Mission To Zyxx - Mission to Tryxx (and Treatss)

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

Insert those earbuds at your own peril, listener, for it’s the spookiest one-shot of the year! The cast is here to make your spine tingle with tales of inscrutable costumes, ghoulish hangovers, and discontinued candy bar recipes! Peep the costume photos.   Lovingly researched and sound-described transcripts are embedded in every episode page on missiontozyxx.space!

Hey everybody, happy Halloween times. What a haunting introduction from Alden Ford, the spookiest episode of Mission to Six. Is it safe for me to open my eyes? Gentle listener, did you feel the back of your neck pretingled? As your hair turned white? As your skin gone bloodless? Every bin-brick of your skin terrifying you to your core. Casual friendliness is the most terrifying mode.

Anyone can be able to be. Sure, sure. Thanks for tuning in to this month's one-shot Mission to Zix podcast. The first and last episode of a very spooky show. That's right. It's Mission to Tricks and Treats, the Halloween Zix spooktacular. Huh? Halloween is not really my holiday.

I've never really gotten it. So I thought what better... You shouldn't be introing this. I thought what better way to get into the spirit and really get to the bottom of what makes Halloween, Halloween. Good thing we've got Master of Terror, Alden Ford. The Cryptskeeper himself. Do you not like Halloween because you're fearless or fearful?

Oh, I'm incredibly fearful. So every day's Halloween? Yes, yes. Like April Fool's Day, which a holiday I also don't like because I make stupid jokes all the time. I'm scared most of the time, so I don't need to dedicate a single day to it. Just a scared guy pranking people every day of the year.

Just see a less about the scare and more of like the spooky, like the kind of, yo, you know. The dance macabre. Yeah. The veil between hell and earth is as thin as possible. Wow. Okay, cool. Justin, maybe you should host this.

Justin, do you want to take a whack at the intro just real quick? Just to see. Just to see. Hey, what's up, guys? So we're just going to do some... It's all right. Not so easy. Not so easy.

I was sorry, what did I do? Oh, see, it's my greatest fear to do that, to tank it, right? One of my big shot. Oh, no. Well, we have a great show tonight for you where we talk about some classic Halloween tricks and treats. I'm talking best costume, uh, Halloween parties. And, uh, of course, ghost. and or other paranormal spooky tales for your enjoyment.

Tales of fright. Tales are fright. Take care that you don't scare yourself to death listening to this episode. Vincent Price. It's me. We booked him? Why didn't we say that we booked him at the... You've booked me from beyond the grave.

Get ready to lay down and wet your pants. Is that part of the thing? That's part of it. That sounds like a classic Halloween. Among us in Halloween hasn't laid down and wet our pants. Yeah. Put on your diapers and prepare to shit yourself clean into Halloween. Shoot yourself clean.

Wow. Well, let's go around and introduce ourselves. Because I would like to know, if you guys were. writers for The Simpsons and doing a Triads of Terror, how would you credit yourself, as we all know, with a Halloween pun, portmanteau of your name? I think I have but one option, which is Scare me Bent. Oh, very good. It's Scare Me Bent. Welcome to the show.

I'm Alden. Light as a feather stiff as a Ford. Checking in. That's a two-liner. That would take that. Yeah, it takes extra. Wow. Real vanity card. Hold the Ford card for an extra two-scent. We got a big one in the middle for that boy. I guess mine is Winheadstone No Hell.

Oh, wow. You got a double. A double. Wow. Okay. I have a dustbin, Tyler. Cool. Oh, just relegated.

Yeah, exactly. Relegated to the dustbin. It's not really a pun, but I just want to be Deathwind. Oh, wow. Cool. That name works for so much. Yeah. Wow, what a cool group of guys. I feel like Deathwind would be like heavy metal that's all flutes.

So like I'm a more aggressive Jethro Tull. Yeah, death row tall. Listener, if you're missing a feminine presence on this podcast. So are we. The scariest thing of all this Halloween is that the women are not here, which is... Too scared. Too scared. Or just they have good judgment. So it's just us dudes

You know five white guys on a podcast First time ever Keep that dial tunes Well we're the first ones to do something about nostalgia Yeah Yeah You know my favorite part of Halloween every year Was coming up with

And designing and ultimately being disappointed By my failure to properly execute a costume So This roller coaster only goes down So do you have any costume stories, good or bad, that you'd like to share with the world? I had two really good costume years. They were back to back. You called them my costume years, right?

They were my costume years. You might have seen... It's like a micro memoir. It's a zine. Yeah, there was a VH1 documentary that played between commercials. Yeah, 30 for 30 seconds. Yeah, exactly. I was in my 20s living in Brooklyn, and the first of these two years, I was a monster carrying a baby.

I bought, like, really huge pajamas that kind of looked like scrubs, and I built kind of like shoulders and head that went above my head and was held on with a backpack, so I became probably like about a seven-foot person. And then I bought a snowsuit for maybe like a two-year-old and sliced a big, like a big slice in the back and popped my head through the chest of the shirt and then through the back of the snowsuit into the head of the snowsuit and then I put one of my arms into the snowsuit and my other arm into like the lower part of one of the big arms and then stuffed the other big arm as a dummy arm sort of holding the baby to the chest of this and so and the the head of the monster was like this stocking cap with a skull on it that I sewed on onto it. I had this idea for it. I had sketched it out. I was kind of like pissed off building it being like, this isn't working. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't really have like supplies. And then I finished it and looked in the mirror and I was like, because it was very, it was very scared yourself. Well, it was just like it was way more convincing than it should be partly because like I had a functional hand in each character. So it's like it felt like, oh, you shouldn't be able to do both. So do you have a picture of this? I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

Yeah, I have, I don't have a great picture of this, but I just put a picture into the chat. That's a good picture. It's pretty good, and it's pretty scary. It's pretty scary. Oh, my God. We're putting in the show notes, gang, so you'll also be able to discuss it. One thing I remembered I developed over the course of the night was that the baby would be sleeping, and this was, like, the monster, like, saying, shh. And so, like, I, and the, oh, and the, oh, and the backstory.

The monster arm would be, like, giving beer to the baby, which the baby, which the baby, was my head with you know no we know we know like i'm describing to the audience there's no actual baby being given beer other than what was me right uh well you know this is a classic example of me failing to execute is one time right when i had moved to the city this is a now a really hack idea for a costume but i think at the time i thought it was pretty cool would have been 2005 i was invited to a Halloween party i was like i really want to do a fun costume funny costume. And I had the idea, I'm going to go as Dr. Zismore, the famous dermatologist who was in all of the subway ads. You have to describe this for the people. Yeah, because anyone who wasn't living in

New York 15, 20 years ago, Dr. Zismore was one of those, he was like a plastic surgeon, I think, or he was a dermatologist. He was like a dermatologist who was famous for every single subway car in the city. The most famous Derm. It was almost impossible. Between 2000 and 2012, the two people everybody knew about in New York were Dan Smith, who will teach you guitar,

and Dr. Zismore, they were folk heroes. Folk heroes, yes. So I thought it would be fun to go to as Dr. Zismore, and of course Dr. Zismore is sort of a normal looking dude, but all of the posters featured him standing in front of a rainbow. So I was going to get a rainbow that would just extend, you know, six feet out to the left and so I needed like scrubs and a lab coat and this was before like getting something on short notice from the internet was not really a thing at the time so I tracked

down like a medical supply place I was like I'll just buy some scrubs in a lab coat that's pretty straightforward this is probably October 29th and I went in I was like do you guys have scrubs and um the lady behind the desk was like this is for a Halloween costume and I froze because I was like she said it like what are you doing? This is this is for doctors this is not for idiots who want to get drunk

and fall asleep on the train she's like yeah we don't carry those you have to order them and I was like okay but afterwards for some reason it was stuck in my head that I was like I should have just said I was a doctor

what if I had been like how dare you no way prove it well also this was I was 22 I looked 15 there was no possible

doctor. I'm New York Presbyterian's finest spinal surgeon. Do you know who I am? So it didn't work out. That's probably my best costume and it never happened. And it wasn't that good to begin with. I feel like most of my costumes were like things that I was into and nobody else was. So it was always just very like, huh?

So like in fourth grade, I was like obsessed with happy days, the show happy days. I was obsessed with it. All right. I don't know why, but I... A little late for it. Yeah, it absolutely. Well, it was on in the afternoon, I feel like. Yeah, I think it was on the afternoon.

For those of you who were not in the U.S., this was a show, a sitcom from the 1970s, about the 1950s, that I was watching in the 1990s. I was so many layers removed. And the famous character is the Fonz's, Henry Winkler. Very cool. Very cool. jacket, a white t-shirt, like a 50s greaser.

Iconic, not the costume I chose. The character I chose to portray was Ron Howard's character, Richie Cunningham. And I wore like a letter jacket and that was it. He was the squeaky clean kid. Yeah, he was the audience surrogate. He was like goody two shoes and Defons was the cool one. And I was like, no thank you. My turtle is Leonardo, and my Happy Day's character is Richie Cunningham.

Keep in mind, the bad boy on this show was the Fonz, whose whole thing was he hit his elbow into the jukebox and would play a song, and that's how bad he was. Yeah. He drove a motorcycle. He seemed to, they hinted at him having sex a lot. Okay. Cool.

I feel like I'm a miss for a lot of my Halloween costumes. and very much in line with what Winston's saying I went as Lull from the TV show Wings when I was a kid It's so amazing The Wings, a TV show, not for kids But Loll was like the time I was played by Thomas Hayden Church Sandman in Spider-Man movies

Sideways Sideways He was just the dumb mechanic who was very funny And I everyone was like, who are you? And I was like, Loll, from Wings They were like, who from what? The band? So please Google all of that stuff.

I waited tables one year when I was living in Brooklyn and I went as a leather jacket-clad speedo-wearing lifeguard with the name of the restaurant written in Sharpie on my chest. What was the name of the restaurant? It was a fuck puppy. No, it was Jolie. And it was all French restaurant and all the owner and his buddies were like,

this guy's weird and it's true this was for a shift waiting tables you were yes i waited tables uh wow in a lifeguard uniform with a very old leather jacket but the recent one is um my family and uh and i decided to go as um the family from bluey uh this is like four or five years ago and so my wife ordered the costumes she was like you got to try this on i was like i'll get to it i'll get to it so then we got our costumes on and my wife decided to change her costumes so it was i was bandit the kids were um bluey and bingo and my wife went as mayor of eastown what so it was uh me and she was wearing like a car heart and had a vape and an empty bottle of rolling rock as we walked around brooklyn uh trick-or-treating but the twist was that i because i didn't try the costume on

it was too tight to the point where it was a problem. Wow. It was, and then the kids changed it. They had a second costume. They put on princess dresses. So I was just like a vaguely pornographic dog walking around with kids on Halloween. Wow. Bandit getting loose, huh?

Yeah, bandits letting it all hang low. Right. Mayor of East Town is arresting Bandit for indecent exposure. Yeah, exactly. It was a setup. It was all set up. And I blew it in every, I never, didn't have a second, costume and yeah you blew it I blew it I was showing peen I don't like to dress up for

Halloween because it's a struggle for me to find regular human clothes that fit and not special clothes that I'm going to wear one day a year ever since becoming the size I am now which was like 15 years old I've always found Halloween pretty frustrating that said I'm going to throw in the chat a photo of what's probably my favorite costume I've ever done. Are you Michael McDonald? Yeah, that's what Michael McDonald does. The two times at any party

I went to, where someone would be like, are you Michael McDonald? I'd be like, oh no, you all be, I don't know, that's really funny. I love it. That's great. Oh, man, solid costume. It was very fun. Also, pretty comfortable costume as well.

Yeah, you look great. Low investment, high reward. I will say my love for Halloween costumes was never very high, but it has sort of been reinvigorated by having kids. Yeah. But this year, my second kid now is five. And he's one of those kids who is so prolific with his imagination that it was really tough for us to nail down what he wanted to be

because he kept changing his mind. He wanted to be Bigfoot for a while, then he wanted to be a bear. And finally, my wife sat him down and said, look, we only have a couple of weeks to Halloween. If I'm going to make you a costume, you've got to decide what it is, so I want you to decide right now. And for the first time, he hadn't mentioned this before. He's like, I want to be a big fat fly. And she was like, you want to be a fly? And he's like, yeah, big fat fly, big fat, ugly fly.

Okay, all right. She's like, okay, here we go. So we've been, for two weeks now, I've been making him this elaborate fly costume. And it is, it is ugly and really hilarious. I cannot wait for you guys to see it. That's so great.

Big Fat Fly, you're like, let's get creative because we're not going to find that anywhere. We have to make it. So, yeah, it's going to be real funny. Some Chinese costume manufacturers seeing all these searches for Big Fat Fly, and they're like, oh, we missed some sort of trend. How did we?

Americans are out to something again. Whenever I go to Halloween adventures, they would always have the really elaborate costumes in the front displays, you know, like, and they would theme them and I'm like, I'm like, wow. Yeah, I'm like, wow. And I always had this image of like,

that costumes go into some great costume party. You know, like I had this like, there was like that image of like, somewhere in this city is the greatest costume part. party and all the like top because you go into Halloween adventures and there are some like big yeah like 900 nine hundred nine hundred dollar guerrilla yeah exactly and it's like some rich asshole is doing that and like God bless them I don't know I would always be like so kind of starstruck but I don't know I was just always like wow that's really funny

the people who go in there and just drop like a grand are people that like wear for 30 minutes then take it off yeah throw it away right after I've got to do this for work. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Visual puns, least favorite costume. So you wouldn't have liked my teenage costume of serial killer, where I had taped a bunch

of tiny cereal boxes to the inside of a trench coat and had a plastic knife and would stab them from time or time? I don't think I would have. Really? I'm surprised you don't like a visual pun, Alden. I don't know why. I just think they're often, they're often not very, I've been, I've dressed as them before. I get it.

think they're usually very because then what then you see it and then what then you're just hanging out with that person it's supposed to not yeah for their all they are

they are at Halloween parties you're in character the entire fucking time all the world's stage I don't think so buddy moving on speaking of Halloween

speaking of Halloween parties can I just say it's hilarious to have a podcast host by somebody who actively hates the subject matter. It's like, fantastic. Well, that's great, I guess. So, well, you know, speaking of cool Halloween parties,

anybody have any great Halloween party stories? Or embarrassing ones? Or scary ones? I've got one. This one's pretty embarrassing. This was the second year of my two-year run of costumes I was proud of. I love the continued narrative. The costume years.

It was one year after monster carrying a baby. Seth, can I guess? Is this Lenin, Lenin? Yes, this was Lenin, half John, half Vladimir. So I... Very thinking man's costume. Yeah, exactly. Which, as we all know, Halloween is the thinking man's holiday.

Yes, it is. It is. A lot of nodding quietly, reverently. Interesting. What is the meaning of death? Aren't we all in masks when it comes down? down to it? Yes.

You know, we are who we pretend to be. Yeah. Yes. Flash is the ultimate disguise. And isn't life a trick or a treat? Depending on what you ask for. I cut a brown suit in half and like sewed it on to the over the top of the John Lennon side of, so I had the New York City shirt like sleeveless and I.

That's awesome. Shaved so that I had half of a goatee on the Lennon side and I was already bald so I didn't need to shave my head, but I did wear half of a wig by like affixing it to a headband that I wore like front to back and bought like the glasses and wore half of the John Lennon glasses and had some sort of like Russian paraphernalia. I think I handmade a Das Kapital or something. Hey, hey Kapital. It's set in the front. Yeah, right. Revolution number 1917. Yeah, good. Das money, that's what I want in parentheses.

Twist and proleteer... The will of the proletariat will... Twist and revolt. Good. The backstory was that my girlfriend at the time decided that she was going to move to Siberia for six months. Wow. And I was... Not still together?

Oh, okay. Sad about that. That does sound like a lie, you tell. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a friend's episode. I know, yeah. Yeah, truly like, if I say anywhere closer than Siberia, he'll be like, I'll come with you. He'll show up.

He'll show up. Yeah, in any case, I was sad. So I was at this party alone, Friends Party and Astoria Queens. And I feel like Halloween can be like a fun holiday when you're single. There's obviously a layer of, like, sexiness and. possible romance that is somehow associated with Halloween. So I think if I, and I got to this party and it was like, it was one of those things where like people really loved the costume.

And so I was getting like a lot of attention in life, not, not maybe the life of the party, Seth Lind, but Lenin Lenin was kind of a hit. And I felt like if I were single, this would be like a magical evening. but instead I was in a relationship with someone who was in Siberia and I just grabbed a full bottle of gin and walked out of the party without saying by to anyone. And I, wow. Haunting choice. I was just like, I was like so sad and mad and lonely and lustful and all these things.

Honestly, both Lenin's got together in me. Yeah, yeah, it was a lot going on really in character is what you're saying. You were possessed by the. the costume. Alcohol is the opiate of the people, I believe, technically. And I walked out and I saw like if I went to the right, I would go to the train that would take me home. And I just walked to the left with my bottle of gin. And it was very dark. It was kind of in an area near the elevated train, but I couldn't exactly see where I was going. And I just remember kind of angrily tearing off the Vladimir Lennon half of the costume, which I feel like, The narrative I put on it is, it's like this anti-Russian, like, I hate Siberia. Like, I tear you away, Vladimir.

And then some unknown number of hours later, I woke up. I had, like, stumbled down a kind of rocky hillside and just decided to sleep for however long I was passed out there. And then I managed to somehow hail a gypsy cab. And for those of you that don't know, a gypsy cab, it's a cab driven by. a member of the Romani sect for me. Yeah, exactly. Gypsy cab, yeah, pre-Ur, non-licensed taxis that you could actually hail.

So at that point, I was no longer really in anything resembling a costume. I just had half of a goatee and non-matching shoes. And, like, had a lot of blood on me. That was just actual blood from falling on this rocky hill. And then the gypsy cab driver, the whole time while I was in the car, was just saying, don't puke in my car, don't puke in my car, don't puke in my car. And you're like, imagine all the meevil.

And he said, okay, you're home and let me out, and I looked around and I was nowhere near my home. Yeah. I got to say, we made fun of the costume years earlier, but this is a good, this is really built. This is haunted. I was able to hail another cab eventually and did get home, but when I was, woke up the next morning, I obviously was extremely hungover and kind of not remembering a lot. And I looked in the mirror and I got to say, it's very startling when you forget you have half of a goatee to look in the mirror and see that. It was a humbling experience.

Wow. Sounds like a great night. But it was a good costume. What before I actively destroyed it in a self-loathing rage? Do you have a picture of that one? Um, oh my God, Seth, this is an amazing costume. Thank you. Holy shit. That's so good. It was, you know, good while it lasted. The only one I could find is one where I was Clark Kent, which isn't, you know, I just had a suit on with a Superman.

God damn it, Winston. Well, I had to be the guy who I didn't want to go with the guy in a suit. No, I couldn't pull a Superman. He chose the Clark Kent. Yeah. Sorry, are you in costume right now? I'm going to be Peter Parker. Peter Parker without a camera.

I actually had, I went to a Halloween party once that was great, and one of the, that one of the guys there came in in like, you know, with a camera and like a hoodie and like a button down or something. And everyone's like, who are? Who are? Oh, he's like, I'm Peter Parker and Peter Parker. And then like halfway through the party he leaves and Spider-Man walks in. Oh, that's. Like never. Oh, that's really funny.

Yeah. I was like, okay, that's pretty good. That's playing a long game. That's good. That's good. Wow. Yeah. So, as I mentioned earlier, I don't like dressing up for Halloween.

So, like, I'm never, like, seeking out Halloween parties. But when I was a teenager in high school, it's like, we don't want to do nothing. But my best friend, Jason, my best friend Jason, my best friend Jason, we killed that night, you know. Yes. We had no candy and no costume. Our thirst for blood was unquenchable. His dad was an engineer and owned like a machine shop with his uncles. And so he was like one of those kids like as a teenager.

Like he built his own go cart, you know. And he was really into like model rocketry. He like he is an engineer now. And you're like, cool. You're really good at that. You should do that. But when Halloween rolled around, he lived in like the really walkable suburban area in my hometown.

his house got a ton of trick-or-treaters and so he started doing like I'm gonna put together all this stuff to like scare kids at the house you want to help me run it and I was like yeah that sounds great and so he built all this stuff when you got to the door he had a he had bought a human a styrofoam human head from a movie prop company that just was like a terrified like wide-eyed head and he had mounted it on a swivel and so you would be under one of you would be underneath the table swiveling the head to follow the kids as they walked up to the door and then if they stepped close the other person had monster gloves on and would like swipe out at their feet and kids would just scream it was great oh my gosh wow I love it one Halloween I spent

after college I traveled for a year on a grant studying street theater and I was in Scotland And they don't celebrate Halloween anywhere else in the world, basically. So I was on a tour of the Highlands with a bunch of other people, random people. And we were staying in what it was described as a haunted castle. The hostel was a haunted castle. And it had all these like secret passageways and like ethereal glowing statues in different areas. And it was generally freaky. So the leader of the trip was.

like, I mean, what no one will do is walk the grounds. No one will walk the grounds. Like, you can't go outside. It's too scary. So a bunch of us decided to do that. And naturally, and what I did. Easily manipulated. Yes, the chumps, the suckers.

I ran ahead of everyone a little bit and got a long stick. And when they would go past, I would brush the stick down their back. Whoa. scared this shit out of a crowd. Fantastic. It was great, but everyone was mad at me after that. Worth it. It was.

Yeah, that seems worth it. In a horror movie, you would have been doing that, and then like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then you would have felt something on your back. And then I would have died, yeah. Then you would have been one of the first to go, sir. Right. Justin of Clan Scooby. Yeah.

Clan do. This time. talk, let's talk about Halloween parties and haunted houses is a perfect segue to tricks and treats. Our next totally different and very distinct section of this podcast. And very haunted. And very spooky. Here's a question for you guys. You guys seem to have your finger on non-pulse of the Halloween zombie.

Yeah, it's meant over 40. I think we don't do. You said that in a way like I've been asking questions with so many other people, but here's one for you guys, the other people on the podcast. How many podcasts are you doing? Yeah, how many are you hosting other ones? I've been seeing commercials for a marshmallow butterfinger. Okay. What's the fucking story there?

I got to talk about Butterfinger for a second. They changed the formula for Butterfinger a few years ago, and it is notably worse. It's not as good as it used to be. It's not going to get better. Well, I know. But I feel like this is their way of being like, hey, guess what?

In a year, we're going to replace Butterfinger. finger with marshmallow butter finger and then you'll never see a butter finger and it's probably like you know what it's probably like it's actually so much cheaper to produce the marshmallow butter finger the actual butter finger the process of making the brittle or whatever it is you need peanuts for the butterfinger part all you need for the marshmallow part is hooves yeah chemicals yeah take that halloween put away your joy kids yeah yeah the headless horseman on the hoofless horse Yes. Everyone talks about the headless horseman.

What about the horse that's Edman? That's my Halloween costume this year. Yeah. That's just anyone who runs a company and doesn't have a horse. Oh, I was thinking headman isn't like somebody who ran a head shop. Oh, okay. Hey, man. Hey, man.

See my horse? Where's my horse, man? Dude, where's my horse? I got a horse last night. So fucked up, I lost my horse. You know that word, a horse. You know. Yeah.

You know, when you get horsed. And, you know, losing your horse, obviously, the scariest thing that could happen, which is a great segue. Nothing spookier. To our next segment. Actually, scary stories. This is the one I've been dreading, so let's get into it. Yes. Well, when I was a kid, the scary story that messed me up was, did you guys ever hear cowbell?

The sketch from S&L? Yeah, it was like how he wouldn't stop. It's crazy. Stop saying he's stupid. You're not going to have cowbell today? Yeah, exactly. Nobody's been seen here with a cowbell. No, with the cowbell, it's like, there's a variation of this, but it's like, you know, a kid,

here's on the radio or on the television that, like, someone's escaped from the lunatic asylum, you know, sane asylum. Again, this is a different time. We weren't, you know, mental health was different. How did Winston get canceled? Oh, he told this weird story. He said lunatic asylum on a podcast? No, but everyone was very mad.

The Mad House? Somebody escaped from Bedlam. No, but he, so they're like, the person's wearing white sneakers, white pants, a white shirt, and then the power goes out. And, you know, the kid can hear like a cowbell in the distance and kind of looks outside and there's nothing, you know, everything's okay. And then he, again, I was hearing this when I was like, young. And he wakes up the next morning. he hears the cowbell and he goes into his parents room and his parents are like killed and there's like at the foot of the bed is like a man in like white shoes white pants white shirt and a cowbell around

his neck with like a knife and like lunges at him and that's the end of the story and it just terrified me for like I like I was so scared uh I have two one recent one from a while ago um we I was doing a show I do characters welcome I was up in Maine we'd do it virtually and I was like oh Maine ha ha and someone was like well you know about the main sleep watcher right and i was like oh no and this is in the chat and they're like um back because it was like in a town i think near where you're staying this guy would break into people's homes not steal anything and he would just watch them sleep wow and if you look up google main sleep watcher oh jesus the picture of this guy's face they never caught him the the police drawing of this guy's face is fucking

Terrifying. Yeah. And he still stalks, watching people gently drift off. So think about that when you're going to sleep tonight. Wow. Yeah. The lips are too thin, you know? Oh, yikes.

The very thin lips. The thin lips is what probably drives him to watch people as they sleep. But dad, dad? My dad's been missing in Maine for decades. He's looking for you. He's living his best life. He's having a great time. The other story is a true story that happened to one of my wife's friends when she was working in, I think, Vermont.

She was working in a restaurant, living in Vermont. And she was staying in, like, a house with other people who worked at the restaurant. They were all working. She got the night off. So she goes home and goes in the house and no one else is in the house. She goes into her bedroom, starts the... shower and as she's like looking in the mirror she sees the um bed ruffle just sort of like just sort of flutter a little bit uh in the mirror behind her and she's like oh that's weird and

so she closed the door um sort of like screws around uh with the shower a little bit to make some noise then she climbs out the window jumps off of the second floor onto the lawn runs like a mile and a half to the farmhouse down the street calls the cops the cops come they go into the house and there is a man waiting under the bed to do nobody knows what he was going to do and here's the truly scary part he only got charged with like just breaking into a house he didn't he was just like hey don't do that again you can't go into other people's homes he's like Yeah, no, totally. Just happened to watch.

The judge was like, you knucklehead, get out of here. Get out of you. Get out of that bed. The justice system is truly scary. Oh, my God. A system to send a shiver down your spine. She was like, well, that bed ruffle fluttering is enough for me to be like, I need to go. Oh, wow.

Potentially saved her life being. a little paranoid about that. Correctly paranoid. Okay, well, I will probably double lock, you know, like, check the deadbolt a couple of times tonight. Well, you got two flavors. You have the main sleep watcher

just wants to hang for a little bit. Yeah. And then the under the bed guy from Vermont who's how to kill it. Anyway, stay out of New England, I guess. Yeah, right. It's something in the water. I would love to see a comedy sketch

about the main sleep watcher where it's like very sinister the whole time and then the guy wakes up and sees a sleep watch and he's like and the sleep watcher's like what you doing

sleeping? You were really out. Tides low. I was sitting here thinking when's this guy going to wake up? Sleep clean till morning. It's too good.

So Alden have we changed your mind? Do you love Halloween? now? I guess so. With the story about the guy under the bed, man, I really get why you guys love it so much. I love it. I get why you just love everything about being spooked and

scared and potentially murdered. It's really good stuff. I get it now. That didn't happen on Halloween. Yeah, that was just a regular day in the summer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. You can't hold that against Halloween. So, Alden, you're not scared. The guy behind the curtain behind Alden, are you scared? Can he hear us,

only? Oh, no. Oh, no. It's a big fat But suddenly, his gaze turned to the ceiling, revealing the creature that had been there the whole time. A big, fat fly. Thanks so much for joining us on this very spooky evening. I'm going to go keep working on this big fat fly costume. And stay safe out there. Watch out for all those razor blades and your Hershey's kisses or whatever.

Thanks, folks. Halloween. Go to sleep. We'll be watching you.