Mission To Zyxx - Mission to Convynnce

Episode Date: May 30, 2025

The first and final episode of Mission to Convyncce — your favorite two vs. two debate podcast! Alden Ford, Winston Noel, Justin Tyler and Moujan Zolfaghari team up in various configurations to debate frankly bizarre topics suggested by Mission to Zyxx listeners. It's the third of our monthly one-off episodes leading up to The Young Old Derf Chronicles. If you want to suggest ideas for episodes like this one, support us on Maximum Fun and get access to our super Fresh discord server.Do you have your tickets to our live show on June 7th!? 1:30 PM ET — in person in NYC or live streamed EVERYWHERE. It's been ages since we performed on stage together and we can't wait. Hope to see you there! 

Hey, everyone. It's Seth, aka Nermit Bundeloy, here to introduce our newest monthly episode leading up to the Young Old Durf Chronicles, which will premiere later this year. In these monthly episodes, we take suggestions and ideas from our Maximum Fund supporters over on the Mission to Zyx Discord, and we use those ideas to create the first and final episode of a purportedly ongoing podcast. This one, the two versus two debate show, Mission to Convince. It's a really fun one. Before that, a quick reminder, but an exciting reminder, that we are going to do a live show, our first live show in more than two years on Saturday, June 7th in New York City and also live streamed globally to wherever you may be.

We are so excited that we're gonna be back on stage together performing. We really hope you can make it. You can find the ticket link for the live in-person tickets in New York City and also the live stream tickets. You can find that link at missiontozix.space or in the show notes of this very episode. Speaking of which, here it is.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome once again to our first, last, and only episode of the two versus two debate show, Mission to Convince, where your four hosts pair up to argue important issues of the day. Well let's meet the debaters. Let's go around the horn. I'm Alden Ford. My qualifications for debate are that I am absolutely terrible at confrontation and I fold at the slightest provocation if someone tells me I'm wrong about something. It's a real problem for me honestly. I'm

really bad at fighting, arguing, explaining, being succinct. Basically every discipline important for debate I'm truly terrible at. So that's my qualification. Who's next? I'm Winston and I think that I'm not very good at debating either. I think that my'm not very good at debating either. I think that my core argument will probably boil down to, what, you think you're better than me? Wow, okay, wow, coming in hot already. We haven't even started.

Great, welcome Winston, welcome. Thank you. I'm Mujan, I'm five foot one. Oh, are we doing heights? We should do heights, it's part of the debate. We should do heights. We should do heights. You're right, we should be doing heights.

I'm a strong five foot one and in high school, I won best defense attorney in the Contra Costa County for mock trial two years running. Okay, so you do have debate. But I destroyed. Okay, well great, but is it debate though? Is that the, should we do mock trial versus debate? Should we do a debate about whether mock trial is debate?

In a way, I had to debate if someone had to get like, I don't know, lethal... oh boy. Jesus Christ! What are the cases you're taking? There was murder, don't worry about it. How many murderers, high school murderers did you get off? Two years running, best defense attorney, that's all I'll say. Wow, congratulations. They paid well.

And then your third year playing Susan Prasekishvich. That's right. Right, I forgot all of it. Justin Tyler, I have spent many years fighting with Alden and horribly intimidating him with very little to say. I'm loud at bars and like a bear can be intimidated if you take on a large size. Well I'm the person who plays dead when a bear is around. That's my defense.

That's why we're a great friend. There you go. I think I run in zigzags which is alligators. Yeah that's not... Wait, in alligators you run in zigzags? Do alligators run? I feel like just running from an alligator is good enough. No, that's not... Wait, in alligators you run in zigzags? Yes, you run in zigzags. I feel like just running from an alligator is good enough. No, that's all you need.

Alligators are actually quite fast, but they can only move in straight lines. Because think about their legs, they can't twist, so if you can... I think you're supposed to run across alligators like logs to get away. Well, when you can't do that. Again, save this for the debate dais or whatever it's fucking called. All right. Can I add one more qualification?

Yeah, I feel like you've already intimidated us. Yeah, you're the only one who's had to say any sort of experience. Again, I'm five foot one, but I also recently convinced my elderly parents to drink coffee regularly for the first time in their lives. They before believed it was a drug. To drink coffee? To drink coffee regularly for the first time in their lives. To drink coffee?

To drink coffee. Are you trying to kill them? They believed it was a drug. They believed it was a drug for a long time and now they're in it and they're deep in it. Great. They're addicted to it? Yeah.

That's a debate I'm not sure you should have had, but congratulations. So for those of you who've never seen this non-existent show before, let me just tell you how it's going to work. We are going to be debating a number of topics this evening, all of which have been submitted by listeners over on our Mission to Zyx Discord. If you're not a member, you should be and could be. It's open to supporters on Maximum Fun. You'll get the link and you'll get to be part of this great community of funny people who

make great suggestions for silly debates. Also, during the debate, this is something we've never done, we're very excited about, we are going to be receiving verdicts from the Discord as we debate. There are several people here in this peanut gallery listening to us debate. It's Mujan's high school class. Yes, it's Mujan's parents, a bunch of teen murderers. Her parents are hopped up right now. They're ready So after each debate We are gonna give 60 seconds to the peanut gallery to decide what the verdict is who which team has won the debate and we will

Announce that after each debate now Winston and I will start the debate on Team affirmative and Justin and Mujan will will start the debate on team affirmative and Justin and Mujan will start the first debate on team negative. So we may be going against our beliefs a lot over the course of this. Yeah, that's what debate's all about. It's about how well you can argue any point. That's what it's... Exactly. Like, is it that you're in high school and you know that person is guilty? Right. Mujan defended...

Mujan, again, you've defended... Mujan defended Diddy in highujan, again, you've defended- Mujan defended Diddy in high school mock draft. Winston. You don't know. You don't know. You don't know. Let's weigh in on that.

That's the first subject, right? Oh no, dear. So here's how it's gonna work. We're gonna introduce our resolution statement, and then each debater will get 60 seconds to argue their case in their opening arguments, followed by 60 seconds each of their case in their opening arguments, followed by 60 seconds each of cross-examination, followed by some shouting, followed by our closing statements,

which are, again, 60 seconds each. The shouting portion, since it's all four of us, will be two minutes long. All right, so. I don't think I can judge that. Let's get started. Well, that's not really up for debate. The Stuff Watch is sort of- I'll be the shouter of that. All right, so let's get started. Well, that's not really up for debate. The Stuff Watch is sort of- I'll be the shatter of that.

All right, so without further ado, let's get started. Our first topic was submitted by Discord listener Powerline. Resolution statement incoming. It was ethical for Dave Seville to use the Chipmunks to try to get a producer contract Once again Winston and I are arguing in favor for it say that we're talking about the Alvin and the chipmunks Yeah, I think we should be a little more

I'm sorry you're not familiar with Dave Seville You're really leading with Dave Seville Did you do no research Justin? Research? Do you not know who Dave Seville is? I didn't know that was his last name. Let me rank the interesting characters in Alvin and the Chipmunks. Dave Seville followed by Simon Theodore and lastly Alvin.

Of course. Okay. Save it Justin. Again, resolution statement. It was ethical for Dave Seville of Alvin and the Chipmunks to use the Chipmunks. Once again, thank you Justin, Alvin, Simon and Theodore to try to get a producer contract. We will first hear statements in the affirmative. Here is Winston Noll.

You have 60 seconds, go. Ladies and gentlemen, we have all encountered in our various travails children who are entertainers, who are actors, musicians. Many of those times, most of the times in fact, children who are entertainers, who are actors, musicians. Many of those times, most of the times in fact, they have an interest and that interest is pursued. You know, David Seville never said that he wanted to be an actor or a musician himself,

but he found these chipmunks, he was a foster father. He was a father to these chipmunks when nobody else was and when they showed that they had musical aptitude he fostered that for them Giving them pop songs to warble to Gee, I want a hula hoop who you think a kid came up with that. No, he came up with that he was a writer that wanted to secure his family's future and what do we have 20 seconds 59 seconds congratulations I don't think so honey thank you thank you

alright 60 seconds on the clock for Alden Ford in arguing the affirmative thank you Winston I agree. Dave Seville, Ross Bagdazarian as he is also known, was not only a kindly and supportive father figure to Alvin and the Chipmunks, but if any of us are familiar with the lyrics of any of the Alvin and Chipmunk songs, you will notice that they are full of nothing, nothing if not eagerness, if not happiness,

hope for a hula hoop, for a plane that loops the loop, for Christmas to come at any point, especially early. And I think we can all agree that Dave, or David Seville, in spite of, yes, an occasional scream on a hot mic towards his adoptive children can truly be can truly be considered a pioneer not only of children's entertainment of animal talent and of a found family you might say

adoptive talented children thank you very much alright that concludes the opening affirmative arguments. Now we have 60 seconds on the clock for Mujan Zulfigari. Alvin and the Chick Mucks. We spent years, generations, believing this was a story of a family full of love. But let's look at the most basic of facts.

What do we know most about Dave Seville? The fact that he yells every single day at his own adopted quote-unquote children? Alvin! This is the truest form of parent-to-child abuse, and yet we have allowed this to happen because we think animals are cute. I ask you here right now, where are the Alvins and the Chick Monks today? Nowhere. And where is Dave sitting, mighty and high, on top of an estate in the Black Hawk Mountains? In California. Thank you so much.

Black Hawk Mountains? You have 10 seconds to finish up. And that is exactly why I believe today Dave Seville should be in jail. I turn it over to my co-defend, uh, prosecutor. Yeah, you know. Time's up. Justin Prater.

60 seconds on the clock, Justin. Thank you, Mujan. It was an excellent defense, an excellent proof point about Mr. David Seville, who as we know is operating under an alias Y, because he knows that he does wrong. He is a basket case with anger management problems who entrapped three brothers who were just trying to get get their self up, get out there, meet the chipettes and go have a life together and instead They are forced to sing songs that they have their own creative vision that they are being

Stifled with forced to sing about their wants and needs because they are deprived chipmunks I mean and let's just go to the fact that they are how are they paid for their work money? And what a chipmunks need nuts If they were paid in nuts, then Dave Seville would have been doing the service that you on the other side of this debate claim that he's doing. But in fact, he is taking advantage of just the most high pitched songbirds of the rodent kingdom, the chipmunk. And he can't even tell him apart. He makes him Alvin wear an A! Thank you, Negative. We are now going to rotate. 60 seconds on the clock for cross-examination.

What a display. What a display from the Negative over here, claiming that Alvin and his incredibly successful friends are the victims here in some regard. Justin, didn't by your own admission you say that Alvin is by far the most popular of them, second to Simon, who in third, Theodore, and in a distant fourth, a distant fourth is Dave Seville, also known as Ross Bagnus-Erin. Is there any way that Ross or Dave Seville would ever take advantage of his children knowing full well that he has the least talent and the least stage presence and the least charisma of the four of them What does he stand to gain from that? Also? I would like to point out that Yelling at your child in the 60s was about as friendly as you could get, honestly. That was about as good as you were able

to treat your children in the 60s. It could have been a lot worse, and I would point out that he doesn't do that to his other more well-behaved chipmunk children. Okay, I'll turn it over to my partner, Winslet. Oh yeah, you just tanked it. Good, good. You know what?

While we're at it, we've been tiptoeing around something right now, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. Talking chipmunks are fucking freaks. Why would anybody, if you saw one on the side of the road, you would just turn the car and hit it. Dave Seville brought them- Winston, Winston, hold on. Hold on, hold on.

I'm not taking it from you. You're the, you're the, she's yelling at a child, it's okay, because it was the 60s. Listen, listen. It's creepy as hell. And he took these children in and raised them when most society would have cast them out. And also, these children aren't able to like fend for themselves.

They're like, Christmas, don't be late. It's never late. It's always on the 25th. These children were incapacitated and freaks and this man brought them in and again nurtured them fostered them taught them a trade and And made them the success they are well whether or not they were smuggling dolls that had cash and diamonds in them in the movie You know yeah the diamond dolls. Yeah, the diamond dolls Yeah, they were able to pilot a series of

Hot Air Balloons. Hot Air Balloons. Yeah, thank you. Bad parenting? All right, now we have the negative cross-examination of the affirmative. We can start with Justin this time. No holes.

The affirmative team seems to want to claim, and they do seem to have a working knowledge of not only the animated show, but also one or two squeakles. But I will say that they seem to be resting their defense on in the 60s you could do whatever you wanted to your kids including being beating them. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? The other affirmative is saying kill he should have killed them when he met them and he did a favor by making them pop stars. Gentlemen, I will let the listeners decide that for themselves, but I will also add to

it, if he truly wanted success for them, he would make them successful in the chipmunk world. He would have them be singing chipmunk songs. Instead, he's making them sing human songs about Judeo-Christian religions, when of course there's a chipmunk religion that he's ignoring, which is probably what they're practicing in secret, because their culture is secret. Oh, I'm sorry, could you enlighten us?

Could you enlighten us just as to what the name of the chipmunk religion is? Huh? Well, it worships an acorn Jesus, that turns regular worships. Your time's up! Your time's up! Oh, well, you just,

I'm just in a whole new area of- Mooshan's turn, Mooshan's turn. 60 seconds on the clock. Hey, let's leave Acorn Jesus out of this, all right? I am a believer. Mooshan, you're next. Here we go, here we go. All right, now, moments before Alden Ford,

who stands here and speaks to you, looking you straight in your eye, told you that the Chick Monks would have songs about things that they wanted. What a wonderful thing that was. They wanted hula hoops, they wanted Christmas. Isn't that exactly what they wanted in life? Something, and did they ever get it?

No, let's take a look at some of the other songs that they had. One was called Bad Day, wow. Another one was called- Tragic. South Side, what does that mean? Another one was called Working on the Railroad. Uptown Funk, wow. Where did they have to go to have a little bit of joy in their life?

Bruno Mars? Are you reading the Bruno Mars discography? I love that they did I've Been Working on the railroad and uptown fun great a side B side Yeah, yeah, yeah another song is called bring it on it seems like they were trying to test Dave to be like what else you got Dave and your time's up relationship of a father times. I'm time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Mushan times up But fortunately we have now entered the our two-minute shouting at each other face all things go We can start that two minute timer right now. Can you name all of the different qualities of the three chipmunks?

You name three of their albums? You name three of their albums? I'm sorry. You're such a fan. Can you guys name, where are the parents? Where are chipmunks' parents? We literally, Dave is the parent. Yeah, but why is he the parent?

Did he even look to see if their other actual parents were there when he found them? Are you insinuating that he killed the Chipmunks' parents? Is that what we're doing? That's an ad hominem. Those are words out of your mouth. That's an ad hominem attack. Words out of your mouth, Winston.

You're saying it, not me. The defense rests. I know, you're still closing arguments. You're still closing arguments. There's a lot of, no, we're resting now. That's how comfortable we are. There's a lot of... No, we're resting now. That's how comfortable we are. There's a lot of photos of Dave wearing a very conspicuous adult chipmunk hat that he

clearly killed and skinned the parents and was wearing some sort of... So we're kink shaming now. We're bringing up Acorn Jesus and we're kink shaming. No, we're not kink shaming. He murdered their parents and turned them into a hat that he wears. You call that a kink? Yeah. I will shame that kink.

That's conjecture. That's conjecture. That's an ad homonym for conjecture. All chipmunks look the same. There's no way to... I think him killing any chipmunks is pretty not cool. They all look the same. And also when's the last time you heard about any chipmunks having access to banks? Where is the money going?

You keep saying chipmunk. I will say my partner does keep saying chip chick monks, which may undercut, may undercut our stance. But that is the original pronunciation of chipmunk, as foretold by Acorn Jesus, was chickmunk. And yes, we have adapted to your Western understanding of it. They're called chipettes, first of all. They're not called chickmunks.

That's outdated and rude. Yeah, interesting. Interesting that we've completely made the Chipettes invisible in this conversation. Yes. Interesting. I brought up the Chipettes. All chick monks are women.

All chick monks are women. Thank you. That can't be right. That can't be true. Nope, it's true. That is true. And that's our king as a team. Thank you.

You know who never saw that? Dave. Wow. That's two minutes. Two minutes is up. Winston and I now have 30 seconds at the same time to do our closing arguments. Beginning now. Dave was a good father, brought them in, taught them a trade, made them successful. Yeah, also, let's go back to the original premise of this question, of this statement.

It was ethical for him to use the chipmunks to try to get a producer contract. Didn't they also get recording contracts? Didn't they benefit from it just as much or more than Dave? Who wants a producer contract? Getting a recording contract as a recording artist, isn't that the brass ring? And I think we've firmly established Alvin and his two loving brothers have received that. If the glove doesn't fit, you have to acquit. You don't even know the names of the other two Jibmunks.

Simon and Theodore. Simon is the nerdy one and Theodore is the short, you know, more sort of kind of rotund one. Wow. For our closing statement, Justin, I believe we should read out loud the lyrics of the song with you as Dave and me as the others Yes in the real tone that it was actually said all right you chipmunks ready to sing your song Okay Simon, okay, okay Theodore Okay, Alvin Alvin

Wow 30 seconds is up. That was the biggest indictment of all also all chipmunks are women All right, so now take 30 seconds and let the peanut gallery decide I'm going to say gallery 30 seconds and let the peanut gallery decide. I'm going to say- Acorn Gallery. Any Acorn Gallery. You have 30 seconds to vote. I gotta say I'm pretty far down the old river in the comedy, entertainment career,

but if being a lawyer is doing stuff like this, I'm gonna, I'm in. I'm gonna go back to law school. Right, Mujan, as the only one who's, the one who's had the closest taste to it, is this kind of what it is? Oh hell yeah, guys. Mock trial was lit.

Mock trial was sick. Wow, mock trial was lit. Definitely write that statement. Yeah, that feels like something somebody wrote in your yearbook. Hey yo, mock trial was lit. Too bad we didn't have French together this year. Anyway, I'm in high school jail

because I murdered someone and you yeah Yeah, guys the votes are in the negatives have won by a vote of 64 so congratulations Yeah, also we have a well, so we have a verdict from a power line themselves power line who? Submitted this resolution who says I think both sides had majority bad points, but overall, a firm team fumbled apologies. Okay, great, well thank you so much. Yeah, we'll take that feedback, thank you. I like that the question asker is essentially the final judge.

Yeah, thank you for that feedback. We'll hold space for it, thank you. Wow, what a humbling decision by the Peanut Gallery. But the right one. But the right one. But the correct one. But I mean, honestly, I think I would agree. We're gonna move on now. We are going to ask for next.

Child Abuse is Okay is where we went wrong. All right, here's what he just said. You guys both really fumbled the second round. Child Abuse is Okay, especially when it's freaks. You should've killed those freaks. Any normal person would've killed those jibbers. Drowned them in a sack. Okay. Yeah, okay. sack. Okay.

Yeah, okay. Okay. All right, so the next debate topic comes to us from listeners in the same. Wait, are the teams saying the same or are they changing? Oh yeah, no, just to let you know, this is gonna be, we're gonna rotate now, so it's going to be myself and Mujan

and Winston and Justin. Great. Okay. And let's do myself and Mujan as affirmative, Winston and Justin as negative. So this next resolution comes to us from Zemanite Maeve Dathews, who says, oh, this is a nice sort of artistic integrity quandary.

Bathroom art is the purest form of art because it is done for neither money nor a claim. That's the resolution. The argument will start with the affirmative and we'll start with you Mujan. You have 60 seconds. In life, when are we at our most vulnerable? It happens when we are crying in front of strangers, when we are declaring our love to someone for the first time or even when we're sitting on the toilet And that is where you see bathroom art come alive There's no other time in your life where you are really just letting it out in many different

literal ways and also if you happen to have a pen in your hand, what else are you doing you're expressing yourself. Your hands are leading the way while your other orifices are leading out. So I say, speaking to the jury today, that after our- Defense rests. Defense rests. She can have my time. She's doing great. What are walls if not blank canvases for human beings to express our deepest emotions? Thank you Alden. Great. Thank you Mujan. What a

lovely and touching tribute to the power of public art. I agree. I could not agree more, in fact. Bathroom art, what is art? Let's start with that. What is art? It's an expression of emotion made for people to ingest and make of it what they will, hoping to, the artist hopes to elicit some sort of reaction from its audience and the reaction is part of the art, wouldn't you say? So in the bathroom, what are we but eager, ready, open, willing observers? And what is a bathroom wall but, you know, a canvas on which to be mildly subversive in the face of society that tells us that graffiti is unacceptable, that communication within a bathroom stall is weird

and gross, and we're turning that all on its head with a piece of well-placed art for someone with nothing better to do to enjoy. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. All right. We're now turning to the negative opening statements, starting with Justin. Folks, the thing with art is you can find you in any way, in any place, but the artist has to have intention. And when you

sit down in a bathroom stall and you look up, what do you see? Here I sit brokenhearted, had to shit, instead I farted. And do you look at that and think, wow, I've been touched because some dude with a sharpie wrote a joke he read off another bathroom stall, one more truck stop down the line. I just have to say these are not Banksy's being imprinted in hot black Sharpie on the wall. These are minor expressions. Things like Scotty, don't beam me up yet, I'm taking a shit, and then the marker goes up as high as it can. Or just a simple quote of 8675309, Jenny, call me. Folks, these are carbon copies, these are, this is not art, these are simple NFTs being put on the barely walls. Wow.

And Winston with 60 seconds. Sure. A shaft. Balls. Hairs coming out of the balls. Drops have come. Affirmation by our opponents. That was an accident.

This is a typical piece of art that you would find on this. Or a log of dookie and somebody saying, this is Scott, you know, next to it. A lot of times these are meant to hurt, not to stir up or challenge, but they are aggressive and they are mean-spirited many of the times vulgar Again, sometimes funny sometimes funny sometimes funny again. This is art, but is it the purest form of art?

No, because as my partner said it is mainly derivative I've never seen something on a bathroom wall that I've you know that every bathroom wall. Again, mostly a shaft, balls, little hairs, and a couple drops. Alright, great. Thank you. Thank you, Winston. That was the most deposition voice reading describing a picture of... Moving on. Moving on to, we're now going to get cross-examination from the affirmative,

starting with me. Justin, I'm not sure, this is actually for both of you, I'm not sure what kinds of bathrooms the two of you frequent, what kind of art gets your, you know, shaft going. Balls tickled, is that what you're looking to say? But I like the finer things, to be honest. I love, perhaps you've heard some, you know, some grout puns, which are obviously a deep and well-respected tradition in the bathroom art world. Sorry, a grout pun. Yeah, the grout expectations.

It's written on the grout of the bathroom tiles. The grout Gatsby. Grout Expectations. It's written on the grout of the bathroom tiles. The Grout Gatsby. Grout Joe Marx. Alexander the Grout. Oscar the Grout. The list goes on. And honestly, these are the depths which real artists in respectable bathrooms will plumb for the

good and the appreciation of the audience they will never know. Thank you. On to Mujan. Now let's return to the original question at hand, which asks us... Bathroom art. Did you say asked us? Ask us. Bathroom art is a purest form of art because it's done for neither money or a claim.

Now that's true. But yet our other side tells us it's done without intention. I tell you, every single time you take a pen out from the orifice in your body that it was hiding from while you're sitting in the bathroom seat. Whoa. I'm sorry. Where do the pens come from? A lot of was hiding from while you're sitting in the bathroom seat. Whoa. I'm sorry. Where do the pens go?

A lot of excretion. We don't have to talk about that. Oh, never mind. Go ahead. That's the one place to pen. When you write a number on the wall, when you write a poem, when you create that dirty groin sack that Winston was talking about, that was done with attention and yet it was not done for money or a claim. And so if we are here

to describe pure as to be without financial gain or any sort of historical accolade, then I would just say the bathroom absolutely is the purest form. Although when the walls come and the aliens destroy us, what will still be there? What's the sign of us, of humans to have lived? It is the numbers on the walls. It is the groins on the bathroom signs. Thank you, goodbye. Yes. The words of the prophets are written

on the bathroom walls, I think. Paul Simon said. Subway walls. He said subway walls. But hey, I don't wanna, no, it's not important. All right, cross-examination from the negative, starting with Winston. You have 60 seconds.

We're talking a lot about intent today, folks. Talking a lot about intent. What's the intent? What's the intent? Usually the intent is to have a bathroom. The intent of art is to elevate, to provoke, to create a dialogue. Bathroom art is to kind of, who's it for?

Who's it for? Who is it for? Is it for you or is it for the other people? Because we're saying that there isn't any acclaim, but I would wager that there is acclaim. I would have wagered that it is for acclaim. It is for the kind of lowest denominator acclaim of like locker room talk, of like know ha ha ha what you know when

that was funny we love it there is a claim there i think just because an art is an anonymous doesn't mean that there's not a need for attention and acclaim so i would say that there's it's a fallacy that bathroom art is not made to fallacy without a intention. Your minutes up, your minutes up. Justin. No, well, I rest, I rest. I would take the baton from my partner, Winston, and I would doodle his image on a bathroom stall

at any moment. But you know what I would be seeking if I were to do that? Is a claim, exactly. For these people, this is their Louvre. This is where they go to express themselves. And that Mona Lisa is just like Dave saying that he wants to, he wished he could shit faster or whatever.

But the minute that he signs Dave, or he signs Ugly Ted, or he signs the Mad Mad Pee Pee Sucker, or whatever his name is, that is the acclaim that he is seeking. And I say he intentionally because does this happen in women's bathrooms? I don't actually know. And that's your time.

All bathrooms are women's bathrooms. All right We are now on to the anything goes portion of We have two minutes. I Have so I have a question for my opposition for the negative. I would like to describe something for you a shaft balls hair around the balls describe something for you a shaft balls hair around the balls what am I describing the masterpiece David by Italian Renaissance artist Michael

Angelo finished in 1504 I'm sorry there's a little hair there is a little hair there is a little hair it's not tufted but it's there it's there and I'm sorry who are we to judge the difference honestly okay okay I'll say this Okay, okay, I'll say this, I'll say this. Do it in your journal. If you don't want anybody to see it, if you're not doing it for a claim, for money, doodle it in your journal. Would you have told that to Michelangelo?

He was doing it for money in a claim. Michelangelo di Lodoviccio Buonarroti Simone? We all know his full name here. That's part of it. We could all say it at the same time. Certainly, even if we were looking at the screen, we would fail at that. The thing is, these people are seeking a claim,

and honestly, if there was a little couple dollar bills on the way out the door, if you did a good doodle, they'd take it. Do it in your journal. How dare you? Do you ever go to a bathroom stall and look at it and remember exactly who made it like 30 years later No, I don't remember anything anyone has ever written. I remember what was written, but I don't remember from who

And that is the purest form of art You should see a doctor, Mujer That's more of a you thing, I think I don't remember anything You had a memento Get some tattoos really just kind of Have you any of you on on my partner or my opponents ever graffitied anything on a bad thing?

No. I have never. No. I don't think so. All the talk's a lot about grout. Because I only make art for money and a clamp. That's right. I don't work for free. If I did, I would do it in my journal. So, yes.

Do you mean shit in your journal? I already know he means all the drops of the shooting drops have come that's all that's all Statements oh yeah sure great. Okay. We now have the affirmative now has 30 seconds to make their closing statements Mujan Would you like to start? The next time you sit in a bathroom stall by yourself or with someone close to you, look out and see the art before you. Alden? The next time I'm in a bathroom stall, perhaps I will bring a Sharpie. And you know what I'll write there? I won't write Gilroy was here.

I'll write Killjoy was there in the negative team. Wow, that's very old fashioned. Bathroom art. Are we not doing Gilroy stuff anymore? I'll just go back. Well, it was World War II. I'll go back to my, yeah, sourpusses. I'll go back to my statement.

I've been making over and over again. I'm not saying that bathroom art is not art. I'm just saying it's not the purest form of art. I do not believe that. I think that we've made this point because it is for acclaim, it is for recognition, and there is not something pure about it. If you wanted to make it solely for yourself,

you would not put it on a bathroom wall. Every artist has a canvas. Some is canvas and some is that weird metal. That's yeah What is that? It seems to absorb wow wow okay, all right That concludes our second debate of the evening. I'm going to say uh bathroom art Peanut gallery and will you have 30 seconds to vote? I will say here I sit brokenhearted had to shit then I farted is logged in my mind forever

Yeah, I will always think that. You'll always think it. See that. When you're in the bathroom or just throughout your life? If someone's like, what is someone written on a bathroom stall? It's that, and it's written in Sharpie that trails off at the end, but they completed the work.

I feel like it's always like, fuck Stewart, and it's like, no, fuck you. It's always crossed out, it's like no fuck you. You know, it's always like crossed out It's like this whole like dialogue What yeah, what is I go to is a lot of just support the original Facebook? Yeah, right. What is it? It's a lot of support in the bathrooms. I go to just like you're doing great. You got this Like a beautiful Wow cool. No, but for real is there like graffiti and Yeah, yeah. Oh the votes are in ladies and gentlemen the votes are

You've got to be kidding me the fortunes have changed It was six to five and now it's five to six in favor of the negative once again. The negative has won Yes, to know to know from from my god. Wow. All right, we're moving on to the next topic. This one is from Dr. Pickle. Here is the resolution. And now this one is not going to be a negative and positive, it's just going to be a choice because it's a versus here. Who would win?

My 6'2 former coworker JR or his mortal enemy, Gary the Canadian Goose. So we're going to say that Winston and Mujan are in favor of the Six Two former coworker JR. Justin and I are on the side of his mortal enemy, Gary the Canadian Goose. Thank you Dr. Pickle for this very cogent question. We're going to start with- They're debating this in Congress actually. Yeah, that's right.

Good thing they're doing something up there. 60 seconds for each person arguing in favor of JR. And we'll start with you, Winston, whenever you're ready. Okay. Man vs. Goose. Definitely something we've been talking about throughout the ages. Throughout the ages. But I have a few exhibits to show you.

One is Christmas Day. Ebenezer Scrooge. throughout the ages. The rest of the ages. But I have a few exhibits to show you. One is Christmas Day. Ebenezer Scrooge, the Christmas goose. Clearly, man has won several times in this bout. I've never heard of a goose killing a man. Never, except they tried to come close, but a hero, Sully Sullenberger, managed to keep the geese from killing. So every time humans and geese have faced off, the human has won. And that six foot guy probably has a pretty wide kick, and he could kick that sumbitch as far as he needed to.

Wait a minute yet? I feel pretty good. I'm sorry, I forgot to keep track. I will say, that was a confident start. I was invoking Sully. 59 seconds, all right, go ahead, Moosh. Great choice. Now what, ladies and gentlemen, and everyone in the jury,

what can geese do? They can honk, they can wink flap, they can peck, and they can honk they can win flat wink flap they can peck and they can die and humans Can get in there and get the job done. That's right. We get the job Former co-worker which shows that he can maintain a job which means they have focus, they have education, they have integrity. JR has the power and the belief and the conviction to take on one goose and even I would say six geese in any sort of fight. And even though we haven't said what exactly, you know, the question means by when, and

we specifically are saying in a fight. It's undeniable. I don't think, I even need to say more. In the fight of a six foot two JR versus a six inch goose? Come on, get out of here. Go down the railroad track. Sorry, is it a six inch goose we're dealing with here?

It's a very tiny goose. All right, time's up, time's up. All right. Goose that could get inside an ear. Now, statements supporting Gary the Canadian Goose. Starting with Justin, 60 seconds. Go ahead whenever you're ready. What is victory?

The ancient mids who name their heroes, Theseus, others. And we're pushed by the fact that Gary is given a name, means he is a goose warrior. He's not a nameless goose that Sully, who I think steered into those geese, no one talks about it, but he was after them. And we have a long history of putting geese on the outs,

and I think the tide is turning here It's time for Gary the greatest goose warrior that we've ever seen to come out But as I said, what is victory because yes, it can be physical life and death But can also be these geese shit everywhere and people step in it and they like oh man I just stepped in this goose shit and that my friends no matter if that goose is being eaten by a Scrooge or his other rich cronies, the victory is still in everyone else cleaning shit off their boots. Wow. Perfect.

Perfect 60 seconds. I also appreciate your use of the French pronunciation of Scrooge. I believe that's what Winston said, so I was echoing it. Thank you. Scrooge. The Scrooge. The Scrooge. The Scrooge. The Scrooge. I would like to point out to my esteemed colleagues on the JR side of this debate that perhaps

there are a few things that escaped your notice. For one, as Justin pointed out, this isn't just any goose. His name is Gary and he has an identity. I would like to also point out he's not a Canada goose, which is a breed of goose. He's a Canadian goose, which means that not only are we not actually familiar with his actual species or his particular breed, but we know that he identifies as Canadian. He's Gary, the Canadian goose. So what do we know about this goose? He's intelligent enough to have a national allegiance. He's well respected enough to have earned his own name and honestly not only is he described as a Canadian

goose, Canadian is capitalized, goose isn't. So it makes me think maybe there's more to this Canadian goose than meets the eye. Maybe he's not an animal. Maybe he's just a silly man. Now we're going to get cross-examination from the affirmative. Wow. Go ahead. Mujani, you go first. I'd like to bring up two points. First of all, Justin here keeps bringing up the fact that goose shit would be a terrible thing and the goose would win because of the shit. I would like to counter that, Justin, and say have you ever heard of human shit? It's called not recycling, it's called plastics, it's called the excess you put into the world that's actually damaging the ecosystem.

So in a way, Gary is six foot two, is that, wait, that's his name, right? The six foot, no JR. JR. JR, JR, the six foot two garbage of a man is creating so much waste in this world that it's destroying all of the geese and the gooses in the world. And secondly, I want you both to open this link I'm about to send you and tell me what this is.

And please verbalize it to the chat. Oh boy. It's a Facebook link and I'm not on social media. Thanks a lot, Mujan. Justin, please open this link and tell us what you see. Yes. There it is. This is a Facebook page that says Gary the Goose Memorial.

Maybe this debate has already been settled. How did you have this so... Did you kill Gary? How did you have this ready? I believe Gary the Goose has happened... There's 3,850... How did you have this, so did you kill Gary? How did you have this ready? I believe Gary the Goose has happened, there's 3,850 total members. Oh, I'm sorry, we have to strike the Gary obituary

for the record, you're over time, Mujan. Winston, you're next. I would like you to open the link that Mujan put in the chat. And while you do that and look at that, I would like to read something. On January 15th, 2009, US Airways flight 1549 on Airbus A320 took off from LaGuardia Airport,

bound for Charlotte Douglas International Airport in North Carolina. Shortly after takeoff Geese struck the plane and it lost power in both engines Sully Berg Captain Sullenberg said Now we're ducked It was very quiet as we worked my co-pilot Jeff Skiles, and I we were a team But have zero thrust coming out of those engines was shocking

Thanks to those fucking geese And you know who was flying that plane Man times up but I'll actually take I'll actually take this one Mujan you know who was flying that plane I'll tell you who wasn't flying that plane flying that plane? I'll tell you who wasn't flying that plane. Dr. Pickles, 6-2 former co-worker JR. So we actually have no way of knowing how JR would have fared in that, but I would wager, I would be willing to put a large amount of money on the fact that he's not as good a pilot as noted hero Sully Sullenberger. So thank you for bringing that up, you're actually proving my point. But again, I don't think it's fair for any of us to assume that Gary, as he's known to

his friends and colleagues, is any normal kind of goose. And in fact, I think he might just be a silly goose. And again, we need to define what winning means and what winning means to us. And to me, and I think to all of us as professional comedians, we can agree, a silly goose usually wins over all we know about this person is he's 6'2", which means he probably thinks he's better than us. So honestly, I'll take the goose any day. Justin?

Agree completely. And let me just, first off, it's strange that his name is actually Sullenberger. That feels fake. I don't think his first name is actually Sully for what it's worth. Well, I think, like I said, mythology defines you. Huh? Chefly. I would argue worse. Let's talk about the physicality here that we have we've no JR also assume name just letters You know that sounds like junior sounds like he's inflating his height six to I don't think so prove it also former co-worker Perhaps he's J.R. Fall on a hard time. You can be tall and you can be skinny and You can be weak you can be like a reverse Popeye Wow, we have the Gary the goose have you ever been around a reverse Popeye. Wow, we have Gary the Goose.

Have you ever been around a goose? They nasty. They mean. They're tall. They can get big. They can fly away. They can come at you from another side. They can crash into the plane that you're trying to ride on

to where you're going. And then where are you? In the Hudson River and you miss your appointment or whatever you were doing. Great, good. Now we've entered the two minute anything goes phase of the debate where we can all scream in each other's faces. Okay, I'm gonna say this.

Wait, no, we're not at closing arguments, right? No, no. Okay, okay. I don't think you either- Silence! Got a banner closer. No, I've just- I think the other side is assuming so much

about someone named JR that they know nothing about. First of all, what does JR stand for? You do not know. But did you know, and I will enter this into evidence right now, JR stands for Just Right, which is a nickname they gave Sully right before he became a captain. So deal with that information. The nickname wasn't Sully that they gave him? They gave him a second nickname? It was Just Right? Yeah, it didn't stick.

wasn't Sully that they gave him? They gave him a second nickname? Is that just right? Yeah, it didn't stick. It didn't stick. Well, I would counter that argument, Mujan, by saying that what do you think that we're a positive thing? Are we assuming about 6'2 former coworker JR

that I think you have a little bit of height bias in this situation? Or maybe you should know better. Yeah, well, then you should know better. How dare you accuse her of height bias? How dare you accuse her of height bias. How dare you accuse her of height bias. It's all you see. It's all you see.

You're missing a lot of other weaknesses that perhaps JR has. As a 6'0 person, I can confidently say that at 6'6", the top of the bell curve, the quality of people goes down on either side of 6 feet. By six-two, you're already on your way down. Yeah, I'm going to let that one just kind of air for a minute. Alden's shooting in every direction. You know what, I need it, because we're about the same height. I'll withdraw that.

The opposite of jumping on a grenade is throwing nine grenades around you in every direction. And that's what Alden just did, and I appreciate it as my debating partner. I'm just saying, if you want to end this debate, I would invite anyone listening to this to walk up to a goose and decide if you want to fight that thing or run away, because I would guarantee you out of it. That's, well, you've really, yep. Case closed. That's two minutes. you've really, yep. Case closed. That's two minutes.

Closing arguments from the JR team. Okay, the goose team is all over the place. They're saying, he's not really a goose. He could just be a silly goose. And then they're saying, no, but he's a real goose, but he's really dangerous, because geese are dangerous. I think it's very evident that they don't have a cogent defense of the goose,

be it a human who is just a silly goose or an actual goose. And again, if they're gonna try to drag Sully through the mud, that's all you need to know right there. And that's all you need. Sully Sully? You want us to Sully Sully? Do not Sully Sully. How dare you Sully Sully?

And also, height bias. Exactly? Let me add on to that. Do not sully, sully. How dare you sully, sully? And also, hype bias. Exactly, let me add on to that by bringing on something Alden Ford himself said, which is silly. Now what does silly mean? It is defined as having or showing a lack of common sense or judgment, absurd and foolish,

and that is exactly what the negative side has been showing this entire time. Human versus goose, no question. JR, congratulations, you win in America. Wow, okay. We don't have to say America, we didn't mean America. Closing arguments for Justin, we have 30 seconds. The, to define someone as silly as a negative,

I find personal attack. The silliest thing can also be the most dangerous thing. You ever seen a platypus? They're weird. They sneak up on you probably and you don't know what's happening. Suddenly you're in trouble. Just like this goose.

We also don't know what the parameters here. I have to say, I've holding on to this for a while Everyone here seems to have a pro human bias on my opponent's team Of course, you're gonna vote for their human because you're not thinking objectively But we are on this side the pram what if the contest a warm thing warm and it's 40 degrees below zero with no clothes Exactly shitting all over a golf course or other lawn, this goose is going to crush JR. Yeah, pecking someone's ankles. Any pecking contest.

Any pecking contest. Any pecking. Pecking generally. JR's out on it. Yeah, absolutely. I would also argue that the one thing we don't know about Gary is... Oh, our time's up. Oh wow.

Wow. And that's a mystery. And that's how we leave you thinking. Wow. Okay. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Alright, J is a vote for JR, G is a vote for Goose. We're gonna give you 30 seconds to vote. Most of the comments are like

I can't stay awake. Yeah, right? I mean, I said this in a real way. I mean it though in this in a real way. I mean it though, in an even more real way. Geese are scary when you walk up to them. They're so- You know what's even scarier?

Swans. Swans are absolute nightmare. Swans are the worst apparently. Yeah, swans are mean. Swans are super mean. They have spines on their ankles that they will slice you up with. It's really messed up.

And they want to, they hate people. That's a biological shiv. Well, the votes are in, ladies and gentlemen people that's a yeah, that's a biological shiv Well the votes are in ladies and gentlemen and with a bullet the goose has won by a vote of ten to three Congratulations fool Congratulations to the goose team. I think I think the winners Won this time I guess Tom Hanks will make a movie about a goose. Oh wait. No, they never will No, because he's too he would lose like the geese will make a movie about a goose. Oh wait, no, they never will. No. No, because he's too, he would lose. The geese will make that film. All right, so.

Let the geese tell their own story. So, have you seen the response film to the Sully story? From Made by Geese? The clapback. It's very intense, it's tragic. Of course you didn't. Of course you didn't see it.

Yeah, because you don't see goose movies, do you, Winston? I guess not, even though I'm six foot, which means I'm a good person, apparently. According to Alden. That's right. And that's how we won the debate. That's right. Everyone in the voting is six foot plus.

All right, so we are gonna do two quick rounds. This is a new debate format that has never existed before, except on our show, which also has never existed until right now This is a 1v1 v1 v1 debate on two quick lightning round topics We will each get 15 seconds followed by a shouting round followed by followed by closing arguments This is how all law I know it's kind of like the British System like Parliament where you just like like and now, like Parliament, where you just like, like,

and now look at Parliament and everybody's just shouting at each other, I'm like, yeah, that sounds good. Rather than that than whatever the fuck we're doing. Alright, so our first topic is, uh, we have four choices. Batman, I'm gonna assign that to Justin. Chocolate Pudding, I'm going to assign to Mujan Golden Girls, I'm going to sign to Winston and mangoes. I shall sign to myself Batman versus chocolate pudding versus Golden Girls versus mangoes

Finally, I'm gonna start with Winston your time begins now 15 seconds. I Mean what's better than Golden Girls? Thank you for being a friend. the song is awesome. I mean are we saying it's just the best? It's great you turn it on and you'll watch it. Can you turn any of the other ones on and just sit and watch and enjoy? Maybe a Batman but like not really. Alright Golden Girls classic. Next Mujan. What is sweeter and most delicious in your time of need than a nice bowl of chocolate pudding? Now when you think about history and its context overall, chocolate pudding was actually given to the sickest of children during their worst times in history. So if you're against chocolate pudding,

you're against children who are going through struggles in their life and you hate children and you hate just like people. Thank you. Great. I'll respond to that with 15 seconds. Actually a mango has about 45 grams of sugar per fruit. And it's got more fiber, it's better for you, and it's more readily available throughout the world. I think that a mango is a more delicious and more healthy treat than any of my opponents. Justin?

I am vengeance. I am the knight. I am Batman. Is there a more enduring figure? Batman, you can have chocolate pudding once a month. You can have a mango when you're on vacation. Golden Girls, no one's watching that one anymore. But what you are consuming is Batman.

We have so many Batman, we couldn't even name them in the amount of time I'm speaking right now. There's one right behind you, Batman. All right, two minutes to shout at each other. I gotta say, we haven't talked about what's better for society as a whole over human history. Obviously the mango. It's been around the longest It's the most healthy

What are you selling mangoes? This is not no one? People like a man in a deserted island, and you had no form of cutlery on you How would you open up a mango you can open up and a pudding anyway? You can just put it here's my thing again squeeze it into my mouth like a caveman? All I have to say against pudding, Bill Cosby. Yeah, good, good, you're right, you know what, I'm with you on this one. All I have to say against Batman.

Too much, over much, too much, too much Batman. No, everyone's still hungry for it. No, it was all, it's a ton of incel chuds who wanna be Batman but doesn't realize it's a billionaire who's beating up a hundred Yeah, thank you That's the job. It's the golden girls that people still love them. They're beloved As a woman I would say that your golden girls are actually an ageist form of media

What they all like in their 50s or 60s and you're already saying they're at the end of their life They're golden years view People that way we are still they were forced to live together because they're too old They were forced into a home together when they had different personal their husbands had died and so they served no purpose any In a lot of ways the golden girls are like a worse Batman because Batman's parents died and created him Did they die did Batman's parents die because I've never heard that or seen that before the pearls when the pearls I'll tell you the origin the pearls fell on the ground Really did they fall? Cause I've only seen that 17 times But look what it's infused in your in your culture and over here. We And over here, we don't have a hero who sucks pudding

into their mouth to fight crime, like a Popeye, as I previously mentioned. And mangoes aren't even on the top shelf of the place. Hey, have we ever had a ripe mango? And can you ever find one at the grocery store? They can't be found. Your time's up, Winston. And you never get enough mango.

It's always some on the skin, same with pudding. What are you gonna lick the top? I heard that's bad for you, because there's up, Winston. And you never get enough mango, it's always some on the skin, same with pudding. What are you gonna lick the top? I heard that's bad for you, because there's aluminum in it. And Winston, which of the golden girls is in government right now? Zero. Oh no.

That's right. I wish Rose was running Arkansas. 15 seconds in closing arguments in opposite order, starting with Justin. 15 seconds in closing arguments in opposite order starting with Justin 15 seconds go with Donald Trump He was told that that was a fictional person and that's the biggest indictment I can say against the golden girls Pudding's weird. We didn't even name a flavor, and mangoes are better for throwing at people.

Alright, you really tripped on the steps at the end of your argument there, Justin. 15 seconds for me. Listen, mangoes, if mangoes are good enough for thousands and thousands of years of human history, they're good enough for me. There have been thousands of iterations of Batman and I would say roughly two thirds of them are not great and that's all I have to say about that. Same as mangoes. That's the same ratio of mangoes that are not good. Mujan? I always get a Ben Affleck mango and I'm mad every time. Hey everyone, June 26th, keep your day open, keep your day clear because it is

National Chocolate Pudding Day. Now does Golden Girls have a day? No. Does Batman have a day? No. Do the Mamas have a day? No. It definitely does.

I celebrate it. Everyone realizes. I literally do a podcast about it every year. It is a day. Of chocolate pudding. And Winston. Thank you for being a friend. Wow.

Travel down a road and back again. Your heart is true. You're a pal and a confidant. I'm done. And if you threw a party. No, no, no. No, you don't. Invited Batman and pudding.

All right. You would see that mangoes still are the worst all right over on the discord We're gonna be taking votes now. We are looking at the gold emoji the bat emoji Is there a mango emoji maybe an M? biggest indictment of all you know and the Pudding emoji, which is really the poop emoji, so, you know. Let me be honest, I like all four of these things.

Yeah, they're all good. They're all pretty good. They're all pretty good. It is interesting that they're like the ages of the real, of like real housewives now, right? Right. All right, the votes are in, ladies and gentlemen. Mango wins.

What? All right, the votes are in ladies and gentlemen mango wins Six to five over golden girls zero votes for Batman or chocolate pudding No, I think we're both gonna take this person. I think you're honestly Justin. I think you had it until you Until you're let very less the word battle All right, all right, we're gonna do one more lightning round and then I promise we will stop. The next one, this is going to be 30 seconds each. No counter arguments, no closing arguments. It is 30 seconds on the clock. This is from Duxton.

What is the best food court shop? So we are going to go in opposite order of when we went on the last one and I'm not giving you prompts. You have to choose your own. So I'm going to start with Justin, then me, then Mujan, then Winston. Whenever you are ready, Justin, I will start. What is the mall food court but a collection of cultures? You get to walk around and explore a bit of taste from different places around the world or country. And where did I land? A lot at the Carousel Mall in Syracuse, New York in front of the Bourbon Chicken place. And this place encapsulates the entire culture of New Orleans. The jazz, the chicken that tastes a little bit sweet and a little bit spicy, and some

rice usually with peas in it. And I'll tell you what, it was good. Alright, I am next. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the United States of America. And sadly, whether we like it or not, the value of our entertainment, the value of our food has sadly started to diminish over the years. But you know what hasn't? It's the Orange Julius in any mall. And I'll tell you why.

Because the Orange Julius was bought by whatever corporation owns Dairy Queen about 20 years ago and now any mall that has an Orange Julius in it also has a Dairy Queen about 20 years ago, and now any mall that has an Orange Julius in it also has a Dairy Queen in it, and I'll tell you what, if you want an Orange Julius and you also want ice cream, or you want a burger that's okay, Orange Julius slash Dairy Queen is the place for you. All right. You're backing into Dairy Queen,

something you only made last year. I love Dairy Queen. Dairy Queen is my favorite place in the world, but they weren't in malls until Orange Julius bought them. Mujan. Between that and the Bourbon Chicken place that doesn't have a name. I don't remember the name, but it was called like

Bourbon Street. Yeah, that's what I thought. All right, Mujan, you're next. I believe in dreaming big. I believe in thinking large. And I believe cookies should be the size of a human body. And that's why I believe in dreaming big. I believe in thinking large. And I believe cookies should be the size of a human body. And that's why I believe Mrs. Fields is the best mall court food thing in the entire world.

Because when Debbie Fields created Mrs. Fields cookies in 1970, it was a small dream that grew big. It gives us joy every day. Thank you so much. And you can put like a sentence on it. Thank you. All right. Well, you're yielding your four seconds okay great you can put a sentence on it. Winston you're next. I some people say dream big I like you

Mujan say think large. Yeah. Alright Winston go ahead. You walk into the food court you are you know there's a assault of smells and aromas but one rises above the rest. It's the smell of a Cinnabon. It permeates it laughs you go cartoon like by your nose hovering across the air as you float to the Cinnabon where you house one of those bad boys and You know maybe get a coffee whatever you want to do, but when are you gonna have a Cinnabon when you? At an airport no you're gonna have it at the the the the mall Hotel

Where do you live yeah? Because if you eat a whole Cinnabon you divorce you you get divorced you're either at the hotel or the airport Making it work or the mall And you want your kids back, but you but you're just trying to drown the pain All three of you chose a poison All three of you chose Poisons. Oh, you can't even remember the name of the place you like. How am I supposed to vote for a place you don't remember? What my honorable mention was was Walk and Roll,

just because I love the name. Oh my god. Great. All right, guys. Comedy name. Yeah. I mean, I got to give a shout out to Liz. Great place to get a hat.

Always right near the camera. Hey, hey, hey. Why not stop by Liz? We can't eat, Liz. Honestly, Jess, if your weird chicken place wins this debate, I'll eat my hat. That's what I'll say. Alright, I'm putting a... And that's a sentence.

And you can put a sentence on that. So I'm putting well food court. We're gonna vote with the chicken emoji, the cinnamon, cinnamon bun emoji, the cookie emoji, or the ice cream emoji. We don't get to cross-examine each other? No, no. That was closing arguments only. Okay, okay. Yeah, it was the whole thing. Okay. That's a classic form of debate, where you don't get to debate.

Well, folks, the votes are in, and Cookie the Size of Your Body has won, this is America after all, a vote from 4 to three to two to three in that so Pretty even yeah pretty even split but Mrs.. Fields wins congratulations Mujan does anyone remember their score? I went three for three in the longer ones, and then I've lost on Batman I got I think I got two points Winston how many points did you get? Uh, I think I just maybe won one right? No, really? Yeah

You each won one when you were riding with your baby. No, Moosheon you got two because you got Mrs. Fields and you got the first one Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. So Justin congratulations. I've always said our entire friendship, no one is better at shouting than you, so congratulations. Be it bar or podcast. Be it bar, podcast, that's why I like podcasting, because it's like being in a bar, except we're in different places. Well folks, I would like to say thank you so much to our amazing Discord listeners

for listening to all of this nonsense and voting on it and submitting our debate topics And I'd also like to thank our debaters tonight for Screaming so much. It was really fun. I'd like to turn it over to Justin our winner for tonight to deliver the closing arguments for this show What have we learned tonight? I mean I've learned a lot about myself That I like bad chicken that I like bad chicken, that I love goose, that I can put down a pretty solid amount of wine

when I'm not paying attention. But the biggest thing we learned I think is that fuck Dave Seville and the chip monkey you rode in on. Sully needs to sit down a little bit because the geese are coming for him. And here I sit brokenhearted had to shit and instead folks we as a group farted. Good night, beautiful and good luck. Thank you so much for joining us we will see you next month when we won't do this show ever

again. Good night and thank you for listening. Goodbye. Bye bye.