Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 136. Sal Vulcano: A Bonafide Lunatic

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

In celebration of his new special “Terrified,” the Impractical Jokers star Sal Vulcano joins Mike for what starts as a normal interview and then turns into a podcast full of stories stranger than the last: Sal’s prank on an overbearing TV executive, how Sal ended up with *multiple* photorealistic tattoos of Jaden Smith, Sal’s never-ending eBay dispute, and how Sal put his foot in his mouth irrevocably with Rachel McAdams. All that, plus a few more stories that have Mike ending the podcast with the statement: “You shouldn’t even be allowed to be here.”Please consider donating to: Doctors Without Borders

Do you have the Jaden Smith tattoo still? I have two. Can you show them or is it in a place that you can't show? I can show. I mean, it's on my thighs. Yeah. It's a little odd of a thing to do. It's odd. Because he's a person. He's a person.

Who exists. Who exists. And when you got it, he was like 20 years old. 15. That is the voice of the great Sal Vulcano. Sal Vulcano is from Impractical Jokers. Possibly the most popular comedy television show in the history of the world. Just a massive, massive show.

And my experience with it was I didn't think it was something... I always was kind of like, yeah, that's not my thing. And I watched it. I got really drawn in because it's just a bunch of friends on the show. They're all friends in real life. They've been friends for a long time. And it's just a super fun show. And we talk about that today.

He is a brilliant improviser. I think he's a riot. I think he's got a big heart. He's a very honest person. Sal has a new stand-up special called Terrified, which you can watch on YouTube. Thank you to everyone who's been coming out to my Please Stop the Ride tour earlier this month.

I was at the Beacon in New York City. This week, I'm in Atlanta at the Tabernacle. We added a second show. Charlotte, we added a second show. Richmond, as well as a fourth and final show in Washington, D.C. on Sunday. The tour continues to Niagara Falls, Sag Harbor, New York, only a few tickets left,

Red Bank, New Jersey, Seattle, Portland. We added a third and final show, San Francisco, Oakland, Philadelphia, Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, Champaign, Illinois, Indianapolis, Ann Arbor, Detroit, Dayton, Pittsburgh, Louisville, come on, Madison, Milwaukee, Champaign, Illinois, Indianapolis, Ann Arbor, Detroit, Dayton, Pittsburgh, Louisville, come on, Nashville, Knoxville, Asheville, Charleston. We're trying to go everywhere. Thanks for all of the suggestions in the comments of other cities.

I should add, today on the show, Sal Vulcano. I've known him for a whole bunch of years. I love talking with him. Enjoy my chat with the great Sal Vulcano. I've known him for a whole bunch of years. I love talking with him. Enjoy my chat with the great Sal Vulcano. Ooh. Ooh, working it. If I'm being completely honest, I was snobby about when the show first came out.

I could imagine. A lot of people. I was like, oh, hidden camera. There's a lot of hidden camera stuff over the years. And I remember my turning point was I saw Doug Stanhope post about it. Oh, yeah. He was an early supporter. Yeah.

And Doug Stanhope is one of my favorite comics on the planet. He has more artistic integrity than almost any artist I've ever seen. Yeah. In the sense that he has full commitment to his ideas, which are insane. Yeah. And I don't agree with any of them. Sure. Disclaimer.

I love him. He's a very, very dear friend. He's an extraordinary comedian. Yeah. So he posted about it years ago. Yeah. And I was like, what is this all about? And then I watched it and I go, oh, I think what's special about it is it's a hidden camera show,

but ultimately it's about the love between friends. Yeah. I think. Do you think that that's part of it? I think it's a real friendship. It's 100% real. You're forcing each other to do things you don't want to do. Pretty much, yeah.

It's social football. I mean, it's basically friends competing. Yeah. And at this point, like this many episodes in, we're always trying to evolve the show. Yeah. And so we've come so far and just even the sensibility of the show we gain more creative control and so we were able to like now

in the later seasons way more put our sensibility on there's like we let things breathe and there's much more of like scenes and like like there's it's a it's way more of a like a journey through stuff where in the beginning we were under the network thumb basically and they were just like we want this many things we want quick cuts you want you get out you want this many jokes and the guy that was there at that time was insane oh really dude he was he was he he got he got fired because agents from all the talent yeah got together and went and to his boss and was, he doesn't know how to treat people. Wow. So he would always just be like, just get like so upset.

So one time he goes, here's what I'm going to do. Because we wanted a raise. Because the show was a big hit. Like it was a big hit. Yeah, yeah. And we wanted a raise. I think it was in between the first and second season. And they gave us what amounted to like,

it was like a 5% raise or whatever. But the show was really big and we were making nothing in the beginning. Yeah, of course. I could have worked at any normal, like regular non-entertainment job. People think you're on television, you're rich. Right.

Yeah, I was just making money just like I would have been at my job before that, right? Yeah. And he said, here's what I'll do. He goes, I will, we'll do a focus group and then we'll poll you guys and whoever is the least favorite in the focus group will fire that person no and the other three can absorb their salary for your raise no that's what he said to us yeah no way it was wild yeah i've never heard of anything like that in my life i'll keep going

then he told us then he told us he wants all the jokes in advance. And we said, what do you mean? It's like an improvised show. Yeah. We have like, we have like, you know, we have buckets and stuff, but also one of the things I love about our show so much is just being in the moment. It's exhilarating. Cause like for people who haven't seen the show, like a lot of times it'll be, you know, you'll be in James Murray's ear and you'll tell him he has to say something. Sure. You know, at a convenience store or laundromat or something like that. Yeah. And he really has to do it.

Yeah. And so you're either saying lines that you wrote in advance or you're just riffing based on what the circumstances are because you're looking at it through cameras. Exactly right, yeah. Yeah, but it's interesting hearing your thing about notes because this is something I've agonized over through the years, which is with a lot of times the sitcoms that we all complain about and the shows that we all complain about because they feel like cookie cutter. If you look into it, more often than not, they're buried by

notes from the network and the studio. It's the death. And it's these shows where the artist doesn't have quite enough juice to overrule their boss and say, no, no, actually, this is my voice. I'm the artist. I'm the comedian. Why did you hire me?

Why did you hire me? Right. But then you look at your show, you look at Curb Your Enthusiasm, you look at South Park. These are shows where essentially Larry David, Matt and Trey, et cetera, just go, no. We're running the roof. We're gonna be in charge.

And if they kept us in a cage and made us shit on each other for a long time, and now like the tides turn. And then also the network has changed hands four or five times. I mean, from the largest point, like just acquisitions and stuff yeah and usually they really acquiesce because you know we've we've proven it now like it's like someone that's there now when we're there in our 11th season over 13 years it's like all right we'll let them do

whatever they you know want to do but yeah he said well tell me he's like just write every scenario you think there could be, every permutation. Like he goes, if a middle-aged woman walks in or if a couple walks in. And then write all – I remember he goes, if an Asian person walks in. I'm like, what? What do you mean? And then, yeah, we got him good though because we got him back. So one time he goes, look, I'm going to take you guys out we'll celebrate or whatever I'll take you out to dinner

or whatever so we're like alright and he's like what do you guys want so we had this thing from when we were young kids whenever we celebrated we'd go to Red Lobster it was just something we always did and we just loved it right so figure it's fun kitschy like and he's like Red Lobster

he's like no I'm not going to go to Red Lob's and he literally goes i'll take you guys to like per se right all right great i mean beautiful meal you know and i you know an arm and a leg and sure i'd love to eat there but we were like all right so he calls up gets a private room which i didn't know that existed but i guess the time square red lobster I guess maybe sometimes has dignitaries. I don't know. Yeah. Or birthdays. Children's birthday parties. So we get there. He's not there.

And so they put us in this room. We're like, oh, wow, you got a fire room? Okay. And we knew he was going to be on the way. I don't think he's ever – I mean, this is 10 years ago, but we get the waiter. We go, listen, when they come in and we order, we're going to order normally. Yeah. But we'll tell you now. Yeah. That when I say I'll have some lobster, bring like the four pound lobster for everybody.

Okay. When I say I'll take some crab legs, bring as many pounds as you can. I'm only going to say that. Overkill. Yeah. I mean, just to the umpteenth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the guy was on board.

Like, listen, please just do us a favor. And so we ordered casually. Like, I'll all the number two it was the four of us him and his second in charge there's six of us there in this private room and then bill came and it was like 700 and we knew to watch his face and he went he opened the thing and he just went like, what the fuck? Like he literally, he would talk like that. And we're just like, what's up? And he's like, nothing.

He goes, we don't want to, is everything okay? He goes, no, yeah. And he didn't understand. So we were just like, oh. So he takes out his card and then Murray, to his credit, I didn't even know he was doing this. We were just like, oh. So he takes out his card, and then Murray, to his credit, I didn't even know he was doing this. He pulls out of his pocket a $5 off coupon that he printed. That's funny.

He printed it on his desk jet. And he goes, oh, I have a $5. We slide it to him, and the guy goes, oh, fuck your coupon. Oh, that's great. I mean, in a playful way, but he was like, and he had no idea why it was. But couldn't he have known from all the lobster coming in? I guess, but I don't really know if he knows the pricing there. Right, right.

I mean, he still was thinking red lobster, not per se. What would be, because I feel like so much of this show, Working It Out, is about creating things, giving feedback. What do you think? Obviously, that's a case of like a things, giving feedback. What do you think? Obviously, that's a case of like a nightmare piece of feedback. Someone just being like, say this. What are you going to say? Tell me exactly what you're going to say in like a loosely scripted thing.

What would have been helpful feedback in that moment? Would it have been just run wild, do whatever you want to do? Or would it have been a thing that that do you think that that guy could have been helpful he could not have no there's no way that someone someone could have oh i love being collaborative you know like anyone on our entire crew like family at this point if people have ideas i mean it could go from the makeup you know person to anybody on they're like oh this is you know we're like a complete family there's no it's not like if we're in the writer's room or whatever, people walk in and out. Like it's just, anything goes.

Even on set. Like, you know, camera guys. Sound recorders, the gaffer. Yeah, sure. Everybody. Sure. That's what David Chase always said about Sopranos. Yeah.

Which I always admired. Yeah. Which is he would take a note from anybody. Anybody. Why not? I mean, I love it. I could choose to use it or not. If it's coming from someone that is waiting for a response

back from us and it's asinine, you also have to use kid gloves and manage both ways, right? So you can't just be like, this is ridiculous because of this. So it's always have to explain to them what was intended and why I don't think that might work or what issues, like how that would take away from it, or, you know, any, just really get in there like a surgeon and explain to them like meticulously, like what, because that's how I write anyway. Everything is very meticulous. Yeah. Where do you begin stand-up bits?

Where do I begin them? Yeah. Do you have a notebook? Do you just jot everything down? Yeah, I have, I mean, I'll use this, but I mean, I have just like 20, just notebooks and notebooks and notebooks full of stuff. So I'll write everything down, cooked, not cooked, whatever.

And I'll just like, and then whenever I'm ready to do something, I'll just flip through it and see what jumps out at me the most. And then I'll just like target that one, you know, and just kind of pick that apart. So whenever I'm going, like, unless something comes to me, like, you know, you're in the shower and you're like, oh my God, or sleeping. And how many bits have you lost in the middle of the night?

Do you? Oh, it's endless. I mean, yeah, the other night I was in bed and I couldn't fall asleep. And it's that great, that classic Mitch Hedberg line, which is, I'm going to butcher it, but it's like,

it's like you come up with a joke when you're lying in bed and you go, is it funny enough? You're doing the cost benefit analysis. Is it funny enough to get out of bed? Or do I enjoy the sleep and taking the sleep? And it's like, I think about that constantly. I had one the other night and my mind is completely restless.

I know, you know, deep down, the moment you take pen to paper, you're going to be awake. A hundred percent. And it's like, can you afford to do it? And here's what I do. I just, and I have to stop and I, I have to stop, but I lie to myself. I say, just commit the, I'll say two keywords and I got this. And you won't, you'll never. 95% of the the time I do not remember the keywords it's this simple and I'm laying in bed with my eyes closed I'm just having this barter with myself

here's what you have to do you just remember these couple of words you get up, the second you get up you'll know what it is and the 5% I remember it I'll get up and I'm like okay I remember the word but I don't really remember all the intricacies of why I thought that bit was funny or whatever the reason I got an office in my early twenties when I really couldn't

afford an office and I got an office in Soho in this like old industrial building was because I was living on an air mattress in Queens and I would come home from the comic strip at like three in the morning and I could not sleep because I would write down everything because my brain would be going from performing. And instead of going to sleep, the thing we're describing of the cost benefit analysis for me, I hadn't walked through it. The logic of no, no, I need sleep to be alive. Right, right, right. Yeah, but when it's there too, you don't want to like- I would write down all of it, wouldn't get any sleep, and then I'd be up.

I'd have to go work at the temp at Pfizer or W Magazine in the morning, and I would be late, and I would be terrible. At least back in your two-drink mic days. Yeah, that was before that. It was like a now out-of-print album called Dog Years. And it was- But it was really taxing. So I got an office.

It's like really like old industrial shared office with like four other artists. Okay. And because I was, I would have gone crazy. You would have, yeah. I would have gone completely crazy. You had to just create the space and create the time. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the thing that I thrive. And it's the toughest thing for me to do because I have, I'm all do because I have ADHD and OCD and I have a very busy schedule. So the toughest thing for me to do is to make sure that I set the time. But I thrive under deadlines and routine. So I try to keep a routine, but it is tough. But I have my own space as well.

Wait, you said on Neil Brennan that your ocd has a thing with pointiness yeah point like if like this book for example that's here if that's pointing towards you you does that freak you out yeah if it was pointy things that are pointed towards you is what you said yeah on blocks yeah yeah i'm blocked yeah that's been my whole that's been as long as i can remember. So is there anything in the room right now that feels a little uncomfortable? Right. So if I'm not paying attention and whatever, but the second I notice something, I might like, you might not know, but I might like be paying attention to it. But there's varying degrees of pointiness and proximity.

And also when I am on like, when I'm really going that day, like when I'm heightened, my senses are heightened. Some days it's like very heightened. Then almost everything could like bother me. Like I've had days in my house where I have had to turn everything.

If someone like, if I'm on like the train and someone opens, oh, the plane, someone opens a newspaper and like it's hanging right there. Oh, the newspaper. Even though the newspaper offers no real threat. Oh, nothing offers a threat. Right. Oh, that desk offers a threat.

I'm not afraid of it. It's just it gets me to a point where I get so tense that I get this strain, this pressure, headache, and uneasiness. And I just get uneasy. I get like this strain like this pressure headache and uneasiness and I just get uneasy and I'm like, you know, I don't know what it is.

Does it go back to childhood? I believe so. I think my sister hit me. I don't know if this is it but my sister hit me in the face with a Malibu Ken. It's a Malibu Ken.

Yeah, you see this eye right there? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got like a red thing in it. Yeah, that's been there since like fourth grade. I think that might be-

What's a Malibu Ken? Oh, it's a Ken doll. Oh, Malibu Ken doll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. But he's- From Ken and like a red thing in it. Yeah, that's been there since like fourth grade. I think that might be- What's a Malibu Ken doll? Oh, it's a Ken doll. Oh, Malibu Ken doll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. But he's- From Ken and Barbie. Way cool, yeah.

He's got like board shorts. Right. I think synthetic real hair. Okay, understood. Synthetic hair, but- Seine Amour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, he just came right at me, you know, like-

Oh. But I don't know if that's what it's from, but that is what this is from. But I just think that it's, I have ADHD and that is tied to OCD. That's the only real OCD thing I have. Yeah. I have it with birds close to my head. I don't know if that's OCD so much or it's just human nature.

Like, you know, I don't like any- Because birds are close to my head. Yeah, undomesticated fowl anywhere near my face. You ever see that Seinfeld? No,

is there a Seinfeld on there no there's a Seinfeld where I'm not a completist I love the show but I'm not a completist yeah yeah yeah no there was one where Elaine's dating this guy

who would like neg her yeah but like he goes you know she was breaking up with him she's like alright anyway you have a big head anyway

so it's fine oh my god and then she's walking in the street and a bird just hits her in the head oh wow and there's this guy

sitting on a sidewalk and he looks up and he goes that bird flew right into your head like he couldn't avoid it. So she plays off that she wasn't bothered by it, but then she becomes obsessed that she has a big head. Oh, that's great. Which my niece did to me one time. We were playing like video games. And I wasn't taking it easy on her. Yeah.

And so she got like upset and she how young was she she was five oh wow yeah five maybe six and but they're like they're like my my kids my nieces right like i'm super super tight with them uh and uh she got so mad i'm like well you know i don't know we were playing and i trashed i'm like i don't know and she gets up and she throws the control and she goes you know what what, Uncle Sal? You're boring. Oh my God. And then she's like- Complete non sequitur. She walked out of the room and I was like-

You're boring. Cracking up. It was the thing burning inside of her. It was. I don't know if it was. I just think she wanted to get me back and like she had to come up with something. And that was like her mic drop. Like, cause she walked out of the room after that.

Yeah. Like it was very ceremonious. And then, and it didn't bother me. And then like, I was in bed later that night, and it didn't bother me and then like, I was in bed later that night and I'm laying in bed and I'm like, why would you say that?

I'm not boring. Like if you know, if you know me, you know I'm not boring. No one's ever called me boring as a matter of fact. I don't think you're boring. So I,

this is true. Like I just, and I just, and so she came to my house a few days later and I was like, can I ask you? I said, can I talk to you in the other room?

And I come in and she closed the door and I'm like, you know, last week, three days ago, like we were here, you got mad. You said I was boring. Yeah. I'm like, why? Why? Why would you say that? Because she just, she's not, look, she wasn't like, let me search something that's true. Yeah. You know, she's not, it wasn't, no, she wasn't like, let me search something that's true. Yeah.

She's not – it wasn't – no, she wasn't like – no, this is what I mean. She wasn't smart enough to be like, let me make this up so it can hurt him. Yeah. Right? So she pulled from something. Yeah. Which means there was some truth in there to her. Sure.

So it hurt me. You know what I mean? I don't think it's from nowhere. Right, right. So that's what I was thinking. I'm like, wait, this didn't – this does hurt me. Yeah, yeah. Because I try to be like the uncle. You know what I mean? I don't think it's from nowhere. Right, right. So that's what I was thinking. I'm like, wait, this didn't, this does hurt me. Yeah, yeah. Because I try to be like the uncle, you know what I mean?

The goat, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So I was like, you know, why did you say that? And I was like, you come over, we build forts. We baked cookies. Like we play games all the time. Yeah. And she literally was like, yeah, but why does that,

that doesn't make you not boring. My daughter yesterday, she's just turned nine. We're walking down the street and I go, how do you feel about nine? You know, she was like, I still don't feel nine. You know? And I was like, I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

I go, I don't even feel 45. She goes, 45 doesn't even feel like a real number to me. She goes, 45 is a number I'd use in math class. I was like, these are great jokes. This is called the slow round. What's a nickname that you've had in your life that's good or bad? Oh God, I have so many nicknames. Retro is one that still sticks.

Retro. Sally Retro. That's fun. Had that since 17. Sally Retro. Yeah, Retro, yeah. That's so funny. Yeah, because-

Just because you're like old school? Yeah, well- You feel like you have another era? Yeah, retro, yeah. That's so funny. Yeah, because- Just because you're like old school? Yeah, well- You feel like you have another era? Yeah, I think so. Well, it's that. I really, I am an old soul. I will tell you that. But I think in college, I went to St. John's

and I would dress like in vintage clothes and used clothes and like old clothes and stuff. Okay. For fashion. Right. Yeah. Like for fashion. Right. Yeah. And nobody did. I would come to school like at St. John's University

in like a leisure suit, you know? And my friend just sort of called me retro. Retro. So any other nicknames, bad nicknames? Good nicknames? Well, so it's an extension of my names I've had two names from the show be given to me that aren't real nicknames

that have become real nicknames in my life because they were on the show so Ja Crispy is one of them Ja Crispy is nice and I actually like that one they said to call myself and I was like I like Ja Crispy and I was like can you call me Ja Crispy

but a couple of years ago they renamed me Prince Herb that's nice like the whole thing is like when we were kids was like, can you guys call me Chris B? But a couple of years ago, they renamed me Prince Herb. That's nice. Like the whole thing is like when we were kids, if you were a Herb, you were a nerd. Yes, yes. So they came up with this name Prince Herb. And I got, you know, I lost on this episode. So they take me to Times Square.

Yeah. It was like dead of winter. And they're like, we got to tell you something. We're going to rename you right now. And you have to rename yourself for this season. Yeah. everything you do in your life you are prince herb so when you get called up to the mic at a club you're prince herb i did i did a late night with seth myers he introduced me as prince oh that's great on the news prince her that's great right i had to go like coffee starbucks to like her prince herb oh yeah. Yeah. So I didn't, and so they go.

Prince Herb is great. The more you say it, the more I like it. So they go turn around. I turn around. You know that in Times Square where they drop the ball? Yeah. Right. That building.

Yeah. Yeah. That building is a billboard of me. Oh, wow. And it says now introducing Prince Herb. Wow. And they made me pierce my ears. And for the season,

I had to wear these huge cubic zirconia earrings. Oh, gosh. Whenever I... I got them to allow me to take them out in my real life. But like during the season, during the show and every scene I was in, I had two cubic zirconia earrings. Oh, my gosh.

They wanted to herbify me, essentially. Wait, do you have the Jaden Smith tattoo still? I have two. Can you show them or is it in a place that you can't show? I mean, I show my thighs. Yeah. Do you mind showing them? Yeah, I can show you.

So talk to me about the Jaden Smith tattoo. Yeah. It's a little odd of a thing to do. It's odd. Because he's a person. He's a person. Who exists. And when you got it, he was like 20 years old.

15. Let me correct you he was 15 years old 15 oh oh this thing is guys there's tons of this story oh that's bananas yeah so you know we we lost oh three of us lost joe got he's like i'm gonna tattoo you guys and you could choose you could choose where it is. You will not choose what it is. Oh my gosh. And so Q went and on his arm, he got a, he's a cat guy. And he got, he put a cat on him and it had said,

38 lives alone, has three cats. Yeah. Cute. Yeah, not bad. Funny, whatever. Harmless. Murrow looks like a ferret. And so we threw him out of a plane once

and he cried the whole way down. And so we call it cry diving. And so he got a ferret that was skydiving. Yeah. Fine. Not bad. Four hours in this chair, I peel off my thigh on camera

and it's a 15-year-old Jaden Smith, a photorealistic Jaden Smith. Unbelievable. And I said, why? This is shocking. was no I might I mean I'm still shocked I was like why did you do this to me like you could have done anything else like I had he's like what do you think it is and I just guess I was like Caesar salad because I knew it was gonna be something random I didn't understand what he was gonna put on me but he's

like for no reason just Jaden Smith and so so i ran into jaden smith oh wow a couple years after that comic-con he was dressed as batman he had a he had like a bespoke white batman outfit okay that was in the it was in it was in a lot of the like news and stuff so walk around in it and i met him and i was like i i have to go i have to show him this right and so he was walking with m night shamala okay they had famous director yeah and they were they were walking together yeah and i just was like oh i got and so i i was there for my show but they didn't know and i just was like jayden jayden and he turned around like i i was not thinking i got i i have to show you something oh my gosh and i go to unbuckle my

pants oh my gosh and i'm not thinking and a security guard a huge security jumps right in front of me gresley's like yo whoa whoa and i go oh my god i'm so sorry i go i'm a comedian i go i'm michelle i'm here i'm supposed to be here and neither of them knew who i was and then i was like and then another the other security guard knew who i was and so he's like no no no no no he's good he's good and he like he like got out of my face i was like i have a tattoo of you and so i took it out and showed it and i have pictures of it he and video he's like oh my god he was like 17 he's dressed as batman he goes oh my god i've never seen this before he's like the first one he goes on the case like this is the first one like i guess like you know that has ever happened so so i so he i he knew of me anyway uh in 2018 we filmed an impractical

movie yeah and in it there was a lot of surprises in it and one one day we go to this movie premiere in brooklyn and i didn't know that it was jayden smith's movie premiere and uh so they have me go in and there's a q&A after the premiere. And so they put me in a shirt that says number one Jaden fan and they put Daisy Dukes on me so you can see the tattoo. And I go in there. At this point, he's like 20, 21. I go in there and they make me raise my hand.

I get the mic and they're telling me the questions I have to ask him. And I'm just like asking him these questions like I'm a teenage girl, like I'm just obsessed with him. And everybody's looking at me weird and people are like what the hell's going on yeah and I didn't know that he knew so he calls me up on the stage and he he says can I do you have a tattoo and he shows her when everyone starts cheering and everything he's like oh wow and I'm like embarrassed right it's like embarrassing because everyone doesn't know that right it is a weird part of a bet that you did. Yeah, but it's a weird scenario because it does look like I'm crossing boundaries.

A creep, yeah. A creep, yeah. And then he says, well, I don't even look like that anymore. You should probably get a new one. Oh, no. And I was like, and everyone just starts cheering. Oh, no. And I'm like, what?

And then he comes with me right off the stage. No. Goes a few blocks away to a tattoo. No. They set this all up. And then he poses for five hours off the stage, goes a few blocks away to a tattoo. They set this all up. And then he poses for five hours for this one on my other thigh. So he had in advance with your collaborators agreed to do this thing where you get a second Jaden Smith tattoo of a modern day Jaden Smith updated at that moment.

This is shocking. And also shocking for someone who over and over again is like, I'm uncomfortable saying things that are out of line, doing things out of line. I'm going to show you this. I mean, it seems like you're so at odds with your persona on the show or the show is allowing you to do these things that you would be normally completely uncomfortable with. I am completely uncomfortable. People think that the show is fun to do.

It is fun. But it also is, I live... Are you going to show us the tattoos? I am going to show you. I'm going to show you him. Here it is. Oh, my God. That's the 15-year-old version.

That is amazing. Okay. I mean, it's good work. It's gorgeous. And then this is him. The artist is very good. Posing. Oh.

For the new one. Wow. And that one's really nice too. Yeah. Wow. And those live on me. I can show you them. Yeah.

I'd love to see that. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Okay. We've never had anyone take their pants off on the show before. This is the first time. I wish I would have known. I would have put a little lotion. Right. No, I get it. I get it. Okay, we've never had anyone take their pants off on the show before. This is the first time. I wish I would have known.

I would have put a little lotion. Right, no, I get it, I get it. Oh, my gosh. Oh, you're not kidding. No, no, I'm not. That's a huge tattoo. Is it that one, babe? Oh, okay.

Oh, my God. This is your life. This is my life. This is your life. This is my life. No, I mean, where is the boundary? Sal, where's the boundary? Sal, where's the boundary? Oh, I understand.

Yes. I'm glad you're understanding with it. There's no boundary. There's no boundary. I'm the only man with one, and I'm then the only man with two, obviously. And the stories are abundant because every time in a new relationship, there's that conversation. Yes. But it comes up like I will have fun with it. Like last summer I was at a barbecue when I know people don't know

and I just start incessantly talking about him to the point where I get someone to be like, wait, you really like Jaden Smith, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, no, but I really do. I have tattoos of him. And they laugh like that because they think that I'm just being facetious. And then I pull my legs out

and then they don't know how to act because they were kind of laughing at the fact that I had them. Right. And then I show them. And then you're right. It's a mixture of shock and then embarrassment.

And then they don't know what to say. I was getting, at one time I was getting a massage. It was 58 minutes into this 60 minute massage and i had my head in the thing you know and i feel the masseuse like come i just tell they're right there and and i just heard this i just heard will smith oh my god essentially asking me is that will smith oh wow they went will smith and i take my oh my god the whole because i and i completely forget that they're looking at me.

Yeah, of course, of course. And I just turned my head and I went, no. I was like, that would be ridiculous. Oh my God. It's his son. And I just put my head back into the hole. Oh my God. Your commitment to comedy is seemingly unparalleled.

Oh, well, that's a high compliment coming from you, man. That's crazy. Yeah. You are living an actualized comedy life. That is your body that you have to live in day in, day out. Yeah. It must be meaningful. Comedy must be meaningful to you in a way that you can't even describe.

Why do you think that is? It's the most important thing. It's just there's nothing more, right? I mean, like it's... Does that go to your childhood? Is that like, where does it go to? Yeah. What was the moment where you realized

that it's that important to you? I think it's the way my parents just raised me. If you're going to do it, you have to do it like all the way. Yeah. All the time. And I remember one of the moments that it rang out. I was in kindergarten and we were having graduation for kindergarten.

Yeah. And the teacher gave every single kid had something to read on stage. Yeah. And it was like a line. It was like maybe one or two sentences. And they asked me to be valedictorian of the kindergarten class, right? So she gave me like two paragraphs and everybody else had like a sentence or two.

Yeah. And then I went home that night and my mom made me memorize the two paragraphs and I went in the next day and she's like, oh, maybe it was a couple of days. And she's like, all right, we're going to see, you know, everyone get up and like, you know, in order and say,

and we went through 32 kids in that class. I'll forget it miss vitality her name was and every not one person not one person got their line even another line two lines right yeah and then i stood up and i recited two paragraphs wow to the to the letter wow and she was like at that time she was like already like 80 yeah and i remember she slammed her hand on a desk and she went, now that sticks to my guns. Wow. Wow. I'll never forget that. It was four and a half.

Wow. I don't even know if I've heard that phrase. That sticks to my guns. Yeah, I don't know that one. Yeah. But I get it. But I was like, oh. And then that's like, I was like, that's what I was.

Like, we would go to school and everyone would like unbutton their tie and their thing. And I would have my tie, my top button button tie up and my cardigan buttons. Like, I just was like, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm going to do, you know? So it's like, I think that comes from there. It's like, with comedy too, it's like, you know, like, that's what you want. And, you know. Right.

Well, you want commitment. You have to. Yeah. Commitment. Commitment is what you. Yeah. And it's just really since, as a comedian, you're commitment, certainly. Yeah, commitment. Commitment is what you... Yeah, and it's just really since as a comedian, you're up against thousands of people

who basically want the same stage time that you have. Yeah. But even commitment within a joke, like, you know, if something's bombing, you could bail on it or just dig into it. Yeah. I mean, it's way more beneficial to just dig into it. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you have a joke like that where you recently told a joke where you were like, well, I'm already here. It's not doing well, but I into it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a joke like that where you were recently told a joke where you were like, well, I'm already here. It's not doing well, but I think it's funny. Yeah, actually I'm working on this joke about the death penalty. Um, where I would say, let me get this right. Um, cause I said, I have thoughts on the death penalty, but they're not, um, they're not really controversial. It's not like, do we have the right to take a life or not? And right away, just that. The audience is gone. That precursor.

The audience has left the building. Especially in these times where people are like, kill him, don't kill him. You know what I mean? Yes, yes. And it got a little tight. It gets tight. And then I was like, but that's not what I'm, you know,

mine is more about the last meal. Yeah. So I say, for all intents and purposes, we could agree, like on on paper this is a murder yeah why are we catering the murder the last why are we catering yeah why are we catering and so like and then i'm like oh i think that's fine no it's still quiet you know and i'm like and uh i'm like it it's not just that we're catering it's the caveat that we have to get them anything they want. It's anything they want.

I don't understand. It's like we feel guilty. Like we're going to put you down in front of these two people for what you did. But we're not animals. Right, right, right. So if you want a bite to nosh, let us know. Right, right, right. Anything you want.

And then I'll say, there were times at the dinner table when I was younger that my mom would say, if you're going to act like that, go upstairs. Yeah. And I didn't get dinner. Right. For light horseplay. For light horseplay. And this was the one where I'm like, if I get him, I get him. I say, this guy moves down a half a dozen at a Santander bank.

We owe him pumpkin ravioli? Oh, dear. Yeah. So that's one that it was like i'm still working through that because like i lose them sometimes and i like i gotta stick with that or whatever we owe him pumpkin ravioli he most on the half of us out of santander oh dear yeah so i'm also you know it's it's it's definitely like you know but that's not a lot of my comedy either so like that's that's just like that's pretty like... That's far for you. Yeah.

That's far afield. Yeah. I'm not blue. I don't do sex stuff. So who you are is a man with two Jaden Smith tattoos. Yes. But you're not dirty. No.

No. You have standards. I have standards. Yes, absolutely. You're fine with having a tattoo of a child on both of your legs that are huge and completely precise to the person's face. I wrote this down recently when my wife and I were first dating she was always suspicious that I was cheating and she would say it outright

when I was on the road she'd call me and be like who's there with you in the hotel and I'd be like no one and then it would sort of sit there and now she doesn't ask me anymore and I'd be like no one and then I would it would sort of sit there and now she doesn't ask me anymore and I sort of miss it

I feel like my ego needs it sometimes I want to be like I could be cheating it's unlikely but ask around she calls and you put the TV on low in the background I like that I like that yeah yeah go walk wander into the lobby calls and you put the TV on low in the background. That's good. I like that. I like that.

Yeah, yeah. Go walk, wander into the lobby. Yeah, yeah. Strike up a half a conversation with somebody. Yeah, yeah. It's so funny. You ever, me and Chris DiStefano. Oh, yeah, of course. He's been on the podcast.

I love him. We did tour a lot together and we would crack up because like when we called down for room service, we found out we did this independently. But we would call. Oh, I did it where I would call down for room service and be like, I'd order. When I eat, I like to eat a variety. So I might order like two or three plates, only eat partial. But I don't want to risk that one is sucks. And that's all I can do.

So you want pumpkin ravioli and you also want a pizza. I want that. Yeah. So then they always go, cause it's- How many people is it for? I know where this is going. And I say two, I always just say two.

Yeah. And then when they come up, I always close the bathroom and turn the shower on. You're insane. So they think somebody's in the shower. And I'm just like, and I'll even sometimes go, babe, they're here you

know you're insane yeah i'm saying i'm saying and then what he does is he said he goes till anybody goes to like fast food places he'll look up at the thing and be like this this and he'll go oh what did they say they wanted what did they say they wanted like to himself and then like order to order more before he orders more so they think that he's ordering for more than himself. Oh my God. Yeah. What did they say they wanted? I guess, well, I didn't get caught in the lie, but that's a lie. That is a lie.

Wait, so, first of all, that's a bit. Yeah. That's a bit. That's very funny. Yeah, I guess it is. And is it real? Is what real? The shower thing?

You run the shower and say, babe, they're here? I have. Or I certainly close the bathroom door and turn the light on. Oh, absolutely. Oh, we didn't even touch on stuff that I do like that. That's, I'm, I'm out there. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm out there. Like what other kind of stuff like that? I'm just crazy like that. Like what are the kind of stuff? I had an eBay, for short on time. Go ahead. No, no, we're not. Okay.'re not okay I had something that happened to me eBay 100% true story that I'm now working on for this new hour

so it was like 2004 and I was selling eBay items back then right I was like into eBay

and I sold this external DVD burner okay for $70 to this guy Frank Frank, from Arizona. And I used to sell a bunch of stuff. So I probably had bought it and then wasn't going to use it.

I thought I needed it. So I sold it. And a few days later, I got an email from eBay saying that I had a strike on my account. Someone reported me for fraudulent activity. I didn't really know what for and uh and then he wrote to me this guy wrote to me and he said hey i just want to let you know i reported you to ebay for fraudulent activity because i got the dvd burner and it's not working the way i need it to now that took me i got really upset with that because i have i do have integrity

right so i just was like i i got, I wrote back to the guy. I said, why didn't you just come to me and tell me you had a problem before going to eBay? Because it's like a three-strike rule. I was like, now you're going to, I sell stuff on here and now you gave me a strike. I was like, I would have worked with you to figure it out. But now since you went to them and reported me, now you're coming to me saying that you want help? I'm not inclined. And I said, I know I forget this.

I said, and I'm sure that it's just the fact that you don't know how to operate it. That's funny. Not that it's inoperable because it was NIB. This is what I told him, which was lingo for new in box. So it was sealed. This thing was sealed. So this wasn't on me.

So I threw that right back in his face. Wow. And I wrote to him, I wrote to him, so this ends the story of you and threw that right back in his face wow and i wrote him i wrote him so this ends the story of you and i oh that's wow right so it's like medieval language it was great right yeah yeah i love that a little flair just fun it's fun for me yeah yeah fun for you um two years later i came home from being out one night and i i used to live in this little studio apartment my desk was a desktop and the desk of the desktop was in my kitchen. And I sit down and I get like, it was like three in the morning and the new emails come up and I look and I had an email from that guy.

Like I opened it up and it was an email from that guy from two years earlier from the external dinner. And all it said was was you're an ass that's all it said okay you're an ass three words and I was like this can't be I had to look back I was like this is the guy yeah from Arizona from two years ago yeah it was February 4 2004 yeah Because I called my friend up because we, I mean, this blew my mind. Yeah. I'm like, what was the turn of events that made this guy log in two years later? How did he arrive at that? And then you're an ass, which also really annoyed me.

Yeah. It's kind of like your niece being like, you're boring. Yeah, it is. And then you're like, am I an ass? Right. Maybe I'm the ass. No, I was pissed at this guy, right? I was like, this guy is such a dick.

So my friend like looked him up. Like we found him through Facebook. And I got, to this day, I have a little picture of him. It's this big. It was from his like LinkedIn profile. Wow. So I know what he looks like, right? And cause, so I was like, how do I respond to this?

Right. How do I respond to this? And I was like, I want to say something to this guy, but he's insulting, but it's like genius kind of, because he got under my skin. But what did he come home drunk and remember? Like,

why did he two years later do this at this late? Yeah. And dude, I wrote February 4th, 2006 on a piece of paper and I put it on my fridge and I waited two years to the day that he wrote me that. This is impressive. This is a commitment, a true life commitment.

Yeah, absolutely. Two years and on February 4th, 2006, it was four years from the original purchase. I opened up my email and I wrote him back, no, you're the ass. You're the ass. That's beautiful. Two years years later that's a beautiful story I'm definitely going to try to work that out

that's a great bit I want to try to find him that would be good that would be a good way to take it yeah Nate Bargatze was like you should there might be a thing where you name the special, like, February 4th, 2006. And then, like, the whole point is, like, finding him through the bit or whatever.

Right. Like, whatever. So, something like that. I was like, yeah. Or, like, something where you show up where he lives. Oh, that would be aggressive. Yeah. That that would be aggressive I'm there but then you like show him how the DVD burner works

that would be fantastic hey I want to show you something so the way it works is it was NIB but if you plug it in and you have like an AC cord attached everything I think you did then why it didn't work yeah yeah I just want to make sure you take the

strike off my account Kevin type of letter I like that. Do you want to work out one last joke? Sure, sure. Let me see. What do I have? I've been trying something on stage, but it hasn't been like landing, but it was like this time that I like put my foot in my mouth. Like, so I was at this event, right? And it was like, it was an event for like,

it was like a comic con type of afterwards. And my lawyer, who's a dear friend was there and he texts me and he's like, Hey, I'm, I'm in the back area, whatever. I'm with Rachel McAdams and her husband. I told him about you and what you do. And I'd love to introduce you. So I'm like, all right, I don't know her. I don't know what, you know, but my, my, this guy is one of the best people I ever met. So I go and, um and I, I meet her and her husband and we're talking. And I just was like, I'm someone right away to break the ice or break the tension with a joke. But like a lot of times, like, I don't realize that people don't really,

they're maybe not ready for that. Like, I don't know if Rachel was ready for someone to just immediately start joking with her. So she, we're talking and she goes, oh, yeah, I was talking to Danny and like, he's such a nice guy. He told me a lot about you, but yeah, we've been talking for like the last 40 minutes, blah, blah. And I said, I don't know why I said this, but I go, well, you know that he is my lawyer, right? And he goes, yeah. And I go, well, you know, just, he's always listening. He's always by, he's always listening and's always by he's always listening and watching so i just want to let you know that if you say anything i said if you say anything like out of line or like i say if you say anything that uh i could like take the wrong way that could be a potential financial windfall for me oh my god this is crazy why on earth? Why on earth would you say this?

Because it's so ridiculous. This could be a huge financial windfall for me. Windfall is the exact words I used, which I thought were so ridiculous that she was going to start laughing. Oh, right. That it's a joke that even socially would be funny. Am I really going to sue you for something?

No way. No way. Yeah, yeah. No way. Not to mention a person you have one degree of separation from knowing. Right. A huge financial windfall. have one degree of separation from knowing. Right. A huge financial involved. I told her to watch her mouth.

Because he's listening and he's ready to strike. And it could be a huge, I will sue you. Right? Like, that's basically what I was saying. And I thought she would laugh. And she went, and she smiled and, like, crooked her head, like, in a way, like. And she smiled and like crooked, like in a way, like, and then I saw her reach her hand back and hit her or whatever, her husband, a boyfriend, whatever, hit him, like, save me.

Like she hit him. And then he turned around and I guess he knew the thing and he goes, oh, we should get going. She goes, yeah, we really, we, we gotta go. He was talking to her for 40 minutes and she left after like 30 seconds of the first thing i said to her so that's something i remembered recently that i was gonna like try to like you know again it's a story so it's like but i i was gonna bring that to the stage and figure out like where that kind of goes um i think that's good yeah i think that's i i think it it's short it's got a lot of laughs along the way yeah it's short a bit of an ending. It's short like a punchline to put a button on it.

But I feel like it's like there's so many ways you could go, right? There's like a million ways you could go. So, you know, so I send her an email two years later to the date. And I said, hey, I have this idea. I think it could be a huge financial windfall. You know what I mean? And then you could call it back to the other one. That's great.

Yeah, yeah. Because is that in the same hour where it's going to be the same hour? The eBay thing probably and the Rachel McAdams story? Well, I don't know. I mean, that's so new. I don't know if I'm going to put it in. But yeah, it would be in the same.

It's the same group of stuff I'm working on. I think that's very funny. I think it could be a huge financial windfall. I mean, it's so funny. I'm trying to think of anything else that would be like a capper to it. Yeah, I mean, so I, you know, so I had my lawyer draw up a lawsuit

and I wrote up the story that I just told to you just now and I added in like a few things she didn't actually say. And then I said at the end of it, what I'm looking to obtain as the end game here is a huge financial windfall. And I sent it to her. And you could do it. I mean, you could do it. You can have your lawyer send that. Yeah, that's true. I could do that. Yeah. I like that a lot, actually. That seems good. Yeah. Another thing I do, and every time I'm on a late night talk show,

I cross the amount that I get out on the contract that we have to sign, and I write $10,000. I've done it for 40 appearances. Oh my gosh. And I'm always like, this will pay dividends. Like someone's going to call me up. Like Seth, Harry.

I've done it to so many people. Jimmy. And no one's ever said a word. And I take a picture of it, so I have all of them. You're a lunatic. You're a genuine, bonafide lunatic. I can't even believe we're talking right now. We're going to do a thing called Working Out for a Cause.

We donate to a nonprofit that you think does a good job. Oh, all right. Excellent. How about Doctors Without Borders? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a great organization. Okay.

I have a few that I go to, but it's been a while since I've donated to that one. We're going to donate to Doctors Without Borders. We will link to them in the show notes. We will contribute and encourage you to contribute the listeners as well. Sal Vulcano, it's an honor.

It was so much fun. You're a hilarious person. I'm so glad to sit down with you. It's been a minute. All right. Awesome. Right on.

Working it out because it's not done. Working it out because there's no... That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. You can follow Sal on Instagram at salvolcano. You can find his tour dates at salvolcanocomedy.com. He's on tour with Impractical Jokers this summer.

And in the fall, he's doing solo stand-up. See him live. He is a hilarious performer, hilarious human being. Check out Burbiggs.com to sign up for the mailing list to be the first to know about my upcoming shows. The full video of this is on the YouTube channel. Our producers

of this podcast are myself, along with Peter Salamone, Joseph Burbigley, and Mabel Lewis. Associate producer, Gary Simons. Sound mix by Ben Cruz. Supervising engineer, Kate Belinsky. Special thanks to Jack Andenhoff and Bleachers for the music. Special thanks to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein. Special thanks, as always, to my daughter Una,

who built the original radio fort made of pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoyed the show, rate it and review it on Apple Podcasts. Tell your friends, tell your enemies. Let's say you're making a show with a bunch of your friends for a television network, and you get a bunch of notes that don't really make any sense about how you should change your show into more of what they want it to be. Here's what you do.

You say, you know what you should do? You should listen to this show called Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out, and it's all about process and how to give notes that are more effective to the vision of the creator of what the actual show is. Thanks, everybody. We're working it out. We'll see you next time.