Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 162. Pete Holmes Returns: Comedy That’s Clean, Dirty, or PG-13

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

Pete Holmes returns to help Mike punch up some last minute jokes before the premiere of Mike’s show The Good Life at the Beacon Theatre in New York. What follows is a heated debate about puns, an attempt to define and dissect the nature of “clean” comedy, and, yes, a nuts and bolts joke writing session. Plus, Pete psychoanalyzes the state of Massachusetts, and Mike recalls the time he opened for Tracy Morgan.Please consider donating to Homeboy Industries

I want to roast you all the time, but you look good. And I'm sorry I said you were going to die before me. You know... Sometimes it's hard to hear the truth. I appreciate it. Uh... I love seeing you. You look like a guy in a footlocker trying on running shoes

and people who see you go, Oh. Like he's trying. Yeah. Oh. You're like a real bless his heart running shoe purchase. That is the voice of the great Pete Holmes. We are so excited to have him back.

This is a spur of the moment idea I had the other day because I'm about to do my final shows at the Beacon Theater March 16 through 22. After touring the show and developing the show, The Good Life, over the course of two years. And I was gonna call Pete to ask about punching up some jokes for it. And then I was like, you know what, let's record it and see what jokes he's working on

because he just filmed a special. And so he is at square one. And so he had some bits. And then we ended up in this big digression about the nature of clean comedy versus not clean comedy and all this kind of stuff. It ended up being great. Thanks to everyone, by the way,

who's been coming out to the shows, the final performances of Please Stop the Ride slash what's been coming out to the shows, the final performances of Please Stop the Ride slash what's called now, which is The Good Life. And the shows have been really, really cool. The Largo shows in Los Angeles this week are sold out. A portion of the proceeds are going to fire relief efforts. I'm very excited to be returning to Los Angeles. And then back at the Beacon Theater, only a few tickets left.

Go to birbigs.com for tickets. I love talking to Pete today. One of my favorite people to work out jokes with. If you like listening to Pete, he has a great podcast. It's called You Made It Weird. I've been on a bunch of times. It is a fantastic podcast. If you like the working it out section of this podcast, typically, this is the episode for you. We go deep on jokes, we razz each other a bit, we're close friends and we do that sometimes. I think you're really gonna enjoy my chat

with the great Pete Holmes. Oh, working it. So I wanted to run a couple jokes because I was basically just going to call you the other day and run a couple premises by you. You talking through a burp is the truest you. Like you are the guy. I could be. That's fair.

That's you. We love you, but it's like, Mikey, talking through a burp, is how we'll remember you. Why do you say, you'll remember me? As though you're gonna outlive me in this kind of like overconfident way. It's just like, I can't take it. Am I walking around the world, everyone's assuming I'm gonna die soon? No, no, no, no.

I would love to yes and that and like really tear into you, but that's too delicate. No, I'm gonna die soon. No, no, no, no. I would love to yes and that and like really tear into you, but that's too delicate. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying when we are both long gone, they'll be like Mike Burp-Iglia, and people will be like who? You know, the guy who talked through burps. And they'll go like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, Mike Burp-Iglia. Oh God, that made it worse. That's what made you immortal comedically is you had a very funny premise and then you turned it into a pun. Puns are back. That's a big part of my new hours. Puns are not back.

Puns are not back. They'll never be back. It's 2025. We need all the help we can get. Puns, take them. I disagree. Mike burp biglia disagrees? I think that Mike burp biglia degrades what was funny about everything that came before it

Disagree, it's over. We're back to like birthday clowns. Just straight up entertain me make a balloon giraffe I just need it look need it look That's what arguably one of my best jokes in my last special was on a matta pizza That the word pizza has pizza in it. Each of the Zs is a slice, the A is a slice. It's five slices in one word, onomatopizza. Did you say that the P looks like the thing they slide it out of the oven with?

I should have though. I should have. There's a free one. There's a free one. It's a free one for never. For never, yeah, yeah. For now. For now, but I think that that, in my opinion,

your pun has to be as good as on amount of pizza. I have puns, Mikey, that are so good that I will not tell them to you now because they're some of the best parts of the act. I didn't plan that. I don't believe you. I will tell you off air that I have some puns that are on amount of pizza level, and I'm so proud of them. Here's why.

No one wants a pun that you set out to make a pun. If you're writing a joke and then there's a perfect pun, people can smell that like real pheromone attraction. They love it. You can't fake it. You go, that pun deserves to live. Most puns, get them out of here. But if you get a perfect on a pizza, we love it.

Well, that was the famous thing Jay Leno said about Michael Jackson jokes. Michael Jackson jokes, if you have a Michael Jackson joke, better be the best one. Yeah, and he sure tried every other one too. He tried every other one. Yeah, take it from him. He looked for them like truffles.

And then he found a couple of good ones. Wait, so you and I were talking on the phone yesterday about clean comedy versus not clean comedy. And it was funny because the younger producers on the show, Mabel and Gary, are less familiar, even with the concept of clean comedy. But in our generation, it's a huge thing. Yeah, it is.

And how would you define it? How would you define it? Because I think in terms of the listenership, I would say like half the people know and probably maybe half people don't think about it. Well, Mikey, I lost sleep last night because we talked about clean comedy, because I was trying to define it.

Well, yeah, I think because you and I grew up in the same kind of like 1980s Massachusetts Christian background. I think you and I both have that kind of good boy. And I think even Alex Edelman, I think has a joke about this in his special, Just For Us, about wanting to be a good boy. And I feel like it is a Massachusetts thing. It's also a trope for lots of people.

I think everything that happens psychologically just happens more in Massachusetts. That's a funny take. I've never heard that before. I do think- That by the way, Jenny was here in the studio with me a few minutes ago and I was like, what would you ask Pete?

And she was like, it's just an observation about Pete, which is that Pete is, he is a fountain of humor all the time, and whenever you're on the phone with him, you're always like, hey, write that down, Pete. Hey, Pete, write that down. That thing you just said, write that down. And it's literally, the thing you're saying about Massachusetts is a bit, by the way.

I want to be clear, that's a bit. Everything that is psychologically disturbing about the way. I want to be clear, that's a bit. Everything that is psychologically disturbing about the country is more, well, when I say the country, it sounds political. I just mean everything that's always been happening with men, women, children, families happens at an extreme. And Mikey, I'm being real, my favorite joke, it just so happens that the hour that I'm doing right now,

the new new, not the one I just filmed, but the new new, just so happens to be pretty clean. Like there's one bitch, I say bitch, but in the voice of Kermit, that kind of softens it. Okay, sure. It does soften, I think that keeps it in bounds. And there's one joke that I really love about stopping Hitler by,

I don't wanna kill baby Hitler, people always talk about killing baby Hitler. I don't wanna kill baby Hitler, I wanna push Hitler's dad off of Hitler's mom at a key moment, like while they're having sex. And the joke is, and you couldn't ruin this joke, I've heard this joke a thousand times and I laugh every time, it's my favorite joke.

And Hitler's dad goes, I push his sweaty, naked ham body off of him and he spins and he goes, mind, Jesus, no, right? Is that clean? It feels pretty clean to me. You think so? I don't know. I just don't... I'm over here.

I don't think of it that way, I guess. I don't know. Here's the benchmark though. Gaffigan would not do that joke. Bargatzee would not do that joke. Yeah, yeah. Those are archetypal clean comics at this moment. Gaffigan. Seinfeld wouldn't do it.

Oh yeah, Gaffigan, Seinfeld, Nate Bargatzee are all super clean. Ryan Hamilton. Ryan Hamilton wouldn't say that. He wouldn't say mine jizzing. And I tried to say with no joke in my voice, yeah. He wouldn't say mine jizzing. And I, it's interesting. With no joke in my voice. Yeah, he wouldn't say mine jizzing.

All of these people I think are very funny. I think I said to you yesterday, and we'll cut this out if you don't wanna mention it, but I said, if you wanted your touring business to be two or three or four times bigger, I would put the word clean in the title of your hour that you're touring with. Because what I'm noticing, and this is by accident, is people are coming up to me out of nowhere

and just going, I loved your hour, it was so clean. And I did not intend that at all. And by the way, I don't even view it as clean. Like you're saying, like you talk about, I mentioned masturbation and porn and things that are, I mean, for God's sakes, I'm talking about my dad having a stroke. I'm talking, it's pretty intense actually.

The topics are very adult. This is helpful to me. This is what I lost sleep over, going like, can I do that Hitler dad joke? And I was like, I came back to the title for my special. I went through a lot of things. I went through a lot of ideas. And I think I'm close to calling the next tour

the PG-13 tour. I think that's the cleanest, fastest way to say, all new, mostly clean, all funny or something like that. But like mostly clean. Because you can't, I don't think you can claim, if you call the tour clean Pete or something like that, people are gonna be, I think that be in their rights to be a little disappointed

that I'm talking about Hitler's dad jizzing. I think that would be over the line, even though I'm not swearing. I happen to think in my marrow that that is a clean joke. I think we've talked about this before, there's clean and there's ugly, but I think I'm very close to having an hour where I don't have to say fuck or cock

or all these things that I love to say. I think I can take out a lot of the like sex stuff. I don't have to say fuck or cock or all these things that I love to say, I think I can take out a lot of the like sex stuff. I don't have any sex stuff really. I don't have any porn stuff in this hour. So if the dirtiest joke is about stopping Hitler from being born by pushing his dad off of his mom while he climaxes, I'm like, I feel like I can hide under the umbrella of mostly clean

called the PG-13 tour. What do you think? I'm for the PG-13 Tour. What do you think? I'm for the PG-13 Tour. I think that's a good title. I think the graphics line up really easily because it's got the famous MPAA symbol. I think it's great. I think I have a theory on the cultural obsession

with clean comedy. I do. I have endless theories, but go on, please. So I'll say mine and then you say yours. Mine is you have some of the great comedians of the last 30, 40 years are Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, maybe Eddie Murphy, maybe George Carlin, right? And then maybe Chris Rock, right?

I'm just like laying out like a handful of comedians who can all agree like are trailblazers in certain ways, et cetera. They all curse. They all curse for sure. A lot of people are going to comedy for the shock of someone who's unafraid to speak honestly. Right, so in the wake of those extraordinarily

popular comedians, you have a generation of comedians who curse because they're modeling what those guys did. That's true, and I started- And then they stink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not all of them, not all of them. No, I know what you mean. They just, by the laws of odds,

let's say you have a thousand comedians and 800 stink and two of them, 200 of them are really good. So the 800 who stink, people who go and they see that person cursing and talking about sex and all this stuff and they stink. And you're just going, oh, what's wrong with it is that they were dirty. And it's like, no, no, what's wrong with it is they stink. They stink, yeah. I completely agree. Look, I'll talk out of both sides of my face.

On one hand, I can really appreciate clean comedy. Nate Barghetti is one of my all-time favorites. And when I see Nate, I see someone being authentically themselves, right? And the parallel for me is a magician who does card magic. There's David Copperfield, who's got tigers and hoops and flying. And then there's David Blaine,

who's just doing card magic. To me, clean comedy is like card magic. It's like, look, I can wow you with just 52 cards. And that's kind of like, I can wow you and I'll be clean. It's just kind of more impressive. It's juggling blindfolded. I'll leave out these nine words that I know are going to push your buttons if I say them. You could go on stage and just yell, fuck. You'll get a laugh. You'll get a little laugh.

It won't be a big laugh. It depends on how you perform it. The other side of my face, though, and this is where my own psychology and my own past comes up, is I deeply resent the idea that God likes you more if you don't swear. And that was part of my messaging. That was part of what I imagine my own package to be, which is the guy who talks about God and deeply and thinks deeply about God and cares about that and also talks about everything.

I think there's a real message to that. Holiness is wholeness. It's including everything, all the feelings, weird, rage, embarrassment, shame. It's not acting, it's not whistling in the dark and pretending that you only say golly gee. And that's the part that like can upset me, but I'm starting to get over that.

I don't think most people think of it in that way, because there are people that just wanna go to the show with their family, or they wanna go to the show and know that they're not gonna be embarrassed with their in-laws or their boss. I get that. I'm starting to like take some, listen to how much meaning I gave it.

God likes you more because you like, I'm taking it too seriously. By the way, I went to confession when I was a kid in the Catholic church where if people don't know what this is, it's in every improv scene ever or sketch comedy. But it's just, it's you and a priest for some reason behind closed doors explaining.

It was a wall between you. Yeah. It was a wall between you. Yeah, it was a wall between you. Sometimes there's not though. I did it once, I did a few times where it's just you and the priest and it's just you in two chairs. Mikey, that's a sauna. You were in a sauna. There's no wall, it's no longer confessional.

Oh my God, that's right, it was a sauna. We were naked and I was sweating. I totally forgot the details. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He just has the collar on. Oh, Jesus. Okay, so- Well, that's how they go in saunas.

When I was a kid, I did a confession and I would say, forgive me, I've sinned, I cursed, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, that's not a sin. No, I know. It's actually, it literally isn't a sin. And no priest, not a single priest, when I went 10 or 20 or 30 times a confession, not a single priest goes,

hey, hey, I'm gonna stop you short there. Don't mean to cut you short, nine-year-old. But that's actually not a sin. Because, I'm sure- It's not in the Bible, it's not anywhere. I'm sure some of them were thinking it. Here's the issue. Swearing and teen pregnancy are what I would call visual. One of them you hear, but they're overt sins.

The church is not going on a rampage against coveting your neighbor's wife. It's not going on a rampage against coveting your neighbor's wife. It's not going on a rampage against even lying. It's going on a rampage against the ones that are really bad for its image. And I understand this by the way, I don't fault this. Do you have a congregation of people that keep saying cocksucker or motherfucker? It looks bad. Similarly, if you have a congregation

and all the teenage girls are pregnant, that's why the emphasis on these things, it causes the whole thing to fall apart. Mickey Mouse cannot smoke a cigarette while he's on duty. You know what I'm saying? Like it's wrong. So we're not even talking about sin or theology, we're talking about marketing.

And I don't say that dismissively or to put it down. I'm just saying that's just good business. You should tell the kids not to swear because it looks bad. See, I think you should, I mean, I'm not laughing because I feel like what you're describing is like a great thesis and like a setup for jokes. But I think if you did this with jokes,

I think it would be really good in your show. Because I feel like people don't think about this that much. Like that the majority of the things that you're, that you're essentially going to confession and saying, I've sinned, I did this wrong, actually aren't things that are necessarily wrong. Right. Right. Yeah. I mean, so whereas, whereas by the way, saying the Lord's name in vain is technically a sin, right?

According to Christian theology. Saying the Lord's name in vain doesn't mean saying Jesus Christ when you step your toe. It means swearing by Jesus, by Yahweh, and saying you will do something, and swearing on His name, and thereby saying it in vain. It wasn't saying, oh my God. It was saying, I say by the name of Yahweh that I will give you this, this and land.

It was like a legal thing, not legal, it was more like a document. It was more like your word. It was like, don't pledge Yahweh to something that you're not going to do. That would be using his name in vain. I swear by Yahweh, we will this, this and this. That's using the Lord's name in vain. We turned it into some bullshit. But it's interesting, like when I was starting out

and I was toward the South, the thing that they would object to was not cursing, but it was saying the phrase, God damn, where I would quote my dad going, God damn it, I'm eating pretzels or whatever. And they would go, actually, when I come off stage, they'd go, don't say the GD word. My mom is the same way.

She hates, I have a joke in my new hour where for some reason I say Jesus Christ, even though I don't say that, I don't really say that in my everyday life. But you know, without being too self-important here, there's time, you're writing a joke, self-important here, there's time. You're writing a joke. It's like a little piece of music and Jesus Christ is the right attitude in that moment.

It's a joke about how the people who are bad at changing pronouns based on someone's gender identity are the same group that get really mad if you call their truck a car. And I go, let's take your car. And he goes, it's a truck. And I go, Jesus Christ. That's the right kind of exclamation in that moment. It's better than any other. I tried other ones. And I know my mom is going to be upset about that. Which is so funny to me. I'm like, what a beautiful joke. I'm defending, sticking up for a group that comedians have been putting down and she'll only get lost in that. And again, but even that,

and I don't wanna make this whole podcast about, I'll just say this, there are things I would like to get over because it feels good to get over things. I'd like to get over what it means to be clean and just be like, maybe it's just nice. Maybe it's just fun. because it feels good to get over things. I'd like to get over what it means to be clean and just be like, maybe it's just nice. Maybe it's just fun.

Well, it was funny because you said to me yesterday, I go, you should consider you could double or triple your business potentially if you went out as clean. You were like, I'm paraphrasing, but you were like, I'd rather be dead. Well, because I am an artist, let's put on my artist hat, it has a feather. There's a part of me that's really like, I am an artist, let's put on my artist hat. It has a feather.

There's a part of me that's really like, I'm an artist and I didn't get into this to not tell you how I feel. Exactly how I feel. And when you grew up in a household that rewarded you for being this whitewashed, clean, fake version of yourself, of course, when I became a grown-up, I couldn't wait to be like Bill Burr. Look, the other argument is Chappelle, Burr, Louis,

Shane Gillis, you know, I'm just talking about big comedians. Segura, these are people out there that are having their cake and eating it too, as far as I'm concerned. But your point is about those comedians is that they can lean into that because their audience is like there for it. They're there for it. And I would like to find, it's proving,

look, I'm happy with my draw. Would I like to have this next hour? I think this next hour is ready to be a theater act. It's ready to be an exclusive, like a larger audience. I think it's four more people. I think calling at PG-13 might help reach more people. But I would also secretly, in my dream of dreams, I'd like to find people that are like, I'm a good person. I'm an interesting person. I'm a thoughtful person. I'm a kind person. I care about the meaning of life. I care about

our shared divinity. I care about God, whatever you might want to say. And I like hearing jokes about Hitler's dad jizzing on the carpet. Like I sort of, that would be my dream of dreams, but if that's not gonna happen, we'll call it PG-13 and see if I can't rope in a bigger group because I'm very proud of my standup. That's where we started.

I'm out here trying to sell TV shows and you were like, you're such a dear friend to me because I was like, of my standup. That's where we started, is I'm out here trying to sell TV shows, and you were like, you're such a dear friend to me, because I was like, I don't know, do I really wanna sell a TV show? And you were like, if you were in the top 200 in the world at anything, why would you try and do something adjacent to it? Yeah.

And I'm like, yeah, if I could tour bigger, I would happily just do stand-up. What are you, nuts? If you were a top 200 computer programmer in the world, you wouldn't be like, I should really spend more time sailing. It's so funny. It's ridiculous.

But honestly, I hope everyone listening out there has those touchstone friends, those anchor friends. And just to anchor this in reality, what I meant was top 2000. Very funny. Ha ha ha ha. ["The Last Supper"] I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying.

I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying.

I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying.

I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. I'm just saying what you're saying. Oh, it could be a bit, but I just haven't spent enough time with it on stage. And one of them is about how... I've done stand-up before.

I'm just saying what you're saying is such a relatable thing. It's like, that could be something, but I just keep saying it. One of them is, it's a thing about rosary beads, which is... I have to explain, because I talk about how when I went to meet the Pope in June with a bunch of comedians, they gave me rosary beads that were blessed by the Pope. And I try to explain what rosary beads are. And I'm trying to figure out a comedic way to point out

that like in Christianity, it's like these beads and it's like a necklace, but you can't wear it as a necklace. And it's like... It's a pocket necklace. You ever count something with an abacus? But it's an abacus and it's to count prayers, but then you tied the abacus and then you said,

don't wear this, keep it in your pocket. Oh, that's good. Don't wear itus and then you said, don't wear this, keep it in your pocket. Oh, that's good. I like that. Don't wear it. It's a necklace you can't wear. Here's a necklace that has prayers on it. Don't wear it. And use it like an abacus.

There's something also funny about like, to explain what a rosary is to you, I'd also have to explain what an abacus is to you. An abacus is like a calculator and I have to explain what a calculator is to you. That's funny. Basically- That's a good bit.

Yeah, it takes a lot of steps down, because it is an abacus that counts prayer that you tied off for a necklace that you can't wear. That's where it works. And if you're confused, so was I. There you go. There's your hot mickey. This is like, again, this is not a comedic idea

as much as it's just a fully real idea, which is when I was a kid, first communion, my grandmother gave me like rosary beads, like junior. Sorry, I put a pin in that because I really think there's something to going like. If you don't know what a rosary is, it's like a string of beads and each one you touch and you say a prayer and you use the beads to count how many prayers you've done like an abacus. Then you pause. If you don't know what an abacus is,

an abacus is like, and then you do it like a, you know, and then you go, if you don't know what a calculator is, it's like a app on your phone that used to just be a black brick that you got at Radio Shack. If you don't know what Radio Shack is, it's a place where they wanted your zip code. Yeah. You could do that.

That's one of the formulas available to you. I think it's funny. Yeah, it's available. But anyway, when I was, my grandmother gave me Rosary beads and they were like Rosary Beads Junior. You know what I mean? You remember that?

It's like little ones. Yeah, they're like light blue or light pink or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to cool it up a little bit. Yeah, and. They're not the hardwood ones. Exactly, yeah, that's exactly it. And then I would pray, you know, and I would, it would be 10, you know,

each bead stood for a prayer, right? So it's like 10 Hail Mary's and then an Our Father and then a Glory Bee. I think there's like 59 beads in total, if I'm not mistaken. I'm not sure, but it sounds around there. And then every night, and I say this on stage, I go every night I would pray using these beads.

And in my consciousness, it was me and God. And we were together. And at a certain point in my childhood, and I don't know when, it was just me. That's a good line. And it's just, it's not a laugh line, it was just me. That's a good line. And it's just, it's not a laugh line, it's just kind of there. And it's... That's a good line.

Yeah, that's my exact experience of my relationship with the religion. It was like, I didn't have a single inflection point, but I definitely, my consciousness as a child was 1000% different than it is now. You mean more magical, more... I didn't... More ethical and moral and real.

Yeah, well, what do you mean? No, what I mean is that my, literally my consciousness was me and God and we were buddies. It's like a buddy comedy all the time with me and God. And then at a certain point, it was just, you know, I'm Indiana Jones. If I did that, it was me and Tracy Morgan in a cop car,

and God keeps going, I made the world in seven days. I mean, I did all of this, stop touching your dick. I'm sorry, I flashback to one time I opened for Tracy Morgan. And speaking, it was funny, I opened for him at Georgetown University once. It's like years after I graduated. And it was the dirtiest, it was the quintessentially most dirty kind of like

eating ass, just every sexual specific kind of like, the audience just being like, you know. And it was so funny because he came off stage and he goes, we gave them what they wanted. Like he had no sense that there was a disconnect. Wow. He's like, that's what they wanted. That is. I was like, okay, sure.

Maybe, maybe that's what they wanted. I don't know. I mean, what percentage of being a comedian is having a pretty good radar for when and when you didn't give the audience what they wanted? It might be a full 60%. I'm not sure. Like interpreting laughs, interpreting silences, interpreting body movements, all that sort of stuff. It might be a full 60%. I'm not sure.

Like interpreting laughs, interpreting silences, interpreting body movements, all that sort of stuff. I feel like that's the main skill. So that is a chilling, chilling story. It's a chilling story. That story isn't funny to me, that's chilling. And then the other thing I'm just trying to develop is this thing I had the other day,

which is when I was a kid, most of what I would see of my dad is he'd come home at eight o'clock at night from work, and he would sit in the corner of the living room and read a war novel and scowl. And then people would be like, your dad's a great doctor. And I'd be like, all right, you know, like, I don't know. I never, he's not my doctor.

Like if you said to me like, your dad's great at reading war novels in the corner and scowling. I'd be like, yeah, I can vouch for that. That is very funny. I have no notes on that. There's something also, maybe it's very Boston, I don't know, but other people telling you who your dad is, is really funny.

And it's true. It is, right? They have to be like, your father is like the mayor of Somerville. And you're like, all right. Although I did see my dad sometimes being that gregarious and loved, but I know what you mean. I think I love that bit.

It's very, very funny. I also like, you know what I think of is, can you imagine if you or I worked like our fathers did? Like if we allowed that if you or I worked like our fathers did. Like if we allowed that and just went to work, my dad would go to work at like 5 a.m. Not really, it'd take us to school I guess. So 8 a.m. and then he'd work until like you said, like seven, eight o'clock at night.

If I, today is the first day off I've had in a while, day off meaning like a day where I can actually like focus and work, because I've been solo parenting. If I get four hours of work in today, I'll be like, I'll give myself a Peabody Award. You know what I mean? Like I'll be so pleased, like a prestigious one. A Pete, a Pete body award.

Pete body, Pete body. I liked it. Puns are back baby. Coming at you with puns. We need all the help we can get. Cause I know you love them. I don't think I gave you a single, I gave you how I would have done your jokes.

I think- They're great. Those are great but look, people should know this when they're listening to the podcast. This is kind of a macro thing that people who are following the podcast should know because sometimes people will, Jimmy Kimmel came on and he was like,

you don't really work out jokes. I'm like, I am working out jokes. It takes a long time. Like a lot of it is pushing around the sand and just going, oh, I'm gonna drive to visit my dad in Rhode Island today. It might come to me in the car, something that Pete said, except it'll come out in a different way.

Yeah, you're right. That's why I think it was Jon Stewart name job. He didn't say it to me, but he said, the writer's job isn't to write the joke for you. The writer's job is to say something to you that makes you think of the joke. 100%. And that's 100%.

And even like, it's interesting, because like what my director, Barish does for me, and it is, he's unbelievably good at it, is he repeats back to me what he hears in the show. So he'll go, so what I'm hearing is, your dad's going through this thing, and then you went home to visit him, and then you felt this way, and then he did this,

and you did this, and he'll say in his own words what it is he heard me say. And when I hear that, I go, oh my God, that's what you're getting? No, it's about sailing, you know what I mean? It's like... I completely relate. No, it's about coin collection, or it's about whatever. It's about avarice, it's about coin collection

or it's about whatever, it's about avarice, it's about being greedy or something, whatever the thing is. And I go, it helps me to have a friend like Seth or a friend like you to repeat back what you're hearing. I go, oh, okay, that's super helpful. Do you have any bits in your new hour? Yes I do. Premises?

Half ideas? I'm going to try and just remember it instead of reading it to you. But I'm doing this joke. I think this opening line is very, very funny. That's a weird way to start this. But I go, the things my wife thinks you can recycle. I just think that is so funny. The optimism.

I open up the dry trash, the recycling, and I just see like styrofoam. I'm like, nice try, nice try. And I'll have to clean this up if I want to call it PG-13, but I go, you fucked the earth. You fucked the earth. You fucked it. You can't just make it better by putting it in the dry trash.

You should put a mirror in the recycling so you can see yourself fucking the earth as you try to repurpose styrofoam. That's very funny. What do you think they're doing with it? Making crafts? You think they're making a fort? Nothing.

I go, coffee cups? Nice try. They're plastic lined. What do you think they're going to do with it? But then I go, but look, I get it. We've all tried to recycle a battery. We're all just throwing in D batteries going, I'm not recycling, but I trust somewhere in the process,

someone will know how to recycle this. Yeah, let's kick this can down the road. Literally, let's kick this can down the road. Literally, let's kick this can down the road. That's very funny. And then I go, oh, that's good. And I go, I already have a job. You work at the recycling plant, you figure it out. Yeah, yeah.

And then I go, and my wife signed us up for Blue Apron. It's not actually Blue Apron, but I picked Blue Apron because it's the most popular one. I go, she signed us up for Blue Apron. It's not actually Blue Apron, but I picked Blue Apron because it's the most popular one. I go, she signed us up for Blue Apron. You can pretend to care about the earth or you can have a home meal delivery service. You can't do both. You can't have your soup shipped to you from North Dakota. You can't have, you can't open boxes filled with dry ice and take out a single sprig of cilantro in a little baggie like a crime scene investigation. People are coming over for dinner.

There's so many boxes. They're like, did you just move in? And you're like, no, we just made dinner. Like it can't, like why are you cosplaying like you cook? Yeah. Let me tell you a last baked premise because I feel pretty good about that. I don't wear shorts.

How can I expect my daughter to respect me if I'm wearing shorts? I find that so funny. If she can see these two pasty, khaki legs covered in the lightest wisp of peach fuzz, and I'm like, go to bed. Like shorts... It's a very weird take, but I'm like,

men's legs are so ugly. Two mozzarella, like string cheese legs covered in cinnamon. Like, you look like a college freshman on the way to the showers. You know when you're at the airport and you see someone wearing a neck pillow on their neck as they walk around buying coffee? That's shorts. That's shorts. That's shorts. That's shorts.

Shorts is just, you look like you're in your underwear. Grow up. Grow up. Shorts? I'm sorry. You're so hot. You have to let your fucking calves out. They look like fucking forearms.

Get out of here. I'm going to co-sign this take. I think this is a strong take. I don't think I've ever seen my dad in shorts and he has my respect. I don't care if it's a thousand degrees out, I'll never wear shorts. I'll wear a bathing suit,

but I'm not gonna wear shorts ever, ever. Yeah, that's a great day. I mean, I don't actually care. I don't have anything to contribute to the bit, other than to say, I see you, I hear you, I don't actually, I don't have anything to contribute to the bit, other than to say, I see you, I hear you, I feel you. I think it's a great premise. I do think it should go somewhere else.

Like I think it should, like once you've established that as an idea, I would say, like I would, if I'm talking about another topic, I would say, that's the shorts of blank. That's the shorts of blank. Because I think you've established it as a vocabulary of like, no, no, it's the thing that we shouldn't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear that.

Here's one that I think you can help me with. I have this joke, it's one of my favorite jokes about like, sex leads to kids, that makes no sense. They don't have anything to do with each other. And then I go, can you imagine the first pregnancy? Like two cavemen had sex in a way that we wouldn't even recognize. Like we're all trained to have sex

from movies and pornography. They're just going at it like animals. And then like, then nine months later, after that romp under a crabapple tree, the woman's belly is huge. Like how long did it take them to go, do you think this is? That's good.

Do you think this is? Do you think this is? Do you think? Like, I'm just going to throw spaghetti against the wall. Do you think this could be from the other thing? It was almost a year ago. And you're going, is it possible that that- No, it was less than a year though.

It was less than a year. We were naked and feeling good. Do you think this is that? I, and I go, you would guess witchcraft first. Like that's a more reasonable guess. Totally. You'd be like, did you upset a powerful woman? And then you'd go,

do you think I'm allergic to something? Like, did I eat something? Like I'm swelling up. And then a baby comes out. And then I go, the baby, when the baby's first born looks like the father, that's the way of genes telling the dad, this is your fault.

Right. That was the crabapple tree. It is because you had an orgas fault. Right. That was the crabapple tree. It is because you had an orgasm. Right. One way to look at it too is this, like to take it somewhere else. It's like, when you order, it's like when you order a toaster oven,

you don't even read the instructions. You throw the instructions out. Imagine if it was that, except there's no instructions. It's just the human body, fully no instructions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no instructions. Yeah. And like sex... It's kind of crazy to think about.

Sex kind of makes sense. It does make sense. That's where your parts are. These are where my parts are. They line up. It feels good, it's rewarding. But why on earth would you go, and now we have a baby? Like. Yeah, yeah.

No, no, the counterintuitiveness of it is shocking. I mean, I was gonna say like, you look at, like the people, the cave people probably looked at animals and they were like, oh, okay, something there is similar to us. I mean, that's probably how they arrived at it, right? I mean, this is non comedic, but that's probably it. No, no, I appreciate non comedic.

Cause for sure, I was thinking they looked at other people, but that still means there had to be the first people that did it. But there were animals that they saw that occasionally like shit out a baby and they'd be like, I wonder why. Don't say that again. Well, Petey. I will say Mikey, I want to roast you all the time, but you look good. And I'm sorry

I said you were going to die before me. Sometimes it's hard to hear the truth. I appreciate it. I love seeing you. You look like a guy in a footlocker trying on running shoes and people who see you go, oh. Like he's trying. Yeah.

I can hear like a real bless his heart running shoe purchase. Like he's trying. Yeah. You're like a real bless his heart running shoe purchase. For Working Out For A Cause, in the past you've done Homeboy Industries. Yeah. And I think we'll do that again. We sure can. That's my preference. Yeah.

Petey, thank you so much for going over all of these jokes and talking about all this stuff because I'm cramming to figure out all the last little tidbits and find, eke out the last few lines... Yeah, yeah, steam clean. ...for the show. Alright, pal, I'll see you soon. Love you. Thank you, Mikey. Love you too. Working it out, cause it's not done.

We're working it out, cause there's no one. That's gonna do it for another episode of Working It Out. You can see Pete Holmes at Largo in Los Angeles tomorrow, March 4th and next Monday, April 5th. And then he's all over the place. Atlantic City, Austin, St. Louis, all of this on pethomes.com. For tour dates, you can follow him on Instagram, at pethomes. Check out perbigs.com to sign up for the mailing list.

To be the first to know about my upcoming shows. Our producers of Working It Out are myself, along with Peter Salomon, Joseph Verbiglia, and Mabel Lewis, associate producer Gary Simons. Sound mix by Kate Belinsky, special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleacher's for their music. Special thanks as always to my wife, the poet,

J-Hope Stein, and our daughter Oda, who built the original radio for Made of Pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoy the show, Stein and our daughter Oda who built the original radio for Made of Pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoy the show, rate and review it on Apple Podcasts. It helps. If you're new to the podcast and you enjoyed this episode, we got 160 more we've done. They're all free.

No paywall. Nothing. We've had Nathan Lane and Tig Notaro and Stephen Colbert. You can go on Apple Podcasts and comment which is your favorite. It helps new listeners find a good way to start. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell your priest in confession.

See how it goes. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I've been listening to Mike Verbiglia's Working It Out podcast. I know it's not really a sin technically, but neither is swearing, right? I mean, let's be honest about which of these things are sins. Thanks for listening everybody. We're working it out. See you next

time.