Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Rage Against The Washing Machine

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Lily Allen and Steve Jones answer your questions about rage.Next week, we want to hear your questions about WANKING. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. This week's episode of Listen Bitch contains very strong language and adult themes. So you have been warned. Only got yourself to blame at this point. Yes! Welcome to Listen Bitch! I'm joined by Steve Jones, not from the Sex Pistols, but from T4 and X Factor US and Formula One fame.

And this week's theme is rage. Rage. I'm bloody raging. We're absolutely bloody raging over here. Not too bad, not too bad. I got a rager going I have. Got an absolute rager going here. Let's have a bloody question, we yes bring it hi Lily and Mckater my name is Francesca I'm 33 from Manchester absolutely love the podcast

I love you both loads so with this theme of rage I'm a pretty chilled out person not a lot that gets my back up there's probably about three people that can send me from zero to a hundred miles an hour. So my question for you guys is, do you have anything like that that can literally take you from being super chilled to an absolute rage monster? All right, take care. Thanks so much. Good question. Yeah, pop up ads on websites when you just can't click them off. And it's like you're trying to read a fucking article about something and it's just like

in your face. And you just can't seem to get them to stop. That sends me into a rage storm. There's quite a few other examples, but I feel like they're gonna keep coming up over the course of this podcast episode. So I'll save the rest of them for later questions. What about you, Steve?

I'm pretty relaxed. I'm not a rageful person. I don't really shout and stomp and scream. I mentioned this to my wife the other day and she was like, oh no, no, that's not you at all. You quietly sieve. So, that's not you at all. You quietly see So frankly, that's my thing. I just quietly see I don't really give us much of a shit about anything Beyond my wife my friends my family and my ability to pay my bills. So when outside

forces Reach into my life and affect it in a negative way, that can get me. I mean, for instance, if I was to say the name Liz Truss, that would kind of annoy me because this makes me think about my mortgage, which is now 100% more. And then I start fantasizing about strapping Liz to a rocket and shooting her at Saturn's rings.

Is that rage, Francesca? Is that rage? Francesca, thank you so much for that question. Let's have another one, please, on rage. Hi, Lillian Makeda. I'm Keely from Derry, and I was just wondering what you think about, like, what is an appropriate level

of rage do you think that you should like try and dissolve your rage is it like bad communication to rage all the time and not be able to express the emotion in a different way or do you think that you should just rage and let it out I asked this because because I don't know how true this is but I've seen some headlines that suggest that women develop autoimmune diseases from like holding in their rage. This may not be true but the suppression of rage I imagine would have an impact on you so I just wonder what you think about that. Thanks.

I mean, I suppose, I think when I feel particularly rageful, you know, doing something physical is always a good idea. So I like to go to the gym and take out my rage on gym equipment on a pilates machine. I definitely think getting things out rather than keeping them in on the whole is a good thing. And I suppose it depends where your rage is going to land. Like, you know, for instance, I never feel as much rage as I do when my mother is

around. You know, it's really silly things like, you know. She's been coming to my house in New York for like two or three years. She looks after my kids when I go to London and she'll always ask me for the same thing. So she'll be like, how do I turn on the oven again? And I'm like, you fucking know how to turn on the oven, mum. Stop it.'s like childlike. Like, she needs the connection. It's not actually about the oven, but it's just like, if you wanna talk to me and you want my help with something, like, let's sit down and have a conversation,

but it'll be like, I need some help putting on Netflix. Can you help me put on Netflix? It's like, no, I can't. I know that if I wasn't here and it wasn't an option, then you would be able to fucking do it yourself. Like stop, just stop it now. I'm actually getting rageful. I can see.

But I do have to suppress it when I'm around her, A, because I don't want to set a bad example to my kids. But then I'll go to the gym instead and take it out there rather than let it land. I'm exactly the same. I think it's better to release it than let it peter out and the, yeah, I'll go to the gym. I've got a punch bag in my, in my garage. And that's kind of how I expel that energy.

I think Keely had a really good point. I mean, that's probably zero scientific proof of it, but keeping those feelings pent up inside you, it cannot be good for you. Just you've got to release it, but in a controlled way, not at someone. I would never shout at anybody. I think that's just bad. That's not a good way to get rid of your rage, taking it out on somebody. In fact, the other day, I was driving down the motorway and one of our dogs took a shit in the back of the car.

As you can imagine, it was gross and stinking in there. I shouted, for fuck's sake, Dexter. Then I could see Felicia next to me flinch and I was like, what? She was like, oh my God, I've never heard you shout like that before. This is recently 13 years into us knowing one another. So that kind of made me happy. It was like, Oh, that's great. So if you're going to shout to somebody, shout at your dog, just took a shit in the car. You've been keeping a lid on it. Well done. Um, should we have another, why don't you

ask the next question, Steve? Oh, okay. Let's just try this. All right. It's first time I've done this. So a bit of pressure. Um, could we please have the next question from one of our wonderful listeners, please? Hey, Miquita. Hey, Lily. My name is Jen, Irish Girl Living in Stockholm. Absolutely love the podcast. So rage.

When I was younger, I grew up in a big family, like 12 kids. So it's kind of hard trying to fit in and find your way when you're in a family of 12. So I think I used to be like super angry inside sometimes because I really didn't know who I was. Anyway, I think when I was about 18, I worked in a summer camp with a group of people and everyone was really nice.

But the guys that used to live there with us, they used to sneer like because I used to do a lot of athletics, quite a big build and they'd always be like sneering, laughing, go on hit me hit me show me how hard you can hit me. So we'd had a few drinks and one thing led to another. I ended up punching one of the guys in the face because he just wouldn't stop asking me to do it. And it made me feel so bad afterwards, but also a lot of satisfaction because he annoyed me so much.

But have you done anything when you were in rage that you regret afterwards, but kind of enjoyed as well? Regret, rage. Do you know what really fascinates me sometimes is when I'm listening to those messages it always sounds like the ones that make me laugh are the ones like hers that sound like they're sort of like commuting somewhere like she's sort of slightly out of breath. I just like the idea that she's

like just got off of the tube and she's like I must just quickly leave that voicemail for Lily and Makita before I get to my next meeting. She's walking through a service station somewhere on her way to the Loops. You can hear all these people in the background. It's like, I must message Lillian Makita, but no, keep them coming. I love it. Was there any particular event of rage that gave you any satisfaction? I remember once getting into an altercation with one of the members of the band Jet at a festival in Japan and he called... well there's a bit of context. So basically I'd been to this festival where they had played many years ago but I wasn't

there as in a capacity of an artist. I was there in another capacity. And then I turned up a few years later as, you know, Lily Allen, the singer. I was higher up the bill than them, I might add. And he was quite intoxicated and called me a groupie. Oh. And threw a cigarette at me, lit cigarette at me. What? And I chucked a glass bottle at him.

Holy shit. What an idiot. Who is the lead singer from Jet? I'm not gonna say which member of the band it was because then I might get into a libel situation. I will never hear that song, You're Gonna Be My Girl, that only hit and enjoy it ever again.

Fuck those guys. Thanks for your loyalty. Appreciate it. It's insane. Absolutely insane. But yeah, that was one example of rage that I quite enjoyed. Sometimes you gotta give it back. You have to.

Not encouraging anybody to enact acts of violence like that, by the way, just to press. Yes, always trying to use your words. But sometimes words aren't enough. I remember, this is years ago, when I was traveling around Australia in a backpackers called Glebe Village backpackers. And I was staying in one of the group rooms with my girlfriend at the time. And we were in the bottom bunk. It was all bunk beds there.

When the bottom bunk is all quiet. And all of a sudden these three people came into the room. I think it was two guys and a girl. And they into the bunk above us and they were so loud and so obnoxious. They were doing all kinds of shit up there. But there was like three of them essentially and my girlfriend was like nudging me going, are you going to say something? And I was like, yeah, I don't know who these people are. I don't know what they look like. I mean, these guys could be monsters. Anyway, I snapped. I got out of the bed, picked up my cushion and I just smacked all three of them with a cushion and I was like, no, shut the fuck up. Wow.

And I got back into bed and it was absolute silence. They didn't say another thing for the rest of the night. They obviously thought I was mental, which maybe I was, but that was a rageful moment that I was so proud of and I felt like such a man in the eyes of my girlfriend who was like, ooh, that was very manly. Oh, how masculine of you. Yeah, I like that. That's good. Felt good.

Proud rage. Okay, let's have another question, please. Hello, Lily and Nikita. My question is very simple. What small, probably insignificant, domestic things send you into rage? Mine is people not wiping down the counter in the kitchen after making a sandwich or just preparing any food. I think because it's been done so many times and I've asked so many times to my members and my family to stop it and they don't. Feeling you, feeling you. There's two.

So one would be when people leave a shit mark in the toilet when there's the fucking brush right next to it. It's like, we can all see what's happened here. It happens to all of us. It's quite simple. You take the brush, give it a little scrub, it gets rid of it. But no, no one in my household

seems to be able to grasp that. So that would be my number one. Actually, I've got three. Number two would be leaving the bath in, wealth water in. Why can't anyone just pull the fucking plug out? Morons. Who does that?

What century are we referencing here? Who leaves the- Both my children and my husband. That's peculiar. Yes. Number three would be in my kitchen, the dishwasher is under the sink, right? Okay. Yeah. Okay. So when we finish dinner, which will invariably always be prepared by me, because my children are 11 and 12 and my husband is a useless cook, I'll say, you know, you guys clear up and they will all just put their plates in the sink. That's triggering me. That's triggering me. It's like, no. And I don't understand why you wouldn't just open the dishwasher and put it in there because

then I have to come down and do the whole job. It's like, it feels like a second, yeah, anyway, I digress. No, that's on point right there. I have a similar experience from my family come to stay. I haven't built up the courage to say this to my family because it's so sensitive. So maybe if and when they hear this on this podcast, I won't have to, but okay.

It's a toilet-based thing, Lilly, similar to what you mentioned, but in my house downstairs, under the stairs, there's a small little toilet, a little toilet where you can just pop into, have a tinkle, off you go. Upstairs, you know, we've got a semi-big house, we've got a few bathrooms, they're all en suite and I put all my family in these rooms with the en suite bathrooms, yet every time they come to stay, they always do a number two in that loo downstairs in the center of the house, destroying the toilet for the entire weekend. One family member after the next, like I convey about, go in there, drop in a deuce, and then walking out like there's no shame to be had. It's

doing my head in. Use the bathrooms upstairs. The whole house smells like, I don't know, there's been a team of construction workers using it after, I don't know, a night out on the RAS. It's so bad, but I can't, how do you say to your family, can you stop doing that? I just, I can't do it. Just tell them to stop shitting in the loo downstairs or you could just put a notice on the door. So there's no shitting in here. No shitting in here. Yeah. That's going to great for the, uh, the ambience of the house. No shitting in the toilet, please. They will probably say to me, well, why not? It's a

toilet. I would go upstairs, enough. Yeah, feel your pain. Yeah, well, smell my pain, it's even worse. Woo, I think it's time for a break. I am talked out, need a few minutes to recompose. Wow, that was a great break. I feel less rageful. So let's get me back into the raged zone again. Now, can I want to just clarify something because I don't know if you heard, but Makita Oliver touched on with you came up, you came up on the show before. Yeah.

And she said that you were the recipient of the telephone numbers of several female A-list celebrities back in the day. Is that true? Oh my, the T4 days. Yeah. Well, firstly, is it true and B, what did you do with those numbers and can you give us some names? Look, I didn't talk about any of that stuff back then and I wouldn't talk about it now,

but what I will say is, you know, loose lips sink ships. If you're going to befriendfriend say what a huge actress and you have an evening and then you run to the mirror all the sudden and go guess what happened to me? It ain't ever gonna happen again. You know people don't want to be around somebody they can't trust they think they're gonna just talk about what happened so I'd never I'd never talk about that stuff. Plus you know my my wife's just downstairs I wouldn't you can't talk about that stuff. Plus, you know, my wife's just downstairs. I wouldn't, you can't talk about this stuff when she's in close proximity to me because, you know,

it's disrespectful to her because she's the best. She's the number one ever. Wow. I don't subscribe to that. I've literally talked about every single one of my celebrity encounters and then I ended up marrying David Harbour. So, woo hoo! encounters and then I ended up marrying David Harbour. So woohoo! You know, different strokes are different folks. It's different for everybody. If it ain't broke! I did also read in Heat magazine many years ago, Steve, that you prefer the very reliable source of Heat magazine that you preferred fake breasts over normal breasts. Is that true? No, no. I'll take any kind of breasts that's in proximity to my face, to me. I'm not in

any way like gonna say I don't like fake breasts. I mean, you know, each breast is magical no matter what's inside it. What a what a thing. How would they possibly? God, they were such dickheads back in the day. All the crap they used to say. It was just nonsense. I literally sat down for a Heat magazine interview. They really were. But I also kind of missed them. Well, yeah, but to be interviewed with them, it was just outrageous. I sat down for this interview once and it was a female journalist and her opening gambit was, so, how big's your dick?

What? Excuse me? Next question, please. It was just silly, outrageous stuff. And I always felt a bit, I didn't deserve that because I wasn't like that when I'm interviewing people. So why are you treating me like that? This is crazy.

Yeah, fuckers. Why don't you ask for a question, please? Steve Jones. Could we have one more question from a lovely listener? Also, can I just add quickly, can we dub in later when they go, love the show, Lily and Steve Jones? We'll try our best. Hi, Lily. Steve Jones. This is Lisa here from Australia. Just wondering if you have felt that certain periods of time where you have been filled

with rage and expressed that and you've been told to calm down and whether that makes you more angry or not. I know that I have, I am definitely from the same generation as both of you and I feel like often as women in particular we are told to relax or don't get angry. And it often fills me with more rage. Love you both. Love the podcast. And thank you for being so relatable. Bye. As a woman, Steve, how do you feel? Do you feel that people are constantly trying to repress your rage? As a woman, if I was a woman and any man said to me something along the lines of like, God, have a smile. Fuck that guy. He's an idiot. Only a moron would say something like that to a

woman. I've smiled darling. You know, I'll come on out. And I'm not bad, surely. Shut up. Get away, you idiot. If anything, it's great that lines like that exist in the world because it's like this barometer of, oh, you're an idiot. It's a really convenient way of going, oh, get the fuck away from me. I never want to see you ever again. I'm in total agreement with you. I mean, yeah, people are always telling me to not display my emotions in public ways. Or I remember, like, you know, a few months ago, I had a conversation about how difficult I found parenthood. And I think the quote was that my children ruined my career and lots of people had a lot of things to say about that, that felt particularly misogynistic.

But yeah, I don't know. I just try to try to ignore that those kind of comments. It's it's, you know, that's kind of your MO though, isn't it? It's your forthright. And, you know, dare I say it works for you? I mean, you're doing pretty well. It's, do you know what I mean? It's people saying, oh, you shouldn't say, and you're like, well, why shouldn't I?

Look where I am, my life's pretty fucking sweet. Pretty good. Why wouldn't I be the way I am? I don't know. Okay, shall we have the penultimate question then, please? Hello, Lily and Makita. My name is Sam. I live in South Wales, but I've lived all over. I am 48 years old.

I have a 12-year-old and a 14-year-old, both boys. Rage is something very close to my heart. It's kind of perimenopausal related slash trying to parent while working full-time in late stage capitalism. But the thing that enrages me the most in public space right now is children or literally anyone, because anyone seems to be able to do this,

is listening to their phone without headphones or playing something at full volume, thinking that they don't have to have a headset. I don't know when this began, I find it disgusting and outrageous. And when we were on holiday, it was literally everywhere, kids everywhere around the pool, listening at full volume to these things. Makes me so angry. So my question is in public spaces, what creates rage in you? Ooh. Um, yeah, I mean, I say the music thing is pretty obnoxious, but I

was guilty of that myself. We've spoken a little bit on the podcast before I used to, um, when I was having an absolute meltdown, I used to like career around London on one of those like hover boards holding like a portable speaker blaring out like rhyme hits. Like I don't know what the fuck was going on in my brain. But yeah, that was me. Cool wheelie Lily Allen rolling around London. The public transport and the listening to VR phones with no headphones is particularly obnoxious, I think.

I don't think I can beat that. It is obnoxious. Can I, and I'm not justifying that kind of behavior, but I think some people, maybe young people, don't even realize how obnoxious that is. And it's okay. At least least I always I'll just say excuse me do you mind turning that down sorry do you mind I will always just say it you know if I'm in a cinema and somebody is shouting and or talking I will turn and I will confront you

interesting I feel like that might be an example of male privilege though because I don't think as a woman I would feel comfortable without anyone turn their music down. I feel like I might get told shut up, you old hag or something. You're right. You know, I'm six, four, I'm a pretty big guy. I understand that I can just say that and not fear any repercussions. So it's not for everybody. But my point is, I think those young kids don't realize how bloody obnoxious they're being. And if just somebody says, can you turn that down? They're like, oh, oh yeah, sorry. You know, I just can't believe they're that like obnoxious, just to go fuck everybody in this carriage I'm listening to. I don't think they know. I just think that that generation have real issues

with what's acceptable in a social space. Yeah. We'll have our last question, please. Let's fucking have it. Hey, Makeda and Lily, it's David. I was just wondering if you'd ever slashed a guy's tires or you had ever broken his wind mirror and if they actually deserved it

or you were just in the rage. You're both legends and keep riding. I have not done that. I've got something. It's a little more Machiavellian, not quite as brutal as just smashing windows and slashing tires. My older brother, Jonathan, when we were kids,

we had a difficult relationship. We used to fight quite a lot and he's older than me, so he used to beat the shit out of me. And I was just so angry that I couldn't hurt him in a way. So what I did, I got a little bit of dog shit and I smeared it on the underside of his handlebars on his bike. Just enough so he was like,

what do my hands smell like dog shit? So, yeah, it also works with a car door handle. If somebody's been a real prick, you can do that. So yeah, take that advice from your uncle Steve. Run with it. Love that advice. Thank you. Didn't you have to touch the shit yourself in order to put it, put it where it was though? Lily, worth it. Totally worth it. Lily, worth it. Totally worth it. I love that. You've been an absolute pleasure to share this space with this week, Steve. Thank you so much for joining me.

Pleasure's been all mine. But I do have to bestow the honour upon you of choosing the subject for next week's Listen Bitch. Do you have anything that you think me and Makita should talk about or be asked questions about? The subject for next week's Listen Bitch is... Wanking. Brilliant! How much is too much?

Wanking. That's great, because I love wanking. Everyone loves wanking, especially Makeda Moelove. She really likes to wank a lot. So she will have a lot to say on this subject. She loves, she's a massive wanker. Yeah, she really wanks all day sometimes. The number, of course, has not changed.

It is 08304090. That is 080304090. Thank you so much Steve Jones and goodbye everybody and we will see you next week with our usual host Makita Oliver and me. I'll be here too. Bye bye. Bye bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneka production for BBC Sounds. Who done it? Crime conundrums. Murderous mayhem. Why are you doing that voice? I'm just getting in the mood for our new podcast.

Murder They Wrote. Hey, I'm Laura Whitmore. And I'm Ian Sterling. Now anyone who knows us knows we are obsessed with true crime. We're here with a new podcast exploring the dastardly deeds of history's most atrocious criminals. There'll be mystery, madness and moments of... Oh my god. Murder They Wrote with Laura Whitmore and Ian Sterling. Listen on BBC Sounds.