Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 171. Nikki Glaser Returns: The Team Captain of Comedy (Plus: Mike’s New Special!)

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

Nikki Glaser returns to the podcast for the first time since her acclaimed performances as the host of the Golden Globes and on the Roast of Tom Brady. Nikki breaks down her approach to the Golden Globes, explains her perspective on controversial comedy topics, and explores the possibility of a “vegan hour” of comedy. Plus, Nikki’s awkward encounter with Lana Del Ray, and Mike’s new special The Good Life arrives on Netflix!Please consider donating to Rescue the Birds

I believe you're the team captain of comedy right now. What does that mean? Okay. Texted you this. I wrote, you're a great captain of the comedy team because you're number one, funny above all else. Number two, not pandering. Number three, nice to people. And you responded, thank you, Mike. Number three, legit means the most.

That means so much from you, and I don't believe a word of it. Okay. Perfect. It won't ever enter into me and I cannot process it and I'll never believe it, ever. But thank you and I want to believe it. Thank you. I try. I don't try actually. I could try harder.

That's the problem. That is the voice of the great Nikki Glaser. So excited to have Nikki Glaser back on the podcast. She was on in 2021. She has always been an incredible comic, but so much has changed in her career since then. She has basically gone to becoming a household name. She had an incredible special last year called Someday You'll Die. That was nominated for an Emmy. It's on HBO. She crushed at the roast of Tom Brady.

She was the host of the Golden Globes. She crushed on that. She's doing it again next year. Thrilled to have her on the podcast today and on a really exciting day for me. I have released Into the Wild, my special, The Good Life. It is on Netflix today. It is for all of you. I really hope you like it. I'm sure you'll recognize some jokes that I worked out on this very podcast and on the tour. I've been on tour with this special for two years.

It's very, very close to my heart. I would, I make a lot of very personal comedy specials. I would say this is the most personal. It's the most, it's the most in the present in terms of a lot of my shows are about things that happened in the past. And it's very much without giving away too much. It's very much about stuff that I'm dealing with in the present. And it's probably got the most jokes and the best jokes of any special I've ever done. So it's, yeah, I'm really proud of it.

Seth Barris directed it. Beowulf Barrett did the design and Aaron Copp did the lighting and Graham Willoughby filmed it. It was like an extraordinary team of people. Irina Portnagina did the painting that's behind me. It is, I could go on and on about all the people, and my wife Jenny and my brother Joe,

and Mabel and Gary and Peter, and all the people who work on this podcast who worked on that special. I'm so proud of it, and I really hope you like it. Big news for the podcast, by the way, we have an all-new website for the podcast. As you know, our back catalog, about 170 episodes, is always free, always available.

Our new website allows you to browse the back catalog very easily. You can search by guest, by topic, share episodes more easily. You can check that out at birbigs.com slash WIO. That's birbigs.com slash WIO. I think you're gonna love this episode today with Nicky Glaser.

We talk about the Golden Globes. We talk about doing controversial material. I just think Nikki is so funny and so insightful, increasingly through the years, just more and more herself on stage. I saw her at the Beacon Theater. I actually did a set on one of the shows one night, and I just watched her full hour. And if you can possibly see her on tour right now,

you can see her in Chicago, Orlando, West Palm, Florida, St. Petersburg, all of her dates are on nickyglazer.com. Absolutely check that out. We talk about that material today on the show. We talk about the hour that she's working on in process. We talk about the Golden Globes. We talk about controversial material. She's so funny, so insightful and honest.

Enjoy my chat with the great Nikki Glaser. Your special is so funny and it's so dark. Like it's so funny. Like which parts? I was watching it last night. Oh, the suicide chunk? Well, the suicide chunk, certainly. Yeah.

But, I mean, certainly, and that's thematically what it's about in a lot of ways. Yeah. But I would say the gangbang section. Oh, is that dark? I mean, sort of. I feel like, then I didn't do a good, see, I never felt like I finished that bit

because to me, gangbangs are like, I'm trying to celebrate, like, this is amazing, like, this woman does, it's, there's a sadness to it when they have to do it for, like, because they have nothing else to do. But my, the joke that's not working for me about porn is like, cause I'm having, I'm struggling, I'm trying to talk about porn addiction and how I can see going to that place. Cause the way, where I'm going with porn now or where I'm at, it's not where I started out. It's like things that I used to be like,

I would never do that. Kind of like, I would never shoot up. I just take pills. I just snort. Like I'm doing that with porn. Like it's starting to progress into like stuff that I'm like, I don't want to be into this gang bangs. Like I just, you know, like it's,

but it's progressed past gang bangs. The next special is going to explore the next part it is. But my, but it's progressed past gang bangs. The next special's gonna explore the next part, it is. But I was trying to start that bit, I'm already pitching, like, what should I do for this bit? No, but I was trying to get into it. Because you've been on the show before, we can jump around. Oh, that's right.

But, get me back on track. Gang bang. Okay, gang bangs. Okay, so I just wanna set up the thing that the porn I'm watching's disturbing and it's not ethical. The girls in it are not... I think about this all the time.

Are not happy. This wasn't their dream. But the lines that I have to prove that, which is no one dreams of playing white trash horror, doesn't work at all. Literally, it doesn't work. But it's like, why doesn't that work? I was watching a porn once and I was like,

oh, that's a funny thing, like title. Yeah. And I'm like, who wants to be the ingenue of white trash horror? But like, that is a role that a girl played and she didn't want that. I can't lie to myself and be like, this was her dream. No, I know.

But it doesn't work for some reason the audience doesn't like it. And then the other proof I have is that, and this one doesn't work either, the porn I watch. This one doesn't work either. It doesn't. And I'm like, I want to ask you why. The porn I watch, and so I can tell these,

so I don't think it's gonna end up in a special because they will not work. So maybe they'll work in this format. They might though, they might. Because I thought that what you pulled off with the gangbang joke was impressive. Like just to scroll back to your special, it's like you have a joke where the premise is

about you enjoy watching porn that has gang bangs, and then your boyfriend, in a hilarious turn, I don't know how much is true and how much is not, does kind of an act out for you simulation of a gang bang? Yeah, I mean, it's based in a real thing we did, and then I made it ridiculous. He does the voices, maybe, in real life? There's been voices.

I mean, I don't think it's like, I think he's put on different gruffness, not really committing to a voice, but it was inspired by true events. My favorite part is when he goes, there's a line of men in the hallway waiting, and you go, that's a train. Oh yeah, when I correct him.

Yeah, yeah. That's a great joke. But anyway, the whole thing leads towards, and spoiler alert, the special's been out. Oh yeah, would I correct him? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's a great joke. But anyway, the whole thing leads towards, and spoiler alert, the special's been out for two years. So, and whatever. Yeah, spoiler alert, some specials. But, but, it all leads to life is a gang bang. Yes.

And it's so satisfying of a punchline. It's just a woman juggling a lot of things at once. Yeah, juggling a lot of things. Like the more you can juggle, the more impressive of a woman you are. If you can be at all, and in that moment, she's jerking off a guy, taking it in every single hole, acting enthusiastic. You think about, I realized I liked watching it because I related to that.

And I feel like I'm still exploring that with the stuff. Now I'm into the next feat of athleticism. I think this is my sexual thing too, so it's kind of mixed in, but it's all mixed into stand-up too. I like when people are disgusted by me, but they're also like, damn. That's my Venn diagram, disgust,

and like, fuck, I gotta be impressed. And that's the same kind of reaction that certain porn I watch has, where it's like, she's doing that? What the fuck? That's pretty awesome. I reaction that certain porn I watch has where it's like, she's doing that? What the fuck? That's pretty awesome. I like when people have that reaction about my stand-up too. No, I think that that's great and I think it's like,

that's I think part of the reason I like your stand-up so much because I'm trying to do something analogous which is like, if I can go to the saddest topics, if I can talk about cancer or sleepwalking or death and all these things. Sleepwalking, one of the saddest topics, if I can talk about cancer, or sleepwalking, or death, and all these things. Sleepwalking, one of the saddest topics. Cancer, sleepwalking. Jumping through sleepwalking. Of course, of course. No, I think about you every time I see a la quinta.

Or whenever I get a ground floor. I'm going on Mike Birbiglia tonight. Ground floor, not feeling safe, but if I had his thing, I would be. If I had his thing. But I do try to do that thing, which would be. If I had his thing. But I do try to do that thing, which is like if you can bring an audience to a dark place or a sad place

and you can come out the other side of that, that's, I think that's the best kind of comedy. Yeah, I like talking about things that people don't talk about. That's my thing, that's my kink. I like it on stage. I like doing it where it's thing, that's my kink. I like it on stage. I like doing it where it's like, what's wrong with it?

Like if it's actually offensive, I don't have any interest. But if it's just like, I'm just telling the truth, why are you offended? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that. I love when I tell a joke where I'm like, what am I saying that's offensive here? Right.

What are you going, oh, about? Let's unpack it. Like there was one recently where I'm like, I like say something to people who are molested in the crowd. that's offensive here. What are you going, oh, about? Let's unpack it. There was one recently where I'm like, I like say something to people who are molested in the crowd. And I like, and people get so weird and I'm like, just, oh, no, no, no, the joke that I have right now

is I was talking about, I have a joke about like, I think fat people are discriminated against in society. And if you don't think that they are, next time you're with your fat friend, be like, as a fat person, do you feel discriminated against? I dare you. And I go, why wouldn't you, if there's nothing wrong with being fat?

You know, like if there's no discrimination, what's wrong with saying you wouldn't? Like, and so I like having a thing where it seems like I'm making a fat joke, but I'm not, I'm making a joke proving that you're uncomfortable with fat people and why are you, like that's not the best example of it,

but I just like when people get offended and I get to go, you don't get to be. It's very passive aggressive. No, I think it's fun. I think that like I love it when comedians challenge their audience to just go, oh yeah, I guess that is something that I'm repressed about talking about.

Oh, I'll have a better example. I say something about, oh, I'm talking about pedophiles. I have a really big pedophile chunk. Oh yeah, I saw it. It's a great hour. Oh God, God. Your hour at the Beacon was amazing. God, it's so much better to talk to you about

when you haven't seen it. But you've been so nice. It sounds real nice. I have this whole chunk about pedophiles. It's really edgy. I can't wait for you to see it. You're like, I have. I nearly forgot about it.

I have a funny anecdote about it, which is the week afterwards, I saw you at the Beacon, because I was at the Beacon for six shows, and then you were at the Beacon, I think, for six shows, it was like back to back. And I did a spot on one of your nights, you were nice enough to have me on. Nice enough, are you kidding me?

But it was, no, it was super fun, it was a good hang, it was a bunch of really awesome comments. It was so fun, you were the best hang. And it was like, and I'm at like pickup for my daughter's school, and a bunch of the parents were like, oh, I saw Nikki Glaser at the Beacon Theater. And that's how famous you are now, and it's such a funny thing, I'm like, that's my friend, I go, I was on the Thursday night, I saw Nikki Glaser at the Beacon Theater. And that's how famous you are now. And it's such a funny thing.

I'm like, that's my friend. I go, I was on the Thursday night, I did a spot. And the parents were like, you were on stage? Yeah, I do this too, you know? Do they not look at you like that? I don't think so, I don't know. Of course they do. If they know who Nikki Glaser is,

they know who Michael B is. No, I don't know. But it's great. What does that, we'll circle back to the edgy, Yes, yes, yes, sure, sure. We'll circle back to the joke, but I will say, what does that feel like to have that kind of household named them? What's the best thing about it,

and what's the worst thing about it? Ooh, well, I think you've been here. So I think the best thing about it is that you get free desserts. Ha ha ha desserts a lot, because if you call and say it's a reservation for Nikki Glaser and they like, if they clock it, or if someone in their system clocks it,

you're gonna get some free desserts. And you're gonna pay for it in the tip anyway. But it's still, you have to eat a dessert. But you're not gonna eat it. So that's nice. That's really nice. And it's cool to like show my family that I am. I made it.

I don't think I'm household yet, but I'm adjacent. And so that's a big achievement because I really didn't think I was ever going to be a household name. I had given up on that long ago. I was totally fine with never being that. So it's just nice that it came up when I least expected it. And then the worst thing is,

I don't think there's any bad things. It makes you rich. It does and being rich is comfortable and it makes you, it's true. And people are, you know what's the coolest thing? You get to give the gift of like yourself to like, if you meet people and you're cool to them and you take a picture or something, you get to like the gift of yourself. If you meet people and you're cool to them and you take a picture or something,

you get to make people stay. Again, I have a joke right now where I always get recognized. Girls will recognize me when they spray tan me, but they won't say it until I'm naked. And they go, my boyfriend and I are such big fans. And I was like, well, I'm excited for you to tell him about my naked body later tonight. And she goes, I would never do that.

And I go, I would. Tell him about my naked body later tonight." And she goes, I would never do that. And I go, I would. Tell them about my boobs. Take it in. Because like, there's no way she's not. But also, she gets to see her, a person she's a fan of naked. That's kind of a gift. That is so funny. I would kill to see...

Like, some of the people, if someone... If Taylor Swift walked into a tanning place that I was doing, and I wouldn't tell anyone about it, it would be like, I'm not going to say Taylor Swift, but like someone, because she's on a different level. I don't want to, but like, I don't know, just someone I like. Jason Bateman. Yes! I would love it. I would keep it a secret. Again, I would keep it a secret.

I wouldn't be telling people. I wouldn't like talk about his whatever I saw, but like I probably would. Right. I probably would. And that's a gift to have a celebrity story and they're naked. But you don't have any self-consciousness about that?

No, because I talk about what my vagina looks like and what I describe is worse than what it is. Right. And I'm not ashamed of my body when I'm doing those things, like when it's in a medical procedure, like a spray tan. Circling back, I have a question about Alive and Unwell. I think it's a great title. Thanks. That's gonna be the special title, right?

I don't know. It's such a good title. Okay, yeah. You know, I think so. Someday You'll Die was, I think, one of the best titles I've ever come up with and will ever come up with. And so, and that was in the name of the tour. So I leave it open, but I do think Alive and Unwell

is a good name for special. Describe to me, and I agree with you, but describe to me why you think Someday You'll Die is a great title. It gets the people going. Oh, interesting. Like it's like Someday You'll Die. It's just like, I just feel like it's like,

you go, okay, whoa, we all know it. It's just, it's like offensive, but again, it seems offensive, but it's not. Right, it's a shot of espresso. Yeah, I mean, I've had some bad names in the past, but actually, no, I stand by all of them. I like them all. Do you like all yours?

I like all mine. I have second guesses sometimes about the Broadway show, The New One, because whenever I say it, people just go like, wait, The New One? Or no, there's a special called The New One. Yes. And it's like, ah, there is a part of me

that kind of bums me out that that is a conversational confusion. That you have to live with forever and ever. Yeah, but I love The Old Man in the Pool as a title. But I think The New One is, it's too good. It's too good of a title, and it's too good of a special, and it just fits with it too much.

You just have to suffer. That's so sweet. You know what's so funny is in your special, you make like this extraordinarily good case for not having children. You came to the new one, which is about me having a child and it's very emotional and you were emotional afterwards.

Yeah. And so it's like, where do those two things meet? Oh, but my dad. You're a dad. Oh, that I'm a dad. I would be a dad. Oh, but my dad. You're a dad. Oh, then I'm a dad. I would be a dad. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, I love that material. So you're emotional when you watch mine because you're in my shoes as a dad. Yeah. You're like living my experience as a dad.

And I think it's, even it's maternal too. Like it's the same feeling, but you get to have it because it's a little, to me, I would do what you're doing because it seems a little bit easier. Yeah. Not easy by any means. I just exaggerate that for the stage,

but like, I think that it's, yeah, I get to live out even what I would feel as a mother through you as a father. I think love is the same feeling, you just have to do less. Right. And so that's why you will get to feel it and I probably won't. Right. So, but I do get to feel it through your stuff

and I'm good on love, I feel very loved. Yeah. The thing I'm worried about is I'm going to want kids when my parents die. Because they're still kicking and they're my best friends. And it's unconditional love. It's me, you know, it's my lineage. So I think if they go, I'll have this like, I might, the scaffolding might give way and I'm like, I'll be, but then I'll adopt.

They're pretty young though. My dad's 70 and my mom's, yeah, 65. So it's like, I mean, they're good. Can't be forever. Someday you'll die. You're like the best case scenario of a child. Like if my daughter treated me as well as you treat your parents.

I am the best daughter ever. Mom, you're watching this. You know. I learned from Kathy Griffin, remember how she would just bring her parents everywhere? They're fun, they're hilarious. They keep me grounded. They're impressed by me because they're so supportive,

but they're not too impressed. So it's just like, they're just great hangs. And I pay for everything. It's like, they're my kids. My mom is always, I can't, Nikki, I'm not and I pay for everything. It's like, they're my kids. My mom is always like, I can't, Nikki, I'm not letting you pay for that. Who buys their mom a face lift? Who does that?

I go, I do. Oh my God. And you need one. Do you, you don't need one, you want one and I'm gonna buy one for you. This is, we're all over the place, but I feel like people can follow it. That's gonna be the name of my next tour.

All over the place? Because that's kind of the vibe. Yeah, I like that. I might have you take this out, but maybe I'll just keep it because I'm gonna talk about it in a perfect way, or at least try to. So I woke up to a text from a writer

that I've worked with for a while, and it was to like a group chat, and he's to a bunch of writers on this chat. And he said, oh, I was at this party tonight, this kind of eccentric party. And I ended up talking to this girl who, gorgeous, but you know, definitely funny and kooky. And was in this conversation and she asked me what I did.

And I said, oh, I write. And she said, what do you work on? And I mentioned Nikki and she said, oh, I like her, but I wish she wasn't so dirty. And then he goes, and I walked, then she walked away and my friend came up to me and goes, what were you talking to Lana Del Rey about? Oh my God.

And I was so sad because I love Lana Del Rey. Brilliant. Yeah. And also she's dirty. I thought she would have been into that stuff. And now I'm like, oh my God. Her songs are pretty dirty. And now it was helpful advice.

Literally it was helpful advice. And she's, but at first I was like, how dare she? What? And then I was like, I've got some notes too for her. Like we can't, she's one of the best brilliant artists ever. And yet I'm entitled to not like things of hers. I definitely, there't, she's one of the best, brilliant artists ever. And yet, I'm entitled to not like things of hers. I definitely, there's songs that I'm like, eh.

So she's allowed to be eh about me. Like, I can't be like, she doesn't like me. She just wants me to be less dirty. I like took the note and I'm working on it. Are you serious? Yeah, because I think not just to appeal to her, but to appeal to people like her. Like, people that I could be sharing my message with,

but that are turned off because they're like, oh, I hear she's too dirty, and I just don't want to hear that. Some people are deeply uncomfortable by it. It's not even like they're prude. They're just like, ew, it's gross. Well, that's why when I was starting out, I veered towards being cleaner for that exact reason,

which is that there's certain people who just can't hear, cursing, they can't hear whatever. And so I was like, well, I don't want to lose those people because I think I can connect with those people. So I veered cleaner, but I'm not fully clean. No, you've gotten a little bit more honest. Yeah, I think so. In terms of what subjects interest you or what,

you know, you don't, if you want to go somewhere, you'll go somewhere. You go dark too. Yeah, I think so. In terms of what subjects interest you or what, you know, you don't... If you want to go somewhere, you'll go somewhere. You go dark, too. Yeah, it's pretty dark. Yeah, you go real dark. The special that comes out in May, and it's pretty dark, yeah. The Good Life. That's a good name.

Thanks. Yeah, I'm excited about it. And you can use all those old The Good Life shirts as merch. Go get those. Go get those. Go get those with the little stick figure that was just always like chillin' in a hammock. The Golden Globes was unbelievable. Yeah, Jenny and I watched it and the Golden Globes were just like, she's just every, she's killing every second.

And threading the needle, which is, someone's hosting something, whether it's an award show or their local co-op meeting. Yeah. What is, what are your tips for hosting something? You need to come out of the gate right away strong. So you need a joke, the shortest joke possible. Welcome to the Golden Globes, Ozempic's biggest night.

Yep, great. Like right away. I mean, we took forever. I was like, I just want it to be quicker. And they're like, it's literally the first sentence. You're saying a sentence. It was other stuff we were trying, I forget. And then that one was just like, oh good, there's no words between the joke and what it is. Yeah. And I also think, like, especially if I'm giving advice

to people who are scared to public speak, I think this is just actually something that people need to know. Remember that when you're watching someone public speak, you're not wishing they do a bad job. No one's in the audience going like, look how nervous they are. I hate them.

I hope they're more nervous. Everyone's rooting for you. And I think that kind of attitude can help you. Just think about how you are when you watch someone nervous and how you want them to feel. You just have compassion for them. You're not like, look at this idiot. No one's doing that to you in your classroom presentation.

I was a nervous speaker in high school and middle school, like wouldn't get up in front of people, would come in during recess to give the presentations because I would shake so bad. And I just wish someone would have said, Nikki, no one's like wanting you to be bad. Everyone's just like wanting you to be comfortable. And so remember that and listen to a meditation beforehand

that's like a performance meditation. Well, that's nice. I don't do it, but I think it would work. I would do it if I needed to feel like you could do this. Like a sports one, like they have ones for sports. So I would do that. Like if I was just giving a presentation at work and I was nervous, that's what I'd do.

It's funny, it didn't occur to me until I went. One more thing, this is too good because people might actually need this. Do with, I learned on Mass Singer, if you want to, like, if your heart's just going crazy and you're shaking and you feel like you're gonna pass out because you're so nervous, hold your breath for four seconds and then let it out slowly.

So, four seconds because it'll slow your heart rate right away. And I learned it on the Mass Singer because you need your vocal cords to be so like, you need to be like relaxed. And I would get tense right before and I learned it on The Masked Singer because you need your vocal cords to be so like, you need to be relaxed and I would get tense right before and it just makes you relax. Right. So that's a good one. That I didn't know until recently, so I want to pass it on. We have to get back to the topic that we were on about dark jokes.

Yeah. What was the, how did we arrive in that? Yeah, yeah, so I do a pedophilia chunk and I do, I think one of the darkest things I stand stage that I get away with and I don't know how is that I talk about pedophilia chunk and I do, I think one of the darkest things I stand stage that I get away with and I don't know how is that I talk about like pedophiles when they like realize they're a pedophile because I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts.

And I've listened to like interviews with pedophiles, like how does this happen? And the thing, a lot of times they just do the thing where you go, what I want to fuck kids? I go, you know how like you've thought that before? Cause you have, you know, it's a thing. You have to ask yourself that. And they kind of, they usually laugh, but if they don't, I go, what, I wanna fuck kids? I go, you know how like you've thought that before? Cause you have, you know it's a thing. You have to ask yourself that. And they kind of, they usually laugh, but if they don't,

I go, and if you haven't, like, I think you're scared of the answer. And then that like gets them for like, so they can't be mad anymore. Cause they know that's true. Like if you, and if you, and most of us pass it, you know, when we go, yes, like, oh my God, that makes me sick.

And you're like, oh, you're not that thing. But some guys go, no, no, no, I'm getting a boner. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, oh my God, that makes me sick. And you're like, oh, you're not that thing. But some guys go, no, no, no, I'm getting a boner. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then the joke goes on and on. But that's really dark. But guess what? I think child abuse is one of the worst things that can happen.

It's the worst thing for society. It's like why we're in the state we're in is because these people did not learn empathy because they were abused as children, whether emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually. And the cycle repeats itself. And if we don't talk about it, No, I know.

then if people are made to feel ashamed of getting molested, which is it's in the air because everyone goes, you can't talk about that's too dark. Why is it too dark? Did that person, it's not a bad thing that that happened to her. That was an, it was like a car accident. She could talk about that's too dark. Why is it too dark? Did that person, it's not a bad thing that that happened to her. That was an, it was like a car accident. She could talk about being in a car accident

when she was five, but she can't talk about being molested when she was five because it makes everyone feel weird. Or she like, you know, and both those things can be very triggering things. I'm not telling people, I feel, because some people have been like, Nikki, some people don't want to talk

about thermal stations. It's too much for them. Like then that's fine. But I don't think we should live in a world where that's really weird you brought that up. It's like, it's happening all around us. And it's very simple way to make it stop is if everyone just is able to report it

and talk about it naturally. I've always felt that way about, I bring this up in one of my books where I got really emotional when I saw the movie Spotlight. It's about all the abuse in the Catholic Church. Tom McCarthy directed this movie. It's a brilliant movie. I think it's one of the best movies in the Catholic Church. Tom McCarthy directed this movie. It's a brilliant movie. I think it's one of the best movies in the last 25 years,

but I cried and cried and cried when I saw it. And I think it's because I grew up in that repressive Catholic Massachusetts altar boy universe. And the movie is about putting a spotlight on things like that. And that's what jokes do too. I don't want to get on my high horse about like, that's our job as comedians.

But like if you're a good comedian artist, which it's okay if you're not, if you just want to make people laugh and get the easy joke or whatever you do. Like I think even like goofy stuff that's not saying something is important. But I'm saying if you want to say something, I think we have to, my only job I think is to talk about

things that people don't know how to say themselves or they haven't heard yet on TV because I get to say it because I'm in a the things I say live on stage on My tour they're not going in a special They're insane and I'm like how cool is it that I get to feel safe? Saying things into a microphone in front of thousands of people and if this gets out my life is kind of fucked It's a three it feels like shoplifting again. I'm like, I will go to bed after a night of a show

and I'm like, oh my God, if someone recorded that one line and took it out of context, I'm cooked. You know, that's such a great way of looking at it. How cool did I get to do that still? I feel safe enough, even in this, we don't even take people's phones. I probably should start now that I put this out there and people are going to be like, but now I catch them.

I go, stop filming, stop filming. I just go quick. Cause I go, if you want to film comedians, get a Matt case because you can see the shine off your, or put your hand in front of it. But I'm really like fired up. I've been working on this pedophile joke for literally, like it skipped, it hasn't made it into two different specials.

And the other night I go, the pedophile joke's not going in the special. That's when I got off stage the other night to my friends. I was like, it can't. It's just like, it's one of those jokes that can only take place there because I think out of context, people could just destroy me over it

and be like, I'm on the wrong side of things or I'm being insensitive. But the truth is I'm like all four people, if you were molested, I'm writing it for you. Even though I wasn't molested, I could still write a joke for people who have been. I have a lot of empathy. Even though I'm not fat,

I'm like trying to write a joke about fat people and I'm not fat. But I could be. And I would like to be, I would like to live in a world where I could be and wouldn't feel like I would be treated less than. And I'm angered by that. And so I want to say something about it.

So it's like, I'm kind of, it's kind of scary to talk about things. It's like, you don't have a right to talk about that. You're not that thing. Sure. But why can't I? I could have a bad take actually on this thing. I'm allowed to.

Right. That's one of the people that bothers me is like, you can't talk about that because you didn't. It's like, well, I'm, I can have a horrible take. That's still okay too. I can have a horrible take. Yeah. I'm,'m having the take of someone who hasn't experienced it.

Actually, I can talk about molestation because it hasn't happened to me. That's actually why, like, if it happened to me, I probably, like, I was anorexic and I can make jokes here and there about it and I can talk about it seriously, but comedically, I can't. But other people, I mean, I have lines here and there,

but my own experience with it, there's like too much pain and, like, shame there. Yeah. And so someone else could probably talk about it and say some things that I can't, because it didn't happen to them. -♪ GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING -♪ This is the slow round. What is a song that makes you cry?

It depends on my mood, but you know, I just pick up a song of what I'm going through. But I remember one that was like really heartbreaking was Drugs Don't Work by The Verve. I remember hearing that song and being like, I think this is the saddest song I've ever heard, and I sent it to my dad with an emotional email attached that he never really wrote back to, so it just was like, you need to hear this. It's just about someone they love dying of cancer

and it's not working and they're gonna go. Oh my God. And it's so good. The Verve, underrated. What about you? I've answered this before. I'll answer it again. I can't make you love me.

Oh. Funny rate. Why does that one hit for you? Because I think it's because it's at the heart of so many feelings of like so many things, you know, so many things in your life are out of your control. I feel like that that's what that song's about. Do you know why it was written?

No, I know she didn't write it. Yeah, so that song I think was about a guy, the guy that wrote it, like witnessed some interaction in court, whether he was in jury duty or something, of a marital dispute. And it was a guy really wanting to like stay together with this woman. And it was just, the divorce was finalized.

And his like last statement after he kind of did his thing was like, and I can't make you love me if you don't. Wow. And then the person just, the songwriter wrote it down and was like, I can't make her love me. He was just some, like, it was like, but that is really, I mean, that's... It's deep to me, right?

Because it's like, I think I'm a bit of a control freak. I think that that's one of my Achilles' heels. Oh, did you ever love someone and they didn't love you? It's the... That's why I pick people who can never love... Like, that's why I go... Like, when they start to love me, I'm like, this is boring. Oh God, yes.

I live for someone who doesn't love me. Even though my parents love me so much, I just didn't believe it. I think that's it. Cause by all accounts they did, but I just didn't buy it. I didn't get it. You did the quality control on it.

You didn't, it didn't pass. I didn't believe, like I didn't let it in. And cause my mom's always like, but we, I did hug you. And there's like evidence get it. You did the quality control on it. You didn't, it didn't pass. I didn't believe, like I didn't let it in. And cause my mom's always like, but we, I did hug you. And there's like evidence of it. I'm like, you didn't hug me. That's why I'm desperate for stranger's attention. It's like, I realize now they did love me as a normal child, that would have been enough.

But for me, I needed something more. Is there a group that wouldn't let you in ever in your life? All the time. Yeah, like I feel like that's also what drives me is like, I want to be one of the popular girls. Right. I want to be in that play. Right.

I want to be one of the best singers in acapella. I want to be seen as one of the, as exceptional. Yeah. And I just, I never was and now I am. Yeah. And I don't believe it. So why, cause why now? Why did it take 40 years? Yeah. I never was and now I am and I don't believe it. So why, cause why now?

Why did it take 40 years? I think although I have a track record of proving that I'm not worthy of being special and now I am, I'm just kind of like too little too late. Like I'm not, like it's never happened before. I've never been like, no one's ever been like, you're the best or like any kind of like, not saying that like even one of the best, like I don never been, like, no one's ever been like, you're the best, or like, any kind of, like, not saying that, like, even one of the best.

Like, I don't relate to being, I was always, it's not the popular, I was A minus student, A minus popularity, which is fine. But as someone who wants to be the best, it's very frustrating. But then I made peace with it, and now it's here, and I just, and now once you get it, it's like, I can't even enjoy it.

As I didn't enjoy going to the popular kid's house when I did get invited. Stressed out the whole time that I can't even enjoy it. As I didn't enjoy going to the popular kid's house when I did get invited. Stressed out the whole time that I didn't belong there. I think you should do this in the special. Yeah, I think I'm getting into like having low self-esteem or just like- Because this is thematically a lot of what you're talking about in that Beacon Hour that I watched.

We've been trying to like, me and my team, I've been trying to be like, what do I want to say? Like I've been asking myself that and it's like, or no, they've been saying something that's interesting about your life right now that you haven't been able to talk about in specials is that you got famous. Why don't you talk about being famous? People want to hear that and I'm like,

but I don't have anything to say about it. But that is something to say about it is that it's reaching a new level that I have since Tom Brady roast hasn't brought me more happiness. I mean, it has in terms of the desserts and the money and stuff, but like, but it's not made me believe in myself anymore. In fact, I feel like there's so much more to lose now

if someone figures out that I'm not good. And so now it's just like, I got to, I just really want to let go of that stuff. Is there a story, cause you were saying saying like I was invited to the popular girls house Eventually, I didn't is there a story around that. Yeah, you have it you have a story I have so many stories. Yeah Tell me because I feel like that should be in the show because I feel like thematically that's what the show is about Already. Yes, if you had like a childhood story where we're like, oh my god, of course, we've all been there

We've all been the unpopular kid who gets invited one time to the popular kid's house. Oh yeah. Well, it was always just like, I thought this was a funny image that I, but I don't know how to make it something, because I always feel this way whenever I go to a Golden Globe, not Golden Globe because I host it,

but even there I was just kind of like, I'm sorry I'm here. Like I'd be in the crowd doing a thing and I'd just be like, no one talked to me. Whereas everyone was like, we don't want to talk to her because she's hosting. And I'm like, they hate me and they're mad I'm here and they think I'm a fraud.

But just always going in like one person, like were you popular? No, it was like a winding road. Yeah, so you're the same kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, in and out, in and out. You would like become friends with someone in class that was of the popular group, but they were maybe lower level

or like one of like the chill stoner guys. I'd befriend him, he would invite me to the popular hang. No one else there knew I was coming. And then it's all like, why is she here? And by that time, Gavin's in the bathroom. So I can't be like, Gavin brought me. So it's just like, I just appear. Oh God.

And you like, they only notice you because you knock over like something. That's a great, I mean. Why are you here? Who invited her? I'm like, Gavin, and he's nowhere, he's getting high outside. And so like, that's always how I feel at things is like,

the person who brought me there isn't explaining to people why I'm here. And so it looks like I've snuck in. Like, at the Comedy Cellar. I remember Amy and Anthony back in the day, you know, 2009 or whatever, bringing me to the Cellar 10 and me being back at that table being like, I don't belong here.

I need to get the fuck out of here. Like Estes here tonight. Like I've only heard about her. It's a Saturday night and I order food. They're like, it's fine, Nick, it's fine. You're with us. We're regulars, which they were. They're like, it's fine, Nick, it's fine, you're with us. We're regulars, which they were. They go down to like watch Aziz or something.

They're like, stay here because your food's coming. I stay there, I'm alone at the table. Chris Rock walks in and Esty sees me and he sees the table, turns around and gives a boost. But I don't have time to leave or anything and Esty's just like, who are you? Like nightmare, nightmare. Because I didn't even want to be there in the first place, I fought sitting there and then all of a. And Esti's just like, who are you? Like nightmare, nightmare. Because I didn't even want to be there in the first place.

I fought sitting there and then all of a sudden it looks like I'm like, this is my table and I don't even work there. She doesn't even know my name. I'm so glad she didn't remember me as that person. Cut to Chris Roxa at your Beacon show with Padma Lakshmi like 10 years later. Cut to.

Yeah. And yes, it's like I did belong there but like that's always how I feel. It's like I somehow tricked someone. Do you have that? Do you have imposter? Yeah. You must. Yeah, yeah, certainly.

Oh yeah, yeah, all day. I mean, yeah, of course. I think like, it's similar though, it goes in and out. Like I'll have weeks where I'm going like, no, I'm actually pretty good at this. And Like I'll have weeks where I'm going like, no, I'm actually pretty good at this. And then I'll have weeks where I go, I am fundamentally not funny. No, I have, it clips, not even weeks.

It's a crazy feeling to be like, I'm fundamentally not funny and I'm walking in front of a thousand people. I am the least funny person maybe that's in this place. These people are all funnier than me because they are going to see a show of someone who is funnier. And I was only funnier then because I had the right help.

Like I was just a tribute anytime I kill it. Cause there have been times where I'm like, couldn't have gone better. I nailed it, I'm great. But I just go because of all these people that helped me. That all these other reasons that weren't me. Or I just got lucky that someone else turned that down and also I had enough time.

And also like the movies were really good to make fun of. So I just lucked out. Like you can't compare me to someone who had, you can't say I'm better than this so-and-so host. Well, some you can, but like others you can't because I had more to work with because I had wicked. Like I'll make any excuse why I did well. That's really funny. You just had good fodder that year or whatever.

That's insane. Yeah. Anyone could have done that. I wrote down tons of notes during your show. Thank you so much. That's more notes than I've taken on my show. Oh, really? Honestly, yes.

It's so funny. This is... I don't know if this will translate, but you... People criticize people who have plastic surgery. They go, she ruined her face. Do you still do this? Yeah, yeah. But I haven't know if this will translate, but you go, people criticize people who have plastic surgery, they go, she ruined her face. Do you still do this? Yeah, yeah, but I haven't broken it yet. What's the joke, though?

There is no joke. The joke is, well, she didn't want this. Why are you getting mad at her? No one would ask for this. She wishes she had died during anesthesia. She has to walk around like this. Why are you mad at her? So then I wrote down, it's like being like,

she shat her pants. It's like if she, what I wrote down is, it's like if she shat her pants, and people are like, her pants were so clean before she shitted them. Yes, it was an accident. Like, yeah, no, I know, she didn't mean to shit in her pants.

Why did you shit your pants? Yeah. Why did you choose to do that? Yes, the only thing that's missing for me is that I want the analogy to have the effort behind it. The effort that goes into it. Doing something. Or so maybe she was trying to fart. Doing something that went wrong.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was trying to fart and she shit her pants. She was just trying to pass gas in a very discreet way. She didn't mean for this to happen. It went south, it went too far. Yeah, and now you're mad at her, she's walking around with shit on her pants all night. Yeah.

And she can't fix it. Her pants were so clean before she shot him. Why did you ruin your pants? She was trying to fart. I used to jerk off to your pants and now I can't anymore because you've ruined it. But there's also the thing of like- You used to jerk off to your pants.

No, because men are the ones that mostly say she ruined her face. Like I hear men in my life who I love, who like love women or feminists are like, God, what did she do to her face? She ruined it. I'm like, she's trying to stay hot for you. It didn't go well.

But I promise you, she's trying to keep her looks up for the patriarchy, not to use that, you know, make it unalive or something, whatever. You can't use that word on, you'll get demonetized. Oh, right. I don't really think so, but like it is a, it's not a good word to throw out there if you want people to listen to you. But it's like true, like don't be mad at her.

She's trying to look pretty. And then you had this joke about when people who have been molested should have a separate boarding line at the airport. They should board before veterans. Before veterans. I don't even think, it's active service, but active service doesn't work. People just think, it's active,

or can veterans board, I don't think veterans get to board early, but for some reason, no one questions it. Oh, it's only active service? It's active service, but active service isn't as funny as veterans. That's crazy. I know, but then it would be a big group.

We're now, I just wrote, we're now boarding Mosaic. Okay, now Molested. And then I wrote, get in the back. Which is like kind of a really dark joke. That is fucked up. It's maybe too far. It's too far.

Because the only reason that won't work for me there is because I want to go so, I want to be like, this is still in the part of the joke where I'm like, it's awesome you were molested. Like, you survive something, you get all like... No, of course. You want to uplift people who have been through it. But then I do throw a little jab later on.

That's just like a dumb molestation joke, but that's a perfect kind. It's just too early because I'm trying to gain their trust. Like, what happened when they were on their phone? Did you? Have you been doing the Wiggles No Meet and Greet line? Yes, every time and I love it because I get to, you gave me that line and I won't, you'll see it in the special.

Okay, okay, okay. But I love it because it's just like, it's actually like a third tag. Like they don't see it coming. Oh good. And it's just one more that's just like, it's great. You have a great line, which is people are nicer to you when you're symmetrical.

Yeah, because I'm trying to figure out how to say- Which is so dark of a thought, but also to your point earlier, when it's true, It's true. Then what are you gonna do? That's your experience of life. It's not even my experience. People are nicer to me when I'm symmetrical.

I experience it for sure.'s not even my experience. People are nicer to meet when I'm symmetrical. I experience it, for sure. But I also have proof. I looked into studies that prove people make more money when they're attractive. They have better lives. Like, it is honestly, that's a whole other thing. Like, I really want to make a whole section about ugly people and how they are discriminated people,

people who are asymmetrical or who are, like, jarring to look at, it's really hard to talk about it because people go, that's so mean, but it's like, it's not mean. It's literally what their face is. It's not symmetrical equals harmonious and like of nature, you know, and things that aren't make you kind of go, oh, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

It just means you were born with an abnormality, which is fine, but you get treated worse and it's worse discrimination than any of the discriminations in the workplace. And so it actually is like, once I looked into it, I was like, no, I need to like shout out to ugly people. And by the way, I could become an ugly person. It's like, I could get disfigured in some kind of accident

that would make people like scared to work with me or look at me. And so it's like, it needs, and I'm gonna get old, which equals less symmetrical, just like less vibrant, less ovulating. And so thus, I don't wanna say ugly, but not as pleasing to the eye. Sure.

And so it's gonna befall all of us. You go adopted kids. Oh yeah. May have more than dog love? Yeah, I mean, it's a... No, it's not may, they definitely do, but like it's a point about adopting. Yeah, no, that's about how like I don't wanna have kids

and if I don't want to have kids. And if I don't want them now, I'll probably age out. And if I change my mind later, I'll have to adopt, which I think will be easier because you don't love them as much. And then people groan, but they know it's true. And it's not a bad thing to say, it's more than dog love. And everyone would argue like dog love is huge. More than dog love is huge?

It's so huge. Here's what I wrote down, definitely more than plants. Yes, yes, well there is a hierarchy. But wait a second, there was a bit I wanted to work on. Has it been done before of like, when people- Here's what I wrote, I wrote, Azalea's golden retriever adopted kids, your kids. Just kids in general?

Yeah, yeah, kids in general, your kids. So you love adopted kids less than just the idea of kids? I like the idea of a hierarchy. But did you have a dog before you had a kid? Did you and your wife ever? When I was a kid, but then we had cats. You had cats? I want to write a bit about when, Did you have a kid? Did you and your wife have a kid? When I was a kid, but then we had cats. You had cats? Yeah.

I want to write a bit about when, and I think it's like well-trod territory, but I don't know that there's been a standup bit about how like when people have kids, they like their dogs that they used to have an Instagram for that was the center of their life, like dies of neglect within two weeks. Like what, people hate their dog that they want, like my friends are like, I literally hate my dog.

Cause they have a baby. This is great. It's so funny, but I'm like, because I love my dog. It's enough for me, but it is interesting to me that like even my friends who love their dog more than I even love my dog are like, where is she? I don't know where she is. She's mad at hair.

I barely look at her. I don't even want to be, she smells bad to me. And they used to like cuddle all night. It changes because- That is so funny. New love comes in. Which part is wrong? Which part is wrong?

None of it. I know. It's all true. That's so funny. And yes, there's gonna be times where it's not true, but- People get mad at you when they go, that's not true for me. No. No one gets mad at you like that?

I don't pause enough for people to heckle me. Here's my main thing on your hour, which is like my favorite thing in your last hour is the thing where your boyfriend role plays a gangbang for you. I'm so glad you liked that. It's so funny. But I think I love it because it's a story

and I get who you are, I get who he is, and I get the dynamic between you. I love you as a couple because he does this thing for you about this really extreme thing about you, right? And I feel like I want more of that in this hour. Like I'm just like... You want more Mike for Big Liam. I know, but you've accused me of this before as friends. No.

We like what we do. No, we like each other's act, but we also recommend... We see potential. We see potential. No, but it's so funny, you've said this to me before, where you're like, people always give advice of like the thing they do. I do it too though.

I know. And I do it and I apologize. And I get so mad and go, why aren't they doing what I do? It's like, cause it's not their style. But actually, I don't do what you do because I'm scared of it. No, but even if you- It's like the crowd work thing.

Like telling stories, I've just never did it. I started out as a one-liner comic. It's only like because I've written enough jokes about one thing that I ever even produce a story out of it. I'm begging you to go to the cellar and on stage, tell the story as you remember it of your guy friend taking you to like an all girls

cool party. It won't go well. I'm telling you. Mike. I'm begging you. I'm telling you right now, I know what will happen and there'll be a few punchlines, but I will be too nervous because it's such a departure from how I perform, that if I was maybe on a storytelling show

and someone was asking me about it, I can get there, but I need to have know where the punches are. I couldn't just be like, let me just work this out. Here's my theory on people who tell jokes, but don't do stories. But maybe I'll trust.

Well, I just think all you need is a beginning and an end. So as long as the audience knows there's an end, they're like, okay, this will be fine. need is a beginning and an end. So as long as the audience knows there's an end, they're like, okay, this will be fine. You need a beginning and an end. And then like two jokes in between. That's really great advice. And just throw it up there and just see what happens. Because fundamentally you're funny in your bones

and it will be funny. And then the next time you do it, you'll have three punchlines. Next time you do it, you'll have four punchlines and then it'll be a fucking story. It'll be in your special. Okay, that's really good advice. As long as I know where I'm going and I have an out,

because I think that's, of course, that's the right way to do it, but I never thought of it that way and that's great advice. I just had a couple jokes that I was like, oh, these are up your alley, and also made me, your special made me think of some of these jokes that I wrote,

which is if my wife had sex with someone else, I would be fine with it as long as she told me something annoying about the guy. Yes, yes. Oh my God, if you could gossip afterwards. Yeah, if she was like, I slept with this guy and it was great, but he was so dumb. And I'd be like, that's my girl.

Yes, that's my point. I don't care if my boyfriend hoaxes up with other girls because I know I'm cooler. I have that self-esteem in terms of that part of our relationship. And as long as, but you can't talk about me to her. Yes, yes, that's the cheating. That's the full cheat. The cheating is don't watch White Lotus with her.

You can do whatever you want physically, but you do not watch the new Love on the Spectrum. That's pretty deep, actually, what you're saying, I think. Physical, it's like someone else cooking you a meal for you. I don't care. If I cook for you every night and then you went out, whatever. If you watch your show with someone else. Even by yourself, it's like...

Yeah. You would rather be alone than with... It's so hurtful. And then the tag of that is, because the least fun part of an affair is you can't tell anyone. That's why the most fun part is telling your husband. And if he doesn't kill you, it'll make the marriage stronger. Yes! I thought of that before. Like, I actually am into my boyfriend having a girlfriend.

If we could, I wouldn't care if he could juggle both of us. Yeah, talk it out. But as long as you complain about it to me and I get to hear about it. What was your other point there? The least fun part of an affair is you can't tell anyone. Yes, it's fun to, when you're falling in love with someone it's really fun to talk about and it's gotta be,

that's why guys that cheat, or women that cheat, always get busted, because they will find a way to talk about their secretary to their wife in a different way, just like, oh, and this girl said this funny thing, that's a way to, if you think someone's, it's a tell. They'll just, because they are dying to talk about their crush,

because it's in all of us to do that, so that's a tell. Ooh, okay. So then I have, this I thought was interesting in relation to all of your animal activism stuff is I was writing about the ethics of porn and how I don't support the ethics of how porn is made, but to me it's kind of like the ethics of eating meat. It's like I've watched all the documentaries about the meat industry, but I also love fried chicken sandwiches.

And I believe that those contradictions can coexist peacefully. And I think they're gonna have to, because I don't think people are gonna stop eating fried chicken sandwiches while watching porn. Okay, I like where that comes around. And I actually, I love that argument because it's the way I feel about porn.

It's like, I stopped eating meat, I didn't want to stop eating meat, I love it, but I stopped because I saw the truth, but why isn't it working for porn if I watch a documentary about how grim this is? And the difference is women can talk and like, ask for help. Your chicken can't.

That is dark as hell. And that brings us back to parrots. Parrots are the only bird that doesn't get eaten because it talks. If animals could talk, we wouldn't eat them. That is a good point. And that's why people are like, why do you care so much about animals

and not about people? And I'm like, people at least, I hate human suffering, but at least people can understand what's happening to them. It really hurts me to think of an animal being like, I don't know and I'm scared. That breaks my heart. It's like they're kids. They don't have words for it.

And it's like, animals to me are like babies in that way, that they can't express the fear or pain. And it's like, and they don't, because we eat them because they're dumb, but because they're dumb, it makes it so much more heartbreaking that they don't understand their situation. They can't even be like, I'm unlucky.

They're just like, life is hell. Like every fucking, from the moment they're born, they're like, ah, ah, ah, and then they die and then you eat that pain. I think that could be an hour. I wanna, that's my biggest goal, is having a really strong vegan message. Like I do a little bit on stage where I'm like,

and I just like go vegan, like it's not only good for the world, but like I just feel better than you. Yeah. I just like, I'm a better person. Like it didn't land. I feel better than you. I just, I feel like I'm better than you.

I don't know how to phrase it, but it's true, like you know, there's always one vegan I go, you know you're a good person, right? Cause you're vegan. Like it gives you this grounding of like, you, meat and cheese are delicious. I'm doing a hard thing because it's the right thing.

So I get to like always be like, I'm good. And then I get to watch porn that's, you know, being horrible to women and feel like bad about that. But at least I'm a vegan. Yeah. And because we are right. Yeah, my joke, my other joke about the ethics of porn is like, I sometimes feel guilty if I watch porn, but then I'm like, well, they already filmed it. You're so right.

It's you didn't. That's the same with like when people are like, I'm so sorry, I'm eating this in front of you. I'm like, it's already done. I mean, I don't care. Like, ship has sailed. But I did sneak that vegan messaging in and I did shame everyone. I love that.

Like a true vegan. I think it's gonna be an hour. It's gonna be a vegan hour. Meatless, plant-based comedy. Can you think of a worse title than plant-based comedy? Plant-based comedy. It would have negative views. The last thing we do is working out for a cause.

Is there a nonprofit that you'd like to give to? And we will link to them in the show notes and contribute. Yes. Thank you so much. Of course. It is called Rescue the Birds, and it is a avian rescue organization that I won money for when I did Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Oh, wow.

And I got them $100,000. And it was just like for birds. And I went to go visit and it's just like this couple living out of a house with so many parrots to take care of between the two of them. And it was this whole rescue operation in the suburbs of Chicago for parrots, because they're often the animal people get

without understanding how much care they take and how they're wild animals, they're not really domesticated. And then these all, so many birds are abandoned and everyone's like, not everyone, but people give to cats and dogs, but I think it's nice to focus on birds because birds are so smart. These birds talk and then they're abandoned

and they're supposed to fly and they're in fucking cages. It's fucking brutal if you think about it. There should be no new birds bought ever. It should end. Breeding should end now. They're stolen out of like nests in the rainforest. Babies are stolen and they spend their lives in prison. At least your dog has the yard.

Your bird seems happy because it's as happy as it could be in that condition. But it's like, I love birds and love them as pets, but I would never buy a new bird and you can only rescue. So this is a place that just does it right. We will link to them in the show notes. We will contribute and thank you for coming on. And you're the captain of comedy.

It feels so good to finally like it feels like captain of the pep club or captain of the cheerleading squad was not even an option in high school. So it feels really good. Thank you. We're working it out, cause it's not done We're working it out, cause there's no... That's gonna do it for another episode of Working It Out. Nikki Glaser is on tour now. Like I said, she's all over America

and also Australia and New Zealand for our New Zealand and Australian listeners. Get tickets at nicki-glazer.com. Follow her on listeners. Get tickets at nickyglazer.com, follow her on Instagram at nickyglazer. You can watch the full video of this episode on our YouTube channel at Mike Birbiglia. Check that out and subscribe. We are posting more and more stuff. Check out birbigs.com to sign up for the mailing list to be the first to know about my upcoming shows. Thanks for watching The Good Life on Netflix. If you like it, post about it on Instagram or Facebook

or wherever you let your friends and enemies know about different things. It means the world to me. Our producers of Working It Out are myself, along with Peter Salomon, Joseph Berbiglia, and Mabel Lewis. Associate producer, Gary Simons. Sound mix by Shub Saren, supervising engineer Kate Bolinski,

special thanks to Jack Ananoff and Bleejers for their music. Special thanks as always to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein and our daughter Una who built the original radio fort made of pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoyed this show, do us a favor and rate us on Apple Podcasts. It really helps if you're new to the podcast and you enjoyed this episode. We have 170 more episodes we've done. They're all free. There's no paywall. We've had some incredible guests. We've had Please Don't Destroy. A couple times we had Sarah Sherman. We've had David Sedaris. Just tons and tons of great people.

Thanks most of all to you who listen. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Tell your vegan friends. Next time they ask you to try going vegan, make them a deal. Say, I'll try going vegan for one full week if you listen to both Nikki Glaser working it out episodes. I go vegan, you listen to working it out, in a week we'll meet up for tofu. Thanks everybody, we're working it out. We'll see you next time.