Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 78. Jimmy Fallon: Dip It in Ranch

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

This week Mike literally picks up Jimmy Fallon in his car and drives him to the studio for this joke-filled and joyful episode of Working It Out. The two friends share stories about everything from camping out with their daughters to impressions of Rodney Dangerfield to Jimmy’s early days of standup when he shaved his face on stage. Plus, Jimmy explains why he couldn’t stop laughing in the legendary Cowbell sketch on SNL with Will Ferrell and how watching comedy when he was injured in the hospital led him to a revelation about the healing power of laughter.Please consider donating to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

I am turning off the AC so we can hear. Yep, gotcha. But if you get, like, annoyed, we can... Um... Because this is fun to do the show from you picking me up. I know, and first ever. Yeah. You've never...

You've always... High pressure on you. I... Well, I didn't... First of all, I didn't know you drove a Rolls Royce. Way to work the audio medium. Well done. Are these knobs gold? Holy, I'm really, you don't see you as a Rolls Royce guy.

The pressure is on you. This is going to be, this has to be the best episode ever. Or else, yeah, it's over. I view this as your big break. This is it. That is the voice of the great Jimmy Fallon. It's Mike Birbiglia. We're back on Working It Out.

New episode. Love this episode. I think you're going to love this one. It's got tons of jokes. It's the first time I've ever picked up one of my guests. Now I'm thinking, I should do this more often.

We get right into it. And we have a great time chatting. Right now, if you're anywhere near Los Angeles, I am performing the full production. Set design, lighting design, the whole thing of the old man and the pool. It is spectacular. We just had opening night last night.

All of so many of my heroes showed up. Jack Black was there and Jimmy Kimmel and David Chang and Larry Wilmer, all these people who I'm so enamored with. And just come see it. If you're anywhere near Southern California, come see it. I'm touring it also in the fall. There's limited tickets left. Just so you know, it's not the full production of the set design. We can't bring it to every single city.

It's so involved. But I'll be in Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Toronto, Atlanta, Cincinnati, Columbus, Detroit, Nashville, Mesa, Arizona, and Salt Lake City. All of that's on Burbiggs.com.

There will be a New York announcement. It's hopefully coming soon. The only way you will be the first to know is signing up on my mailing list, burbiggs.com. But today I talked to Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Fallon, of course, I was first introduced when he was a cast member on SNL and a legendary cast and legendary sketches. We talk all about that today. I met him when he was the host of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

and then on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. We've known each other for about 20 years. He was, like, so nice to me since the first time we met, like, at Caroline's when I was opening for Pablo Francisco all these years ago. There's tons of jokes in this episode. It's really fun. He's a great storyteller. He has this wild story where he hurt his finger many years ago.

And I don't want to give away what happens, but it's like he thought he broke his finger. And actually, it was much worse than that. And we talk about that. We talk about so many things. He's some of the best slow round answers I've ever heard on the podcast. I'm not going to give away anymore. Enjoy my conversation with the great Jimmy Fallon. I remember seeing you at Caroline's. Yeah. Opening up for Pablo. 20 years ago.

That's when we met, yep. Gosh, Pablo had such good clothes, too. Pablo's like one of the, Pablo Francisco, and when I used to be a door person in Washington, D.C. improv, I'd see everybody. You'd see George Lopez, Margaret Cho, just like best of the best of the best. Chappelle, everybody everybody come in and pablo francisco to this day funniest 40 minutes i think

i've ever seen in terms of like blowing the doors off i couldn't no one could follow him you can follow him on in a world he would do that in a a world. Yeah, he does the voice. He does the movie voice. He would do the fight. Yep. The girls getting in a fight. That was a big bit. Yep. Oh, my God. It was so funny.

But I went to go see him, and then you open, and I go, who is this dude? Yeah. You were so different and so funny and great. I was like, oh, my God. I just saw the funniest guy. And then I met you there, I think afterwards we said hi, right? Yeah. I was selling my self-titled, self-released CD, Dog Years, in the lobby.

You came up and you were so nice. I always remember it. I always remember when people are nice because when you're coming up and you're at the bottom of the business, most people aren't that nice. Almost no one. I won't say his name, but I opened up for some comedian all weekend.

I was the emcee. Opened up for him all weekend. At the end, he goes, Jimmy, it would be great if at the end of the show you could say, hey, guys, blah, blah, blah. He just told me.

He's so nice. He said that he will sign every CD that you buy in the lobby. He just said. So after the show, he's going to meet you out there. If you buy the CD, he'll sign it for you. Isn't that cool?

And I did that every show, right? Helped this guy sell CDs. At the end of the show, it was a Sunday night show. And I did two shows Friday, three on Saturday, one on Sunday, I think. I'm leaving. I'm with my dad. He used to drive me to gigs. I didn't have my driver's license. So my dad would drive me to gigs. So I'm with my dad. He used to drive me to gigs. I was two. I didn't have my driver's license.

So I, so my dad would drive me to gigs. So I'm with my dad. I have the money that I made from emceeing that we kind of go, uh, Hey buddy, I'd like to buy one of your CDs. And he goes,

uh, absolutely. He goes, uh, sorry, Jimmy, but you know, I have to,

I have to charge you for it. No way. And I go, of course. Sure, sure, sure. I hate this.

Well, that was just so mean. I hate it. And then he, um, he's writing on this. Well, that was just so mean. I hate it. And then he's writing on it. I go, this is so cool. He's going to write, like, good luck in the business. You're going to, you know, don't quit. Don't give up.

Something like that. He just signed his name and his catchphrase. Dip it in ranch. That wasn't his catchphrase. The opposite. Dip it in ranch. We were talking about the drive over about the best catchphrases. Hamburger.

Hamburger. It was like Ed Hamburger. There's a comic who would do a joke and then they would say, hamburger. Hamburger. Hamburger. Yeah, hamburger.

And he would just crush when he said hamburger. So my catchphrase, if I go back on the scene, is dip it in ranch. Dip it in ranch. Yeah. So it could be the worst thing. America loves anything if you dip it in ranch. Yeah. So it could be the worst thing. America loves anything

if you dip it in ranch. Yeah. That's kind of the setup. And then you just go, yeah, yep, my wife served me divorce papers. I took the papers.

I dipped it in ranch. Dip it in ranch. Is this real? Is this real? No. Oh, this is if you go on the road as a comic,

this is going to be your catchphrase? No, it's not real at all. But he gets so successful that his second part, he only says, dip it. He doesn't even say it in rank. I like that. Dip it. Well, obviously, he's going to cash in with the ranch by the name Jimmy Ranch Fallon.

Jimmy Ranch Fallon. Jimmy Dippin' Ranch Fallon. He can sell the ranch dressing. Oh, yeah. Jimmy Fallon ranch dressing. But then third or fourth special, he hates even anyone don't even bring up Dippin' Ranch. He doesn't want to be that guy. Yeah, no, it's Gaffigan with Hot Pockets.

Yeah. I mean, people just go to his shows and they go, Hot Pockets! He's trying to get a rhythm going. He has to do Hot Pockets. Yeah, I think he, I want to say he encores with it. I've heard that before. Yeah, Brian Regan encores with some stuff.

Because you want to hear the girth. some stuff because you want to hear the girth you too you want to hear the girth joke you too you too you got to do yeah yeah

I was at the airport and I was checking my thing and the guy goes have a nice day I go you too you too it's your flight that you're not going

on a flight but if you were it would be in the future do you see the switch from where you're sitting can you flip this can you flip it can you flip the switch from where you're sitting? Can you flip it? Can you flip the switch?

Maybe he's turning on his cable. I slip into Brian Regan every now and then when I'm doing monologues. He and Mitch Hedberg are the two of the most infectious voices in comedy I can remember. I love your voice, but I don't slip into your voice. No? No.

Because you have a thing. It's so you. But I love that. I think we talked about this. Some people think that you're drunk. I know. Whenever I'm on your show or Kimmel's show, people will put in the comments on YouTube, like, he's drunk.

And not even like he might be drunk. And first of all, I've never had a drink before a talk show or one of my shows ever. Yeah. Like maybe when I was starting out. Your delivery sometimes, you're talking and you're just like. Yeah, where I'm walking and working through it. You're working and you're, yeah, exactly. And you're going, but I was understanding that this would be the,

and it's kind of a slurring, but it's not. But it's so great. But it's your delivery and it's so copyable but i don't think i've i've slipped into you i did steve martin the other night i've done that right just like well my favorite uh contestants on the best sir are jerry jenny and jasper and jay oh my god and of course and i'm like steve barn should sue me the The thing that I steal from Steve Martin without realizing it is like the tone. I think it's on Let's Get Small where he goes, and now time for professional show business. It's like halfway through the album.

And now time for professional show business. Dude, I love comedy albums, which I... Yes, you're a big vinyl guy. I'm a big vinyl guy, but I love... It's hilarious because I got this amazing vinyl setup. I mean, it is the most insane... It's unreal. ...setup that I got told what to do from Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise came out and he goes, I heard you're in the vinyl. But you're not going to name drop today, are you? No. Another Tom Cruise, right? Like a different... No, the Tom Cruise. I'm just kidding.

Actually, I didn't even hear from him. It was... I was at... Quentin Tarantino was telling me about... He was... No, Scorsese. It was... Scorsese.

Marty cut him off. Yeah, yeah. I call him Marty. Marty cut him off and he was like... Kirsten Dunst was there. Oh, yeah. And yeah, oh my gosh. And then...

The Strokes? Yeah. The whole band was there. Right, right, right. Everyone was there. Right. So I was just Everyone was there. Right. So I was just trying to think. And you were wearing McCartney's shoes because he let you borrow them because yours were all wet?

Yeah, they were soaking wet because I was like, I was just wearing them in the pool. I was like, is this funny? How does that turn into the story? Oh, I forgot the story. You and I did a sleepover with our daughters. We did an outdoor camping. We went camping together. Yeah, I'd never camped.

We slept together. We slept together in adjoining tents. Yeah, different tents, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. And you made pancakes in the morning. I made pancakes. And we had a fire. We sat around the fire.

We had a discussion. We had s'mores. The fire was too hot, by the way. Well, the fire was insane. It had like 14 Dura Flames in it. It was a troublesome fire. Yeah, we had to get the kids away from the fire. It wasn't as...

You wanted to be romantic. You know there was a certain point in Campfire where I was trying to block the kids from the fire? I think your leg hair was melting. You might go, Mike, I think you're too close because the wind was coming up. But I'm like, I was like, we are like, hey, dude, do you want to go camping?

Yeah. And you were like, sure. What? Like, what are you talking about? So we did it. Dude, we camped. It was fun. But I have to say, like, I'm a convert now on camping.

And I'd never done it. I'd never done it. Have you done it? No. I think I did it once in high school. And I look forward to it. I would buy those magazines, like outdoor magazines, outside magazine, because it's so foreign to me.

Yeah. It's so interesting. I love those magazines. I'm like, we crossed over the crevasse, and I go, crevasse. Yeah. I would never even see a crevasse or cross it. Your comedy, when you put on a show every damn night,

and you always have positive vibe, positive energy, and then when you hurt yourself years ago, you had this really moving speech where you go, I'm looking within,

I'm thinking, I'm reading these books, you know, like Viktor Frankl's book about the meaning of life and all that stuff, and you're like watching TV andl's book about the meaning of life and all that stuff and you're like watching tv and it's like comedians and comedy and it's getting you through and you're

like oh that's my purpose too is to get out and entertain people yeah and i feel that way since the pandemic where i'm like all i have is to entertain people that that's my job when when you're down when you're on the other side of it, you recognize it and love it so much more and you don't take it for granted when you're down and you're hurting. You're like, oh, I love comedy.

I love comedians. I love entertainment. I love music. I love shows. I talk to the hospital. I'm like, do you want just hours of The Tonight Show to just give to people in their rooms? Just give them, here's a DVD or a hard drive with, you know, I've done almost 2,000 Tonight Shows.

Unbelievable. There's 2,000 hours of programming that, I mean, you miss it. And I miss it. It's almost like, and the pandemic, I remember when it first started, I give my wife credit because she was like, what's the plan? I go, it's no plan. I think I'm just off for two weeks. She goes, you're not off for two weeks.

What are you talking about? This is when people need you, buddy. Yeah, yeah. Go get your phone and record yourself and make people laugh. Yeah, yeah. We're all going through this crazy thing together. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, yeah, okay.

She goes, get a tripod. I go, I don't have a tripod. And we're not supposed to leave the house. So I made it like a totally like rogue. I went rogue and went down to P.C.ards and got a tripod for my phone wow and i was just doing the show from there and uh she would sometimes hold the camera at my wife and she would not laugh at any of my jokes and i go oh my gosh at least laugh at one oh my gosh i mean this is crickets you're not she's i don't want to be the person that's just laughing at everything you say. I go, I know, but one or two.

Or shake the camera or something. Just let me know that you're entertaining something. I'm entertaining you in some way. I'm eating it. Crickets weren't even making noise. Crickets were taking a break. Crickets took a break during COVID as well. So it was just silence.

You heard dust. But I always think of that. And I'm like, oh, yeah yeah this is all that matters you just hear this is something someone's listening to this podcast who just had a rough time yeah and we're getting him through the rough time by by talking and hopefully entertaining them making them think making them laugh I'm experiencing amazing I'm experiencing that with my live show right now where even the other night you were at the show in Sag Harbor and you can feel an energy in the room that is like

nothing I've ever experienced in comedy because I have a lot of people coming up to me and being like, I haven't really laughed in two years. And they're not... They're probably exaggerating, but I don't think they're exaggerating that much. I haven't laughed in two years. I mean, some people don't have that

in their life. It's yeah. I mean, some people don't have that in their life. Yeah. You know, it's an amazing thing to laugh. Yeah. It's just amazing. Can you hear me laugh when I'm laughing? At this show, I heard you laugh. I love it.

You can hear my laugh. Oh, so much. Yeah. I can't hear Jen's laugh. The other day, my mom goes, Una is such a great laugher. And I go, yeah, she such a great laugher and I go yeah she's a great laugher and I go Una

who do you think laughs in the house most she goes dad and I go and Jen was like I laugh too and

and and we were like yeah and then Jen goes I'm a quiet laugher I laugh like the wind she's like

she's like the two of you are like thunderstorm laughersugher. I laugh like the wind. She's like, the two of you are like thunderstorm laughers. That's true. I laugh like the wind, yeah. You know, I sat behind, I wouldn't name drop. I don't do that on the show, but I sat in front of Jack Nicholson. So not only am I name dropping, I also have a better seat than Jack Nicholson. Man, I really changed. I became a real jerk. Yeah, yeah. But I was sitting in front of Jack Nicholson. Man, I really changed. I became a real jerk.

Yeah, yeah. But I was sitting in front of Jack Nicholson. Hollywood phony. Really, Hollywood phony Jimmy Fallon talks to every, so anyways, sitting, it was at the SNL 40th, and I'm sitting there and Jack Nicholson laughs like you want Jack Nicholson to laugh. That's nice.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh my God, that's so funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That is so funny. That's how he laughed. That's nice. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Ha, ha, ha. That is so funny. That's how he laughs. Oh, my God. I love that.

This is unbelievable. It's almost like someone's doing an impression of Jack Nicholson laughing. That's how he laughs. Ha, ha. When you and I were talking the other night about sort of what drew us to comedy, for me it was like i was always interested in comedy and then i auditioned for the improv troupe as a freshman out of college and now i got i got in and all of a sudden i was like oh my god these are my people i can't believe it i can't find

your people are this funny i can't believe there's 10 people who are this funny in the on the planet even my story is what happened to me is i got i had to go to summer school yeah and my parents that's a punishment my parents like you see this is what you get you don I had to go to summer school. And my parents, that's a punishment. My parents were like, see, this is what you get. You're not smart in school. You don't screw around. You got to go to summer school. And I go, I maybe cry and everything. Oh, my gosh.

And I go, my grandfather dropped me off and went to summer school. And I walked into a room, and there was 15 of me sitting there. And I go, this is fantastic. Everyone making jokes. This is where I belong in the first place. This is why I met my people. We had the best. I loved summer school.

That was my favorite thing I've ever done. I loved it. It was a great ad for summer school. We were doing jokes, and then we just became friends. It was the best. Can you remember, who was the funniest person you knew? Joey Gonzalez was, I think I was in summer school with him

because we were both trying to be funny. Yeah. We would do bits, we'd walk and trip into things, pretend we'd hit our nose and to the locker and, you know, imitating, you know,

Chevy Chase, you know, you know, SNL stuff. Yeah. That was a lot of my early stuff is just copying, literally, like I would copy John Lovitz doing his Annoying Man character for Weekend Update. Really? You know, SNL stuff. Yeah. That was a lot of my early stuff was just copying, literally copying. Like, I would copy John Lovitz

doing his Annoying Man character for Weekend Update. Really? Like, Annoying Man. No, of course. And my friend David. So I was doing that in eighth grade. In eighth grade to impress this girl

who I had a crush on who was sitting at our science table. And this guy, I was doing it to his face, like, annoying man, kind of like the way John Lovitz was doing it to. And this guy, Kenny, he punches me in the face. Wow. And so I was like killing with annoying man. I was ripping off someone's bit as an eighth grader. Of course.

I was killing. Everyone was like, this guy's great. What is this? They hadn't even seen the bit. You know what I mean? He punched you. And then he punched me. And then they cheer for that, too.

Wow. Like, yeah. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yeah, then it gets better. And then I'm bleeding. And then I have to go to the nurse. Because you did a John Lovitz bit. I did a John Lovitz bit. I got punched in the face for it. Wow, that's wild have to go to the nurse. Because you did a John Lovitz bit. I did a John Lovitz bit.

I got punched in the face for it. Wow, that's wild. Punched me in the face. No, I've never been hit in the face for doing stand-up. One heckler once, I was making fun of him, and he got on stage or something. Oh, really? Yeah, I was at a USO thing.

I was in Japan. Wow. And all the military guys wanted me to punch this guy because I guess you're not allowed to hit a civilian or you go to like prison or something. Oh, wow. If I hit this guy, he's not allowed to punch, fight back. But what am I doing? I was doing impressions of Travolta at the time.

This guy's standing on stage. He was wasted. I heard you were doing a bit where you were shaving on stage. That was wasted. I heard you were doing a bit where you were shaving on stage. That was so bad. Dude, I thought it was so Andy Kaufman.

You were actually shaving your face. I thought it would be like the thing that everyone talks about. This would be, this would be like, It's always the thing

in your head that everyone's going to talk about. Jimmy Fallon, dude, I was there the night. It was genius. Yeah, yeah.

Someone was doing, if you don't know, they have these showcases at comedy clubs you know so I would do the improv which is my favorite club like 10 comics or something

and they're on a list HBO's in the audience and they're looking to hire a comedian for this thing so you go so I wasn't on the list but I was the first comedian

on after that and I thought if I did something that they would remember then they would cast me in this thing you know so I go here's what on after that. And I thought if I did something that they would remember, then they would cast me in this thing. Yeah. You know, so I go, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to, I grew some stubble. Oh my God. And I was going to go on stage and I was going to put shaving cream on and shave during my act. And I brought a, it was so bad and janky and not funny. And I had a bowl of like water and shaving cream. And I went, I had nothing to do with my act. I just did my normal act. And then I'm like,

hey, you guys go to the movies? And then I put shaving cream on and I'm like, how big are those big things of coke? That's the one you get a refill from? I was just doing my normal act. Then I wiped it off with a towel. I brought a towel too

and left. It was awful. I bombed, tanked. I did not get my normal act. Then I wiped it off with a towel. I brought a towel, too, and left. It was awful. I bombed, tanked. I did not get cast in anything. Never did the shaving bit again. It was not funny. It made no sense. But in my walking up there, I'm like, this is a big swing.

So here's a pitch. Punch it up. We'll have you do it again. We're going to have you do the shaving bit again. You shave on stage. We get you up on stage at a comedy club. You shave. You walk behind a curtain. You put on a fake

beard and then you walk back and go, it grows back so fast. Oh, a fake beard is great. Dude, I want to do it now. That's it. I shave and then I go back and then I have a full beard on. People don't understand it grows back so fast. Dip it. Dip it in ranch. Close. Dip it in ranch.

Dip it in ranch. Close with dip it in ranch. Dip it in ranch. You, it's one of the things I love about you, but also like was like when you were on SNL, you broke a lot. You'd laugh a lot. Yeah.

And like famously like in Cowbell. I had one line in that. Yeah, you had one line. You were laughing. You were laughing so hard. And my one line, I think it was like my fourth or fifth episode of the show. And obviously, I'm a fan of...

No way. Was that your fourth or fifth show? Yeah. Oh, my God. It was brand new on SNL. I remember thinking, I had this bit because it was Cowbell, right? And the whole idea of Christopher Walken wants to come in and say like, you know, it's basically... Blue Oyster Cult, famous 70s band.

Yeah. And so in that song, Don't Fear the Reaper, there's a, if you haven't seen the sketch. Blue Oyster Cult, famous 70s band. Yeah, and so in that song, Don't Fear the Reaper, there's a cowbell in there. Yeah. And I think Will and Adam McKay thought that was funny. And it is.

And it is funny that there is cowbell on that song. So he's like, and it's such a heavy, hard, heavy metal song. You go, imagine if they were recording it

and the engineer just like, hey, let's do another take, guys. I think you're really going to want more cowbell on that thing because it's really going to resonate, you know do another take guys I think you're really going to want more cabal on that thing because it's really going to resonate you know

and make the track you know whatever I think that's funny just analyzing that so I thought what would be genius is if I snap the drums because I'm lip syncing

to the song and then I go if I snap the drumsticks together like before we do the take it'll sound like I'm really a drummer, so I'll be like,

Right. Boom, boom, bam. Yeah. And I'll go, oh, that's genius. No one at SNL's ever done that. Yeah, yeah. You know, like,

wow. That's what I thought I'd be, again. Bring some reality to it. Like the shaving bit. Everyone's going to talk about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, who's the genius drummer?

I rise up about to do my line. I go over to Catan and Willer. Everyone's on fire. Everyone's so funny. Catan's hilarious in that sketch. Catan's the best. Parnell is unbelievable. Horatio's great.

Christopher Walken, out Christopher Walken himself. Unreal. He was doing an impression of himself. He was going, you know he was talking now.

He wasn't even speaking English. It was unbelievable. Everything was funny. Catan pushes Will and Will's sunglasses fall off and he turns around and I see the eyes of a lunatic

and I just lost it man his gut is hanging out his stomach is hanging out oh my god and he's sweating and his eyes are like and he's like out of breath

and I was like oh my gosh and that was my only line and I'm like whatever quit ruining his first gene whatever you know

and so I broke. And then I think Will broke a little bit in that too, but you can barely tell that he's breaking because he's like, because he's just yelling, but he's also breaking a little bit. He's covering by yelling. I used to make, because then it became a thing where he would try to make me laugh. I was embarrassed that I did it, and I wish I didn't do it. And I apologized to McKay.

One of the most iconic sketches of all time on the show. Such a bummer. I'm so mad I did it, but I loved being in it. But, you know, I was an easy laugher and so we would do sketches where we'd be in a hot tub and Will Ferrell would put his hands

next to my leg and he'd squeeze my leg every time I had a line and I would just break. The sketch was already bizarre and funny, him and Dratcher. Yeah. But then I remember

he would do a thing on Weekend Update. Jacob Silge was the guy, and he had voice modulation problems. Yeah. So his voice just never modulated, never went up or down, and it's a serious problem, Jimmy and Tina, blah, blah, blah. And he'd just keep doing that. And every time the camera was off of me, off of a two-shot, I would laugh at Will.

Yeah. I'd be like crying. Release. And then the camera's back on, but he would know that I was laughing. And so Will was trying so hard to not laugh that his glasses fogged up. Oh, my God. So if you ever see that sketch,

I don't know if it's anywhere, but he's, from not laughing, from not breaking, his face got so hot that he fogged his own glasses up. Oh, my God. It was so good. Was he the person who broke you the most on the show?

He was always the funniest to me as a viewer. Oh, God. Because you just love him so much. He would do so many bits that just tanked. We would actually, you know, five minutes to, you know, one in the morning, the last sketch of the night. And it's just, we need to sketch. And we knew it was going to tank.

And the whole cast would just come out and watch Will tank it. Oh, my God. And he was trying to be funny. But we would stand next to the camera operators and just laugh and be like, oh, my God. This is eating it so bad. Yeah. It was so funny to watch. And that's all the – I mean, sometimes when you talk to comedians, that's all we talk about is how bad we bombed.

Like, what was the worst thing? And you go, oh, dude, that was so funny. I'm watching you bomb. I remember doing, once I was doing impressions and I didn't change my act. And I was at some charity event and I was doing an impression of, they're all dated. They're all dated impressions.

And nothing was working. I think I was doing like Casey Kasem. Oh, yeah. And I remember, and John Stewart was in the front row, and he was looking at me, and he was red from embarrassment of watching me bomb. Oh, my God. He was laughing so hard.

And I go, next up, Cliff Claven from Cheers. And he goes, I remember him mouthing, going, Cliff, Cliff from Cheers. What are you doing? Oh, my God. This is a thing we do called the slow round. And what's the worst? You've ever had a really good nickname or a bad nickname in your life?

Yeah. Worst nickname was Jim Hat. Jim Hat? Because I was in college. And Jim Hat was another name for a condom. Oh. In the 90s. All right. And my roommate,

it was in lyrics, and they were like, you want to get a Jimmy hat? Oh. So he's like, I'm going to call you Jim hat. Oh, God. Okay.

It didn't stick, but he would call me Jim hat and think that was funny. And then I go, because at the time it was a word, and I was like, Jim hat, I don't want to be called that.

Yeah. That was at... You were at, that's when to be called that. Yeah. That was at— You were at—that's when you were at St. Rose. I was at the College of St. Rose. Here's what was funny. Like, years ago, my mom's friend, Tonita, would be like—would be like, you know, my family is from Massachusetts. We don't really know that many people in show business, if any. I don't think we know any.

And her friend, Tonita, was like, I know Jimmy Fallon. She was like, I worked at St. Rose, and I helped him graduate. And then I was like, I don't think that's true. I didn't say it, but then I was on your show one time, and I was like, do you know Tanita? She said she helped you graduate. And you were like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's real.

That's a true story. Because I think you were a month from graduating or something. Yeah, I dropped out with like a true story. Yeah. Because I think like you were a month from graduating or something. Yeah. I dropped out. Yeah. With like four credits left. Okay. My major was communications.

Yeah. So I go, don't get credit for anything I've done. Come on. I'm the host of The Tonight Show. Right. That's communicating.

Yeah. At a mass level. Maximum level. Yeah, the most. Give me four credits for that. Oh yeah, and she helped me get it.

Yeah. Tanita. Yeah, I got my doctorate. Wow, your doctor. Oh my God, Dr. Fallon me four credits for that. Oh, yeah, and she helped me get it. Yeah, Tanita. Yeah, I got my doctorate. Wow, you're a doctor. Oh, my God. Dr. Fallon, I'm so sorry. Yeah.

I feel so bad. In fact, you just got to redo the intro. Oh, my God. Because I want to be introduced as a doctor. Yeah, you didn't know that? I was talking to a doctor the whole time. No, I feel so bad. I should have asked your publicist how to properly introduce you.

Yeah, but not a medical doctor, I should say. Right, right, right. No, no, of course. So if there's anything that happens here in the studio, I can't help anyone. So Jim Hatt. And then what's a good nickname? What do people call you? Like Jimmy?

Fallon? Jimmy, I guess. You know, I was Jim for my whole life. Jim Fallon. Yeah. You know, that's because I think I just want to be like my dad. And that's what it was all about. My dad was Jim.

Right. And my mom was Gloria. My sister was Gloria. Yeah. You know, that's because I think I just want to be like my dad, and that's what it was all about. My dad was Jim. Right. And my mom was Gloria, and my sister was Gloria. Yeah. Very unoriginal parents. Jim, Jim, Gloria, Gloria? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That was the worst.

That's hilarious. It's even dumber. My grandmother was Gloria. Oh, my God. To think of another name. What is happening? Get over yourself. What is happening with the family?

We'd have to answer the phone. I'd go, hey, is Gloria there? I'd go, big Gloria or little Gloria? And my mom would go, don't call me big. I don't really call big Gloria. Medium Gloria. I'd go, medium. Oh, jeez.

Medium Gloria. My mom and dad were just characters. They were great. My mom, she passed away a couple years ago now. But she was the funniest. She was such a character. Such a character. Irish? Irish But she was the funniest. She was such a character. Such a character. Irish?

Irish. Irish all the way. She loved to cook even though Irish people have no cuisine. Irish people really don't. We have nothing. We boil.

Oh, no, no, no. Boil everything. Oh, yeah. What is it? Boil it. We're going to get you. Egg, boil it. Oatmeal, boil it.

Corned beef? Cabbage? Have you tried boiling it? There's no Irish cookbooks. They don't exist. Irish cookbooks, first page says, meet an Italian family. Befriend them. Meet an Italian family.

Yeah, be friends. Have Italian day. But she tried to cook stuff, and she was just great. Every time I would visit her from Saturday Night Live, I remember going to visit, and she goes, let's go out for dinner. Yeah. Because she wants to show me off. Yeah. I come home because I want home it live. I remember going to visit, and she goes, let's go out for dinner. Yeah. Because she wants to show me off, you know, whatever. I come home because I want home-cooked stuff.

I don't want to go out to dinner. There's plenty of restaurants in New York City. Mom, I don't know if you know this. She's like, let's just go. I go, all right, well, don't make a big deal. She's like, I'm not going to make a big deal. I go, I know, but you do sometimes, and I don't want to make a big deal. I just want to go out to dinner, and I just want to see you and Dad.

And she's like, all right, let's go out. I'm not even going to make a big deal. I just want to go out to dinner. I just want to see you and dad. And she's like, all right, let's go out. I'm not even going to make a big deal. I go, great. So we go to this restaurant. She sits down at the table. She goes, I don't think I like this table. I go, you're going to make a big deal. Don't make a big deal.

She's like, mommy, I just don't think this table's the right. I go, stop already. This is a thing. She goes, so we order the food. She goes, I think I'm going to get the lamb chops or something. I go, okay, great. So we order the thing. I'm not kidding. The server brings my dad's I go, okay, great. So we ordered the thing. I'm not kidding.

The server brings my dad's dish, my dish, and not my mom's dish. And she goes, sorry, it's going to be a few more minutes on the lamb chops. So my mom's like, I go, do not make a big deal. Don't, mom, please. She's like, where's my lamb chops? I go, don't make a big deal. I'm just saying. So she's drinking her wine.

She's like, two minutes go by. She goes, just eat. Just eat. I don't make a big deal. I'm just saying. So she's drinking her wine. She's like, two minutes go by. She goes, just eat. Just eat. I don't care. When it comes out, it'll come out. You know what? I'm not even going to eat. That's so you know when she's mad.

She over-pronounces things. I'm not even going to eat. Oh, my God. I go, what do you mean you're not going to eat? Just eat. Oh, my God. The thing when it comes out, she's like, I'm not going to. She's almost in tears, Matt.

Oh, my God. And so the Irish grudge comes out. So they finally come out. They give her a lamb thing. I go, just please eat. Enjoy. We're at a restaurant. Have fun.

Don't make a thing. Don't make this a big deal. She eats the lamb chop. I'm not kidding. She goes. Oh, my God. I go, you're not choking, are you? Yeah.

You choking? My dad's like, she's choking. He puts his finger down in my mom's throat. And a woman down the floor tables goes, oh, my God, you're choking. She goes, I'm a nurse. Runs over, knocking stuff over. Things are getting banged and knocked over. She grabs my mother and lifts her up and starts giving my mom the Heimlich.

And I'm hearing noises I've never heard from my mother ever. My mom's going like, And then a lamb ball comes flying out of her mouth and hits the wall. And she sits down and there's tears and I go, thank you for not making a scene. Yeah.

You just wanted a quiet night. You just made the worst scene you ever could ever think of. Wow. Holy moly. Wow. Yeah, she did it. She's a character. I talked to my mom the other night. I can say this because she's on the other side of it.

She had a surgery the other night and I was really worried. To the point where I was like, we talk a lot about about in the show but uh we say i love you i go i didn't say i didn't say i love you i go i go i'm gonna pray for you which is a real leap because i don't pray i go i'm gonna pray for you wow with love close yeah yeah closest thing i love you and then and then you know and then it breaks open a can of worms because Una's there on speaker. And then afterwards, she's like, do you believe in God? And I'm like, well, I mean, it's complicated. Nobody knows anything for certain.

It's like that whole thing. If it makes you happy, should I believe in God? But it's interesting because it's like that. It raises that question of like, okay, you're talking to your mom. She's going in for surgery. She's 82 years old. 82-year-old in surgery is like, it's worrisome. And it's like, well, what do you do if you're at that?

Like, what's the thing you're going to say? I'll pray for you. And I did. I prayed for her. I literally, going back to the Catholic thing. You still can't say? Hail Mary. Hail Mary.

You said the Hail Mary? I said the Hail Mary. I said like four of them. I actually had to say four of them I actually had to say four of them to reconjure the words I did I was like I'm not gonna look it up not gonna google Hail Mary Hail Mary full grace the Lord is with you blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death amen that's that I think that's how Mary. Do you know the Our Father? Our Father who art in

heaven, hallowed be thy name. And then that drops off. Really? What do you have? You have it? Yeah. The kingdom come, thy will be done. Oh yeah. On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Deliver us from evil. Yeah. Now and at the hour

of our death. Amen. Is that what it is? Was that the end of Hail Mary yeah yeah they stole the end yeah it's a reprise I think yeah those are the two if they should all end on now and at the hour of our death

now and at the hour of our death amen the prayer should what's that one it's like oh my god I'm sorry for my sins choosing to sin and failing to do good

I have sinned against you and your church I firmly intend with the help of your son to make up for my sins and to love as I should. Jesus. I don't even know this one. Is that Catholic? No, I made that one up. Now at the hour of our death, amen.

That's the catchphrase of the priest. Dip it in ranch. Now at the hour of our death, amen. Did you want to be a priest ever? Yeah, I did. Me too. Because I always, my take on the priest is they always get huge laughs. Oh. They have their own stage.

Yeah, they have a stage. You're on an altar performing. They're mic'd. They're mic'd. Everyone's listening to every word. The acoustics are phenomenal. Yeah. And also the bar's low.

The bar's so low. You don't expect the priest to be funny. People are just thinking about death. Yeah, yeah. They're just thinking about it. The priest didn't even just do one little, he'd be like. That's my whole thing about priests. Destroyed.

He did a duck quack. It'd be like, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John Boy. People are like... Oh! Hamburger! Hamburger! Dip it in ranch! Dip it in ranch.

Any priest listening should add just a... A catchphrase. And now a letter from Matthew. Dip it in ranch. That's Jimmy Fallon's gift to you. It's a priest. Priest should be... Yeah, a funny priest. Fantastic.

And you were an altar boy too. Yep. Yeah. I was the best altar boy. Yeah, I was pretty good. I was the one. I wasn't as good as Michael Cavanaugh, but who is? But you want someone to ring the bells?

Yeah. I'm your dude. Oh, yeah. My timing was perfect. Perfect. But my mom would come. I think that was my first taste of performing. Yeah.

An altar boy. Coming out, my mom would watch me, and she goes, you were the best. You were the best. You rang the bell. You were the best. It's like, please. I prayed for my mom the other night, and I'd never done it. I did rosaries as a kid or whatever, but I hadn't said Hail Mary in that long of a time.

But it's like, well, I do acupuncture. I don't really believe in that either. When you were a kid, when you were a kid, was there a group that wouldn't let you in? Do you remember that?

I mean, comedians are tough, dude. Oh, that's interesting. I never, I got no support. No way, really? Oh, man. That's so interesting

because you're so supportive of other comedians. It's like you're reacting to that. Yeah, I really had no friends in comedy. You started when you were young. You started when you were like 16, 17, right? Yeah.

It was just no one wanted me to be successful. I don't know what it was. But also, and having a guitar was lame. Oh, yeah. Like your guitar. You're like a prop guy. You know, I had a thing. Right.

I didn't have a clique. I didn't have a group. No kidding. It was really kind of lonely out in LA. Yeah, I didn't have a good. So you went from St. Rose to Los Angeles. Yeah. And you were just like.

Sleeping on my manager's couch. No kidding. Yeah, I didn't even have my car. My dad was like, you don't need a car in LA. Oh, my God. That's right. That's the worst advice. The only thing you need. The only thing you need in LA. Literally the only thing you need. The heck am I need a car in LA. Oh, my God, that's right. That's the worst advice. The only thing you need.

The only thing you need in LA. Literally the only thing you need. The heck am I going to do in LA? Yeah. Uber didn't exist. Yeah, yeah. I can't afford cabs. No, of course.

What am I supposed to bus? I got to find a bus stop. Good luck. From where I'm staying, I go, oh, my God, it was just so. That's interesting that comedians wouldn't let you in. No, I didn't have really any friends there. Except maybe I remember like, you were friendly

with like Todd Glass a little bit. Todd Glass? Because Todd said to me once, like, I love Jimmy. Like, I remember that. Todd Glass was friends with me and he was actually

one of the people that told me that his group didn't like me. Oh my God. He was like, he was like, I gotta be honest. He was like,

I gotta be honest. We used to make fun of you. And like, we all don't like you. Yeah, they don't like you. Have you ever heard Todd Glass do Mitch Hedberg doing Rodney Dangerfield jokes? It's like one of the greatest things you can watch. No way.

I love Todd Glass. He's like, I like rice when you're hungry, but you want to eat a thousand of something. That's so funny, man. That's meta. That's really good. Isn't that wild? We went to like an acting class together. Yes's so funny, man. That's meta. That's really good. Isn't that wild? We went to like an acting class together.

Yes. And bonded. Yes. Was that the same way as Pablo Francisco? Maybe. It might have been. At the improv.

Oh, interesting. It was a terrible acting class, but it was just, again, it was like summer school. It was just a bunch of idiots talking and making jokes. I would,

Rodney Dangerfield was my first impression. That was kind of my first foray into comedy. Because I loved Rodney. Yeah. He was like my first... He's a riot. Famous comedian in my head.

And I think my parents would pay me like 50 cents to do his act. Oh my God. For people at parties. Wow. So I would put it on my dad's tie and be like, I'll tell you, right? My wife's cooking so bad.

I mean, since when does toast have bones? Oh, my God. I love that joke. Since when does toast have bones? Since when does toast have bones? She told me, take out the garbage. I said, you cooked it. You take it out, all right?

That's absurd. That voice is so pitch perfect. He's the greatest. He's the best. I could listen to Rodney for hours. In fact, my dad gave me the No Respect album, and my dad, being, you know, we're an Irish Catholic family, my dad would take, he took a key and scratched out the dirty words,

like any F word, any dirty words, scratched it out of the vinyl so it would skip over any dirty words. No way. And so I would, I probably didn't understand half of Rodney's act. It's like, oh, I was in the bedroom with my wife the other day

and no respect. And then everyone claps. Oh my God. I kind of get it. I missed the, he would scratch out probably the punchlines. I was like,

they messed up my whole rhythm. That's so strange. Yeah, he edited stuff. It was crazy. No kidding. Was that like the household was like no cursing? No cursing. No cursing.

No bad words. Very overprotective. I mean, I wasn't even allowed to leave my backyard. I had like a... What do you mean? Well, I would have to ask them to cross the street if I hit a ball over the fence. Like they were just scared of me getting hit by a car or something. Till what age?

Till like teenager? Yeah. I mean, dude, it was embarrassing. I had a chain link fence so other kids could actually see through the fence and see how weird I was because I wasn't allowed out. So I remember for Christmas, I got a bike.

Yeah. What do I do with this? Can't drive in the street. Drive in the backyard. So I would ride it in circles in the backyard. Where'd you get your kindness from? From your folks? From your family?

From your friends? Because you're so kind. Over the years, we've known each other a little bit for 20 years, and it's like you've always been nothing but kind to everybody I've seen around you. You works at your show, other comics. I don't know. I mean, my parents, my grandparents, you know, probably my grandparents. Yeah.

I used to, I was one of those kids, I hung out with my grandparents a lot. They lived in our backyard, kind of. For real? Not like in a tent or something, but they had a house. Okay. It was like 102, was that my address? That's interesting. They're like kind of 102 and a half.

Yeah. So they would be my babysitters. My friends would hang out with them. You know, my grandmother and grandfather. I had old friends when I was a kid. That's interesting. Like Bill Geick was this guy, was my first boss at this beverage center,

discount beverage, and I just loved the guy. He was probably in his 60s. And he was like, Jimmy, do you want to go golfing? I go, sure. So I go golfing with him and his 60-year-old friends. Yeah. And I was probably 15. Wow.

Friends with like 65-year-old dudes. No kidding. My grandfather would get jealous. He's like, you hanging out with Bill? He's my friend. I'm just saying, dude. He's my buddy, man. I always liked older people.

Even in school, I was friends with the older kids more than my grade. I'll try to cap off, slow round with. Oh, yeah. With best piece of advice someone's giving you that you used best piece of advice i think you know what keeps coming up the older you get is like uh and i my wife was the first person to say this to me but happiness is a choice and i think the older you get the the more, sometimes if you're too young, you won't,

this will go over your head, but the older you get, there's a lot of choices that you get to make. Even you getting angry is a choice. Right. So if you stop it

and whatever it is is bothering you, you're like, okay, I'm going to make a choice right now. Either be angry or laugh. You're making a choice. Yeah yeah so i think that's great

advice is that any moment happiness whatever it is you're choosing joy yeah you're choosing to be happy it's like you could have went the other way you could make a joke about this yes you can get mad about it you're these are all choices and that's the one thing that everyone has they're everyone's brains that's the You can take away everything. Which is in the Viktor Frankl book too. But what they can't take away is your reaction and your choice.

Oh my God, yeah. So that's brilliant because that's comedy in a nutshell, right? Because it's like comedy is tragedy plus time. It's taking a thing

that's brutal. And one of my first jokes ever was I was at a funeral and they handed out Kleenex at the beginning of the funeral which I thought was cocky. Like, wait till you get a load of this funeral. You're going to cry and cry.

Wait till you get a load of this one. She's so dead. Meanwhile, like, I look back on that joke and I go, like, that was a really sad funeral. I was crying my eyes out. You know what I mean? Of course. I mean, these things are real, but it's how you react to it. You've got to make it funny.

How you're kind to people around you in the middle of it. You have to. You have to make that choice, and you've got to go, yeah. So, I mean, I've been given so many great pieces of advice, but that was one thing that just kind of always stuck in my head, like, oh, yeah, yeah, it's a choice. Here, I got a few new jokes. Let me hear.

I want to hear some good jokes, some new jokes. I got some new jokes, because I'm trying to keep, I'm trying to do, you know the show so well, so I'm trying to just give you some stuff that's out of that universe, which is. I like what you do on the show because I want to say one of my favorite guests you have is Pete Holmes. Oh, yeah, he's ridiculous. I don't know him. Yeah. And I don't really know much of him, but from what I hear, he's really funny. But every time he's on your show

it's hilarious. He's a riot. And you guys go at each other. Yeah, yeah. He makes fun of me. And you make fun of him but then you'll tell him a bit and you go,

yeah, it's kind of funny. Here's what I would do though. I would change the ending and I go, this is so funny and it's so comedy nerdy that I love it and it brings me back

to like when I was writing bits and you know, in the laund you know, laundromat, just scribbling down jokes and trying to top it and then talking to another comedian. Or if, you know, if they're nice enough, they'll even come up and be like, hey, I have a tag for you. Yeah, yeah, totally. You know, and I go, oh, I appreciate that. Thank you.

It is funnier than what I was saying. Yeah. Like I had one recently in real life. Like I was with a comedy seller and like my friend Zarnagarg threw me a tag, and my friend Ryan Hamilton threw me a tag, and they're, like, great comics. Great comics. Headlining comics. And they just throw stuff out, and you're, like, it's the communal part of stand-up,

which is a solitary art form. Yeah. Because it's very lonesome. Yeah. Dude, it's so lonesome. I just, yeah. And there's nothing to do during the day. No.

For a comedian. Well, other than sort of meditate on what you're going to say at night. At night. Alone. Here we go. New thing with Luna because I'm away for my shows sometimes. So I created a thing in the family called Family Meeting. So we get together and go, Family Meeting.

I did the first one. I go, Family Meeting. And I pound the table. I go, First order of business, lunch.. I go, first order of business, lunch. Then I go, second order of business, snack. And then I go, Una, what do you think should be the third order of business? And Una goes, what happened in the past? Wow.

And Jenny goes, what's an example? And Una goes, when mom was little, she didn't have a cell phone. That's what happened in the past. The past. Mom was little, she didn't have a cell phone. It's a great story. It sticks with her. It sticks with a seven-year-old kid.

Isn't that amazing? Isn't that fun? I love family meetings. Have you done two family meetings? Yeah, we've done a bunch of family meetings. And actually, this is a good reminder for me to keep doing it. They're fun. You should do them. Family meeting.

Family meeting. Let's have a family meeting right now. Yeah. I love it. I would do a family meeting. I was trying to think of it because now I was, you know, I knew I was coming on here. I was like, should I think of a joke? Because, you know, we do so many kind of rewrites of stuff on the show.

We never write stand-up anymore jokes. But I was trying to write something that like a behind-the-door middle finger. It's kind of the best feeling. Behind-the-door middle finger. You know, it's like behind the wall. Like no one's – it's just like in a big middle finger behind the there's no feeling better than that

you left something you slammed the door middle finger secret it's a secret middle finger secret finger secret finger it's the most powerful

thing you got you give the finger you go yeah you know what it means and only you know it it's your you own it

and it's behind sometimes you can even be in the door and have the finger on the side and they don't even know they're getting the finger. And that's a double whammy funny. Because you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get right to that thing.

Oh yeah, I'm going to get right to that thing. And you're totally giving them the finger, knowing it's a secret finger. And that's nothing more and you could do it to the day you die. Your deathbed bed the nurse could be like I'm sorry Mr.

Fallon can't give you jello we're out of jello today and I could be under the sheet and just thank you

very much thanks for trying thank you for trying to get the jello under a sheet and you're

getting the secret finger thank you you don't even realize thank you for trying I know you're

doing your best that's it till the day you die the queen I bet you the queen gives the secret That's it. Till the day you die. The queen. I bet you the queen gives the secret. Yeah, yeah. Queen's giving the secret finger all the time. Can you imagine all this?

They're like, Andrew, what did you do? Just close the door. And then she's like. Jesus Christ. Double. Double burden that one. Come on. Yeah.

Charles, what's going on? Andrew, are you kidding? We're the royal family. What the? on. Yeah. Charles, what's going on? Andrew, are you kidding? We're the royal family. What the, Harry, what is happening? You're doing what? Okay,

good. Hold on one second. I'll be right back. Let me get, and she'll go into the room, the loo, and just, yeah,

secret finger, come back, go, all right, it's your life. You can move to the States. Yeah, of course,

she's getting the bird. She doesn of course she's getting the bird. She doesn't know he's on the phone. Secret finger is really a part of all of our lives in a certain way, even if we don't do the secret finger. You can do it in your brain. You can do it in your head. I could be doing it right now. Yeah, yeah.

I'm not. Now I am, but I wasn't. I love this podcast. Yeah, you're getting it. I wasn't doing it, but now I am. I'm giving everyone who's listening everyone who's listening right now is getting a secret

everyone who's listening is getting a secret finger right now and they're giving it to me yeah people listening right now are giving me the finger this fucking guy

they're going yeah I don't know if they're physically doing it that's your power yeah yeah or they're just thinking about it yeah

someone right now is giving me the finger it's your choice and you're welcome it goes back to your wife's advice. It's your choice. You made a choice. It's your choice to give the secret finger.

Exactly. I appreciate it. Okay. So I asked Una secretly what we should get Jenny for Mother's Day. And Una goes, it was like a secret conversation. She goes, mom's favorite animal is a gorilla. I did not know that. Wow. So she goes, my favorite animal is a gorilla. I did not know that. Wow.

She goes, her favorite animal is a gorilla. So we should get her a baby gorilla and a mama gorilla. And I said, absolutely. I had no idea it was her favorite animal. And I went online. I went on Etsy. I show Una. I go, okay, Una, look.

I found these bookends.ends and her baby gorilla and a mama gorilla she goes perfect as though this is a thing she totally knew about and just needed me to pitch her on it so we get them for jen and jen loves him loves loves the bookends and i go una this might be the best gift that mom has ever got and she goes uh yeah oh she was just saying oh yeah yeah uh yeah like this was the most obvious statement i could have possibly made like we know two things for certain water is hydrating and the best gift my wife will ever receive are a set of baby and mama gorilla bookends that's a joke that needs work but i think that the raw materials are there i thought the ending was she was una going uh yeah that's a good gift maybe that was it doesn't matter no maybe it doesn't matter but then you added two more sentences a hydrating thing we know two things for certain oh water hydrates you and

the best gift my wife has ever received is two bookends of Mama Baby Grilla. Yeah, I know. It doesn't do much, but a lot of times it's like, what is the starting point for the joke? You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. Like, I'll stare at that and I'll go like, well, let's take another crack at it. You really will.

And just stare and obsess. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy? A lot of my jokes are things that I have stared at because I know they don't work, but fundamentally the story, the story of the baby. Isn't that fun? Yeah, yeah. To make it work. Yeah.

This is why you're working it out. This is why you have this show. But the fun of it is rewriting that and making that work. What's the best gift? What's the best gift that you've ever given your wife? Or your kids. I crushed it one year. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Here's what you do. Here's what you do. Arrogance. Here's what you do. They're all shaking their heads. No, it's because they're all excited about this. That's not why.

Yeah, they're loving it. They're loving it. Well well here's what I did so so it was her birthday and it was not like a double number birthday it wasn't like

it wasn't a famous but it wasn't a half year birthday it wasn't like 45 right it was like 43 or something okay unsuspecting birthday where you don't think

you're gonna get anything cool right so my wife she was like, I'll just go out to dinner. She loves sushi. So I go, great. We'll go to this sushi restaurant.

She goes, who do you want to come? She's like, just my brother, you know, and his wife. I go, great. So the four of us will go. So I get wigs and kind of, I get glasses, funny glasses and wigs just to wear because I think it'd be funny to wear.

It's a birthday. So we're wearing wigs and we're hanging out. I got a driver. We had a cocktail before we went to dinner. We go to the sushi restaurant. People are in there eating and stuff like that, and we're having fun. And all of a sudden, this woman stands up and she goes, Why do birds suddenly appear every time?

And I go, huh? And this other woman next to us goes, oh, she's drunk. Are you near? And then, just like me, they long to be close to you. And then a guy comes out of the bathroom. He goes, why do stars? Wow. I go, what?

And then someone else stands up. I had hired the whole restaurant. They're all paid actors. They're all a choir, a local choir. And they all start singing. This is crazy. What a da da da. Close to you.

And I was looking at Nancy. And I go, I just smiled. I go, happy birthday. That's bananas. Yeah, it was cool. It was so cool, man. It was so awesome. That was so crazy.

The sushi chef came out. What a da da da. And the it was cool. It was so cool, man. It was so awesome. That was so crazy. The sushi chef came out and the trumpet came out. It was awesome. And then they all left. They weren't even really eating sushi. They were just there. I go, you could stay and hang out with us. I think you've uncovered something that's a good secret for gift giving, which is

it's the unsuspecting nature of it. It's the, I'm giving you this, but actually it's this other thing. That's the move. Sleight of it. I'm giving you this, but actually, it's this other thing. That's the move. Sleight of hand. Yeah. It's a magic trick. I think that's a great story.

Okay, I got two more. So one of my favorite places on Earth is the ocean, swimming, you know? But I'm afraid of sharks. We talked about this before. You make me nervous. I know. I've always heard this urban legend. I don't even know if it's true,

is if you're attacked by a shark, you should punch the shark in the nose. That's true. I heard that. So whenever I'm in the water, I always imagine being attacked by a shark and me punching him in the nose. And then I think, like, what if i miss like it's like he's gonna be incredulous he's gonna be like bro you just tried to punch me just punch me in the nose

of a shark a shark you you have any idea what you're doing yeah and he's gonna be like it's like hitting mike tyson you better land it yes it's better land that punch or you're gonna die yeah it's like miss a swing at mike tyson you go yeah what'd you just did you did you did you know i'm a shark right you swung at me you know yeah what are we doing yeah no no no it's over that you got a split second and also you're in the water you know what i mean it's like it's not like you're on good ground. No. It's like landing a punch with Tyson in the ocean. Yeah. And you're like getting batted around by the waves,

and then also you're going to land a punch? How do you practice? How do you practice? You've got to go in a pool and punch the wall for an hour, and that's where you get your divorce. They're like, where's your husband? He's punching the wall in the pool for three hours. That's when Jenny's like, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. He's punching the wall in the pool for three hours. That's when Jenny's like, I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it anymore. He's punching the wall in the pool. He gets attacked by sharks. He goes to the YMCA. He brings his own fish. His little mini fish. Until there's blood coming out of your knuckles. Until there's blood, yeah.

And it's floating in the water. He comes home. He's got dead fish in his YMCA swim bag. It's like Rocky. It's like Rocky. You bring a fish home and you just punch it. Oh, my God. Punching the fish is also a euphemism. That's fun. Yeah, it's like Rocky. It's like Rocky. You bring a fish home and you just punch it. Oh, my God. Punching the fish

is also a euphemism. That's fun. I think that's a fun little piece. That's a great piece. Yeah. I love that one. I think that's good. Yeah, shark punch.

That's improved. Shark punch works. This is a quick one. I get frazzled in other countries. I was in Paris and I ordered... Front of the word, frazzled. Yeah. Already I'm into it.

I was in Paris and I ordered a coffee and then I said, Grazie. I don't speak Italian and they don't speak Italian. Why did I bring Italian into this? I say, Grazie. The guy goes, okay. He says, cowabunga, dude.

He says, cowabunga, dude. Grazie. I get frazzled. You get frazzled. You get frazzled You get frazzled You get frazzled You were just in Wimble You were in Wimbledon I know

When I was I used to go to London Because no one knew The Saturday Live over there So I can go and be anonymous So I can go But I loved Even by the end of my trip

I would pretend to be British And you're like What's up How many pounds Oh my god Two I don't know That was my accent

Did anyone call you on that No I would get away with it Wow Yeah That's impressive I just do everything In kind of a form of a question Oh, my God. Two. All right. That was my accent. Did anyone call you on that? No. I would get away with it. Wow. Yeah. That's impressive. I just do everything in kind of a form of a question.

How many pounds? Two. Yeah. How are you? Great. I feel like you could talk about your finger injury endlessly. It's the most sickening thing. It's the ring, the ring being stuck on a thing.

I mean, it's horrible. It was the worst. It was just the most... If you can find the comedy in that, you'll be forever... It'll honestly be the greatest. That'd be the greatest show ever written. You go to any hospital, you tell that story as a 10-minute version,

you'd crush. Because everybody would be like, I feel that pain. In my own way, I feel that pain. Oh, God, I'm so stupid. Because your finger... as I understand it when you were describing the show

like your finger went like that way like sideways yeah I was like holding my it looked like a candle wax like a candlestick version of a finger

oh my god it's white completely no blood in it at all and I was like holding my finger and I was like it happened so fast

and I tripped on this stupid braided rug that had like it was like cool and had a hole in it and stuff. And I was just running, doing things, not thinking of anything. I just tripped, put my hand out, and the ring got caught on the countertop. I can't take it. Yeah, just tore my finger.

Here's my favorite part of that story. I feel like when you told the story on this night show, you didn't fully explain it. It's like you went to the hospital, and and were like, I think I broke my finger. And they're like, hold that thought. Yeah. We're going to cut it off. Well, like, how often do you go to the hospital and you go, I think it's a thing,

and they go, it's much worse than that. Yeah, and no one wanted it. They were like, yeah, we're just going to cut it off. Yes. And that's another crazy thing about that story is they were like, we can't even deal with this. We need to send you to another guy.

Well, no, the way it works in the doctor world is if you try to do surgery on it and it's not successful, you get a bad Yelp review. So if you say, I'm just going to cut it off, you did your job. Yeah. It was a success. Yeah. I cut it off, you did your job. It was a success. I cut it off. You don't try and it doesn't work. And your review goes down.

Don't go to that doctor. Right, right, right. They want 100%. They want 4.7 stars on average. Yeah, this guy, he cuts off fingers. Fantastic. And then you went to some guy who was kind of like eccentric. Yeah, he's the greatest. David Chu, Dr. Chu. Dr. Chu. Save my fingers. Fantastic. And then you went to some guy who was kind of like eccentric. Yeah. He's the greatest.

David Chu. Dr. Chu. Saved my fingers. He's amazing. Amazing. Awesome. He wore a bow tie and cowboy boots. He was my doctor. And I was like, who is this? This guy's unbelievable. Already he's a character. Yeah. It's unbelievable. He went right in there. He took a vein out of my foot.

Put it back in my finger, and I was in the ICU and trying to keep it alive and hearing a heartbeat from my finger just to make sure that it's still real. Like a real human thing. Yeah. I think that story, I mean, I really do. I think you could do a 10-minute version of that story. I think you put that in front of an audience,

and you see where the laughs are, go back, see where the laughs are, you populate it out. Really? It would beversion to that story. I think you put that in front of an audience, and you see where the laughs are, and go back, see where the laughs are, and you populate it out. Really? It'd be like the ultimate story. Do it for children's hospital benefits. You know what I mean? You could have it for good causes. It's the story that you never film.

You just have it in your back pocket. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, I could do that. I wouldn't work on that. I think it's good. Yeah. All right, I wrote this one.

Most distinct memories I have from growing up are when my dad would come to my youth soccer games, and he would always say it wasn't about winning. It was about having fun. But he always seemed to be having fun when we were winning, and he seemed pretty angry when we weren't winning. Okay, so the final thing we do on the show is working it out for a cause. Is there an organization that you want me to donate to

and we'll link to in the show notes and we'll encourage other people to donate? Save your money. Oh, God. Save your money. Why would you say that? This is all we're recording. I don't want to do any of this stuff. Save your money. Shoot this into the universe. We'll spend it on your money. Why would you say that? This is all we're recording. I don't want to do any of this stuff. Save your money. We're going to shoot this into the universe. I know what you're going to do with it. You'll spend it on your child. No, no, no.

Who knows? They're driving around with Lamborghinis and stuff. Why would you say that? I don't trust where it's going to go. The money's going to go. Keep the money. Spend it on your daughter. Go buy her a gorilla. Go get her a gorilla. Bookend. Children's Hospital it is. Yeah, you can do St. Jude's.

Yeah. St. Jude's is a good one. Yeah, St. Jude's is a good one. I think, just know, whatever you're going to donate, just surprise Una with something. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. See, I just did it.

That's the unexpected gift. Why do birds suddenly appear? I just did it, right? Yeah. Every time we are near? All right. So we're going to wrap it there. You're the best, dude.

Mike Birbiglia. Thank you. This is unbelievable. I'm honored to be on the show. Does it live up to the hype? Is it going to be the best episode ever? Yeah. It was great.

I loved it. Thank you so much. Thank everybody here. You've got a great team. All right. Thank you. Good to see you. That's a wrap. Great. I'll drive you much. Thank everybody here. You've got a great team. All right. Thank you. Good to see you. That's a wrap.

Great. I'll drive you home. Oh, yeah, can you be right home? Oh, yeah, of course. That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. That's Jimmy Fallon. He doesn't need... I don't need to tell you where to find him.

He's The Tonight Show. It's on NBC. On Instagram, he's at Jimmy Fallon. You can find him on all the socials, Twitter, Instagram, at Jimmy Fallon. He's fantastic. He's a fascinating person. He's someone I've looked up to for many years,

and I'm lucky enough to call my friend. You can see me at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles for the month of August as well as all across the country in the fall. And look out for a New York announcement. I think there's going to be something there. Sign up for the mailing list on burbigs.com. You will be the first to know about that New York. Working Out is produced by myself along with Joseph Burbiglia, who's my brother, as well as Peter Salomon.

Consulting producer, Seth Barish. Sound recording by Cynthia Daniels and Parker Lyons. Video recording by Nick Dimitrilakis. Sound mix by Shubh Saran. As always, a special thanks to Mike Berkowitz, as well as Marissa Hurwitz and Josh Upfall. Special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleachers for their music. It's another Jack Antonoff music project that is part of the old man in the pool. I won't give that away.

As always, special thanks to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein. Her book, Little Astronaut, a book of poems. It's gorgeous. Comes out in September. You can preorder now. Follow her on Instagram, at jhopestein. As always, a special thanks to my daughter, Una, who helped create the original Radio Fort Meade of Pillows

now that we're in Los Angeles. She helped me today create another Radio Fort Meade of Pillows. We're recording this right now. She's holding a blanket next to my head as we speak. Una, do you have any advice for the folks? She's a little shy. So I'll tell you a piece of advice she gave me the other night for my opening night here in Los Angeles. She said, pretend the audience is doing headstands.

I think that's pretty good stand-up advice. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, we're working it out. See you next time. Thanks, everybody.