Miss Me? - MOTDQIA+

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver discuss housing, great TV twists and who will replace Gary Lineker?This episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Flossie Barratt Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Production Coordinator: Hannah Bennett Executive Producers: Dino Sofos and Ellie Clifford Assistant Commissioner for BBC: Lorraine Okuefuna Commissioning Editor for BBC: Dylan Haskins Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

BBC Sounds music radio podcasts. This week's episode of Miss Me containscasters, Lily and Meghita. Lily, do not call me a podcaster. Well you are, for the purposes of this show. No. Okay, what do you want to be called? Okay, what is not a podcast? It is a podcast, but we're just two people doing podcasts, we're not podcasters.

Okay. It's a whole different thing. You wouldn't want to roll there either, believe me. I mean, I just put myself into that bracket, so clearly I don't mind that much. Although someone did, I'm doing some charity work at the moment and I'm talking at an event in December and they asked for my bio and they were like, should we put Lily Allen, singer, songwriter, actress, and podcaster? And I was like, no, you can leave the podcaster bit out.

Exactly. And why didn't you want that bit? I don't know really. I know. It's just something about the word, I quite like broadcaster. Yeah, I can see why you'd like that. Okay, hi, welcome to Miss Me

with your favorite broadcasters, me, Lily and her, Makita. No, you're not a broadcaster. What? I'm a broadcaster. How rude. How rude. No, no, no. It's why it works.

It's why Miss Me works. If you were both broadcasters, it wouldn't work. You're an artist. I'm a broadcaster. When those two things come together, you get Captain Planet. Whatever babe, you deal with the labels, I'll just get on with my life. I think what I really want to know is what charity work you're doing.

I'm doing something for the Forward Trust, which is a drugs and alcohol addiction charity. And I'm doing some other charity stuff as well. I'm trying to be more active in the world and my community. In fact, last night I did some care in the community. I got in the lift of my building where I'm living and a man and his daughter walked in to the lift and she was clearly having some sort of medical emergency. And they were talking and she couldn't really talk. She was sort of breathing very. And they were talking and she couldn't really talk, she was breathing very heavily. And they were like, what bust do we have to take to get to the hospital? And I was like, is everything okay? And he said, no, I've got

to take her to the hospital. Oh my goodness. And I said, well, why don't you let me give you a lift? So I gave him a lift to the hospital. That's really nice. Is she okay? I don't know, because I didn't get their details or anything, they were having an emergency. So I just sort of dropped them off and they said, thank you very much.

And I said, of course, no worries, anytime. You are good in emergencies in your friendships as well. I've said this before, you are good in a crisis and you're quite a good rescuer. So I love you putting all your powers onto your local community. I do work for the community as well. I am going to get 2,000 people skipping on Sunday

for a charity that I work with called Run Kids Run, which is great. They get like kids and their parents skipping all over the city, all over London. And now we kind of do the warmup and get everyone skipping. And it's an intense day, but it's lovely. It actually does feel really good.

I don't want to sit here and be like, God, I'll work for the communities around us. But I think it's important to talk about community because I had quite a galling experience within my community of Hackney this week because I went to look at that other flat down the road. Oh yeah. In a new build. Okay, shoot me.

In a new build. Isn't the building you're in now a new build? Yes, okay. Okay, so relax a little bit. You absolutely love that flat, so. No, that's not, it's such a particular flat, because, okay, this is weird, I live on a park down the road from where my mum and my stepdad

moved 30 years ago when I didn't even know where Clapton was and no one really did. It was called Murder Mile, and me and Lil would be there occasionally, quite a lot. We did do the fireworks in the park for them one time. Yeah, do you remember when I drove the car into the park, like right in front of the flat, and set up a sound system?

I was actually wicked. That was mental. See, you could do stuff like that in Clapton then. Drove the car onto the grass in the park. Yeah, what did we do then? Just dance. Yeah, just raved it up. We had like, I think like Rob and Louie were there, like some friends of ours. And it was like an after

party, like we had nowhere to go. So we were just like, let's just go to the flats, but like park in front of them. And then I think, did your mum and Garfield even, well, they must've been like three in the morning. They're probably like, what's going on? Lily, it's so much worse than that. I had to go host backstage at V Festival that day, that next day. I don't like talking about that. That's only really triggering for me. But I still did it and killed it. I remember. And then you turned up the next day. Anyway. I do. I do. I stopped off somewhere on the way. My parents lived where I live now. And obviously this area has changed a lot,

but they knocked down the flats my parents were in because they were, what's it called when you can't, like it's like decrepit or rancid, like you can't live there anymore because it's like illegal. Condemned, that's it, condemned, yes, condemned. Well done. And they knocked them down and my parents,

this is so fucking cool. My parents started a housing association for the residents of all these blocks that have been there since like, I don't know, the thirties and maybe the sixties. And they said, we're going to, we're going to ask for what we want when they rebuild these. Let's ask for three bedrooms and not just two. Let's ask for more space. Let's ask for balconies that overlook the beautiful park that's behind the flats instead of the local street. Like just really like what do we want? They pushed and pushed and got these blocks rebuilt so beautifully with like brick and glass and then they built a load more to resemble those a bit nicer. Then they built a load more that are mine to resemble those but a bit nicer and then they built a load more to resemble those, a bit nicer, then they built a load more that are mine

to resemble those, but a bit nicer, and then the ones across that Ellie and Kieran live to resemble them, but a bit nicer. So this whole area looks like this because of mum and Garf. I'm not even joking with you. That's so mad, isn't it? Isn't it crazy? But I go to see this new build and I say to this guy,

cause this is, I'm going to move house. I'm going to buy somewhere for the first time in my life. And I don't really want to leave where I'm at too much because I live on water and it's so special. But anyway, I go to see this place and I say, he's like, yeah, so there was something here before but now there's cafes and restaurants We've got cosmetic shops and Pilates studios and I was like, you know, I know what was here before and I said is there any

Social housing in the building and he said no. No, don't worry. It's all completely private and I just thought oh Jesus Christ So a where have they gone? Where have they all gone? There's that problem that you've got rid of and Really? Look at me brah. Do I look like someone who wants to hear you say don't worry All the poor people have been taken out of here I told him my family moved two years ago and so it was quite a depressing realization The current state of housing the gentrification And the rest I've heard that in some buildings in Kensington and Chelsea, I just remember in the wake of Grenfell, they were rehousing a lot of the families that had been displaced.

A new build that was part social housing and part private, and there was a separate entrance for the social housing people to the private. I mean, that's like no blacks, no Irish. Literally. It's like apartheid. It's like I can't I can't I just cannot. I can't even know. And like even Shakina that does my hair, she came around, she she plaits my hair with me and she lives in the building

opposite my mom's and she's still so grateful for that day that my parents moved in and you know, my mom is that day that my parents moved in. And you know, my mum is quite a forthright person and was like, you know, just did all these things that the residents have never thought about doing for themselves. And the reason I can't live in that flat, the road that I looked at is because it's literally on top of a community centre. I think it was one of the last in this area that they bulldozed. And I watched those people fight for it for years, please don't take our last community center. And I just don't think I can dance on the grave of that. Where this new flat is.

Yeah, it's got a nice view. That view was nice, but I think I might have too much of, too many morals, maybe not morals, I just care too much about. I feel like you need an old building. No, that's later, because I want to like, got a dream space in like three or four years. I just need somewhere bigger and with a good view.

I need a view. You need somewhere like my place. That was gonna say you got a view. You've had a lovely time in your house. I feel like your nesting period has been really good. And you had cousin Phoebe to stay. I had cousin Phoebe to stay. I also had my actual cousins here last night,

Nell and Iris, they came. Oh yeah. They stayed. And oddly, they're going, Nell is my cousin that I was visiting in Newcastle last week and they're going back up to Newcastle today and I'm going back up to Newcastle tomorrow. So I'm gonna see them again tomorrow. You're seeing quite a lot of Nell and the crew recently.

And Gracie. Gracie's coming up, it's Gracie's birthday so we're all gonna see each other in Newcastle which is nice. Nice, thank god you've got a crew out there, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, I feel like I have been doing quite a lot of reconnecting recently. We also had Welsh Rae up here for dinner last night. Oh wait, wait. No. Yeah. Welsh Ray, ladies and gentlemen, is...

Well, he's a character. Oh, absolutely. He's like an old friend of our parents, and he's very funny, and he's called Ray, and guess what, he's Welsh. And yeah. This is gonna happen quite a lot, you know. It's very funny and he's called Ray and guess what he's Welsh and Yeah, this is gonna happen quite a lot. You know he was he came over and we watched wolf Hall together Perfect. They the girls did not really want to watch wolf Hall. It was far too education They were like can't we watch 24 hours in police custody? I was like no. Oh my god. Come on people

Educate about some good TV. We both watched again some good TV. I know there's already a podcast on BBC that is about TV reviews, but I just want to say we did watch again the same thing and I had to call Lily because I was so distressed by this incredible twist at the end of this show. And you were worried about spoiling it. I think we're all right, because it's number one on Apple TV, so like, and there's an internet.

Do you think there's a, in the Venn diagram of, you know, media consumers, everyone that watches Miss Me also watches anything on Apple TV? Is that what you're trying to say? Well, I don't know. I feel like if things are number one on Apple TV, a lot of people are watching them. It means you've got quite a big percentage of audience at the time.

I thought no one watched Apple TV, but okay. What about Ted Lasso? What about the hit that is Ted Lasso? Slow Horses? Slow Horses. I got into Slow Horses. I watched the whole thing. Completed. Completed? Really? Isn't there like seven series? I've done a lot of completing recently. I've done Slow Horses, disclaimer. I am now up to date with the new Eddie Redmayne jackal. Oh yeah. Rivals.

Knock that out. I mean, I've been talking about like days worth of TV that I have managed to consume in quite a short period of time. Because I also know you do quite a lot of other stuff. So I don't know how you, I don't know how she does it. I stay up really late. I stay up late. I just, I just feel like, oh, just one more, just one more. I'll just do one more. Yeah. Rivals kept me up like that. It does it though. It's like a bit like, come on, just one more. I'll just do one more. Yeah, Rivals kept me up like that. It does it though. It's like a bit like, come on, just one more.

You can do it. You're a grown-up. You haven't got school tomorrow. Actually, I have. I've got to get the kids up, but you know, which is the worst thing. No, it does get a bit like that. I'm like, who am I being naughty to? It's fine. We do have to do a small alert of an incoming spoiler. We're going to talk about the TV show, Disclaimer.

So if you're still watching the show or you don't know about it, just go ahead to around 19 minutes, okay? This is the official alert of a spoiler. Okay, let's talk about the said show that was so fucked up as a twist. Disclaimer, directed by Alphonse O'Quarran. He's such a G.

But can I just say something about the put out of it? So we're saying about like, you know, you watch things that are like before Netflix ends, that, you know, a show ends and suddenly it's like, next episode. This was very different. And I guess Apple TV gave them the opportunity to do that. It was actually first filmed at Venice, wasn't it?

And they showed it as a feature, which would have been intense. Cause I guess it's seven hours. So yeah, seven hour, no thanks. Could never be me. Although if they were were flat beds then I could do it. If you were in bed you could. If you were horizontal. Imagine you're like your premiere outfit like in a corset for seven hours to watch Cate Blanchett. No thanks. But I did I was hooked and I'm sure everyone else that's watched this you know you understand it's very very good but last episode, there is a twist. Do you want to say what it's about? Because I feel like

you describe things so much more like clearer than I do. Well, it's quite difficult to describe because it's so back and forth. So there's basically sort of two parallel stories going on. Well, three, actually. It's about a woman who is a documentary maker. Yeah, Lorded. Lord, lives in Notting Hill. Lorded documentary maker. And she is married to a man played, interestingly, by Sacha Baron Cohen.

And she has a teenage son. And she gets, someone sends her a book out of the blue and she reads the book and is very triggered by this book because it sort of mimics or is retelling a story that happened in the earlier part of her life in her sort of early 20s when she first had this baby. And then you realize that one of the characters in the story which is her lover in the story, dies in the story, but also died in real life.

And this book has been written by his parents or by his mother. And so there's the story of what's happening to Kate Blanchett, who's the documentary maker in Today. And then there's also the story of what's happening to Cate Blanchett, who's the documentary maker in Today. And then there's also the story of what's happening in the book, which we should say is fictional. There is a disclaimer in the beginning of the book that says there are some characters in this book

that bear a resemblance to real people, or whatever it is. Anyway, so that is sort of what it's about and then at the end in the last episode you find out Kate Blanchett's memory of what happened is very very different to how the mum who wrote the story of this book who by the way wasn't there she sort of made it made it all up it was a figment of her imagination so to speak exactly but it becomes this really interesting story of what we remember, like memory, and how your idea of someone can make an entire story up about who they are, what they would do in a situation, how they would behave.

Well, I don't know about that, because I don think, you know, the mum, the mum who wrote the book is not telling it from memory because she wasn't there. And also it was in a time where she wasn't really communicating with the son, he was just writing her postcards and stuff. So it is, you know, it's actually more about creativity. It's about how this woman has dealt with the death of her son in a particular way. And she never wanted the book to be published. It's only because the husband finds the book and then decides to publish it because of his own sort of bitterness and unresolved trauma that he uses it as a weapon.

But really and truly, the mum hasn't done anything wrong she's just created a fantasy world where um you know it's how she's dealing with the trauma of losing her son. Yeah it's actually how she heals I never thought that about that but actually what I I was thinking of myself more as the audience member of what story I decided to believe so quickly so quickly and as you said there's this visual aspect that Alfonso Cuéron does, where he sort of like, kind of funnels you in through a little hole and then sort of like time hole and into a scene, which is the book.

And then it kind of funnels back out to remind you that it is a story. It didn't matter. I had decided that certain characters in this story were certain ways, if that makes sense. So I was bamboozled by the last scene. Bamboozled, like couldn't move, frozen with fear. And you saw it from Doc, from the beginning.

And I'm the one writing a crime series right now. Yeah, I mean, I just thought the whole way through, I was just thinking there's gotta be more to this because the mom didn't witness any of this and she didn't speak to him, he died. So how would she possibly know this is all made up? But you did also distrust the men in the story and trusted Cate Blanchett

because I just thought she was an asshole and I didn't like her. And trust it, it felt bad for the husband and felt bad for the son and felt bad for the boy that had died on holiday. Felt terrible for them all. Yeah, I didn't. I knew that she wasn't to blame and I knew that she was being portrayed in a unflattering light and that there was more to the story.

But to be honest, I look at like everything like that, anything that's involving a woman being vilified, I'm always like, hmm, let me just have a little dig around and see who could possibly benefit from the tarnishing of this woman and her reputation. Oh, men. That's just a Tuesday night out for you. Come on. I mean, that's how I read a newspaper, is with that particular hat on. So join me in

never trusting a word that comes out of anyone's mouth. But all in all, it's great television. It's also just a, for me, if you hadn't clued on like me, it's a great twist. Just want to go through some of the greatest twists of all time in film and television. Ace Ventura. What's the twist in that? Detective Einhorn is the disgraced football player that's a guy, remember? You know what? I've watched a lot of film and TV.

I won't remember disclaimer in a week. Like you're gonna tell me a bunch of twists and every single one I'm gonna be like, what was happening there? Please tell me you remember the Sixth Sense one, come on. He is a dead person. He is a dead person. Ha ha ha.

And one more for luck, Fight Club. Can't remember. He's crazy and he made it all up. That's a bit of a sad one. Should we end on a happier one? One sec, got another one. Perky a one, perky a twist. Don't worry. It's all so dark.

Yeah, we'll leave it there. We'll leave it there. The crying game. Don't remember that film, do you? My dad was in that film. Oh my God. I remember the song. I know all there is to know about the crying game.

That is a niche reference. Now we'll go to a break. And that needs a remix. I know all that. I'm gonna do that. Next time I'm on Live Lounge in my next life. I just had a good idea for you. Okay, I'll talk to you about it.

Covers album. It's been suggested. Yeah, okay, but what covers? What covers? I'll leave that to you. We'll see you after the break. We need to talk privately. We need to talk privately. What covers what covers we'll see you after the break when he saw privately when he saw privately

So we're gonna talk a little bit about Kamala Harris and her and her loss At last week's US election obviously we talked a bit about Trump We didn't really talk about Kamala with someone like Kamala Harris I was wondering why I trusted her in a way that it doesn't seem that you did. And I think it's because of really simple things. Like the likeness between us, like seeing a brown woman in a place of that kind of power. I think if I'm really honest, there's a part of you that just goes, I trust her. I trust her more than another person in this role um this is hard to say Lilzzy we have the same childhood pretty much but uh you are probably you probably have had a more no you've had a why can't I say this to you you've had a more privileged white life how dare you can i say that are we there

yet what do you think i was gonna do be like um i'm not sure that's strictly true uh because yeah actually actually mckeed sir i think you'll find that... I thought you'd get arsey with me and be like, I don't think that's true. But, okay, great. So now we're here. Great. No. So yeah, no, I've been thinking about it because I think that there's like, I'm more fighty. I will fight for what I want in this life and I will get it and da da da.

And I think you... Oh, God, this is hard. I think there are maybe parts of you that expect things in your life. Oh you think I'm entitled to see? Okay, interesting. Not, no, no. It's actually a different thing. Entitled white woman. No, no.

Just call me Karen from now on, why don't you? It's not entitled, it's something else because Mabel has it as well and she's not white. It's not about that. It's just about, actually no but we know we know why Mabel me and Tyson dissected the other day. It's because she was treated like the queen from the moment she was born. So that's not a good example. Which I wasn't, by the way. I will just put that on there. Exactly. No, that's why I'm saying it's not a good example. But there is just something just in the process of making this show, I suppose. There have been things that you kind of, I ask for, that you just expect. I can't even be specific. It's more of an energy and it's

not, it's not anything that's bad because I find it really interesting. Do you think that that's to do with race or do you think that's just to do with personality? I don't know because it's like, I would put it down to me possibly making more mistakes in my past, in my career, but then some could say we're even Stevens. Absolutely, we're absolutely even Stevens. I don't know. Maybe it's the language that was used against me when I was younger in my career, but so

even Stevens. So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But there is a part of me that's more scared to. Assert yourself. Yes, possibly. Yes, possibly.

Yes. I don't know if my stubbornness in that area has necessarily served me, I will say. I think it does. Like you're a bit more in a weird way. You're kind of more ballsy than me. Yeah, but I don't have a reputation for being difficult, even though I'm not, I just ask for what I want.

Yeah, but fuck that, so do I, we're both called difficult. I'm not always called difficult. Anyway, this is not the point, I was going somewhere. Kamala, you feel an affinity with Kamala because of your heritage. Yes, that's my point. Fucking hell. Yes, that's my point.

How about you? It's not that I don't trust her. We spoke a little bit about Donald Trump getting in last week, and there was some response on the socials that you know made the assumption that I you know because I didn't like some of the rhetoric coming from Donald Trump's camp that I you know was an avid supporter of Kamala and I am not you know I think that left-wing politics have become you know far more to the center than they have been in the past.

Kamala Harris is a very different person to Bernie Sanders, for instance, and Keir Starmer is a very different person to, say, Jeremy Corbyn. And I think that people made a lot of presumptions that because there was quite a high young turnout for the election in America, that those people were going to be voting for Kamala. And I don't think that the left are radical enough these days for young people to feel impassioned by. I don't think that they do enough to stand up to big business. They don't do enough to talk about climate. They don't talk about the things that young people are facing.

And so, yeah, I don't particularly like Kamala and her policies. I think that it's not... I don't think that they're tough enough. Are people saying that these are some of the reasons she may have lost as well? Yeah, I think so. I mean, there was a lot of focus on, you know, abortion and, you know, the pro-life stance. And I don't know if young people cared as much as they thought they would. How could they possibly not care about abortion laws? There's just no way. I think people care about what applies to them. That's just true. When I was in my early twenties, I felt so passionately about everyone, but my life has sort of been taken over by

my own responsibilities and how I'm going to exist in the world going forward. But the one place that I can square those feelings off of not making other people in my community or even in the country that I live in a priority is by being able to cast my vote for how I think that the money and our economy paid for by people's taxes is going to be spent and how it can help those people. And I think that that has shifted. And by the way, that's me personally. A lot of people use their vote for whatever purposes to better their own interests. But maybe that's why Trump's doing, maybe that's why Trump was so successful in his latest campaign, because I think that people do want to succeed and have affluent lives for themselves.

And Trump is a story of that. He is a man that has succeeded and become very affluent. I don't think he has got a particularly relatable story, but I think he makes people feel that they can succeed in their own lives. I think it's all about how he's going to make America more prosperous than it ever has been and very rich and everyone's going to benefit. But you know that on a just straight up deep level, if you don't give back, if you don't, I don't mean like give back, if you don't give your energy back into the world around you. It's just like not even a pleasant experience to exist. I don't understand why people think just,

you can't just only look after yourself. I know you're not just looking after yourself, you're looking after your family and the people around you. But when you are thinking about, I feel personally, how I can just only better my own life, I don't feel like I dream very big because I don't think it's that big a dream to just have a successful singular life.

So do I, but I'm also, you know, both of us come from relatively privileged backgrounds, obviously me slightly more than you, and I think that when we're talking about these things, it's important to acknowledge that. But what do you mean by privileged background because I had to look after myself from 15 Financially, you know, I hear you. I yeah, I hear you but like you know, if you'd been born on a council estate in But it was a housing trust South Shields Then you probably wouldn't have got a job on pop world when you were 15 So you mean not ink because it was not inhale. location based privilege. Yeah, and that is huge.

That's huge. Yeah, no, I do know that. I do know that, but it's like, you know, it's just hard because we were so fucking poor, but I do understand what you mean. I do understand what you mean. Well, I don't think, I think that, you know, when we talk about privilege, it's interesting because it almost always comes down to money. And I don't really agree with that.

I mean, I think that money is obviously a huge part of it, but I think that family and community is, I had lots of, not lots of money, but considerable amount of money when I was growing up and felt very lonely. My mom didn't have a particularly close relationship with her family. I didn't really have that much of a relationship

with my dad and his family. I didn't really have any contact with, we didn't have any cousins. So I didn't, you know, there wasn't that sense of like, you know, it takes a village around me. And I feel like some people take that for granted, you know. I think that's why you got us, right? There's a reason that this whole community of ours came together as a family because we all needed each other in different ways. I also needed to stay at your lovely clean house with just like some fucking like niceness and organization and structure because I was losing my mind in the chaos of my family's life.

Yeah. I mean, I think that there's like, you know, there's two, we talk about mental health a lot and we talk about financial security a lot. And I think that, you know, if you can find a balance where, you know, both are okay, then you're going to be in good stead. But I think, you know, people do assume that if you've got lots of money, that you're fine. And yeah, you are fine to a certain extent because you've got a roof over your head and you've got food on the table. But if you don't have any emotional support from birth

and you don't have loving and caring relationships, then you're fucked in adult life. And by the way, how many people do we know that were privately educated, went to boarding schools, have got massive trust funds and are fucking smackheads? Yeah. So many, so many. And they've all got mad parents

that were never there when they were children. I feel like I should shut up. No, I thought it was really important what you said. Actually forgot we were doing this to me for a minute and then we just drank shit. We'll see what the Daily Mail comments section has to say about it. We'll see how well that goes down in tomorrow's press. I actually do want to talk about one more thing. Gary Lineker is leaving. It's over. Match of the day after 25 long, gallant, epoch-making years.

Hasn't he done well? Hasn't he? Come on. Come on, Lily, come on. Well done. Thank you for your service, sir. You all right? Well done, Gary Lineker. Sexy bastard. God, yeah, absolutely. Good luck with your podcasting business.

Oh yes, good for him. Yes, well, yeah, I guess he'll be fine then. I think he's fine anyway. I think he's like been planning for the future for a while, you know? I think he's got pensions galore. I think he's fine. I know, but who the hell's gonna get that job?

You, maybe. Da da da da da da da. Can you imagine? Ladies and gentlemen, the new host of Matches and matches today is Makeda Oliver. You've just made me put that in my dream box for Garfield because if he sees me do that. You'd like to be a football pundit.

No, not really if I'm completely honest, no. Tennis maybe. The thing is, I still don't understand the offside rule. I've been explaining it so many times but then I forget everything, so. Don't be such a girl. Come on. Oh, that was misogynistic of you.

No, but I mean like- No, I know what you meant. I know what you meant. I don't even- No, I mean, I know what you meant. Really. No, I know what you meant. So who's in line for the 1.3 million job of Gary Lennick?

Okay, let me really think about this. Let me really think about this. Do you think there's a woman that could work in your head that you love and is brilliant at broadcasting and knows about, you got to know about football. Is there a man that knows about football that's brilliant at broadcasting? Or a trans person.

Yeah, but the thing is. The MOTDQ Plus. I think I'd like it to be done by someone with like emotion and passion because it is such an emotional game. I'd love it if Stephen Fry was doing it and really talking about like what it really means to play football. Yeah, he's LGBTQI. Isn't it?

Yeah, I think that'd be really good. He's a bloody brilliant broadcaster. Stephen Fry, you think, should present in the match of the day. Okay. Who else? What about Steve Jones? Steve Jones! Steve Jones.

Steve Jones would be good. Rick Edwards would be not happy about that. What about Simon Amstel? Hello and welcome to match of the day. That's a terrible Simon Amstel impression. I think he's the only man, actually, he probably would do it in quite a good way. I'm not sure who it should be. Maybe like Michael McIntyre or like Jimmy Carr. Oh, that's who it's that that's who they're gonna go for.

But the thing is, it's got to be a stinguish. It's not gonna be Michael McIntyre. Are you mad? Of course it's not. They're not gonna have like an entertainer. It's got to be somebody that's got to be like an ex professional footballer. Okay.

Now we're talking. Where's that, Ryan Giggs? No. Why not? He's not friendly though. Oh, he needs to be friendlier. Yeah, yeah, and a bit more open. Yeah.

Oh, do you know who's quite good? Phil Neville. He's really open. Yeah, that could work. I think he's got a property empire that he's busy with though. David Seaman. David Seaman's nice. Oh, what, my friend David Seaman, David Seaman's nice.

Oh, my friend David Seaman. Your friend David Seaman. He's a bit, do you know what? He's a bit too nice. Frank Lampard, I'm just naming some people that I know that have something to do with football. Roy Keane, I love Roy Keane. Oh yeah, Roy Keane could be quite good with those.

Get them into line. No one would stand up to Roy Keane. He'd be like, that was a foul. And everyone would be like, yep, yep. Yeah, but he's got such pretty blue eyes that I think I'd melt talking to Roy Keane. Wow. Good luck, BBC.

Good luck trying to fill those shoes. Good luck. Yeah, and if you want a duo, non-broadcaster and a broadcaster, we could do it together. We could do a one-off while you're looking. Yeah. Why can't I love to?

Dep, we could dep. Our dep match of the day, we are available. I'm gonna go now. Zenni's on heat and she's lost her fucking mind and she's like the sexiest bitch on the block and there are dogs running, Alton said running from the horizon to her, like crossing fields to get ready. And she's already, as I said, a tart. So we're in real lockdown mode here. Okay, I have to go put a nappy on my dog. That's where I'm at.

Okey dokey. You're going to have to do it too nappy on my dog. That's where I'm at. Okey dokey. You're gonna have to do it too. Oh no, Jude's a boy. I'm gonna have to have his balls chopped off though. But you have to wait six months. Oh, let's talk about that next week because I really don't know what I'm gonna do.

All right then, love you, bye. Never leave London. I love you being in London, never leave. Bye. And I'll chat to you later. Bye. Bye. Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye. leave. Bye! And I'll chat to you later. Bye! Bye! Bye!

Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! No. No. No. No.

Thanks for listening to Miss Me with Lily Allen and Makita Oliver. This is a Persephoneka production for BBC Sounds. Hello, I'm Jordan North. And I'm William Henson. And together we host Help Ice Sex and My Boss, a podcast that combines William's world of etiquette tips with Jordan's special northern charm. We help navigate the everyday challenges of modern life.

Like how to tell someone that their breath smells like death. And of course, what should you do if you've accidentally sexed at your boss? Just search for Help I Sexed my boss on BBC Sounds and help us change your life for the better. Or potentially maybe make things worse. It could go either way.