Miss Me? - Listen Bitch! YOUR MUM.

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about mothers.Next week, we want to hear your questions about THE INTERNET. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains some very strong language, some very adult themes and a dog reference or two. Welcome to Listen Bitch. Welcome everyone. Welcome world to Listen Bitch, the space for love and equality. Right, yeah, I would say so. Sure, it's where we put the world to rights with you, our listeners.

We answer your questions on chosen subject matter, which this week happens to be mothers. Shall we do all the greatest yo mama cusses? which this week happens to be mothers. Shall we do all the greatest yo mama cusses? Do you remember? Your mom is so fat, how fat is she? Your mama is so big in fact that she can get busy with 22 burritos when times are rough. I seen her in the back attack and bail with handcuffs.

Your mom's fat, your mom smokes crack. She's got a burning yearning and there's no turning back. Okay, okay. Your mom's fat. Your mom smokes crack. She's got a burning youngin' and there's no turnin' back. You're getting it. Your mom's fat, your mom smokes crack. I mean, is there really anything left to say in a cuss? Cuss. Cuss. Spit comes out that bitch mouth when she talks.

So this is what I'm saying. Is it just our childhood world when cussing someone else's mother was absolutely the norm and absolutely the name of the game? In America it would be like, your mama. I'll bring arms house to your mom's house. So Lily's just giving us an example of a more British, your mom. Because that would be more like your mom.

So actually, at one point, it was just your mom. It wasn't like your mom does this. It was just like, hey, your mum. That was enough. I quite often say your mum to my kids. Nice. That's incredibly weird. Meta is that?

Full circle. I'm like, oh, your mum. I'm like, oh, that's me. That's me. Obviously today won't just be about cussing moms. That's not what we're here for. Let's have our first question for Listen Bitch today. The theme is mothers and I imagine we'll be talking about grandmothers, mothers and everything in between.

Why don't you try and not predict it and just see what happens. Okay. Alright, alright, fine, fine, fine. Like life, yeah? yeah like life just surrender might be like who do you think is mother? And we'll have to be like Lady Gaga or like Sabrina Carpenter Beyonce is mother all right. Let's not predict what you got world. Hi, Lillian Makita. This is Sarah. I'm from Maidenhead I am a single mom to three lovely kids who are now 13, 16 and 18. I try to do my best to navigate them through life, giving them the best advice I can, despite

the fact I still feel 18 in my head. I'm actually nearly 50. My question to you guys is, what was the best advice your mums gave you? And more importantly, did you take it? Did you take the advice? Thank you so much for the podcast I absolutely love it I'm a community nurse spend lots of time in the car and it gives me life on my shifts. Thank you bye. Hi I know I know where you live because I was in Maidenhead for Clifton House

got there on the Lizzie line you know. On the Lizzie. Got there on the Lizzie. Or up on a Lizzie to the countryside. So I know the wonderful land that you're growing your children in. Well done. That sounds like a lot. Three teenagers. 13, 16 and 18. Oof. Could never be me. Well it's gonna be. It was bloody gonna be. Best advice that my mom gave me? Think there's two lines that she's given me. Joke.

She never gave me her lines. She's well tight. Joking. There are two lines that my mom gave me. One is hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Tight. Joking. There are two lines that my mom gave me. Yes. One is, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Yes. And the other is, if it doesn't hurt, doesn't look good. That one I don't get.

If it doesn't. Well like shoes. Oh God. Did you know what? That's why you lot all walk in five inch stilettos and have from birth, Alans. Yeah, and like tight jeans or like, you know, like corsets, like, you know, like pulling in the boobs, like for the, for, you know, like a nice little, if it doesn't hurt, it doesn't look good.

God, that's so harsh, Alison. If it doesn't hurt, it doesn't look good. Oh, God. Very aesthetically driven vision advice. That's so harsh Allison. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't look good. Oh Very aesthetically driven visual advice what um pearls of wisdom is Andy Oliver? Yeah giving to you So many people come up to me like your mom is so inspiring. I'm like, what did she say to you? Really No, I mean, of course, she is so fucking inspiring. But I find it quite overwhelming how much people listen to my mum. She has the country's ear for like four months a year when she when GBM is on. But she I guess it's probably don't give away your light to others. And secondly, remember who you are

and where the fuck you come from. But yeah, advice from your mother. I didn't listen when we were young. Obviously. Obviously. She was like, put it down, get a grip. Put the rolled up note down. No, there was quite a lot of interventions. I got two interventions. Did you? What for drugs? Not drugs. Just like the partying has to stop. No, I got two interventions, did you? What, for drugs, me and my mum? Not drugs, just like the partying has to stop. No, I never got that. Oh yeah, I did, Eagle Wolf Road 21. My mum Angarth turned up and I was there with strangers

that had been there for days. And my mum was like, this has to stop. Like, what are you on? And Phoebe was in the hospital because she'd had her accident. I was losing my mind and you kept going. Of course because I was in trauma. Yeah. She'd had an accident in our flat like and I lived there still. That was fucking nuts that night. It was a really like spiral time. But I didn't listen and carried on for another 10 years. So yeah, earliest you can take that advice in from

your mother. That would really be good for everyone. Take it in. Let's have another question. Let's keep this going. Hello, Lily and Nikita. Thanks for bringing up the very important topic of mothers. I was interested to know, maybe not the most original question, but how motherhood affected your friendship. So when Lily became a mother, how that affected your friendship. I've got a one-year-old and a three-year-old and I've definitely found that some of my friendships have been affected, whether that's friendships that have grown and I've got closer to people or friendships that have maybe suffered a little bit. And that's not

necessarily just with friends who haven't had kids and that's because we're not in the same wavelength. Sometimes it's people who have also had kids and it's just difficult to prioritise each other. For me, I always really try to prioritise my friends, even when I had kids. But I do find that I need to spend time with people who give me energy. So yeah, I was just interested to know what your experience was.

Thank you. Do you have mum friends? Mum friends? Friends of yours who have kids? Not really. That doesn't feel like you do. I don't really need to remind myself. I feel like those mom friendships

is like you're branding yourself as like, oh, look, we're all moms. Like, no thanks. I've got two reminders that I'm a mom all the time. It's nice to hear you say it. No, but it's nice to hear you say that. And also sometimes here in America, like there's quite a lot of competitive mumming going on, which I'm really not getting involved with. I think that would be in Great Britain and the UK.

But we're like the cool house, like all of our kids, both of our kids, sorry, all of their friends, they just wanna come here all the time. So we're just hosting all the time. Like we're not, they never go to anyone else's house. It's just always, this house is always full of kids. I like that. That sounds like one of our houses when we were young. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You're the cool yard. If you're gonna have a fat yard as nice as that, what the hell do you expect? I'd wanna come to Ethel and Martynie's mom's house as well. But yeah, it did change. When I had my kids, you were still partying. So it did affect our friendship because you were like,

you gonna bring the baby? And I'd be like, no. And you'd be like, okay, see you later. I don't think I was asking you to bring the baby to the pub. No, I'm being silly. But like that certainly weren't like, it's Thursday, I'm gonna go and hang out with Lil. You were like, I'm gonna go to ground pub. No, I'm being silly, but like, that certainly weren't like, it's Thursday, I'm gonna go and hang out with Lil. You were like, I'm gonna go to Groucho's.

Yeah, how old were you when Ethel was born? 26. Ethel was November 2011. Mm-hmm, yeah, no, I was out. Yeah, you were out. You were out, out. I also remember when you guys brought the party to Overtown when Ethel was like six, no a month and a half old

That was Christmas. You came down with Alfie. Yeah, you definitely bought the party. That was Christmas No, and Alfie had the party actually You definitely got involved Yeah, but it's Christmas That was a sad Christmas for me. I remember that was the first time that I cried with Ethel there. I remember her face looking back at me like I was breastfeeding her, trying to breastfeed her

and crying and her like, you know, being freaked out by me crying. Why were you crying? Because you were all downstairs getting high. I was looking after a six week old baby. Yeah, but what was it about? Was it like a loss of that or feeling like you didn't want that anywhere close to what you were trying to now do?

No, I felt like I'd created this environment where I wanted everyone to come down and be cozy. And everyone was like, fuck Lily and her coziness. We're all gonna get on it. Knowing that I couldn't get involved, not that I wanted to get involved, but I was like, maybe this time in my life, these people can make it about me and they couldn't. It was about something else. Sorry, no, it's the same. Unfortunately, can't change our family. We really are going to have to have a little review of this episode because we're spilling the quid pro quo.

You chose it. Family secrets. I know but let's give it more mothers. I don't know why it keeps coming. They were involved. Yes. Yes I know. Anyway.

All right. I think we should leave this question. Let's get another one. Let's get another one. Let's get a nice clean fucking question about lullabies. Hello Lily, I'm Akita. My name's Jo Lee. I'm 22. I'm sending this voice note from a lovely riverside in Norwich. My question for you guys on motherhood is, is there anything that your mom did or said when you were growing up that you internalised and swore that you would never do to your children growing up or a parenting style that you're very sure that you would change?

Lily, did you stick to any of these or have either of you found yourself thinking, oh, you know what, maybe she had a point. Now I'm growing up a bit. Some things my mother did growing up that I thought were the worst, maybe aren't as bad. So yeah, thank you. Yes, thank you, Kim, for giving us a way to counteract it

because I do have something that I won't want to do when I become a mother and I also get quite triggered if I even do it to Zeddi. So I need to counteract that with something brilliant that my mom did. Do you want to start? No, you start. No, you start.

No, no, no, you go. Okay. Think on your feet. Yeah, it's just, my mother is fantastic. You know what I wanted to bring up in this is just how young everyone was. And it really does make a difference because when I was about between sort of maybe six and nine, my mom would sometimes go to the shops or she would go to the Globe, which is like at the end of our road. And I would wake up and there was no one in the house and it just totally fucked with me as a child. I know other kids who had this

where apparently popped to this and popped to that and it's not that big a deal and my mum was incredibly present for my entire childhood. This was just something that she did because she was 25 or whatever and wanted to just go quickly see someone or pop to the shops. I internalized it and it's, I couldn't live alone or really be in houses alone

for a really, really long time. I live alone now, but fuck, I had to work on that because yeah, I got really scared really scared. Oh I'm sorry. I don't know I was all right if you were there and like Witches of Eastwick was on tv but that's just cozy night but when it was just me I was like no just waking up to an empty house is fucking terrifying when you're young. Now let me just counter out that was something brilliant um everything else everything else she did, I would do to my child.

She taught me to believe in myself, to be fucking courageous, to never stop, to love people well, and to remember who I am and what I can do in this world. I mean, you can't really ask for anything more from a mother. I love my mom. She's a wonder woman.

Now it's your go. What did my mom teach me that I'd be do differently? I mean, listen, my mom was a single mom really for the most part. She got together with my stepdad, Harry, when I was seven, six or seven, and was with him for a few years. But really and truly she had three children

and she was raising them on her own with little to no financial support from fathers of her children. And as a result, she wasn't around that much. She was surviving and building her career. And I am lucky enough that, A, I have earned enough money and B, I'm now in a relationship with somebody now who contributes considerable amount financially to the running of this household.

And I have the luxury of time to give to my kids. Yeah. And that is something that I grapple with because I miss being on tour and being the famous Lily Allen and running around and tearing up the town and going out to parties and doing crazy stuff in some ways but you know it was it's a conscious decision that I've made to be more present and listen I'm not perfect like I'm not you know making food from scratch for their packed lunches and you know well I do do that and I do make them dinner for most

nights but I just like I'm not um actually fuck it I am I'm the perfect mom no joking I. I'm here. But why not? Why doesn't any mum ever just say that? Because I'm not the perfect mum. I have ADHD and I find a lot of it really boring. I'm really bad at doing homework. I love hearing you say that. Thank you, but I don't have a kid, Lily.

And I don't want wanna have a kid. And then be like, no one told me that loads of it's really boring and really hard. And like, I like hearing that. Yeah, fucking boring. Like, do you know how much of my time I spend talking about birthday parties, what we're gonna do for a birthday party?

And it's, you think it's fun, but it's actually really not. It changes every week. It's a new idea every week, and you've got to write it all down, what color's the birthday cake, balloons, all this, you know, like we're gonna go to this swimming place, no we're not gonna do that, we're gonna have a sleepover, we're gonna do this, we're gonna have 10 people, no we're not gonna have four people,

it's just gonna be the cinema, it's just gonna, we're gonna have chicken wings, and it's like, okay, I can't pretend to be Excited about this anymore and it just goes on and on and you do you do have to pretend to be excited about it And I'm not excited I don't give a shit what Kate we're getting. I'm really sorry. I do love you No, really don't give a shit about your maths homework Really don't give a shit about your maths homework. I really don't give a shit about Spanish. I really don't give a shit about organizing play dates,

but I'm here, I'm present. They know that when they come home from school, mom's about, you know? And mom's sort of half available. That's it, mom's about. But isn't that interesting because what do we both just say? I feel so bad because they also gave us brilliant childhoods full of so much that made us exactly who we are.

And one of those things that we became, because of these sort of different versions of abandonment, but I think yours was worse than mine, independent from a very, very young age. There is a reason that you and I had careers where we were looking after ourselves and everyone around us at 16 and 21 respectively. So, you know, that's the life we were meant to have. Correct. So it's not a boohoo story. It's not a poor me.

Also I just like, I mean, other kids that were, you know, other people that are our age that, you know, had more sort of a more sheltered lifestyle turned out even worse. Correct. Oh, I think it's time for a break. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it in my little breaky bones. It's time. It's time. Okay, I trust you. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time.

Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time.

Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time.

Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. Break time. There are other chocolate bars that had great advertising as well. Yes, like... Penguin! Pick up a penguin!

Pick up a penguin! If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our club. Can we have another question please? Hi Lillian Megita, this is Kelsey from Sunny Devon. Me and my partner, we are really happy. We don't want children. And we're happy with that decision. We've got 10 nieces and nephews.

So we've had a fair share of children around us. We came to that conclusion very quickly. A lot of people do not support us in this and they're very negative about it. They think we're going to change our minds when we're older and also they normally say you regret it when you're older, when you're old there's no one to look after you and stuff like that. To be honest I think it's quite normal for people our age to not have children anymore. We like our freedom, our money, sleep.

But my question is, why do you think that people think it has a negative thing, especially the older generation? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you. Okay, I was just thinking about the word spinster. I'm really pissed off with myself for not doing loads of research on the history of the word spinster and the origins of where she came. But let's just say it, shame has been attached to a woman without kids getting older forever

and couples without kids also actually deciding to is interesting. I think when you make a decision that isn't the norm and isn't what other people do or are going to do just rubs people up the wrong way. It kind of makes people feel like there's another way to live that they haven't thought of and maybe they're... It's just jealousy. It's like when you see someone, when you're a bit overweight and you see someone skinny, try and feed them cake. You're like, come on, come on, eat it, you'll like it. No, that's just you, you psycho bitch. Shut up bitch, I know that you are the same.

We came up with a whole fat pill that we were gonna give people, so don't even try it. That's true, that's still in the lab. What was I saying? Oh yeah, we have a group of people. So you know Will and Dom and two other couples. I can't remember Liam and his fiance and then someone else. They told me the other day that they're not having kids. All three of them as couples have decided they don't want to have kids. And because

they're like brilliant and all like fantastic and seem to be very happy and living great lives and I love them all, it was just interesting. I suddenly saw it really differently. I was like, all right, so what are you gonna do? And they were like, just like have a life and have adventures and just have like a brilliant time. And I was like, oh yeah, of course, yeah. Why is it a shameful story? But maybe that works in numbers.

Maybe there's a reason that they've all sort of come together to say, let's do this together. I don't know why people have got so much judgment about it. I mean, I guess it's just like, you know, the capitalist structure and system, the world that we live in, it only works if there are like more people, more people, more money.

If I don't have kids, I'd like to enjoy that. Like we have aunties that don't have kids and they've had beautiful lives full of so many things. We're lucky we're even alive. Like, there's just too much about what you should have in this one life and what it should look like. It's like, you're just, we're lucky we're walking and we're healthy.

You don't even realize the freedom that you have until you have children. Oh. It's crazy. Right. Like, you don't realize that, especially when you have babies, like what a luxury it is just to be able to walk

to the shop and get some milk. Like it's not, like you don't think of that as like being free. But when you have children, like you can't, you just can't do anything. You can't do anything. Yeah, because Tyson just now was like, because we were staying at the top floor of this house

for our cousin Sasha's 30th birthday weekend getaway. But like Tyson was having a shower one morning. I was like, if she's having a shower, then who's holding the baby? And sure enough, there's Mabel and her boyfriend, Pre-A, with the baby. I was like, yeah, she can't even like, what's she gonna do with Boira?

Well, she washes herself. You need help. Otherwise you are chained to this thing, this beautiful thing. It's crazy. Okay, let's have another question please. Hi, Lillian Makita. My name is Daisy and I am calling from Surrey.

I wanted to know about mother-in-laws. I know historically there's always been this kind of, I don't know, idea that women especially would not get on with their mother-in-laws but I have not found that case. My husband's mum is wonderful, we've always really got on. To be honest, I see her as more of a friend. She's incredibly supportive of both of us and I'm very close with her and so I just wanted to know if you have had either the same experience with any past mother-in-laws or You know, maybe negative ones because it's unfortunate that happens to give me the juice Anyway, and thank you for doing what you're doing really really enjoying it. I hope you're both well. Take care. Bye. Bye good question

Sam's mom who is no longer with us really, really enjoying it. I hope you're both well. Take care, bye bye. Good question. Sam's mom, who is no longer with us, hmm, how do I put this? They had quite a complicated relationship and once she did something that Sam didn't like and asked me to go and talk to her, and so I did and we got a big argument and she chucked me out of the house

and she threw a Christmas present at my face. What did you do for her to do this? I told her about herself. argument and she chucked me out the house and she threw a Christmas present at my face. What did you do for her to do this? I told her about herself. Oh well that's quite a big no-no in the mother-in-law land I think. Well he told me to go and tell her. Right okay. God she got Lily did she?

Shit. On Christmas day and then she threw you out with your... No it wasn't on Christmas day it was like a month before Christmas she was Christmas crackers we used to call her Christmas crackers because she would you out with your... No, it wasn't on Christmas day. It was like a month before Christmas. She was Christmas crackers. We used to call her Christmas crackers because she would like buy her... She'd start buying Christmas presents in January. Like she was Christmas crackers. And we got in a fight.

I can't really remember what it was about. I've never had the courage to have a fight with, I've never been married, but any of my boyfriend's parents, I always really want them to like me. Do you not care about that? No, I did. And I didn't go down there like, you know,

all guns blazing. Like I was just like, you know, wanted to talk to her and explain to her something. And she just got very defensive and angry and then threw me out of the house and threw the girl's Christmas presents at me on my way out and it cut me on my face. And did that ever get better?

Did you heal that with her? No, she died Okay, that's what happened. She passed she died. I don't think we ever really Got on that well. I didn't love her very much. Mmm I've gone out with boys just for their mums Literally, that's weird three four, even like twat face. Let me think of another one. Even fucking dickhead from. Oh, okay.

You met his mom. Yeah, cause he fucking lived there. Oh shit. No, babe. No, babe. No, babe. fucking lived there. Oh shit! No, babes, no babes, no babes. That's right. And try to tell me I was a failure. I've never, ever gone to someone's mum's house. I have spent a lot of times with boyfriends who live at home with their mums.

He was in his 40s, no? Yes he was. Living at his mum's in his 40s. Sorry, I don't mean to shame people who are facing economic hardships. No, I don't wanna shame him, but he was fucking hot. No, no, he was horrible to me, so. He's a terrible bastard.

But I'm sure he was going through his own shit. And yes, and I send him love too. I'm not angry with anyone. But his mum was nicer than him. Shout out to Helen in Richmond. She was great. I liked her a lot. Anyway, shall we have a final question?

We've managed to get through Mother's unscathed. So I'd like to just quickly- Please. Quickly. I mean, I'm saying that. I'm really worried about some of the things said in part right in the early parts so we'll have to think about that but uh why don't we ask you a final question we're not taking it out bitch we're not taking it out I just feel like it's like not our story to tell it's 100 my story

to tell see and that's the the issue I need to know that it's my story to tell got it thank you I need to know that it's my story to tell. Got it. Thank you. Go on then, ask for the last final question. Get us out of here. You, Lily. You, Lily. Oh, yes. Hello. Can we please have the final question, please? Thank you. Yes. Exactly. Hello, Lily and Makita. This is Chelsea from Surrey. I'm currently sitting in my armchair post-walkies with my dog. His name is Toby, just in case,

I'm guessing you'd want to know because you want to know where we are and what not as well. I know you guys have spoken about your relationship with your mums throughout your life and that it's not always been plain sailing. Obviously like teenage hood, I feel it's like the most testing time. I am curious as to whether you've ever

felt like you have mothered your mother at any point. I certainly have done in the past. I feel like I had to like withhold a lot of information from my parents when I was a teenager. I was going through a really tough time, but they were also going through a tough time. And at the unripened age of 15, I had set it upon myself to keep them safe. I'm just curious as to whether you've ever had or felt like you've had to do that in your own relationships with your mums.

Yeah, I have. My mum went into treatment when she broke up with Harry, she was really in a bad place and Sarah was not living at home and Alfie was at boarding school. And so I felt like, I saw a lot of her at a really desperate time in her life and things I probably shouldn't have seen

and we were having conversations that I probably was too young to be having. And that style of conversation has followed throughout my life with her. What style? Just that I think that, you know, we became like partners rather than caregiver and child. You know?

Yeah. It was like, you know, you're old enough to know this about me now. And now you know this, like, you can be a grown-up. And I was like, yeah, I'm not, I'm really not a grown up. I'm actually, can't handle this information. Really not a grown up. But that's what a young person would do. Do you know what I mean?

That's Alison also being very young and going, okay, so I guess we're on a level now. Yeah, she's totally, she's completely young. And I really value my relationship that I have with my mum and I love my mum dearly when we're very close and I'm very sensitive to her feelings and her emotions, although I don't feel like I need to protect her anymore. I did when I was young.

And yeah, and then following on from that with my kids, I'm really trying, you know, have a balance between being like truly honest with them, but also not overwhelming them with information that's not helpful. And, you know, like, I'll never like, hide, you know, my sadness, like if I'm upset, but I won't go into detail if what's making me sad is like too big a concept for them to understand. And also, you know, I reassure them a lot that whatever I'm just because I'm feeling a certain way, it's not their fault. And also, it's not their job to take care of me. It's my job to take care of them. And those were things that really were not told to me when I was young.

I was just gonna say that's some real pattern breaking shit. Yes, so that is, you know, I'm grateful for my childhood and what I experienced because it's given me wisdom that I'm able to, you know, pass on to my children and not subject them to the same sort of things that I saw. I feel like I talk about the negatives all the time and that I did have a lot of really nice things happen to me in my childhood.

I just can't really remember them. We had a bloody great time. Spent a lot of time at the Pick & Mix at Woolworths. Everything was rosy. Yeah, should we try Pick & Mix at Woolworths? Shall we? They are good memories. Excuse me, do you know what we also had? We actually did also always have each other.

Yes. And I think it's why all the kids are so close in a certain way. Because the parents were a bit all over the shop. Yeah. I love my mother. Can we just end this with I love my mother. I love my mommy. I love my mom.

Also, I will just say that my mom is a fantastic grandmother. And my children adore her. And I adore her too, but she really has come into her own. I think that happens with a lot of people, by the way. I think that people find grandparenthood easier than parenthood, unsurprisingly. I've heard that. But yes.

Go Nanny Ali, love you. Go Nanny Ali. Nanny Ali. All right, I feel good. I feel good, Lilly. I feel good. Oh shit, I've got to come up with a thing. Oh, I thought it was my week.

No, it's my week. No, you chose mother's bitch. Oh, I've got a good one though. I was thinking it should be... Internet. I think that could be quite nice. Okay. All right, okay.

The theme for next week's Listen, Bitch is, Lily Allen? The internet. Ah, the World Wide Web. The World Wide Web. See, it feels good to even say it. I feel like we've bitched so much about social media. If we can get Will to find us like an old dial-up sound, that would be good. Like the...

Let's come into Miss Me with a horrific dial-up sound for every young person that has never heard that and now's the time. You don't know. You don't know what we went through to get online. 08000 30 40 90 08000 30 40 90 See you next week! See you next week! Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver.

This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds. Psst, hey there tired mum. Yes you, are you ready for a hilarious escape? We know you've got some wild stories, the kind you wouldn't share at a playdate. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to the Secret Mum Club where no story is too outrageous. This is your sanctuary for sharing the funniest, craziest and most unbelievable mum moments.

Like the time a mum transformed her baby into a tiny fake tan superstar. We embrace the chaos of motherhood with open arms and open ears. From two mums who are living it day by day. Tune in to the Secret Mum Club. Listen now on BBC Sounds.