Mission To Zyxx - Mider-Span: Can You Slay?

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

Just your friendly neighborhood Legumies, descending to the final level of this cursed cave, where they encounter a beast with darkness that's darker than anything you can imagine. No, darker still! Okay whoa, whoa, not that dark. Will they live? Die!? Do something weird that’s not living or dying? Listen to find out! We’re doing a Mission to Zyxx live show! Sunday October 11th in NYC! And everywhere via livestream. Get your tickets. Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinzyxxSupport at higher levels/more shows: https://maximumfun.org/joinThanks so much!

Hello, it's Seth with a quick message before this episode of Mission 2D6, which is, we are doing a Zix live show. It will be Sunday, October 11th, 2026 in New York City. It's been a while, and we are so excited to do another live show and to hang out and get a drink with fans after the show, which we always love to do, which is to say, book your tickets. Again, that's Sunday, October 11th, 2026, 5 p.m. at caveat in New York City. And if that's too far, no matter where you are, live stream tickets are available. The ticket link is in the show notes of this episode. Hope you can make it. And now, welcome Witches, Wardrobes, Tigers, and Bug Bears to Mission to D6,

which is, of course, your second favorite podcast currently made by the Mission to Zix crew. And let's see, where were we? Larry and Sam'sies had finally successfully crossed the rivers, bade farewell to ripped Dan Siego and settled themselves into a tavern, but the rest of our heroes remain underground, and in this episode, it is our humble promise that they will finish their cave adventure, but will they live or die? Listen to find out.

So in the cave's book, it has gone alone down one corridor, where she narrowly avoided a pit of snakes. Quariel and Squelch explored their own corridor, where they encountered and vanquished a skeletal minotaur, which was the last of the evil in the second, level of this cave, but there is a level yet below, which we know because Jigli and Dwayne are peering down a deep, deep, deep hole. Okay, Jigley and Dwayne, what's your plan? All right, so this thing goes 80 feet down deeper into the cave. Yep. Okay. Or above us is the same like we saw

before. Mm-hmm. Yet, Alden was sort of implying we should want to get in there somehow. Didn't imply anything. Just saying it's, you can see that there is a bottom and it does not look immediately deadly to you. Okay. I don't know. Dwayne, what do you think? Well, we did come all this way. Wow.

Great, great reasoning. Do you ever regret asking an orc what they think? Yes. Now back to what I was saying. And listen, we've come all this way. We know that something is bad probably here waiting for us. So maybe I get in front and you get on my shoulders and then we just find it together. Wait. Where are we going?

Into the bad. Do I get on your shoulders and we jump down the hole? Yes. I mean, I have rope. Oh, so do I. How much rope do you have? Five pounds. I didn't know that's how we measured rope.

I know it shouldn't be. It should say how much rope is next to that. It says quantity. Roep. Quantity, rope. How many decibels of rope do you have? Yeah, 30 gallons of rope. In fairness, I.

two in my inventory, see that I have five pounds of rope. Standard lengths of rope come in 50 foot increments. I didn't just look that up. Okay. I think that's standard D&D rope lengths. So look, technically, if you wanted to, it seems like based on what you can see, if you tied your two ropes together, you could theoretically get to the bottom of this waterfall. It's hard to tell, but that would be an option.

Hmm All right Let's do it I can hear you guys Perfectly because of the acoustics You don't happen to have the Magic swimsuit from the The water dwelling kingdom

Do you? Because that would be great For that you could just go right down And then come right I do squelch Thanks for reminding me It's right here Oh perfect

On my middle finger What Root All right so jingley and Dway Are you going to tie your two ropes together And try to repel down Hell yeah.

Yeah. Wow, cool. Let's do it. All right. So you tie your two ropes together. You find a rock sturdy enough that will hold both of your weights and you drop the rope and you're going to repel down it, right? You're going to sort of go down the rope.

Okay. So you begin to descend and I'm going to say that every 20 feet you have to roll a DC-15 athletics check to stay on the rope and not fall. Okay. Hachimachi. So, so you both just, are you right next to each other? You want to go after one or another. I would suggest Duane goes first in case Dwayne falls.

It's more likely I'd be taken out. You'll crush you on the way down, right, okay. Correct. And let's go. All right. So Dwayne, you head down 20 feet in. I need you to roll a athletics check. Okay.

DC 15. Oh, no problem. You got it. Easy. Easy. Easy. Hey, you are just... Big boy on the rope.

Big boy on the rope. You are just cruising down that rope. All right. All right, should I go? Yes. All right. This is an athletics check? Yep.

Okay. Oh, okay. What was this check? 15. So you're on 11? So immediately... This is right. I get exactly what I pitched initially.

He's now on my shoulders and we're going down. Oh, it's not that simple. I don't know. It's not that simple, Dwayne. So I'm going to need you to roll Dwayne a DZ-18 athletics check to catch Gigley as he falls past you. Okay, athletics. 17. A 17.

So Gigley immediately loses his grip on the rope. And you immediately bounce off of Dwayne. Dwayne fortunately keeps his grip on the rope. But Gigley, you fall. into complete blackness. You fall for what seems like a very long time. Traditionally, we do one D6 bludging damage per 10 feet falling, which would absolutely murder you.

But there is water at the bottom of this hole. And I am going to allow you to roll a DC-15 acrobatics check to negate that damage if you fall into the water safely. Okay. Go to a swan dive. Even though you're in complete darkness and you have... Yeah. Really fucked the dog on climbing down this rope.

You were comfortable in caves. You're at home here. I'm going to allow you to do a nice tuck and roll and dive into this water with a DC-15 acrobatics check. All right. Whoa, mama. But, Jigli has something called tactical mind. What is that? Tactical mind when you fail an ability check.

You can expand a use of second wind. Okay. And rather than regaining hit points, you roll 1D10 and add the number rolled to the ability check, potentially turning it into a success. Okay. You just rolled a 13. So you need a 2 or better? A 2 or better on my 1D10.

Okay. Big gold piece, no whammies. That really wanted to be a 1. It was a 7. Although you are completely upside down, your tactical mind reminds you at the last second. I'm in a cave, I'm home here, this is where I belong, I'm in the bottom of a mountain, I can do this. You tuck, find your center of gravity and your sense of up and down, and you blindly dive perfectly into the water, negating all damage. It is so cold.

It's hard to even believe how cold this water is, but you enter the water safely and surface. in almost complete darkness. Even your dark vision doesn't help you at all down here. You can see that you're in the water. There is still water around you besides the waterfall falling into it. There's no movement of the water current or anything. But other than that, you can't see or feel or hear anything. Dwayne, are you going to keep climbing down the rope?

I guess so. Okay, so let's do it. Go ahead and roll another athletics check on the rope. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to give you an extra. Extra 10 feet for that. One-handed.

Did I say 20 feet or 10? Every 20. 20. Okay. I'm going to give you an extra 20 feet for that. You easily climb down another 40 feet of rope and you are still not at the bottom. You have passed the knot that ties your 250 feet ropes together. You're now 60 feet or so down.

Roll one additional D20 for athletics. That was close. Dwayne. You're like, truly, this is like, this. This is like the Princess Bride where... I know. It's just like that exact. It's just arm over arm.

With someone who's carrying two people. Carrying two people. No problem. You're not even remotely windy. Not using legs at all. Yep, exactly. And you ease yourself into the water like an Olympic swimmer. This is why I should have carried Gilly the whole way.

Yeah, you absolutely should have. I'll never doubt you again. You get down there and like Gigley, you are completely without any sort of sense of where you are, what's around you. It's completely dark. That's a great time to transition to Booket. Booket. Booket, what's your plan? You know, Bucket has spent a lot of time just contemplating life, love, friendships.

And Bucket says Crocket. She's forging ahead. Okay. Great. So, Bucket forges ahead. Having avoided the pit of snakes miraculously, you head on up the path. and you see at the end of this path another pit. But like the one above you, there is a rudimentary ladder leading down this pit for you to climb down.

Would you like to go down it? I love to go down it. Great. Bookett goes down the ladder. Wait, is Bucket up the hole at the top? Yes, so Bucket is up here. Bookett has climbed down the ladder in the northeast corner of the map. But she has not arrived anywhere yet?

No, she is descending into darkness with a drift globe. It takes a lot of tie because I got this corset and a lot of material on my dress. Of course it, wow. And you're climbing a ladder one-handed with a drift globe?

One-handed is like carry up the fabric of the dress. It's like one of those hoop dresses. Oh, wow. That seems unnecessary. Impractical for this. The DM had known that. That would have been disadvantaged.

Quarial and Squelch, what is your plan? Because of the perfect acoustics in this cave, you've heard almost exactly everything that's happened. everybody's been narrating it very helpfully for you. Would you like to follow and climb down the rope or go past the pit of snakes and follow book it?

If you want to have some fun. What's your plan, guys? I mean, Quariel is not doing great. No. No, he's not. He's only got five hit points, so he might... Crawl out of the tunnel. Not to reveal too much, but they have both descended to the same level.

It's a matter of whether you want to go down the rope or go down the ladder. it is a relative for you two it is a relatively simple acrobatics check to get past the pit of snakes I am not good at acrobatics so I think Quariel might just stand at the top

of the rope and be like yes Gile and Dwayne if you need assistance I will be here praying to Rodeus By the way it's it's acrobatics to get past the snakes it's athletics to get down the rope I truthfully

a bad role on either these would kill him or at least knock him unconscious and I don't know that anyone has the power to bring me back so we're going to chill. Fair enough. Squelch, I know you don't want to burn any of this, but do you have any healing items? I was just looking. Um, rations, do they count? No. I think you gave all your rations to the piranhas. Oh. The jerky. I will say, Quarreal, I will give you advantage on climbing down the rope since Jigli and Duane have done it and they know it's at the bottom. All right. I'll try here. God.

What if he died? Good thing I got that advantage. Let's try that again. Hold in. You convinced him to go. I told you I just wanted to stay here at the time. Quariel attempts to climb down the rope, and his fingers, slick with blood, slip on the rope, you fall just as far as Jigley did.

What's your acrobatics? Plus zero. Okay. We'll try it. Go ahead and roll a DC-15 acrobatics check. Nope. 12. All right.

So you fall ass over tea kettle into this black darkness and you hit the water. Wait, I have a spell. Can I use it while he's doing it? What are you doing? Featherfall. This would have been a great time to cast that before you went down the pit. No, he can cast it on a falling creature. within range. Okay. Cast it quickly. I'm casting. I'm casting. How do I do it? It just says utility.

There's no button to press. Do I have to do it? Yeah, it just works. Okay. Okay. So at the very last moment, squelch burns a potion he's been carrying for months. No, but I have to, I guess. And at the very last moment, I don't know how he has spells. What do you mean? Like he's a fighter. He's a fighter, but he is... Oh, he's an Eldrick's Knight. Yes, he's an Eldridge Knight. He's a wizard warrior. Yes. Yeah, some frog I met taught me how to do this.

Squelch, I have never been so thankful to meet a wizard knight in all my life. You fall for several seconds blindly, blood spilling out in zero gravity of your armor. And at the very last moment before you hit this black mass of water, you are filled with a feeling of euphoric, buoyancy and you float gently into the water the rope is even though your armor is very heavy the rope is descending you know has several feet

into the water and you're able to cling onto it to kind of stay afloat great Rodos himself Rodos Squalch well surely it is Rodos that has brought squelch to me I don't know what you're talking about man

is but I can teach you Great. All right, squelcher, you're going to go down the rope? I would rather just go follow a bucket and do a backflip over this. I mean, a lot of people are getting hurt on this. I don't want to burn any more spells. Okay, so it's a DC-15 acrobatics check to get over the snakes, which are now very obviously around.

They're not hiding anymore. That's got to be good, right? That'll do it. You back-flip over the snakes. You get up, you go down the path, and you get to the ladder and climber down it. Congratulations. You have cleared level two. We are now in level three.

Woo! Bono, no, no, no. Okay, so the quiet and the darkness of levels one and two were nothing compared to this. You can't see in front of you. You can't hear around you. It is... Sex. Oppressively quiet and dark.

Dwayne and Gigley. Gigli has dark vision, so you can barely make out on three sides of you, the wall of this cavern that the waterfall is spilling into, but even the sound of the waterfall, which is all around you, feels muted. Meanwhile, book it and squelch. The ladder leads down to this little landing, and there is nothing to see or hear down there. You can feel on either side of you, the sides of the cavern that lead down into what looks like a sort of narrow passageway that leads out into a little opening there. So dark vision doesn't work down here? Well, it does, but it doesn't work as well. So squelts, you're now feeling like you can only see about maybe 20 feet in front of you. It's weird. It's almost like there's a fog down here, but it doesn't look like

fog. It just looks like darkness. Um, Bucket, what do you think we should do? Say, we forge your head. All right, great. So using your hands against the sides of the cavern, you guys make your way up the passageway. And as you come down a little path off to your left, you see the edge of body of water somehow. And off to your right, the wall bends around. And go go ahead and stop right there. Dwayne Jiggly Coriol, what's your plan? When you say the waterfall, the waterfall from above?

Yes, yes. The water coming in from the hole that you guys repelled down. The water that you're in seems very still. It seems like the sort of terminus. And it's deep, like we're treading water? Yes, you're treading water in the water. In my armor. Yeah. Well, you're holding onto the rope, Corio. That's true. I suspect it would be best if we rejoined our companions upon the shore. We can see them down there or not yet? Actually, it's funny you mention that. As they round the corner, you see the very faintest,

almost like imagine a candle 100 yards away. You see Bucket's drift globe, but you don't see anything else. And Bookett, the drift globe, which normally extends about 60 feet, is now extending, you know, 10 or 15 feet in front of you. Oh, no. And we know it's the drift globe or we just see it's light. I mean, you can't really tell, but again, the acoustics here are good, so you can sort of hear them chattering and talking.

about stuff. Can I swim down here and tremor sense this wall? Yeah. You feel nothing. Nothing at all. You feel nothing. But at the shore, it's a little bit easier, you know, it gets a little bit shallower there and you can kind of wait along the shore if you want. Okay.

I'll head down and meet up with these guys. Okay. What about you, Dwayne? I fellow jiggly everywhere. Great. What's up, guys? I dove on purpose and did a great dive. Oh, hello.

Duane, you're going to join them? Mm-hmm. All right. Query, I'm going to let you do that as well. You can kind of hold on to Dwayne's... Yes, thank you, Dwayne. Come with me. All right, so you guys are gathered here on the shore. There's a big vast expanse that kind of opens up a little bit.

Acoustically, you can kind of hear that there's this empty space of shore next to you. And as you walk into this clearing, an enormous creature bathed in smoke and shadow. reveals itself. Classic boss battle, y'all. This is the miterspan. The mitre span has revealed itself. It has no legs. It's just arms and a disgusting smoking head

kind of disperses itself, kind of disintegrates as it gets closer to the ground. It's floating about five feet off of the ground. It is maybe 20 feet tall. It's this terrifying monster just floating. there in the middle of nothing, and you can feel in your gut that the source of the darkness is emanating from this thing, as if a bright beacon were there in the middle of this clearing. It's a beacon of darkness that enshrouds everything in shadow.

Mider span, miter span. Does whatever a mitre can. Yes. Yes. And everyone... Is he strong? Listen, bud. He's got extremely dark blood

Does he talk? Does he have a voice? Can he swing from a thread? Take a look overhead. You get it. You get it. The miterspan rears itself up. Smoke and ash and darkness emanate from it and it turns its...

Weary eyes to you. Yes, it turns its weary eyes to you, Quariel. It says to you in a voice that Only you can hear, Quirio. Oh, no. Hear muffs, everyone. It says, Rodos is dead.

Almagnar, God of darkness, will rule this world. You, of course, Quariel, you are very familiar with Allmagnar, God of darkness. And it is a word

that is terrible for your ears to hear. None of you guys have really done much research on All Magnaar, except for Quariel, whose entire existence revolves around the eradication of All Magna. So this is a big deal. We are going to all enter this battle.

You dare speak the name Al-Magnar to me. All right. Audio initiative, start combat. Book it. You are first. What is your move against this demon shrouded in darkness? All right. Now, as you told me before, I can't headbutton because I'm going to do anything.

Why don't we do the classic ray of frost? Hmm. Okay. It's a powerful spell of classic application. Yeah, go ahead. Fuck. All right. It's so dark.

It's hard to see exactly what's happening. You cast your ray of frost and it misses wide. Next is squelch. Okay, well, Quariel, you're going to go after the miterspan, whose turn is next. So, you know, guys, sometimes I think it helps to think as a developer. And, you know, the miterspan is sort of like attracted to light because it's sort of like the sun blighter, opposite of Rhodos. So I'm wondering if I can use my torch to light one of my arrows on fire and shoot it towards the wall way behind us to draw the miterspan away. Okay, go for it.

You can just take a 10 on that because you're hitting a wall. So you light your arrow, the flame flickers a little bit, but it stays a light. You shoot your arrow over to the wall. it lodges in there and you almost can't even see it from where you are. It's so dark in this cavern. But the miterspan looks over at it and turns back to you and gives a blood-curdling chuckle. Oh, cruck. Oh, crook.

Oh, crack. It was worth a shot, though. The miterspan casts a mighty spell. The miterspan turns on the dark and extinguishing. is extinguishes the drift globe. And now anyone with a light spell or a light ability, it is now a concentration spell, meaning that you cannot cast another spell without stopping that. So you can cast a light spell, but that is all that you can be doing while you're doing it.

I mean, technically the light spell is still active on the ray of rotos. Not anymore. Now it has been extinguished. You can cast it again, but that is the only spell you can be casting. You can be doing other stuff. You can attack, but you can't cast a different spell. Can we see the miterspan still? No, there is a sort of billowing void of darkness where he is,

but he's very difficult to track because it's darker than nothingness where he is. Okay. Darker than nothingness? Yes, yes. Profound. The domain of all Magnor, obviously. Quario. You are injured, but I am going to give you advantage on all of these attacks, all of your turns, because you are invigorated by your holy quest to defeat darkness in all its forms.

Then I will throw a javelin at the miterspan and call out, You seek to squelch, Roodoos the Sunrider. You must try harder than that. face one of his terrifying beams and I throw a javelin at him great oh very nice okay and how much damage

that is going to be eight also I have javelin mastery so his speed is reduced by 10 until the start of my next turn okay good great slightly slower than he was before next jiggly what's your plan

I am going to attempt to do a two-handed strike with my battle axe against the miterspan. We're going to move up to him. Yeah. 5, 10, 15, 20. Okay. So you run blindly into the darkness where you think he is. Uh-huh. I'm going to give you disadvantage on this, but go ahead and take a couple swipes.

Okay. Ooh. Oh, nice. 23 and 17? Yeah. Oh my God, great job. You slice through the darkness and hit what feels almost incorporeal. Your axe slows down somehow, but it is obviously hit something.

What's your damage? Seven. Nice. Okay, seven damage. Good job, guys. The miterspan makes a weird hissing sound that sort of reverberates through your ears. It's very disturbing. Dwayne, next.

Yay. Okay, okay, so I have a torch. Yeah, what would you like to do? I want to hold the torch in one hand, and I want to hold my great axe in the other hand. And I want to slice. Okay, great. So can you run up to the miterspan?

Oh, yeah. All right. So you run up with the great axe. As you get closer, you see a clearer image of this creature. or at least the kind of outline of it. But as you get closer, as you get like 10, 15 feet away, your torch completely burns out and it is darkness.

But you know where it is. So go ahead and take a swing with your great axe. Nice. That's a hit. What's your damage? My damage is... Okay, okay. Eight pretty good.

All right. Come home. Good job. Book it. You're next. Okay. What's the situation? So the torch has gone out and the miterspan is no longer visible,

but you can see where Dwayne and Gigli are, and so you can take an educated guess as to where it is, you can attack, or you can do something else. I would like the witch's bolt. Mm-hmm. And what does that do? A brim of crackling energy lances towards a creature with in range forming a sustained arc of lightning between you and the target.

Ooh. Yeah, so basically when she casts it, she has to roll a hit, but for the next handful of turns, she can just crack the bolt every turn. Uh-huh, okay, good, I like that. All right, go ahead and roll for hit. Yeah, that's probably good. 18, yeah, that'll do it.

So a bolt of lightning erupts from your hand and connects with the miterspan, illuminating it, I wouldn't say comically, but certainly, you know, you sort of see the outline of it, you know, Star Wars. style. Is it offensive if we laugh? I guess so. So now that is connected. Is that right?

Well, yeah, and because she hit the first time, she does get to roll 2D12 damage. Great, great. Okay. Wow. That's a good one. Got some heft to it. Not just a regular cantrip. All right. Eight damage? Great. Muge. Now you can like blast the bolt. It only do one D12, but you can shoot the bolt every round, basically. Without rolling to hit? It's like connecting. Can she do other stuff or is that just the only thing she can do? It's a bonus action so she can do it like continuously.

Ooh. I like that. I like that. I like that. Okay, Squelch-Niquist, what's your next move? I'm gonna stay far away and shoot him with an arrow. Okay. Now, because of this witch's bolt, you saw this sort of outline of where the miterspan's figure was.

So even though it's dark now, you sort of can guess where it is. I saw the outline, I got it. Don't worry. I'm great at this. Whatcha? Okay, that's a hit. What's your damage? Ding!

Nice. Okay. Wow, what an arrow. Yeah, nice shot. So, the miterspan screams, and with his incorporeal movement, rushes through jiggly and makes his way towards Quariel. He's going to cast umbral claw. It's a melee attack.

So he's going to swipe at Quirial. Oh, he misses. Mm-mm. But he is now no longer visible. Even though Bucket's bolt is attached to him? It's only when it hits that it illuminates him. Oh, okay. He is now invisible, but he's just taken a swipe at Quiriel, so Quiriel, you can get an educated guess as to where he is.

And you say I have an advantage on this attack because I'm... Pissed. I'm striking him with the... strength of Rodos. Oh, wow. Yeah, you guys are rolling very well right now. Okay. Does the Ray of Rodas do any radiant damage? I don't think so. I think it's just a regular sword that I call the Ray of Rodos. Okay. But now that you mention it, Paladin can always cast divine smite if I have a spell slot. So I'm going to, I'm going to hit him with a smite. Okay. Because I am angry. Okay. So we do the base damage here.

And then here comes the radiant. Oh, yeah. But I imagine he is not going to like that radiant damage. He is vulnerable to radiant damage. That is 28 damage to the miterspan. You face a champion of your supposed dead guard, you fool. You call him a fool. You found a chance to call him a fool.

Good job. The miterspan lets out a screech that reverber. around the cavern and his entire body dissolves into icor. Covering quarial with disgusting ooze. He disappears. I know that's gross, but I know a guy you can sell that stuff to you, so try to hold on time. Squelch immediately runs over and starts scooping all of the icor into a little glass vial. Yes, they say brandy is dandy, but icor is thicker.

not heard this expression. As the ear-splitting screech reverberates around the cavern and he dissolves into a disgusting pile of ooze, four broncho nuts pop out at land on the ground next to squelch. Go away. Mine. I call them. I call them. I call them. They're mine. They're mine. They're mine. Oh, sorry, five broncho nuts. Five bronch. Thank goodness. I'd hate to see us fight over bronze. They don't even taste that good. So as squelch bends down and greedily scoops up all of the bronchonuts, this cavern which was almost impenetrably dark,

rays of light are coming down from where the waterfall is falling almost like a sort of fiber optic, kind of the light is following down in the water, and illuminates this beautiful pool in a serene and peaceful daylight coming through. quarial sword and the drift globe flicker back to life and the cave is calm and serene you hear the lapping of water against the shore you hear a dripping of stalactites against the ground and you feel at peace good job guys I didn't know if you're going to be able to do that the cave's a tasteful wallpaper this entire time yes there's even there's a series of kind of patterns and paintings on the walls it's really

Really impressive. I will say basically everything useful that Quariel has is like I have used every spell, everything I have. And you have five hit points. I have five hit points. One good smack would have laid me down. Honestly, I was getting a little bit nervous. Guys, congratulations. You've cleared the cave.

That was some crazy good roll. Did any of us miss? I can't believe how good you guys did. Yeah, we did pretty well on that last battle. Shall we celebrate? Sure. How would you live? like to do that.

I'd eat a broncho nut. Yes. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Squelch is busy pulling off some of the wallpaper from the walls, folding it up. What is the advantage of this wallpaper, squelch? Are you kidding me? So you make your way out of the caves.

You see, you know, in the second level, there are not only glittering and beautiful gems on the walls, but the beginnings of little green shoots peeking out from various places, mosses and mushrooms and all sorts of beautiful subterranean growth. You get to level one, and it's this beautiful lapping water. There's no danger to be found. And you make your way outside into the glimmering sunshine where even the countryside seems to have benefited from your heroism down here. Yes, we have struck a powerful blow for Rodos the sunlighter on this day.

Yes, yes. What's your next move? Where are you headed? Take a shower, I think, right. Yeah, do we need to report back to the guy who sent us on this quest? Sure. Yeah, we should go tell him we did it. Yes, and, you know, we should see how that meeting went with, I don't know, the person who was in my past.

It's not a big deal. Oh, yeah, we also got to hear about it. It's not a big deal. Where's Larry and Sam's? I don't care, is the thing. Who's Larry and Sam'sisies? But whatever. Oh, yes, you will not be familiar.

Oh, there are two more. Oh, wow, it's getting kind of crowded, don't you think? Maybe they should just go. Yeah, you guys are the real heroes. Yeah. So you guys head back to the town. Rhodos is warm and healing light. Jeremy is going to give you, without even resting,

give you an extra five hit points. You're back to 10 as you bathe in his radiant glory. Strut below for his goodwill. Yes. You head back to Craven's Roost. and as you pass through the little crossroads in the town, Rhodo Van Smitchlaw, the Rhodian priest at the little church, rushes out and embraces you with gratitude.

I thought there was no way you would be able to defeat this darkness. Have you seen how it has benefited Craven's Roost already? Look at how glorious everything is. The green is returning to this land. Yes, indeed. The rains have stopped. Thank you. And he says, I shall pass word immediately along to the Rhodian archimandrite of your great deeds.

You are truly a warrior of his. Skip, skip, skip, skip. I usually try to skip this kind of stuff. What are you trying to, you can't, I'm in the middle of congratulating you. Skip, skip, skip. What are you? This is important information. I like this guy.

He can stay. Okay, well, I guess I'll stop in the middle of what I was. Should I not send the missive to the, No, no, please, please, I beg of you. Don't, this guy's weird. Don't pay attention to him. Okay. Speaking of which warrior, speaking to Squelch,

if you have any interest in this cloak of many shades, I'm happy to bestow it upon you. Oh, what's the price? No, no, it's a... Oh, of course, give it to me. I want it, want it, want it, want it, want it. Okay, very well, here you are. The rest of you, this guy sort of took the one thing I had to give.

Okay, wow. He can hold his fricking brancho nuts in it. Oh, there was some brachio nuts down there. Not anymore. Oh, how many did you find? It's not important how many we found. They're saved.

One for each of you? Well, not exactly. There were some found, and it's fine, and yeah. It's great. They have almost no value unless you really like tambourines. Unless you like build, if you're working on building a tambourine. Skip, skip, skip. Hey, you're getting it.

All right. All right. All right. Well, you know, your two friends went off to cross the Ford. I'm not sure how they fared, but you may want to catch up with them. I'm sure they did well. So are you going to make your way to the Ford? I think that's probably wise.

Yeah. Sure, fine. Whatever. As you make your way down the path to the Ford, you find that the river has swelled to way further up than a for. would allow you to cross. But down at the bottom of the path, you see a strapping seven foot, just devastatingly handsome, swarthy, hearsuit man, tending to a very fine raft.

And this, of course, is Bucket's ex Dan Siegel. And across the river is his very attractive cousin, Fran Senses. go. Dan Siego looks up from tending the fairy and immediately sees you, Bookett, and laughs, a hearty laugh that each of you gain like three hit points just listening to this laugh. He's just a wholesome, handsome, happy, beautiful man. Gross. He runs up to you and embraces you, Book it, and says, Book it, Book it, how much

many years it's been since I've seen you. What sight for sore eyes. Yes, I'm married now to Larry. I'm married. We're very, very happy. You know, things worked out for me. They worked out for me. They were great. Things are great. Don't worry about it. Puckett. May I'm sorry. You are protesting too much. Anyway, yes. I know I've not done any work on my face. This is just how it looks aged. So you're well? He looks at you. He looks you right in your eyes,

and it almost seems like he's maybe choking up a little bit. And he says, Bookett, Bookett, my old friend. My friend is not really what I do. To learn, to learn, Booket, that you have found a man as strong, as kind, as beautiful, as full of, life as this Larry. It does my heart good to know that you are doing so well.

I guess I did settle. Whatever. What? No. Larry is twice the man I am. He's off having adventures. He's made it this far to Craven's Roost and he's forged along across the ford onto the northern lands. Find him. Go be with him, Bucket. I wish you all the best. Ah, it does my heart good to see you, Bucket. Damn, this guy has real playable character energy. You guys know what I'm talking about? No! No! Yes.

Are you looking for someone to join your quest? No, no, no! We do have too small of a group, I think. Well, let me tell you, let me just tell you, this is as good a time as any to announce to you and the world. I've decided to retire from being the ferryman. I don't know if you heard about this, but I was attacked by an enormous beast in the river as I was attempting to connect the fairy. It made me realize that if I'm going to be attacked by enormous animals, I could be out in the wilderness collecting... Skip!

No, hold on, guys. Hold on. I could take over your job. I do need the ferryman achievement, so I could just switch out with it if you want. Well, listen, Halfelf, as much as I would love to... This is not an easy job. And in fact, the achievement requires some months of training and work here before that is bestowed upon you. the title of ferriman. But I will say it does give you some boots that don't get wet. Stop talking. I want the boots. I will do it now. Squelch, you are a predictable character.

Thank you. So I just want to make sure this is not. It's sort of like a thankless job. You're here sort of alone for months and time sometimes. I'm more into this than you can even fathom. Yes, please. All right. Very well. What serendipity has led you here? What is your name, Halfelf? I'm Squelch. Squelch. Now, Squelch, your first job is to relax on this ferry while I row you across with all of your friends and my good friend, Bucket. Now, clamber aboard. I move back and hid in the bush. I see you, I see you, I guess. Is everyone coming or just everyone but Bookett? I'm going back into the bush, but I'm placing the bush on this water vehicle.

Great. So, Bucket carries a bush under the ferry you all climb on. Dan, Diego, with his enormous muscular arms, toes you across. There's a little bar where you all have a drink as he rows you across. Delicious regional drinks. You get across and make your way up the side. And you're happily surprised to know

that there is not a Ford, but a bridge crossing the next concurrent river. And right on the other side is a quaint little inn. Dan says, if I know your friends like I think I do they're probably inside but I can't have time for a drink today I'm pressing on if I'm going to start my adventures

I'm going to start them right now Dan in your retirement where in the world will you go I'm trying to think of a great rockapella lyric to answer you but I just it's too late at night for that Dan Siego has a tearful farewell with you

and straps on his past Ventures off into the wilderness. You guys turn into this little inn and find Samcies and Larry absolutely shit-hammered at this bar. And that's where we'll pick up next time. This is what you were doing the entire time. Congratulations, guys.

This was really fun. We'll see you next time. Thus concludes the quest in the cursed caves near Craven's Roost. What a time. What swarms, what beasts? And what will befall our beloved fellowship as they adventure onward, endeavoring all the while to protect their precious fear of Thracus and have a cool time doing it because they're cool.

It's a cool group. We shall see when Mission 2D6 continues. All right, enjoy your orange meat, everyone. Oh, they just ran out. But I suspect they will have it at our live show. Don't sleep on those tickets. What is manners? It's kind of a social dance that we've all agreed to.

Who is manners? Well, we reference, Emily. post a lot. Why is manners? Let's go back to royal etiquette. Schmaners answers all these questions. Through examining history, culture, literature, and more, we'll give you the ultimate insight on why we did it, how we do it, and why we still might do it today. So check us out every Friday on maximum fun.org or wherever podcasts are found. Manners Schmaners. Get it? Good evening. Thanks for tuning in to 101.1. Max Fun. It's midnight here on host to coast and we've got Sarah from Michigan on line one. Hi, I used to love reading, but between

grad school, having kids and the general state of the world, I can't seem to pick up a book and stick with it anymore. Sarah, this is an easy one. Just listen to Reading Glasses, a podcast designed to help you read better. Brea and Mallory will get all the pressure, shame, and guilt out of your reading life. You'll be finishing books you love in no time. Great. That sounds amazing. Also, I do think my husband is cheating on me with Mothman. Can you help me with that one? Ooh, I don't think they cover that. Reading glasses. every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Maximum Fun.org.

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