Miss Me? - Love Is Facetuned

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

Lily Allen and Jordan Stephens discuss where they first met, performing on stage and the latest series of Love Is Blind UK.This episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Rose Wilcox Executive Producer: Dino Sofos Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

BBC sounds, music, radio, podcasts. This episode of Miss Me contains some very strong language and some adult things. Hi, welcome to Miss Me. I'm joined by Jordan. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Lily. What are you saying? I'm saying, say.

How are you? I'm good, man. I'm just, I'm really enjoying the gradual decline of summer. Do you know, yesterday I was driving on the motorway. And the sheer volume of St. George's crosses and Union Jacks being hung from bridges and painted badly on roundabouts. Really made me think about what is going on here. Wait, you're not into any, you're not into national pride? No?

I mean, I think that only acceptable time for St. George's Cross is if England have made it into the finals of the Euros or the World Cup. Right. That is for me the only time that we need to see those flags. What I love about that is that St. George was Syrian. Isn't that mad? Like the actual history of that saint. Oh, the irony. Syrian, Palestinian, just to add more fuel to the flames.

Palestinian! What? yeah can you believe it on Wikipedia as well hang on you couldn't write this shit I know I remember thinking at the time I meant this is these guys need to do one search before just one search I also I find it very interesting

that if the saints of the flag that everybody's putting up did try and get into the country they would of course be denied access by the very people who now celebrate him no he'd be being put up at her hotel and obviously where you from

what's your name you say St George come come I've got Premier travelling with your name all over it where'd you come from Syria

but Lily we can't laugh at this stuff it'll only wind them up seriously they'll burn something laugh at they'll burn something yeah I find it interesting

that if there was going to be any real complaint about immigration I'd be interested to look at the people who store their money in various houses and apartments all over the country with no desire of having them filled just as basically a safe or place of refuge they would be interesting to speak to considering we have such a home homelessness crisis yeah what about those guys

that's that's problem has been going on for a long time it has it's so but it's so weird that for some reason they are not the ones they're being investigated and being torn apart that's not the immigrants that are being no they're just not because they've they got nice cars and that you know I mean so you just blend in yeah it is interesting anyway how are you how you've had quite an eventful summer you've been back on the road yes tell me how that feels yeah been gigging been gigging again with um risal kicks uh with harley that's been i mean we did a couple we did like one show last year did a short run at the start of the year and then we did festivals again and uh yeah really cool like kind of wild to be received in the way we have been after i guess eight to 10 years um but it's

been thrilling and i've still got loads of energy so is it only eight eight years ago that you lot came out no that we stopped you stopped eight years ago okay yeah we've had a we've had a decade hiatus when's the last time uh you performed actually lily um my last gig was in Dublin in 2019 oh 19 that's not too bad was that like a private thing

no it wasn't it was a it was like a festival and um the prime minister at the time Leo Vardarkar it was gay prime minister was there he was like right up at the front sick it was nice it was a nice it was a nice gig it feels like fucking I mean a million years ago

yeah I can't imagine doing that again. And then also we've had similar, we've had similar experiences recently. Have we? We just finished a play, yeah? Oh yes, plays. Yes.

Talk about fucking out. It's only been a week. And I'm like, what are you talking about? What have I done? What do you mean? What do you mean? We've been, had a phone conversation with McGee, Toronto.

I, yes, I just did a play. You are starting a play. We had some, a little bit of, back and forthing about tips on the old WhatsApp or other messaging apps that are also available and you know you were worried about your lines and the listeners will remember when I was at the rehearsal stage of the most recent play that I've done I also had similar concerns about my lines yeah you have nothing to worry about they are in there and it will all be fine I promise yes yes it's it's quite uh there's the basic structure

of play rehearsals and then going to tech and all that kind of stuff do all plays kind of follow a similar structure because you've done four or no, three? I don't,

I mean I can't tell you because I've done three plays. Three. Not including school productions, Railway children, but the Railway Master's son. Of course, of course. I've done two West End productions

and one in Bath and they were all with the same director so I reckon he has the similar it's all been pretty much the same but from you know it's you know sort of four weeks rehearsals basically and then you go from rehearsals into tech which means

you go into the theatre for four days, five days before the play starts and you're doing all of the you know the tech stuff so like the lighting cues and you know anything that has to be happening on the side of stage you know props people moving stuff around

costume changes all of that stuff that's when all that stuff gets worked out and but you'll be going over and over and over the same bit until they get all of the lighting cues and everything right so that's when for me that's when the lines have really gone in because you're you know you've you've got the time in the space you're not just sort of like running scenes you're like yeah running moments and so and and also there's something that you know about um you know when you're up on your feet properly and you're in the actual space and you can walk around, you're like, oh yeah, I'm at that, I'm standing at that edge of the sofa when I'm delivering that line. And there's something that happens sort of visually

in your, in your brain. The movement helps with the memory. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Tell me how you're finding the rehearsal. What time are you getting there in the morning? It's 10 to 6 every day. And are you the lead? You are the lead? I'm correct in thinking you are the lead. Technically, but it's a, it's a kind of three-hander. Uh-huh. It's a three-hander, but it is, I am entertaining Mr. Sloan. I am Mr. Sloan. Do you leave the stage? The director currently has it in her mind that I won't.

So you're going to be on stage the whole time, basically. So you can't. I mean, there's like, again, I shouldn't say too much because it's not been finalised, but there's two parts to the stage. It's also in the round. Oh, it's in the bloody round. I've not done anything in the round. Yeah.

So there's nowhere to hide. Yeah. So, look, it's all, I'm loving it. because I'm like, wow, I can understand why actors fall in love of theatre because, you know, like you say, there's so much attention given to like why a character is saying this, how one movement, shifting attitude, energy, you know, like eye contact can alter the chemistry of an entire scene that's fascinating to me. Just like the actual chemistry, science of the scenes is so fascinating. A lot to learn, of course. But, you know, I guess it's also a blessing that all of it's new. I have everyone's using these terms. I have to tell them to explain them to me because I don't know, you know, when we're stood up, sure, you know, when we go into, you know, everything goes like this in the third week, all right, sure.

You know, I don't know. I've got nothing. Nothing to go by. Yeah, my last theatre performance was, I have to say, are quite fantastic. No, it was, I think I was like, wait, I must have been 12 and there was a school production of South Pacific, I think.

Oh, okay. And you know what's mad about it as well? Actually, I might as well say this story because it's so ridiculous. I basically went to this audition and I'm pretty sure I nailed the audition, right? Because I did, if there's any justice by Lamar as my song. Banger. And my speech was like, I think my monologue was Jabawaki. The Jabalwaukee, the poem.

Nailed it, right? I know I nailed the singing because like there was one popular girl who was way into me for like two weeks after that. so obviously it was you know what I mean and so I get I get this part this big part in the play right can you imagine this and then it gets to rehearsal time I walk in and the teacher is saying to me oh Jordan I didn't realize you'd be here and I said why didn't you realize I'd be here and she said so one of the other students told me that you're away on a school trip so I've cut your part in the play oh my God so I was like well so she went don't worry don't worry I'll make it up to you and she gave me seven different roles in the play like just random chorus odd parts they I don't probably cast yet

and it was a complete Did you get sabotaged by someone then To this day I don't know who sabotaged me Lily But there was one scene Where I had so much to do I had to be one of these sailors who came on stage and offered something to one of the army men

I can't even remember the story Anyway I freaked out because I forgot what to grab to give the army man so I grabbed a banana and shoved it down my shorts this was filmed yeah it was filmed

and so I stood up and said I've got something for you and then I pulled a banana out of my shorts I was 12 by the way and everyone just laughed and I was like definitely wasn't supposed to be funny but you know there we are

there we are I had no pockets in my shorts that was why I had to put it down there yeah so that so that was my theatre debut so South Pacific it's the last thing that you did before you've done this At my school, yeah, when I was 12 and now I'm doing theatre for proper, yeah.

What made you want to do it? Listen, this was like the third, if not second theatre audition I think I've ever had in my 11 year, 10 year acting career of like random little roles and it's come along at a point where I'm in every year I try and quit acting

because I'm just like, this is a ridiculous thing to do and it came along and the night before I was with Ashley Thomas Bashie who was a great, a comfort, accomplished actor anyway I was with him and I just said to him

I was like Bash listen I got this I got this audition tomorrow what should I do and he told me what you get told when you start but I'd gone through so many auditions I'd forgotten it and he went look go in there

act like you own the place and leave before they before it's uncomfortable yeah so I literally went in and was just like walking around getting up when I wanted that's what you've got to do I need a friend like Bashley

to give me that kind of advice do you know I mean a little pep talk yeah realigned me and then just own it just own the place Yeah. Interesting. So here I am. I also, you haven't done the performing aspect of theatre yet,

but people often will ask me, oh, how different is it performing on stage than a play than it is when you're singing a song? And usually I just don't even think about those answers very, like, well, and just give them some sort of, like, monotonous rubbish that they're looking for a sound bite but actually I have thought about

this and I find the process of being in a play much more akin to being in the studio and writing than being on stage performing because you are

trying to make a story make sense over a finite period of time and to me that is what is I think is what is interesting about it it feels like it's like a sculpture it feels like storytelling

if I'm up on stage at a festival or if I'm up on stage I'm not I'm not really storytelling like I've done the storytelling it's on the album or it happened in the studio I'm just like performing this story does that make sense and also it's performing to the crowd I think people underestimate how different it is

to be connecting to an audience rather than being in front of an audience, being observed. There's no fucking fourth wall when I'm Lily Allen. This is me and the crowd. Lily, you know, you've just unlocked the craziest memory of mine. When you said that about, when he did the silly impression of someone asking silly questions, I remember, this is mad, I remember there was this time where Rizzle Kicks had just started, we were doing quite well, and we got on the train, and somebody said,

oh my god are you Rizzle Kicks and me and Harley weren't used to this at all so we were like yeah yeah yeah we're Rizzle kicks why and they were like oh my God oh my God like where have you been how come you're on the train and we said oh we've just been in the studio and they went did you see Lily Allen and what I mean Harley was like and then I thought she thinks that the studio is a place a singular place where all musicians go which I think is actually quite amazing she just was like you must have tweeted

it probably will be one day to be honest you tweeted you must have tweeted like earlier that day being in the studio and she go oh my god you went to the studio you went to the studio too but fair enough why would she you know why would she why would she know that there are many studios

I guess if it's not part of your life I love that for her Do you remember when we first met, for real? I cannot. I can't remember. I would have assumed that you would have remembered Liddy, which is fine. I'm used to it. Well, you're used to people not knowing when they met you,

or you're just used to meeting people that are completely off their faces on mind-bending drugs. Actually, oh, you might have been mashed, to be fair. Look, I mean, I have a bizarrely good memory. That's not something I will say, unless I and myself, I'm like completely off it. But I know my first memory of you But this is what I wanted to ask before I don't know how much you speak about your family on here But I actually met like all of your family first

I think other than your dad Really? Yeah I met like I feel like I've got this memory Of spending a Christmas boxing day Playing games with Sarah Sarah? Yeah my sister Sarah yeah

And and Alison What the fuck where? But I remember I have this memory of being like Oh that's Lily Allen's mum, that's cool No but was I Lily Allen at that point Yes, yes you were Lily You can't have been that young then How much younger than you were me?

Me and you even How old are you? 33 Shut the front door I'm 33 Shut to the front door You're lying I'm not lying

I remember as well because, no, because listen, because I remember the whole joke with Makita is that she didn't acknowledge my existence until Rizzle Kicks were chart toppers. I was introduced to Makita seven times from the age of 14. I mean, you probably have this. Like, when you are a friend of Makita Oliver's,

quite a lot of people will say that. They're like, yeah, I've met her like so many times, but she never knows who I am. It was a crazy time. It was a crazy, crazy time. No, it still happens. It's still doing it. Yeah, I remember, wait, did your sister,

did your sister work in like a vintage store? Yeah, my vintage store. We both had a vintage store together. It's called Lucy in disguise. Okay, I can remember that. Yeah. I remember that. So I remember your sister working in a vintage store.

I remember you're playing Christmas games with your mom and sister with Andy and McKita and everyone when I was a kid and McKita didn't know. In fact, that was one of the occasions where McKee went, oh, hi, I'm McKeeter. And I'm like, my name's Jordan. I'm best friends of Kane. I've met you. I came to your birthday.

Anyway. And then finally, I remember seeing Alfie, like, kind of fall out of a party that I was supposed to be working on the, in a cloak room for, for Garfield. Okay. So I met everybody other than you. And then when I met you, it was at the cow in West London. with with McKee okay well no wonder I don't remember

so um yeah and was I nice probably not I was probably really obnoxious no I wouldn't say obnoxious I mean I find it I'm like a chocolate Labrador so like it takes a lot to really bug me with people like for some reason

I understand that everybody has different ways of approaching life my only memory of you at early doors was you weren't into hugs that's all I can remember still not into hugs really Unless it's with a significant other. I'm not into, I don't, I'm not a tactile human being.

You've been more, been more tactile with me in the last, you know, when I've seen you guys at the live performance, he gave me a hug. I've done a lot of work. I've done a lot of work and I am trying. But I'm, I wouldn't, I wouldn't say that I'm, I'm comfortable with hugging. I'm not a cold person. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm very lovely and kind. I just.

Yeah, I'm a hugger. I wish I was a hugger. And I also remember being a hugger when I was a kid and needing, like, hugs and cuddles, particularly from my mom, not so much from my dad. But, yeah, I would really crave and I'd crawl into bed with her and, you know, I'd have snuggles. And I remember the second that I got a boyfriend, it was over. It was like, I didn't want to be touched by anyone other than my boyfriend. partner yeah a complete transference that's fascinating can you can you actually remember though when you first met me though not when you first not not not when you actually first met met me

have we met what's your name again jake isn't it is it jake um no i i can't but i but my memory is like appalling. I'm trying to think of a time when you might have you might have been like, oh yes. There's another time where you played me some music once in a car outside the birdcage. No, not birdcage. Where was the other one?

It was probably my second album I was playing you. Yeah, I remember that. And then I remember Hasley McKeeter for your number because I tried to get you on a song which was quite old. audacious for me to even ask to be honest because it was it was pretty low low key project and we weren't that close but i did try i think i did ask you i don't really do a lot of features i wouldn't take that personally you know i'm not i'm not a big um it's probably linked to the hugging in some

way like i've i'm just like a on my own kind of gal how many features have you done well okay i actually now i'm not a big feature person i have done um obviously it's five o'clock in the morning with T-Pain. That's no, that's them remixing you. Yeah, but it's, it's, it's, it's T-Pain featuring Lily Allen. Oh, because he flipped your... He, he sampled me, so yeah. Doesn't count.

What's the next one? Are you talking about songs that I've had that have had features on or feature, me featuring on other people? No, no, songs where someone's gone, Lily, here's the tune, here's my, here's my stuff, I want you to see. Okay, pink, that's true, whatever song that was that I did with her. Wait, common? Common.

Banger. Produced by Karnia. West was a banger I never met Common until we did the video it was just me and Kanye in the studio yeah I look him up yeah he's pretty out there

Burner boy Cannot say no to burner Before he was Before he was an international superstar I must say Oh you blew him up I blew him up He will he credits me with it by the way

If you speak to him He'll see him out and about He's like you're the one You put me on When no one else gave a shit And I was like, you're just damn straight. Come on. Who else?

Shy effects. Yeah, legend. Legend. We're going to go to a break now for anyone that's interested. It's break time. Hi, well, welcome back from the break. We're going to talk now about love is blind. Oh my God.

Have you watched it? I have. I've done my research. Oh, I'm so happy. No, no, but I've not seen all of it. I've not seen all of it. Okay, where are you up to? No, I just had to get myself up to date with spleen, man.

Patrick. I wanted to know where, I wanted to know, like, whether or not this is something I could get down with. Because in principle, listening to the body, listen, Lily. You know, obviously listening to your gut. In principle. You know, your gut instinct, fine. but no Patrick is not the man

It was more Like I was expecting there to be More of a mystical relationship Between him and his spleen But what transpired was Whenever he felt insecure He just made the decision And blamed it on his spleen

Yeah But like I watched the bit where He asks Oh and this is a pet hate of mine Asks a singer If she could just sing for him Which for me If that was me

That's that you're gone already That's ridiculous. Like, are you okay? Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Can you show me your spleen? Are you going to sing for me? Are you going to sing for me?

Basically, any time he got uncomfortable, he would put it on her to be like, are you going to sing for me? Yeah. And then she's gone, well, I don't really just sing on cue, rightly so. And then he's gone, oh, I think my, oh, something in my spleen is telling me this isn't right. That you're not able to be vulnerable with me. we are talking about a man named Patrick who is a what is it a human

oh no you're right he calls himself a human design coach he's a human design coach I'm sorry that is a fucking pissing he runs a business or is involved in a I actually can't stand that organisation called human design where the central belief of said organization is that one must

act on and make life choices based on what they feel in their spleen. I personally don't even know where my spleen is and I don't know where... It's very useful. I know that it's useful and that we need it. No, you don't need it. You're right. You can live without it. but I don't know if I had a pain in my spleen

if I would be able to tell you that it was a pain in my spleen your spleen has been screaming Lily I don't doubt it I'm not really a big fan of reality TV and I don't really watch that much of it I kind of have seen I've subjected to some love island because I've got three young cousins

that often stay with me and make me watch it Lily which means subjected What are you trying to say? This is gold. You're talking about modern Coliseum-esque theatre and you know, you know it. I hear you. I understand that there's an audience for it

and it's very successful and it's, you know, become, it's very like zeitgeisty. Well, not even because it's been around for 15 years. But it's just like, I don't know, it's just not for me. Like I find like navigating the modern world of relationships it's like difficult enough without these fucking

insane TV shows like love is blind the concept behind it is like fucking bonkers and no one stops to be like hang on I mean I guess they hide behind calling it a social experiment

a whole time right but it's like no I don't even know how long they're in those pods for it's probably like three days shoot or something so they get to know How many is two weeks or something?

Okay, two weeks. I mean, much of a muchness, really. Yeah, I know. So two weeks of like talking to someone behind a screen and then you go and you choose your person behind the screen. Probably already ask them to marry you without having seen them. Yeah, wild. Okay.

Wild. And then you see them and you're like, he's all right, not very nice trainers, but I can look past it. I'll move into a house in Manchester within for a month. Okay, then. So then they go and they move into a house. house in Manchester for a month and then it's like 12 days till the wedding and it's like what what is what what are we doing like there are young people watching this that are like oh okay

yeah this is how relationships work no one no Lily no one thinks that no one thinks that's how people are treating each other in the world at the moment yes they do it's the opposite of love is blind it's the right now is the opposite of love is blind it's right now in the modern world, it's love is, love is only seeing. No, it's not. Because what you are seeing is all like, it's all airbrushed and AI. So actually it is blind. Everyone's catfishing out here. Love is altered. Love is altered. Love is altered. Love is, what do they call it? Love is face tuned.

Love is ultimately, probably a bit disappointing when you can't face to face for the first time. it just feels like we're fucked it just feels like we're fucked well we're having to adapt for sure it's definitely like there's definitely like some kind of standoff as it were going on there's just a massive avoidance of intimacy

going on right I think ultimately and also I think that there's a lot of I think the phones I think the phones are really distracting and I think that there's a lot of justification for how much time people are spending on their devices that gets projected onto and into relationships. Well, we were going to talk about this because I,

so the first week of rehearsals for the play entertaining Mr. Sloan, I was on a burner phone because I wanted to be locked in. I wanted to cycle to work, do my thing, come back, I didn't want to be distracted. And it was good. I had my WhatsApp and whatever message on the last, but it sent me into an existential crisis and you too are in a situation where you've come off the social media so how have you found how's that experience been for you without social

media are you like why don't I do this sooner? Well mine isn't just social media mine's the internet full stop so quite often you know I will be sent emails from you know people like work people saying like open this link and I can't even open the link it just like goes you have to put in a code because basically my assistant's put a child lock on my phone so I can't go on the it. I can't go on Instagram. I have figured out a workground that I can ask chat GPT certain things and I can open a link through chat GPT. But that's the only time. I feel, I feel, I think I feel better because I'm doing probably what we are supposed to be doing as human beings, which is, you know, I'm still picking up my phone because I'm an addict, right? And so,

anything to distract me from being myself and in my body will is most welcome. And so I pick it up and I look at it and then I realize I can't go to the meaningless, useless information section of the phone. And so then I like go through my contacts and I'm like, I guess I'll just call a friend or a family member and I speak to people. Yeah. I don't know. I felt as if I hadn't realized how much of another dimension.

mention phones were in like I really sat there I hadn't daydreamed for ages I was at lunchtime just watching people and being like wow suddenly I had ideas ideas were coming into my head I wanted to write them down with no with nothing in between me and the idea that was crazy did you have a do you have a notebook I don't have a notebook no I had a had a tablet but it was like you know I can just write on that there wasn't anything else on there other than YouTube or whatever but you know I can control myself with that but it was more that I felt like I wasn't to in a certain dimension that everyone else was in. Like, I felt like I was missing out on this existence,

but my existence was actual life. I've been looking at people in the eyes, but they're in another world. And I don't know what's in that world because I haven't got it. Do you mean? Yeah, I hear you. There was this bizarre.

No, you feel left out as well, yeah. Left out, yeah. And there's all these updates, but I'm like, what about the update of, like, actual existence? Like, we're actually here. There's issues here, too. I can see stuff. That's wrong.

Yeah, I feel like it's been really helpful. where my kids are concerned because I can be really you know my kids can be like mom can't help me with this and I'd be like yeah just two minutes I've just got to watch you know Bonnie Blue talk about why she needs to have sex with a thousand people today um it's important and you know genuinely my brain is like this is important I need to I need to see this while my child is asking for my attention yeah that's mad so I do I do feel like um they have benefited somewhat like me and my kids have been like spending time together and really laughing a lot you know that's nice yeah been really nice anyway um

it's been really nice talking to you and I feel like we've solved a lot of the world's problems there my pleasure Lily um are you gonna come back for listen are you gonna come back for listen bitch one day I think so are you yeah yeah come on Jordan will be joining me next week on Monday for ListenBitch where we will be discussing justice That's right

Justice Who's that? Thank you so much for listening to Miss Me and we will see you for ListenBitch on Monday Bye Bye

Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver This is a Persefonica production for BBC Sounds. Hello, I'm Maisie Adam. And I am Susie Ruffel. And together we host the Women's Football podcast Big Kick Energy. The award winning.

Oh yes, award winning. Yes, very much so. And we're your go-to gals for everything women's football-related ahead of this summer's Euro. And beyond. Oh yes, and beyond. Yes, we intend to stay. We'll be covering everything from the players,

to the games, to how the tournament works. To which team would be the most fun to go on a hendie with? Wales, obviously. Oh, it's obviously Wales. Yeah. Listen to Big Kick Energy now on BBC Sounds. I think we smashed that. I think we did.