Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! It Takes Two To Tango?

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Miquita Oliver and Jordan Stephens answer your questions about orgasms.Next week, we want to hear your questions about THE GREAT BRITISH SUNDAY ROAST. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language, adult themes, and discussion of sex throughout. Credits: Producer: Natalie Jamieson Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Rose Wilcox Executive Producer: Dino Sofos Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This episode of Miss Me contains strong language, adult themes, sexual content, a bit more conversationing about sex. And then we talked about sex just a little bit more. Welcome to listen, bitch. The theme is orgasms. Let's join hands. Kumbaya. Hallelujah. Let's all come together. Let's have our first question for this week's listen, bitch, on orgasms. Hi, me, Kit and Jordan, love the podcast. My name is Raymond, by the way. And this is a question, actually, to Jordan.

We often hear from women and how frequently they fake orgasm. I was wondering, Jordan, if you have faked any orgasm in your life. I have a few times I don't really know why I think I just need a validation so when the sex wasn't great I just kind of I actually came to one end

if you know what I mean but I made it so like wilds and so intense I would even fake like some shakes with my body so that that person will feel validated, but I would also get some validation from this. It's really crazy, but yeah, I was just wondering if you, Jordan, have faked an orgasm. Thank you. Bye. Yes, method, method fake orgasm is

quite deep. Well, that's really interesting to hear. I mean, I know there's guys who definitely struggle to come. Oh. You know, that's like that's not unusual. Apparently nowadays is a whole other issue because of the kind of, because the extremity of some online porn, there's been some effect on like the mind state of young men in terms of what they expect or what they're aroused by. Stop. No, this is 100%. There's a lot of research on it, yeah.

No, but to the point where it's affecting ejaculation. Ejaculation, erectile dysfunction. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. So there's that element. But for me personally, I spoke briefly about this actually on my first guest appearance on Miss Me or maybe second, which was, you know,

The thing I found most wild is that I'm able to disconnect, I guess, spiritually from my penis. You know, there's been times where I've finished with, like, next to no pleasure. Wow. But I've objectively finished and I've just been like, that is, I used to joke with my mates about it that, like, there was one particular incident where I felt like my dick had, like, finished so they're. that it would finish. Like, it almost, like, ended the experience for me. Like, a physical orgasm instead of, like, a kind of emotional orgasm. So you know that, like, obviously people would assume that I say, like, if someone comes

quickly, it's more to do with them being overly aroused. Yes. A lot of the guys, if you struggle with that, it's because, you know, you're so excited. There's so many stimulants, you know, you find a person really attractive and, you know, that feels amazing and you're just trying to hold off. You know, that's the common experience for men. There's been a couple of experiences where I haven't been enjoying myself. and that's led to me coming.

What I have, fucking, this is mind blowing for me actually. But this is the thing, this is what I'm trying to say is that it's like, I don't know how much research has been done in and around this, but I know that in my experience, the emotional relationship between myself and my penis is like really confusing. And I don't experience it so much now

because obviously I'm in something stable and... Right, but I suppose that's something that maybe women can't do. I don't know whether we can physically come without mental being there. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, a lot of guys will feel like a sense of shame after masturbating, for example.

Which is confusing as to why. I don't know, I don't know, like... They call it something, don't they? Isn't it called cranking? That's cry-wanking. That's what I mean. Some people get post-knit clarity, that's the thing because your mind can become

consumed by the idea of coming, but... Right, right. So to answer the question... Yes, you have faked it. I haven't faked it, no. I've literally... I feel like I've literally... orgasmed, but I haven't myself

felt a particular amount of pleasure. It's incredible. This is wild. So fucking, which is no mean feat. I don't know, man. I, you know, I'm happy to speak to an expert about it. Yes, I think maybe you should. No, I think that's really.

I think probably more common than you think. I don't know. Listen, it's not the same issue as it with guys, man. Like, I don't think we obviously spoke on a blow jobs episode. I don't think that like arguably it's easier to make a man come. than it is to make a woman come. Well, not even arguably. I think it is easier.

I think it's just straight up easier, sure. Raymond, our wonderful caller from earlier, who I loved, actually. Great question. But, like, Raymond went in, right? They said they go deep, deep into their method, fake orgasming, to the point where they do the shit, sometimes go in with the shakes. That's some serious shit. Faking is really interesting because I was talking to Natty and Kelly about it just now.

Like, why would you? And Raymond used the word validation. Who are we trying to validate? Do you think? I'm not asking like an accusatory where I'm curious. Who do you think that the woman is trying to validate? Her experience in a heterosexual sexual encounter. I'm trying to ask myself as well.

I'm trying to think who the fuck are we doing it for? Because it sets a really bad precedent, especially if you're going to have sex with this person again. Faking is dangerous. I guess this is all a combination of like physical realities, right? Like some women can have multiple orgasms, But for the majority of guys I mean there's certainly are guys

who can start again real quick or they can power through and I remember there was a time where I would power through but it's essentially you come and then your penis stops working in the same way. Yeah it's done. It's done the thing.

Everything becomes centred around that rather than what I think is more important which is what I said in a blow dolls episode which is that like once you include foreplay and conversate like conversation sounds so airy fairy but like No it doesn't. It sounds sexy as hair Hell, I'm with you.

Yeah, building up to it, kissing the foreplay. Like, then it's just, then there's not so much pressure on this fucking in and out, like. So much pressure on the in and outfit. Well, yeah, because it's, because, you know what I mean? It's like, like, as a boy, I was told so many myths about that shit. Do you know what I mean? Even the idea that a penis can make a woman come, like from penetrative sex can make a woman come. Like even that is a massive myth.

Maybe some women, but it's all to do, well, I can tell you what I'm saying this when I'm speaking to a woman. You know, you can, am I wrong? Like there's a lot more around clitorial stimulation and like and positioning and pressure and I think you're really right. And I used to talk to Lily about this when we talked about things like this on Miss Me. I was like I as usual kind of I could understand from a man's point of view. There is so much more pressure on the man, especially around like virginity and the early days of sexual intercourse in your sexual journey. I think you have a lot more that is expected of you for sure. If we fucked up young, we'd get ridiculed like that.

That's the thing for sure. And I experienced that. Yeah, man. Oh, my God. Humiliated. Fuck yeah. I remember stories about boys. Poor little boys that are just trying their best.

And it didn't go well for them in a sexual encounter. And it was like fucking identity for years. Yes. Again, because I know that girls will be hearing this and feeling similar. You know, that obviously I know that a lot of boys have overcompensated for that fear of performance or poor performance by saying something weird or mean or negative to the, girl who's then scarred them. But I will say there's a couple of times when I was, again, very free-spirited in my mid-twenties.

Like some girls that I would see quite casually, I guess they call them situationships now. And there was one time where we were mates, but like we didn't have that much sexual chemistry. And I remember we had a go. And then it's just midway, we were just like, I don't think this is working, you know? And she agreed.

And then never did again? Maybe we did. But like it was like, I don't know. It was just, I didn't think, oh God, I've got to pretend this is a vibe. I was just like, you know, I wasn't saying she's not a vibe. I wasn't saying I'm not, it's just, you know, the whole experience is a two-way thing. Yes, it takes two to tango.

Yeah, if there's resistance from either party or there's a reason why it's not. It's just, you know, I think it's important. It's not, there's no shame in that, I don't think, to be like. Yeah, I think also what happens a lot when you're really young, like in your early 20s, and they'll just fall into bed with your mates quite a lot because you thought, because you kind of loved them and you're like, well, you should probably have sex and it's like, no, we actually just like each other.

Yeah. I think people, when you're young, you think it's a way to hang out with each other. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, that's a whole other conversation about casualty. But yeah, I think there is, it's interesting. But yeah, that's my answer. Let's have another question. Jordan, darling, my love.

Why don't you ask for another dog as me question? Another question, please. Hi, Makita. Hi, Jordan. Love the pod. Miss Lily, obviously. But yeah, you're doing a great job, guys. Love it.

I'm from Hall. I'm not going to say my name, but I want to know, do you have to feel a deep connection with somebody to deeply orgasm? I feel as though feeling safe is important and feeling really, really secure with somebody is the key to a good orgasm at many of your thoughts. I wish it wasn't true but love orgasms are just a bit fucking different and you just can't deny that and that is because of all that is held within it I suppose

like for instance someone was asking me we were talking about like sleeping with people on a first date and I was like I think this is quite a dated question I don't think people really think about this anymore but truly the reason to wait to sleep with someone that you were dating I always felt was because it was always better

because it held more because there was sort of like more reasons I liked them, more conversations that had sparked me up. Like more has been like kind of felt between you. I don't really, it's not even as simple as that. It's like everything is heightened

when you know more about someone maybe. 100%. Maybe it's as simple as that. Yeah, maybe it's as simple as that. 100%. Yeah. I had a real moment when I was, obviously I was in the mix

in my early 20s because of the whole, you know, fame thing. And grimmy. Let's blame groomy. No, yeah. Well, you, you did create, I don't want to get into it, Keats, but. Hammy, how me.

You pushed me into a few situations. A little bit, a little bit. It's just because you're so, can I just say it's just because you're so eligible. So it was always really easy. It was like, I love Jordan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was. Yeah. So that's the thing that happened. But I do remember like sleeping with someone I knew like a friend of mine. I remember thinking, wait, what? Like that was great. I remember thinking that as everybody, that was great. And I remember in that moment thinking, that's because like the woman is saying, like I know them, there's no discomfort before or after because it's just my friend still. So. Was it quite a close friend? At the time. Yeah. I mean, this is the.

other thing about sleeping with your friends obviously is it's not great for future relationships and stuff because it's just like you know you don't want to really it's a hard one you know it's but I mean it happens all the time people obviously it happens obviously with our friends and it can happen and and most people will be able to deal with it but it's just not comfortable is it like oh hello this is my friend I've been friends in them a decade we also slept with each other in you know back in a day but but it happens but I'm saying that like at the time what it taught me was that one night stands quite instantly became unappealing to me

just because I was just kind of like what am I doing other than like risking stuff? I'm like it just feels like the risk and reward was off balance. It wasn't like I've never been very one light standing but I think it's because I was on telly so young so I was a bit aware

but you were famous as well and you didn't give a fun. No initially initially but then it just it does get to a point where I'm just I found myself in so many wild scenarios I was just thinking what are my What am I up to? What am I doing?

I mean, obviously, I've got a very complex relationship with sex. It's taking a lot of work, you know? Long journey. Yeah. I certainly was like, wow. And it's just, and like you say, it is undeniable. Even for men, so let me be clear about this. Men, I do think there is an argument for there being a different relationship that men can,

in some instances, separate at least momentarily, their emotional connections or whatever or whatever it is. That's why these kind of eternal taboo conversations that kind of don't, Arn't had enough in my opinion, in good faith. However, all men still understand what having sex with someone they love is like. And it is, there's just no question. Honestly, there's no comparison. It is incredible.

Like it really is. Love sex is the best. Yeah, love sex is the best. And that probably, yeah, that might be the name of the episode. It's something about love sex being the best. But can I ask you a question, actually? People still say, I'm going to try and have sex like a man. And when people say that, usually they're eluding.

to without emotion. Is that ever fucking possible, man or woman? So like I say, I don't know, it's a mad question because obviously I understand that there's like a chemical reaction that happens or hormonal or something. I can't remember the specifics, but there's something that happens for a woman. Obviously the experience of, again, I feel odd saying this because it's just for you to say, but I'm assuming the experience of being entered rather than entering. are just going to be different experiences.

Obviously, we're talking, again, heteronormatively. This is very different when we're talking about the gay scene. But I don't think that male and female desire is that different. Do you know what quote I love, that the opposite of death is desire? Oh, wow. And I think that I think it's Blanche de Bois in a streetcar named Desire. Yeah, duh. Yeah.

So Tennessee Williams. But I agree. I think that when we come, I think when we are having an orgasm, it is the only time in life truly that you're not worried about dying or that you think that you might not die. I think it's the only time where you feel invincible.

What's it? Le Pitti Moore, the little death. Yes, the little death. Absolutely. I think it's, in a weird way, why we crave it so much because it's a place of such transcendental joy and freedom that you, I know that when I'm having orgasm, I'm not worried about death.

For just that minute. In the moment of the orgasm, yes. In the moment of the orgasm, you're not worried about dying. And I think that every other moment of being awake and alive, most things are about fear of death. Yes. Well, also you are just fundamentally in the most vulnerable state you can be in. That's unavoidable. Like, if you're having man or woman, you could be, basically, if you were to be attacked in that moment, man or woman, like not by the person, of course.

But I mean, in terms of like, if your house got robbed or something or like someone burst into the room, like, you are both. You would not be able to do fucking anything. There's an unspoken, like, understanding there. Sorry, I'm, and yeah. Actually, you're right, it's the most vulnerable two people can be with each other at the same time ever in anything, really, isn't it? Do you want to know something that's weird?

I wrote this in my book and it might be interesting. I've never had a wet dream before. Apparently, this is a thing that men have, and I understand it conceptually, but I've just never had one. I've had sexy dreams. One of the things I can remember the most about my sexual maturation is I would always have dreams that would stop before sex. So for a long time, I was more enamored by the fact that somebody I fancied

was willing to have sex with me than the actual sex itself. Wow, that was it. That was the thing. That was the thing I couldn't believe. When someone looks at you and then isn't it mad that the large majority of us are a result of two people's pupils dilating. Now you're talking. Do you get what I'm saying?

And we're like a, we're a history of that moment. Yes, because I'm like, especially because my mom and dad is a one-night stand drawing. Yeah, they only had sex once. Wow. I didn't know that. Right. Just me and Oprah. Sorry, he had sex with Oprah?

He had sex with Oprah. I know. Sorry, I'm sorry, Oprah is a one-night stand baby. Oprah is a one-night stand baby. not one night stand but not one night stand i mean maybe but like my parents knew each other for a while but they only had sex once okay this one momentous moment on hamstead heath and it was on hampton he for fuck so everyone who listens to miss me on hamster heath yes this is what annoys me about the internet it going on like everyone's lost their minds he says boss people were out here bro

going on dates and then going let's go fuck on hampsid heath to finish this day off people freaking out about only fans don't about only fans people were boomers have been banging in the bushes Boomers were free. Boomers were fucking free. It's my mum of boomer, yeah, I guess she is. So I'm like, what if she just decided, like, because he'd come around the night before to a house party and then he'd got too drunk and fallen asleep,

and then my mum was like, it's sunny, let's go. Like, all these little decisions. It's just like, what if they didn't? Do you know where you were conceived? Near Highbury. Okay. Gooners. Close.

Oh, no. Close by. Close by to me. Hampstead. Hi, very. Yeah, the crowd shared. Yeah. No, but I think it's really amazing that, yeah, that physical reaction that we have to each other when we just like each other. You know, so much of sex is anticipation. So much of sex. Like, thank God there's this thing called an orgasm because so much of sex is about like going to meet the person and then like how you get on that day and like the conversations you have. And then we're talking about like four play and did it. Then there's that big outcome. Then there's the orgasm.

But all that other shit in the beginning is so hugely part of it as well. Yeah. Yeah. The short answer is love sex is always better. I think when we're in front of somebody that we trust, we relax, even in an unconscious way that we're not aware of. stands when I was younger was that sometimes it'll also be both people will be having sex with each other in the way that they had sex last so it's like with another person who have different needs what it's just confusing it's confusing to me like unless you were communicating which might

not happen yeah with something like a one night stand you're just imitating the sex you've previously had with a whole other human being why would you be imitating it and it wouldn't be something new well it should be I'm just saying like like what okay people are going to have moves isn't it? Where do you learn the moves from? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, where'd you learn the moves from? Like, that's why like, I wouldn't even expect first time sex with really anybody to be that good because ultimately you have to be talking. You have to, no moves have been yet. Yeah, of course. Trial and error. Well, like, they might be moves, but they might be the wrong moves, man. Like, everyone's different. Everyone likes different feelings. Origener

stones are different for different people. Like, the pace, the pressure. That's why I don't know whether anyone is good in bed. I think people are just good in bed together or whatever. Yes, that is. And there are many people who would support that idea. I think that that idea is just, I don't know why people think that. And like the bravado when, it's wild. It's wild that to me.

I think it was like a cosmopolitan article in like 1987. And then suddenly everyone was like, yeah, are you good in bed? Yeah. Let's go to a break. How about that? Okay, darling. Let's do that. We're back to talk about orgasms and how much we all like them when we can get them.

All right, I didn't realize that we'd only answered that this was still, is love sex better. We've only done two questions that we really need to get a bloody move on on this sexual escapade. Let's have another question. Thinking about orgasms and toys, having been faithful to the traditional vibrator for a while, I recently tried The Rose, which is, and air pressure one. That was quite literally a gape ginger. My question is, what else have I been missing out on?

What else is out there for the ladies? But plugs? Yeah, for some. Sure. Never tried them? That's what Lily was given out, right? What? Lily was giving them out, no?

At her dinner? I think there were UCB sticks. Oh, with the album on? Yeah. Oh, it's not a functional butt plug? I don't know. Maybe it wasn't. I'm just naive.

Is that a butt plug? That is what a butt plug looks like. USB, sorry, yeah, not UCB. Thank you. How can I not know what fucking used me? So you've not used a rose? No, I don't even know what it is. I'm sure Lily actually released one similar to a rose.

That was such a wild moment when Lily did the vibrator line. I was like, okay. No, but the thing that's interesting about it is it's function. But I'm just making sure that it's the same as the rose. I feel like the rose is the same pleasure air technology. So what this woman is saying is, it's weird that I'm saying this to you. No, no, I don't know about it. So you need to tell me about this vibrator.

So a normal vibrator is, you know, literally just vibration and then you can do the intensity. This definitely can vibrate, but it does this thing where it's like... Sucks. It just creates a pressure around it. It sounds fucking great. Here go, look. Is the Rose from Womanizer as well? No.

No, the Rose is from another company. Love honey. I can't believe I'm so like behind in the vibrator game. I didn't even know there been some... It's cool. It looks cute as well. So the difference is it's called pleasure air technology. It's the technology where it's not like pushing on the clip with the vibration. It's creating space and sucking or stimulating.

Wow. Can you imagine that there are all these people in like labs working on pleasure air technology? Yeah. Wonder how they test it out. I think it would be quite easy to test out. I think it would be some... I'll try it. You want to pay me to what? Done.

Is that job? Vibrator testing. Of course. You have to test it. Of course. What do you mean? What a job. But the wild thing is male sex toys.

So the PR struggles a little bit. Has not quite got the glamour of a rose. Well, yeah, but you have to remember. This is very important. What I was going to say is, funnily enough, when you're designing a skipping rope, the dildo problem comes up quite a lot. You have to make sure you don't make it

look like a sex toy because it could quite easily but there's this amazing company called Laylo and they changed the

vibrator game before then they were ugly shameful didn't want it to fall out didn't want anyone see it

and now they look like Dyson they're like so nice and they have like amazing design and technology running within them and I guess

Rose is part of this new gang so it's quite new the male sex toy industry should really fucking catch up they would make

a box There are sex toys. It just doesn't, I guess because of the, the issue of the male sex toy thing is the fact that we literally come. It's just not as fun. Shabb it up your bum and then you've come and it's all over. Bum, yeah, maybe. But the question is, are there other fun toys just missing out?

And I actually don't know. But I would love to nip into a sex toy shop soon because why not? There's fun, isn't it? Just have a look around. I wonder how things are going, yeah. My answer is, you're asking the wrong fucking person. It turns out Jordan knows more. than me about the female vibrator game.

Can I have a final question, please? Can you say it in an orgasm-y way? Can I please have a final question before I blow my load? That will do. Thank you. Orgasms. Hi, I'm Alice. I'm in Lincoln.

Orgasms are a weird thing because I think this, like, you think about them too much sometimes. Anyway, I used to have orgasms. really easily. No problem. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Bang them out all the time. It was wonderful. And then I got really sad. I got put onto search reline. All of a sudden, couldn't orgasm anymore. And it was the worst thing that ever happened in my world. And then that made me even sadder. So then what I did was go off the depression tablets just so that I could have an orgasm again. What do you recommend? Is it better to be sad or is it better to have orgasms? You tell me.

Oh my God. A horrible dilemma. What a fucking dilemma. Mental health, because orgasms are mental health, aren't they? Like, pleasure, pleasure is a huge part of good mental health. Neither of us are professionally certified and can't really give out advice on whether or not you should take an antidepressant or have an orgasm. Is it better to be sad or have orgasms, Jordan? Well, I guess the question to you would be, this is a fun way of looking at it, is like, if someone was like, you have to pick one, being mildly sad, mild to quite sad for the rest of your life, but you can always come.

So be happy for however long that is, or be quite happy, but never come again. What would you choose? But what is happiness? There you are. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't think orgasms are happiness, but like what is happiness? like peace, so I'd still have peace in my heart and soul. Yeah, I think I'd choose peace over orgasms.

Yeah, interesting. So you're a monk, basically. It's basically being a monk, isn't it? That's what they're up to. Exactly. I'm kind of like, fucking, I'm basically... Just a fucking monk. I think I can't imagine the stress of knowing what he used to feel like to come and then not being able to come like that.

I think the psychological frustration that came with that will be tough. What I'd like to say is, wouldn't it be cool... Like, if you are willing to have your body open enough to feel connected sexually, then hopefully that gives you a chance to feel connected in other ways. And then you can lift yourself into a space of a good mood and have orgasms. Have you ever seen that pretty terrible film called 40 Days and 40 Nights with Josh Hartnett? And his ex-girlfriend breaks his heart so much that he decides to abstinate for 40 days and 40 nights. Abstain.

Sorry, abstain for 40 days and 40 nights for Lent. Then he meets Shannon Sosserman, who's like so beautiful and cool. And he like completely tries to stay away from her. But they like start dating. She's like, why won't he kiss me? There's a really sexy scene where he makes her, because he was like, once he tells her what he's doing, she sort of understands it and respects it.

And then he makes her come with a flower petal by blowing it up her tummy. It's amazing. But he goes completely nuts. And I mean, it's obviously a dramatization for the film. but I wonder what it would do to you. He goes nuts. Yeah, like he's like delirious. 40 days, what two months?

Get a grip. Yeah, but actually, Jordan, no, Jordan, no wanking. So no. Yes, that's fine. No ejaculation of any kind. Listen, obviously most of the discussion around the manosphere will be towards the more toxic edge of it and the fact that boys can get radicalized, whatever.

I've also noticed some other interesting avenues of the manosphere. One of them is the no fat community who vowed to never masturbate to porn ever again. Wow. And the other one are the semen retention community who believe that the longer you can go without coming, the more, it basically just, they just believe that you create like a magnetic aura. Opportunities, friendships and relationships come to you. I will say. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Yeah, I can't, God, I'm about to agree with the Manosphere.

No, no, but sorry, just has the disclaimer. I'm not like, the man's fear is it kind of, it's not a fixed term. I'm just saying there are offshoots. You know, there'll be people who will then go, and that's why I hate women. Now, that's not the case. I'm saying there are some men, I believe, who feel overpowered by the desire to like masturbate

or engage with a falsified idea of sex. And I think it's probably quite healthy for their response to be, let me just abstain, yeah. Get a rein on that. I'm not saying that people should, abstain from porn or feel obliged to it's just that obviously unhealthy things in porn that is tough for people to deal with

I was celibate for a few years some of them voluntary some of them not and I built quite a life for myself in that time and it was quite interesting to just have all that focus on other things and I don't just mean like

not having sex with someone like just like not trying to not think about men for a prolonged amount of time gave me a lot. Gave me a lot. Sex is distracting. It is distracting. It's wonderful, but it is distracting. Yeah, this is what quite interesting, and I tried this for a bit when I was younger.

In terms of this abstinence thing, I saw an interview with a guy called Mantak chia, right? And he spoke about sex through a Taoist lens. And that shit stayed with me, because it was so. counter-narrative and it's so what as in the towel T-A-O

T-A-O T-A-O yeah so listen I don't know a huge amount about Taoism I'm into it because they were kind of discussing masculine and feminine energy being balanced within the soul from like hundreds if not thousands of years

ago which is always going to be interesting I've read some controversy about how it was actually executed in society but they were definitely not as at least overtly anti-femininity as other religions and movements became around that time but this guy a lot of the energies of those kind of like old civilizations ancient beliefs you know we had the karma suture just as well just almost

nearby you know this had this real spiritual idea of sexual energy that's been carried through for a long time ancient knowledge and he was talking about the fact that he believes that men should come maybe once a week dependent on on on your age and he was just saying that we have through this Western lens convinced ourselves that sex has to end with an orgasm but he said that he's aware of a space or an energy I mean I guess this is edging on kind of what sting people used to joke about with sting in terms of like tantric sex

no but seriously that the idea that like you can make it a practice and bring an element of I want to say control or surrender where you're not trying to finish so you can have sex and the women's orgasm be it that it's multiple and doesn't stop sex well depending on whether it gets tender but like you can carry on

this almost extended orgasm for a longer period of time the energy generated in sex is something that can be utilised in life so he thinks that most men being that we rank like fairly commonly are depleting like are just giving away all their fucking power

30% of our energy yeah yeah like it's just gone like there's a whole other level of energy that we can yeah for short gains for like quick little moments of but it's like because we've been raised with that or because I've been raised with that

I can talk from my own personal experience when I tried this out and I was like okay well let me just engage with a few bits and bobs and it'll be fun and I won't focus on my own orgasm like I was able to do it but fuck me was it uncomfortable I was like what is this what's this other place I have to go to I'm so used to that feeling of being overwhelmed

of energy being completed like there was like a thing where that goes, I just had to just then like, just go to sleep or like, or then it was just such a surreal. I can't explain how surreal it felt. It was just, it was just, it's just, but you did put it into practice for a little minute. When I was younger, yeah, and nowadays I'm not too bothered. I mean, you know, I guess that, yeah, no, but the, I think the general rule in life is like, you know, something feels as if there can be a shift, then you go for it. I, I'm very satisfied at the moment and I don't feel there's a real need to experiment.

at the moment, well, in that way at the moment. But I was intrigued by it just because it's, you know, I love shit like that. You know, Mickey. It's like... Definitely. I fucking love shit like that too. Yeah, like we've been taught. Like, the way we go on a sex is as if men don't enjoy the process of having sex. Do I mean?

Like, we enjoy it as it's happening, not just the end feeling. So his argument is like, imagine that feeling for a really long time. All the time. I guess it's like edging. Yeah. It is, no, it is edging. No, it literally is edging. Yes, it literally is.

It is edging. It is edging, isn't it? Yeah. Have you done edging? Me? Yeah. Yeah. Fun?

Fuck yeah. I had a great time. It was a really great person that I used to sleep. Well, he's my boyfriend for about nine months. And he was like, it's like South London like electrician or like plumber, I think he was. Good that he didn't know his job. And he taught me a lot about sex. Yeah.

He wasn't really working at the time. But he taught me a lot about sex. He was really free. and confident and experimental. Yeah, that's really cool. It was a really nice sexual awakening after being in a really weird thing for a long time. He was who I went out with afterwards, and it was great.

Yeah. It was really good. So I guess what we're saying is be experimental. We don't know everything about sex, and we don't know everything about our own pleasure yet. Of course we don't. Yeah, yeah. It's also important to say that the orgasm experience is very different for everyone.

You know, and Lily and I have talked really openly about this for a long, long time. Lily couldn't orgasm. during sex and it was like a real thing in her life and she's talked about this. And that's why she did the line of vibrators because she discovered masturbation and pleasure for herself after years of not achieving that and it changed her life. So it's powerful shit. But of course, that really lends itself to the fact that everyone's orgasm experience is very different.

There are some people that can't achieve orgasm. There are some people that it's actually very painful for. So it's a fucking journey for everyone. Well said. Well said. I love not fair as a sticks in my brain it was such a big part of my um of my upbringing

I know but that's what she used to say she's like I was I don't know what that song was about such a lie because I didn't know how to have an orgasm then really have you seen there was a show do you see the show where they treated women who'd never have an orgasm and they medically I don't know it was like some kind of surgery and then they made the woman calm

and it was like what the fuck what like at like 35 or something whatever yeah yeah older yeah it's like a grown person yeah Thank you for sharing your beautiful mind again. I always learn something with you. I love that about you. Yeah, well, thank you for caring.

I don't know. Also, I like learning about your outlook on life because you actually don't realise, because obviously you're seen now, but you actually have like a quite unique curiosity and outlook on the world which is incredibly refreshing. I can't have these conversations of everybody.

Oh, children. I'm being dead ass. That's so sweet. I mean it. Yeah, you're just. just making me feel quite emotional. Thank you very much. It's really nice of you.

Let's end it there. Orgasms. I hope we all learnt something. But we're going to go somewhere slightly new for next week, aren't we, Sheldon? What's their theme for next week? It's Lissomish. Sunday roasts.

Well, let's do it. Let's be all a bit more overcomplicated. The Great British Sunday roast. The Great British Sunday roast, yes. Send us your voice notes and questions to 08,030,4090. Do it. Otherwise, our show will be doing. difficult.

Very. We'd be fucked. That's right. The Great British Sunday Roast. Oh, isn't it the season? I had one last weekend. And it was really good. Do you know where I went, Jordan?

Where? Chamberlain. Really? Classic. I know you prefer... What's your one called? What's the one that used to live above? The parlour.

The parlour. The parlour. Jordan used to live above like a roast-making situation. So you must have been getting quite a lot of bloody roast when you lived there. I did at the parlour. Yeah, the roast were decent. Shut, the Chamberlain was banging. Long, carrots, good greens. We'll talk about this next week,

and Jethah will may or may not join us. She can't not be involved in a conversation about roasts. Yeah, we just try and stop her. So we will see you then. All right. I'll see you then, darling. Bye. Thanks.

Bye, bye, bye, bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me. This is a Percephonica production for BBC Sounds. Our culture can cancel someone in the blink of an eye. Celebrities, sports stars, politicians, influencers and royalty can all find themselves in the firing line. In the age of AI-generated evidence, lawsuits written in legalese, you need to pass the bar to decipher, how are you supposed to separate the fact from the fiction? That's where we come in. I'm Anishka Matadadowity and this is Fame Under Fire from BBC Sounds.

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