Missing Niamh - 12: Episode 12: Dreaming

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

Over 20 years after she went missing, Niamh’s friends and family still dream of her. With the passing of time, Niamh remains forever young and forever the free-spirited 18-year-old she was back then. Her loss still echoes for those who loved her. missingniamh.com

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For over two decades, Neem's family has done everything they could to keep searching for her. While they never give up hope, they've had to learn to live with the loss or as Fanula says, to move forward with it. They talk about Niamh and keep her memory alive. When Fanula spoke with Niamh's friend Lisa,

who was in Batlow with her just before she went missing, both women discovered they still dream of Niamh. In her dreams, Lisa sees Niamh. She's there, but she's silent. My dreams are really annoying because she'll never talk to me in them. Do you have that dream too? She's always there. And if I talk to her, ask her a question, she'll look at me. She just looks at me. And I think there's times where I get really angry at her because I want her to speak to me. And then there's other times

where I don't feel that, but she never talks to me, but she's present. Fanula has similar dreams of her sister. Yeah, that's so freaky that you said that. So I haven't had it recently, but I, yeah, have a recurring dream that sometimes we're in different places, but it's exactly the same. She just doesn't talk. She's there.

She's just an AM, you know, aged 18. And I'll be like, where have you been? Do you have any idea how worried we've been? Like seriously, mum and dad are beside themselves. Like she just doesn't talk, doesn't answer. Yeah. That's, it sounds exactly the same, like different locations. I might hear her like laugh or make sounds and I might even see that she's maybe interacting with other people but I can't hear it. And then when I happen to have an interaction with her, if I happen to in the dream, because sometimes I can't,

she won't talk to me. She won't... She's silenced. Vanula spoke to Brodie, who was also with Niamh on her fruit-picking adventure to Batlow. While these friends of Niamh's have all grown older, Niamh herself seems frozen at 18. I want to say that Niamh was special

and she had a lot to offer and it's really, really unfortunate that something like this happened. It's just really unfair and it couldn't have happened to a better person, really. And whatever happened or, you know, or whoever stole her opportunities away from her, it's just... It's just a shame. That's... Yeah.

And I miss her. Me too. For Niamh's young and carefree friends, her loss was the event that made them all grow up. For the country kids from Armidale, it all came to a halt when Niamh was lost. I think that event has actually really shaped all of us in so many ways. It was quite a shocking, terrible thing to happen. And I certainly know that she's quite present in my life in the sense

that the memories, what happened to her, it, yeah, it's really, she's still with us because she was such a significant person in our lives and what happened to her, in a sense, is a cautionary tale that no one, you know, we of course wish that she was still here and with us, but perhaps it led all of us to make better choices going forward from there. And I think now we live in a world where we are more wary generally. I think that what happened would not necessarily happen now.

Not that it couldn't, but it's just that we were living in a time where there was no mobile phones, where there was less stranger danger, all that kind of stuff. And yeah, we were young, we were 18 and being silly. Yeah. Yeah. I just don't think it would have happened now. I don't think so either.

If you all had smartphones. I know. And social media and all the perils that come with that, but I actually think... Yeah, I agree. When Lisa and Fanula spoke, it was in Liam's childhood home in Armidale. Being there brought back memories.

And I think it's funny, you kind of keep moving through your life and then there's these times where you revisit it. And I'm glad I could come here because this place, like I spent a lot of time here and have not been here for ages, but it's still, the table's still in the same spot. Everything's still the same. And so I feel like this was the right place to come and talk about Niamh and yeah, I would have loved to have shared more life with her but I'm grateful for the time I got.

We had a lot of really fun times together and like we went diving a lot and, you know, we went camping and the number of times we like put all the lights on in this lounge room and did like dancing to bad 80s music and, you know, and when she was like working at the pizza shop and we'd get pizza and we'd just be silly ratbags but, you know, we were having lots of fun. We'd dress up and do silly things and it was... Yeah, we had lots of good times. So, yeah, we just try to hold on to the good memories.

While Niamh's loss hit everyone hard, we can only imagine what it has been like for her parents, Anne and Brian. They always look so stoic and brave in media appearances. Anne says they've coped, but it has never been easy. And so I had to sort of deal with that, know that that was underneath all that was going on, and then try and help the kids cope. But I think they've done excellently and partly because we all talk

to each other as much as we can and get help and because they've all been fortunate enough to have very supportive friends from school and so on. So I think that's how we've managed to cope with the emotional side of it all. But it's still with you forever. None of us, I think, like to use the term closure because it's totally meaningless. You don't have closure. Nothing stops it.

Nothing makes it go away. It's part of your life and you cope with it and you live with it. And we've always focused on celebrating the inspiration we have from Niamh. And they're all, all of our children are inspirations to us. The things they do, they are just wonderful. So we think we're just so fortunate that they're all adventurous, they stand up for what's right, they kneecap people who aren't doing the right thing, politely of course. Anyway, so I think we've coped on the whole very well with the emotional side of it all.

But it's never easy and it's never going to be easy. For Brian, staying positive did not stop the depression he suffered, but did help him find a way forward. He is open about seeking help to manage it. I have suffered from depression since that time, about six months after that time. I found that I needed to actually have some medical help with depression. And that, in a sense, has helped a lot. A friend who's a well-qualified psychologist said to me at one stage

that one of the features of depression is that you have a strong sense of responsibility. In other words, you are the person who has to do something about it. Now, that actually puts more pressure on yourself. So the way around that is to be positive and look ahead and plan to see how you can help to deal with the situation or to solve the problem. So, and even now, having something to plan ahead to, I find is a purposeful way of viewing life. Brian is thankful for all of the people

who have offered to help over the years. So we've had people like that all the time who've come forward and made suggestions if they can or offered help where they can. It's heartening, even if it doesn't solve the problem, but it's better than not getting any help, I guess. You know, you need something to keep you motivated to keep going. And the unanswered question is the main motivation, but the encouragement is given by the people who've tried to help in whatever way they can.

For Anne, her focus was on the rest of the family. Having to deal with the emotional side for... I wasn't so concerned about my welfare because I was more focused on the rest of the family and helping them deal with it all because I thought, I think what's helped me is my faith. And I have a photograph, a calligraphy thing up there, a quote from Khalil Gibran, the Lebanese poet,

about your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of, you know, the whole globe in a sense. poet about your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of, you know, the whole globe in a sense. And so I've been able to focus on the positive. When you give birth to a child, any child, you don't know what package you're getting and you don't know for how long you have that package. So you have to face up to that from the very beginning. So it's something that you celebrate every day, all of your life and all of their lives.

But you also know that things happen and that you aren't the only person on the planet who has things like this happen. It is worth reciting the poem that has brought Anne so much comfort. It's called On Children by Khalil Gibran. Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you,

and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love, but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies, but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you, for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children, as living arrows, are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and he bends you with his might, that his arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness,

for even as he loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable. If you feel a bit as if you're wallowing in self-pity, all you have to do is have a look around you and see that there are people who are far worse off. So, you know, you keep positive. I'm a positive person. And one of the things I'm always inspired by is candles. And there's an ancient saying in multiple cultures across the globe, there's no darkness dark enough to put out the light of one small candle.

So I light a candle every day for Niamh and for us and for everybody out there. While her loss is as real to her family now as it was when she went missing back in 2002, the family is well aware that Niamh's disappearance is outside the living memory of anyone under the age of about 25. Older people from the area will remember her, but with this podcast, any young bushwalkers, campers, hunters, SES volunteers, or forest rangers

who work in the area can be on the lookout for Niamh's remains or her belongings, her backpack, clothes, camping equipment, discman, CDs, photography gear. For a full list of Niamh's property, including serial numbers, please visit our website at missingniamh.com. That's missing n-i-a-m-h dot com. Imagine if you were working, camping or bushwalking in the area and came across a bunch of old CDs buried in the bush. Fanula talks with Steve Rose about getting the case back into the public awareness. Again, that's why I keep saying, you know, 18 years ago, a 26-year-old person was six or seven years of age, you know,

and so they wouldn't have known anything about Nehemiah going missing, really. But those 25-year-olds now are operating machinery, working in forestry, cutting down trees, doing all sorts of things, you know, so it's time to get the interest back up again just in case. People that were 50 years of age are probably retired now. So they're the ones that have all the knowledge because they live

through that period of time. Personally, I just think if anybody knows anything relative to Nehemiah's disappearance, please tell the police. Allow the family some closure. And if you are currently working in the timber industry or forestry industry, in the areas of between Tumut and Tumbarumba, please be vigilant and keep an eye out for any unusual clothing or perhaps even human remains at this stage and report what you see. Now here's where we need your help.

If you or anyone you know was in Gingellic or in Batlow at the time and remembers Neom, Jack or Garth, or remembers seeing the hearse, please come forward and talk to us. You could hold a missing piece of the puzzle. It is vital to remember that you may not realise what you saw was important, but please come forward anyway. We have already located several people who told us before their interview started that they didn't know anything, but then gave us really useful information. Everything we find out adds another piece to the puzzle. If we find enough pieces, we may find Niamh. Some people might not come forward because they don't think what they know is relevant,

or assume what they know is already known by police. This may not be the case, so we urge you to get in touch anyway. Each piece of information, no matter how small, can help. Other friends and acquaintances of Niamh who were at Batlow Caravan Park, you may have important information. Did you know Jack Nicholson from the fruit picking scene, even if it wasn't in Batlow? Pickers and backpackers from all over the world were in Batlow and Gingellic on the Easter long weekend of 2002. Are you one of the people we've heard about who might have been with the Jack and Garth? You can reach us at missingneum.com. That's missingneum.com. The name Niamh, or Niamh in the traditional pronunciation, comes from an ancient Irish

story about a young warrior named Oisín who fell in love with a beautiful princess called Niamh. Together, they left his world for the fairy world of Tien Anog, where time stood still. When Oisin missed his family and begged to visit home, Niamh warned him not to alight from his horse. When he ignored the warning and set foot upon the earth, he became ancient because 300 years had passed in his old world. Legend had it that the beautiful Princess Neve still roamed the countryside on her white horse searching for her husband. The May property in Armidale was named Tienanog Tuwananeum,

forever young, just like the story. They made a sign with the name for their front gate. It's one of those legends where the beautiful Neve went off with Oisin to the land of Tienanog, which is the land of everlasting youth. So I just thought that's fairly appropriate. I suggested that we put that there as the name for the property here because, you know, a lot of people have names

that have some significance for them in some way. And I thought, well, that's for all of us. So this is us. We're all forever youthful. are useful.