Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 165: Rachel Feinstein Returns: Everything She Says Could Be a Bit

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

Rachel Feinstein recently appeared as a surprise guest on one of Mike’s shows at the Beacon Theatre, where Mike observed after the show that everything Rachel said in the green room could be a bit. Now, on the heels of her Netflix special Big Guy, and in her third appearance on Working It Out, Rachel spills all the details about living with other comedians, the time she moved in with a Bengali family she met on a bus, and all the red flags she ignored in her previous relationships. Plus, Mike shares an unflattering movie offer he received and Rachel defends her pre-schooler’s permanent record.Please consider donating to Friends of Firefighters

Joking aside, what's the thing you like most about your husband Pete? That he doesn't have any notes for me and that I have a level of freedom that I have not had with other relationships. Oh, interesting. What were the notes you got in other relationships? Well, before him, I was with a guy

that was extremely jealous, alarmingly jealous. Interesting, how would that manifest? Uh, like he put spyware on my phone. Is that enough manifesting for you? That is the voice of the great Rachel Feinstein. Man, I love this episode. I don't know if I've laughed harder at an episode during the episode as this.

I actually had to stop at certain points. This is Rachel's third time on the podcast. One of the reasons I love having her on the show is she just goes and goes and goes. She's one of my friends who has that gift of comedic gab where you have to stop them and say, that's a bit, that's a bit, which I've talked about a lot before on the show.

And yeah, she's on tour right now. You can catch her this week in Key West, Florida. In May, she's in Sellersville, Pennsylvania, Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington. It's C. Rachel Feinstein, if you can. She is a riot. Thank you again to everyone who came out to my show, The Good Life at the Beacon Theater in New York City.

There will be a special announcement about that soon. Sign up for the mailing list to be the first to know or go on my Instagram, Instagram.com slash Burbix. A couple of new shows coming up. I'll be doing a show August 9th in Portland, Maine with John Mulaney, Nick Kroll, and Fred Armisen. Wow, that is gonna be super, super fun. It's sort of an ensemble show

in support of the great John Mulaney, who has a talk show right now called Everybody's Live, John Mulaney on Netflix. On August 10th, we're taking our little cavalcade to Garrison Grounds in Halifax. I've never been to Halifax. I've been getting emails for many, many, many years from the Halifaxians, and that's also with Malaney,

Kroll, and Fred Armisen. And finally, September 13th, the bunch of us are gonna be at Stanley Park in Vancouver. Tickets for all those at burbigs.com. Sign up for the mailing list to find out more if there's more stuff like that. That's my voice that says there is. There is.

I love this chat with Rachel Feinstein today. I'm so glad you're listening. We talk about a lot of people she's encountered in her life, very strange people. Failed relationships, odd situations with doctors, of course her husband who is a firefighter and sort of a doofus. We have a lot of fun. It's also, I don't know if I would say it's crude,

but it's crude enough that my brother Joe was like, maybe tell them it's crude so they know in case there's kids in the car or something. I don't find it to be too crude for my taste, but that's a fair point if there's kids in the car or something. I don't find it to be too crude for my taste, but that's a fair point. If there's kids in the car, it might not be, you know, a lot of this stuff about whatever. I love this episode.

Enjoy my conversation with the great Rachel Feinstein. -♪ Oh, I can hear you. You were kind enough to be an unannounced special guest at the filming of my special, The Beacon, and you crushed, and it was so funny. And you were talking about your doctor saying inappropriate things on stage. And then you told a story, but I wasn't backstage, but one of our producers, Mabel, was like, don't tell him that wait until the podcast.

Will you tell me the story that you told? Oh, okay. Well, I guess- Maybe you should set up who the doctor is. I'll set up the joke. I don't mind telling the joke, because I feel like my jokes are all just real stories. But okay, so I have this doctor in Queens,

and I live so deep in Queens, like even my doctor is dumb. And- And, and, and, but you know, very lovely guy, but you know, like he's not, anyway. So I went and got a mammogram and he's supposed to read me my results, okay?

And this is a doctor, first thing he said, first day, just to give you an idea of how he is, first doctor's appointment, this is the first thing he said to me, just goes, I got one fucking question for you, princess. And then he goes, Yankees are fucking mess. Oh my God. Okay, that's the first day at the office, all right?

Anyway, so that's him, okay? But he's all I have because I need my Ritalin. I'm like teaming with ADD, like I've been, I've had it since I was 11. People are always like, I have ADD. No, you don't. Like I leave a shoe everywhere. I go, I'm just teaming with ADD.

So you're accusing all the listeners who have ADD that they're lying? No, I'm just saying that some people will say that it's like this popularized trend, but I'm like, whatever I have, call it whatever you want. It's hardcore, it's debilitating. I'm teaming with it. It's more than I think a lot of times when you say it,

people are like, oh yeah, you do. And I'm just like, spend a day with me. I'm shedding things everywhere, it's wild. So anyway, I go to get a mammogram and he is supposed to read me my results as my doctor. So I go to the mammogram place and then you get a sonogram afterwards. So you get a mammogram and then you get a sonogram afterwards, okay? So you get a mammogram and then you get your sonogram.

And that's when they put like a wand over your tinnage. It's really fun. If you, and they just kind of like look for stuff. And during my sonogram, there's a nurse in the room and the nurse keeps going like, I'm like pointing to stuff. And I'm like, what the fuck is her expression about? And then they keep side barring.

And then she's like, but there's that. And they're like pointing and I'm like, what is going on with? And then, so I am trying to like in my own anxiety because I'm so sick, like get them to laugh, but also get them to answer me, you know? And I'm like, I've written my will, like are my cans gangrenous or not?

Just tell me now. I'm like, I'll do what I have to do. There's plenty of routes to go, but like these side bars, they're really terrifying me. And they kept stopping and being like, I'll do what I have to do. There's plenty of routes to go, but like these sidebars are really terrifying me. And they kept stopping and being like, oh, this could be like, and then they were like talking over a chart. Like, I'm like, this is not fucking hunt

for red October bitches. I need to know if I have cancer or not so I can take the next steps. And they just kept mamming me. They kept being like, ma'am, ma'am, like your doctor will tell you when Tuesday, we're not allowed to tell you. But anyway, they were arguing over this, you know,

this tit chart. And so I was just convinced that I was like, you know, like that I had like stage nine cancer at the end of this. Okay, cause it took like 45 minutes to do this sonogram. And it's very stressful and terrifying. Okay. The only thing that was giving me pause that maybe I wasn't dying was that they kept mamming me.

And I was like, if I knew somebody was dying, but like I couldn't officially tell her the doc would have to tell her, I'm like, I wouldn't mam her. I'd be like, I'd be a little more gentle, you know? They were like, you know, I wouldn't mam and remam someone like that. I'm like, eh, maybe I'm not dying.

So anyway, so I go back like seven days later to see my doctor and I say to him, I tell him about this whole experience. I was like, I've been really nervous to see you because during my sonogram, they kept stopping and pointing to the chart. And I was just convinced that, you know, I have cancer and I just want to know so I could do what I need to do. And he says, that's exactly what he did, Mike. He just goes, oh, well, this isn't good. Oh, this doesn't look good right here. Oh God.

And I was like, well, what is it? Just, can you just tell me please? Like, I just need to know, you know? He goes, hey, this is getting kind of dicey territory here and it's not good. And then he goes, Kathy, there's no Kathy in his fucking office. He's like, Kathy, oh shit, Kathy's not here today.

And then he goes I Don't want to tell you this you got one boob and I'm like Are you fucking kidding me right now? He goes that's good right there. No, that's fine. You got one boob That was his that's what he was doing Your doctor was doing a bit. He was doing a bitch. I told him, I think I might be done. This is crazy. This is so crazy. I think I have like a lot of stages of breast cancer, not even baseline because they were staring at the chart forever.

Talking about someone who could absolutely cannot read the room. Yeah, then I say to him, you can't do that. You can't do that. You can't tell people that they have one boob. And he says, you're right, I wanna tell you right now, Rachel, I apologize, it was completely inappropriate.

And I'll tell you one thing, it's not gonna happen again. And I'm like, thank you, Jesus. And he goes, but let's see what they actually say here. Let's see, and then he goes, ooh, yikes. And he's like, yeah, no, this is actually a thing. This is a thing and we should probably talk about it. And I go, what? And he goes, you yeah, it is. No, this is actually a thing. This is a thing and we should probably talk about it. And I go, what? And he goes, you have three tits now.

This is fucking moron. This is crazy. This is crazy. You have three. He's like, now you got three boobs. Jesus Christ. This is horrible. I know.

This is like a nightmare. Like truly a nightmare. And then he says, I have three. And I'm like, you can't do that. He goes, I'm right, Jesus, thought you were a comedian. Nobody could say, and then he started playing the woke culture of the sculptures. Nothing to do with being woke.

He's like, I guess these days you can have a note. It's like a Monty Python sketch. I can't believe it's, I can't believe that it's real. Yeah, hanging out with you, because it was Mabel and Gary who work on the podcast and Ryan Hamilton came that night, who's so funny. Ryan Hamilton is the funniest comic ever and he just bought a ticket.

Mike would of course put him on the list. That was the sweetest thing ever. And then I invited him to come open up the next night. And so he did the next night. That was so cool. I mean, he's such a funny, just a wildly funny person. And it was a great example of something I talk about on this podcast all the time, which is like some

of my favorite people like you are comedians where everything you say kind of could be a bit and you kind of, I feel like you need to surround yourself with the most amount of people who point out, actually that could be a bit, that could be a bit, because Ryan was like that and I was like that. Like, who were those people in your life? You guys were really helpful.

Yeah, you like told me things I should talk about. I don't think I'm surrounded by enough people like that because like my husband's not, doesn't think like that. But I do think that, and I'm, I do think that I put myself in the middle of, I move into the most ludicrous situations. So I'm not really around comedians as much as I would like to be

because I feel like now I'm in this weird neighborhood. It's all like Copts and Foy of Foytas in the middle of Queens. Right, and parents and a bunch of, yeah. So yeah, I'm kind of in this strange insular world. It's like, you know, it's like, if you go into my neighborhood and you pass like, what are those, it's like an Irish bar

with like Rudy Giuliani in the window or something. And then like, you know, our lady of perpetual suffering church. You know, it's just not my people. You know, it's just not my people. You know, it's like a Metz memorabilia shop next to like a commemorative coin store. Like that's where I live. I live inside of a commemorative freedom coin store,

basically at this point. Yeah. That's gotta be strange, cause you're like a very, you're an observational comedian, you're constant. So you're living in this kind of absurdly rich with insane things to make jokes about.

But it's almost like you don't even have enough stage time to talk about how crazy all that stuff is all the time. Yes, and I have done this to myself too. Like I've done it, I've always lived in the most crazy situations and just hurled myself into. So I do think in that sense that like, yeah, I get a lot of material around me. And it's all true.

People are always like, is that true? I'm like, yeah, that's not only is that true. Those are exact quotes from my doctor. The other thing you said the other night that I was laughing so hard at is that you used to live with these other, some other comics who we both know. And then I don't know if you're gonna name them, but they had women over all the time.

And then when you had a boyfriend. I don't care about naming them, yeah. Yeah, when you had a boyfriend. Yeah, this is Sherrod Small and Tony Rock. And I used to be roommates with them on the Upper East Side. And I was still a nanny full-time and they were just getting mountains of ass, okay? So they were just getting laid like so much.

And whenever I would go away, like on a quick trip or something or like to go feature for somebody, they would fuck the girl in my bed. I think it was like a wacky joke. They'd be like, yo, we fucked in your bed last night. Like, it's not ironic. You just fucked in my bed. And that's, yeah.

And then you had to walk through my room to get to the bathroom where we lived because it was like with this sad row building. It was just an old law tenement. I mean, the place was active. Like a railroad. A railroad, yes. Apartment, yeah.

Like our kitchen, I mean, our shower was next to our kitchen sink. Yeah, yeah. I used to live in one of those. We used to call our nickname for our apartment was Squalor because we lived in Squalor. So we'd be like, I'll see you back in Squalor. We used to live in Squalor.

So we'd just be like, I'll see you in Squalor too. Oh my God. Yeah, we lived in Squalor. And so that was just what we called it. And then you weren't allowed to bring your boyfriend home. No, no, I wasn't. So they had this rule that although they were allowed to fuck in my bed, I thought it was hysterical.

And by the way, I feel like they were using me as part of the oiling process, Sherrod especially, to like make women trust him. It's like, oh, look, I have a female roommate. So, you know, we should go ahead and hook up. And I'm trying to tell them like with my eyes, like, no, you're still making a grave mistake. I'm here because I'm poor,

not because you should trust him. Oh my God. And then I'd have to like make, you know, small talk with these like girls pulling their t-shirts down while they were like running to piss through my room. Oh my God. But then my favorite part of the story is that you had a boyfriend.

That I wasn't allowed to bring my boyfriend to sleep over. And they, and by the way, he was my boyfriend. He wasn't just like one of the string of, no was just I was very monogamous he was my boyfriend and he was French and they called him croissant so stupid and they're like yo croissant is not coming and they would do act outs of croissant showing up at the door and then being like messy Son, but you better beat it Like what your brothers your croissant is not gonna run up in you and by the way That's how they refer to his sex. We play some soft piano music during this edit

Crisaw's not gonna be running up in you. Oh my god. We're supposed to protect you Oh my god, you can't have croissants running up in you. And I'm like, you guys, he's my boyfriend. He's my long, but I never brought Croissant. So was Croissant not even allowed to sleep over? No, Croissant, I didn't bring him in the house, first of all, because if I, unless they were out of town, I wasn't going to bring him in Squalor because first I got him, first I'm going to humiliate myself with Squalor itself, which I would have, look, I would have stomach that, because if Croissant loved me, he would have dealt with it.

I live in Squalor, I'm doing my best. But then I've got these two assholes, they were gonna harass him and call him Croissant. Right. Like, oh, Croissant, like, I mean, it's too stupid for words. I will say, that is one of the weird things about living in New York when I was in my 20s and you're single.

And you're just like, if you meet someone, you're like, yeah, so this is where I live. It's basically like a closet. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. I've lived in so many situations where at the time, I was like, I think I've made it. And I'm looking back and I'm like, I think I've made it.

And I'm looking back and I'm like, you lived in an actively dangerous situation. Not only did you not make it, but like the average person around the country would walk into your apartment, throw up and like run like hell. Like I was like, I think I, I was like, yeah, I was like Annie, like I think I'm gonna make it now.

Am I gonna be in the pictures? And it's like no bitch, you live in a fucking bunk bed with some bands called Mom Girl Bitch. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good.

This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good.

This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. This isn't good. Your special is so funny and you are really, really tough on your mom and your husband and then even your mother-in-law. Last time you were here, you were like, I'm a little nervous about my mother-in-law seeing a special. How did it go when she saw the bit about her? Well, she didn't see the special. Oh, she's here?

Somebody told her, like my sister-in-law, my husband's brother's wife's father, so many people removed, mentioned to her, he's like, just casually, like we were like at an Easter party last year or something, and he was like, oh yeah, I told Maria about that voice you do for her. I'm like, what, you told Maria?

Like, he didn't know, he's just a lovely old man. But I was like, he's like, yeah, I told her how you do the thing and you talk about it. I'm like, oh no, no, wait, what did she say? Why did you know exactly what he said? Cause Maria's not said anything to me. Cause the bit is basically your mother not being like, you're like, you make him laugh.

Oh yeah. You make my son laugh, you make him happy. She always like, will tell me about, it always starts off, the bit was like, it always starts off good with her, but then it always starts out positive, and then it turns into something insulting at the end. So I always have the wrong expression

for what's being said to me. Like I open up my body language and she's like, Peter is happy with you, he's a happy man. My son is happy because he needs to laugh. Peter needs to have a nice laugh in this life. With this job you have to laugh. And then it'll always turn into, he always had the most gorgeous girlfriends, Rachel.

But he was bored by them. So it just always ends with something like that. And then it doesn't really hit me until I'm on the train later that day. And I'm like, what the fuck was that? Maria, yeah. So she was told secondhand about the story of her. But she doesn't really watch me,

and she'll say it to me, and she tells me that. She kind of talks about my job almost like, it is like a foul rumor, she has no way of substantiating. She's like, they say you do all of these things, I'm not so sure. She's like, that's not my first language. I'm like, you can turn on Netflix. She's like, I don't know. They say you're always saying all of these things.

They say you're saying these things I have no way of knowing. Which is also an insult. Which is kind of, except I'm like, thank God. Yeah, no, totally. I'd so much rather that, that she watched my special. I mean, I think she'd be horrified. So that's how I feel about my parents

with my special that's gonna come out, is like, they will only be able to watch it if I fix their television. All right, what would they do? They would be proud, though. I saw the hour, it's a very good hour. I appreciate you saying that. I would say I'm conflicted about them seeing it.

And that story is remarkable, yeah. I could see the vulnerability of talking about some of the things that you talk about because they're personal to them as well. And being like, that without saying too much about the hour I saw, I could understand that. But it's definitely like your most vulnerable hour. And it's, but I see what you're saying.

It's involves all of their stories too. Right, that's what, how do you unpack that with your own life? Like, do you run anything by people? Sometimes, I mean, like, my husband doesn't care, right, to say anything, and the same emotional chip that's missing in him is the reason that he doesn't give a shit. So it works out perfectly.

Yeah, it's like the same reason he says those things is that he doesn't care about it later, you know, like, so. Yeah, so he. The same reason he says those things is that he doesn't care about it later. You know, like so, yeah. The same reason the golden retriever is just like wagging its tail is the same reason why it's like maybe not gonna, you know, have a deep insights. I don't know how to finish the analogy.

He's emotionally, no. I'm calling your dog. He's emotionally, he's a desert. Sorry. He calls himself a desert. He's emotionally, he's a desert. Sorry? He calls himself a desert. Firemen don't pride themselves in their like emotional acuity. He knows he's an emotional desert.

And so he thinks it's funny when I say how much he devastates me emotionally. If I said that he was like a bad fireman or that he didn't get a good job in or whatever, that he couldn't fight fire, he would care. If I say that, you know, like he, I told a story recently on a podcast about how he brought me home to meet his parents or whatever, that he couldn't fight fire, he would care. If I say that, you know, like he, I told a story recently on a podcast

about how he brought me home to meet his parents without fucking telling anybody that he was bringing me for Christmas. Oh, he didn't tell them? No, this is my husband. So the kind of person that's gonna do that, I bought them like 50 gifts, I was on my way into there, you know, and then he doesn't tell them that I'm coming.

Okay, so apparently I get there my way into there, you know, and then he doesn't tell them that I'm coming, okay? So apparently I get there and I'm the most like, always worried if everybody's mad at me, people pleasing, whatever. And so I get there and they're opening all the presents and I feel like I gave them all the wrong things. Like they seem so annoyed with me. Yeah.

What did I get that was wrong? What did I do that's wrong? Yeah. I'm thinking this guy like is so like into me. He's invited me home to see his family. He told them apparently they were looking at me like that while they were opening the presents because they were fucking livid at Pete

because he told them five minutes before he was at the house bringing a girl. Wow. And so they were like furious. So I'm saying like, if you're gonna do that, and now I talk to this agent, he's like, eh. And I'm like, but right, but do that, and now I talk to this agent, he's like, eh. And I'm like, but right, but why did you do that? And he's like, eh, no.

And he'll literally use a phrase that has nothing to do with the story, it doesn't align with his point because he has none and no way to defend himself. He'll be like, eh, it all comes out in the wash. And I'm like, no, you can't apply that here. There's no wash. There's bringing your girlfriend home for Christmas

without telling your parents, you wild asshole. You can't be like, you could lead a horse to water. What the fuck? What is, what's the thing you, like joking aside, like what's the thing you like most about Pete? That he doesn't have any notes for me. And then I have a level of freedom that I have not had with other relationships.

Oh, interesting. What were the notes you got in other relationships? Well, before him, I was with a guy that was like extremely jealous, like, you know, alarmingly jealous. Interesting, like how would that manifest? Oh, like he puts spyware on my phone. Is that enough manifesting for you? He puts spyware on my phone, like what the hell?

That's wild. By the way, when I dated him, after we broke up, I was like, I thought I hit it from everybody and I was like, you guys, he was actually very jealous. They're like, yeah, we all knew, we had impressions of him. He was, no, he was insanely jealous. And I'm the right person to put Spyware on my phone. Not that I'm amortizing as soon as I'm single,

but because I am so ADD that I won't notice things like that. You know, like, but he was jealous in a way that was really extreme. Like we had Alexa in our room. I've never talked about as a podcast, probably, whatever, you know, like, but he was jealous in a way that was really extreme. Like we had Alexa in our room. I've never talked about as a podcast, probably, whatever, fuck it, who cares? It's been years now, but we had an Alexa in our room

and I would tell these stories on the phone in my room. And then later on he would ask me like, he'd be like, oh, you know, I know so-and-so has a crush on you. And I'm like, why would you know that? Why would that get around? My friend told me, a mutual friend of ours told me that this writer thought it was cute, which is not a story.

I'm sorry, that's not a story that gets around. Nothing happens in that story. Nothing occurs. Nobody blew anybody, nothing occurs. So he was like, oh yeah, you know, it gets around at that. I'm like, so I was flattered. She was just forwarding a compliment and nothing else. And he's like, yeah, heard through the old grapevine.

I'm like, no, it's not a good tale. Who would pass that from one writer's room to the next? It sucks. There's no tea. Nothing happens. So I was like, but I never figured that out. I'm like, how does he know that? It's so strange. And then later on, I was telling this story

to a friend of mine who's a little more tech savvy. And he's like, do you have an Alexa in your room by any chance? And I was like, yeah, we do. And he's like, you could set that the other way where they can listen to you. This is crazy. This is crazy.

I didn't expect to be telling this. So he went into the Alexa and was basically just listening back to what happened earlier? I don't know all the ways that, and I can't prove that that is how he knew all these things. I don't know for sure. But he would know a lot of,

including things like my location sometimes, so like, and we didn't have, he didn't have Find My iPhone on my iPhone. So, and he would know things like, oh, I heard so and so stop, I was working on a pilot, stop by the office today. And I'm just like, how would he know that? Well, the only way he would know that is

that I was talking on the phone about it. You know what I'm saying? That's so strange. So it's really crazy. Yeah, so- What a bizarre relationship to be in. It was, and he was very, I don't wanna say anything too specific, but I'll just say this.

I remember one time coming home and he was like sitting by a lamp with like a cab receipt that he'd found. I was like, oh boy, I think I might have to do some fling. So like if you're tracking, and he was like, you know, it just doesn't add up with you. That was kind of his note with me. And he was right, like nothing adds up with me.

I'm like a quaking mess. I always have like, you know, littering things everywhere, but that doesn't mean that I'm cheating. I'm not, I've never cheated on anybody. I'm not like that. And it wasn't working because for all the obvious reasons that it was an act of disaster, but it was also just like, I wasn't able to do my job because he was just always thinking I was just blowing everyone.

Oh my God. What a nightmare. I laugh about it now because it's so many years later, but it's also so funny when a guy jumps to blowing somebody because it's like, no, I wasn't blowing them. I was like in a writers meeting. It's just so funny because it's like a guy that really is so jealous that he thinks

that every day works like a porn. Like, do you even know me? Like, it was like three months before we slept together. No, I didn't blow somebody in CVS. Come on, man. You wouldn't just get suddenly blown like that in life. What world are you living in? That was the silliest part about it. Is he'd be like, oh, I know you, I didn't blow you. Like, it took forever. Yeah, like if I was a brisk blower, maybe, you can cut all of this, but anyway, I'm not.

I'm a very monogamous person. You mean the best part of the interview? I'm just saying, maybe it's too filthy. But I'm saying I'm very monogamous, so in what world am I just going rogue and blowing people throughout my day? It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's absurd.

What a weird quality in a person to be that jealous. It was really crazy. But the thing is it's like, I mean, this happened slowly over time. It's not like I met him and that was obvious. Of course he said beautiful things to me and everything I would love for my husband to hear. So it was intoxicating for a while.

I heard like every compliment that I could have written for my husband that I, and I think that that's probably why Zoom passed because I kept over correcting because the guy before that was, he really didn't accept my job, right? And so, and like I kept, I had such a good time in that relationship

and we really, he was stable except for this very important thing, which was that he didn't accept my job. And I had- And good time in that relationship and he was stable except for this very important thing, which was that he didn't accept my job. And I had certain- And spied on you. No, this is the guy before the spying. Oh, okay. And so the guy before that, he didn't accept my work.

And I, at this point, for whatever my own issues were, I liked him so much, I was like, well, is there some way I can maybe do less of it or do it in a different way? I just wanted the relationship to work. And he just fundamentally didn't accept that this was my job. And he took me out to dinner, which is really funny, to take a woman out to dinner and then say this to her.

But he took me out to dinner one night, and he was like, you're not going to do stand-up for the rest of your life. That's great. Oh my god, that's great. It's so funny to court someone first. Oh, that's a hard conversation. He didn't take me out to dinner very often.

One time he asked for anal at dinner. I'm like, is that why we're going to dinner? Because you could ask for anal. And the other time was to tell me not to work again? To stop following my dreams? Ridiculous. Hey, you're not going to do stand-up comedy again. We've been out for salmon twice.

One's for anal, and the other one's for me to get a fucking lobotomy, basically. Yeah, can a bitch have some fucking caviar with us and get you to quit her job? Fucking, what a cunt. So, uh... That is, someone asking you to stop doing your job is so wild. And to stand that way too, that way. He's like, you're not gonna, you know,

it's almost better like, hey, do you wanna quit your job? I'll support it. It's so much more, it's kinda nice, but just, you're not gonna do what you love for the rest of your life, right? Sugar tits, you can move back with me. Yeah, he just sort of kind of-

Did you date anyone worse than this? I've run through every red flag. I mean, the common denominator, all of this is obviously a mumbo-mumbo. Yeah, I do this. I choose people that are more extreme. But yeah, so I think after that situation, I overcorrected going to the next guy who seemed to not just

accept me, but just think I was fucking fantastic. Obsessed with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Which of course had nothing to do with me either. And then I went from that to Pete, which is like, he doesn't, you know, he doesn't, he's never going to leave a party or leave a situation later and be like,

hmm, like I think like this, or when you did this, that, you know, he's never gonna, he doesn't need to process anything because he's repressed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. he doesn't need to process anything because he's repressed. Make no mistake, I'm not here to dole out advice to anyone. I'm just saying that that is very, was refreshing because I came from somebody that wasn't giving me a moment of space. Like, yeah, so Pete was just kind of like, sure, whatever.

Like, yeah. And he was very, you know, he wasn't controlling, he didn't care about my job. He didn't give a shit if I was working on Christmas because he was working on Christmas, you know what I mean? And he didn't think I was blowing anyone, that's for sure. He was just like. I think I relate to what you're saying

because Jenny, Jenny's a poet. And I have a joke in the special. Jenny's a poet, I'm a comedian, together we're a sculptor. That was a Malini tag. That's a great joke. From like a few weeks ago, but yeah, I think there is something to like, if you do an unorthodox profession,

you either have to have the other person have the unorthodox profession, or just be super open-minded to like, yeah, you're a comedian, you're a poet, you're whatever. Yeah. Like it doesn't matter. We just have to figure out how to make it work. I agree, they either have to like not be ambitious at all

or be super ambitious in their own weird way and not be judging yours because they want some space. Yeah. Yeah. And he is, even though he's not artistic, but he works overnight and he works three days in a row and they have crazy shifts. And he just wants to get back to that firehouse that I joke about in the special,

but like I get that because I'm like that with comedians. Like I wanna get, sit around the table and talk shit and be animals. They wanna sit around the firehouse table, you know, do that. So like he didn't try to, I could keep working, you know, and do what I needed to do. And he wasn't gonna be, going to be accusing me of whatever,

whoring all the time. You had a real doozy bunch of boyfriends before you got married? Also, again, I did this to myself. You did not do any of that yourself. I zoomed past every red flag with different people. I see what you're saying. That's all I mean.

Those flags are so fucking red. No, I can say this now because I'm so teamingly codependent and have lived with and been in so many crazy situations. Everything you're saying in the podcast today I think should be in a show. Like everything, all of the like pre-being married romances, we'll call them romances in quotes, I'm not convinced they were. married romances, we'll call them romances in quotes.

I'm not convinced they were. But like, that could just be a show. I mean, it sounds like you just dated a doozy. I thought I could write some of these stories, yeah, for sure, because I definitely had a lot of weird situations. Like, I moved in with this Bengali family that I met on the Greyhound, and then one of the guys.

What do you mean, why? Why'd you move in with this Bengali family that I met on the Greyhound. And then one of the guys. What do you mean why? Why'd you move in with them? Because I needed a place to live because I had just been dubbed by this other guy. This is when I was like 17. And the Bengali lady was like, come live with me and my family. And she-

What are you talking about? Who meets someone on a bus and just says, come live with me and my family? She was like, come live with me and my family? She was like, come live with my family. She's like, you know, we'll have good life. I remember she said, we'll take a marmalade. I always remember she said, she's like,

we'll take a marmalade in the mornings. And I was like, I want to take a marmalade in the mornings. I think it was the marmalade. We'll take marmalade in the mornings. And that's why you moved in with the strangers? Yes. And she was, she was. Is this a fairy tale?

I was being dumped by the guy I moved to New York with. I was going back and forth to DC or Maryland in the weekends. And I had just started acting with this acting coach, but I'd go back and forth and I'd stay in New York with some friend on the weekends, but I needed a real place to live in New York

because I wanted to stay there. And I met this Bengali woman and she was, and I told her and I was weeping because this guy dumped me and she shared a croissant with me and she was like, come stay with me. Don't take, she was, don't give tears for a man. I always remember how she says that. Don't give your tears for a man. Please, don't let him take tears.

She's like, don't let him take tears. You can live with me and we'll take marmalade. We'll have nice morning. We'll take yoga. We'll have good life. Don't take your tears for this man. Don't take it. So I was like, okay. So I'm like, I don't want to take my tears

for this man anymore, but she's right. So I moved with her to Woodhaven, Queens and her Bengali family. Her name was Alia Sharafi and they just adopted me. And by the way, my mom, again, so liberal, no follow-up questions. I'm like, mom, I met a lady on the Greyhound from Bangladesh. She was already just doing like a horror crawl towards me

because she loves anything. Anyone that's not white, my mom has no follow-up questions. She's like, are they beige or darker? Well, I won't be needing a home address. Yeah. Yeah, so she's always on anyone's side. If they're not white, like she's rooting for them. So she's just like, terrific.

She needs a roommate? Well, of course she's just like, terrific, she needs a roommate? Well, of course she does. Something, something, systematic racism, move in. She's able to support her family and her damn own, but apparently she's not, this country isn't built in such a way that something or other, and I'm like, do you want an address? I'm 19, and she's like, not Ness.

So then I moved in with the Bengalis, and then I like just lived with this Bengali family and I would wear, I didn't have any friends in New York because I never went to college. And so my like kind of, that was my whole social scene was and they taught me how to wear a sari and I would wear the saris and go to their parties and hang out and.

But I, hold on, I wanna do mountains to say like. Yeah. Your, and maybe this is the theme that runs through the whole thing of this becomes a show and... But I... Hold on. I want to zoom out and just say, like... You're... And maybe this is the theme that runs through the whole thing if this becomes a show, is like... You're extraordinarily trusting and actually at your own peril. Yes. So it's like you meet the family on the Greyhound, you're like, yeah, I'll live with you, sure.

And then you're like, you have this insanely possessive boyfriend who's like using spyware on you and then like quoting back things Alexa said. And you're still with that person for some amount of time. Like you're with like a bizarre group of people in a row. Yeah. There's a lot to unpack there. Well, I was deeply codependent. Take all jokes aside, even though this is all true,

but I was just like, didn't think that I could sort of, yeah, I felt like it was this dirty little soiled exchange we were having. I would deal with their insane shit if they would then, I would deal with their stuff if they wouldn't get mad at me because I just lost my passport for the fourth time this week. Like, you know, so like, and they would fill out a form for me or help me. I was, I always felt like I was in the brink of being home-lish because I was just losing

everything and the world wild. And so these kind of organized men, I would allow to take advantage of me. And then I'd be like, listen, I, I'm not going gonna get too worked up about all this spyware on my phone. But of course that is... If you could just help me get my passport. Okay, this is a slow round. What is something you believe 10 years ago that you don't believe now? Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of it was just believing that I could explain things to people, that I could point out some family dynamic to them that would make them wake up and see why they should trust me.

Yeah, so I kind of learned a little bit more to like, you know, like I learned to not believe that you can, you know, teach anybody anything and just, yeah, like focus on yourself and all your own nonsense. There's plenty. So I think I started to learn that a little more. It's very wise. It's kind of messy, but it's true.

What was a time you were caught in a lie? This is so embarrassing, you guys. I've made myself look so crazy on this podcast, but- No, we're here for it. Keep in mind again, I was much younger, okay. But I was out on a date with this guy and I feel like, did we talk about this? Okay, I was on a date with this guy, and I feel like, did we talk about this? Okay, I was on a date with this guy,

and I was like maybe 25, 26, and I did one of the craziest things I've ever done. I changed on the date. Okay. So I was like, pretended to spill wine on myself. Cause I wanted him to see me in the other dress, and I was like really hammered. You wanted him to see you in the other dress? Okay was like really hammered. You wanted him to see you in the other dress?

Okay, keep in mind, I'm really drunk, okay? I was like pretty young, okay? Because I think every comment is just gonna be like, this bitch is crazier than a shit house rat. But I was, I just, I wanted, I oftentimes would put a second dress or top in my bag and I'd be like, oh, if the night takes a different turn maybe I'll be this version of myself.

There's no need. Okay, so I have one now. I always have a second outfit just in case like I'm gonna have to flee. Oh yeah, I knew that I have spyware. So anyways, so I was like, oh, and I was like, I'll bring this other red dress. I couldn't decide.

And I think in my mind, I thought like, oh, I'll change in the cab or something. I don't know what I was thinking. And then I kind of I'll bring this other red dress. I couldn't decide. And I think in my mind, I thought like, oh, I'll change in the cab or something. I don't know what I was thinking. And then I kind of went out on this date and I'm a little drunk and I'm really wishing that I wore the red dress. So I was like, hmm, I'll just pretend I spilled something on myself and go change into it.

And you can see, they'll really like me because they'll see me in the red dress. And I did. And I went to the bathroom and I came back and he was like, you did all of that on purpose. Oh my God. Which also kudos to him because how would he even have guessed that?

It's so deranged. I mean. He snuffed out that you lied about spilling wine on yourself, wow. Yeah, like I was like, oopsie daisy, guess I'll go up and turn into Slinky or Number. It's disgusting. God. Yeah, so I was very much, I was caught right handed. I guess I'll go off and turn into Slinky or Number. It's disgusting. I'm an idiot.

Yeah, so I was very much, I was caught right-handed. Who are you jealous of? God. No. I'm just kidding. I don't know, who am I jealous of? Who am I jealous of? Just women with really good skin,

because I have really bad skin. I think we were talking about how I, like I'm really humiliated to say that, because you're asking me about what I search on Instagram. And I was like, I just search the dumbest twat stuff to search, it's just this, I just searched like Meghan Markle skincare or something like that.

I'm so dumb. What a hole. Yeah. That's what we were talking about with Ryan Hamilton the other night is a new slow round question should be what is in your algorithm? What videos get served to you on Instagram and TikTok? Yeah, because they're so embarrassing.

They are so embarrassing. And mine is usually about like skin and stuff because I always know, you notice what you're insecure about and I've always had really bad skin. That's interesting. So I'm always usually about like skin and stuff. Cause I always know you notice what you're insecure about. And I've always had really bad skin. That's interesting. So I'm always looking up like skin or just like, you know, my worst fear is always being in a hike or something like that with somebody that like,

like for a first date, obviously this is not gonna happen anymore. But just cause I'm not somebody that can just be like, oh, I'm just kind of Dewey hike. No, I'm gonna be like red and gangrenous. I always had bad acne. I had the kind of acne in high school, like you needed, like I needed to be hospitalized.

So my acne was jacked. So I look up people with nice skin. I get that. My algorithm is, the reason I think I look at the royal family a lot is because like the whole Meghan Markle and her nonsense aside is because Harry, Prince Harry, I'm like, why do I look at this?

Why do I look at them so much? I think it's because he's very protective over her in this just way that's like, yeah, guys aren't really like that with me. Nobody's like put their hand on my lower back and led me through a room. So I think that's my algorithm, just men putting their hands on women's lower backs.

A guy's always like, you good to get there? And I'm like, no, it's my fucking wedding. I'm not going to get there. You good to get there? Yeah, people are always like, you can get there, right? Yeah, it's my husband in the net shows. You can make it over. Yeah, so I always look at like,

some celebrity guy at a Knicks game that kind of like helps their wife through the stand. Like, you're gonna hear that quote about me. They're never gonna be like, her husband's very protective over her because he's not. Yeah. All right, this is the material section. This is, I'm not gonna say exactly

who sent me this email the other day, but it's, I was asked to do a role in a movie, it was a small independent film. It was not, it's not a big deal and I'm not to do a role in a movie, a small independent film. It's not a big deal and I'm not gonna do it, but I thought this should be a bit, but I don't know exactly what to do with it, which is I got a letter from the director of this small independent film and it says,

Mike, Mr. Birbiglia, I'll get right to it. My name is blah, blah, blah. I'm directing and producing a new feature called blah, Mike, Mr. Birbiglia, I'll get right to it. My name is blah, blah, blah. I'm directing and producing a new feature called blah, blah, blah. There's a role that only one man can play, Steve. I truly believe that man is you. Then the description of the movie is when a 40 something wild child splits from her punk rock boyfriend, she gets over it the only way she knows how,

by seducing a mediocre dad bod cuck of a husband whose wife happens to be her best friend. Oh my God. So I'm like, wait, which role? Wait, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Which role did you want me to... Did you... Wait, am I the punk rock boyfriend or am I the mediocre dad bod cock of a husband? Cock of a husband. It's outrageous. It's... What did you say to him? I just... First of all, sexist is a woman. Um... Women direct too, Rachel, thank you.

No they don't, they can't. Their brains are too small. They're just holes. Oh my God. It's no posible. It's no possible. How could a woman do it? She still had to be a woman at the same time.

It'd be completely impossible. You're not still gonna do comedy anymore, are you, Rachel? No, I suppose not. I'll just stay home and stir an empty bowl, like God and Jesus made me to. I could always watch the clock go round and round till you come home. I suppose that's what I'll do.

You know what I'll do. I'll break the buttons off your shirts and then sew them back on again. Then I'll do you know what I'll do. I'll break the buttons off your shirt and sew them back on again Sorry Perfectly pointless oh my god. I want to go to the lobotomy factory Oh my God. I don't want to go to the lobotomy factory. That'd be funny if there was a man that just kept sending his wife back to the lobotomy factory whenever she was in trouble.

I don't want to go today. I was good. I didn't have no opinions or nothing. Oh my God. All right. Mediocre dad-bot-gunk of a husband. Yeah, so I said no to that. But the-

I'll send you a caricature of me that's gonna make you feel better. You know when somebody does those caricature drawings? Yeah, yeah, sure. I look like Sam Kinison. It's fucking devastating. I look like Sam Kinison? Those have devastated me many a time. Oh yeah.

Now whenever I get, there's one of me around, whenever they do the caricatures, it's always the big nose and the big ears and you know, it's always the huge belly. It's just like, you know, we don't have to do this, but I guess I get what you mean, but also. But like, yeah, so the other, and I thought maybe I would do that as a bit, like the person asking me.

You have to. I should, right? It's fucking hysterical. It's great, right? It's hilarious. Well, because it's crazy how this woman directing this movie thinks that that's gonna hook me. It's so funny, you have to do it.

This is you. Like, somebody wants- And then the most insulting forwards ever. Because, no, the way that you, even my daughter, I showed this to my daughter and even she was like, no, no, if you want it, she's 10 years old. She's like, no, if you want someone to do a part in a movie, they should have said, we want someone who's funny and fun.

Just say somebody who's really funny and you're gonna play this ridiculous character. Just lie, and then we'll all she was somebody who's really funny. You'd be able to play this ridiculous character. Just lie. And then we'll all know that I'm Dad Bodcock. I mean, no, I mean, that's ridiculous. But like, yeah, just, yeah, that's not, I mean, it's deranged. It's deranged.

It's deranged, yeah. If it makes you feel better, somebody told me, I was doing this roast of Burt Kreischer and this comic who's really funny, Zach Amico, I'm happy to say his name, because he wrote this and it's hilarious and devastating at the same time. But he was like, you know, he's like,

oh, if you want to hear any of the jokes about you before the roasts, and I was like, sure, lay with me. I was like weeping, I swear to God. And then he goes, oh, this one's kind of fun, we could just, we call you the dog that saved Hanukkah. Still devastates me. I still you the dog that saved Hanukkah. Still devastates me. I still see the dog that saved Hanukkah when I look in the fucking mirror.

And you know what hurts so bad is that I want to read that book, I want to know about his adventures. The dog that saved Hanukkah, I don't even know why it's funny, but it's so just like specific and bizarre. He was like, oh, you wrote a, Rachel's writing a storybook about her own life. That's what it was. Rachel's writing a children's book now that she's a mom like specific and bizarre. He was like, oh, you wrote a, Rachel's writing a storybook about her own life. That's what it was. Rachel's writing a children's book

now that she's a mom about her own life. And the book's called The Dog That Saved Hanukkah. I called up every friend of mine, I was like, am I the dog that saved Hanukkah? I mean, did you tell me the truth? Because I'm like, what if all this time I've just been putting lipstick on a pig? Like, and I didn't realize that everybody else saw me

as the dog that's seen Monica. Do you have any half bits you're working on? Anything sort of like set ups, premises? Let me see here. This is such a half baked thing. I started to talk a little bit more about like stuff, like the notes that I get home from preschool. One of them was, I mean, they,

we had a meeting with her preschool, it's just very funny, because you have to have these meetings and they tell you about your kid, but it's fucking preschool. So it's like, a few things that were said to me in meeting, one of them was, because I bring her late a few days a week, I'm always like coming in wild and leaving the fucking,

I'm always leaving like a USB cord there or something. So I come in and they were like, just so you know, it was like my third time being laid that month or whatever. And the lady was like, just so you know, this is going to go on her permanent attendance record. Oh my God. And I had to look like I was just devastated. Like I had just kind of put my head down

and just like I had to- The attendance record. Like they, like I was just, I just kind of put my head down and just like I had to... This is Devin's record. Like, I was just, I got really somber and I was like, I think I'm willing to... Like, she's gonna be applying for a law firm one day and they're gonna be like, is this the fucking whore that came in late for preschool? Like, her mom's a whatever. Some rag bitch that brought her late for preschool?

I mean, who gives a shit? It's preschool. It's not even school. It's before school. It's take care? Yeah's preschool. It's not even school. It's before school. It's take care. Yeah, exactly, it's take care. It's the time before school even occurs. We don't have to put anything on the permanent record.

And they told me she wasn't rotating as much as they wanted her to be, that she spent most of her time in the play kitchen and not enough time in the magnetile station. I'm just like, because it sucks. Who wants to fucking sit around the magnetile? I'm like, can you imagine being like real pumped up about playing with the magnetiles?

No, who blasts themselves to magnetiles? I mean, not that, you know, blasts. I'm just saying, magnetiles is not where the fucking party's at, you know? That's how I always feel whenever like, you know, there'll be a note about, Una's talking in class or whatever, the thing is like, yeah, it's good, talking's good.

Yeah, whatever. I used to talk in class. Me too, they also told me she talks during her nap time and picks her nose, and I'm just like, that's so funny. And of course she does, she's like four. I mean, again, I go, we'll work with her But again, I go, we'll work with her on that, I always say we'll work with her on that, but it's just like, bitch, you talk during math,

I was the same, I always was in trouble for talking. You think you could, I'm not saying that if they were like, she kicked me or she threw a sharp object in my eye, but I'm like, what am I gonna do, that's on you, my kids pick your notes during math class. Guess what? Have at it. It's not my battle, bitch.

I really should take out bitch maybe. I shouldn't call her preschool teacher, but I'm just saying, some of the notes that I have to get really serious about it. I'm like, come on. This is going to be on your permanent record. I'm not a big fan of the American. The last thing with you is working out for a cause. Is there a nonprofit that you like to contribute to that we will contribute to and linked to in the show notes?

Yes, actually I'm going to do a big benefit soon because it's called Friends of Firefighters and they give free mental health services to firefighters and their whole families. A lot of firefighters don't want to get therapy through their job for all kinds of different reasons of feeling stigmatized and they need it. They seek a lot of crazy stuff on the job and the families are like carrying all this too. So I'm so worried about this situation, but I'm gonna post more about it on my main page,

but friends of firefighters follow them. The woman who runs it, his name is Nancy Carbone, they all operate out of an old firehouse and the guys go there, they feel comfortable there. It's the loveliest place. We'll contribute to them. We'll link to them in the show notes. Rachel Feinstein, you're the funniest.

Thank you. Come back to the podcast all the time. Thank you guys. You just make me laugh so hard and everybody watched the special. It's unbelievable. Thank you, big guy. Big guy.

Working it out, cause it's not done. We're working it out, because there's no hope. That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. You can follow Rachel Feinstein on Instagram, at Rachel Feinstein underscore. Ooh, she missed it by an underscore. Sometimes she posts these videos of her and her husband Pete shopping in Home Depot and it is so funny so she is a great follow.

You can watch the full video of this episode on our YouTube channel at Mike Berbiglia. Check that out and subscribe because we're posting more and more videos. Check out berbigs.com to sign up for the mailing list and be the first to know about my upcoming shows our producers are working it out or myself along with Peter Salomon, Joseph Berbiglia, and Mabel Lewis, Associate Producer Gary Simons. Sound Mix by Shub Saren, Supervising Engineer Kate Balinski, special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleachers for their music. We did that new version of the song in the fall with Jack Antonoff on this podcast.

And if you didn't listen to that episode, it's a great episode from, I think, September or October. And I just saw him yesterday and I'm pressuring him to professionally lay down the new theme song and so you should also pressure him. You can go on Instagram and just add him and demand he finishes the song. Special thanks as always to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein and our daughter Una who built the original radio for Made of Pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening.

If you enjoy the show, please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. It really helps us out if you're new to the podcast and enjoyed this episode. We have over 160 episodes we've done since 2020. They're all free. There's no paywall. We've had incredible guests.

Nathan Lane, Seth Meyers, Rory Scovell. Go on Apple Podcasts and say which is your favorite. Recently, a bunch of people wrote which was not their favorite. That's helpful too, but also keep in mind there's 165 episodes, so not every guest is going to be your favorite guest. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell your doctor. If your doctor says to you, you have one boob, you go what?

You have three boobs, you go what? I'm just here to refill my meds. And by the way, if you do listen to podcasts, there's this one called Mike Birbiglue's Working It Out where a comedian named Mike Birbiglue works out jokes and stories with other comedians, and actually, there may be a joke about you soon. Thanks everybody, we're working it out.

We'll see you next time.