell?

Yeah. You're like, what else? What else? What are other things people hate about me? Probably that I'm a perfectionist or that I don't see that I can't take a win or something. That's interesting. That's probably annoying to them. Like, it's good, Beth.

Be happy with it. Be happy with it, yeah. Yeah, that's probably annoying. I get that. Like about me? Yeah. I'm a good friend. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, you are a good friend. Yeah, I take pride in that. Is there something that you understand about your life now or or about life that you didn't understand as a kid hmm that's a that's a big one something like what I'm wrestling with my new hour really it's like well I've been my daughter's eight so it's like explaining the world and realizing like how little I know yeah you know what I mean it it that that is like I think there is that realization that you have about your parent, you know, where you go, I thought of them as so big, so knowledgeable, so everything. And now I'm that age, if not older than my mom was when she was raising me as a little girl. And it's like, I can't imagine being responsible.

The things that she had to do at my age for other human beings. So I guess, I think the thing I learned is that there is no, I'm healed now or I'm done and that's it. Because I've been through that now many times. I thought I was okay. How did I let this happen again? You know, like I thought I was in a good place. I went to therapy. I worked on myself. I felt like I could have another relationship that would be healthy. And then how did I get here? How did I essentially kind of fall in love with another unhealthy person?

And it doesn't mean I'm perfectly healthy. I mean, obviously. But I just think the thing I learned is like, you got to keep working on yourself and being aware and listening and learning. That's so good. Like there's no I'm healed. There's no I'm done. Yeah.

It's such a powerful point. It's just, you got to stay on your toes. Yeah. I don't know. It's true. No, it's so true. I've been overwhelmed with emotion over the last couple of days because I feel like I am with someone finally who I feel very loved by and taken care of. it's hard to let that happen. I'm not incapable of it but it's like, did I choose somebody who's good? I'm like looking around. Like I might have done it. I've been writing a lot of jokes about, like, falling in love

and stuff like that recently, where, like, when I was single in my 20s like in some ways it was cool and in some ways it's like miserable because you're just like roaming the earth just being like does anyone want to be naked at the same time and then like and then most people say no and then and then you gotta be me neither you know and then sometimes people say yes and then you say no and then they're like I thought you were neither, you know? And then sometimes people say yes, and then you say no. And then they're like, I thought you were desperate. And you're like, right, but I was, you know?

And then that's awkward. You know what I mean? But yeah, but not that desperate. And it has nothing to do with you. Right. Nothing to do with you. I know. That is such a tough one.

It's tough. And then I, yeah, and then I have this whole runabout when I've, the power of falling in love is wild because it has this thing where you're rendered just completely out of control. And I'm a control freak. Same. And so then you're kind of like, whatever you want to do to the person you're in love with,

and then it's so funny because then Jenny will hear me say that and she'll be like, that's what you think happened? You know what I mean? And she's right. And she's doing it also. She's like, whatever you want to do. And then I'm like, whatever you want to do. And then it's like 20 years later and it's like, we didn't do

what we wanted to do. You know what I mean? And then it's like, we should start doing what we want to do. Well, whatever you want to do. Whatever you want to do. And then the analogy the other day was like, it's almost like putting it into like, oh, how does this become like a joke joke? Like

where it has an example. It's like, whatever restaurant you want to go to, whatever restaurant you want to go to. And then we're cut into like, oh, how does this become like a joke joke, like where it has an example. It's like, whatever restaurant you want to go to, whatever restaurant you want to go to, and then we're cut to like, we're eating peanut butter with our hands out of like the jar. And that's like. Or just two skeletons,

like whatever you want to eat. No, wherever you want to go. Two skeletons. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I'm like, there is something to be said about, like you're saying, just like giving yourself over to somebody and the challenge of not that. Because I don't think the other person wants that, right? No.

But there is a, I've been talking about similar areas, I suppose, in this realm. similar areas, I suppose, in this realm. And it's sort of like if we were taught how to take an L in sex ed class or even just health class, like how to take a loss, like everybody's lives would be better, right? Instead of the classic, like, you know, do you want to go to dance with me? No, I don't. Well, you're fucking ugly. And it's like, oh, okay, well, moments ago you wanted to spin me about.

Moments ago you wanted to spin me about. Yeah. What a great joke. Is that what you're going to say? It's a great line. It's just a new bit. Moments ago you wanted to spin me about. Yeah.

And if instead we were taught like, hey, do you want to go to dance with me? No. Oh, well, thank you for your time. I understand that's not a reflection on me, my personality personality or how I look. I hope you have a good day. And then they turn around. This is an act out. And the person's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You handled that so well. I'd love to offer you a complimentary blowjob. Oh my God. It's just so attractive for someone to be able to take a loss. Yes. I think it's one of those things where even these micro versions of it,

which is learning to sleep with this person. We're laying next to each other, and maybe he wants to hold me like this, but my arm's falling asleep, but he looks so happy, but I'm slowly dying. Yes. And it's like this little rejection if I'm like, I'm going to turn my butt towards you. Oh, my gosh. And he noticed it.

He was like, not in a bad way. He was just sort of like, we sleep with our butts to each other a lot. Oh, my God. That's great. That's a great name of the album. Yeah. We sleep with our butts to each other a lot. The most comfortable.

Yeah. That seems romantic. There's nothing wrong with that. But if we just switch sides of the bed, I guess we'd be butts to each other a lot. It's the most comfortable. Yeah. I was thinking about that. That seems romantic. There's nothing wrong with that. But if we just switch sides of the bed, I guess we'd be sleeping towards each other. But that's my side of the bed. Do you have anything right now where it's just something you feel strongly about and it's not even necessarily a bit yet? Yeah, I'm thinking about the area. Yeah, I'm thinking about the area.

Well, I guess the thing that I was getting at was like, I was like seven months clean and sober from men after that last relationship. That's funny. And I decided to, like I have a joke. I like weaving all my stuff. So it's like coming together. So I like to make it like a map, like into everything, into the next thing. So I'm like, I don't want to give away too much because I'm like,

it's already a bit, but I'm going. No, I get it. Yeah. I'm basically saying it's hard to find a good dad. Jizz is everywhere. But it's hard to find a good dad. And I did find one actually at a 4th of July party this year and I've been dating him. And I had initially been diagnosed with like a broken picker. Like a therapist was like, you don't know how to pick men yeah you know but i do feel like when i saw him at this party like i was devoid of feeling but um i felt pulled towards this person yeah like a disney wind like like they knew that i couldn't do it myself so they were like you know like blowing me towards this man, like the universe was like, so that's the bit that I haven't fully figured out. Yeah.

But I like that he's a good dad. And I feel like there are less people saying that perhaps about moms. Like, I like that he's so good with his, like, he doesn't call watching his kids babysitting them. Right. Like, I think there's less people saying like she's such a hot mom. She's so good with her kids. Yeah. Like she's really busy, super frazzled, a lot on her plate.

And the possibility of adding to that is really turning me on. Right. You know, it's sort of like I – and then the other joke in that realm is like he's just a good dad. He lets me put all my trash in his pockets. That's funny. I love that. So this is the new realm I'm going in. That's very funny.

And again, I go into this other thing that I was talking about, our capacity to love and how maybe it gets watered down over time. And I feel like sometimes we're metaphorically handed a glass of wine at adolescence that represents our capacity to love, and then life is like a roller coaster, and you're just like, and then by the time you're in your mid-30s, you just have like a single drop left. Oh, God.

And you're just like, I think this is for me. Oh, my God. That's so beautiful. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, and you're drinking the... So yeah. That's great. I love that.

And the act out is you throwing your hair all around, which I'm sure kills you being on a roller coaster. It's funny you just say that because my tour right now is called Please Stop the Ride. And it's about the scrambler. And it's a story I told years ago in My Girlfriend's Boyfriend. But it's a the scrambler and it's a story I told years ago in my girlfriend's boyfriend but it's a redux of that

because what I find is that as I get older that's the image that keeps coming back in my head being on the scrambler in seventh grade and you're just like you're out of control and you know you're going to throw up and you say to the scrambler operator please stop the ride and then I'm back and scrambling scrambling andler operator, please stop the ride! And then I'm back, I'm scrambling, scrambling,

and I'm like, please stop the ride! But it really is like, it's funny, you and I are living in the same comedy metaphor currently. I find it, I find every goddamn day, it's like, oh yeah, you're on the ride again. Yeah. We're all on the ride. And happy to be here.

Happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Thanks for letting me on the ride. And happy to be here. Happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Thanks for letting me on the ride. Please slow down. Can we just slow down today? Let me see if there's anything else I have in the new joke universe that would be apropos. I've had this thing recently where I feel like I'm finally my age. You know what I mean? Like I'm like 45 and I'm like, yeah, I've been 45 since recently where I feel like I'm finally my age. You know what I mean?

I'm like 45, and I'm like, yeah, I've been 45 since I'm like 15. And now I'm like, I am 45. Yes. Like I was never 22. That's so funny because, I mean, I love that. And I do relate. I always felt like a little, yeah, sort of like a little adult in ways too. I find that strange. Yeah. When I was like 13, people yeah, sort of like a little adult in ways, too. I find that strange.

Yeah. When I was like 13, people were like, you have kids? I'm like, no. I am a kid. I want to. Is that what you mean? Maybe in the next couple years. Yeah, yeah.

When my balls drop. So the last thing we do is called working it out for a cause is there a non-profit you like to contribute to and we'll contribute to them and then we'll link to them in the show notes great yeah i do a good amount of stuff with liz winstead's company abortion access force great aafront.org yeah abortion Front. I will contribute to them. Thank you. And link to them in the show notes and encourage people to contribute as well. Amazing. And thanks, Beth, for coming on.

Congrats on your new special. It rocks. Thank you. Couldn't recommend it more highly. Thank you. Working it out, because it's not done. We're working it out, because there's no hope. That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. I love talking about Beth Stelling.

This week, Beth is in Burlington, Vermont, at the Vermont Comedy Club, which is a beloved comedy club. You can follow Beth on Instagram, at Beth Stelling. You can watch the full video of this interview on YouTube. If you're not caught up to our YouTube channel, we have all the episodes now on there. Check that out. Subscribe.

We're going to be posting a lot more stuff on there. Check out burbiggs.com. Sign up for the mailing list to be the first to know about my upcoming shows. Our producers of Working It Out are myself, along with Peter Salamone and Joseph Burbigley, associate producer Mabel Lewis, consulting producer Seth Barish, assistant producer Gary Simons,

sound mix by Shubh Saran, supervising engineer Kate Balinski. Special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleachers for their music. Special thanks to J-Hope Stein, my wife, the poet. Special thanks, as always, to my daughter Una, who built the original Radio 4 made of pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoy the show, rate it and review it on Apple Podcasts.

Say who your favorite guest is on there so people know where to begin. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Let's say you get asked to a dance and you go, no, I don't really want to go to a dance with you. Here's a consolation prize. You go, hey, I want to tell you about my favorite podcast. It's a comedian, Mike Birbigli.

It kind of works out jokes and material and ideas with other creatives about process. And then everything will be really smoothed over and no one has to call anyone names. Thanks, everybody. We're working it out. We'll see you next time.