Miss Me? - Monty The Don

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver discuss the Met Gala, garden centres, pregnancy and their summer plans.This episode contains very strong language and adult themes, as well as issues around childbirth. If you're affected by anything you hear in this episode you can find more support at bbc.co.uk/actionline. Producer: Matt Thomas Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan HaskinsMiss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds.

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. This episode contains very strong language and adult themes and a gentle warning.

We also discuss issues around childbirth that some people may find upsetting. Hi. Hi. Look, I finally... It took me a week to open my gifts. I'm not going to bang on about my birthday anymore.

I'm very sick of talking about it. But look at this bad man jumper. I was going to say, when you walked in, you were wearing that. Very nice. birthday anymore i'm very sick of talking about it but look at this bad man jumper i was gonna say when you walked in you were wearing that very nice isn't it like proper old school it's like v-neck oh yes podcast is it it's a black is it black yeah navy-ish v-neck with like red golden green around the v-neck it's just classic niceness who bought that for you? I don't know. It's the only it's the last mystery. It's the last mystery everyone else has accounted for. So if you are

an auntie or uncle that got me this you might yourself be known. And thank you. I thought I'd wear my Arsenal top instead. Hello. Hi. How's it going? I had a weird weekend I have to say. Really?

Okay. We can unpack that. No, not too much, please. Feeling fragile off the back of it. Yeah. Also, you lost your phone. I feel like we haven't spoken for weeks, but it's only been two days. Yeah, but I just, yeah, I lost my phone.

In a really, like, normal, I'm a person with a together life. It just didn't feel great the first week in my 40s, Lizzie. I was like, fuck's sake. And all I was doing was going to see Seb. Seb is my friend of, I think, 20 years, because I met him at my dreadful 21st birthday party, remember, in the church. Oh, yeah.

Ah, yes, that shit party. And Alfie brought him. Your brother brought Seb into my life. Unsurprising. Anyway, I've known Seb forever, and he is just a fab human being, one of my best friends, and I love him very much,

and I did genuinely feel like I was taking Zeddy, my puppy, to, like, meet her gay uncles. And they, like, looked after her really well, and she had her first bath with them. And, yeah, she trusts Zeddy to have her first bath in an. And yeah, she trusts Eddie to have her first bath in an Islington townhouse. Good for her. We probably had our first bath with our gay uncles.

In an Islington townhouse down the road at your mum's. Yeah. There you go. But I actually stayed up and watched Met Gala Red Carpet, which I've never done in my life at Met Gala. It was a pretty disappointing year to get into it, I have to say. What do you mean to get into it? I have to say. What do you mean, to get into it?

Well, because some years are more impressive in terms of the turnout of the clothes. I didn't think that they were very good. Oh, I thought Zendaya looked fab, and Isabel Hubbert looked fab as well. And Naomi Watts, but that

was it for me. But you know what? That wasn't what I was really thinking about. The clothes were, you know, whatever, but that was it for me but you know what that wasn't what I was really thinking about the clothes were you know whatever but it was more about American broadcasting is so different like I don't even think I could call myself a broadcaster over there I don't I wouldn't know how to do what they do it's so insincere it's actually quite shocking and there's just like this kind of like facade. It didn't feel like there was any truth in the way people were talking to each other

and interacting with each other. But of course, it is this huge example of, you know, narcissism and everyone's kind of worst self stroke their best self. And it is fantasy land, but there is absolutely no connection there. The interviews with the people, the people with each other, it just doesn't seem any connection.

Yes. Very strange TV to watch, I have to say. Was it, what did you watch it on? Oh, my God. I was kind of a little bit like to my friend Hassan, who is my friend Seb's boyfriend, and he said, don't worry, I'll just, I'll get it. I said, yeah, but what coverage are we going to watch it on?

And bless him him he picked Vogue Live which was a very weird mix of Gwendolyn Christie who is someone that we know who's fab fab and very smart and she was with Ashley Graham who is a very different energy right and it was like uncomfortable and so Gwendolyn was trying to talk the truth, trying to bring some truth to the proceedings. And Ashley was having none of it.

No truth here. No truth here. Just lots of like, I can't wait to party with you inside. Okay, yeah. It was just really like, unbalanced.

But it was, you know, I couldn't stop watching it. I've been a couple of times to the Met Gala. You have been to the Met Gala. Oh, God, Lily Allen. I went for the first time in 2014. And then David and I went together a couple of years ago.

You did the couple Met Gala red carpet. Yeah. Whilst I'm very honoured to have been invited both times, you know, my social anxiety and the Met Gala really don't mix well, as you can probably imagine. But there was also like, when I was there last time, not only did Anna Wintour send over an assistant to tell David to be quiet twice during the dinner

and the entertainments I don't think will ever be invited back. But it was so awkward because, do you know who Huma Abedin is? She's like a sort of political person here in America. I think worked quite closely with Hillary Clinton, if I'm not, I think so. Anyway, while we were there, I was sitting on a table with, what's the Jimmy, not Jimmy Kimmel, but the other one. Is he also a late night person? Jimmy Fallon.

Oh, right. Of course. Oh my God, of course. Okay, so he was on our table. Who else was on our table? Maggie Rogers, I think. Oh, very cool. Rebecca from Chanel, who I love. And me and David. Thank you for giving us this insight.

Can I just get a little bit more detail? Just a little bit more before you go? Because this is quite interesting because I want to know. What, when you say the entertainment and like the dinner, when you go inside, what happens everyone gets sits straight at a dinner and then someone sings yeah basically you sit down and um and you know you eat some food okay sounds thrilling so far starter will come out and it'll be like a bit of you know asparagus or something and then um you know usually like a fish course or something and then you don't need to give me the name you know like those corporate events what the food's like yeah and then there's

entertainment yes so um it'll be compared by someone like Jimmy Fallon or whatever and then they'll introduce music now what was funny not funny but interesting about the year that we went is this woman whom abated came over to our table and said um it was the night that we went is this woman, Huma Abedin, came over to our table and said it was the night that the news came in about Roe v. Wade being overturned, potentially being overturned, that it was something that the Supreme Court justices were considering. And this was obviously very shocking news to everybody. And then almost as that news spread around the room and everyone was, you know, horrified and talking about, you know, this sort of like impending doom of like

reversing people's reproductive rights. Um, Leslie Odom Jr. was introduced on the stage and started singing, a change is going to come, which was the first awkward bit it did look like a change was gonna come and it wasn't gonna be a change that people were happy about um and then um and then Lenny Kravitz he got introduced and he started singing American Woman and it was like oh god old American women have to have babies when they don't want to have babies. That's awkward. But then it was like, you know, back to business. We're all here to like represent brands. Yeah, but that's what's interesting about the Met Gala when I was watching yesterday.

I was like, what is the messaging? And interestingly, the theme was, it's just like badly worded. Sorry, I'm not just hating on the Met Gala. I think it's quite exciting and interesting to watch. And I do love clothes, but there was a very strange atmosphere yesterday. It was like the garden of creativity. It was nice and vague. Didn't really mean anything. So they have one job, these beautiful actresses and models and all these people to come to the carpet and say, this is why I'm wearing this. And no one could really explain why they were wearing the outfit they were wearing. And some people who were like kind of patrons

in the face of sort of sustainability and things like that were just, they seemed lost. And I was like, it's quite simple, isn't it? We're trying to talk about the earth and mother nature. And I don't know, it just felt like no one was connected to anything they were talking about. That's all I had to say. I just had to get that last bit out.

Some very very very tedious links going on can we talk about my garden center that I went to please do oh my god, no listen, this was like Disneyland for garden centres. I went with cousin Naima and cousin Tyson. Tyson is eight months pregnant now. This baby is coming. And everyone's got kids in our family. I don't know why I'm so emotional about Tyson being pregnant, which is just so cute with a little bob, Lil. so cute with a little bob lil and um we went to it's a garden center it's sort of the bottom of alley pally i'm sure everyone in crouch and muswell hill and surrounding areas now like i know which one you mean i think it's like i think i'm a bit late and now my garden is blooming and i told you one of my ambitions for the summer was to have a great balcony and i'm like really getting there feels great it feels great to grow and to sow and to seed. You don't garden, do you, Lil? No, I don't. I am trying to grow my investments though, but just not plants.

Yeah, but this is the thing. Gardening mirrors life. So if you're out there kind of, you know, working with the soil, laying the groundwork, think about it. It is a lot like life. And like, you have to believe in things. You have to have it is a lot like life and like you have to believe in things you have to have patience you have to have trust you have to go with the flow bit of risk there's a little bit of jeopardy there is there's a bit of jeopardy and also surprise like you know like people say let life surprise you it can be more beautiful than you could ever dream of that's very much like a garden you're like i want roses here this color this color yeah cool but also see what

will come when I was in the hairdressers the other day these um the people that the person that was in the chair next to me was having like a full-on gardening enthusiasm conversation about um they couldn't remember his name but they were clearly talking about monty don oh well the americans yeah yeah they were talking about this british gardener he has like a program he's got like a little dog like a golden retriever what's his name i can't remember i so wanted to be like monty don you're fucking idiot he's a gardening legend he's an absolute icon of our times for fuck's sake get a grip

and don't say that in Buckinghamshire it's a modern day capability brown for fuck's sake we were walking around our neighbourhood the other day and there's like a little community garden at the end of our road and they had um like a little trestle table out the front with a load of books for kids in the you know vicinity to just help themselves to and take home and or donate, leave there. And a little tin of seeds for herbs and like a bunch of other stuff.

And we took a few packets of seeds. So Marnie's been growing her seedlings. They've been put on the windowsill and she's, some of them are sprouting. We've repotted them into some bigger pots. I've never really done any of this, but I'm now doing it with my child. Do you know, the fact that you have these children that are these ages, I don't know, it's getting a little bit like about to be teenagers. And I was also with another pregnant friend of ours, Charlotte Roberts,

came around and I haven't seen her since she's been pregnant. And she's like a week in front of Tyson. And when I walked down the hallway, I just started crying. And it was just ridiculous. I just started crying when I opened the door and she was pregnant. We just wept in each other's arms. That bit much.

Could never be me. Could never be you. Did you let me touch you when you were pregnant? Absolutely not. Did you let me talk to the baby? I don't know. I mean, the thing is, I was on bed rest for both the babies.

I was in bed on my back watching the West Wing. So do you not have any good memories of pregnancy? No, I felt so sick during pregnancy. I was like, I felt like I was on a cruise, seasick the whole time. It just was gross and also just terrified because obviously I'd had a pregnancy that ended in um you know pure horror and disaster so I was you know living in sort of relative fear for the whole both of my pregnancies really that things would not turn out the way that they did but you know everything's okay and with Marnie as well you were still still scared yeah really scared um and then you know Ethel was really sick when she was born and then

Marnie when she was born they thought she had a problem with her heart and I just remember going taking her into the hospital for them to do this sort of like heart um test and it was like the most scary hour of my life it was terrifying but it turned out she was fine yeah I was gonna say at that point you must have been like can I just get some feeling of safety with my babies please jesus i think the two girls tyson and charlotte are most just freaked out that they're about to push a baby out of their body oh yeah it's the worst oh no can you just not could you just say you go into such a transcendental beautiful beautified state that it's actually fine uh it's trauma it's trauma because the thing is you can't really remember it and that's the way

that god designed it because you would never ever do it again if you could okay because when you were um pregnant probably all times i don't think there would be have been god would there have been apps uh well if there were i didn't have them i didn't have been, God, would there have been apps? Well, if there were, I didn't have them. I didn't have them. Right. So they've both got the app where it says what vegetable or fruit your baby is at that point. Oh, right. And what size it is, yeah.

What size it is, exactly. Which is very fun. I really like that. It really helps put it into perspective. What are they now? Like watermelons or something? No, watermelon's the end game. Okay.

Watermelon's the end game. Okay. Watermelons, the end game. And I was like, ooh. Do you know what the worst thing is about labor? Go on, tell me. What's the worst thing about labor? Okay, so. I can handle it. You're pushing this thing out

and you just can't believe that it could fit out of there because, you know, the things that have fit in there previously you know sometimes you're like that's enough the idea that something could oh right okay that's what you'll say okay even that is enough um no so you are pushing and pushing and pushing and they'll be like okay okay, that's the head. And you're like, oh, phew, the head. And then your brain goes, wait, hang on a second. That means the shoulders are next. And your brain goes off. Yes. That's like double the width of a head.

Like you're like, no, no. Do you feel that then? Of course you feel it. Of course you feel it. Now that's the bit where God cuts out your memory. You're like, okay, you're not going back there. Blackout. But it's funny with, with Ethel, you know, it was a pretty like long and arduous labor.

And then with Marnie, you know, Dr. Colin Davis, who came to do my, was my obstetrician. He came to like check me and I was like, you know, two centimeters, three centimeters dilated or something. And then he went off to go and do his like afternoons, you know, appointments. He probably thought that I was like six hours, seven hours away from, you know, labor. And it must have been 40 minutes or something. And I was just sort of like rolling around on the rubber, you know, the it must have been 40 minutes or something and I was just sort of like rolling around on the on the rubber book you know the medicine ball like this or and I just felt something and I was like oh this is kind of familiar I think I might be having a baby and

I said to the midwife I was like can you just check to see everything's all right and she was like you're fine don't worry about it and I was like um no I really think you should have a look it feels like something's coming there's Um, and so I got back up on the bed and, you know, she looked and she was like, whoa, we are nine centimeters dilated. We are ready to go. And then she called Colin Davis and he had to run from his, um, surgery, which was down the road. And he came into the room, like, you know, out of breath because he'd pegged it back and he was wearing his trainers still. know out of breath because he'd pegged it back and he was wearing his trainers still like usually he's quite well to do wearing his you know that's

very dedicated from him i've never asked i've never asked about the stories of your labor and like birth yeah well there you go now you know my mom said it's like pooing trellick tower Trennic Tower okay but not for me good luck good luck guys good luck Shark good luck Tyson it's lovely it's lovely to see

this kind of life happening around we had some yeah it's just been a weird week a lot of like ups and downs and like

tests and challenges maybe you're maybe I'm having a midlife crisis maybe that's what this is you need a Porsche I'd love to pass my Maybe that's what this is. You need a Porsche. I'd love to pass my driving test, but I don't think I need a Porsche.

What about your hairdo? What's that to do with? Oh, midlife crisis, for sure. Oh, your famesies. No, I just went to the hairdressers last week to get my roots done because my greys were coming through and she was like, what color are we doing? doing and I was like I don't know um I said I maybe like a bit of a lighter brown because I like the lighter brownness and she said um quite often I do this when I work work with makeup artists or um hair people or even you know not um cosmetic someone, if I had like a nice painting or something that I needed framed,

I generally accept that I'm not an expert in these fields and these people are experts. So I'll often say, whatever you want to do, you just do it. With your hair? Yeah. Oh my God. That's why you've had so many hairstyles. And Lena was like, yeah, let's do this.

And I was like, okay, fine, go for it. What have I got to lose? I quite like it. I'm quite up for it. Oh my God. I didn't, I mean, I mean... Congratulations on the play. Oh! OK.

I genuinely haven't talked to you about it. No. Since we last spoke. So, here we go. Yeah, another play. Hedda... Can you tell me... I don't think I've ever known how to pronounce the garbler bit. Hedda garbler. It is garbler. Hedda garb you tell me, I don't think I've ever known how to pronounce the Gabler bit.

Hedda Gabler. It is Gabler. Hedda Gabler Ibsen, yes? It's an Ibsen play. It's an Ibsen play. And you're doing it in Bath. I didn't know that. I'm doing it in Bath at a place called the Ustinov Studio,

which is not the big theatre but the studio that's next door. So it's very intimate and it will be, it's just a five-week run in 2025 so we are getting rather ahead of ourselves it's not oh is it not this year okay i was wondering why you weren't having a little bit more of a like shit this is happening no i'm having an effing summer holiday this summer because three years ago i did 222 a ghost story in the west end and then the next summer i did Dreamland and then last summer I did the pillow man so I haven't had a summer holiday for three years that was so on

the same page I can't believe it I said someone yesterday uh said I guess Seb he was like what are our summer plans I was like I kind of just want to fuck around like I don't I just want to like go on holidays and hang out with my dog and I actually want to pass my driving test and start going to see other... We're coming, my nan. Go to see other gardens around the country. Lovely. That I've seen previously on Gardeners World. Have you been to the Lost Gardens of Heligan?

No, that sounds so up my street. It's in Cornwall. You'd really like it. It's right next to the... Very close to the Eden Project, which is also something else that you should go and see. Eden Project I have been at. I've worked at the Eden Project before.

Well, the Lost Gardens of Heligan are quite close and are quite a sight to behold. Do you want to come with me? Should we do a little gardener's world road trip and then we can leave the country as well? Well, I am,

what am I, what am I, what are my summer plans? I've noticed recently, just just in the last week, I guess it's since the weather's changed. When I've like texting friends, I'm like, yeah, let's meet up. And then, you know, I'll then seg into what are your summer plans? So adult, isn't it? What are your summer plans? No, it's actually quite American.

Is it? Yeah. We don't ask people what they're doing for their summer, but I would like to know what your summer plans are. My summer plans are on June 13th, the girls break up from school. So we are flying to London and I am sending them to their dads for a month. Bye. Bye.

And at that point, I don't really know. I've probably spent a few days in London. And then, you know, I do quite like a little solo trip to the continent. Do you? Yeah, I love a solo trip. I love a little, you know, a few days in the sun somewhere with some books, nice restaurants, just me and my little renter car. I've never done that for myself you

see how I got a bit stroppy in Kenya at some points um I uh I think and you know I was like I think I just need a bit of time alone I think I what I need is a holiday on my own I think I should do that and you you've done it quite a few times I'm absolutely terrified but yeah should I tell you when they first lifted the travel ban after COVID but the Americans were not allowed to travel to Europe um the whole of uh Italy was just empty because usually in the summer it's just full of American tourists Chinese tourists Japanese tourists um and uh and it was empty so like I'd never been to Capri before and I went there and it was empty. So like I'd never been to Capri before. And I went there and it was empty. It was so nice. All the hotels were empty.

All the restaurants were empty. That's the opposite to what Kourtney Kardashian and Travis had at their wedding. They were in Sorrento, I believe. Yes. And I saw how busy Italy can be in the summer. I mean, obviously there was quite a crowd following them. They were having a three-day wedding. But I thought, oh, Italy looks quite busy in the summer. I mean, obviously there was quite a crowd following them. I forgot actually if they were having a three-day wedding. But I thought, ooh, Italy looks quite busy in the summer.

Yeah, Florence is a nightmare in the summer. Florence is a nightmare in the summer in Florence, darling. You want to go to Florence in the spring. Easter is perfect. Not too hot. Well, the spring I have plans. Next spring I'm going to the Highlands with my Scottish family. I'm doing it.

I'm getting right up there, right at the top. That's nice. Isn't that a nice thing to do? Yeah, you could go to, what's that island called where George Orwell wrote, where 1984 was written and also the KLF burned a million pounds there. What is it called?ura Jura Jura where is this I think it's Scotland oh it's Scotland oh the Scottish island of Jura in the inner Hebrides oh my god there's absolutely nothing there but um you's what i'm looking for can i just miss me crew miss me audience if you're

there we just had a little taster of how good lily is at doing accents and i don't know why it like makes my heart flutter you're so good at it like you're so good at it or to the point where my sister or my dad or someone said you've got to stop doing a scottish accent because it's so bad like i have to sort my shit out because it's offensive because I'm half Scottish. But that was brilliant. Can you just give me a little bit more?

No, now you're asking me to do it. I can't. Yeah, no, you can't do it. Okay. So maybe just throw in something later on if you want. We're going to have a break because the sun is shining in London, Lily.

The sun, it's not even just shining, it's hot. Okay. Like it's like, I might play some Finlay Quay when I go on the balcony for this break the weather is great

exactly it's a bit sun is shining weather is sweet see you in a minute go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet.

Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Welcome back to Miss Me. Oh, it's nice to be back. I bloody love Miss Me, Lily. Do you? I actually, yeah, really do. I don't think you're the only one, babe. I don't think you're the only one.

I think there's a few of us out there. I hope so. But today, well, I got a really nice way of knowing that people are listening. And it was really unexpected. We were walking, me and my friend were walking down the street and this girl just went, oh my God, it's really weird. I'm literally listening to Miss Me right now. And there you are.

And I was like, oh, like, that's nice. Like literally bumping into someone listening to Miss Me. I quite liked that. I got quite a nice message this morning from somebody. Should I read it to you? Oh yeah. It was like the first thing that I looked at this morning when i woke up and i was like she said hi lily i just wanted to say i find it wild although maybe not so shocking that all

the news stories about you since your brilliant podcast have started have only focused on your alleged criticism of beyonce nepo baby comments on surgery or your husband and all twisted to paint you in a somewhat negative light. And none of them are about your recent account of that awful ordeal you went through with your stalker. I had no idea that that happened to you

and I'm sure a lot of other people don't either. It just proves your point further. The shocking lengths that the media goes to to try and control your narrative and undermine you. I absolutely love the show.

You and Makita are smart, refreshingly honest, and also such wicked role models. Power to you both. Love from mum. No, I'm joking. Wow. It's funny. It's funny.

Love from auntie Jeff. No, what was her name? What was the lady's name her name was cat i believe cat thanks cat see you for brunch soon that's a really nice message and a really nice way to start the day but i'd like to talk about deteriorating friendships instead okay no that's something that you said that you kind of wanted to talk about is this something happen uh no um well yes kind of a friend of a friend i fell out with somebody a few years ago because they revealed something to me about something that they'd done do i know them yeah yeah you do um and since that person revealed that thing i just haven't really reconnected with them for whatever reason. They were quite, they tested my patience anyway. And then this thing, he revealed this thing to me and I just thought, you know what?

I just don't need this in my life. I don't need this friendship. And so I don't know whether it's because the podcast is on and it's sort of like, you know, we're being talked about. I don't know whether it's because the podcast is on and it's sort of like, you know, we're being talked about. He contacted a friend of ours and was like, what's wrong with Lily? Why doesn't she want to be friends with me? And I just sort of said to this other mutual friend,

like, it's done. It's over. Like, just tell him to drop it. Like, I don't, I just don't need it in my life. Feels a little bit ruthless, but also it's just like, it's just a lot of drama there I'm I tend to be I think I'm quite good on the whole with people and I'm not particularly ruthless I don't there's only a handful of times where I've sort of like cut people off and and

stuck to it Lily you really don't like losing people no so this is I think this is a nice new dawn like it's nice to have a clear out it's really important it sounds very 39 clear out to me well it happened it happened a couple of years ago but it's because he's he is you know been in contact with another friend of ours and said you know is there anything else there that you know is there something that i can do and it's just like i don't i just don't i just don't need. I just don't need it in my life right now. But that's what I mean. The incident happened a few years ago,

but your reaction to it is where you're at now, which is like, is there space for this? No. No. And do I, but part of me is like, it feels like I have to justify it, but I don't think I do. No.

You know, he revealed something to me that wasn't very nice. And I heard him and I was like, you're right me that wasn't very nice. And I heard him and I was like, you're right. That's not very nice. I don't really want to be around you anymore. Yeah. Yeah. That's the consequence of your actions.

Live with it. It's true. But yeah, I hear you. And I think it's really exciting to know when you don't need, it's not even just, it doesn't even, it's not just a friendship. It can be romantic. It can be work.

It can just be any energy. You can just be like, when you know that you don't have space for shit, a lot of space gets made for some much funkier, groovier shit. Yes. But then also I think like, you know,

this person that I'm talking about, it's not like the doors are closed forever. At the same time, in the same breath, I don't want that person to be like waiting there like a puppy dog for me to open the doors and welcome him back into my life with open arms. But it's just like, can we just both get on with our lives? And, you know, if in 15 years time or whatever, there's a space reveals itself where things could be patched up. But I'm just not in that space right now. I'm doing something else. I've got other priorities is that ruthless is that mean no absolutely not it's really important but you know what it is oh I know what it is Lily it's uh it's quite

self-serving which is great for you to get more practice in with is that well put yeah but you know what it's something that actually really winds me up about um modern culture is the self-servingness especially like in like a younger generation like I feel like there's so much there's so much um uh and I guess this is why I feel uncomfortable with it because I actually really generally hate that language that you see on Instagram or on social media about no negative energy, no toxic this, I'm cutting this out of my life, me first.

I'm not being, no shame in being selfish. I've got to, you know, and I just find it quite funny how people can talk about themselves in this way this kind of selflessness uh selfishness sorry um and then in the same breath talk about how much of an empath they are it's like you can't have it both ways but this is almost it reminds me of just like in the 90s these were the girls with bad energy who had crystals do you know what I mean? It's just like, it takes more than a sentence. It's like, how do you live? But that's what I mean

by self-serving. It's very important for one to look after oneself. That doesn't, but how you put that into action is a huge part of it as well. Remember, all this new language about things, this is just like, the year of magical magical thinking one of the first kind of like positive affirmation books it's like the 60s i think like none of this is new the language is just new but looking after oneself is ancient and important yes but i think there's a lot of hiding behind it as well because actually we talked about gen z um on the show last week or a week before yeah i think so and um and i read some one of the comments on our instagram post was like can we stop gatekeeping um uh healthy emotional boundaries or whatever i was just like

what are you talking about what literally what are you talking about i feel for people in their 20s they didn't they didn't have any I was thinking I was genuinely thinking about it like if I didn't have like the community stuff that helped bring me up and help me learn how to be with people and be with my friends and you know I'm talking about like play centers and after school like I mean you know a lot of the kids around me were single parents so we were just in the park with each other every day all day for years and years and years and it just I don't know you just gain a different kind of connectivity with your community and the people around you than if we were on phones yeah as simple as that really so I feel for you you don't have any community centers I was literally

raised by our play center and Shepherds Bush yeah no well yeah there was the one in Shepherds Bush and then we would go to Acklam together. Acklam. Yeah. Well, yeah, there was the one in Shepherd's Bush and then we would go to Acklam together. And Acklam is in Portobello under the Westway. And it was a pound, you know, a pound for me to go all day long. My mum was like, that I can do. And I can have a life and have a job. It's the same with our one in Shepherd's Bush. I think it was like Brackenbury Village or something.

But it was, yeah, a pound for a day. And you just go there and all the kids from the neighbourhood would be there playing and there'd be like people supervising you, doing arts and crafts or... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is it all gone? I don't know where they've all gone. It's a mystery.

It's a mystery. I wonder who took all the community centres. I don't know. Maybe somebody who'd bring them back. Well, whoever had the power to take them away could bring them back. I went to see Giggs play last week. Oh yeah, you did. Look at you with your New York City life.

I have to say The video Was it you that put up the video Where Giggs is on stage And then to the right It's just like Busta Rhymes getting a drink Laughing

Money in a girl's belt Yeah that was That was it Hilarious Yeah I have to say The sound of Giggs And the vibes of Giggs

Knowing it was in New York Felt vibey Vibey It was It was really good I didn't actually see him. It was so annoying. He, he, I think he did not like the venue very much and he just like did, you know, ducked out pretty quickly afterwards. But he said, he said he's going to be back soon and we should

have lunch. But, um, he, it was great. I went with my friend Sam Wilson and Lynette and we all were like Brits abroad and we went to see gigs in New York I felt very old correct me if I'm wrong but you kind of I feel like you're getting a bit more like social at night or something in New York in your life right now or something maybe a bit more of a crew yeah maybe I've got a bit more of a crew because you know it is weird for me to think of you over there because I'm surrounded by all our people constantly and i know i need that in a way that you don't you've always been better at that than me being kind of connect disconnected not disconnected but not living near the family and stuff but like i do want you to have a crew and

have a nice have a good time feels like you're having a good time at the moment i feel like i'm bit you know i'm quite i'm also quite picky yeah you. There's quite a lot of friends of yours that have come and gone. That I, at the time, was like, you shouldn't waste your time with that person. They're not nice people. And you'd be like, give them a chance. Cut to two years later, they're not around anymore. No, that's not what you called them.

You would go up to them and tell them that they were the flavour of the month. Yeah, nice to meet you. Anyway, should we save? There's a few things we're touching on that I want to talk about when I call you next time. So let's just stop. Let's just stop. It's like blah, blah, blah.

Let's just stop. Let's just stop. I'd like to ask about your friendship with Giggs a bit more because I've never really known about your friendship and I know you really, like, he seems like someone who's quite dear to you. He is very dear to me. We should talk.

That's a whole episode. Let's try and coincide it with when his album drops. Let's give Giggs an F when the album's out. A Listen Bitch special. Today's topic is Giggs. It could be concerts or it could be the rapping. Anyway, this isn't Listen Bitch. I'll see you

for Listen Bitch next week. The topic is property. I'm excited. Are you? You're hiding it quite well. I am excited about property because all I want to do is gut a house right now. That's the only thing on my goals list.

Gut a house. First, you've got to get a house. I've just got to get a house. And then I can gut a house. Anyway, this is like literally next week's chat. So I will see you then. Bye. Love you, babe.

Love you. Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds. If you're affected by anything in this episode and you want more support, you can go to bbc.co.uk forward slash action line. Anyone who knows us knows we are obsessed with true crime. We're here with a new podcast exploring the dastardly deeds of history's most atrocious criminals. There'll be mystery, madness and moments of... Oh my God. Murder They Wrote with Laura Whitmore and Ian Sterling.

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