Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 68. Taylor Tomlinson Returns: She's Not Like Us

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

The last time Taylor Tomlinson was on "Working it Out," she had just released her first Netflix comedy special Quarter-Life Crisis. Now, Taylor returns on the heels of her latest special Look At You. Mike and Taylor discuss why Look At You is even more vulnerable than Quarter-Life Crisis, and how many years it takes it become yourself on stage. Plus, they work out new jokes about Mike’s irrational goal to seem “cool” to his parents, why Taylor thinks only pregnant women should take selfies, and what would have happened if Darth Vader was a good father. Please consider donating to: LA Food Bank

One of my best friends in middle school lived two doors down from me. She actually just came to a show in Texas and she was like popular and I wasn't. And so we were kind of like secret best friends where we would hang out in the driveway all the time. And it wasn't like she was a bitch to me at school or anything. But I remember and I don't know why she told me this, but I remember at one point she told me that another friend of hers had told her about me again why would you tell me this that like yeah i mean taylor's nice but she's not like us oh god which is like i'm like an 11 year old said that an 11-old was like, look, I think Taylor's fine. But she's not at our level.

I'm like, are we like in Downton Abbey? Where like the sister's trying to date the chauffeur? Or it's like, Branson's very nice, but he's not like us. That was the voice of Taylor Tomlinson. She is not like us. That's true. She's returned. She's a returning champion to working it out.

It's the second time she's joined us on the show. One of my favorite comics. One of my most fun memories, recent memories, is in the fall. She and I were both performing in Chicago at the same time. And I went to see The Hour that she filmed for Netflix. It just came out. It's called Look at You. And I met up with her openers, Dustin and Irene.

And Atsuko was on tour with me. And we had coffee. And it was just a very fun, just a great town, Chicago. And it's fun to hang with comics and it felt like things were starting to come back a little bit. And it was so fun. Before we start, I should point out, I'm going back to Chicago. I'm going to be there at the Steppenwolf Theater in April and May for for four weeks i think it's like 20 something shows in like a intimate gorgeous theater stepping well it's amazing so so excited for it um uh all that's on burbiggs.com and while you were there you can see i added a second show in washington dc a third show in london uh and then five weeks of shows in Los Angeles

at the Mark Taper Forum. That's another long theatrical run. Make the trip to see that show because it's actually going to have the full set design by Beowulf Barrett and the lighting design. It's just going to be sort of the bells and whistles of it, and that's super-duper exciting. And I'm figuring out a fall tour right now if you want to

chime in on my instagram or on my tiktok you'll see that i made videos where i'm soliciting city suggestions i actually asked people what they thought was the city that the most people could get to in a car and so like some of the big hitters are like Detroit, Louisville, Atlanta. So I'm working on that right now as we speak. Sign up for the mailing list. You'll find out what the fall tour is. But today I get to talk to Taylor Tomlinson about her special, about her process of opening up about personal things.

I mean, this special, she talks about being diagnosed with bipolar II and being in a relationship with an ex-boyfriend where she feels like she was wrong about a bunch of stuff, and she admits how she felt about that. I really respect it so much. I think it's so funny. It's just my favorite kind of comedy. We work out new jokes.

We have laughs. I think you'll love this conversation with the great Taylor Tomlinson. That's one of the things I find inspirational about your special is you go like no I was wrong about this and and it made me it made me think which I think is great when comedy does that and you sort of reflect on your own issues is it made me think like wait am I doing that in these instances is helpful yeah I I hope so and it's of like, it's hard because it's so much easier to live in that sort of delusional, petty place of like, everybody lost me, you know?

No, and I think weirdly, like culture encourages it. Totally encourages it. Like every song you hear, like every pop song you hear is just like, I did nothing wrong and I'm great. And, you know, step aside world. And I think it is it is tough to look back at something and go, oh, man, I wish I'd handled that differently. And it doesn't mean that if you mishandled the end of a relationship, it would have necessarily worked out. But it does mean that you can have regret about it and feel badly about it. And also acknowledge me losing that relationship by my own fault, me ending it. That was the thing that made me

get on mood stabilizers because I had tried antidepressants in the past and I like couldn't I couldn't find something that worked and I would keep giving up and just going like oh fuck it like I'm just gonna eat spinach and work out and just be Popeye and I'll just my mental health will be fine and as long as I keep everything perfect in my relationships like it'll be okay that's how you do it that's how you do it. That's how you do it. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, no, you need, you need help. You need like medication. Um, and so that loss was so painful and I had this special coming up that I had to record in a few months that I had no choice, but to like, go back to my psychiatrist who's still my psychiatrist and say, you know, I really, I need to just

find something that works for me. Like I just, as long as it takes, I just have to figure this out. You have that amazing line in your show where you go like, I said to my psychiatrist, like I'm on this medication and I Googled it and it's for people with bipolar. Do you think it's possible? And she's like, maybe it is. You're like, that's not how this is supposed to work. I don't think. Right. Well, what's so funny is, so I'm, I'm bipolar too. And what I think originally I had done that with my therapist and I had said, do you think I'm bipolar? And she was like, no, I don't think so. therapist and I had said, do you think I'm bipolar? And she was like, no, I don't think so.

But she started seeing me during COVID. She was like a new therapist. She had never met me not on medication. So, you know, she had no idea. And then I had a moment not quite a year ago a year ago where I had a week of like making all these big decisions and behaving very like erratically. And my therapist made a comment where she said, you know, it sounds like you had some like hypomania going on. And I was like, what? And she was like, don't worry. It's you're fine. You know, I don't want to freak you out. And then like the next week she goes, I feel like I scared you with that. It's only if it lasts for like a week or longer, those feelings. So, and it was only a couple of days for you. Right. And I was like, Oh no, it was not a couple of days and it's happened before. And that's what that was. And she goes, Oh yeah, then we need to talk to, we need to talk to your doctor. So then it was like Avengers assemble,

everybody kind of, that's what I called my therapist and my psychiatrist is the Avengers. And I like went back through the last, whatever, five years of my life. And they were like, yeah, it seems like you are able to justify your decision-making process very well and talk about it in a way that made it hard for even us to kind of notice this pattern. Yeah. And then luckily, we just upped my medication and it helped so much. And it had already helped so much being on what I was on and still am on currently. Um, and the line I say in the special about like, you shouldn't feel bad if you get diagnosed with a mental illness, cause it's just information about you that helps, you

know, how to take care of yourself. That was something my psychiatrist said to me that made me feel a lot better about it where she was like, it's not, it's not a big deal. This is just, made me feel a lot better about it where she was like it's not it's not a big deal this is just this is just new information about you that's actually good news because now we know exactly what to do yeah and now i i feel like such a different person and i even like i watched part of quarter life crisis while i was editing this current special. And I was like, wow, that is someone who is tap dancing real hard. And just knowing the backstory and like what I was dealing with at the time, I'm like, oh, that person was like very sad and like really turning it on. And in the new one, I'm like, oh, I seem a lot calmer and more balanced, I think, and a little more comfortable.

And part of that is just age and experience. But I do think a big part of it is I was kind of vibrating in that first one. I'd had a horrible panic attack that morning. I was so stressed out. I was scared. And this one I felt, I felt a lot better about more prepared for, even in being nervous about it, of course. That's what I, that's what I was getting from it. You know, it's like, it just feels more, it feels more like you, like the early versions of my stuff I can't watch. Cause I'm like a i'm like a dumb

version of myself i'm like why am i why am i acting so dumb why am i like it says why would i do that i don't get it like i can't even like bring myself to i mean i guess like there's a justification which is like when i started out i would say things that are sort of dumb. And then I look sort of dumb. And people are like, perfect. It's a fit. What's the earliest that you can stand to watch? Like, when was the point that you're like, this is where I got smart? I think like what I should have said was nothing is like 2008.

And it was like, okay, this is like in the universe of who I am. But everything before that, Comedy Central Presents, all this stuff, I'm like this wide-eyed, blah, blah, blah. It's like, that's not what I'm like. I was just playing to the crowd because like people were laughing at that in clubs. You know, like, oh, look at this idiot. He's an idiot. See, he looks like one.

He talks like one. And then at a certain point, I'm like, oh, look at this idiot. He's an idiot. See, he looks like one. He talks like one. And then at a certain point, I'm like, I'm actually not that dumb. Maybe I should sort of play to the height of my intelligence, the depths of my intelligence. And then it just made, truthfully, it made me happier. And I think my connection with my audience became deeper because I think they sense it. Like, I was at your show in Chicago.

You and I were in Chicago at the same time. We had a great time because it was you and me and Otzko who's opening for me. And then it was Dustin Nickerson who opens for you and Irene too, who opens for you. And it was like, and Ryan, Otzko's husband's like the five of us had like a summit outside at a coffee shop in Chicago.

So fun. So fun. Felt like a comedy festival. It did. It felt like a summit outside at a coffee shop in chicago so fun so fun felt like a comedy festival it did it felt like a mini comedy festival it was interesting because it was one of those moments where it was like realizing it was one of the first time i had socialized since the pandemic because there was like an outdoor cafe and so we're able to like sit and talk and it was just it's just like i mean we've all been and we're gonna be talking about this for decades but like we've all been through the fucking ringer with this thing yeah yeah i mean just talking to people like like you and irene and dustin like feels like i'm on drugs i know just like this is like a rave what's in this Yeah, there was a there was a part of me that was scared with the pandemic that afterward nobody was going to want to hear jokes about like mental health

stuff. But I think everybody like had to come to terms with their own mental health issues. So I think now it's actually more appropriate. So I'm hoping it resonates with people. This is a slow round. You've been on the show before, so you know all about this. But is there a time in your life where you were an inauthentic version of yourself, where you look back and you're like, oh my God, I can't believe I pretended to be that. Ooh, oh my gosh. Yeah, every time I pretended to be stable and confident. But yeah, I think there have definitely been a lot of times that I was like putting on

a front, especially like when I'm like getting into a relationship or something, I think I'm very guarded, but I portray it as being very confident where I'm like, take it or leave it. Yeah. Like I'm, I'm good over here. I don't have time for whatever this is.

Yeah. Like I, I think I do. I I've seen that in the past.. Like, well, that wasn't really you being authentic. That was just you being closed off. Yeah. Do you remember like a specific instance of that? Like, is anything coming to mind like a specific night or moment or meeting someone? I, I had a third date with somebody who I had a third date with my who, I had a third date with my ex-fiance who we had like a kind of like a date that was like sort of awkward. And I came away from it feeling like, okay, well, this person's just not super interested, which was not at all what was said.

I was just internalizing things and like in my own stuff. And I remember, I think I called him and was like, well, you're clearly not into this. Like we should just be friends. I don't, I don't have time for this. Um, but you know, good luck. And he was like, what are you talking about? Like, Oh, wow. I'm, I am, I am interested in you. I literally just said that. And I was i was like well you know because of this this and this that happened like i just don't think you know you're that into it like which was just me feeling insecure and scared and anxious about getting into something with somebody and and trying to trying to put it on them yeah as, okay, I'm not, I don't actually care about this and I'm not

feeling insecure. I'm just recognizing that this isn't what I need right now, or this isn't something that I have time for. And, uh, obviously that did not stick. Um that that was a specific moment i remember i was like in hindsight i was like oh you were like kind of closing up because you got you got rattled for a minute your ex-fiancee is listening right now and going like i've tried to explain this to you i know i'm sure he's not he's very healthy and healthy and fine. What's the best piece of advice anyone's given you that you used? Ooh, I mean, I think it's such a basic answer, but the advice we all give to people who are like, how do I become a comedian? And you're like, just do it. Just write and perform a lot. That's the advice I've used. And people who told people who told me early on, like, you just have to get on stage as much as possible. And you being scared is not a good enough excuse to not do it. And if you don't make it, it's your fault.

Oh, my God. So, like, you're gonna have to deal with that. And that was really good advice that I think changed my life and changed my career and really like started it, honestly. That's so funny because I was given that advice. And of course, when you're given advice, usually the first time you hear it, you don't really understand it because it doesn't relate to your life. But then I just started doing this thing where like in college, remember like nick kroll and i would like host like the acapella festival together like we would just do these things that were not because there's no stage time there was no open mics at the time so we just sort of do any stage time there was right and we got a lot better and even like after i graduated from college and i was performing

colleges like in cafeterias and lunch shows and all these like really terrible hosting lips and contests. And it was like terrible. And I got better. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's so weird how you get better from these things that are terrible.

Yeah. Yeah. Completely. Yeah. That's a, that's a great one. Um, did you have like a strange neighbor or memorable neighbor growing up?

Ooh. I had sort of a unique situation that would have been the plot of like a 90s teen movie, I guess, where one of my best friends in middle school lived two doors down from me. She actually just came to a show in Texas and she was like popular and I wasn't. And so we were kind of like secret best friends where we would hang out in the driveway all the time. And it wasn't like she was a bitch to me at school or anything, but I remember, and I don't know why she told me this, but I remember at one point she told me that another friend of hers had told her about me again.

Why would you tell me this? That like, yeah. I mean, Taylor's nice, but she's not like us. Oh gosh. Which is like,

I'm like an 11 year old said that an 11 year old was like, look, I think Taylor's fine. But she's not at our level. I would consider doing that as a bit. Really? I just think the detail of she's not like us is such a funny piece of dialogue. She's, Taylor's fine.

She's not like us. Yeah, it was like, it was like it was like a oh my god are we like in downton abbey where like the sister's trying to date the chauffeur or it's like branson's very nice but he's not like us that's what everything is though right yeah like it never ends that's that's true when you're like eight years old and it's true when you're like 40 years old like it just doesn't change it doesn't go away you're like it's just a different class of human i'm like like us i don't wear hollister i'm not isn't like us i had that with my parents a few people my parents like suggested i not be friends with when i was a kid wow and i'll just never forget it because i'm like of course those are the people you want to be friends with the moment

they say essentially they're not like us you're going to be friends with those people right was it because they were bad influences i think so yeah yeah and Yeah. And they were. And they were. And they were. My parents were right. This is a similar question, but it's like, was there a group growing up that wouldn't let you in? Oh, I think I knew my place growing up. I think I knew where I stood. I hung out with the same basic group of friends from the time I was in like sixth grade until I graduated high school basic group of friends from the time I was in like sixth grade until I graduated high school because we were all in band and I hated band. I hated it, but I had to be in it for four years. So by the time I got to ninth grade and I could pick something else, all my friends were in band. So like, what was I going to do?

I think band seems like a good situation. Oh, I don't know if this is funny. This actually, I just had this thought while we were talking about the band thing. I just realized like part of the reason I didn't like band is because I wasn't good at either instrument and I never memorized. I was in marching band and I never memorized any of the music. So I was just faking it.

Oh my gosh. And it was so uncomfortable and scary because sometimes they'd go down the line and they'd have you like play a part and i was like i can't do it i don't know that part and i think that's why i've never faked an orgasm oh my because i just faked clarinet and trumpet for years and it was so uncomfortable i was like i'm never gonna fake anything ever again this is a huge breakthrough this is this is a huge band club breakthrough sorry what was your next question you should do that as a bit that's that's what i was thinking i was like that should be a bit for

sure yeah okay oh my god is that relatable that is so funny, yeah, I have similar things in my life where I go, my inauthentic version of myself is that I, there's a period of my high school where I wore like a cowboy hat for no reason. It's so stupid. And like, it, it's so mortified me in hindsight that like, I've never worn like anything bold, like ever again. Like if you notice my like outfit, my wardrobe is all so blase. Because I just don't want to draw attention to the things I'm wearing.

Right. Because you feel like if you wear even like a confident jacket, everyone's going to be like, oh, hey, cowboy Mike. Yeah. Yeah. Even some kind of remote pattern or, you know, outrageous pattern feels like draws attention to myself and then people look into my clothes. And that's why and of course, that's why I don't fake orgasms. Right, of course. Faking an orgasm is like wearing a cowboy hat to high school. so this is the part where i'm working on new material on the show and um a big thing in my show that i'm working on is this idea of like that i'm not from an i love you family like um

are you from an i love you family yes oh that's good i mean we'll get to my jokes next am i from a family that said i love you yeah yes yeah so what we say what my family says instead of i love you is we say take care take care that's hilarious it's not the same um not only does it not have the word love in it but if you think about it it's it's sort of a passive aggressive command as if to say i'm gonna need you to do something for me i was about to say that was my first impression too i was like take care like it's it's an it's like a chore or like don't forget to take care don't forget to take out the garbage and take care yeah yeah that's so that's so brutal so you would you would like leave on you leave on holidays and your

parents are like take care not only that taylor they still do really i mean i talked to my parents they're 82 years old i talked to them and take care. And they dropped you off at college. Oh, yeah. And they were like, take care. Oh, yeah. What? When you went through when you went through a breakup, if you're having a hard time, they were like, take care. Yes, I'm telling you. What happens when you say I love you? Do you say I love you? No. And OK, so then you can't really complain. It's on me a bit. I have this joke. I go, I don't blame myself. I go, I don't blame myself. This is the first part of it. But I go, I don't blame myself.

Can you imagine if my parents were like, take care? And I was like, but I love you. Like that would be a little desperate. That is a lot. No, you'd have to say I love you before they say take care. But that is so, talking about vulnerability, how devastating would it be to say I love you? And they go, uh-huh, take care. No, I know.

I mean, it's inconceivable. Right now in the current show, I say, I've tried to reverse the cycle. One year on Mother's Day, I called my mom and I go, mom, I really appreciate you. And there was silence on the other end for a few seconds and then she goes bye now you tried to ease into it you tried to ease into love with appreciate I know appreciate I know oh but you said you said I maybe maybe what you need to do

is you need to abbreviate it even further and say, like, appreciate, yeah, like you need to talk to your parents the way you talk to somebody you don't want to date anymore. But you like as a person, like you just need to abbreviate everything like love. Yeah. Great to see you. love ya great to see ya like it's where you kind of just get into it where they feel like well they said ya instead of you they said appreciate ya instead of i appreciate you it does feel less intense yeah oh it's funny i wrote this thing that's similar to the love you thing which is it's i love you isn't the be all end all like you can say love you and it means maybe i do and you can say i love you which means i i don't right like there's all there's all different versions of i love you the words themselves don't fundamentally mean they're true

right that's yeah it's how you say it it's how you say it did your parents pay for college yes they did okay then maybe get over it like do you know what i mean like maybe maybe that's like not get over obviously i'm kidding mike's laughing for anyone listening so funny you know what's really interesting about that is is that my dad and my dad and i have a lot of fierce political disagreements they're very challenging and We've had to essentially put an embargo on political discussion. It's over. It's over.

I mean, like we literally cannot talk about it. But I have to say like the thing that my dad did for me that is you literally can't put a price tag on is the degree to which he valued education in my life i'm so lucky yeah not just paying for college but literally like just you know having me have good teachers and all all and just paying attention to sort of where we're living and what schools they are and all that kind of stuff it's just like yeah that's like one of the things that you know and of course there's the whole thing of like you know your parents you have to you have

to remind yourself of of what would you say if your parents died tomorrow then what would you say you should say that now right right was it hard for you to say I love you in romantic relationships as a result of that? No. Oddly, it's not hard. And then it's not even hard with friends. I tell friends I love them. It's a lot to unpack. But OK, so a couple other joke jokes to get through in this area, which is, in fairness,

I don't think my parents were from I love you families themselves. I'm pretty sure love started in 1978 when I was born. It had like just come out. Yes. So, you know, you can't like that would be like saying like, I didn't grow up in a house with a toaster. And it's like, well, that was the year toasters were invented. Yeah. You know, like I didn't grow up with a television. Well, did everyone have a television then? Probably not.

I think maybe the reason I don't say I love you to my parents is that they think I'm pretty cool. And I don't want to squander the opportunity for these 80 year olds to think I'm cool. They think you're cool and they won't think you're cool if you're like i love you yeah i guess that's so funny you're like afraid of losing cool points yeah yeah like your parents are going to be going to bed at night with their warm milk like man mike really got soft he He used to be so cool. He used to be so cool. No, Taylor, I'm telling you, I think about this, because the show is all about sort of life and death and mortality.

And one of the things I obsess over is like, why don't I tell my parents I love them? And I talk about it on stage, and I still don't do it. That's outrageous. Do they watch your stuff? No. Oh, OK. Does that hurt you? Yeah, I think it's complex. Yeah. I mean, do you wish they did or are you like it's probably for the best you don't? Have you guys

ever talked about it? They come to the big stuff. They came to Carnegie Hall about 10 years ago. They came to Broadway a couple of years ago. You know, like, oh, they come they come to the big stuff. They came to Carnegie Hall about 10 years ago. They came to Broadway a couple years ago. You know, like, they come to the big stuff. They don't come every year kind of thing. Right, right. But they watch it. Yeah, yeah. Do they say anything nice after? They usually go, they say things like,

that was very professional. Like, I don't think, I just don't think they find me that funny. That's interesting. But they think you're cool. Yeah. The I love you thing is really interesting to dig into because it's so deep. It's such an intense topic. Yeah.

And it is really relatable. I know a lot of people who are like, oh, my parents weren't huggers. Oh, mine neither. Yeah, and it is really relatable. I know a lot of people who are like, oh, my parents weren't huggers. Oh, mine neither. My sister Patty pointed out to me recently that in our 20s, there was an intervention in our family with the kids. I don't even remember this, where

the kids were like, where us kids were like, we'd like to do hugging now. That's so funny. No, Larry. Did you do that on stage i hadn't done it pat we'd like to do hugging now we'd like to do hugging now funny we'd like to introduce hugging patty brought it up when i did the show in berkeley in january and i thought i got to figure out how to do that on stage it's so funny it's so good we'd like to do hugging. We have a pitch. It's, yeah. That's really funny.

It just runs deep. You were negotiating love. Yes, we were negotiating love. You were like, here are our terms. In exchange for hugging. Yeah, we'd like hugs in the morning and at night. And they're like, we'll give you holidays. And you're like, we're going to need more than that.

Can we do Saturdays? And they're like we're gonna need more than that can we do saturdays and they're like okay like they're we're like um um we'd like you to hug us and in exchange we'll go to church right that's funny that's really funny like well what do we get if we give you hugging sometimes i when i talk to my mom i feel this is not material but it's like sometimes i talk to my mom i feel like if i went to church her life would be made like i literally feel like if i if i just casually on the phone was like and i love talking to my mom on the phone i was like oh yes i was at church today she'd be like what what's that you say right oh no it's church

you know it's sunday so i hit church i hit noon mass and i really got in some times with jc and it was it felt good and she would just be like crying tears of happiness it's like why don't i do that if it's that easy why don't i do that? Yeah. Or just lie. Yeah. Like I went to church. They're like, how was it? You're like, good. Yeah. Yeah.

Good. Yeah. Really? It was church. Father Jim really knows what he's talking about. They're all named Jim. That's so funny. Yeah.

I do feel like everybody in your family who's still religious is kind of waiting for God to intervene. Yes. Like they do believe like you're coming back. Yep. This is a, we'll get you. Yeah.

You've gone off on a tangent. Yeah. But you'll, you'll find your, your way back to us. Eventually we get you on the way up. We'll get you on the way down. Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah. I'm sure that is a lot of people's hope. I had a family member in like my my extended family who is like in the church and and is but is like cool and open minded and all that. But said to me at one point, like, I think of it is the the christ part you know like isn't that kind of like the only thing you used to do that did you do that on stage no i haven't that's super funny i'm like i think a big part is the christ part yeah i'm like i think you just think i'm a good person i I love that. No, you know, it's funny. That's how I feel about my mom.

I've always felt this way. My mom is quintessential the best poster woman for Christianity. She's kind to people. She does things for the poor. She works at halfway houses, like all these things. It's just the Christ part that gets you. Yeah. Where I go like, what?

Yeah, you really believe in the whole thing with the book? And it was used as propaganda in the Roman Empire? Yeah, you're good with that? Okay. All right. Well, anyway. That's how I feel about my grandma, where I'm like, you're such a good example of Christianity and how it's supposed to be done right. It's how I feel about a lot of my,

a lot of my family, but my grandma specifically. And when she says things about God loving me and stuff, I kind of want to be like, if you didn't get me, no one's like, you're the top head Hunter in Christianity. If you didn't coach me for Christ,

if you didn't convert me to Christ, no one's going to convert me. what are you gonna talk about in the third special i don't know hopefully just like less i want to say less serious things but also you know some of these are dumb um because i'm also like i have new stuff that's like working and i'm tempted to just do that on your podcast just to be like these are just new things and then they're pretty good but i'm not gonna do that i get you i'm gonna do ones that actually need work um i i have so i have friends who like never really dated who like got married before like dating apps or anything like that, or like don't live in LA or New York. And I have no idea what it's like. And I had a friend asked me like, what is it like dating right now? Because I've been married for so long. Like I got married really young and I was like, okay, do you know when you go to a coffee shop and you're like, hi, can I get a coffee with

oat milk? And they're like, we don't have oat milk. And you're like, okay, that's fine. Could, could, do you have soy milk? And they're like, no. And you're like, all right, well, do you have regular milk? And they're like, yeah, but it's warm. well, do you have regular milk? And they're like, yeah, but it's warm. And then they go to the back and you're like, fine. Okay. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. And then they come back and they're like, actually we did, we did have oat milk, but oat milk doesn't want to be with you, but it is back here. Oh my God. You're just constantly making compromises thinking like well it's not there

it's not even available and then you're like oh no it is but oh my god that's a great joke i love that okay that's pretty new i love that joke that's fantastic okay good i'm like that's like the one where i've tried it a couple times and i'm like this is one of those ones where you have to figure out exactly how to say it it might be funny if you were like you're like all right just get I guess just black coffee and they're like we don't sell coffee there's something like something like something where the whole rug is swept out from under you right oh maybe maybe that's a good... They're like, you're at a boba tea place. Like, you're just looking in the wrong place. Yeah.

Entirely for what you want. That's actually... That's interesting. I think it's a super funny joke. I think that what takes it from being a joke that you and I are laughing at to something that crushes with an audience and like has a shelf life is that it has a left turn that like we haven't even thought you haven't thought

of yet right which is so relatable that you're like well I keep trying to find this thing I want and then I can't find it and then it's all about it starts to feel like it's about you where you're like oh so the thing I want just doesn't want to be with me. And then you're like, that's what everyone says. It's like, we were looking in the wrong place for this. Totally. That's interesting. That's good.

Yeah. Okay. Dating right now has got to be just a weird, weird thing. Because it's like, it's the quintessential thing where everyone's on the apps. And I was, my marriage predates apps. and so i've never been on the apps but the idea of it so shocking to me which is like you're evaluating people like in being evaluated yeah without even kind of talking about it. Yeah. It's super weird. It's so objectifying in such a weird way. Yeah.

But it also works for people, but it's also objectifying. I think both of those things are true. Yeah, completely. I mean, yeah, a lot of things can be true at once. The other joke I have, which is very new and I haven't tried it yet, is so I just took like a very mini vacation.

I like went away for a night with a friend of mine who is pregnant and is like so gorgeous like the most beautiful pregnant woman you've ever seen and I was like taking photos of her the whole time because I was like oh my god you look amazing like this is so cool and I I realized like I'm, I'm so jealous of my pregnant friend because she doesn't have to be embarrassed that people are walking by, like watching me take like photos of her. Like, you know how like, it's like that influencers in the wild thing where you're so scared people are going to see you doing some sort of photo shoot on the beach. I feel like that's so embarrassing that you're taking photos alone. But if someone's if a pregnant woman's doing that, they're like, well, it's different because she's not really alone in those pictures. There is two people in those pictures technically.

But then you're like, yeah, but I'm I'm taking photos of me because I'm alone. And if you're alone, you need the I need those photos more than she needs them. Yeah. She's not alone. Yeah, that is like a weird, like, moment we're in where you're constantly seeing people taking photos. Constantly. Constantly.

At restaurants, taking photo of their food. You know, I'm guilty of it myself in Minneapolis. I'd go and Ryan and I went for yoga. We took a photo of the yoga studio. It's just like just like endless. And at a certain point, it is very embarrassing that we're photographing ourselves. Yeah, but it's more embarrassing to have a friend do it of you. Yes.

Almost. I think a selfie is actually less embarrassing now because you didn't inconvenience another person. Okay, yes. So, okay. So let me try this one on you. This is like, this is a bit I'm working on about because i am i don't i don't speak to my dad anymore we are estranged and people always get sad when you say you don't

talk to your parents anymore because they wish they had the balls to do that it's okay to treat your parents like a blind date that did not work out okay i spent years being like oh man i'm not what my parents wanted and now i'm like they're not exactly what i had in mind either like this is a two-way street here but for a while my stepmom was trying to like reconcile us so she would call me and be like okay but what if your dad called you and i'm like but he but he won't and she's trying to parent trap you yeah she's like but what if he did and i was like but he he wouldn't he wouldn't be sorry and she's like but what if he was and i'm like are you pitching the star wars prequels right now just like well what if darth vader what if darth vader

was good but he's not he's darth vader but what if he wasn't darth vader yet that's so funny this is great this bit is great and then the other part of it i had is like i don't know if you guys know this. If you go on Facebook still, I hadn't in a long time. If you go to a post that you don't agree with or something, you can report the post. But now there are so many more options for why you're reporting it. Right. There's like, it's inappropriate. Right. It's spam.

It's spam. And there's one that's false information which i assume is like for covid or political misinformation sure but you can report anything for false information yeah you can like i don't know go to your dad's facebook page find christmas 2019 where it says had a great day with my kids and you can can report that for false information. It's still under review, but it made me feel better. That's so funny. I love that. All right. So I have this thing about how I start in my show where I start swimming. And I love swimming because it makes you feel like if someone threw you off a boat, you'd be okay. Even though you probably wouldn't be okay.

Because if they're throwing you off a boat, you'd be okay. Even though you probably wouldn't be okay. Because if they're throwing you off a boat, chances are they have firearms as well. That's so funny. It is funny. Yes, because that's one of those things where I'm like, I've never heard anybody say that. And I just realized I think about it every time I'm like treading water. Me too.

Where you're like, okay, so if I was in the ocean and I didn't want to be, I would be okay for a minute. Yeah. That's so funny. Oh, thanks. I'm going to try that. That's such a relatable thing. I haven't done it on stage. The thing I also think is funny about, you're like, if I ever got thrown off a boat.

Oh, yeah. But it wouldn't protect me because they probably have firearms. Oh, yeah. But it wouldn't protect me because they probably have firearms. It's also just funny to hear you say that, because if you showed me a picture of you, I would not. And if they showed me a picture of you and were like, do you do you think anybody's going to throw this guy off a boat for any reason? Like, you don't look like somebody who's going to get thrown off a boat.

You know, you look like you might be on a sailboat. That's really funny. For extracurricular reasons we end with working out for a cause is there an organization that you think is doing a great job i always i always just plug la food bank i just like i'm a big food bank supporter as well yeah yeah yeah you're always just like there's so many different causes but you know the thing i think about the most and uh am faced with the most is is that so and wherever you are if you're in another place i just food bank well yeah i i always say the same thing i give to the food banks in whatever town i'm performing in um because i

consider myself like a part-time resident in that town for that period of time. And that's cool. The amount, the amount that a food bank can stretch a dollar. Yeah. Is mind bending. Yeah.

You just can't believe how giving, if you can give $10, $15 to a food bank, to your local food bank, do so because they can really stretch your dollar and people need it right now food insecurity is a huge huge problem in this country so um so i'll give to them and uh and i'll probably see you in los angeles i'm doing um the taper theater this summer for for five weeks the old Old Man and the Cool. I'm doing July 23rd through August 24th or 27th or something.

Oh, that's awesome. I can't wait to see it. I can't wait. And thanks for coming on and working out jokes with you. It was like a pure joy. Pure joy. Oh my God. So much fun.

I really, it's rare to look forward to a podcast. Working it out, cause it's not done Working it out, cause there's no hope That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out with Taylor Tomlinson. Ah, love Taylor Tomlinson. Can't wait to see what she does next. You can follow her on Instagram at Taylor Tomlinson. You can watch her special on Netflix. It's called Look at You. Our producers of Working Out Are Myself, along with Peter Salamone and Joseph Birbiglia.

Consulting producer Seth Barish. Sound mix by Steve Bone, with help from Kate Walensky. Associate producer Mabel Lewis. Special thanks to my consigliere, Mike Berkowitz, as well as Marissa Hurwitz and Josh Upfall. As always, a special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleachers for their music. My brother Joe is going to see them in Boston next week. It's sold out.

There's nothing you can do about it. Try to see them if you can. I saw them live. They're so good. As always, a very special thanks to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein. We collaborated on a book. It's called The New One. It's at your local bookstore.

We were just nominated as semifinalists in the Thurber Prize for American Humor, which is at the Thurber House in Columbus, Ohio. If you haven't been there, check out the Thurber House. That is a phenomenal museum. And hopefully Columbus makes it onto the tour for the fall. As always, a special thanks to my daughter, Una, who created the original radio fort made of pillows. Thanks most of all to you who have listened. If you're liking the show, go on Apple Podcasts and just say, what's your favorite episode? What's your favorite episode and why? Throw some stars in there. We're almost

up to 3,000 darn stars. I think if we get up to 3,000 I think it lowers the amount of carbon in the atmosphere. I'm not sure how it works exactly, but something really special happens. Thanks again for listening. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. We're working it out. We'll see you next time

everybody. everybody