Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - 85. Iliza Shlesinger: When You're Hot Forever

Episode Date: October 31, 2022

Iliza Shlesinger is one of the most prolific comedians on the planet, with six specials including her latest, Hot Forever, and a new comedic memoir, All Things Aside. Mike and Iliza bond over their hard-to-pronounce last names, Iliza explains why she doesn’t like being described as “brash,” and we learn why Iliza was born to work out jokes.Please consider donating to Team Rubicon

You and I, I want to say met on a flight to Australia? Yes. Okay. Right, because obviously we were. And you were just nice. And are you the one that gave me the sleeping pill or was that Pete Holmes? Pete Holmes. Every time I'm like, who gave it to me?

Were you the one who gave it to you? No, because on the flight, Pete Holmes took some sleeping pills. Multiple because he's so big. Do you remember what he was doing on the flight? No. Okay, he was super high from sleeping pills because we were flying to Australia for the festival in Melbourne.

Yeah. And he like held court in the flight. Like he was like doing five minutes. Like he was telling stories. He was doing bits. Were they laughing? People were laughing. No, they weren't.

You're trying like not to sell them down the river. like stories. He was doing bits. Were they laughing? People were laughing with Moran. You're trying like not to sell him down the river. Welcome back to Working It Out. That is the voice of the great Eliza Schlesinger.

By the way, I say Schlesinger wrong during the episode. I apologize to Eliza. She's a great comic. I said Schlesinger. And look, as a Mike Birbiglia, who has a last name Birbiglia, I know what it's like to have people pronounce your name wrong all the time.

So I apologize. Birbiglia, literally, yeah, we talk about this in the episode, but we have that in common that we have challenging last names. We have a great chat. She's an extraordinarily talented and prolific comedian. Six Netflix specials. The recent one is called Hot Forever. The last one was called Elder Millennial that she shot on an aircraft carrier.

She has a new book called All Things Aside, which is great. It's a big week, by the way. We just had our first weekend of The Old Man and the Pool on Broadway. I can't thank you enough. It was packed. The crowds were great. The set looks great. By Beowulf Barrett, who actually has a book out right now about theater set design. He's designed hundreds and hundreds of theater sets. And the whole design team is just phenomenal. Hannah and Aaron and Seth and Tony, just like an extraordinary group of people came together to put on this show, and now I'm doing it for 70 performances.

Count them, 70 performances on Broadway. It was just, I mean, I feel so lucky, and it's, yeah. There's not much I can say about it. I'm thrilled that you folks are coming, and if you want to get the best deal on tickets, you can go to perbigs.com to find the details app. What I've experienced is if you get the TodayTix app, you get phenomenal deals on tickets. I mean, I saw tickets on there all the way through Christmas for 30, 40, 50,

60 bucks that are really good seats. So I would do that because some of the tickets are, prices are wild. Some of the ticket prices are like, wait, do I get an airplane too? Some of the sticker players are like, wait, do I get an airplane too? And I apologize for that. I have nothing to do with that. Some things are out of my control. I hope you enjoy my conversation with the great Eliza Schlesinger. It's funny. We're working it. It's funny.

Like, until you have your friend on a podcast, you don't know where they're born. You're East Coast. No, not really. I was born here. But then moved. Yeah. When I was, like, two. Oh, okay, okay.

But sometimes people get bios wrong, and it's like a New Yorker, and I'm like, in my heart and in my pace, I'm a New Yorker. Right. My family's from New York, but I'm from Dallas, Texas. Okay. Nobody gets that. That's interesting. I know. Are you military family? I'm Jewish.

Oh, I thought military family because when you did the Elder Millennial special on like that aircraft carrier. I was like, I wonder military family. No, I am very lucky to have gotten to do USO shows. Yes, I knew that. A lot of comics do, but they really, the first one I got to do like really tugged at my heart. Like it was such an eye-opening experience if you are a civilian that doesn't have military family and you don't come from a place where a lot of people go into the military yeah so going on a christmas tour going to iraq going afghanistan and seeing

firsthand i get goosebumps yeah what these people give up it just hit me and it has informed my patriotism yeah in a very specific way and so we i don't know if you've done one of these like yeah i've done some but i haven't done as many as you. Well, it's not, you know, all my stars. We did a show on an aircraft carrier in Bahrain, like in the ocean. And it was such a cool feeling to see the thing open and all the service men and women are there. So I came home and Netflix was like, this is kind of bullshit. They're like, we want higher production value out of our specials. I'm like, really?

Because I've never seen anyone. That's so funny. Like this isn't, we're not Tom Cruise. Like I'm not flying my own plane. So we found an aircraft carrier because I wanted it to feel like Because I've never seen anyone. That's so funny. Like, this isn't, we're not Tom Cruise. Like, I'm not flying my own plane. So we found an aircraft carrier because I wanted it to feel like it did when I did it. Nice. But like, no one else got that note. Like, I don't see anyone else spending hundreds of thousands of dollars.

No, I thought that about your new special, too. I was like, production value on the special is much higher than your regular special. Oh, that's so funny. Did you know? I tried to keep it down. Really? Because I was like, nobody, if the jokes aren't't fire nobody cares if you did it on mars i know you mean it's just a blue background wait this one the one that comes out on the hot one the

hot one forever hot forever hot i was just like they're like how's this background i'm like it's fine as long as it's not red it's fine you and i have this thing in common, which is like, neither of us are affiliated with like some kind of big comedy institution that it's like Eliza from blank, Mike from blank. What do you mean? Like Boom Chicago? The Daily Show. Oh, right. SNL.

Neither of us have a job. Right. We don't have a job. From Will and Grace, from this. You know what I mean? Like there's no single thing. Like you're just Eliza from Eliza. I'm just Mike from Mike. Do you like that or do you wish like deep down it was like from big

love that's what I was asking is early on in my career I was like desperately wanted to have one of those Mike from blank a big thing where people go oh right from blank and now that I'm not I'm like oh I'm glad that I'm not yeah because it like, oh, I'm glad that I'm not. Yeah. Because it, like, sticks you to that thing forever. I guess it's kind of like, it is what it is, so you may as well be okay with it. Yeah. For the longest time, it was Last Comic Standing, which was cool. I can't believe I'm even bringing it up because I hate doing that.

Oh, my gosh, that's so funny. I forgot that you were on that. Thank you. Did you win? Yes. And it's, like, such a— You would win. You're a winner. a you would win you're a winner thank you it was such like i'm 30 and i won when i was like 24 25 holy cow i'm always reticent to bring it up and here i'm like but

i only say it because like for a little bit that's cool but like once a show has been off the air for a decade like yes it's time it's like it's time when you're like a tertiary cast member and you're like still signing fan art and you're like remember my arc cast member and you're like still signing fan art. And you're like, remember my arc that I had on season two? So you just hope that you have accomplishments that eclipse that. Right. That's what it is. Not proud of it. Just like, all right.

But you know what's painful about it, I find, is that it leaves the marketing of you in other people's hands. So I bet sometimes you'll show up at a gig and they'll be like, she'll say anything, Eliza Schlesinger, or some kind of hokey thing. Can you tell me about yours? What my version is? Yeah, because I know what mine is. Mine will be like, he's clean. He's clean.

I can't even get it out. It'll be like, he's clean cut and fun and clean kind of thing. Christian humor. Church humor. Right. Although over the years, fortunately, they now say storyteller, which I'm fine with. Yeah, that's good. Okay, that's good.

That's like another revolution. But it used to be like clean and young. It is clean. You are synonymous with that. I know. I don't want to be. I've heard even before I knew you. It's like Mike Birbiglia, like clean. Are you clean like Birbiglia? I don't want to be. I've heard, even before I knew you, it's like, like Mike Birbiglia, like clean.

Are you clean like Birbiglia? I don't want that, but that's what happens. But I think there's, I'm glad that, I'm glad you have that struggle too. Because particularly for women, and this is almost any woman in comedy, you get words, you get adjectives that men don't get, like brash.

Yes. You get opinionated. Yes, oh my gosh. Like unfiltered. And I'm like, this is very rehearsed. Like I chose these words very specifically.

This is not like just diarrhea coming out of my brain. Like unfiltered diarrhea. And for women, it's always a sign like, wow, she's just a nut and she's, they'll say anything.

It's almost like they're apologizing for you before you walk on stage. It's like a, just so you know, you're in for like a sexy good time because she's brash. And it's like, because I said the F word. Right. What any other male comedian would say and you wouldn't use that descriptor. And you're clean, but I'm also like, I guess for all intents and purposes, I'm clean.

Like I don't say like pussy. Like I don't, I'm not as blue. Yeah. But I also think there's such, there's a gradient to it. And it's also like, what is the, are we at a YMCA fundraiser? Like, what is clean? Yeah. God forbid you say, like, I had sex when I was 20.

It's like, oh, X-rated. Right, totally. Raunchy, that's another one women get. Oh, raunchy, right. I hate that word. Well, it's interesting, like, in the Forever Hot special, you just go, I guess, to use a basketball analogy, because everyone knows I'm great at basketball. Take it to the hole.

You took it to the hole. You got in the paint. I wanted to call it go hard in the paint. Go hard in the paint. But I was like, my whole demo won't get that. For real? I just felt like it was a little too inside baseball as a basketball term. No, but you went hard in the paint with pro-choice stuff, with Roe v. Wade stuff.

And it's like, I was like, kudos. And it's so definitively just, I'm going to lay this out for you. It's not subtle. It's not in the middle of like a 10 minute chunk about women's reproductive rights. It's like, just so you know, this is my stance on this. And I feel very strongly about it. And I was like, my hat is off to you because you have a, you have a very wide audience and there's 30% of people who don't agree with that. And your audience is like a hundred percent of people. Like, I think you're Sure. And your audience is like 100% of people.

Like, I think you're one of those people who is like, you have mass appeal. Thank you. Like, you know, red and blue people like you a lot. And so, like, did you weigh the cons and the pros and cons of that whole? No. No.

I think that in your life, there are things. Every once in a while, there are hills that are so big, you have to die on them. You cannot pick every battle. And I think some comics make the mistake, if you are someone who wants these liberal things, like if you are constantly beating your drum, people are going to tune out.

So it's all about how do you make it digestible? And how do you, I will look back on my career, and if I did not in my life, and there are certain things like you want to be able to say, I stood for that in a meaningful way and I am fortunate enough to have that microphone and I do think my fans who are who don't think like me the feedback I get is I don't agree with your politics but I like your comedy yeah and I think that's that's powerful too yeah that they're like because there are comics that say things that I don't agree with. I'm like, but they're still funny.

There are people we know who I'm like, that is a horrible person who did bad things, but his jokes are fire. Yeah. Like you can separate the two. Yeah.

Margaret Cho wrote the foreword to your book and it's interesting because she talks about meeting you at the Washington, D.C. Improv. You know that's where I started working

The Door. I didn't know that. That's where I started comedy. Washington, D.C. And I. You know that's where I started working The Door. I didn't know that. That's where I started comedy. Washington, D.C. And I opened for Margaret Cho. Well, she's a tentpole of comedy. She's a beast. She's a delicate beast.

She's a legend. She's also so kind in a way that someone who's been working in this industry for that long doesn't have to be. Yeah. And just always delightful to talk to, funny. And, you know, I, she had, like, she was an Asian woman with her own sitcom.

And everybody asked. She was huge. Like, that happened. And it's so cool that Asian comics and Asian Americans are getting this moment now where we're like, oh, you know, you're not a stereotype. But, like, she was there. Oh, yeah.

At the forefront of this. Well, she's one of the—she's an example of, like, before people were going out of their way to program diverse talent in different spaces, she broke through before that. Yeah. That's how good she was. And different and fully tattooed with the softest skin. With the softest skin. Delightful to be with on her skin so soft.

And she's just, nothing phases her. Yeah. Like, I've never seen her be like, wait, like, there's no, I'm sure there is anger because she's a comic, but just steady. Yeah. With great style. And I was like, oh, you can do comedy that isn't the typical club, road club comedy. Yes. And your audience will show up.

Like, her audience came to see what she was doing, which was, like, storytelling. Yeah. This is, like, very seminal thing. Who did you, when you were starting out, who were your people where you were like, oh, you can do it like that? I didn't have any people. You didn't have it. people where you were like, oh, you can do it like that? I didn't have any. You didn't have it. It's, I have, I, it's such a solo sport. Yes. And I didn't start at an improv, like I didn't start working somewhere and it wasn't, it was, I had a day job and I just started doing standup. No one said I could, no one said I couldn't. And I found like a group of dudes that like ran a show at a

bar and they gave me time and that became my group of dudes that like ran a show at a bar and they gave me time. And that became my group of like these like middle-aged men that I was friends with. What bar? It was called, it's so sad. It's a bar that doesn't exist anymore above a restaurant that doesn't exist anymore. It was called Room 5. And it was like a place that people went for comedy. It was above a Malfi restaurant. And this guy, you know, they gave me some time and then they said I could come back. And so you just sort of, there's no handbook for this. I didn't know about the Comedy Store

and I knew what the improv was because I would pass it, I passed the Addison Improv on my way to school when I was in high school. Oh, that's a great club. Yeah, like one of the last clubs to like outlaw smoking indoors. Oh, that's really funny. But I just kind of cobbled together this experience.

And you make your friends, and then I found out, who knows how, the Comedy Store, and you become a regular there, but there was no, like a lot of people are like, oh, I wrote on this show, and that's how I met my friends. Mine was just, and I became a headliner so young because of the show. Because of Last Comic Standing.

So you're just out on the road with no guidance. Wow. No comics telling you, no women saying, here's what you do. And I'm just, in my mind, I'm like, I'm the only one to ever do this because I'm just making this up as I go. Yeah.

I would watch Pablo Francisco. Oh, interesting. He's so good. He's so good and he does sounds. I like energy. Yeah, I know you do great voices and sounds and all that stuff. It's, and my brother and I like energy. Yeah, I know you do great voices and sounds and all that stuff. My brother and I did it growing up, so I think I just sort of gravitated to the sounds that I wanted to hear.

Yeah. I enjoyed, you know, when I was younger, like Cat Williams. I love energy. Oh, Cat Williams is so funny. It's why I like watching Sebastian. Like, I love movement. Yeah. I love energy.

Clearly. And so it's not people that I take after as much as when I started doing it. You know, and those were the things that I liked. But as a comic, you don't watch enough because you're working, so you tend to leave. Yeah. At least I did. So I just sort of made it up. Yeah.

That's interesting. So you didn't have, but then who did you, even on TV, who'd you watch? Growing up, it was always sketch. Oh, that's interesting. My parents were divorced and my mom let me have a TV in my room. And so you'd like turn it on after you have to go to bed, you know, and I would sneak in like Martin. Because it was on TV. You don't know. I'd watch Martin. I'd watch a little bit of Bernie Mac. I would definitely watch In Living Color. know. I'd watch Martin. I'd watch a little bit of Bernie Mac. I would definitely watch In Living Color. I watched Kids in the Hall. Before you could fully grasp how brilliant it was, what they were doing. I was in middle school. Watch The State. I was a little young for The State, but I

still remember, like, I want to dip my balls in it. And then Nickelodeon had sketch shows, and I would watch those. And you're not judging it. It's just, I always say it's what like wafts into your comedy baleen, like whatever show you had. Oh, absolutely. And then you beg your mom for like a VHS copy of like Wayne's World and you watch Saturday Night Live and I would write my own sketches and you just, it's whatever was available. Yeah. I think a lot of people have like, my brother listened to Eddie Murphy or Richard Pryor, or my dad loved, like I didn't have any of that. So you're just piecing it together, which is why I always find it so frustrating because I'm a comic and it has nothing to do, like, as I get older, it's like, we have to stand up for women, but I didn't get into it despite being a woman, in spite of what anyone

said, I just did it. And so it's always this, like, you're not asking it, thank God. It's like, what women growing up? And I'm like, I didn't think of it as gendered. I never thought as funny as gendered until I got to LA and people started saying why women couldn't. And I was like, but I already did. And they already did. Yeah. So I always thought of myself as one of the guys. Oh, that's interesting. I just never thought about it because my mom was funny so to me women just say things it's really funny my mom is really funny too yeah the the um you do give like in your in your new special you do give advice to women and men you're like my advice for women is this

my advice for men is this i won't give away what it is. But it's like, do you ever get pushback from people being like, wait a minute, that's not true of all women, that's not true of all men, or whatever the thing is? I mean,

then comedy is so about specificities and generalizations to get you into the specificity, and it's like, cool mood killer. Yeah. Yeah, all women don't wear bras. You got me. Oh my gosh. I'll make sure to add that into the director mood killer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, women don't wear bras.

You got me. Oh my gosh. I'll make sure to add that into the director's cut. Yeah. But for the most part, like these things are true. Right. And I think too, if it's from a funny place versus like men are idiots, like there goes that.

Like no one wants to hear that. Right. And also I believe if it is your experience, it's yours to talk about. Right. So I don't know. I think the people that are all like the whataboutism or that's not true, it's like, okay,

it may not be true for you, but keep in mind, you laughed when you thought it was true for everyone else. That is so funny. Yeah, no, I think one of the strangest things about comedy right now is that we're living in like an age of decontextualization. So people will go – Oh, my God. That's so true.

Of like this comedian, this famous comedian said this and it's completely out of context. Yeah. And it's in the same font that the New York Times is in. Whatever, whatever. And then you're like, right, but it's like literally in the context of like a one-hour piece of comedy. Thank you. Yeah, it's weird. Well, people forget that this is art.

Like you have created an hour. It's a story. There's, at least for me, and I know for you, like there's a through line. There are arguments and examples to support the argument. You are not unfiltered, like pulling this out of your ass. Like this is, you worked on this and there's humor to support it so that even if you don't agree, it's still funny. And people just want to be outraged and we all feel so hurt so that when someone does say something, let's say it's a gay joke, you know,

rather than realize, oh, and he also made fun of himself and these two things prior, they're just pulling out the thing. Right. If you extrapolate anything for anyone, they can look like the worst human. Oh, yeah. This is a living, breathing piece of art. Yeah. So we asked these questions for what we call the slow round. Did you have a nickname in your life that was really good or really bad?

Really good or really bad? People don't really give me nicknames. Really? Your last name is like mine, where Schlesinger, I would say 90% of people spell it wrong. Literally 100. It is deeply anti-Semitic, but also I just let it wrong. Literally 100. It is deeply anti-Semitic, but also I've just let it go. I always say to people when they look at my name,

you know, the barista or whatever, and they'll go, and I'll be like, no, don't worry. I go, don't worry about it. He just takes a knee. It's like, I always go, like, whatever comes out is fine. Yeah. I don't care, especially for barista. I'm like, spell it however you want,

who cares? Yeah. A pet peeve of mine is when I do a podcast with someone I don't know and they open with, is it Chelsea? How do I say it? I'm like, do your fucking job and learn it before we're on the air. Yeah. This is so unprofessional. Yeah. But it is what it is. It should have a C and it doesn't. So they're not wrong when they misspell it. It should be a C. Do you remember being an inauthentic version of yourself where you look back and you're like, oh, I'm so embarrassed of that phase or whatever?

I have this chapter in my book about how hard it is to not be yourself, and there was a guy, and you might even know this person, but I'm not going to say the name. I'm not even going to look at you when I say it. Oh, gosh. Who I had a crush on forever, and we finally got to hook up.

This was in LA, in my 20s. And I accidentally bit his penis. Oh, my gosh. And it wasn't hard. It was just like a grazing, but that's uncomfortable. I can see your body language, even as I describe it. Yeah, yeah, it's hard. And in the moment, I leaned into it. He winced, as one language, even as I describe it. And in the moment I leaned into, he like winced as one should. And I leaned into it. Cause I was like, maybe if I act like I

meant to, he'll be like, Oh, she's so dark. I love it. And I did it again. And this, like the session was over. Like we were done. We were never going to be together. Cause I thought maybe like if I leaned into it, he'd think like, wow, she's so complex and i do love having my penis slightly bit oh my gosh it wasn't a bite it was a great but it's still and uh it's just that thing where especially when you're younger if someone's a little older and it's you you're just like you're like how do i make this work yes i had a crush on you yes yes and yes and i bit his penis and then i did it twice and i'm gonna do it again and i yep there was no Uber so I did have to sleep over but I left the next day

oh wow that's wild you totally know this person too wow yeah I'm gonna ask you off air I can't tell you oh you can't say

no I can't because I think this person never told anyone and I really respect that even though there's like nothing to be said but it was just

it's less about that and more about any time particularly as a girl when dating like the things that you do thinking like i'll be this girl right it's like oh no this is who i am this is who i am now yeah i am oh my gosh what's the best piece of advice that you've been given in your life that you used i i wish i had one of those like my dad always said this and and I remember, like, who's listening to other people? Like, who's really like, oh, okay.

And when someone's like, be kind, you're like, okay, sure, you first. And then there's advice that you know is true, but you really have to, like, keep repeating, like, nothing's ever personal. And you're like, sometimes it really is. Right. There's stuff like that. That's one of the four agreements. Don't take anything personally.

Which is like, okay, call me when that actually, like when you believe that. This is not advice. This is a bastardized quote that I live by from Casino that Robert De Niro says. It's basically,

either you're stupid or you're in on it. Oh my gosh. And he says, either way, I can't have it. Oh, my gosh. I love that.

And I use it not for so much interpersonal, but in terms of dealing with a dumb executive that fucks up something or someone on the booking side or just other people. Either you're too dumb to do your job right, or it's malicious and you've deliberately done it wrong. What is the, can you think of like a moment in your life that you didn't realize at the time actually affected the trajectory of your whole life?

Oh, okay. Okay, I have one. It's a good one. Okay. I didn't want to go on a date with my husband. Oh, there you go. Yeah, I had in my head like this set of criteria based on where I was in life. Like I didn't want a guy who like had roommates.

You know, I was like 35. I didn't want to like wake up like next, you know. It was like a guy who had roommates. I met him and he was like, I do have roommates. And I was like, all right, bye. And I think I like erased his whatever. And he was like, I'm not going to bother you. I'll erase your number.

Like he was cool. And I think Jody Miller, another comic in LA, was one of my best friends. I think she was like, you should call him or something. I don't remember. Yeah. But then he explained to me, he's, and he said, I could live by myself,

which is what you want. You want a man that's independent, not someone that like, I drop off sandwiches. I'm on my parents' insurance. I have no future. And he was like, I live with my friends because I'm a chef. So I work such late hours. So it's nice to come home to my best friends and we cook.

It was a more elegant answer. And so I went out with him. And then I think we went out a couple of times. And then there was that, like deciding to go on the date with him yeah because I almost didn't yeah and then there was like I think we'd gone out a couple nights and I was out with Jodi and she and I was like should I call him and invite him out she was like do it and I didn't want to and I think the stupid young girl part of me that was like just blow him off like just be a hurt person and see if you can you know and I didn't and I invited him right and like I never, we've been together ever since.

Aw. So it was just giving someone, like not cutting them off and just giving someone that chance that truly deserved it. Well, you didn't cut them off based on like your own criterion. Right. I let him explain. Yeah. Because we had context.

It wasn't just out of context. So, babe, if you're listening, really glad I met you. I love, I love, I love in your special where you go, I met my husband where we all met our husband on an app. Let's not pretend. So this is a section called From the Notebook. This is just half jokes. This is things that I wrote down. Okay. That aren't done. What I've realized about injuries,

like I'm 44, I'm older than you, but like injury, like I have a shoulder injury that's resurfacing from like 10 years ago. I'm not even kidding. Yeah. It's like,

I fractured, it's like 10 years ago, I'm rushing down subway steps. I'm always in a rush. I was in a rush. I was in a rush. I have nowhere to be. I've literally never had anywhere to be except being right here right now. And I trip.

This is at the West Fourth Stop. This is at the cellar. And I trip on the fourth step from the bottom. Yeah, I know. And it was my untied shoes, laces. My dad taught me how to tie my shoes when I was a kid, and he wasn't around much. And I trip.

I fly in the air. I land. I'm not exaggerating even at all. I land on the ball of my shoulder, and I'm lying on the ground in the subway. And I'm just like writhing in pain, just like, please help. People are just blowing past me. I'm not crazy.

I'm like a homeowner. I'm a husband. Father, please help me. People are just blowing past me like, you need help? No? Good. Oh, they did acknowledge you.. People are just blowing past me like, you need help? No? Good. Oh, they did acknowledge you. Sorry.

They acknowledged and then left. I mean, no one helped. What's amazing is I've done this a couple times on stage, and people will laugh, and I go, you're laughing because you've been one of those people. Yes. And I want you to know that we of the floor are aware that you do not wish to help.

We're not fooled by your faux generosity. So the end of the story is... We of the floor? We of the floor. I like that part of it. I like that part of it. We of the floor. And then a week goes by,

and I finally go to... I go to an orthopedist, and he does an x-ray, and he goes, you fractured the ball of your shoulder. Can I write stuff down as you talk? Are we beating out the show? Oh, sorry. Can I have a pen? Yeah.

I went to the orthopedic doctor and he did an x-ray. And he goes, you know, the ball of your shoulder is fractured. And I go, oh, wow. And he goes, yeah. He goes, I'm surprised it took you a week to come in. People who have what you have walk into this office every day, screaming in pain, literally screaming. And I said, that's how I feel on the inside all the time.

Oh. Okay. Here's what I would say. Here's what I like for you. I'm surprised it took you a week to come in. You're like, yeah, I've been on the floor. Oh, that's what I would say. Here's what I like for you. I'm surprised it took you a week to come in. You're like, yeah, I've been on the floor. Oh, that's funny. This whole time.

I've been on the floor. I've been on the floor. Yeah, yeah. We have the floor. I love we have the floor. I just feel like, I don't know how you handle this. I would be like, yeah, I already have the joke. But since this is the second.

No, no, I don't have it. I don't have it. It's not in anything. So you say we have the floor. Yeah. And then in my heart, it's not in anything so you say we have the floor yeah and then in my heart it's like you ever been a floor person

to someone and then they'll be like yeah one time then you get to have all that delicious crowd work of like the dumb thing they did to fall oh that's nice

I love that you ever been a floor person a floor person is someone that you know like you see them all the time oh like help and I can't get up I fall and I can't get up

is the oldest floor person reference. Right, the original floor person. So that's, we have, so just talking about that. And then I wrote build out an answer. What did I say? I've never been a floor person. Oh, yeah. Because what I missed was when you were laying on the floor,

you were, were you saying help? Or were people just like, do you need help? And you said yes, and they ignored you? No, it was just like, please. You know what I mean? But they didn't, people people just like, do you need help? And you said yes, and they ignored you? No, I was just like, please. But they didn't, people would say like, are you good? They would just say, are you good? Yeah, people were like, are you okay? Good, you know, and then they'd be gone.

I would just, I would stay in that pocket. Just stay in that scene. I didn't say okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't say okay. I'm definitely not, just saying it, like the awkwardness, and then because it really gets into the humanity of people. Like New Yorkers are nice people, but they're so desensitized. Like you would have to send up a flare to be like,

this is not part of my day-to-day. Right, right. Like I don't belong on this floor. And then the tag of I've been on the floor. I had no intention of being here on the floor. I don't know how I got here. Yeah. I just think there's a lot to be mined

from what other horrible things they might say to you. Yeah. Especially, are you good? You're like, no. And they're like, all right. Because no one's listening. The greater point is that nobody pays attention. Everyone's desensitized.

I think it is a good point. I think I always defend New Yorkers as being like good people generally, and I don't think the cliche of that everyone's like a jerk is true. It's very like outdated. But that being said, no one picked me up from the floor. Not only did no one pick you up from the floor, my biggest issue with New Yorkers is this very like,

we're all really nice teddy bears and everybody's very smart here. It's a smart, smart city. I've never seen this many people throw cigarettes into the street. Like, how can you be smart, but also like totally unaware of what an ocean is? It drives me crazy. You have all these museums here

and this is like the epicenter of culture. And you're like, the cigarette just disappears after I throw it. That's who's not helping you. Right. So people are just like myopic, I guess. This is a joke about when I was starting out in comedy, I opened for this guy.

Who? It was like a, it was this era of my career where I was driving around to gigs that no one wanted. Like one-nighters at restaurants in the middle of West Virginia. Like really far out shit. Yeah. Like really far out. It's a state no one wants.

And I was opening up to this guy. I won't say his name, but he goes like, he goes, where do you live? I go, New York. And he goes, I went to New York once. I got my girlfriend an abortion. All I saw was the inside of an abortion clinic. And I go, yeah, you really have to spend a few days there to get the feel for the town.

I love that. What if your answer was just like, no, you got the gist of it. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. No, no, that's funny. I opened for a guy once who goes, this was when I was starting out and these gigs were terrible, terrible, terrible. I opened for a guy once who goes, this was starting out like these gigs were like terrible, terrible, terrible. I opened for this guy who goes,

how much do you pay for that laptop? I go, I don't know, like I think $500. He goes, I get you one for $200. I go, really? He goes, yeah, it's hot. True story. And I go, I think I'm good. Yeah. And he goes, I think I could get you one for 150. And then I'm thinking, I think I like hot. Oh, you know what I mean? Like maybe hot, maybe hot's my price range. Okay. Here's what I think. You have a laptop.

How much is your laptop? The guy, you got 500. The guy goes, I can get you one for 200. And you're like, I already have one. Right. You don't need it. That's a good point. That's a fair point. It could be free. You still don't need it.

Yes. And then what does he say? He says, oh yeah. When he goes 200, 300, he goes, I can get you one for 100. I'd be like, now I'm starting to think, are you going to steal my laptop? Right. No, as you were saying that, I was thinking the same thing, which is in hindsight, I'm like, wait, if he was willing to sell a hot laptop,

maybe he would steal mine. But the bigger issue is he's solving a problem you don't have. That's true. You don't need this. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. When I wake up, I don't know if you have this. When I wake up, I never think like, this is this. When I wake up, I never think like,

this is going to be a good day. I always think like, I think I have to make a list. You know what I mean? Is this a joke? Yeah, that's all I have on it. I always wake up hoping for the best. Do you really? I do. I wake up, I'm like, today's going to be a great day.

Wow. And then it's even funnier when bad things like immediately happen. Like that's when you sprain your ankle. Right. People always talk about setting an intention. And I would only set one so that it's so funny when it gets dashed. Right. Because it's not funny the other way.

It's not funny if you're like it's going to be a shitty day and then it is. It's funny if you're like bright lights, big city, look out, here I come. Oh, fuck, my hand. Right. You're absolutely right. So if you want to have a funny life where you can laugh, always hope for the best. That way, when it inevitably sucks, at least it's funny. Do you have that in the moment of pain? Yeah.

In the moment of pain, you go, this will be a bit? Not so much it'll be a bit as much. In my book, I talk about having a miscarriage, which is like so heavy, but I make it funny. And I talk about, I believe if one thing bad happens, it sucks. If two things bad happens, then it's just like, ugh. But if you can get a list going of like three or more, it's like this cosmic receipt you present at the end of the day.

So when you retell that story, it's funny. Like it's not funny on Curb Your Enthusiasm when like Larry David does one thing wrong, but at the end of the episode, when it's been. Like it's not funny on Curb Your Enthusiasm when like Larry David does one thing wrong, but at the end of the episode when it's been like 15 things, this combination. And so like I had this miscarriage and then it found out because I had a polyp. It's a long story. A polyp. So the doctor's like, you need to get the polyp removed and it has to be on your birthday. So I'm going for a polyp removal on my birthday. That's so funny. And it has to be in Huntington Beach. God forbid we do it at Cedars-Sinai by my house,

which is an hour plus away. Wow. And it has to be in rush hour. And so just that of like going in for surgery on your uterus on your birthday is so sad. I mean, everything's great in the end, but it's not, it has to be funny at a certain point. Yeah.

But I just think building a case for why you had the shittiest day kind of makes it better. I like that. I like that in your special, the new special, where you talk about how you had a miscarriage. And you're basically like, most women you know have probably had a miscarriage. Something like that. You say something. You were almost a miscarriage, yes.

Exactly. Yes. something like that you say something you were almost a miscarriage yes exactly and you're just like saying these things is we're we should be talking about this right like i love that thank you because i think that's at the heart of like why comedy is even beyond just being entertainment is a meaningful catharsis like why i like why it's meaningful to me that we even do this and watch people do it and like is that you're you're talking about stuff that like you're not gonna talk and say in small talk at it you know when you're talking to another parent or whatever right and like that's i love that i agree and i also think that's why

um billy crystal and mr saturday night which i think is like the stand-up comedy movie I agree and I also think that's why Billy Crystal in Mr. Saturday Night which I think is like the stand-up comedy movie he says you can't be funny during the day there are no day clubs, there are night clubs you're not funny on the day show, you're funny on the night show and what he's talking about is this is a thing that should be consumed in the dark you are bearing your soul, your vulnerability

for this audience of strangers with this tacit agreement that we all mean no harm, or at least it should be that. And I do it in the dark so I don't have to look at any of your faces, but I can just feel your energy. And it is something that should be consumed quietly and privately like a peep show because we're talking about very honest things. So it should be done in the dark because it's like this trade. Yes. I'm exchanging my vulnerability and you're laughing which means you get it.

Yeah. And it's embarrassing. Yeah. And then the lights come up and then you get all the candy. All the applause. I love that. That's a great way to end.

Thank you. That's beautiful. It means so much to me that you think that. Oh, that's great. You're like the guy. I'm not the guy. Some other guy like the guy i'm not the guy you're the some other guys the guy we do a thing called working at effort cause where there's an organization that you think

is doing a good job then i contribute to it we link to them in the show notes okay i thought about this because there's so many good ones. But since you're going to make a donation, there's an organization called Team Rubicon. Okay. And I've done like some fundraisers for them and this is an organization

that takes vets, like military vets, and they get to help with like natural disasters and relief and like boots on the ground kind of stuff. And the more garbage

that keeps happening, the more climate change induced disasters, the more ways that we're affected by hurricanes or floods or whatever. These people who are trained, things like this, are on the ground giving of their time. And I just think it's a cool organization. Team Rubicon USA.org disaster response.

This is great. It's just people helping people that are qualified. And these are people who are good at that kind of thing. And I think it's great that they're able to do that. And I've worked with them before. So I knew that they were real versus like just Googling something before this. Well, I will contribute to them. I will encourage other people to contribute as well.

The link is in the show notes. Thanks, Eliza. And congratulations on all the great specials and your book and everything. Holy cow. Thanks, Mike. Working it out because it's not done. Working it out because there's no one.

That's going to do it for my conversation with Eliza Schlesinger. You can watch Eliza's special Hot Forever on Netflix. You can get her book, All Things Aside, at your local bookstore. You can follow her at at Eliza's special Hot Forever on Netflix. You can get her book All Things Aside at your local bookstore. You can follow her at at Eliza S on Instagram or on Twitter. It's at Eliza. Our producers of Working It Out are myself, along with Joseph Birbigli and Peter Salomon,

associate producer Mabel Luz, consulting producer Seth Barish, assistant producers Gary Simons and Lucy Jones, sound recording by J.N. Wang. Sound Mix by Ben Cruz. Supervising Engineer Kate Balinski. Special thanks to Marissa Hurwitz and Josh Upfall. Mike Insiglieri's Mike Berkowitz. Special thanks to Jack Hananoff and Bleachers for their music.

Congrats to Jack on all of his success. He's, holy cow, he produced the Taylor Swift album that I was lucky enough to be in the music video for Antihero. He worked with Taylor closely on that one, and it's phenomenal. He also produced the 1975 album that just came out. Amazing. These are great albums. Jack is amazingly talented and we use his Redhurst song in The Old

Man and The Pool. We're so grateful. Special thanks to J-Hope Stein. Her book Little Astronaut is in bookstores now. Special thanks as always to my daughter Una who built a radio fort made of pillows which is perfect for your sonic needs.

Thanks, most of all, to you who are listening. I can see when you write the little message on Apple Podcasts. I know it's such a small thing, writing a little thing on Apple Podcasts, and you think, oh, I'll leave that to other people. thing on Apple Podcasts, and you think, oh, I'll leave that to other people. But in this case, it's really the only way that people find the podcast. Like, literally, I mean, people like you who are listening to this, you probably found this because you've been watching my specials or whatever. Maybe you're a fan of Eliza. But if you really like this podcast, just go on, write, like, I like this. I like this. My favorite episode was this.

It means the world to us. Thank you, everybody, for telling your friends and telling your enemies. You know, this episode drops on Halloween. So I know you, you know, let's say you develop an enemy on Halloween. Someone comes to your house and they throw eggs at your house, right? And that's an awful thing. I can't condone that. Maybe you stop them and go, hey, put your eggs down for a second. I want to tell you about a podcast I really enjoy. It's called Working It Out. It's a comedian you may or may not have heard of named Mike Birbiglia, and he works out jokes with other creatives. It's

fun. It's not scary. Hey, come back here, egg thrower. I'm gonna give you some candy. See you next time, everybody.