Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! Toenail and I

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about personal hygiene.Next week, we want to hear your questions about SELF ESTEEM. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language, adult themes and strong sexual references. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Rose Wilcox Executive Producer: Dino Sofos Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. This week's episode of Miss Me contains very strong language, adult themes and strong sexual references. The good ones, the strong ones, you know the ones. Hi, welcome to Listen Bitch everyone. Yep. Here we are. Welcome to Listen Bitch. Here we are. Delighted to be here with you Lil.

Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. For the Listen Bitch sermon of... What were we talking about? Personal hygiene. Hygiene. of what was your personal hygiene hygiene yeah expect spiffy one-liners like that today let's have our first question for today's listen bitch hey lillian makita it's t here from nottingham my question for you on personal hygiene is has anybody ever told you that you smell bad

is has anybody ever told you that you smell bad? And if they have, have they delivered that news to you very kindly? Or has it been more of a judgment and an attack? Thank you so much for being a really consistent part of my week. Love you. Lil. Don't know what you're talking about.

Don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I have actually. But I don't think, I asked other people if they felt the same way. It was somebody I was in a relationship with, would do it to me. And I don't think that it was real. I think that it was like a form of bullying and abuse. It was a horrible one. And as bullying forms of abuse go, it's a really horrible one. Yeah. And as bullying forms of abuse go, it's a really horrible one. Yeah. It was

like done on purpose to make me feel self-conscious and shit about myself. And make them feel powerful. Yes. It's a common trope. Yeah. I've had aunties and uncles tell me that I was the sticky teenager and I had to start wearing deodorant. I really didn't want to either when I was younger. Phoebe was quick on the deodorant train, really didn't want to either when I was younger. Phoebe was quick on the deodorant train, but I was like, no, I'm fine. And then I had some aunties be like, no, you're not. And you do have to start wearing deodorant.

And in fact, thinking about it, the goal of this person that had the audacity to tell me that I had an issue with my personal hygiene, when I first met them, I went over to their house and there was actual skid marks on their bed. They just gone to the fucking toilet, not wiped their ass and just sat on the edge of their bed, naked, and they had the audacity to come to me.

They come to me and my IG. And tell me that I needed to brush my teeth. No, honey. What is it? This is a question to me. To come to me. To come to me and my IG. And tell me that I needed to brush my teeth. No, honey. What is it? This is a question to men. What is it with skid marks? And like, is that just not wiping yourself? It's just feces in general.

It's like, I'm sorry. Did you not notice the toilet there? Why is there shit on the actual floor? Like they, quite often, men are just trash. I'm sorry. I don't want to make this men are just trash. I don't want to make this men versus women. We can all be stinky at our own personal times. But why? When it's so fun and so easy.

But I don't understand. I don't want to bring anyone out. My lovely stepfather Garford, I love that man so much. Don't do it. Don't do it. He'll never forgive you. Don't do it. But it's like his friends are like, I don't see the issue. Don't do it. Don't do it. He'll never forgive you. Don't do it. But it's like his friends are like, I don't see the issue. It's like, what do you mean you don't see the issue with not flushing the toilet? Why the fuck would you not flush the toilet? It's just insanity to me.

Let's have another question. Let's have another fucking question. Hi, Lily and Mikita. This is Raymond from Brazil, but currently living in Sydney, Australia and my question for you guys regarding personal hygiene is what do you think is the acceptable amount of shower per day for a person to feel clean and renewed? I think this is very personal but me as a Brazilian we do shower a lot and I cannot go to bed without a bath so yeah tell me what you think and I think I have a different

point of view when it comes to shower because you guys are from Europe and I think the weather there especially during winter time is really harsh so I don't see you guys showering a lot. I don't think so. This is my personal thought. So yeah, tell me and also how often you guys shower. Yeah. Tell me.

Bye. Love you girls. Love you the podcast. Oh, is it possible for us to have that lovely person ask us a question on every theme? I think that I'd love to know their thoughts on every week. That was a joyous question, but a bit, I have a bit of a sad answer. Go on. But yeah, I was in a relationship and it was so bad and I was so unhappy and depressed in it

that I just wasn't looking after myself. I was wasn't brushing my hair, as you know. This is very much the lopsided weave years. I don't think I've brushed my hair in any relationship. I just don't brush my hair full stop. When you've got a weave, you need to look after it. That's true. As you know.

I do know that much. And I did not. But now I look back, I'm like, I was such, and also I was 27, I was so on the cusp of my son's return. So everything was falling apart. And I was just about to go bankrupt, et cetera. But it did reflect how I looked after myself. And my Brazilian friend, Sebastian Bailey,

one of my best friends, he said to me, you need to have more showers. And I was like, I have one a day. He was like, you should have three. He was like, it's hot. All. He was like, you should have three. He was like, it's hot. All the girls in Brazil have like two to three. So I took that on board around then. And now I do have quite a lot of showers.

Sometimes I have a bath and a shower in the same day. I really made sure my shower was somewhere I loved and I have lots of nice things to use in it. I got one of those great nets from like the Auntie Bossman black hair shop. And they're amazing. And showers are very important to me. So thank you from one Brazilian to another Brazilian. Thank you both of you.

I agree, multiple showers. I usually have a shower in the morning and a shower at night or bath at night. Yeah, that's beautiful, babes. It's perfect. I mean, where are you meant to go for your middle of the day shower? Oh, actually, I do usually have three, because if I go to the gym,

I have a shower straight after I'm in the gym. So I do. Yeah, exactly, because I have a shower before training, and that does feel a bit weird, but then to go without a shower feels wrong. No, you mean after training? No, I have a shower when I wake up, then I put my gym clothes on, go train. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I do. I get up, I have a shower, and then I go to the gym,

and then I have another shower. Look at us, we're such grownups. We look after ourselves now, we clean our bodies. And then I have a bath, and if I shave my legs, I then have another shower. Yes. Because we've had this conversation, I don't like to shave standing up in the shower.

Raymond, great question. Classic Brazilian name. Great classic, great presence on Listen Bitch today. Thank you for your vibes. Let's have another question. Let's see if you can outdo Raymond, I doubt it. Doubt it. Hi, Lily and Makita.

My name is Alex and I'm from Cheshire. So my question is, what are your thoughts on celebrities like Robert Patterson or Joe Keery who don't wash their hair and let itself regulate? Do you think that's a good idea? Do you believe in it? What do you think? Is that, does Robert wash his hair? And he's told me that. Okay. He's got such a beautiful mane of hair though. How does he do it? I don't really care about celebrities anything unless it's a creative output. Who's got nice hair though? Who's got a good head of hair? And you think, oh, she's got

nice hair. Sabrina Carpenter's got good hair? Yeah, sure. I really liked Kylie Jenner's hair in the comeback and then so upsettingly, her hairdresser, Jesus, Jesus died, didn't he? Yeah, he died, didn't he? It's just awful. And her hair doesn't look as good since he died.

So they probably had some sort of like deep connection. Anyway, that's about as interesting as I can make celebrity hairdos, I'm afraid. I know people that don't wash their hair, women that swear by not washing their hair, they say that it sort of self-cleans itself. But I just, I, and often actually, I'll turn up to, like I say often, like I'm going to photo shoots all the time, you know, it's a biannual experience these days. But anyway, you know, often if I'm going to an event or something and a hairdresser is doing my hair for the said event,

you would think that they would want you to turn up with clean hair. No, because your hair is easier to work with if it's got a bit of dirt in it. Yes. So quite often, you know, I will think, oh, I should wash my hair before I go to the scene. And then I think, actually, no, they'll be pissed off because then it just like slips through the grips and it's all annoying. They always like putting a load of fucking product in it to make it yucky.

Yeah, but you're so lucky that you're white on photo shoots. So horrible. I'm lucky that I'm a white person on photo shoots. Yes. Yes, I imagine that that's probably true. It's true in quite a lot of areas of life to be honest. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Lucky white bitch. It ain't called privilege, white privilege for no reason. No, it isn't. But as we're realising on this episode, doesn't mean that we haven't all had stinky times. We're all equally as stinky on this show.

Let's have another question. Hey, Lillian Makita, my name's Paige and I'm from Yorkshire. So my question for you would be, do you think it's acceptable to sit on your bed in the clothes that you've been wearing all day? And that's especially if you've been out and about in the public and going on transport. Let me know what you think, thanks.

Absolutely not. Yes, of course it is what you think, thanks. Absolutely not. Yes, of course it is. You think that's okay? Yeah, no, Makita. I don't even think about my clothes getting dirty out in the day, do they? Oh, no, I cannot even fathom that. I have to take all my clothes off to get into bed.

Oh, not into bed, she said onto bed. Even onto bed. I might like perch from the end, but I'm not gonna like have a lie down and a doom scroll in my full city where. I'm not, if I'm gonna lie down and doom scroll, I wanna be comfortable and prepared. And clean.

And clean. There's enough smut on my phone. Can't be bringing it into the bed. I don't really think about how dirty this city is, but sometimes I think about on the tube, my hands are disgusting after the tube, like black from the escalators, very much so. Yeah, you've got to wash your hands

as soon as you get in from traveling, commuting. Very much so, actually. But I never thought about my clothes, what they've got on them from the day out. What goes so far as to say, you know, being on a line bike, because think about how many different pairs of hands have been on there. Oh, because think about how many different pairs of hands have been on there.

Oh, but they're so fun though. Those e-bikes. Why did we have to sit here on my bike all day? Because I felt like I took away my license. I can't believe you actually did that. It was really funny, I did it a few times. But all with Phoebe? Yeah.

Why don't you ask for the next question? Yeah, Phoebe's got all that. Go on, you ask. Please could I have another question? Hello, my name's Haj and I'm from Telford. Personal hygiene. So you know what really bugs me? I mean, like there's the usual stuff like dirty nails and just like smelly pits and stuff like that. But like, this is going to get like really TMI. We were talking about kissing like me and my friends not long ago

I was like, yeah, I don't really like doing tongues I don't really like kissing people and they were like, but you're quick to suck a dick though, and I'm like seriously I genuinely feel That there are more people out there that know how to wash their bits You know like a man pulling his full skin back and doing all that, than brushing their teeth, flossing their teeth and brushing their tongues. And yeah, like when I'm out and about or like I'm in a club and I get talking to someone, I'm instantly looking at his mouth and his tongue. Is it pink? How does his breath smell? And then, you know, perhaps I'll go in with a kiss. Yeah, what are your thoughts on that?

On what? That was multi-layered. Where the people would wash their dicks. Oh, right, and we just go in. We don't even ask. Yeah, but that's, you can smell a cheesy dick a mile off. Really? Come on, you can.

Not cheesy, no, stop. You know what I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. So you weren't like, have you washed your dick recently? Like no one asks that. No, it's like you don't even wipe your ass. Okay, let me ask you this. If it did smell cheesy, would you still suck it? No. Right, yeah no, me neither. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! I'd make my excuses. But I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad. I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad. I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad. If someone hasn't made the effort to like wash their dick for you, no honey. But then, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not passing judgment because like,

obviously in my wilder years, when I was like drunk and high and getting off with guys, I probably wouldn't have noticed because I would have been drunk and high. Yeah. But in sobriety, your senses are heightened or your awareness is heightened. So I'll probably be like hyper aware of a cheesy dick now.

Because of lifestyle choices. Yeah. But I will say, I think like grotty under the fingernails is disgusting and I wouldn't want anyone to touch me with those. Oh yeah. Actually today is a good example because I have some greys that are coming through. I haven't had a chance to get my roots done because I'm so busy.

And if I've got like root touch up and I scratch my head then I get the black in my nails and I went to get a manicure the other day with the lady that does my nails, Harriet and she was like, babe, I don't mean to be rude but your nails are fucking filthy. Oh my God, are they paint? They're always painted though, you know how it's- And I was like, no, it's not.

It's just because I've like scratched my head and I've got, you know, hair paint stuff in there. So she thought I was just filthy and I was like, could never be me, babe, could never be me. I like to keep my nails and my hands very clean. Also, I am traumatized by the Daily Mail commenters would often, will often comment on how I look like I smell. Oh, honey.

Yeah. You're so dumb. And every so often on Twitter, there'll be like a thing that like, name a celebrity that looks like they smell. Yeah. You're so dumb. And every so often on Twitter, there'll be like a thing that like, name a celebrity that looks like they smell. And now a lot of people will say me and then it will come up in my feed. And I'm always like.

It's a horrible thing to read in print. I am, I don't smell, I smell delicious. I'm like. You're fart, you actually smell quite expensive and it's quite important to you. I always have very expensive perfume on. It's like a huge part of your vibe, like you smell luxury. And I wear deodorant and if I forget to wear deodorant for any reason, I'm like embarrassed

by it and I'll try and get home or get to a shop so I can buy some. No, you don't need to plead your case. I like, I rep for you on this one. You can rep, you can say to people, I don't smell. Quite the opposite, you smell like very expensive products that I wanna buy all the time. I remember when Twitter first started and I was hanging out in the elbow rooms, or I remember that pool place on Clanton Road, a lot.

And it was just a really bad time, another really bad time in my life. And I remember my flatmate at the time was like, she thought it'd be really funny to go through Twitter and see like when my name was mentioned, I was like, please can we not? Cause it's all going to be really nasty and negative. And she fucking did it anyway. And like thought it was hilarious. And I remember thinking, why do you think? And one of them was Miki, Oliver in real life is ugly fat and she smells. And I was like, okay, I actually don't know where to hold that.

That is so, like such a, like triple whammy of upsetting things here about yourself and read in print. Even though it was like- Were you in the elbow rooms when you read it? In elbow rooms, like at elbow rooms. I was like- I don't know exactly where I would have held that. I would have gone straight to the bar and ordered a tequila. Yeah, for sure, for sure. We were at elbow rooms. I was like, I should just- Exactly where I would have held, I would have gone straight to the bar

and ordered a tequila. Yeah, for sure, for sure. We were at the house, I was like, we should go get drunk now. I'm sorry that happened to you. That person sounds like a fucking bitch. Who was it? Please, I have no idea.

Like some little Twitter user in 2008. But I'm not even just sorry that happened to you as well. I'm just saying like words are really, really powerful and that stuff does come into our bodies and sit with us in different places. So if I'm ever acting like a crazy bitch, it's probably because of that comment on Twitter 13 years ago.

Cause you do have to hold that shit and start looking after yourself, which I do. Yeah. Not because of them, because of me. Oh, Miki, you stink. I'm going for a bit of fresh air. Fair enough. I can smell you from here.

All right. Or from the other side of London. All right. I know we're joking, but actually that's my feelings. Okay, I'm sorry. I really don't want to hurt your feelings. I actually really don't want to hurt your feelings. So if that hit a nerve, I apologize.. I don't really don't want to hurt your feelings. I actually really don't want to hurt your feelings. So if that hit enough, I apologize.

You go have that break. Thank you, babe. Guys, I'd just like to take a second to welcome you all back. Is that your podcast voice? Welcome back. No, your podcast voice? Welcome back. No, my podcast voice is this! Yeah. You know what, I really feel like you sounded

really normal that day. I don't know why it rocked you so much and felt the need to like put out a statement. Just fucking hate sounding my own voice, which is weird for somebody that talks so much. Well, you're in the right job. Welcome, welcome back to Lily's favourite part of the week. It's Listen Bitch. Let's have another question for this week's theme which is personal hygiene. Hey girls, my name is Laura, I'm from Dublin. I'm 32, love listening to the pods, love your

honesty, you're just cool. My question on personal hygiene is a bit different. So I work in an office where I sit beside somebody and she's actually clean, but her perfume is so overpowering. And it's obviously personal preference, but also I feel like I can't really breathe sometimes when I'm sitting beside her and it kind of makes me feel a bit sick. Like I want to be sound but how do you tell somebody that their perfume is just unbearable? It's kind of at the point where it gives me headaches.

Maybe I'm being a bit of a diva but any tips on how to manage that would be amazing. Thank you. I think you'll know how to manage this. I think write an anonymous note and say that you don't want to embarrass them and it's not a criticism of them as a person, but that you find their particular choice in perfumes quite overpowering and that it is making it difficult for you to concentrate at work. Yeah. And if you don't sort it out you'll report them to HR. Or they'll still calm it down and then they don't need to know it was you so they might not feel freaked out by seeing you every day in the office. Laura a little bit of sound advice from Lily Allen who is very good at giving advice.

Do you think that was good advice? I thought it was really good. Really good, really nice. What does everyone else in the studio think? What she calls you out in the office and says, who wrote this? Well then, lucky it was anonymous. You just obviously hide under the table. Hide under the desk.

Also, she'll be so happy that you're saying like, I would like being told like, I'm really sorry, your personal hygiene is really bad. like this isn't actually personal hygiene this is a personal preference of smell of odor so that's really like it's not personal it's not going to be it's not going to be upsetting she'll just be aware and probably sort it out or you could buy her a new expensive perfume and just put it on her desk and then hopefully she just yeah start using something else. I wonder what AI would say. I can't even bother to type it in. You don't need to.

It's just like, people keep doing weird things to me where they'll give me something. I'll go, God, that's so good. And they'll go, yeah, I just got AI to do it. I got chat GBCs to do it. I'm like, ugh, without even telling me. But before AI, there was Google. Before Google, what was?

There was Ask Jeeves. That's exactly what I what was it? There was Ask Jeeves. That's exactly what I was gonna say, Lilly! Ask Jeeves! Shit, you remember! Like Lycos? Do you remember, there was loads of them. No, but fuck that! No, fuck that, because I was here with everyone going,

what was he? He was like a butler, and you could like ask him anything. Like how many calories? Obviously, Ask Jeeves was the one. Ask Jeeves. It was. This is pre-Google. And I think you add that to the business plan that I'm,

you could also add a bit of ask Jeeves to your new business plan that I'm writing. Can you not? With the business plan, I don't need one. It's really annoying. I've often, like over the years, I've sat in the studio, like while making music with people, while they're coming up with other careers for me to have.

And I'm like, I'm happy with this one, I'm quite good at it, please leave me alone. This is for your 50s. Well, you might not want to do this anymore. My goop era. Yes, exactly, don't worry, I'm writing the business model, all you gotta do is be Lilly, it's fine. Let's have another question, we have literally.

I think it's time for me to ask for a question actually. Can we have another question please? Yeah, we've gone quite far away from personality now. Hi Lilly and Makeda, my name's Dars and I'm from Doncaster. I'm currently based in Sydney in Australia though. My question is, where do you stand wearing clothes for more than one day in a row, particularly focusing on socks?

You know, if you put socks on at 6 p.m. at night, go to the shops and then you're home. Are you re-wearing those socks tomorrow? All the best, cheers. Really important question. I have been re-doing socks, but only if I've trained in them. So I've just done an hour in them.

And I'll be like, I can train in those tomorrow, and then I won't do it again. But anything over a day, I'm even finding that quite hard, but I'm just trying not to do too much laundry while I'm at my mom's, blah, blah, blah. But old socks, having to put old socks, like really socks that like you, they're in the laundry basket makes me upset,

and I'd never have to do it, but even the idea of laundry basket makes me upset. And I never have to do it. But even the idea of it makes me deeply upset. What if they're just sitting in the laundry basket uncleaned? No, if someone has to put on a pair of socks that are like two days old. Will never happen to me.

I buy so many socks. I don't know what's under what circumstance, I don't know under what circumstances this would happen. But I have a very high turnover of socks because I buy very particular brand of sock. I'm very particular about the socks that I wear. And one of my children has taken after me in that respect. I just got a pair of those and I can't go back.

Oh, they're good. They're so good. I have them in so many different colors. Obviously predominantly black and white, but I've also have, you know, if I need to like, you know, draw for a pink one or something. Yeah, for some reason. But one of my children has cottoned, excuse the pun, cottoned on to the game and is a total thief. Like, actually the other one does it as well. When we're in New York, they come down before school,

they come down for breakfast and then they go upstairs to mommy's drawer to get her socks. It's like a communal sock drawer now, my sock drawer. I found a pair. I feel like I borrowed a pair when I was at your house because I was like, how do I have these socks? And then I was like, whatever they are, my day is better with them.

So then I ordered some and I was like, this is a shout. This is the new me. It's funny actually, the other day I got out of the lift in the communal area of the building that I live in and for like a day and a half, I'd just seen this rogue sock lying on the floor and I was like, why is no one picking up that sock? And then I got closer to it and I was like,

that actually looks like one of my socks. And it was, I don't know how it got there. I don't know how it got there. A solo sock in the corridor. Yeah, one, a rogue one, white one. And I don't know how it got to outside the elevator shaft. But then you saw the brand, you're like, that's mine. I was like, what the fuck?

What the fuck? What the fuck? See, I told you you're meant to be in business at one time in your life. No, also because I tell you what it is, I think basically Auntie, my cleaner, who's been my cleaner for like 18 years. Shout out to Auntie.

She's also Grimmie's cleaner. Lots of people have stolen Auntie from me. That's true. Anyway, but she sometimes takes some of my washing home with her. And I think it must have happened then. She must have like, or when she was coming back in because it was a clean sock, it was not a dirty sock.

Oh, okay, so I think it probably is auntie based, yeah. So maybe she, maybe she brought a bag of washing back with her and one fell out. That's the, well done, Sherlock. Very good, very good. That probably is what happened. Okay, I need to say something about wearing clothes all the time, but I actually know I don't want to.

I think socks, talking about socks. This is more fun. I think you should get it on your chest. No, I just I never understood this. I thinking this idea when I was when I was doing Pop World, when I was really young, when it first started, it was on E4 every day. And then on Sunday, it was on Channel 4, the best of, like a new show, but the best of the week, as it were.

For some reason, they decided to make us wear the same outfit for two days of the week. So like Monday, Tuesday, same outfit. Wednesday, Thursday, same outfit. And then Friday, something different. Something to do with continuity. And I just, I was like, but for everyone that watches it on E4, we'll just look like we're wearing exactly

the same clothes two days in a row. And what, P.S. we're on television. And they were like, it doesn't matter. It works for the Channel 4 show. And I just, I never got my head around that. It's like, but for an actual TV audience, to see two people presenting a TV show, wearing exactly what they wore the day before

just looks smelly and stinky. So I just had to get that off my chest. What was that budget issue? They just don't want to have to pay for the extra clothes. There was this producer called Susan Maxwell and she was like, we decided to do this. And me and Simon were like, that doesn't fix this issue at all.

Anyway, groundbreaking budgeting. Finally, cut that off my chest off the 23 years. I think it's time we had our last question. Can we have our last question please? Hi Lily and Meketa my name is Cassidy and I'm from Sheffield. My question is what are the personal hygiene essentials for traveling and festivals or you know whatever whatever. Thank you so much. Okay, well they're two totally different things, different hygiene applies. Obviously for a festival I would be bringing toilet roll, face wipes, hand sanitizer, soap. Yeah right. Yeah

a bar of soap. Yeah. Put in my wash bag, for sure. I find soap quite dirty, so I would have to bring a shower gel. What did I take to Glastonbury? I think I did take a shower gel, actually. I don't think I took a bar of soap. What is the question? How do you get ready for a festival and what?

What's the other bit? And how do you keep hygienic when you're traveling? Oh, okay. I like to cleanse, tone and moisturize on a plane. It keeps your skin really hydrated, lots of water. Yeah, do you do that Naomi Campbell thing of disinfecting your seat? No. I did get into that for a little bit.

When I came, I think I might have mentioned it on the podcast, but when I came, I flew back here to England from New York on a different airline than I normally go on. That was rank. And I noticed there was a toenail in the bit next to the thing and then I noticed one and then I kept seeing them and I asked the guy I was like can I move seats because somebody's like been I don't, like clipping their toenails in this seat. And he was like, I'm sorry, but we're like completely fully booked

or like oversubscribed or whatever. And I was like, can I have a sick bag and some wipes then so that I can clean these toenails up? No, Lil Vays should clean it up. And he came back with two wipes and a sick bag. There you go, ma'am. Good luck. Yes. Unbelievable. And then I was like, I looked, and he came back with two wipes and a sick bag. There you go, man. Good luck.

Yes. Unbelievable. And then I was like, I looked, I'd cleaned up the toenails that I had, you know, in my field of vision, shall we say. And then I went to like put them, the sick bag, like down in the, you know, in the storage bit or whatever, once it was like, you know, sealed, folded up.

And then I saw in the like cup holder bit, there was another three toenails. I was like, this is sitting in this seat was taking the fucking piss. Anyway, I cleaned up those toenails. I went to sleep. And when I woke up, the manager of the whole flight was like looming over me. And she was like, I'm so sorry. Right. Right. And I basically got a comment, the flight, they gave me enough air masks to buy a whole new flight. Toenails!

Other people's toenails! What is wrong with people? Seriously. Oh, good, I'm glad we did a few more questions because I really needed to know about fucking other people's toenails in your seat. What would be, why would you be like, you know what, I've got this nine hour flight. Exactly, who cuts their toenails on a flight?

It's like, you know what I'm gonna do, I'm not gonna watch a movie, I'm not gonna read a book, I'm not gonna write in my journal, I'm not gonna journal, I'm just gonna clip my toenails and leave them here. There is etiquette, plain etiquette is something we might have to do as well. People that put their feet up on the back of your seat.

Mm-hmm, Jesus. Yeah, I feel sick. But we learned a lot today about how truly important it is to look after yourself and others around you. Yes. Fucking yes, privately. Why are you refusing to acknowledge my breasts, squeezy, thick toy that I bought?

I didn't see. Is that a stress breast? It's a stress breast, yeah. Is it a stress breast? Yeah. I bet it feels quite nice. I've got two of them. One of them's downstairs.

Yeah, you do. You've got four if you get really desperate. Now that I'd like to see. Well, Lily Allen is taking a bloody minute, which she really needs and we are giving to her. She's going to go and finally learn. Toenail and I. Toenail and I. We're going to miss you. Hey, you. We're going to miss you around here. Oh. But I know we will, because toenail and eyes make me want to cry a little bit. So we really are gonna, really,

I'm gonna miss you around here. It's only a week, for fuck's sake. And yeah, she's got lines to learn and a massive play to prepare for. So good luck, my darling. Are we saying who's covering? Nah, let's not. It's Madonna!

It's Madonna. Just let you know before the press gets this, it's Madonna. No, it's absolutely not. It's Justin Bieber promoting his new album, Justin Bieber's in town. Oh, I'd love to do it with Justin Bieber because there's a bit on the album where he's sort of talking to his therapist and I was like, I could break you open a bit. Unfortunately, he's busy standing on business. He's standing on far too much business to stand in for Lilly. Fine. Stand on my business. What I'd like to say is the theme for next week, whether it's Madonna,

Justin Bieber or whoever we actually can book, it will be... Self-esteem. Not the artist, the emotion. That would be quite niche. The feeling, yeah. As always, you can message us with your questions on 08000 30 40 90. That's 08000 30 40 90 using the WhatsApp. But yes, is self-esteem a feeling or a way to live

or an emotion or a way of life? What is self-esteem a feeling or a way to live or an emotion or a way of life? What is self-esteem, Lil? Why we still got you? What is self-esteem? Yeah, is it a feeling or is it like? Self-esteem is, my brain is not working. I mean, yeah, you go.

You need that break. Go take that break. Sure, we'll find out what self-esteem really means to all of us next week when we have a very special Listen, bitch, with out Lily Allen, but someone else. Lily, I'll see you in your bag. I would say it's how you view yourself in the world. No? Yes. Self-esteem, how we view ourselves in this big old wide world. I don't know if that is a definition, but that's all I can come up with. How do we view ourselves?

It's actually really important self-esteem. So I'll see you then when we're talking about that. It's not as important as self-compassion though. Just put it out there. All right, Lil, you're not actually in this episode. Okay, sorry. You go now. Bye darling, good luck. Good luck, soldier.

You learn those fucking lines. No, I have to because I'm going to be on stage. That's right, correct. Bye. Bye. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds. Hello, you gorgeous people. Are you hungry? Because I bloody am. It comes with the territory when you're referred to as one of the world's leading food critics, which is why I'm doing

a new podcast in which I take seriously interesting people out to lunch in a restaurant I reckon they'll like. I'll be pelting my guests with good food and the finest wines known to humanity Listen now on BBC Sones.