Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Easy Come Easy Grow

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about gardening.Next week, we want to hear your questions about TAX. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains some very strong language and some adult themes. And a gardening pun or two. And a gardening pun or two. Welcome to Listen, bitch. We had a week off. I know people were craving, craving this question and answer series. That has become such an important part of so many lives.

We're proud to be back in our stations to serve the country right. I did feel like I'd left my post as Minister of Defense. Sorry, what are you talking about? You know, it's like we're in service, we're answering these questions every week and suddenly we just weren't for a week. I was like, my God, how are people going to get through the day? for a week. I was like, my God, how are people going to get through the day? I think everyone's been fine. Today's theme is of course gardening. So we were going to do hair for our Listen Bitch theme, but then for reasons out of both Lily and I's control, we took a week off and decided to change its gardening. So that's what happens in life, things change.

Hmm, things change. The gardening of life, yeah. I'm at Lily's house, Lily's at Lily's house, one's in London, one's in New York. And I've seen both gardens. I've seen the balcony here and the garden in New York. Not very grassy, the one in New York, quite pebbly. No, the front garden is more garden than the back garden. I would actually say that the front garden is very topiary based. Yes. Okay. And here, it seems that you've got the outdoor spaces really come along since I was

last here, darling. Yeah. What do you think of the furniture? Do you like it? Really good. So many people have bad garden furniture. So many people and there's so much bad garden. You know what? This is exactly the kind of stuff I cannot wait to dissect. Let's have our first question for this week's Listen Bitch. I'm Monty Dawn. That's not fair.

You're Alan Titchmarsh. Lily-Alan Titchmarsh. No, that's not fair. Hello, Lily and Makita. That's not fair. Hello, Lillian Makita. This team is interesting because I have never ever ever gardened my entire life. And I was wondering if you had any tips for people like me who would like to be more connected to nature but grew up in a city and was never introduced to gardening.

What would you suggest I do as a first step? Thank you, bye. Yes, find a good garden center and chase your dreams because a really good garden does take a bit of planning and layout. You can have a bit of a haphazard style, which I've done before, but when you really plan it and you like actually think about the colors of things that are gonna come up and at what time,

it's like you feel like you're painting with the universe and I have a great garden center. I've mentioned them before, Sunshine Garden Center in Alexandra Palace and they're just amazing and they're really... There are other garden centers I just would like to add. Yeah and I intend to see them all this year actually. I'm going to do a little garden center tour. Well hey seeing as you're at my house why don't you think about my garden on the balcony and see if you can build that? Yeah, I was just thinking I would love to add some plants. Would that be all right?

Yeah, absolutely. Please be my guest, literally. You probably be my guest. It's a lavender plant that I've seen and some herbs. Yeah, I got those. Those are a Mother's Day present from my children. The plan is to make that whole section a sort of, you know, a garden. So please, you know, have fun. Ho away. I can then PayPal you some money if you'd like to give you a budget.

I would love this. I'll be, this is a great brief. Is there anything in particular that you're looking for your garden in the sky to be like representing for you? Well just bear in mind that it doesn't get a massive amount of light where it is. So it has to be like, you know, shade friendly plants. Okay. I'm not a garden expert. I must say, I'm not a garden expert. Just watch a lot of gardening shows and I've got a lot of great gardeners in my family. So leave me with that and who knows what you'll walk back to. It's actually very like Singapore where I just was with mum for like 48 hours. That was intense. And what they do is because they build up, the islands are quite small,

that's why everything is very modern and built up. Not the only reason. They have a lot of kind of living walls, fertile, well not just walls, they have like actual gardens in the sky and like 60% of the buildings you go to the top of. We went to this restaurant, Lil, and it's like really beautiful Michelin-starred restaurant and on the left is just this huge garden that envelops the whole restaurant.

It's on like the 60th floor and they're growing all their produce up there in the sky. They even have like benches and little rose gardens and you're like up in the sky. So that's why I might bring a little bit of that energy to your garden in the sky. Yeah, please do. Bring Singapore to West London. Why don't you? I can do that. All right, let's have another question. Let's see where it takes us on this gardening journey. Let's go down the Yellow Brick Road. That's not really gardening. That's all. Hi, Lillian Makita. This is Jess calling from Very Sunny Farnham in Surrey. My question for you regarding gardening, well, more of a story. Me and my husband, we used to be

really cool. I run a pub. We used to go out raving, partying all the time. And now I think we have totally realized that we have hit middle age. We get super excited on a Friday night when Monty Don appears on the TV on Gardening World and we spend our time talking about what bulbs to plant and what plants are flowering in the garden. So I was wondering if you guys ever had that realization, be it with gardening or not, at what point you officially hit middle-aged and middle-aged hobbies. Thanks guys, love the podcast. Well, I don't know whether it's middle-aged per se, but I do think that there is a reason

that people when they're getting older want to garden more because it's so evokes life and existence and mirrors it so unbelievably. And I think you learn that more as you get older and you have sort of less time left. Also because time goes quicker. Like imagine like planting things with your like eight years old, like six months, feels like 10 years. Whereas when you're older, six months feels like, you know, a few weekends ago. Yeah, yeah. But isn't that an interesting thing to do as an older person to be 80 and still plant bulbs for the future? I think that's why gardening can keep an older mind really healthy because

you're always thinking about the future. You're not thinking, well, I won't be here to see them. You're like, yes, I will. I still trust and believe in my future and I still have a future. I remember we went to plant bulbs in like the top deck bit of Fox. And I was fascinated, fascinated that these things would turn into these flowers. And I just did it at my flat. And I have to say, I've had the best spring ever watching those daffodils come up. I do feel a bit like I'm getting to the age that Bill Nighy said when he was about 50. He started thinking, oh, God, how many springs will I see? How many more springs will I see? I do feel a bit like I'm getting to the age that Bill Nighy said when he was about 50, he started thinking, oh God, how many springs will I see?

How many more springs will I see? And this spring I have felt really like, I'm so lucky to see another spring. I don't know why I feel so morbid, but we are so lucky with seasons and watching things grow and blossom and bloom. Like the blossom is out in London right now, Lil, you know, you just left. There's something about this scene, I just feel like it's been touched by angels when the blossom comes out. Yeah. I hear you. It's nice. The tree next door to our house out here is full of cherry blossom. It's very, very beautiful.

Of course. Why do I think that only London's having spring? How's New York spring? Does it have as much blossom? Very springy. Yeah, there's cherry blossom everywhere. It's beautiful. Oh, gorgeous. All right, why don't you answer next question, bye. Okay, can I have another question, please? Hey ladies. We love you girls so much. Love the podcast. We listen to it religiously every week without fail. We were so sad to miss your live shows but we'll definitely be at the next ones. So I'm Rosie, I'm 22 from Cairns. And I'm Ruby, 20 from

Walthamstow. Besties besties. Yeah yeah. So our question, my question for you today is if your personality was a plant what would it be and why? And then my question is, if aliens visited Earth and we could show them one plant to represent humanity, what would you choose and why? Love you guys! Love you guys! Bye! Thanks, we love a double question.

Love a doubler. Thanks, Ruby, thanks, Rosie. If you were a plant. Well, of course this ties into our moon seed gardening that we've talked about before in the postcast that we do with Phoebe, which is about visualizing yourself as either a flower or a tree or a fruit or a vegetable that you want, the properties of which you want to embody on the new moon for your next cycle of life. Okay. And we did one that was quite good for you, didn't we?

What did we come up with? I can't remember now. I think I'll be a tomato because I'm a little bit sweet and a little bit seedy. Fine. You were a radish before. I like that you're staying in this sort of vegetable area. That's good. Yeah. If I had to come up with a plant that describes humanity, it would be a Venus flytrap.

Of course. I thought you'd say a daisy, but no. No. And go on and explain that. And why would the world, humanity be a Venus flytrap, darling? Because it just like lures you in and then just goes... Kills you. be a Venus fly trap, darling. Cause it just like, lures you in and then just goes. Kills you. Welcome to earth. Come here, my pretties, look at me.

I'm all interesting and nice. Hello. I'd like to be Cosmos. I love Cosmos. It's like pretty, delicate, but they grow like fuckers and they grow more in the sun. So yeah, a little garden we'll have. What do you want to be again? Because I'll plant it for you here. Oh, some tomatoes. Tomato, little bit sweet, little bit seedy. We can plant some tomatoes. And what about, what's your plant that describes humanity? Probably it would be, why am I a hippie and you're like a realist, something that

would mirror the Fibonacci sequence, which is that spiral that is within everything, because that's how I see humanity and war and pain and love and beauty. It's all the same shit over and over again. Okay, so what plant is that? You have to ask Monty Don. We ask Monty, or, you know, Charlie, who was the lady who garden without a bra? Charlie Dimmock. Dimmock. She was like an icon of our times. The famous gardeners in this country get so famous and loved. Plant with Fibonacci sequence. Sorry, this is important. I've got to answer Ruby. A pine cone. Yes. Yeah. Double set of spirals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say a pine cone because everything's just going around in circles over and over again. Oh, I think it's time for a break. Yeah. Time for a break. Little time for a break. Go on, give me one gardening pun. You're such a grass hole.

No, no, no. Don't hurt yourself. We'll have a better one when we return. A public announcement for all fans of the Miss Me podcast. Did you know that you can now watch Listen Bitch on YouTube? This means you get to see us react and answer all your questions. You asked for it. We've done it. That's how we do things. You asked for it. We do it. Yeah. Listen Bitch episodes in their full visual glory every Tuesday.

Find us on the BBC Sounds YouTube channel. Oh, but I'd better put some make-up on. Yeah, you ugly bitch! Welcome back to Listen Bitch. It's lovely to have you all here for the gardening episode of the year. Let's have another question for this week's Listen Bitch. The theme is gardening. I hope we're doing as good a job as Radio 4's gardening world. Gardener's world. Gardener's world?

I doubt it. Question, that's it. Gardener's question time. Welcome back to Gardener's question time. Let's have another question please from our lovely dedicated audience. Hello, Makita and Lily. My name is Jean. I'm from Kintyre in Scotland and I study in Glasgow now. My question about gardening is maybe more about gardens. So I've lived in Glasgow in like student flats for the past few years. And last year year I was very lucky to have a lovely garden outside my basement tenement. It was lovely because my next door neighbour kept it so beautiful.

I should also say the woman across from me was called Jean so I was like younger Jean, she was older Jean. Older Jean kept this garden so beautiful but I used to feel so guilty when I used it because it felt like her garden. So I guess my question is have you ever had to share a garden with someone and how did you get around garden politics? An example of some issues sharing like a washing line. Sometimes I'd put washing out but older Jean would take the washing back in again at night when I'd maybe forgotten it and I'd feel really bad. Yeah, thanks guys. What a lovely way to connect with older Jean

through the garden, through the garden. Neymar shares her garden with an older lady upstairs and they've shared it for like 20 years and Neymar does a lot for her. She helps her grow her stuff that she wants in the front garden, lots of flowers. And then Neymar does loads of cool, amazing stuff in her beautiful garden at the back. So actually, it's a really nice way of being connected to your community, I think. Also,

in West London, where we grew up, and I only know this because I watched Monty Don's Great British Gardens, Lily, it's so good, because he's gone around the world many, many times. I've been waiting for for him to do Britain and he finally did it. Or the UK. He goes to Labbroke Square Gardens on one of them and talks about the unique nature of these big gardens that are shared in the back of these residential squares in and around Notting Hill and Labbroke Grove. And we grew up with that. Alex Mack had a key to one. Gemma Barron's house went on to one. So we were really lucky to have that kind of communal gardening that I thought everyone had in London. You may recognise it from the Notting Hill film. When she's pregnant at the end on the bench, that's one

of the Labyrinth Grove communal gardens. So I remember sharing gardens, but when you're poor, you don't have a garden, then you don't really experience that, which is my childhood. Did you have a garden? I did. I had a garden. Yeah, the lovely one, St. Peter's Street. Yes. I had a garden at St. Peter's Street. My mom is quite a sort of avid gardener. She's got the green fingers. I just don't. I sort of feel like quite overwhelmed by it. I feel like it's like learning a language or something.

I just get a bit scared by it all. I'd really like to be into it because I really love the results. I love it being in a beautiful garden, but I just for some reason don't have the sort of confidence to do it myself. It does take confidence. I was really nervous and I kept waiting around for Tyson or Neymar to come around so they could plant these plants I'd got. And then I was like, get the gloves on, empty the pot out and put some soil in and plant this plant. You know what you're doing and it feels so great when you've done it yourself. Also, you weren't always scared. According to your Mary Claire cover story in 2008 that I found here today, you

say I'm an avid gardener. I love vegetables. 2008. So I don't know, would you have just got some peas, Queen's Park? No, that was when I was moving to Overtown and I did actually garden then, but it wasn't like flowers and stuff it was more fruit and vegetables. Yeah, you say you should start, you're telling the interview, you should start growing rhubarb, it's really exciting, rhubarb under big pots. Forced rhubarb. Is that what it's called?

See, you know more than you think. Yeah, but I just, it's more the, it's more the, I mean, I think that, you know, fruit and veg is like relatively easy. It's more the, you know, the more decorative, like aesthetic stuff that's scary and intimidating. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to say up really nice for you up here so that you can return to it and all you've got to do is upkeep. Okay. And that's really easy and really satisfying. And you can make it part of your routine.

Okay, deal. What's my budget? I'm not going to tell people on here. it part of your routine. Okay, deal. What's my budget? I'm not going to tell people on here. I'll just text you. Okay. I'm only at pounds. All right, let's have another question, please. Let's have another question for Charlie Dimmock and we need one more famous gardener, Capability Brown. Capability Brown. Hi, Lily McEeta. It's Fran here from Leeds. I spent all day yesterday, it was Mother's Day yesterday, in the sunshine, in the garden with my family,

my partner Nick and my daughter Fern. We planted a tree and we moved lots of perennials because we are planting up a new hedge this year and we did lots of other bits and bobs around the garden. It was lush. And I have have ADHD like I know Lily does and I think Makita might be undiagnosed but you know. Love you guys, you're raising. My question was, lots of people say that our garden here in Leeds is their favorite garden and they love chilling in it and it's the best party garden. And that is because obviously we've spent a lot of time and energy making

it so. But I was wondering from you two, which of your friends or maybe celebrity acquaintances has had the best garden that you've visited? Who's your favourite garden? Who's got your favourite? You know what I mean? They want a famous person, Lil. What's Elton's garden like? Go on. I don't know what Elton's garden's like, but I actually can't really think of who's got a, there's one person, do you know who Flora Starkey is? Yeah, I'm cool too. Ringo's daughter-in-law. Ringo's daughter-in-law.

Ringo Starr. Has a beautiful house in Dorset. And I always look at, she's a florist and I always look at her Instagram and pictures of her garden. And whenever I'm like, you know, property pawning on the interweb, looking at place, country places in England, which I have done ever since I'd lost my house there. I always just think, no, it's not as nice as Florida Starkey's. I don't want it. I just, that's all I want. What's so good about it? What's her vibe? Cause I quite liked Stella McCartney's garden in her country house.

It's sort of like, it's the valley-ness of it. You know, I really, I don't like flat when it comes to like, we are such out of touch bumholes. It comes from looking at property and land. It's not really about acreage for me. It's about the topology, you know? It's got to be... No, this is the shit I want to hear a little because I like this. I don't know this stuff. I don't like flat. I don't like flat. I want to be like in relative land. I want there to be high bits, low bits. No, but that makes a lot of sense because if you're thinking about where, because I love the idea of having a country house in the good English countryside one day. And when I'm thinking about why, I don't really think about topology versus acreage. But if you

don't like flat, you're not goingage. But if you don't like flat, you're not going to Suffolk. If you like valleys, you're going to probably be in the Cotswolds. It makes sense. Yeah. I like valleys. I like, you know, hills. I like being in a valley. I like sort of being surrounded by greenery, but like at a height. I don't know. It's something about being sort of like hugged by the land. Yes, it's the Welsh in you growing in the valleys. Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

Yeah. What are you laughing at? Can you not? Can you not? I don't know. I don't. Can you not laugh at me please? No, because I worked with a Welsh person

and it is the hardest accent to do and you just do it like it's in your blood and it is. That's why. Because it is, it truly is, that's why. Okay, maybe I'll bring a bit of Welsh into the garden that I built for you. We'll get some sort of like Welsh lily of the valley. Okay, you do that. Let's have another question in the meantime. It's going to be quite a confused garden. Hello, my name is Taryn and I am

messaging from Wythenshawe, which is Council Estate in Manchester, which is where I'm from. I seen that the topic for this week was gardening and I couldn't help but send a voice note. I'm an avid listener, love it. Just wanted to message and talk about my new allotment. So I've just got an allotment in a council estate and as you can imagine it is full of SHIT. So I've been clearing it out and I found an old-school porn DVD and I just wondered, it just made me think I wonder what else I could dig up, what else I could find basically, because apparently it's been derelict for years and years. And I just wondered if while you've been doing your gardening, if you've ever dug up or found anything interesting or if you've moved to a new place and got in the

garden and found something interesting in the garden. Thank you for the pod. As I say, big fan. You're really inspiring to someone that's 33 and still trying to reach new goals and stuff. So thank you for that. Oh my God. Thanks. I just I have a few things to say. One, I want to say about allotments, which is, fuck they're hard to get on the list for. Because I was trying to get me and Tysi on the list in Tottenham when she was pregnant and it's like years, it's like eight years or something. It's like worse than a Birkin. It's like unbelievable. It's like the MCC. Jesus. What's the MCC? The Marlborough Cricket Club, perhaps the Lord's.

How hard is to get in there? I think it might even be 12 years. It's a long time. Well, this is what I mean. I'm happy that this lady's got her hands on an allotment and I would love the idea of like scraping all the shit out and turning it into something really beautiful. In Monte Don's British Gardens, just another plug for that show,

he really does focus on a lot, and on Gardener's World every Friday at 7.30. Our listeners from earlier are also avidly waiting for Gardener's World at that time on Friday night, me too. They really show what people do in this country with really not much space to make something beautiful that feels fertile and vibrant and fecund and alive and what was that last word you just said fecund fecund what the fuck does that mean it means fertile fecund as in like second but with a foot yeah oh maybe it's for cunt but no no it's fecund, but no, no, it's fecund. No, I've never heard this word.

What is it? Fertile. It does mean fertile. How do you spell that? How do you spell that bitch? F-E-C-K-O-N-E-D. No, no, like F-E-C-U-N-D. Fecund.

I love that word. F-E-C-U-N-D. It better mean what I think it means because I have been using that. Producing or capable of producing an abundance of offspring or new growth, fertile. Well done. Thank you. Ten points to Gryffindor. Ten points for Gryffindor. That is not my joke. Phoebe was saying that all weekend. It was making me laugh so much.

Ten points to Hufflepuff Garfield. Anyway, so yes, I think it's really beautiful that you that the people in this country use whatever space they've got. And even also like around so many of the estates in Hackney, they have these big poppy gardens and daffodil gardens. Why shouldn't there be beauty everywhere? So well done, certain councils that stick on that. The other thing I would say is I've never discovered anything, but I do watch the detectorists a lot and I am this close to joining a metal detecting club because it's just so up my street. So interesting.

I got a metal detector for my 30th birthday from my friend Friars and it was much fun actually. What a present Friars. Do you know where it is still? It's in storage somewhere. Okay, okay so it still exists. Okay let's have a final question for this week's garden question time. Bitch listen. Hi Lilia Makita, my name is Katherine, I am currently living in Manchester originally from Liverpool and I really like the topic of gardening. Me and my partner have basically not been drinking since the beginning of the year, which has meant we've had a lot of time

to start a few new hobbies, one of which has been gardening. And we have used these nice sunny days that we've had recently to do some gardening and we've planted some tomatoes. So I'm hoping that they provide a bountiful harvest in the summer. And we can be making lots of salads with our many grown tomatoes. But my question to you is just what is the best thing you've grown

and the thing you've been most satisfied with in sort of the garden or obviously in any inside houseplants? And yeah, is there anything that you've grown which has not been successful, which tends to be the case with a lot of my things? Love the pod, love listening to you two chat. And yeah, thanks. Thanks, D'Allan. Go on, tell me about this forced rhubarb and who brought you to that place and what you made with it. Well it was already there in the garden, in the vegetable garden that I had in my place in Gloucester. And yeah, you, it's basically like rhubarb that you, you put the plant pot on top of it. And so it sort of grows in the dark, I think. I'm not really sure.

What does it look like at that point? Are we talking about a seed? What is rhubarb in its original state? A seed, I think. I don't know. Right. So you just put it out, you put it in soil, plant it in soil and then put a pot over it. Yes. Yeah. Like hot boxing. I think maybe you'd lift it off for a little bit. I can't really remember. It was about

15 years ago. But the rhubarb that it produces has got a very specific taste to it. Good? A good taste? Yeah, yeah, yeah, very good taste. Delicious. I love the idea of you growing your own rhubarb and then making rhubarb crumble. Yeah, well we did that for a bit. What other stuff did we grow? We grew potatoes, we grew courgettes. Courgettes can get a bit over the top sometimes and get a bit too big. Yeah, but I like big vegetables. I feel like it's quite rewarding, a massive big courgette.

Squash. Squashes. Yeah, stuff like that. I feel like when they get too big, they get a bit tasteless though. Like, yeah, I just sort of remember like things going too far. Anyway, it was our fault because we didn't keep it. Yeah, anyway, well, a word very good. Okay. I like the words the lady used, bountiful harvest, right? So I think that's what we should be working on on this new Sky Garden of Dreams at Lily

Allen's house in London. I think I'm going to do some really great stuff for you because I know how much you would love the idea of going out picking stuff and then going into the kitchen to cook it. You made a fantastic trifle at the weekend that you sent me a picture of. It's still in the fridge by the way. You should go and eat it. I know. I saw what I got. I was like, no way. Can I actually have some? Yeah, you should definitely dig into that. Oh my God. This will be my first Lily Allen trifle.

Yeah. But imagine if you made that with strawberries that you'd grown there or raspberries that you'd grown next. You said you'd use jam and not, oh no, your mum uses jam. No, I use jelly. My mum uses jam. That's it. So you don't have any fruit in your trifle. Oh, so is that just jelly? Yeah, I do have fruit. I macerated Chech strawberries that I put in the jelly, obviously. Okay, so if I grow strawberries on your balcony, then you can make me trifle all

summer. Dealsy. Yeah, but I don't think you're going to be able to grow strawberries because of the lack of light. But anyway, let's carry on. I hope we helped today. And if not, do check out Gardener's Question Time. It's much more informative. The end result is we love gardening, I love gardening and get Lily into it more this summer. Yay! So Lily-Anne, what would you like to talk about with the world next week? It's your

turn to pick a theme. Oh yes, let me have a look at my little list. Let me have a look. I did have one idea that maybe I'll text you because it's that time of year. And again, people know so little about it still. Oh, tax. Let's do tax. It's that time of year. Let's all live it together from a former bankrupt person and one financially wobbly one.

I don't mean like now, I just mean like we're not great with money. Somebody has never filled our self-assessment tax form in their lives. That would be me. Exactly. From us to you, let's talk about tax. We'll see you next week for Listen Bitch. The theme will be tax and the phone number to call or send your voice notes to of course is 08030 4090 08030 4090.

See you then. 08030 4090. We do it? Alright bye Lil I love you. Bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver. This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds.

Listen, bitch. Oh, that is so fun to say. This is Cathy Clugston from Gardner's Question Time. If all this talk of cosmos and Venus flytraps has given you some spring gardening goals, why not get some advice from our panel of experts and listen in to Gardener's Question Time every Friday and Sunday on BBC Radio 4 or whenever you like on BBC Science. And by the way, for Lily's shady balcony project, you could go for something like Pleoni, otherwise known as the Windersil orchid, or Blatilla, the Chinese ground orchid. If you grow them through some moss from a florist you'll have a definite wow factor. Ferns do very well in shade and

you might even get away with a Swiss cheese plant, Monstera deliciosa, if it's not too windy. Hope that helps!