Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! BEER FEAR

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about the great British pub. Have you ever had 'the fear' after a big night out? Have you ever been banned from a pub? What's the best way to enjoy the pub if you're sober?Next week, we want to hear your questions about AMBITION. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains strong language and adult themes.Credits:Producer: Matt Thomas Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan HaskinsMiss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. Back to School offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our Back to School offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. side. BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. This episode of Miss Me, as all episodes of Miss Me, will contain very strong language and pretty adult themes. Some might not, but this one does. Hello! Welcome to Listen Bitch. Welcome to Listen Bitch. Is everyone listening? I know I am, Lily. I am too, bitch.

This week's theme is... One, two, three, four... The pub! The pub, the one and only, the pub. I live in the pub. The pub. The one and only. The pub. I live in the pub. Maybe I don't know what you need. I live in the pub. Okay, should we?

Right, no, but wait. We should set the scene like we always do. I feel like maybe we should just go straight in. Why do we have to set the scene? Like the real pub, we're just going to go

to the pub. We're going to get straight in there, the real pub, we're just going to go to the pub. We're going to get straight in there, get our drinks, get our seat, get chatting. So can we have our first question about the bloody pub? Hello, Lily and Makita. Loving your show. I think it's absolutely brilliant. My name's Lindsay. I am here in Stoke-on-Trent in the Midlands.

So my question is, have you taken part in a pub quiz and what is your pub quiz name? our pub quiz name was The Fact Hunts yeah The Fact Hunts so yeah love to hear what yours was bye

I don't think we've done a pub quiz together but you'd be very very good wouldn't you? I'm sure you've won them all over the country, all over the world. I don't know if I've ever come first in a pub quiz, but I've definitely, I do love a pub quiz. Me too. When I lived in Gloucestershire, they had a pub quiz and sometimes they'd ask me to like take care of the music round and write the questions for it. What, when you lived in the countryside in Overtown? Really?

And the questions would be like, you know, Craig David took you for a drink on Monday. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. What did you do with Craig David on a Wednesday? Like that kind of... Okay. Making love. Having sex by Wednesday.

There you go. Wow. See, that's my kind of pub quiz question. Oh, I used to find them quite sad, though, when my mum ran the Birdcage pub in Columbia, where my mum and dad, weirdly, for four years, just took over that pub and kept all the old school things

like Friday night karaoke, pub quiz. And the person doing it was always like an out-of-work actor. And I always found that quite sad and upsetting thanks for that because I'm an empath okay I'm a bloody empath have we got a team name I used to be called Christina Aguilera and I thought it was so clever until I oh that's so good. No, but it's not. It was good, but then I realised that loads of people do it, and I said it to Matty Healy from the 1975 ones,

like I just made up, and he went, everyone knows that one. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I've heard fact hunts quite a lot. Oh, okay. So that comes up in quiz names. They are rehashed often. Hang on, Hang on.

Hang on. One sec, listen, bitch. Who's a famously, like, clever person? Oh, Stephen Fry? So I guess, like, you have to do, like... Come on. Aristotle Grande. Fantastic. Fantastic.

Now all we've got to do is find a pub quiz. We need to get out there before Miss Me listeners use that name because that is some hot shit. Okay. Another question from the world to us. Hi, girls. Loving all the nostalgia in your podcast. Woke up Monday morning.

The fear. Everyone has the fear. Monday morning, the fear. Everyone has the fear. Please tell us what you've done that gave you the fear. Hang on a second. What was that? How is that pub related?

Because she's saying, I just left the pub and then woke up Monday with the fear. Interestingly, Lily's song, The Fear, isn't about this fear. And we know this fear very, very, very, very well. The hangover fear. The fear of what did I do last night? Oh. Yeah. That one.

When you wake up and you're like, oh, I know I offended lots of people, but I don't. Yeah. That would have been in your armory. I don't remember how. Is that in your armory I can't remember how is that one of the beauties of sobriety you never have that

worry again yeah totally I mean that's like I'd say that's like almost a number one 5% of sobriety I always think

like the worst thing is waking up the next morning and not remembering what had happened and then the second worst thing is

then remembering what happened 15 seconds later it's like oh shit oh did i really tell that person that oh god i'm such an idiot my dark place was oversharing and lily's dark place was what's the word um insulting yeah let's be honest so we're with you also yours wasn't just like just to elaborate on yours no no no it's not even just oversharing but oversharing other people's information yes yeah as well as your own so oh very much so oh yes that was in my armory absolutely i still drink i'm sober, but I don't do that anymore because I couldn't live with that fear of what did I say and to who this time. But news, Justin, I'm still insulting.

No, I'm not. He doesn't need alcohol for that. I mean, it doesn't take like, you know, I'm a genius to work out that I was very insecure. And so I still am. But I don't have to take it out on other people. I'm not deflecting in the same way that I used to. I'm sorry that you're feeling the fear.

I would get yourself to an AA meeting. Start those steps. Sorry, not to laugh, but that might be not what you want to hear on the other side of bank holiday weekend. Get yourself to an AA meeting. That's my advice. Alternatively, I would watch some bloody good BBC drama. That's how I get through my fears. I think crumpets.

Crumpets and well-written television. Crumpets, tea, maybe a crunch corner, and a pack of digestives. Hobnobs. So fill yourself up with comfiness. Carbs and dairy. Yeah, I'd say make a cheesy pie. How would you describe the pub to someone who'd never been to a pub?

Like a proper English pub. Well, what is it's called a pub because it's a public house, right? It's where you go in there and you get a drink. It's community. It's life, the pub, in this country, let's be honest. When we were kids, like, you couldn't walk 20 metres without there being another pub.

It was like... Yeah, I was raised in the pub. Pubs were everywhere. They're not around so much anymore. Quite a lot of pubs have closed down now. But, yeah, we like to drink in them. We like to play pool and darts

and also watch the football or rugby for the poshos. Pubs fun when it's the Euros or the World Cup when England are still in. Those kind of pub days, if you could bottle that energy,

it's just like fun. It's just fun. The pub, when when it's good is a fun place to be uh can we have another voicemail please not a voicemail it's a voice note whatever get with the times babe hey makita hey lily quick story then a question i've been barred from two pubs the first when i was about 18 a pub in Dublin for putting a half full pint glass in the bin on the pavement outside and then I was barred from a pub on the Hackney Road about 12 years later for much worse behavior I don't drink anymore have you ever been barred And if so, why? Yes, two. And one of them's like next door to my cousin's house,

next door to Namer's in Hackney. Shall I name them? Shall I shame them like they shamed me? The Pemberry Tavern in Hackney. To be fair, my behaviour was appalling. What did you do? I actually can't. I can't.

I just can't. Why? I art it because it was this idiot boy who doesn't deserve to be named. It was about 10 years ago, maybe eight years ago, and we were just behaving terribly. It was a bank holiday, actually. We were just behaving terribly. And I was so out of it. I forgot I was in the pub, basically. And they were like, you've got to be joking get out of here you're banned and i

was like you forgot you were in the pub where did you think you were in someone's bedroom like what was someone's like house right and it was not it was like bank holiday okay i think i think i get you yeah are you with me and um oh god she's making me shudder anyway they said you're banned i thought oh whatever like up yours two weeks later i was like this is really inconvenient because that's the pub i go to and name her all the time so we waited a few weeks then i went back and i was all like la la la and they were like you are banned get out and i tried again about five years later and it was all right. But I'm still quite nervous every time I go for a little drink in the Pembury Tavern.

Well, now you've just reminded them that you're barred. So you can cross that off your list of pubs to go to again. You must have been barred from a pub. Why? Grove, Teens. Someone must have kicked us out. No, I don't think I've ever been barred from a pub I've been barred from a club

Okay which one? Grouchos Whatever They never not let I was banned for a year Oh my god yeah And that was deeply inconvenient We're like grouchos

And you're like I can't Yeah who's laughing now? Who's laughing now grouchos? I think that's enough grouchos, you're like, I can't. Yeah, who's laughing now? Who's laughing now, Grouchos? I think that's enough Grouchos talk for today. Will Pepper miss me with Groucho talk? It will come up, but I think that's enough for today. Shall I read a voicemail? Read a voicemail?

What? I'm such a moron. What's wrong with me? You're jet lagged and you're overworked and you're knackered. Thanks for even being here to talk to me today. Thanks for even accepting my call. Go on, you read out that voicemail from 1991 hi beautiful ladies so this isn't a pub question but i wanted to share my rather random but lovely memory with you so back in the early noughties sometime my memory is somewhat hazy from this era i'd gone to see a band can't remember who

the kooks in a pub in Soho. Can't remember where. But feel like it was the downstairs of a restaurant. Towards the end of the night, Lily, oh God. Oh God. You decided that you were going to take over the cloakroom and continued to operate as the cloakroom clerk. When I went to collect my quintessential

noughties rough trade records tote bag from you, we had a lovely chat. Although can't remember anything we said to each other. After leaving the venue and being a good 10 minutes down the road, I went to get something from said bag and discovered you had in fact given me Makita's bag, including her ID and phone.

So that's how one of my phones was lost. Unfortunately, this was long before camera phones, so sadly could not take photographic evidence of this but i did return the bag immediately missing our night bus to the annoyance of my boyfriend at the time i tried to explain to you lily what had happened you weren't too interested but you did give me back my correct bag and i'm assuming makita was none the wiser until this day you'll be pleased to know i have absolutely no recollection of any of that but that doesn't mean

it didn't happen and we'll be back with more questions after this quick break you better believe we'll be back oh we'll be back alright

because we're being paid to be back that's right go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet.

Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Welcome back. welcome back let's have another question about the pub shall we my favorite kind of question hi guys ellie here from bristol love the podcast and all that jazz um so i'm trying to be a bit more conscious and not drink as much i did dry jam for the first time and absolutely loved it. The thing is, I find being in the pub really hard when I'm not drinking. I don't find alcohol free beers good because I think if I'm drinking a beer, I may as well just be drunk. So yeah, just being in the pub and being sober, it's rubbish and I've not found a solution yet. So any suggestions would really help me.

Thank you so much. Bye. Ellie, you've come to the right place because I was hoping that someone would lead us to just how bloody good Lily is at doing the pub so far. It's extraordinary. She really is. And even like we went on holiday and we were all drinking cocktails

and Lily had her virgin pina colada. And we didn't see it. My main thing is we didn't seem to irritate her that much. And you don't seem to be perturbed by other people being around and getting progressively a bit drunk. And you just seem really happy at the pub. What is your secret? I don't know, really. I just like, I'm just used to it now.

I've been nearly five years of being of sobriety coming up this summer so I don't know if there's a secret you know in the early days of my sobriety I did a lot of you know work I went to a lot of meetings and I did my step work and I had a sponsor and um but then in um lockdown I didn't obviously you know go to any so and I haven't really been in the habit of going ever since although sometimes I do online ones but I digress um but I suppose you know I just I live with the benefits so you know I know what I stand to lose if I start to drink again um which is everything my life has pretty much much never been as good as it is. I've got a beautiful house.

My kids are happy. They're engaged. I'm connected with them. I have a good relationship with my husband. I have money. I have creative outlets. Everything is good. Everything's cushy.

And I don't think that that would be the case if I wasn't sober. So I just think of... First of all, I never really get cravings. And B, actually sometimes when I'm at a restaurant in the summer and somebody gets a really beautiful looking like crisp glass of white wine, then I might be like, ooh, that looks nice. But then I think, yeah, so does your house. Your house looks nice. So does your life.

You know what looks nice? Your life. Your livelihood. I was worried, you know, when you first stopped drinking about our friendship. Because obviously we have 15 years of friendship before alcohol came into it. And then alcohol was a huge part of our relationship. Massive part. And it's weird.

It's, like, been so great for us as well. I feel like we're more connected and we're, I don't know, we understand each other in a completely new way. It's been a real gift. I mean, I think if you were where you were with your, you know, with that five, six years ago, then maybe we wouldn't be able to be such good friends but no way um no way but interestingly enough like when i went to glastonbury a couple of years ago

i think when like people that are in active addiction or people that have got problems with drugs and alcohol when they see me somewhere like glastonbury and I've got my shit together, it's like spirals them. Of course. Because they're just like, hang on, if she can have her shit together, I really should have got my shit together by now. And so, yeah. Then it's hard because, you know,

I don't want to make people feel bad about themselves. But unfortunately, I do. Can we have another question, please? Hi, this is Barney from Sussex. Really enjoying enjoying the podcast and i'd like to ask on the theme of pubs who you'd like to fight in a pub car park and why barney unexpected from barney from sussex fight in a car park okay actually you know what i will um well no because if i ever see this person then they probably will beat me up but i'll just say only because i feel like i'm in a stronger position than i was in those days is it mike skinner what ella oh whoa she's finally here she's finally

she's finally made her Miss Me Listen Bitch debut. There was a girl called Ella who me and Lily just had tissues with. Yeah. Like, her energy was just aggy. Well, I'll tell you what it was. She had our number. Yes. She saw right through us.

Yes. And it terrified us. And she was just like, I know what you are. And we were like, no, we're getting away with it. That is so it. She had our number, and we knew it. And then, like, so she was just a friend of some friends that came into our lives when we were about 20.

And her name was Ella. But to kind of make her less powerful, we called her What Ella, as in like whatever. What Ella. What Ella, which I thought was quite clever at the time. And it did diminish her power.

It was probably me that came up with What Ella. I think it was definitely lyricstread that came up with that. And then three years later, I started hanging out with, I made a new friend called Rob Pattinson and his girlfriend, Nina, we all went out once.

She went, oh, you got me my best friend. And it was bloody what, Ella? I was like, oh my God, the hell are you doing here? In a whole new space. And she was a little timid, actually. Her energy had changed. Oh, really? Well, anyway, if...

So that's who, I'll join you in the car park. But also I have a feeling that she's like a taekwondo champion or something. Like she's definitely got like a black belt in some martial arts. What? I don't know why I've chosen her to fight with. Because I seem to, I just remember that. Can I say, I would join Lily in this car park for the fight with Watella. But in real life, in real real life i really don't want to

bump into her okay because she was really scary because you also she looked like nina who did actually beat me up beat you up yeah she had that they both basically had gorgeous little doll faces with curly blonde hair and pissing blue eyes oh what. I was waiting to see when she would turn up. Next question, please. Hi both. This is Tara, a Brit living in Brooklyn. This is a question for Lily, who is also a fellow Brit that lives in Brooklyn.

How do you compare the pubs in New York to London? Great question. I didn't even know there were any pubs in New York. Well, you sort of have those terrible, like, we're an English pub in New York to London. Great question. I didn't even know there were any pubs in New York. Well, you sort of have those terrible, like, we're an English pub in New York, which is just awful. But then, I guess, what's the equivalent? A good dive bar? Dive bar, yeah.

There's one dive bar that I like called Milano's in the Bowery. Well, sort of N liter in um downtown Manhattan and I mean I haven't been there since I've been sober but when I was you know drinking I used to really like it in there they poured a good pint of Guinness and they had some good um you know what do you call those like games in the back you know like the machines you call those, like, games in the back? You know, like the machines? No, you're talking about... Like trivial pursuit monopolies. Yeah, but I think when it comes to what makes a great pub,

for me, as we know, I love playing pool, pool table, old school interior. I hate homogenised pubs. I don't mind a, like, what's a jazzed up pub called again? Gastro pub. A gastro pub, I hate. But I like what's a jazzed up pub called again gastropub a gastropub i hate but i like i like an old school pub with a pool table it just needs a pool table and you know they get got rid of pool tables because they said it uh encourages violence what that's why all pubs

have got rid of their pool tables what about darts that also encourages violence surely i'd rather be hit with a pool cue than be thrown darts at. Yeah, good point. I'm kind of scared to go to New York. Lily's lived there for, how long have you lived there now? Three years, and I still haven't been to visit you. And I used to go to New York a lot for work when I was younger. But I am coming this summer.

So maybe you could take me to Maloney's. No, I won't be in New York this summer. I'll be in London. What? And also it's Milano's, not Maloney's. Sorry. Jesus. Sorry.

No, I don't mean to be rude, but just pay attention, okay? Okay. Okay. Let's get another question, because Lily's obviously getting to the end of her tether. Last one is at the bar. This is our last question. It's from Ian in Manchester.

Okay, Ian. OK, Ian. Hello, Lily. Hello, Makita. I have a very close connection with pubs because I've lived in one and it was haunted. So, number one, have you ever had a ghostly experience in a pub? Because I have.

Number two, have you ever stolen anything from a pub i mean everyone's stolen a glass right i wonder what else you might have stolen whilst you're having a session what an incredible delivery about that question thanks Thanks, Ian, for that really creepy question. No, I've never had a haunting pub experience. I'd like to know what Ian's was, though. I haven't, I don't think I have ever stolen any.

Oh, maybe towel, beer towel thing. Oh, did you actually get one of those out? Yeah, I think so. I used to have a little mini collection. But also, the other day

I was in the Cock and Bottle having a drink with our mutual friend, Louis. Absolute classic pub. And there's a, it used to be run by this Irish guy, this landlord, and there's still a painting of him up on the wall and he's standing behind the bar and there's just like a hundred floating Guinnesses in front of him.

And I said to Louis, I was like, I'd really like that painting. I was like, how much do you think they'd sell it to me for? And he said, I don't know. You want the weird cock-a-bottle painting in your house. But obviously like Guinness is the thing that defined this landlord. And then Louis said to me,

if you were like standing somewhere with lots of objects in front of you, a hundred of something, what would they be very good question i said microphones no a load of dicks no um i uh what would be mine do you think i don't think it's suitable for broadcast broadcast fuck you this one thing that represents my whole life isn't suitable for broadcast. Is it not just my... Mobile phone. Very good.

Yeah, fair enough. Mine probably would be cigarettes, to be honest. Fags and phone. Ian, thank you for ending us on that creepy little note of this week's episode. Wait a second. Have you ever had a haunting experience in a pub? No.

I think I've been haunted by you in a pub. No, I would have physically been there, screaming in your face. There would have been nothing ghostly about it. I have to say at the Cockham Bottle upstairs, the toilets up there, creepy and always have been. Yeah, you're right. Don't like going up there on my own.

So interesting that both are ghostly chapters in pubs came from this one pub, so maybe there is something going on. But I don't want to turn people off. I love that pub. Cock and Bottle. Westbourne Park. Brilliant pub.

What's your favourite pub? What's your favourite pub? I asked you. She's going to ask you. Okay. Mine is The Cow. Oh, no, mine is not The Cow. I love The Cow.

See, that feels a bit gastropubby to me no it's old school and it's so like local all the people there are like from the ends obviously it's notting hill so they're not all that endsy but it's the endsier of the ends people i like a rough pub so i I'd say maybe like The Eagle on Labrador. Right, come on, The Eagle. Yeah. If I'm going to the pub, I want a pub experience. I hear you. But thank you for this walk down pub memory lane. I really enjoyed it.

It was nice. And I am setting the theme for next week, probably in direct response to our friend Sam Wolfson saying that Miss Me's a bit salacious or that Listen Bitch is a bit salacious. No sex, okay? No sex on this theme. The theme for next week's Listen Bitch is...

Ambition! Ambition. Okay. Interesting. Boring or interesting? We'll see. We'll see. I think it'd be nice to talk about ambition. I think a lot of shame is placed on ambition in this country. And I did it to myself for a long time.

I'd like to talk openly with the country about ambition. Voice note us your questions. Lily doesn't like to read out text. Please, please, we beg you, please voice note us your questions. Lily doesn't like to read out text. Please, please, we beg you, please voice note us. Please message us on WhatsApp. But not message us, voice note us on 08000304090. And if you want us to just flash up every time there's a new episode, you have to subscribe at BBC Sounds. Then you don't even have to go searching for Miss Me Me you don't even need to miss us we'll just

be there thank you Lily wish me luck because the uh the tornadoes are coming it's looking very grey and dark and scary out there and I've got to drive across the town why why can't you just stay settled and I know you're at the beginning of the day because I didn't come to Nashville to sit in my hotel room all day I came here to make some music I know wow look at that nothing will stop you and your art this is wonderful can't stop me creating that's right it's my ambition it's all that ambition me and my ambition is becoming a condition and something about failure. Incredible, incredible, incredible. Thanks, Geats. Thank you.

See you at the Grammys. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds. Who done it? Crime conundrums. Murderous mayhem. Why are you doing that voice? I'm just getting in the mood for our new podcast. Murder They Wrote.

Hey, I'm Laura Whitmore. And I'm Ian Sterling. Anyone who knows us knows we are obsessed with true crime. We're here with a new podcast exploring the dastardly deeds of history's most atrocious criminals. There'll be mystery, madness and moments of...

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