Mission To Zyxx - The Legumies Get the Loot Gimmes

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

The Legumies are back. Again! Our actual play D&D one-shot episode was so fun and had such a great response, we've decided to make it an ongoing campaign. In this second installment, our heroes level up, bask in the glow of loot, and enlist in a dangerous new adventure. Booket hits the books. Larry YOLO's. And everyone bleeds.Episodes of Mission to D-Sixx will come out biweekly, allowing us more time to painstakingly mix Derf episodes. Meaning: two releases every month; one Derf, one Legumies. To suggest weird NPC names and help make the show possible, join us at maximumfun.org/joinAnd thanks to Rocket Money for sponsoring!  Lovingly researched and sound-described transcripts are embedded in every episode page on missiontozyxx.space!

Hey, everybody, Alden here with a quick and exciting announcement. As you've no doubt surmised, this week's release is not a DERF episode, but it is a second episode of our previous one-shot Mission to D6, our actual play D&D podcast featuring the characters from 419, the Lagumi's. This was so much fun for us to do last year, and we got a lot of good feedback on the Discord and on social media about it, and so we decided let's keep doing it. So not only are we going to do this episode, but this is actually going to become a running campaign that I'm going to be DMing with the crew. And it's going to allow us to do more releases more often while Shane, our sound rod, continues to put everything he's got into our amazing mixes of these DIRF episodes.

That means instead of a bi-weekly release of D-Serve, every two weeks we'll be doing a release of Mission to D6. And two weeks after that, we will be releasing a new DIRF episode. So thank you so much for your patience as these DIRF episodes are getting mixed and released. I hope you are enjoying them as much as we are. And we hope you enjoy Mission to D6 as we continue to do this. Please bear with me. I have never DM'd before. The learning curve is fun but steep.

So every episode we record, I learn a lot as I fumble through this. So you'll hear some goofy NPC names. Those are all suggested by our supporters on Discord. You can join them and submit your own goofy names if you would like by joining us at maximum fun.org slash join. So without further ado, please enjoy episode two of Mission to D6. Welcome back to Mission to D6. I'm Alden Ford, your intrepid DM. We've decided to make this an ongoing campaign with the Lagumi's and see what other kind of trouble and adventures they can get into.

So this is going to be really fun. We've got a couple of missing crew members today. Winston and Allie are out, so we will be playing them as more or less silent observers. But let's get back into it. Anything else we want to say before we get started? There's action afoot. Cool. Great.

That's so true. Great. So a recap. For those of you who may have been improvising and not paying attention, what to name any names. What? I know. You guys infiltrated. goblin camp to save Petra from a sort of warlock.

You guys never asked or you asked, but he never responded. His name was Zizkik, the unpronounceable. That was his name. And he was her lover, and he was benevolent. You assumed he had kidnapped Petra, but actually they were on some sort of weird tantric sex escapade. Sorry, Petra. Sitters. And had enlisted a number of goblins to fill his lair with.

with stuff that he'd stolen from the surrounding countryside. Who knows what else he was up to? You never knew because you killed him before you could talk to him. Congratulations. Justice of Rodos is swift sometimes. Cleft in Twain, if I remember. Exactly. Sometimes so swift, there is little time to react.

And not for nothing, I believe it was revealed that Petra was sort of the original acolyte of the space. Well, not the original acolyte, but sort of a patient zero, sort of a common ancestor on Toloria for Zimas. It seems like the Zima order had died out somehow on the planet

to be known in the future as Rangus 1. And the mantle was picked up by none other than Petra herself. So we'll see how that evolves. Also, Bookett and Larry got married. I don't know if you got married. They got married. They got married. I don't know if that was part of your plan, Alden, but that's...

Sort of a in-the-moment decision. But I think it'll You know what? I think, good luck to him. I think it'll work out. That's how love works. Yeah. Sorry, they're co-workers, and that's where a lot of romances start.

So great. Good job, everybody. What a time. You each had some really heroic moments, I thought. Some excellent barding by Samseys, some truly brutal gore-filled battle by Gigli and Quariel and Dwayne, some mitigated stealth success by Larry and some cool spells my book. It really good job, guys. Thank you. So mitigated success is a

defining characteristic of Larry. Sure. Sure. So, we're back into it. The Lagumi's plus Larry make their way back to West Clamley, as you know, which is the village, the hamlet, where the inn was that you

guys stayed in last night. Who could forget? You make your way back to West Clamley. Dwayne is carrying essentially everything that you guys found and looted from the goblin. Hideout. A couple barrels of ale, a case of mead, crates of garfons, books, alchemy, magical supplies. Everyone else is carrying like a single book or a one garfon or something, and Dwayne is carrying everything else.

And you make your way back through the forest. It's several miles of hiking, so it is long after nightfall by the time you guys get back to the three fawns. You stash all the loot from the goblin area in the horse stables, and then you head into the end, just as Scrimp-Crimbley, the owner of the inn, is going around with a lantern closing up for the night. He takes one look at you, Samsey's Injigli are covered in their own blood.

Dwayne and Quariel are covered in goblin blood. Larry and Bookett are making out. Petra's holding a stick, waving it around. He takes one look at you. He hands Quariel the lantern, and he walks upstairs without a word. I shall take this sacred duty of this lantern. Yes, good.

I think it's more just they didn't want to talk to you guys, but that's good. I do not handle managing a light source without some level of seriousness. Every fire is a reflection of Rodos the sunlight. Wow. That's really, that's cool. Yes, it is cool.

It's very cool. It's hot. There's a few embers burning in the fireplace in the common area of the inn, so everyone gathers around the fire. Larry, give. What? Give me some space, please. I thought we were just ramping up. You want more space?

Right. Like, I lay six feet, six, six shackled, berages. Feetus. Feet is fine. It's a very arcane form of measurement. It must be from the south to use such oblique measurements. Is everything all right, darling? Not everything is not all right.

It's our honeymoon in a way. I'm just a complicated character and you've got to get used to it. That's a horrible explanation for your behavior. Now listen, there's still a few embers burning in the fireplace in the common area. of the inn so everybody gathers around the fire to tend to their wounds and rest a little bit. Your adventure has filled you with vigor and hope. And although you're weary, you feel somehow even stronger than when you set out this morning. Which means, I think it's time for you guys to level up to level two.

Whoa. Congratulations. Yes. So Mujan. Yes. Book it is leveling up. Yes. As a wizard at level two, you get an arcane tradition, which will show.

shape your practice of magic through one of eight schools. Abjuration, conjuration, divination, enchantment, evocation, illusion, necromancy, or transmutation. Do you get all those? Yeah, yeah, so you want to choose? So basically, all of the school. Did you have a safety school of magic? Or what? So, here's how it works, Mujan.

You get to choose what school of magic you want to follow. each of them will give you different abilities in your adventures. Briefly, here's how it kind of works. The school of abjuration is magic that blocks, banishes, or protects. Protective. Yes. As a conjure, conjuration, you produce objects and creatures out of thin air. Summon stuff.

Which is cool. Divination, you can understand the past, present, and future. You can sort of divine information out of the ether. School of Enchantment, magically, you can entranement. people and beguile people. Charming people. You're already good at that, hon, I think. Give me space.

Oh, no. It's already like so. I'm way over here. I'm way over here. I'm just shouting compliments. Enchanted. The school of necromancy. Obviously, cosmic forces of life.

That's death. Undeth. No, no. Like dead things? The romance part is not the important part of that word. It's necromancing. Like kiss. Neckromantic, yes, neck.

Larry. Necromancing. Larry. Necromancing is like, you know, zombies and stuff, but it is also like bringing the dead back to life, which is maybe the good version of necropancy, or like controlling skeletons and things like that. But in the immediate sense, one of the first things you learn is stealing HP from enemies. So you can.

Yeah, you can leech. Instead of damaging them. Yeah, you take their life force and add it to yours. Oh. And then transmutation is. Changing energy and matter. All right, I have decided, based on asking no more questions about world. We didn't even tell you about illusion.

Oh, yeah, illusion. Yes, that's magic that dazzles the senses, befuddles the mind, and tricks even the wisest folk. No. Sorry, I missed one, which is evocation. Evocation is magic that creates powerful elemental effects. Bitter cold, searing flame, rolling thunder, crackling lightning, and burning acid. It's blasting stuff. Blasting stuff.

Yeah, that's it. All right. So, Bucket has thought as discussed by themselves. Book it. I'm still an independent bucket. Now, Mr. Diem, what do I call you? How do I speak to you? However you want, mostly out of character if you just want to address me.

All right, fine. Okay, so here's the deal. I think considering that bucket, especially since they're in this new marriage that comes from a history. Sure. And as much as she wants to move forward, sometimes she is tied to the past. You can't forget certain things. And so I think she's a person who, whichever, I forget the name of it,

but the one that you have access to the past. Divination. School of Divination. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a cool, that's a cool school. Cool school. You're too cool for that school. Your immediate skill, the one you get right now,

is that you can roll 2D20 and replace any roll with one of those two rolls. Oh. So basically every day you roll 2D20s. Okay. So let's say you roll,

oh, this is perfect. I just rolled a 2 and an 18. So that's good because you can replace any roll with one of those. So if you have a roll that you want a high roll, you can replace your role with an 18, but you also have a 2.

But you can also replace a foe's role with the 2. You can replace an opponent's roll with a 2. Because you have seen it. You have seen the omen of the future. Bucket, bucket. Bucket. Bucket and seen it all. Are you going to change your name to Bucket as you...

She's divined. Cool. I've known a little truth. Like a bucket. That's a really cool ability because you can, you know, if you roll two high rolls, you can replace two of yours or a friend's rolls. If you roll two low rolls, those are for enemies. So it's actually a really good power.

Do not find yourself on Bucket's list. Of enemies. Thank you, Julie. You're welcome. Cool, divination. Mujan, this is great. I will send you like a table of your spells that you learn over the court. Like as you level up, you can get more divination spells and there's some cool ones in there.

Oh, you got one more thing to do, book it, which is do you have a D6 handy? I got a D6, yes. Five? A five, great. Hold on. What? That's a number you could roll on a D6. That's, you have just gained five hit points.

Plus your Constitution bonus if you have one. She does. She has a plus two to a Constitution. Oh, incredible. So then you get seven. So now you have 15 hit points instead of eight. You're wildly more parties. Yes, considerably more durable for a wizard.

That's a strong partner right there. Huge. Huge. In the house. So Dwayne also levels up. That is 1D12 hit points. I'm going to roll that for Dwayne. Nine additional hit points.

That means her new. Allie must have some sort of constitution bonus. So, as a barbarian. Constitution bonus is plus two. Yeah. Now Allie has 27 hit points. Unbelievably strong. Also, Dwayne gets danger sense, which is an advantage on dexterity, saving throws against effects that you can see, like traps and spells.

And reckless attack, which is attacks had advantage, but attacks against him have advantage also. That's a cool ability. Jigli. Do you have a D-10 handy? Always. Okay, great. Coincidentally, the number of stars given to the film, Jigli. Roll that D10.

10 stars? What scale are these? Four. Not amazing. But what's your con? Plus two. Plus two. So, uh...

Not so bad. Your new hit points are 20 now. Hmm. You also have a new ability. It's called action surge. You get one additional action in a turn until short rest. Wow. So action search, that's your new ability.

Larry. Sweet. Rule of D8, please, if you have one. I do. It's an eight. Oh, boy. Larry. Okay, Larry.

Okay. So, Powerful. That new power couple bliss. I was going to say, did you gain any respect for Larry? Yeah. How about some respect? For Larry. Any con bonus on top of that?

Con bonus is plus one. So that is another nine points. Your hit points now. Larry are 18. You have 18 hit points. You also have a new ability. Cunning action, cunning action. Cunning action. You can dash, disengage, or hide on every turn as a bonus action. So dash, disengage, or hide are no longer full actions. You can do that as a bonus action. You can hide at the end, like do something fucked up and hide. Exactly. No, yeah. That's actually super, super helpful. Quario.

Wait, can I do a roll to see how much? I respect, Larry? Yes, you can. All right. This is a DC-15. Oh. Roll a D-20. All right.

Oh, lots of respect for Larry. You've got some respect. 17. Good job. You can get a little closer. A little closer. Two steps. That's the dance of marriage,

slowly getting close enough to whisper to your partner. Quariel, go ahead and roll a D-10. Yes, indeed I will. I have rolled a six Okay, good, six, very nice. Plus one is seven. So you now have 18 hit points, congratulations.

Same as lair. And you get to choose a style of fighting, Jeremy. As a paladin, you can choose defense, dueling, great weapon fighting, or you can choose protection. I think defense and protection make the most sense for Quarillo. I will go with defense. Okay, so your fighting style is defense plus one bonus to AC when you are wearing armor. Yes. You also get divine smite, which means when you hit a creature with a melee weapon attack,

you can expend one spell slot to deal radiant damage in addition to the weapons damage. So basically at any time I can burn casting a spell and just smash with a rhodos blast, which I can tell you Quariel is excited about. Yeah, I was going to say, that's a maximum of 5D8. So by fifth level, you can, that's a lot of damage. Yeah, if I burn a fifth level spell slot, it gets pretty nasty. Yeah, yeah. The damage increases by 1D8 if the target is undead or a fiend.

Oh, they hate it. Oh, they hate it so much. Oh, they don't like it. Cool, very nice. All right, so Sam'sies gets a 1D8 HP. That's a 3 with his Constitution bonus. So 4, he now has 13 hit points. He also gets Jack of all trades, starting at.

At second level, he adds half his proficiency bonus, rounded down to any of his building. He hasn't conquered any of his current trades. He can't have any more. It's true. And there's also a song of rest, which means he can use soothing music oration to help revitalize his wounded allies. So great. So everybody's feeling pretty fucking sweet after that level up. But before you go to bed, you realize you should probably make a decision about the loot that you've stashed in the stable.

Nobody knows you've recovered it. Scrimp-Crimbley doesn't know. It's sitting there in the stable. So you have a choice to make. Do you return the loot to the townsfolk of West Clamley? Or do you take it for yourself? Wait, it was actual, like, gold and stuff? Well, you haven't really looked at it.

You've mostly just carried it back. So you don't really know what's in all of it. But when you headed out to the forest, it was clear that the goblins had been raiding West Clamley for some weeks. So you're pretty certain most of it belongs to the people in this area. Can we keep the loot and give the town Samseys loot? L-U-T-E?

Cool. L-L-Swap? Sure. He's sort of staring off into the distance, so it's hard to... Classic songwriter. Hard to know how he would feel about that. Yeah, penning one of his infernal tunes. Would this sort of be like an alignment-oriented decision?

The honorable thing to do would be to return the belongings to the towns, Maybe we could have a little sip of the ale. Nothing shall taste so sour as an eel-gotten sip, Larry. Maybe we just peek at it. Let's just peek at it. Peek. Don't we get peek? Give us a peek.

All right, all right, we may peek. That is fine to peek. We're going to do little peek. Okay, all right. Petra, do you want to see this? Petra is over in the corner of the common area examining her stick that she got from the temple. She sort of looks up at you and kind of squints a little bit,

but she's kind of not interested. She's kind of gone silent since getting this stick, and you can tell she's really deep in thought of. So you think she's mad because we killed her boyfriend? We killed him, straight us. And then I didn't even ask her to be my bridesmaids. Yeah. You could have offered that.

I don't want to get involved because that's like your thing, because I got my guys who are batching up for me. What's up? Who's that? Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Cool.

He's a... Jeff's just there? Yeah. Cool. Jeff's all right. Good. All right. So you guys, under cover of darkness, you use the lantern that Quariel was given by Scrimp Crimbly and kind of sneak out to the stables.

There's several crates that are open. Those are crates. There's books inside. There's a crate with... with a bunch of different pieces of clothing. You can't really tell what they are. There's some that seem like maybe they're, you know, cloaks or pieces of not armor, leather and cloth.

Mm-hmm. Do you want to see if there's anything magical in there? Yes. Yeah, a magical hat. I'd love a magic hat. Magical chocolate. Okay, great. So book it.

You roll a D20. Okay. It's a DC-15 Arcana check. It's an eight. Eight. Okay. Plus five because of your Arcana. and that's only 13.

So you can't really tell if there's any magic emanating from any of this stuff. So these are townspeople's like underwear and stuff? I don't know. Do we want to look through this? What do we think? Are we looking for magic underwear, gang? This feels immoral. We must return these items immediately.

Suddenly you hear the front door of the inn open and Scrib Krimbly comes out and he's wearing like whatever a medieval version of one of those like onesies with the butt flap would be. suit. Like a leather onesie with a butt flap. Aquariel, is that you? Is that everything okay? Yes, everything is fine.

We have decided to return the items to the townspeople that we have brought back. And never considered otherwise. You've decided to return. We have declared that we will be returning. We were out here poking around to make sure we returned the right underwear

to the right butts. Yes, there's quite a number of items, so we want to make sure that they were reaching the correct person. Speaking of your back-to- door is open, Scrimp. Yes, Scrimp, you've got a draft coming up the rear. I always leave it open.

Why? What? Ventilation. Easy access? Access to what? Access for you or a person, another person? Anyone who needs it? Sinners.

Cheek-romancy. Indeed. Now, do you know if the townspeople want this back? Do the townspeople want their stolen goods back? Is that what you're asking? of things. They might have moved on. Yes, maybe some of these items didn't spark joy.

Are you telling me you're hoping that the townsfolk, the alchemist, the blacksmith, that they're actually happy their stuff is gone, like they've downsized. Yes. You're hoping there's sort of some life-changing magic of tidying up. Yes, they may be devotees of the god Konmari, where it is beneficial to rid yourself of needless items. It's possible, but for me, I would say, if any of those crates contain my garfons or my ale, I'd really appreciate them back.

Yes. This ale, I believe, is yours. As we said, after long consideration of no other options, we've decided to return everything. Yes, exactly. Well, you lot are heroes. I'll tell you, heroes through and through. Integrity to the last.

Here's your go-for. Now, it's no awful, but it is missing some feathers. Fevers. What? Fevers. What feathers? The best thing is fevers. Scribally has already gone inside. You guys put the lids back on the crate, close up the stable, and head upstairs, confident that you've made the right and righteous decision.

I was looking forward to going through all the stuff that would have happened if you'd stolen it, but you know what, I think you made the right choice. All right, so you guys go back, fall into a deep and... righteous sleep. As I have said my prayers before we fall asleep, so of course our sleep becomes righteous. And book it? Should I, like, maybe head to toe?

Is it caught the next to Jali's caught? Wow. Sleeping in separate rooms, not just separate beds? Seven rooms? Okay. Slide on over here, buddy. Okay, my man. Watch help for Jeff. Yeah, Jeff, you cool down there, Jeff?

Yeah, I'm good. Jeff. Jeff, good man. And he showed up for this bachelor party before I even knew I was getting married. And that's, that's sick. That's dedication. That's a friend. Destination batch.

Another good man down. So, you wake up in the morning, fully rested. Your wounds are fully healed. Not my emotional wounds, but yes. The sun's streaming in the window. You've rested the rest of the righteous. You know you're doing the right thing. You tell Petra, and she's still.

examining the stick she took from the temple and she nods sagely in approval. She's taking a time. She says, that's fresh in it. Really looking at the stick. So. What she say? That's fresh, isn't it? You regale Scrib, Crembley with your heroic tale.

You return his ale and his garfons. He's so grateful. He tells you you can stay at the three Fons in for free anytime. All right. So you load all the crates and the other items into a cart. You wheel it into the village square of West Clamley. The townsfolk come out in disbelief as you return. turn items both magical and mundane to their rightful owners.

The shopkeepers demand that you keep an item or two as a sign of their gratitude. So, the armorer, shubble milkshank is his name. He goes to Jigley and he gives him shovel milkshake? Shubble. Shubble milkshake. Shovel milkshake. He's about to give you a magical item, treat him with respect. That's for.

Shubble milkshank bestows you with an elven cloak. It's a cloak that gives your opponent a disadvantage on perception checks to see you. And you have advantage on stealth checks. So it makes you harder to see, harder to spot. Yes. He's giving that generally to the group? No, that's to you. That's to you.

Oh. You returned several items to him, and he insists that you keep this one. That milkshank brought all the cloaks to the. yard in a way. Yes. All the elves to the, yeah. He did. The jeweler, the jeweler's name is Marcy Simon.

Marcy. The jeweler gives to Quariel, the Ring of Truth. Yes, excellent. Quiriel, the Ring of Truth gives your opponent disadvantage on deception checks. So if... All falsehood shall be revealed under the light of Roros the Sunlighter. Yes. And to book it, Marcy Simon gives a mystery key.

The mystery key has a 5% chance of unlocking any door, but when it does, it disappears when it's used. If it works. 5% not great odds. It's not really, I don't know. Any door. Any door. Marcy, um, thank you for this. Oh, you're very welcome.

Thank you. Thank you. It's the least I could do. It is very much the least you can do. Thank you very much. 5% over time adds up pretty quickly, by the way. All right. Was there a percentage on that engagement ring I got from you?

Because it is not going well over here. Was there like a 5% marriage working out thing? To be fair, when you bought it, you said, I have no idea I'm giving this to, but I just want it in the back pocket just in case I meet the one. That's preparation. I've got engagement rings hidden all around the countryside. That was also the speech he gave me before. he proposed.

There is a shopkeeper who is sort of a music and games guy. He's a retired bard. Don't go. Nobody go in. Oh, his name is Bojolet D'Jure. Bojolet D'Hsue. And he gives Sam's the Rhythm Maker's Drum. As opposed to whose drum? Redundant name.

It keeps the beach. Why would you do this? Bojolai, I beg you. It's a plus one to spell attacks and saving roles. As an action, the drum can regain one use of bardic inspiration, which, by the way, came in handy last time. Fair enough. Sure. And to Larry, what's? The music and games guy gives you a gold coin. Yes. Tip. You look closely and you say, what kind of gold is this? Bojolet de Jor says, it's not yellow gold. It's Yolo gold. It's a Yolo gold coin. You can flip it once a day. if it's heads your role is a natural 20

if it's tails your role is a natural one a natural one it's a natural one so you can you can replace any d20 roll by flipping the yolo gold coin heads is a natural 20 tails a natural one wow you can be used once per short rest so you can use it multiple times a day if you take a short rest in between you can use it after a roll that's bad no no you have to decide

beforehand. Wow. You got a yolo it. I'm feeling lucky. Permanently lucky. This coin's going to be flipping a lot. This is a good Larry gift. Thank you, Bojolet. I like those odds. 50-50, the house always wins. Wow. But you're not the house in that situation. I think I am the house. No, I don't know that you are. How do you get to be the house? Do you have to have a house? The townspeople are so, so grateful for you returning all this stuff, the alchemist, the bookseller, the tanner, the blacksmith, they all give you a reward, and they pool

what little resources they have and give you 30 gold pieces, which comes out to five gold pieces for everybody. I refuse my gold pieces these townspeople. I'll take them. I'll take them. No, bro. I'm returning them to the townspeople. I'm not, it's not a share that you may take. Well, I think they just sort of dropped

them. We don't need to go through. We just gave them their underwear back. They're right here. They're right in front of us. I return the five gold coins. I thought we were on a party. Why don't you talk to us before you make these rash rhodos decisions. The Tanner is standing holding his five gold pieces sort of awkwardly staring at you guys fighting about

the money he tried to give Coriol. What about the other people in town? Did the pornographer have any gifts for us or any of the other... The pornographer just looked at you through like the little slit in his door and he just closed it. What about the new pornographer?

You got the music in you, he said. That is a new radical. Larry, that is not a new pornographer. The new pornographer is off at mass being romantic. Oh, boy, wow. What a ref. I will drink a case of Nico to that. Yes, excellent.

Wow, cool. Very good. I urge you not to become a destroyer after you consume such. No other choice. You'll be like a new man. You guys are very... Electrified. The townsfolk of West Clamley are very grateful to you.

They wave you goodbye as you head back to the inn. There's one sealed crate that nobody claims in the wagon. And indeed, no one seems to recognize it. All of the stolen items seem to be accounted for. The box is about a meter long on each side and about a half a meter tall. A meter wide, quite a large box. Yeah, it's a large box. It's heavier than it looks, and it smells a little bit of smoke and ash.

So you load it back onto the cart. thinking perhaps you can track down its owner in another town or take a peek inside to see exactly what it is. We're taking a peek now? Yeah, I think we're all quite curious. You want to take a peek publicly in the middle of this? No, we didn't want to take a peek publicly. No. Let us take it inside the home of the pornographer.

The new pornographer or the old pornography? Oh, let's go to both. Do they know each other? They should be. The slit looker. They should mean. Yes, it's an apprentice sort of apprentice journeyman. Every spring the old pornographer takes on a new pornographer.

And the new pornographer is like, I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly. And the old pornographer says, I'll know it when I see it. Oh, boy. Okay. Are you going to go to the pornographer's house? You head back to the three funs. I think perhaps this is best dealt with at the inn. Yes.

Yes. Great. So you head back to the three funds in. You unload the crate and examine it closely. The other crates in the goblin layer were hastily packed during nighttime raids, but this one is carefully sealed. Not typical goblin work. Yeah. Besides the smell, which sort of smells like a campfire the next day, or a campfire if you were burning like metal in it, it sort of smells like slag or something.

It's pretty accurate. But, you know, it's not hot or anything. There's no magic coming off of it as far as you can tell. You do see some characters scrawled in the top of the box. Characters. It's safe to assume that they're goblins since you found them in the goblin layer. Who speaks goblin? I think it was me.

Gigli speaks goblin. So it's a DC-15 perception check. Okay. Oh, 11 plus one. 11, okay. So you can't really make out all of the writing, but you see a C and a S and T and an R and, a D.

Custard. Let's get it. Let's open it up. Yum, yum. Gopalp guppo. Crack it. All right, I'll pop it with my axe. Okay.

Yes, I noticed you have that notch on the back that allows you to pop things. A bottle of a crowbar. You want to make sure it's returnable as well. Preserve the packaging. So, Gigley, you put the corner of your axe in and crack it open. The inside of the crate is packed full of burnt and melted stone and metal. It looks like items that were pulled out of a fire or an intense blaze. Everything's covered in a layer of reeking ash.

So there's some lumps of what looked like steel or bronze. There's some cracked pieces of glass, melted glass, and a few fragments of things you can make out. There's a wrought iron kind of gate handle. There's a hilt of a sword. And there's a little burlap bag of chipped gemstones that look like. They may have been recovered from pieces of armor and jewelry or something. thing. And there's a couple lumps of what looked like probably gold that have also melted. You estimate that all of that stuff is probably worth around 100 gold pieces if you were to

sell all of it. And there's one item in the box that after you wipe away the gray ash and the grime off of it appears to be completely undamaged. It's a sphere, about five inches in diameter, impossibly smooth and completely black. And at first glance, it would appear to be made of polished obsidian or something, but there's a depth to the blackness of it. It's almost like looking through a window into a vast and starless sky. It sort of begs the question, how much more black could this be? Exactly.

None more black. This is a very cool bowling ball, I think. No holes in it. But if you do, if you like duckpin bowling. Candlepin. It's a local candlepin place. gold candlepin place. Exactly.

Hmm. Hmm. Do we know if the ball has any purpose or powers? Like, oh, is it just a ball? Well, you know, if you hold it for a little while, you can tell if there's any magic to it. Hmm.

Hold it, hon. All right, I thought, oh, I'm going to do it. I hold on to it. You got the magic hands. I'm holding it. I assume. Thank you. So, Bucket, you hold the sphere for a few moments

and you don't. detect any magic. There's no magic of any of the schools that you're familiar with coming off of it. There's no, it doesn't seem to be connected to anything. And in fact, it doesn't really look like anything you've ever seen on Talluria. But the more you look into it, the more dimension this blackness has. It's almost like you're looking through it to something that looks like miles away or unknowable distances inside this thing. You think it's like a portal? Well, it's totally solid. There's no mechanism on it or anything. In the way that a clear crystal ball would like,

you could sort of look through it and would magnify what you were kind of looking through. It does the opposite. Right. Now, group meeting. Group meeting. They're sort of always meeting. I'm awake. Yes.

We're always pretty much seen in a meeting. All right. Now, group. Right. Communication is very key when it comes to any. relationship and what is it that we want right now? Hmm. Great question.

Ooh, I have an idea. Larry should Yolo coin on a perception check about this orb so we can try to deduce something. Okay. Something about it. All right. I've been itching to flip this coin. Okay, so do you have a coin, Justin, or would you like me to flip it? He's checking.

I got a silver dollar from 1974. Whoa, big boy. This is a beast. Yeah, where'd you even get that? Is that Ike on there? What are we looking at? Yeah, I think so. I think so. So, Justin, I want to see where this lands.

Got to land in your hand and show it to us. Yeah, okay. Ready? Uh-huh. Heads. Oh, natural money. Very nice. Very nice.

So, Larry grabs... Yolo. Nice. Respect. Larry grabs the sphere. Yes, you only learn once. Yes. I told you this is going to crush.

No, no else. So you grab the sphere and you look into it. And the longer you look into it. And the longer you... look into this thing, the deeper it kind of looks and the more it kind of draws you in. And it kind of almost feels like it's creating this

pull a little bit. Your face gets closer and closer and the rest of you, you're watching Larry look into this sphere and it kind of almost seems like he's losing his balance. And he sort of falls towards the crate and knocks the crate

over off of this sort of hay bale you've put it on to examine it. Larry, control yourself. And out of the crate falls all of the items that you guys have looked at all of these melted lumps and stuff and one brass plate that you hadn't seen that was at the bottom of the box falls out and the brass plate says on it in very clear common language it says castle braid and you realize that all of these items were things pulled from the wreckage of castle braid where as you'll remember rangus the wizards rangus dangus course rangus the wizard

destroyed the castle. These must be items that were recovered from the wreckage of the castle. And the fact that this one thing has been completely undamaged in... You guys all saw this enormous fireball that destroyed the castle. This must be a very durable object indeed to have survived this. It's very clear that this orb has some sort of significance. It's hard to figure out what it is. but you know now that that is where it came from.

So it all came from Castlebraid. Maybe is this the origin of whackness? Something like this, you know, maybe we could talk to Petra. She's got that stick. It feels like she might have a take on this. Oh, you're going to talk to Petra, right? You're back into talking to Petra? I'm not about anything.

You could, it's just about the ball. I don't have any other. Stick ball. The ball. Stick and ball. Go together. Larry, your marriage is only a day old and already the problems have seeped into the ground. Thank you.

I'm surprised at the different problems. Usually it's one problem. We have all problems. You know what I mean? Pretty much. Nothing by everything. Everything's a problem. I haven't even slept next door.

In the same room. Yes, and imagine what problems will arise then. Exactly. Compounding problems. This ball is why I'm focused on the ball. It's the most exciting thing happening. my marriage. I'll have that.

All right. So you take it into the inn where Petra is hanging out, looking at her stick. Hey, Pet, we got something else for you to look at it if you're done with that stick. Did he call her pet? So you bring the sphere over to Petra.

And she looks in, and after a few seconds, she kind of, her eyes light up, and she goes, who's that? Zigley. And the rest. And then she hands it back to you. And she says, I saw someone in there.

Who did you see? Who, Petra? Uh-huh. It's a sort of a tall guy who was a funny, and it's an bald and it, it's an eye, and he looked right at me, right? Dulsed tones of Petra. Now, this person you saw, did they seem friendly or not friendly? I never seen it before, did we? I didn't catch that one.

So Petra keeps talking in her very, very. idiosyncratic way. You kind of realize based on what she's saying that it kind of looked like someone, like a tall person that she couldn't really recognize kind of looking back at her before disappearing.

Petra did not seem particularly upset by this. Whatever she saw didn't scare or disturb her. It was more just surprising. Is there anyone else we should show it to who might be an expert amongst the people who gave us items? This feels like an old pornographer thing.

You know? Well, West Clamley, for what it's worth, West Clamley is like a village of like, you know, maybe 100 people. You're about 15 miles from the site of Castle Braide. And you're also about 22 miles from a junction of the Great Road that runs west and east and the mountain road that runs along the mountains north to south. So, yes? Don't I have like a magic power that I can see in the pest of something?

Maybe to understand what it is and it came from and maybe the future of it as well. I mean, you literally just joined the School of Divination, so probably not right now, but certainly in the future. I'm a fast learner. If you just sit, that's the future come to you. Wow. Wow, Larry, really good. Proud Larry. So you have a couple options at this point.

The junction of the Great Road and the Mountain Road, there's a little town there. It's not a whole lot bigger than West Climley, but there's a very famous inn and tavern at this crossroads that is famous for being where people meet. It's where you probably would go if you were looking for a new quest. It's where people will collect information, share information, meet like-minded adventures. If you ever wanted to put together a crew or something, it's where you might go. So you could go there and see if there's anybody there that you might want to talk to. or you could go to the smoldering Rangus Dengis and see if you can find any information there.

To Castle Braid? Well, the formerly Castle Braid, yes. To just remind you for everyone but Larry has seen it, Castle Braid during the time of the Rangus Dengis, you almost couldn't look at it. It was so horrible. It was this huge flaming, multicolored void of heat and evil floating right above where the castle used to be.

It's now become sort of just a big ember. It's still really hot. You guys have sort of ridden by it. You can see it from the horizon sometimes. It's just like a 50 meter tall coal. So it's really hot, but it's not really doing much anymore. And the voice of Rangas has stopped emanating from it over the last few months. And now it just kind of sits there and cooks everything.

Do we want to talk to an N... What is it, NCP? NPC is non-player character? NPC. That's what Jeff is. Jeff's here. Right. You know Jeff?

Yeah. Yeah. Jeff knows a lot. Jeff is studied, right? You're already, already, already not an NPC, by the way, because Seth is playing him. But uninvited guest, I guess. I mean, might be more accurate. Jeff, why don't you hold this ball?

A player character. Yeah, not interested. Also, Jeff's voice changes every time. Yeah, I can't remember it. Yes, but that is well known of Jeff. Jeff's like that. That's Jeff. His voice extremely malleable.

That's me, Jeff. It's on rambling. Much stranger. If we go to the inn, we'll meet more interesting people. The inn, sure. The Crossroads or the Inn? The Inn is at the Crossroads, yes. It's called the Prancing Poodle.

And it's at Spothpots Junction. Larry is not the only halfling in this world who rides poodles. Yeah. Yes, well, we must be careful if we venture to the Crossroads. If we are not in harmony with the bone thugs that frequent the Crossroads, we may find ourselves in a different. situation. Right.

Let's go to the inn, I guess. Let's go to the inn. So you head out of the great road. It's about 22 miles away. You're on horseback and poodle back. Of course. With Dwayne pulling a cart with all your stuff. Now that the goblins in the area have been routed and any left are likely keeping

their distance, you reach Spothpots Junction and the prancing poodle without any incident. So on this peaceful journey, you have time to think about all sorts of other things. things. For example, how you feel about organizing your finances on your own or all the subscriptions that you have that you don't really remember what they are or when they started or when they start charging your account every month. And you start to realize that maybe the answer is Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket money has automatic transaction categorization across accounts. It has customizable

categories and tags so you can reveal different spending patterns and add context to your numbers. That helps you plan and save for upcoming purchases or big events coming up. Maybe you're planning a wedding or maybe like Larry, you've already gotten married and you're planning the costs of an upcoming potential divorce. You can set budgets and goals. You can get personalized insights, regular reports, and receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. And just to pull over here and get personal for a second, I recently found out through Rocket Money that somehow a subscription that I had signed my kids up for for a trampoline park

had not actually canceled, and I was still getting charged for it. So not only were my kids jumping on other things like my furniture and my body, but also I was losing money. Don't do it. I did. and if you did, sign up for Rocket Money and let them tell you the mistakes that you have made and continue to make. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash Zix. That's RocketMoney.com slash ZyXX, rocketmoney.com slash Zix. So I think it's safe

to say you've all been really ruminating over that over the several hours it takes. And finally, through the waning dusk, you see the warm lights. of Spothpots Junction emanating from the buildings in the distance. So it's just after nightfall when you get there, and the place is hopping. You walk into the inn. There's a tavern with a fireplace and tables and a bunch of food out. People are kind of eating from a communal table. There's a bar there where somebody's pouring drinks,

and there's kind of an entryway, a receptionary where you would get a room for the night. and there's a lot of people talking around. And Larry has been here a bunch of times. A couple of you have been there before. But it's a little bit more active than you're used to. You guys have been doing kind of local adventuring, and this is a little bit more. There's some kind of scary people here.

There's some rough-looking, maybe thieves. There's definitely some magic users, some wizards and stuff. Yeah, guys, I would kind of getting your bearings. I would follow my lead in here, okay? like this is sort of a Larry. So Larry's going to take the lead. Follow Larry. This is my kind of people.

Everyone's on the take. Everyone's on the make. Follow Larry. Sinners. Great, great. So a few of the people at the bar kind of notice you come in. Nobody misses any entrance that Dwayne makes, so people kind of size him up.

The rest of you get some glances, but everybody's kind of doing their own thing. I thought more people would shout Larry when I walked. in like welcoming me back. Nobody's not a single person recognizes. Only Jeff is doing that because he's a hype man. Yeah, but he shouts Larry every 30 to 40 seconds. Also, just a heads up,

Samsey's committed to an open mic night back in West Clamley, so he's going to catch up with you guys. You wanted us and we, yeah, we couldn't go. Not interested, not interested. What is a mic in this context? You're familiar with open mic. Michael, he opens his home to performers so that they might. Right.

He'll take anybody and they can do whatever. Truly, the bar is very low at one of Open Michaels nights. Yeah, a lot of like close-up magic. Poetry that is too personal. Michael's also sales like, you know, fabrics and decorations and such. Bipe cleaners. Frames for images. Yes, really good.

Crossbows that shoot only glutes. Blue. Yes. Very helpful. Yes. If you have heated the glue beforehand, yes. So there's three things that you kind of catch your eye when you look around. Near the fireplace, there's three kind of scruffy-looking dudes who are gathered by the fire.

They're drinking a lot. You can tell they've been there for a while. They're pretty drunk and they're continuing to drink. Some of them kind of look a little bit worse for wear, tending to some physical or emotional damage. But as you stay at the bar after you're there for a few minutes, they're, they're, kind of loosen up and start laughing. And they're singing along with you musicians and dunking on the facial hair of Polly Walrus, who is the owner of the prancing poodle.

So these guys kind of seem like the party guys. And also there's a over in the corner, there's an old man with a long beard and a pointy hat and he's sitting in the corner. He's smoking a long pipe and he's just kind of looking around at everybody and making meaningful eye contact with everyone as they kind of come in. He's got a little box in front of him on the table and he's sitting by himself, obviously either looking for someone or hoping that someone will talk to him. And then the third thing that you notice is that right when you walked in, there was this halfling who walked into the bathroom and locked it. And he's in there and he hasn't

come out and he's been there for like 15, 20 minutes and the door is locked. So it seems a little bit suspicious. Lots going on. Yes, Larry, you claim to be familiar with all the goings-on of this particular. You must know everybody. Do you know the big blattered halfling?

I want to go check that out, and honestly, I have to, you know, drop some tinkle. Right. What? Gross. Oh, gross. That's just part of living. You've got to accept me

for everything. I've never done it. Not even once. Except me for a... Not even once. Never. Never. Never.

I just keep it in. It seems very dangerous. Imagine what your voice would sound like if you relieved yourself. Just once. I just keep it in. Wow. Move it gone.

Let's go check out the bathroom. That halfling look familiar to me. We don't all know each other, but we're the same size. We get mixed up from each other a lot. So you go over to the bathroom. Under the door, you can see the light is off in the bathroom. So it seems like there is no one in there, or at least if there is someone in there,

he's extinguished whatever candle or lantern is in the bathroom. Yeah, it's careful, Larry. That means there is no lit candle in the bathroom, which is trouble can be a problem. So you try the door, it's locked still. There is a key hole in the door. So if you had the key, you could open the... I have a thing. I have a thing.

Here's the thing, do we want to try this key in the bathroom? It disappears if it's right. We're going to find out this halfling is gone and the key is gone forever. You certainly could. You certainly could. I mean, I might be able to, I could pick the lock. It doesn't disappear if it doesn't work for what it's worth. Right.

It only disappears. And it has a 5% chance of work. I feel this other stuff we can do. Also not. Yeah. Let's go talk to that wizard who's eyeball and everyone. You want to talk to the wizard? Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to go talk to those party animals. Okay. Can I pick the lock? Sure. Yeah. If everybody wants to go to do their own thing, that's cool. We're in a bar.

Let's get loose. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're going to pick the lock of the bathroom. I do not get loose in this way that you have described. Yeah. I'll pick the lock.

All right. So it's a dexterity check with a proficiency bonus if you have thieves tools. So this is a DC20 dex check. You have plus three. so you also have your proficiency bonus so it's actually a plus five so it's a DC20 so you need a you need to roll a 15 or higher to pick this lock

geez okay I believe in you kind of nine nine indeed okay so you bust out your thieves tools and you sort of furtively try to get them into the lock of this door this is sort of an open room this kind of tavern

that you're in, so several people see that you're doing. That's just so embarrassing. This is so embarrassing. And you can't quite find the thing that you've got your tools in there. Some of these lats are really old, so the latches are hard, you know? So the tavern owner, Polly Walrus, comes over, and he's got a big mustache. I don't know if his last name is actually Walrus or if they just call him that, but he comes over to you and he's like, can I help him?

you? Yeah, my buddy just, um, they're halfling. He went in there and I think he might have locked himself in. Do you actually have the key? Have you knocked on the door? Not yet. You got to pick my, you got to lock pick my door in my bathroom. I find knocking rude if someone's, you know, busy.

Rooder than picking the lock. Just checking. I just want to check and see where you're at. You know, but it's less alarming. It's more of a quiet entry when a knock is just like, can really scare, can close a sphincter unexpectedly. Yeah, not like someone just waltzing in after picking the lock. Okay, just checking.

There's a loo upstairs if you'd like to use it. No, no, I just, I want to use this one. This one's really nice. I'm going to knock on the door. Let's knock on the door. All right. Yeah, shall we knock together? Yeah, everybody knock.

All right, so all of you guys knock on the door and from inside a very fearful... Just a minute! Sorry, just a minute! No reaction to the lock picking. It's very loud. You didn't actually roll a critical fail on that. He didn't hear it.

That's true. After a few seconds, the halfling opens the door and looks around. There's seven people standing next to the door looking at him. He sort of sheepishly kind of slides by you. awkward. Hey, I would not go in there. Yeah. He's the candle lit.

The candle has been relit. Yes. Good. Good. Wise. Could we talk to him real quick? The halfling? Yeah.

Yeah. He goes back to the bar. He's standing there by himself. So you're going to go over, you're going to follow him over to the bar. Yeah. Okay. Did you guys want to go talk to the other people? I want to talk to that wizard.

Can we split up and talk to everybody? Sure. Let's do it. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not talk to the cool people at the bar. The cool people? Oh, you mean the guys at the fire, the party animals? Okay.

I'm going to that wizard. Wizard, okay? Aquario. I will implore upon Polly Walrus to cast these sinners from his bar. Which sinners? All of them? Any that seem maybe too far gone. Cool.

So you're going to start a volunteer bouncer this bar. Okay, great. All right, Mujan, you want to talk to the party animals? Right. So, there's three guys. They're pretty drunk at this point. You get to talk to them, and their names are Gort, Hengi, and Screeb. At first, they're a little cagey about what they're doing, but they're drunk enough and proud of themselves enough to share that their initiates in a local thieves guild.

They call themselves the Mary Marauders. They're pretty proud of it. They're all pretty young. They're all like, you know, late teens, early 20s guys. They're kind of dweeps. But they insist that the merry marauders are sort of a philanthropic group that, you know, redistributes the ill-gotten wealth from the corrupt upper class. And they say they can always put in a word for you with the guild if you can help them.

Right. Okay. So I have a question for you, and I wonder if you studied this in your little program. Mm. If you found a ball, it's that a little bit of opaque, and you can kind of... to see a dude in it, but you don't know who he is. And you also recently got married to someone you kind of don't realize you know anymore because you knew them in the past, but people change.

What would you do about all that? I don't know. I just need, like, a younger demographic to give me advice. Wow. So Gort is sort of following what you're saying, but Hingy and Screeb have completely lost the thread. Gort is like, did you say you got a treasure of some kind of? I don't think I would have caught it treasure.

I caught a lot extra trash. So you're asking me what to do with trash? Not trash. It's more like a treasure. Uh-huh. Well, I'd bring it to the head of the guild, the head of the thieves guild and see if he can make something of it. Nothing else, he'd probably pay you for it. Uh-huh.

What do you think is like the monetary range? You want me to give you a sales value for an unidentified object? I don't know. One gold piece, a thousand gold pieces? I have no idea. A thousand, okay, okay. And then about the other bits I was talking to you about. About your relationship advice.

Yes. You don't seem like you like him anymore. I'd have what it's like. It's when you feel something, positive feelings for someone. Pretty straightforward. That's when it's good rather than bad. What is good? That's when it makes you feel like keeping continuing in your life, pap.

you'll mean? Oh. Anyway, it's really nice meeting you. I don't think I'm going to get anything from you. Good luck. Take care. Great, good, cool. So Seth talks to the wizard.

This guy is delighted, almost maybe too happy that you walk up to him and sit down at the table. His eyes light up and he takes a long draw from his pipe. He's like, ah, yes, welcome. Welcome. What is your name? You speak to Jigley of Clan Benefer, son of groin. Yes, yes, I've heard of your house. The Clan Benefer, I know it well.

Of course. Jigli. I'm looking for someone to partake in an adventure with me. Oh, boy. Someone who can fight. Someone who can sneak. Someone who can learn and share his information. Someone who can work as a team member,

collaboration, very important. You seek a seasoned group of adventures fresh off of victory. A group, yes, yes, a group. I'm putting together a band, a team, and I could use a person like you. But first, you must prove your worth by unlocking this ornate box in front of me.

Oh, boy. To open the box, you simply must guess the password, and the password is a number between one and ten. Hmm. Four. Wow. Incorrect! The answer was five. Try again sometime.

Five. You may not try again, but your friends over there may. Teamsmanship, very important on this adventure. Oh, okay. Fellows of the Lagoon gather here. What? Book it. Huh? Quoriel. Larry.

Yes. Dwayne. Welcome. I am but a humble wizard looking to share an issue. share an adventure with a willing and talented, intrepid team. Well, for us to deign to serve you, you must also provide a service to us. We'll get to that. You have not proven your worth yet, Dorf.

I thought I could. Who shall guess next? To open the box, you must speak the correct number. You each have one chance. Jigli has failed. And the number changes? Are you going to attempt it, or not.

I'm going to guess 1996. I said it was between one and ten. You were going to pull any number? First of all, what is your name, which? Book it! I'm going to do, too. Is there any magic you can do your devination? Incorrect.

The answer was six. Who is next? Well, you answer, he just said the answer. Who is next? It changes every time. I'll not play your game, wizard. Okay? Sort of important for the story, but okay. Well, maybe you should have made it easier to guess your precious number, wizard. Well, maybe if you'd think about it for a second, you'd figure it out.

What is your name, Palladin? Oh, oh, I know, I know, I know. I think it's, I have a guess. I have a guess. What is your name? Larry. What is your guess? Five. That is correct. The ornate box slides open, revealing a ring. Congratulations. Can you hand me my ring, please?

That's your ring? Yes. I'm not going to give you a guy. I just met you. I'm not going to give you something. Your gift is being involved in this wizard's, you know, adventure. Quarreal's going to pick up the ring. Hey, I have tumbled the secret to your riddle wizard.

Okay. You ask us for a random number. But indeed, what you seek is the number of letters in our first name. Yes. Oh, yes. Excellent work, Palladin, even though you pretended to refuse to be involved. I could not help but be ensnared into your wizard's game. Take your ring.

You know what that says to me, Paladin? You're in. You like it. Even though you didn't ask to me in. I did not ask to you. I know. I've seen you. I've seen you walk around this.

You just told Paulie Walrus you were going to kick people out for being drunk. Yeah, no, he was very... Okay, hold on, hold on. You're going into a bar, and it's one thing to be like, make this place... Do you know what it's like to take a oath? Let go, unhand me. Don't take an oath to... the Rodes, the sunlighter.

You can pledge yourself to the one who kindled the very sun. What is the adventure exactly? Ah, ha, ha, Bookett, I'm so glad you asked. Now listen. I'm married. Yeah, to me. I'm 700 years old. I don't need this.

I don't need this from him. Put your ring away, Bucket is married. That's not... And I'm not threatened by her talking to you or those other thieves over there that she just walked right up to. Yeah, they were really, I noticed they seemed really interested in talking to you, and then they kind of lost interest over the course of it. What happened over there? Let me say, Bucket is a refined, you have a refined palate to really get, get Bucket, you know?

Larry gets it! Bookett, I sense something in you. I sense a royal lineage of some kind, Bucket. Is that, who are you? Who are you really? What? I've just a little witch, do little old witch things. Didn't you tell us you

Some days ago that you were a princess who escaped? If we are to embark on this journey together, we must trust each other. Yes. I believe it's in our first adventure together If you can remember back to such a time long ago. Yes, you were heir to a throne of a kingdom some mini leagues away.

I'm very humble, I'm an humble little witch. You all have shown. own your worth. You can join me on this adventure, an adventure of great peril, which you must take on at your own risk. Are you willing to endeavor it or no? So expenses are not covered is what you're suggesting. I mean, can we turn in receipts? We've got a rider. It's a per diem on this one. The per diem, listen, if we succeed and we all survive this adventure, we're talking riches out the wazoo. A quick aside.

with these guys, wizard earmuffs. Shoot, do we want to show him the orb or just sort of do his thing? The what? Tell me the what? Don't just show him the orb. Maybe he is seeking the orb. Right, but we were wondering our own thing

and then he's going to have this do another thing and I'm just trying, which thing is the thing. Let's do, I say we do it. Let's go on a journey with this old weirdo. Yes, good, Larry, good. Good, Larry. I should introduce myself. The reason I could not unlock the box is that my name is longer than ten characters.

My name is glorificus Sting Swallow. Wow. The Blue Wizard of the Mountains. That's a new pornographer name. Well, no, I'm a very old pornography. I'm 700 years old as I mentioned. Okay. I beseech you to join me in this quest.

Although peril lies on this road, we shall travel together. So does glory. And heroism and treasure. Yes, treasure. He said that twice, like as if that wasn't true. No, it's true. It's real true. Now, listen, you must come back with me to my...

I mean, Havel is a strong word. House. Maybe a generous term. But come with me to my home. And I shall share all the details of this adventure we shall embark on together. And remember, trust is paramount. We are in this together, yes? I've definitely heard that before at the beginning of things

when that's the person you end up not wanting to trust. I don't know. I trust him completely and I'm a medium judge of character. See? Did you get any information out of that halfling over there, by the way, Larry? Sorry, I got a little distracted. I was about trying to order a drink. I was not there anymore.

I bought a drink with my Yolo coin. I was like, don't spend that. That's a keeper. Wow. Well, listen, let us rest and share in some food and some drink. And when you are ready, come with me, and we shall get into the details of this arrangement. I promise it should be profitable for all of us if it goes, you know, if we all survive. What?

When we all survive. Hey, brother, we already said yes, I would stop selling us on this thing. So do we put our hands in the middle or something? how do we, Wizard, what do you do for this? Yes, everyone put your hands in the middle. Is this everybody or is there anybody missing? There's a bard missing. He'll be there, probably.

He might not. He may not be there. But, uh, Dwayne, come here, put your hands in this circle. All right, everybody put your hands in the middle. And on three, we're going to, we're going to count to three. And we got to get Jeff in here. Yep. Okay.

I don't know if Jeff, that's fine. Everyone put your hands in here. And on three, I should take this. Should I call over Paul? Is he part of this or? The bar did, no, no. Well, just, you know, we're doing it in his. I've talked to Polly about this.

He's got stuff to do. All right, fair enough. Listen, okay, hands in the middle, and on three, I shall take this small fell blade, and I shall draw blood from each of your... Well, what? No, that's a ritual, no. That's the pact.

What is a blood-packed mission? Yes. What other kind of pact is there? It didn't seem like a... Blood-packed guy. Because as we established, and I remember, I am a princess.

It's bluer than regular blood. I'm a prince now too, technically, I think. That's not how... I don't know if that's out works. I think it is how it works. Well, if she rejects being a princess, I don't... And on three, just a quick little swipe with this fell blade, and then legumies is what we're all going to yell at the end of it.

Oh, you're part of it now. You ought to be a lagumi? Yeah, I'm sort of like overseeing. Anyway, one, two, three. Ow! It's a little poke. Yep, nope. Cold your hands above the orange box, please.

You hit a vein, I think, on me. Oh, Larry's spurt. Long rest, all those hit points will be back. All right, squeeze, squeeze a little, up, there you go. All right, box is closed and we're good. Gross. What do you do with the blood once it's in the box? Lookoee!

Ugh, gubies. All right. Great. So you guys all pull up to the bar, get an alcoholic or non-alcoholic drink, and you settle in, and you decide to, uh, head over to the wizard's home at first light. You get a room at the prancing poodle, and you have a great time.

Turns out those thieves, you get to the bottom of it, they're barely in the guild. It would have been really tough for you guys. Junior thieves. I bet in the guild. At best. At best. The halfling disappears.

You never see him again. We're fast. We're fast people. Yep. Great. You'll head back to your room. to nurse your small palm wounds, you fall into a deep sleep knowing that the rest of your lives

lay spread out before you. Good night. Just like every night. Yeah. To find out what happens next to our beloved Legumi's and this weird wizard and maybe Jeff, if we remember he exists next time. Join us on our next non-durf release

of the Lagumi's D&D adventure. Good night. Legumis. Legumis. Bye, everybody. Thanks for listening. Bye, bye.