Mission To Zyxx - A Legumiful Mine

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

The Legumies’ cave adventure continues with headbutting, skeleton flirting and enough injuries to go around. Also, another rude, off-putting old man to antagonize our heroes! Watch out for weird bug creatures and stuff. Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinzyxxSupport at higher levels/more shows: https://maximumfun.org/joinThanks so much!

Hello listeners. Welcome back to Mission to D6, our ongoing D&D campaign in the ancient ass end of the galaxy. When we last left off, our heroes were adventuring separately. Larry and Samsey's split off to go down to the concurrent rivers, where they had encountered Bucket's X, Fordsman Dan Ciego. Larry had fallen into the river, embarrassingly whacked his head, been caught in the rushing current, and their fate shall be revealed in the next episode. But for now, the rest of the party has descended into a series of evil cage. Dwayne, Bookett, Gigli, Quiriel, and their new friend Squelch Nyquist, together have battled swarms of bats and rats and piranhas, all in an attempt to restore the sullied reputation of Quirial

in the eyes of the Rhodian church. And speaking of Quirial, the paladin of Rhodos has just fallen about 20 feet down through a hole in the cave floor. Not great. But today for this episode, we'll continue the Caves' half of the adventure. So take a listen. if you care. Quariel, you have taken some fall damage.

Do you know? Let me see here. Ooh, ten bludgeoning damage for Quirial. So Dwayne and Jigley race over to the hole that's opened up in the cave and look down. And about 20 feet down, it's very dark down there, but you can see that Quirial has landed on the floor of the cave below. or a second level down there. But there's no way for him to get up. It's 20 feet down.

I do have a rope. You do? Okay. Great. Do you want to hand that down? Yes. Yes. I'm just going to call it a...

Well, you're a little bit shaken up, Coriol. Let's call it a DC-13 athletics check. Okay. Oh. Okay. There we go. Yeah, 19, baby. It's so dark.

below, but you can see the daylight from Bucket's sphere. You're given an extra burst of strength to climb up this rope and get back out onto the level of everybody else. But just so you know, where you landed, Quariel, you were able to see before Duane threw the rope down, there's a sort of second level below this one that is much more sort of twisty and windy. It's not as open as this one, but you saw a bunch of branching corridors and stuff down there.

but you didn't see any enemies or anything. No swarms. No swarms. Regrettable. So Squelch, what's your deal? I guess I'm just going to walk up to them, right? Sure. Hey guys.

Great. Squelch. If only somebody had some healing kits that they could help quarrel out with. Oh, yeah. What did your hit points go from into? 20 to 10. Oh. Yawahua.

So, Aquariel is hurt but alive. The swarm of piranhas disappears back into the depths of the pond. Oh, and book it. Right. As you were coming back to shore here, you had your orb with you, but where you are standing, there is no way to see further up that corridor. I will go take a peek. Oh, you're going to go that far?

Uh-oh. Maybe not. I'd take it a little slower than that. All right, I will come here. All right. So, Bucket goes up the corridor a little bit along the shore of the sub-training lake, and her drift globe casts light down the corridor. And you see up at the end of the little path, a hole about maybe six or eight feet wide

that disappears into even darker darkness than the darkness you are currently in. And next to the hole are two. corpses, two sort of skeletal remains. Cute. You got to hit them twice, guys. So you have a couple options. There's kind of three different ways you could go. You go down the hole.

Aquario fell through. You go down the hole where the skeletons are. You can see, actually, book it from where you are. There's the prongs of a ladder that actually is sticking out of the hole. So there is a way to climb down that hole. Or you could investigate the hole that's north of the lake. All I say is we do something. Perfect.

I don't think anyone was supposing we do nothing, book it. Yes. Not that I'm bad at climbing ropes, but I would vote for ladder. Certainly safer options. Sure. I suppose the ladder presents the more sensible path. I'm still nursing a small piranha wound. Yeah, in my experience, there's usually a lot of resources at the end of a ladder, so I'm happy to go.

I forgot you. We're still here. A little rude bucket. Sorry, I'm just a little stress because I don't know what Larry is doing. And he could be up to all sorts of hijinks and ho-ho-hors. I would like to stay to the safest option. Let's go down the hall with the skeletons. What's the worst that could happen?

Perfect. Great. Do we have a consensus? Yeah, I mean, maybe we should loot the skeletons. you have to have any items on them? Yes. Squelch, lead the way, looter. Oh, you're going to send Squelch in first.

Okay. Oh, sorry, I was just doing a little mining while you guys were talking, but, yeah, okay, let's go. Did you mining? Yeah, for, I'm just getting some obsidian so I can. In addition to, like, the six swords on Squelch's back, he also has a pickax somehow, and he's sort of swinging it against the... Squelch, how are you able to... carry this many objects.

It seems the weight of it all would be impossible to bear. You know, I often wonder that myself. It's weird. I somehow have an endless amount of stuff, but like I can move around, no problem. Yes, quite unusual. All right. So you guys are going to head up north towards the ladder hole. Let's decide who's going first.

We all agree squelch goes first. We all agreed squelch would go first. Hey, where are you guys? You're not mining my area, are you? Nobody is taking your resources, Squirrel. We are minding our own business. So Squelch walks north along the passage, and just right here, Squelch, this is a very narrow passageway where it's only really, you kind of have to turn to your side to even get through.

It's only about three feet wide, so there's no way for, it's kind of a bottleneck here. So you're going to go through that little squeeze point. Do you say you're going to loot one of the skeletons? I'm going to check, yeah. Okay. Oh, it's check. All right, great. So you get a little bit closer to them.

They're sort of collapsed near the hole with the ladder in it. They're both wearing some sort of dented, a kind of rusty armor. One of them has sort of a broken sword. And the other one has a sword that appears to be maybe made of bone or something. Whoa. It looks like a femur that was carved or honed into a point. Creeper. Creeper.

What's your plan, squel? Well, in my experience, even under low-level deprecated item, sometimes there's like a gem hidden under, like a crummy shield. So I think I'm just going to lift it up and see if I can find anything worth taken. Okay. The skeleton is, as you might imagine, sort of covered in like cobwebs and grime. There's some kind of rotted flesh pooled around it. It looks like these guys have been dead for. maybe a couple years, maybe partially mummified by the cool caves.

But as you kind of reach in to kind of root around in his stuff, the skeleton starts to move and stands upright and sort of shoves you away. And I think we need to roll for initiative. So it's really just squelch and skeleton right now. And the other skeleton also begins to move. and reanimates and stands up. They sort of stand up with a sort of creepy, clattering sound. It doesn't sound like a xylophone,

but there's sort of a xylophone-esque kind of noise coming. Mr. DM, question, what are the heights, the builds? Both of us interested in knowing if... One of them is hot. Uh-huh. Are they hot or not? One of them sort of looks like maybe the skeleton of like a large goblin or something. The other one looks like it's definitely a skeleton of like a humanoid.

Okay. And the humanoid-looking one looks like, I mean, I would say it's hard to not have defined cheekbones when you're a skeleton, but I would say these are extra sort of extra defined cheekbones. Ooh. Wow, wow, wow. So both of them stand up and draw their one of them rusty, one of them improvised weapons. Okay. So we've got skeletons attacking first. So the skeleton that you were rooting around in Squelch takes a swipe at you.

And what is your armor class? Oh, armor class 14. Armour class 14. Okay. So the skeleton rears back and sort of creaky, takes a swipe at you with this rusty sword. But you jump back and the sword misses you. Don't worry, guys. I've been here before.

I just wagging once. head falls off, then I hit the head and we're going to be fine. What? Great. We're back here. What are you talking about? I'm just letting you know. Totally safe.

I got this. Great. So the second skeleton also takes a swipe at you and rolls. Let's see. Oh, that's a 14. So that hits. This is the skeleton with the bone sword takes a swipe at you and does six damage with a bone sword? Six damage.

Jeez. My dad. My dad. No, Shane. 28 hit points, so you're not going to go down that easy. 28? I haven't had this for a while, y'all. Shane's level three for some reason, and the less of us are a little bit.

I don't fully understand why. He's been doing every quest. He's a completionist. So you're now down to 22 hit points. Yep. All right, so it's your shot now. You can choose what to do. Okay, I'm going to attack with the longsword.

Okay, which skeleton? The one that just whacked me. Okay, that's skeleton A. So go ahead and roll to hit. It says B. B is a 20. Oh! Booyah!

Cushat. So that means you do double damage. So click that once. Okay. And then click it again. Click it again. Great. Five plus three.

All right. Plus two because it's a plus one long sword and you have plus one strength. So that's 10 total. 10 total. All right. So you do this sort of four. front flip and like land, sort of land in like a lunge. And a sort of shockwave emanates out of your sword.

And about half of the bones of this skeleton just get completely splintered. And the skeleton reels back. But somehow he's still standing on one of its good legs. Spelter, are you playing a xylophone? Yeah. All right. So now if you guys want to enter this combat, that now's the time. you can sort of just let the situation play out

if you want to be sociopaths. Oh, okay. Well, that was a little heavy. Not loaded at all, yes. I mean, I'm busy. I mean, he seems like he's doing fine. I was about to say, I think he's got it under control,

but I don't want to be a sociopathicabode. No, no, you should do whatever you, whatever you feel. I guess we'll get involved. Dwayne looks at Gingley and Quarreal and just kind of goes, I guess we'll, yes. Yes.

Yes, Dwayne, yes. Yes, of course. And remember, we have to kind of squeeze through this little narrow corridor, so you kind of can only enter one at a time. Okay. Bookett, your closest, do you want to rush in first? Yes. I think he got the hotter one already, though.

Well, can I do a spell for friendship, to have them believe the two skeletons that we are, in fact, their dearest of friends. Okay, great. So you're going to move up here? Is that right? Yes, that did. There we go. Right in the middle.

Between the two skeletons, perhaps my friends. Okay. You magically emanated a sense of friendship towards one creature you can see within range. The target must see it on a wisdom saving throw or have the charmed condition. So which skeleton are you going to cast friendship on the skeleton? that is half there or the healthy skeleton, healthy for lack of a better one. Okay, great. Then skeleton B needs to pass a wisdom saving throw, and the DC is what?

Is Wisdom 14? Wisdom 14. Oh. 15. Oh. So Bucket, you're back here, actually, because you didn't enter combat. The skeleton looks at you and is not fooled by your charming spell. The skeleton B moves towards you and engages you in combat right in this sort of very narrow corridor here.

Now Bookett is in combat, but his skeleton A's turn, the injured one, this skeleton is going to try again to attack Squelch. So, oh, he hits you again. Four, seven. Hits you with what? Hits you with his bone sword. Ouch. So you are down now to 15 hit points, squelch. And now it is Bookett's turn.

Booket, what are you going to do? Now you've got a skeleton sort of right in your face. Well, I can do my classic ray of frost, or I could headbut them. Great. I say, I'm going to headbut them. You're going to headbutt the skeleton? It's the unarmed strike, headbutt. I will warn you, based on your strength that will deal zero damage because you are not particularly strong.

Wow, wow, wow. I'll have you no bucket the circuit classes and spin and strength classes. Yeah, give it a shot, I say. No, no, no, I'm going to do the ray of frost. Okay, great. So you're going to cast Ray of Frost. on this skeleton. Go ahead and roll...

The fuck. Yeah, so that missed. It's a three. Okay. All right, so the ray of frost, it's such tight corners in this little corridor that your magic just hits all of these crystalline walls and covers them in a thick frost

and icy cold fog. Great light show, though. It's very cool because your drift globe really casts a lot of prismatic light show around the cavern, but it does almost nothing to the... skeleton. Tough crowd. Squelch, you are next.

Within one turn, can I jump back the maximum number of squares and then use my long bow? The problem is that the skeleton and bucket are in this narrow corridor, so you kind of can't squeeze past them. They're blocking this bottleneck here. All right, I'm just going to have

to whack them. Pulling up the long sword. It's worth mentioning the skeleton is standing right next to the edge of this big hole. Okay. Well, can I draw my sword as if I'm going to whack him, but then kick him? Sure. On arm strike, is that what you would call it? Yeah, but if you succeed instead of doing damage, you'll knock him back a couple feet.

Yeah. So you're going to fake him out then. I'm going to fake him out, yeah. Okay. So you draw your sword, you take a half swing, and instead you kick him, kick him backwards. And I'm going to give you an advantage on that so you can roll two D20s in the better one. will win. Okay.

Oh. 15. And the roll again? I don't need to. You kick this skeleton. A natural 20. Whoa. Okay.

Wow. What is going to happen to the skeleton? And Alden said you didn't need to roll again. But we did need to. Always roll again. So the skeleton stumbles back. I feel like I blasted him so hard, a bone ricocheted off the wall and whacked the other skeleton.

I mean, it was a good role. that's going to roll. The skeleton reels back and drops his bone sword, and the bone sword flies up in the air, and as it lands, it cracks, and a little ruby falls out of it. Huh, yeah. Great.

So, uh, squelch, you get you just... I appreciate that Shane does all his own sound effects as we record. Yeah, exactly. So the skeleton is dead. Congratulations. And, uh, you just got yourself a, Ruby, which is very valuable. Nice.

Wait, he kicked him to death? No, he kicked him down the hole. Oh, okay. All right. Now, it is skeleton bees turn the one attacking Bucket. You guys can jump in at any point if you feel like helping Bookett. Feels like I need help. And also, Booket, remember, you were able to retreat as well because you're past the bottleneck here.

I'd like to advance just to have Bucket's back here. Okay. Thank you. The skeleton is going to take a switzerland. at you, Bookett. Rude. And what is your armor class? Um,

doesn't matter. 11. Skeleton has missed you with its rusty sword. Thought we couldn't be friends? So, Bookett's next? So if I headbutt them... Okay. Never mind, fine.

Let her headbutt them. Let her headbutt them. What does the witch's bolt do exactly? Was it actually damage them? Witches Bolt damages them. That's a first level spell. So that's like your heavy artillery. You do have to roll to hit, but it does significantly more damage.

Yes, it does a lot of damage. Yeah, it's pretty intense, actually. Group meeting. Group meeting. No, no, no, no. Wait. No time, no time. All right, fine.

Just do it. Let me just do it then. Fine. I was going to have everyone's input, but I guess we're not doing that. Let's do Witchess Bolt. Okay. All right, great. Get rid of this old, whatever, who's he have, who.

So go ahead and roll for that. Okay. Turn. Oh, yeah. So now go ahead and roll your damage. 10 damage. Oh, great. So you do this interesting sort of motion with your hands.

There's a lot of finger movement, and it sort of looks like you're at a rave or something. Glowing orb appears in your palms, and you thrust it out, kind of haduken towards the skeleton. Hadoon. Not to be confused with the literal glowing orb you also have. Yes, yes, not that one. And rays of magic shoot from your palms blowing some of the armor and a few of the armor and a few of the bones off of this skeleton, but it is still alive. It's still advancing crawling towards you through this tight space in the cavern.

Next is squelch. Wait, how do I get in on this? You have to wait to the end of the round and then you can jump. in. Okay, sweet. Okay, I'm going to pull out my broadsword and give him a love tap. Oh, oh no. Not quite. Oh, not quite. So, uh, the skeleton is sort of most of the way through this kind of pinch point here. And because he's been partially blown to bits by bucket, there's not much to swipe at, so you, you miss. And now, Gigley, you're going to join, right? Yes.

Okay, great. So, it's Gigli's turn, actually. Okay. So this is kind of tight quarters, right? Bookett's between me and the skeleton? Yeah, there's this kind of narrow passage here where the skeleton is basically taking up the whole space. Booket is right, you know, right next to it. You could squeeze in next to her to get a swipe at this skeleton.

Okay. I want to try to do like a toppling maneuver with my battle axe. Topling maneuver. Yeah, to attack it and strike it prone. Yeah, Gile is a master of the battle axe, so he has the weapon mastery skill topple. Okay. If you hit a creature with a battle axe,

you could force it to make a con saving throw. On a failed save, the creature has the prone condition. Yeah, so basically you attack a hit, and if you hit and it fails a constitution save it falls to the ground, and it's like, oh. And in addition to taking damage. In addition to the damage. Okay, all right, great.

That's how good he is with that axe, baby. Yeah. Great. And. Oh. Oh, three. You try to take, it's such close quarters. You really can't get your axe glances off a stalactite hanging down and you miss the skeleton.

The skeleton is next. And unfortunately, the bones that Bougat blew off did not include the arm bones holding this sword. He takes a swipe at you. Damn bones. Dimbones, Gigley. And what's your AC? 13.

Oh. The skeleton hits you with his rusty sword. Four. Nine damage. Oh, Gigley. Wow. By the gods of

Clan Benefort, it hurts. First the piranhas, now this. All right, now I'm at 13. Woof. Woof.

Great, so Bucket is next. Yes, you know, I'm going to do my classic. Something I should have done earlier, and I will... Please don't say headbutt. Okay. Put them to sleep. Put them to sleep. Great.

Okay, great. Put them to sleep. And then I will head butt there. Good. Great. All right, go ahead and cast your sleep. What's the saving throw for me? saving through on sleep is wisdom 14

Wisdom 14 Okay So you cast your sleep spell Oh And the skeleton is Wide away Getting the best amount Truly it's even like

The skeletons have a negative one to their wisdom But he's rolling just high enough to not pass out Yeah so I mean we all know biologically it's not possible for a skull's eyes to get wider But it sort of does like you've invigorated this skeleton somehow. I'm not sure how, but his eye socket gets get even bigger and his creepy smile gets even wider. It's his squelch.

I'm just going to go ahead and whack him again, I guess. Yeah, go for it. And while this is happening again, Quarreal and I... Got a little help, y'all? Well, where are we to go over there? There is no more room in your alley of skeleton slaughter.

Yeah. And it's not like we're actually hearing them tell us what's happening. So we're just hearing. You're just hearing a lot of grunting and clattering. I assume the combat is going well enough. All right, it's squelch's turn. You're going to take a swipe at this skeleton? Yeah, but for a little insurance and policy, can I use a limited use action surge? Sure. On your turn, you can take one. Is that a bad idea? One additional action?

Skeletons are about the weakest enemies in the game. Oh, okay, never mind. The fact that we're losing to them. Yeah, not to pull the curtain back too far, but you guys have been incredibly unlucky so far. Yeah, we're really struggling against these guys, and we shouldn't be. Somehow the dice know it's a comedy show.

All right, I'll attack him. I'll attack him. All right, go ahead. Yes, good. All right, now roll for damage. All right, you sort of do another one of those sort of flip jumps, and your sword goes. Right through this guy's skull,

shattering it everywhere, and all the bones clatter to the floor. And this dude is dead. Hooray! Congratulations. You defeated him. Yes, we've defeated both skeletons and the stalactite. Yeah, and only at great personal cost to yourself.

Perfect. All right, so you're out of combat. Congratulations. The cavern is now empty, this level, so you guys can proceed. as you wish. You're welcome, Quariel. I do not remember hearing a request for my services.

No, I mean, we're doing this to prepare your repudiation. Oh, right. Yes, thank you. All right, so when Squelch shattered this last skeleton, almost imperceptibly, but Quarial notices, because he's very attuned to light and darkness as an acolyte of... Yes, naturally. The darkness in this cavern is now more or less normal.

There was kind of almost like a shroud of darkness over this cavern before, and now it is normal darkness. The daylight coming in from the two entrances to the outside seems more visible. You can kind of see a little bit more of the cave, even with Bucket's Drift Globe. And it feels a little bit like whatever darkness is. and shrouded this level of the cave, it's been lifted. So that's a good sign, I think. Okay.

Progress. Great. What's your move? Well, if there's enough room, it would be great to move down into the part of the cavern where everything's happening. So we could all hang out at least. So you guys, Dwayne is going to finally join. Dwayne at full health.

Full health, the best battler of all of them, 29 hit points, who's just been sort of chilling, watching. I'm here. All right, so you guys going to head down? Yeah, let's head down. All right, great. You all clamber down to level two. And again, as you've gone down the ladder,

it feels like it's gotten even darker than you would expect it to be. Even with the drift globe, the light doesn't go as far as it sort of feels like it should. One thing to note about this is that from where the ladder lands, everything is almost at like a 15 or 20 degree down. sea over where squelch is right now is like maybe

you know 10 feet further downhill kind of from where the ladder lands so it kind of seems like there's a path leading down further into the ground the path starts off to the left and it's very narrow very close quarters here

could I go up to this wall and use tremor sense to I have a dwarven tremor sense and stone cunning. Fun. I can sense anything touching

the contiguous stone within 60 feet. 60 feet? I gain tremor sense with a range of 60 feet for 10 minutes. I must be on or touching natural or worked stone surface. Okay, okay.

And it's this northern wall, right? I think, yeah, that's what I'd like to do this. Okay, yeah, this northern wall. Great. Okay, I love it. So you, you, with your dwarven senses, you put your hand. Al-A-Zutra by the, by the memories of the stones of the past. All the hustlers of the town and harbors of pearls. By the memories of the stones of the past.

The penifarian power of the stone cunning shall brough. Okay. Wow. So you put your hand on the wall and you reach out with your dwarven senses to feel any movement or any kind of activity going on further down the path, and you don't sense anything. Okay. At least for the next 60 feet on that side, it seems completely still from here. All right.

Do you think it's worth me going over here, guys, and checking this wall? Yes. Live your dream, Sheila. You never know when your ex will be talking to your husband. Thank you, Bucket. I'm sorry that you didn't, whatever you were hoping for with those skeletons. You don't sense anything on that wall either. All right.

But actually from your vantage point, you can see a little bit down. There's another bottleneck here that kind of leads down. You can tell this is very, the walls are kind of closing in a little bit on your location. Not actively, just it feels, it's very, you're going to have to go kind of single file here. Yeah. Squelch, run point. I'm down like 13 health points. I might just pull up the rear on this one if somebody wants to.

Well, you know what you guys could do? You know, this would be maybe considering that Gigley has kind of run the perimeter, you guys could take a short rest and get a little healing going on. What do we regain in a short rest? So you gain the hit points from your hit dice during a short rest. Every class has a different hit dice. Yeah, there's a little button on your character sheet for a short rest, and I think it'll just probably run that for you if we do it.

Take short rest. Should we do it? Yeah, sure. All right. All right. I'm going to do my 1D10 plus two. Take your arrest. Okay, so I got six back.

And the only other injured one, I think, is squelch. Squelch, right? Okay. Good. Nice. So 8 plus 6, so you got 14 hit points back. Yeah. Oh, great.

There you go. All right. So you guys sort of hang out and recap the first level of the cave. Get your bearings here a little bit. Yes. Oh, there's been an hour. Yeah. Squelch is mining.

Squelch, the sound of your mining. The sound of your mining has become irritating, squelch. Sorry, I think I might have hit a vein of fossilites. I'm just going to... Oh, you hit a vein all right. Wait, Healy, what was the punchline of that joke again? No, I don't remember with all this mining. I think it was something about a priest.

No, that's the setup. I don't know. Yeah. Yes, perhaps we can move this expedition along. All right, so, Quariel, you're going to... to move down the path there? Yeah. All right, great. You see a little further down the path, and you can see it branches in two directions here.

I hate decisions. I shall choose the east, for Rodos rises in the east. Make it the most noble of all directions. Can we keep up now that we know where they're going? You guys can all follow. Okay. And Coriol, as you enter this little T intersection, You hear a horrible, shuffling, fluttering noise.

And from the ceiling of the cave, a swarm of sturges, which are disgusting creatures come out from the ceiling of this cave and attack you. A swarm of sturges. What's a sturge? It's like a giant mosquito. Cute. Ew. Yeah, they're gross.

Are you guys all together at this point? Pretty much. Okay, great. All right, we'll add everybody then. Yeah, get it. All right. So, oh, the swam of sturges first. Oh, that thing is ugly.

Doesn't feel fair. Attacks, Aquareal. What part of the body is that? Is that its front? That is the front, actually. I'm sorry that my stone cunning was not distant enough to detect this swamastardis. Well, Yeah, did you have your hand on it the entire time?

No, no, no. Oh, okay, great. So the Swerve of the Sturges cast swarm of proboscis. It's very gross on... Quirio. Wait, it's a spell of just stabbing with its noses? It's not really a spell. It's just an action.

They get a 16, which I think... How is that for you, Cori? I'm afraid not good enough. Oh. Before you face a pallet of Rodeostom. sunlighter. I also have my shield out, so I'm like, great. So these enormous bug bat creature things bounce off of your

enormous, enormous, enormous seal. Yeah, I would say they're weird bug creatures. They're weird bug creatures and stuff. They fail to do anything to quarrel. Book it is next. Okay. Why did I try friendship again? No, you're fighting them, you're in combat with them. You can't do that. How? The closest thing is sleep.

I'll make sure they sleep. Okay, all right, you're going to cast sleep on them? Yes. Terrific. What's the DC on that? Wisdom 14. Wisdom 14. Aha.

Oh, the swarm of sturges are swarming around quarial, and one by one, each of them sort of drifts off and kind of runs into the walls, and all of them are down on the floor, sleeping. Congratulations. You're welcome, everyone. Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. All right, wow, that was quick. We're done with combat. And you can see from where you are that the cave kind of expands just a little bit before narrowing back into what looks like the only exit to this little area,

which is a very, very narrow kind of two-foot-wide squeeze point up there that you can go through. So Coriel, as you get into this open area, the cave, which has been a lot of sediment, kind of rocks, as you're getting lower and lower further and further into the earth, you kind of start noticing the walls and the ceilings of these caves start to become a little more crystalline. You're seeing more like minerals or something kind of growing out of the wall. And you don't see any gemstones or anything, but it's definitely a little bit more crystalline in the makeup of the cave. Otherwise, there's not really much in this little opening that you can see from where you are.

then I shall continue All right So you take Okay The path takes a bend to the right Another narrow squeeze point in here And there's another T intersection here Where you can either kind of go left or

Right This is turning into quite a pleasant spilank Yeah exactly I mean Gigley is stoked to be down here for sure Yes This is perhaps why evil was able to foment in this place For it is too narrow for it to escape

Wow Good. All right, so Quario, from where you are, you kind of come out into this T intersection, and you see a little bit of light coming up from the north. It's just sort of a soft kind of orange glow up there. It's hard to tell what it is from where you are. It's kind of around this little corner. But it gets darker the other direction. So you can kind of head towards the lighted area where something might be happening, or you can venture on where it seems very quiet and dark. Hmm. Do I descend deeper in the darkness and bring Rodos' light there? Do I seek a pale shadow of his warmth? Are you asking us? No, it was more of an internal, yeah, sort of grappling with myself. Very well, I shall approach the light. Okay, so you head up to the north where there's a little light emanating,

and around the corner you are surprised to see a guy, just a dude. A guy. He's skinny, he's bald, he's like a halfling, so he's only maybe three feet tall. And he's sitting on a sort of elaborately loomed rug. There's a couple of items sitting around him. He says, oh, welcome, adventure, welcome. I see you found my little storefront here. Would you be interested in buying a magic?

Are you all right, sir? You sound as you if you are suffering for some sort of cave plague of some kind. Oh, no, no, not at all. I'm just, I'm just happy to see a potential customer here. So I'm happy to serve you in whatever ways might be of service. Did somebody say storefront? Ah, please. Squirts, you can ask me to move.

Squel's elbows. Rood. Okay, let me see, what are you got? Let me see, let me see. Got it. Got it. Oh, what a collection you seem to have have masked already, yourself, adventurer?

I'm not doing too bad. Let me see. What do you got? Squalch is an elf, is that right? Yeah, half elf, I think. Half elf, yes. So this little weird guy on his rug, he's got a couple different weird items,

but he's got this little blanket that's kind of rolled up in sort of a bindle. He kind of rolls it out, and inside there's a number of potions and scrolls. And he says, Take a gander, if you will, anything that could help in your adventure, please. Please let me know.

There's a potion of cure moderate wounds. There's a potion of guidance. There's a potion of shield of faith. There's a scroll of fox's cunning. A scroll of sanctify corpse and a scroll of stone fist. He says, I am happy to explain or price out anything for you. or just say the word

Not many adventurers Down here, but I find that You know There's an odd location for your Supply and demand Ever thought about that? Because, you know, when people Show up, you know, if I go to a town, obviously

And then I'm competing against all of the other Shopkeepers, but down here I am a sight for sore eyes indeed, don't you not agree? Yes, I suppose that is true. Hmm. Oh, you know, you. Fighter, half-elf, I see that you've got the leopard hilt for your sword. How'd you pull that off?

Pretty good stuff. Oh, yeah, I just traded some sapphire root to a guy, but yeah. Sapphire root? Hard to find. Not if you know where to look. You must have slain many Slebeel beetles to collect that much root. If you have extra Slebel beetles, I'm happy to trade for gold or items. So lay the prices on me again?

Well, the potion of cure moderate runes is a mere 300 gold pieces. The potion of guidance is 25 gold pieces, a potion of shield of faith, 50, Fox's Cunning 150, Scroll of Sanctified Corpse, 25. Yes, yes, I have 11 gold. Oh, not great. Sir, perhaps you mistake us for some big city merchant. We are not carrying this kind of coin. I mean, is there a lot of foot traffic here?

You don't know. There are a lot of people come down here. They're tourists. You know, they want to sort of check stuff off the list. You know, drawn stuff in their glinda decks. And at certain points, you got to, you got to... You gouge them. Yeah, well, no.

Seems as you're saying gouge. Listen, okay, fine. I'm willing to be slightly flexible on some of these prices. I will say, oh, for you... A 50% discount seems in order, considering it no one's been down here in many months, many months, indeed. I sort of got to unload some of this stuff. Is there anything we would particularly need for things we will find later in the cave? Hey, listen, no, I have no idea.

I've never been down there. There's evil shit down there. Have you been? I'm not, listen, I came in through the back entrance, found a little quiet spot where I'm, I'm not getting disturbed by any of the piranhas or whatever. So, you know, listen, I have no idea what's down there. All I can tell you is, if any of this looks good, I'll give you half off. What's suiting your fancy?

What was the last one? Scroll of Stone Fist? Excellent choice. Yes. Scroll of Stone Fist. Let me get an official description. I'm going to read the label for you, if that thing. Because I can describe it to you, but honestly, I should let the manufacturer.

sort of These aren't even artisanal These are just Could we perhaps exit through the gift shop? If you can

I don't know if you have any sort of levitation or powers of flight or anything You could certainly go back up through the You know Through the Hole For lack of a better word hole

Yes You could sort of go through the shaft As it were back up to the surface that would be one way to do it. Can you do if you fly? Very personal question. How is your reputation with the giant eagles? Good or not so?

Boy, these eagles are well regarded around here, aren't they? You know, they're super intelligent, right? They have a whole civilization. You know, everyone says that about the eagles, that they're super intelligent, but every time I meet one, they couldn't be more disagreeable, is what I'll say. If they're so intelligent, why are they so angry every time I meet them? Well, maybe they have a bonus.

myself disinterested in retail therapy all of a sudden. Okay, well, listen, fine. Okay, I'm sitting you're in such a hurry. The scroller's stone fist is a very powerful spell, which allows you to transform your hands into living stone. Have you guys ever tried an unarmed strike? No, you better believe we're unarmed striking all the time. How'd those go for you?

How'd those turn out for you? Good or terrible? Yes, we punched all those rats to smitherems. means. Unarmed strikes do absolutely jack shit. Have you ever felt that way? A little bit. Well, perhaps you'll be interested in the scroll stone fist, which will transform your hands into living stone.

When there is a spell is an effect, your unarmed strikes do an additional 1D6 points of lethal bludgeoning damage. I have a question. Is it only the fist that turned to stone or? Is this a sex thing? turn your, you can also turn your forehead to stone because I have a friend here that might be interested. Oh, for headbutting stuff? Yeah, sure.

I mean, it's just got to, well, it's, you point the spell, you know, if you say, wow, you know, sort of stone fist and you're sort of looking at your hands, it's great. But if you wanted say stonehead, sure. So it can be a sex thing, is what you're saying. I thought it was a sex thing from the second he said shaft. Yes. But also keep in mind. Holes and shafts and bones, you are a pervert.

When was the last time you were out of the hole? A fair question. I work sort of like a... I mean, I say 8.30, but usually I'm in here, 9.15. And then about 6 p.m. I leave. I think we should just go, right? Can I hit button? Oh, you're happy with your punches?

Fine. Get out of here. It's here if you want it. Maybe, you know, if you guys come back by 6, I'll probably still have most of this stuff. I would like to do an action right now, and that is to headbutt. Don't you dare. Don't you dare.

It won't do any damage to you. It's true. She is quite weak, so the risk is quite low. Oh! Okay, you know what, fine. I didn't even roll. 60% off final offer. 60% off final offer.

Squelch, you're not buying any of this stuff? I'm waiting until I hit 75. Oh, listen, I can't possibly go as low as 75 unless your reputation is above, say, 750 with the Third Kingdom. You have some sort of scroll to the effect of like, I saved a shield maiden from the, you know, whatever. I've done all of that. What? Prove it. Well, I would not have been able to acquire this keychain if I hadn't saved the maiden.

Last week. You had not Donate you to maximum fun at the $5 level. That's right. This guy's the real deal. Okay, fine. 75% that's it. I'm not moving past that.

Okay, let's do it. I'll buy the... What do we want, y'all? Stonefis? Seems good. Okay. You don't want to sanctify any corpses? What does that do?

You make them good? No, no. Listen, what it is, is it? You cast. to spell, if somebody dies, if one of you dies, for example, or if you find a dead body and you don't want it to become undead fighting against you later, you could be like, bless, and then it won't, it'll leave you alone. Or it won't, it's impossible to resurrect and turn evil a corpse of, you know. Oh, wait. So if we saw sent in, if we saw skeletons earlier

that came alive, maybe everything we killed earlier is going to. Are you telling me I should set up my shop closer to the entrance of this place? I we don't want to tell you your business but surely this would be easier for you would it not or in a town for crock's sake well I find look it's all about supply and demand I find yes I find look I find that when you're in when you're at your lowest moment with the with the darkness you know topical is at its dark topical you find sometimes we're in the dark I just say you guys I don't know what you've been through. You look a little banged up.

I thought maybe, you know, I thought I should pick a location. All right. Sorry. I'm butting again. I just need to do it. This guy. Oh. I think we should perhaps move on as these purchases are not. Let's move on. Yeah. None of you are going.

I went down to 75% off. That's fine. Okay, fine. You know what? If you die down there, you're going to be like, I wish I'd bought Shield of Faith. But, okay. Good luck. Good luck.

I'll be hit till six. Sure, I can cast shield of faith. I need no such scroll. What? How did you, you know it like by heart? I am a paladin of Rudos the Sunlighter, of course. Okay, well... We will leave and only come back if we need to. Oh, you're going to come back here?

Maybe. Before six o'clock. Good luck. Watch your head or book it's going to butt it, baby. Yep. Well, without stone fist or whatever, good luck with that. You just keep jacking your stone fists here, you... What?

You shafty perv. What are you suggesting? You know what spell I won't be putting on in his friendship. Don't waste it. That hurt. Sure, no, a spell that would not work on such an embittered shopkeep. Go bone your hole. Okay.

Let's... You know what? I'm glad you're leaving. Yes, as are we. 80% off? No. Okay. I'll give you 11 gold for your entire inventory.

That is, I'm insulted. I am insulted by this. Are you really? I got a quick do the math. Yep, insulted, insulted. The guy rolls up his bendol. He doesn't roll up the rug that he's sitting on. Oh, I really hope we're not coming back begging to this guy.

Good luck. Good luck. I see you. fingers crossed. So, the adventures continue away from this weird jobkeeper and down deeper into the labyrinthine system of caves. And in the next installment, we should experience what will surely be the thrilling conclusion of this cave adventure, as well as the outcome of Larry and Samcies at the Ford on the next

installment of Mission to D6. Thank you for listening. Goodbye. where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. Guys, how does E.T. poop? Well, he's not that regular, but as he's gotten older. He has two cloacas, one under each arm. No, I'm just looking forward to you going through the other ways in which Wild Wild West is historically inaccurate.

You know how much movies cost nowadays when you add in your popped corn and your bagel bites and your cheese critters? You can't go wrong with a Henry Cattle Mustache. Here at Henry Cattle Mustache is the only supplier. The Flop House. New episodes every Saturday. Find it at maximum fun.org. Hey, are you playing a video game right now? Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG.

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