Mission To Zyxx - D02: Beefer Madness

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

Oh hey, you’re back for more! Wow, okay. So if you thought that last chapter was something, get ready for something else entirely. My life of crime takes a turn when I’m punished for a totally DIFFERENT crime! Which I also did. Shae reconnects with a friend and a nickname, GOOD_E switches modes, and I make like Plopeye and pop open a couple cans. Let’s get young!Created by:Jeremy BentAlden FordAllie KokeshSeth LindWinston NoelShane O’ConnellJustin TylerMoujan ZolfaghariFeaturing a special appearance by Joe PeraEdited by Seth Lind and Alden Ford Sound design, mix and original score by Shane O’ConnellTheme song composed by Brendan Ryan, performed by Brendan Ryan, Shane O’Connell, Adam Minkoff and Jay FairesThe Young Old Derf Chronicles is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network and made possible by support from the members of Maximum Fun and a season long sponsorship by Rocket Money  Lovingly researched and sound-described transcripts are embedded in every episode page on missiontozyxx.space!

Hold the bus. Hey, hold the door, hold the doors, hold the doors. Ah, come on, listen to Peter. Ah! I know you saw me! I know you saw me! Ah, why did I get to know these bus drivers? Because now they all hate me.

Oh, now what do I do? I got two hours to wait here and see what do I got in my pocket? Oh, chew gum. A lot of chew gum. Yuck, okay, way, you get some new keys. Oh, hole in that pocket. What's inside there? Oh, what junk?

No wonder where necessary, freeballing. Yes, sir. Oh, my recorder. Oh, it's rolling. Wow. That's what you get for running, accidentally turning on your homework. All right, well, back to the memoir.

Are you sure we're in the right place because I don't see a money floor? I just see a children's hospital. It's gone. We took it. A lot of people robbed the valuable part. We took the whole thing. Wow. Okay.

Here's what I'm thinking. Maybe the killer witnessed the heist. And we're like, you know who I want to kill? Those guys are with the money. That's a good. You know what that's called? A motive. So let's go.

It certainly is. And out of curiosity, this money, how much of, that money was there, and also where is it now? You know what? I feel like you're developing a motive. You're like, you're very motivated. No, no, no, no.

I'm just, I'm trying to, you know, I want to know how much because... I mean, if I had a guess, about $750 million, but the thing is, we were splitting it, and you have overhead, you got to pay... You know, we had lunch, we had a craft services table because we're... You get snacking mid-house? Of course, yes. I have an idea. We have someone who is sartic to have the answers that you're looking for.

Yes, good. And as it so happens, he may be someone I have needed to talk to about a certain thing. Okay. The thing is, they're in prison. Prison? Why are all the best criminals in prison already? It's not just any prison. It's sink-sink.

It's a prison that's a whole planet A planet that's a prison Wow Big bars Obviously it's impossible to just Walk up to the prison Or visit the prison Yeah, it's hard to knock on a planet

Yeah But If we sneak into the prison Then we're golden, baby Then we get to my guy Hoopsie Do you have something you need to say right now What's that noise?

That's my oopsie alert I do not like the sound of this plan. Goody. Breaking into something without permission is against the law. Plus, I am also vehemently opposed to the prison industrial complex in general. Feehamently. You can tell his little robot voice goes up a little bit when he's vegan. Wow.

I'm programmed to change octaves when I say things like vehement. Okay, fine. Then we'll just have to concoct some other way to get into prison. Yes, maybe there's a way to enter ethically and legally. Ooh. Perhaps as a non-correctional. employee leave with benefits and pay time off this guy does not even he wants us to be good but he wants us to live good lives it's nice to have around you know what i'll fill out an app i could work in a prison

what can you do there is there like can you apply for warden it feels like a job i'm designed for no um i've submitted an application for the prison cook okay now here's the thing if you want to become a cook do you have to like audition is to do i have to cook a little all that said was can you make eggs and i said yes so i'm an Egg chef, exclusively focused on the egg, perhaps a soft boil. Look, while you two talk about this, can you help me here? I'm trying to cover as much ground with this Beasel as possible. Yeah, yeah, I'll pour some Beasel, sure, sure.

Well, what type of egg could be a tiny animal, miniskin? Massive egg, you crawl inside to eat. Ah, opportunities are endless. They said mainly it was opening cans. Eggs come in cans in prison? That's not going to be trouble. Yes, it's canned eggs. The shelves is a bit of a can, so I don't know why they're adding an extra.

Look, I have a much simpler, more efficient way for us to... Yes, go to culinary school, study, and then bring new fresh, raw cooking to the prison system. Reform them from their stomachs out. Nope, light a match. Oh, the children's hospitals! Ah! My rib reopening! We had just rehabbed every room in the hospital.

And now, we wait. Oh, the best way to break into a prison is to just go to prison. By burning down a hospital. No one was inside. They were doing the ribbon-cutting ceremony. If only I could put this fire out with these giant novelties, scissors. We were you to cut the ribbon. The scissors were incredibly flammable. My sweet rod.

Who would burn down the building that the community came together to rebuild? You see things like this and you just want to give up. You think to yourself, is there any good left in the universe anywhere? Sorry to interrupt, but is your sash, say, Tiring tomorrow? I've only got one day left. How could we possibly solve this heinous act so quickly? Aguddy, if you would?

It was us. It was all three of us. We all had something to do with it. I'm initiating confessional protocol. You're talking about a certified droid confession protocol? Well, you just made my job that much easier. I don't even need to put you before a judge. You're going straight to jail. The confession's coming out of my mouth.

Ah, excellent, excellent. A printed and notated confession receipt. Who designed this little robot? This doesn't make any sense. All right, enough out of you. Get in the car. You're going away for a long time. We request a specific prison because we have one in mind.

We'd like to go. Of course not. You're headed to Sink Sink, the worst prison planet in the galaxy. Oh, great. So the plan had been set into motion. We were off to sink-sink, a prison. Sorry to interrupt, but... Sure, I mean, I'm only trying to record my life's work here at this bus stop,

so yes, give it a go. I'm sorry, do you want it to go to prison? Yes, it's part of the plan. I just described it to you. Are you in this or not? Come on. Okay. Everyone has a plan.

I mean, what are you doing? What's your plan? I've worked for a package delivery service. And I was just waiting on my bus to go visit my niece. See, you have a plan, I have a plan, your plan. Weird, my plan, finish my memoir. Let's do this. Sure.

So there we were. Me and my compatriots about to be thrown into the deepest, darkest prison planet in the whole galaxy. Whoa. No, things were not looking up for us. Oh, no. Welcome to Sincincti Prison. You're in the Monarchy's factory facility in cell block 23, level 345A, building to city center Charlie of the southeastern hemisphere. You'll stand on this line until you are assigned a workstation on the labor floor.

No fidgeting on the line. No horsing around yuck yuck's or bits of any kind on the line. No already planning your escape on the line. No moral or religious epiphanies on the line. No eating, drinking, or flash photography on the line. Prisoners with a lightning lane Sink Sink multi-pass can skip the line and enter the prison ahead of the others. Oh, I actually have a lightning lane pass.

Okay. Here you go. Yeah, looks good. And you go. Okay. Thank you. The rest of you, your crimes have landed you here. Follow the rules, and you might survive your sentence.

With your trust in rod, your pass belongs to Sink Sink Sink. Now get in line. New prisoners. Get in life. So this is a prison planet. It's nice we get to stick together. This prison may hold down our bodies, but it will never hold down our spirits. Oh, that's beautiful.

No plagues who's on the line. You cannot believe they made me keep you. Goody, how does it feel to be your... You didn't do anything, and you're sort of unlawfully along for the ride here. Let's do that, huh? My inaction made me complicit. But yes, this sucks. So, uh, Shay, you know, this is sort of your realm.

You want to show me the ropes around here? What's the deal? What did I say about using my name? Don't. Don't do it. Don't. I said don't. Okay.

Okay. We want to do a prison nickname? Um. Hey, Beeper, welcome back. Beeper? Why do they call you Beeper? Um. If I, if I may.

Oh. Don't walk behind Beeper. Watch out, beafer's on the loose again. Befer! Think it's due to flatulence. Yep. So, Befer, now that we're in the prison, how do we get out? I'm so glad you asked.

You and I are here for business. We're going to meet with my contact. We're going to get our little answers. Then we're going to scoot on over the warden, a pal. We're like this. He'll have us jump through a few hoops, slap a little goodie on your rank, And then we're out of here by Martini O'clock. Look alive, warden's on the floor.

Yes, it is me, your warden. Everyone shut your holes, close your eyes, and listen up. Shut your holes for the warden. Get into formation, any transgression will lead to war punishment. Oh, wow. Is this your pal? No. No, this is not my pal. What?

Could someone tell me what happened to the other warden? Uh, one warden of the year and retired. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. May I remind you I'm not here to make friends. Wow. It is time for you to get to your duties. Each prisoner will be assigned a station where they will stay there until they are finished constructing their widget.

Any team that fails to make the requisite number of widgets shall be perished in front of all of our eyes in a slow and embarrassing manner. Very theatrical ward. Your time starts now! Gray team, begin at station 4. Light Gray team, begin at station 7. Page team, begin at station 12. Whoa, look at all these people making widgets. What are widgets?

Nobody knows. Some see their parts for a huge super weapon. Others see that meaningless work to drive us insane, so we turn on each other. Watch your fingers. You tell me these guys have a super weapon and they're having prisoners make it? I would have someone who knows what they're doing to it. Wait, so why are we learning or doing community service or shish? The goodie, we just got here.

We're not going to change anything. Here's what I want to know. How does this actually correct behavior at all? These are just rudimentary tasks that we just repeat over and over again. But your mother juckus shut your mouth. We're all going to get killed, tossed into the bile ocean. But I'm talking about correction. We live in a society.

One that is- Hey, pegged down, Sparky. Yeah, keep your heads down and keep assembling those widgets. Watch your bingies. Cognitive behavior. Hey, goody. Work with us. Do you have like a prison setting where you're like a little less telling us about,

Ethics, a little more saying, like, scary things? Well, no, but theoretically I could take my disdain for the prison industrial complex and turn it into a behavioral subroutine, inverting my gentility code. All I hear is prison setting from my guy from Mr. Isdwatch over here. Let's try it. Oh, uh, uh, uh, adjusting ethics, calipration to prison, higher, Can he do it? You chucking shit.

Ha ha! Oh, yes. You chucking worm? Yeah. Buddy. Now, that's the type of feedback I would respond to. Swallow it down. Are you going to get a shab up your butt? Okay, productivity is up, up.

Can I turn back now? I hate this. Who's the new alpha on the... Who's the top dog? Who's this guy? Chuck and rip your tongue out and stick it up your own asshole if you look at me one more time. Please, I'm begging you. Give me permission to turn back. Oh, no, you're earning the respect of all the prisoners.

We've been looking for a leader for a while. He wants us all to taste our own butts. I can't reach it. You never realize how far away it is. I'm almost there. I should have bent forward instead of backwards. You all disgust me. You deserve to be. be here. You're never going to get better. You are bad people.

He has a point, to be honest. You don't have to be so cruel. Oh, I think I do because I don't regard you as people. I regard you as do-batters. Bad, bad people. Therefore, I can... All right, we're do-batters. We're do-batters. You make me want to do better. Ring it, chick! All teams, prepare for the jip-cheting. Huh.

He's a way more widgets than anyone else generally does per day. And what is this? I sense an alpha. Yeah, how much my asshole? No, goody. We do that with the prisoners, not the warden. You can't alpha the warden. I don't give a shit. No one's ever spoken to me like that before. And honestly, the way he says it, you can tell he doesn't give a shit.

You know what I'm in here for? Shuck in your mind. I'm sorry, I'm just adjusting to the hierarchy here. Why don't you chuck and kiss my asshole? Or why don't I just rip yours out and make you kiss your own? Why am I doing asshole stuff? Why can't I get off the asshole thing? Hands on your head!

Oh! No! I'm not with this guy! I mean, I'm with this guy, but I'm not with this guy. You're being sent to so much everything fine. I've made a huge mistake. Take them away, dear. Che, what am I gonna do all alone?

Okay, listen to me, it's very important. You have to get in touch with Twinkle. The contact's name is Twinkle. And whatever you do, do not! Hmm. I guess I'll sort it out of my own. It was just me all alone. But there's something about the walls of Sink-Sink that felt like there was a camaraderie brewing.

You know, as if I were to find a family within those walls. The only family that I've ever known. No family at all? Yes, I do have a family, wife, kids, a comfortable home. They're back on the Stroid. Oh. Yeah, they're found family. I found them annoying, and I laughed to the bye-bye.

That's tough. and my sister fought for years and finally back on the right track. Really? Okay. Well, you know what? We can pull over here for a sec. So tell me your story. What would you and your sister fight about? I think it started when we were young. She stole 10 croon for me. Imagine this. Not being able to trust your own sister. What were you doing with the 10 croon that you were so worried about? Like 10 croon was a difference between being able to go to school or not.

Do you get to buy a ticket to go to school? 10 crew for the whole school year And you got a really great education But, you know, because of that I wasn't able to go to school Whose memoir are we even recording right now? Are we doing one together? So I went on the street

I was a lookout for this Gambling guy And I would watch The patrol will come around But I would do the signal And everybody would scatter They'd pick up the money and clear out You had a special stuff

signal that you would give? Yeah, it was like a whistle. Really? Like a... And so I would do a signal. Everybody was scampered. At the end of the week, I would get one croon. And I thought maybe I don't want to do this forever.

I'm not a fan of gambling. If I could get my tent croon, maybe I could go to school next year. Yeah, I caught a break, and I was noticed by a record producer, noticed how good my whistling was. He used to gamble with the gambling games, and then I was. work for him. I put it on an album, and it was a big success. Wait, are you whistling Joe Weisaki? You're whistling Joe.

I'm whistling Joe. I'm whistling Joe, or I was. I sit here near one of the biggest, biggest whistling recording artists in the galaxy. So about to get to the climax, I made a good bunch of mine. I made ten croons. I was good at a school, and then also a million croons. and it was that's interesting you keep track of it that way

and I plan to give it up I plan to give it all up and go to the school and then my sister stole all the money again and that's why I said you know what I'm just going to deliver packages wait so did your sister ever

face any justice for these crimes absolutely you might have encountered her she looks a little bit like me except for with long hair in the biggest breast in the galaxy. I really, I hate to interrupt you because I feel like we're getting somewhere, but this is sort of my story.

You mind if I die back in my life, I'm dangerously close to losing my train of thought. Absolutely. Cell doors closing. Oh, prisoners, lights out. Pts, hey, hey, you're the new guy.

Yeah, I'm new. in this room? Listen, I need your help. I need you. You're the only one who can help me. Okay. Yeah. I need you to listen very carefully. We're roommates, so we should get close, fast.

We're sort of like a found family in the way. Sort of, yes. Listen to me, what is your name? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Durf? I'm Durf. Listen, we, you and I are going to get out of here.

My last cellmate, I talked to me into it, killed immediately. But you look a little more capable. I feel like you could like. like flip through the air or something, right? Whoa, yeah, it's hard you know that. Ready, backflip? Oh, yes, exactly. Now listen to it.

Listen to me. We do not have much time. Really? I just got here. We're out of time. They were the care. We're coming for us. The guards, they change shift every 17 hours.

And every 17 hours, they get in nine-second period of time. Where they secured the cameras. No one is looking. Do you understand? The guard leaves. It takes four and a half seconds for the guard to get to the door, and four and a half seconds for the new guard to take his place. You have nine seconds

Every 17 hours, nine seconds Where the guards are not looking at the footage That is the time Some of us are trying to jerk off here Ignore him He says that all the time Now listen to me Are there three of us in here?

Yes Now listen The air ducts So he's in here jerking up Is he not help? He's not You do you ask? You take a masturbation Is it more important

The escaping this hellhole This present planet? I'm just saying He's 17 hours and then nine seconds. You got a lot of time on your hands. No, we need to plan. Do you understand?

Okay, listen, the air ducts, when it is hot, they blow in cool air. When it is cold, they blow in hot air. Do you understand? They reverse directions. They reverse directions twice a year. Do you understand? So... I reverse directions sometimes.

Do you mean? So, what do you mean by reverse directions? The flow of the air. I know what you mean? I was talking to... What do you think I mean? Now, listen, that is the time. where if one of us sneaks into the air duct, no one will notice.

I mean I go in the opposite. The stroke is different. Now listen to me, listen to me. There's more information we didn't know. The canned eggs in the cafeteria. Yes. I have done the math. They have the exact same density as a tellurian body. Do you understand? Uh-huh. Do you understand?

How many cans of canned eggs do you weigh? Uh, all the time. Quickly, we do not have time. How, you have no time he's jerking off as a job. So everyone has a different, He has a different understanding. You think he wants to get out of here? He doesn't want to get out of here.

It's a living. He's in here for masturbating in public. Oh, really? Oh, that's so he sort of was rewarded with J. Oh, I mean, sort of, yeah. Listen, what you need to do for me, you need to find how many canned eggs worth of meat is on your body and find a way to remove that from the crate that is being moved from the cafeteria.

Do you understand? This should be turning me on, but it ain't. There is one final piece of the puzzle, do you understand? The transports can. Carrying the new prisoners arrive three times a month. There is one hangar at latitude 36. There is one hanger at latitude 27. There is one hanger at latitude 11.

Now listen, you need to understand one more thing. The shift change is happening in four months where the nine seconds will be during the time that the air ducts reverse directs. Why are we running so low on time? Just listen. The air ducts will reverse directions within this nine second period of time.

My shift change is getting closer. Sorry, are you still jerking? I don't mind the masturbation. It's the apologies that get me. Do you understand what I mean? It's the qualification. Oh, I'm so sorry for masturbating. I'm so sorry for masturbating.

He's not sorry. He's not sorry. Now listen to me. Now he's proud. I will go into the air duct when it is changing directions. You understand? You will get into the crate, replacing the canned eggs with yourself.

And in that nine seconds, That is when we will strike. You understand? The two of us will commandeer a transport carrying the new prisoners. And we will... Wait, so I'm not a part of this? Why would you ever... I've told you this exact information so many times.

You've given me nothing. Prisoner Durf? Prisoner DERF? Yes. Hi. Sorry, there's been a mix-up. You're in the wrong room. No!

No! Okay. You're at cell block 7-7-8-8-8-7. That makes sense. These guys... Did not leave me with him? These guys have an odd couple thing going on. I was getting in that way.

I was getting... No! Oh! Hmm. Well, it's certainly dark in here. Yep. Well, I think this is a perfect time to reflect... On your bad behavior?

My bet. No, on our bad behavior. ways that we have failed society and the ways that we can strengthen the body. No, no, no, no, no. We had a very simple plan. It was to get in, contact Twinkle, and get out. You beefed it. Maybe we should call you beefer.

Oh, no. I wish there were other people here so that I could suggest that people would take it up. Really trying to drop that nickname. But that's the whole thing about solitary. just you and your thoughts and your trusty ethics bot slowly nudging you on to the path of righteousness it's never going to happen maybe no in fact if anything i would say you landing us in solitary has confirmed the path you sent me on is one of absolute righteous indignation i am going to make sure that I never become a better person because of what you've done to me here.

Yeah. Look, look, I'll forgive you. Oh. On one condition. Okay. You admit you're bad. You're bad. Well, I'm not bad. I'm good. I'm good. That's my whole thing, is being good.

Tell me which part was good? You telling the warden to munch your ass? Or was it when you... You said that you junked their mom. Well, I was just, I was just following orders. Oh, so following orders to be bad is good. Entering moral gray area. Ah, why are you burning me? I was bad.

I was bad into the wrong thing. Why? This is so hard. Conflicted. what was going on in their solitary confinement if they were in solitary confinement? That's a good question. Well, I've got my little birds everywhere.

Okay, like literal little birds or people? Yeah, well, sometimes. But we do communicate with a series of whistles and chirps. That's why I'm so into whistling Joe. Oh. I don't know if this is, you know this, but you are huge in jails. Really?

Yes. Anytime you mean, if you see someone, who's a fan of yours? Nine times out of ten. They've done some really hard time. They're not using my whistles to communicate behind the scenes in prison, are they? Get up to go to the prison with what I thought were just the most pure whistling. Your whistling is very pure.

Honestly, a lot of it you can't even quite hear the whistle. It just sounds like wind. You should go and play in prisons. I guess that plays a strong word. When somebody says, hey, could you whistle for me? Do they say, like, go play your mouth? Or do they say, let me hear those sweet lips sing. That's what they say most of the time.

That's beautiful. And then I purse them and I go. That's it. I can't believe I think a private concert. All of the guys I could jail would love this. Well, maybe someday when I give the day off, I'll come stop by the prison and do a little giving back. I appreciate you, whistling, Joe.

Anyway, back to this story. So, you know, the thing no one talks about when you're on a prison planet is the gym is a hotbed of activity. Stap one, stab two, Step three, step four. That's some good stabbing there. Step one.

Step two. Step three. Step four. Wait, you're really stabbing the junk out of that fella. Right in the legs on leg day. Thank you. As a tiny criminal. The whore you stabbing.

The better you become. Except five. And the more I get stabbed, the tougher I'm going to be the next time somebody else stabs me. Except one. Stap one. Ow. Step two. Step two.

Step four. Step four. Sorry, I'm new here. Is it a stab day or a leg day? Just trying to be part of the crew gang. You're sort of a found family you guys here, spotting each other. Can I join up? I would like to be strong like you.

And I'm looking for someone named Twinkle. Well, listen, Philler. How many stabs you? you think you can take. It's a stab day. It is a stab day. Okay, good, good. How many can I put you down for, stranger?

How many stamples? You want to join up so bad? Yeah. Uh, let me start with one. Alright, here you go, one. Ow! Ow! Yeah.

The first one is always the hardest one. I mean, that's the truth right there. Is it easy to get out of your membership here? I'm just going to turn it in. You have to, like, show proof of moving. Wait, wait, wait, wait. If this guy can take a stab, maybe he can take our secrets. Oh, yeah, that's a good point, yeah.

Now, turn your peepers behind this here, Ava Galerca poster. That's hot. It's a hot poster. Okay, it certainly is, but behind the poster, my friend. Okay, nice. We've been tunneling through the wall for two and a half years. we walk alone as a group in the prison yard because we're dropping pebbles out of our pants.

How do you tunnel out of a planet? I feel like it's up. Don't you want to be going up? The thing about a planet is any direction is up. Uh, okay. Eventually. Yeah, no, but this new guy makes a good point here. Yeah.

We're just tunneling to the side. Yeah. Because it's all prison. Yeah, if anything, we're going deeper into the prison. with this whole... Oh, boy. But we've already committed to in it. Yeah, maybe we just better stick with what we know.

Yeah. There's no way out but in. Yeah. So you don't want to join? No, no. I'm in. I'm gonna take a stab and go. I'm gonna just stab and then get out of here.

You know what I mean? Like... Hey, now that's a good stab, friend. You could really be quite a stabber someday if you stuck around. Prisoners back to widget work. All teams resume widget work. How am I supposed to finish these widgets without an alpha telling me what to do? How do I know whether to lick my asshole or not?

I know I'm new here, but I would say do it feels right. Back at it. So, hey guys, we're sort of a found family in a lot of ways. Now, you're really rushing that. Well, I just met you. Well, I know, but I knew... We don't even know your name. Durf? I'm Dirk.

Let's go around. What are your names? Ventecio. Venteco? Nice. I love all your arms. Thank you. Pergiel. My name is Meredith Singh, Sing. Oh, wow. The prison was named after you.

It was just a weird coincidence. Oh, unrelated. Wow. What did you do here to get here? I am Bezell. I'm fornicated, I ended, and I started. Wow, okay. Only one of those was illegal. You, eh?

Okay, you there? Yeah, Al Gore. What's your deal? What brought you here to prison jail? Raceteering. Oh. Yeah, well. You don't care about Wetakio?

Yeah, no, Wentechio, what's your deal, too? Let's be honest, Wintecchio doesn't have that it factor. Not like Caldor. Sorry, I looked right past you, honestly. Yeah, that's fine. Caldor is so magnetic you can't take your eyes off. Whatever. I impersonated my twin.

You impersonated your twin? Yeah. In like a fun, like, wacky parental trap? It's better than math than him, so I went in and took the test and got busted. That's a crime? Well, they looked at the math test scores and they were like, He shouldn't be this good at that. And I bet it was Wentechio who did it.

Now, see, you're bored by talking to him already, aren't you? As soon as you talk to Pal Gore, there's no more air in the room. Unless you buried the lead, Wentechio, I think this story is going to meet a little breather. I think, I feel like you're led with the best part, right? Well, so now that we've gotten pretty close, guys ever meet anybody named Twinkle? Oh, Twinkle. So about me, I'm trying to solve my own murder.

I was recently murdered and came back to life. I learned about this... That's illegal? No, no, I was also involved in some light arson at children's hospital. I was more of an unintentional accomplice. Did you pour some gas or what? I poured a little gas. But getting back to Twinkled.

Why are you so tight-lipped about Twinkle? Well, we just, we made a promise. Did Twinkle get thrown in jail for kids? killing a crew of roused about good time charlie's? Well, as I said, we did promise not to tell anyone, you know, sort of what went down with Twinkle. Twinkle got transferred to South Block 77B. You know, it feels like every time I mentioned the promise

that we made to Twinkle, somebody shares a piece of information about... Okay, I told him one thing. One thing, okay? Don't stick that finger in my face. Speaking of which, Twinkle only has one finger on each hand. One big finger. Good, Rod. Come on. That's it. That's interesting. Good, easy to identify.

Yeah, well, he's a Raxlarian. Would you put a lid on it? The only species, the fingers large enough to operate an X-29 proton separated. How many details are you going to add? I didn't want to finish my thought. You know, I didn't want a sort of trail off. You know, we promised Twinkle we wouldn't say anything. I remember, because we were in the cafeteria.

We all had ordered the X. right and I said hey this story I like I feel like this is on my wave like seems like it's as relevant as things I like to say Wetechio's coming for you

Palgore Wentechio's coming for you this is good we're on a family now a found family because we can get after we're fun oh no Palgore just stabbed

Wentecio he was better at Matt Have been made. Wait, no, the other way. Can't even remember your own story. His last words were a failed story. Okay, so this is great. Quinkle is the one with the gun.

This is perfect. Let's say we celebrate with a crack-up in a can of these eggs. Would you guys mind? That can's sort of spherical. Sort of bulging out. What do you know, old man? Cans come in different shapes. That's normal.

They typically don't. Wow, these canned eggs, they're so, they're like spicy in my mouth. They're like, they're fizzy. No, they're not supposed to be spicy. They're fizzy. Would you say they're, like, sort of egg flavored or like? Like a champagne? Sort of a champagne.

Yeah, that's wrong. Nah, it's fine. So we're celebrating. I'm celebrating because I just, I got a huge clue trying to track down my murder, which is my essential goal. Then I go back and I'm going to dominate the space. Everything's coming up, Durf. Welcome to the morgue.

Welcome to the morgue. We said you'd be back and you are back. I died. You have died. You're in the morgue. Was I murdered for a second time? Your cause of death was egg. Egg. Hey, can't eggs.

Bad egg. Egg. You had the nasty eggs, but you're back. Welcome to the morgue. They tasted good. They were effervescent. And that didn't give you pause. Zatza. Yeah.

Zatza. You're here. Are you all? in the morgue. Every time you die, Durf, it's like a flare goes out across the space. I know every time. I didn't

know about the egg thing. That's new information for me. You learned that when I did. Yeah, exactly. Is that a noble Zima death? Can you imagine a situation where dying from eating expired eggs would be a noble death?

If he took it out of the mouth of like a child? That's not bad. Is that what she did? No, no, I ate the whole can. I ate the can in prison. They started tasting bad halfway through, let me be honest. But I finished him.

You know, if you didn't have this incredible power, you'd be dead forever. And I'll tell you what, that would have been sad. But here I am. And I'm in the Zima Clean Play Club, if that's a thing. Yeah, well, there is a Zima Clean Play Club, and I suppose you are in it, yeah. You're also in the Mark. You're in the Mark. You're in the Mark.

A lot of bots. A lot of droids in this morgue. Stop it. We are found family. Stop it. I don't care about that. We are sort of what you would call a found family. We're found family.

The morgue is the setting for our workplace comedy. We have a pilot. Well, you're forcing it a lot. All of your lines are almost the same. Welcome to the morgue. That's the name of the show? Yes. Could you imagine a lot?

another name. Would you like to hear the theme song? Welcome to the morgue. It's been waiting for you. Welcome to the morgue. We've been waiting for you. Welcome to the morgue. You'll be back. Didn't even give me a chance to respond. We never said yes.

We never said yes. And I never would have. You already wonder if they will get together in the end. Who? Who gets together? We are not nipple beans. It is an uphill battle for us. Yes. You mean you're not related to any of the other famous morg bots that are prevalent.

Sure, they may have made some introductions, but we got the work based on our talents. Yes, we're not naboo babies. All right, listen. Get out of here. Durf. Yes. Once again, I beseech you.

Come with me, back to Zima Prime. You must take this power seriously. I take it. I take it. I'm using it. That's how seriously I take it. How is this using it? You ate expired eggs in a prison and down. died.

What was the... Because I came back alive. And I'm on the case. Because here's the thing. I just solved my second murder. I did it. Okay. Well, congratulations.

How about that? That's... Out of two murders, I've solved one of them. Let's be honest. That's a pretty good hit rate. If they didn't tell you how you died, you wouldn't have solved that one. Yeah, I mean, I would have had a guess. Because I'll tell you what?

Some of the eggs are still in my body. And I'm going to have a real beefer coming up here in a minute. I can tell you that much. Boy, all right. You know what I'm talking about? If that nickname wasn't taken, you'd be calling me beefer. No, I wasn't there earlier I sent a callback This would be great in episode four

Welcome to the morgue How many bots do you need in one morgue? And they're not really honest They're not doing much because I'm alive And they have a lot of time to write it seems like Always follow the rule of three Mork bots Yeah, but there's four

We've been writing for you There's four bots You can't say rule of three and then have four morgobots. I did not say that that was the maximum. All right, all right, DIRF. Yes. Listen, it's not just about training you on Zima Prime. You reside at the heart of a meaningful Zima prophecy.

Your destiny is to fulfill that prophecy, and if you don't, there's no telling what the consequences could be. Don't you understand Zapsup. I'm so close. I just got a lead on the Raxelarian and syncs it. This should be a, you know, like a side quest. The main quest should be with me. Listen, you put a little bread crumb in my mouth

and got me the flavor, the taste of bread, crumb. Yes, the taste of bread, and I'm chasing the next crumb. I'm going crumb by crumb. I'm going to come to you full of crumbs, my murderer in hand, ready to truly become as even. I feel something's calling me back to Sink, Sink Prison. Are you kidding me? I have to go.

I just don't know how I'm going to get back in. I don't have the stomach to burn out a second children's hospital. Mr. Not Dead, I have an incoming message for you. Oh, that's probably me, though technically we're both not dead. I'll take the message. I will hit play now. Welcome to the mic. Is that the message?

I'm sorry. You could delete. My wrong file We at Syncinct Prison Have received your automated application And I would love to inform you that you have been hired as Mine Cook Zabsop

Please report to Sink SingC Prison At your earliest convenience You're going to take a job Cooking food at the prison that just killed you Yes well maybe this is part of the prophecy That you keep talking about I have to go back to Sinkink Prison Find Twinkle, rescue Shea

and potentially good eat and then I will come back to you. If it was part of the prophecy, it would be in the, it would be like DIRF does something stupid and works in a prison that killed him already. You know how books have like, there's the beginning and there's a bunch of junk before it?

Maybe this is the junk. The junk for the philosophy. Hold on a second. I start every book on Chapter 7. Because all that stuff before, that's just stuff. And it's just like, blah, blah, blah. Here's where the planet is or whatever. Who cares?

Let's get to the fun part. work, and that's definitely not how books work. Oh, you like the beginning? Who likes something that comes before the beginning? A prequel, boring, not interested. It's not coming before the beginning. It is the beginning. Let's get to the juice.

We're talking about starting at Chapter 7. Chapters 1 through 6 are important. What are you? Okay, chapter, please, get out of here, Zaps up. Come on. Everything's a prophecy. This is part of it. No, you get out of here, and you come with me to Zima Prime.

You get out of here and go to jail. I'm cooking eggs. I'm cooking not eggs. Sorry, not cooking eggs. That's what I'm not doing, but I'm cooking. You don't know what is and is not. Prophecy. This is part of this conversation.

It's part of the prophecy. How about that? If this is part of the prophecy, that is sad. Which is why we must sabotage their mining operations on Strolfan and Prylox 3. Without the mines, they cannot mint more croon. And the Marrake's bloated economy will grind to our... Hall. Monica, think of the trillions of croon wasted by the monarchy, overspending on everything from prison infrastructure to medical droids to lavish balls at their enormous castles.

Why the shrimp budget alone would bankrupt a small planetary system remove their croon production and their regime falls apart from within. That is why, when we free the galaxy from the tyranny of the monarchy, I shall do away with their archaic, barbaric monetary system and implement a new, decentralized currency to usher in a new era of prosperity. I shall call it Crone. Because whether you are a galactic dictatorship or the Rebel Alliance that will usurp them, controlling your finances is the key to success. That's why I use Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Now, Monica, it's not like we are destitute, you and I. I, of course, have one of the four famous beetlemen, and you are the queen of your planet. So, bebe, you're a rich man, too. So no matter your financial situation, rocket money's customizable dashboard and personalized insights will give you a clearer view of your financial picture. Rocket money has saved users over 2.5 billion croon, including over 880 million croon in canceled subscriptions alone. Their 10 million members save up to 740 croon a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with rocket money. Yes, money. That's what I want. Go to rocketmoney.com slash zix today. That's rocketmoney.com slash zyxx. Rocket money.com slash zix. Oh, chuck. It's Klingo, one of the other famous beetlemen.

Oh, I despise him. I shall continue my correspondence in a future cassette. Well, hello, Rachel. Hey, wow, Glingo. Fancy. Hey, you're... Hey, you're... Hey, you're...

Hey, you're the new guy, right? New line cut? Well, here's the thing. I'm actually sort of the old guy, because I used to be here as a prisoner, and I'm coming back. I'm working in the kitchen. Hey! How did you? How did you?

Nobody gets out. Nobody gets out. Uniform check. Uniform check. Let me check that everyone's wearing the uniforms that we've provided for you. No identification needed. Just uniforms here. Yeah, right here.

Yes? Yep. Wearing the shirt and pants? Yep. Yes. Also, good. Oh, wow. Yes, that uniform is seeping out of you somehow.

My name is Christina. What a pleasure to see you and smell you. We've got a full uniform check. Everybody is wearing the uniforms we have provided them. They can move freely throughout the prison. All security is done because everybody is wearing the right clothes. So listen, look, we got two positions of first. you can pick whichever one you want.

One is keeping Christina clean. Clean? Well, you know, it's all relative. And the other one is... I'm pushing her toward clean. Let's start there. Okay, sure. And the other job is testing all the canned eggs

and making sure none of them have gone bad. B, I'll do B, I want B. That's my whole thing. And I'm good at it, because I've seen the other side. All right. I'm the perfect guy for this. I feel like when you're in the darkness I feel like to the darkness

I feel like when you're in the darkness. It's not that your eyes adjust so much as you then begin to see the darkness. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And now I am the darkness. I have become the darkness. Yes.

One with the darkness. I think we're doing pretty good. I think I'm in solitary, though. Totally. Anyway, more tea? Please. For you, princess. Thank you.

Ha ha ha. And it looks like the teddy bears have joined us. Oh, hello. Now, no brawling today, boys. Not like last time. Lock down, you two, about those teddy bears. Is that the darkness?

Stop drinking that soap. Darkness, can you hear us? Do you want to join our tea party? Hey, you're the new guy, right? Yeah, I... You look like the guy who just worked here and died. You're not impersonating your twin, are you? Yeah, I am him.

I'm fine. You know what? I'll keep the lady clean. I saw you die, man. You died hard. Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to deny it. There was, like, file shooting out of your eyes. Here's the crazy thing.

That's not the first time I've fallen for the... Those eggs are good. They taste good. They're canned. Here, I have a question for you. I'm looking for Twinkle. Need to talk to Twinkle. Got to talk to T, big T.

Twinkle. Oh, you're not talking about that terrifying dude with the big fingers, are you? Yes, the big fingers, exactly. So this is the guy who's going to help keep my place. Help? How big of a team do you have? Okay, I'll do it. She serves and also literally feeds

the prisoners, like every prisoner gets a little piece of Christina. That's like the cheapest form of sustenance that we have here at the prison. Like a tasting menu what starts at the top and works its way down. You know the nutrition triangle?

Uh-huh. That's how it's that's how it's me. Yeah, she's a triangle. Yeah, she's, you notice how she's like a triangle? Wow, that's cool. She's sort of like, we're just sort of shaving her down, almost like a azola kebab. Yeah. Sort of like a kebab.

Yeah, exactly. Why don't if I don't get my food out of me bad things, my pocket? Yeah, that's the thing. We have to, or else it'll be real bad. So it actually benefits everybody. So you take this long, long knife and just, there's a stack of pita bread over there, and you just... Do the prisoners know this is that the food comes from shaving a garbage triangle? You'd have to be in pretty hard denial mode not to notice.

I'm doing it in front of it. Yeah. especially says she's the one who serves it to. Okay. Well, yeah, I'll shave this triangle. I guess I'll meet a lot of people and one of them will be Twinkle. That's a great way to meet people. I don't think it's meat.

It's sort of an excretion. Oh, you mean meat people like a verb. I thought you meant sort of bestow meat upon them, which meat is a generous. I would say meat is a generous term for what we're serving them. I'm sorry, Christina. I don't mean to offend you, but it's not, I mean, it's not. I mean, it's not meat. Do you think what people say, like, I just want to go meet people.

They mean hand them meat? Listen, man, if you, if you, listen, when someone's standing, when someone standing next to Christina with a long knife in their hand and they say, I want to meet people? You know what the first thing that comes in my mind is, this guy's got the right job. And maybe I'm right. Let me ask you, what are you in for? Because I like your style. Again, I am employed here. This is a sweet gig.

They are benefits. Uh, if you, listen, if I can trick somebody to test in the eggs, I got basically zero investment all return. My name's Beeper, by the one, that was. What? I met like three beifers. All right, Beeper. Thanks. You know what Beeper loves? Meeting people. Me and people. Where's the Beeper? Right here, bro.

So there I was, biting my towel. serving pieces of Christina to the teeming masses, hoping and waiting on the outside chance of finally meeting the mysterious, enigmatic character that would change the course of my life, Twinkle. You still on board with me, Whistling, Joe? Sure, I mean, a little dope, uh, find this interesting. Go!

Uh, so how much Christina would you like? Oh, you can give me! Okay, wow. I'm a small guy, but I love my Christina. I got you. Yeah, I like it to just kind of fall on me. I can't hardly lift it so much. Yeah, it's a lot.

Wow, it's nice that you have a relationship with these people who eat you, Christina. Oh, and well, I'm a relationship. Christina, did you finish the book I let you? I sort of did. I'm on Chapter 5. Wait, wait, so you did finish it? That's okay. How much can I get you?

Ooh, this portion looks spicier. Is that possible, Christina? Oh, is that a spicy portion? Spice it's bad. And I think that means that Christina is sort of having a rash, and the rash is what spices it up, you know? Well, that's my taste, sir. Christina, I've been wondering, and pardon me if this is a bad time to ask,

where does this food come from? How do you fuel? Do you eat yourself? Every normal of our fall in America. I'll have a little coffee from a French press. Fitch coffee. 30 minutes later, my body starts to grow. Well, that's...

It's been this way, Mom, Caroloff, and me more family, too. I could honestly say I would have never predicted that answer. Thank you for telling us. I'll have one piece of Christina, please, and stop looking at my breasts. No problem I was looking Hey that was my sister I knew it

I knew she was in here It's crazy that I didn't Now that I'm telling you It makes total sense Because I'm talking to you And small small world Small world Big breasts

What else happened That all that time What else happened Great Okay I'm getting to the end If I know you gotta go Serve me what you will Uh yes okay

Well we have Christina We're offering here Whatever I personally eat Is imitation material to the forthcoming rebellion. You're intense. This guy. Oh, wow.

Christina doesn't have a lot of negative comments, and she's roasting you, dude. If you think of the roasting of a food beast serving itself, prisoners, is the thing that will fell Twinkle? Wait. You're not right. You're Twinkle? Some call me Twinkle. Others don't know my name yet and ask it, and I say it's Twinkle. And then they call me Twinkle.

and then they call me Twinkle. Great, let me ask you, did you kill me? And I'm not mad. I'm not mad about it, because it's fine. But, like, I've been searching for you. Tell me your name, Line Cook. My name is DIRF. DIRF.

I was a member of an elite cadre of slightly bumbling thieves. We were sort of a found family in a lot of ways. Elite and bumbling. Yes, that can be. Think about clowns. They're elite and bumbling. Clowns. Twinkle, the blaster that you used to kill me can only be pulled by a man with your fingers.

And I need to know if it was you, or you can point me in the direction of the fingered man who did it. Durf, I didn't kill you. I've been in here in sync-sync for nine years. But I would have killed you. I would have killed a hundred men. A thousand men might die on our watch. What? And if those thousand men died and killed you and me, and that puts us close.

closer to our mission, bringing down this monarchy, I'd kill more of them with any fingers. One, two. That's all I have. If I had more fingers, I'd use them. How many speeches are you giving right now at the same time? Is it like sort of a wash, different ideas? Never settle for one speech at a time. Don't you want to fight these ass hats for real? Are you in the, are you rebelling? You know, there's a lot of people trying to get out of this prison. Is one of those speeches meant for me, the guy who just met him? Hey, look, he wants to be inspired.

Why don't you inspire him? Yeah, I've been feeling kind of listless. Yeah. Yes. Guy I just met whose name I don't know. What we do now, we will not know its effects for generations. We will be long dead swallowed into the Gulf of a thousand sons. But we will have no solace except knowing that maybe, maybe our actions today will lead

to a better tomorrow that our children will never see. And this is meant to be inspirational? I'm going to die in prison. Yes. Wow. But for a cause, a cause we'll never quite know. For an equation that always equals frowning. I don't know about this.

Yeah, let me be honest. I don't actually know what you're talking about. You say there are others trying to escape Durf. Yeah? Oh, yeah, a lot of people. Not a lot of misguided. They're bumbling. I think I'm just going to join the Intramural Z eyeball team.

That's a fun game. Who can blame you? Durf. Oh, yes. Who speaks of escape? Well, there's a man who's rooming with a very, like a chronic masturbator. Like, he's jacking it nonstop. There's also a group of people who are tunneling down.

Wait, say more about this masturbator. He's just talking about it, he's doing it. He doesn't like noises to interrupt him. He sounds devoted. He's devoted. He could be the one we need. Durf, the revolution we start today that has already begun. may not come to fruition or even begin for a thousand years from now.

But the important thing is that we started, the first step that is busting me out. I need to feed my cat. But also, we have to rebel deeply. You felt like a cat guy. Uniform check. Uniform check. All employees of the prison need to show that they're wearing the uniforms. These are the uniforms that can get you in and out.

of the prison at will, no questions at. Befer, befer, derf, Christine, quickly. Dirk, something's come to me. Something's come to my mind right now. I have an idea of how to get out of here. It's never occurred to me before. Durf, befer, Christina. Do you have an extra uniform?

Yeah, we need five minutes shaving Christina and you are drenched, brother. Yeah, you got to change. I'm changing on a minute-by-minute basis. That covered back there is just full of fresh uniforms. Throw me a uniform and we'll clean the future. sins of our children who never started the rebellion with us and won't but will in their back hearts put it over each finger back hearts but what would you be christina and beefer what a how

you know that the reason you want durf to cut your backside is because you know deep down underneath all the meat and beef and salad and goop and salamis that salad i don't know there's a There's a yearning for freedom that's in all of us. Christina does not have a lot of salad on her, unless I haven't seen it yet. Christina, you know, that makes me think... Death, there's salad in all of us. That's what the point is. You've said it now.

Now you get it. This plan is perfect. Now that we're in uniform, we can run out of here. I have to make one stop at solitary. I left my very close friends behind, like four months ago at this point. I need to get them uniform. forms. And then we'll get out of here, okay? Twinkle. Finally, you're thinking like a leader, not a guy who shaves a food triangle.

And beefer? What's your deal? You want to come? I like it. I want to work here. Oh, wow. Okay. I'll always remember you and I always wonder, where's the beefer? something gray oh oh that's a good one oh goody okay well gray gray is it the third cinder block it is we're so in sync we are jay and to a lesser extent goody hello jay are you in there Yes? Hello? Death. Death has come for me. Young Durf. Death. I've come to rescue you.

Durf. Durf. I knew a Durf once, but that was so long ago. Yes, I'm sorry. I had to do some training. I had to die a couple times. Is that, is that bifer? Are you like to injure you a dot? Yes, I are you? Well, uh, Jay, you know Twinkle. He loves a speech. Beefer. This is Christine. She's the food here.

Yum, yum, yum. Yum. No, go back. Go back to Twinkle. Go back to... Beaver. I... Can't believe it.

Can't believe it's you. After what we went through on Al Gorman and croissant. No, maybe I am dead. No, we're getting out of here. Here, quick, put on these uniforms. Put those on, and we're going to escape. I just... We need to figure out how to get this...

door open. Okay, so I am alive, but how long has it been? It's been almost exactly four months. You're... It's time. It's time.

If you wish to escape this hellhole, you will come with me right now. This guy's a stickler for time. If we got to go with him, he's going to be mad if we don't do it right now. You, Durf. Pizza woman. Other man.

the name. Come with me if you want to escape. Oh, hey guys, uh, sorry. This is another beafer who just loves to meet people. Listen, I'm not coming with you guys, because my job here is awesome, but somebody told me to deliver this crate of eggs to you guys. I don't know why,

but enjoy. Oh, time for a quick snack. Let me crack open a couple of these. Some of I'm trying to masturbate in here. That man is it canned eggs? Wait. Durf, is that the masturbator you talked about? What? Yeah, it's me.

As it turns out, the masturbating man is exactly 12 cans of eggs. That is how much he has replaced. And it is this that will allow us to seamlessly get into a transport and escape. Yeah. What is a revolution, but masturbating to a better future, you know? Yes. How did you guess my tattoo, dearf? How did you guess my tattoo, d'urf?

Can't quite make it out, Christine, but... We trust you. Quiet, everybody quiet, okay? Listen to me. You must understand. We have no time at all. Anyone who wants to go has to go right now, okay?

Follow me. Okay. Oh, no. Bars dropped all around us. Alet, alert prisoners, those of you trying to escape from the southwest, solitary wing. All the doves have been sealed.

We are jucked. You have wasted time with your masturbating and your tattoo talk and your pizza dripping. Why? Why have you done this? Years of my life, I've wasted time to escape. The one guy that needs to masturbate is this guy. Am I right, guys? Yeah, right?

I have no time. There is no time. He used to blow off some steam. Oh, it's all over. Oh. I know these guys. Now, I said we should have gone left. Because I do believe we are still in the prison.

We gotta go right. Right is actually left if you think about it. Well, now that's something to chew on. Who are these old men and this tiny stabbing person? We got a whole network of tunnels that lead everywhere on this planet, but we ain't found our way off it yet. These folks don't understand the prison planet idea. They're trying to tunnel their way out into space.

No, you don't understand. These tunnels, they are perfect. The hallway we are in is sealed on both sides. The only way else is through the tunnels. I guarantee if we follow these people back, we'll find a way to escape. Hey, I'm a tiny criminal, but I'm also very formal. There are too many people in this group. Can you please all name yourselves?

Sorry, are we doing ice breakers? It's a simple request, fella, and if you don't name yourself, you're going to get stabbed, friend. I think we're more connected than we think, for us sakes, these two have the same tattoo. Well, bro, if there's, I can't think of any better term to apply here. and we are some sort of found family. Okay, you're sort of rush in that, buddy. Let's not put the cart before the horse, all right? I'll tell you this much if there's one thing I rub it's a tunnel.

Let's go. We can escape through the tunnels, but your friends are still stuck in solitary. We're going to have to leave them. Quiet, I promise there's a solution here. Just give us a second to think, please, please. said the magic word. I can unlock the door.

What? Actually, I can unlock any door in the prison. I'm sorry, what? What? What? I'm tapped into the correction system. It was please, and DIRF said it, so I'm opening the door for solitary confide. Let's go, Shai.

Of course, I have access to it. I prefer not to access the prison's data, but I will if I'm asked politely. I hate you. I hate you so much. B, for you were in that solitary cell for four months and never said the word, please? Not one time? That's on you. That's a personality flaw. That's a personality flaw.

That's a thing you got to think about. We're not doing this right now. We're getting out of the prison right now. Manners cost nothing. Wow. What a story. Oh, yeah. It's just the middle, too. It's not even that. Oh, shoot. Oh, man, there's my bus. Yeah, that bus driver's been laying on the horn for quite some time.

He really wants you to get on. Damn, yeah. Well, I hope to see you again. Maybe you'll tell me the rest sometime. Yes. Whistling, Joe, it's been such a treat to meet you. I've been a fan for a long time. I'll think of you any time I hear a whistle, whether it's a tea kettle or like a distant bird or like one of those little kazooze the kids always have. That's the best compliment anybody ever said to me. Here, as I right away, I'll give you one more. I'm crying, whistling Joe. I'm crying, Joe. Farewell, Dirk.

This is T.H. 33nd. Credits and attributions join commencing outro protocol. Young Dirt and old Durf were played by Justin Tyler. Shea was played by Allie Kokesh. Goody the Ethics Anglic, The Masturbating Man, the guard doing the uniform check, and Morgbot 1 were played by Winston Noel. Zima Master's Abzop, the chief of police one day from retirement, the folksy stabber, and Palgore were played by Jeremy Bent. The prisoner with the complicated escape plan, the agro prison guard, Gurgle, B for the Line Cook, and Morgbot 2 were played by Alden 4. Twinkle, the ominous prison guard, the guy getting stabbed on Lake Day, Wentechio, and Morgbott 3 were played by Seth Lind.

The prison warden, the tiny criminal, Meredith Sink, Christine of the Food Triangle, and Mark Bot 4 were played by Mujan Zulfigart. The guy with the fast pass was played by Shane O'Connell. Whistling Joe Wysaki and his sister were played by special guest Joe Perra. Joe is a comedian, writer, and filmmaker in NYC. You can see him in his adult swim series Joe Para talks with you. He has performed as some dude stand-up on Conan,

late night with Seth Myers, and Comedy Central. This episode edited by Seth Lent and Alden Ford, with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell. Theme song by Brendan Ryan. Performed by Brendan Ryan, Shane O'Connell, Adam Minkoff, and Jay Fairs. Brisson score music by Shane O'Connell. Audio hosting by Simplecast.

The Young Old Durf Chronicles is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Greetings. I am John Hodgman, co-host and co-creator of the Judge John Hodgman podcast, along with Jesse Thorne here on the Maximum Fund Network, and I am here with Max Fund member of the month, Keith, who's been a maximum fund member since when, Keith?

Oh, at least three or four years now. I don't recall exactly when I fell prey to the pledge to strive, but it got a hold of me, and I've yet to relent. Oh, and we shall not ever let go. Now, you join us telephonically from a different country from ours, which is which. I moved to Vera, Portugal, back in August. of this year. I hear evening birds chirping behind you. What are the names of those birds? We do have quite a few spoon bills and quite a few flamingos as well. So what would you say to the birds

around you and the people listening who are considering supporting the show? You know, it's just nice to have a little bit of investment in the things that I love. Knowing that I'm making sure that those podcasts are still being created makes me feel good. We're so pleased to have you be our maximum Fund member of the month. Thank you very much, Keith, in Portugal. This month's Maximum Fund member of the month. Obrugato. Become a MaxFund member now at maximum fund.org slash join. On Judge John Hodgman, the courtroom is fake, but the disputes are real. Brian would say, I'm the Gumby of this family. He's just not. Claiming to be Gumby is an ungambi-like claim. No, it's just Gumby, and I

my being our authentic selves. So what's your complaint? Too many sauces? There are no foods on which to put the sauces. Have we named all the sauces on the top shelf yet? Not even close. You economize when it comes to pants. Truly, it's not about the cleanliness of the pants. Well, why isn't it? This is what I want to know.

Judge John Hodgman, fake court, weird cases, real justice. On maximum fun.org, YouTube, and everywhere you get podcasts. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience-supported. You know what, Christina, have you ever thought about getting out of here and open up a small, like, boutique restaurant? Sort of a French press laundry-type place that's like...

Now you get it! You can't open up a place here? I think of it. Imagine a Christine-de-table restaurant. That's great. That's what this is already. We're already doing that. There's no more local

But you know, with ambience, with ambience. Oh, thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. I dream about it every day, but my rich father banished me from the house. This is actually a prequel series about Christina. That's going to be our next series. Despite the urgency of my escape,

I need to know more about your rich father. So just he's rich? Flashback, flashback, please. He's a British accent. So do we cut to shit?