Mission To Zyxx - Larry and Booket Die

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Welcome back, adventurers! We join our merry band in the midst of a great revelry. Samesies finds a muse, Dwaynne shows off his bicepticus, and new headaches come in tiny precocious packages.If you're coming to our live show, why not come a day early for a whole weekend of Zyxx? An intrepid crew of awesome fans are organizing the second-ever Zyxx fan event, ZYXXCON II: THE WRATH OF CON, the day before our live show. It will be full of cosplay, trivia, a cast panel and more! All proceeds going to two amazing charities. Get your tickets here!! We’re doing a Mission to Zyxx live show! Sunday October 11th in NYC! And everywhere via livestream. Get your tickets. Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinzyxxSupport at higher levels/more shows: https://maximumfun.org/joinThanks so much!

Hey, it's Seth here to tell you three things before the episode starts. Number one, only a few tickets remain for our live show in New York City on Sunday, October 11th. So if you have been on the fence, if you're considering going, grab your tickets now to join for a live episode recording. We are so pumped for that. It's been a while. Number two, an infinite number of live stream tickets are available for that same show. So no matter where you live, no matter how far from the quadrant of Manhattan, we hope that you will tune in. That's it right. No, three things. Number three, we are thrilled to learn that fans of Mission to Zixcon are putting together the second ever Zixcon to coincide with that October live show.

We hear it will include a talent show, cosplay, panels, way more. Some of us on the cast are planning to swing by. You never know what you'll see. At the first Zixcon, we saw Stephen Chikowsky's performance of sailing for Kroon, the Sea Shanty, which, of course, we then studio recorded with a full band and canonized in episode 519. There were amazing costumes and way more. So if you're planning to come to the show on Sunday the 11th, go to Zixcon. That's going to be the day before the live show, Saturday, October 10th in Brooklyn. And extra cool, they're donating all the proceeds from that show to two amazing charities. Links for all three, the live show, the live stream, and Zixcon 2, the Rath of Khan, are all in the show notes of this episode. Hope to see you at one of those, and here's the episode.

Welcome back, Dungeoneers and Dragon Slayers. It's your intrepid DM here, Alden Ford, along with the crew of Mission to D6. Hello, everyone. Hello. Hi. Just a dungeoneer here. Yeah, yeah. We haven't slain any dragons just yet. Who knows if there be dragons in this world?

I think they're bee dragons. There must be. We have had quite a series of adventures, some of which were longer than others. We've just finished one of our longest, and the crew has. has finally reunited past the concurrent rivers in a little tavern in the humble cliffside town of Stumbles Bluffs, the little river town on the north side of the concurrent rivers. Should we do a quick recap? I feel like we've had a lot going on, and it's been a few weeks since we've been.

I remember everything completely. Okay, great. Sorry, my Wi-Fi is failing. It's out, out. It's running out. Larry and Samsies are getting blasted at a... Yeah, we're wasted, by the way. Wasted, by the way.

And the rest of the legumes have vanquished of ancient demon of darkness and piranhas. Yeah, they cleared out a series of caves. And spiders and snakes, oh my. Yeah, barely. And I finally got the honor back from my wife's ex, who I really put back in his place. And I met my muse,

Dan Ciego. Wow. Dan Ciego was a real inspiration to us all, I think. Yeah. Yeah, and the caves went really well. You guys vanquished some foes. Restored, I'm sure, some of Quiriel's renown and reputation throughout the lands. If the priest at the Rhodian church there in Craven's Roost was telling the truth,

and there's no reason to believe he wasn't, he is going to spread word far and wide of Quiriel's heroism. Yeah. Congratulations. dangerous and I sort of thought you might die out there. And maybe, I mean, not that Larry or Samesy's really got to meet him, but we made a really good friend of weird guy Squelch who left us to become the ferryman. Yeah, squelch has been left behind at the ferry. As he's so wanted. Which will, yes, yeah, yes. He really seemed very eager to. Who knows? He may appear again. You may never know. Sure. I mean, he's all around. He, I feel like he covers a lot of ground. So I suspect we'll

run into old squelchy again. With your adventures complete and your embarrassment mostly mitigated, you guys have ended up in Stumbles Bluffs. At a little town right off of the bridge. It's Bluffs, plural? Yeah. Stumbles Bluffs. Stumbles Bluffs.

Stumbles Bluffs. Got it. Sorry, Seth, have you ever seen one bluff? A solo bluff? Have you seen one bluff? Well, I'm from Wisconsin where there is a town called, maple bluff singular. I think there's usually one bluff.

Is that the case? Yeah, I think Ali suspects that you might be bluffing. I'm bluffing. I'm bluffsing. That's the time when bluff is usually singular, I think, in my experience. Okay. Great. Stumbles bluffs.

So, it's real serendipity that you find each other again because certainly Larry and Sam's were not attempting to locate you. they've been getting blasted in the tavern but it was the first and most attractive tavern as soon as you get off the bridge crossing the northern river it's a quaint but well-appointed little tavern called the hungry orse

and the remaining four adventures file into the tavern and see Dan's Diego why don't you run to your fairy You're so Jackie Mary I don't like this Larry and Samcies

are right in the midst of a rousing Rousing round of Farioki Not karaoke They don't have that In this world But this is

Ferrioki Which is singing Sort of thing That is unique To these Ferry and Ford Towns Wait, it's F-E-R-R-Y Yeah, yeah, yeah

It is hosted by F-A-E-R-I-E Oh, well, see, that's confusing. I thought it was very okay. Is that... Honestly, as a bard, Winston, Sam'sies, you're very okay at very okay. But it's a great time. Everybody's having fun.

You guys file in and just relieved to not be in a dark cavern bleeding. You guys nurse your wounds. Throw back a few drinks. You guys have some fun. Quarial's still kind of in rough shape, huh? Yeah, yeah, you're all in pretty rough shape. Does anybody have their current hit points listed? Yeah.

Mine says 13. Okay, okay, that's not too bad. Oh, we did a long rest in the caves to regain stuff. You did a short rest in the caves. I've not done long rest, but that can come soon if you like. Oh, man, what I'd give for a long rest in my real life right now. You're talking about death? I think he means death.

All long rest when I'm dead. That seems like a T-shirt that nerds should wear, right? Anyway, so you guys all join in the revelry. It's a great time. But you got to let me know. How tall is Dansego. Great. Okay, I have to apologize.

Dwayne is 29 for 29. He has not. Oh, yeah, you have not. You don't have a scratch on you. I was crushed against the roof of a cave by a minotaur skeleton. And it attacked by the minor span. Yeah. Boy.

Larry, so how did your part go? My bride. My beautiful bride. Hello. We had a hard time, too, as we almost missed our boat. Yeah. How was the person that you met? Did they mention me or I don't know?

Yes. And they've gotten so ugly, scarred. Face scars. genital scars. I checked. It's a mess. It's a mess. You're lucky to be out of that relish.

Relash. Genital scars? Yes. I don't know. Scars on scars. A lot of mishaps. Series of mishaps. Genital mishaps.

All with his genitals, he had a couple. What? That's why you were so confident. Uh-oh. Never mind. I'll find someone like Danciago. I wish nothing.

However, fell in love. Larry, is this the same Dan Siego we saw, large strapping perhaps a 10 of 10? He's 10, but you know, you can't spell 10 without a 1 and a 0, and those numbers are low. Oh, okay. Larry's right. Anyway, we should move ahead in our lives.

What's up next? Are we doing brunch or what? It's like 6 p.m. Are we doing night brunch or what? Night brunch. It's a good idea, you know. Boa. Oh, Sam's throwing up.

And I'm good. Wow. That's okay. It's for the best. He's had an over one beer. I feel like Samsey should have to roll for whether he's booting and rallying or just. You don't have to roll the boot, but you do have to roll the rally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Winston, go ahead and roll out. You know what? The vibe is good, so I'm going to make it a DC-11. A DC-11. The vibe is good. A constitution check. Okay. Oh, I roll the 12.

Oh, good, great, great, great. I was not hanging on by a thread. You was just making room for the next one. Yep, yep. You head off to the bar and grab a pint of something. Question, who has, remember that orb with the next? Man inside, what happened to that? Uh, pretty sure you had it.

Oh! Right. No, I think it was given to Quariel, actually. Yes, yes, Coriol's keeping it. Oh, good. Okay. Quirio is very quiet. Well, I tire of the singing of songs. Oh, Quariel, you're up next.

You have to sing. We put your name in. It's barioki. Do you improved reputation, they moved your name to the head of the list. You are next. Oh, dear. A song. I can't wait to hear.

Working on my night brunch. Say that. Good, very good. Wow, it's a short one. Short, good one. That's it. Oh, unlike the long songs all of you sang. You know, I'm surprised because I thought he'd mentioned Rados in his song, but he didn't.

Rodeos going to be pissed, Quiriel. Wow. So soon after my reputation was restored. Yeah, it seems like night would be the... Day brunch would be more of a rink. Roto's hit. How did everything go? You guys look kind of beat up and I feel great. You look amazing. You look. Thank you.

I actually think I look better. I was about to say. You look like a little like you have a glowed. That dankness really served your skin. Yeah. The rest of you, well, Corio looks pretty. Are you okay, buddy? I'm fine. Okay. That is the I'm fine of a man who nearly perished. We battled through three levels of increasing evil, vanquishing foe after foe, to restore the glory of quarial, and indeed our entire laguma group. Is that what we're calling ourselves now? I forgot the word fellowship, for I've already partaken of much mead.

Fair enough. And you, was LaFord equally scary? Yes, I fought the great enemy known as envy. And seems he's fell in love. So, yeah, we struggled. Amazing. During my times alone, because so much of it, it was just me fighting by myself. Larry, I really started to think about.

And yes, my voice is changing the game. Very different. You went through something, hon. Can we start sleeping in the same room? Might be as one, but the bed shall still remain. separate. I'll take what I can get. You seem to be married to a totally different person.

We go through many phases in marriage, Queryl. You'll understand someday when you marry Rodos or whatever. I will not marry Rodos, I have sworn an oath. Are we to take it, Bookett, that in your lonely cave quest you fell even deeper in love with Larry? No. Wait, what? I just, I was just thinking, like, maybe we should have, like, quality time or, like, something. I don't.

You know, something like that, like play puzzles. Why is she walking away? Did you almost die? What, this is? And now her voice has returned to original access. I miss the new voice. So are we getting dinner or what? What's the deal?

Night brunch. Working on a night brunch. Working on a night brunch. Oh, he sung the same song again in its entirety. And no rudos again. So as the six of you, uh, nope, we're still talking. As the six of you continue to relive your adventures and share stories, you congregated a table, order a quick night brunch.

And as the evening continues, the tavern becomes more lively and more exciting. Performers show up, townspeople come in, and you've really gathered at a very lively sort of center of town here in Stumbull's Bluffs at the Ungry Ors. and as Fairiochi ends, which is really sort of for the bar flies, a more sort of structured and... The most pernicious type of fly. A kind of lively series of performances begins to happen. It seems like everyone is sort of expected to bring something. Some people will do a magic trick or perform a feat of strength

or some sleight of hand or a story or a song of some kind. And as you have gotten to know some of the bar patrons and stuff. There's some partner acts. Gross. There's a guy, Somersault Peterson. What does he do? He mostly does. He's a singer. He's a poem guy. He wears like a real tight sort of, you know, tunic and pants of the very colorful.

He kind of looks like a gesture who didn't make the cut. He's doing a lot of flipping around and stuff. It's actually sort of impressive, but in the way that like you can tell he's used to sort of doing it for free. but when he finishes, he's got a really loud, he's got a loud little horn that he blows. A loud horn. The crowd is so lively and engaged and excited that, you know, when people finish their performances, they get, sometimes people throw them some coins or a trinket of some kind. It's definitely a...

Through the orb. We will not throw the orb. No performance should be good enough to claim the orb. Don't wait. Wait till we see. Maybe you'll be charmed. But after a while, you're enjoying all of these performances. And the innkeeper, a guy named Tom Furkins, comes on over and he says, why don't you join in the revelry?

Who's got a story or a song? Maybe a performance of some kind? Show off what you're good at. You guys look like your experienced travelers. Maybe you can impress these small townsfolk and weary travelers. I would be happy to regale these travelers with the day. tale of Rodos the sunlighter. Oh, okay, all right.

Tis a long story shall take many hours to tell. I've heard this one, I think. We end up at a lot more open Michaels than I figured I would. Hey, listen, this is not an open Michael, no. This is a gathering of community and travelers.

Also, tis a holy tale, so if you could convince your patrons to not partake of alcohol as I tell it, that would be my preference. I'll do what I can. A no drink maximum? Remember my man quarry all over here? I'll see what I can do.

He grabs his spoon off the table and sort of clinks it against his tankard. Excuse me, everyone, ladies and gentlemen, this paladin has a tale he'd like to share. Stop booing. Stop booing. It is a worthwhile tale. It is the only worthwhile tale, that of Rodos, the sunlighter. The very being that we should all be on our knees right now, thanking for the gift of life. There is dead silence in the tavern.

Crook my nuts! What? What did you say? Crook my nuts. How dare you? I am a paladin for the sunlighter sir. Who said that? Queryl just continue this.

Don't engage with the hecklers. I say crook the nuts. I see. He responded. Sorry, I've lost my place. Before Roders the Sunlighter or was darkness. To be birthed to the world was to be birthed to a blackness of unceasing misery. As you're telling this tale, a sort of skinny dude sitting next to the fire begins to play a haunting loot medley to go along with your story here.

And people kind of perk up their ears and kind of connect the music to the story. And they're sort of paying attention. Just to be clear, the music is not part of the story of Rodas the Sunlightter, but I shall allow. to continue. Anyway, Rhodos is the man who looked at this land of eternal darkness

and said, no. No, I shall not allow my fellow man to suffer in such a way. A good man, a noble man, perhaps the most noble man who ever lived. Rodos is a sunlighter. A guy in the front row raised his hand real quick and says,

You say Rodos is a man? I thought it was like a deity or a magician of some kind A magician A magician A magic man, you know How would a regular man like the son He was no regular man

But he was no magician, sir Oh another person You guess another question I'd thought that Rodeus was a woman Sorry is this bucket or is this someone else This is this booket Okay Okay, it's book.

Book it, I would prefer you save this question into after. Some say, some say, Rodos. That's all I'm saying, deal with it. Rodors is, of course, covered in their gleaming armor in most depictions. So it is impossible to tell whether they be man, woman, or... A magic man. Not a magic man. Oh.

Well, he did some magic, didn't he? What, there's no magic, sir? Oh, was it always a magic? to light the sun, then what was it? A big old flint and tender. He like crafts this guy. Oh, no. It was a miracle, sir.

It was the greatest event that ever happened in the history of our world. The word called us a simple trick, a simple magic like the cards that we saw earlier from Salas-old Peterson. Oh, ah. As you grab this guy's cloak, as you grab this guy's cloak, your fists sort of start to glow

and fire leaps from the, the, the ray of Rodos and engulfs this guy in flame. He drops to the ground, a bunch of people pour like tankards of ale on him. And the tavern erupts in raucous applause. Everybody starts throwing coins at you and lifts you up on their shoulders. The message of the truth. No, no, no, no, no. You crocked his nuts.

You cropped his nuts. You cropped his nuts. You cropped his nuts. I did not mean to cruck any nuts of any kind. This was not my name. I should return to my seat. I worship you. I worship you now.

No, don't worship me. You worship. No, just you. I worship you. You lit my fire. That's heresy. That's heresy. Don't do that. Great.

Who's next? Well, he's eight feet tall and hairy as a bear. He likes to Go across the ferry It's Everyone sing with me Who? Dexiego

Oh sure He's got a smile that can light Up the sun No offense Hey Careful What's his name? Dexiego

Yay, everybody cheers. Coins are thrown at you. The Lutus hands you, his golden pick. The burnt man is, by the way, standing next to you with his arm around you, drinking, Coriol. He's trying to get a tankard of ale into your hands. Yes, well, I... Have a sip. That was the best performance I've seen in years.

That was. Riveting, it was. Riving. It was not a performance. Was a history of Rodos, the sunlight. Well, you could really tell your passion. You were invested, as it were, which is really the mark of a great performer. You're still on fire, sir.

Sir, you are still on fire. Pats it out quickly. Who's next? Okay. Mine's a simple talent. Oh. If I could just ask Sam's E's Coiriel's due friend, if you could sit here?

These three chairs? Yeah. Okay, great. My half-pint friend, Bookett, and Larry, if you could sit in these three chairs. So you're on these three chairs, you're in these three chairs. It's pretty much an even distribution of weight, and I just run this broomstick underneath and...

You're going to have to roll for that. You're going to lift them up? Yeah. Okay, that's a DC-15 to lift all of your friends up. Okay. Oh, I rolled a 21. Oh, maybe. You got it.

So I'm really showboating now. Yeah. Oh, people are, their minds are blown. Now I'm inviting people from the bar to come join. You know, let's add more weight. I only worry about the broomstick, not your strength, Dway. Yeah, the most impressive thing is that the broomstick has not snapped. That's true.

Truthly. All right, two or three more people climb on. Now it's a DC-18 strength. Let me get on. Oh. 24 Nat 20 Nat 20

and then plus 4 Now you're twirling it above your head People are standing on the bar cheering More A couple more people get on Somebody throws a keg of ale On top of the pile

Now it's a DC20 strength check Still 20 baby Yeah Everybody's chanting People are People are losing their minds. They're pouring beer over their heads. They're drinking straight from the keg.

How will this end? Somebody brings in a pony from the outside and, like, straps it to the broomstick. Is that the titular, angry horse? No, it's a peckish, it's a peckish pony. Oh, peckish pony. So, now it's a DC-22 strength check. All right, let's see. Another 24.

Another not 20? This is awesome. Everybody's losing their minds. Somebody's setting fire to chairs. It's an absolute pandemonium. People are like jumping up on you. It's insane. You finally put everybody down.

Yeah, gracefully. Everybody crowds around you. They're pawing at you, feeling your muscles. They're throwing coins at you. and it's truly a miraculous moment for everybody. It's the best thing any of these people in this small town have ever seen in their entire lives. Congratulations.

Thank you, everyone. Book it, I believe you wanted to go next. I think that, isn't that the closer? That seemed like the... It's okay, no, I was going to propose Larry and I will be doing a couple's act. Oh, yes. We will be doing magic.

Oh. Okay. Great. Yes. I will make Larry disappear. At last. Okay. Wait.

I thought we were doing a fun little trick, like where the coin comes out of your butt or something. Why am I being vanished? Well, you know, you do have a lot of good stealth and sleight of hand, Larry. So maybe it's something where a booket could create a distraction and you could find a way to slip out unnoticed. Or actually, change a plan. I have the ability to disguise self, so maybe I'd turn into another Larry. Okay, great. I love it.

That's the opposite of Larry disappearing. Double. Duplicating. And your face, querial. Change self? How does that work? Disguise self. Disguise self.

You make yourself including clothing, armor, weapons, and other belongings on your person look different. You can't change your body type, so you must adopt a form that has the same basic arrangement of limbs, so that's good. It's for one hour. Oh, no. I think I'm Larry for an hour. One hour, babe. It's fine. Sort of a role play.

Do her clothes transform? Yeah, she can look exactly like you. Yeah, yeah. Mm. The next act will be a couple's act. Mm. Mm. Going to understand Larry better by becoming Larry myself.

Yeah. I love it. I'm using the spell disguised self, but I will roll for performance, correct? Yeah, I'm going to call that a everybody's riding real high on Dwayne's performance. So I think they're pretty susceptible. I'm going to call this a DC-13 to pull off the transformation in a way that is exciting for the crowd. Okay, nine. So it's a pretty mid-performed.

Great. So with a flourish, you cast your spell. And very slowly, your features and limbs sort of tuck back inside your body and pop out, one at a time sort of as Larry. It's really disturbing to watch it, honestly, not very entertaining. Body horror. So everybody sort of

recoils in horror as sort of the unnerving speed. I'm Larry. I'm Larry. Get out of here, you crazy goofs. Oh, I'm having... Yay.

I'm having an existential crisis. Larry, you're the one with some good performance and stealth and thievery skills. Maybe you could save this act. Yes, no problem. People are turning, people are turning on bucket. People are like, oh, she's a freak.

Get her out of here. She's a witch. She's a witch. She's a lover. She's a child. She's a mother. She's a sinner. She is a saint. The saint. She's cycling through the mall. She's cycling through the mall.

She does not feel ashamed. Can I use some deception to become Bookett performatively? What's your performance skill like? I have plus three for performance. Yeah, there you go. Great. You can just tell me what you're trying to accomplish, and I'll tell you what that DC would be.

A performance of Bucket that's so convincing, they think that her very soul has entered Larry's body. as Larry's body. I'm not doing for you. I'll call that a DC-16 to convince everybody that you have swapped souls. Honey, I'll handle this.

I'm going to do a performance of you that's so convincing that everyone will be stunned. I just rolled a seven. That's including the plus three. You grab a couple of items off the table, shove them under your shirt to make sort of makeshift breasts. It's problematic.

Let me grab this mom. Why would he start with the breasts? Yeah, you have a mop, put it on your head for air. My acting teacher always said, start with the breasts. And so that's what I did. It's really not. I mean, to say nobody is buying it is an understatement,

it's also offensive to almost everyone in the bar. Oh, wow. Wow. I'm Bookett. And we're in love. Huh? We're losing them. We'll do a little dance.

Oh, let's do our dance. Losing them now. Did it. Did it. I'm stuck. Yeah, Bookett is like three-quarters Larry now. She's Larry's height, but she's got Bucket's hair. This is a horror show.

Mujan, what is your performance skill? plus one all right all right so if you guys can both succeed on a DC 15

performance check I am going to allow this to be so bad it's funny and people will people will be entertained

if you can if you can turn it into a comedic act then I think you can really get the audience on your side I roll a six

a three plus three yeah Was I a nine or a six? Nine. Sort of doesn't matter. Yeah, it's sort of irrelevant. They both failed.

You went serious. You committed to the bit. You committed so. I'm really trying. Dance more. Dance harder. Dance harder. Good.

Rodos. Guarreal, I did not think I would say this, but I'm beginning to miss the evil caves. I as well. It's a pretty grim spectacle. Finally, people sort of stop booing you because it's getting to the point where you're dying so hard, it's uncomfortable for everybody. Quick, give us a word. We'll do a round of improv. Boo. Boo.

This is quarrels. Boo. I enjoy prepared performances. Bring back the orc. Make him lift something else. All right. Book it and Larry. furtively sort of revert back to their normal appearances.

I do, hold on, I still, I have your stubble still. Next, the only person that hasn't performed is jiggly. Would you like to offer something? Yes, I would like to perform a feat of acrobatics. Oh. Could you describe like the sort of

layout around me of what I could use for flipping and tumbling routine here? Going directly at Somersault Peterson. Yeah, you're really coming for him. The town famous. Favorite? Well, there is sort of a makeshift stage. It's kind of the area near the fireplace, eight by 12 foot kind of clearing there near the fireplace where you can perform. And are there long tables? Yep, yeah. Long tables. And then there's some stools kind of scattered throughout the space.

It's pretty crowded, though. If you wanted to do something on the tables, you would have to be pretty nimble to avoid all the people in drinks. What are you trying to do? I want to try to do some like some tumbling, like some flips on the long tables. Sort of make a circuit of the bar. Yeah, yeah. And like drinking, taking a drink of people's meat as I land. Wow. Perfect.

Real October Fest energy. Oh, yeah. Great. All right. I'm going to call that, well, because of all the extra stuff, like the drinking and stuff, I'm going to call that a DC-18. The crowd is pretty, um, uh, we lost the crowd for you, Jigley. Pretty bummed out.

Well, we have seen highs and lows this evening. Now I shall, as a final act, perform traditional beneficiary in acrobatics first created by the forefather and foremother of our clan, Bonaflick and Jolo. I heard Benaflick and Jalow had separated. They always tend to return. And just like them, you shall leave the stage

and return to it after. Tumbling around to the room, right? Exactly. And at the end, if I am successful, I will show you my back tattoo. A three-part performance here. And, all right, this is a DC-18. Yeah.

Oh, what did you get? It was on 19, and it's a one. Such is life. I don't get to see the tattoo. If he lands wrong, we'll get to see. He lands real hard on his face. That's a critical failure, right? Is he going to break something?

You do have a lucky feat. Oh, my gosh. You're right. Which may give advantage on an ability check. Oh. I think I need it. Yep, if you want, you can roll again and you get higher of the two rolls. All right.

I'm going to use lucky feet and roll again for it cannot be worse. And so Gigli sort of like started in the knee. He was like, oh, not that one. Always start on the other foot And 22 So you take a series of leaps of And

Bounds You somersault and dive And flip over the tables Somehow also managing to take Sips of mead and bites of apples and stuff As you fly by It's very impressive You cartwheel across

the bar, swing across on the lampshades, monkey barring it from chandelier to chandelier, parkour off the wall, dive and tumble across where the fireplace is and do a flourish with your axe, lodging it into the wooden floor as you land.

Everybody loses their fucking minds. So agile for a little man. Yes. They're so excited they almost forget what an awful performance book it in Larry came. Everybody's cheering. and at the end of the night, as you get back to your table, you realize

you guys have each made a pretty decent amount of money from donations just from people enjoying your performance. Hell yeah. So Sam's, you had a pretty good performance. You get two gold. Quariel, you make four gold. This gold is bound for the church of Roros of Sunlighter. Yeah, a tie.

And, Duane, nine gold for your incredible feat of strength. Wow. And Gigli, four gold from all of your tumbling. Really nice job. You skipped over Bookett-Head-Hen-Ler. Book-It-Hen-Larry's double act. Book-It-Larry, you have roughly the same amount of money in your pockets at the end of it. But I should pull over for a minute to thank, once again, our Discord members, supporters of the show, who have suggested many of the place names and character names on the show, especially tonight.

A lot of very funny names. Tonight, thank you so much for these. I am sorry to have shown up Somersault Peterson. Yeah, Somersault Peterson. I mean, if you can believe that, that is not my creation. What? Somerself Peterson is from Court Jester on Discord. Thanks, Cortchester.

Very fun. The six of you returned to your seats, reeling with all the positive vibes and the adoration you guys have received from these townsfolk and travelers. It's very exciting. And a little boy, sort of messy-haired little kid comes up to Dwayne and asks if he can look at your great axe. I hand it right over to him. He can barely hold it, but he's so excited.

He sort of falls over. He can sort of hold up just the handle. The blade is like lying on the ground. And he looks at you like meeting a superhero. He's like so excited to talk to you. And he says to you, Mr. Mr. Can you help me? Only you're strong enough to help me. Okay.

You're the only one who can slay the dragon. Is that a metaphor? Oracle dragon. I'm only seven years old. What would that metaphor mean in my case? Hmm. It could be like a nightmare type thing because you're little. I wouldn't assume it's a drug type thing.

No. Daddy issues could be... Oh, yeah. Thank you, Larry. No, I'm not asking you to chase a dragon. I'm asking you to fight and kill the dragon. The dragon is real. It lives in the caves past Slurry-cherm swamp.

I'm sorry. Where? Slurry-churn swamp. It's right over to the... west of here, right by the base of the mountains. There's a huge red and golden dragon who comes out of the caves every couple days, and I see him every time because I live in the little shack next to the marsh. Wow.

And you think I could defeat this dragon? You could if you wanted to. Nobody believes me, because nobody's ever seen it but me. Oh. Well, that is a bit of a wrinkle, isn't it? Let me just have a quick aside here with my party. I don't really go anywhere without them. Am I codependent?

Okay, gather up everybody. What? This wee lad that is... Did you want to get my name or... Oh, sure? My name is Brennan Wee Mulligan. I'm just a little boy. Oh, I regret that I had an ass sooner, I guess.

Just a reminder, I didn't name myself. My name was suggested by my mother. Yeah, by your parents. Suggested, yes. You chose it if it was suggesting. No, no, my parents suggested it. My daddy's name was Biking Viking. Very cool.

All right. You're not a part of this aside, Brennan, Wee Mulligan, if you don't mind. The wee lad, as I was saying, claims there is a dragon. He has suggested that we. Kill it. Has it menaced or killed? Did it hurt the kid? Why does he want to do it?

Why does this kid hate this dragon? Okay. Brennan, Wee, Mulligan. Yes. I prefer you to use my full name every time you address me. Yep, I must. Could you join the circle? It's no longer an aside at this point.

Now, could you tell me why I need to kill this dragon? Yes. Because you're a hero. Because you're a hero. And dragons are the raise on debt of a hero like yourself. You lifted half this pub up on a broomstick. Only Brennan wee Mulligan would get away with saying raise on debt at age seven. You lost me.

I'm a child myself upstairs. You know, some dragons are noble. What? For instance, a gold dragon is a creature with good intentions that seeks not to hurt but to aid. What about a red dragon? Oh, that's a bad kind. Those are bad. Well, this is a red and gold dragon.

Didn't you just hear what I was telling? Red and gold? Red and gold. Red and gold. It's good and bad. Is it like you see it? And you think it's red, but someone else looks at it and see it as gold. And that's like a red and gold dragon because it's just like a debate. It could be a blue and black dragon. That's true. I actually, I mean, I've only ever seen it sort of at like sunset.

There's a swamp called the Slurry Churn Swamp. And where the swamp meets the mountains, there's a cave, not like a multi-layered series of caves. I wouldn't suggest that you do anything. like that. It's just a cave where a dragon would live and every few days the dragon slowly comes out of the swamp and takes to the sky, circles the mountain top and returns to his cave. Having harmed no one. I mean, not yet. Not that I know of. I haven't been brave enough to go close. But what if it gets close to Stumbles Bluffs? What if it comes and burns down the hungry orse? What if it eats my dog? Then I would feel a stronger urge.

borrowing trouble from tomorrow. That's coincide. That's the real monster. I don't know why, but I feel suspicious of this kid. Can we roll to see whether we can detect deception? Because I feel like he's setting us up. I think it would be a perception check. Okay.

I think this actually might be an insight check. Oh. Insight. I have a plus four to insight. So I'm willing to give a shot here. Yeah, go for it. Plus 4 to Insight. Yeah, yeah.

Quariel's going to give him the quarial squint. No, this boy is on the level. I rolled a six. He rolled two plus four as six. I see. Oh, actually, wait, I have the Ring of Truth. I have advantage on checks to determine whether someone's lying. That's right.

You received it from the townsfolk. marginally better I have a 13. Okay. Oh, bucket rolled a 20. You rolled a 20? Yeah. The boy looks at you and you sort of see like nothing behind his eyes at all. He seems to be pleading with you, but there's almost no conviction behind it.

He seems to be sort of like reciting from a script or something. Do not know if I trust this boy. Nothing behind the eyes, huh? He knows very little of this dragon. Are we being sent up a river without a Danseigo? No, it's in the swamp. It's in the marsh. Feels like a trap. Really? If you've been there, tell us what it looks like.

Well, it's a swamp. It's got grasses and marshes and, you know, bugs and stuff. And a red and gold dragon. Is anyone have really good persuasion to try to convince this kid to fess up to who told him to say this? I have five. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, do a classic sameies. Hey, pal.

Yeah, lean in, Sames. All right. Good Bard, bad thief. Oh, yeah. I rolled a 17, but I have a, it's a 22. Oh, my God. So what do you say to this kid? Hey, buddy.

What? What? Hey. Don't put your armor on me, part. No. Listen, why don't you just tell us what's really going on here? Not really youth minister energy from Samcies. Hey, you know who else?

was a red and gold dragon who lived in a swath. Well, excited to hear the end of this sentence. Yeah, what's really going on here, pal? What's really eating you? He kind of looks around at you guys and I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have to, nobody, I'm just doing, I'm just, I'm just having fun. I'm just hanging out of the hungry oars like everybody else. You're a child in a tavern?

Yeah, wait a second. Why is a child hanging out at a ball? Yeah, about where people get lifted and great couple performances happen. I'm allowed to be here. Even adults shouldn't have seen the blasphemy that Larry and Bougat have wrought. Yeah, you're still held after we scared the shit out of everybody? No way. Does beggar belief.

Listen, I'm just trying to get some help with a problem, you know? I'm just trying to... Oh, he's sweating. He's sweating. Oh, is he wearing a wig? Listen, a wig. I shall tug at his hairs. Is he pretending to be a seven-year-old, but he's actually...

Ow, ow, ow, no, ow, stop. They seem security attached. He's pulling my hair. He's pulling my hair. Bucket, turn into me again. That'll get him to talk. No, no, I'll tell you, I'll tell you. Okay, thank you.

I'm just working for Frank and Andy. I'm not trying to... Who? They told... Frank and Annie. They just told... Frank Lemongrass and Andy Oakleaves. They just told me to come and talk to you

for like five minutes to... distract you. That's all I was trying to. Any oak leaves. Wait, five minutes to distract us. Yeah. So perhaps... We've talked to you for a half of it. Yeah, mission accomplished.

Distract us from what? What would they be doing during our distraction? What were they hoping to keep us from? Who? Quariel, have you the orb still? Of course. Do I have the orb? So Sam'sies, you take your arm from around Brennan, we mulligan.

You guys all kind of quickly check your belongings. and you find that all of your purses are missing. The gold that you just got that you've not put in your purses yet, you still have. But all of the gold that you had when you entered the tavern has been taken, as well as a couple of key items, including the orb. In your face, kid, we didn't earn any gold in our act. But I think the orb is probably the more important thing. Fair.

This sucks. Larry, I must agree. This sucks. Finally, we agree. I do have locate object. Hmm. Describe a name and object that's familiar to. You can sense the direction of the object's location

if it's within 1,000 feet from you. This is huge. Yeah, bucket. Can I cast that spell? Yeah. Cast it. Again, are you sure the Larry stuff's worn off? Like, maybe stuff under your clothes?

We could check out real quick. Like Larry's stuff? What advantage would that be to you, Larry? I don't know. You ever want to look at yourself from the outside? Smooch yourself a couple times just to see what that would be like. You'll close your eyes, quick, and open it and be like, that's what people think of Larry. Oh, I cast it, I think.

You do indeed sense the presence of the orb, and it is receding from your location very quickly to the northwest. Okay. We've got to find that orb, guys. We've got to go now. Get you up. We've been robbed by children. No, they're adults. I'm the only child.

I don't actually have a whole lot to do with it. Oh, no? Am I even your hero? Did anything you say? Was that the truth? Am I even your hero? Or were you just lying? Well, I chose to talk to you because you seemed the most dim-witted, but also the strong.

Okay. Dwayne would like to roll for how far the child soars when he... kicks him. Yes, good, good. Roll for child kick. Listen, it wasn't personal. It's just that you were the easiest to distract and you were the biggest so you couldn't fight the people

stealing from you. You said to him. Oh! All right, so I don't think you need to roll to kick him. That's an easy target. I want to know the distance. I'm going to say roll a D20 for the number of yards he flies when you keep up.

Yards. He just lifted up like 14. people in the bar at a cake of ale. He's very strong. Oh, wow. And 18. 18. Okay, so you kick this child.

He sails through the window of the bar out onto the street with a tiny little pathetic scream. And everybody in the bar stops and turns towards you because up until that point, it's been kind of loud and nobody's really paying attention to what's going on. But everything kind of grinds to a halt and everybody. looks at you and the bartender Tom Furkins said did you just did you just kick

Brennan Wee Mulligan? Oh what? Everyone loves it. Huh? He doesn't have He's an orphan He's a poor kid He doesn't know any better He's just trying to make a little money You kicked him through the window

Yes, well what problem did you have with Brendan? I mean, look I don't want these people to turn against you. I know he can He kind of causes some trouble around here. What's going on? He has distracted us with tales of dragons while all of our purses have been purloined. From Annie Oak Leaves and...

Frank, something. Frank Lemongrass. Yes, I know them well. They're masters of disguise. I wouldn't have allowed them in here if I'd noticed them. You know them. Where are they?

Listen, travelers, listen, this is an upstanding establishment. I won't tolerate any criminals or thieves in my place. Listen, Frank and Annie are nothing to trifle with. They're members of the rakish varlets. Have you ever heard of them? No. I don't know. Now, Larry actually does know about these guys.

They're competing Thieves Guild to the thieves guild that Larry was involved in, the Grabby Gang, which... That was the name of your thieves guild, the Grabby Gang? That's it was us. We were the Grabby ones. Yikes. Grab, Nab. Now, Larry, you certainly know what your...

against Frank and Annie are serious criminals. Thieves are nasty, guys. I don't know why anyone keeps them around. You've got to go right now. Follow them, find them. Bring them back here, and I'll give you a rich reward. More stage time? I'd love a little more stage time, honestly.

Yeah, we can tweak a little bit of our act. I mean, sure, everybody gets a chance. We've got to get our orb back, you guys. So bonus if we get a reward, whatever it might be. You're right. You're right. It's stage time and the orb. In that order. Don't you have a little song?

You always sing. about that orb. Orb, or be seeing you in all the orb familiar places. Well, I don't know. I think the one that you sang earlier about the ferryman was probably a stronger seven feet tall and hairy as a bear. Look over there, look over there.

It's Dan, Sierra. The whole bar, the whole bar joins in. Yay! You can hear Bryn and Wee Mulligan sort of whimpering outside on the Street. We got them back. And Bookett, you notice with your keen object

sense that you no longer sense the orb, which means it's more than a thousand feet away. Oh, he's God! Well, you know which direction it went. Let's ride. Let's go, guys. Let's saddle up your poodles, everyone. So the six of you burst out of the tavern

trample over Brennan Wemoligan as you went on. Towards the last known location of the orb and into the night. Right. Into the night brunch. Yes. Towards the thieves to see where they've gone.

And we're going to have to save the confrontation with them for our next adventure. Here on Mission D6. Thanks, guys. Great job. Taking that tavern and turn in it on his head. That was a fun one. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.

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