Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out - BEST OF WIO: Tig Notaro

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

Tig Notaro: Clown Cars and Lesbian Party Buses(Recorded July 2024) Mike welcomes back old friend and Working It Out hall of famer Tig Notaro. They discuss the inevitability of finding your own comedic voice, how Tig had to come out as gay to her own children, and the time her brother fell into her stepfather’s grave. All that, plus tales from Tig’s lesbian party bus with Sarah Paulson and Allison Janney.Please Consider Donating To: World Resources Institute

Tignitaro, we are honored that you're here. We are honored to be here. We always talk about you here at the studio as our dream person to be in the studio because we remotely did an interview many years ago and it was a riot. Well, thanks for flying me out here. That is the voice of the great Tignitara. We are re-running this episode today because it is one of our absolute favorites if you miss this one. You're not going to want to miss it today.

One of my favorite people to talk to, one of my favorite storytellers. You may have heard her on her own podcast, Handsome. You may have heard her in This American Life. She's told some amazing stories on there. She tells three stories on this episode that are all timers and I think you're gonna love it. And by the way, thanks to everyone who's been coming out to my shows. I performed in West Palm Beach, coming soon in Northampton, Burlington, Los Angeles and New York City. The Good Life, aka Please Stop the Ride has been Please Stop

the Ride. I named the tour at the beginning and then by the end, sometimes it's a different name. In this case, it was Please Stop the Ride, and now it is The Good Life. Six shows at the Beacon Theater. Six shows, a sixth and final show has been added. Get tickets at burrbiggs.com. There are still a few excellent orchestra and mezzanine seats for the final show.

Sign up for the mailing list to be the first to know about any added shows. Love this conversation with Tig. It's always an honor to talk to Tig. She's one of the funniest people. Three incredible stories, one involves her coming out to her own kids. There's a mishap at a graveyard

and tales from a lesbian party bus. What more could one want? Enjoy my chat with Tig Notaro. You have a social disease that I think I have as well, which is your jokes are... Your voice sounds like you're joking in every sentence, and sometimes you're joking and sometimes you're not. So it puts it on the onus on the listener to discern which are jokes and which are not.

Look, I always say when people are like, are you kidding? I'm like, I don't even know. You decide. You decide. You ever have that really go south? You talk a lot in your special about how you sometimes mishear something and it leads to, to paraphrase, Shaylene, you're describing the heights of various actresses in Big Little Lies and you didn't know Shaylene Woodley was the name of an actor and so you thought you heard she leans. And then you go, you thought you heard Shilin's. Yeah. And then you go, I dated someone who hunched because they were tall. Yes.

And that led to a very awkward interaction. Yeah. It was my wife and Reese Witherspoon were in the meeting just staring at me like, why would you, after Reese was saying that Shailene is 5'8", why would I then respond with, I dated a woman years ago that hunched. Who hunched? I couldn't stop thinking about that

since I saw the special. I can't stop thinking about that conversation. And then the original person who hunched. Yeah, was Nicole Kidman. No, no, but you're saying you dated someone. Oh yeah, yeah. Who hunched? Yeah, it was Nicole Kidman. No, no, but you're saying you dated someone. Oh yeah, yeah. Who hunched. Yeah, with my ex, she reached out saying,

hey, I heard you have a new special. And I was like, oh yeah, and I do mention, not by name, but I do mention you. And I haven't heard from her since, but we don't talk regularly. Yeah. Hopefully she's dealing with that okay. You allude in the special to being attracted to a fireman?

Yeah. And who has a mustache like this? Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh. Down the sides of the slips? Didn't know I was into. Mike, Mike, we can cackle about it all day. That is one of the, this was not a joke. I was so.

Oh, I know it's not a joke. I know you know, but like, it is not a joke. I felt, I mean, it makes me like, when I think about it, I was truly, I didn't realize at the time, I was bleeding internally, like gushing blood internally. And he carries me out, when he lifted me up and was holding me in his arms, I truly was like, I melted. I didn't even, I could barely even think about my pain.

I want to ask you a question about that in relation to the thing I'm working on in my new hour, because I have a thing where we were, Jenny and I were renting a house over the holidays and the heat went off and there was no one who could fix it and then eventually like a third person comes and his name is Trevor. You're not handy?

No, I'm not handy. I mean, it's embarrassing. Are you? I mean, it's embarrassing. Yeah. Are you? I'm not, I don't lead with it, but I can do things. Oh, interesting. Stephanie also, in the pandemic,

nobody's coming to the house, and so she fixed our garbage disposal. She put together a cabinet, and I was like, where were you hiding all this dikadoodle-do behavior? Sorry? Dikadoodle-do behavior? Let me just look that up. You don't need to.

Oh, is it back there? It's on the back of the sheet. Oh my gosh, what does it say? It's one of my questions now. I had not heard that term. Is that an invented term? Yeah, I invented it with beakers. With beakers? Oh yeah, with beakers.

I don't know. In a lab, in a science lab, with beakers. Yeah. With beakers and test tubes. But I thought you were gonna say testicles. I'm thinking about the fireman. Oh right, so the reason I brought this up is I was attracted to the guy who fixed our heat.

And my question is. Why is that? I don't know, I don't know. Even more funny to me than me being attracted to a big, hairy fireman. I think I love you even more than I, not like, oh, a straight man is admitting that he had an attraction, but there's just something about your precious little face

telling me that you're attracted to this man fixing stuff. Do you think I'm brave? No. Okay, next question. Now, the reason I bring it up is, do you think that there's a relationship between the fireman, and this is to give context, it's in the context of you had a medical incident, your wife calls 911, a fireman shows up and he carries you out and you're attracted to him and you have these great, I have great jokes about it, but I had this attraction to this man of fixate heat. And-

I heard about it. Do you think? Do you think? Pull yourself together. Do you think it is related to how helpful the man was? No. Like is that attractive? Is that aspect of it attractive? No, it was purely his big, strong arms.

I think whatever, you know, they say sexuality is a spectrum. I feel like whatever deep, deep level I can be attracted to a man, whatever aligned, everything that needed to align got me to that level. It was a fleeting moment, but it was there. And it felt very much just like when women talk, or anybody talks about like a big strong man picking you up or holding you or whatever it was, it wears normally the thought of like a man holding me,

I would be like, no thank you, hard pass. Well, you've been, I was like, I was be like, no thank you, hard pass. Well you've been, I was like, I was thinking like, have you been doing comedy like 25 plus years at this point? Yeah, I think I'm coming up on 28. 28 years. What about you? I think about 25. Wow.

What would you tell your year one comedy self that you know now? Like what would you, your year one comedy self that you know now? Could you even possibly explain to your first year self what the hell you're doing? I mean, it took me a while to realize that my fear made me, even though I am very low key, deadpan just in real life, I also have other sides of my personality

and I thought, oh, I guess that's what I am as a comedian. I'm low key dead pan and I started out doing kind of one liner-ish things. I think I just would have told myself that you don't just find yourself and then necessarily and then just stick to that. You're gonna be shifting and be open to things because I did reach a point where I started to wanna

try new things and experiment more. And I started to feel more comfortable on stage and allowed myself to smile and move. And you know, well, cause I feel like once you do find your voice, your voice is going to come through, whether you do one-liners, 15 minute stories, prop comedy, it's just all your sensibility.

And I feel like the audience is going to just accept whatever you do because you have found your voice. It's so funny, that's sort of often, you know, Una was in like a play recently and I said to her, I go like, you know, whenever she does like a little theatrical thing, I'm always like, the play is whatever the audience sees. So if you miss a line, they don't know. If you don't do the blocking right,

they actually don't know. So it's just whatever comes out is the play, and we'll all enjoy it. And I think stand-up is like that. I think a lot of times, personally, I just forget that, and then I have to remind myself, I go, oh right, it's just whatever you do. That's the ship.

Yeah, yeah. And yeah, that's such a profound thought of like, your voice is, you can't avoid your own voice. No, and so stepping outside of your typical zone that you're in, it all carries over, your sensibility. And so once I started to realize that and get comfortable with it, it helped me to be able to grow and change.

Yeah, you allude to this fireman who you're attracted to. Would you? My taste is all over the place. Would you genuinely consider a throuple? No. Why not? Are you interested? No. Would you genuinely consider a throuple? Why not? Are you interested? No.

You're not? I'm not not interested. Even if it was me and the fireman? That would be a quadruple if it was Jenny. Me, you, and the fireman. I leave Jenny, it's you, me, and the fireman. I don't think I'm going to accept that invitation, which doesn't exist.

He could carry me around and he could fix things for you. And we could just be giggling. We're up here in our little podcast room and he's like... We would giggle a lot. Who wants to get carried out? Jen's joke, Jen's running joke is that people always ask her, is he funny all the time? And she's just like, he's never funny.

BOTH LAUGH Not once. Yeah, yeah. Why do you ask? Yeah, yeah. Why do you ask? Well, it's funny, because you allude to your son being like, I don't want two moms, I want three moms.

Oh, right, that's the throuple question. Which is the throuple. Yeah, yeah, no, I have no interest in that, Stephanie as well. But I do understand the appeal and the different strengths that everybody has. Sure. And Stephanie and I talk about how we, if we ever were in a threeple, all we're looking for, the only thing missing is we need somebody that can put together gift baskets.

And- Yeah, that's a strong component of a threeple. Or like throw a party. Yes, yeah, you need an organizer, a coordinator. And somebody that has some, you know, flair. Can we talk about the party bus? Yeah. Which one? I've been on two. Sarah Paulson posted a video of you and Stephanie,

Holland Taylor, Glennon Doyle, Alison Janney, and Abby Wambach. dancing on a party bus that went viral. And there were headlines like, Sarah Paulson and Tignitaro's lesbian party bus explained. I wrote the headline. I do some part-time work over there. Congrats.

Vulture. My question is, can you explain the lesbian party bus and can you not leave out the part where Alice and Janney breaks your ribs while hanging from a stripper pole? We were going to my show. I was doing a show in Long Beach, California, and we decided, oh my God, it'd be so fun to get a party bus.

And we hit the freeway and we're flying down the road, you know, listening to Indigo Girls and what have you. and we hit the freeway and we're flying down the road, you know, listening to Indigo Girls and what have you. I mean, what else are you gonna listen to? And Allison Janney, man, she's a tall drink of water. Yeah. And she's also in phenomenal shape. Yeah, she leans. She doesn't lean, actually.

She does not lean. She is upright and solid. And this woman is like doing upside down pole dances and hanging from the... Oh, wow. She's no joke. Yeah. She is no joke.

Alison parties and she is strong and in shape. So everyone's dancing around, having a good time. And she comes up behind me and kind of lifts me kind of in a Heimlich maneuver way. Yeah. And there's another video where you can actually see when my my ribs are breaking. Oh my god. She picks me up and she's carrying me down the aisle of the party bus and somebody's filming it and as I'm coming towards them, my face just... I'm like... I was in so much pain.

I didn't think at all I had broken ribs. And yeah, we arrive at the show and I don't like to get to shows very early. So very quickly after arrival, they got in their seats and I went on stage and I did my show with broken ribs. And, but somebody posted the video and it went viral And, but somebody posted the video and it went viral and it still is making its rounds. That right now, you know, it's Gay Pride Month

and I think people are uploading it left and right. And it's become a credit of mine. Oh yeah, it's a huge credit to be alongside those brilliant actors. Yes, on the lesbian party bus. And many of them weren't even lesbian, to be honest. Allison Janney's not a lesbian. But I think she could be swayed. Possibly, yeah.

I think if I were on the lesbian party bus, I feel like they would. Which you won't be. No, no, I'm saying a hypothetical. Okay. If. Okay. If. Okay. If.

Okay, let's hear it. Every time I say if, you cut me off. Let's hear it. If you were on the lesbian party bus. If I was on the lesbian party bus, I think everyone would get that I'm really cool and sort of ahead of things. I love the idea of the camera panning to you

and you're just sitting there like, the dikadoodle do bus. This is a slow round. Can you remember a time in your life where you ran away? You're so scared you ran away. Yeah. Can you say it? I mean, to be honest, I almost ran away. Yeah?

From Stephanie. Oh. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And she had not dated a woman before and she wanted to be friends, and I told her that I would love to be friends. I just kind of can't move beyond.

We had kissed one night, and I was, after this buildup of like, I think I have a crush on this person. We ended up kissing. The next day, she wrote me like a 15 page email saying, I really love hanging out with you, I think you're so funny, but I'm not gay. I mean, really letting me down. And then I just wrote back, okay, Dyke.

And just like, cause I couldn't really argue, you know, but I just was like, oh, I'll just be lighthearted about it and wrote, okay, Dyke. Cause last night you were making out with me. Like, you didn't seem very straight. And so, but she was like, I want to be friends with you. And I said, I would love that. I just need a beat because I need to see you differently

because I confess I'm a bit goo goo over you. So let me just kind of pull myself together and I'll come back to you when I feel like I can be friends." And she was like, okay. And a couple of weeks went by and then she reached out to me and said, I would like to see you. And she comes into my loft downtown and sits down in very typical Stephanie Allen fashion. She just got up, came over, sat right next to me

and said, I want to be with you. And I was so stunned. And I said, what do you mean? And she said, I've missed you. And I just realized that I wanna be with you. And I didn't know how to take this in because I had spent the past two weeks just like taking a deep breath and being like,

yeah, I could be friends with her, no problem. And she said, but I don't expect you to drop your life. I know I told you that I couldn't be with you two weeks ago. And now I'm saying, I do want to be with you. So I want to be with you and I'm here if that is still an option. And I said, I have a date on Friday. I feel like I should still do that.

But when on the date, that wasn't going to happen because Stephanie and I wanted to be together. And about, I don't know, a couple of weeks into our relationship, I went over to her house to say I can't be with you because I was so scared. I went over to her house, rang the doorbell, she opens the door, and I was like, oh God, I can't do this.

Like, and I told her, I God, I can't do this. And I told her, I said, I came over here actually to break it off with you. And she was like, what? And I said, I'm scared, I am so scared. And so I didn't run away, but I went over there fully with the intention to run away. And then when I saw her, I was like,

eh, I'll take my chances. You were scared basically of probably being brokenhearted. I was so scared of that particular person breaking my heart because I really had not ever seen forever with somebody. Yeah, I remember you were staying with me and Jenny around that time. Yeah, I was out of my mind. seen forever with somebody. Yeah, I remember you were staying with me and Jenny around that time. You were out of your mind in love. You just kept being like, she sent me this text. What do you think this means?

That was probably maybe a couple months in when you were staying with us. Well, we weren't together yet. You weren't together at that point? No, we were still kind of texting, and it was leading up to when we actually did kiss. Oh, okay. Yeah. I can't believe I almost broke that off.

What's the best piece of advice that anyone's ever given you that you used? Um, I mean, I say this all the time, but it really struck me and it really changed my life. And it's the best gift you can give anyone is a well-lived life of your own. And just how freed up you are, if your parents are happy living their life, your siblings, your friends, your kids, your spouse, if they're really thriving in their life,

you are so free and the same in return. Is there a song that makes you cry? When Stephanie and I were first together, well, and we had already decided to get married. We were lying in bed and I had this idea, just go through my mind, that that is a song we should walk down the aisle to. And it's John Denver's Sunshine on my Shoulder. And Stephanie wasn't familiar with it, but I was telling her that there was a line that said,

if I could give you a day, I'd give you a day just like today. And that was in picturing the beauty of getting married on the beach in my hometown with the sun over the water. And when I said that to her, we both started crying. You're a full romantic. You are. Are you not? I mean, I don't know.

I think so. Yeah. But like you're a full romantic and it runs in contrast with the tone of your comedy which is like, eh. Yeah, whatever. Because I'm just talking up here. Yeah, no big deal.

Whatever's on my mind. I love my wife Because I'm just talking up here. Yeah, no big deal. Just talking whatever's on my mind. I love my wife. I love my kids. Do you have any jokes you're working on right now that are kind of like half thoughts, half ideas? Well, I have a couple that I feel like have a lot of potential to be more of like a show. Oh. And one of them is that we were taking Max and Finn,

our sons to school. The drive is like six minutes from our house. And about three minutes into the drive, Stephanie and I are in the front talking about something, saying, oh yeah, and that's when, you know, then they figured out we were gay, or then I said, I'm gay. I can't remember what we were talking about. And Finn interrupts us and says, oh, you're gay? Okay, this is nine months ago. We have lived with them for how long? It's been a bit.

Right. And we were stunned. We were so confused and we were like, yes. And he said, what's gay? I was like, oh my God, we are about to drop our kids off in three minutes. Like it's two minutes now. And I'm like, our kids don't know we're gay.

Like, dare I say we're even an iconic gay couple. Yes, I'd say it. Yeah. And I'm like, we're so confused. And I was explaining what gay was as we're pulling up to the school. And then I start feeling insecure, like, are they going to be bummed now that I explained that,

I just started feeling insecure. And then I said, what do you think of that? And he was like, yeah, okay. And I said, but do you wish your family was different? Or I was, this was so curveball-y. And he was like, no, I love our family. And I was like, okay. And we drop them off and we drove off

like at half a mile an hour, stunned. We were like, our kids don't know we're gay? I mean, there's pictures of our wedding day on the wall. They know they have two mommies. And after we talked about it, we realized having two mommies and wedding pictures, a child doesn't know what gay is. Even though they're around other gay families, they are submerged in all different walks of life. And we kiss in front of them, we're affectionate.

Their school celebrates pride, they get out of the car with little rainbow shirts, but they don't know what gay is. And we were just like, oh my God, because at 53, I feel like I'm through coming out. I feel like my haircut and everything speaks for itself. But there I was coming out to my children after living with them for seven years.

And so within that, I would love to write more about that. There's definitely a more about that. There's definitely a show in that. And then the other is at my stepfather's funeral, my brother fell into the grave. So that was- Your brother fell into the grave. I had, my brother and I were talking to the priest and the priest, and it was outdoor, we're not in the church, we're in the cemetery.

And he was like, so who, he said, it's very casual when there's any sort of speeches at the grave side. And so however you want to do it. And my brother said, oh, well, I'm just going to say just a few things. And I had written out, you know, like five pages that I wanted to say. So the priest said, okay, will you go and do a few minutes

and then Tig, you go, and then I'll go up after. And my brother walks up and they had the green AstroTurf over the hole. And somebody forgot to put plywood over it. And my brother fell into the grave and my whole family just like jumps up like, Jesus Christ, oh shit, like just like, oh my God. And he's like, because the turf was there, it like kind of broke his fall. And so he was slowly like going down.

And then it was like night of the living dead while he's like crawling out of the grave in his suit, covered in mud and dirt. And I immediately was thinking, oh my God, this must happen all the time. Yeah. And then a second later, I was like, of course this doesn't happen all the time.

There's no way everyone's falling in graves. And then I thought, okay, well now I have a story to tell. You help bail him out. No, he, anybody that came out, he was like, I got it, I'm okay. It was so embarrassing and horrifying. And later that night as he was going to bed, we were at my cousin's house, this was in Mississippi, and he was like, hey, Jimmy, do you have any Advil?

Stephanie and I looked at each other like, oh yeah, I bet, I bet he's in pain. It's so strange, you know, because the Old Man in the Pool in a lot of ways, it breaks apart death and how we treat the bodies and then bombing and all this kind of stuff. It's like, it is a very strange thing that we even do, the gravestone and the grave box and all this stuff.

I used to panic over this as a child. When I would be in a plane and looking at the earth, I'd be like, this is going to be filled with graveyards one day. The whole planet is going to be full of graveyards, which is not going to happen because the planet will not... The planet will survive, we won't, but anyway. To go back to the thing about telling your son that you're gay. Sons, both of them.

Oh, those at the same time? Yeah, they were both in the back seat. They were in the car, dropping them off at school. To go back to the telling your son. Coming out to my children. Right, when you came out to your children. It's interesting because that's a lot of what I'm taking apart in my hour right now on the road, is like, how do we teach our daughter about sex and about drugs?

And you know, there's so, the expanse of what you have to convey is so wide. And it's like, well, what's the right order of things? And I find myself confounded by it. I am absolutely confounded by the sex talk because, and I've talked about this on stage, I don't really, I haven't worked it through, but to me it is psychotic that children would be in their bedroom playing with action figures and cars and being like, meanwhile,

in the other part of the house, you have decided today's the day. Yes. To come in, knock on the door and tell them that a penis goes into a vagina and children, or there's other ways children are made, but that actual talk of sex and their mouth, I'm sure, agape, horrified, it's almost abusive.

It's abusive. Yeah, it's like. The truth is abusive sometimes. Yes. Similarly, when I was reading them a story when they were five, reading them a story when they were five, Finn interrupted me and said, are you a boy or a girl?

I was again stunned and I said, well, what do you think I am? And he said, I think you're a boy. And I said, no, I'm a girl. And he said, yeah, but you look like a boy. And I was like, yeah, I guess so. And then I went back to reading. I was like, oh my God, my kids don't know if I'm a boy or a girl. Little did I know, they didn't know I was gay either,

or what gay was. When are you teaching these kids? I mean. What the hell? I do not. And meanwhile, I think Stephanie and I are actually doing a really good job. You're not.

Okay, well, it is so confusing, but it's those. You're the worst parents I know. But it is, there's so much assumption. Yes, of course. That you assume kids know or they're picking up on, and they might pick up on things, but there are these, and I'm sure people listening to this will be like, come on, I'm gay, my kids know I'm gay.

Right. Or my kids know what gay is. Okay, we forgot to sit down and say or yay, or talk about... By the way, criticize Tig in the comments. Yes, please. You want me the first. I have one, because I talk a lot about this, or like how do I teach my daughter about this, this and this. It's like I was walking down the street and there's a lot of smoke shops here. She looks up at the title of one of them and she just goes, dad, what's the good life?

And I was like, I don't even know. It's not what I'm doing, you know what I mean? And then I'm like, then I'm trying to, well there's drugs, you know, and people take them and sometimes their brain makes their brain go faster and sometimes it makes it go slower. And I can't really think of any of the downsides actually. And I've used them, but I don't a lot,

but sometimes, when I was younger, not your age, but like three years older than you, anyway, that'll do it. And it's like you really don't, you realize, I find that when you have a child, if you have a child, you realize how little you know. That's been my experience. Well, I have an idea for a game show.

That has come out of that idea because whenever our kids ask a question, whether it's what does this word mean or anything, anything, even if it seems so simple, I always, I love this moment. I turn to Stephanie and I just go, yeah, what does that mean? yeah, what does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean?

And I love to hear her stumble through defining what something is or what it means or, you know, what is religion? Yeah, Stephanie, tell us, what is religion? And so I always picture the game show as somebody having to answer those kind of questions from kids, like adults having to come up with their definition. And then, and it's several different parents that are having to describe what a word is.

Do you have a name for the game? No, I don't. That's a great game. I think so. And it's so awkward and funny to watch. And it's like an unspoken thing where when a question comes up, Stephanie gets a smirk on her face because she knows I'll turn and go, yeah, let's hear.

What is that, Stephanie? And it's not because it's necessarily vulgar or uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable because you are having to be like, well, you know how when that kind of moment is so fun to watch her stumble through. The embarrassment of being a parent is unlike any other embarrassment.

Oh, so embarrassing. Here's a story that I haven't put really on stage. Humiliating. But it's, Jenny and I haven't put really on stage. Humiliating. But it's Jenny and I said to Una a few years ago, we were like, what do you want, what would be the most coolest thing that you could do on your birthday? Because it was her sixth birthday. And she goes, I want you and Mom to dress up like clowns.

So Jenny and I go to like a costume store and we get full clown makeup and we get noses and everything. Yeah, and horns and we wake her up on her birthday, which is a huge mistake. And it was like, it was as though it was a dream. She immediately starts crying. We're dressed up as clowns, fully as clowns. And we were like, we're so sorry.

We thought you wanted us to dress up as clowns. And she goes, when I said that, I meant, I would walk you around town with you dressed as clowns and everyone would laugh at you. And I... Not wake me from my sleep. Not wake me from my sleep. And then, and that's when I realized

that Una wanted to be my manager. She wanted to get 10% on top of 100%. That is unbelievable. Yeah, it was funny. But it was, I think the larger theme of it is being, she wanted to be on the inside of the joke. Like it's that thing of being in on the joke versus on the out. Us dressed as clowns, she's on the outside of the joke.

And it's so embarrassing. Jenny and I are so like, oh, what were we doing? It's just. That is so, I'm jealous. I'm jealous. You're jealous of which part? That you have that story to tell. Yeah, it's absurd.

It's pretty great. Because parenting is just a series of mistakes, and it's just which mistakes are they? Because parenting is just a series of mistakes. And it's just which mistakes are they? Because your parents made a series of mistakes, and you're currently, and I'm currently, making a series of mistakes, and just which ones are they? Yep, yep. And honestly, I mean, I don't know.

We probably won't know for 10, 20 years. Yeah, I know. I always say, like, you know, people, I did one of my HBO specials without a shirt on for half of it. Yes, of course. And people are, you know, they'll come up and be like, oh, you know, you're badass or you're brave or whatever. And I, after having kids, I think,

are they going to be excited about that? Right. Are they going to think that's cool? Or are they going to be excited about that? Are they going to think that's cool? Or are they going to be like, why did you take your shirt off? You know what I mean? I mean, that's not like my biggest concern, but I just do think about things I've done or said,

or, you know, who knows how they'll interpret things or how they'll feel. No, and even like, I have it with my dad, you know, I talk a lot in my new show about my relationship with my dad and how, how, you know, as I got, when I was a kid, I felt a distance from my dad because he would shout and, you know, he was in and out, he wasn't around a lot. My mom was much more present.

And then when I got out of college, really all through my 20s, we had really stark political differences and it became increasingly tense. You and your father or your parents? My dad, yeah, not my mom. But my dad and it's one of these things where sometimes I think like it is somewhat inevitable that, like my dad is, grew up in 1940, It is somewhat inevitable that,

like my dad grew up in 1940, was born in 1940. We're definitely not the same person. He went to medical school and did a residency on an Air Force base in Texas. We don't have the same life experience. It's just not the same. And of course, I say this in the Pete Holmes episode of this podcast, but I say for my whole life, and it's currently in the show,

I go, for my whole life I wanted to be my dad, and then at a certain point I realized I wanted him to be me. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that was something I'm coming to grips with now. Cause there was a series of years where I feel like that was my intent, but I didn't realize it. That's interesting.

Like the opposite of that, I had a conversation with my stepfather when we were leaving, after we had buried my mother in Mississippi, we were driving off and he was a very stoic person and wasn't very supportive of my career and I was a failure dropout and he just didn't understand at all. And when we drove away from my mother's funeral, he was just so emotional and he was crying.

I had never seen him cry before. And he was apologizing for, he had told me also that I was wasting my time and intelligence with my career and I should go to business school and all of this. Oh my God, I was going to tell you that. You should go to business school. Yeah of this. Oh my God, I was going to tell you that. You should go to business school, yeah. Thank you. And I was of course devastated because I had thought he supported the idea of what I was doing

because I had found a loophole in life and I was telling jokes and I was doing better than most people that I grew up with that had gone to college. But no, in his mind, it should be a particular way. And so he was crying and apologizing as we left Mississippi. And he said he shouldn't have said what he said to me. And he wished that he had been more, taken more of an interest. And I was like, I was just stunned. And I couldn't believe the person that he was and who raised me was actually capable

of thinking the degree that he did. And what he said to me was, you know, I was projecting what I thought a person should do in life. I was putting importance on things that he, like the path in life that you should go on. I was putting that on you. And I'm sorry. And he said, and I'm realizing now that it's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parent's responsibility to learn who their child is. That's beautiful.

And he said, and I didn't do that. And I'm so sorry. And this is through. That's so beautiful. So beautiful, so beautiful. And I can't believe that was in that person. And I was like, how is my mother not alive to see this? Cause she supported who I was.

She thought I was cool. She loved that I was like driving around telling jokes in South Dakota and living my dream. I feel like that should be in the show. Yeah. In the next show. Yeah, grandpa. That's just a beautiful snapshot of life. And it's so much the lesson I want to learn

in being a parent. When I'm looking at Max and Finn, not putting on them what I want or hope. I'm trying to not- Learning who they are. Yeah, to like really learn who are you. on them what I want or hope. To really learn who are you. That's been life changing for me.

Sorry to bother you. In the end of every episode, we do Working It Out for a Cause. And if there's a nonprofit that you'd like to support, we will contribute to them. We will link to them in the show notes. Wonderful. Is there someone, is there a group you can think of? Yes, World Resources Institute, because they are, they're an environmental charity. And I just want to say that I of course think

political causes and social causes, all of that, everything is so important, but we must handle environmental issues. Otherwise other issues are not going to matter We must handle environmental issues, otherwise, other issues are not going to matter if the planet is gone. In the comments, I think it's important that people point out to Tig that she's really overlooking certain political causes for the sake of this very egocentric environmental cause. I'm open to all complaints and comments.

That being said, we will contribute to them. I appreciate that. You're a beautiful person. And I you, sir. I am so thrilled that we're friends and I appreciate you being here. I love being friends with you. I am inspired by you. And thank you for having me on the show. Working it out, cause it's not done.

Working it out, cause there's no... That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. You can follow Tig on Instagram. It's a long walk for this one. The handle is at the real fluff notaro. That's right, Tig notaro is at the real fluff notaro. Find Tig's live tour dates at tignation.com. Listen to her podcast, Handsome. You can also watch the full video of this episode on our YouTube channel at Mike Birbiglia. Make sure you subscribe because we're posting more and more videos.

Check out birbigs.com to sign up for the mailing list. The producers of Working It Out are myself along with Peter Salomon, Joseph Birbiglia, and Mabel Lewis. Associate producer Gary Simons. Sound mix by Ben Cruz. Supervising engineer Kate Belinsky. Special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleagers for their music. Of course, my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein, and our daughter Una who built the

original radio Fort made of pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoy the show, rate us and review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, even tell your kids. Your kids might be confused. It is a grown up podcast after all. Your kids might say, well, what, what is the working it out podcast and you

just have to be like, we're just about to drop you off at camp. I don't know if there's enough time to explain this, but it's an iconic podcast. It's just, it's just a longer conversation. Thanks for listening everybody. We'll see you next time.