Miss Me? - The Beginning of Where We Are

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

Miquita Oliver and Jordan Stephens revisit 2016 and get the hell back out again.This episode contains very strong language and adult themes. Credits: Producer: Natalie Jamieson Technical Producer: Will Gibson Smith Assistant Producer: Caillin McDaid Production Coordinator: Rose Wilcox Executive Producer: Dino Sofos Commissioning Producer for BBC: Jake Williams Commissioners: Dylan Haskins & Lorraine Okuefuna Miss Me? is a Persephonica production for BBC Sounds

The following episode contains strong language and themes of an adult nature and dimensions of drug use. Okay, so I think the baby's a bad idea. Why? Because she's rubbing the mic. Oh, okay, you want me to get rid of the baby? Oh, yeah, no, you're right. Yeah, okay, bye, Winona. No, Bavona thinks it's inappropriate to stay here.

That's just, he's a saba. That's just how he feels. He's an absolute... No, no, I get it. The sound of baby's laughter makes you sick. I get it. Let's talk about sex and drugs and rock and roll. Get rid of that kid.

No. It's been a nightmare of a morning. Thank you. I was recommending the child to be removed on the basis that because of you, me. We are late to record and can't afford to, you know, have fun with a child, maybe hitting a mic, screaming into it, that kind of thing. That's all it is.

I love children. You don't think there's any time for chaos. No, I wish those time for chaos. You're the one with a hard out, to quote. Hard out. No, listen. Then let's look at what happens. So, in Sri Lanka, Jordan left his camera in a mug in his room.

And the hotel owner goes, Jordan left, everyone's like, Jordan's left a camera. I'm like, oh, must be his like taking pictures of the wildlife camera. Then I find it. I'm like, it's the fucking miss me camera. God, Jordan, what is wrong with you? The portable miss me camera. Portable miss me camera. So I'm like, oh, God, I'll take the kit back.

Unbelievable. Thank God, someone professional's here to deal with this. And then I left the kit in Sammy. car and didn't realize until I got home children like about eight hours after I was hurt and then I was like where's the kit? Miss me remote kit is the pain of my life okay and yeah fucked up fucked up big time so today we're late to start because we didn't have any of the leads or the mic we needed so I'm sorry I'm sorry for blaming you for leaving a camera and then I left the whole kit anyway how you been get to be home you got a new Hair cut. This is nice.

Is it? It's a bit kid and play. It's just a fade. I had it last time. Oh, this is a fade. Oh my God, Keats. No, but I mean like... But you're always saying this is a fade. Like, look at the squinting, like you're fucking 78.

I understand a fade, but the height has been increased. It hasn't been increased. I've cut it. It's shorter than it was in Sri Lanka. Oh. Maybe I'll squeeze it down, maybe. It actually looks good. You're lucky.

a very good looking person, you can have different haircuts, and they usually look quite good. I couldn't be bored. You don't think you'd suit it. My little stickyy out ears, wouldn't work. I mean, maybe people get used to it. It might get some more interesting acting roles. You never know. It could be a villain.

It could be your like sort of Steve Bouchemmy moment. Yeah, yeah, could be. I am super depressed. I'm in England. Oh, I'm so the opposite. I love coming home. I love coming home. Don't you feel fed by the holiday and like you want to like implement all that we learn and did

an experience into your life in this place? No. That's not. Oh, right. That's how I feel. No. What I love about England is my home, which I love my dogs. Obviously, I'm near my friends, community. These are the benefits.

Outside of that, no. Like, the global geopolitics of living in England, nope. The weather. Okay. Deal with the ball. The prices. Coming out of the airport. By and in mind, I just covered my bill for having the skewery. I was going on my freedom scooter in Sri Lanka for two weeks.

The bill came to just under £40. Two weeks. Yeah. I walked into the airport. I went to buy four chocolate bars and it cost me £13. Yeah. Welcome home. Well, I'd come home.

I just don't think the return on investment here is great. No, I think that there's something deeper going on, which is... I think it's great. I think you don't really want to live in England or London. and I think that London's a very hard city to live in if you don't want to be here. The reason I love being in London and the challenges of it is because I love... Okay. Sorry, I'm so sorry.

Isn't that so bizarre that the baby's making noise? It's almost like it would have been harder if it was in front of the mic. It's so crazy. Winona. First miss me, baby. Oh, bye, honey. Bye, honey. I love your outfit.

I was so excited to come home. I was just like, yeah. I am so open. to the idea of feeling that like, wow, what bliss to be back in the greatest capital city in the world. I'm so open to that. Haven't experienced it yet. Not there yet. When I'm getting charged 28 pounds for a breakfast and a coffee in a, like a well-built, like, while-heated cafe,

I'm not sat there going, wow, thank God I'm here, rather than like a beachside kind of rickety, a lot cheaper, like sun-kissed. I all swap that shit out. That outlook, that slowness, I really am into it. I'm really into it. I need my fill. Jordan, you're laid back, dude.

It's okay, man. I'm actually not laid back. I just, I just, I really love sun. I really like not having to wrap up all the time. I can understand the benefits of like hibernation and being inside and warmth and,

well, I get it. But for me personally, I'm just, I just get drawn towards the other. I really like sun. I really like heat. I really like the sea,

the ocean. Yeah, you're like my mom. I'm grateful for my house in London, but I'm just saying, really into this whole, you know, being in paradise thing. It's a real vibe.

Yeah, I bet you fucking are. It's a real vibe, man. I can be out there one suitcase, one fucking laptop, bro. Let me write my books. Let me take my dogs out. Let me take the love of my life out. Let's do that shit. Interesting.

I came back and hit the ground running. I was like, let's go. I went straight into meetings, straight into signing things off. I was like, I'm ready to go. And I think that that's why I live here because the city matches that energy if you are prepared to go like that.

For somebody who said on New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve, just to reiterate this in case people missed it on the last two episodes I missed me. It's not good enough to tell again. In a car on a way to a house party on New Year's Eve saying, I want to be back at the hotel making a deck, right?

I believe that London is a city for you. You're like Harley. Harley's the same. Harley does not like being in quiet places. He likes being near a main road. He likes the busy sound of cars. He doesn't like the peace and quiet. My head has been noisy for so much of my life. Give me the silence, bro.

Give me the fucking trees. Give me the ocean, the nature. Give me the dogs, the animals, man. That's where I want to be. Like, I want to be as near to the earth. Not to say you don't, but I'm saying that's like a priority. It's good to know that, right? Now that you're turning the grand old age of 34 years old.

Oh, my God. I really feel like, for me, anyway, 34 was when I felt like it was really getting quite like serious. my age. I was like, okay, so this is like my mid-30s. Are you feeling any kind of panic or are you feeling excited? I don't feel panic at all. I guess that is a benefit of being a guy.

Maybe I don't have like a, I don't have the pressures of like the, you know, my internal clock over the fuck that is. Yeah, yeah, you know, so if anything people think I'm like reaching some form of some sort of prime. What's an unbelievable life to live as a man?

One might say, yeah, but trust me, like it's taken a while. This is the funny thing is I have these conversations a lot of people, men and women, to be fair, actually,

so a bit confusing, but people talk about their teenage years, child as 20s, Keats, my life is the best it is now. Yeah, me too. I literally would not go back

to any point in my life. I really mean that. Like, maybe I'd dip into like three months from hedonism in my mid-twenties with the knowledge I could leave. I wouldn't want to be,

I wouldn't want to stay there. Tap in, sure. I'd hang out at 22 for like, three nights and then I feel sick. I need to get the fuck out of. I'd be like, let me go and have a shower for seven days. You know what? We're not meant to go back to then knowing what we know now.

And this brings me on to this 2016, you know, hoopla, if you will. First question, why now? Well, I don't get it. There's a cool TikToker and YouTube and Instagrammer called Louise, Louisa Munch. I think. She studied fascism and nostalgia. Wow. And she actually put up an interesting video suggesting that this is a further confirmation

that we're heading towards global fascism because we've lost the ability to enjoy the idea of the future. Really? Do you think that this is an unhealthy kind of need to live in the past? Well, she's encouraged me to deep it. I love deeping things, of course. But personally, I looked back into 2016 and was like, wow, I mean, I did a lot that year. I was definitely, that was my last year of doing drugs and drinking, like, fully. What are you talking about?

Nah, nah. Yeah. 23, you stopped drinking and taking drugs? No. Yeah, but it is 10 years ago and you're about to turn 34. Yeah. So you were 23 in 2016. Oh, I've confused myself now.

When was 2017? It's very 17. Sorry, when was 2017? When was 2017? No, 2017 was when I went sober. Right, okay, yeah, 25, 26. But maybe the end of it. So that's why it's getting confusing.

Right. So remember, I'm January, my birthday's January. Got it, got it, got it. So I was like, 23, we were still definitely getting photo up. But 23 and 24 I was getting matched. Yeah, but literally 24, 25, that was the shift in my life. Literally my mid-20s. Yeah.

I lived an extremely fast life in my early 20s. Yeah. But yeah, it was crazy. My hair was green and I was making grunge music. What were you saying? Oh, gutter. Etc. No money.

No money. No prospects. Love that. Eating spaghetti in Westbourne Grove. It was before then. Actually, no, it wasn't. It wasn't. You know, someone's put a video up on Instagram of that clip of us talking.

It made me really laugh. They were on holiday and they... What with like a bowl of steaming spaghetti? I didn't know. I didn't know you could do that, but you can post like podcast sounds on Instagram. So someone filmed themselves hiking in L.A. And they were listening to that specific point when you talked about crying into spaghetti. I have seen people post that.

I really like that when they take a bit in the podcast and show you where they were. But I just, I forget that other people have heard that conversation. Anyway, so good. 2016, 10 years ago, what am I? I'm 41 about 3, 42. So I was 31 about 3rd 32. I was living at Warren's in the spare room, which is like single. Shout out Warren.

But it was not a good time for me yet, no way. Kenzel, yeah? Yeah, Kenzel days. Kensal Day. Oh, good. Hated my hair, hated my life But I'm just, what I'm interested in Is why now, as in like,

Why didn't we do this last year For all the years? Exactly. Is there any reasoning? Has anyone said why? No. Okay. No, no, not everything has to have a reason. There will be a root cause.

I mean, usually it just takes one person to do it, don't they? And then they get like... It is quite sweet. It kind of makes me feel like we're doing like Ice Bucket Challenge days again or something. Throw back Thursday. The thing is, though, 2016 as a year, it was the beginning of where we are.

Was it Brexit? It was the beginning of Brexit. It was Trump. Oh my, later's. Yeah, first, Trump's first stint. First, stint. Yeah, so like, and I only remember this because I know that like, I think Rizzle kicks us coming back tapped into the reminder that we existed before

this happened. You know what I mean? So we existed before these shifts. And then since then, obviously, it's been a lot. So we've been dealing with Trump's shenanigans for 10 years. I remember it still felt like a joke. Well, we did have Joe Biden, but people just forget that happened. Oh, yeah, poor old Biden.

That was such a weird little moment. Lots of, I remember lots of people died. Yeah, Bowie, Prince. Bowie, Alan Rickman, Prince, Victoria Wood, Mohamed Ali. Yeah, no, no, it was wild. People were just dropping like flies, bro. And so I don't think it set the scene for a particularly good year.

And I didn't have one. I didn't have a good year. But that was then and this is now. I'm so happy that everyone feels that they can unite. It actually feels like an old school thing. Yeah, I'm into it. But we did say on this podcast that nostalgia did used to be considered an illness. We did, didn't we?

We did say that. We didn't warn people. I like it. I'm with you. I think it's fun. And I think, oh, that's cool. And I go back through it. And it's nice to remember things.

But apparently that I read this article, what Hillary Rose in The Times was like, let's be honest. What people are trying to say is, oh I haven't aged a bit or oh really like they're using it to be like yeah look at me now yeah yeah yeah very much and I was like I wouldn't do that if I showed 2016 me I look 15 years older yeah I clicked I typed 2016 into my phone

looked at three pictures and went I was on some fuck shit I got my phone I saw these two pictures I know exactly where I was at what I was doing the less knowing about that the better The less documented the better. So you know you said you just looked through your phone and then you found it, cool. I were in 2020 when I was filming making this Instagram series with my mum,

I ran out of storage on my phone and instead of like putting it on the eye cloud for some reason I was like, I know I have to clear my phone. And I remember thinking this is going to affect me one day and so I don't have any pictures before 2020. Yeah, cool. Which I don't really like.

No, I don't really like that. No, I know. Listen, I feel you. I feel you. I have the opposite. I've got like a record of nearly. everything from about 2013. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I've had to just buy a new phone and ask the new phone to not upload the photos because I want a fresh start, bro. There were times where they did this new operating system and I'd be like chilling and then it'd be like memory and it'd be like me off my tits

in 2014 and it'd be like this is you eight years. I don't want to see what I was like, just let me move on. Or sometimes it's like I haven't deleted pictures of X's They'll just pop up randomly. You know what I mean? Because I hadn't gone through.

Because I had like, on my old phone, I got over 100,000 pictures. Jesus, Jordan, why isn't that stuff in the cloud? 100,000. It is in the cloud. That's why I'm getting rid of on the new, it's a new start now. I started doing it actually while we're in Sri Lanka. I started culling, not culling, just sort of, yeah, culling pictures from. Jade's really good at that.

But I was only doing from 2023 and I just could. It was so much to cull. I was like, this is a lot. Also, I don't know. People have said it's an ADHD thing, yeah. But like the amount of screenshots at, That's it. Screenshots.

I'm like this is silly now. I take up too much time with my fucking screenshots. Anyway, I just wanted to say one thing that is good about this city. Boss men. The men of convenience,

you mean? Yes, I guess. Yeah, what is the other name for, like, a boss man? No, I was joking. I was joking. I was just saying. I just made that up on the spot.

Yeah, but how would you describe boss man if someone was like, what are you talking about? Shop, a person who works in a shop. Yeah, but it's more like... Convenience store. Yeah. It's like...

The boss man that works at a convenience store. It's just a don't eat at the convenience store. In it? But, you know, the boss man shop is... Your local office? Yes, exactly. But they have so much more than that. So I was meant to go to the garden centre with Grimmy this weekend.

Have they got vapes? Have they got... Have they got vapes now? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I've just bought a vape. Yeah, unlucky. Good luck.

Thanks. Here we go. Listen, I'll be here for you. Here we go, taking on another evil to get rid of another one. Go on. You're at the garden centre. And Bossman was there. We didn't go to the garden centre. I texted. I was like, I'm tired.

He said, me too. So we didn't go. But then I was like, I need to plant seeds because it's the new moon this week. I need to physically plant seeds and metaphorically plant seeds. So I was like, Bossman, because I was in Newington Green because I went to the brilliant green grocers in Newington Green. I just have to say a shout out. There's nowhere like it. I can't even tell you their produce.

It's just extraordinary. We're so lucky. And then I went to the boss man. And I was like, my man sells cosmos seeds and masking tape. Yeah, you live in East London. Yeah, but did they not have them in South? Yeah, I can tell you, boss man differs. It's dependent on your audience.

Absolutely, because when I lived in Kensal, Kensal's all right, but when I was at Warren's, more Wilsdeny, I was like, the boss men suck, and it really affected my life. You know what's funny is when I got a place in Margate, like years ago, I remember going to my boss man, right? And I walked in and I spent four to five minutes looking for dark chocolate and oat milk.

And then I stopped and went, I'm a dickhead. I live in Margate now. I was like, no, oh, don't worry, they've caught up. But I was there like, wow. I was like, it was a real, I'm not even joking yet. It's actually, like I know it sounds really disconnect or out of touch whatever, but relative to the time I was living in, so like I said, this is like eight years ago, that was a real wake-up call like,

damn, I've been in a fucking bubble. Yeah. I've been in a London bubble. Why am I looking for smoked salmon and dark chocolate in this news agent? These guys are like, do you want Bourneville or what? Yeah, true say. You want a puzzle book? Yeah, like, do you like sugar?

I don't understand. Like, what's your issue? Anyway, I just wanted to say I felt really lucky that, you know, also that the... He's shot in siege, you know? Well, it just feels like that community run these fucking cities and we'd be lost without them. And that takes us on to a bigger conversation about immigration. But we'll go there another day.

We'll go there another day, but we have to remember the reason as to why these people got a in a door and that's because they were prepared to be open 24-7. That's literally why they're called a convenience store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's have a break. Okay, back from the break. There's two things. There's two things we've got to get through.

We don't have to do both. What is it again? Well, one was like this slight suggestion that would be like some kind of continuation of our conversation last week. Do you want to talk about it? So, yeah, just quickly to talk about in and around gender politics and the discussion about the future of, child rearing, female reproduction,

men's existential balance. This is my reflection on it. Yeah, I guess it was quite a big conversation. It was huge. In terms of last week, like, I think, I don't know, actually, I think maybe I felt quite obviously we were going off in the group chat,

just in terms of like, you know, how the conversation was framed and also, obviously, people don't realize that there was a massive technical error in the middle of that chat. And we were all just blitzing out in Sri Lanka. But I don't know what else I would say. actually, because even since we spoke, I've had all types of different messages, and I think I'm

okay with even if there was clumsiness or even if there was misunderstanding, I think sometimes actually that's just a good opportunity for people to feel whatever they need to feel. And, you know, I have to deal with the fact that sometimes that's not always going to be like positive feelings. And I am not always going to be able to present my feelings and thoughts in an accurate way. A lot of the time I do, but, you know, obviously not all the time. I don't think last week was a time that you didn't. I think you have. having time to think about it and think about whether you want to say something else and coming to the conclusion that you don't, again, should validate you that you said

what you needed to say. And it's a clumsy, new, tricky, multi-layered conversation that I'm just pleased we were having. The reason why I think maybe both of us, because obviously I was kind of explaining this, well, I was trying to tell you about the situation. You weren't explaining shit to me. That wasn't explaining it to you. I was giving you the context of these, of what it was, because you actually didn't know. Don't get too careful, Jordan. You definitely were explaining to me because I didn't know. No, no, but it's funny because it's like actually somebody said to me like when McKita presented this to you, you felt like this. And I went, well, actually, it's funny because I was the one who suggested we talk about it.

I'm sure I don't know about it at all really. My thing was that like I feel like I might have grown a tiny bit tired of focusing solely on individuals and people. Even though sometimes it's important, I think I slipped into a space where I'm so concerned with what's beneath it, which is what we're talking about. What are the feelings to zeitgeist? What's the cultural energy that sits beneath the blossoming of these ideas. And if they are uncomfortable, I want to face them rather than reject them. That was really it. So at a point where perhaps it would have been easy to

and people might have expected me to be like, because you know, you know, me, Keith, you know, I don't mind the little bit of character assassination every now and again. Sure, a little spicy character assassination. But I thought like I was, you know, I really, I struggle a lot of time with male advocacy and trying to find avenues to be able to communicate to the boys that aren't listening.

It's so interesting, isn't it? It's so interesting what thoughts can do. For me, I would, of course, if I was in it in a different way, maybe if I was being come for in a way,

which I have been many times, I'm missing me. I would find it hard to say what I'm going to say to you as an outsider. But it's so easy to just counteract it with, there's this,

and then there's that woman in Sri Lanka telling us that her young son that she's growing is learning from you and they're both learning about, You know what I mean?

It's like, it would be so easy for me to go, but they said this and that was nicer. It doesn't matter. It's not how the brain works. It is all here at the same time. And I don't see a man and a woman who have been friends for a very, very long time talking about this in other places.

So I'm proud of us for discussing these things, however uncomfortable or clumsy they may be. I'm comfortable. I agree with you. And that's the blessing of it. And I love that we can trust each other and have to call each other out on this stuff. And also I think it's just,

I found us because we are confined by, time slightly for very legitimate reasons, you know, we could actually just stretch it out and have and be able to fully contextualize all the thoughts rather than thinking it's like, this happened, but also this happened, then it's some kind of war between the two. It's just about trying to. And then it sort of resolve. It's like, that's not really how it works. It's not that.

If Jordan could, he'd do a big panel with 15 people. We'd talk for seven hours. I would talk for seven hours. But listen, I'll say this clearly, yeah, because I know the legacy I'm taking on with Miss Me. In terms of reproductive rights of women, man, I'll fight. that shit, bro. I know you would.

I fucking will with my gang. So I'm saying? Like, I really, and I want the energy out there. And like I said at the time, which is why I think it was odd, that I don't know why I thought it was a controversial thing. But I agreed with you. The whole thing is a shifting consciousness. So anyway, I very much believed that.

That's my boy. Thank you, Jordan. Anyway, talking about ignoring individuals. Yeah, let's get to Brian Beck. No, that's not funny. There's a family being torn apart right now. We've got to take it seriously. But is there a better segue to us discussing, you know,

the tension between genders, then the son of one of the most famous women in the world suggesting that she gave my lap dance at as wedding. I know, what the fuck I actually was like, wait, what are we actually saying, Brooklyn?

It's tricky, isn't it? Because I have, because of the new project I'm working on, I've been watching a lot of documentaries and I rewatched the Beckham one the other day. And I was like, hmm,

it's very good. It's very good. And then I also rewatched Victoria Beckham. I didn't like it as much, but it's, If you hear one thing like this, suddenly it all falls apart. Suddenly I'm like, oh shit, I don't believe any of it. I don't believe any of it.

Suddenly I just believe what Brooklyn's saying. And we should probably say, what is he saying? He's saying that he has been controlled by his parents. Oh, God, it's so awful. Can I just say I've had to try so hard to care about this. Yeah, yeah. I've really had to try very hard to care because it's like the least shocking expose

of the fragility of the fragility of a. hyper famous and under pressure, multi, multi-millionaire, if not billionaire family. I suppose what I was shot by, and I'm trying to see it as a family unraveling because I don't give a fuck about celebrity. Yeah. I suppose what's upsetting is that I don't think

that he's going to live his life with his parents anymore. And that's quite a disastrous thing to happen to any young person. Yeah, sad. It is sad. This is. the world. This is like, you know, it is that so it's interesting is he is exposing the reality that there is a brand associated with his family and it's come at the expense of their family connection. I called David and Victoria. They didn't want to say anything. They had nothing to say.

No comment from them to anyone, neither to me or the Daily Mail, they have nothing to say. Do we need any more confirmations that capitalism, consumerism, this entire setup is built to disconnect people. Yeah, and kill the soul. Did you hear what I'm saying? I just heard that the government are looking at banning social media for young people under 16. Yeah, they did it in Australia. They're doing it in Australia right now.

Really? They're doing it in Australia right now and everybody is watching to be like, how does this happen? But the reason why people are scared to do it is because they're getting lobbied by these big tech companies who are supremely powerful. Like it is terrifying. The fact that we're now doing remedial work on grok or whatever, you know, like Laura Bates did a book. called The Future of Sexism, right?

And she's talking about how clear it was that the men who were programming these AI bots with, again, no regulation, but the facility to be able to expose, embarrass, shame, bully, ridicule people, right? Which has been utilised mainly towards women and girls, right? Like, massive danger. And by the way, like, the boys, whoever, or whoever's doing it and stuff, like, again, especially if it's children, I don't know about the men thing, but, like, children should have access to this kind of shit.

They don't understand what it is that they're playing with, you know. So yes, it seems like a very, very logical thing to ban or at least remove the opportunity for children to utilise a format that has only resulted in like an anxiety crisis, depression crisis, bullying, like disconnection, isolation, radicalisation. Is there anything good on that list? I just say, can we add one good thing that social media does for children? What would it be? Well, you would say connection and that's exactly what it's the opposite of.

It's disconnection. Well, the thing is, though, when we were younger, yeah, like you had a stationary computer that you could maybe go on in the evening, but you can't take the computer out with you. And so you'd still be encouraged to, like, go and meet in person. The crisis we're going through is that people are not in third spaces. They're not in situations where they're engaging with their community. And it's leading to division. Don't worry.

I'm going to change it all with a skipping rope. You see. Yeah, great. You watch. You know what? Do you remember when there were films that were 18 in your house? They still are. No, I mean like, you know.

To be honest, though. Not really, but yeah. There were VHSs in the house. You couldn't get it at the store, yeah. No, but there would be the ones that your mom had or your parents that were 15 and 18. Eyes wide shut. Don't fucking watch that. Oh, okay, so you're 10 years younger than me.

Because mine was like Scarface or Jacob's Ladder. And I, by mistake, watch Jacob's Ladder because I was like, there's a ladder and he's called Jacob. I love ladders. I love ladders. I was like, snakes and ladders. I get it. Jacob Zader is a postal worker is haunted by flashbacks from his early and married,

his torturous days of duty during the Vietnam War and is now dead sun. And I watched that at like seven and it's just, it's dark. But I always wonder, did it shape me or did it break me? You know, Phoebe watched the omen by mistake when she was a kid and it fucked her for life. She's very, you know, she's so spiritual, but she's deeply, deeply fearful of the ghostly world and always has been. because maybe because that unlocked it. But I feel like I watch certain things like Scarface and I was sort of like, I don't know, a bit more prepared for life.

But I suppose it's a different kind of thing. I was watching kind of creative, genius pieces of work. That's not the same as being vulnerable in a kind of strange space like social media. You need to be able to integrate those experiences or understand what they do and feel. I watched some weird shit when I was younger. I don't remember being shocked. Like what?

Okay, it's three things. Well, we spoke before about the first time I saw a film about racism. I didn't understand what racism was, so I was distraught. I was off school. My mom had to explain to me what it was. I didn't know what it was when I was a kid. Because obviously in my estate, you have like everyone from different cultures, different backgrounds. Like, I didn't, if there was racism, I didn't notice it.

You know, at my school, it's mad multicultural. Jordan, we haven't talked about this because that's really interesting because I remember having to be told what racism was. And it's a fucking hard story to hear. We talked about Black History Month, but I didn't know that. Yeah, so that I also put on 24 accidentally once and watched that Jack guy like snapped someone's finger in half. That was pretty fucked up. I watched Psycho, I think, when I was nine.

I've definitely said this before. The thing that I'm most shocked about psycho was actually had a shower. But one thing I want to say before we finish, yeah, is this is the one that fucked my head up is I was watching an interview with Lily Phillips and Victoria Derbyshire like a few months ago, right? And in this interview, Lily Phillips, because, you know, every interview with Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips, people are basically trying to figure out, like, what traumatised them?

That's their main goal. It's like, so she says to Lily, like, what happened when you were child? When's the first time you watch porn? Victoria Darvish said. Yeah, and she was like, I watched porn when I was 11. And Victoria Parvichy goes, oh my God, at 11 is, you know, this whole thing. And I'm sat there going, I watch porn at 11. Yeah, that's our generation, not mine yours.

But then I was like, this is so silly, Victoria Darbishop's being ridiculous. What effects could porn have on a kid who watched it at 11? And then I was like talking out of my mates. And then I was like, wait, I was a fucking slant. And then you just remembered your entire sex life. I was like, this does affect me. I was like, wait. This is what Phoebe brought up for me the other day with you about your reading.

I don't want to reduce it because there's a lot of complex shit I've got with sex. And there's multiple. I think it's multiple things happening at the same time, including societal conditioning. But I did open the question for me. Yeah, man. I feel like you might be going through something. Just to do with like how you've had sex or whatever. I am, but let's not, that's not okay.

I spoke to Phoebe. I mentioned to Phoebe. I am currently engaging in like understanding and discovery around touch and what touch means through a Western lens. And I'm really concerned about like the kind of barrenness that has come with our Western outlook on life. And one of the huge issues with men generally is touch. So that's what I'm interested by. It's interesting, you know, you did say that to me.

And then when we were at that hotel that me and Mum and Jeanette and Garf went to before I left, I had a chakra massage, which was absolutely beautiful. Crystals down your back along your chakra route. Oh my God, Jordan. But I was naked. I was like, what do you mean? Full naked. And she was like, yeah, all close off.

And then she's like, you know, slapping my bum. And I was like, this is what Jordan was talking about. The Western part of me was like, why would you go that close? And then the eastern spiritual part of me was like, why are you so scared of her? touching you. Right. And the context in it, it's the transaction and also it's your experience. Yeah. And what is stored in those places where you haven't been touched. You know, like it's it's very interesting. I have a hard out. We have to go. No, I'm joking. It is really interesting. No, it is really interesting. But we'll talk about it another time. Maybe touch could be an episode

of listen. Touch is a good listen, bitch, you know. That could be a good one. Touch me. Touch me. Tis me. Just to touch you. Love is enough to Take me up on my feet, are we? Just a touch of your love. Just a touch your love. Where's Jade, man? Where's Jade when you're fucking need her? We'll see you for the listen bitch.

On Monday, the theme is puberti. Puberty. All right. It's been great. I'll see you later. Oh, this is David Attenborough thing I want to talk you about, but we'll do it next week. Next week.

Shout out of foxes. Bye! Bye! Thanks for listening to Miss Me. This is a Percephonica production for BBC Sounds. Hello, I'm Jack. And I'm Rosie. And we are two of the hosts of Lunchbox Envy,

a food podcast from the makers of QI and No Such Thing as a Fish. Each week, we dive into a different dish or ingredient and uncover tons of fabulous foodie facts about the history, science and culture behind food and drink. For example, did you know that the Aztecs enjoyed a dollop of peanut butter on their roasted grasshoppers? Or that it was a 12-year-old boy who figured out how, to grow vanilla on farms.

So if you want to find out how avocado trees are bisexual or what the first ever meal eaten on the moon was, then Lunchbox, Envy, is the podcast for you. Listen now on BBC Sounds.