Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! The Love Wave

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Miquita Oliver and Jordan Stephens answer your questions about bullying.This episode contains very strong language, adult themes, and language that may offend.Next week, we want to hear your questions about LOVE. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail]. Credits: Producer: Natalie Jamieson Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Rose Wilcox Executive Producer: Dino Sofos Commissioning Producer for BBC: Jake Williams Commissioners: Dylan Haskins & Lorraine Okuefuna Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

The following episode contains strong language, discussion on racial discrimination, and also discussion of eating disorders. To listen, bitch. I had to go get a hot chocolate because I have mastered my hot chocolate game now. Nice. A bit of standard chocolate powder, good full fat milk, a bit of cacao and collagen. Full fat milk, yeah. And a bit of raw honey.

I have totally mastered my hot chocolate game. and drinking about three a day at the moment. I am hot chocolate. Okay. The theme for this week's listen bitch is bullying. You have said several times it was my idea. I do believe I was encouraged to lean into this is a topic for, I can't even remember the reason for it,

but it wasn't just out of nowhere. No, I can't remember either. Definitely it's a fair topic. I just don't want to bang on about how bullied I was in school, but I was quite badly bullied. Well, let's listen to a voice. note then and then we can both engage sporadically about our horrific experiences in childhood. Let's do that then.

Hi, both. I love the podcast. I'm really interested in this week's topic. I have been pretty quite a lot in my life, especially in workplaces. I just wondered how you navigate that when, you know, the power dynamics are often with your manager, you know, and you maybe not always see night to eye and sometimes feeling like there's a witch hunt that. that's gone on and you feel like you don't have the back in of anyone else. Or if you've ever been in that situation and how you've managed to resolve it, look forward to hearing from you. Thank you. Bye. Workplace bullying.

Power, man. That's what it's all about. Yeah. The phrase hurt people, hurt people or whatever. It's like, it's that whole bigger fish thing, isn't it? It's like if one person's unable to consciously process the pain of experience, then it comes out in unconscious ways, which often damages other people. Yeah, but if hurt people, hurt people, then everyone can hurt people because everyone's been hurt.

True. Not all hurt people, hurt people. Have you ever bullied anyone yourself? I've been accused of bullying, yeah. Right, that's horrible. Yeah, it was actually really fucking traumatic because it was in my primary school in London and I was severely bullied by these three boys.

Yeah. It wasn't just them. I was just, you know, only child. I was very curious. I asked a lot of questions. Some people didn't like that. And also I stood up for myself, but he's definitely don't like that.

So it was tough. What I remember burning my mind in school, right? This was with boys was I remember vividly when someone first lied. I didn't know, I guess my mum brought me up in a way in which I didn't realize that you could lie. That's amazing. When one boy lied about me to get out of trouble, I was so baffled. I couldn't even, like, defend myself. I was, I was like questioning my existence.

And then also later, it was when I was accused of bullying, it was with this kid. who, you know, I totally, listen, I can totally open myself up to the idea that perhaps, you know, he found my behaviour. I think what I can't remember is I can't remember consciously being like, let me make that kid feel like shit. I think there was an idea that I'd been kicking him under the table or something. I can't remember what it was,

but I just remember being confused about how it had got pinned on me and this was, this was like literally the year that my bullies left. Right, interesting. And then when they left that year, they got turned on me and said that I was a bully to this kid. That's a real head fuck, because this is primarily. primary school as well. So you're like nine. Yeah, I was young. I was young.

Yeah. Boys are that, it was fucking nuts, man. Everyone was just like jumping on each other all the time. It was crazy. Sorry, we went straight to school. Actually, we are talking. The lady's question was about the workplace. Have you been bullied? In the workplace, yes, by another female who I had to be on screen with. And I found it really, really, really difficult.

And as you said, just like a nine-year-old, it's confusing because there was a lot of gaslighting within the bullying. So I kept thinking that I was making it up. That kind of secrecy, you know, we're waiting for you by the lions, which is like a part of Holland Park school where you'd get the shit kicked out of me.

That's a different kind of fuck. People are waiting for me. People are coming for me. But like head fuck bullying, like mind games. I've experienced that a lot at work. And unfortunately with women mainly. That is terrifying.

Sorry, not a lot, but I have experienced it a few times and it's been with women. And with this particular, and I just, I actually found it really traumatising and I don't really think I've got over it. It really upset me because it was in a place where I thought I was safe and at home.

Yeah. God, that's really rubbish. Power thing again, isn't it? It's just like trying to out for people out. It's like asserting dominance for such a terrible aspect of our society, in it. The lesson to be luck, because I'm trying to be in a place at the moment where everything's a gift.

Yeah, true. You're not being punished ever by life and you'll never give them more than you can handle, I will never treat anyone like that. That was the gift, because I know so acutely the behaviour and if I see it in myself, which I probably do sometimes,

I will stop myself immediately because I have experienced it on the other side. So that is the gift of someone treating you badly. Usually you make sure you don't fucking turn that around to do it to someone else. Yeah, I hear that. I mean, I will say I've not been bullied in the workplace. I've barely even had a workplace.

I've had a weird... Working life. Yeah, working life. And yeah, I think I've always found myself in spaces where, like, if I feel disrespected, I'll say something. I've definitely experienced, like, unsavory moments in the workplace. You know, whether that be some kind of, like, racism or, yeah, like you say, like, passive aggression, a lot of that kind of stuff.

I know that there's been times where, like, I can be quite cutting. But, you know, the intention isn't to make... Well, the conscious intent isn't to... bully but I could definitely have the ability to make somebody feel to be blunt is not to bully no I know but it is a power you know there is it comes across it reads as a power thing you know and I'm I'm definitely willing to apologise for those things we have another question of this hi me Keita and Jordan this is Ida I am originally from Denmark we're currently living in Hackneywick and on the topic of bullying I was wondering if you have experienced when you were younger

that someone made a comment which might have been seemingly innocent, but that upset you or hurt you and that you've continued for the rest of your life, or at least for many years, to sort of have issues with or insecurities around. For me, when I was quite young, I was a little emo kid, and I was quite fearless, and I didn't really care what anybody said about the way I dressed. But then one day, a girl said something along the lines of, with legs as big as yours, you shouldn't be wearing skinny jeans. They're very unflattering on you. And it was kind of like the first time I was made aware of the fact

that my body was perceived or being perceived. Well, it spiraled into many, many years of struggling with an eating disorder, which I am currently still struggling with. Yeah, that's all. Thank you. Bye. Mate, fuck that. God, that stuff does stay with you forever and ever, doesn't it?

I can feel that in her voice. I'm really sorry to hear about the eating disorder. I really do hope that you're getting the help you need. Yeah. I genuinely feel like a lot of my life has been in response to like a cauldron of insults. One of the things I remember about my teenage years was that I remember feeling like from being bullied as a boy in London and then moving to Brighton, I suddenly was very aware of the fact that like, I don't know how to explain it.

I feel like I dealt with so much embarrassment and rejection that whenever that happened, I just added it to the list of reasons why I'm going to make something of myself or whatever, you know? Oh, Jay. You know, seriously, because I said, I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but when I started making music,

when I started like trying things out, like wearing certain things, whatever, like, I used to get rinsed. When I first started making music, I remember making these banners on Myspace because that's how I used to earn money. I used to make people Myspaces. That's how I made down with the trumpets.

I swapped making a Myspace for, studio time. But I made this banner and one of the boys in an area, another rapper, he remade my banner and said, if you think Rizzles a dickhead, text this number. And then he put my number. So I just get random text saying dickhead for a week. But I don't remember being rattled by it. Is that because you were comfortable in the fact that you wanted to keep your individualism alive? Because when I moved back from Spain to live with Nana and the Cherries and everyone for like two years, that was like the beginning of secondary schools and Phoebe and everyone started Holland Park

so I came to Holland Park like year eight I'd done year seven in Spain and I was like we're into grunge I like Nirvana so I'm going to wear army trousers purple Droughts and my hair was purple and I had dreads and I thought I was going to be wildly popular I thought people were going to all on the floor about this individual grunge bitch

and it was based in a lot of not racism but these ideas, because I was bullied by black girls a lot and boys. And that was because there was this idea of like, you are turning away from your blackness by dressing like a white person. It did not matter that I just liked Nirvana and grunge. They were like, you're a bad black person. And that really used to confuse me and upset me. But I know it was the beginnings of me because I stuck to it.

I could have just got a bomber jacket, got some leggings and done my edges and been like, all right, fuck it, I'm a rude girl. But I was like, no, no, no, this is actually important to me, how much I love Pearl Jam. It's actually very important to me. And three years later, I'm on Pop World. And I know that it was like the path to being an individual and keeping my opinion and knowing who I was and what I thought about things.

Because I know a few years later, that was my job. Exactly. And that is actually is it, I think, you know, it sets you up for braving the face of, like, what the adult world is. I will say that, just to be more specific as an answer, So I did get teased about my ear sticking out. I love your sticky out ears. I asked my mum if I could pin them back when I was a kid.

But actually my mum gently discouraged me. She tried to make it my own decision. But she did gently discourage me, which I'm very glad that she did. But people used to call me like a trophy. Also, the other thing that was mad, I've not even spoken about this, but I'm planning on to write about it soon.

But I hit puberty late. I remember some of my early sexual experiences with girls, they just went and told the whole school. I used to get a lot of boys. Being like, I heard you did this, I heard you couldn't do this, I heard you're... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Fucking horrible. Yeah. Actually, that kind of thing is it's not like explicit bullying because it's not like I'm being like necessarily targeted all the time but it's definitely contributed to my,

to how I perceive myself. On what you're talking about, Jay, Nat's just sent us, someone who sent a voice note but they want to be anonymous in case anyone that bullies them listens to our podcast. Though I doubt they've got that.

good taste. But my question is, what do you think the long-term impacts of bullying are and how can we combat them? I was very badly bullied to the point last time I was home for Christmas. Someone told me their girlfriend went to a party with my school bullies and they were still sat chatting shit about me. I really feel my self-esteem has been badly damaged and I often have found myself thinking it's my own fault or responsibility that I was so badly bullied. I really struggled to this day how to work through that and find peace. I love your podcast. It brings a real smile to my face. You're both gorgeous people. Thank you. That's so nice. nice of you.

Well, that, that's, if you can find in a piece, no matter what anyone says or does about you, then you are living truly in a higher frequency. But that's the Buddha, that's Bruce Lee, that's Bewater, that's master your own peace, steer your own ship. That's what all that works about. It's not just about like, be nice to find my own piece. It's so that we can kind of be strong enough to take on anything from someone else and know that it is not ours to hold and to give it straight back to them.

just like Erica Badoo said, bag lady, you're going to hurt your back holding all those bags like that or something, I think that's the lyric. And they're not even your bags to hold. So if you can return those rucksacks to said bullies and take them off your own back, you will feel freer.

And that's where your piece will lie because they are not your bags to hold. Yeah, man. Me and Erica, that's advice from Erica and I. That's where it is, It's a power thing. But I don't think it is a power thing. No, no, no.

That's what I mean. Why I mean is it doesn't come from a powerful place. It actually comes from quite a weak place. Yes. Pain is from pain. I really do believe that. It's simply a reflection of that person's spirit. You know, if I think of when I've said things to people that I regret,

I haven't done it because I feel great. Like you said, it's literally a moment of weakness. And obviously, in my case, I do try and apologize. But as we're having this conversation, I'm actually re-experiencing memories from both sides. I've certainly been a victim of bullying, but also if I think about times I've joined in, this is another thing that happens a lot

where there's this kind of group mentality, group thing, chaos thing, where I remember going on a school French trip and we were just constantly pranking each other. But now I'm remembering it. These pranks would include like spraying people of cream or they're sleeping or like stealing their clothes in the shower, like all of these things would happen.

And like I've definitely been part of a group or done it myself to a person. And I can't remember it being from a place of, you know, like, I really want this person to feel shit for the rest of their lives, especially when you're a teenager. A lot of it is just like, this will be fun or like, this is silly. This will be a laugh. Yeah, exactly, because we're just figuring out morality and consequence.

And unfortunately, some of that can really fucking harm people, which is like really savage. I was just thinking in my 20s when I was, see, I don't, but these were my friends. I did talk about this on Mystery, I think episode two. It was racism. I hung out with a certain group of people. There were no other black people in this group of people,

apart from myself and Tall Phoebe. And Tall Phoebe at the time had long wavy blonde hair. So it was just like, and they didn't do it to Tall Phoebe because I suppose she was tall, a model and beautiful and perceived as that. And I was like famous and on telly and successful. But this shit came my way a lot from this group of people, which was just like,

I would say things and they would say that's because you're like this. And then everyone would laugh and I would join them. Ha ha, yeah. It's because I'm dirty and black. And I would just join them. And that was bullying and it went on for years. But it wasn't bullying. It was just the way things were.

That's kind of more upsetting. I wasn't like, oh, I'm in a moment of being bullied. I was like, I'm used to this. This is how things are. And I do remember being called a coon in Barry St. Edmunds by a group of boys when I was young visiting my grandma and I'd never had anything racially aggressive said to me ever because I grew up in Labroth Grove with lots of different cultures and creeds. And I was like, whoa, that was violent. And I couldn't unhear that word. I still really don't like that word. It scares the

shit out of me. It feels like it cuts me. Well, now it's even more trippy because now that's been mostly adopted by black people to talk about white black people. Wow. Yeah. But it's, yeah, that's really shit, man. Racism is never going to feel great. But again, And in that context, like, how sad is that? That they think that that exchange was another, like living, breathing human is appropriate. Like, that makes me feel sad, obviously for you, but then also for them. Because like, what a fucking horrendous way to look at the world. Yeah, this is a young group of boys who, I assume, had not met other black people

and hadn't been out of Suffolk or out of various evidence. And I scared them. That's what terrible things happen when people operate from. Fear. Maybe that's a better way of putting it rather than, you know, the pain, the hurt, it comes from this. We could probably go as far as to say, this teasing and bullying and calling out would almost always come as a result of somebody fearing the person that they are pinning that on.

There's something about that person's existence choices that is so challenging that the immature human brain's only way of coping with that is to try and belittle it. kind of maybe a better way to frame it. That also is the enslavement of African people. Do you know what I mean? You have to be very careful with these feelings because I don't mean like it's racism on both parts. I mean, shit, these Africans are kings and they are powerful.

Let us tell them that they are not. Let us belittle them. Take away their language. Take away their culture. Take away their loved ones. Fear. Yeah, there's something about like the way somebody, you know, a lot of the time when people like brave enough to step out of the crowd,

dyed a hair a certain color, wear certain clothes. Again, this is something I would have joined in on too at some points. I did it myself. I had red hair and I was grungy and then I was Italian and then I was all this stuff. But, you know, I've definitely pointed and been like, because, you know, we're trying to fit into these tribes and it's fucking messy. You know, if someone's brave enough to stand out, you make yourself a target, you know, and you just have to know in yourself that like you're actually more courageous

than the people who are too afraid to step out of the kind of blend that they're in. Exactly. And we give that to you anonymous. Cooler. I hope that helped. Do you want to go to a quick break? And breathe. Okay, we're back from the break. Let's have another question for this week's Listen, Bitch. Jordan and Keats, this is Ryan from Yorkshire. Absolutely love the podcast and really grateful for the work that you're all doing around kind of good conversations around mental health and like emotional kind of exploration.

I guess my question about bullying is, I mean, I've had a lot of experiences with bullying in my life and I like to think that they've made me stronger. We used to call it character building. But my kind of view would be, I think especially kind of like, you know, with abusive parental relationships or bullying like an early childhood, I think you either go one way or the other like completely the same and then perpetrate that kind of same violence and negativity or in the complete opposite direction kind of with ideals of like, you know, hope and love and forgiveness and patience. I guess I wondered what your guy's views were on that. Love the podcast. Thanks very much. Bye.

That's so Yorkshire, isn't it? It's character building. It's like, no, it's actually really hard. Tough luck. I don't know how I can get my flare story into this, but my first real deep bullying experience was with a girl who was white and blonde, and she kind of ruled my primary school in Notting Hill. but only because I let her. And it was my first experience my mom would say of me giving all of my power away.

Here you go. Here you go. This is for you. And she was abusive towards me. She used to ask me to lick mud off sticks and I would do it. And it was my first kind of relationship of a form of abuse and also believing that someone was powerful because I told myself in my head they were

and then giving all of my power to them, which is something I'm still dealing with today. But I remember. learning it then, thinking the way I let this girl treat me. Because Phoebe was like, I'm not fucking looking that stick. Aetus. And then Phoebe went and made a whole new crew. And I stayed in this place thinking I need to be the king with her and be treated badly. And Phoebe went and made a whole crew of boys that are still our friends today.

So, yes, it defined me, but in good ways, not just bad ways. Yeah, which I think is the case for, again, it's tough when the conversations become, you know, like life altering, like, you know what I mean, like emotional or dare I say physical scars, I mean, it's hard. But I think in terms of the middle, I think getting teased, it became like a motor for my desire to like prove people wrong. And actually, hilariously,

the last four or five years, my main issue has been rewiring that so I'm doing something because I want to. And I realized that going sober and stepping away from certain worlds I'd been in where I was like, oh, wow, like the second somebody tells me that I can't do something or they like undermine me or whatever else.

And I'm bang, and then I start being able to work. And I can't be placing my motivation in the stimulus being external. Well, it can't also be negative fire. Like, I'll show you. It's funny because with rap music, for example, like rap is historically like a braggadocious art form. And I've been raised with, like, has humility being like a core value. But for me personally, it was actually too far.

I had to work in therapy with like almost a toxic form of humility where I just like refused to acknowledge that I'd, done anything of worth or that I am good at this or I can say that I am good at that, right, which I can definitely do now. But it's funny because Harley was telling me, I did for a lot of the Rizzle kicks years, you know, like, I knew I was good with words, but I wasn't always recognized as this amazing rapper because just for various coding reasons, you know what I mean, just because like what I was rapping about. Like sometimes my voice, my intonation, like, the fact that I enunciated something, all this kind of shit was like it's weird thing about,

but now it's funny because I know that I love writing. and I've proved it in other art forms. And so really, actually the piece I found is like, I will never go around telling people I'm the best rapper. A lot of rappers think they're the best rapper. I don't even think I'm the best rapper. I don't actually care. I actually don't.

No, I don't think you do. You see someone step on and they're like, yo, I'm the best rap. It's like enticing. Sometimes I've almost envied like, wow, that person really believes in themselves. But I just have come to peace with the fact that like that is just isn't how I frame things. I will give you a rap.

You decide if you like it. past that point don't give a fuck let me write something else next question please I'm Akita and Jordan this is Sean

from the north of Ireland bullying I have had a history with bullying but both of the kind of primary culprits who were awful to me throughout kind of

my preteen and teen years you know didn't want to go to school just you know they spat on me they beat me up etc they both in adulthood

came to me in a And I suppose on the face of it accepted their apology. But deep down, I don't really accept their apology. In both cases, their lives had not really turned out great. Not saying that my life is amazing or anything, but it's a wee bit better than theirs. And I have to admit, I took a wee bit of pleasure in that. And do I forgive them? No, not really.

Just wondering, have you had a similar experience where someone who had bullied you apologized and how did you take that apology? Did you accept it or were you kind of like, fuck yourself? Well, with men, there's been quite a lot of that. I told you I had a lot of ex-boyfriends get in touch over the last like two years. And there was a lot of apology. But I was in that wonderful place where forgiveness but also disinterest,

which is just like, we've really come into a new place where someone can apologize to you. And you're like, that's lovely. Thank you. I accept it. But like, I don't really. give a fuck anymore. Real freedom is when you're not waiting for an apology and that's usually when you get it.

If you're sitting around waiting for it, it'll probably be waiting quite a while. You have to let it go. But I do want to say one other thing. I'd like to quote Alice Walker. This is what Whoopi Goldberg says to Mr. In the Color Purple after she's been in an abusive marriage with him for like 15 years and she's escaping.

She says, everything you've done, try to do to me, already done to you. And that's not just karma. It's like the way you live, will be the way you live and it will be your world. So all this abuse, all this, everything, all are you trying to stop me from having my life

and being kept in this horrible, abusive place with you? That is your life now and that is your existence because that is what you've given out. So I'm sure those bullies' lives didn't turn out that well and it goes back to that golden rule. You know, what you put out is the world you will live in. Listen, my hot take is that there are benefits to being bullied at times.

I really have to put a warning here because I understand people have been through some serious shit so this is like not the extremities and I really understand that bullying can be like life-watering. But largely speaking, if you are on the receiving end for a reason, you know, like individualism or just not fitting in whatever else, like from what I've seen in my school experience

and from people around me, the top guys and gals at school, you see the fact that they've basically gone through five, six years of, dare I say maturation or forming the sense of self with no friction because they are the top of this thing. So they are used to this sense of like authority or adulation or they might get the girls or get the boys or, you know, yeah, they can turn on somebody and suddenly that person is a pariah or whatever else. But then you then get pushed out into the real world where your social dominance doesn't mean anything at college or university and it doesn't mean anything when you're

out in the workplace. I think it's actually harder for the real world. those people to make that transition. And there's a lot of examples as well of like people who like, what's that tweet? Like, did you have a happy childhood or are you funny? You know what I mean? And it's like, obviously that's like, it's like, you know, really oversimplification. But where I find that interesting is, you know, yes, comedy as a desire to like try and fit in or like put these potential bullies at ease. All of these things come from friction, from tension. And it becomes your personality. it becomes something that can be enthralling as an adult. You know, people are interesting, curious, funny people

have often been on the receiving end of this shit and the people who are like lost and confused and end up apologising to people 15, 20 years later. You know, I think it's because they weren't able to formulate, we grow in the face of pain. Definitely we grow in the face of pain. Because when I, obviously, I'm telling you my early primary school years were very much into time with this girl.

But last two years, I suddenly became the most popular girl in school. The last year, I was just like, I am king. This is fucking great. Then I went to Spain and then I came back to Holland Park and I was right at the bottom. And thank God for that. Thank God for that because I tasted a little bit of both.

And it was important for me to have that fight. Actually, bullying got me Popwell because I was being bullied so badly. I was kept out of school by my mum. And that meant I sat around and I watched MTV and I started studying how these people were like presenting these music shows. I didn't know I was studying, but I was. And then I got my audition like a year later. Yeah. And to answer the question to, it was case by case on forgiveness. I extend my empathy basically to people who have caused me pain because it helps me. It's not

to do with them. It's not like an attempt to be seen as whatever. It actually helps my experience. The one boy I can think about who used to say racist shit to me, like, I remember we ended up playing in the same team, like later on like a county level. All do you have to do is meet this person's parent or like, you know what I mean? You just, you add. context, you suddenly see their tail between their legs. And also with stuff like the bullies, one guy who teased me, he asked for tickets to come see us. That's what I need to know.

Of course he did. There's not been like a, I need to say this or da-da-da-da. But either way, it's like, yeah, can't, whatever. That's what I mean. You're not there going, yes. Okay, so I'm in Rizzle Kixen. He and Michael blah, blah, blah wants ticket. It's just like you are free, but you do notice what the universe did or what turned out,

what happened. And also like, this is the other thing, man. I don't think personally that bullies ever win. Firstly, because they have to hold how they've treated people with them and that's really tough. And then secondly, there are loads of bullies who are successful in a capitalist sense, like in the world of capitalism, but it's like, does any single part of my soul want to be anywhere near that experience?

Not at all. It seems absolutely vacuous and actually harrowing. Like, it's actually harrowing to me to even be near a person who's so detached from their communal sense of unity and internal balance that they seek joy from believing that life is just a game. Life's just a thing where people are fucking each other over and scamming. That for me is heartbreaking. I don't ever want to be in that world. Well, I actually just wanted to bring something in which is bullying online. And I've obviously talked to very honestly and openly on this show about everything in my life, Jesus. And I've never had the kind of bullying.

that I had after the episode where Lily and I discussed how many abortions we'd had. And to have to still stand the fuck by that in the face of people sending me such horrible messages. Even yesterday I got another one like, me and my mum were on the cover of a magazine and they were like, Makita Five Abortions, Oliver shouldn't be anywhere near family or women's rights or something like that. I was just like, fucking hell. I still have to stand by it. I still have to stand by that.

I wanted to talk about that. I wanted to say how many abortions I'd had. And actually, the bullying that came after is exactly why women live in shame. Yeah. About a choice that they make for themselves. But I still was really shocked. Imagine being that guy. Yeah.

And then I'm like, what, do you then go cook dinner? Like, you're on, like, you've got a whole life. All these choices and opportunity. You've got all this ahead of you. All this, you know, you can fucking walk outside, go down. Anything into this life. And you've gone online. It must scare people.

I think it scares people. Of course it scares people. But we should get on. We should keep this bullying train going. Let's have the last. Can I say this? Probably the last question. Please never ever feel like you shouldn't have said that.

These people are the only ones that they go online and say this shit. There would have been thousands of people. No, and there have been thousands of people that have said beautiful things to Lily and I. So thank you for those. Yes. And guys who are like decent, yeah. I say we like I'm decent. Guys who are like decent often don't engage with.

they don't say shit. They just look at things online and go, oh, cool, and they have a conversation. It's so annoying. Can you just like, guys, here's a call out, right? If you guys are listening to this podcast and you've got like good vibes, just use them online in the comments.

Why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just say, just leave all these. Yeah, just fucking say something understanding. Let's do a wave. Let's get the waves going, man. Because you think we could make like a wave of love. A wave of love, let me.

Wave of love. All right, the final question for this week's listen, bitch. Hey Jordan, hey, Makita. I'm Sarah from Glasgow here. On the topic of bullying, I'd love to share a little insight that I've recently learned from my best friend. We were having a big heart-to-heart last weekend. Basically, when I was younger, I was made to feel like a burden. Get bullied off of, honestly, but it felt like everyone. I was just a really quiet kid. So yeah, I just, I never stood up for myself. I actually feel like if I did, It would have been so much different, but whatever. And then my friend told me that I had basically been taught by the world that I was difficult to love the bullying and relationships that I've been through have just perpetrated that. And she said so clearly she was like, you're not hard to love at all.

And see, even just having this explained to me by someone else made so much sense to the point it was like all the confusion gone. I woke up the next day with the clearest mind. I just want everyone else out there to know if you've grown up feeling like this as well, you're not hard to love either. Thanks very much. Oh my God.

Do you know what? That's so funny. That's what my dad said to me yesterday. And it was great to hear it from someone. Even if you think you know it, it's really good to hear it from someone. Someone going, you know, you're not hard to love. I feel like that lady just started,

that wave of love we were talking about. Yeah. That was a nice little wave of love. Sarah from Glasgow, thank you. We're all on the same page here. Yeah, man. No one is here to not be loved. No one.

And no one is being told that you are here to have an unhappy existence. Those words were said to me from my father yesterday and they really, really helped me. And look what they just did for Sarah's mind. So sometimes it is as simple as the language you use with yourself and the language you use. Oh, my God. I mean, sometimes all the time. Yes.

All the time. That's one of the biggest questions I ask myself is, you know, if I'm being disparaging, I'm like, whose voice is that? Negative self-taught, which is, you know, very much entrenched in a human experience. The healthiest versions of ourselves are the most in touch with, you know, all parts of our experience. Why would they be saying nasty shit? Like, you can hold a boundary. You can question yourself.

You know, you can question, like, should I be doing this? Or how do I feel about that? Or is this the best idea? That's fine. But, you know, when it comes into like, this is stupid or why are you doing it? doing this or like it, but in with that, with a tone to it. Or, oh, right, I'm unlovable. Just this something as simple as that.

It's like, unlovable things. I mean, yeah, I, oh. Yeah. We've never done love on Listen, bitch, I mean. Wow, we'll definitely do that next week then. My thing's definitely been with loving myself. I know it's so annoying because obviously self-love has definitely been hijacked, but like genuinely just speaking from personal experience,

even though I've, I know I'm difficult. Actually, I've had people in my life say, that I'm lovable. I have had that. I've had women say that to me. Of course. But the issue is that like it took me a long time to believe it because I had a much deeper belief that I hated myself. It's the ongoing thing, but I'm certainly way more open because I do things in life where I can build a trust of myself. Can I say an honourable mention to before we end to Lindsay Kane? She reached out about being part of the episode, but as a potential resource, she's told me that she has spoken about her experiences of bullying.

And she is the partner of Russell Kane, the comedian, and it just seems to be quite an interesting story. So, I mean, look, there definitely won't be a shortage of people showing their stories. And I'm sure maybe we can do some kind of variation on this topic that will bring in some opportunity again. But yeah, she wanted to do a little shout out there. Yes. Thank you, Lindsay.

And community, what a wonderful way to deal with kind of any problems. So more community, more life. Yeah, man. What the fuck will we talk about next week? The theme for next week's Listen Bitch is Love L-O-V-E Yeah, love?

So if you do want to send in your voice notes specifically, unless you want to be anonymous But if you want to send in your voice notes to WhatsApp for ListenBitch's episode on Love, then please do it to 08,030,40, 90. All right, let's talk about love. All right, sweet. All about love.

All right. See you next weekie, shmiki, freaky. Bye-bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me. This is a Pasofonica production for BBC Sounds. If you've been affected by anything raised in this episode, go to BBC.co.com.uk forward slash action line.

Hello, I'm Kimberly Wilson. I'm a psychologist. And in my new podcast, Complex, I'll be your guide through all the information and misinformation that's out there about mental health. I'm joined by expert guests covering topics from people pleasing to perfectionism, burnout to empathy, to find tangible advice so we can understand ourselves a little better. Complex with me, Kimberly Wilson. Listen on BBC Sounds.