Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Boundaryless

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Miquita Oliver and Jordan Stephens answer your questions about boundaries.Next week, we want to hear your questions about HOBBIES. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Natalie Jamieson Technical Producer: Oliver Geraghty Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid and Scarlett Hutton Production Coordinator: Rose Wilcox Executive Producer: Dino Sofos Commissioning Producer for BBC: Jake Williams Commissioners: Dylan Haskins & Lorraine Okuefuna Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This episode of Miss Me contains very strong language and adult themes and possibly some triggering conversations dependent on your age bracket and your feelings, personal feelings about boundaries. Talking to you, Jensie. It's going to taste great. It's going to taste great. Do you remember that? Is it like frosty?

No, he just says it's going to be great. It's going to taste great. It was a serial advert. Do you know why I know? Because we did on T4Summer tour. We used to do these like intros, these like, like, mammoth, like 10 camera intros that were like two minutes long and like they were like set out like a play and we did like a spoof of that cereal advert. It's going to be great. It's

going to be great. It's going to be great. And then the lion goes, rah. I'll put a wager on this. They're going to taste great. Oh. They're going to taste great, Makita. It is taste great. They're promoting a cereal. It's not going to be great. It's an earlier one. That's your generation's one. It's not a lion. It is a lion. It's a tiger. Tony the tiger. Got it.

You're right. It's a tiger. There's not another one. Welcome to Listen bitch. The theme for this week's Listen bitch is, there is actually a theme. We're not just talking about serial adverts. The theme is boundaries. God.

I think it's quite a modern term. And it is a modern term. Because actually, before we started aligning it or using it in response to like our therapeutic speak. Exactly. It was actually more about... Cricket. Like, before Boundaries, what there was... What did you say?

It's about cricket. It was more about cricket. Yeah, sorry, it's a very... No, that's quite good. If you know cricket, you'll be laughing your ass off right now. Yeah, all the cricket fans listen to Miss me. All the cricket fans are like, good, John. Ian Botham is clutching his sides right now.

Yeah, he's really... It's really funny right now. But actually, it was about boundaries were etiquette, and it was much more about a social norm. rather than our personal. And actually, that makes a lot of sense because my generation, boundaries, are you joking? What?

Where? Who? When? But now I would say the generation of Z or Z. Why do we say Z? Let's say Z because we're English. No one says Z. No one.

Who says Gen Z? Oh shit. Wait, Gen Z. We do say Gen Z. It's Americanized. It's Americanized. Gen Z sounds quite weird. I would say Z, but Gen Z does sound shit though.

It does sound shit, though. It does sound shit. But for all those people and who are listening to Miss me as well, you, boy, do you know about boundaries. Oh my God. Oh my God. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Boundaries. I'm interested by you saying that about the idea that there were less, there were fewer personal boundaries. I'm not actually sure about that. Well, I suppose, no, no, no. I looked it up and I suppose what we're saying is like, yes, everyone's always eternally had.

Maybe for women. Things that push them and saying yes and when to say no. but this idea of like boundaries being such common parlance now is very modern I bet you everyone everyone who's got a question is under 30 no way

no way let's see shall we 30s by the way Keith I'm 34 yeah but how long have boundaries been in your life I talk about boundaries all the time since I was 27 exactly so the last sort of

seven or eight years exactly so if you're like 27 this is all you've ever known All you've ever known as boundaries. Lucky bastards. Interesting. Okay, let's have a question. Hello, Jordan and Makita.

This is Rachel from Kent. On boundaries. So unfortunately, I had a breast cancer diagnosis a few years ago. And that involved lots of all the treatments, you know, chemo, radiotherapy, etc. A surgery. During those and actually for quite a long time after, those treatments, my energy was just completely depleted down to really zero a lot of the time. And having that experience made me have to really reflect on boundaries and like how I use my

energy. My question really is, have you had any sort of pivotal moments in your life that have made you had to really look at what your boundaries are and maybe review how you approach chip. P.S. I am okay now. I'm cancer-free and I'm approaching my five years, which is a big milestone in the breast cancer community. So just wanted to give you that update. Whenever I tell someone, I think it's important to let them know that you're actually all right. Thank you for that message and that question, Rachel. I'm so sorry that you've been going through all of that and everything that comes with that diagnosis. And I'm so happy that you're on the other side and that you're feeling stronger and healthier.

And I hope we can help you feel better, give you a little bit of light entertainment. And I think Jordan should take this first. Well, I've actually spoken about it quite a lot and missed me, I think. Last year, I'd said before, it's probably one of the busiest years in my life only comparable to maybe the first rise of, you know, Rizzle kicks when I was about 20.

My brain melted. Like, I can't explain it. It was so surreal. I've been burnt out before. I felt overwhelmed before. You know, I often, my body, I feel actually a little bit like my body's, like, telling me to calm down a little bit after, like,

an intense amount of focus and whatever from the summit. But last year, on my last day of working, I remember vividly in December, literally the, I ended the Zoom. It was like one Zoom. It was like on a Thursday in December. Yeah. And I knew that I had nothing else.

And I ended it. And the next day, I cannot explain to you. I could not think. I said it at the time, I missed me. I could not, I couldn't speak. I was done. I was complete, my, I had used all available compassion. Your cup of was emptieth.

Yeah, man. And I know it because people were telling me like genuinely heartbreaking stories or like updating me on world news or whatever and I was just there like, I have nothing. I got nothing I can engage with. There's no, there's nothing left. So where's the boundary in it?

So now I've had to go into this year and be like, I need some fucking time. In April, obviously you know, people will know. I forced myself free in April. I literally said I'm not working in April. I'm going to Sri Lanka and no one can stop me. And then came back to extra work because of set time off. And came back to all the stuff I was supposed to in April in two weeks in May.

I was like, oh, I see why people spread this out. But you were given a positive response for said boundary put in place, right? The interesting thing about boundaries and putting them in place is, will you stick to it? will you, you know, keep your feet, dig your feet in the ground of keeping your boundary in place, even if the response is negative. Wait, from other people? Yeah, like, I see your boundary and I don't give a fuck about it.

That's like a really, that would be like, oh, I don't want to work with you anymore. That's that simple. I learned this through Harley, basically, you know? Harley and I, like, Harley and I are very different in many ways. One of the most beautiful things he offers me as a friend is I know for a fact, if I ever turn around to him and said I don't want to do this anymore, he would be like, that's fine. There's not one part of him. I've had it.

I've literally had it before where I've, like, made a promise. I've freaked out about it. I've spoken to him about it and he's been like, even if it puts him out, he wants the person to have, he would want me to have the freedom of choice. He's not interested in forcing anyone, well, forcing me to do something I don't want to do, which is beautiful. Yeah, good friend, good friend. Have you, when's the last time you had a bed day?

Yeah, I did it on Sunday. It was so good. Yeah. It was good. I think that's a pretty good boundary to get energy back. It was good. Everyone was like, parade, Arsenal. like, you know what, I need to lie down all day.

Because next weekend I have like two birthday parties, baby shower, football, a baby's birthday. Do you know what I mean? It's like, I needed to lie down. And also, another thing I want to say, just to answer the one of women's question is like, I think one of the most obvious boundaries in my career was Rizzle kicks. You know, we chose to stop at a point when we didn't need to. We weren't required to stop.

We were on a role. Yeah, very. think the record company were quite pissed off that you were stopping. Well, no, that's a whole other conversation. We were actually already profitable so they were in that bubble, but like, we were just like, well, Harley's lost it, I've lost it, I think I'll give it a break,

for honest. We've both lost our minds. We're going to need a minute. Yeah, you're going to need a minute, for sure, eight years. Yeah, it was wrong in eight years. Let's have another question on boundaries. Hi, guys, boundaries. Grissy here. I just wanted to send a quick message to anyone who is recently putting boundaries in place

that know even it feels like your world's exploding and the resistance you're going to feel is pretty intense and going to take a long time to feel safe in. It's well worth it. My question to you guys is, generic as it sounds, what is a simple boundary that you put in place that others seem to find really difficult to adhere to? Oh, good one. That's a good question. Okay, so what do we do when, guys, listeners, I've got a question for you, what do you do when McKeate has no boundaries? What do we do?

I really, I'm sitting here. No, you do have, sorry, I can help you if you struggle. Please tell me, where are my boundaries? Because you know what? The other day I went out and I went deep into old school bankrupt mode. I was like, I'll get it, I'll get it. I'm like, why am I getting it? I'm suddenly getting every round and getting the cab.

Isn't that the opposite of bankrupt? Oh, as in you were trying to make yourself bankrupt. Well, I'm talking about my journey towards bankruptcy, which was very... Like financial self-armed. Yeah, non-bound-boundary. And to the point where my friend Kenichi was like, you don't need to...

What are you? What are you doing? Shut up, stop. I was like, I think that's deep, you know? That's like a deep, that's a deep spiritual thing. I've got the same thing. I speak to my friend Donna about this all the time. You know what it is?

It's like a deep, I think it's like a deep unconscious wound that you don't think you should have money. Money. Yeah. It's so funny because I am so... Everything else is. so like about like what's it called when you like change it for you for generations to come in your family generational wealth like that's actually my goal to change generational wealth in my family

when he said that I just reminded me of this really funny TikTok where this guy's like I don't give a fuck about generational wealth because what if my grandkids are dickers? What if they don't deserve my money? It's like I don't want to make money for someone I don't know. I haven't met them yet. I'm not sure they deserve it. Yeah that's a fair point actually. I can't remember what that question was. They'd even answer it. Oh, yes, no.

We didn't. Right, Keats, boundaries that people don't adhere to for you, well, it's not that they don't adhere to, they struggle to. You, you've got your stylized, right? What? I.

E. Hey, welcome to miss me. Biggo! That is my boundary. What integrity? Yeah, see. See, you hear that. You hear that ferocity.

Keith's boundaries is a selfie video. You're so right. That's our boundary guys. It's a ringlight. Yes. Hey guys is my boundary. And a boundary for me, I suppose, is sort of like lack of curiosity in ideas and this idea that there is only one way to do everything.

And I think that's what a lot of people adhere to. And it's just like, oh, come on. I dare you to have a, I dare you to think a little longer and have a better idea. Everyone's got a better idea. It's just everyone's scared. Building on that, I feel one boundary that this is, this is in like a career sense. I mean, I'm sure there's many in my personal life. One is that if I'm doing a job for a brand, right?

Like a team of whatever from America, from wherever, like 100 fucking people are to approve this thing and then legal have to approve this thing. And they all essentially want me to just say this one thing, right? And like, then they'll come and go, why don't you speak to this person and then we'll try and figure out a way? And I'm like, no.

No, Jordan, you're actually triggering me. Like I did, the last job I did, I just did it at the beginning. I went, right, let's get the brand stuff out of the way. You guys got it on record? Yeah, da-da-da-da-da-d-bran. Yeah, yeah, it's dope. Cool.

Anyway, let's talk. Done. Told you, the student has become the master. I'm not calling you Sensi. Sensei. But anyway. Sense. Wax-on.

Is that Mr. Miyagi? Yeah, wax on. Wax on. Wax off. No, but is, hang on. Hang on. Is there a greater lesson in life than wax on wax off? I actually don't know what the fuck you talk.

Do you know what you're talking about? It is to deflect a punch. There's nothing. deep about it. No, no, no, but it is deep than that. No, it's the deflect punches. Wax on and Wax Off. You're going to Google and see the same answer. The Waxon on it offers him using a thing in life, a

movement in life that he can use in the fight in order to... I know that, but it is actually about trusting, I mean, welcome to the world. Trusting the process, learning valuable lessons through seemingly mundane or unconventional tasks. Like, oh, because remember, karate kids

all that. Oh, wait. So you're right. So he's saying, It's not just the movement. He's being like within the movement of waxing on and off, you're learning to fight. Yes. Oh my God. Jump into the ocean with me, Jordan. You know what? You've done it.

I'll take that. That's right. The wax, don't take the wax for granted, bro, is what you're saying. Don't be worried about the movement. The man is waxing on and off. That's the main thing. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like, this is mundane.

It's like, who knows what you are learning. Exactly. Yeah, you think this man's cleaning. This man's about to knock you out. Exactly. God. I love that. Mr. Miyagi.

Guy. What a G. What a G. I don't think he is. Yeah, 150. Something about that. Mr. Miyagi didn't die. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, all right, hold on. Boundary. Break time. Okay, I'm back from the break. My boundary was me saying that, not you. Should we have another question? I don't, I don't fully understand boundaries and the term that gets thrown around all the time now.

So I'm looking forward to you. schooling us on what that does and does not mean. The place I encounter them the most is at work, which for me tends to be low-budget teams from all walks of life, very little hierarchy, working for non-profit projects. So how can you, as a team, accommodate conflicting boundaries and still get a job done, whose boundaries get priority? Like, surely, Surely no one's boundaries can have priorities over other people's boundaries. Like boundaries is supposed to be boundaries, right? Well, Nadine, that is the question, isn't it?

That is the question. I want to mirror the confusion from said listener in my confusion of the said listeners' question. Because in my head, if two people have conflicting boundaries, then you just negotiate and then find where the boundaries intersect. Yes, but that's very good, Jordan. but what is negotiating, it's confronting and discussing, right? I think what happens is when people's boundaries are conflicting,

no one wants to talk about it. No, but if it's like a time boundary, for example, if you have two conflicting time boundaries and you just can't do it. I don't understand what. I don't understand. I want to do it at eight.

I want to do it at five. Well, we're a bit fucked there, aren't we? It just can't work. I mean, we had that last week. What about if it's, boy, did we? Yeah, we had to like, can Jordan do this time? No, we can't do this time.

Should we bring in Jordan's current Miss Me schedule into this conversation? No, time bandages is easy because it's like that's numbers. So it's like objective. I think it would become more difficult. If you're talking about qualitative things, like, you know, I prefer to have meetings at restaurants at lunch. And someone's like, I don't like crowds, right? So then I guess you're there going, okay.

It is stupid. That's what I'm trying to say because it's ultimately just negotiating like what, Like, why I'm confused by the question is because she did preface it by saying she doesn't understand boundaries because in this context, this person thinks that a boundary is like an immovable, like completely forever. I know what this is, Jay. This is a Gen Z person asking an older person. It's not. It's not. It feels like a Gen Z person going, I want to come in at 11 o'clock.

And this person being like. The Gen Z person is talking to the person who's left the voice note. We said that this would come up. No, is that, do you think the voice note person is Gen Z or no? No, I think she's older than 30, and I think she's working with some Gen Z boundary fuckers. Because I was like, who would ask? Who would say my boundary is this time?

And it's like, oh yeah, the younger generation. Yeah, time boundaries are real thing. The younger generation. See, I'm, I'm, as I'm two generations older than Gen Z. So like, let's go, Gen Z, then you, then me, even though we're both millennials, which we've figured out and discussed in previous episodes. No, you're Gen X. No, you piece of shit.

We've done this. You're Gen X. I'd love to be Gen X. And it'd be like me and like Damon Albin and Gwyneth Paltrow and shit. You actually called me a boomer on the episode where we previously discussed this. Oh yeah, so as I forgot about Gen X.

Yeah, you're not a boomer, mate. They're the ones with all the houses, fuckers. You see, I think I know what's going on here. And I think that this is a younger person talking to someone who is older than them about what they need. And the older person just, not understanding because we're from a very different generation.

I think that's what's happening here. If someone is unprepared to, you know, have like malleable boundaries, two people, like literally a rock and a hard place, whatever you say, then yeah, you're not going to work it out. Like, obviously, ideally, two people's boundaries can find the way of intersecting in a way where neither person feels like they've given up too much of what they need. But realistically, if there's a situation, where your requirement for the outcome is greater than your,

than what's necessary for the process, then yeah, then you shift your boundary. Yesterday, if my boundary is every Sunday evening, I want to go to sleep at 9pm. And then someone says, do you want to go and watch Brazil?

I'm changing my boundary. Yes, but there's also, like, in long-time relationships, if you don't put a boundary in early, you end up like Garfield, who has,

I haven't even given you the example. No, I agree with that first bit. What does Garfield do? Well, he just, like, lives under my mum's thumb in many ways. Not always, like, Garfield's a fucking... He stands up for himself. And he lives his own life.

He really does do whatever the fuck he wants, and my mom doesn't give a shit. But, like, there are things like... My mom, like, is a bit deaf. She has hearing aids, but she listens to the TV, like, I'm not joking, like, at a hundred, and she only watches hospital dramas to go to sleep. And that's Garfield's sleeping pattern

for the last 30 years of his life. Like, he knows everything about these guys. characters in these shows and he hates them, but he didn't put a boundary in early enough. Early boundaries is good. You're all good. He's just like, this is my life. Yes. But do you think there is a boundary on boundaries? Yes. Yes, course. No, because listen, anything to an extreme is not going to be healthy. So someone is extremely boundary to the point where they won't do anything. You don't even have to tell them that. Their life will be the example. Their life will be like, well, no one seems to be okay with my time, emotional, physical and like spiritual boundaries.

I'm alone. What's happening? Yeah, you're going to have to open a couple of, open some doors, bro. Like, you're living in a tiny prison. Careful to not get too bad to you and build your own tiny prison. Very good.

That's very good advice. I also think that we have to remember like one of the most wonderful, like difficult, chaotic and reasonable aspects of the human experience is that we must change. Like we, we, we, it's one of the only things promised to us.

I said this. Uber driver, told me this, there's only two things promised in life, change and death. That's it. And then some people say taxes to you, but it's just like, no, they're not, let's not bring them into this spiritual challenge. But, but honestly, like, people's refusal to change is one of the worst aspects of human culture. I think everybody should be prepared to change all the time. Change their mind. Change where they live. Change, like, who they love. Change who they like. It's okay. It's okay. It can be painful, but then we go into that thing of, like, pain is important

as well but that's not... Pain is what is necessary for growth. Like you have you have to, you have to go through that shit. So people need to change. Let's have a final question. A couple more. I'm John Mekita. This is Jill from Cologne, Germany. I've been thinking a lot about boundaries lately since I'm moving away from friends and family and everyone seems to have an opinion and advice that I didn't necessarily ask for. And as a recovering people pleaser, I find it hard to communicate or maintain my boundaries. However, at the same time, I feel like generally speaking, maybe we've taken the whole topic of boundaries a little bit too far in recent years, with people not being able to understand each other and compromise on their time or completely

avoiding friction or conflict, even in meaningful relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts of course. I love the podcast and speaking of a lack of boundaries I believe you guys are my favorite parasycial relationship. I love that you're my favorite parasycial relationship.

That's going to be like a that's got to be like a song title on Oliver O'Dree goes next album or something. My favorite parasycial relationship. Relationship. I never really see you at all. That's good. That sounds like a hit.

Listen, firstly, recovering people, please. I mean, chat. Are you recovering people, please, are you? You're a recovery for that? Well, clearly not where you think I'm still stuck in it. I think I am. It's in me, bro. Oh, my God, it's in me.

I'm trying my best. But what is so bad? What is so bad about wanting to please others? Because you're betraying yourself. That's the issue. Yeah, yeah. Like, that's the whole thing. I remember reading this.

Like, I remember where I was. when I first read this post, right, on this, there's an Instagram account. I don't know how people feel about it, but it's called The Holistic Psychologist. This woman, Nicole Pereira, who, like, I don't know what she's channeling, but in lockdown, she did this one post about being nice, right? And I've never forgotten it. Because it's the idea that something like being nice is a form of reverse narcissism, right? Like, you're so, you're trying to control what people think of you,

even at the expense of your own integrity. Like that, that's fucked And one of the things that we admire I think in some other people is someone's willing to stand in their power on the basis that people Do you know what the mad thing is? This is what hurts me the most.

It's not even necessarily that people won't eventually understand. It's just that first bit. Some people might fill your boundary and then be like, fuck you and then be like, actually they were right. That's the doper shit when someone knows in that moment

that their feeling there is more important than the immediate response. That's where I'm trying to get there. I've done some things to try and get there. But that's what we were saying. I've got better reasons. That's what we're saying earlier, right? It's like what, what really living in said boundary put in place is to stay there no

matter what the response is and to put it in place no matter what the response is. Yes. I've actively been trying to do that in moments where I've caught myself. One really like boring example, and a bit of like whatever, if I get approached in like a way, like, oh, like, so much she came up to me here because it was the context of the summit and they were like, why are you a celebrity? Like, that pisses me off. This person was lovely, by the way.

Can I say I end up speaking so she was wicked? there would have been a version of me in the past where I would try to immediately suppress the part of me and perform, you know? Because people would think, Jordan, why can't you just answer that question? You know? Oh, because da-da-da-da.

But I was like, I hate that. Good. You know, because actually, even if that person turned away, which they didn't, by the way, we end up talking. But in the world where that person turns away and goes, oh my God,

I met that guy from that Jordan guy. He's a dick. I'm like, fine. Actually fine. Like, I actually don't care if you. Are you actually okay with not being liked sometimes? Yes, where I would have previously have suppressed my desire to be honest, unauthentic in that moment.

And now I have to just accept it. Like if someone wants to go in chapter, fine. Someone might have caught me and approached me in a nicer way and they can tell them that they thought I was cool. Someone said something quite horrible to me in Zowie last week in the comments. It really stuck with me. And I was like, oh my God, better me of that. What do they say? I don't want to, I don't want to repeat it.

But it was just like, these two pretending to be deep and pretending with their cringy, fake deep chat. And I was like, really? Oh my God. Okay. Like, I don't think I've ever revealed more about myself anywhere in a job ever in my life.

But okay. Yeah. Okay. And it just fucking stayed with me. And then I was like, let it the fuck go. Well, this is why you probably question my ability

with the people pleasing recovery thing because I do spiral sometimes from comments. Yeah, because people telling you that you're a piece of shit and that you're not doing your job well, really hurts. Really hurts.

It really does. Every accusation is a confession. I know. They're angry about something else. Yeah, without any context. That's not critique. That's just abuse. Every accusation is a confession.

Got it. Got it. I get it. For what it's worth, Keith. One thing that's brought me peace in this space of people pleasing is that I actually get attacked from both sides of a thing. So for example, like, I've been on a feminist podcast before and they fucking hated me. I went on a, and I went on another podcast, which is like more towards like men's work.

They fucking hated me. so it's like so the people please and can't have been healed in a way because I'm just like well there's some equilibrium there like both like literally opposing side of the debate

think I'm a dick regardless of what I do they think I'm to if my friend said it he was like I'm too they think I must be too mask on one side

and too femme on the other so I'm just like I'm just stuck in this middle where the fuck I mean where are we meant to go from that do you know what I'm saying I don't know

I don't know let's have our final question while we try and figure out how to solve that why is it people would rather told a lie than told the truth. So you could say, oh, I've got a headache. I don't want to come out.

But you can't say, I can't be asked. Sorry, can I say, can I just please, I want to make a question of the month award? We're going to add that in the future as a potential listen bitch. We're going to do a listen bitch award ceremony. And I am nominating that award, that question as up there for me as best question of the year so far. What do you like so much about said questions?

Because she sounds like she can't be asked to even ask the question. Yeah, she's so fredge. She's so done with people going like, oh, I've got a work thing. I've got to do so much. She's like, I can't be fucked. Take it. Tell me the fucking truth. Yeah, she's like, why?

I just tell me bothered. Facts. Yeah. Yeah, Sunday was exactly that. Come to the parade. No, how come? I don't want to. Yeah, great.

But you're an arson fan. I don't care. I'm tired. No, you're not because you're a fucking French, French target. This is why I shouldn't have said anything. The reason I have that top is because my friend's kid is called Zadan. Like, that's why I have that top. I just didn't think I was like, oh, Jesse's daughter's top.

Paris Saint-Germain. I know. I know. Yes, so no lies. Tell me the truth. Be a big boy. Be a big girl. Say what you feel and mean. Oprah was talking about it about people pleasing.

And she said that what she decided to try out her. her new energy on someone really big. So Stevie Wonder gets in touch. She's like, there's this charity thing. Love you to play, did it? She's like, and I just didn't want to do it. Not play, just be there. I didn't want to do it.

So she said to Stevie Wonder, no. No. And he went, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I get it. I'm trying to look at it more as the receiver of that

than the doer of it, the giver of it, you know, when someone's like, I get that a lot with, with acting. Acting is crazy. I've spoken to directors. I think I said this on, Miss me, anyway. But I've spoken to directors, and they'll talk to you as if you've got the role

and then you don't have it. It's really surreal. Oh my God. That would be unbearable. Zahui would be good to talk about this actually as well. Like, it is easily the most crippling thing about acting. Just tell me you don't, you're not sure. But people will say to me, they did think that.

They'll be like, they thought that you were the best part until they saw someone else. Oh, no. That's horrible. If you put that to dating, that would be really tough. Like, you know, I did think you were the one, but then I met someone else. Yo, I mean, the dating thing's actually crazy because that, that, I think that's a whole other episode. I'm being dead ass because, because.

Boundaries in dating. Because one of the, I think what will define the next wave of conversation in terms of gender, actually, will be how much we share about each. other. Like, for example, in order to engage with a person, right, and let's say we end up having sex or more, right, like, people have to say to each other, they have to share enough with each other realistically for them to be like, hmm, maybe this is a person I want to share energy with. That would be like the most adult way of approaching it, right? But that requires too self-aware people. Who are communicating and telling the truth? Yes. So like, so a lot of the time people will get into dating situations

where they both say a thing that they think is true as a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then things happen and then it just isn't true anymore or they were just lying in the first place. Well, I never feel like, because that's why I hate the term love bomb.

Why would you intentionally say to someone, I want to be your girlfriend? I think we should meet each other's families. What do you mean? Why would people say it? Because to get, get their fucking vibes. Just to sleep with someone.

You can sleep with someone without love bombing them. Yes, I know. Mikiia, this is the issue. This is exactly. You're right. You've reached the nucleus. You're right.

This is an episode. And we haven't actually done dating because I haven't fucking wanted to. But also, it would be, it'd be a vice, it'd be vice versa, you know, like people would probably say, oh, I'm chill.

I'm chill, yeah. Like, I don't care. And then actually, I really do care. Yeah, I know, I know girls that are like, let's say to boys, they, I want this to be really casual

and they absolutely don't. What are you doing? Yeah, like, where are you? Where are you? It's actually not funny. You know what? I'm being unfair because,

I'm being unfair because like, obviously deep, like love-based wounds are probably the hardest thing to confront it as a human. But I mean, we should really be teaching each other about how to do this.

Go on then. But in terms of like events and shit, like, do I want to go? No, I don't really because I just can't, like, just can't be bothered. I mean, I've had, I think when people have said that to me,

I've kind of, rated it. I'm just like, I'm knackered. Yeah, fair. Okay, I have a boundary now. I have to go. Respected. That's my boundary. I have to go. All right. Well, I'll see you later then. There's stuff to do. I respect that boundary. And I shall see you, and I shall see you next week.

Next week. And this is what this is what that listener's favorite parosocial relationship looks like. I put a boundary in. You respect it. Now I'm off. What are we doing next week? I like it, Jordan. The theme for next week's Listen bitch is Hobbies.

All right, hobbies. Boom. It's a lovely old word, isn't it? Hobbies. Hobbies. It must be some sort of Gaelic or maybe Latin. Don't worry.

I wonder. I'll see you then. For hobbies. Later. Thanks for listening to Miss Me. This is a Perse of Fonica production for BBC Sounds. Our culture can cancel someone

in the blink of an eye. Celebrities, Sports Stars politicians, influencers and royalty can all find themselves in the firing line. In the age of AI-generated evidence, lawsuits written in legalese, you need to pass the bar to decipher. How are you supposed to separate the fact from the fiction?

That's where we come in. I'm Anishka Matanda Dowherty, and this is Fame Under Fire from BBC Sounds. We'll MythBus, Debunk, Prebunk, Fact Check, and get to the truth behind the timeline. There are new episodes every week, so make sure you listen to Fame Under Fire and subscribe on BBC Sounds.

Thank you.