Mission To Zyxx - D06: The Morgue the Merrier

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

What happens when you die? Well, everyone else keeps living, unless they were sitting next to you on the rollercoaster that went off the track. What else happens? Your fingernails keep growing. That��s crazy, right? Did you know I have to get a manicure immediately after I resurrect? Every time. I wake up and it’s like Wolfman Derf! Yikes. And one more thing that happens sometimes, if you’re me: shit gets REAL WEIRD at the morgue! Created by: Jeremy Bent Alden Ford Allie Kokesh Seth Lind Winston Noel Shane O’Connell Justin Tyler Moujan Zolfaghari Edited by Seth Lind and Alden Ford Sound design, mix and original score by Shane O’Connell Theme song composed by Brendan Ryan, performed by Brendan Ryan, Shane O’Connell, Adam Minkoff and Jay Faires. The Young Old Derf Chronicles is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinzyxxSupport at higher levels/more shows: https://maximumfun.org/joinThanks so much!

Let me tell you about my favorite store. Any memoir has gaps in it, right? If a Zima Knight jugs in the woods, was there anyone there to witness? When I do it, I like there to be someone there. Just to tell me how I did. It's like in sci-fi shows. You don't know where the bathroom on the ship is.

Would you want to see all your favorite characters pooping? No. But this part is important. This is what I call the crux of the story. And it's strange that I wasn't there for it, but in this case, there was a time in my life for I chose not to return from the space between. I was like, eh, screw this, Durf needs some Durf time. I don't know what happened then, but you know what does know?

The space. And I, you're lucky you, I'm a vessel of the space. So what I'm going to do here is I'm going to sit back, relax, and I'm going to let the space take the wheel, as it were. So, uh, record on the tape recorder, already recording, because you're hearing this. And let's see what the space has to say about my time, dead. I'm too there, morgue. We've been waiting for you.

Stop saying, man. You're in there morning with us now. I know where I am. Enough. Stop. Would you like to see a dead body? Dead body? Don't, don't offer that to people.

That's grim. You can poke it. I can poke it? You can't snap it. That's... less bad somehow. It is safe to check in on the bodies to make sure if they are dead. I'm waiting for the same guy, you know, the guy who's always shut up.

DIRF. Dirk, Dicklson. Dead. Still dead. Still dead. Okay, let me get out of the way. Would you like to fall? Cause of death was kark.

Well, what? What is a kark? It is a car shaped like a shark. Okay, that explains a lot of this damage. That is not something I was able to ascertain by looking at the body. It is just, I am a gearhead. I am something of a gearhead. We are all gearheads. We are all gearheads.

Literally and figuratively look at my head. What are you driving these days? You guys are powered by gears? I... We are powered by gear. I would have assumed you were circuit boards or something, but rod has hard. There's our gears. He has fallen peacefully.

Yeah, you got a chunk of... Hold on a second. Yo, yo, yo. What the... What the... Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Uh, sorry. Welcome to that mark you work here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You work here? Yeah, I'm the coroner. You're the...

Yeah, yeah. I've been here like nine times. Like nine times I've never seen you before. Mission accomplished. I've got my agents here, yo. I just programmed these. I spin up these. Okay, that's what meets us.

Yeah, this one's having some trouble. I got a little alert on my data pad here that one of them went down. Yeah, I spin up these AI bot agents and... We're here to help. Wait, they're here to help or you're here to help? Well, I'm here to help them do my job. So all the times I've been here, you were technically here. you just weren't working.

Yo, yo, yo, yo. I was working. Okay. You, see, you're stuck in this mindset of, like, number of hours you work. I got these guys. Every hour that these guys work is an hour I'm working. So I'm working 24. Okay.

Let me get it inside this guy. Yeah, these gears are grinding pretty out here. I just got another little bot here that I used to repair this bot. So I programmed this guy. Yeah, we got this one going here. Okay. Do you know how to do anything here? I programmed this.

Oh, this one's kind of messed. Okay. But this, yeah, I know how to put this littler bot in this bot and do its magic. Yeah, but did you program it? I, well, so there's another bot in my office that I programmed to program this bot. So you don't do anything. He sort of vibe morgues a little bit. He sort of vibe morgues.

Right, morgue. That's not. Yeah. Here's the thing with vibe morging. No, that is... There's certain locations where you shouldn't vibe, and a morgue is like maybe number one. Oh, what's all the hubbub down there?

Oh. Welcome to the morgue. I've spent hours in this morgue, and this is the most active I've ever seen it. I'm the mortician here. What? This is my grandson is the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course, the bot, his bots. Gramps, how are you? You look good. Yes, so good. Very good. Except for my body parts. There's a bad. Very bad. Just very, um, broken, leaking. Leaking. Oh, good, proud. All right. Listen, is there a waiting room that I can just avoid all of you in?

I'm just waiting for my friend here to wake up. No. No waiting room. Okay. There is the front door, which opens directly into the room of bodies. Yeah. That's the way we always did it. You just come right in where the corpses are.

Your plan is still. Dead. Yeah. That's weird. He's normally up by now. Do you mind if I just... Here, let me just... You may poke him, yes.

All right. Hey. Hey, come on. Once they're dead, they're usually pretty dead, sir. No, but this guy, he's got a whole thing where he always gets back up, so I'm just waiting for him. It sounds like you're grieving. Would you like to speak to a counselor? No, I don't.

Listen, check your records. This is Dirkdinkleson, right? This performance does not guarantee future results. That is dead. That comes for us all. Yo, yo, yo, looks like the bots got this. People are falling off my live stream, so I'm going to head back to the office. Your live stream?

Yeah, I'm a... My grandson. What are you? Yeah, I'm live steering my bets, my bets, my prediction market bets. What, zybal bets or something? Yeah, a lot of zyball, political races, orse races, predicting what clothes some people will wear, like guessing, like the frequency people say, like weird words, like regular stuff. He bets on everything?

Yeah. Doesn't sound legal. Never said it was legal, just said that my audience is falling off, bro. So I'm gonna take my tiny bot back. You're welcome, big boy. Thank you. Brief counselor mode, activated. Oh, that's, you don't need to do that.

That's fine. Hey, how are you doing? Well, that's a very different voice. Hi, I am a grief, but. Are you okay? I'm fine. Listen, I'm just waiting for my friend to wake up. From zero to ten, how do you feel today?

Five. Welcome to step one. Denial. I'm not I'm not in denial Listen Welcome to step to anger You can't

Stop shooting pamphlets at me Stop at me Listen I understand that it sounds like I'm grieving here But my friend comes back to life You can shout all you want But they don't really listen all that much Yeah no kidding

You know I came up at a time where, you know, you really got your hands in the bodies, you had to check all the bones and squeeze all the spleen. So I'm like you. I'm in this set in my ways. You look like you are about to die. Well, yes. That comes from touching the insides of these corpses a lot.

There's a lot of goo. Speaking of the corpses, this corpse is still dead. Still dead? Dirk's dead. You are grieving. You are grieving. Grief is not linear. So true.

I'm not grieving, okay? Who was dearth to you? Who was derf to you? Who was derf to you? Okay. He's a fellow practitioner of the space. He doesn't realize how important he is. I need to take him back to Zima Prime.

Okay, that's it. He's important to you. Unpack that. He's part of a prophecy. It's sort of a big thing on Zima Prime. He's been avoiding me. I'm just trying to get a... Interesting.

Unpack that. Unpack it, please. Unpack that. What does that mean to unpack it? Open up your drawer and take it out. Stop. We are now going to tell you a personal story to try to have empathy. Okay.

One time my ears stopped, and a small robot was put into my head. I did not know if I continued. I was here for that. Oh, so you got it. One time I was fired from a Hollywood film set for attempting to shovel shit back into horses. Yeah, weirdly, I think I was also going to. for that. One time I opened up the juror and there was no dead body inside and so I thought I was doing my job not well. So I went outside to a local bar and I spilled my soul in front of strangers.

I made connections. I made one love connection. We spent five years together. We had a wonderful marriage and then one day they decided I was not it and they left me and since then I am being grieving. Not them, but their dog. Do you have a dog? I would like to have a dog. We have an open-door policy with them all by taking, so to go, have a life, pursue their interest. Well, yes.

They don't do much, you know? Yeah, tell me about it. They just keep track of the dead buddies. Doug Dingleson. Still dead. Still dead. See, damn it. And important to you, unpack that.

Yeah. What is prophecy? Well, they're very important. A Zima Prime. A prophecy tells you who you are meant to be. What? May I make a casual observation from a man who's in his mid-40s? Wow.

Mid-40s? He doesn't have much to live. One foot in the morgue. At the end. I would have guessed late 90s based on how you are shuffling around. The chemicals of the morgue are hazardous. Very. Yes.

They preserve the bodies, but they deteriorate the living. Ironic. What, you just huffing them straight? I'm not trying to huff him, but it's a good eye, my brother. Yikes. Anyway, I was saying something. You feel like someone who's wrapped up in their work. What do you do to unwind or friends?

I'm in the same way. I never leave this morgue. Yeah, I don't really do that. I'm pretty focused on this prophecy. You know, it has to deal with the fate of the galaxy, so it's kind of a big deal. What is fate? What is fate?

What is fate? What is fate? Fate is the path that the events of the galaxy are meant to take. What? Welcome to Daymark. Welcome to Denmark. Yeah, yeah, good job. Hey, it's Danny.

It's Danny. So you're all so annoyed by these guys. I mean, I can only get so annoyed, you know, because, like, I program them. Or, well, I downloaded a lot of programming and had another... Yeah, so if you knew anything about programming, you could stop them from doing that, but you don't. Well, I... Vibe? Yeah, I vibed. I vibe them.

Welcome to the vibe. Welcome to the vibe. In the last five minutes, I have consumed 35,000 gallons of water. That's not true. That's so much water. No, that's counting all the data centers that powered the programming. A lot of the water came out of my... body. That's true. We do have to pull some from

Gramps here and there on emergencies, but we get him hydrated. Oh, that explains a lot. How do you re-hydrate your grandfather? Fills me up like a water balloon. When we can, when we can. Ah, Grams, you're the best. Yeah, I love this job.

Seems like it's killing you very fast. I've come to accept death in all of its forms. He's made it 46 years. Yes. But Zeman, you've got a beat on prophecies, you said? Sounds like you might know what things are happening in the future for the old live stream on the betting market. Okay, listen, I'm not going to tell you ancient Zima prophecies for the sake of your prediction market.

Hey, man, I was going to go 60s 40s with you, but if you don't want to, it's cool. You were going to offer the lower percentage? That's a starting offer. Come on. No. Oh, Zingo. I just won't... I just said no.

What are you saying Zingo? No, no. Mr. Nudcrak just said Zingo three times in under three minutes on his stream, which I had the over-under on. I barely understood that sentence. Just know that I won. Okay. Anyway, prophecies? Listen, these prophecies are ancient.

As old as the galaxy itself, some say. What was Dirk's prophecy? DIRF's prophecy and mine are tightly entwined. I, of course, was destined to be a noble Zima Knight, whereas Durf's prophecy is to become a great foe of the Zemas, the dreaded Sparks Knight. I'll put Threehondo on that. That shouldn't be an item on this.

What site is this? Sin. This is Smalshi. Why am I on Smalshie? Get me off of Smalshie. It is not up to you. Yeah, you can't get off. It's sort of...

It is just happening. It's always, yes... I don't... It's happening. You cannot opt out. It is like that. Yeah, you shouldn't have taken that bet, I'll tell you that. Well, I'm trying to...

I don't want to bet against myself, so I'm betting on myself. There we go. Welcome to bargaining. Welcome to bargaining. Okay. Welcome to bargaining. When I was a kid, we used to bet on throwing a knife at a stranger and if it would go in or not. What?

So, I mean, I get it. I don't think you do. Announcement for the bots. They amorg bots. Yes. What other kind of bots are in here that you would be making an announcement for? Greek bots. We're also green counselor bots.

This is the same bots. What is the announcement? The announcement, yes, we have reached our lunchtime according to our union regulations. Time to go to lunch. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. You got bots that take a lunch break? The day they unionized was the sad day. Did you program these bots to unionize? So I was vibe coding while sleeping. Wow. And I just was... What?

Yes, you can... It's to try to make use of all the hours in the day. You are sleep coding? He sleeps for seven seconds every 40 seconds. Yeah. That is not enough sleep. He's sleep maxing? I don't think he is.

I think he's sleep minning. He's not getting enough sleep. You can't enter deep sleep if you're sleeping seven seconds at a time. Yeah, that's true. It's not that deep. So those staccato not deep sleep sort of accidentally programmed a labor rights into the bots. You know how it goes. I don't.

I genuinely do not. I had not bet that was going to happen. Shame you didn't. You know, Mr. Zapp, I, I, I can show you my taxidermy room. If no one claims the bodies, I get to stuff them how I want. I'm going to come look at my hall of corpses. You get to stuff them like you want?

Well, they're just loose bodies. All right, fine, I guess. One of you morgbots, if Durf wakes up, tell them I'm in the other room. They're on lunch. They will not answer. Yeah. Okay, all right, I get it. All right.

They're going to charge me time and a half. Yeah. I have to cover for them on their lunch, so I'm going to be in here if he wakes up. I'll hit you. To cover for... All right, good. Yeah.

Well, Mr. Zop, look at my world, my dolls, as I informed them. Oh, this already got so creepy. Creepy, why they're doing normal. They're happy. Look how happy they are. They died sadly, so I...

Like that one was in. It was hit by a cork. That's what Durf was hit. Why do they have cars shaped like sharks? It sounds very dangerous. I mean, sharks alone already quite dangerous. Cars arguably more dangerous than sharks. More likely to get hit by a car,

but you're most likely to get hit by a car. This is scary. Mr. Grandpa, I see the star, run. slithered between my legs. I finished out latest specimen, ready for viewing. This is my intern, Clebe. Someday this will all be yours, Clebe.

What? All right, anything to get out of this room, I guess, yeah. Just follow her slither into the new exhibit. You could always see the moist carpeting that she needs behind. You carpeted this place? Yes, I like it absorbs the vire. B. Scent. You and your grandson need to give up vibes.

And this carpet, we put it in last week. It looks a little worn down, I know. This is a week old carpet? Yes. Shag. It's Shag. Not anymore, my friend. This is low pile. Look around. What does these make you think of? This happy family, this young couple posed in a romantic situation. But remember, a series of corpses. Did these people know each other, or are you just putting them in these tablones? No, I put it, I matched them up.

I matched them up in their afterlife. And do their families know this is happening? Unclaimed corpses. Unclaimed. Loose bodies. Uh-huh. Okay. And the music box?

And that's from a haunted circus that blew through town, where a lot of the corpses were made. I mean, people were killed. It's another way of saying that. Jirr, do you worry that this job is maybe making. you weird, because I'm making you a kind of a strange dude. I get that question a lot, along with all people who work in the funereal arts. I try to be a painter, but I got paint all over my fingers. Is that what's all over your fingers right now?

No, this is viscera. I think I'm gonna, I think I'm just gonna wait it out back in the main room. I think I... Oh my God. Where... Yes, I'm good. I'm gonna head back to the main room. main room. I don't need to see you. You're going to wait in the main room with the disgusting

fresh corpses. You're weird. Yeah. You're weird. I... I don't think that I am. I think I'm the normal guy here. I'm going to go lay cross-armed in a coffin for the next little bit. Yep. Okay. I'm the weird guy. Weird guy leaving. The monarchy has discovered the rebel base. We have learned their superweapon is en route at this very moment to the CIS II quadrant, which is why this missive is so urgent, and why I have forgotten my customary series of introspective poems, which has begun all my recordings to this point. Rod, it pains me to deprive you of them, but if we survive, I shall be sure to send you

twice as many poems in my next message. Crabbo's unnaturally gifted verse writers, damn it! Anyway, as we all know, Ball Wheat, the planet crusher, has one. one critical vulnerability. At the hinge where the gargantuan maw opens to engulf an entire planet, there is a six-pointed exhaust port that leads directly to the reactor. But only an object with the exact shape of the port may enter without triggering the security override, and only an object with the same density as the weapon itself will pass the security sealed undetected.

But I have a solution. The transports traveling back and forth from the Moss Planet of Dojam in the Zix Quadrant to collect precious Crune had the exact six-pointed shape of the exhaust port on the Planet Crusher. Now, an empty vessel traveling to Dojam is far too light to pass the security shield, but a transport leaving Dojan laden with croon is far heavier and may just have the density we know. need to pass through. That's why I recommend money rocket. Yes, a rocket full of money, if we can seize one, will be the one and only key to the success of the rebellion. Of course, using one would be an absolute waste of the crew within. Terrible for our personal finances, and the

amount of money we'd be losing, just throwing away, would be impossible to track categorize, or monitor. But that sort of flagrant, unchecked spending may just be the thing that saves us all. Let Money Rocket breach the Planet Crusher's defenses faster. Use the code ZyXX to override the transport's navigation system. Money Rocket through the port of the Planet Crusher. That's Money Rocket through the port of the Planet Crusher. If it's not a transport full of Kroon, it's not a money rocket. Okay, I think I have time for one super sure problem. I'll call it the glistening tides of Gandatham. Nigh upon the twilight of the dusk in sky.

What do my weary eye stalks behold? Lowe. Oh, goody. Oh, regret protocol initiating. Oh, oh, oh. Could you regret be just like a hair quieter? My head? Oh.

I think I made some mistakes. Oh, and so did you... I know you made some mistakes. I watched you marry a combination printer scanner last night. That's only because I don't believe in jucking before marriage. Oh, it's beautiful, but then you annulled it real quick. That's right. I was out of control.

Oh, I think we both were. You had pants to police officer. Oh. Somehow I... urinated publicly. I stole someone's urine and poured it everywhere. I can't even open my eyes. You know that type of hangover when you're just like,

you can't even move? I am feeling that right now. Wait, no. I can't move because I am chained to a table? Houston Skashi Was it? Was it? But not great.

It was gears. It was gears. You eat gears? Sometimes and then they get stuck in my throat. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I don't know your business.

I don't know your business, but should you put a smaller bot down the throat of this morgue butt? Yes. The gears went in there, and the gears are going to come out there. Come on, little. Yeah, but what if the little bot gets eaten? Oh, hang on, I got a vibe. Just one's like, okay, vibe in. Are you vibe coding in your vibe sleep? Yeah, yep, yep, the 740 split. Okay, I think I see now why you and your grandfather seem so incredibly old for your ages. Yeah, I'm 13 and a half.

Yow, really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, there we go. The gears are good, but not great. Okay, let's see. I drink oil.

Okay. That's probably fine, actually. That's probably a good idea. We are hybrid, buts, half oil, half vibes. You run on vibes? Half. How much work does the half do? The vibe half?

The vibe half. Less than half. Yeah. We more butts, buts, we're talking about. During our union sanctioned break. Doing a little gossip. Doing a little gossip. And we are wondering, what are you still doing here?

Your friend is dead. He, he, listen. He's died and come back to life like four times already. Processing, processing. Death has died multiple times, but never for this long. Well, see, that's my point. He's generally coming back. This is seven times longer than the normal death.

Yeah, it's weird. Right? I mark things in a book. So, Zapity. Don't call me that. Zopity? Neither. Zoo?

Closer. Okay. So wait, tell me more about this, the space. The Zima. Did people not learn about this in school anymore? I dropped out. That makes sense. But I vibed in. Yeah, no, I can tell.

The Zima Knights are, group of warriors sworn to protect the balance of the galaxy, granted powers by their connection with the space. See? There's space between you and I. Okay. Yeah. See how I'm increasing it now. Pushing you away. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Wow, balance. That's right. These prophecies are what helped keep the galaxy in balance. They were written by wise Zima masters. centuries ago. Okay. Like the one about Dirt Inkelson.

I mean, that's a good prophecy. This one was like crumbling a little bit at the edges. I had to unwrap it very carefully. Sounds legit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I'm kind of all in on this prophecy. Oh, so you're all in on that one. So you're kind of, we're on the same page here.

You're a gambling man. I'm not gambling. These are profound writings about the future of the galaxy. I'm not making a bet. But what are you? for. My everything, my whole existence. Whoa, okay.

Wow. Look at Big Man at the Crabstable. Ooh. Okay, so there's this, watch, see this guy's live stream? Yeah. He just calisthenics, and he bends over, and I'm betting on the color of his underpants. Okay, well, I don't have any powers that would affect the color of his underpants. Honestly, if there's a pattern on there, if there's, like, bananas or something on the underpants, that's one to 50 odds.

What are you imagining I'm going to do? You could look back in time and then look forward to what they are. So you think I have the ability to creep on people in the past? I mean, I'd go 50-40 on it with you. That's 90%. Yeah, well, I mean, the 10. I got to keep that 10. So you're going 60-40. So you're in?

No. You'll just have to guess. Who's hungry? I made some of my famous mustard soup. Oh, yay. You can't make a soup out of mustard. It's almost done when it comes out of the jar. That's the worst thing. That's the worst thing. That's not a soup.

You're eating hot condiments. That's not food. Hot condiments. Now, that's a restaurant I would attend. You attend a restaurant? In his day? At my age? You know, back when he was young, 10 years ago.

This was a delicacy mustard soup. It's better than a ketchup steak, which is just hard ketchup, the kind around the rim of the bottle. This is the grossest suggestion of foods I have encountered. Here, I have a very full tray of mustard. I don't. I'm not in front of all. Sorry.

Hot mustard ruined these robes. And that's a very absorbent fabric, like a shagged carpet. Oh, my rod, this is bringing me so. Hello. Welcome to depression. Okay. You are almost there.

Death? Oh, to acceptance? Yeah, we'll see. I'm on the verge of just leaving. Is there a way I can get like a message when Durf wakes up? Because I don't know that I can hang out here all day. I could give you a bot. I could give you a bot that would bleep a little if...

I do not want a bot. Welcome to the shi-ing work. No. Welcome to the shi-ing work. Nope. That's what you meant, right? This is what happens when you vibe code these morgue robots. Oh, we are vibed.

There is someone outside. There is someone outside. Oh, well. I'll open the door. Someone wants to come into the morgue. Welcome to the morgue. Welcome to the morgue. We've been waiting for you.

You've been waiting for you. You'll be back. Galactic Bureau of Investigation. Yep. What the one? Yeah. We're actually in the Department of the Galactic Bureau of Investigation that handle the cases that are a little weird. Odd.

A little strange. Weird. Odd. Strange. A little woo-woo. Odd. A little... Huh?

Uh-huh? Right. I'm a skeptic. She's a believer. My name is Hammer Bullet. And this is... Karen Jiblet's Meredith. All right, K.

GM. She had one more name than I expected. Well, Jiblitz was her maiden name. Okay. And then she married into the Meredith family. She's married. To the job. To the job.

So the job's last name is Meredith? We're not here to discuss that. We're here to discuss the unusual activities. Good. It doesn't seem like anyone really knows. We're here to discuss the unusual activities in this morgue. Uh-huh. Oh, well, I'm just, I'm going to close some of these laptops, and then we'll...

I shall cease working on my pilot. And I will shred the union paperwork. Now get my puppet show of recently deceased corpses ready. Yeah, that's the one we're here for. Yeah, that's the one we're here for. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, everyone sounded like they had a crime that they were doing, but...

No, no, no, yo, yo, yo, no crimes. We had a tip that somebody was too. taking bodies and... It wasn't a tip. I put an ad in the paper to get people to come see. KGM, what do you think? I think we found ourselves

a case to close. Right. Their sexual chemistry is palpable. I could cut it with my scalpel. Don't do that. All right. We're going to question you guys. All of you.

Okay. Oh, wow. Why don't you all sit in this one dimly lit chair? And we will interrogate you. That is what we do. Sit together in the chair. Like, stacked? Yes.

All of you. Sit in the chair. I'm not going to do that. I'm just not. I think it zaps up. I think you should be on the body. You're the sort of most robust. Robust.

I'm so dry. You could just wrap me around your neck like a little scarf. No, I, listen, I'm going to go. Sorry, sir You're staying Yeah, this guy's This zippity Is a little bit of a suspicious man

No What's your name, sir? The one in the mustard robes They're normal robes They mustard was spilled on them He smells crazy That's your soup That's your soup that's doing it

I don't wear it I eat All right, all right We're not here about the soup Well, he did spill it, okay? Spilling soup is not a crime. No way you spill it, it should be. Karen,

Yes. This seems much bigger than we thought it was. Yes, it feels like there's more than one unusual thing in this room. The sexual tension, this has got to be an HR violation, you too. We always stand this close. I mean, you're on top of each other. And there's always, we're always smoking, and do you? each other's mouth.

Yes, that's just what our species does. That's what our species does. That seems problematic. I'm perfectly honest with you. Uh-oh. Another, another unusual thing alert. Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. I've got to, this is my entire life.

This prophecy. Someone is trying to enter the morgue. Someone is trying to enter the morgue. Welcome to the morgue. Welcome to the morgue. Welcome to our investigation. Hello, I'm Gerald Bonified. No, you're not.

No, you're not. What the hell? Yes, I am, and this is GBI Internal Affairs. Oh, no. They're onto us. They're onto us. Did you think that the amount of gnarly smoking sexual tension you two have going on between you was just going to be abided by the GBI? You'll never take us alive.

We're taking out our... cyber kinetic guns. Right. Oh, no. Looks like a cure. I'm too young to die. Cyber kinetic guns? What the hell is anyone

talking about? Cyber kinetic? It doesn't make any sense. Rod dammit. Oh, yeah. Those guns are all vibe-coded. Those are definitely vibe-coded. For sure. You know, they're going to go off kind of when they,

and they feel it with that. They feel this is the most dangerous thing I've ever heard of in my life. They mostly know when it's the time. They mostly know? Yeah, it's a will-they-sort-of-day sort of thing. Karen and I know all about that. I'm so scared. I'm worried about my...

Oh, we've got to get a tiny bod. It's getting a small, but... Yeah, yeah. Uh-oh, I'm a little worried about my brain. Brain. Brain. Are you a bot? Brain.

Was I talking to a bot? This entire time? No, I'm old. I'm very old. Would anyone like some mayonnaise fondue? Would you like to read our newspeck? We have a new spec. It's about people who drop into the Morgan announced.

It's an hour-long procedural drama. Yeah, I'd read it. I'll give that a read. It is a genre deconstruction. It really puts it in a different... Gear... Geer... Geer...

Shut up. Everybody shut up. Okay? Welcome to acceptance. Oops, not yet. Welcome back to anger. Welcome to anger. Now I'm only going to say this one more time.

I am only here for DIRF and nothing else. The only thing that matters to me is this prophecy. So all of you will be... I've been waiting for you. DIRF. I'm back. And I know who killed me. You know, imagine you're on the edge of a cliff and your fingers,

you're hanging by your little pinkies or whichever of your fingers are the weakest. For me, it's the thumbs. I've always had weak thumbs. How did I crack the case? Well, you'll just have to wait and see for one more week or... Actually, your books or whenever you want to turn the page, it could be now, or could be in one week, two weeks. If you wanted to take a break, you could even read a couple chapters from a different

book to prolong the drama for as long as we need. Oh, you need, that is. Anybody into fantasy, Durf is? It's an attribution's droid, commenting outro protocol. Zima Master's Atsop was played by Jeremy Bend. Gramps, the Mortician, Old Durf, and Young Durf were played by Justin Tyler. Mark Bot 1, Goody the Ethics Anglic, and Ghibi Agent Hammer Bullet were played by Winston Null. Mark Bot 2.

Cleve the intern and GBIGYN GIFT Meredith were played by Mujan Zolt. Garee. Mortglot 3 was played by Olden Ford. Danny the Coroner and GBI and Internal Affairs agent Gerald Bonafide Willens onceover were played by Seth Land. Jay was played by Alley Cokesh. This episode was edited by Setland and Alden Ford with sound design and mixed by Shane O'Connell. Theme song by Brendan Ryan, performed by Brendan Ryan, Shane O'Connell, Adam Minkoff, and Jay Fares. The Young Old Durf Chronicles is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network. Hey, it's John Mowe and I host Depresh Mode and Sleeping of Celebrities. And I

I'm here with Max Fun member of the month, Kara Barnett. Hi, John. It's great to talk to you. We appreciate your support, Kara. How long have you been listening to the show? I've been listening to DePresh Mode since the first promo came out with Pat and Oswald. I've been listening since the very first episode. Now, Kara, as our Max Fund member of the month, you'll be getting some prizes here, a $25 gift card to the maximum fund store, a special member of the month bumper sticker.

And get this, a parking spot at Matt. Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles just for you, just for a month or so. Well, that's so exciting, if only I lived in Los Angeles. But I got my eye on some stuff in the Max Fun store. Kara Barnett, thank you for being a listener. And congratulations on being this month's member of the month. I hear the member of the month promos all the time. And I can't wait for my friends who listen to Max Fun shows to hear me on the radio,

because I haven't told any of them. Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to maximum fun.org slash join. Hey, everybody, I'm Jeremy. I'm Oscar. I'm Demetri. And we are the Eurovangelists. For a weekly podcast spreading the word of the Eurovision song contest,

the most important music competition in the world. Maybe you already heard Glenn Weldon of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour talk up our coverage of this year's contest. But what do we talk about in the off season? The rest of Eurovision, duh. There are nearly seven decades of pop music history to cover. We've got thousands of amazing songs, inspiring competitors, and so much drama to discuss. And let me tell you, the drama is juicy.

Plus, all the gorillas and bread baking grandmas that make your revision so special. Check out your evangelists available everywhere you get podcast. And you could be a Eurovangelist too. Ooh, I want to be one. You already are. It's that easy. Oh, okay. Cool. Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported. I'm from the GBI. My name is Hard-Tack. Thomas? Are you a hobo? Yeah, that's right. My father was a hobo. I worked my way up from hobo.

I'm not a character of this season. I lifted myself up by my boot soup. by my soup straps. I don't know. Soup straps.