Miss Me? - I’m Just Gonna Ask Questions

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver discuss the creativity behind writing musicals, the Super Bowl halftime show, and the chaos of natural disasters.This episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Audio Editor: Jonathan O'Sullivan Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. Hi, Kush Jumbo here. My podcast Origins is where the biggest names in entertainment tell me the stories that made them who they are today. This week on Origins is KSI. I did boxing as a joke, if that makes sense. So, no, continue. Did you and Tommy Fury become friends?

No, no. I would be sweating if I was like sitting next to another woman. I didn't know how to talk to females. Listen to Origins with Kuss Jumbo wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains some very special day today. The return of Miss Lily Allen, the return of Miss Lily Allen. Hello, she's back. I can't tell you what it's like for me to sit here and look across and just see your fucking face. It's like, I did good, right? You did a really good job. I'm very, very proud of everybody on the team, especially Meketa Oliver, but all of the special guests. And it was really nice. It was really nice to listen to everybody and also, you know, just be,

I just feel very grateful to have been given the time and the space that I needed. Thank God, cause we were running out of family members, like rapidly running out of family members of note in the celebrity world. So it was great to have you back. I'm so happy you're back, babe. I did in fact very much miss you.

Aw, missed me. I fucking did. What you been doing? Well, you know, I went into a sort of treatment center for a few weeks, which was great. I did lots of group therapy and some like individual therapy and I just, you know, I needed some time and space away from everything, you know, and I did a lot of shadow work, you know, lots

of work about my inner child stuff and all the good shit. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say it was, it wasn't not easy by any stretch. And it's a journey, you know, it's a lifelong journey of healing. It's not a quick fix, but I've started meditating. I meditate every day now at least two or three times a day. That's really helping me. Are you using anything to do meditation with? Because I realized today I do need an app for it, which is an okay thing. That's

not a disservice to myself. I need that to get there. I am using an app called Plum Village, which is a place in the south of France that was started by a Buddhist monk called Thich Nhat Hanh. He's a sort of prodigy. They all have like, um, different meditations, which I use and for different things. So like for deep relaxation and for like connection to the earth. And, you know, I'm not a particularly spiritual person as we know, but, um, you know, it's, it helps me to, you know, focus on my breath work and to try and be more living in the moment rather than, you know, thinking about the past too much and worrying about the future too much. So that's

what I've been focusing on. And then about a week ago, I came to LA. Made your Instagram comeback. I made my Instagram comeback. I've been commissioned to do a musical, so I'm here starting on that. You know, it will be a long process, but this little stint is the beginning and it's been going really well. Back in the studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had an idea for another avenue of work within music that you could do, maybe in your 50s. I watched this documentary about John Williams, who is a film scorer and composer. He did Jaws and E.T. and Star Wars and I think Home Alone, like most things you've ever heard in the 80s and 90s. And he was talking about the process of the way they score film, especially if

you're doing like working for a musical. I imagine it's the same thing, where you're like, given these scenes and you have to decide like, what music takes everyone else's emotions to different places. Like what, you kind of there to like, heighten the feeling for the audience of every moment. Yeah, I mean, musicals are quite similar. I think, you know, it depends whether you're working from, because I've done a couple of musicals now. One I did where we were working from the book, from the script, and so we would just sort of read the script and figure out what, first we have to like,

figure out how many characters there are, how many songs each character is gonna get, and then you figure out the emotional beats for each of those characters and where it would feel natural for them to like express their sort of like theme. Yes, so that's how I did one and then the next one that we did was an adaptation of a TV show. We didn't even have a script so we just listened to the audio of the TV show and then when it felt like you know like there was an

emotional beat that needed recognizing. We just wrote a song in that place. But this one is an even more different approach. There's sort of one lead character and it's only about two or three supporting characters. So it's quite, it's tricky. But yeah, you know, we'll figure it out. I think you're probably doing really well. Why are you laughing? I think you're probably nailing it. Yeah. he said, John Williams, you know, he wrote a theme for each character, like not a song, a theme for each character in Star Wars, like

Leia's theme. Yeah, that's quite common. Yes. I didn't know that Yoda's theme. Yeah. Everyone has a theme. I'd love to know like, you know, to how you write the music of a person and what they're about. How do you say that through music? But I'm sure you'll do if anyone could do it. I'll piss you. Well, actually, the first musical that I did was really fun because it was set in the 90s, but it had people of all different age groups in it. And, you know, I can be a bit of a musical snob,

and one of the more fun things for me to do was to pigeonhole each character by what kind of music they might listen to. Oh, that is so much fun. One of the more fun things for me to do was to pigeonhole each character by what kind of music they might listen to. Oh, that is so much fun! Oh my God. Yeah, and then write a song in that style for them. Right, what musical was that? So it's like, oh, she's into that kind of music,

and then you'd write that kind of song for her. I'm not gonna tell you, because it looks like it might happen again, so I'm keeping sh- Okay, deep in the musical world right now. I wanted today to be a very safe space for you. I wanted us to touch on light subjects and nice things so we're going to do the Gaza Riviera to begin. I think we should actually. I have quite a few things to say about it. Maybe we'll leave it for the end. Maybe not this week. Okay, Super Bowl and Grammys, it is then.

I didn't actually watch the Super Bowl. I was so tired last night when I got back from the studio. So I nearly texted you to say, please watch Kendrick at the Super Bowl. Just please make sure you watch that. I mean, I watched clips of it today this morning. So I'm aware of what happened. That moment. I watched the Grammys last week and what happened. That moment. I watched the Grammys last week and Kendrick won like five Grammys for they not like us. They not like us.

They not like us. I mean. What is it you think? It's great. But I feel like, I do not, you know what? My grandfather once said to me, never gain or like take enjoyment from another man's misfortune.

Shard and Freud. Yeah. And I think that that's true. I don't really like that Drake has to suffer as a result of Kendrick doing so well, but there is... Think Drake's fine. Yeah, financially. Do you think he's fine in his head right now? No, probably not. No, I really don't. And I think that that's why it's important that actually Kendrick's win isn't about Drake losing. They can both be winning at the same time. I think Kendrick's winning as an outsider. Hasn't really studied this field. And the

limited research that I've done, I feel like Kendrick is doing okay. I wanna talk about Kendrick. He's such a fucking insanely talented, gifted man. Yeah. And seems like a real sweet, sweetheart. Someone said to me, Oh, everyone's going on about his jeans. And there's an article about his jeans

in the New York Times for God's sake. I don't know what the jeans were. I didn't see them. What were they? Mans is in a bell bottom because he's fly. Okay. It's the flyest shit you've ever seen. And I'm proud of him. I can't believe people are saying that. What a witch.

Bell bottom wearing. Yeah. Good for him. That person knows how to dress. And also, can I say as well, he's in a Martine Rose varsity jacket. Martine Rose, a brilliant, influential, smart designer, black British woman, and they've collaborated on a lot of stuff. So he's just like, he's just doing all the right things.

All the right things. And actually, he's named after one of the Temptations, right? Oh, right. Eddie Kendrick. So I think his mom, I think we can safely say his mom is like a 70s soul, funkadelic fan. And I feel like that he does have that vibe with his style, like a little bit like super fly, laxploitation,

like streets vibe. Like I just think he's a creative person in everything he does. And I thought he looked absolutely brilliant, but he came to work. Yeah. He came to work. I mean, to be fair, you have to come to work

when it's the Super Bowl. Like, it's no joke. Right, how much? I wanted to know, like, rehearsals for something of that kind and of that level, you've got to be so committed and have such vision, right? To really pull something like that off. So they're, I mean, they're in there for weeks getting this shit together for us.

Months. Months. Yeah, I'd say months. And Serena Williams doing a little crit walk. Crit walk Serena Williams like, ah! Over Drake's grave. If you look at the last few years of Super Bowl halftime show, you know, 250, how many people watch it?

The whole of America. The whole of America. Rihanna, we've had Dr. Dre, Usher, and now we've got Kendrick. But I do feel like there must be a part, actually, I don't feel, I read that a lot of Trump supporters were very disparaging about Kendrick's performance. No. Funnily enough. Really?

Funnily enough. They wanted to. That surprises me. Funnily enough. But if you think about it, this has been like, for me, like there is a sort of Trump America energy. And so if this is America's big holiday, like let's celebrate. But if you look at the last five years, it is crazy that there's this kind of moment of black power and blackness within this huge event that

means so much to so much of America. I don't know I just think it's kind of crazy they keep booking black people to do a part time show. Well I think that Jay-Z runs it doesn't rock nation they have the contract that books the acts. I think I was under the impression that that is what happens. And while, you know, sort of populism is on the rise and things are quite contentious over here politically and, you know, having conversations about there being two genders all of a sudden,

and, you know, people's rights seem to be being ripped away from them left, right, and center. So if there was ever going to be a time to make political statements on a large stage, then somewhere like that would be a very important place to do so. And also, let's not forget that there's a huge percentage of American football players are black. Very true. And I think that it's important that they feel represented, you know, culturally within that sphere. So I think, yeah, it's where it should be. It feels like, I mean, if you want to talk about black men running America in the places

they can, I guess they really are. At the Grammys, like Dr. Dre is getting a global impact award, Kendrick's sweeping the board, Jay-Z is there as the sort of godfather of them all. And we're talking about three... Tyler Perry, is that his name? Tyler Perry, exactly, in film. And we're talking about... Oprah. Oprah as well. We're talking about people that have come from lives with no money. So single parents, a lot of them, you know, Kendrick's Compton, Jay-Z's The Bronx.

Marcy Project Brooklyn, Marcy Brooklyn. And I just, I mean, if you think about the kind of wealth disparity in just New York, like when I was leaving your house and driving to JFK, and because you're in Brooklyn, like when you go further, you get the kind of more like, you know, sort of Pacific Jew communities, and it felt a bit like Stoke Newington, which is like Northeast London, and you go a bit further and suddenly you are met with just this world of social housing that was like unfathomably big, large, vast places. And throughout the UK and in London as we know, where we've grown up, social housing, council flats, housing trust flats, it's all mixed in, it's all threaded through.

So we're talking about men that come from this place that have told them they are outsiders and underdogs. And I feel like they run America now. These men. It's Cinderella story, really. Cinderella story. I don't know how Jay-Z would feel about you describing his story, his ascension as a modern day Cinderella tale. But yeah, big boys, Kendrick swept the board at the Grammys. Did you watch the Grammys? Yeah. I'm quite in love with the story of Dochi and her rise. Oh, we love Dochi. What a fucking story.

I mean, I suppose this story is all over the place, but just be able to see it and pinpoint these moments of despair. Visually, basically, there's all these videos around. I mean, I don't need to tell people everyone's seen them, I'm sure, of her saying that she's just actually we have one. Let's just have Dochi tell us how much she's been through. So I got fired today. I'm gonna do this, but either way, I'm gonna be straight.

I think tomorrow, I'm just gonna go to a whole bunch of like studios and like ask if they have any internships open and also just like ask questions like I don't fucking know. We're gonna go in studios record label companies like I'm just gonna go in and ask who gives a fuck. I have nothing to lose. I literally have nothing to lose. I have no place, I have no job, I have no children. I have, who gives a fuck? Who cares, who fucking cares? I'm just gonna do it.

I'll let you know how that goes. I'll let you know how that goes, you know. I'll let you know how that goes. Four years later, she's on the Grammy stage. That made me feel really emotional. Oh,, why? I don't know, I just love seeing people believe in themselves and also be vulnerable.

And she's like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And I think the bit that moved me was the like, I'm just gonna ask questions, I'm just gonna ask for help. Like, I'm gonna just be like, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. But there's no shame in that. And I think that we live in a world where, and I know we come back to this all the time, but we're hammered with images of people on social media telling us

that they know what they're doing. They're on the right track. They've got their goals. They're doing this and they're doing that. And it's actually just really nice to see somebody be like, I'm fucked. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've got nothing to lose. I guess I just put myself out there. And, you know, she also has a sobriety journey to talk about, which I find really inspiring. I heard her say that, which she talked about in her speech. I'd like to know more about that. But I think that, you know, she's one of those people who just, you know, you just look at her face and she just sort of like beams positivity and spirit. You know who else did actually at the Grammys was Alicia Keys.

Like, yes, I was lying in bed watching it and I was just like, someone is meditating. Yeah, in it. Someone's living right, Alicia. Okay. But she does live right. She like lives with Swiss Beats and they have like a, what is it called? You know, like his kids are mixed with like,

she's really good friends with his ex-wife. They collect like African art, creatively enhance each other. I feel like she's very close to like her soul. Yeah. Alicia Keys. She's very well connected to herself. Yeah. I was like, Oh God, I'm a long way from that, but I would really like to be there one day.

Good goal. Alicia Keys, Grammy 2025. I get it. I totally understand. What was I going to say? When you were saying ask questions, right? This is what I've been in Lil. The power of not knowing everything and the power of not really knowing what the fuck you're doing, but knowing that you're not going to stop. And with building this company at the moment, just having to like have these intimidating conversations about investment and equity and et cetera, and margins and just stuff that I just I feel really uncomfortable actually and I'm in a room with men in suits so I'm like I feel like a fool within it but I realized that it's just like Kendrick and Jay-Z and Dr. Dre which is it's a transference of skills. So all I have to do is take my like hustling youth energy. We won't go into it, but like squat parties,

like I looked after myself financially. So I am a hustler. I have a hustling past and I feel like I just have to transfer the skills of like getting about, chatting to people, to this scary world of business. Because I feel like that's how Jay-Z and all those people made themselves a business of themselves.

They just transferred their skills, right? Yeah, I agree with that. But I also think in like those, what you would describe as intimidating situations or environments in which you, for whatever reason, have felt like you're not meant to be in that space or whatever. I think that people find

it far more endearing when people are truthful and honest about their lack of knowledge in a certain field and they're wanting to gain more knowledge and so asking questions than they would be if you walked in there going, I know it all and I know I've got myself sorted, this is my plan. I don't think that that attitude instills people with confidence. I think it actually arouses suspicion. Certainly for me it does. If someone walks into the studio and goes like, I know I got this. It's like, no you don't because it's about me. Yeah, we haven't even started talking yet.

I've got this. I'll tell you whether you've got this or not. How about you ask me some questions about what we're gonna do? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So keep asking questions, just like Dochey. Just like Dochey. It's been a good month. Has it been a good month?

No, I've had really quite a stressful month. How about the rest of the year? Come on spring. Come on spring. What are your spring plans, Lily? What do you want to be looking forward to for spring? I'm going back to New York for a few days and then I'm back here until the end of the month and then You know got miss me shows. Oh, yeah

If anyone's thinking god, what is miss me life gonna look like I think We could safely say somewhere along the lines of kendrick It's somewhere between doh chies performance at the grammys and kendrick's super bowl performance He knows i'm gonna be a fucking heart attack. Lies somewhere between the two. Okay, well we're going to have a break and breathe and just thank the bloody Lord that Lily Allen is home. Thank you Lily Allen for returning. It's nice to be back.

Hi, Kush Jumbo here. My podcast Origins is where the biggest names in entertainment tell me the stories that made them who they are today. This week on Origins is KSI. I did boxing as a joke, if that makes sense. So- No, continue. Did you and Tommy Fury become friends? No, no, I would be sweating if I was like sitting next to another woman. I didn't know how to talk to females. Listen to Origins with Kuss Jumbo wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back. As I said earlier in the show, I'm in Los Angeles. Now, when I was in my treatment center, the LA fires broke out. This was happening completely unbeknownst to me because I had no access to my mobile phone. There was no TV. There was nothing.

It was all very much about me and my head and the other people that were there and their heads. And so yeah, the outside world was to, you know, make no effect on the work that we were doing, the inner work. And so then when I got out and heard about these fires, I was like, fucking hell, that seems so intense. And then, you know, a week later, I was out here. It's an interesting energy, you know. I mean, LA is so vast anyway, and it happened in sort of three or four different areas. I haven't been down to the Palisades or Malibu or, you know, that part, which is where a lot of the destruction happened. I know some people who's, you know, have been affected more up that way.

Yeah, Iona was staying and Iona that works with me was in LA and sent me a video from her balcony. She was just like surrounded by fire. Yeah, I mean the amount of pictures that people have shown me are really, really shocking. And I think that, you know, it was one of those things where people were sort of like sitting in their houses going like, is it going to happen? It doesn't normally jump the freeway. And, you know, we should be safe. And then like a of hours will go by and people will be like, should we start packing some things that we might want to keep? And then they'd hear about a fire down the road

and they'd be like, okay, I think it's time to go. But it's also one of those things, like, if it's time to go, isn't a grown-up going to come and tell me that it's time to go? Fuck yeah. You know, like these 40-year-old men sitting in their houses waiting for someone to come and say, yes, it's time. This is the thing about a natural disaster.

You feel very, very small. Yeah, well you are. And lots of people that I know that, you know, went and did different things. Lots of people went up to sort of Newport Beach and stayed in hotel rooms. Lots of people went more like inland to Palm Springs. Friends of mine that I'm working with all just got in a convoy and went to Vegas for four days and just got absolutely hammered.

They were just like, fuck this. Yeah, well, their thinking was that like, there's a major airport in Vegas. So they had their passports and everything that they needed. And if their house is burnt down and they just get on a plane to London. That's actually quite a good plan. Yeah, so they did that.

And then, you know, when disaster happens, people tend to, good people, tend to sort of come together for the greater good of the immediate communities that they are a part of. And it seemed to me like the last couple of weeks or the couple of weeks after the fires, everybody was, you know, quite hands on deck in terms of like getting

clothes together, food packages together. There were like all of these sort of drop off stations. People were, you know, anyone that had a pickup truck was like helping people move stuff around. It was really felt like a group effort to try and help people get their lives back together again. And everyone that I know that's here, like, was involved in this sort of clear-up in some way or another. It reminded me a little bit about how the sort of Ladbroke Grove community came together after Grenfell. Definitely. But what happened around Grenfell as well is there is like, you know, residual trauma,

even what everyone saw, you know, and all of the people that died, you know, it was such a shocking sight. And then to know what happened afterwards, and to have sort of no answers from people, it leaves you with this sort of like anxiety, I guess, in your, in your tummy. And people don't know what to do with that anxiety except for like, just like try and go and help as many people as they can. So there's lots of like volunteering for Red Cross,

for different charities and you know, people that work in fashion, we're like getting clothes packages together, people that worked in music, we're like putting on little events for people. And you know, it just seemed like very, it's in those times where people really come together and and it's a beautiful thing.

But you can also can you see something visible in kind of like the fact that it happened in California but in LA in a place where there is like money like there is devastation but it's like devastated like a kind of different type of person in a different part of the world because this kind of stuff goes on a lot, but not usually here. Yeah, sure. Although I don't think, you know, Alta Dena is not nearly as rich a district

as Pacific Palisades, but you know, it is an interesting conversation because there are, you know, natural disasters. I think like, you know, 20 or 30 people died. Yeah. But, you know, it was a significant amount of press coverage and attention that the fires got. And I think that one thing is that fire is terrifying, right?

But also in the capitalist system in which we live and our obsession with property ownership is a big factor. Right. Because you can read about, you know, thousands of people dying in other instances that doesn't garner nearly as much attention as the idea that a few hundred people's homes burnt down. And so what do we value more, houses or people? I mean, they're in Barbuda next to Antigua, when they had this awful, horrific hurricane and storm, when the island was evacuated, as the people sat on the boats watching their houses be destroyed and people

they love die, they just came in with the ships and started building and just started taking over the land and capitalizing on these people's horror and pain straight away. It's happening here as well. I mean, I think that estate agents, property people have been steaming in, especially to the poorer areas and offering them money that they could never dream of for the land and the intention is to rebuild and probably make it into a more desirable neighborhood and have all of those people moved out eventually.

So, it's interesting that you're at the end of, or not the end, but you walked into an aftermath because I have been in a natural disaster. And I think what you really don't understand is that decision-making when you're in it. My natural disaster was the tsunami. This is the Indian earthquake and subsequent tsunami in 2004 when I was on holiday for Christmas with Simon Amstel, just me and him. He saved my life actually. I was hungover because it was boxing day and if I had slept in, I would have died. What was Simon doing up?

Yeah, because he's sober. So he was like, let's go, let's go. And I was like, it's boxing day and it's 7am. He's your guardian angel. That's like, I mean, yeah. But the real horror was the, like you were saying, making the decision and our decision was like, basically we're sitting on the beach and this huge wave, the size of a skyscraper starts rising and then it gets wider. So it becomes like a city of wave coming at you. And I didn't want to seem embarrassing or silly or like a tourist. So when Simon was like, that looks terrifying. I was like, it's cool, man. Like

just be cool and don't embarrass me. And it's obviously just some Thai thing. And then we saw all those people screaming and particularly Thai people who work and live there. And we were like, this is an issue. We turned around, we stopped running up to this hill and all the local people were so unbelievably strong and brave and were just like hacking down fences for us to just keep being able to go higher up, up. I lost Simon, I thought he was dead for about three hours. Then we find him again and then we're all on this bloody hill

waiting for this other wave to come. And that was a horror that I have never experienced in my life. Just sitting on this hill waiting for a natural disaster to come sweep me up. How long did it take? How long did we sit on that hill? Yeah.

I don't know, eight hours? What, you saw the wave for eight hours? No, so the wave comes, right, like a city, and then you run. Obviously I did not look back, but I could just hear crashing. And so I guess it crashed onto the beach, destroying everything and we just kept going up, up, up to this hill where you could kind of see the devastation. And then there was just like people, you know, this was a long time ago. No one had mobile phones. People would have had mobile phones, but I just, for some reason,

I didn't have a mobile phone. But there were people saying like, we've heard of another wave in blah blah, we have to move, it's coming. That's what the horror of it was for me. I was just like, and did it? Yes. But once we've been brave enough to leave. Okay. Well, and also you're with all these strangers that you were like, having cocktails with and breakfast with a few days before. And then suddenly you're like okay so to survive, Katie, we need to run down the hill, get in those trucks that have come and then just zoom out of here as quickly as we can but everyone's like but what if the wave comes once we get down? And it was like well then I don't know that was the eight hours of debate and then finally it was like we have to just go for it and then I think it came about an hour after we

left or something. Fucking terrifying. Have you done work around that? No. You need to. I know. And something started happening. Fucking hell. Yeah. Something did start happening after that. Like my trip phobia started happening after that. Your thing about walls and stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All that. But the worst thing was, excuse me, I call my mom and I say, I'm in a natural disaster. I'm terrified. We've managed to get up the hill to this place. And she was like, I don't have time for this. I'm hung over and hung up on me when I was in a natural disaster. And then turn the TV on, saw what was actually happening and couldn't get hold of me for like 24 hours. I bet she felt so Guilty she said you were at quite a cry wolf place at the time So how were we to know I was so awful So many people died and it was everywhere or it was in Sri Lanka, right? India

Thailand it was like the world was having a physical fit felt like a whole edge of the world was just freaking out. I think there must be something to learn from a natural disaster. Like Uncle Nick was in 9-11, that's a different thing. But you've never been in anything like this. I was in an earthquake in Jakarta. The real serious one. Yeah, I was doing a gig in a skyscraper and I think it was like 8.7 or something. It was quite big. Sia was with you.7 or something. It was quite big. Theo was with you.

Yes, yeah. And we had to run down the stairs because we can't get a lift, obviously. So, but it was really weird because it was a... We're doing a gig for like a football channel. So it was like me, Dennis Wise, Gianfranco Zola, Theo, and a couple of other people, Glenn Hoddle or someone and running down the stairs for like 24 minutes. Maybe Paul Ince, I can't remember, it was just like a weird group. Maybe Alan Shearer, there was just a group like weird footballers from yore. Footballing legends. Yeah. And yeah, it's from down the stairs. And we were on the like 55th floor or something.

So it took fucking hours to get down. I'd be consoled by that because it's like Glenn Hoddle, Lily Allen, Alan Shearer aren't all dying today are they? I was really shook up by it though, I mean excuse the pun. I think that a comfort in any kind of disaster is famous people being there because it's like I'm not dying with them today. On the flight back from Kenya I was like this turbulence is freaking me out and then I looked across and I saw Alan Yentob, I was like nah no one's dying today. Me and Alan Yentov are not perishing on the flight back from Kenya. Anyway, okay, that's enough I think. I think that's enough from you.

Do you think we've done enough? I think we've done enough. It's a total, absolute pleasure to have you back. I know I'm not like quite back to my peppy self. I will give you a little disclaimer. I'm quite highly medicated. Yeah, but it feels like better medication this time. Yeah, by the way, the medication that I was on last year like sent me fucking crazy. So

I've had to change. I've had to like come off of that medication and start a new one. And that was, you know, a big part of where, you know, things became really unmanageable for me. I remember before I came to America, my friend Olivia said to me, she should just be really careful of the doctors over there and the prescriptions that they prescribe you for things. And I listened to her, but I sort of thought maybe she was overreacting. but I really think I was like done a bit of a number on one of the antidepressants that I got put on and it really did not work for me. But I think I'm you know on the right track. We'll see if this one is better. You're doing beautifully. It's nice to know it was the pills sometimes isn't it? It's like,

oh I'm not crazy, it was those pills. It wasn't just the pills, there were other things going on too. But yes, the pills weren't helping. Well done. You wouldn't have even asked for a month off to go do this for yourself five years ago. If that ain't growth, I don't know what is. And I'm here for the year of abundance and all that it may bring. Welcome home, Lily Allen. Also, you know, the other thing is like, I know people think that I hate my children.

I really don't. I absolutely adore my children. And I'm in a situation now where I really have to be my strongest self for them. And I felt like it was getting harder and harder for me to be able to show up for them in the way that they need me to. And yeah, it was a really big decision to have to like leave them for a few weeks to go and focus on myself. But ultimately, it was for them. Yes, it's for me, but it's for them, so that I can get us through this bit. I needed some help to be able to do that.

Also, I think that there's a real difference with Ethel and Marnie's ages at the moment, where you might be shown that they're your team right now. Yes and no. I don't want them to ever feel like they have to prop me up. None of this is their fault, and it, I don't want them to ever feel like they have to prop me up. Like, you know, none of this is their fault. And, you know, and it's my job to support them and make them feel safe and secure. And I just don't think I was able to do that because of the sort of emotional

turmoil that I was in at the time. But I do feel like I am now, you know, so I'm not saying I'm 100% there and I'm not saying that I'm getting it 100% right or ever will. But I'm definitely in a stronger, stronger place. You're just the fucking cutest. Oh, thanks. Very proud of you. Very proud of you Okay, let's let's end this and let's not push it Nice time and get ready for listen bitch on Monday. Okay? And the theme is one, two, three. Things to do before you die, okay? Okay. I got a few.

I just hate the term bucket list, but it's essentially that. So we will see you for Listen Bitch with the return of Lillian. We got a little surprise for you, for Listen Bitch actually. Wait, what? Yeah, no, like totally, the return of Lily Allen, we got a little surprise for you for Listen, bitch, actually. Wait, what? Yeah, no, like totally like there's a surprise, but like I don't want to tell you.

So I'll see you on Monday. See you on Monday. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds. Hello, podcast listeners. If you enjoyed Miss Me, you might be interested in hearing a series called Stalked. I'm Carol Cadwallader, an investigative journalist,

and in this podcast, I follow the story of Hannah, my ex-stepdaughter, whose life was turned upside down by an anonymous stalker. Watching, threatening, impersonating. And when the police couldn't help, she turned to me. Stalking has always been about power and fear, but in today's digital world, it's easier than ever to invade someone's life and far harder to escape. In this story we take you into what started as one woman's nightmare

and becomes an unfolding investigation into a chilling story of deception, control and the power of anonymous technology. So take a listen to Stalked on BBC Sounds. Hi, Kush Jumbo here. My podcast Origins is where the biggest names in entertainment tell me the stories that made them who they are today. This week on Origins is KSI. I did boxing as a joke, if that makes sense. So... No, continue. Did you and Tommy Fury become friends? No. No. I would be sweating if I was like sitting next to another woman. I didn't know how to talk to females.

Listen to Origins with Kus Jumbo, wherever you get your podcasts.