Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 212. Pete Holmes Returns: Selling Crepes at a Junkyard

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

This week, Pete joins the pod to talk about his new special “Silly Silly Fun Boy,” work out more jokes, and of course roast Mike a lot more. The two discuss the concept of comedy justice, the benefits of a YouTube special, and why there’s no music for rich people. Plus, against all odds, Pete manages to slip in a piece of shameless self-promotion so shameful he asks Mike to cut it out afterwards.  Please consider donating to GiveWell Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Can you help me with this one? This is real. Yeah. This is real. Please. The beginning really works, and I just don't know where to take it. So, like, all bits aside, I need help. I'm calling not nine. That's what the show's for. Your emergency phone number is nine and then two mozzarella sticks. So it's not 911, but it's like just two bar food.

That is the voice of the great Pete Holmes. This is, of course, Pete's 5003 appearance on this podcast. podcast. He's sort of like the mascot for the Working It Out podcast, and I'm not just saying that because he's so tall. His new special silly, silly, silly fun boy is on YouTube now. I always love talking to Pete. Last week, we dropped a bonus episode with Pete where we work out listeners jokes. So you can go over to Apple Podcasts, and you can click on Working It Out Premium. We call our premium listeners the Birabilia Familia. And if you subscribe, which is $4.99 a month, you get no ads on any episodes. You support the show, which we appreciate it. It's an independent production.

And you get bonus episodes like the one with Pete Holmes. And also, by the way, I was at that Netflix as a joke festival last week. That was so fun. Thank you for coming. I'm doing a handful of dates in support of John Mullaney with Fred Armisen. This month in Colorado Springs, Eugene Oregon, Bend, Oregon. Then in August, Moorhead, Minnesota. to tickets for all of that on berbiggs.com. Also, I'll be in Montreal, July 24th. I'll be in

Nantucket, July 30th. All of that on berbigs.com. Sign up for the mailing list. And then if you want to make sure it doesn't go to your spam, you can text Burbigs to 917-44-7-1-5-0 to know about any of my upcoming shows. Love this talk with Pete Holmes. We work out jokes. We talk about his new special. I feel like our previous episode, speak for themselves. We make fun of each other a lot. If you've never heard these episodes, beware, we love each other, we care about each other, we make jokes at each other's expense for that reason. Not because we're trying to be mean. It's a lot of fun. I always love talking to Pete. Enjoy my conversation with the great Pete Holmes.

Let me just say congratulations on your special. It's hilarious. Thanks, man. People love it. People love it. I'm actually, I'm really glad it's on YouTube. I have to say, like I'm a huge fan of comedians I like putting their specials on YouTube because honestly, it hits more people and more different people than are watching HBO or Netflix specials. It's just a different group of people. I will say having a special on YouTube, I wasn't really conflicted about it, but I recently, like so many people are doing stuff on YouTube. Like YouTube is becoming a place, which means like bad stuff is now going.

I don't mean stand up. I just mean like garbage is also. Bad anything. Yeah, of course. And I'm like that weird table at a flea market that like has one of Mozart's wigs. Like what a find. If you're into like Amadeus Mozart stuff, I'm a huge fine. And I am between us, I know we're recording this, but I am glad that people are finding it.

And look, this, I'm in a really good. mood. I'm happy to see you. So just take this with a grain of mania. I'm just like, it's nice to put something on there that I'm proud of, that I'm like, my gimmick is that I'm good at my craft. That's my gimmick. You know what I mean? And to see people finding it. And, you know, you're at the, you're at the flea market and they found something good. I think that's a great point. We're going to take it again, but don't shout it this time. I mean, everything's. You're like one of those Hairless cats that can't handle light and sound. Like if the water isn't just a little bit below room temperature, you die.

Okay, here's what someone wrote in the comments of your YouTube. In the comments of your YouTube, someone wrote, Stage Right Cameraman is Donkey Dickinette, which is a reference to the special. To the special. But also, who is aware of the stage right cameraman? So Ricky Cruz, our wonderful director, had some roaming guys. in the crowd, which I was really pleased with.

And he got these, like, concert film. I can't stop singing Ricky's praises. It feels like a concert film, and the budget was astronomically low. It was so low. I don't know what he means that he's donkey dicking, stage right camera. Like, donkey digging is my father's big fingers.

His fingers, an analogy making the special, yeah. Which I did, I cut this out of the special, but the second half of that joke is I did that joke in front of my father. And it was sheer terror. You don't know what it's like to be on stage being like. And my dad's donkey dick fingers gnashing the screen blindly. And that was all he said. He was at, I was at the Wilbur in Boston, which is a huge, you know, for both of us going

home to Boston and selling out the Wilbur is a big deal. You, 52 times, me twice. I guess I need a Christmas theme or some gimmick. I don't know. I think people need to think they might get gifts of some sort to go. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Mike's going to give us some of his recessive genes. Or just better jokes.

That was very good. But maybe yours too. No, the comedy. Maybe what you're saying is true too. Mikey, that was perfect. Because what you want is for me to be going at you and saying recessive genes. And then you say, or better jokes, that was absolute perfection. There was this interview, you probably listened to it, these CDs called On Comedy,

and there's the one with Johnny Carson. And they're talking about, without naming it the way I would name it, but like comedy justice. The interviewer on On Comedy is like, tell me about like a moment that sticks out in all your years. And there was a very large man was the first guest, a very heavy man. You know how George Lucas has that beard where he's, telling you where his jawline might be. This guy's, this guy's belt is saying this is where my waist could have

been. So it's up high. His belly button's a full three inches below the buckle. So he's a big old man. And he's rude and that's important. It's all comedy justice. Then later the second guest says to Carson, I thought about becoming a monk.

And the big guy, who had moved over one chair, interrupts. It's not his time. He goes, I was almost a monk. like rudely. And Carson goes, monk, you're a monastery.

Oh my God. Murders. Here's why we need to know this. Here's why everyone needs to know this. This is comedy justice. And that's one of the things comedy audiences are sophisticated to know without even trying. That is a fat joke.

But it's in the midst of rudeness and he's been a drag. He's been a bore. He's been a blowhard. We like when Barbiglia says to me, or maybe just better jokes, because I was being all of those things, and you're the host. That's comedy justice.

Great example. I can give you another comedy justice example. Comedy justice. Our new series on To be. And also, by the way, comedy justice is a moving target. This is what I noticed last night. I'm on stage at the cellar last night,

and I did a joke that I literally wrote like three years ago or two years ago. Yeah. which is, you know, I'm very liberal, but, you know, liberals, we're annoying, and conservatives are wrong. And last, you know, last November, everyone was like, let's try wrong, you know. And I'm like, but that's, why would we do wrong? And they're like, shut up, you're being annoying, you know.

And then I follow it up and I go, like, the thing about liberals is we can't take jokes and conservatives can't write them. That's good. And it's fun. It's like a fun joke that I wrote like a year or two years ago. now kills. Didn't kill that. Yeah, that's right.

It's like, I think we go up to a big, like, I picture, it's not like a balloon, but you go up to this big, deflated sort of floppy balloon on the ground, and we push it with our words. And sometimes it goes, oops, I guess that was wrong. Sometimes it makes this really fun song.

That's what happened. You had been pushing and it wasn't working, and now suddenly it's clicking. because that balloon is culture. It's the world. Does that make sense? But that's kind of why, yeah, but I think that's kind of why it's fun.

The convention of touring comedians, you tour for a couple years, you go to all kinds of cities, you go all over the world, you see what works, where, when. And eventually, you're like, I'm going to lay it down. I'm going to lay down the best version of it

and share it with everybody. And it's, I love that. I actually, I love seeing it along the way. I love seeing comics. working on the hour along the way, and I love seeing the final. No, I know you do, and I'll give you a good example of that, I think,

which is I had this joke. I actually kept a joke, but I dropped this part of it. It was slowing it down. Certain places they loved it, majority of places they didn't. And it's the setup. I go, I was giving my nephew,

and they go, I hesitate to even say my nephew because he's my brother-in-law's son. I feel false claiming him as full nephew. By the way, see, you like this. I swear that's an East Coast feeling. I swear that's an East Coast feeling. You go, I met a lady, a stranger in the wild,

just a free-range woman, just some lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fall in love with her. We get married. She's like, this is my brother. Just another stranger. I'm like, okay, okay. And then he meets another woman,

another stranger, a free range, in the wild. They get married. They have a kid. They have the balls to come up to me and go, Pete, this is your nephew? And Mikey go, bitch, I just met you. This murders based on where I am.

And I'm telling you, I cut it. I'm not saying it doesn't work. I'm saying I had to take the loss. I had to take the L. Because in the northeast it works. In the northeast, in like the meaner places. And I'm from the meaner places. I'm from the meaner places.

Right. Versus like California, which is like a very like, very friendly place. California, they're okay with it. It was more like if I was in Georgia, if I was in North Carolina,

if I was in Texas, even if I was in Chicago, I would get heckled. I would go, this kid's my nephew? And people would go, yes. And I'm like,

what? So I dropped it and the joke worked 70% better. Oh my god. You'll love this last night. I was at the cellar and I have this new bit.

I think you can just tell stories and if you're not at the cellar, then you can point that out. Otherwise, we'll just assume you were at the cellar. You could be like, I had a sandwich. I'll picture you at the cellar. You can stop saying at the cellar. Okay.

So I'm on stage and I'm talking about how there's so many phrases on our brains that are swirling around and we have to be like, don't say that, maybe don't mention that, you know. And one of them, one of them is happy endings, which we talked about, I think last time in the show.

The other one is bros before hose. Yeah. And I go, bros before hose is a cry for help. It is, there's an inherent sadness to bros before hos. There's a sadness to bros before hos. men who want to hug their friend Steve. Oh, my God. And they need to dress it up in a level of misogyny that's so strong that it seems as

though there's no emotion under it. If we could, well, you know, we have a version of this. We, you and I, so much of our closeness has to do with being pointed in the same direction of creativity. That's just a very around the bend way to hold hands. Like we just want to hold hands. And instead of doing that, we do this podcast over and over. instead of just being like, I love you.

Although we are good like that. A hundred percent. But also I love you. I do love you. No, no, no, we're next gen. We accepted the update. I got to tell you the story, though. Okay, go ahead, please. So I'm doing that on stage and then I go,

I take a step further. I go, like, just so you guys know, like the most upstanding man in your life has said bros before hoax. That's right. The Barack Obama of your friend group. Barack Obama himself has said, Come on.

Come on, Joe. But you know, it's amazing. And I have the video, I have the video of this. That was good. I have the video of this woman in the front row going, no. Wow. And I said to her, I go, I go, I'm so sorry to be the person to tell you this. Mikey.

I go, I don't want to be the person who's breaking your world. Barack Obama, 1,000 percent has said Burroughs before hose. And the person with it said held up his fist. and said powder. I'm hesitant to give you this line, but I love you this much, because I love this line. I use it all the time. I'm going to keep using it, but I think it might work here. I'm not supposed to be telling you this.

Oh, that's good. It's an important. I know. I do it when I'm talking about guy stuff and when you're telling secrets, which is what you're doing. Mikey, I think it's too far. I don't think you should do it, but I'm not sure. I love Jesus.

Please don't get offended. I think Jesus might have said some Aramaic version of brocode or like something. sort of. Do you know what I mean? No, of course. I mean, first of all, the Bible is bros before hoes. The nation of Saudi Arabia is bros before hoes. Huge portions of Asia are bros before hoes.

America was bros before hos before 1964. I'm dead. I'm dead. It's a place. It's a wild experience to do a joke. Yeah. That you know for sure is true. And have someone go, no.

It's a crazy experience. Without a doubt, William Shakespeare said bros before hose. It's just, you know why I know. Or some variation on it. But you know why I know is because both of us have said it. I'm not proud of that. At some point, when you're wading into the waters of adolescence, you parrot some shit. I'm not, I don't stand by that, but I'm sure teenage people cling to things that

people cling to things when they're desperate. It's also like your girlfriend, your buddy. remember that time in your life where only one of your friends has a girlfriend, that's when you say it. Come on, man, we're playing Unreal Tournament. Michelle wants to, bros before hose, man. Jesus. Because, but if you want to unpack it, what you're saying is relationships come and go, friendship is forever, basically that's sex in the city.

Sex in the city is bros before hose for hose. And by the way, my take is actually, people are going to come at me for this, I'm sure. My take is feminist. Go ahead. My take is to dismantle the patriarchy, you got to acknowledge it exists. Yeah, let's not gaslight you. Let's not pretend it doesn't exist. That's why that's what this joke might benefit is if there was a really, it's not just Barack Obama who's like, you know, classy and, you know, all that. You really want someone who's like the mouthpiece of feminism, like a male, which you don't want to go after these people, but like, no, that's a good point If there was a guy who was really, and I mean a good person, that guy, that guy has said bros before hose.

I fucking gunned my head would be like, of course he said it. Let me ask Mabel and Gary, you guys have anybody? It's like Chris Fleming. Oh my God, Chris Fleming. That is fantastic, Mabel. Chris Fleming has, without a doubt, said bros before hose. Was it with irony? Maybe.

No. You think he, oh, wow. I'm telling you once. Shots fired. Shots fired? I mean, I think he. Oh, wait, whoa, oh, Gary has a good one. Gary has a good one.

Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers has said Bros. Before Hose. Gary, I, I, it took my breath away. It took my breath away. Mr. Rogers is great. Mr. Rogers. I'm telling you because Bros. Before Hose is, please don't put your girlfriend over me. Our relationship will, is more important.

It's a very crude way of saying. it, but it's not actually that disgusting. You're like, women have their version of like, look, I'm not just some placeholder friend. Now you have a boyfriend. You don't need me. It's make new friends, but keep the old. Summer hose and summer bros. That's not a, that's not a turn of friends.

That's an expression. That's not. And by the way, I feel pretty confident Mr. Roger said it. I'm certain he said it. He was married. Okay. this is another thing as someone said in the comments of your special. Oh, good.

If you're not making fun of gentle parenting, then why are you using the Mike Perpiglia voice? Look, Gary, I don't want to cheapen when I said you took my breath away, but that took my breath away. Because there is a moment, and I'm very confused by this moment, which you're so kind to help me get the word out about my special thank you, Mikey. Of course. It's on YouTube, which is a flea market. I, but I happen to be selling really good crapes. Like, there's a woman with walnuts with googly eyes, and then the next table is me making really rock and crapes.

That's what YouTube is. Yeah, yeah. It's, you think it's a flea market, it's a junkyard. You could also say I'm in a junkyard, and for some reason I have like a chocolate croissant. Like, why do you have that? And I'm like, Netflix wouldn't buy it. Wait, so you're...

It took my breath away what he said. Oh, yes. I, look, I don't want to stretch this out. My next special, which I might have already filmed, I'm really interested. You and I have been talking about this a lot, which is like, it's actually based on something

Chris Fleming said on your podcast, which I thought was great. He said, my director said, so I'm Chris, when I do my special, it won't be the best show. And I actually think that something that might need some servicing. Meaning, I think Chris Fleming special, by the way,

is one of the all-time best specials ever made. No exaggeration. I think it's, I've seen it twice. I think it's flawless. I think it's absurd that he's the example of when you film it, it's not a magical show. So what I've been trying to do is film more shows

and hope to catch the lightning in a bottle. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. And sacrifice some of the look because I'm seeing a lot of special these days. Great specials. This isn't shots fired. where the curtain is great, the lighting is great, the outfit is great, the makeup, the hair, everything is perfect. And why? The set, the set, you give me a steak from the palm on a paper

plate. I don't fucking care. It's the steak. It's on a paper plate. I'm just seeing too many not as good as the steak could have been on the most beautiful plate. And I'm like, I think we've been sold a bill of goods. We've been sold a lot of jibs and a lot of dollies. And I think we need to change what we're going for, which is a really, really good steak and not a really, really good set of silverware. I think that's a great point. We're going to take that again, but just don't shout this time. Again, your feeble ears that can only handle the docile sounds of Enya, you're so bombarded. The docile sounds of Enia. Reality is so overwhelming to you. You're the guy. It's sort of. I know. I It is to me too. It is to me too. Riff over. Riff over. I'm describing myself. Riff over. Unrelated, Mikey, Safron. Get some saffron in your life. Did I tell you about this? And this isn't an ad. You can go to...

Let me do it. Let me do it because it helped me. For you. Go to kenobody.com. Get their saffron. Use promo code weird because it gets you 20% off. But that shit changed my life. That's not an ad. I'm not being paid to say that. I want you to have the promo code because it'll give you 20% off. Shit changed my life. I went from... Are you doing an ad on my podcast? That is so funny that it is kind of what I'm doing. Did you just say a promo code of your podcast on my podcast? I just realized.

You are so... I just realized. Up my own. I'm dead. That's when you realize... You are the lowest rent podcast guest I've ever had. I'm beyond help. Edit it out.

Edit it out. You have to. No way. You have to. No way. It's the best moment. It's the best thing we have. I agree. But I want you to know, as long as it's clear that I don't care if you use the promo code,

you can even get your saffron somewhere else. Go get it somewhere else. I don't get a shit. Stop shouting. Stop shouting. See, you wouldn't mind. This is a microphone. Do you don't even understand what this is?

This doesn't amplify. This doesn't amplify it records. It doesn't amplify it records. This doesn't amplify records. No. This isn't a live show. I know your energy is the same. Your energy on stage and in an office is the same.

If your mouth is two inches away from the microphone, that's as though you're two inches from my face. That's very good. It's not a joke. I like everything about you. I just want to say, since I've been taking saffron, I was like, did I need to be on antidepressants? What's the promo code again?

No, never. I'll never say it again. I got a couple more ads. Oh my God. Play that guitar music. Play that. I'm going to gently lull you out of the episode into my ad, guitar music. Jack's coming on again this week.

He's going to play a new version of the song. That's him? Jack Antenoff, yeah. I really feel like he was telling you with his playing, I don't want to be doing this. God. There's something in the regardless strum that he's doing that says,

Why are you asking me to do this? I'm a professional musician. And at that moment, the sting is going to come on. You talk about how whenever you see your wife naked, you always say, what a babe arena. What a babe arena, yeah, it's true. Is she upset that you shared that private moment from your lives? It's a great question.

I know you're fucking with me, but there are things that I won't share. If we were talking on the phone, my daughter said something recently that was gold, And I was like, I can't. It's just too private. But what a Babarino. Look, you asked, so I'm going to answer,

I think there's something really valuable in seeing a man delighting in his wife of 13 years. You know what I mean? There's something. Oh, I think that's beautiful. I agree. And I like seeing it. So I like sharing.

Love it. So when I say, the other one, and this is true, I've been mixing it up with, pardon me, madam. I see, it's very weird. I see her naked. I go, pardon me, madam. I don't know what character I'm doing.

But I just, you know, you and I grew up in a time when every joke about your wife was just like, I want to smoke a cigar in the house, but Betty Cracker over here. Like, that was comedy. That's a good joke, though. It is a good joke. Or implying that you want to cheat on her

or that she's annoying or that she's a nag. I will say that I did a joke on, Colbert about this little boy who we love named Ira, hit me in the balls. And then like 10 minutes later, I pushed my daughter on a swing into Ira. It was an accident, but I was also, the joke is I loved it

because it was justice. It was this little comedy justice. And really, the joke in that joke is that I'm so petty that I want revenge on a child. I really am the joke. But the kid's name is Ira. and I asked his mom if I could do it, but I didn't ask his dad,

and I should have asked both of them. I thought she might have asked. And this isn't talking out of school. I just learned I was like, you do have to be careful. He was very cool about it too, but he was just like, you know, I would have liked to know

and had a vote in that one. But I did apologize. I like very sincerely was like, I'm sorry, I should have called you as well. And we're over it, I think. But on the next specials, not the one that we're promoting, which is on YouTube, which is a junkyard, but the one that maybe I've filmed already, I do another joke where I say another kid's name, and I'm just going to bleep it. I'm not even going to do it. I'm just like, I'm done telling people,

other people's stories. It's not that funny. There's one or two laughs based on the name. I'm just going to bleep it. And Val was like, I think that's funny. In an end. age of AI slop and fucking bullshit, I see the quality of a bleep. I see the quality of filming a special on a night that you didn't even know you were filming your special. I see humanity, humanity, humanity, authenticity, authenticity, authenticity, that being the new premium. So I think there's something funny about bleeping a name.

Here's an authentic joke for you. Tell me. This is new. If you kill yourself after your daughter's swim meet in the, eulogy, will the people be like he was at the swim meet? We should absolutely give him full credit for going to the swim meet. I know I keep saying. And watching all the other, all the other kids. Not just his kids part. Not just his own kid. Yeah. He stayed for the second race. Even the eulogy doesn't know what to call it. The second race. That is so,

Is that anything? Is that anything? I loved it. I am a little unsure if people will love it, but that makes it exciting. It also reminds me of this. This is very similar. I did this last night, and I've been trying to make it work. Maybe you can help. I go, you ever been doing something virtuous and you want to get caught? Like, wouldn't it be great to get caught?

Like you're moving your neighbors, this is a bad example, but you're moving your neighbor's newspaper. It's bullshit. The terrible example. Out of the sprinkler. And you just hope they catch that. you do it. I need a better example. That's like an example from 1942. But I'm just saying like that, so that's the first fix. Right before we entered the war. Yeah, yeah, before the bombers flew overhead and we had to go in the basement with the lights off. Although that's funny.

If I make fun of the example, that's a good example. Yeah, it's fun. But then I tell this story. It's a true story. I was meeting my friend for dinner and his daughter was staying at our house with her mom. and we love this kid. Her name is Lulu. She's 11 years old, and she has Down syndrome. And this is the point where I go, please don't be weird.

There are no cheap jokes coming. That's not like that. You need to know this is the most adorable child with Down syndrome you've ever met in your life. She's like a member of our family. So I had to drive her from where we live into Los Angeles, like an hour and a half, just me and her, just me and Lou. And we're close.

I love this kid. We get out of the car, we park, the restaurant is across the street, me and Lulu start walking. And something that she had never done before, she took my hand when we were crossing the street. So me and the cutest girl you've ever seen are holding hands, crossing the street.

And the first thought I had, Mikey, was please somebody see this. Yeah, yeah. I hope someone catches me in the act of being an awesome. Please catch me. adult. Just the, look at that. The sun was setting me in this. Yeah. But that's, again, the joke is, you shouldn't think that walking with a child with Down syndrome is like a special thing, but the ego really will take edification anywhere it can. Valerie and I were talking about this

joke because she's brilliant. And she was like, I don't know, because she's like, it's not virtuous. It's wholesome. And I go, no, that's the joke. is that I do think it's virtuous. And all of it. All of this is right on the edge of stuff you're not supposed to talk about. You're not supposed to feel like a good person for walking. Another one would be a simple one is like,

a simple one is like you're at a coffee shop, someone's short a dollar. Yeah, and you pay it. Oh, I got it. I got it. Now we're not titillated enough. It needs to be child. No, no, I'm bringing it up as the first example.

Oh, I see. Yours being maybe the third example. Please, somebody catch me. And then I, you know what really helped it last night at the store was I go, where's TMZ when you want them? Like your dick comes out at airport security, they're there. Not here. They weren't here. Right.

And I'm still working on. I like where was TMZ. Where was TMZ? Yeah. But what I like about it, because this is really in the Barbiglia, if we're not telling secrets, who cares? I told her dad what happened. He died laughing because people aren't usually that honest. Like I wish someone.

had seen me doing that. You keep that to yourself. It's a secret. Yeah. By the way, that goes back to Rose Before Hose. It goes back to, I've been talking about suicide on stage. No, these are secrets. These are secrets.

And the reason I bring those up is that it's the same swash of things in our brain that's all going around. And we're like, not going to mention that, not going to mention that, not going to mention that. Like, what are we even doing? Like, what are we even doing? I say it on the stage all the time. I go, if we can't talk here, where can we talk?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We literally are like a primitive people that dug like a mud cave. You just, it's the cellar. You descend into the cellar, into the depths where the secrets are told. Well, I told. I say this on stage. When I talk, I've been talking about suicide lately on stage. And someone very close to me committed suicide many years ago.

And after I say to the audience. Yeah, respect. For the drive, for the effort. Yeah, yeah. So dark, so heavy. Respect, respect for the layup that you just did. It was after a friends and family screening of the old man in the pool. You're six foot three.

I'm five foot nine. You're just hitting layup after layup and it's winners out. Oh, my God. No, but I said, I was talking about suicide, and of course, whatever the audience, you know, some of them are way with it, some of them are not, and I just go like, I'm talking about this on purpose. I'm not, this isn't by accident. This isn't by accident. Because in the last, I go in the last 10 years, the rate of suicide is up and the amount that people talk about is down. I agree. So I'm doing my part. What are you doing? That's right. I'm,

I'm talking about this on purpose. I think it's funny, we spent a lot of time talking about jokes. I think comedians would be better served thinking about their mission statements. I know that's so stupid. But I say it all the time. I go, everything I say is to delight you. Last night, did a set. I'm yelling at them for not laughing more.

And then I go, everything I do is to delight you. This is all just a joke. It's just a joke. Like you're safe. And that's my mission statement. No, but you wouldn't, honestly, Pete, I'm telling you this, seriously. You wouldn't have to yell at them if you were a better comedian. That's a little layup right now.

I liked it. That's a little, oh, Winners Out's. That's another layup while you're bent over. You don't even speak. You know when you blow smoke rings? Like the way, like you hold the smoke in your mouth and you just kind of, that's how you talk. You go, it would be a better joke. Yeah.

That's, you need a love, a Madonna Mike, and a boom mic. Mike, for anyone to hear what you're saying. Let me see if I have, I think I have some for you. There's no music for rich people. If you go to a billionaire's wedding, he's also playing, let's get it started in here. Isn't that funny? You can't level up with music.

The music that everybody gets. The best music, the best music is the best music. He's playing Billy Jean. that's a great point. He can't do better. In fact, the only way the rich try to be better is they'll have someone play it live, which is worse. I also tried to do a joke where I was like, rich people are like magicians.

Because you know how a magician will do a trick? And he'll be like, and this is your card, king of clubs. And he's like, but remember I ripped it in half? And you saw me put it in my pocket. And then the tiger walked by and remember the tiger ate the card? and now it's back. This is the card. Like they have to explain why what you just saw with magic.

Rich people are like that. They're like, that chair, that's an $82,000 chair. You're like, just feels like a chair to me. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot like a chair. There's a lot like some other chairs that I was sitting in earlier. I tried for the longest time to be like, rich isn't what you think. Everybody is sitting, watching television, eating, and sleeping, and bathing.

So when you stay 100% true In like a very like we've all been to very You and I mean have been to very very rich people's houses The the showerhead's a bit bigger And I've showered at some fucking motels It's not that different It's not that different Jack Antonoff said that to me once

Walking down the street fancy ass huge house Looks in the window They're watching the Kardashians too That's exactly my point And that's also my no music for rich people. And there's no, there's no special TV for rich people either. No, this is, this is to go with, you know this joke, but this is to go with your music thing about no music for rich people. Yeah. I'm walking down the street and a car goes by me that's blasting the song, Where is the

love by the Black Eyed Peas? And I feel like that, just pulsating, just pulsating everything around it. And I feel like that person was trying to tell me something that they have the love. But I disagree. I don't think that's the love. I feel like the birds chirping and the peaceful silence that preceded that person's entrance. Yeah, yeah. That was the love. I love it. And I would cut out the middle part because I think the middle part, that could be wrong, is asking too much of the audience to consider. Because if you go, this guy rolled up blasting the song, Where is the Love? And what's weird is before he came in, it was a beautiful, quiet day. We were all listening to the birds chirping.

I was enjoying my coffee. And this guy's asking, where's the love? Buddy, you just ruined it. You're ruining the love. It was here. And then you came up in your souped up civic. Yeah. We knew where the love was.

was. Yeah, we were all doing just fine. We were all in the same page about the location of the love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like what... And then you showed up with your thing. It was like a modern day version of when they play, what a wonderful world, but over like... That's a great example.

I'm going to write that down. That's a great example. Blaring. Blaring, what a wonderful world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. That's always the worst. Can you help me with this one? This is real. Yeah. This is real. Please. Yeah. The beginning really, really,

works and I just don't know where to take it. So like all bits aside, I need help. I'm calling nine. That's what the show's for. Your emergency phone number is nine and then two mozzarella sticks. So it's not 911, but it's like just two, it's like bar food. I, this is 100% real. Driving on the highway. Oh, I actually preface it with this. I go, we're so aggressive as a culture. You feel it, right? Things are getting more. more aggressive. The Punisher flag is so close to just being part of the American flag, like the Punisher skull.

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. Under Armour shirts. Like, somebody needs to tell these whites at the airport that Under Armour is not a branch of the military. Okay.

Like, everybody's going around with, like, an American flag that's, like, dripping in blood, and there's just, like, a crying child. Like, what is happening? Why are we so worked up? And everybody's on nicotine, everyone has on caffeine, everybody's jacked. Here's an example. I'm on the freeway. I'm in the left lane.

There's a car behind me, reasonable. I don't think much of it. I wash my windshield. And you know how this happens. The windshield fluid, a little bit of the mist, goes over my car and hits the car behind me. It's normal. In my mind, hey, you're welcome. everybody needs a little wash.

Sure. This one's on me. This guy passes me on the right. I'm going like 80. He passes me on the right going 90, cuts in front of me with purpose, and he's got like the fucking Punisher flag on his back.

And then he washes his windshield and hits me with the spray, Mikey. No. I sprayed him accident. he was so Oh, you spray me? Fuck that. I spray you, bitch. That was the implication.

Yeah. For me, I would go to sort of how it makes you feel because I would be a little scared. Like, if I'm being honest with you, if someone did that to me, I would be like,

all my red flags would go up of like, what is this person capable of? Right. Where does it end? Yeah, where does this go? Comedy usually does well. with the question, where does it end? Where does this end? Because if this,

if the tip for tat is I did the windshield and this guy cuts me off and windshields me. Risks both our lives to windshield me. Then like, I better not do anything real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. You know? What happens? I know that's not the joke.

But I do think there's something there. Well, buddy, the Punisher, so that skull that people see on cars. is from the comic book The Punisher. And it's weird that it has become synonymous with the American flag with a lot of people because the Punisher is a guy whose family is murdered

and then he proceeds to murder hundreds of people to retaliate. And instead of that being some cautionary tale of like and he never finds peace, you know what I mean? Oh, I think this is good. That's not the point of the Punisher. It's like, he's awesome. He's awesome. He murders all of them.

He murders people that knew about it. I like this. I like this. Because I didn't know that. I'm not of that more. America loves you fuck with us. We fuck with you back a million fold. Like you wash my windshield.

I'm going to wash your windshield and kill you. The final thing we do is working out for a cause. You've been on the show so many times. Yeah. We've given to Homeboy Industries in the past. You know what I'll do? I think it's a great organization. We can do them or do somewhere else. We absolutely can do Homeboy again. Can I say there's another one called give well.org and what give? Yeah, I think that's a great organization. You know give well? There are certain causes that just don't go viral that people don't talk about. They don't spread. But they are serious and people need help. But for some reason or another, they don't capture the cultural imagination. So give well is some genius figured out. Give well. And we'll actually figure out where.

the money should go. So I like givewell.org. That's a great one. P.D., silly, silly, silly fun boy is who you are. Thank you, Mikey. It's who you are to your core. It's what your special is. If people see the special on YouTube, they will understand you. My next special is going to be in the middle of a pre-flight safety announcement. I love you, buddy, and thanks for coming on again. We're working it out Because there's no... That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. You can follow Petey Pants over on Instagram at Pete Holmes,

his new special Silly Silly Fun Boy is on YouTube. He'll be on tour this summer and fall. You can find his tour dates at petehomes.com. Check out berbiggs.com. To sign him for the mailing list to be the first to know about my upcoming shows. Our producers of working it out are myself along with Peter Salamone, Joseph Barbiglia. Mabel Lewis and Gary Simons,

Sound Mix by Shub Sarin. Supervising Engineer, Kate Balinski, special thanks to Jack Anandinov and bleachers for their music. The new album comes out in about a week, and he's coming on the show,

which is really fun. We already recorded it. It came out great. Special thanks, as always, to my wife, the poet, J. Hope Stein, and our daughter, Una, who built the original

Radio Fort made of pillows. Thanks, most of all, to you who are listening. If you enjoy this show, rate us and review us on Apple Podcasts. We are chasing 5,000 reviews at this point. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell the junkyard manager that you're there to see the YouTube special of Pete Holmes. Hey, I'm here at the junkyard to see the Pete Holmes special.

They'll go, what? It's an inside joke. Pete Holmes was on Mike for Biggley's podcast, working it out, which, by the way, you should listen to. And while I'm here at the junkyard, cue up the Pete Holmes special. Thanks, everybody. We're working it out. We'll see you next time.