Mind of a Serial Killer - MURDEROUS MINDS: The Disappearance of Natalee Holloway Pt. 1

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

In 2005, Natalee Holloway vanished during her senior trip to Aruba. The last person seen with her? Joran van der Sloot. In this episode, we trace how a privileged, charismatic teenager became the prime suspect in one of true crime’s most haunting disappearances. Killer Minds is a Crime House Original Podcast, powered by PAVE Studios. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. For ad-free listening and early access to episodes, subscribe to Crime House+ on Apple Podcasts. Don’t miss out on all things Killer Minds! Instagram: @killerminds | @Crimehouse TikTok: @Crimehouse Facebook: @crimehousestudios X: @crimehousemedia YouTube: @crimehousestudios To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Crime House. When you're a teenager, anything feels possible. For some of us, it's a time of exploration, when we can experiment with our identities, try new things, and have all sorts of exciting adventures. But our teenage years also come with challenges. The surge of hormones brought on by puberty can make us lose control of our emotions. It's easy to get angry, irrational, even dangerous. This was the case for Joran van der Sloot.

Despite an idyllic upbringing with a loving family, Yoran's teenage years took him down a dark path. A path that eventually led to the disappearance of a girl named Natalie Holloway and Yoran being accused of murder. The human mind is powerful. It shapes how we think, feel, love and hate. But sometimes it drives people to commit the unthinkable. This is Killer Minds, a Crime House Original. I'm Vanessa Richardson. And I'm Dr. Tristan Ingalls.

Every Monday and Thursday, we uncover the darkest minds in history, analyzing what makes a killer. Crime House is made possible by you. Please rate, review, and follow Killer Minds. To enhance your listening experience with ad-free early access to each two-part series and bonus content, subscribe to Crime House Plus on Apple Podcasts.

Welcome to our deep dive on one of the most chilling cases in true crime history, the disappearance of Natalie Holloway. 20 years ago, in May 2005, 18-year-old Natalie went missing on the Caribbean island of Aruba. The story ignited a media firestorm, both because of Natalie and the man who later confessed to killing her, Yoran Vandersloot. For the next two episodes, Dr. Engels and I will be exploring the psychology behind this case, how Yoran transformed from a carefree youth into a violent offender, the circumstances that brought him and Natalie Holloway together, and the chilling fallout

from her tragic disappearance. And as Vanessa takes you through the story, I'll be talking about things like the correlations between puberty and drastic personality changes, the psychology behind addiction and destructive behavior, and what goes on in someone's mind when they get away with a violent crime. And as always, we'll be asking the question, what makes a killer? Hey, it's Vanessa.

And if you love Killer Minds, where we take you deep into the psychology of history's most chilling murders, then you have to check out Clues with Morgan Absher and Kaylin Moore. Every Wednesday, Kaylin and Morgan take you deep into the world of the most notorious crimes ever, clue by clue. And one thing I find really interesting about Clues is how they break down the ways that even the smallest pieces of evidence can crack a case wide open. From serial killers to shocking murders, Clues dives into all the forensic

details and brilliant sleuthing of the world's most infamous cases. Clues is a Crime House original powered by Pave Studios. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Just search clues wherever you listen to podcasts. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecue's lit, but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that, actually, they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes plus enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart

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Conditions apply to all benefits. Visit pcfinancial.ca for details. When we think about murderers, we usually assume they had a challenging upbringing. But that wasn't the case for Joran van der Sloot. As a child, he had everything he wanted and more. Joran was born in the Netherlands, but when he was around four, his family moved to the small Caribbean island of Aruba.

Joran's father, Paulus, was a lawyer and got a job there working for the Aruban government. It would be a step up in his career and a chance for his family to live in paradise. Joran took full advantage of his new surroundings. He and his younger brothers, Valentin and Sebastian, spent their days exploring the sunny island, playing on white sand beaches and swimming in the warm Caribbean sea. Their family wasn't rich, but they were well-to-do by local standards. They had a nice home in a small town called Neword on the north side of the island. The Vandersloots also had enough money to join a country club and send

Joran and his brothers to private school. Joran excelled academically and had a particular gift for languages. In addition to his native Dutch and English, he fluently spoke the local Aruban language, Papiamento. Learning the native language allowed Yoran to fit in better with his peers, who were mostly local Aruban boys. They typically looked down on expats, but Yoran was an exception. He was one of them. All in all, it was a happy childhood. Then, Yoran hit puberty. It happened earlier for him than it does for most boys. Doctors called this precocious puberty, and it seems to have affected his personality

drastically. Yoran became violent toward his brothers, hitting them and at one point destroying Ballentine's cell phone. Yoran also began lying to his parents. Whenever they caught him, he'd spin more lies to get out of it. But rather than punish him, Yoran's parents sent him to therapy. They also urged him to take yoga classes so he could learn to handle his emotions. But nothing seemed to work. Yoran's behavior just kept getting worse.

During puberty, the adolescent brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in areas responsible for regulating emotions, decision-making, and just social understanding. For teenage males, this developmental phase involves both hormonal shifts and neurological remodeling that shapes their psychological and behavioral experiences. So neurologically, the brain's limbic system, which is responsible for emotion, develops more rapidly than the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in rational thought and impulse control. And this imbalance can result in mood swings or impulsive behavior

and intense emotional responses like you described. But precocious puberty, which typically starts before the age of nine in males, it makes those changes that I just described more accelerated. So the brain is essentially exposed to adult-level hormones before it is cognitively and emotionally ready to handle them. And I think it's also worth noting, even though most cases of precocious puberty are idiopathic, which means unknown, they don't know the cause. There have been instances where it was connected to a brain tumor or issues with the pituitary

or adrenal glands, both of which are involved in critical hormone production. And if this is the case for your hand, if that's somehow involved, then that could mean a lot more ongoing biological factors to consider when conceptualizing his behavior, as well as what you know, what medically could have been done to maybe help address this. Can puberty actually increase aggression? Puberty doesn't cause aggression directly, but it creates conditions that can increase the likelihood of aggressive behavior, particularly in males.

So for example, there's an increase in testosterone, and that can increase competitive or dominance behaviors. And when you combine that with the social changes that adolescents experience, especially in your end's case, it can make them more prone to aggression. And studies actually suggest that boys with precocious puberty in particular may be more prone to conduct problems, substance use, or acting out. And this is partly due to that disconnect I mentioned between undergoing early physical maturation and simultaneously having underdeveloped emotional and cognitive control.

Well, for Yoran, puberty didn't only change his personality, it also changed him physically. He quickly grew bigger than most of his peers. By age 17, he was 6'4 and muscular, it also changed him physically. He quickly grew bigger than most of his peers. By age 17, he was 6 foot 4 and muscular, which made him even more dangerous. Before long, it got to a point where he wasn't just lashing out at his brothers anymore. In one troubling incident, Yorin got into an altercation with a homeless man and threw him off a low bridge into the water below.

In another, he allegedly pushed a classmate through a glass display case at a movie theater. Most people would probably get arrested for that kind of behavior, but not Yoran. It's not clear if his father's connections helped, but it seems like he always weaseled his way out of trouble, and he got into plenty of it. Eventually, Yoran's aggression issues became so bad that his parents moved him into a detached apartment behind their house. While this made things more peaceful for the family, it also had a big, unintended side effect.

Yoran now had unchecked freedom to come and go as he pleased, and it was something he took full advantage of. Many of Yoran's friends were local Aruban boys whose parents had jobs in hotels and casinos on the island. They often worked all night, leaving their sons free to do as they pleased. By his senior year of high school, Yoran was constantly sneaking out of his detached apartment to go out partying with his friends. So early intervention is critical for any healthcare related event, even if it's mental

health and therapy can be life saving and beneficial, whether it's done early or when someone is at risk or to just manage symptoms or conditions that already exist. And I say that because I don't want anyone to get discouraged when hearing that therapeutic intervention quote didn't work for your end. There are many reasons why therapy may seem ineffective and it's often unrelated to the therapy itself. Frequently, it's related to a poor therapeutic alliance

between the patient and the therapist or the individual's commitment to therapy, but also it can be related to their environment outside of therapy. So a person's environment can hinder progress, especially if the patient's not intrinsically invested themselves. And that sounds like the case for Yoran. So let me explain.

On the surface, it seems like his parents are doing everything right, and they have loving intentions. They provide for their family, his basic needs are met, and then some. They've clearly bailed him out of trouble and they've placed him in therapy, even got him into yoga. But it also seems like they are emotionally distant from Yoran. They may have assumed that therapy alone was enough to, quote, fix him and may not have considered that they too need to be a part of the solution. They need to learn effective tools like appropriate emotional support, enforcing rules, setting

boundaries and how to stop enabling or reinforcing his bad behavior. If they're not learning along with your end, or they are not setting realistic expectations about how fast he can make progress in therapy, then of course it's going to appear as if it's ineffective. Because their next effort is to move him out of the house, it's once again distancing themselves from the problem for their own peace without giving him boundaries or rules.

Instead, what they're doing, whether they're aware of it or not, is reinforcing his negative behavior. Because for most kids his age, being given their own apartment after nearly killing a homeless man and assaulting a classmate would be considered a reward. And that's likely how he viewed it too. For Yorin and his friends, their partying took on a common pattern. They would typically start their night by getting drunk on the free cocktails handed out at the casinos.

Then they'd hit the clubs trying to hook up with girls. They even had a nickname for their posse, the Pimpology Crew. And Yoran was obsessed with sex. He frequently set his sights on American girls visiting the island on vacation. Sex was just one of Yoran's many vices. He also seems to have become an alcoholic and a gambling addict all by age 17. His favorite game was poker. He was a good player, skilled at sensing weakness in others, and excellent at bluffing. Before long, Yoran was a regular fixture around the card tables of the Island's many casinos. And even though he knew what he was doing, he still had his fair share of losses. To continue funding his addiction, Yoran apparently started stealing from his parents and lying about it whenever he got caught.

So gambling taps into a complex network of psychological mechanisms that can make it highly addictive and for some dangerously difficult to stop. And that's where Yoran's getting into. He's stealing for money. Gambling activates the brain's reward system. And when a person places a bet, anticipates a win, or experiences a near miss, the brain releases dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, motivation, and reinforcement. And interestingly, research shows that dopamine is released not just when someone wins, but even during the anticipation of a win, which sustains that excitement and engagement. That makes it addictive.

But there is also the psychological mechanism of intermittent reinforcement, which is part of behavioral theory. And essentially, that's a reward schedule in which the payout is unpredictable, and this is highly addictive because the uncertainty itself is reinforcing. Incidentally, this is yet another environment in which urine's concerning behaviors are being reinforced because he's not of legal age to drink or gamble, even in Aruba. The legal age is 18.

So once again, no one is there setting rules and applying them to urine, and that too elevates his risk for continuing to be addicted to gambling and drinking. Are there certain psychological traits that make someone more susceptible to gambling addiction? And does gambling affect young people, like urine, differently than it does adults? Yes, so people with impairment in impulse control, emotional regulation, and are sensation-seeking

are at a greater risk. Early exposure to gambling, especially in someone his age, can increase the likelihood of addiction because his prefrontal cortex is still developing. In adolescence experience, increased dopamine activity already, which makes them more responsive to the thrill and reward cues of gambling. So all of these contribute to how he could become addicted and how much more difficult it could be for him to stop. It definitely doesn't seem like Yorin's parents knew how bad the problem was. Because on the afternoon of May 29th 2005, 17-year-old Yorin and his father Paulus were playing in a poker tournament together. Yorin's mom Anita

was out of town and it seems like Paulus was trying to bond with his troubled son. They were playing at a casino called the Excelsior. It was on the second floor of the Aruba Holiday Inn, the oldest casino on the island. After about two hours, Yoran was out of chips and folded his last hand. Paulus needed to head home to take care of Yoran's younger brothers. So he gave Yoran his chips and told him he could just call him later when he needed a ride home.

But soon after Paulus left, Yoran was out of chips again. He wasn't ready to call it a night though. So he headed to a blackjack table and settled in. A few minutes later, four teenage girls about his age sat down at the table with him. They were American, high school students from Alabama. They looked like they could have been cheerleaders. Their names were Ruth, Lee, Katherine, and Natalie. None of them knew it yet, but the decision to sit down at this particular blackjack table,

next to this tall boy with honest brown eyes, was about to change all of their lives forever, and set off one of the most notorious criminal investigations of all time. Okay, I'm going to switch gears for a moment because we have something special for you today. You might already know this, but Crime House has a sister company called Open Mind, and they recently launched a new show that I think you're really gonna love. It's called Mantra with Gemma Sbeg. And speaking of which, Gemma's actually here in the studio with me right now. Hi, Gemma. Hi, Vanessa. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. You know, I have to say I really love mantra, truly. It actually really helps

me balance the true crime work we do. Oh my goodness. Honestly, I can only imagine and I can only imagine how you do it every day considering I'm a bit of a true crime girlie myself. Like I love killer minds. I love diving into, like, minds of serial killers, but I definitely also need to be centered in some more, like, spiritual wellness, grounding exercises every now and again. Oh, yeah. We need balance for sure. It's so important. And truly, actually,

the stuff we talk about on Killer Minds also, it has a lot to do with the psychology and, of course, of killers. But, you But you know here we're a lot healthier with you. I love the balance that you create also because Mantra is so great. I listen to it just to kind of bring me back you know into the piece. I just love it. Now of course Mantra is a pretty huge shift from what we usually cover here at Crime House. Can you give our listeners a quick rundown of what the show's about? Well, I feel like if you like psychology and you like going deep into the minds of killers, you might also like going deep into your own mind and kind of looking into some closets,

finding some little corners that you haven't peeked into for a while. And on mantra, I basically share a mantra, a powerful phrase every Monday. And then with that, personal stories, reflections, practical tips, wisdom, and some psychology, some lessons from science. And this season, we're really exploring some pretty impactful themes. We're releasing an episode on external validation,

learning to trust yourself, honoring your boundaries, healing your inner child. And really my goal is to offer listeners a place to really reflect without being judged and then also find small nuggets of wisdom, little powerful tools so that you can leave the episode and feel grounded, feel intentional and feel more connected to yourself, no matter what's happening in your life, you have this space to come back to.

And you do all of that in such a beautiful way. I love it. And at the end of today's episode, we're actually going to play a short preview from an episode of Mantra, so make sure you stick around for that. I know we talk about some pretty intense stuff on Killer Minds, and if you're anything like me, sometimes you just need a moment to reset and clear your head afterward. If that sounds like you, just search Mantra and follow wherever you get your podcasts. There are two kinds of people in the world. Backward thinkers and forward thinkers. Forward

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for long-term success. Workday, Business Forever Forward. Hey, it's Vanessa. And if you love killer minds where we take you deep into the psychology of history's most chilling murders, then you have to check out Clues with Kaylin Moore and Morgan Absher. Every Wednesday, Morgan and Kayen take you deep into the world of the most notorious crimes ever, clue by clue. And one thing I find really interesting about Clues is how they break down the ways that even the smallest pieces of evidence

can crack a case wide open. From serial killers to shocking murders, Clues dives into all the forensic details and brilliant sleuthing of the world's most infamous cases. If you're looking for a show that has compelling storytelling, crime scene analysis, and a new perspective through some of the world's most puzzling true crime cases, then you have to check out Clues. Clues is a Crime House original powered by Pave Studios. New episodes drop every Wednesday.

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Register at Ancestry.ca with just your name and email. No credit card details required. Free access ends May 13. Terms apply. There are some people who just have a glow about them, a way of bringing joy, laughter, and love into the lives of everyone they meet. Natalie Holloway had that glow. Natalie was a small girl with long blonde hair who loved Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Wizard

of Oz. Thanks to her time growing up in Mississippi and Alabama, she had a charming southern drawl, and she wasn't shy about sharing her thoughts and feelings. Natalie's friends remember her as confident and outspoken, the kind of girl who had a strong opinion about everything and wasn't afraid to share it. But she was funny too, always cracking her friends up with ridiculous jokes. Like when she claimed that back in Mississippi everyone called her Hootie Who Holloway. That little story earned her the nickname Hootie.

But Natalie knew when to be serious as well. She was an excellent student who got straight A's, while also juggling a part-time job and a ton of extracurriculars, from dance team to student government. She'd been accepted into the University of Alabama for the fall of 2006 on a full academic scholarship. She planned to become a doctor. But while Natalie was exuberant and bright, she also led a pretty sheltered life.

Her parents say she never drank or dated, and her friends remember her as a strict rule follower. Her mother, Beth, once summed up Natalie by saying, "'She was very smart, but very naive.'" So we already talked about the changes that happen in the brain of males going through puberty. So let's talk about what happens with females. So females experience a surge in the sex hormones known as estrogen and progesterone in addition to

rising levels of testosterone. And these hormonal surges also correlate with a rise in depressive symptoms, anxiety disorders, and even self-harm behaviors during puberty. Females also experience a more reactive or sensitive limbic system, which I mentioned is the emotional center of the brain. And this can lead to mood swings, impulsivity, insensitivity to social dynamics, which is not unlike males. They could, as a result, exhibit increased defiance or emotional outbursts.

Natalie was naturally cautious and a rule follower. But during this time in her life, would there be a psychological reason she'd want to experiment with being more wild? Yeah, in part at least during puberty, the part of the brain known as the striatum is still developing and this is tied to reward seeking, motor control, and risk taking behavior. And as it's developing, it can cause an increased sensitivity to rewards or peer approval, which may lead to more experimentation or risky choices, particularly in emotionally charged situations. And she's also with her peers right now, and that can also influence that.

So this puts them at an elevated risk of exploitation as well, especially from older peers or people of authority. especially from older peers or people of authority. Well, in May 2005, 18-year-old Natalie finally had the opportunity to break out of her shell and go a little wild. She was about to go on the Mountain Brook High School senior class trip to Aruba. The senior trip was a yearly tradition at Mountain Brook, a chance for students to have one last bonding experience with their friends before they went their separate ways. It would be three days of relaxing in beautiful Aruba. 124 students were going, with seven adult chaperones.

Natalie's dad Dave was worried about his daughter going on a trip without much supervision, but her mom Beth wasn't worried at all. Natalie's stepbrother had gone on the same trip two years earlier and had a great time. Plus, with so many students going, Beth figured Natalie would always be surrounded by friends who could make sure she stayed safe. Natalie was thrilled. She and her friends painted t-shirts that said Aruba and packed their bathing suits. On May 26, 2005, she and her class landed on the island and checked into the Aruba Holiday Inn.

The next three days were full of classic spring break-style partying. With so few chaperones, the students were largely left to do whatever they wanted. Since the drinking age there was 18, Natalie and her friends would start the morning with cocktails, then spend the day lounging on the beach. They'd go back to the hotel for a nap before dressing up for dinner, followed by dancing at the clubs and bars until the early hours of the next morning. It was all Natalie could have wanted a senior trip to be. She was finally letting loose and having a blast.

On the last evening of the trip, Natalie and her friends decided to head to the hotel's casino, the Excelsior. The girls settled in at a blackjack table. A tall boy about their age was already there. Soon they began chatting. The boy, who spoke perfect English, told them his name was Joran. Seventeen-year-old Joran had learned a few things from his years of hitting on tourists.

For one, he knew foreign girls tended to look down on local Arubans and distrust them. So when he began chatting with Natalie and her friend, Joran reportedly told them he was actually a 19-year-old university student from the Netherlands. He said he was a tourist, just like them, visiting Aruba on holiday. The girls had no reason to suspect this charming stranger was lying. They had a good time gambling together until the girls decided to quit while they were ahead and leave the casino. Before heading out, they told Yoran they'd be at Carlos and Charlie's, a popular tourist bar later that night.

They invited him to come. Yoran played it cool and said he might show up if he had time, but in reality, he would definitely be there. After Natalie and her friends left the casino, Yoran called his dad to come pick him up. Once he got home, Yoran hung out in the main house doing homework, then said he was going to bed in his detached apartment. After the lights in the main house went dark, Yoran slipped out. His friends, brothers Deepak and Satish Kalpo, picked him up in Deepak's silver Honda Civic.

Then they headed to Carlos and Charlie's. They arrived at the bar about an hour before last call. The place was full of students from Middlebrook High, drinking, dancing and celebrating the last night of their senior trip. Yoran quickly spotted the girls he'd met at the Excelsior. Soon, he was chatting with one in particular, the pretty blonde, Natalie. At 1 a.m., the bar closed for the night, and the throng of students poured out into the warm Caribbean night.

As Natalie's classmates waited for taxis back to the Holiday Inn, a few of them saw Deepak's Silver Honda drive past. Natalie, smiling and carefree, was leaning out the back window. It was the last time any of them would see her. So let's talk about this decision to get in the car. From an evolutionary perspective, we are wired to trust other people because it's essential for survival and thriving as a species. And we're biologically wired for connection. We tend to assess a person's trustworthiness based on whether they demonstrate competence,

integrity, caring, and dependability. And when it comes to strangers, we tend to trust them more if they resemble people we know or they are familiar to us. So Natalie and her friends, for example, may have been more trusting of Yoran because he was presenting as a student, also from another country, and pretending to be a tourist just like they are. To them, he is within a social system that they know and were familiar with and therefore likely comfortable with as well. Why would a normally cautious person like Natalie trust a stranger like Yoran enough

to get in a car with him at this point? So we tend to push our boundaries and limit tests when we start to get more autonomy. It's part of exploring our identity and our independence. If Natalie was experiencing any degree of internal pressure, being a rule follower, or even peer pressure, then this could be a way to escape that and validate herself and her peers. But it's also important to discuss the role of alcohol in this. Alcohol disinhibits the prefrontal cortex, which is not even fully developed in Natalie, and it can greatly impair judgment and reasoning. And as a result, Natalie's ability to think

rationally is diminished. They also spent most of the evening together with both of their respective friend groups, which may have lowered her appraisal of risk, leading to the decision to get in the car with him. So despite whether or not she was taking a risk, she didn't know that, right? She's still the victim. And her decision to get into his car does not make her to blame in any way, shape or form. And I just want to make that very clear. When Ruth, Lee, and Catherine woke up on the morning of May 30th,

they saw their fourth roommate, Natalie, hadn't slept there the night before. Her bed was still made, and her luggage was laid out where she'd left it. Her passport was even on top of her suitcase, so she'd be ready to go to the airport on time. At first, her friends didn't think it was odd. Students had been swapping rooms throughout the trip, crashing wherever they happened to end up at the end of the night. They assumed Natalie must have stayed with some other friends in another room. But by mid-morning, as the students and chaperones gathered in the lobby to head out to the airport, it became clear Natalie wasn't there, and no one knew where she was. Her friends were distraught. Natalie would

never be late like this. Something was definitely wrong. The chaperones were concerned, but hopeful that Natalie would return to the hotel soon. They decided to get the rest of the students on their flight home, but leave one chaperone in Aruba until Natalie turned up. At this point, it also fell to another chaperone, Jodie Behrman, to make a difficult phone call. She dialed the number for Natalie's mother Beth and told her her daughter was missing. Beth was in a car with a few friends when she got the call from Jodi. But instead of breaking down, she stayed calm and focused. She asked her friend to pull over and let her take the wheel.

Then immediately started driving toward the airport. On the way, Beth dialed 911. She told the dispatcher her daughter had gone missing in Aruba. Next, Beth called her husband, Natalie's stepfather, George Twitty. She told him to book them a flight to Aruba as fast as possible. But he did them one better. By the time Beth reached the airport, a family friend had chartered them a private jet. Soon, Beth was on board with George and several friends who had volunteered to come help.

They left one seat open on the plane for Natalie. Let's talk about fear and panic because they're not just emotional reactions to a crisis situation like this. They're a neurobiological response for survival. They're adaptive emotions, but they can temporarily override rational thought, distort memory, and drive behavior that doesn't always reflect the person's normal functioning. When someone is experiencing fear or panic, the brain shifts power away from the prefrontal cortex,

which I've covered already in what that function is, and then it hands it over to the amygdala, and that's the brain's emotional and emergency response center. This can result in decision-making that becomes reactive, impulsive, and emotionally driven rather than reflective and deliberate. I'm curious, in a crisis situation, are there psychological reasons that some people are able to remain calm and others just completely panic? So that comes down to a complex mix of biology, experience, personality, and learned coping skills.

So let's talk about Beth, for example. She seemingly remains calm. She's been a mother for at least 18 years, and perhaps her experiences as a mother have taught her that maintaining calm in a crisis is essential for her to remain rational, deliberate, and solution-focused. She may have learned appropriate coping skills from past experiences, or her personality is one of high emotional stability. Also, she's not in the same country as Natalie, and Beth seemingly has learned

how to focus on what she has control of in the moment of a crisis, and that's exactly what she did. She first went to report her daughter missing while driving to the airport to get to Aruba where she could have more control over searching for her daughter. Beth, George, and the others landed in Aruba around 10 p.m. the night of May 30th, 2005, less than 12 hours since Natalie had been reported missing. They started the search at the Holiday Inn where they met with the school chaperone who had stayed behind. She had no news on Natalie.

But by now, Beth and her family had pieced together a few clues from what Natalie's classmates had told them over the phone. Natalie was last seen in a silver car with a boy named Joran. Her friends remembered him from the Excelsior Casino. He said he was a Dutch student staying at the Holiday Inn. Beth found someone who worked at the hotel and described Joran. The employee knew who she was talking about instantly.

But Joran wasn't a guest at the hotel. He was a local punk who hung around the casinos. Beth would never forget the exact words the employee said next. He tends to prey upon young female tourists. After Natalie Holloway's family arrived in Aruba on May 30, 2005, they learned that she was last seen with a local boy named Joran Vandersloot. Aruba isn't very big, just about 75 square miles. It only takes an hour or so to drive across the whole island, but there were still plenty of places for Joran to hide.

So Natalie's mom, Beth, and her stepdad, George, along with a growing group of volunteers fanned out across the island, looking for anyone who might have more information. Eventually, they found a teenager on the beach who knew Joran, and where he lived. By the time they could get the police to meet them there, it was two in the morning in the early hours of June 1st.

The officers sounded their car's patrol siren, and a few moments later, Yoran's dad, Paulus, came out, bleary-eyed and looking confused. When the police asked him where his son was, Paulus said Yoran was probably sleeping in the detached apartment behind the house. However, when Paulus called Yoran's cell phone, he said he was out gambling at the Wyndham Resort's casino, just down the road from the Holiday Inn. So the search party piled into their cars and headed down to the Wyndham, along with Powless and the police. But when they got there, Yoran was nowhere to be found. Apparently they'd just missed each other. When Powless tried his cell again, Yoran said he'd already gone home. Exasperated, the group headed back

to the Vandersloot residence. Yoran and his friend, Deepak Kalpo, were waiting for them in the driveway, sitting on the hood of Deepak's silver Honda. While Beth and George watched, the police questioned Yoran. At first, he said he didn't know anything about Natalie, not even her name. But he couldn't lie his way

out of this one. Eyewitnesses had seen them together. When Yoran learned this, he changed his story. He admitted he had met Natalie and her friends at the Excelsior the night before, and later joined them at Carlos and Charlie's. He claimed Natalie was drunk and hitting on him. They'd danced together, and he'd taken shots with her at the bar. After Carlos and Charlie's closed, Yoran said he, Natalie, and the Calpo brothers got into Deepak's car. They drove around the island for a while as Yoran and Natalie fooled around in the backseat. Then around 2 a.m., Yoran claimed they dropped Natalie off at the Holiday Inn, and a security

guard helped her inside. At the search group's insistence, Yorin led them to the Holiday Inn and showed them where he had allegedly left Natalie. However, he couldn't find the security guard who'd supposedly helped her. So I think we can all agree that Yorin is not being truthful here, especially those of us who know how this really turns out. And there are a few reasons why Yoren would seemingly lie about something that could be so easily disproven like this. First, it could be an impulsive emotional decision intended to bring him short-term relief,

almost like a coping strategy used to escape anxiety, shame, or fear. It would give him the temporary relief and sense of control over the situation that he might feel he needs in that moment. Second, it could be a form of denial or self-preservation, as if he truly believed that they wouldn't find out. Third, this could be due to disordered thinking. For instance, he may genuinely believe that he could outsmart the police and the authorities in the search group, since he has no real history of consequence. And lastly, there are personality traits or even disorders that can explain this as well, specifically antisocial, narcissistic, or borderline traits.

And if this was the case, lies would not be reflexive, but rather strategic, especially if we understand the motivation. And given that he has a history of predatory behavior and is already known for his antics around the island, it's likely more personality-based, but certainly it could be a mix of any of these. Although it seemed obvious that Yoran was lying about what had happened between him and Natalie, there wasn't any evidence that he'd actually hurt her. So the Aruban police had no choice but to let him go. Natalie's family was furious. They were positive that Yoran knew what really happened

to their daughter. But if he wouldn't help them find her, they'd do it themselves. Beth and George began organizing more search parties to look for Natalie. Hundreds of tourists and locals volunteered to help. They plastered the island with posters featuring Natalie's photo, asking for information about her disappearance. Over the next several weeks, the Aruban authorities followed dozens of leads. None of them panned out. George even went to the island's Dutch military base and got some of their marines to search the area with helicopters and four-wheel drive vehicles. But even they couldn't find any trace of Natalie.

Meanwhile, the media was starting to pick up on the case. The story was like cable news catnip. A pretty teenage girl missing under mysterious circumstances in a tropical paradise. Soon, hundreds of reporters from all around the world had descended on the island. Beth was doing interviews almost every night to help spread the word. All of a sudden, Aruba was in the spotlight. And not in a good way. With an economy dependent on tourism, Natalie's story was a worst-case scenario. Before long, the pressure on the Aruban police to make an arrest became overwhelming.

Yorin and the Calpo brothers were still the prime suspects, but without any solid evidence, the case against them would be flimsy. Under normal circumstances, the police would have taken time to monitor Yoran and the Kalpos and wait for them to slip up. But under the onslaught of pressure, the police chief eventually relented and gave the go-ahead to arrest them on nothing but suspicion. It was a decision he later regretted. So whenever anyone is under intense pressure and there is a sense of urgency as well, it

narrows the focus and limits a person's ability to think rationally. And in this particular instance we have a missing persons case with national scrutiny. This could cause officers to disregard or undervalue evidence or lack thereof, focus intensely on one subject or theory, and cause unnecessary delays. The pressure they face not just from the public, but from government officials who are worried about the impact on tourism can certainly lead to errors in judgment and even confirmation

bias. And that can impair objectivity, cause burnout, and lead to rushed decisions. On the flip side of the coin, there are many people who say they thrive under pressure. Are there psychological reasons for that? Yeah, kind of similar to the reasons I outlined with Beth, Natalie's mother, who was able to remain calm

after getting news that her daughter was missing. It's a mixture of past experiences, coping skills, personality traits, and support or resilience. So those who thrive under pressure have likely been exposed multiple times to high pressure environments. Their bodies may be accustomed to adrenaline, they're more competent in their abilities and they have a healthier mental framework as a result. And by that I mean, rather than looking at a high pressure environment as a threat, they look at it more like a challenge and that they can draw upon their strengths to overcome it.

Regardless of what motivated the police to arrest Yoran, they took the opportunity to question him intensely. It wasn't long before his story about his night with Natalie began to change. Now, Yoran said that he and the Calpo brothers had not dropped Natalie off at the Holiday Inn like he originally claimed. Instead, the Calpos had dropped him and Natalie off at the beach a half mile north of the Holiday Inn.

He said that Natalie wanted to have sex, but Yoran refused because he didn't have a condom. According to Yoran, the night ended awkwardly. He said he left Natalie there on the beach alone. The last time he saw her, she was sitting by herself in the sand staring out at the ocean. The police conducted a thorough search of the beach, but once again there was no trace of Natalie. Yoran and the Calpo brothers were held in custody for weeks and questioned almost daily

by the Aruban police. And because Natalie was American, the FBI got involved too. But the boys didn't give up any useful information. Finally, on August 31, 2005, 93 days after Natalie went missing, an Aruban judge declared there wasn't sufficient evidence to continue holding them. All three were set free. To the many people following the case, it seemed like Joran van der Sloot had just gotten away with murder. Getting away with a crime has profound psychological effects that go beyond simply feeling relief,

because it can be reinforcing, increase confidence, and even encourage more offenses. This is especially true for people with antisocial traits, which Yorin appears to have, because they are driven by impulse, thrill-seeking, and a desire for dominance or power. It can also desensitize them to any fear of consequences, which may be especially true for him because he has not had any lasting consequences. So as a result, he's going to become increasingly less afraid of any ramifications for his behavior. How can holding onto a big secret, like the truth about a murder, affect someone psychologically?

And that's going to depend on who you're referring to. So if it's your Anne, he's likely unaffected, since he already exhibits antisocial traits and appears completely desensitized to consequences, like I mentioned. But for most, it can be psychologically destabilizing. They will be exposed to prolonged stress, especially if they experience fear, guilt, or moral conflict regarding the nature of the crime and the secret they're holding. They will be living in fear of being exposed exposed and this can cause some fragmentation in their identity because the version everyone sees is not in alignment with the truth and that can place them into a cognitive

dissonance and that internal conflict can lead to substance abuse and reckless behavior and eventually they can reach a breaking point where they confess or they just break down entirely. Well, Natalie's parents, Beth and George, were still confident Yoran knew what happened to Natalie. They continued their campaign to uncover the truth for years. Meanwhile, Yoran escaped any serious repercussions, just as he had since he was a child.

A few days after being released from police custody, he flew back to the Netherlands and enrolled in college there. But the world didn't forget about Natalie Holloway, and almost 20 years later, her family would finally get some closure when the full extent of Yoran's crimes were exposed. out, Natalie wasn't his only victim. Thanks so much for listening. Come back next time to learn how Joran van der Sloot was accused of committing another murder exactly five years to the day after Natalie Holloway disappeared and what he says really happened to Natalie.

Killer Minds is a Crime House original powered by Pave Studios. Here at Crime House, we want to thank each and every one of you for your support. If you like what you heard today, reach out on all social media at Crime House. And don't forget to rate, review, and follow Killer Minds wherever you get your podcasts. Your feedback truly makes a difference. And to enhance your listening experience, subscribe to CrimeHouse Plus on Apple podcasts.

You'll get every episode of Killer Minds ad free, along with early access to each thrilling two-part series and exciting bonus content. Killer Minds is hosted by me, Vanessa Richardson, and Dr. Tristan Engels, and is a Crime House Original powered by Pave Studios. This episode was brought to life by the Killer Minds team, Max this episode, the one we found the most credible and helpful was Portrait of a Monster by Lisa Pulitzer and Cole Thompson. Thank you for listening.

And don't go anywhere. Right now we've got a preview for Mantra with Gemma Spegg. If you want to hear the full episode, and trust me, you do, just search for Mantra. That's M-A-N-T-R-A wherever you get your podcasts. It's time for this week's Mantra. I honor my emotions as they guide me through grief. I want to begin by saying this if it's not already clear, but grief does come in many forms. Our first thought often goes to the grief that of course we encounter with the death of a loved one because that kind of loss is so profound, leaves so many unanswered questions. Where does the love go?

How do I live? How can we survive without them? What happens next? All questions we have and many, many more. It's very shocking. It's paralyzing. It defines every other experience we have, at least for a while. But I think grief is also appropriate and also needs to be acknowledged in the face of any loss.

Loss of a relationship, a breakup, some might even say. Loss of a pet, grief over a time in our lives that we no longer have. It's this intense love mixed with pain and they're in this constant battle. Are we grateful for what's happened? Or are we terrified and devastated that it's no longer there? We do sometimes feel so lucky to have the memories and the moments,

and then other times it just feels like this thing is so heavy, we're never going to get out from under it, such as being human. I think that is the definitive human experience right there, trying to hold two equally large and heavy truths at once. But yes, there is a hidden beauty in it all. And when we honor our emotions and ride the roller coaster and hold on, just hold on for the dips and the highs, I think we can at least learn something. At most, we feel more in touch

with the human experience and like this very deep pool of love that exists in each of us. And the truth is, we need to grieve. If someone has passed, if a death has occurred, you need to grieve. Grieving is remembering. Grieving is continuing to hold space for the person and the good feelings. And in a weird way, we really do need that. Grief is definitely hard, but I think the society's reaction to it is the main problem or lack of reaction. That's what makes it so much harder. It often feels like the moment you start grieving, the moment someone passes, the moment that something ends, this timer starts and you only have a certain amount of time to get over it before it becomes unacceptable.

As a society, we are not very good at dealing with grief. We are okay with happiness. We are okay with anger even. Grief? No. The moment you say to someone, oh, you know, this person is no longer in my life. My grandfather died. My mother passed away.

Oh, you know, I used to have a sister, but she's not here with us anymore. You can see it in someone's eyes. There's like this immediate reaction from most people to like shy away from it. Even though most of us have experienced something similar in our lives. We just can't talk about it. In Western culture in particular, we have such a clinical perspective on death that it makes it really hard to fully feel it.

And we also don't have any of like the sacred traditions or the holidays or the celebrations that other cultures do. We don't hold space for those who pass in the same way. In Mexico, they have the Day of the Dead. In Japan, when I was there recently, I was in Okinawa and they literally have people who they hired just to maintain the graveyards and make them into these almost shrines and monuments of remembering.

Petru Paksha is a 16-day Hindu holiday where families pay homage to ancestors who have departed from the material world. There's so many more examples. If you live in the US or the UK or Australia or in a very Western culture, what do we have? We have funerals where everyone wears black, and then homemade lasagnas, and then nothing.

People will show up for the day, but the support slowly fades away. You stay right where they left you. You just stay still in that moment, and there is very limited space or opportunity to continue to celebrate this person. And you know what? Grief is too big to ever be held by just one person.

It's a collaborative community emotion. It's something that needs to be spread across multiple souls. I really believe that. And you can't really do that the way you need to in practice in the society we have today. You can't create community around your grief. There's not as many rituals. It's harder to talk about this shared emotion. If you want to hear the full episode, just search for mantra. That's M-A-N-T-R-A wherever you get your podcasts.

How can one tiny clue change everything? Kaylin Moore and Morgan Absher break it all down on their new show, Clues. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Just search Clues wherever you listen to podcasts.