Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Coitus Interruptus

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about contraception.Next week, we want to hear your questions about HOLIDAYS. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language, adult themes, strong sexual references and discussions about abortion. If you have been affected by any of the issues raised, you can find support via the BBC Action Line: https://bbc.co.uk/actionline/ Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains some strong language, some adult themes and discussions around abortions. And strong sexual references, don't forget about them! Oh yeah, there's strong sexual references too! Those. Welcome to Listen Bitch with me, Lydia Allen and Makita Oliver. This week we are talking about contraception. Contraception. Contraception. All the different kinds.

So many different kinds, aren't there? It's like a sweet shop. Isn't it just? Condoms, not the most reliable. Which one? The pill condoms. I'll tell you one that's less reliable than that, that I was shocked to my very core

because about 17% of my friends told me that that's their contraception. It will come up later. Pulling out. That's right, pull out and pray. Well, obviously that's not reliable. Let's begin with our education special, contraception. Rubbers at the ready. That was, you rehearsed that. We have to, I actually just came up with it, fuckface. We have to grow up and not- I've got Charlie XCX on my shoulder. Okay, stop being mean to me Stop being mean to me Thank you Charlie XCX

Is that a chip on your shoulder no, it's Charlie XCX She's like your new spirit guide, No, that's my little brat. Come on, let's play the game. Let's teach some people some things about contraception. Yeah, let's have a question please. Hi, Lily. Hi, Meketa. It's Lauren from Battersea.

I'm trying to work out if this is going to come out as a question or not. It's basically how old were you when you first went onto what I would describe as like a female-led contraception, so not condoms, but whether you'd be on the mini pill, IUD, that sort of stuff. Because looking back, I think I went onto the mini pill when I was about 14, 15, and somehow we were meant to navigate our hormones, our emotions, being a woman anyway, and also being on contraception at such a young age. And yet we were, we're always described as being the mad ones or, you know, women are always mental. And it's like, we've been pumping

ourselves full of hormones through the majority of our lives, just intrigued on when you guys first went on to something more long term. Anyway, love the show. Love you both. Bye. Well, it's always on us, I feel, isn't it? Even if it is condoms, which I suppose are male-led contraception. It's just, it's always our problem. Let's be fucking honest. Absolutely always you deal with this. I love when you've just slept with a man and then they go, are you on anything? It's like, well, let's hope so, yeah? Let's hope so. I can't remember, I just remember, I have an IUD now. I think I'm on my third, maybe fourth.

And I just remember before that was a complete disaster area. Like I was just, yeah, I'd get pregnant all the time. All the time. Oh, you fards are like me in those days. Oh yeah. Because you know, I said today to someone, I was like, I actually don't know if Lily's had an abortion.

I didn't know. Okay, God. See, why didn't we talk about that? Abortions, I've had a few, but then again, I can't remember exactly how many. Really? Yeah. Why didn't this come up in last week's episode

when we were just talking about abortions? Because I was just letting you run with it. Reveal everything. I can't remember, yeah. I think maybe like, I wanna say five, four, five? Yeah, I've had about five too. Lily, I'm so happy I can say that, and you can say it, and no one came to shoot us down.

No judgment. No judgment. We've had about the same amount of abortions. So we've- I remember once getting pregnant and the man paying for my abortion and me thinking it was so romantic. I actually think that is romantic.

Do you not think that's romantic? Whoops. Am I an idiot? What? Getting rid of the problem. No, but like- Let me take care of this. Do you not think that's romantic? Whoops. Am I an idiot? What? Getting rid of the problem. No, but like- Let me take care of this.

Really? If you're both like, let's not do this. I don't want it. No, neither do I. Oh shit, I don't have any money. Okay, well I can sort that out. No, I don't think it's generous or romantic. Think about how long that investment, like that's, how much is it, like 500 quid?

Kids are a lot more expensive. They're like, yeah, yeah, I'll pay that. They're like, yeah, I've got you, babe. Don't worry about it. I really care about you. I really care about you. Within all these, within the swimming around all these. Tell you how romantic it was.

I don't think he texted me after. Shove the cash in your mouth told you to fuck off and never call me again. Who is this girl? I mean fair TBH that was a fucking crazy bitch still am. Right got it. Yeah when did I get first gear I mean I was very excited I felt like I was like a woman and and we went down to, you know, St. Charles Square Sexual Health Clinic, just off Labyrinth Grove, and you bumped into everyone from school, like, hi, it's my time as well.

I think as a young woman starting your contraceptive journey, I was quite excited. It meant that I was like having sex. Who was it with? Do you know what, it was probably with- Jasper? No, I think it was with Julian. Who unbelievably has not come up.

Where is that guy? You're out with me. What is he doing with his life? Do you remember Julian? Of course I remember Julian. He was a short man. I really like... He was what? Short man.

He wasn't short. He wasn't short. He was half Swedish, Julian. Julian was fit. Julian was fit. He was okay. Anyway, yeah, I think it was Julian. Then I was like 17. Yeah, and I was very excited. I was like, I'm in love and I'm getting micro-guyanine to prove it. There are so many more contraceptions out there. So let's get another question.

What about having sex unprotected and then being like, I need the morning after pill and then you just being like, I have to do it tomorrow. It'll be fine. We'll talk about the morning after pill. We'll talk about the morning after pill. Let's have another question because we've literally had one. How does it know whether it's actually the morning after one? What the f- It doesn't. But how does it know? If I don't really know. Yeah, but you know it's three days. It's not really morning after.

Oh, well then why is it lying? Because they won't be able to hurry the f- after as quickly as possible. Not like, I'll do it at the end of the tenure. It said up to Friday it works. Let's have another question. Hi, Makita. Hi, Lily. This is Gemma. I am 31.

I live in Hackney. And contraception is a big one because I feel like I've tried every single thing out there and over the last five years, I discovered the magic of aneuvering. It's changed my life and I don't feel lots of people know about it. So I guess my question to you is, do you feel like you know about all contraception out there as a woman? Or do you think there's lots of stuff that is still hidden away from us? Love you guys. Listen to you every single week with my bestie Lydia. We came to see you at Hackney and had the best time. See you soon.

Thanks Gemma and Lydia. Fucking Gemma, hi, see you around. This is the question, isn't it? This is the question. Are there loads that we don't know about and are there new ones that me and Lily don't know about because we're older? Is that the one that you chuck in and it's like an innie condom?

Does that even exist? Is it like long term? Like is it something that's implanted in you and then like, see, there's stuff out there that's like modern. Oh, there is a pill that you put in your arm. What do they call that? It's an implant.

That's the implant. I got the implant because, can't remember who, Ruby maybe got it and lost like two stone when we were like 19. And I was like, oh my God, but I put on weight and I was livid. Yeah, I can imagine. I was like, so now I'm like, kind of crazy.

It made me kind of crazy and kind of fat. The diaphragm is the one I was talking about. That's like the innie condom that you put in. Diaphragm I don't remember ever being offered or anything or talked about, but it was just always in American films and TVs they'd always be like, my diaphragm diaphragm stuck and I was like, what is that? No, I definitely remember the diaphragm and sex education and me just being like what that's not gonna fly So you had sex education you didn't miss that day. It wasn't one day. Oh, I missed it all so I don't know

But that's cuz you left school and you're like 13, but okay We're bonded in that but okay. What the fuck off-sided you? We're bonded in that, but there must have been a whole few months where the sex education people came in and I wasn't at school. So tell me about what that looked like. I just remember like being told to put a condom on a banana and I was just like, why aren't you telling the boys how to do this? They're the ones that have dicks. Stop. They didn't ask the boys to do it. Don't think so dicks. Stop. They didn't ask the boys to do it. I don't think so. Wow. Unbelievable.

So that sets the precedent really for it to be on us at all times. Oh, yes. So Billy JD Porter, who we were talking about the other day, on Miss Me, she messaged me saying, oh, hey, you're doing contraception. And she's just done a... Not to say, can you stop getting my name mixed up? Thank God. But she said, where is it? She said that there is... She's like, oh, I wanted to reach out.

I've just finished a documentary about male birth control, why it doesn't exist. Plot twist, it does exist. So the method likely to reach FDA clearance soonest is topical gel that men rub on their shoulders once a day and it's shown to have minimal side effects in comparison to birth control for women and appears to have a higher efficiency rate than the pill. Well, well, well. I bet you they still wouldn't.

If it isn't the grand old equalizer. But I bet you they still wouldn't. I bet you they still wouldn't. Of course, it clearly like, it exists and we didn't know about it and they're not. So I think it's still being tested. I think it's still being tested. I'm not sure it's on the market yet. But imagine Guy like, did you put that gel on babe? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. No. I can't bother to do that. Yeah, no, I put my gel on this morning. Did you though?

Did you? The thing is, I wouldn't trust them. With any kind of male-led contraceptive route. Yeah, I mean, if it was like down to them, like men are trash. I wonder why it's never come up that the man should be in charge of this. Excuse the pun.

And put it on them. Yeah. Okay. Man of trash. Let's have another question. Hi, Lily and Makita. I'm Charlotte. I live in Newcastle, but I'm originally from Wakefield, which is near Leeds.

I'm a huge Lily Allen fan and of this podcast, it gets me through all sorts of activities during the day, but especially so for a run as I've started training for a half marathon. Anyway, contraception. I absolutely hate all forms of contraception. I find none of them work for me and I suffer from all sorts of side effects especially mentally. My question is are you the same as me or are you the type of people who one form just works for you and you've just done that all your life. Personally, I think we should just have a male contraception already

as women already have to suffer through enough. But yeah, anyway, thank you, bye. Oh, she agrees with us, that's good. I think I've been so disassociated from my body. Like when I've been on, I probably was the pill that sent me completely batshit crazy, but it just never occurred to me that that's what it was.

Hmm. You know? Like, I still, I think I've mentioned it before, like every month I get cramps and I'm like, oh, God, my tummy really hurts. It's like, yeah. It's a period. I was actually quite good this month.

I was fucking nuts and I was like, ah, I'm premenstrual. And I didn't even go down a big, I was ah, I'm premenstrual. And I didn't even go town a big, I was like, I'm premenstrual. The rabbit hole. It's fine, I'm just dangerous for two days, stay the fuck away from me. Literally. The coil has been wonderful for me over the years.

That really changed my life, stopped getting abortions. Really gave me like a calm, linear, seven or eight years I had the coil, it was great. But I know like, Tyson, my cousin, had the coil and it really didn't go well. And I think if your body doesn't respond well to the coil, it can be fucking painful and really, really difficult. So you get lucky if it works.

It's really just like anything medical really, it's just like, it's never one size fits all, is it? It's like antidepressants. Like one can work for someone and just send somebody else completely crazy. I wonder what I'll try next. Contraception-wise or antidepressants. I don't know.

Because I can give you quite a lot of pointers on both. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, I just feel like I want to get it really. of pointers on both. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, I just feel like I want to get it really. I thought we wanted to have a baby. Yeah, that's the point. She says, on her way to the egg freezing clinic. Huh? Okay. Sure.

Yeah, so it's a contradicting time. No, Makita, walking contradiction never. Shall we have a break? Condom split. Welcome back. I don't actually have another one. Oh, I couldn't find one. Bend over.

Should we do anal? Should we save? I don't know whether we can do that as a welcome back. Welcome back to Mr. Moon. I hope that works for a welcome back. Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal?

Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal?

Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal?

Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? Should we do anal? tiny little garden in Leighton. Contraception. I'm now my 30s with a long-term partner and obviously have a bit more of a structure to our contraceptive needs but throughout my fun 20s I did some interesting things for contraception. One of them being using mugwort as contraception which you shouldn't do. It has multiple uses, stimulates the uterus, you can also have some really fun psychic dreams if you drink mugwort tea but I would sometimes use it if I thought that I had been a bit risky for whatever reason you can guess and I would drink a lot of it like after I was a bit concerned about any late periods and hope that it would work and yes sometimes it did work. And yes, sometimes it did work.

Who knows if it was the tea? I don't know if it didn't. And there you go. So have you got any weird ways of preventing pregnancy that you would not recommend really anymore? Praying. Hoping for the best. I'm gonna help you out with something

that the ancient Egyptians used, which I think sounds pretty amazing and kind of like kind of sexy. The ancient Egyptians for contraception often used honey. How? So you just take a bit of honey, put it in your vagina, and then it would, what's the right word, sort of create a film within. I don't know how, I don't know. Wait a second, is this before sex or after? Before sex.

Okay, right, so basically like a sort of liquid condom we're talking. Yeah, but like within you and not placed on the penis. Okay, how did that go for the Egyptians? I don't feel like that works. I don't know, there's quite a lot of them. So who knows? But also, I mean, that's a nice sweet smelling one. Other things we found

out, people would use offal and sheep's gut. That's just... If you put a bit of sheep's gut up your vagina, no man is coming near you. So it doesn't... No, no, no. No, no, no. Come to the farmer. No, no, that one. That one's different. That is like- Did you just put some venison up your c***? Yeah, now go down on me. Let's go.

No, it's, that is actually the film case like a condom for a penis. In medieval times, they would use like sheep, the casing of sheep's gut, which I think is genius actually, but then we're the ones that have to. I'm just like picturing you. This is medieval times. Coming home at four o'clock in the morning and shoving a bit of haggis out there. Okay, we don't have to make this like pertain

to my Scottish ancestry. Mckie only uses haggis. Cause I was Scottish, yeah. A bit of, what do you call it? Is it blood pudding? Does that work? But also with pull out and pray, medieval people did use the pull out method, but they called it coitus interruptus, which is, I guess, the same as pull out and pray.

Coitus interruptus. Coitus interruptus. Yes, I just named the episode. Coitus interruptus, classic one that obviously doesn't work but is in sort of like every harrowing film that ever existed. Gin and a hot bath. Yeah, yeah, isn't that, bit of mother's ruin.

And then what was the vibe to just kill out what had, kill out the sperm? I think you drink a whole bottle of gin and get in a really like excruciatingly hot bath. But I think that that's just like... Old wives tale. The patriarchy's like just inventing something to make someone feel awful about themselves. Like, mecha bottle of gin. Massive gin hangover and also like first second degree burns. You dirty bitch.

Serves you right. Serves her right. Okay. Oh it didn't work. Damn. But don't you think that's quite interesting that like, not even interesting like they, it's obvious like sex sex is very, a very old act and people had to think about this.

Going on forever. Let's have another question for this week's Listen Bitch. Contraception is the theme of the day. Hey, Lily and Makita. My name's Alice, I'm from Buckinghamshire. I work in West London. I heard that you were doing a research thing this week on contraception and I just had to get in touch because I'm really interested to have a deep dive into this topic. I think

as women, we are really not educated as well as we should be on what the different options are and the different consequences that that can have on your body, good and bad. Lily, I know that you've mentioned before being on the coil. I have the Myrina coil and the onygotic one is in my late 20s having suffered horrible periods for most of my life and just never questioning it. It's made my life so much easier, made my period so much more manageable and I'm really disappointed that nobody told me about it sooner. So I'm really interested to hear who you think should be educating our young generation, particularly girls on this topic.

Should it be the parents? Should it be the school? Where are we failing, do you think? Looking forward to hearing what you think about that. Thanks. Well, that's why we're here. For all the failings in other infrastructures, we've decided to come in and educate the country

about contraception, because I do agree. I don't think people talk about it enough. Or it's a bit a little bit tubby but you said it was great in school they took you through everything and yeah I just remember one I just remember being like in the science lab and the bananas coming out I don't I don't know that like asking any one particular group to take to bear the responsibility is correct. I feel like it's our responsibility as humans to normalize the conversation full stop. So everyone's. It's everyone's responsibility. Yeah. Yeah, I agree Um, well, uh in america sex education does vary Sub some schools have an abstinence only approach

And they don't mention any promise rings. Yes quite and they don't mention any contraception or birth control that's available Wow, that's really that's just terrible and in true US of A fashion, it is actually determined by the state, not the school, if they are going to educate the children about contraception, the young people of their country. But in the UK, sex education is mandatory. I'm just sad I missed it.

Please let us know if it's any good. Hope it is. Doesn't feel like it is. It let us know if it's any good. I hope it is. It doesn't feel like it is. It doesn't feel like it's any good, but who knows? Can we have another question please? Hello ladies. Emma from sunny West Sussex. Just been to the beach. It was lovely. Contraception. How do you feel about contraception now that you are in your 40s? I've stopped it completely and most definitely perimenopausal and the doctors have offered me the marina coil.

Like why is the GP's go to for women and girls problems just to give them contraception? Oh dear, you're in your early teens and you've got a heavy period I know. We'll stick you on the contraceptive pill that'll help. Like why? Just do some scientific research on the women's bodies please because you can't just keep sticking us on hormonal contraception. It's not okay, it's not cool, it's not the answer. It fucks with my mind and body. No, do better, okay, bye.

I did find it quite weird when my friends had excruciatingly heavy painful periods when they were young. That was the first thing they were given, contraception, when they weren't sexually active. I used to always think that was strange. But now I know some people that go on the pill because they still, like even in their 30s

and they're not like having sex, but they have excruciating periods. There must be another way to help with an excruciating period, but it is all we are offered, isn't it? I feel like I've been on, I've had a coil since I was like 23, 24. That's a long time.

And I've been through some like psychological ups and downs. I wonder if I had my coil removed. If I suddenly be like, oh yeah, it was that. 20 years of my life. I never understand how a coil can mess with our minds. I get it with like a pill. Cause it's got hormone in it. Yeah, yeah, I'll do it then.

The copper IUD does not. Yes, I think I had that one. But the Mirena has a little drip drop. Talking about women being crazy. So the word hysteria is literally based around the crazy of a woman because of the womb within her. Yes, not very often is the word hysteria or hysterical used in association with a man.

No, because they've actually made it, I mean, it wouldn't be because it literally pertains to the womb. So it's like, it was made for us that word and it's never been used on anyone that isn't us. Because of those pesky wombs that make us so nuts. I couldn't fucking believe that when I found that out. And that's why I'm learning Latin. Is it? Amoamassamass, amoamassamattamartisamant boarding school. Let's have a final question. Can we have a final question for us? Are we there?

I feel like we've banged on a lot. It's the final countdown. Hi, the Q2NL. I'm Leila. I live in West London. I wanted to ask you what your most traumatic contraception stories are. I'm pretty sure you will both have one, at least one, if you've been on contraception. Mine are countries between really intensely crying sobbing at someone's funeral, it was my ex-boyfriend's granddad's funeral,

who I did not know and had not met. I really stole the show with my sobbing, which was quite embarrassing. And the second one is just getting the coil. That was just the most painful, horrendous thing I've ever experienced in my life. Obviously, nearly you've had children, so it'd probably be worse.

That was probably worse, but yeah. I love your show and can't wait to hear from you. Thanks, Leila. Just quickly, I would say that I always got my, the pattern would be get pregnant. Unfortunately, get pregnant, like not want to be, have an abortion and then while I was sedated in said abortion, they would give me a coil

and then I'd be like, no, no, no, I'm gonna get the coil out and then I'd get pregnant. Why would you get it taken out? That's exactly what I was trying to think. I was thinking, why did I ever get it taken out? I can't quite remember but. Drama queen. Because I'm a drama queen.

But I did do that a few times. So I've never really experienced having a coil put in, being awake and I can't imagine. I've heard horror stories, Leila, so I hear you. Heard you. Go on, what's your traumatic contraception story? You said you had one. I had a traumatic, I had a coil taken out

because it came to the end of seven years or eight years or whatever it was and then had another one put in. But I went to yo-yo on the same night after it happened. Wait, we know this. This is when you were bleeding extra in the loops. Yeah. Lily, I've heard this terrible story before.

Avid listeners will have heard it on our period episode. But if you could just summarize what happened. It's just like I went to a nightclub and then it was like I'd like, like I hemorrhaged or something. It was insane the amount of blood that was coming out of me. I had to take my friend Jade to the toilet and be like, babe, what is going on here?

She was like, I think you need to go to hospital. It was so much blood. It was insane. But you'd already had a coil and your body was all right with it. But then this one, it was just not. I think it was just the like, you know, moving things around situation

because something had been pulled out and then something had been put in. Last time I had a coil put in, I went to sleep and Donald Trump was president. The election hadn't been called. This was not this time around, this was the last time around. And I woke up and the first thing the surgeon said to me was,

you'll be pleased to know Joe Biden's just been announced as the winner. It's like, wow, the world has changed. I can no longer get pregnant and Joe Biden is the president of the United States. So you woke up to the news that there was a new president and you had a new coil. Correct. The new coil wasn't news. I did know that that was going to happen. If they'd been like, just thought I would put this in here. Don't want you procreating.

Okay. Oh yeah, that's fine. We've heard your podcast and how much you hate your kids. So, thought we'd... We know, yeah. Is that okay? Yeah, sure. That was a joke. I don't hate my kids.

And to prove it, the podcast hadn't even started yet. Okay. So, there, absolutely. That was a joke, I don't hate my kids, and to prove it, the podcast hadn't even started yet. Okay, so. There you go. So we're out of that mess. Oh my God, I actually feel exhausted from revealing so much about my personal life. I'm gonna actually need a minute. This fucking podcast, I will never have a secret again.

Oh, I hope we're helping people. The theme for next week's Listen Bitch is gonna be a lot easier. What is it, Lil? You have to pick it. Not easier. That wasn't not easy. That was not easy at all.

What's the theme for next week's Listen Bitch, Lily Allen? Holidays! Holidays! Holidays! Actually, within that, it could be summer holidays and stuff like that. It doesn't have to mean leaving country. We're all going on a summer holiday. Yes, we are. All together. We're not talking about the holidays, like as in, you know, days.

Thanksgiving. For specific celebrations. We're talking about Fallarachy, Ibiza, Malaga, Mykonos. All the classics.

But also, like great summer holidays. Butlins. I spent in London. I had some mad brilliant summer holidays when I was in London. No, Makita, that doesn't help. That doesn't, that's not the same staying at home. It is because everyone is getting excited about their summer holidays and then not everyone

can go away. No, you've got to be going at least camping. Okay, all of it. On a barge trip. Oh, we can talk about our barge trips. No, we've done that. We've done one. I had to go on several. Oh yeah. Anyway, we'll do this all next week. We will see you next week for Miss Me. What do we usually say at the end? I've completely forgotten. Oh yeah, the number. You can please call in

with your questions or just funny stories about holidays on 08000 30 40 90. That's 08000 30 40 90 that's 08000 30 40 90. Keep enjoying your summer people we're with you all the way this year. Be safe out there. Right yeah. Anyone coming back from Glastonbury having had unprotected sex get yourself to the doctor. Bye. Bye. Bye! Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneka production for BBC Sounds. If you have been affected by any of the issues raised, you can find support via the BBC Action Line. That is bbc.co.uk slash action line. Whoopi Goldberg. Olivia Coleman. John Hamm. Gordon Brown. Ian McKellen.

Samantha Bee. Jodie Whittaker. Kristen Ridder. Michael Sheen. And that's just the ones we've recorded so far. Lots of lovely people dropping by, hanging out. I mean, that's basically it. It's pretty low concept, but so far it's sounding rather delicious.

Come, join me. David Tennant does a podcast with. Bye. Listen on BBC Sounds.