Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - Advice for New-ish Comedians (with Gary Simons and Listener Questions)

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Mike welcomes back comedian Gary Simons, who, since his last appearance on the podcast, opened for Mike on his latest tour, had a few of his stand-up bits go viral, and has been performing at the Comedy Cellar. Now, Mike and Gary answer listener questions from people who have taken the leap into stand-up comedy and are looking for advice about how to continue. They discuss open mics, bombing, pre-show mantras, and more.

Hey everybody, it's Mike for Biglia. We are back with another episode of Working It Out. We have a really cool episode today. We have a return visit from Gary Simons, who is the comedian who actually we toured together for the last two years leading up to this special, The Good Life, which comes out May 26th. If you have Netflix, go on the coming soon part and click on remind me, that's like a real thing, and it will show up on your Netflix when it comes out May 26th.

I'm so excited to share it with you. I have a great conversation with Gary today. If you are someone who is in the first few years of doing standup or just trying a new kind of creative form, this is a great episode. We talk about sort of like, where does one begin? Gary started doing standup a few years ago and at this point he was on tour with me, he

got past of the Comedy Cellar in the fall, and so he's doing really well, and it's kind of like a next steps conversation today, and we take some questions from Instagram. We talk about doing open mics, we talk about being okay with bombing, we talk about telling stories and feeling like it's worth it to even hear your stories at all. If you want to follow Gary on Instagram, he is at Gary from Connecticut on Instagram. Such funny clips from Gary Simons over there. Enjoy my conversation with the great Gary Simons. We're working it. Welcome back to Working It Out.

It's Mike Birbiglia. I'm here with Gary Simons today for the second time. How are you, Gary? I'm good, I'm good. Gary was on the show two years ago? Yeah, just about. This came up recently, because Ira Glass came on

and he was doing standup for the first time, after being a radio icon for many, many years. He's doing standup, and he wanted advice on how to stand up. Two years ago, you were a new comic, you had just moved to New York. We have this thing in common, which is you were the funniest person on campus,

winner at Georgetown University, 23 years after me or something like that. That's what I meant. And then you started opening for me, you opened for me on the whole tour of what is now the Good Life special. And you killed and now you're working at the Comedy Cellar, one of my favorite clubs in the world

or my favorite club in the world, and you've been working there since October. And so now, I would say, let's touch base with more questions from someone who you're now, you know, three, four years into being a stand-up comedian. Yeah, three, four years into stand-up, but two years ago I asked questions like, new comic to a veteran comic about like, certain things like, oh, how do you get in the clubs, all that kind of stuff. being a stand-up comedian? and now has more questions or discovered new things. Right, and then in addition to that, we asked people on Instagram if they have questions

for the first few years of doing stand-up, and then we can answer those together. Alright, cool. So do you have a question you want to start? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last time I was on the podcast, we talked about how the important thing with stand-up is just getting as much stage time as possible, which I feel like is true.

I feel like I've improved so much from stage time. I also remember on the Chris DiStefano episode, he said that he would go to 50 open mics like a week every week, which I don't, I feel like almost feels impossible now. Like I was trying to look, find like 50 different open mics in a week, but I was curious when you started out,

like how often were you getting up on stage? And then how often do you think a new comic should get on stage in a week? So when I started in Washington, D.C., there wasn't, like you're saying, there wasn't that many open mics. I mean, there was literally like, oh, there was one open mic in Virginia on Wednesday nights in Tyson's Corner, Virginia, in the lounge of the Best Western. And then there was, every now and then I would do like open mics that weren't even comedy.

This is in the late 90s. I would just do like music open mics, do standup. Nobody wanted it. And then when I moved to New York, it was like, I got past it some clubs and there were some open mics and some rooms like that are booked technically, but they're, you know. I don't know, what do you call those?

They're technically booked, but yeah, I call them like, I don't know, independent shows, like bar shows. I don't know if you're saying the same, bar shows. People call them mics, booked mics, whatever, open mics, booked mics. So I would do a lot of that. I would do like a combination of clubs and mics

and booked mics would be like, I would do like between three and seven sets a night. Wow. Seven nights a week. So I would say, yeah, at the top end, it would be 49 using that math. But I don't think I ever did 49 sets in a week. Like I think I probably topped out

at like 20 to 30 sets a week. But I do think like one of the weird things is like doing like mics that are like not great, that are like hard, is good. Yeah, those are my favorite ones, honestly. Is it really? Yeah, like I was like the ones that don't feel good, I'm like, I learned the most from this. Like I needed that.

Can you give me an example? In Connecticut, there's this mic that happened. I don't know if it's still around, but it used to happen, there's a bar where like, they wouldn't tell anyone that it's a mic. Like you would just, like only comedians knew that it was a mic. And then you would just start talking to a microphone

while people were like watching a game at the bar and they would heckle you during it. They didn't know you weren't supposed to heckle. They would just heckle because they were like, you're talking over my game. No one, like I used to walk off the stage feeling like, I think I lost a bit of my body. Like I think I lost my soul coming off the stage.

And like, and afterwards I used to be afraid of it. And then I was like, but doing that, Mike, if I could go up, do my set and still walk off, like I was like, oh, I'm stronger because of it. Like now when it goes well, I like, sure that's easy, but like when it's hard, can you stay up there, can you keep trying your material, can you win them over eventually? Yeah, it's weird.

It really is like weights in your feet, or windsurfing and heavy surf or whatever. It's like, I remember doing a show in Springfield, Missouri. I'll never forget it. It's like a pool table in the back of the room, people were playing, there's like a jukebox. And I'm like, I'm doing terribly. And then this comic, Tommy Johnigan,

who's a really great comic, he was young, he was probably 20 years old, he came to see me. And he was like, that was great. I was like, that was terrible. It was terrible. But it does, those shows weirdly do make you stronger because, I don't know, there's something about the challenge of it. If you can be interesting enough to be, people pay attention despite like 100 distractions,

then there's something to what you're saying. I also feel like that situation is always gonna happen again. Like it's always gonna happen one more time. So it's like, if you have that tough mic or that tough room, like going through that experience once and it doesn't go well, it's like, okay, you've learned from it and then it's gonna happen again. Like you're gonna do a show where there's gonna be people

who are playing pool in the back again. And you're like, okay, now I've done that before. I know what I could change from the last time. I know like, oh, I should engage this a little bit more, make a joke about the fact that I'm playing pool, something like that. Yeah, what's weird is at a certain point you realize that you're never going to get so good or so successful

that there won't be a gig where there's bad conditions. Like bad conditions are around your corner always. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're always going to exist. So yeah, whenever you have bad conditions, like yeah, do your best. Okay, next question.

We talked about before, how does someone get into clubs? And like last time we talked about it, does someone get into clubs and like last time we talked about it, it's different for every single person, it's kind of no perfect way to do it. My question is once that person's figured out a way to get in the clubs, like a club comedian, like that influencing you because there's a sound and there's a rhythm that can influence you so much that then you start taking that outside of there

and it doesn't really work or translate. You know, it's so funny when I, I had this exact concern when I was like in my twenties and I once I said to Mitch Hedberg, who's my idol, I go Mitch, now that I'm playing clubs, I fear that I'll become hacky. And he was just like, you will never be hacky because you don't like hacky.

You don't like hacky, so you'll never become hacky. I thought it was an interesting take, which is like, sure, being in a club, there is a certain rhythm to it, but ultimately, if you're doing what you think is funny, and some combination of what you think is funny and the audience thinks is funny, and that Venn diagram creates

what your comedy is eventually, it's gonna be ultimately you. Do you feel like there is any changes that you did make? Even though he told you that, do you feel like you changed anything? Or is there anything you did? Yeah, I think make, even though he told you that, do you feel like you changed anything or is there anything you did? Yeah, I think like the, I would say the thing that it's like two different

ends of the spectrum that I've learned. One is like, I remember talking to Jeff Ross, I opened for him at Baltimore many years ago and he watched my set and he goes, that was good. You should do it faster and louder. Because if you go faster and louder, you'll kill. And then I went in the second show, I went faster and louder and that did kill harder.

That is a club thing. Faster and louder is a club thing. So there's that, right? But then over the years, I've gone the other way, which is like, no, you know, more conversational, more personal one-on-one feeling. And by the way, it's not bad advice. For being a club act, sometimes being faster than a letter is good,

but it's a little bit diminishing returns. I'm curious, for myself and a lot of people who probably are in a couple years into it, when do you decide that you're done with an old bit and try working on a new bit? I guess it's like what's your process on like, okay, today I'm going to do old stuff and try and refine it versus I'm going to try this new bit that I've been writing out. I think it's like an age-old question, but it's harder to figure out when you're starting out, like in the first five, like five to 10 years, really.

Because on one hand, you want to get booked again. Yeah, that's my fear. It's like, no, no, do the, either just work the old thing so that they'd like you and then you can keep going. And I'm like, but I'm like, but I have nothing new if they ask for more. Right. Yeah.

So it's like a real conundrum. First five or ten years where you're trying to break in. Like, okay, I got to do the thing that works. But then also, I need to grow and expand and try talking about new things. And my theory on that is open strong, close strong, and then use the middle to try out one minute that's new, two minutes that's new if you're feeling good,

three minutes that's new if you're feeling really good, depending on where the crowd's letting you go. But just open strong, close strong, that's like the biggest thing. Yeah. And I think like, you got to get to a point where you work so many different rooms or mics that certain mics feel like you can really let go and just, and just be yourself and go. And then it's kind of great because sometimes

it's kind of like in tennis or something where you're like, sometimes when you're swinging away and you're not trying to hit everything in, you start hitting a lot of winners. You know what I mean? I think comedies like that, it's like if you can get a relationship with a certain show or a certain booker where they're like, if you can get a relationship with a certain show or certain booker

where they're like, hey, have fun with my shows. That's kind of great because even if it's a low profile show or whatever, you might be able to explore things about your personality that you never even thought about putting on stage. Because that's the thing about when you're starting out is, and even now, like I'm still figuring this out. It's like, you don't really know what the funniest thing about you is

until you try a bunch of embarrassing stuff about yourself. Yeah. I think as a comic, you have to take chances with making fun of yourself that put you out of your own comfort zone. Yeah, yeah. I think like a dangerous path in comedy is being cool.

I think you see that a lot with comics. They get like a good 10 minutes and they're killing with it. And then you see them in 10 years and like they're still doing the 10 minutes and they're killing with it. And then you see them in 10 years and they're still doing the 10 minutes. And then you go like, you got to go out of that comfort zone. Yeah. I mean I don't personally worry about being cool. I don't think that's on my radar of a potential concern.

like they rehearse and plan their jokes. Like I always consider myself as someone who like writes it out, kind of knows how I want to say it, says it how I want to say it, and like performs that way, but the other people are off the cuff. Do you feel like there's a one way or another is better? And what is your process for that? It's so funny.

When I was in college, I cold called Jim Gaffigan. I asked him to go to lunch. I told this story before, but it's a very specific thing from the lunch where he was like, he was like, do you improvise on stage or do you write your jokes out? And I had not considered the idea

that you could improvise on stage. I was like, what? People improvise standup comedy? Like, what? People improvise stand-up comedy? Like, what do you mean? And then years later, probably like seven years into stand-up comedy, I started improvising on stage. And I was like, oh, I get it. Because I do think that there's something

in stand-up comedy where you know something could be funny and you put it in front of an audience and the pressure's on. You gotta turn it into something that is tangibly funny because they're staring at you. I think over the years I've gotten better at that. I think it's just a comedy muscle over the years you get better at.

["The Last of Us"] Alright, so we're going to play some questions from Instagram people sent. Yeah. Okay. Hey, my name is Erica, and I'm just barely starting out with comedy. I'm taking a stand up class in Seattle and I'm in my 50s. It's just something I've always wanted to do. And so my question is, you know, we come to the stage with our issues and our confessions and observations and it's kind of what it's about.

But like as a woman, I like many others have been conditioned to not take up space and you know that our stories aren't worth hearing. So I'm interested in how I can get over that and really start to believe that any given story that I want to tell is actually worth telling. So like, is that just doing it or is there some sort of inner way to kind of quell that voice that says quit,

especially if you bomb? So that's my question, thanks. I relate to that completely. I mean, I question, thanks. I relate to that completely. I mean, I feel like, do you relate to that? Yeah, yeah, I relate to that. I feel like as a black person, there's also a certain level of like, oh, like people don't want to hear this

or like a lot of like repression about like, don't tell like, I have that as a five foot nine person. Yeah, I also have that as a five, seven person. It's a bi, it's a bi, it's a two way thing. I have a lot of identities that. No, I totally know what you mean. I mean, I have to say like, first time I told story

was as part of the moth and I was like shaking the whole time. I have the audio recording. You can hear my voice quiver. And the reason it's quivering is intertwined with what she's saying, actually. Which is like, there's something about telling a story where you're like, why am I doing this? There's an inner monologue where you're like, why am I wasting these people's time with my boring story?

Yeah, especially when it's in the sense, like when you're expecting people to laugh and you're like, oh, oh, I just told you, I just told you that I told you a terrible dynamic in my family and you're concerned. You're concerned. You're concerned. Or you're falling asleep, you're bored.

Oh, I know. Yeah. Oh, I know that feeling. Yeah, when you tell a story and you're divul asleep, you're bored. Oh, I know. Yeah. Oh, I know that feeling. Yeah, when you tell a story and you're divulging something about yourself and they're not laughing, you're just like, oh, I wish this day hadn't occurred. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a terrible feeling. But obviously I can't be inside of Erica's experience. Like everyone has their own experience with all this stuff. But what Erica, what you should know is you're not alone. I think like weirdly, like everyone feels that maybe to different extents.

And it is, it really is the jumping in the swimming pool of stand-up comedy to make the leap to people should hear this and to honestly trick yourself into believing that they might want to. Because when I was starting out, man, did I feel like no one wanted to hear any of the things I was saying.

Yeah, I feel like the two things I remember when I was starting out was that I watched someone go on stage and say probably some of the most vile material I'd ever heard said into a microphone. And I was like, I was offended. I feel like he said something that was racist, sexist, all these things. And it was on a book show, and I feel like he said something he should be able to be talking right now and saying things that I think are actively like,

regressing people in progress in a way that like, I wanted to go up there and like, do comedy and stand up, just to be like, it doesn't have to be that way. Like, I wanted to see the thing that like, I didn't think I was seeing. Yeah, I think that's a really smart way to think about it. So I would say to Erica, like, you know, tell the story,

tell the story you feel like no one's telling. And I think the more specific that gets and the more it's what you're feeling, potentially the funnier it'll be. And I think that honestly it was like the interplay of getting on stage and the audience reacting could help her get past that inclination to kind of not tell stories. Or here's the next question.

Hey, Mike, I'm a big fan of the show. I've been doing standup for three years now and I'm currently working on a story about how I accidentally dropped a rolly suitcase down an up escalator at the airport and it almost hit a little old lady with a cane but luckily someone saved her at the last second. The story really works with some audiences

but I'm finding that other audiences feel bad for the old lady and then in turn fully hate me. So my question is, how do you tell a story that makes you seem completely unlikable while still keeping the audience on your side? Thank you. I relate very much to what he's saying because basically every single one of my shows has stories contained in it where I'm the unlikable person.

And it is, especially the early versions of those stories are so hard to tell because you just kind of know, you're like, oh, this is gonna be tough. And the audience is kind of gasping maybe're not laughing in the right places and all. And it's awkward, you know? But I do think like that's the calibration of POV in comedy is figuring out how is what you're saying compelling enough to be interesting and funny,

but then like relatable enough to feel like the audience could imagine being in your shoes in that story. So like, in other words, sometimes you can step out and be like, just keep in mind, I'm worried about the woman also. It's the first thing I'm worried about, but blank. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, I would piggyback that,

I would suggest the exact same thing. Something that acknowledges that you feel, you recognize what they might be feeling in that moment. I have a joke about using WikiHow to tell a friend that I was into her, and which is a very embarrassing story. what they might be feeling in that moment. acknowledges like, I just want you to know like, I'm okay. Or like some type of thing that like lets people know, like sets the standards so that people aren't like worried about other aspects of your life or who you are outside of this moment.

Yeah, I'm okay is good. I think like, you know, I have the joke that I'm working on, I've done it on a couple episodes where I go, my daughter was swimming in a pool and it was late at night and she swam into the side and hit her head and she was bleeding and she was okay. First thing I thought was like, few and the second thought was, I'm so glad it was my wife's idea

for us to go swimming at night. It's like, it's that first thought of like few and or she's okay that I think a lot of times the audience needs in order to go with a comedic premise that has danger, especially for other people. No one wants to see an old lady fall down an escalator. Yeah, no one. Who's rooting for that?

No one. One eighth of the audience at most. One eighth, one eighth. You can't kill with one eighth. All right, let's try another one. Hey, everybody. Leah. Easy.

I am a brand new comic in Chicago, and so I'm so excited that you're taking these questions because your girl needs some advice. Your girl. I am super new, as I mentioned, which is probably even an overstatement. I just took a class at the Lincoln Lodge, which was awesome. And we had a great final showcase. It was my first time on stage and I think it went well. I loved it. I'm excited to be getting out and sharing my material, but I cannot get over the hump of the open mic. It's super intimidating. Everyone that is at these open mics has been doing it for years.

So I've been to a few, but I've yet to actually go up on stage myself. So just need a little motivation, a little confidence boost, a mantra, something that has worked for you when you get stage fright or are afraid of sharing new material. Maybe it was something that wore off after a few tries in the beginning, but would love any sort of advice to just get me over this first hurdle, get me off the high dive and into the deep end. So excited about all of it.

And thanks so much for all the work you guys are doing. You're an amazing inspiration. That's so nice. Well, I'll share my mantra. I've never shared this before. Before I go on stage, do you know what it is? I think I know what it is. You've seen me do it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't hear you say it out loud, but I see you bend down and you touch the ground, and then you throw your hands up into the sky, and you do that a few times. It into the sky and you do that a few times You do that a few times I don't ever say anything because I do my own thing where I'm like I'm doing a what I usually do like a wonder Woman pose like in the mirror and I tell myself like affirmation wonder woman. Why is it one?

I don't why not wonder why it's just like it's like a superhero What's different from Wonder Woman and Wonder Man wonder man? Well, there's not a wonder Superman Wonder Woman and Wonder Man. Wonder Man, well there's not a Wonder Man. Or no, Superman? Superman, yeah. This is someone who really doesn't understand comic books. What about Wonder Man? Wonder Man, I think there is a Wonder Man, but I know you're not talking about it. I say Wonder Woman because that's how I learned it, as Wonder Woman as opposed to Superman,

but I do the Wonder Woman, Superman pose in the mirror, and I tell myself affirmations like I'm in the help, like I'm smart. Like you're funny, like I'm smart. Like you're funny. Like I tell myself that usually, which helps gives, like literally I think there's a physiological response that happens that helps get testosterone off.

I completely agree with you. Which helps. I think that's a great one. So mine is people can steal this. I bend down like Gary's saying, I bend down, I touch the earth, I say, I tell stories from the earth and I reach up to the sky and I go, and I take inspiration from the heavens.

I tell stories from the earth, inspiration from the heavens, I do it over and over again. Cause I want there to be, I want what I'm doing to be grounded, but then I want there to be a mysticism to it that's greater than myself. That's my goal.

That's my mantra. I've had different mantras over the years I developed. You can steal that one if you want. I will say, I feel you on the open mic front. It's so hard. If this is any consolation, when I first started doing open mics, I read, I read an article in the New Yorker about Richard Pryor.

And it said that Richard Pryor would, you know, when he was basically, this is a long story short on Richard Pryor. Richard Pryor, for the first part of his career, admittedly was kind of doing Bill Cosby, almost his voice, and like even kind of of very similar affectation, et cetera. At a certain point in his career, and he was making a good living,

like he was like a Vegas act, like he was doing well. At a certain point, he decided, I'm throwing away that whole act. I'm gonna build an act from scratch. And he started going open mics and every week he would do, I wanna say like a completely new 10 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever it was, and it would be completely new. And from that, he would find like one minute that worked.

And he'd come back the next week and he'd do the one minute plus the 19 new minutes. And then he'd come back the next week, he'd do two minutes at work and 18 minutes at a minute. And from that became the legendary Richard Pryor that kind of a lot of us know and love. I read that and I was like, that's what I'm gonna do. Of course, you're like so naive when you're a kid.

That's what I'm gonna do. So I went to Tyson's Corner, Virginia to Best Western, like I was saying, I went to this open mic at, I think it was Wise Acres, was the name of the quote unquote comedy club, the Best Western. And I have to say, I went week after week, new five minutes every week, and I would bomb so hard.

Like, and I think people felt bad for me. Like, I think the other, like, comics would come up to me after the show and they'd be like, hey, stick with it. You know what I mean? And it would, but it wouldn't be stick with it like I like you. If you're like, stick with it, you suck.

Maybe someday you won't suck. Yeah. So that's, if that's any consolation, do you feel like you have any kind of analogous open mic story? Most of the material you're watching isn't that great either. And, do you feel like you have any kind of analogous open mic story? Most of the material you're watching isn't that great either. And so the actual distance between you and a lot of people, what they're trying, isn't that great.

And so you're kind of in a space where a lot of people are just trying new stuff. That's a great way to look at it. Well, that's such a great way to look at it. And if this is helpful, to anyone who's going open mics, it's like everyone's just trying to figure it out, even if they're pretending that like they're doing well, or that they have it all figured out,

or they have anything figured out. If they're in an open mic, chances are, they're in an exploratory phase. Yeah. All right, let's try another one. Hi, Mr. Biglio. I'm a huge fan here. Whenever I try to... What is this, UPS?

Do stand-up comedy, I still never have done it. I always write something down, look into a mirror and try to practice it out loud, but because there's no one there and no one to laugh at it, I always feel like it's not that funny, and then I psych myself out and end up not performing. So my question is, how do you overcome that?

How do you look in the mirror and say something, get a laughter obviously, because no one's there, and still convince yourself that's funny enough to say it aloud and still go and do it and stand up? Yeah, the one thing I'd say about this is I would not look in the mirror. I actually don't think it's for you. Like, weirdly, like you're, first of all,

we can never see ourselves, right? So we can never see ourselves the way the audience sees us. What you're trying to do as a comedian is weirdly, you're not trying to convey jokes, you're trying to convey ideas, or you're trying to convey stories, even if what you're doing trying to convey jokes, you're trying to convey ideas, or you're trying to convey stories, even if what you're doing are jokes, you're just trying essentially to convey.

So the same way that if you ran into an emergency room and you need to explain that there's a woman who fell down on the street and needs help, you're just trying to convey to the doctors and the nurses what happened. Weirdly, that's what standup comedy is. You're just trying to convey to the audience what your ideas are.

It just so happens because it's comedy, those ideas are a little bit nuts. Yeah. Yeah, they're crazy. That's what makes it comedy. Yeah. It's like, you're crazy. That's what makes it comedy. Yeah. It's like, you're just, and actually I always say like, like law is a good analogy for comedy.

It's like, you're making an argument, you're making a case, you're explaining, here's my logic for this thing. It just so happens the thing is a little absurd, but you're making the case as well as you can. The other thing, millennia, and I have always talked about this, is the moment you think about an audience laughing

that isn't there, you won't get a laugh. Any imagined laugh won't equal a laugh. I second all those things, and those are things you've told me before, which really have helped me out. I feel like my thing, I also, I will say, I did used to look in the mirror and perform my set. I think we've all been there. So I relate to that 100%. told me before which really have helped me out. I feel like my thing, I also, I will say I did used to look in the mirror and perform myself.

I think we've all been there. I would say that usually the first time you're doing a joke or material at an open mic, you're not to say it, similar to what you're saying, which is don't say the lines, say the ideas. It's like the first time you're saying what you wrote, it is kind of figure out what is it, you're trying to remember how it's going and then like you say it out loud and you're like, okay, I said that too fast

or like, or you know what? Like I don't need that line or that doesn't matter or like, okay, I've done one rep of it. I've tried it once. Now it's like work my arm. That's right. And also like, you don't know how long it is. Sometimes you write a bit and you're like,

that'll be a minute. And then you're like, oh, that's four minutes. That's four minutes. And you're like, I got to trim minute. And then you're like, oh, that's four minutes. And you're like, I gotta trim words, it's too long. Yeah. The other thing I would say as a hack is like to not memorize the monologue as much as you're memorizing just bullet points.

Yeah. Because I think a lot of times the naturalism of the space between the bullet points will connect with the audience. [♪ MUSIC PLAYING ON FLOOR STAIRS AND FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIRS, FLOOR STAIR You want to run a bit? All right, well I'm working on this story that I've done on stage a few times. It gets laughs. I think it could use definitely more jokes

and I have an out for it, which I feel like you gave me a good, like this is good advice, which was like whenever you're telling a story on stage or like working on a new joke, like have like an out for that joke. Yeah. That can work so that if it's not, either if it's not killing for some reason on a certain joke, like have an out for that joke,

either if it's not killing for some reason on a certain show. The audience craves an ending. It has that, I think, and I think it's kind of interesting. It actually happened at the office, but now I say it happened at my apartment. But I had to call my insurance company, or I had to call my pharmacy. I had to call my pharmacy to tell them something. But now you can't talk to a person, you have to leave a voicemail. So I was leaving a voicemail and I was like, hey, my name is Gary Simons, my day of the birth.

And then, pow! Like a bird hits the window, like super hard. Like the window turned into a gong, like it was like, bow, like a bird hits the window super hard. Wow. Like, the window turned into a gong. Like, it was like, bow. And then it dropped, like it dropped to the, like it just fell. Oh my God. And it was, and it's one of those things where it's like,

you're so jarred by the intense scene you just took place that you laugh a little bit. Like, I was like, I laughed a bit, but I was still leaving a voicemail. So I was like, hey laughed a bit, but I was still leaving a voicemail. So I was like, hey, Gary Simon, bow! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry. Gary Simon's data bird, and I start slowly walking over to the window

to see what's up with the situation. The bird is like, is stuck, is caught between the slats of the fire escape with like one wing like sticking out. Oh my God. And it's fidgeting. It's like, do, do, do, do, do, right? And I see this, which is like a horror to watch.

And I'm still leaving a voicemail. Oh my God. So I'm like, oh shit, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry. Oh my God, oh, sorry, Gary's, oh, I'm sorry. And then I hang up the phone call. I can't continue doing it. And I started freaking out because I'm like, what am I going to do about this bird?

Because in my mind, there's two such, whether the bird is just injured or this bird is about to die or something like that, I have to move it out of this situation. I either have to save it or whatever. And it's still alive, so I'm like, okay, like I Google like what to do when like a bird like hits your window and is injured.

And like apparently like the number one thing you're supposed to do on Google is like adopt this bird. Like take it in, like take it in. You take it in. That's so funny. Yeah, like you're supposed to like take it in, like let it like nurture it till it can like fly off on its own and then let it loose. And I'm like, I don't have insurance. Like I can't be a parent. Like you're supposed to like take it in,

and then take it to a rescue facility. Google rescue facility, find one that's about to close in an hour, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna save this bird. I got it, right? I find a cardboard box, I start putting paper towels on it to make it soft. As I'm doing it, I'm feeling really good about myself. I'm a great person. I started getting emotional,

because I started thinking, I was like, you know, if I was this bird, I was injured. I'd want someone to help me too. So you know what? I'm going to do, like I'm good. And I start taking the box over to the window. And when I get to the window, I see the bird like out of the slats,

perched up on the ledge, just chilling, like bobbing its head like, okay. Wow. And then I'm like, how did you get, what it did, and then the bird looks at me and goes, and then flies off. It flies away? Flies away, flies away.

I was like, you don't even know what I put into you. Like you don't, like I just put so much work into you, like this crazy. And then I, and as I'm thinking of those, I get a call from my pharmacy and I pick up and they're like, are you okay? That's funny. Yeah, and then that's like the out of like.

That's good. I had one line that occurred to me, which is bird flies away. And that's when I knew what it was like to be a parent. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's the first thing it makes me think of. Yeah, then I could be like after the phone call with CBS, I could be like, they grow up so fast.

It's like, they grow up so fast. Well, first of all, this is overarching note that's not necessarily about this bit, but is to all the people who send voicemails to that and thank you for sending them, is find a comedy buddy. Because Gary and I, we spend a lot of time together, we'll be out on the road, and you'll say a story like that to me at lunch,

I was thinking about doing this. And it's like, honestly, like one person who has the same goal as you of being a comedian goes so far. So even this, like you're saying that story to me and instantly I'm like thumbs up on the story in general. Yeah. I feel like what works about the story is it's totally relatable.

This idea of being on the phone for one thing and then another thing happens. Like I had one, you can steal this as a line, is like I had one recently where I was leaving a voicemail for someone and in the middle of it, I just started saying things that were just like gibberish and had to do with like my dad who is in front of me, you know? Realizing it's a voicemail.

And then I just panic and I just start pressing buttons thinking maybe it'll be like, you can end this voicemail, but none of the buttons are yielding anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanna erase this voicemail. So it's me, so now this person is getting the voicemail and just manic button pushing. And like a DJ set like, beep, beep, beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Hang up. So yeah, so that might be a funny like, giving color to like that front part. But I think the story itself is so relatable. I feel like we've all been in some kind of situation where we're trying to save an animal, save a thing, save a situation. And then the pride you feel about it makes me laugh so hard.

And then, yeah, like I think the parenting thing that I pitched is decent. I think like, have you put it on stage yet? I have done it, I've done it like a few times on stage and it's like, I think people are interested in the story and they like, like they laugh at the ending. Like I know a couple of beats and it's like, I think people are interested in the story and they like, like they laugh at the ending. Like I know a couple of beats where it's like, okay, this gets laughs here,

but I do think it's too long for the amount of like hard jokes that are in it. Well, that's the thing. I think that what right now it's got a ton of plot. Yeah. You talk about this in the Ira Glass episode. So much of jokes and storytelling is, you got a little plot and then you got jokes about the plot,

which is how you feel about it. And you got more plot then you got jokes about the plot, which is how you feel about it. And you got more plot and you got jokes about the plot. You have a, that's an example of there's too much plot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there's tons of great plot. Yeah, yeah. And that could be a 15 minute bit. True, yeah, sure, yeah.

I mean, that could be, if you developed jokes that are the equivalent length of the story itself, I mean, that's gonna be gold. I think you just have to figure out what's your point of view about, like just a few prompts are like, how do you feel about people saving animals? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you ever felt good about yourself? Have you have self, you know, you have lied about yourself. Because then we'll laugh more about you being like, wait a minute, I feel good about myself. So I think a lot of things in that story are like, honestly, how do you feel? Yeah, it's like, you know, one year I went and I found, like my girlfriend,

she lost a ring in Central Park, and I went and I found that exact replica of that ring, bought it, and gifted it to her, and I felt proud. But nothing compared to this bird. Nothing compared to what saving this bird would be like. Fixing bird is next level pride. Saving a life? Saving a life.

Saving a life? You right here in this audience, you're looking at a hero. Yeah. I'm looking. Yeah. Now I know how like doctors feel. Heroes don't all wear capes,

but some of them heal birds. Yeah, some of them don't have insurance. Yeah. Some of them don't have insurance. I think it's great. I think that's how I would just keep going with that. Yeah. I just think it's keep finding your point of view.

Keep finding your specific take on the, like break out the parts that you might have a take on and then know that if you can come up with a funny take on that, you can include it in the story. Yeah. Gary, this has been a blast. You're... I think you're killing. I think you're doing a great job.

Thank you. I can't wait to see when you decide to release your comedy special. Yeah. Working it out, cause it's not done. to release your comedy special.