Mission To Zyxx - The Mossborn Identity

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

The Legumies continue their epic DnD adventure, following the mysterious and eccentric wizard, Glorifficus Stingswallow, through the forest to his cabin. What could possibly go wrong? To suggest weird NPC names and help make the show possible, join us at maximumfun.org/join And thanks to Rocket Money for sponsoring!  Lovingly researched and sound-described transcripts are embedded in every episode page on missiontozyxx.space!

Welcome back, Lagumi's, to a new installment of Mission to D6. And welcome listeners. Thanks for being here. We are once again diving into the mystical, enchanted world of ancient Toloria. A quick recap, we've got Allie back with us playing Dwayne. Who remembers what happened in the last episode? Not a clue. Oh, come on.

We came back from our first adventure. Yes. Slaying of goblins. Usually how a second episode works We were gifted a number of magical items From the townspeople for helping I got like a 5% chance of a door Of opening a door

You really were disappointed in that I'm telling you that's gonna come in handy That's a low chance I mean statistically you only have to try it 20 times Before it works Yeah okay Larry got a Yolo coin Yolo Yep

We're gonna see that coin flip a lot I think Dwayne, you have leveled up because of your experience, killing things. Should I be celebrating that? You should, you should. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is a world that rewards violence. Good, good. So I rolled for you, you now have 27 hit points.

So write that into your character sheet. Keep a note of that for next time you're killing things. I just wrote YOLO all over mine. Cool. That's good, right? Yeah, that's all you really need to know. Weirdly, you did that before you had the Yolo coin. Yeah, I did that on this start.

Just to remind yourself of your policy. Also, just real quick, Dwayne, you now have a couple of new abilities. You have danger sense, which means that you have advantage on dexterity, saving throws against effects. You can see, like, traps and spells. And you also have reckless attack, which I really like, which is that your attacks have advantage, but attacks against you also have advantage. So you can choose to. you know, roll two D-20s and take the better of the two,

but it also means for that attack, you are, anyone attacking you also has advantage against you. Okay. Which I think is fun. So you leveled up and you headed to the fairly bustling for this corner of the world crossroads of Spothpott's Junction, where there is a tavern, the prancing poodle, where local adventurers and magic users and thieves and nearduels will meet up,

and recruit each other for quests and whatnot. And you met up with a wizard, Glorificus Sting Swallow. And he tested us with a puzzle box. Yes. An intriguing, if a little bit over-eager, wizard. He's goofy. He sucks a little. He wanted to recruit you for what he called an adventure,

and you all have agreed to it. And so Glorificus Sting Swallow has invited you back to his capital to learn more about the adventure. You guys are going to stay over at the prancing poodle and shall head to his cabin the next morning at first light. Anything else from the last session? We need to recap for Allie, for Dwayne. Maybe the item that you found in the crate.

Like an orb that has somebody in there. A black orb that is the deepest black that anyone has ever seen, in which Petra saw a tall man staring back at her. But it wasn't someone she recognized. She didn't recognize the person. She wasn't too bothered by it. Yeah. So is there anything else you want to do in the tavern before you retire to your beds?

Take a group photo. A what? A portrait group portrait. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit for a portrait. Sure, I have two hours. So, great.

Okay. So you ask around at the bar and there's a sort of, there's a bar. Is there a painter here? Any painters? There's any modestly sized haven't should have a portraiture artist nearby. And we want something naturalistic. I don't want to get expressiony. Like, I want this to be legit, okay?

No screw it around. I don't want what that last portraitist did, where they did my head all bigger than my body. And like I was kicking a soccer ball. Right. I hated that. Never go back to the shores of Jersey. Yeah. So there is a,

there's a sort of old busted-looking bard over in the corner, and he's been playing a bunch of instruments, none of which he plays very well. And when he hears you guys asking about a portrait, he puts his instruments away and brings out sort of a shoddy easel and some charcoal. Yeah, just sit still. You're moving too much.

Oh, you started. Wow. Oh, he's got made quite a lot of progress, actually. Wow. Rather efficient. Actually, pretty good. Yeah. It's one unbroken line. The guy doesn't take a break.

Wow. He's sweating profusely. Yeah. Somebody help to get him a drink. Keeps the paints wet with his own perspiration. It's charcoal. Smart. He has wet.

Coughs. Wow, a wet charcoal painter. This, morose portrait of us in a lot of ways. This old busted bard, his name is Otis Porks, and he's, because the light, most of the light in the inn is emanating from the fireplace, he's positioned himself right in front of the fireplace,

so you're getting sort of the most direct light for his art. And he's so hot, and he's just so, he just seems to be working so. Do you mean temperature or is he like smoking? He's an absolute smoke show. He's painting us while he's shitless he is. Yeah. I mean, he's sweaty. I mean, I guess it sort of depends on your type.

You can say busted bar. Yeah, he's busted. You can be hot and busted. If you like really think, name someone who's hot and busted. You can have a hot body in it, like a busted face, you know? Well, wow. A butter visage.

Yeah, thank you. I was like, and book it, we called that a jiggly once more time. A butter visage. Yes. Larry loves that, John. The best way to describe Otis Pork's is basically like, if you drew like in, ironically, he's an artist, but if you drew like a cartoon of a guy and you had to do like a squiggly line for his hair, that's sort of what all of his body hair.

kind of looks like it's like... He's like Charlie Brown. Really large hairs. He has body hair, but the individual hairs are sort of bigger than you think they should be. They're sort of comical. Otis is... I love a... His art makes him hotter, I think, and his sweat.

I do like a big hair. One big hair. I love a hair you're going to take a couple wax set with a razor, you know? You can't just do it in one clean swipe. So you're standing there sort of trying to decide whether he's hot in a... We're discussing this aloud while he's facing us. All right, group, would you or would you not discuss? I would never.

It would be betrayal to my oath. But certainly you can admire a little bit. Well, I can admire, but I cannot partake. Okay. If Gigli and Otis Porks were locked in the same dungeon for long enough, I would partake. You say that about everybody I think it's technically true Eventually

They're the most beautiful person around I love that I only have eyes for Larry Why are your eyes shut Don't close your eyes and say that babe I only see Larry You're facing the fire I emanate a certain heat that is reminiscent of a flame.

I'm finished. So Otis Porx turns the easel around and you see a surprisingly delicate and sort of gentle portrayal of the five of you. You've each got a lot going on in your eyes. There's a lot of, you can see the camaraderie in this monochromatic charcoal. We're all holding hands. and sitting on each other's laps. A lap circle. Very hard to physically accomplish.

That's beautiful. He rolls up the parchment and hands it over to you guys and goes back to, he picks up some drum and kind of starts beating on it and singing a really, really obnoxious song. Do we pay him? He hasn't asked. I know, but do, it's weirdly good,

the wet charcoal. I'm crying. I'm crying. That's how much I love it. He has like a hat. He has like a hat out in front of his instrument, so maybe he's accepting some gratuity.

What if we give him the orb so we don't have to deal with it? Okay. We cannot forswear our sacred duty to the orb. Think we can. Bookett is a wild card. It's almost like Bucket doesn't want to be here on some.

level. Well, I mean, if it fucking thinks that's what the portrait is worth, one to one. Interesting choice. Go ahead. Yeah. I don't feel good about it. You know, it has sort of a yolo energy of like, let's give this burden to a stranger. Wait, important update.

We're trying to give the orb into the cat, but the orb is pushing back. Oh. We got a second DM here. Saffing second. Yeah, I was saying, Yeah. Sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. No?

Should we not have a book and hold the orb? It feels a little reckless. Yes, perhaps it's best of eye. Honestly, amazed she still has it. I had meat this morning. Okay, here's my honeymoon. Oh, no. We did get up early.

Wow. You had it this morning? before you even got to the tavern? Yeah, we had a bottomless mead brunch. It's crazy. So much sweet. Hearing that actually just gives me a headache. Very sweet.

I shall take the orb. So you roll up the parchment. Who's taking that, by the way? The portrait. You're taking it, Jigli? Sure. No. Rhodos is taking it.

No, he's taking the orb. Rhodos. You mean Quariel? The name is Quariel. I mean Choiriel. The challenge of Rodos to some night. Has everyone fallen off the wagon? You guys are all in Meadenon, and now you're all...

I would never partake of food. Can we give it to Rodos? His name is Quario. You know, I want to give it to Rodos, the god of this... Rodos would never accept an orb so black as this. Rodos would obliterate something this dog. I'm so angry. I want Rodos to keep a portrait, so Rodos remembers us.

I should remind you, if we sacrifice this portrait to Rodos, it will... catch a flame immediately. Oh, you just burn stuff? I have a special amulets I use to sacrifice things to Rodos. He pulls out like a magnifying glass. That does look very special. Few objects can survive his withering gaze. Oh, the ants have scattered immediately.

Yes, they fear his light. Run, ants, run. Well, man, he's night ants out on the prowl. I, jiggly, will take the portrait. Please, don't bother me. I'm working on my night ants. Working on my night ants. All right.

So, the night winds down. We haven't gone to bed yet. We haven't done anything. We haven't played the game at all. That's the thing, man. We wrote zero dice. This has been the game the whole time. We almost threw away the only part of the game we have.

You almost tip. a walk-on character with the McGuffin All right, so you guys head up to your various rooms six rooms I guess No, we're sure Bookett

Okay so Larry and Bucket are staying in the same room Well, I will be in the beds And you can be on the opposite side You said the beds, multiple You're going to be in the multiple She lays diagonal across two beds And I sleep in the sink Wow

I don't know if you ever heard this before, but I'm sort of working on my night moves. Yeah, great, good. Good. How's that going? So, you head off to sleep in the prancing poodle. You sleep great. So you all meet in the common area the next morning, and Glorificus is delighted to see you. Yes, good.

Good morning to you. Let our adventure begin. Are we ready to depart? Yeah, we had some me to start the day. Me and my bride. Already. Still, still you drink mead in the morning after seeing the results of last night. Mead in the morning, made in the morning.

Oh, no. It's the foundation of our marriage, guys. That is not good. I'm with the paladin. It's important to have things in common. Fair enough. Well, if we are ready, let us leave. So you guys head out towards Glorificus's cabin.

He tells you it's about a mile or mile and a half, so you guys are on the road. for half an hour. As you're walking along the road to the north, you notice a small animal in the edge of the woods that seems to be following you. And as you head up the road, this animal gets kind of closer and closer

jumping from tree to tree. And you see that it's a tiny flying squirrel. And it sort of seems to be looking at Dwayne and getting closer and closer to him. And finally, this little squirrel runs out and jumps up right onto Dwayne's shoulder. Dwayne, Ali, in lieu of a magical item from the townsfolk back in West Clamley, I am bestowing upon you a little animal friend.

A pet. A little pet who confers almost no benefit at all, except you love it so much that if anything happens to it, if any danger or damage befalls it at all, you will fly into a deadly rage. which is it will give you an extra plus two to any attacks. It is a free rage. You have rage as one of your abilities, which means advantage on strength checks and saves, and a plus two bonus on strength-based melee damage.

Plus two. And half damage from bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage. It's incredibly powerful. But with this little squirrel, if anything happens to the squirrel, if it takes damage at all, you get a free rage, which means you get a second one for the day and it's a plus four bonus

on strength-based melee attacks instead of plus two. So that's your level two magical item there. It is basically a tragedy that will confer a great benefit to the party so you hope it doesn't happen but if it does watch out.

Also, that effect only applies to the person who attacked the squirrel. I was going to say, we can't squeeze the little head off of that thing. No, no, unless you want Twain to actually kill you. Kill you. Yeah. What it'll do.

Now, obviously, Dwayne enamored immediately, pulls the nut from a pocket. Didn't know that Dwayne always kept nuts in his pockets, feeds it to the squirrel. And then he says, I will hug him and I will love him and I will call him George. Great. Perfect. This is exactly what we want. You guys head up the road.

Every, you know, maybe two or three hundred yards you're passing maybe a little farm or a little cabin or something like that. It's pretty sparsely populated, but there's cabins and houses here and there. And as you're wandering through this peaceful wooded area, you have a chance to reflect on all sorts of things. Things like your personal finances. Yeah, it's very important. There are all sorts of financial pitfalls being an adventurer. You know, first of all, it's feast or famine. You're always on the search for your next gig.

You don't know how much you might get for, you know, rooting out a coven of evil witches or slaughtering a bunch of tree gnomes or whatever. But also, you know, think about Dwayne's grocery budget. Think about how much debt Larry probably has. Think about Petra's skincare routine. My point is it's easy to lose track of where your money's going in this medieval age of automatic payments and automatic renewals and streaming services, which for those of you on Tulare is, you know, somebody comes to your house with.

like one of those ribbon streamers and does dances for you, which is great. It helps fend off the darkness for a little while. And you know everybody's going to be talking about it the next day at the well or whatever. So it's important for your mental health. But my point is, those costs can add up. That's why it's important to keep track of where your money's going. Our recommendation here at D6, Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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slash ZyX, rocketmoney.com slash six. So you continue walking and about three quarters of a mile up the road, Glorificus shows you sort of a path that leads off into kind of the edge of the wood. So you take this kind of branching path off into the woods and you go maybe a quarter mile into the woods and glorificus stops and looks around a little bit suspiciously he turns around to you and he says quickly quickly into the bushes we're prepare for battle and so you guys need to see if you're caught flat-footed by this ambush so everybody give me that the passive perception that you've got I'm 11 okay so 11 Larry what's yours 12 13 for I'm also 11 I'm also 11 Oh, 11.

Okay. Shocking that Dwaynes would be 13. Well, you're tall. You can see above everybody's heads. Ah. Think about that. That must be what it's like to live as Jeremy on a regular basis. Jeremy perception.

Very perceptive. Okay. Oh. Oh, no. The evil lap you just had. What's happening. Okay. So you suddenly see a number of figures emerging from the woods on the sides of the trail.

There's a tall sort of gaunt. He's like seven feet tall. He's sort of creepy. He's got like these long flowing red robes, totally bald, red eyes. He comes out and instead of being stealthy, sort of trips a little bit, stumbles over himself and collects himself. And there's like four other guys with him. who are coming out behind him and they kind of look at each other like, oh shit, what's happening?

And he does not succeed in surprising you. But he points a long, bony finger at Glorificus. And he screams in this sort of creepy, high-pitched wail. He says, Cassidy Mossbourne, you shall pay for your deceit and wickedness. You know this, Stumbledore? Stumbledore, great, perfect. And glorificus turns around and looks at you and he's pale And he says, I'm sorry, my friends flee if you must

And he turns around and raises his staff If we must Also, what did he call you? There's no time, there's no time now. He raises his staff and as he is about to attack, You are surprised by another beast Oh, okay A giant bird of pretext.

A giant eagle swoops in and attacks Glorificus. He makes two attacks, one with his beak and one with his talons. Everybody protect your squirrel. Good advice, Julie. Protect your squirrels if you got him. The giant eagle swoops in and his talons outstretched tries to grab Glorificus's head, but misses. It almost seems like he should have gotten his hat.

His talons kind of go through where his hat would be and misses him. Not entirely eagle-eyed, is he? No, no. But he also swoops back around and tries to attack him again with his talons. And that one does hit. Well, it's a good thing we never really establish a close relationship with this character. Right. That is a 1D6 plus 3.

Okay, seven damage to glorificus. So now, everybody roll for initiative. Gigli has rolled a four with a minus one. Oh, no. Zigli will be acting tomorrow. Seven plus one, eight. 13, even. 17 plus three.

So 20. Good Lord, Larry. 17 plus three? Yeah. So I'm four plus three, seven. Okay. Okay. All right.

There we go. Dwayne. 14 plus 1, 15. Okay. Glorificus is a 19 plus... Yeah, he's already left. Two. So, glorificus is up first, and he casts a sorcerer's burst.

It's a plus 7 to hit. He's going to cast that at the guy who screamed at you, the sort of tall, creepy dude. Now, there was a tall man in the orb, just saying. He points his staff at this creepy guy, a sort of jet of green energy sort of comes out. All right, so that's 12 poison damage on this guy. Poison? Yeah. And he sort of reels back.

All right, now next is book it. What? So, just to give you an idea, 15 feet in front of you, there is this tall guy with his red robes and red eyes. He sort of has a gray skin. He's about seven feet tall. Gray. And he's wielding this ornate staff. And behind him are four normal-sized guys in red and white robes.

They each have like a small, like a mace and like a wand in their other hand. And the eagle has kind of wheeled around. It's still in mid-air. but it's kind of banking around and it's going to turn and make another attack at you guys. So that's what everybody's had. Can I do the ray of frost? Yeah. Who do you want to cast it at?

The big guy. The big guy. Great. Okay. Poison and then frost. Yeah. Dude one, two punch. Bad combo.

Great. So go ahead and roll your D20 and that you're going to add plus five to hit. Oh, 15 plus five. Five. Plus five, okay, that's a hit. Great. You deal one D8 cold damage. One D8 cold damage.

Yep, roll a D8. Six. Okay, wow, great. Also, the chill of the ray of frost inhibits him's movement. Yes, so he's covered in frost as well as poison now, and he shrieks at a slightly different pitch than the first time. Next is these four robed dudes who already their attacks. So the first one is going to cast radiant flame at Glorificus.

That's a miss. The second one cast radiant flame. That's a miss. The third one casts radiant flame. That's a miss. What the? And the fourth one does hit. Almost like they don't know what they're doing.

It's a one for. A bunch of bad whiz. So that does four radiant damage to glorificus. These blinding rays of light come out of their palms, and all of them sort of go wide, except one which hits glorificus and kind of knocks him back. Glorificus, if you don't, I mean, like, make it, do you want to tell us now where the treasure is and stuff?

No pressure. Or the nature of this quest that we're here on, who this wizard is, anything. Or like, who hurt you? Because clearly there's something internal going, Oh, tight-lipped. That revealed little. All right, Dwayne is next.

Where is the eagle right now? The eagle is still sort of... Has the eagle landed? The eagle is not landed. The eagle is still swooping up sort of up to your left. He's maybe like 20, 25 feet in the air. Okay, cool. I want to use my javelin on the eagle.

Oh, okay, wow. All right. Yes. Great. So go ahead and roll a D20. I got to sit up for this all not. Let's go out serious. Oh, wait, normal range is 30 feet.

Yeah, I think that's probably in normal range. Okay, so what did you roll? An 18. 18, and that's with your plus 5 to hit? No, then plus 5 would be 23. Oh, then that's... Yeah, you're going to get that eagle. All right, so go ahead.

and roll 1D6 plus 3. I'm going to find her in my bag. One second. Five. Five. Okay. My strength bonus is three. Wow.

Okay. Strong. So eight. So your javelin goes into one of the eagle's enormous wings. It sort of gives a screech, grabs it with its teeth, and snaps it in half. and spits it to the ground, backs up a little bit, and then takes another dive. Rude.

Damn. It was a pretty good hit. It's just, the eagle's body is the size of a horse. It probably has like a 20-foot wingspan. It's an enormous eagle. So the javelin pierced its wing, which is probably painful, but is not lethal. Aim for the heart land amongst the wings, as they say.

Look that song. Ah, yes, this is not an expression common. Favorite poets. Rested peace. Quareal. No. What was it? Winston's character? Excuse me. Wow. Bad of Omen coming to . All right, P, my man.

What is this wizard? She's in the school of divination. I said nothing. I said nothing. Oh, speaking of which, book it, you've got to roll your two D20s for your divination for the day. I hope not. Okay. Six. Six? Okay. Okay.

And. Ten. Oh, not. Great. I think the maiden to fare with it. Okay, great. So, Coriol, what's your plan? You know what?

I will throw a sacred flame just to compound frost acid and then also flame. Great. Perfect. Just to really, really rub it in there. Let me see here. Sacred flame. I whip it and then that guy has to do a dexterity saving throw. Okay.

The save is, the DC is 13. Okay, 18 is my 18. Okay, then he gets out of the way of my flame. Okay. You send your sacred flame and even though he's slowed down by the frost, he's still able to lean away. Rodos's justice is swift, but not always swift enough. Great.

Wow. Yes, it is great. It is great indeed. Is it great? It felt not great on that. Then I am in. an imperfect instrument for his justice. The sorcerer watches the fireball go by you

and bores his red eyes into you. And he says, you, Paladin, have fallen for this. Charlatan's lies as well. And it shall be your undoing. And he casts... He casts Sacred Flame at you. Whoa. Yeah.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Very well. Whoa. Save DC is... DC11 plus 3 to hit, so 14. Okay. Nope, I'm going to take that fired damage.

Oh, no! Okay. Four. Ah, great rudos. May this paint render me a more perfect instrument of your justice. You're hit square in the chest plate with a blast of light from this sorcerer. And now it's Larry's turn. All right. We got to get this sorcerer.

You know? Indeed, we do, Larry. Larry, I do know. You do know, right? You feel that. Here, take it. You'd sit down for a hot sec, you're right? No, I'm okay.

I'm all right. Hey, you want me to take some Roto's juice and get this guy? Roto's juice. Could you do that? Give me some of that Roto's juice so I can detect this guy? Is it Moor-Mood? One second, babe. I'll pour you in one second.

I actually were at my turn. I could cast guidance on you to give you a slight edge, but I have already used my turn. Let's get the rapier out Go at this wizard Okay You're gonna run up to him do a melee attack then Yeah If you do well on this larry

You get to sleep on the carpet Wow Does that add a plus one in motivation? No, no, that's not that works So you want to roll D20 Or do you want to flip that Yolo coin You can only use it once a day, remember Yeah, I'll save it for the next round

We've got to kill this eagle, too. I'll roll the 20. Okay. We got 20. Wow, natural 20. Oh, baby. Hell yeah. All right.

Well, there you go. Okay. Rug night, baby. Rug night, baby. You'd roll the attack twice and then add your normal modifiers. No, it's not like advantage. You get both. Two damage rolls, yeah.

Okay. Whoa. So, Larry, with your rapier, you get 1D8 plus 3, but it's actually, that's a critical hit, so it's 2D8 plus 3. 8. 8. And 1. Okay.

So 8 plus 1 plus 3. So that's 12. Yep. So you dart up to the sorcerer with your rapier drawn. You stab him all the way through the first time, pull it out, stab him all the way through the second time. Twice double stabbies. Bam. Great foolish.

And he grabs the rapier and pulls it out and throws it on the ground and looks at you. What the? He says, you can never kill me, halfling. I am on a righteous, errant. Arndt. Errant? Your little chores. All you doing laundry?

Are you buying butter? I would say at this point we all look to our wizard and ask anything you'd like to tell us now. Seems like you could perhaps share some details. Yeah, that'd be nice. All right, Gigli is next. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That's a warrior.

That's a warrior. Yes, Gile's famous battle cry. Oh, boy. Right. Okay, so the eagle has taken a... Javelin to the wing? Javelin to the wing, but it seems fine. This guy has taken two rapier stabs and doesn't care at all.

Poison and Frost. And poison Frost. And he's got four minions who are undamaged. And Sting Swallow has been bludgeoned by the eagle so far, right? He also was hit with one of the... Oh, right. Yeah. Boy, oh boy.

Ooh. Beware, Judy and tone it a third time. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm going to... swing my battle axe at his neck, and I'm going to use lucky feet. Yeah, and I'm only use, well, if I can, I'm four foot three. Okay, yep.

And I'm going to use lucky feet. Okay, great. You roll two D20s and then take the higher of the two. Okay. Here's the first one, a six. Okay. The second one is a 12. plus five to hit so that's 17 there you go yeah okay so that's a hit so that is 1 d10 plus 2 when wielding with two

d 10 plus 2 yep all right and oh three plus 2 is 5 mm 5 so you run up to the sorcerer you take a big swing and the axe lodges in his side and he falls to his knees and he points his finger at you and he says this this you can think about it if you yeah he points his finger at you jiggly and he says

cassidy moss born's lies shall be the end of all of you and collapses and in a flash of red light his body sort of disintegrates and just the robes are left on the ground classic

classic wizard thing yep no corpse and cheaper barrier You are still very much in the middle of the fight. Next is the eagle who comes around and he attacks. He's going to attack Gigli. What's your armor class, Gigli? 16.

So he swoops by you and misses with his talons and kind of banks up again. Deal with it, big bird. We're back to glorificus So glorificus Shakes off his radiant damage from before And turns his attention to the eagle And says some stuff about why we're here Talks about what's going

He already told you you can run away He's already given his permission To flee and not Anything I say we throw out this orb And turn right back around Bookit's trying to go to bed alone.

Of course, a hangovers. Hangsovers. So he is going to cast lightning bolt on the eagle. Hmm. A real full-throated shout of a spell. And that's a spell slot, so it hits every time. Lightning bolt? Yeah.

Yeah, so Glorificus points to his staff, and an enormous crackling bolt of lightning jumps out of it and hits the eagle. The eagle can make a deck save, but he still will take half damage, even if it succeeds. Yes, okay, great. So, the eagle has...

I am. Has fallen. The eagle is banking up to take another pass at attacking you, but because he's sort of showing his back, the broad side of him, the lightning bolt hits him full on. Oh, boy.

Never turn your back on a wizard. And this enormous, enormous lightning bolt just shoots straight through the middle of this enormous eagle. Oh, man, that's a lot of power. The lighting bolt is not a casual spell. 8D6. Yep. Five, six. Wow.

The lightning bolt shoots right through him. The eagle is in the middle of banking and just like an airplane stalling out, just crashes into, takes out a couple of trees on the way down. and the eagle is completely done. Cooked. Next is. Damn. Ooh, so we're having lunch early. I was going to say,

Dwayne, the Ork Johnson, you may be interested in recovering that particular crash. Yes. We got jerk eagle for lunch to do it. So, Bucket, you're next. What?

All right. Damn daggers. You know, why not? Dagger. You're just going to dagger these. Do damn daggers. You're going to dagger these dudes. Do dumb daggers?

Sorry, is that on your sheet, Booket? Yeah. dagger. You have so many spells. You have so many spells. What am I looking at? For spells, you have color spray, you have magic missile, you have shield, and you have sleep.

Let's do sleep. Could sleep them. She casts it on herself. Okay, great, great, great. All right, who are you going to cast? The eagle. The eagle is dead. No, the eagle's dead.

The eagle is sleeping forever. Who's left? Who's left? All four of the sort of the sort of. Sorcerer's acolytes. Junior wizards. I only can do one. They all can't sleep together. I think you get like a... That's a different spell.

Well, you get like a ball. And it's like anyone within the ball has to beat a wisdom save or they sleep. Okay, let's do that. Problem. Yeah. Okay. Great. Each creature of your choice in a five-foot radius sphere. So that's two of them.

They're not that close together. So you can put two of them to sleep. They must succeed on a wisdom-saving. throw? Spell save DC 13. Okay, so they have to do a wisdom save better than a 13. Okay. But these are like thugs, so I don't know how wise they are.

Oh, they're wise. Oh. So, they're not thugs, they are wise guys. Oh, well, then we are in trouble. Okay. You cast this blurry blob of magic at them, and there's a sort of sphere that opens up, and one of them sort of dodges out of the way and is, not put to sleep. The other one falls to the ground.

His mace falls on the ground next to him, and he is asleep. Hooray! Nice work, bucket. The other three guys are all going to roll now. All three of them are going to cast radiant flame at Glorificus.

Okay, one. All right. So, two of these hit Glorificus for quite a bit of damage. Clarificus is knocked back on his heels, but he throws his cloak about him and regains his stance and is ready to go.

Next is Dwayne. So the eagle is dead and the sorcerer is dead. Everybody that's left are the four acolytes who are all undamaged, except one of them is sleeping. My javelin has been snapped into by the bird. You probably have more than one javelin. Because typically, like, if you look at the top of your second page where it says equipment and treasure.

Yep, you have five javelins. Oh, fun. Okay. Okay, what are the odds that I could shish kabab all... Do it, do it, do it, do it. They are spread out in front of you, so you wouldn't be able to do that with the javelin, but you do have your great axe, which allows you to... I think I was like, I could just do the great X, which has the melee.

The cleave, yeah, yeah, yeah. Attack a second target within... You want the two awake guys or the awake and the sleep guy? No, God, the two awake guys. Can we... should we kill him the sleeping guy first? Yikes, no. That's fucked up. Easy target.

I can't do that. I give my little score on a kissy kiss, and then I say, watch this. Okay, I rolled a 12. Plus your... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's plus five to hit. Okay. 17.

And then roll it again for the cleave. Yeah, now this is the cleave attack. 11. Plus five. Okay, great. 16. Yeah. So that's, yep.

So you hit on both of those. And then 1D, 12, plus three. for slashing damage. And that one is six or nine? It usually will have a little line where the bottom is. Mine has a little dot. That's a nine, then. That's a nine.

Okay. So that's nine plus three, so that's 12 for the first one. One moment. Eight. So you hit the first one for 12 and the second one for eight. Your axe goes entirely through one of the acolytes, And as you swing it around, you then bring it down on the other one. It lops off his arm, but he is technically still alive.

And unfortunately, the arm you chopped off is not the arm. He's holding his mace. That's holding his. Yeah. Wow, it's tough. A cruel irony. Yeah. As it goes.

Tough hinge. Unlike the sorcer, he is very upset about what you've just done. He is very affected by what you have done to him. Okay. So next is Quariel. Yes. So it's just like henchmen remaining? Mm-hmm. Okay.

And there's one dead, one sleep. One dead, one sleep, one very, very sad. Yep. Okay. They will draw the ray of Rhodos. Bring justice to these ruffians. These guys straight up look like priests, by the way. Oh, hilarious.

Yes, but clearly not priests of Rados, the sunlighter. I would recognize them instantly. Of course, of course. Who knows what dark god they serve? You know all the priests of Rhodos? Like, you know him by like, hey, it's scary. Well, the iconography. Oh.

Larry, surely you see me garbed in this arraignment with symbols of Rodos all over. I thought you meant you knew everyone's name. And you're like, do not be ridiculous. The agents of Rodos are all over this great world. So if someone's wearing a shirt you recognize, you're like, my man. Yes, I would say, I would not say my man, but I would say, Ho. All of those shirts say no fear.

Yes. Or they are wearing a shirt with a big dog on it. It says, hold my trophy while I kiss your girlfriend. And that's your like, now that's my man. I have ruled a 15 with the Ray of Rodos. Oof, okay, great. And who are you attacking? The guy without the arm?

Yeah, pay me with a guy without the arm. He deserves a swift end. The justice of Rodos is mercy. Yes, many have said this. All right, what's your damage? The damage will be six. Oh. Rest well, my friend.

chop. He's a gentle priest. You stab him through with the ray of Rodos. This acolyte falls to the ground. All right, so who's next? Larry. Yes. Get out that rapier and let's go get this waking, the awake one.

Great. All right. Go ahead and roll. A D20. I got a three. Okay. That will nut it. Yeah.

Lunge past him and he deftly sidesteps your attack. Should have gone for the. the sleeping guy. Or the Yolo coin. This will also determine how you sleep tonight. What? No, I'm already on the rug. Dave, I'm on the rug.

How he's so so pumped to be on the rug. Ziegli, you're next. All right. I feel inclined to try to take one of these guys captive to figure out what's going on. The sleeping one. Yeah. But I guess we should probably dispatch the other one first because I'm Yeah, you're better off just axing that guy out.

And then we could maybe tie up the sleeping guy if you were. Yeah, because he, sure, I'm going to try to drop my battle axe down on the, you know, sort of shoulder. Okay, go ahead and roll. All right. 20. 15 plus 5, 20. Woo. Okay.

So go ahead and roll your, what is it, 1D10? 1D10 plus 2. All right. 2 plus 2 is 4. Oh. So you take a big swing with your axe and you mostly get robe, but you sort of nick him, and he dodges out of the way and backs up a few feet. Yes, but he's lost a crucial portion of his robe.

That's true. All right, back to Glorificus, who turns his wrath on these two acolytes, and Glorificus is going to cast a magic missile at the awake guy, and that is going to be oh that guy is dead okay so he throws out his hand and three blazing missiles come out of his palm

and just eradicate this priest who falls to the ground and now all of your attackers have been dispatched besides the guy who is peacefully sleeping in his little orb of sleep from bucket so attack phase is over unless you want to keep killing this dude.

No. Okay. Let's make him comfortable. He lost a lot of friends today. Hey, no instinct, Larry. Put a pillow under him. All right, what are you going to do? I have 50 feet of hemp and rope.

A classic variety. I wondered what you were doing with all that. 50's a lot. Gigli carries 209 pounds of gear. Well, a lot of it's in the card. To be fair, yeah. Sure. I propose we tie him up and question him. I love this idea. All right. Glorificus, who took a lot of damage, but he still seems in pretty good shape. You're starting to realize he's a pretty powerful dude. He kind of shakes off a lot of his wounds. It was mostly magical damage that he was taking and walks up to you and says,

no, we must kill him now. No good can come of this. I can tell you everything he'll tell you and I shall tell the truth, unlike him. Is that so, Cassidy Moss-Born? I am known by many names. I'm a wizard of great renown all across this countryside. I am known as many things over my centuries here on this planet.

What? Names three other names. A few of them, yeah. Of course. Of course, it is easy for me to, come up with any names. Brock Santana, I am known in the east. Brock Santana?

Yes. That's right. Bob Creosote, known on the oceans on the seas. Yes. And of course, and of course, and of course Steve Pafiterson over near the southern lands. You expect us to believe that you are known as Steve Pafeterson. Did I say Pafeterson?

I said, I believe you said, Pfeeterson. Pftivenson. Pftivenson. But what's the name that? Like, your closest to friends call you,

like the ones who actually know you inside and out? What do my friends call me? My friends. Do not have friends? We know you have enemies, like all these dudes we just wrecked. Listen, listen, I will explain all. Come with me.

Come with me to my home. I'm just saying if you want to be a wizard of renown and why you change your name every time you step on a new thing. Yeah. I just have, the thing is I have, you know, there's sort of nicknames. There's sort of nicknames all over. Steve Perfee Stevenson is not a nickname?

Yes. Steve Pertheevinson. You can't even pronounce your own fake name. A nickname is like kegstand or sleepy. Not Brock Santana. What you are discussing is an alias used by criminals. Listen, Paladin, I hate to burst your bubble or whatever. but this guy is literally a thief.

Who, me? Yes, I do not love it. I'll be honest with you. I steal from people who have a lot. Can we try to wake this guy up? Of course. Can we do about singing to him? If we must.

It wears off after a minute, so it's probably, so he's starting to wear off. So he's starting to wear off. But yes, you can sing a little bucket. We're together. Okay. Make it more dynamic, you know.

Yes, sing, wake this priest. You started off, Gigli. Oh, me. Okay. Well, somewhere in the deep mining rocky hills of South Prothusa, there was a young boy name. Is this like a preamble to the song? There's many dwarfed songs go on for a rather long time. One day, his mother ran off with a...

The acolyte shakes his head and sort of shakes his sleep off and sits up and looks up and look, around terrified as he takes in all the carnage around him. And he jumps to his feet and grabs his mace, but he realizes he's probably not going to be able to take you guys. Did no one bind him? All the rope on him. He never tied him up. You said you were going to and you never did.

No, I wanted to. Larry Cubble. I believe you said, I have 50 feet of hemp and rope and then did little with it. Yeah. You guys made fun of his rope and how long it was and a kind of rope. Curse my thieving mouth. In any case, the priest does not look particularly interested in taking all six of you on. Yes, he would be unwise to do so.

And Jeff, don't forget Jeff's been here. Jeff's here the whole time. Sorry, I was getting beer. Yes, Jeff. What I missed. So the acolyte looks at you and he says, if you let me go, I shall not, no harm shall come to you. No harm shall come to us. I serve only my master.

I have no quarrel with you. Who's your master? Yeah, what he worked for? What's like his POV? I'm an apprentice of the luminous order of the Griffin. The sorcerer, of course, this sorcerer before you was my master in the order. Dwayne looks up from the bird he's been eating. Is this griff?

You're over-eating the eagle? Oh, okay, good, it's eagle. I was worried. All right, now back to it. Wow. priest Tell us why your master attacked Glorificus

Sting swallow Tell us now We only let you live Because we want your information And if you're not provided to us Jakely's gonna sing again I will sing again And the song will be far less interesting

Yes He might be singing now Because we can't tell Difficult He points at glorificus And he says This imposter has Brought great deceit

And wickedness Upon the luminous order of the Griffin, and he must pay. Hmm. Well, okay, but could you get more specific with that? He murdered a wizard of our order. That is all I know. So did that.

Yeah, we also just did that, so. Whose eagle was that? The eagle was also a member of the order. He actually outranks me, if you don't believe it. Wait, but what? The eagle is a... The giant eagle was part of the order? The giant eagle.

The giant eagles are very intelligent creatures. They have their own language. They're very noble. Is that true? Yikes. Yes, they have great societies up in the mountains. Enormous systems of nesting cliffs and caves. Right.

I think we got to decide if we're going to trust this original wizard guy and go on his thing. Oh, for cruxing. This is ridiculous. We have a blood pact. We did share some blood. We did you do with the blood packs. Yes, I remember this. Corrificas, maybe you can just give us a little bit of insight on if you kill the dude from the Griffin crew

Did you kill a whiz? I will explain everything back at my cabin. I refuse to discuss it in front of this child. I feel like this guy's not the most trustworthy, but adventure is fun. Yes. I say we listen to Dwayne the Ork. Dwayne.

They're the tallest, and they've seen everything. from above. Giant eagle bone in that mouth. What be your counsel, Dwayne? Could use a little seasoning. Oh, very. Yeah. It was cooked via lightning bolt.

The acolyte is sort of slowly backing towards the edge of the wood. Would you stop with this? I'm just going to go. If we're not fighting and you're not, because I sort of think, I feel like you guys have your hearts in the right place, is what I'm thinking. I'm going to just take off back to the order.

But I just want to warn you that what you're getting into is really, you're going to regret it. Can I do another spell on him because he's annoying us? No, please don't put him back to sleep. Yeah, back to sleep. Back to sleep with him. No, please. Are you going to put him back to sleep? Yes.

Okay. Perfect. No, no. All right, wisdom save. Uh, 20. Okay. See, stop it. Just stop.

Okay, just don't cast him. We already did this. We're done. Just let me go. He's too well rested. Now he can't sleep. It's one against six, no matter what, but just don't... It's extremely fresh.

You're going to put me to sleep for 60 seconds, please. Just let me leave. Sleep, he be, sleep, baby. No, you can't do it again. There's a lullaby. The original sleep spell was a lullaby. Yes, conventional tactics. The priest raises his mason out of it.

Comes this huge bright light that shines, sort of blinds you, you sort of take a step back. Flinch for a second. and blink and you realize that he's just straight up runaway. He's back on the path and he's waving for like a, you know, a horace or some traveler to find him. It just seems like he might be the good guy and, you know, this shit dip. Oh, nonsense.

Don't you want to hear what's going on? Dwarf. Yes. Let's go to his cabin. So you can actually almost see the cabin from where you are. It's maybe, you know, maybe a quarter mile ahead of you at this point. So you guys head up the trail and you see his cabin. And it is indeed very, very small.

It's maybe, you know, 15 by 12 feet interior. It's got a little porch covered in thatched roof, stonehouse covered in moss. It looks very unassuming. Dwayne, I don't think that hot wing's going to fit in there. You might want to finish that before we even try to get in the door. Oh. So you approach the house and you park your cart that Dwayne is carrying. And Glorificus goes to the door.

He says, enter, please. All right. Interesting place. There's a little smoke coming out of the chimney. It's actually, if you hadn't just murdered a huge bird and a bunch of sorcerers, this looks pretty quaint. It's pretty nice. It's a nice little woodsy, cozy place.

Small home. Who's that a picture of? That picture of the wall. Prominently featured in your tiny hovel. Yes, can you not see that is... Drawn in wet charcoal. Yes, I actually got that done at the prancing poodle. It's hard to see because it's sort of gestural,

but it's actually a picture of me as a young wizard, before I kind of got all of, you know, wizened. The stupid names. Hey, okay, easy. So there's a fire burning in the fireplace, which is a little interesting because he's been gone for a while. He stayed overnight at the inn. There's a cauldron on top of the fireplace for cooking or maybe for making potions or something. There's a simple bed, and there's piles of books on every possible surface.

There's urns with scrolls in them. There's a few magical, look like magical items or magical tools sitting around. but it's definitely a place to sleep and study and not much else. So you all sit down in various places and Glorificus sits down and he puts his hands together. He sits at his little writing desk there and he says, my friends, adventure is coming to all of you. We have a great quest to set out for. But first, as we are friends and as we have promised to trust, each other. I must trust you

with the truth. Oh, okay. My name is not Oh, continue. What a twist. Wow. Your name isn't the name that you told us? I didn't want you to learn it this way, but my name is not

glorificous sting swallow. Can we guess what your name is? Sure, what do you think it is, might be? Cassidy Mossborn. Hey, how did you know? Was it that weird, freaky, tall guy who screamed it at me a bunch of times? Yeah. It's certainly an indicator.

I am Kasidy Masbourne. He takes a deep breath, and as he exhales, the robes and the hat and the beard all sort of melt away from him. And he changes his appearance, and he is, he kind of looks like an old man, but not a human. He's a sort of almost weirdly featureless. He's bald. He's very skinny. He's just wearing sort of gray rags. Wait, hold on.

Group question, would you? Would you? He's sort of hot and busted in a way. I don't know. He is sitting close to the fireplace. Now I understand what you mean of this dichotomy. Uh-huh. I am Cassidy Mossbourne.

I am a changeling. I was an apprentice. I was an apprentice of glorificus sting swallow. May he rest in peace. Ooh. Glorificus found me in the back alleys of Edesport. I was a thief. I was a charlatan taking the forms of whatever human or creature would net me my next fortune.

I was lonely and I was sick. And he took me under his wing and taught me all that he knows. But he is with us no more. He fell. And I took up the mantle to take his place and continue on his quest and learn what things he was trying to find out. He was a member of the luminous order of the griffin. As you may have, I don't know if you've heard that name screamed by some people also. Yes.

Yes. But he was a member of that order and he was training me to replace him when he eventually passed on from this world. I have a question. Quareil, you are a follower of divinity. what say you of this changeling's character? Can I make a religion check to see if I have heard of this whole order and everything? Sure.

I failed, so there's no way I don't know. I see you pouring over the books over there, Paladin. Are you looking for anything in particular? merely seeking to verify your story. If you don't trust me, please, let me show you this. He goes over to his shelf, and he pulls out a small piece of parchment paper, and he hands it to you, and scrawled in flowery but shaky handwriting is a letter. And it says, to Cacidi, I leave you everything, including the knowledge we have gathered together.

Use it for good. Your talent for illusion must never tempt you to the easy path. Keep your secrets well. trust your intuition and your friends above all. Glorificus. See, it's all right there. I understand that I could have forged this, but this is a very important item to me.

This is the last shred of evidence that I had that Glorificus knew me and loved me. So, you know, thanks for your sort of bored silence. I just, it's like you're showing me. You know, we've just showed up into your life here. Yes, so. Oh, I'm sorry. It felt very intimate.

I feel very intimate for us. I'm sorry. I do feel more connected to you now. Yes. Why did you come to us? What do we matter? What a what? What us?

What us, indeed. What us? There was corruption brewing in the order. And Glorificus was the only one who fought against it. The one sorcerer who knew everything, who Glorificus shared everything with all of his knowledge, betrayed and murdered him. him. That wizard was Rangus.

Rangus, the wizard. Rangus. Familiar with him, I see. We got a nibble over here. I am familiar with that swine, Rangus. We, we are the architects of the destruction of Castle Braid. Yes. I know. I've been following you. I will say I took your blood in case I had to take one of your forms.

That's how I sort of do it. I feel like that's something you should ask consent. you should ask consent for before today. Right, I feel like we did a whole strike about this. Yes. You gotta scan us with our consent before you do that. You can be me, you can be me whenever you want. Thank you, Larry.

Thank you. But there's a price to be paid. It's not great. There we go. At the end of the day. Well, for what it's worth, I don't actually do the stuff that you do. I just look like you. That's all.

It's just sort of more a disguise. I don't do a lot. The only good thing I got going is I got rug time coming tonight. I was sleeping on the rug. I'm one leg up from where I used to be. Great. Listen, I cooked up this whole thing about how there was a treasure. Like that bird.

What? Yes. Nothing. Keep going. The treasure is not bird related. I mean, sure, we'll probably see some birds, but like, that's not. No, no, you cooked up the treasure like it was up the bird. Good joke and you missed it, Mossport.

By telling your boring story. You ain't that bird raw feathers and all. There was no cooking. Was lightly. You were shocked by a bolt of lightning, you fool. It was electric kicket. Well, yeah, sure. There was like, a four-inch, a four-inch hole.

It was sort of like a hot skewer that went through it. That part was cooked, but... It was an electrical burn. It reaches the entire surface. Go back to answering the question. What question? What us? Oh, yes, of course.

Listen, I do have one tome here whom that may be of interest to you. Oh. Does the name Corm the Blessed mean anything to you? They grab him by the collar. It's like, you know of Goddala, Blessed. Tell me everything immediately. Have you one of his sacred texts? What?

No, but I know of him. I know of him well. He was on part of this secret mission, and if he were here today, he would tell you to trust Glorificus and old me, Cassidy Mossbourne. For this, I think, shall be of great interest to you and to him. He goes over to the shelf and he pulls out handwritten notebook and on the cover is written

the Lagumacron Very well wizard He kneels and like places like the ray of Rodos I'm here very well wizard You have earned my trust And as such I pledge As straight and true as the ray of Rodos Before you

I shall find these widows And I shall kill them Oh great, yes I didn't expect you to go quite that far All 19. It could be like kind of a high-smission. And now-cus? Yeah.

No. Thank you, Paladin. Okay. If these wizards were responsible for the end of Corm, the Blessed's Life, then they shall meet their end at my sword point. Yes, good. What about the rest of you? You all want to do a speech or you all to just sort of agree with it. I like how the stuff in your hut is related to the stuff we did and it all makes sense.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is that like a weird coincidence? No. Or is it sort of fate? I like, yes, sure. It's good. I mean, Quorio sort of does the speeches for us all. We all have skills.

And he says the stuff. He's the hardest nut to crack. She shall find no nut harder than I. Well, Dwayne, the Ork Johnson has some nuts in his trousers. Those have already been spoken for. Oh, sorry. The pocket mats for the squirrel. George takes those.

Will I, Gigli of Clan Benefer, son of groin, a vote that we follow him on this mission? Yes. Thank you. We find out the secrets of the orb we have. What? Sorry, what? Nothing.

I'm in. Let's do it. Great. All right, four, but only because Larry and I need to spice some things up. Yeah, we're at a zero spice level, curly. We are spices. You're mild. Yes.

We're like a Vermont Mexican restaurant. There's not a lot of heat here. I don't know it either. those words mean, but it sounds specific. Well, folks, that wraps up this installment of Mission to D6. Join us next time. When we head out on our adventure with that weird little changeling, who knows what's going to happen?

I certainly don't. Thanks for joining us. Hey, Alexis. Hey, Ella. What animal has the most teeth? I would guess a shark. A snake. No, snails don't have teeth.

They have thousands and they are freaky looking. Oh, I don't want that to be true. Okay, did you know that the hippocampus in your brain is named after the half-horse, half-fish sea creature found in Greek mythology? I didn't know that, but we're meant to be doing animal trivia and hippocampus isn't a real animal. Well, that doesn't matter on comfort creatures. You're right, it doesn't matter at all. Comfort Creatures is a cozy show for lovers of animals of all shapes and sizes, real and unreal. If that sounds like your cup of tea, then join us.

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