Miss Me? - Listen Bitchmas!

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver answer your questions about Christmas.Next week, we want to hear your questions about LONELINESS. Please send us a voice note on WhatsApp: [phone]. Or, if you like, send us an email: [e-mail] episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. World of Secrets is where untold stories are exposed. And in this new series, we investigate the dark side of the wellness industry, following the story of a woman who joined a yoga school only to uncover a world she never expected. I feel that I have no other choice. The only thing I can do is to speak about this. Where the hope of spiritual breakthroughs leaves people vulnerable to exploitation.

You just get sucked in so gradually and it's done so skillfully that you don't realise. World of Secrets, The Bad Guru. Listen wherever you get your BBC podcasts. BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains very strong language, adult themes and discussions about Father Christmas that might be a little delicate to little ears. is. Welcome to Listen Bitch! Christmas edition! It's the Christmas Listen Bitch. We've trialled Listen Bitch. It's been poo-pooed by Lily Allen. So we'll see if she comes up with something better to kind of merge the energy of Listen Bitch

and the energy of Christmas. If anyone can do it. She's like, okay, okay. Me. So we'll all be on the edge of our seat. Let us know. Okay. Come up with that incredible hybrid pun.

Or you can just shake your elf shoes. Listen Chris-mas. No. Listen Chris-muss. No. Listen Chris. Listen bitchmuss. Listen bitchmuss is quite nice. Not even two minutes in, she's done it. Listen bitchmuss.

Welcome to today's Listen Bitchmuss, the Christmas edition of the well-known and much loved Listen Bitch. Friends and family are giving the questions today. Oh God, I know a few people the ones that blurted it out. Povner, it's up to God and Dino. Okay, let's have our first question. Hi Keats. Hi Lil. It's Garfield. Christmas. Do you realize, one little aside, this is

the fourth voice note I've tried to record to send to you, because I never record voice notes, and I'm absolutely rubbish at it. But anyway, let's get to the point, Christmas. Big question, turkey or not turkey? I'm doing a lot of the cooking this year, and I need some advice on that. And also, this is a question just for Lil. We have a big family tradition, the family quiz. We do it every year, we have a question just for Lil. We have a big family tradition for family quiz. We do every year we have a massive

family quiz and it gets really raucous. I'm normally one team captain, Phoebe's normally the other team captain. And I want to know, how come you've never been? You're so competitive. You're so good at quizzes. How can we even ever actually partake in one? Or have you? Remind me. You guys have a great Christmas and yeah, I'll see you guys soon, bye. My stepfather Garfield. Obviously you can't have a Christmas without a turkey.

That's outrageous. But judging from Garfield's chicken offering earlier this year. Excuse me, it's Christmas, don't. I maybe would give that a miss. It's quite difficult to get right. And reasons for having not been to the quiz, I just haven't been invited. That's not true.

That's just not true. You're probably on world tour, shithead. And I'd just like to say, Garfield really is taking the reins of the food, so he needs encouragement, not you reminding him of his fucked up chicken. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Garfield. I'm sure you're going to kill it. Don't worry, he's not cooking turkey. And my mum's already ordered all the meat and

I think she got deli to cook it anyway, so I think we're good. Turns out my mum cannot let the reinss of Christmas go even from Africa. Thank you, Carve. Really nice to hear your voice. I love you. I love you too. A man who was, to be honest, helped raise us all from Lily and her brother to me and all my cousins.

He's a wonderful man in all of our lives. But Lily actually did have a stepfather of her own, who was a man called Harry Enfield, a very big comedian in the 90s and noughties. And we got him though. Oh, we got him. You got Harry? Secured Harry Enfield?

Yeah, yeah we did. And I don't think he's really been about for a while. So this is kind of like, I guess an exclusive. No, I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago. I mean his media output. Okay. Harry and Phil back for one night only on the Miss... Miss and Bitchmas.

Hello, ladies. Lily, do you remember that childhood Christmas when I placed the roasted turkey upon the table and you asked why, on its beautifully brown skin, it had a tattoo and I replied, be quiet child or you'll end up like him. That's right, I'm an ethical cannibal. I refuse to eat the flesh of innocent animals but human scumbags make me salivate. This Christmas I hope to eat Sir James Dyson. Leaf blowers are the bane of British autumns, ruining the peace of parks and gardens as they howl at the

leaves like Victorian lunatics. Sir James Dyson was put upon this earth to invent the silent leaf blower, something he has conspicuously failed to do, and thus he must be chained by his feet, hoisted to my beam, his blood sucked away by one of his vulgar-coloured vacuum cleaners, his body cooked at 180 degrees, gas mark 6, and like a turkey, he must be gobble gobble gobbled up. Lily and Makeda, which detestable deviants will you eat this Christmas, and why do they deserve to be devoured?

Absolutely amazing question from Harry Anfield, who I think really should do the King's Speech. Yeah, because I was just narratively driven. Amazing. Love you to your voice, Harry. Who would I eat? Father Christmas. You're on Father Christmas' lap. Who would you like to devour this Christmas time? I think, let's put like, Andrew Tate in there.

I was gonna throw in the Metropolitan Police. Ha ha ha ha. So yeah, I think that answers that question nice and swiftly. I'd be a bit worried about the chemicals that he may or may not be ingesting and sort of testosterone levels and what the effects of that might be. Quite. To feed more of him to others may be dangerous. You're not making a stew for a homeless shelter, you're devouring him.

Roasting and devouring. And why have I picked the Metropolitan Police? Because I am not comparing the Met to Andrew Tate, no. They have had all their own unique failures. I truly feel as a woman this year that I just have never felt more scared by what I've heard. Rapes being committed by police against women that they're meant to protect. I've felt terrified all year and not protected by the people that are meant to protect us. Actually, I looked into it and you don't really have to look very hard.

The Metropolitan Police all year have admitted their failures and their errors and their mistakes. Right, yeah. What we would do then is probably put Andrew Tate and the Metropolitan Police together and make a big stew, a very Christmas cauldron stew and you know, the blood of an Englishman and the eye of a crow and then we would serve it to people so that, you know, it was a sort of full circle. What is it? It's police stew. And then we would serve it to people so that, you know, it was a sort of full circle. What is it? It's police stew.

But that would be the police actually serving people by serving themselves or being served. I like what you did there. There's something there. I think we should have another question. Definitely. Which family or friend or foe do we think it will be on this Christmas night of Poe? Hi Lily, it's Olivia. I hope you're doing well. I'm sending all of my love.

I know you as one of the like chicest, most well decorated individuals in the world and I was wondering what your tips were for holiday decoration without looking tacky, I suppose, because you're never tacky or the coolest. Um, bye, I love you. It's Olivia fucking Rodrigo! Oh my God, how did you get her? Merry Christmas, Lily. Oh, the sweetest, sweetest little Olivia. Um...

What do you mean, how did we get her? She loves you, she'd do anything for you, it was easy. I know, I just got... She's so sweet, she took the time off her very busy schedule for us. She's incredibly busy, but we got her. Well, the thing is, it's a long and hard road to be traveled, the Christmas decoration road. And my collection of Christmas decorations is 25 years deep, you know? I probably buy like three or four decorations a year that add to our collection.

It's like a... People often ask me that question of, you know, if you had to leave, you know, choose one thing to pull out of your burning house, what would it be? Mine would be my Christmas decorations box. Because I just love it. I love it every year, getting them out, unwrapping them, and I'm like, oh yeah, that one, oh yeah, that one. And the kids love it, I've got some from my childhood, and I think that you can really feel the history of it.

The flat that I've got in London, I haven't bought any of my, all my decorations are in New York and so I had to go and get new ones. They're nice, but it's just not the same thing. It's just not the same. This is what I was saying. So there's that.

And I think that, you know, I think you wanna put like a couple of days into it, you know. We think about, you know, fairy light placement, you know, flowers and wreaths and, you know, try and stay away from plastic. You want glass and metal things and wood and yeah, you want things that are built to last. Absolutely.

My other thing to avoid tackiness is, do not go anywhere near LED lights. Oh, 100. I don't even understand why. I mean, I do understand. I guess it's like an energy saving thing, but it just ruins the whole look. Like that cold white lighting, like, no thanks.

It's a different glow. I don't want it. I want the different glow. I don't want it. I want the warm white. I want the warm white. Do you know what as well, what was really nice when I was a kid, don't you remember those like boss man kind of like, I think these are plastic.

But they're like gels that are like flat and then you pull them out and they're always in pubs in the 90s, like garlands. My mom used to go nuts on those and we didn't have much money and that was very sweet but they're not keepable. We don't have any keepable stuff from that era. Tinsel, love old tinsel.

Oh, you do do tinsel, do you? Okay, oh yeah. Yes, okay. Yes, what I was gonna say is Uncle Nick was hanging things on the tree that were from his mother's childhood. Right, yeah. That's deep.

So it's stuff from the 30s. And then because of that, we were talking a lot about Maureen and how she was a dancer and all the kind of things she did. And I was like, look, what just a little Christmas decoration kind of evokes from people? God, what a great question, Olivia. I still can't believe that Olivia Rodrigo asked us the question. Okay, let's get down to our next one. Who have we got?

Robert De Niro. Who have I got? Who the fuck have I got? Duncan from Blue. Who have I got? What pop star did you get? It's like the Mars singer. Hello, Makita.

Hello, Lily. Steve Jones here, part-time host of Miss Me and Listen, Bitch. I got a Christmas gripe for you. It's that time of year where people start saying, is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Yes or no? Is it? Let me put this one to sleep.

It is not a Christmas movie. Okay? It's set at Christmas, but it's not a Christmas movie. Gremlins is set at Christmas, but it's not a Christmas movie. Trading Places, set at Christmas, not a Christmas movie. Gremlins is set at Christmas but it's not a Christmas movie. Trading places, set at Christmas not a Christmas movie. The definitive point of a Christmas movie is it's about Christmas. A Christmas Carol, that's a Christmas movie. Elf, Christmas movie.

Scrooged, Christmas movie. Polar Express, Christmas movie because they're about Christmas. Christmas movie, Polar Express, Christmas movie, because they're about Christmas. Die Hard, fucking awesome, but it's not about Christmas. It's merely set at Christmas. Am I right? Oh, that's how he's ending it. Okay, that question is why I love working with you, Steve, because I'm totally on side and totally understand. I'm really particular about my Christmas films. Neymar was telling me she was watching Lindsay Lohan Christmas films last night. I watched it, completed. Completed.

Completed. But that's the old trope, Christmas movie of, you know, small town girl goes to the big city, comes back to the small town, falls in love with her. Yeah. Yeah. But that's not about Christmas, that's about love. That's like it's a niche. See, they're not the ones I like because I don't want just love films at Christmas.

I need like Miracle on 34th Street. It's a Christmas themed love story. That's it. It's a Christmas themed love story. That's what Channel 5 go in on Christmas themed love stories. But I don't like them because they've always got actors that aren't working. And it just makes me feel quite sad. Like this is their career. I think that's your trauma and I think you should be happy for them that they have got

a job. I should see it like that but I'm just like ugh. But Lindsay's is what? Like a big Netflix one? Yeah and she executive produced it. She's getting paid. She's good. She's good.

And also she's got Freaky Friday 2 coming out so she is working. She's coming back. She's backy back so she is working. She's coming back. She's backy back backy back back. She's a little bit back. What is the Christmas film you actually like? What I like, Lil, are things from our childhood. I need like Narnia, Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Railway Children, Five Children and It, Roald Dahl.

I need like old school English Tales. James and the Giant Peach. I do like Meet the Fockers. Again, set at Christmas, not about Christmas. That is a Christmas movie. No. Home Alone. There you go.

That's a fucking great, Home Alone 2 particularly. God, don't you feel like you're living in Home Alone 2 by living in New York at Christmas time? No, but I do. I have discussed this on the podcast before. I do have like sort of premonitions that I am going to be the pigeon lady in later life. That's me. Oh yeah.

Pushing my trolley with my Chanel handbags in it around Central Park. Feed the birds. Oh no, that's not her song. That's Mary Poppins. But either pigeon lady. Pigeon lady is very much a spinster trope, isn't it? Don't worry, you got kids, you're fine. That is kind of an unfair thing to do

to the unmarried woman to turn her into the Pigeon Lady. I don't know, maybe she does have kids, but she lost them due to her alcoholism. I just wrote a subplot. I think maybe we should, I think we need her story actually. I'm gonna pitch it to someone. Pigeon lady. Pigeon lady from Home Alone 2. Prequel. Yeah. What happened to get her there. Yeah. Thanks. Because actually when you, when she saves him. Remember? She

lived in the top wings of the Met. I don't know, I don't remember details like that. Oh, it's amazing. She's actually a really kind woman who saves him. So I think maybe we should change the way we view our marriage women. Okay, let's have another question from friends or family. This is fun. Hey, Lily. Hey, Makeda. Merry Christmas to the Miss Me crew. What an amazing year you've had with the podcast. My Christmas related question is, who is the worst present buyer in the family? This could be an Oliver family member or an Alan Owen family member or from the extended family tribe clan. Yeah, who's the worst? Who's presently you dread opening every year, re-gift or not even bother opening? Oh, that's cousin Theo. That's our cousin Theo. That one nearly made me cry. Fuck you,

miss me team. That was a good one. I'd like to start with who's a good present buyer quickly. You're very good. Theo's very good and Phoebe Oliver is very good. My nan is fantastic when she's buying me crockery or like old bells from a charity shop. Everything else is a bit suspect. She's the only person I know that doesn't listen to Miss Me. So I'm just going to just really softly say, my Nan, I love you so much, Nanny. And she gets my crockery right. Oh boy does she, but sometimes she buys me a strange jumper. Which is weird, because we dress the same.

I'm like, buy me clothes that you want to wear. She buys me clothes for you want to wear. She buys me clothes for like a young person. I'm like no no I want your jumpers and your straight jeans and your walking boots. But I love her very much and she taught me all about charity shops and the clothes within them. Please say something because I feel like the Grinch. Um. Who's shit? Your mum is great.

I'd say Alfie. Alfie's bad. That's okay. That's okay. And that's okay to say because Theo forced us. And that's his best friend so it's probably a setup to be honest. Can I just say also just to make this less hard on my nan, my mum is the worst present rapper that has ever existed and she's passed it on to me. So no one can wrap presents for shit in this family. The only thing she knows how to do is put everything in the middle, roll them like they're a sweet and then tie them at the ends.

So no matter what I've been given as a child, it always comes like a very big quality street. Even the square things. I don't know how she does it. It's incredible. But she's a bloody good gift buyer and she's in Africa, so she might not hear this. Let's have another question from a friend or family. Thanks Theo. I loved that. Loved hearing your voice and miss me. Hi everybody. My Christmas question is this. One Christmas, me and Andy went slightly bonkers and couldn't decide which Christmas dish to cook, the turkey or whatever. So we actually ended up cooking four plus all the sides and 185 trifles requested by Makita, etc. But my question is what were those four dishes do you remember? Answers on

postcard please. Thank you. Who's that Lil? That's my mama. Four main dishes because they couldn't say what to make can we remember any of them? No. As a guest I'd say like turkey. My mum might have pulled some like pork out of her ass. Roast beef? No, I don't think we would have had roast beef. I always remember the sides with your mum. Your mum kills the side, like cauliflower, cheese, queen. And yes, I did request those trifles

because no one makes trifle like Auntie Alison, you know. I do. It really annoys me when you say this. My trifle is superior to her trifle. I haven't had it. And that is the end of that conversation.. That is the end of that conversation. And that is the end of that question. Let's get another fucking question for this bitchmas.

Hey Keats, hey Lily, this is Kelly. Long time no see. Now, I remember you girls being the life and soul of the party back in the day. Now that we've got Christmas coming up, what tips can you give for surviving family parties and the inevitable Christmas day meltdowns? Oh my god! Kelly Okereke! Kelly Okereke from Black Party isn't angry with us for outing him as a buzzhead a few months ago, oh miss me.

Oh my god, Kelly from Black Party, We used to have a lovely time with Kelly. He has a family. Yes, he has two daughters now. God, we're all so like grown. What would your advice be Lil, to stay away from any, was it kind of family friction, oh, disasters? Sorry, I got so excited to hear Kelly's voice. I forgot to listen.

No, to avoid Christmas disasters. I mean, I'd say just like watch your alcohol intake because, you know, the more booze you've got in you, the more you might tell people about themselves and they might react. Especially if they've got booze in them. So I would just take easy on the alcohol. It's a bit like airports, isn't it? Christmas people are like, let's drink from 9am. It's like, is that a good idea? I don't know how well that's ever gone for us on this day.

And I don't know, just like chill, you know? Just try and blend into the background is my coping mechanism and family situations. Don't try and be front and centre because there's a lot of people battling for that place and it's just not worth it. I think I'm going to take that advice this year from you. Do you remember when I had a Christmas drop last Christmas and you were like, have you finished your Christmas drop? I was like, oh fuck you. But yes I have. Kelly, fuck off. Good work, miss me team. You sneaky little Christmas elves, you. I feel well loved up by all the people in our life.

We're gonna take a little break and we will see you on the other side for some more Listen Bitch missing. World of Secrets is where untold stories are exposed, and in this new series we investigate the dark side of the wellness industry, following the story of a woman who joined a yoga school, only to uncover a world she never expected. I feel that I have no other choice. The only thing I can do is to speak about this. Where the hope of spiritual breakthroughs leaves people vulnerable to exploitation.

You just get sucked in so gradually and it's done so skillfully that you don't realize. World of Secrets, The Bad Guru. Listen wherever you get your BBC podcasts. Welcome back everyone to Listen Bitchmas, who's around the Christmas corner. Hi, Lily and Makita. It's Phoebe from Brighton. My Christmasy question is two questions about Father Christmas. Do you remember when you found out that Father Christmas didn't exist? I remember figuring it out when I stayed at Makita's house and Andy gave us our stockings and a pair of her tights that she cut in half and I suddenly realized that she had a hand in it.

And also, what was the other question? Oh yeah, what kind of stuff did you used to get in your stockings? What was like the staple, staple Alan Oliver stocking fillers? And yeah, that's it, happy Christmas. A woman who needs no introduction, the third musketeer, the silent member of Miss Me, Phoebe Oliver.

That's it, Phoebe. That's it, Phoebe. Not to be confused with tall Phoebe. Absolutely, not if you know your shit. Christmas stockings. No, but how did you find out that Father Christmas was real? Sorry for every child I see. I'm not talking about that. That's not... What are you talking? I don't know what drugs she's on, but you know what childhood you had, Phoebe?

Yeah, I'm sorry that that happened to you. And you should talk to your therapist about it. But it's an outrageous lie. It's a some of us, you know, just unhealable in certain areas. Some of us still believe Phoebe, for God's sake. And, uh, stocking fillers. Um, well, I loved, I love fruit. You made me the most incredible stocking of my life.

The Christmas I spent with you guys in, um, Overtown. And, uh, it was so great. It was like proper sack from Father Christmas. Massive and full of like designer clothes and makeup. I was like proper sack from Father Christmas. Massive and full of designer clothes and makeup. I was like, this is fucking amazing. And I'm 32. This is great. And then a few tangerines for a little bit of that Christmas smell. You've got to get the tangerines, nuts, Terry's Chocolate Orange.

Yeah, my mum was really good at Christmas stockings. I mean, Santa was really good at Christmas stockings. I mean, Santa was really good at Christmas stockings. And yeah, we would get things like, you know, MAC lipsticks and then matching lip liner. Maybe little bits of jewellery. They're kind of like mirrored where she was psychologically. There was one year where she was not in a great place and was sort of like in and out of rehab and it was like, you know, here's a check for 500 quid or something. Love, Santa. Gays are slightly nice. I don't have time for this shit.

When we were like, we get it, we get it. It's okay, it's okay, don't worry. And we were like, we get it, we get it. So it's okay, it's okay, don't worry. But usually, she was consistently pretty damn good. A lot of cashmere. Oh my God. Yeah, we was spoiled with our Christmas stockings. I have to say. Where in this Christmas shop, I was like,

oh look, they've got letters. Like, R for Roland, these are Phoebe's kids, R for Roland, L for Leo. My mom's like, then you have to fill it with stuff. And I was like, I know. She's like, I just, I don't think you're going to have the time. I just don't think you're going to get the right stuff. I was like, I know how to fill a stocking for the kids or ask Father Christmas or work with it, work with Father Christmas in his workshop, work with the elves. So I'm going to do these stockings so well, maybe not as well as Alison in the 90s,

but they're gonna be good to prove my mum wrong. There you go. Let's have another question please for this week's Listen Bitch Christmas edition. Hi Keith, hi Lili, it's Tyson and baby B. I have a question for you and it is about Christmas puddings. And no, I'm not talking Christmas pudding as in a Christmas pudding. I'm talking puddings at Christmas.

I want to know what your ideal after big Christmas meal pudding situation is. Just to clear that up, not including a Christmas pudding. We can get better than that. I think I know what Makita's might be, but give us some options. Tell us about your favourite juicy Christmasy Yuletide desserts. Love you both. Bye. Thanks, Tyson. Oh my God. Trifle, obviously.

I'm partial to a Yule log, I must say. Which is what? Chocolate? Chocolate cake, yeah. It's like a Swiss roll almost, but then covered in chocolate ganache. Yeah, it's delicious. Yule log. So is it important for your Christmas pudding for you to look like a Christmas item?

Like a Yule log or, because I like more like ye olde Victorian, like spotted dick. Right, yeah. Or like sort of sponge, like a sort of treacle sponge. Totally treacles. You like the warmth. This is me. I think I am a Victorian.

This is so it for me. Thank you, Elphie. Thank you. But then there is a trifle. Let me talk about why I love a trifle because I love layers. And I also love the colour of trifle. I remember trifles being depicted in kind of Janet and Alan Alberg books and Roald Dahl books and just children's books with great illustration. And so I quite like food that looks like a drawing and trifles always do. They always look like a picture. They're so pretty. And everyone does their own little spin on them. Listen, the reason I love Auntie Alison's trifles

more than yours is because I don't think you've, I've had yours, but Alison sometimes puts a spin on it like the lemon meringue one, which I wasn't feeling that much. I like it classic. Do you keep yours really classic? Yes, and I use jelly instead of jam. She uses jam and it really upsets me. Oh, she stared to me. I didn't know she used jam. Yes, she uses jam. Oh, please. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's why I've just not understood you.

I felt like there's been a lot of miscommunication going on around this trifle. And also my presentation is perfect. Like my mum doesn't even like, you know, let the sponge absorb the stuff first. Like she just pours it all in and it goes all cloudy and it's like, no. I must have been drunk. I'm sorry. I think you were. I think we need to, cause you let those lay, cause those, you got to have that line on the side, right? You got to see what's going on for the bite yeah because it's all about the scoop of every layer let's just say what it is you like the toasted almonds on the top yeah i do actually yeah because marx and spencers used

to do that now they're too scared to it's a mistake in my eyes but yeah we can still handle them by the way mar but not everything has to look like kids food. Okay, who you got next? Go on, who you got? Hey girls, it's Nene. How are you? Auntie Nene to you. Merry Christmas. Listen, I've been trying to think of a good question. This is maybe not that great, but I feel like Christmas is a very volatile time. We all have really kind of high expectations of what we want it to be. Mine is basically that I'm like entrapped

in a kind of Fanny and Alexander, I don't know if you know that film by Ingmar Bergman that has the most amazing Christmas scene with this huge, incredible table of spread of food. And so I'm always kind of entrapped in trying to recreate this vision. And sometimes, you know, it's just pushed me over the edge. And you too, like we're all family here,

I just know that you've been through, as we all have, some ups and some downs, some high, good time Christ Christmases and some that were maybe not that great and I wonder what you've taken away from those as we continue like what do you want to recreate from what you grew up and that worked and what are you throwing in the bin Merry Christmas bye She the fucking best. Nana Cherry, Auntie Nana Cherry. I'm so pleased. Nana that actually was a great question because that's a very Nana question.

Nana's deep like an ocean and she does push herself so hard for her kids and for her family and for things to be, to give them a life of a certain level. And I think that's what happens at Christmas, all that kind of crystallizes, doesn't it? It's like, right, right, okay, now perfection must be put in all places. But actually, Nana, I would say my greatest memories from a lot of childhood Christmases was the mess and what comes with that. I don't mean some of the mess, no. I mean just like the chaos, especially like if we're talking like dodge days back in the day. I felt like everyone was quite chaotic, music everywhere. Someone might be playing an instrument

or something and there's quite a lot of food going on and the kids are screaming each other. I love chaos and I think what happens is that people try and create too much stillness in their perfection and there's a lot of joy to be found in chaos and mess. I say stay away from perfection but I want to say thank you to our families for giving us so many Christmases with us all together so that we have so much shit to remember in so many different houses across so many years with so many of us. I love that question. Thank you, Nana Cherry.

You said you wanted to be like Nana when it came to your household. It's true. I just always felt like there was, you know, cause you kind of like had like a merging of families at Christmas and I love Christmas, but it was always, you know, just me, my mom, my sister, and my brother, really.

Unless we went to see my grandparents or something. But yeah, so it always felt a little bit lonely, maybe. And yeah, I was jealous of all the raucous fun that was going on and the quizzes that I've never been to. You know, that was a big thing of like over town, my house in the country. That was a big part of it for me, was that I wanted to create this space where, you know, I could host lots of people and it feel like full and vibrant

and, you know, create that feeling of togetherness for my kids and me. Yeah, you did that. Do you remember that Christmas when all I know is that Beyonce, Drunk in Love had just come out because we were wrapping presents and you were like, she's so clever to have just dropped this out of nowhere or something she'd done that you were very impressed by. And it was me and you and someone else and we were wrapping two rooms full of presents and I was just like fucking hell Lily has put our spread on. You really did do that with Overtown. Times when I wasn't there as well. I know that you threw lots of Christmases and had lots of people there.

Yeah this year I haven't really done anything because I'm working and I'm not in New York. I'm flying there after this but I, you know know, they, the kids have been holding thought they've done the Christmas tree. They've done the decorations is it is Christmasy. Um, but I have yet to see it. I'm not in my Christmas zone yet. What is it that you feel like you want to give to the girls? Most importantly at Christmas, um, that you don't think you had. It's just like fun and connectedness and yeah joy. Well after all those family and friends

calling in I'm smelling a massive amalgamated cherry oland, wait a minute, cherry oland, a massive amalgamated cherry oliver owen, Alan, Christmas, Shindig, uh, re-vibe. Cause usually we do it if there's like, I think we did something once, I think it was cause my mum and Nana were filming a cooking show, whatever, with no cameras, no podcasts, just our family all together. Leave it to me. I'll organize it. I'm gonna show Ethel and Marnie how we do it.

Let's have our last question for Listen Bitchmas. Hey, kids. Hey, Lil. It's Sash. I'm coming to you my third question. Garfield took the first one. Theo took the second one. Here we are. So you guys are hosting a joint dinner party. You can invite three people each, dead or alive, they can be famous or not. Who's coming? And Keats, just to make it a little bit more difficult, you cannot say Barbara Streisand.

Anyway, love you guys, Merry Christmas. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Fuck you. What do you mean no Barbara Streisand? That is cousin Sash, who is married to cousin Theo, but they're not cousins. Don't worry. I think-

Wait, remember we're hosting together, so they have to work together. Okay, that's fine. So, but we get three each. Okay, I'm gonna invite two people that are dead, and I think that you should invite two people that might suit them romantically. Yes. So we can see them at their best, their flirtatious

best. My two people. Kurt Cobain? No. They're not going to be famous. Oh, oh, what? Just dead people from the people that we've lost in the family? Yeah. Oh, Lily. I want Sean. I want Sean too. And I want Judy. Yeah. Sean, Judy and Dodge. Oh my- You bitch.

Yeah. What do you want? You want romantic partners for these people? Well, just like people that they would enjoy their company. Oh my God. Okay, well, Lily. I would say... Phoebe and Theo have to be there. Right. Yeah, but like I would say Marley because, you know, he never got to meet his grandson.

Which is Theo and Sasha's son. Well, maybe it's Phoebe, would say Marley because you know, he never got to meet his grandson. Which is Theo and Sasha's son. Well maybe it's Phoebe, Theo and Marley. But then what about Phoebe's kids? They don't get to meet their grandpa. Oh that's true. We might as well make this dinner a bit bigger. Yeah. So they're coming.

That is so beautiful. Dodge. Oh my god. We should, we'd invite the whole cooking gang, like get him back on, we'd get him back on the cooking, let him use that fish oven again. Roger Pomfrey, also Christmas Portobello Panto legend, died about 10 years ago, I think it was, was my Christian godfather and he was known as Dodge, yeah. And I miss him very much. He was like, when he died, it really like spun me out

as my first sort of introduction to sort of mortality for me. It was like the first person in my life that died like as a, yeah, I don't know, it was just, it was horrible. Yeah, I remember that time. We all fell out, it was horrible. I remember, yeah, I remember that time. We all fell out. It was awful. Oh, back to the lovely dinner of where heaven meets earth. I'd also would like to bring a Bawara Tyson's, Tyson's daughter,

cause Tyson was Judy Blames. That was her uncle. That was her godmother. And I just can't believe we can't go to this dinner. I know, I just really can't go to this dinner. I really want to go to it now. Sasha, of course you took us there. Sasha's the writer. She's the writer of the family and she's got boy does she know how to spin a narrative. And also can I just throw in Cher? Could Cher come?

Sure. Cher can come. I think it's time to sing our song. Are you ready? We wish you a listen, bitchmas. We wish you a listen, bitchmas. We wish you a listen, bitchmas. And a happy new year. Yay! What a year. Good live shows we'll bring to you and the United Kingdom. We wish you a listen, bishmas and a happy new year. Come on, now we're straight off the time.

No, bruv, you still got it. Just call 2024 the year of fucking miss me and listen bitch. What a year we've had. I hope you've all had beautiful years too. Good luck to all your families all together on this wonderful time. We will of course be taking a Christmas break just like all of you around the world. I hope you enjoy your Christmases everywhere wherever you may be told us all your locations Throughout the year if you're in a little flat or a big house or by a lake or on a hill or by a church

Enjoy your Christmas. We will see you in the new year for listen bitch and the theme will be loneliness Can I just edit that sorry good shows we'll bring to United Kingdom. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch.

Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch.

Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Wish you a listen, bitch. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneca production for BBC Sounds.

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From Tortures Investigates, this is Sweet Bobby. Listen now on BBC Sounds. sounds. Yoga is more than just exercise. It's the spiritual practice that millions swear by. And in 2017 Miranda, a university tutor from London, joins a yoga school that promises profound transformation. It felt a really safe and welcoming space. After the yoga classes I felt amazing. But soon, that calm welcoming atmosphere leads to something far darker. A journey that leads to allegations of grooming, trafficking and exploitation across international borders.

I don't have my passport, I don't have my phone, I don't have my bank cards, I have nothing. The passport being taken, the being in a house and not feeling like they can leave. World of Secrets is where untold stories are unveiled and hidden realities are exposed. In this new series, we're confronting the dark side of the wellness industry, where the hope of a spiritual breakthrough gives way to disturbing accusations. You just get sucked in so gradually, and it's done so skillfully that you don't realise.

And it's like this, the secret that's there. I wanted to believe that, you know, that whatever they were doing, even if it seemed gross to me, was for some spiritual reason that I couldn't understand. Revealing the hidden secrets of a global yoga network. I feel that I have no other choice. The only thing I can do is to speak about this and to put my reputation and everything else on the line. I want truth and justice

and for other people to not be hurt, for things to be different in the future. To bring it into the light and almost alchemize some of that evil stuff that went on and take back the power. World of Secrets Season 6 The Bad Guru. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.