Mission To Zyxx - Total Recap
Episode Date: April 3, 2021Starring:Jeremy Bent as C-53Alden Ford as Pleck DecksetterAllie Kokesh as DarSeth Lind as Nermut BundaloyWinston Noel as AJ and Rolphus TiddleMoujan Zolfaghari as Bargie and Seesu GunduEdited by Seth ...LindSound design and mix by Shane O’Connell Audio hosting by SimplecastMission to Zyxx is a proud member of the Maximum Fun network.Season 5 of Mission to Zyxx is coming soon!!
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                                         This is CRet IT5 with our final off-season episode before Season 5.
                                         
                                         That's right, Season 5 is right around the corner. I'm asleep. Keep your head on a swivel.
                                         
                                         Perimeter setting.
                                         
                                         Hallway clear.
                                         
                                         Moving down other hallway.
                                         
                                         Oh, Sisu and that other hallway. Oh.
                                         
                                         Sisu and that other guy.
                                         
                                         Maybe I'll take a quick listen.
                                         
    
                                         Looks serious.
                                         
                                         Maybe it's breakup.
                                         
                                         Don't get the hopes up.
                                         
                                         Put your hopes down on the ground.
                                         
                                         Oh, they's true. Don't get the hopes up. Put your hopes down on the ground. Oh, they're up.
                                         
                                         Rolfus, the wall has crumbled.
                                         
                                         And I just have to say this, and I'm only going to say this once,
                                         
                                         and don't you dare repeat it back to me.
                                         
    
                                         Say it.
                                         
                                         Say it.
                                         
                                         You are my one and only.
                                         
                                         Oh, wow.
                                         
                                         Thank you for being so vulnerable.
                                         
                                         I wish I hadn't heard or seen this touching moment.
                                         
                                         Okay, AJ.
                                         
                                         You know what you have to do.
                                         
    
                                         Dig deep.
                                         
                                         Hey, AJ.
                                         
                                         What are you up to, buddy?
                                         
                                         It's just, you know, I was using your arm as a pillow, you were using Dar's arm as a pillow,
                                         
                                         and, you know, when you leave, the circle just sort of gets broken,
                                         
                                         and without any heat, it's just, you know, we gotta stick together.
                                         
                                         Hey, hey, hey, get down on the ground. Get down on the ground.
                                         
                                         Wait, what? What are you talking about, AJ?
                                         
    
                                         Present your fake.
                                         
                                         My fake?
                                         
                                         F-A-I-C.
                                         
                                         Federal Alliance Identification Card.
                                         
                                         Yeah, I know what it stands for.
                                         
                                         AJ, what year is it?
                                         
                                         I'm not a plate of glass.
                                         
                                         You get down on the ground.
                                         
    
                                         What are you talking about?
                                         
                                         Hey, AJ.
                                         
                                         Whoa, whoa, whoa.
                                         
                                         You want to come back to the cuddle puddle?
                                         
                                         We're at headquarters.
                                         
                                         We got a giant 12-foot monster chest talons holding a toaster.
                                         
                                         Could be weaponized.
                                         
                                         Send backup.
                                         
    
                                         Repeat, send backup.
                                         
                                         No, I'm not weaponized.
                                         
                                         The toaster is speaking.
                                         
                                         I've got the weakest one down on the ground.
                                         
                                         Okay, all right.
                                         
                                         Hey, guys, I think AJ, like, mind wiped or something, but, like, more than usual.
                                         
                                         I think we may be in a situation where AJ has done what Clint's used to refer to as a deep clean.
                                         
                                         It's a little more intense than a mind wipe.
                                         
    
                                         Wow. Ugh. It can have little more intense than a mind wipe. Wow.
                                         
                                         Ugh.
                                         
                                         It can have some pretty severe effects.
                                         
                                         Yikes.
                                         
                                         How far back does the deep clean take you?
                                         
                                         Well, he's asking for a fake,
                                         
                                         which has existed for at least three years.
                                         
                                         He's trying to open fire on us right now.
                                         
    
                                         Not firing guns, not throwing guns.
                                         
                                         Ow.
                                         
                                         Come on, what's the racket?
                                         
                                         Oh, hey, Nermit.
                                         
                                         I was having a great dream.
                                         
                                         We're just trying to...
                                         
                                         Something's wrong with AJ.
                                         
                                         I think he did a deep clean.
                                         
    
                                         Got a hostage.
                                         
                                         I got a hostage.
                                         
                                         This little scorpion.
                                         
                                         It tickles.
                                         
                                         AJ.
                                         
                                         AJ, put the Lurd down.
                                         
                                         Okay, now there are two giant aliens with chest talons.
                                         
                                         You'll never
                                         
    
                                         take me alive.
                                         
                                         Deploying butt gun.
                                         
                                         Oh, come on, AJ.
                                         
                                         It's empty. My butt gun is empty.
                                         
                                         Yeah, we know. He ran out of ammo
                                         
                                         for that like months ago.
                                         
                                         This is it.
                                         
                                         I can't figure one out.
                                         
    
                                         Come here.
                                         
                                         I'm gonna give you a hug.
                                         
                                         Maybe there's another butt gun.
                                         
                                         No, there isn't.
                                         
                                         The paste is just...
                                         
                                         There isn't.
                                         
                                         I've checked before.
                                         
                                         Come here.
                                         
    
                                         Please don't hurt me.
                                         
                                         Oh, AJ.
                                         
                                         AJ.
                                         
                                         It's going to be okay.
                                         
                                         We're going to figure this out.
                                         
                                         How do you know who I am?
                                         
                                         I mean, for one thing, it says it on your shoulder, but also, we're your friends.
                                         
                                         Yeah, we're your friends, AJ.
                                         
    
                                         We're your family.
                                         
                                         Wait, so I did a deep clean?
                                         
                                         I think so, buddy. That sounds right.
                                         
                                         How deep? How deep we talking?
                                         
                                         I mean... What's the last
                                         
                                         Shirk movie you remember?
                                         
                                         Shirk who? Oh, no.
                                         
                                         Oh, no, AJ.
                                         
    
                                         Okay. Okay, well,
                                         
                                         AJ, we'd be happy to try and jog your memory here.
                                         
                                         Yeah, okay, okay.
                                         
                                         Just treat me like I'm a newcomer to your adventures
                                         
                                         and just, like, do a kind of quick recap.
                                         
                                         I'll write it all down.
                                         
                                         I mean, if you're looking for brevity or clarity,
                                         
                                         you've got the wrong group.
                                         
    
                                         No, no, no, no, no, guys.
                                         
                                         No, I think we could really sum up what we've been up to
                                         
                                         in the last few years in a cogent and helpful way for AJ and, you know, anyone who might be new to our adventures.
                                         
                                         Well, all right.
                                         
                                         Fair enough.
                                         
                                         Let's give it a shot.
                                         
                                         Sure.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
    
                                         I think the inevitable failure doesn't mean we shouldn't try.
                                         
                                         Yes.
                                         
                                         Wait.
                                         
                                         What?
                                         
                                         Let's lock and recap.
                                         
                                         First things first.
                                         
                                         Who are all of you? Oh's lock and recap. First things first, who are all of you?
                                         
                                         Oh, boy.
                                         
    
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         Well, I am Zima Knight, Plek Deck Setter,
                                         
                                         a warrior of the ancient religion known as the space,
                                         
                                         and your mentor.
                                         
                                         Oh, okay. I would really say it takes a village.
                                         
                                         Okay, sure.
                                         
                                         I would really say it takes a village.
                                         
                                         Okay, sure.
                                         
    
                                         I'm Dar, uh, intimidatingly sexy alien.
                                         
                                         Currently, Captain, I consider myself also one of your mentors.
                                         
                                         Oh, yeah, you seem like a much better mentor.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         And, you know, uh, I have the heart of a dancer.
                                         
                                         Well, you're also jucking enormous, so I'm going to write that down.
                                         
                                         AJ, I am C-53 Protocol and Diplomatic Relations Droid, albeit somewhat humbled by having lost his droid frame.
                                         
                                         The cube holding my sentience is currently stored within this toaster.
                                         
    
                                         So you're a toaster?
                                         
                                         No, I'm the cube.
                                         
                                         Yeah, but the voice is coming out of the toaster.
                                         
                                         Yes, well, that's because my cube is inside the toaster.
                                         
                                         You know, we just haven't found another frame to put my cube in. Toaster that thinks he's a robot.
                                         
                                         Got it.
                                         
                                         He does make great toast.
                                         
                                         You can make toast.
                                         
    
                                         Obviously I can make toast.
                                         
                                         I'm inside a toaster.
                                         
                                         I am Mermit Bundeloy.
                                         
                                         My most recent title is Temporary Emergency Emissarial Negotiations and Missions Operations Manager.
                                         
                                         And I assign the missions to this crew.
                                         
                                         Tiny Lizard Man.
                                         
                                         His plumage is aggressive in some ways.
                                         
                                         Thank you.
                                         
    
                                         Hey, just wanted to chime in and say I'm sorry that it's cold.
                                         
                                         The thing is I'm very tired.
                                         
                                         Pargy, you've got to conserve your energy.
                                         
                                         Right. But I want to shake got to conserve your energy. Right.
                                         
                                         But I want to shake, shake, shake
                                         
                                         my tush.
                                         
                                         No, Bargy, that's not how it's going to be.
                                         
                                         Don't do that.
                                         
    
                                         I think that's the perfect way to call me Bargy.
                                         
                                         That's all I want to do.
                                         
                                         Wait.
                                         
                                         Is this who I think it is?
                                         
                                         Yes, it's me.
                                         
                                         I am the Bajirish.
                                         
                                         Oh, yes.
                                         
                                         This is incredible.
                                         
    
                                         Oh, he knows Barji?
                                         
                                         Everybody knows Barji. Gotta love him.
                                         
                                         But also, usually my energy is a little high.
                                         
                                         Currently, I am running on whatever negative energy is.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         Can you do your famous catchphrase for me?
                                         
                                         Open your door, you jack-jacker.
                                         
                                         Oh, yeah. Classic.
                                         
    
                                         Sit this juice, you jack-chuck-er. Oh, yeah. Classic.
                                         
                                         Sip this juice, you chuck-knock.
                                         
                                         Wow.
                                         
                                         Whoa.
                                         
                                         Cool.
                                         
                                         I love you since the day you opened your hatch, Peter.
                                         
                                         Yes.
                                         
                                         Man, I love you since the day you opened your hatch, Peter.
                                         
    
                                         It's a classic. And hey, you've reached Rod. Oh, hi there. It's Tiff.
                                         
                                         And hey, you've reached Rod.
                                         
                                         We're so sorry we missed you.
                                         
                                         Yeah, sorry about that. We're probably... you know.
                                         
                                         Yeah, you know.
                                         
                                         You know what we're talking about.
                                         
                                         You know, you know.
                                         
                                         Don't they, Tiff?
                                         
    
                                         Oh, they know, Rod.
                                         
                                         We're talking about... Dipsy.
                                         
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                                         And when you hear the beep, I think you know what to do.
                                         
                                         I think you know exactly what's happening.
                                         
                                         I think you know what that beep means.
                                         
                                         Recipient has exceeded allotted time.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         Tell me what happened.
                                         
                                         Sure, sure.
                                         
    
                                         I first met the rest of the crew when I joined up with the Federated Alliance,
                                         
                                         who I didn't know was evil at the time, but obviously it turned out to be pretty evil.
                                         
                                         No, come on.
                                         
                                         How could they be evil?
                                         
                                         They cloned me and millions of other clients and they sent us out in the galaxy.
                                         
                                         And that's like cool.
                                         
                                         And then we, you know, we reinforced the law and, you know, kind of suppressed rebellion
                                         
                                         and freedom and.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Oh, yeah.
                                         
                                         That's sort of like.
                                         
                                         They were evil, AJ.
                                         
                                         That's why we defected.
                                         
                                         That's why you defected too.
                                         
                                         Right.
                                         
    
                                         Right.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         But we don't say all hail the Federated Alliance anymore.
                                         
                                         No, we don't say that anymore.
                                         
                                         So wait, what would you guys do?
                                         
                                         Like, what was like a typical day?
                                         
                                         So basically, I would spend a lot of time preparing detailed mission instructions
                                         
                                         hours before calling them.
                                         
    
                                         They would go do the mission.
                                         
                                         But like, even while they're there, I'd be prepping the next one.
                                         
                                         The missions were primarily a lot of prep work on the instructions, and then...
                                         
                                         The missions were primarily prep work?
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I sort of think the missions were primarily missions.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I mean, that's a pretty limited view just from someone who goes on the mission.
                                         
    
                                         All right, so this is what happens during the missions.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         They all interrupt each other.
                                         
                                         They all personally share too much information.
                                         
                                         Then they disappear for hours on end
                                         
                                         Sometimes days
                                         
                                         I get worried
                                         
                                         I call out their names
                                         
    
                                         I wait by the door
                                         
                                         Oh, thank you, Bargy
                                         
                                         I go eat a snack
                                         
                                         I take a nap
                                         
                                         I go by the door again
                                         
                                         I go take a snack
                                         
                                         I do a nap
                                         
                                         I think you're sort of describing a cat.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah, it's like getting kind of a limited picture of what we did.
                                         
                                         Then I turn on my belly, and I wave my belly around.
                                         
                                         No, I think, no, Barge, I think that's what I'm saying.
                                         
                                         Okay, this is a cat, this is a cat.
                                         
                                         That's what a cat does.
                                         
                                         Yeah, Barge, is this prep for some role, or?
                                         
                                         Yeah, AJ, you can rest your hand a little bit now.
                                         
                                         I don't think all that needs to go in the notebook.
                                         
    
                                         Oh, okay.
                                         
                                         Meowgy was tough as hell.
                                         
                                         What should go in there is that I was a real horn dog in the beginning.
                                         
                                         You know, this is important because I'm a parent now.
                                         
                                         Should I put it in past tense?
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         Wait, so you're not in the Federated Alliance?
                                         
    
                                         Did you leave or did they kick you out?
                                         
                                         Okay, so here's what happened.
                                         
                                         So the Federated Alliance was formed by the Council of Seven.
                                         
                                         It turned out that six of them were evil.
                                         
                                         Twist.
                                         
                                         Honestly, it was.
                                         
                                         But then it turned out that the seventh was even more evil.
                                         
                                         And so they...
                                         
    
                                         Twist on a twist.
                                         
                                         What are you writing that part down on a twist?
                                         
                                         Double twist.
                                         
                                         Curly twist.
                                         
                                         AJ, you're running out of margins with all those twists.
                                         
                                         Listen, did we come to the realization that the Federated Alliance was evil a little bit later than we probably should have?
                                         
                                         Yes.
                                         
                                         But we made up for it. We blew up the Delegator, which was full of, well, clans mostly.
                                         
    
                                         I probably should have.
                                         
                                         Oh, okay.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Oh, wait.
                                         
                                         Yeah, the Delegator.
                                         
                                         Something's coming back now.
                                         
                                         What?
                                         
                                         Yes.
                                         
    
                                         Really?
                                         
                                         The Delegator, yes. Yeah, yeah. There's a name floating. What? Yes. Really? The telegator, yes.
                                         
                                         There's a name floating up to my head.
                                         
                                         Is it Sam Wink?
                                         
                                         No. No, it's Tiny...
                                         
                                         No.
                                         
                                         No, no, no, no. Don't say it.
                                         
                                         No, it's Tiny Toots. Tiny Toots!
                                         
    
                                         No.
                                         
                                         Oh, no. Oh, she turned off the gravity.
                                         
                                         AJ, Tiny Toots was Bargy's nemesis.
                                         
                                         Much more popular ship and her ex.
                                         
                                         Bargy, turn the gravity back on, please.
                                         
                                         But tell us before you...
                                         
                                         Ow.
                                         
                                         Oh.
                                         
    
                                         I'm going to write down in parentheses,
                                         
                                         I think they blew up
                                         
                                         the delegator. Alright, great.
                                         
                                         Okay, we destroyed the
                                         
                                         delegator and joined up with the rebellion
                                         
                                         against the Federated Alliance.
                                         
                                         And we also recorded at least
                                         
                                         62 episodes of Bino and Bocci.
                                         
    
                                         Yes. Not enough to get syndicated.
                                         
                                         But they had pretty good reviews.
                                         
                                         Wait, wait, wait.
                                         
                                         Hold on.
                                         
                                         What's a Beano?
                                         
                                         That's another part of it.
                                         
                                         We found a bean
                                         
                                         and when we put it in hot water,
                                         
    
                                         it turned into Beano.
                                         
                                         Did Beano
                                         
                                         have nipples?
                                         
                                         Yes, exactly. That's Beano.
                                         
                                         Oh, I don't remember anything else about it.
                                         
                                         That's the only thing you remember?
                                         
                                         That's the weirdest thing.
                                         
                                         I would not love that.
                                         
    
                                         Bino was a big part of our lives for a long time.
                                         
                                         But unfortunately,
                                         
                                         the show was on a streaming service called Teenie.
                                         
                                         That went down.
                                         
                                         That actually wasn't
                                         
                                         the reason that Bino went away.
                                         
                                         Bino went away because...
                                         
                                         It is the reason that Teenie went away.
                                         
    
                                         That's true. I thought that's whyano went away. Beano went away because... It is the reason that Teenie went away. That's true.
                                         
                                         I thought that's why he went away.
                                         
                                         I thought everyone forgot that
                                         
                                         Teenie was a thing.
                                         
                                         You know my only question?
                                         
                                         Why was it called Teenie?
                                         
                                         Well, it's interesting, AJ, because
                                         
                                         Teenie was actually
                                         
    
                                         a hybrid of Teen Scene Network.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         You know, like a network that just made small videos.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         They were very small. They were so tiny.
                                         
                                         Oh yeah, they were physically very small too.
                                         
                                         Yeah, physically the image was...
                                         
                                         I mean, many species were
                                         
    
                                         barely even able to perceive the videos at all.
                                         
                                         They were so small.
                                         
                                         So it just cost a lot per month.
                                         
                                         Yeah, it was overpriced.
                                         
                                         15 crown a month, get the jack lot per month. Yeah, it was overpriced. 15 krune a month?
                                         
                                         Get the check out of here.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
    
                                         So from what you guys are saying, you guys were very much involved in teeny for a lot
                                         
                                         of the time that you were at a crude before you met me.
                                         
                                         It was sort of like a lot of people were talking about teeny.
                                         
                                         I don't think I ever really watched anything on it.
                                         
                                         I was really more of a pickpock.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I'm a pickpock.
                                         
                                         But I mean, the amount that you guys are talking to me about Teeny
                                         
    
                                         makes me think that you spent a lot of time...
                                         
                                         It was just in the zeitgeist.
                                         
                                         It was just in the zeitgeist for a long time.
                                         
                                         Everybody was making fun of it.
                                         
                                         But you're right.
                                         
                                         Pickpock was a much more popular service.
                                         
                                         It's an app where you see videos of people who steal from one another.
                                         
                                         Okay, chapter two, the rebellion. So now
                                         
    
                                         this was the rebellion
                                         
                                         against the Federated Alliance
                                         
                                         all Hitler Federated Alliance.
                                         
                                         Yes, exactly, AJ. That's correct.
                                         
                                         We just don't say that. We were
                                         
                                         fighting the forces of wackness
                                         
                                         in the Federated Alliance,
                                         
                                         which, you know, sort of culminated in the
                                         
    
                                         battle of the planet crusher crushers. Which, of course,
                                         
                                         was a weapon capable of crushing a weapon that was capable of crushing a planet.
                                         
                                         Exactly.
                                         
                                         And, I mean, I like to think we were sort of instrumental in that whole thing.
                                         
                                         Not to put too fine a point on it.
                                         
                                         The Battle of the Planet Crusher Crushers.
                                         
                                         Yes.
                                         
                                         Right, exactly.
                                         
    
                                         Something else is coming back to me.
                                         
                                         Okay, what is it?
                                         
                                         A name.
                                         
                                         Oh, no.
                                         
                                         That I said earlier. No, AJ, stop. A name. Oh, no. That I said earlier.
                                         
                                         No, AJ, stop.
                                         
                                         Come on.
                                         
                                         AJ, are we literate to nothing?
                                         
    
                                         Why could you not stop me?
                                         
                                         No.
                                         
                                         No.
                                         
                                         Let out the gravity.
                                         
                                         You say it's like I'm more tired just emotionally dealing with that baggage.
                                         
                                         How do you only remember that one thing?
                                         
                                         It's alliterative.
                                         
                                         I have no limbs.
                                         
    
                                         Every one of these crashes really hurts.
                                         
                                         Yeah, right on the old lever.
                                         
                                         And then, of course, you know,
                                         
                                         Bino granted Bargy's wish to become a star,
                                         
                                         and we were stranded in Hollywood for some time,
                                         
                                         during which I became Zima Warrior,
                                         
                                         and that's when you met
                                         
                                         us. That's when I met
                                         
    
                                         you guys? Yeah. You were in a strike
                                         
                                         team of Clint's sent by the Emperor to
                                         
                                         assassinate me and everyone else
                                         
                                         on the crew. I took your strike team out with
                                         
                                         my wood saber, and you decided to
                                         
                                         join me to learn the ways of this... Wait, wait, what?
                                         
                                         You took them out with what? With my wood
                                         
                                         saber. It's a dinglehopper. It's a
                                         
    
                                         stick that you like to carry around and wield, and sometimes it gives him out with what? With my wood saber. It's the dinglehopper. It's a stick. It's the ancient weapon.
                                         
                                         That he likes to carry around and wield and sometimes
                                         
                                         it gives him splinters. Okay, it's more than that.
                                         
                                         It's an ancient weapon of the fabled Zeman
                                         
                                         Knights. It's made out of a stick.
                                         
                                         Yes, it is. Yes, thank you, C-53.
                                         
                                         It's made out of a stick, but it is not
                                         
                                         a stick. You know what else is made out
                                         
    
                                         of a stick? Hmm. A stick.
                                         
                                         Yeah, well. Can I see it?
                                         
                                         Funny you should ask that.
                                         
                                         It was actually magically swapped
                                         
                                         by the Emperor in the All Weed. What?
                                         
                                         With this plastic
                                         
                                         tube. Ooh, I like this.
                                         
                                         This I like. Okay, you know what?
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         It found its way back to him.
                                         
                                         Oh, why
                                         
                                         indeed? Okay, alright.
                                         
                                         So I met you guys in Hollywood and joined the team.
                                         
                                         So what happened when I joined it?
                                         
                                         Like, pretty cool stuff, right?
                                         
                                         Yeah, I mean, yeah.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah, you know.
                                         
                                         We got a little dumber over, like, on average, I would say.
                                         
                                         Ouch.
                                         
                                         Dumber on average, but, like, we have way more hours of room tone than we ever had.
                                         
                                         You know, then for a long time, our entire life was dominated by the fact that Bargy was under investigation for money laundering, treason, witness tampering.
                                         
                                         Financial murder, if I recall correctly.
                                         
                                         Financial murder.
                                         
                                         It was also when Horsehat was born.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Whoa, that's a baby?
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Oh, yeah.
                                         
                                         Big time.
                                         
                                         Well, it wasn't just horse hat.
                                         
                                         I carried two very special children.
                                         
                                         Beano, the thing with nipples, you might remember.
                                         
    
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         The thing with nipples?
                                         
                                         Please, I carried Beano to term in my oven.
                                         
                                         How dare you play.
                                         
                                         But right as the trial ended, we were captured again by the emperor where Kor Baelvor used a whack ritual to open a...
                                         
                                         Wait.
                                         
                                         What?
                                         
                                         His name's Kor Baelvor?
                                         
    
                                         That's the coolest name ever.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         He was sort of like the henchman of...
                                         
                                         Yeah, but does he have like a song?
                                         
                                         He should have a song.
                                         
                                         It should be like...
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Believe it or not, you've suggested this exact thing before, Eugene.
                                         
    
                                         The same riff?
                                         
                                         Kor Baelvor! Yeah, you have or not, you suggested this exact thing before, AJ. The same riff? Cobail!
                                         
                                         Yeah, you have.
                                         
                                         Oh, okay.
                                         
                                         Great.
                                         
                                         I was right then and I'm right now.
                                         
                                         And unfortunately, after the Emperor abducted us into the Planet Crusher Crusher,
                                         
                                         when Plek knocked him off a catwalk during the-
                                         
    
                                         Defeating him.
                                         
                                         Defeating him.
                                         
                                         Defeating him and also...
                                         
                                         Rendering him infinitely more powerful.
                                         
                                         Yes.
                                         
                                         Kor sort of orchestrated a whack ritual simultaneous to the Emperor being thrown off the catwalk
                                         
                                         with Beano.
                                         
                                         Juck, yeah.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         The whole thing imploded and turned into sort of a gigantic celestial butthole.
                                         
                                         The most gargantuan horror the galaxy's ever seen.
                                         
                                         Known as the All Wheat.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         No questions.
                                         
                                         That all makes sense to you?
                                         
    
                                         What?
                                         
                                         You had seven questions about Teenie
                                         
                                         and nothing about the All Wheat?
                                         
                                         Well, to be fair, Teenie was sort of a hard phenomenon to understand.
                                         
                                         It was a hard pitch on paper for sure.
                                         
                                         Teenie.
                                         
                                         Then we all headed to an ice planet to find the former rebel commander, Sisu Gundu.
                                         
                                         And you and Nermit killed a bunch of ice beasts, including the coolest ice beast, Dale.
                                         
    
                                         Come on.
                                         
                                         It's just what happened.
                                         
                                         I'm just trying to tell him what happened.
                                         
                                         A, AJ put me up to it.
                                         
                                         Lizard man, take a shot.
                                         
                                         Sounds right.
                                         
                                         And B, we had no way of knowing that Dale was known for baking cookies.
                                         
                                         Well, we know now.
                                         
    
                                         He was also known for a lot more, like being a loving father, a pillar of his community.
                                         
                                         A generous lover.
                                         
                                         Yeah, his wife would not stop bragging about what a generous lover he was.
                                         
                                         Wow, that sounds like a great guy.
                                         
                                         You dared me to shoot him, AJ, so...
                                         
                                         I don't remember.
                                         
                                         So, we spent several months
                                         
                                         not only preparing to
                                         
    
                                         face the All Wheat, but also
                                         
                                         helping Sisu Gundu prepare
                                         
                                         her campaign to be the new
                                         
                                         Galactic Leader. I discovered
                                         
                                         my destiny of going into the All Wheat.
                                         
                                         These guys followed me in and we
                                         
                                         defeated the Emperor a second time.
                                         
                                         Yeah, we had to go into the All Wheat
                                         
    
                                         because Plek rode a wooden
                                         
                                         rocket into the All Wheat and we
                                         
                                         thought he might die, so we went after
                                         
                                         him. I didn't die. It
                                         
                                         worked. Turns out that Beano
                                         
                                         was the other half of the All Wheat.
                                         
                                         Okay. Turns out that Beano
                                         
                                         in his infinite wisdom actually sort of had a soft spot for us.
                                         
    
                                         Maybe in large part due to the Teenie series he had with Bargy.
                                         
                                         Remember Teenie?
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         It comes back to Teenie.
                                         
                                         Actually, now I don't know why it was such a huge flop.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         No, it was a great idea.
                                         
                                         It was just poorly managed.
                                         
    
                                         It was just too tiny.
                                         
                                         Poorly executed.
                                         
                                         Teenie thought people wanted like, you know, 10 minute episodes.
                                         
                                         What they want are 40 minute recaps.
                                         
                                         Not only 10 minute episodes, but they were on one centimeter by one centimeter.
                                         
                                         They were very small.
                                         
                                         That's the problem that I think.
                                         
                                         Oh yeah, and sometimes you'd have to go 360 and spin it.
                                         
    
                                         Oh, yeah, and sometimes you'd have to go 360 and spin it.
                                         
                                         Wait, wait, wait.
                                         
                                         Some videos were only visible in 360 mode where you had to spin your phone at a constant rate.
                                         
                                         Yeah, otherwise the video itself would spin.
                                         
                                         You had to spin it in the opposite direction to keep it stable.
                                         
                                         Yeah, don't you guys remember Rip Cicero tried to warn us about it,
                                         
                                         but we kept believing in it.
                                         
                                         Also, it wouldn't let you do screenshots,
                                         
    
                                         which just made the whole experience unshareable online.
                                         
                                         Whoa, that seems like, how would anyone do that?
                                         
                                         You didn't know what you were watching.
                                         
                                         But how do you create earned media that way?
                                         
                                         You remember that? Is that baked in?
                                         
                                         All Clint's have basic digital marketing.
                                         
                                         Even a deep clean doesn't remove digital marketing strategy.
                                         
                                         Oh, no.
                                         
    
                                         Anyway.
                                         
                                         So we, yeah, destroyed the...
                                         
                                         But you are forgetting another
                                         
                                         event that happened, which is
                                         
                                         Dar died. Oh, yeah.
                                         
                                         Dar died. Oh, right.
                                         
                                         I mean, that's a pretty gentle way of...
                                         
                                         I mean, you could say that Dar
                                         
    
                                         is constantly dying in an endless time
                                         
                                         loop that will stretch to infinity.
                                         
                                         Why is my nose bleeding?
                                         
                                         Why would you say that?
                                         
                                         You could say that, but why
                                         
                                         would you say that?
                                         
                                         It's probably still too soon.
                                         
                                         Luckily, in a subsequent mission, due to
                                         
    
                                         time travel, there became two Dars, so
                                         
                                         the extra Dar was able to replace
                                         
                                         Dar who died.
                                         
                                         And that's the Dar you see
                                         
                                         before you today. Right.
                                         
                                         Well, you guys can talk about this all you want, but I will not be writing it down.
                                         
                                         Because I do not understand what you're talking about.
                                         
                                         Well, let me tell you this, AJ.
                                         
    
                                         It makes sense, and it's airtight.
                                         
                                         AJ, I can see your helmet is filling up with blood.
                                         
                                         You should probably let something out.
                                         
                                         How many spokes whiny?
                                         
                                         It's timey with a W.
                                         
                                         Got it.
                                         
                                         So we destroyed the Al we, of course.
                                         
                                         Yes.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         And that opened up a rift in reality.
                                         
                                         We fell through it, and we don't know where we are now.
                                         
                                         And now we've been adrift for so long that Bargy's out of fuel and has shut off all but the absolute bare minimum of life support systems.
                                         
                                         So. There's only one way that I know that I'm alive, and that's if I shake.
                                         
                                         No, Barchi, you need to conserve your energy.
                                         
                                         Don't shake that.
                                         
                                         Shake.
                                         
    
                                         Don't shake the tush.
                                         
                                         Tush.
                                         
                                         You're going to wake up all those other guys, and they're kind of annoying.
                                         
                                         Shake.
                                         
                                         Wait, what other guys?
                                         
                                         Tush.
                                         
                                         What are the other people that were in the all week with us?
                                         
                                         They're on the ship now.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Sisu Gundu.
                                         
                                         Rolfus Tittle.
                                         
                                         Wait, who?
                                         
                                         Rolfus Tittle?
                                         
                                         I keep hearing static when you say that name.
                                         
                                         He's the guy you were cloned from.
                                         
                                         Huh?
                                         
    
                                         Rolfus Tittle is the source of your DNA, AJ.
                                         
                                         So I'm not surprised you probably can't hear me saying his name.
                                         
                                         Rolfus Tittle.
                                         
                                         Rolfus Tittle. No, I can't hear it. And none of that sounds right, so I will not remember that. Okay. Okay. Then you're caught up because you didn't remember
                                         
                                         it before. Well, this is actually an amazing recap. It's super clear. I don't know, AJ.
                                         
                                         I think anyone trying to familiarize themselves with our situation
                                         
                                         based on what you wrote would be very very confused i would say turned off yeah maybe
                                         
                                         alienated might be the word yeah uh i mean seems to me that this is a crew of misfits aboard a
                                         
    
                                         kang tanker ship that go for a bunch of madcap adventures in a galaxy
                                         
                                         full of delightful and interesting
                                         
                                         creatures. Wow. It's essentially
                                         
                                         a workplace comedy set in a fantastic universe.
                                         
                                         Also with a little bit of found family thrown in.
                                         
                                         Okay. Huh. Okay, yeah.
                                         
                                         I don't know if I've ever thought of it that way, but yeah,
                                         
                                         I mean, I guess that's exactly... That's a remarkably
                                         
    
                                         skilled distillation of
                                         
                                         the random tidbits we've just
                                         
                                         said for the last half hour.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         I mean, that's just like, that's how I would describe it if I was pitching it to Teenie or something.
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Wait, Caesar, come back.
                                         
    
                                         Come on.
                                         
                                         No, Rolfus.
                                         
                                         You know what?
                                         
                                         I'd rather get with all of your clones.
                                         
                                         I bet they know something.
                                         
                                         Huh?
                                         
                                         Oh, no.
                                         
                                         They probably know respect better than you.
                                         
    
                                         What?
                                         
                                         Oh, hi, AJ.
                                         
                                         What's happening to AJ?
                                         
                                         He's just spinning on his heels.
                                         
                                         He's spinning.
                                         
                                         Oh, wow.
                                         
                                         I got all my memories back.
                                         
                                         What? Really?
                                         
    
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         What?
                                         
                                         By the power of of power of love uh is that what it was
                                         
                                         or or the other thing is sometimes when the event that triggers the mind wipe is negated
                                         
                                         then it actually negates the mind wipe as well that makes sense but it could also be the power
                                         
                                         of love yeah probably one of those two.
                                         
                                         Bottom line, all my memories are back.
                                         
                                         But there's like one thing, Papa, I wanted to say.
                                         
    
                                         Oh, yeah, what is it?
                                         
                                         You said that we met when I was on the strike team in Hollywood.
                                         
                                         But we actually met before that.
                                         
                                         What?
                                         
                                         Yeah. No, the first time we met was on Hollywood.
                                         
                                         You were sent to kill me.
                                         
                                         No.
                                         
                                         AJ, what are you talking about?
                                         
    
                                         Hey, AJ.
                                         
                                         I definitely remember this.
                                         
                                         When was that beat?
                                         
                                         Please explain.
                                         
                                         You don't remember?
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         AJ.
                                         
                                         When do you think the first time you met is?
                                         
    
                                         Well, I met Papa on his first day of work on the Bargerian Jade.
                                         
                                         That's me.
                                         
                                         Papa was all, like, starry-eyed, and you're like, wow, the Bargerian Jade. And's me! Papa was all like starry-eyed, and you're like,
                                         
                                         wow, the Bargerian Jade, and then I was like
                                         
                                         down on the ground. AJ, that was you?
                                         
                                         Yeah.
                                         
                                         Wait a second.
                                         
                                         AJ, that was years ago.
                                         
    
                                         Yeah, that was me.
                                         
                                         For our very first mission,
                                         
                                         you were the Clint working
                                         
                                         the hangar bay. That's right.
                                         
                                         Oh, come on.
                                         
                                         I'm a little hurt you guys didn't recognize me.
                                         
                                         Just a little.
                                         
                                         All right, I have a simple way to verify this.
                                         
    
                                         I'm going to go through my memory logs,
                                         
                                         and I'll pull up an image of the Clint who greeted us
                                         
                                         when we boarded the Bargerian Jade.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         Wow, your processor's running real hard. That is a... Okay, um... Wow.
                                         
                                         Your processor's running real hard.
                                         
                                         That is a...
                                         
                                         Well, it's, uh, you know, the toaster was not really...
                                         
    
                                         You're on fire!
                                         
                                         That's okay, that's okay.
                                         
                                         Are you on fire inside of me?
                                         
                                         No, no, that's...
                                         
                                         I'm etched...
                                         
                                         Yeah, we're gonna have to put that on manually.
                                         
                                         No, no, I'm etching an image onto this slice of bread
                                         
                                         so you can see the proof.
                                         
    
                                         Oh.
                                         
                                         There you go, take a look.
                                         
                                         Oh. Oh, it... go. Take a look. Oh. Oh, it looks like a
                                         
                                         clint. Yeah, no, but look at the
                                         
                                         shoulder. Oh, the number.
                                         
                                         Yeah, AJ2884.
                                         
                                         So that's
                                         
                                         a retinal confirmation. Classic
                                         
    
                                         retcon.
                                         
                                         Wow.
                                         
                                         Wow.
                                         
                                         Wow.
                                         
                                         What's the retina part of it?
                                         
                                         Your eyes.
                                         
                                         You saw it with your eyes, and it's been confirmed.
                                         
                                         Classic retcon.
                                         
    
                                         Wow.
                                         
                                         It's retcon, baby. Hey, it's John Moe. And look, these are challenging times for our mental and emotional health.
                                         
                                         I get it.
                                         
                                         That's why I'm so excited for my new podcast, Depresh Mode.
                                         
                                         We're tackling depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, the kinds of things that are just super common but don't get talked about nearly enough.
                                         
                                         Conversations that are illuminating, honest, and sometimes pretty funny.
                                         
                                         With folks like Patton Oswalt, Open Mike Eagle, and Kelsey Darrah. Now I can kind of go like, oh yeah, there's that
                                         
                                         thing where I feel like I'm in a video game and my hands aren't real and I'm living the true
                                         
    
                                         mincho. Okay, this too shall pass. Plus psychiatrists, psychologists, and all kinds of folks. On Depressed
                                         
                                         Mode, we're working together, learning, helping each other out. We're a team. Join our
                                         
                                         team. Depressed Mode for maximum
                                         
                                         fun, wherever you get your podcasts.
                                         
                                         Strange planets.
                                         
                                         Curious technology.
                                         
                                         And a fantastic vision of the
                                         
                                         distant future.
                                         
    
                                         Featuring Martin Starr. So we're going
                                         
                                         on day 14. Shuttle still hasn't
                                         
                                         come. Aparna Nancherla.
                                         
                                         The security system provides you with emotional security.
                                         
                                         You do the rest.
                                         
                                         Echo Kellum.
                                         
                                         Can you disconnect me or not?
                                         
                                         Hurry Kondabolu.
                                         
    
                                         I'm staying.
                                         
                                         From Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Jeffrey McGivern.
                                         
                                         Could you please send me Lope as girls just want to have fun?
                                         
                                         It's The Outer Reach.
                                         
                                         Stories from beyond. Now available for free at MaximumFun.org
                                         
                                         or anywhere you listen. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.
                                         
                                         My most recent title was Temporary Emergency Emissarial, Missions, no, Negotiations, Missions Operations Manager.
                                         
                                         Not so easy, is it, Mermit?
                                         
    
                                         A little challenging to do right every time.
                                         
                                         Wow, that's some toasty behavior.
                                         
                                         Wow.
                                         
                                         Toasty.
                                         
