Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 19. Beth Stelling: Dreaming About Sex With Your Dad

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

This week Mike welcomes Beth Stelling- the fearless star of the new HBO Max special, Girl Daddy. Beth and Mike discuss their joke nerd instincts and goal to turn pain into comedy. They trade jokes about sex in a rocket ship, middle school burns, flying weenies, and, yes, even dreams about sex with your dad. Please consider donating to: YWCA Dayton, Ohio https://www.ywcadayton.org/how-to-help/donate/

Hey, everybody. We are back with another episode of Working It Out. I am so excited to have my guest, Beth Stelling, this week. Before we get started, I want to tell you an exciting thing. I added one last outdoor show tomorrow, Tuesday, in Fairfield, Connecticut. If you're anywhere near Connecticut, make the trip, bring some lawn furniture, bring a blanket, treat it like a football game. It's

the football of comedy. And it's socially distanced, it's safe, it's fun, it's a new hour. It's some of the jokes you'll hear on here, and other new jokes. And it's doing a 5.30 and a 7 30 fairfield comedy club.com and then if you live anywhere else in the world i'm doing three virtual shows on october 22 23 24

um you can get tickets now at verbiggs.com and it's those that last one was so fun i'm actually doing all new material on this one. So even if you saw the last one, this one's going to be entirely different. I don't know how that's going to happen, but it's going to happen. And now one of my favorite comedians joins me this week. I've toured with her quite a bit.

She has a Netflix special. She has a brand new HBO Max special that I highly recommend called Girl Daddy. Without further ado, Beth Stelling. So, this is, first of all, this is just like a great excuse for us to talk for an hour during the during this time and not have to see each other yeah not see each other i mean honestly it's such a relief i mean i love your face and everything but i am very puffy i'm and i'm wearing monkey pajamas i'm not even kidding i'm wearing monkey pajamas because you know why if you ever have children

it's a it's a good easy laugh yes is you it's the sight gag i i i wake up i walk around the house i'm wearing monkey pajamas una's five she thinks it's a riot your wife has never been less turned on don't say that don't say that i'm kidding i'm kidding jen uh my my first thought was and she's five so i guess it would have still come from jen but like was uh when you're a dad and you have monkey pajamas like that's your gift for the next 13 years do you know what i mean like you going to have monkey pajamas for the rest of your life. You and I have toured quite a bit together. Yeah, I've loved that

so much. It's so fun. It's such a gift. It really is. To you and to Sarah, I do a lot because it's just... Sarah Silverman, for the listeners who don't know, that Sarah Silverman is the Sarah of comedy. Yes, exactly.

And I'd like to be the mic of comedy, but there's a lot of mics out there. You're the only mic to me, besides the actual microphone. Wait, I have a question. Was it in Madison when we did a show that there was a baby in the audience? Yeah. Was it Madison? I think it was Madison when we did a show that there was a baby in the audience? Yeah.

Was it Madison? I think it was Madison. Yeah. Yes. There's a baby in the audience and I sort of called it out. And then like, I was like, hey, maybe like a baby isn't the best person to be here. Yeah, you handled it well. But then like that person like went after me on social media the next day,

and they're like, who are you to say a baby shouldn't be? I think I'm the number one person to actually say that. I'm the main person? Yeah. See, it is a tumultuous time in that people have had access to us like no other time before. And this sounds very elitist because obviously it's like we want to receive the good. So our window is open. And by window, I mean social media.

But if you close that window, you're missing the good too. You're not only missing the good, but in some ways you're missing what's happening. Yeah. So that's like, it's odd. But then it exposes you to like, I'm not saying you're traumatized by that, but you should have never really had to hear that. It reminds me of two things. One being like one time I think I tweeted, I was getting driven home from, and I'm not even like a bar person. So the fact that I was out at, I was getting driven home from, and I'm not even like a bar person.

So the fact that I was out at a bar was crazy. I probably had a drink and I was getting an Uber home and the Uber was falling asleep on Louisville Boulevard as they were driving me. And I'm the person who for years wasn't able to say anything. Like for years I would have been like, okay, well, this is how I die. And now I would say, excuse me or hello. Like it took so much for me to be able to like, hey, are you okay? Like just to say something. So anyway, I ended up tweeting like, I can't remember it,

but along the lines of like, always fun to take an Uber home that's falling asleep to kill you how you would have killed yourself had you just driven drunk. You know what I mean? Oh my God. And of course people came for me like, you know how underpaid they are? Oh, my gosh, no. And so tired. And I'm just like, ugh.

So that's what it reminds me of where it's like, dear God. I mean, I'm doing the best I can, but it bleeds into stand-up too. Like I'm here to – I want to add and help. I'm not here to hurt. My stand-up is not here to hurt. So when – in some ways it's good to be able to learn and be called out like that, and then other ways it can feel very hindering, like a hindrance. It's so confusing, that whole thing,

is how much feedback is too much feedback. Well, because we're pretending our job is a dialogue, and it's 100% a monologue, baby. Right, right. I mean, people are there to see your perspective. I remember the greatest compliment I got one time after Meltdown, which was one of my favorite places to perform in L.A. Oh, yeah.

And a woman came up to me afterwards and said, I just want to hear what you have to say about everything. Oh, I love that. Yes. Yes, that's everything. It was so sweet. Yes. And so that was just like one of the highest compliments I've ever been given because you're just like, thank you.

It's just like wanting to hear your side of it. And that's what stand-up is. It's your perspective. So if someone, you know, I've been dealing with this lately. Like I've been thankful and I'm so glad my special has been reviewed well and people are receiving it well. It's interesting because like I think one guy was like commenting on the heterosexuality of it.

And I'm like, yeah, because that's what I am doing. Right. Like, how dare I get up and speak of a lesbian experience that's not my own? I always think that. I got that note on the new one where someone said, like, it's only a hetero experience of being a parent. And it's like, right.

What if it weren't? What if I was literally like, so were I to be in a partnership with a man, this is what it would be. You'd be like, what the fuck is this guy talking about? Exactly. And people would criticize you for that. So it can be frustrating because look, I don't want to be the person, I don't want to, you know, be, grow slowly obsolete because I'm not willing to take criticism. That's not it. But, you know, economy of words is an actual like cornerstone of comedy, in my opinion. So why would I be going off on tangents about what it may be if I were X, Y, or Z? I agree. And by the way, Growing Slowly Obsolete is a great album title if you need one. Thank you.

You and I have talked about this a handful of times and it's like over the years you've had like crazy internet stuff with it, but you your ex was abusive and you talked about it. And then it was and then it was like weirdly like on like I want to say TMZ or something. Yeah. And and like, do you feel like you and I've talked about this over the years, like like potentially, would you do a show about just that? Right. You and I have. And you've always been supportive and listened and never pushed and, you know, just heard me out on it.

And so much of me just wanted to not bring that back into my life. Yeah, of course. Of course. And so, like, because I was scared in the first place that that would be my only thing. And then as you go through it and experience it, you're like, well, no wonder people don't come forward because then they make it your only thing. Of course. So it just deters people from wanting to come forward. I think I'm better right now, but I've had so many bad interviews with it and largely from women, some really horrific things that just, you know, things like,

I'm just trying to promote a show in Chicago a couple years ago. I'm asked truly in such a harsh way that's like, it's been five years since you were raped. So what's life been like since? And me going, what? And I just totally went blank. And she goes, I'm just asking about your very public post. And that's just like one of many I had like that. And it's like, for me, I'm better about not getting emotional or upset when asked about it, a past abusive relationship. I think it's come down to the fact that I have to say, yes, it happened. I worked through it. I've moved on. And I had to let go of the desire to explain myself because I lived through that. And I was able to channel that experience, like the hurt, the anger, fear, confusion, frustration, and put it all into my work to complete some of the jokes in this last special so that others might have the same release as I have. But I think it's like, it is hard because it's just such a long conversation.

And without getting into the minutia of it and feeling like I have to explain myself in some way. When for me it was like the desire to protect some other people in my community who would need to know some of the other women because I found out I was not the only one. Sure, sure. And then it kind of just ran away from me. Like you said, it was put everywhere. I didn't agree to any of that. But again, I was public about it. Yeah.

And it was really more to say, as you guys know, I talk about my life on stage. This is what's going on. It was kind of like, here's a newsletter, instead of me having to tell each one of my friends and acquaintances in comedy before I talk about it on stage. It was like a little newsletter, but then it got passed to a lot more people than just my friends. So many opinions, so many feelings on it. I think that just goes back to the scariness of putting yourself out there again. Yeah.

I mean, look, I'm a procrastinator and then I get it done and I do it. And even when I think I'm not doing it, you know, it's the rocks getting washed over in my brain and turned into a marble. So it's happening, even if I'm not pen to paper. it's happening, even if I'm not pen to paper. But before you and I got on, you and I had conversations before, as I was working on this hour, about a lot of these harder topics. And to me, I'm going, okay, so what's left? Because everything that was scratched from my album was deemed filler,

not enough to be put in. But I'm also like the queen of tags, so I'll just keep tinkering forever. I'm watching my own special going, why didn't I go there? Oh my God, I have the same thing. I have the same thing. Yeah, so as before our conversation here, cause I know like, you know, I was just getting back into that mindset and you've been there for me and let me riff with you

even when we're not doing a podcast. And I have pages and pages on this topic. So it's like, you're not wrong in that perhaps I could go into it. But they're dark. Dark jokes take practice. And where am I going to practice? The thing I admire so much about your work generally

is that I feel like you're a natural storyteller. Like when you, your way, who do you think you got that from? Is it from someone in your family or a friend? Like where's that gift from? You know, two things. One is so interesting. I feel like I'm fascinated with standup

and I'm so impressed with you because you keep putting out hours and I'm like, what the hell, you know, like, how do you do this? And it's cause you work hard and you get up and you just do it and you've, you know, lived life as well. But sometimes I feel like- I take the Klonopin and I drink the coffee. Yeah. I need to start doing that. But I think-

I give myself anesthesia before I go to bed. And then I give myself the opposite of anesthesia in the morning. Just send me a few. I sometimes feel like I abandon memories that don't have a beginning, middle, and end. I get that. You know what I mean? And so I don't know where my structure came from because I I don't, I just don't know about. Well, it's funny because in some ways that relates to the slow round of the show,

which is like memories, you know, it's always prompts that memories. And like lately I've been doing the slow round myself. And then going back to my answers like a week later and being like, how could this end? How could there be an ending on this kind of thing? And like, and so I feel like,

in terms of the stuff that you're saying, of like, sometimes things don't have an end, it's like, I feel like sometimes things don't have an end for like a couple of years. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then you see it and zoom out, and you're like, oh, that's the ending.

Yeah. Yeah. And that was certainly the case with like, you know, like having a child you know the new one is like that but it's like you know until i had had a child the the events about you know my experience of going through the pregnancy with jen were just sort of decontextualized jokes about a sort of a story that had no ending right and. And you just had, there's no, like that's the fascinating thing about people coming to see us.

When are you seeing us? Because you- That's right. You, you know, beginning of the new one, we're in Irvine. I'm opening. You let me, instead of do 20 minutes, you let me do a half hour

because I was about to record my half hour with Netflix. Oh yeah. And then you go up and you have your pad and it's called working it out. Yes. Oh, my God. And remember that guy heckled you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He goes, why are you reading? You're like, why aren't you reading your ticket? Oh, my God. I was so rattled by that. I forgot about that until just now. Okay, but you handled it not rattled. That's nice of you to say. I mean, it's funny when people say that to you,

when your friends tell you that you weren't rattled, and you're like, oh, I was. That is so imprinted in me. It's actually, that's one of the prompts in the slow round, which I'll ask you, which is, do you have a memory on a loop? For me, that's totally one in my life. Wow. It's like this guy being like,

why are you reading? Like while I'm like reading like a new story I had written, like, and I literally said to the guy, I go, cause I wrote it today. Yeah. You know, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I've been in that position. I know exactly where I was. I was in Kirkland at Laughs. I just filmed my Comedy Central half hour. So then I was also relying heavy on a set list to try to build a new freaking half hour. And a guy yells out to me and it shook me. I didn't have much to say. It just terrified me. And it actually, a guy in the crowd stood up and he goes, a lot of comedians do this and read their notes. Leave her alone. Oh my gosh. And I needed him to do that. Oh my gosh. He's the hero of the story.

Yeah, he was a hundred percent. Wherever you are, sir, in the Kirkland, Washington area, bless you. They do this. Yeah, he just like came to my defense. They do this. I mean, I'm not going to do that a week before I'm filming my special, but it depends on when you catch me, bro. I'm going to step away from my conversation with Beth Stelling to send a shout out to our sponsor, Each and Every. Each and Every is a gender inclusive deodorant formulated for sensitive skin like mine.

I do have a sensitive skin, actually, and it's a very popular deodorant around the house here because it's organic. It's got plant based packaging, which I appreciate. Jen likes it. I like it. You can visit eachandevery.com slash berbigs and use promo code berbigs to get 30% off your first purchase. Eachandevery.com slash berbigs. And now back to the show. Is there anything else like that?

I know you grew up in Dayton, Ohio, right? Yeah, I guess I have some memories that, again, no beginning, middle, and end. It would be me, sad, coming home from school, and I don't know the age. I'm going to guess anywhere between second and fourth grade, walking home, and going to, like, it's almost like I was going through the motions of what I think a depressed person would do. I remember walking home sad with my

backpack, going to the side of the house where there's the hose, filling up my watering can, and just tending to my snapdragons on the side of my mom's house, our house. Like so sad. I don't have any friends with these snapdragons. Oh my gosh. It's like, that is definitely something I think about a lot. Because I remember having this awareness of like being bummed and maybe these are activities sad people do.

Did you have bullies at school? Like what was your, was the depression based on social stuff? No, it was family. You know, I had a lot of, I had some intense childhood trauma. And for a while we were living with our grandparents. And then our, our grandparents came and lived with us at our house so we could stay in school. And I remember like, you know, I have these early memories of like my grandma doing my hair too tight. I hated how she brushed my hair, you know, like these pleasantries of having your mother close that in a routine. So I grew very reliant on myself. I mean, I was making my lunch from kindergarten on myself, you know, and I've been told this. I don't necessarily remember it. But I remember my grandma apparently walked me up to school.

And this would have been kindergarten. And left. And then she got a call. Is Beth not coming to school today? And she said, no. I dropped her off. And they went outside. And they found me on the front stairs sitting there alone.

And they said, Beth, what's going on here? And I said, I just needed a little time to myself. Oh. And I think it's similarly how I felt with the Snapdragons. I think I was just needing probably a little extra attention or whatever that may be without my mom, not having my mom there for a bit. Yeah.

But I didn't have bullies. I had good friends growing up. If anything, if I have to recall anything feeling, I guess, made fun of or anything anything it would have just been for not having tits in junior high you know because i was a gymnast for so long that was a oh interesting because that would yeah that i remember i i'm not a girl and i remember that i literally you got made fun of for tits and i got made fun of for pecs, but I remember like that was a whole damn thing in middle school

was like as everyone's developing and they're in puberty, like everyone's changing and it's like the rates of change affect like who gets made fun of for what thing. And it's like, oh my God,

it makes me cringe so badly. Yeah, it's just a perfect introduction for growing into a woman. You know, like fifth grade, some girl gets her period and pops huge tits, and everybody's like, you're a monster. And then me, I don't have tits until sophomore year, and I don't get my period until then either, and people are like, you're flat.

It's like there's no – I mean, there is a middle ground. Her name is – no i'm just kidding beth i used real names you must use real names that was the whole thing is they they the the flat insult was ubiquitous when i was a child i don't know if that's still a thing, but like it was when, I mean, people used to say that all the time when I was a middle school. You're flat. Yeah, I mean, it haunts me, obviously.

I attach it to a guy who I'm now still in touch with and friends with because he was one of my earliest little boyfriends. But Donald, I think it's like he asked me out and I said no, and he's like, well, you're flat anyway. It's like that lesson you learn of like, if you say no, you shall be be punished you know what I mean it's like I'm not blank I mean that's dark but

I think it's just I I don't know where they learned it who started it when I don't know who started but I will say like I'm I'm flashing back to my head I'm imagining being someone who's insulted by like you're flat and i feel like here's the perfect answer um yeah i guess i am it's almost like another another response would be like uh any other notes yeah i like that any more fee any more feedback i feedback? I got one. I got one. You wouldn't know what to do with them if I had them. Oh, there you go.

That's a good one. Yeah, they probably would. We should do a whole podcast, Beth, called Middle School Comebacks. Honestly, yes. Yes. Yes, we should. We need to write a ton of them for these people. It's actually not the worst idea.

I like it. It's like one hour of middle school comebacks. And we go through from our memories all of the meanest insults that we heard people say. And then we come back with like majorly good comebacks. And provide them to the youth. Yes. I'm down. Insults came from my dad though. so just send it right to him.

No, I'm just kidding. He's the one who did give me a hard time about. He always would call out, like, it looks like you're gaining some weight or you got a lot of acne. No, no. One time, because I would, you know. I can't take it. Yeah, he said, you look like a little boy going through puberty

when I had, like, really bad acne. And I think I was, like was like 22 and I sobbed. And then of course later I wrote a joke that was like, oh, I eat because you left us. And I haven't washed my face since then either. I'll run a couple bits by you and you can run some by me. There's a short one. Okay.

Which is when I was when I was like 10 I went to St. John's sports camp in the summer and when it was hot dog day we would we'd get a bunch of extra hot dogs and we'd throw them

30 feet in the air and yell flying weenies. And I and I think that's just America in a nutshell. We're all just flying weenies. And I think that's just America in a nutshell. We're all just flying weenies. By the way, that's an example. That was like a slow round answer that I had

that was like on the loop. And I was like, what's the punchline? Like all I had was flying weenies. The on the loop of throwing them up, flying weenies. And I was like, well, the America thing is sort of fun. I love that.

Hot dog. Yeah. That is so funny. And I have one other thing, which is I had cancer, which, you know, so I have a pre-existing condition, but I feel like we throw around the term pre-existing

a little too freely. Like the word itself is an existential conundrum. Like we don't know when the cancer formed. Could have been years ago or yesterday. So when I go to the doctor and the woman at the desk is like, do you have any pre-existing conditions? I want to be like, my whole life is a pre-existing condition. Is this a pre-existing conversation. Is this a pre-existing

conversation? Is this a pre-existing pen? Can I pay with pre-existing money? It's all I have. I mean, I actually have a lot of pre-existing jokes about pre-existing conditions. And those are jokes that existed before right now. And pre-existing conditions are sort of like a chicken versus egg type of thing because all conditions are pre-existing until you know about them and then they're just existing. And I feel like when they ask me

about pre-existing conditions, maybe I should just go big. Like Aristotle believed in a comprehensive theory of being according to which only individual things fully have to be But other things such as quantity, time, and space have a derivative kind of being So I have a pre-existing condition but maybe we all do And they're like, sir, please exit the office Through the door marked existential crisis

Oh, that's nice Let me write that down. Through the door marked existential crisis is such a good line. Thank you. Of course. Actually, the ending line I have is, in some ways it's hopeful to have a pre-existing condition because a post-existing condition is death.

Which is sort of fun. But like a lot of this, this is sort of what I'm cracking into in the new show, which is tentatively called YMCA Pool, which is all about death. And it's like, it's all about, I'm glad you're laughing. I'm so glad.

This is, as you know, because we're comedians, we don't get a lot of feedback in our life. Like us talking about this is like some of the only feedback I have on any of this. Let me know. Trusted feedback. Trusted feedback. Yeah, exactly. Do you have anything new that you want to bounce off me? I, okay. So I have some jokes about my dad and my stepmom in this hour and they called to say they liked it, blah, blah, blah. And there's a joke in there about, I guess I'll just tell it because it's short,

which is I always felt like my dad chose my stepmom over me and my sisters. And, like, I get it. You know, she gave him head and all we had were questions. So then my dad FaceTimes me to say we liked it, you know, you're very smart, blah, blah, blah. And those are the things he said. I was like, thanks. Funny would be good, but okay. So then he said, he's saying those things.

She pops in and says, I don't even mind that you said that I give your dad head. Oh, my gosh. And I said, I didn't think you would. And then later, now this is an older joke I'm trying to bring back. By the way, I love that you're even having this conversation with your mom. You know how inconceivable it is, the idea of me having a conversation like that with my parents? Like, hey, Beth, I don't mind that you said that I gave your father a head. Like, what?

Like, get me out of this conversation. Well, that was my stepmom. Although my mom and I, you know, we've grown to be very candid. But so, okay, so there's this. And then the old joke is I had – I say I blame her that I had a sex dream about my dad. I say I blame her that I had a sex dream about my dad. Now, I woke up and I felt relief because it wasn't real.

And I got to fuck my dad. Oh, my God. That one's listed on the set list as the reverse Trump. So there's that. Oh, my God. The reverse Trump is the best title. But the truth is no one likes to talk about that. And it hasn't happened in a while. And I think there's some psychology around it for sure.

But, and by the way, I love how I'm defending even this strange joke and sex joke about my dad. But it's not like I had a graphic porno dream, but it was insinuated that I would be sleeping with my dad. So like, and I know I'm not the only one who's had that dream. So basically I think it's fodder. I think I can delve into it. I feel like you could have some tags in it that are like, like, I don't know. He was gentle. You know, fatherly, very cute, very caregiving. I know. There's also like, um you know there's maybe something in the universe of like i'm not saying i have daddy issues but i did fuck my dad in my dream once

and uh ever since then we've had issues oh gosh all of it's so perverse and weird. Exactly. But it's also real. It's really funny. And like, I think it's great. Yeah, I think it's tough. I think you should run with that for sure. Yeah. I realize it can be uncomfortable.

Like, you know how it is. Like, sometimes I don't like watching comics when I see like, okay, we get it. You're trying to be edgy. But like. No, I know. That's not my MO. No, no, no know no no no no you're never that's what's one of my favorite things about your comedies you're never pushing you're literally just telling stories from your life yeah i just this is what happened yeah i had this dream

yeah wow um fortunately i wasn't sleepwalking. Does he know about that? Like, that's sort of an interesting thing, too. Oh, the minute I run it by him, we'll have another two minutes to ask. Oh, of course. Are you kidding me? You'll have ten. Family relationships are so intense,

and the reason why there's such great fodder for comedy for the rest of time is like your dad. And I'm not trashing your dad. I'm literally going by what you've said about him in your specials. Yeah. Your dad, by your account, is like kind of terrible and like left your family and like did a lot of like sort of like horrible things and then like and yet you're still having sex with him in your dream you're like such a good point and leads directly into things like i was speaking about before the the show I'm building, which is like why I choose who I choose.

Like one, if you think about it, my parents divorced and then I was court ordered to go see him, meaning we had no choice. Like my mom lost. So that almost bleeds into how I have had relationships. I just, it basically is people come to me. I've never like, maybe once with Nick, the guy tattooed on my back, but I think mostly it's guys come to me and they're like, I love you. I'm like, I must too.

Oh my gosh. It's like this intense intensity of love that I've received. I must too is such a painful line. Yeah. I mean, another tag that's occurring to me as we're talking about this is like, you know, my dad and I had sex in the dream.

And the good news is I didn't have to have sex with my dad. And then you could be like, and he wasn't even a good dad. Like if he was a good dad, would we have had an orgy with my sister? Like, it's sort of terrible. Like, all my, like, tags are, like, gutter tags. They're, like, the hackiest, crazy digressions.

But when you're in this territory, right, you have to be able to like say wild shit and have it either not work or work. Yes. And right now we're being recorded. So there's that little bit of level of judgment even on yourself. Of course. Because I can think of all kinds of stuff to say right now where I'm like, ugh. No, I held myself back a moment ago from saying something that was even darker than that. Exactly.

Like if you had been a good dad, maybe I would have come. So it's, like, awful. You know, like, I can think of awful things, but it's meant to play. I mean, it goes, it's just, like, you have to have, like. By the way, sorry to interrupt, but that's a really good tag. All right, do you have one more? I feel like I took two turns.

No, no, no. I have one, which is I got a new computer because I filled up my old computer, and the capacity on that one was 250 gigabytes. And apparently I went over that. I have so many gigabytes, and I don't know what gigabytes are, but my computer reached a point where it was like having a nervous breakdown, like an intern. It was like, I'm not

comfortable doing anything anymore. Michael Birbiglia, no space between Michael and Birbiglia. And so I go and I'm like, well, how many gigabytes do we have left? And he's like, we have five gigabytes. Michael Birbiglia, I just don't want to do this. And I'm like, I don't know. Let's give it a shot, you know? And he's like, Michael Birbiglia, I don't like this. And I'm like, look, MacBook Air. Like, I don't like to bring this up,

but you're not as light as you think you are. And he's like, that is body shaming. And I'm like, laptops made after 2010 are so sensitive. They're in complete denial of reality. And then the intern just shut down. And from that point on, he only spoke Chinese. this is a little passive-aggressive. You know I don't speak Chinese. And he was like, I also speak Dutch and German. But he said it in Chinese, so it's still passive-aggressive. And then so I order a new computer on my phone. And this one's called a MacBook.

It's sort of a long bit. But it's called a MacBook Pro. Thanks. It's called a MacBook Pro because I have been certified as a professional in the field of technology. I'm a MacBook professional. So I get the MacBook Pro, which has eight terabytes of memory.

The derivation of tera is, of course, of the earth. So it is memory of the earth. So I pull out my intern laptop and I stuff it in the professional Earth laptop and the intern is like, don't put me in there. And I'm like, now you speak English? It's too late for you.

And then I start working on my professional Earth machine and it's asking me, you know, we hit a difficult question it's like uh hey by the way uh are you michael berbiglia or mike berbiglia and i'm like uh i think both and it's like all right well then what's the password for mike berbiglia and i'm like cheetos one two three and it's like no it's not cheetos one two three and i'm like cheetos one two three four and it's like no it's not cheetos one two three and i'm like cheetos one two three four and it's like no it's not cheetos one two three four and at this point i'm crying and a single tear rolls down my cheek as i whisper cheetos one two three four five and then the the computer says

you have no more tries you are locked out of mike berbiglia and i'm like but i am mike berbiglia and it's like but are you mike berbiglia and i like, I used to think I was. And then my intern is like, I know your password. And I'm just like, fuck my life. And then the intern is like, Michael Perpiglia, you don't have to use me anymore, but maybe just keep me around like for your kid being on Netflix and stuff. And so now we have the intern and we have the professional and we all live together and we speak Chinese. That's like a new run that I'm trying to tinker with. I like that. It's something to do too with like, you know when you are running out of space,

the pop-up keeps coming up telling you you're running out of space? Yes. Oh, my gosh. You just, all I do is ignore. It's the same way I sign important contracts. I'm like, just get it out of my face. Yeah, yeah. Terms and conditions.

That's really funny. So you probably, when you pressed it one time, you probably agreed that you would start learning Chinese, but you weren't paying attention. Oh, my God. That's so true. That's funny if maybe the intern is like, but you agreed to learn Chinese. I'm like, I never, I forgot about that. Exactly. That's actually a really funny dynamic is like what you're saying,

but personified in these characters of like, maybe the pro or maybe the intern is like, you agreed to this. Like, I don't remember agreeing to it. Like, I don't know what I agreed to. Totally. Totally. I don't know what I agreed to. And like, I was thinking about like, how does this relate to the,

my YMCA pool show that I referenced earlier that I'm writing. It's all about life and death. And I'm trying to think about, I think the reason I'm writing all this technology stuff is that we will all be outlived by our technology. Yeah. I mean, this has made me think of this, which is, again, dark, but true to life. I lost a friend to suicide in December. Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. And the way that they let me know was an email.

And the way they left everything behind was Google Drive and their computer. And they wiped their phone. And it's just saying, like, I guess what I'm saying is they do live on through allowances made to us through technology, like Spotify playlists he left us. Right. Oh, my gosh. Google Drive, the photos, documents, screenshots, things that meant things to him.

So it's like, it wasn't just some sort of letter, which we would have gotten in the past. It was an email and then a whole hard drive of memories and thoughts and feelings. Wow. I'm not necessarily being helpful to you in your bit right now. I'm just saying. No, no, it's extremely helpful. I guess what I'm saying is like, we're faced with this stuff that we never would have been have to face with.

And yet it's only what you control to be seen. So he wiped away everything he wouldn't want us to see. Yeah. And. Well, it's like, I think what, what your memory of your friend brings to mind, this idea that we're almost inadvertently living in like a digital cemetery. Yeah. And controlling, and it's a balancing act between controlling what people see and not see all the time.

Yeah. Like even, you know. Comics always give each other a hard time. Like, this person's losing their mind this week. Yes, yes. That's a thing. And we can see it because it's online, and then that's kind of forever. But then also not forever. It's like you can control

what people are seeing of you, but you might not always be in the right mindset to be the one at the controls. Oh my gosh, that's so true. Like I always find that with like Spotify or something like that. It'll be like, I'll be like listening to something, you know, I'll be listening to like Taylor Swift album or something like that. And someone online will be like, so you're listening to the Taylor Swift.

Like what the fuck? Exactly. Is this public? Is this, you know what I mean? Like what on earth? How do you know that? Like there's so know what I mean? Yes. Blood on earth? How do you know that? There's so many weird settings. What did I agree to?

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That's as big of a testimony as I could possibly give. Go to helixsleep.com slash perbigs. Take the two-minute sleep quiz. They're offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash perbigs. And now back to the show. Now I have to make a choice because like what I put in my hour is out and I chose that stuff

to represent those topics, but I have so much on those areas. Yeah. So it's like, do I cut and run and go in a different direction? I know you mean. Yeah. Because I have this old joke that's like, I feel like what I went with was, there's not a woman in here who doesn't love orgasming. It's the sex that's the problem. here he doesn't love orgasming it's the sex that's the problem and i feel like dudes it's like to me it's like going on a trip to maui uh like sex is great we love sex so if a guy is like do you want

to go to maui and you're like oh my god yes of course i want to go to maui and he like leads you out into the front yard and he's like we'll climb in this rocket and you're like oh my gosh what can we not? I don't want to take a rocket to Maui. I want to pack. And I have cute outfits to plan. And I just want to maybe tan a bit to get a base layer before we go. And he's like, get in the rocket.

It's the rocket or nothing. And you're like, okay, well, you can go alone. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to find someone with a car. Something like that. That's so funny. It's really similar but not not too similar uh to a joke i wrote recently which is like a lot of my stuff is overheards like i overheard this guy say to his girlfriend like i'd love to take you to cabo but what he really meant was i'd love to

have sex with you somewhere else? So you can focus on something other than my rhythm that's the same every single time. But I love yours. I think the rocket ship is really, really funny. Okay, cool. Something like that. I love that. We like to prepare a little. Set the mood. Be ready. I mean, that's me. I don't want to speak for

all women, and I'm not saying... But it all women and I'm not saying but it's just like I'm not one for like a quickie standing up like that does nothing for me right I need and I also don't need candles and a poem just you know that's very funny

maybe it's like maybe explore the rocket ship because the opening line is so funny it's like getting to this rocket ship what. Because the opening line is so funny. It's like, get into this rocket ship. And what's your response? You go like, why? Kind of thing. Something like, yeah, wait, I forget what I said. Something like, can we not?

I mean, I'd like to just pack something. I mean, I don't have anything packed. I need, is there a night where I need to bring a dress? That's funny. And there's also like getting to this rocket ship and you're like, I thought we were going to take an airplane. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Just like the basics of like a vacation. Car to airplane. I thought we were going to do sort of like a car to airplane. Like, why are we? And like, I'm trying to think like i don't even know what the metaphor even means but it's like and then you like try to get into the rocket ship and you're like um i'm not sure this is a rocket ship like like it's got a bunch of like your socks and like a dumbbell in it. I don't even know what that metaphor fully means,

but it's basically just like that it's not a great situation. I love that. I didn't know you had such a... I didn't know rocket ships this small could fly. And he's like, no, it'll fly. It'll fly. Just give me a second to fire it up. Promise me you're coming. He's like, I could use a little help.

And you're like, I don't know what you're doing. he's like I could use a little help and you're like I don't know what you're doing do you have this is working it out for a cause do you have a non-profit that you'd like to shine a light on that will contribute to it the show yes I

love working with and have in the past work with the YWCA of Dayton in my hometown awesome yeah we will is that I love working with and have in the past worked with the YWCA of Dayton in my hometown. Awesome. Yeah. Well, we will – is that an organization that you – do you know the people who run the organization? Yeah. Since you're from Dayton? Yeah.

Yeah. Awesome. I have like – I did a fundraiser with them last – I guess it was last October. My family got to come and it was basically – yeah, the Voices Against Violence fundraiser. But I love, yeah, obviously I love what they do. And it's, they provide housing, of course, for women leaving abusive relationships. That's a great one. Yeah.

And they work on eliminating racism, empowering women. That's awesome. And I love, you know, I love your hometown, Dayton, Ohio. Yeah. It's a great one. Yeah, and they work on eliminating racism, empowering women. That's awesome. And I love your hometown, Dayton, Ohio. Yeah. It's a great town. It's where my sister Gina went to college. UD Flyer. Yeah.

It's always so fun to talk to you. Thanks for being on Working Out. Yeah, thanks for having me, Mike. I appreciate you. Oh, you too. Working it out, because it's not done. Appreciate you. Oh, you too. That's another episode of Working It Out with Beth Stelling. Follow Beth Stelling wherever you follow people. She is so damn funny and just gets better and better.

I just think one of the best working out there. Thanks for tuning in. Our producers are myself, along with Peter Salamone and Joseph Birbiglia. Consulting producer, Seth Barish. Sound mix by Kate Balinski, with help from J. Ann Wang. Assistant editor, Mabel Lewis. Thanks to Mike Consiglierere, Mike Berkowitz, as well as Marissa Hurwitz.

Special thanks to Jack Antonoff for his music. As always, a special thanks to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein. Our book, the new one, is at your local bookstore, Curbside. And also, I just signed a whole bunch of signed copies for Burbiggs.com, where you can get a lot of old vintage tour posters

and things like that from the olden days. As always, a special thanks to my daughter Una, who created my radio fort with pillows. Thanks to everyone who listened. Most of all, tell your friends, tell your enemies. We are working it out.