Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Lies - Have you ever panic lied?

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Is lying ever kind in relationships? If you were being cheated on, would you want to hear the truth? Miquita and Jordan assess how that’s played out in their past relationships. And - be honest now - did you just make up an excuse not to go out? Does that even count as a lie? Miquita Oliver and Jordan Stephens tackle your questions on the complexities of wrapping yourself up in lies and the consequences they can bring. Next week, we’re with you on the sofa, after your voice note questions on TV SERIES. The bingeable, the life-altering, the trashy. We want to hear your stories. WhatsApp Miss Me? on https://wa.me/447849030711Miss Me? Is brought to you by Ecover - Make the clothes you love last longer. Wear over & over, and wash with Ecover. Head to ecover.com to learn moreMiss Me? Is brought to you by Zenidog - Help your dog feel safe and secure this Bonfire Night with Zenidog Calming Gel Diffusers, which are available from veterinary practices or Amazon.Get bonus content and recommendations for things to watch or read or listen to from the Miss Me? Library every Friday at patreon.com/missmeFollow the show on instagram and TikTok @missme.4evaYou can contact Miss Me? on email at [e-mail] Presented by: Miquita Oliver and Jordan Stephens Producer: Natalie JamiesonTechnical Producer: Oliver Geraghty Assistant Producer: Katie-Louise Buxton Video Editor: Danny PapeProduction Coordinator: Tom JacksonExecutive Producers: Sam MichellMiss Me? is a Persephonica show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I wonder what will kill the podcast. What would kill the podcast? Well, the only threat to podcast is video podcasts. That's what it's become is a video podcast. Of course. I know what killed the podcast, the video podcast. And what will kill the video podcast? Yeah, what will call the video podcast?

What would be the natural progression? I think it will eat itself. That's what will kill it. It will be its own murderer. There's an argument that it could get bigger. Like, do you know why? Good luck to it. Driverless cars.

Oh my God, yeah. We'll be living in a front. So people just stick on a podcast on the way to work and watch it. World of video podcasts and driving cars. Yeah. Welcome to Listen Bitch. I've just found out that this is the 260th episode of Miss Me and Listen Bitch. So whatever half of 260 is 130.

This is the 130th episode of Listen Bitch. And if this is your first to ever listen to Listen Bitch, how would you describe Listen Bitch, Jordan, to a new person? To that whole new world that you want to talk to. How do you tell an alien what listen, bitch is? It's a themed Q&A. That's it. Let's have our first question.

Today's theme is lies. Bloody lies. And how we tell them and why we tell them. Hey, Macquita and Jordan. It's Vanessa from East London. So it's come at a very apt time, the lying theme. Because my boyfriend met someone at a party. And then he met her behind my back.

Oh, God. And I found out because, nothing beats a woman's intuition, but he kept feeding me more, like, revelations about everything afterwards, because he concealed it. So my question is, where the fuck is the logic in lying to someone that you love because you're scared of hurting them? And also, the little white lies in between. It's not really about protecting their feelings, is it? It's just protecting yourself. Why are people so scared of facing the consequences of the truth? Bingo, Vanessa, you don't need us.

That is the fucking answer. Protecting themselves. Absolutely. Is it, though? I think the action of going to meet the girl says that you already don't really give a fuck about how that could make the other person in your life feel because you did it, because you chose to.

So after that, everything's a lie. Do you think in that situation, it's fair to look at the relationship at large? Sure. How were things going in the relationship, at the time. I'm asking you if you think it's fair. I don't think it's okay to lie at all.

I think that the conference, she's talking about confronting, right? And like, that's where the confronting should be. If there are things in the relationship that are making you want to meet someone else, confront those things and then fucking deal with that, then go meet someone else. Fact.

I agree. Behind back stuff is so difficult because she's right. You always know, like that intuitive thing of like, oh, no, something murky's happening, something's up. It's just the worst. place to live. Can I say though? Obviously this was a massive theme in my book, right? Deceit. Like the kind of like ambiguous morality of I told the truth about something that was bad. Why don't you just say what actually happened if you, you know, you've written about it?

Oh right. So yeah, with my ex, I cheated on my ex and then told her two weeks later and she left me. And then that's when I started like rebuilding myself. So I didn't want to put someone and myself through that again. But can I say what's really interesting about that is I, I hear. felt that telling the truth was the right thing and ultimately facing seeing the effect of it landing on somebody altered the course of my life right exactly but when i did eventually because as you know like half a year later we bumped into each other i was in a very different place she thought i was going to be on some fuck shit i i i imperically wasn't like there was you know i was sober there was all these things to make it clear that i wasn't um she then told me that she felt like i i i um i'm

told her to further hurt her. Like she felt like it was punishing for me to tell the truth. Like it was my responsibility to not say it. So she would have preferred the lie. I don't know if she would have preferred it overall. I actually have no idea. But like I know for a fact that women at that time were like, why would you say that? Why would you say? Why would you tell them like you you have to you have to sit with that shit and make a decision like fucking leave the person and then don't. Yeah. But I don't know if I agree with that. The truth is painful but it does set you free. And ironically, you both were set free from said truth being put out in the world. It doesn't mean that everyone's going to have a smooth ride. But what do you think? Well, I knew, I know your ex.

If you'd stayed with her with a lie, the relationship would be altered. Yeah, of course. I think. Yeah. So then it's like what kind of relationship are you having at that point? But can I just ask you, though? Because what's funny is, I don't know what the exact statistics are, but like a lot of people, I think it's like 80 to 90% of people say that if they had ever been unfaithful to their partner, they wouldn't say anything. And 80 to 90 people would say that if their partner had been unfaithful, they'd want to know. There's this, there's this massive, there's this massive tension, right, of like, what is, no, because this is the thing. Is it that is the owners on the person who has to sit with the guilt of what they've done and protect the person by then living in a lie?

Or is it just like you say, you hit them with the truth and then you just deal with the the consequence. Well, I think there are three things in a relationship, three things that are happening when you're in a relationship. There's you, the other person, and then the relationship. And it's like, that's the thing that needs to be protected or sorted out rather than like whether your ex is okay or whether you are. It's like, what's good for the relationship? So the painful truth might be good for the relationship. But is there any way, but is there any space where it's not? Good. Like that's there. That's there. That's, that's, that's, that's, That was my argument.

Well, no, because you're living in lies and deceit. The truth to just be the compass. It might be the, it might also set a precedent, though, like, okay, so I'm going to cheat and lie about it. Quite like, right, I might do this again. Like, oh, I didn't tell her. She didn't find out. We're still together and everything's fine because she's none the wiser.

So, hmm, maybe I can do that again. I think it might set that kind of energy into a relationship. And I've seen that happen a lot. So do you tell the truth? Of course. Okay, okay. Would you want to know? Fucking hate.

You know how we were talking the other day about like memory and like pain memories and like you can remember when you're told things when we're talking about death? Yeah. Like yes,

I can remember every like, I've been cheating on you or I, oh God, like did you know that he's been cheating on you for six weeks or something? It's like those conversations just like,

no entire universe. But I might still be with that little loser. So like, thank God. Yeah. So maybe it's like about that. It's like also I'm doing a lot of work at the moment with pain. Yeah. And using it

and not being afraid of it. So yeah, it's painful truth, but it's like, fuck staying in something that takes years of your life where there is going to be deceit. Okay. Have you ever, sorry, been in a relationship where you felt something was happening and you sort of lived in that suffering and that pain felt like there

might be something going on that would hurt you, but you didn't want to know, didn't want to ask. No. Whenever I felt something, I've just asked directly. Okay. And do think you've always been told the truth by your partner? No, no, I wasn't. I, I, uh, um, no names with an ex. It wasn't working. I felt like it wasn't working. But I wasn't sure. I don't man. I just went into autopilot and was just like, I just got to get on with this. But I, I wasn't,

I was behaved. And then someone came into their life and I was like, these two are a vibe. And so I was like, I think you guys are a vibe. And they were like, they were like, no, no, like we're just friends. And I'm like, all right. But then we carried on and then she started to do things that I know if it was in reverse. It would have been like what you're doing, you know, like. So I said, I don't have, you know me. I don't have that same thing.

I don't, I'm not particularly possessive. So I said, look, I'm cool with this, but I know that you wouldn't be. So, should we chat? You know? Very good. And then it was a kind of last foray, but... And now they have seven children? They're married, yeah.

Oh my God, I was joking. Yeah, yeah, they're married. I saw it. Wow. You knew it. Honestly, the person... Yeah, they're the opposite to me. That's kind of a beautiful story.

Well, look, the whole thing is... Look where the truth gets you. Yeah, there's a mix-measure. I'm not, you know, I don't want to like put myself as like some kind of... I don't know how I come across in that story, but like I yeah all I'm saying is in that space I felt something I said it like if if

and then previously I got cheated on when I was a kid like I was like 17 my girlfriend was 18 and that was horrible I remember that I remember that vividly check this out check this out check this out this girl right her birthday was Valentine's day right and she was turning 18

oh my God I should tell you this story I don't think I've even said this shit is crazy. Do you feel like you should tell me this story in private or right now? No, I can fucking say, I was a kid. No one cares. I'll do the short version of just how mental this is, right? Okay. So imagine, hey, I'm thinking, I'm freaking out, bro. Like, I'm freaking out. I'm thinking this girl 18th birthday on Valentine's Day, like Jesus Christ. I'm there like all my pocket money, chocolates, flowers to the door, right? Boom. Right. Then she hits me up.

Oh, that's so sweet. You're so lovely. Right. Like, I'll hit you up later. We'll do something. Right. I'm at my friend's house. We're chilling for ages time, time, time. And then I'm like, damn, she's not text me. Like, it's her birthday. I've not seen her. It's like 6pm, 7 p.m. I've not seen her on her birthday and Valentine's Day, right? Right. So I'm like, this is so weird.

It gets 8 p.m. 9 p.m. God, what the fuck is happening? texting, texting, nothing. So I'm like, all right, whatever, man. I ring another friend and go, are you out? Because, like, I don't know what the fuck's going on in my life right now. They're like, yeah, yeah. I'm at vodka blue or whatever.

McKita, check this out. Brighton, 99. I go to vodka blue. everyone's there for my girlfriend's birthday. Oh, she didn't even invite you to the party. Makita, I walk in and I'm like, hello? Is this your birthday party? And she's like, she's like, and she goes,

oh my God, thank God you're here. And I'm like, okay. Oh my God, what a terrible cover. And then she goes, I'm sorry, I've just been so swept up. Like my friend organized this. I just like, I've been crazy. And I was like, okay, right, you know what? worry about it like let me get your drink um and then we'll such actually yeah yeah cool no stress

i can't even believe this story as i'm telling it's like go to get a drink i'm queen up at a bar i turn around she's gone she bro she left right so so then so then so then i go down the alley i'm going yo what's happening you just i just like because oh someone someone's pissing me off i can't stand them i'm going somewhere else i was like okay am i I coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then she goes into this club, bang, downstairs. I go in, I've been around, I've, and I walk in and the guy goes, you're not coming in. I went, why? He goes, you're too drunk. I was like, brother, I've just got, I've never even been out. He was like, you're too drunk. I was like, fucking out. So then I go to another club, get drunk,

actually drunk, come back, get let in, right? Then I'll go downstairs. She sat next to the guy. She was with before me. in this thing on her birthday on Valentine's Day. So I've walked downstairs. I'm fucking awful. I've walked downstairs. I've gone, there's no way.

There's no, fuck it. I sit down. She's like, I don't want to talk to you right now. To me. Yeah, she didn't want you there.

I've gone, what of, why? Anyway, so then I'm like, kind of just like, put to the side, I'm clinging on at this point,

clinging on, right? It's embarrassing at this point. Just a little. I walk up to the end of the night. And as I'm walking, she stood there with her friend. this is the trauma. I should do the EMDR for this. I walked up behind her. I just got a cab.

And I heard her go, just all he thinks about is himself, right? What about you? I was behind her, Makita. I dropped my kebab. I remember this. And she looked around and went, oh, and I went, you're a cunt. Yeah, you're a cuck. And we're done. And she went, she went, what? And I was like, no, no, no. I fucking hate you. You're a piece of shit. We're finito, right? So this is what lies can do. Dude. Running from her lie throughout the night.

So then she goes, next day she rings me, do you know what happened last night? I went, yes, I know what happened last night. We're done. Fuck your birthday. Fuck Valentine's Day, right? A week later, she calls me and she goes, I guess you want to know why I was treating you like shit.

I was like, oh, yeah, please. That was insane. She went, because I hooked up with, she cheated on me. Yes, I know. I mean, Jordan, I could tell that from the story. I went, yeah, right, well, thank you. You could have just fucking taught.

If anything, I should have been treated like a god. Don't make it worse. Well, it's interesting what someone does with a lie, and her decision was to keep lying, lie more, and then another lie. Not just lie, treat me like shit. Yeah, embarrassing and humiliate you. Yeah, and actually maybe, sorry, about 45 minutes ago when that question came in. Sorry, I know, this is what it's like.

WhatsApp groups, no, tell stories. No, not just your story. We've just taken quite a long time with this question. Vanessa was saying, like, you know, why do you? protect. Yeah, yeah, tell the truth. Face your truth. Yourself and didn't tell the truth. Face your truth. That girl should have just faced you. Yeah. At 4 o'clock and text you instead of cheated on you. I'm really sorry. We should probably talk, but she probably didn't want to ruin her birthday. She did it before her birthday. Fucking bitch. And I think if she's listening now,

she knows who she is, right? She'll know who she. Melissa will be like, what? It's not Melissa. I shout her out there, man. She's safe. Yeah, yeah. Like, fuck it. We were kids, man we were kids it was jokes that actually whole relationship was hilarious yeah let's have another question next question hello jordan and makita this is charlie currently living in freum and somerset i've always found myself saying that i find it hard to lie and that's true i don't like lying as such but i think that over the years i've probably lied to myself quite a lot which has actually been really detrimental i was definitely fearful of of people abandoning me and leaving the relationship if I didn't agree with them.

So I think that I've been a bit of a people pleaser and I've always kind of gone along with what other people have said or agreed with them and kind of come away from conversations realizing that it didn't really sit right with me. But actually, since I've healed myself, I find it a lot easier to really speak up and and say how I truly feel. And ironically, I found that my relationships have been far stronger. I'm so much happier. I wonder what my relationships or the rest of my life would have been like if I'd have learned this a lot younger. So I'm just wondering what your thoughts are. Have you ever found yourself kind of people pleasing and does it really, really stick with you and not sit right

with you. Do you think that actually lying to yourself is far more harmful than lying to other people? Thank you again. Love the podcast. Number one. That's like the number one thing in life to learn. Like how to not betray yourself. And it's really loud. I've said to this before. It gets louder as you get older. And it's so fucking freeing telling the truth even when it scares you. Actually, particularly when it scares you. And trying to see that as delicious, Jordan, has been quite a ride for me. Rather like, I cannot believe I have to call this person or like, I cannot believe I have to say this thing. And it's like, but you are going to say this thing and you are going to call that person. And fuck it. Why don't you try and enjoy it? Try and enjoy

the fear of it because it means you're doing something right. If you're that scared, it means you're doing something really good. I can't lie to myself anymore. It's too hard. I used to be so great, but I can't anymore. Yeah, I've definitely been a people please. Really? What people are you pleasing? Excuse me. That was loaded. I feel Like, I mean, I just feel like you live to the beat of your own drum. That's fascinating. I love that you think that now. That shows improvement in my life.

I think if you were to think back over my adult life, give an example of choices you think I made like for myself in the, from the earliest points of knowing me. Probably to make yourself a pop star. You think I did that for me? Oh, probably not. did you really do it for? Well, I worked hard to try and put music out to get me and my mum out of financial strain. And you're still working on that. You're still doing that? Well, yeah. No, I feel like, look, I'm certainly driven by my own desires and intrigue and curiosity for sure. But I had a

real revelatory moment earlier this year where I looked back on my whole adult life and was like, fuck man. Like, I've almost like made compromise my thing. Really? Because Samuam still always talks about how like it's really important to be able, like how easy it is to put on different hats. because I used to just be like, I am a TV presenter. And he was like, yeah, but you might do other things. I was like, no, no, no, I am a broadcaster. And he could, you know, when we were quite young, started directing and then doing, like, he does stand up and all these other things.

And I had to really free myself in that way. And I think my career in the last few years looks more like that. But your career would say that you very much put on a new hat and go, yeah, I'd like to do this now. Like, I feel like that might be the part of your life that you do for yourself, like wherever your curiosity takes you turn into another job. Sure, yeah. Yeah, I guess like in from a career perspective,

I think I'm more comfortable doing things for other people is what I'm trying to say. And I think like there are values in my life or intrigues or like adventures that I maybe haven't been on because I'm wanting to like I'm a very good at shape shifting. Actually that's just hilarious because I guess that does lend itself. too to being a multi-discipline artist. I think that's like a good, but that can also trip into more personal relationships, you know. So I like that you feel I'm, what's it?

What do you say, much into the beat of my own drum? I don't listen to. Yes. I don't try and listen to other people I don't know. Like if I'm not trying, you know what I mean? Like if there's some authoritative idea of who I should be, that can go fuck itself. But like in terms of like trying to do something for someone I love,

I think I'm quite willing to like change. Yeah. I think maybe I live in the duality of being a people pleaser and fucking hating authority. Yeah. Wherever that lands here, that's my life. What's the biggest betrayal you've done for yourself in your mind that comes to mind? When you think about like why that's so pivotal for you to not do again.

Men. Just. Sorry. In general. I've never done it at work. But men. It's funny because I was like. Really thought you were going to say something more specific than that.

I thought you're going to be like, this one relationship, it's just like, men. Nah, nah. Betrayed myself. Just betraying, running around, betraying myself, thinking, making all these men powerful. You know a lot of men do that. Yeah, but it's just, it's interesting because I just,

it's so funny because I had a life that told me I was powerful because of my work. But I just refused to transfer that. Yeah. Until now. But back in my 20s and my early 30s, Jesus Christ, I just betrayed myself over and over with that you know all of them. Yeah. Yeah. Did those men deserve the power I gave them? I don't think so. Of course not. Of course not.

So that would be quite a loud betrayal that I don't regret because I think it's why I'm in a really good place now because of all that. Yeah. Recovering people please. I think I've got a lot better this year. I'll be real. I do actually say... Recovering people, please. No, genuinely. genuinely though I think like if I if we were to have a real conversation about I don't know about like me the last year compared to the year before

I think maybe I definitely think you've made huge decisions in your life this year that were for you and about you and it's difficult to fit to do that without feeling like you're letting people down yeah I'm so I hate that feeling I hate that feeling so much but you still have made decisions for yourself this year

and that's that is a good thing that's why that's why I like the thing you said it's new. Let's have another question for listen bitch. Talk about lies. This person wanted to be anonymous so I'm going to read it. Have you ever panic lied? Like someone says what are you up to today? Oh shit that's a really good one. And you have no plans so you make up some absolutely random fact. Like the other day I told someone I was going apple picking. That's hilarious. That's like yeah I I do that. That's white lies. And I'm really on that.

Makita, you used to lie all the time. I know. Back in the day, honestly, prolific. A lot of afternoon lying. What are you up to today? Oh, I'm going to... Drug-based lying. Drug-based lying. What? Like what? Do you have any drugs? No. That wouldn't have been a lie.

That would have been a lie. Although I didn't say no that often, so I felt like I told the truth around drugs too much. No, you'd say no. to the people asking you if you had them because you'd already... Yeah, but then I was just a control freak with drugs, so I like to control the room by giving certain people with drugs and certain people not. It's fucked up.

Cocaine Power Games, that could be a listen, bitch. Also, training. Oh yeah, no, I did. Hrondra. Are you sure you didn't? No, no, no. I've been really good this week. And it was just like, after 80, like, how many glasses of wine? Oh, you can't be training this week. Yeah, I'll be there.

Literally. You stopped drinking wine, you stopped drinking wine and just went... I know, I stopped drinking wine, lost like five stone. How much wine were you drinking? Probably two bottles a day. I didn't know it was two bottles a day. I would say to McKenzie, who's our, my cousin, Jordan's family friend. Best friend.

Best friend. And an amazing trainer. And he, we were training with him a lot at the same time. I was in my early 30s and Jordan was in his mid-20s. And I was a mess, yeah. Well, I wasn't. I was, I had like a good five. months and McKenzie and then I became messing him. But anyway, I went to a therapist when I was,

yeah, I used to lie a lot when I was like a really big alcoholic in my early 30s, that you have to, you live in lies. You have to, I know, you live in it. That's crazy. That's how you get through the day. But what, okay, so you've not done one of these panic ones because this is just fundamentally funny. Sorry, yeah, coming into alcoholism, let's bring it back to panic lie. Yeah, I think I definitely, No, no, no, no, no. I observe that I think about lying and then go, why would you do that? And then I tell the truth. I have one memory of, I never do this, by the way, the panic lie.

But I do have a weird memory of just lying to Mike Skinner for no reason. And I was like, why did I just do that? Like, I think he had. Yeah, what did he ask you? What was the lie? I'm trying to see if it was on my WhatsApp. He lied to him on text. No, no, no, no.

I think I wonder if I'd. with someone because I remember it played on my mind. Oh, right. You mentioned this story. Yeah. I think like he asked me, like, are you coming to my DJ set or something? And I just said, I just made, I don't know,

I just panicked and I just made up something that I was doing. I wasn't doing anything. I don't know what it was, but I just remember the feeling. I wish I had more specificity. But I don't have anything like insane. And I remember, I remember it weighed on me. Like, that's not normal for me to be like, I would just be like, dude, I'm tired, you know?

I think that you still. think I'm lying a lot when I'm telling the truth. Yeah, PTSD. It's true, isn't it? You do. You think I'm so full of bullshit. About what? About what, though? Like the other day when you, when I couldn't come to Dr. Martins, because I had that investor thing and you were like, yeah, yeah, okay.

I don't think you were like, no, no, that wasn't, okay, that wasn't me saying you were lying about the work thing. It was just whether it could have been moved. That's all that was. Oh, okay. That's all it was. I didn't say you invented the work. Okay. Let me, I'll get this out.

I'll get this done now, right? I'll get this done now. We all lies in the last decade. I've been, I'll see you there. What do you mean? That was your biggest lie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, when's it? I'll see you there. Like, literally, the first time you turned up to one of my birthdays, I literally thought it was going to be the apocalypse. That's right. I turned up to children's birthday with flowers. I was shocked. I think my mouth was agape.

In 2022, and you were like, what the fuck? I was like, what the fuck is that? She turned up to some shit. I'm sorry. God, it needs to get better. I'm much better at that now. Like,

I go to things and I make sure I make the time for them. That was a bloody annoying day that your thing was on because it was something that could never be moved. No, it's just never going to happen again, but it's fine. But like the thing I will say, I haven't told a panic lie.

No, Mekiah, I haven't told a panic lie, right? but I have, I did go through a phase of seeing what I could get away with for fun. Oh, that's a tricky game to play. I once told these girls from New York that we were hanging out with, right? We were on this weird, like, hedonistic trip with like all of boys and these group of girls and we kind of, I did the way we went all over the place. And I was, I told them that for no reason.

I was like, oh, I can't swim. I just thought to say, right? I couldn't swim, never been able to swim. I just, I don't know why I said it. I thought it would be funny. And I also convinced him that I had a pet tiger. right and I just I just would love it I just I'd say I got you a hundred percent I got pet tiger I know it's like really you know iffy but I got the permission and whatever

else and they were like oh okay crazy and then we were in Mexico and I remember we like arrived there on this like hotel on the beach and I ran into the water and the woman and the she went no Jordan you get it's been months before that I had said it right and I was like What? And I was like, sorry. I said, sorry, I can swim. And I went, she went, what? And I was like, and I don't have a pet tiger. Right. And I also don't have a pet tiger. Oh my God. I love that. Jordan, remember you care. Oh, no, I can. What? But the tiger's real right. Right. Exactly. But the tiger's real right. He's still got a tiger, right? Isn't it fun lying to Americans, I have to say. Yeah, well, I mean, we like, we also like to children.

I mean, one of my favourite lies is my cousin, bless her. I've said that I miss me before, but I'm saying it again, she really truly believed there was the last unicorn reserve was in the Scottish Highlands until she was like 18 years old. I would have loved if that were true. That's a beautiful. She might still believe it. See, some things like that, it's like, why can't we just believe that?

It makes me feel good. Like Father Christmas? Like Father Christmas. It makes me feel good. Let's have a final question for this episode of Listen Bitch We've been talking about lies Hi, Nikita, hi Jordan I'm sorry if I sound like shit

But I've literally just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me Been with each other for nine months So he could have been doing it the whole time I have no idea I don't know who this man is He's just been lying and acting and pretending. I'm not sleeping because I keep thinking about every single fucking thing this person said.

I'm going over messages. This girl that he cheated with sent me all his texts to her. So I'm like putting messages side by side to see what he was sending me while he was fucking her. Anyway, my question is, why the fuck? if he's been lying, cheating, acting, pretending, manipulating and he was a little bastard when we were together and made me feel like shit during the relationship, why am I still in love?

Why do I have feelings for this person? Why do I still want to be with him? What are you meant to do with this, like, How do you get that gone? Why is that around? I should be like this guy's a wanker. I don't love him, but there's this residue. Tell me your thoughts, please.

Oh, babes. I'm so sorry. It's just the fucking shittiest behavior. Well, there's just so many layers to this, isn't it? One of them is this is a decision to live. This is like kind of, our producer was right, this kind of pertains back to the early question. It's a choice, isn't it?

And he's chosen to sort of live in a lie for so much of your relationship, which is really painful. And then it makes you feel like nothing's real that you had, which isn't true. Why do we still love people that hurt us like this? I think we're programmed to turn this into a rejection of ourselves. And the only thing that we think can heal it is the person that has rejected us to tell us that we are chosen again. But it's just Buddhism time.

I'm so sorry, but it's spirituality time. This is how I've healed from shit like this. It's like, this is the work. Because if you can heal yourself through things like this, I mean, it's the most freeing thing you could do to make this not about you would make you feel like the magician of your life and you actually are the magician of your life. And this has fucking nothing to do with you.

No notes. I know, I'm a bit preachy today. No notes. A bit churchy. No notes. Oh, stop. I know, I've been hurt so many times. I'm so good at talking about it.

But it's really, it really is the truth. It's like, no, no, genuinely. It's magic time. And every bullet backfires. Exactly. What we do to others we are doing to ourselves is unavoidable. How do you help? Do you know what it is?

I said it to my cousin at the beginning of the year and I was in real fucking pain. And I said, it would really help if you could just fucking take the person out of your head and put them over there. And Phoebe said, oh, that's what that films about. And I've never seen. in that film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Classic.

Michelle Gondry, what are we talking about? Michelle Gondry. So what is the idea that he can just remove her from his head, from his thoughts and memories? He forgets her, but then he sees her, no? Okay, so they both erase each other and then they keep being in falling in love. So is Gondry trying to tell us that even if you erase these people from your thoughts.

No, he's not. He's not. He's not. Don't. Wait. That we are just meant to have these experiences with these particular people. no matter what. We have to just, I think I'm painting it with a hopeless romantic brush. Like it's just, it's just a nice idea. Go on then. It's just a nice idea, the idea that we're bound to someone.

It's like, sure. I know that you've got your, yeah, but this isn't about possessiveness. This is about fate. Yeah, yeah. I don't mean fate to be together forever. I mean that even if you don't want to get mugged on that street on Wednesday and you manage to like, you know, do some weird Michelle Gondry shit and stop it.

Like, it's coming for you. Whatever's happening is happening. Red thread. I feel like the people we meet in our lives are a response to the vibration that we're putting into the universe, right? So if you don't shift the frequency, you will end up engaging with the same shit. Yeah, so babe, a bit of advice would be like, I know it's painful. But if you can work on separating yourself from this behaviour

and working on it having nothing to do, with you because it really like also it's quite interesting it has nothing to do with you but there is this idea that something has happened to you what i realize as i get older is the people that have hurt me and the people i've hurt i didn't just get hurt and then they like lived in an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind kind of existence like we all have this shared past now so unfortunately this man is now a man who you are the woman that he was with and he did this awful thing too he can't escape that being in his past and his life in history as well. So it might ease your pain that something has happened to both of you, even if it feels like something has just been done to you.

Like, he's actually in this as well. You nailed it the fact, you nailed it before. It's a ticket out of this shit. Yeah, it's time for freedom. You know, we need to heal. There's an opportunity to break through that shit. That's it. See the problem as an opportunity. That is a huge part of being a magician in your own life. Peace in every challenge. Peace in every challenge. Like we are we are nothing without challenges. We are nothing without our pain and how we get through it and what we learn from it. I know it sounds like oh yeah, okay, but it's so true and it's so healing. We've said it on Miss Me before but like the maddest thing about this specific thing is that when you betray someone in this way through like the like conventional romantic lens,

you're actually just torturing someone with that own imagination. Yes, correct. Like you're not actually you're not actually physically doing anything it's really bizarre unless there is you know she didn't mention anything about sexual health but like ultimately the most painful thing is thinking about it it's so weird totally it's so weird why there's no pain like it but also if this is any balm to anybody our imagination is always always infinitely worse than reality the reality is human and ridiculous and stupid and pathetic and like it's just not that Come on. Yeah.

It's just not, it's not, all the, all that the imagination is is, what am I most insecure about in the world ever that I make me feel like shit? Okay, that is exactly, the opposite is exactly what that person has gone and engaged with. Yeah, I remember I was so upset, but about this fucking chef and his sous chef. And I was like, God, they're probably having wild sex in the kitchen. And my friend said, they're probably talking about butter. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, they're probably talking about butter.

Literally, our imagination will be so much worse. It would just be like, oh my God. God, like, she's probably a sous chef who knows, like. You know what I mean? Like, tantric sex laws. Yeah, she does Pilates. Like, she does Pilates in the evening. They're just on the past, babe.

Yeah, literally, like. And that's what, you know, horror films. And it can feel like a horror film when you, when you have a revelation in your relationship like this, babe. I really do understand that, that pain. And horror films are a really good example of this, because we always close our eyes and go, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.

And imagine these awful things happening. And then usually you watch it and go, That wasn't actually as scary as what I had in here. So can I, can I say one of my favorite scenes ever in a horror film? This is just, we have to end it here because we've got to do the Patreon. Go Patreon, everyone's going to Patreon. It is a film. Oh my God, the film's just got, funny games, funny games.

Michael Haniki or Haniki. Oh my God, I can't. Even the advert scared me. Okay. Right, no, no, no, but this is what's so genius about it, right? The worst scene in the film, and listen to me, this isn't, that is what's genius about it. So these two guys, obviously the film's like horrendous because

it's just two guys turn up to a family house for no reason and just fuck them, right? But like there's one point where the guy goes into the living room where the family are with like a shotgun and something else. And the entire scene is the other guy making a ham sandwich. So you're just left imagining what the other guy is doing. It's so fucking wild. You're there going, oh, this is so much worse than if they were like, oh, and then he tied her up. Yes, the gratuitous shit is like, oh.

Okay, fine, like horrendous go, but like our own minds and not being sure. Oh my God. I'm not being sure. I knew I never wanted to watch that film. You should watch it. I knew it. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. Never. I would never sleep again. I bet it is brilliant, but I would never sleep again. No, it is, it's very sinister. It's very sinister. Like the first scene at the beginning where they just, the first scene is them just dropping eggs is honestly, like is one of the, it's so cold. Harrowing it, right? Anyway, all right, Patreon. Bye, everyone. you've got to pay. Also, sorry to that. I'm really sorry that this lies thing is, if it has been,

I hope that's been considered like a space to express rather than like a traumatising thing, because that is shit. Being betrayed is fucking shit. It's like the worst feeling over. But I just have to say like, Buddhism. Buddhism. It will all be okay and you must have faith and believe that. Believe it before you see it. And even believe it in the face of the worst thing you can imagine happening. That really is peace. Fax. Okay. Well, I think. we've said enough now but a one and putter two I don't know the fuck we think we are and we will see you

in Patreon so get your wallet out thanks for listening to Miss Me this is a Persefonica show