Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Ask Us Anything!

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about absolutely anything!Next week, we want to hear your questions about BLOWJOBS. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Natalie Jamieson Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Rose Wilcox Executive Producer: Dino Sofos Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This episode of Miss Me contains some very strong language, some adult themes and some discussions of the sexual nature. I don't even know if we did, but probably. Welcome to Listen, Bitch. It was great to be here named by Lily Allen and it's a bloody good name it's a bloody good name Listen bitch

I've got a A numb foot Dead foot Oh yeah Yeah we're getting old Do your knees click when you stand up? No Not currently

But only because I'm there I've been working on that Yeah yeah I haven't trained in a while But anyway back to listen bitch it's a very special episode do you see the t-shirt that i wore for you exodus thank you i appreciate the thought that's gone into your wardrobe rastafari let's uh let's talk about the theme the theme is ask us anything oh yeah

ask us bloody anything so i didn't have any research to do about the history of ask us anything so let's go that's one thing I'm not going to miss is the history of absolutely anything excuse me bitch I'm sorry I'm just falling asleep how a day the history of absolutely

anything I'm sorry I wanted to educate myself and the world around me okay educate yourself on your own damn time okay now you've learned some shit and you know it okay let's have our first question This week's listen, bitch. Hi, Lily.

Hi, Nikita. How are you? That's not a question. But if you were in your 20s and had to start all over again, what could you do differently? If you had to start in 2025, I was thinking about becoming a professional fighter and opening up only fans. Have a good day. I love you girls. Thank you, darling.

Oh, I'm like two less drugs. Yeah, let's keep it absolutely real. No, no, no, actually, no, I counter out that, which I know the BBC love. So let's have a counter argument here. I disagree, Lily Allen, because imagine if we didn't get fucked up in our 20s and we were doing it now. How bad would that look? That wouldn't be a good look. So I'm happy we got it out the way when we were still young.

It's not an inevitability that you're going to spend a part of your life fucked up. I feel like if you, just because. we didn't do it in our 20s, doesn't mean that your 30s and 40s you're going to be like completely off your fucking face. I disagree. Again, I will counteract you. All the people that we, well, when I heard of university, I heard a lot about the young people that didn't take loads of drugs

and didn't party loads in their teens. And then they get to university and go absolutely and nuts and bonkers. By the time I was 20, I was over quite a lot of drugs, actually. I would have taken the advice of my accountant at the time and invested some of my money that's what I would have done I would have paid my tax bill and I would have paid more sports

and I think that would have kept me busy so then I wouldn't have done all the other stuff and probably paid my tax bill so let you go I think we answered that one let's have another question ask us anything Hi Lily and Micita this is another Lily currently living in Montpellier. So my question today is about making decisions and taking next step. So I'm kind of at a point in my life where I'm just about to have to

decide what I'm going to do next. And I have a few options and all of them have some uncertainty and all of them have good things and all of them mean that I'll miss out on other things. basically just I'm finding it really hard to decide what to do next and I was wondering if either of you had any advice on how you decide what to do next because I think one of my biggest fears is future of regret like I don't want to make a decision it be the wrong one and I know that everyone says that you know whatever decision you make will be the right one but how do you make peace with making that decision I think that in this day and age we are obsessed with control and I think the fear of making the wrong decision

is actually what you need to look at rather than the actual decision-making process itself. You know, ask yourself what you're so scared of. And it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Like, whatever journey you're on, whatever path you end up taking is the path that you're on. So just like get on with it. Cross that bridge when you get to it, you know?

Work from a place of courage, not fear. Because even if you're, it's not really, yeah, right or wrong decision, but if you live from a place of fear, then, I don't know, everything's a bit tainted by that. You just got to be a brave motherfucker and take risks like Richard Osmond. It's very important. It's hard, though. It is hard, you know.

Definitely. It's hard being a grown-up and not having somebody there to tell you what to do, having to take responsibility for yourself and your choices. Don't I fucking know it. but, you know, you just have to throw yourself into the wind a little bit and deal with the consequences when they arise. That's life, baby.

Do you have any regrets about things that you didn't do? I actually don't know this about you. Is there anything you were like... Do I have regrets about things that I didn't do? Yeah, is there anything you nearly did and then you were too scared to? Not that I can think of off my head. And that's because she lives from a place of courage.

You do like a risky move. No, it's because I'm stupid. I'm like, was that scary? Yeah, I'm in. Really, that's the way to live. That's why you've had such a big life. I could have been more cautious and I'd probably be more like financially stable and secure.

But, you know, I like, I've had some extreme highs and some extreme lows and I wouldn't change it for the world, you know. That's my journey. That's my experience. And I'm an artist. So, you know, I need the lows to write about. or to act about or to use in my acting or my writing or whatever it is all on my podcast. When Lily said, ask yourself what you're so scared of, that's quite good.

Like, interrogate the fear, hang out with it, talk to it, then do the thing anyway. Feel the fear and then do it fucking anyway. Like, there's quite a lot that I'm doing at the moment that I'm like, oh, I'm actually scared. And I'm like, but I'm still going to do it. I'd be more scared of not doing it. So just hang out with fear. He's fake, rarely can control the outcome of anything, you know? There's always so many sort of variables and things that can happen unexpectedly.

It's, you know, we need to like let go of control, essentially. I've been doing the mantra. It's on my phone. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change things I can and wisdom to know the fucking difference. That's the serenity prayer. Mm-hmm. I know.

From N.A. and A.A. I know. I'm not actually. Did I tell you a funny story once when I was doing... Actually, I took this picture, sorry, the screenover is from your house. It's that card that's on the side. Yeah, when I did the 222, which was a play that I did in the West End in 2021. We know people know.

Oh, yeah, but they don't know this. So we had this vocal coach called Hazel, and she, the first day of rehearsals, everyone else in the play was obviously a professional actor and have been acting their lives and have been to drama school or whatever and we were standing on the stage and she was like, I would just like everyone to feel the space

and I want you to like hit the back of the room and so if you just take your favorite, you know, Shakespearean monologue and just shout it to the back of the room and I was like, sorry, what? Favorite Shakespeare's. I was like, I don't know any Shakespearean monologues. She was like, well, any piece of prose that you know,

know off my heart. Just any of Shakespeare's prose, Lernery. And so I did the Serenity. Good get out. Get out. Sounds Shakespearean, doesn't it? There are quite a lot of people that just assume you can quote Shakespeare

or tell someone your favourite what bit part. I'm not Judy Denton. This is not a Graham Norton show. Okay, let's move on. All right, let's actually move on. Let's have another question for Ask Us Anything. Hello, my name is Ellie, and I'm from Martha. By the way, I love this show, so much keep it up.

I have a question. You know what? about rumors that I'm spreading around me and about the cyber bullying that's happening. Please. Thank you so much. Love you guys. Can I just say, as we do your final listen bitch for a while,

it's on, because I keep saying the country, but we've just had a question from Malta and Montpellier. Like, it's crazy. The avenues our river has flown to, isn't it? And I'll say it again. It's crazy how we have. I haven't seen any of the royalty statements. Where's that Malta advertising money?

Yeah. Maltese advertising money. I didn't understand the question. Something about cyberbullying. I did. Yeah, she's like, rumors going around about me. Cyberbullying, how do I deal with this?

Oh, God, you're asking the wrong person. Someone told me, someone said to me the other day, you washed up, dirty bitch. I hope you hear the screams of every baby that you killed in your dreams at night. Oh no, baby, that was me. I wrote you that. That was you on the phone.

That was a voice note. I mean, I actually just sometimes you have to laugh. It's just like, whoa, people are so dark. You do have to laugh because whoever's got the fucking time and inclination to be like, I am so outraged. I'm going to type this into a social media website and post it. I need to tell me Keithy all over about her fucking shameful life. I don't interact with people like that.

Anyway, I don't have the internet So that would be my advice Is get personal assistance, put child look on your phone And just don't look at it anymore There you go And that's probably quite a kind of annual Like year and a half Or however long we'd be doing this movie together

That's kind of like Lily's general advice, isn't it? I think that's her party gift for the world Get off the fucking internet And she has, she really has It's really not a good idea I heard that Jack Dorsey who created Twitter is developing a new

communication platform that just uses Bluetooth so is not using the internet anymore so we're now regressive The Prophet has spoken and she was right again We are going back Everyone knows it's bad

Everyone knows it's bad Look at us Look at us as humans It's not good Look at the fucking state of us Look at the fucking state of us. So there you go. I hope that was helpful.

I hope that travels all the way from New York and Waldemstow to you, my love, in Malta. In Malta. Okay, next question. Hi, I'm Makita and Lily. It's Kara from Brisbane, Australia. If you had to give up one of these things, which one would it be? Kissing or all sources. Like every single type of source,

you can think of including like pasta sauces dipping sauces oh god gravy any kind of sauce anything that would go on a sandwich

or kissing which one would you choose that is such a deep question that is such I can't fucking help the sirens will I mean what you're going to do we're in New York she's in New York City

let's use it as a like a bo bra bra bra sirens because that was that was a Deep question. I was all right. I knew where I lived. Kissing or sauce?

Until she said gravy. I was like, oh, fuck a duck. Fuck a duck. Yeah, gravy. I'm a condiment whore. I love them. In my new house, it was quite fun lady filling up the fridge. I was like, my own fridge again.

Sandy Oliver, let me tell you, those fridges are full of her shit. And you don't really get much space. So I had a whole shelf and I was like, I think I'm going with sauces. You'd give up sauces. You'd have dry roast. No, no, no. I'm not giving up sauces, is what I'm saying. You're giving up kissing so you can have gravy with your roast.

Mm-hmm. Snog, that piece of chicken, all wet and gravy. I think. I mean, it's a really hard one. But, like... I'd give up sauces. No, you wouldn't. I haven't had a good snog in a really good long time,

so I've probably forgotten how good they are. So that's why I'm giving up. Yeah, and they're great when they're great. Like, even, like... Mustard never lets you down, though. Babe, just imagine. You have to eat three times a day. You take sauce out of the equation.

You're not kissing three times a day. Never. Even in, like, a long-term, good, solid, safe relationship. Still not kissing three times a day. Sauce isn't... Tabasco. Like, come on. What are you talking about?

You can't live without sauce. What about sex without kissing? Could still be all right. What do you mean Could Sylby You're not coming from a kiss Okay we're giving up kissing For sauces

We're giving up kissing for tartar sauce and gravy That's just Wait actually hang on Is it just kissing on the lips That we're talking about Or is it being kissed at anywhere I think she means snogging Okay

So I can still have your nipples sucked Yes sir Yes well Perfect I learn I'm choosing a sauce. Sources it is. As in we're picking sauces to live with kissing going. That was a fucking fantastic question.

Thank you very much. More of the same. This poor bastard that's got to follow up that question. What you got? Come on. Next question. Hello. My name is Molly.

I'm from Brighton. But before I was living in Angel Islington, so big up, big up. I've just got a question. about the patriarchy. I'd love for you guys to do a whole episode about that because it's honestly the rootable evil and it's really refreshing actually to listen to you guys talking about it, especially you, Lily, so openly. So yeah, my question is, what can we do to bring that patriarchy down? How can we bring it down? Thank you. Bye. A wonderful question. But if you were a

real dedicated listener, you'd know that around episode six... You would know we did a whole listen, bitch. Absolutely, we did. What can we do to bring the patriarchy down? I mean... Dissecting it out. Close the wage gap.

I mean, I think that men should be taxed higher than women. Really, do you? If we're going to change the patriotic... I mean, what gives the patriarchy power is like, you know, economic power. Mm. And physical strength.

But if you took away all of their money, then, you know, things would be easier for us. It would be funneled our way. So, yeah, I think tax, tax the men. That would be my answer. Man tax. A wonderful view of the world there, Lil. A wonderful way to solve things.

Yeah, it's weird. When we did that episode, The Patriarchy, I was a bit like, don't people talk about this all the time anyway, but I don't know whether, I don't know, maybe on Women's Hour. They did. definitely need a man tax. Okay, next question. Hello, Lillian Makita. It's Theo from Paris here. Absolutely love the podcast. Thank you for blessing my days. And I wanted to know what are your favourite and least favourite British accents and why? Great question. I mean, to be honest,

I like that there are British accents that are so horrible that I actually like them. Lily, I don't know whether you can say that I know, I'm not going to say which, where they're wrong But they do exist When I was living at my mum's When I was great to talk about past tense Garfield's god daughter moved in Kevin Portillo's daughter, Sophie in

And she started dating this Mancunian boy And she was playing me and Phoebe his voice notes And I was like, shit, this is sexy I've never dated to anyone from up north like a dirty southerner I really haven't and I think that Mancunian accent

there's something very honest and like confident about it but then I also like that in like a sort of cockney lad accent accent I will say I think northern people are just generally nicer than southerners better people

that's what Dan Tramie used to say he was like we're better people than you I'm like, I don't doubt it It's true Do you imagine how they see something It's just like fucking assholes But yeah I don't want to say any that I don't like

We just like to really say like Thank you World Because it really isn't just this lovely country listening This shit is so international And I feel Literally no one from Great Britain Sends us messages It's only people from abroad

Paris and Australia And Malta So well done us I'm on Pellier and everywhere else But seriously on your final listen Bitch for a while It's really we have to really remember that Like what

I'm going to remember that Bet you are Bet you are This theme is taking us all over the bloody place Let's have a little break Just get our wits about us And we will see you after said break Welcome back to the roller coaster that is the Ask Us Anything episode of this week's

listen bitch. It's quite the ride, you guys. Let's have a question. Hello, my name's Daniel. I'm 32 from Tooting and my question is, back when you were like at your most famous, did you find yourself in any like raves or parties where there wasn't famous people and you were the only one and you were like mash up? And, yeah, I guess I'm just getting at if you found yourself at any parties or anything in the early days of fame and you kind of didn't know how to take it, yeah, it would be interesting to know. I mean, back when I was at my most famous, I think you mean now. Yeah, exactly. How dare you?

When you were, like, impactful and important. What, Daniel? When you were relevant. No, I... Sure. The pub. I mean, to be honest with you, like, I think I was. aware of the fact that I was quite famous and I'd find myself in situations and people would

be looking at me and staring at me, which is why I would get more mash-up. True say. To try and be less aware of it. True say. Yeah. It was also the famous incident where I got carried out of the Glamour Awards for being in a K-hole. That was classic.

That was at the height of my fame, women of the year. But there were other famous people there. There were. that was literally a famous people event so that doesn't count it's true but I was probably one of the most you were the big winner of the night left with you

left with your award the biggest winner and the biggest loser at the same time I have to say in the old days I really because there wasn't I didn't get paparazzi that was Lily's dish that was Lily's cross to bear but I was also always very aware of things like pot bitch

and there was like this thing in heat magazine where they would say you know like Delma O'Leary walking down Great Compton Street da da da da da and it was always like MacGia Oliver pissed here McGeera Oliver out of her head here

I was like why did no one spot me like just on the bus on Oxford Street because I also did that as well so I used to hate that one and was always very aware whenever I was like drunken out but as same as you know I just get more fucked

and I do this one night and I actually remember it being it being reported on Pop Bitch or one of those gossip sites where there was this journalist called Chantelle Fiddy, who was friends with Hattie Collins. Do you remember Hattie Collins? And we, me, you and a few other people have been

partying somewhere in Hackney where there were pool tables downstairs. You remember? Sounds great, EFACE. Yeah, I think it was EFAs. And she retold this story about me being a cunt and stealing her jacket. And I know it was Lauren.

I just know that it was Lauren. And I wrote to her. I DMed her and I was like, you've got this story wrong. Like, yes, maybe I am a gun and I can be obnoxious, but the person you are talking about is somebody else. Oh, very good friend. Please amend your story. Yes, babe. And she was like, no, it was you. And I was like, I fucking wasn't. Yeah, but it's a better story if it was you. Can I just say, I was doing a little FaceTime three way with me, Phoebe and Lauren the other night. And Lauren was like, because Lauren used to be an avid miss me listening. She's like, yeah, I don't

really listen anymore. And I was like, okay, well, fuck you. And she was like, to be honest, I preferred it when you were, like, telling more stories where I was involved. So that one's for you, Lauren. I hope that gets you bad listening. Rude. She doesn't listen anymore. I know, she's just, she's busy. But I was like, what?

Sure. In Hastings, doing what? Sorry, no offense. Raising her kids and having a career. Okay. Okay, let's have another question. Maybe we never needed a theme. I quite like this jumping all over the place.

Maybe we'll do, like, and ask us anything. like once every three months. Maybe it was your idea after all. No, the theme were good. Things are good. Let's have another question. Let's know. Who knows where the hell will go now?

Hi, McKita and Lily. This is Mary, originally from the southern part of the United States. Lived in London for a while, now on the West Coast. I'm sorry. Can we just stop for a second? What is going on? Why is everyone from abroad? Because we're worldwide, bitch.

We're worldwide. It's all right. What the fuck? She's actually very. like this is a really good thing to learn on, I'll say this afterwards, let's go. Anyway, my question is, I want you two to walk me through what would have been an ideal day for you as young friends hitting the streets in London, like during your very earliest years of your friendship. Thanks, y'all have a great show.

Well, earliest years, well probably, by the way, we just, we're both just a bit flabbergasted and quite how international the audience seems to be today. But I think it's God producing and the team. just to remind us how fucking big miss me got. It is so international. I think it's really good to let that sit in our hearts for a minute. Or everyone's just like Lauren and their border bus in England. When we were kids, maybe like a really excellent squat party,

but I just kind of condo the... No, I can tell you what the perfect day was. It was a little stroll down to Kensington Market, red or dead, a couple of pots of hair dye, and then absolutely ransack are... either my house or your mom's house and dye our hair and steal Garfield's weed yeah and listen to Nirvana or hole oh my god let's do that anyway that sounds like a great day lily and i used to um dye our hair with this thing called cool aid no manic panic babe oh no okay

me and namer did he coolade we used to get those tubs willie and shine yeah um no we used to get those tubs that we got in kinsomarkit god our hair was many many colors many many colors that would be the perfect day. We might have also busted out a bit of Pig Latin. Do you remember Pig Latin? Yes. We should have done your leaving announcement for a while in Pig Latin. Do you want to do it in Pig Latin?

I wouldn't be able to do it now. Yes, you would. Come on, I'll start. Karagan, Virgi, Hargan, Bergen, another gab, bergan, Korogues, Sheregan. You don't even know what we used to get away with talking in Pig Latin. I don't even think we called it Pig Latin, but whatever. It was called like Wavagot or something. And I worry that it was just me and you.

It was like, what a god, I've got to. Come on, say one thing. Say... No, I don't want to. I'm going to get it wrong. Okay. Feeling a bit sensitive. Well, you were well versed in the old days, but what I did say was, can we have another

question, please? I got that much. Okay, so you could still understand it. Let's have one more question. Hey, Lily, Makita, Piper here from Stephenage. So, I've decided to ask you girls for this once in a lifetime topic what is some of your favorite moments together it could maybe be like from 20 years ago or even from miss me live and i'm sure you've had loads of moments together and hopefully you'll

be able to remember some of the best moments together love you girls and lily it was really nice to see you at heda you did an amazing job there you go someone local and who came to see you in the play i think one of my the most poignant um sort of profound moments that we've had together was When we first started this podcast and we'd done that Radio Times interview and there was like a bunch of backlash about something I'd said about my kids and it was the first time that I had experienced that with somebody that was in the room with me at the same time. Right.

So, like, you know, I've been, I've given interviews and got shit as a result since, you know, for the last 20 years. but people I guess have always assumed to a certain extent well you know you said it so like you've you know you made your bed so you can lie in it but for the first time I had sat with somebody I you and said something in a certain context and you had seen firsthand how it had been spun and presented in a completely different way

and so that was and it was nice to experience it but it was also really nice how we communicated with each other around it afterwards. And it was really special time for me because it was, I felt very seen and very heard in a way and supported in a way that I hadn't done before. So I would say that was one of the, one of the best moments. Stop. Yes, Rasta, I got you. It's very simple.

and very trivial, but it was very powerful and meaningful. Yes. I was going to say, Redding Festival 2004. When the streets album came out, we just loved it together so deeply and it just, I love that there was a particular album to backbone that period of time.

I think we'd both got our independence you were driving. I was making some money and we just, anything in the Peugeotour tour was a good time, really. Oh, the Persia 2-6. Literally, those were the days. I would do anything to go back to that car. I'd just live in it.

I would live in that car. And be 20 and just be like a bit free. Like, you weren't even famous yet. Burning CDs off line wire. Yeah, man. Shucking them straight into the car. We were just like, and we were on the cusp of so much. And yet we didn't know it, which I always find very exciting.

But, you know, we might be at that point right now. But then also I would throw in actually the beginning. miss me when I suddenly realized that we might be on to something. I was like, oh, we, I think we might be on to something. I remember like the week before going, like, we made the biggest mistake of our lives. You did say that. You just said that. And I was like, nope, nope, nope, we haven't. And we haven't. So what a fucking ride, Lily Allen. I think it's good that we're going to have some time away from doing this together because I don't think we'll really, understand what we've done here without having that when you're sort of doing it every week you're

just in it but i think when you take a little break you'll be like what the fuck just happened which is what was that about no i truly truly we'll miss doing this with you um i won't miss you i'm gonna miss it too i'm gonna miss it too i just um no i'm proud of you i'm really fucking proud of you i want you to go and have some adventures and focus on your shit and um i want to take Miss Me to new places. You know, when you do something, you have to be brave to let it become other things. And it will always be something

that was started with our friendship. But I think there are more places for it to go. I like to think of it as a place where people reveal themselves and no one is honest, like they are on Miss Me. And I do love that about it. I do. That is very true.

And also, I will pop in occasionally. That'd be lovely. Just to annoy you. That'd be lovely. Also, we're going to. It's only me. We are spending Christmas together, so I'll drag her in and make her do it then. But good luck with all of your endeavours, my darling, darling little smush-mush-milly-boo-boo.

And thank you to all of the team. Yeah. We've been supporting us for the last year and a half. Thank you everyone for working so hard to help us turn me into this thing that means so much to so many people. Thank you, Dylan, our commissioner. Shout out to Dylan. He's a good man. He's a good man.

He's just working for the boss. I should probably stop now because we actually are staying on the BBC. You good luck with that. Yeah. Okay. All right, guys. All right, darling. I love you.

I'll call you later. And next week I'll be back with beautiful Jordan. Wait, you need to choose a subject matter or should I choose it? I've got good ones because I'm doing all the ones you wouldn't bloody do it. with me, so we're either doing dogs or blowjobs. I mean, dogs or oral sex. I'll choose because you're going to have to, you need to the call to action. Okay, dogs or oral sex, whichever one you think is right.

Guess what it's going to be. It will be blow jobs and you can answer. You can send your voice notes to 08,030, 40, 90. For the last time, let me get a rewind. Where do you send the voice notes? Lily. Oh, 8,000. 30, 40, 40, 90 or dirty, 30, 40, 90.

You get me. Are we allowed to do blow jobs? It's done. It's done. Fallatio. Yeah, but this is it. Yeah, man. This course works.

It's going to be great. Oh, Lily, you finally gave me blowjobs. You really do love me. I'll give you a blowjob at any time. Okay. Love you. Love you, Lily Allen. You've been great.

What a tenure you've done What bloody hard work you've done here Now go, go forth and change the world Like only you can. Spread your wings. Spread your wings. Show the world who you are, darling. I love you. Bye.

Bye! Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persefonica production for BBC Sounds. Thank you.