Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! The Mass Debate

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about wanking.Next week, we want to hear your questions about INTERIORS. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language, adult themes and strong sexual references. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. I'm Katie Adler from the Global Story podcast, where we're looking at the US election and the huge sums of money, billions of dollars being spent by Republicans and Democrats hoping to win in November. Who's donating the cash? And what impact does it all have on American democracy? The Global Story brings you fresh takes and smart perspectives from BBC journalists around the world.

Find us wherever you get radio podcasts. This week's episode of Miss Me contains very strong language, adult themes and strong sexual references. It's going to be quite to the party today. Let's talk about wanking! Welcome to Listen Bitch. We are talking about wanking. Are you okay? Hello!

Am I okay? Are you alright? Are you alright, yeah? You're okay to talk about this in this space? You're going to be talking about it mostly. I know that's what you think. And I don't see why. Is it because I'm single? No, it's because

I always reveal a lot about myself from this podcast. And you just don't. Just not true. I have old women at Big Feastable laughing about the sex stall at me. So don't start with me and revealing too much on Listenvich. I love that you think that the sex stall was like revelatory.

It was like the most vanilla thing I've ever fucking heard in my life. That's what I mean. I can't believe that people are like, oh, naughty you. So let's hear about your porn trajectory, shall we? Where does it start and where does it end? Oh, I just had a flashback. Let's do this. Let's have a question.

Actually, we have a general voice note to begin. Let's start calmly and gently. Thank you. Yes, please. Just like a good wank. Hi, Lily. Hi, Makita. It's Rob from Manchester. I've just finished your recap episode and it felt very full circle because your podcast started when I started my marathon training and it's now two weeks from today. And I listen to Miss Me loads across it and it's been really bloody hard.

So thank you very much for keeping me company over the long ones. I'm going to put the listen bitch and the meet you drop for next week towards the end of my marathon playlist. And I realized that the listen bitch theme for next week is wanking. So apologies for being very off topic here. But I was just wondering whether you could give me some motivation to get across the line. And I'm assuming at this point, if I am listening to this, that I'll be in excruciating

pain. So I was just wondering if I could get any words of wisdom off you. Thank you very much. Wow. Well, what I would say is don't wank before the run because footballers aren't allowed to have sex before a big game. And actually sexual energy is very, very powerful, and we can use it and direct it somewhere else, into creativity, into a great, like, physical performance of another kind. So I would say don't have a wank before the run. I know that's not, like, just by the finish line, but, like, just try not to.

Garfield found my marathon medal the other day. I forgot I ran the London marathon. I did it for my 30th birthday and I hadn't ever masturbated then. So that was an issue for me. But if you are someone that masturbates like we all do, do not do it before you run. That's my words of wisdom. Unless you have anything for Rob?

No, I mean, I just like fucking well done, mate. Yeah. Like, marathon could never be me, but I salute you. That is some excellent discipline. And I actually don't believe that Megitha actually did the marathon. I know you don't. I know you don't. The less we say about that, the better. You can't cheat a marathon marathon Lily. You can't. I'm just incredibly driven when someone

tells me I can't do something. Well, you hadn't ever masturbated. So you had all that pent up wanking energy. Maybe that's what you threw. 20 years. No, you couldn't you couldn't do it now because you're such a furious. It's all spent. All right, let's get our first question. Rob, we hope that helps. Hi, Lillian Makita. My name is Andrea and I'm a big fan of your amazing podcast.

And when I heard the theme was wanking, I felt compelled to send you a voice note as wanking is my favorite thing. I advise everyone to try wanking whenever there's anything going on in their life. And I'm a big advocate of self-love. So what I want to know is I clearly remember my first ever wank. I was quite an early starter, I was only 11. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was just having a little lay on the sofa. All my family were out and I suddenly just got a bit curious with a little pillow and started I guess not really knowing what I was doing and just

grinding up against it and then whoo what is this feeling oh my god I didn't even really know what was happening but my god I loved the feeling and I kind of been chasing it ever since really. So yeah that's my first wanking story. What I want to know is what are yours? From one massive wanker to two wankers I look forward to your answer. Bye bye. Thank you. Thank you for every single part of that message. Come on then. Come on. Little sleeper? No, come on. I was not an early advocate as we've discussed.

It was in my flat when I was about 32 and I was going out with a horrible man who I was addicted to sleeping with and I decided to get that thing out of a box down in the bottom of a drawer that Lily had given me years ago and tried it out and it worked. And I really suddenly understood this freedom of not needing him. Once I realized I didn't need him for that, I realized I needed him for absolutely nothing, which is quite huge because when you need someone for sex or to give you pleasure, nothing can compare. So it was beautiful. It was a real moment of freedom. I haven't stopped since. Yay! Now you fucking go. I can't remember when mine was but I've, toys were a big part of it for me. Like I've

never been able to do it on my own with just my fingers. I know people that can lucky bitches, but no. I know, I'm sure I could, but there's something sort of like, I think I probably have some more work to do in therapy or something. Like there's some sort of self-hatred there or something that I just feel like sitting there on my own with my fingers just is a bit.

Wow, that a toy eradicate. Ernest. Ernest. I need some battery powered action to help me get to that point. And I did, I went to Babeland, I think it was here in America when I was on tour and bought a whole array of different toys,

clitoral stimulators, rabbits. All of it, the whole shebang. Ones that sort of go forward and backwards, like those ones, the G-Spot massagers. And- I've never used anything like that. Got back to my hotel, charged them all up, got out some lube and yeah, you know, the rest is literally history.

Like, I've... Do you go through phases though? Like, I go through horny phases and unhorny phases. And also maybe this is related a little bit to hormones because I am in a quote-unquote dry patch at the moment. I'm not really wanking right now. And it all seems like a bit laborious and a bit of a task, but I think I might be a little bit perimonopausal. I'm gonna go and see a specialist and see if I can get started on the old HRT. And if that. You wanna start HRT at 39?

My mom started it at 38. Did she? Yeah. Okay. That doesn't scare me at 38. Did she? Yeah. Okay. That doesn't scare me at all. No. Also, why are you trying to shame me for wanting to sort out a problem

that I've just shared with you? No, I'm not shaming you. I'm just terrified about us being paranoid. Sounded like shame. Sounded like shame, okay. Sounded like shame felt like shame. Isn't that a bit early? It's probably a you problem

rather than a whole other problem. No, that was my fear That was my fear as someone who hasn't had kids being like are we there yet? Oh shit Well, don't project your fear onto me I'm going to deal with my shit and get some testosterone cream to rub into my inner thigh so that I can start coming furiously all over Okay, okay know that I will not stand in the way of. Can I also just say, I've just been with my mum for a week,

who is like in like year 12 of menopause, and she had to actually stop taking her testosterone this week because it's making her fucking mental. And I really felt for her, I really felt for her, but also it was really hard for me as well, because it's something to be navigated by both people and well yourself and the people around you and I think that's something people don't really talk about but anyway let's save that for menopause.

Let's save this for menopause. Back to wanking next question please. Hi Mackie and Lily it's James from East London, long time listener, first time caller. On the subject of wanking have you guys got any funny slash embarrassing stories about your first time? For instance, when I was 14 years old, I went on a family holiday to Thailand and I had the sudden urge. I faked that I had severe jet lagged and the rest of my family went off to explore the

local area and I stayed behind in a hotel room and the only source material I had at my disposal was my mom's Closer magazine. I flicked through the pages in the bathroom to which excited me was a pap shot of Natalie Natalie Cassidy, aka Sonia Ofy Stenders, in a bikini on some beach. And I look back at this at astonishment and amazement because 15 years later, I'm a massive gay boy. So I'm just wondering, whatever turned you on when you were doing it your first time, is it relevant to your sexuality now? Because I feel like as a teenager you're just full of hormones and pheromones and it's come complete chemical warfare in your body that you find a lamp post attractive or maybe that was just me. And that's how that

noughties wanking story ends. Been a Natalie Cassidy in there just to really set the scene of the time. I liked that a lot. I wish I'd known about Wanking and my teens and about masturbation and all of it because I think that's why I was so obsessed with the boys that I was so obsessed with, you know, like Daniel Johns from Silverchair and like Taylor Hansen. And if I had just been able to know I had an outlet for my complete and utter need for them, it would have really calmed my energy down. I didn't know that you could do this thing. So I would just obsessively listen to them and just pour myself over posters. And I think it would have been really nice to know when I was younger. So because I started later, the things that turned me on then are pretty much the same things that turn me on

now. Probably, probably fancy a bit more about kindness now than I did then. A good man turns me on now in a way that it didn't then. What about you, Lil C Poo? I actually can't, I can't tell you how depraved my porn selection is. Like, I'm like willing to go there for most places, but like, this is just one where I don't even think the Daily Mail could print what I'm into. Oh my God. Right.

Yeah, I mean, it's not like illegal, but it's definitely like niche, you know? Yeah, you know what? We will leave it there. We will. Yeah, we want to. I'm telling you. I don't think you'd ever be able to look at me the same way again. Because mine's like so tame.

Like I don't like porn. I don't like it either, but it gets me there. Like I watch it and I'm like, what are you doing? This is so weird. And, but you know, then I'm coming. And then you're like, woo! Um, but you know, then I'm coming. And then the questions really fall to the sidelines.

Okay. What's the dinner? Spag ball. Let's get it started. I bet you make that spag ball right after that. Okay. Uh, why don't you ask the next question? You haven't, let's's have another question, please. Hi, Lillian Makita.

This is Lucy from East London. I've got a question about wanking. When I was a kid, I used to go to a swimming pool quite often. And I somehow discovered that one of the pumps on the side of the pool that like filters the water but pumps water in was great forgiving pleasure and I became a bit obsessed with it and I said whenever I went to that pool used to just hang around that particular pump and for a long period of time and so it just made me wonder what

is the strangest thing you guys have ever used to wank with or where is the strangest place you've ever done it? Like you know, a public swimming pool. Really enjoy the show. Yeah, I find it really funny. Thanks guys. Bye. I have never had a public wank. Okay.

I don't think I've ever had a public wank either. I have however, found myself caught short with my bag of sex toys when I've been on tour and been forced to use the back of an electric toothbrush. That's a roller on the other way and just use those vibrations. Why the back? Because you're also going to use it to then... Because obviously the front of it would hurt. Oh, wait a minute.

I feel like people use toothbrushes a lot in like 90s films, they're always like, and then they look at toothbrush and go, huh. Actually, it's not a good instrument for it at all. No, yeah, because obviously the front of it is like hard and bristled. Nobody wants that anywhere near their crits or inside their vagina, but I can use the back of it.

No way, gosh, that's quite intricate work though. Yeah, it's not ideal at all. But I was getting. In fact, it's frustrating. And also obviously couldn't use that toothbrush head anymore, so I have to wait until later on that day when I could pop into boots and get myself a replacement head. Replacement head.

replacement head. Replacement head. Well, quite. Samantha in Sex and the City uses a back massager in one episode and I'm thinking that would work quite well. Smooth lines. Actually, I've got a vibrator here that I think Dino saw when he was like coming to do the office once and sort of like looked and then like looked away. I feel like I've always wanted to say Dino, this isn't just my vibrator hanging out. I am designing a skipping rope and I want it to look a bit like this very nice, I think it's Scandi, this brand but this brand are in the- Ergonomic. Ergonomic and they did quite a good work because they changed the shame. They kind of like, you know, turned it into like what would it be if your sex toy was

not something to like hide or like put in a bottom drawer and actually be like, oh this is my beautiful sex toy. Don't know if that answered any of that question, but just thought it was important for me and Dino to know that in our relationship. He could probably do you for sexual harassment in the workplace now, for subjecting him to a vibrator. Okay, next question please.

Hi, Lily, I'm Akita. My name's Layla and I'm from Works Up, which is a small town in Nottinghamshire between Sheffield and Nottingham. So on the topic of wanking, so I've been with my boyfriend seven years and he loves to wank regularly fine, you know, toilet roll under the bed or at the side of the bed. You know, it really doesn't bother me. I guess my question is, would that bother you, being in the relationship with somebody who, you know, still watches porn and has a wank?

For me, I think you're not bothering me as often, so wank yourself silly, but people have different opinions so why is your opinion? I could not imagine wank shaming a partner like that that is like crazy to me if somebody saw your partner masturbating as like I don't, being unfaithful? What's the argument there? I don't understand. You should be saving it all for me? I don't get it, that's weird. That's a good point.

I think maybe the tissue under the bed I'd have to fucking sort out, like brav. Oh yeah, the masts, I think, yeah, I can understand. And it also is also telling your partner that they can't have something for themselves that gives them pleasure, which is not a great thing to have in a relationship. No, no won't shame me in a relationship for us No and also if you're gonna do that to your partner you best be willing to like put out whenever they want it because like

Truth, I mean if you're denying them that Crescendo shall we say like, no, could never be me. Please, wank yourself into a frenzy. Wank yourself silly, as she said. There's a film called Don John. Have you ever seen it with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Julianne Moore and Scarlett Johansson? And it's about a young guy in New Jersey

who like loves women and he loves his faith and he loves women and he loves his family but he loves porn and he's addicted to it. He then meets Scarlett Johansson who I don't think she's ever looked so beautiful or banging in a film because she's playing like a gum chewing New Jersey hot bitch oh my god she looks so good in like zebra little dresses and nice jeans and they start a relationship and him wanking and masturbating and watching pornography becomes this really big secret that he's keeping from her and then one time she finds him and she's like you're sick you're sick it's disgusting and I never understood why she thinks it's so sick and disgusting and then actually he thinks he wants her back and then he ends up falling

in love with Judy Ann Moore who's a bereaved woman who teaches him about actual sex and about actual intimacy and he realizes that the last girlfriend Scarlett Johansson was actually just a total fucking narcissist. So maybe it is just about attention and feeling like attention especially sexual attention is being taken away from you, even if it is the person and themselves. That's how narcissistic people can be, or that's how much people need things. Yeah, I don't subscribe to that. I feel like, but maybe I wonder if before I went on my own path of sexual discovery, and had my sort of awakening, if I would have felt intimidated or threatened

by a partner masturbating, I don't think I would. I don't think I did. I don't think I ever felt threatened by it. Good, yeah. How about now? Absolutely not. I'm more threatened by the idea of it not happening than I am by the idea of it happening.

Why is that? Because as I said, like I'm going through like a dry patch myself. So I want him to be happy and fulfilled. And I'm just not there right now. Listen, babes, babes, babes. I don't know, maybe it's been all the fucking death threats about sending my puppy back to a shelter.

Just hasn't really put me in the mood for rampant sex. Maybe it's the repeated messaging of, you are the most awful person on planet Earth that has made me feel not quite as confident and sexy as possible. Well, maybe it's time to go love yourself up. Maybe. Let's have a break so that Lily can ponder when her next work may be. And we will be back with more sharing masturbation tales.

I'm Katie Adler from the Global Story Podcast, where we're looking at the US election and the huge sums of money, billions of dollars being spent by Republicans and Democrats hoping to win in November. Who's donating the cash? And what impact does it all have on American democracy? The Global Story brings you fresh takes and smart perspectives from BBC journalists around the world. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back. Welcome back to Listen Bitch. We're talking about wanking. Yes we are, wanking all the way to the second half of the show. Let's have another question

about masturbation. Hello Lily Makita, this is how I'm not commuting, I'm actually at work but I just wanted to ask what you think about wanker as an insult and other words that have perhaps come to be a bit more socially acceptable do you think they still carry the same kind of weight as an insult or is it actually maybe a bit empowering to be called a wanker I don't know depends on the context I suppose anyway bye hmm I quite like wanker? I don't know. Depends on the context, I suppose. Anyway, bye. I quite like wanker as an insult. The referee's a wanker.

I was gonna say, it feels quite 90s, doesn't it? I feel like it was very big in the 90s, fucking wanker, but I don't say it enough. And it does really- Also, I feel like the bad creative output, wank, that is so wank. Yeah. I feel like the bad creative output, wank, that is a wank. Yeah. I feel like that's a bit much.

The question is, what is a dickhead and what is a wanker? Cause I know a dickhead and I know a wanker and I'm just trying to figure out why they're different people. And why, sorry, why one is that and why one is that. I think a dickhead is bad actions. I think a dickhead is bad actions. I think a dickhead is subconsciously behaving in an annoying way, whereas a wanker is someone

that fucking knows what they're doing and they're doing it with intention. Oh, okay, let me swap those around for those two people. A dickhead has just sort of walked into a situation and just done the wrong thing, whereas a wanker's like, nope, I'm a wanker. Yeah, yeah, like you acted like a bit of a dickanker's like, no, I'm all wanker. Yeah, yeah. Like you acted like a bit of a dickhead. You acted like a bit of a dickhead.

That, okay. I am going to swap these titles for the both people I was thinking because actually he's a dickhead and he's a wanker. Thank you for helping me get there. All right, can we have another question for this week's Listen Bitch? it's good to be home. Hi Lily and Makita, it's Holly from Bristol. So I'm calling in with my slightly embarrassing story and question for you guys. So with regards to ranking, I actually started doing it, I think it was probably around 13, and I had no reference points, so I hadn't been taught anything in school about how to, you know, that there was a pleasure and that I didn't need a man to do it and so I started sort of experimenting a bit, found sort of a way that enabled me to masturbate, but it was a bit of a strange way

of doing it, so I'd sort of like roll the duvet up into this long sausage type shape and then lie on it and rub myself up and down. Because I'd, the only reference point that I had was watching TV, you know, any sex scenes that I might've seen. It was a man and a woman. It was all, you know, that's the movements that they did.

And there were also noises that they made. So the woman was always very vocal and you know, so I thought that was something that had to be done along with the process as well. So I would lie there rubbing myself up and down on my duvet, making all of these ridiculous sounds when I was like 13 or 14. And then one day my mum just barges into the room because obviously she can hear something and is concerned for her daughter which is completely fair enough. And so I mean it was incredibly embarrassing at the time and it's obviously stuck with me it's not something that me and my mum have ever

discussed. I'm gonna see if you've got any interesting thoughts on how we can educate children better to be able to do stuff like that without necessarily having to feel of the shame and the embarrassment that goes along with it because I held on to that for a long time and it was not fun. And then if you've got any other sort of amusing stories about, oh, accidentally got someone walked in on me while I was having a flitter, then yeah, that would probably be quite interesting to hear as well. Anyway, love both of your work and loving the podcast. So thank you very much.

Bye. Wow. Thank you. I think you should talk to your mum about it because she would have wanked as well and masturbated. Maybe not that generation. Sometimes maybe not. So what are you doing with the new generation, Lily, that you're raising? She would have wanked as well and masturbated. Maybe not. That generation sometimes, maybe not.

So what are you doing with the new generation, Lily, that you're raising? How are you going to solve this? I'm not going to try and solve this problem. But I talk to my kids about the fact that they don't need to have somebody else involved in their own sexual gratification scenarios. Well, that's already 10 feet ahead of us because we didn't have anything, like I didn't have any conversation like that

with any of the aunties or my mother. We were raised by some pretty like liberal. Yeah, I mean, I think the thing is, is that you can't force these conversations. So any opportunity that I have when I'm with, because they don't really wanna have the conversations together because they find it embarrassing in front of the other one. So any moments that I have when I'm alone

with either one of them, I'll try to talk about it. And they will generally tell me when they're feeling uncomfortable or it's too much, and they wanna move the conversation on, and then I will respect those boundaries and try to revisit it at a later date. So that's sort of how I'm dealing with it, is not trying to overwhelm them, but to give them as much information as I can.

I wish you were my mummy. No, you don't. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. You'd be smacking your bottom and you would be sent to your room. I think you're doing a really good job. Thank you.

I don't smack my children by the way, to put that out there, because I've never smacked my children. I just wish I was told more when I was young. I really do. I know, but let's not look back. We're fine. Yes, absolutely.

We're wanking our wanking, living out our wanking dreams now. Everything's fine. Absolutely. Thank God for wanking. Thank you for that message though. As we said earlier, let's heal that with the young people. Imagine if no one felt that in their 20s ever again.

We'd change the world. Yeah, we would. Let's move on. Let's have another question. Let's have another question. Hi, Lily Makita. I'm Harry, I live in Brixton. My question is, what is the wankiest behavior

you've ever witnessed anyone giving? Almost like when you watch a bad actor and they're just loving their performance and themselves so much that it almost like they're trying to reach a climax, if that makes any sense. Thank you, bye. I did see somebody come off of the pyramid stage. I think they were just not headlining, but were just underneath the headliners.

And they came off stage and came and sat around the campfire and were very wanky. Who's that? You're actually in love with them. Oh, no, not anymore, surely. with them. No, not anymore, surely. Absolutely, now. Pyramid, no. Yes. No.

Yes. Oh, that's upsetting. Are you sure? Yes, I'm fucking sure. Because if we're talking about the same person, I was just about to do an example of people that are performers that just aren't wankers and I was going to use him and some of his friends. Oh no.

You and I are barking at the wrong tree. Wrong crowd. Yeah. You will not get that endorsement from me, I'm afraid. I think maybe, I think in the early days you were lovely when you came off stage and then you were a bit of a wanker for a few years and then you went back to being lovely. I think that's fair. I can't remember it so I don't know.

That's convenient. Any bad behavior of mine was drug induced because I'm a perfect human being with no flaws and all my intentions are good So it was all the booze and the chucks. Thank you. That's all gone. All right. Now we've got the penultimate question Let's go. I feel like this is the longest wank of my life. Let's Next question, which is the penultimate one, which means the one before the last one So really if we were thank you very much for that explanation. If we were in one big wank together as a community right now, this is the good bit.

Hi, Lillian McKeeta. I know you said you like it sounding like people are sending a message on the go. So I thought I'd send you a voice note on my way back down to the horse box. Just taken a horse in the gallops this morning in Naskleft, Shropshire. It's really sunny. The topic of wanking. So it's again a bit related to horses, not in a dodgy way. So when we're driving the horse box on the motorway, this has happened to us twice now,

because the cab is quite high up. So when we're driving the horse box on the motorway, this has happened to us twice now because the cab is quite high up. You can look down into cars, which is not something that I do regularly, but twice. Once at traffic lights we've had a male having a little go on himself whilst driving and then the other time was somebody was flashing their lights and trying to get us pull over whilst having a wank and looking up into the cab. He tried this for a few service like station pull-offs and obviously we didn't go along with it and then he gave up. So my question really was is this normal? Is this a dirty man thing? Is this just us, is our

horse box sending out signals? Yeah, I just didn't really think it was the thing to do whilst driving, but must be. Take care, love the pod. Bye. Love thinking of you in Shropshire with all your horses in the sunshine listening to Miss Me, it makes me very, very happy. What a life. I have found myself in a rest area on the side of a road in Gloucestershire, quite near to where my house was. I think I'd escaped and I was going to like smoke something in my car and I went to go and I parked up in this place and it was sort of dusk and there was a guy in my car and I went to go and I parked up in this place and it was sort of dusk and

there was a guy in the car next to me and then another car pulled up on the other side of me and I realised I was in a dogging area. Dogging! Oh my god, Lily! As soon as I realised, I got myself out of there very quickly. Sometimes I wonder if I had explored that where it would've shown. Let's really get into dogging for a second. So dogging is watching other people have sex in cars. No, all cars come to watch one couple have sex.

I think so, yeah. But also there was like, you know, one of the guys was definitely touching himself and wanted me to watch him touching himself. Okay, okay. And I was like, what is this guy doing? He wants my attention. And I was like, am I in trouble for smoking this thing?

And then someone else pulled up on the other side and started doing the same thing. And I was like, oh, okay, I'm caught between two, a rock and a hard place. Yes, yes, yes, I'm with you. It's so funny to think this shit goes down. Like what? Are these people just like working in the butchers

and then just going quickly having a dogging session and then go pick up their kids from school? I literally think that's what it is like, yeah. Oh, I did have a sneaky wank in a car park once just after I'd bought a sex toy and I couldn't wait to get back to the hotel so I went and found a dark place and got going. Yeah. I was in Houston.

Location, Houston, Texas. God, I feel like that's like, I've been to Texas this year and I don't feel like it would be a cool vibe if the police stopped you. Is it illegal? Yeah, I don't know. But it was very dark. I turned the lights off and. Is it illegal? Yeah, I don't know. But it was very dark, I turned the lights off and it was like right in the back

in the corner of the car park, so no one would have seen me. Made a little cozy nook for yourself. Made a little nook for myself. I had a little good time. Yes, obviously someone flashing or wanking at you without your consent is sexual harassment, so don't do that, please.

All right, let's have the final question. I do actually, I just realized I have been holding my breath a little bit. Let me just go. It's good to share. It's good to share. Hello, lovely ladies. Wanking.

How exciting. I love this. I love this topic for Listen Bitch. I love a wanking. How exciting. I love this. I love this topic for Listen Bitch. I love a wank. My partner loves a wank. Neither of us talk about wanking. What's your opinion on sharing that kind of like, like sharing talking about wanking with your partner,

with your significant other and things like that. Sorry, I'm Chloe from Milton Keynes, by the way Forgot to say that at the beginning of my voice note But yeah interested to hear your thoughts. Love the podcast. Thank you so much for sharing so many interesting topics Yeah, love you. Bye. Thank you, Chloe. Um, I Yeah, I did wonder about that actually, when you were saying that you have your moments of sexual pleasure for yourself, David has his within the marriage,

but it's not discussed. And I don't know whether many couples do to the point where it becomes an extension of it being a thing just for yourself. Yes, I think it's private just for me, thank you. I don't want to discuss it with anyone really except for our listeners. Except for the world.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not about shame. I just think it is, this is the difference between shame and privacy. And I think this is just about privacy. Yeah, I did have one boyfriend once sent me a porno that he'd really enjoyed and he thought

that I would enjoy it too. And it wasn't particularly kinky. It was just really hot. And neither of us could quite put our finger on why it was so hot. He was just like, this is really good, isn't it? I was like, yeah, it is. But we never explored it any further. Yeah, but that's really sexy. I really like that. If a boy was like, this was wicked, this made me have a great time. I think you'd love it too, babe.

I'd be like, we know each other. No, it wasn't like this is, you're gonna, it was like, this is hot, isn't it? I was like, yeah, it is. Bye. How old are you? Figure out which one it was. I'm not gonna to tell you because then you'll be able to figure out which one it was. Correct. Okay.

Do you think I should try porn? Being in it or watching it? Yes, as an ex career endeavor. No. Things are going quite well. I think it's time. I think it is time actually. I'd need some really vanilla stuff. Like I quite liked the sex scenes in Boogie Nights

when I was young. I used to think they were hot, but that's just so really fancy. Mark Wahlberg. I don't know. Yeah. You could start off with some like, you know, shoplifting stuff, you know, that's quite vanilla. That's like a naughty girl gets caught by the security guard shoplifting and gets taken into the back office and he's either gonna call the police or she can do something to get herself out of the situation. See, that just, that's, that gives me sort of rapey energy

and I don't like that at all. I really don't like characters. Well then porn is not gonna be for you. Like fake narratives shot badly with like bad lighting. Oh, I tell you what, there is quite good, which can be quite horny is there's like a section of porn world comes under like yoni massage, which is like purely just like pleasure stuff. So it's like the exploration of the vagina or another of a female masturbating.

So, and it's quite hot. It can be quite hot. And it's used, sometimes it's like a guy, like a sort of sex teacher, sort of making a girl cum, but there's no interaction between them. Like there's no communication, like verbal communication.

So he's just doing things to a woman who's lying there. There's no like sexual narrative. It's quite hot. It's quite good. I just thought it's like- Not rapey at all. Nope, not rapey at all. Could be for you.

I'll send a couple your way. I'll get a little collection together and I'll send them over. Yoni, Y-O-N-I. That would be great for the new season. The new wanking season. People go on about their fucking like autumn wardrobes and like, oh, we get to drink hot chocolate

and wear jumpers. Pumpkin spice latte, Yoni massage. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly, it's the Yoni massage time. It's Yoni season. Let's all pleasure ourselves as much as we bloody like for as long as we want for this, you know, new season. I would love to feel like we're all doing that.

Might heal the world. Heal the world. Make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race. Cause there are people dying if you care enough for the living Make a better place for you and for me Good luck Wanking world. Good luck Lily you need to think of a listen bitch. Oh no shit. It's me shit. It's me. Oh, no

Yeah, it's you basically. Um, I'm thinking a lot about moving house Yeah, it's you. Basically, I'm thinking a lot about moving house. So the theme for next week's Listen Bitch, a nice grownup theme, a creative theme is... Interior. That's the interiors of one's home. The space that we create for ourself is very important to what we do in the world and how we feel every day. I've been thinking about death a lot recently and the transience of life, maybe because I'm

learning about my Scottish ancestors that I've never thought about, and thinking about the things that we do in this life to just make life better because it can be so short and full of pain. One of those things is people love to make their homes beautiful, It's a massive thing and I'm quite new to it. I've only been looking after my house and making it a beautiful place for about five years. Lily's been doing it for time. So next week's Listen, Bitch is interiors. We've just talked about wanking for an hour. It's okay. All right, Lily. Okay. That was so lovely.

What are you going to do for the rest of the day? I'm just about to let Vlad, the task rabbit who's coming to mount some pictures for me, not a euphemism, Vlad the Invalor. I was gonna say. No, he is waiting downstairs, so I have to let him in so he can. All right, well I'm going to an art opening with Lauren

because I'm just a funky bitch who lives in the city. Remember when we thought it would be like family life versus single life? I guess this is today. You're mounting pictures in your daughter's room and I'm going off out on the town. Bokey dokey. I gotta go. Bokey dokey. Oh yes, sorry. You've already left this conversation. Okay then. Yeah. I'll see you next week babes. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneka production for BBC Sounds. They were the toy of the late nineties. This Christmas it's Furby. Furry, lovable and oh so cute. But what if those Furbies had a secret?

Rumours swirled that these creatures were a cover for something much, much darker. So they got banned. In the new series of Joanne McNally Investigates, I'm going to ask, were these little guys spies? Just crazy stuff would start happening. We'll get to the bottom of this scandal, an attempt to track down the brains behind the toy, which caused so much suspicion. A fugitive, a Furby fugitive.

I have no comment. Joanne McNally investigates, did Furby's spy on us? Yes! Listen on BBC Science. Welcome to Origins with me, Kush Jumbo, the show with the biggest names in entertainment tell me the stories that made them who they are today. Origins is a conversation about my guests' early inspirations and growing up. Guests this season include Dame Anna Winter, Poppy Delevingne, Pete Capaldi and Golda Raishaval aka Queen Charlotte in

Bridgerton. I only kind of discovered my sexuality when I went to drama school. Join me every week to hear where it all began. From Sony Music Entertainment, this is Origins with Kuss Jumbo.